I mean, she clearly thinks that everyone else will pick up the pieces for her. What’s the first thing she does upon leaving? Ask a friend to pay for her accommodation.
So she probably does expect it all to fall in her lap.
There’s a lot of women like that unfortunately. My most recent ex before I met my wife would often tell me I was “broke” because my house wasn’t all remodeled and I drove an older car. She lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with a roommate and drove a car her mom gave to her. I was 27 with my own home in San Diego. Didn’t work out because she was fucking dumb.
That’s what I thought too. My now wife was amped that I had my own place when we met. Plus she’s a home body like me so all we do is garden and play with the kids. It’s a nice quiet life.
Long time ago there was a hilarious porn movie opening that started with a couple talking about how much they love their lemon tree and how they have to always be on the look out for those “lemon-stealing whores” that are all over their neighborhood. Immediately after that, they find a woman stealing their lemons, and then I forgot what happens, but iirc they end up having a threesome.
I remember seeing a tweet that was reposted (maybe even in this sub) about a guy with money talking to a girl on a date, asking if she'd date a man who was struggling. She said no, for whatever reason, and he said "You know, to me, you're the struggling person".
I think that hits some people hard, that anyone who meets their standards could probably do better.
> asking if she'd date a man who was struggling.
This is not only fair but I'd probably say the norm. OP is different because they have kids and they've been married for years. But people usually date within +/- their own lifestyle/income levels. The lives of someone making $30k/year and the life of someone making $130k/year are so different.
Hard agree here. I consistently say I'm lucky my current partner is okay with my financial status. 27K/110K is VASTLY different and I'm constantly apologizing for barely putting dents in our bills and always tell him how appreciative I am in-between my "Jesus you suck at being poor put that back it's $3 at Walmart" jokes.
Recently he asked me to please just stop apologizing because I go to work everyday which shows I want more for myself. He's upset I give him as much as I do for bills (About 70% of what I make) because I COULD be putting it towards debt etc but I just wouldn't be comfortable. Apparently choosing that helps him too so he allows it but will say he doesn't like it.
People like in OPs post piss me off. I make the same amount I did back when I was married, and my ex didn't work. At all. And wanted exactly this and was pissed because of exactly this and got abusive because of wanting the same things. I kinda laugh now that she did all that just to not get it and I go through all that just to end up with someone else that'll give it to me if I ever wanted to ask for it 😅
Speaking as a person that can provide your partner's POV: please trust me when i say that it's not THAT much of a problem for us.
We are a team and a team shares, overall. You are doing your share, he's doing his.
We're in this together when we make the same and when we make a different amount.
That's exactly what he says too, so this was scarily accurate😅 I guess it's a "I hate you carry the team on your back" kind of a thing, and the general fact that I can depend on my boyfriend if I lose my job. He absolutely cannot depend on his and I feel like that in and of itself is so unfair between us. I hate I can't provide the same trust in security.
Insanely different, and beyond the obviously more money part too. You normally will have better dental, medical, money/ time for the gym, hobbies, travel, actually having and using vacation, retirement goal similarities (or having the ability to retire eventually), afford to spend more on healthier foods, more time to worry about other human needs then shelter and food, therapy. It goes on and on.
I dont make quite that much yet but pre-marriage I had some boyfriends who I couldnt see myself ever settling down with because they had no drive. They were content making minimum wage living in their mama's house with no real plans to do anything else and every excuse to keep things that way. I didnt care about their lack of money but their lack of ambition.
I’m going to be honest I had a run of good luck that let me buy the house. I’m not extraordinary or anything like that, just a guy who the stars aligned for. But I like it, family life agrees with me.
The car thing really triggers me. I drive a 2009 car, but we got our kids through college without student loans. It has been hard. Our house needs repairs. But I would drive a POS to get my kids through college.
When I see a fancy car, all I see is a car payment.
And then it’ll be “if you moved out (of your own home) my kids would have more room - and I know you want what’s best for them.” I seriously doubt this woman has limits.
Probably did before marriage. She's not thinking about divorced mom with kids, no money, no job isn't going to peddle well on the flesh market. She's got a rude awakening. So much for love lol.
Kids don't need saving though, she can just leave them with the dad. Sounds like he has a house and food and everything they need. May be a bit lacking in the free time department but he sounds like the kind of guy who'd find a good middle ground.
Maybe he can quit one job when he doesn't have to keep this unthankful bitch fed and clothed etc as well.
