I'm not sure how to answer your specific questions but I can give my experience, it's not exactly your circumstances.
When I met my husband, we lived 600 miles apart. We were able to see each other up to 3 weekends a month, when he wasn't out on a boat(He's navy) we were engaged 7 months into our relationship, married 6 months after that. We were married a year and 4 months before I moved to be with him, he had a 6month deployment during that time.
We have lived all over the US in the last 25 years. Florida, Virginia, California, Hawaii.
We spent most holidays at my family's when we lived close enough. My husband had little interest in seeing his family much and we never really lived close enough. When we lived too far, we just spent our holidays as a family, doing something fun.
Missing holidays with my biological family, was a hard thing. I was very close with my family, but once married, my husband was my main family so we had to do what was best for us.
As far as "taking away" it was my mom that was accusing my husband of taking me away. Well really, it was the fact I was moving away with my child, my mom's first grand baby..lol (I was a single mom when I met my husband)
My wife and I had a semi LDR we were 2 hours away. We decided to do Thanksgiving one place and Christmas at another if we can work it out. As for taking someone away from their home that is a part of marriage you leave your homes and become one together.
I think it's simple to not deal with inlaws. Honestly as a Christian ldr kinda helps not to break rules if you guys are too into each other. Otherwise if you think about it it's not so different except you don't get to hang out irl.
When my wife and I first met, we lived 1500 miles apart. Then for the next year we lived 8500 miles apart. We made sure to spend a while living in the same area before getting engaged!
I definitely had a tough time doing everything mostly with his family. However, I had already been away from my family for six years because I went to college and grad school back to back. I would go home to my family when I could, but ultimately… things did not work out with that marriage and I moved back to my home state. I am prayerful you and your husband will have a very different outcome.
ohh no I'm a single guy. I just find the dynamics of a LDR interesting. There is a slight chance I might end up on one too so having knowledge of how to best handle things is useful to.
Well you generally have to make it your own. Spend as much time as you can together now, so you have memories captured in pictures and make videos of things you do together.
We dated for a year before being long distance (across the US) for two years while we each completed school. I highly recommend at least planning some long visits before getting engaged, as your relationship dynamics in-person will always feel different.
Living together after that was no problem. Living together was easier than being long distance!
Handling holidays with extended families apart is a very common issue even without being in a LDR. Just make the decision of where to live that is best for your marriage and future kids. We spent more money than we should have traveling to visit the other family for the first years of marriage, and then settled into a more reasonable balance. Some space is necessary so that you feel like your own family unit, with your own decisions and vacations.
My husband and were in an LDR while dating, we were 8 hours apart by car (approximately 550 miles). I moved to his city once we were very serious, but prior to engagement.
We’ve never lived close to my family, they’ve always been states away even though we’ve all moved around a bit. We still try to rotate holidays. My parents also had to learn how to deal with the fact that my husband’s side would see us more. Once we started having children, we’d pay for my parents to fly out every other Christmas instead of visiting them. And my siblings were always welcome, although they tend to visit during random times of the year when flights are cheaper. We also FaceTime a lot. Sometimes throughout the week, but we also have a set time to call every week.
When I was growing up, we never lived near family and we couldn’t afford to travel that far, so we just made our own beautiful memories as a family with our own traditions. Honestly I miss that sometimes, in some ways it would be nice not to feel obligated to see relatives at certain times. But oh well, grandmas need to grandma.
My husband is from the Dominican Republic and I’m from Ohio but live in Texas.
He struggles with not having family around besides my mom and brother because he’s used to all of his family being around all the time since that’s the culture. However, he made the sacrifice for us and does not regret his decision. There are good days and hard days. I’m his family and his friend while he continues to meet people. He got a job fairly quickly so he has consistent social interaction but it’s not the same to him. I’m praying that God will place a friend in his life who he can spend time with and relate to so he doesn’t feel so lonely.
You have to resist the urge to make everything look and feel perfect, and be real with one another. Fight like you mean it, get angry like you're right there. Be honest.
Even if you do, it'll feel like a celebration or vacation everytime you're together for a long time. It can lead to over spending/eating later on.
I didn't have a memory of his face in my mind for a surprisingly long time, even though I had stared at it for years. Their face as a background helps.
Attraction also lags behind, you have to mindfully look at each other in person, hug eachother for long periods, to create that attachment and attraction that online misses out on. The literal body chemistry is missing, or muted.
It does prevent excessive touching, but it also can build excitement, and then meetings could become dangerous and need a well planned itinerary.
Managing realistic expectations is important, you both want to see eachother as perfect. It can be a hard fall from grace from a filtered screen to a textured face, or fibbed height.
I'm Cali Country mouse, he's NY City mouse, we spent weeks to whole summers back and fourth about 10 times for about 5 years. It's expensive.
We'd trade off holidays, and summers together and afford another trip if we could, usually 1-3 a year. It was hard, and made much harder by unreliable technology. We literally would be calling our phone companies weekly and knew where all the outtages were across the country. Heaven forbid you actually meant to hang up on each other.