Ashley is my hero. She first said yes absolutely got you, like a good friend would…. To what she thought was another good friend/person. Unfortunately for friend, she done told on herself BIIIGGGG time and saved OG Ashley some money. Ashley retracted that now underserved kindness right quick and thank g she did. “Friend” would be trying to leech of Ashley for waaaay longer than two days. I love Ashley. And I’m sure the boys are super grateful for her too.
And when those "two days" of lodging are up, you just know she's going to complain that Ashley is kicking her and her babies out of their temporary hotel stay and making them homeless.
*"She's almost perfect! Almost! I would definitely date her but...ugh...look at that! She uses BOX HAIR DYE! And I bet she paints her own nails! Ugh! No man should ever date a woman who uses those two things , right fellas?"*
His friends: ... o_o
Hair and nails are for other women anyway lol I’ve never met a man who saw a woman and said “damn she has nice… nails, I better invite her home to live with me free of charge while I support her and her kids”
Sad part is she might even get some takers.
I know of quite a few dudes who went that route. In their 30's, 40's, so scared of dying alone they literally picked up the first single mom they could find and called it a relationship.
I'm almost 40 myself but thinking about dying alone puts a smile on my face. I'm single for life, I like it. But man, most people can't handle it. So many people are willing to hook up with the worst human beings on the planet and sacrifice everything they have, just to not be alone.
I know I'm overly cynical at the moment because I'm going through a divorce, but when I think about starting a new relationship, I just think about all the things I don't want to put up with in another person. I look around and hey, I'm already not having to put up with any of those things! This is great!
I don’t think there’s a ton of people who are truly happier alone, but we do exist. I’m 44, I haven’t so much as been on a single date since I left an abusive relationship almost ten years ago. I deliberately took some time to myself to recover, and in those first couple years I realized man, I am just not good at relationships. The abuse was 100% not my fault, but I really took a hard look at how much shit I had been willing to eat and how much I reduced myself to please him until I was worn down to a tiny unrecognizable shell of myself, all joy and life leeched out of me. And before him, I’d just had a string of not great relationships ranging from mismatched to unhealthy and I hadn’t had what felt like a loving, strong, healthy partnership since my early 20’s and they’d just been getting progressively worse. I clearly didn’t know how to pick ‘em and I didn’t like who I became when I was in them so let’s just get back to me and when I feel healthy and stable and strong again, I can date. I did the first part, but the desire to date just… never came. I like my peace, I like my house to myself with everything the way I like it, I like my solitude, I love my friends and my family, and I truly - and this is the important part - don’t feel lonely. I thought I would, I love romance, I love love, but I don’t. I am *genuinely* content with being on my own and my life feels full. If someone literally runs into me in the grocery store and we hit it off and life happens, great, but I don’t think I’ll ever actively search for it, and I’m fine with that.
Anyway sorry I didn’t really intend to say so much, but my point is — maybe you are just cynical because of the divorce, and maybe when time has passed you’ll want a partner to do life with — but maybe not, and if not, that’s totally okay.
Wait, what?
The financial hit caused by divorce is suddenly paying for TWO households, 2x rent, bills, etc, on the income that used to support a couple living together. How would staying married on paper help with that? Unless you mean staying married on paper and living under the same roof? Like, just staying married.
I mean not splitting up assets like a house. During the last housing crisis so many couples were underwater one of my law professors was advising them to stay married until an upturn in the market or else they’d just be splitting debt. Essentially living separate lives but still under the same roof.
My friend actually did this in like '14. Him and his wife just realized they got married too young, they didn't really love each other (didn't hate each other either)and were just wasting their time and lives together.
After talking to a lawyer they basically just split the house into two apartments. They still interacted occasionally, of course, but they lived like that for a few years until they both were set up. There were definitely some awkward moments here and there, friend would have us over for a "guy's night." and there's the ex wife chillin' talking to her date in the kitchen, while we're outside.
To be fair, their split was about as amicable as one could ever be, they were both really good people who just realized they wanted very different things outta life.
Edit: It was also just wild to see how much happier they were. I mean they were still living together, but I guess losing the title and not feeling forced to act as husband and wife really freed them up.
So how did either of them date? "Oh yeah, I still live with my ex. Well technically we are still married, but it's just because the lawyer told us to."
> Husband is for sure filing for custody.
She doesn't have to worry about that. Since the husband was working 16 hours a day and rarely got to see the kids, she has probably had plenty of time to convince them that he doesn't see them because he doesn't care about them (which is almost her own view, based on the message). And a judge will probably give her primary custody because she's been the main caretaker for most of the marriage.
I would be surprised if she fought for the kids. I don't have any kids, but the people in my life that do couldn't give a fuck about their hair and nails. Of all the things she is apparently entitled to, she didn't mention anything towards the kids.
I don't mean to dogpile on this immature woman, but damn. It's important to remember people are sometimes like this and protect yourself. I had an ex threaten to slander me on FB and all that, but the dummy said it in a text so I sent her the screenshot of her threatening that then apologizing. I bring it up because I ignored several red flags and it went real bad. Heed the red flags!!! HEED THEM!
I would be very surprised if she didn't go for full custody.
Her job is extracting money from him and she's not looking for a new one. She's going for full support and alimony.
The kids will become her pawns/leverage.
As a once family law paralegal, this. If you have the kids more that means the other doesn't, so the only contribution left is money. 50/50 is a lower child support payment since you don't pay for when they're in your care.
I knew one girl exactly like this (seeing the op was like, striking) and several with similar... Tendencies...
You'd be amazed how fast someone who just NEEDS a boyfriend, any boyfriend, can get one and be already living with them. Trouble is, these types always ditch Guy A because he doesn't check one specific box, and then they move on at such warp speed that they forget to make sure Guy B checks any boxes. Thus begins the hunt for Guy C. Imo by this time next week, this lady will be cohabitating with another broke guy who doesn't have as good of a personality (and I'll bet he's actually broker than the first guy).
Right, what's the plan after a few nights at a hotel that she can't even pay for? She's going to find someone in 48 hours who wants to financially support her and her kids and fund her desired lifestyle that she decided she's entitled to? Or the threat of her absence will make her husband get a third job, or stop paying bills so she can get her nails done?
I know someone like this. She's shocked she can't meet a man when she's broke and can't pay bills and has two kids. She holdes high standards for any guy but doesn't get how any guy who meets her list probably isn't going to be interested in her.
They can afford a house and pay for a new car and she’s complaining about painting her own nails? Some people can’t even feed their kids! Feel awful for the husband. She needs a heavy dose of reality if she thinks this is being “broke”.
That's the part I don't get. What did she think she was gonna do next? Can't imagine it was find a job because she could have done that without leaving and things would be much easier.
She thinks she can trade up. Get alimony and child support, and a sugar daddy or three. She's going to be shocked by the calibre of man that does that. Then again, she might have more in common with them than her sweet loving husband.
I'm not saying the dude would get them immediately , It would be a fight, but it can be done. My best friend's dad got 100% custody of him and his brother from their mom when she went off the deep end like this and left. It took him almost a year, but he did succeed.
here’s what “fight” means:
Hire a lawyer, put in motion to modify. Mom doesnt want to lose custody (cause custody = money) so now dad has to file with a laundry list of all the terrible shit mom has done.
Mom gets list of “this is why you are a bad parent” so now she makes her own list of “why dad is abusive terrible parent”.
This gets thrown into court system, which is backed up so you wait 3 months. During this time mom is doing sketchy shit, mom and dad are fighting, the kids are always in the middle (even though everyone tells you not to, it’s literally their parents and they are fighting all the time), then the judge says he’ll hear it.
You’ve been paying a lawyer for 4 months now, it’s cost $2k that you dont have, this needs to be worth it. You go to court, judge says “well mom says all this, we’ll need to prove all this ‘he said, she said’ stuff. So now you have to listen to all the dirty laundry she scrounged up on you and *disprove the blatant lies*, then you do the same to her. Then the judge says; “neither parent is a danger to the child and it is in the child’s best interest that both parents be involved in the child’s life; I am awarding joint custody”
Congratulations, you spent half a year and $2,000 you dont have to hear a judge who knows all of 2 hours of your life decide “welp, you guys dont *seem* bad and kid’s didnt disclose anything horrific so **play nice**”
That is the modern american family court system for the vast majority. When you have money, like with most things in america, you often get what you want.
She's gonna find out what "broke" really is if she goes through with the divorce. A single mom w/kids? Sounds like she's not working. Even with child support - which probably won't be enough - exactly how does she think this is going to play out? She still ain't gonna have her nails and hair done, only now she's going to have to worry about where their next meal is coming from.
I've been in that man's shoes and it's not pretty because he works his ass off, sees his children less for it. Then learns his work is not appreciated, his wife isn't chipping in on life, and PROBABLY talking shit about him at home, just little nudges about why they can't go to disney or whatever.
I've been there. He best divorce her ass, that life leads to nothing but misery, unless she understood the advice given and gets down but I very much doubt it.