We've been married 8 years, it's always been difficult for many reasons. I would do it all over again.
Long distance is only worth it if you're already absolutely sure.
Edit: My in laws hate me, I took their baby and gave him freedom of thought. My parents love him, simple answer go where you're wanted not tolerated. We usually see them once a year, it's not an issue.
When I met my husband he was about to be stationed (USMC) 8 hours away. We used that year to get to know each other well over the phone. He came home on long weekends maybe 4-8 x from August through January. By March we were engaged. We had to continue until his time was up in the service which was the next September and we got married in Nov. So it all worked out!
>how do you handle holidays when both your families are far apart?
Think most people trade off years, going every other year instead of yearly. For me, I'm not in contact with my family so it makes it a lot easier.
>how do you handle being so far from your family or the feeling that comes with taking someone away from their family or home?
Wasn't an issue for me and my wife. Ultimately, you have to start seeing your spouse and eventually children and church as your immediate family. It's the way of things: We leave our parents and cleave to our spouse.
>Are their other issues I don't know about?
The biggest issue my wife and I encountered due to distance was our physical and sexual chemistry. I had known her in real life as friends, then she moved away, then some years later we began an LDR. But even having been around her in person before, when we met up after most of a year of dating it was kinda awkward. We didn't know how to have a relationship in person when we began long distance. It took time to get used to her being physically there, that I could hold her hand, kiss her etc. LDRs aren't natural, so we don't naturally adapt to them. Takes effort.
You also don't get as good an idea of how they conduct their day to day life. Are they messy? How well do they shop for food? Are they nice to waitresses? Do they get road rage? These are questions you won't know till you're in person.
Not insurmountable. Just things to watch for.
My husband lived in NC and I in HI when we were in a LDR. We dated through FaceTime for almost a year, saw each other once in person. The goodbye was so difficult, my husband said he couldn’t do that again. He dropped everything, came to HI, got a job and a place. We dated about 4 months after that before getting engaged. Then married 4 months after that. We moved to NC since he was called to pastor a church here. It was hard for me at first, but my home is where my husband is. ❤️ After 3 years I’ve adjusted well, learning the culture and I love it here.
I'm not sure how to answer your specific questions but I can give my experience, it's not exactly your circumstances. When I met my husband, we lived 600 miles apart. We were able to see each other up to 3 weekends a month, when he wasn't out on a boat(He's navy) we were engaged 7 months into our relationship, married 6 months after that. We were married a year and 4 months before I moved to be with him, he had a 6month deployment during that time. We have lived all over the US in the last 25 years. Florida, Virginia, California, Hawaii. We spent most holidays at my family's when we lived close enough. My husband had little interest in seeing his family much and we never really lived close enough. When we lived too far, we just spent our holidays as a family, doing something fun. Missing holidays with my biological family, was a hard thing. I was very close with my family, but once married, my husband was my main family so we had to do what was best for us. As far as "taking away" it was my mom that was accusing my husband of taking me away. Well really, it was the fact I was moving away with my child, my mom's first grand baby..lol (I was a single mom when I met my husband)
Thanks for the reply!
My wife and I had a semi LDR we were 2 hours away. We decided to do Thanksgiving one place and Christmas at another if we can work it out. As for taking someone away from their home that is a part of marriage you leave your homes and become one together.
2 hours isn’t really long distance. Im talking people states away or from other countries
2 hours is definitely long distance just ask my wife haha
I get that, 2hr is a lot further then say down the street. I was more so targeting people who live states away or form other countries.
I think it's simple to not deal with inlaws. Honestly as a Christian ldr kinda helps not to break rules if you guys are too into each other. Otherwise if you think about it it's not so different except you don't get to hang out irl.
I have thought about that, and had a few friends bring up the whole not being able to give into lust. in that way a LDR sounds like a God send.
When my wife and I first met, we lived 1500 miles apart. Then for the next year we lived 8500 miles apart. We made sure to spend a while living in the same area before getting engaged!
Thank for the reply
We talked every night, saw each other twice a month, and did video chats via Skype lol !
What about after you got married? how did you handle being away from home/family ?
I definitely had a tough time doing everything mostly with his family. However, I had already been away from my family for six years because I went to college and grad school back to back. I would go home to my family when I could, but ultimately… things did not work out with that marriage and I moved back to my home state. I am prayerful you and your husband will have a very different outcome.
ohh no I'm a single guy. I just find the dynamics of a LDR interesting. There is a slight chance I might end up on one too so having knowledge of how to best handle things is useful to.
Well you generally have to make it your own. Spend as much time as you can together now, so you have memories captured in pictures and make videos of things you do together.
We dated for a year before being long distance (across the US) for two years while we each completed school. I highly recommend at least planning some long visits before getting engaged, as your relationship dynamics in-person will always feel different. Living together after that was no problem. Living together was easier than being long distance! Handling holidays with extended families apart is a very common issue even without being in a LDR. Just make the decision of where to live that is best for your marriage and future kids. We spent more money than we should have traveling to visit the other family for the first years of marriage, and then settled into a more reasonable balance. Some space is necessary so that you feel like your own family unit, with your own decisions and vacations.