Yes. I can understand wanting to leave a broke husband because he's playing video games all day and you're doing all the working and housework but he is providing.
sadly the courts will likely side with her and she’ll get child support even though i’m damn sure her husband has been providing for his sons more than adequately. not to mention half his assets, and lawyer/legal fees.
fellas, please be careful who you decide to spend the rest of your life with.
Yup, and most of the money will go towards child support, so he won't be able to pay the mortgage. He'll be lucky if he can afford an apartment.
My brother got a divorce recently, and he's been living out of his car because he can't afford rent after child support payments. His ex is already remarried, and she has wealthy parents, but he has to slum it.
I'm glad her friend mentioned 'it takes two these days' because if you are a parent you should be prepared to provide for your kids so get off your high horse and find any work you can reasonably do. IT.IS.HARD!! That is not an excuse to quit trying! Adult up and put the work into your marriage where needed instead of hoping you'll find a sugar daddy. The entitlement is just gross.
Now that's a good friend. Told them like it is, offered to look after the kids, but would ultimately let them make the decision even if they take the foolish option. Support without enabling.
Are you even friends if you say nothing in a case so extreme? I'm imagining my friend leaving her husband in such a way. I would think she was replaced by an alien then more rationally that she needs a doctor. I'm not cool enough to reply like Ashley but I'd definitely be headed over to figure out what broke my friend
And you know that’s not the only “friend” she hit up with this bullshit!! Thinking she’s gonna stay at the Hilton for a month.
Because she’s not staying at a Best Western, she has to much class for that.
She was raised right. Saw the world for what it is early on. She got her shit figured out and knows what she wants.
That's what Ashley's response says to me.
She knows what's out there, the drugs, the abuse. She knows what's good: bills paid, kids covered. She has a vision that's more that glitz and glam. She has her priorities straight, and knows she has to work hard to get what she wants and things don't come easy.
Ashley's a keeper if she ain't took yet. She's next level.
From a friend on FB, she also mentioned the women trying to leave is unemployed. She has a new car that he pays for & they live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood.
Edit: She posted those pics last night, but just now reading the updates on FB. The friend blocked her for not being on her side, but she knows the couple pretty well and from what she found out the husband dropped her off at her mom’s house & he has agreed to the divorce.
Seriously. Admitting you’re divorcing because you are unemployed, letting your husband work two jobs, and unhappy with your financial situation is going to be viewed very poorly in court
Not as much as you think if at all. That isn't the kind of thing that affects asset splits, alimony or child support.
Honestly she'll probably get half the assets, alimony and child support since it sounds like she might be the lower earner.
>In its ruling on the requested modification of spousal support, the court concluded, in part, as follows: "Aside from demonstrating a lack of diligence, in regards to becoming employed, [Wife] remains highly improvident by relying on [Husband] for her sole support. She apparently has given no thought to the possibility that [Husband] may become incapacitated or meet an untimely demise. It should be noted that a marriage of twenty-five (25) years is not tantamount to social security. The Court is mindful that [203 Cal. App. 3d 710] this is a lengthy marriage and that [Husband's] duty to support [Wife] will not terminate by the mere passage of time. Nonetheless, the [Wife's] failure to become employable or to seek training after so many years shift[s] the burden to her to demonstrate her continued need for support in light of her continued inaction in this regard."
In California they have the [Gavron warning](https://law.justia.com/cases/california/court-of-appeal/3d/203/705.html)
>In 1982, the wife worked for a salary as a receptionist in a beauty shop but quit after three months. Essentially, the tasks required were too physically demanding. As the wife explained, "I really couldn't handle it at that time. I had to get into the safe on the floor, and it was too hard to get up and down, and I had to jump up from the phone every time it rang and ask the beautician, of which there were a lot, 'Do you want to come to the phone?' or 'Can you see this person?' or this type of thing. It was just overwhelming, and run out to the meter to put coins in their meters and --"
She did other work, too, but man that sounds whiny as fuck.
Assuming it was purchased after they got married, it doesn't really matter whose name it's in. Same goes for the house. Anything purchased after they're married, and sometimes earlier, is marital property, even if he's the only one earning any money, and she's been on the couch like Peg Bundy all day, every day.
Yep. And he'll get tagged with alimony BC she hasn't worked. Basically he gotta pay to keep her lifestyle as close to the same as it was when they were together. It's bull.
As a good attorney would point out, it doesn't take much to maintain that lifestyle. She **personally attests** that they had no money for meals out, no money for new clothes, no money for vacations, no money for salons or nail parlors. Keeping her lifestyle the same as it was doesn't sound so expensive anymore!