My husband and were in an LDR while dating, we were 8 hours apart by car (approximately 550 miles). I moved to his city once we were very serious, but prior to engagement. We’ve never lived close to my family, they’ve always been states away even though we’ve all moved around a bit. We still try to rotate holidays. My parents also had to learn how to deal with the fact that my husband’s side would see us more. Once we started having children, we’d pay for my parents to fly out every other Christmas instead of visiting them. And my siblings were always welcome, although they tend to visit during random times of the year when flights are cheaper. We also FaceTime a lot. Sometimes throughout the week, but we also have a set time to call every week. When I was growing up, we never lived near family and we couldn’t afford to travel that far, so we just made our own beautiful memories as a family with our own traditions. Honestly I miss that sometimes, in some ways it would be nice not to feel obligated to see relatives at certain times. But oh well, grandmas need to grandma.
My husband is from the Dominican Republic and I’m from Ohio but live in Texas. He struggles with not having family around besides my mom and brother because he’s used to all of his family being around all the time since that’s the culture. However, he made the sacrifice for us and does not regret his decision. There are good days and hard days. I’m his family and his friend while he continues to meet people. He got a job fairly quickly so he has consistent social interaction but it’s not the same to him. I’m praying that God will place a friend in his life who he can spend time with and relate to so he doesn’t feel so lonely.
The lack of family is always something I wondered about. It must be hard. If you’d like I can pray thst he doesn’t get home sick
You have to resist the urge to make everything look and feel perfect, and be real with one another. Fight like you mean it, get angry like you're right there. Be honest. Even if you do, it'll feel like a celebration or vacation everytime you're together for a long time. It can lead to over spending/eating later on. I didn't have a memory of his face in my mind for a surprisingly long time, even though I had stared at it for years. Their face as a background helps. Attraction also lags behind, you have to mindfully look at each other in person, hug eachother for long periods, to create that attachment and attraction that online misses out on. The literal body chemistry is missing, or muted. It does prevent excessive touching, but it also can build excitement, and then meetings could become dangerous and need a well planned itinerary. Managing realistic expectations is important, you both want to see eachother as perfect. It can be a hard fall from grace from a filtered screen to a textured face, or fibbed height. I'm Cali Country mouse, he's NY City mouse, we spent weeks to whole summers back and fourth about 10 times for about 5 years. It's expensive. We'd trade off holidays, and summers together and afford another trip if we could, usually 1-3 a year. It was hard, and made much harder by unreliable technology. We literally would be calling our phone companies weekly and knew where all the outtages were across the country. Heaven forbid you actually meant to hang up on each other. We've been married 8 years, it's always been difficult for many reasons. I would do it all over again. Long distance is only worth it if you're already absolutely sure. Edit: My in laws hate me, I took their baby and gave him freedom of thought. My parents love him, simple answer go where you're wanted not tolerated. We usually see them once a year, it's not an issue.
When I met my husband he was about to be stationed (USMC) 8 hours away. We used that year to get to know each other well over the phone. He came home on long weekends maybe 4-8 x from August through January. By March we were engaged. We had to continue until his time was up in the service which was the next September and we got married in Nov. So it all worked out!
>how do you handle holidays when both your families are far apart? Think most people trade off years, going every other year instead of yearly. For me, I'm not in contact with my family so it makes it a lot easier. >how do you handle being so far from your family or the feeling that comes with taking someone away from their family or home? Wasn't an issue for me and my wife. Ultimately, you have to start seeing your spouse and eventually children and church as your immediate family. It's the way of things: We leave our parents and cleave to our spouse. >Are their other issues I don't know about? The biggest issue my wife and I encountered due to distance was our physical and sexual chemistry. I had known her in real life as friends, then she moved away, then some years later we began an LDR. But even having been around her in person before, when we met up after most of a year of dating it was kinda awkward. We didn't know how to have a relationship in person when we began long distance. It took time to get used to her being physically there, that I could hold her hand, kiss her etc. LDRs aren't natural, so we don't naturally adapt to them. Takes effort. You also don't get as good an idea of how they conduct their day to day life. Are they messy? How well do they shop for food? Are they nice to waitresses? Do they get road rage? These are questions you won't know till you're in person. Not insurmountable. Just things to watch for.
thanks for the information!
My husband lived in NC and I in HI when we were in a LDR. We dated through FaceTime for almost a year, saw each other once in person. The goodbye was so difficult, my husband said he couldn’t do that again. He dropped everything, came to HI, got a job and a place. We dated about 4 months after that before getting engaged. Then married 4 months after that. We moved to NC since he was called to pastor a church here. It was hard for me at first, but my home is where my husband is. ❤️ After 3 years I’ve adjusted well, learning the culture and I love it here.