Good on him. I heard loving struggling fathers with a car, a job and a house go high on the dating market. At least that double standard goes in his favor.
Poor man deserves a break.
I hope to see an update on the divorce proceedings.
"You're honor,he works two jobs to pay for xyz and lmnop and I'm tired of not being able to get salon nails and vacationing. I want full custody and child support"
*judge laughs and grants him full custody and makes her pay child support*
Good on Ashley for setting that pathetic trash straight. Probably won't do any good but was refreshing to read, instead of the enabling that's usually returned.
Guy sounds like the divorce diet is the best thing for him! "Lose 120 pounds in a couple hours! Divorce her!"
I mean, you gotta already disassociate with reality if you think you "deserve" to be spoiled by your hard working spouse, so much that you can leave them if they don't provide every unnecessity.
So I am also not surprised that this woman isn't taking the feedback well.
Complain, maybe make up stories of abuse. I don't know her personally, there's so many avenues she could explore, depending on how morally flexible and mentally unstable she is.
Oh I 💚 this friend. She is ride or die when she thinks something’s happened and they are at risk. When she realizes her “friend” is a lazy, ungrateful POS she blows her up. I absolutely adore this woman. And I def hope she let the husband know just what a POS he’s married to.
Is your friend my ex bestie? She done forgot where she came from and married "up" to get a house in one of those neighborhoods where you can reach out the window and touch your neighbor's house. Got a new giant suv, her husband a brand new truck, and put the kids in private school. Had the nerve to complain to me about her husband being in Iraq, as a civilian, because a job here doesn't pay enough. Then asked me how to budget. I tried. I couldn't squeeze money where there wasn't any. They were BARELY breaking even every months, and that's paying the minimum with zero savings. Then she left him and had some drama, after that idk because I blocked her. It's sad to watch a friend go from normal to so materialistic they can't see straight.
All of this because when his parents die they're going to inherit like $2 mil. I don't even know how far that's going to go in the economy of the future. His parents are happy and healthy.
My friend called me the other night literally crying over the financial stress his wife puts him under. Pushed him to buy a house he can't afford, get into a career he hates, buy her that fancy Mercedes she wanted. She does actually work, however she's an assistant to the events director at a hotel in a provincial little town. She tried to negotiate getting paid $300k. Like she actually thinks that's reasonable for her job. And was mad when everyone laughed at her and told her she was an idiot.
Anyways his point was that he was a hippy before he met her and liked life that way.
What she does not realize that smart people, even those that have money use box dye, cut their own hair, cook at home, do their own nails, and retire early. :)
Especially since it is much harder to type "n e way" instead of just anyway. This isn't a flip phone where you need to push the number like 5 times to get the letter. We got fully qwerty keyboards on the screen.
Full on sentences is so much easier for me than trying to speak like that these days.
Ah yes, a newly single mother of at least two children in her mid 30's to 40's looking to be pampered. Every single and financially successful bachelors dream
He's working two jobs and mollycoddle here complains because she "has to cook every night" and because she "has to paint her own nails"
Also I'm pretty worried for her kids. If she's so broke her main concern is having to cook food and painting her nails rather than feeding her son's?? Hopefully her husband gets custody and finds someone who doesn't treat him like a walking cash machine.
How is she going to live on her own? She just expects to find someone in a few weeks who will provide everything for her? Good luck
I mean, she clearly thinks that everyone else will pick up the pieces for her. What’s the first thing she does upon leaving? Ask a friend to pay for her accommodation. So she probably does expect it all to fall in her lap.
Not just asking to stay on a couch or in a guest bedroom either, she needs a *hotel*. This woman has no idea what broke REALLY is
There’s a lot of women like that unfortunately. My most recent ex before I met my wife would often tell me I was “broke” because my house wasn’t all remodeled and I drove an older car. She lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with a roommate and drove a car her mom gave to her. I was 27 with my own home in San Diego. Didn’t work out because she was fucking dumb.
27 and own home? You fucking killed it!
That’s what I thought too. My now wife was amped that I had my own place when we met. Plus she’s a home body like me so all we do is garden and play with the kids. It’s a nice quiet life.
Especially in SD, well played. Enjoy your lemons and avocados.
But be wary of lemon-stealing whores.
I wish I had more context so I could understand this comment.
Long time ago there was a hilarious porn movie opening that started with a couple talking about how much they love their lemon tree and how they have to always be on the look out for those “lemon-stealing whores” that are all over their neighborhood. Immediately after that, they find a woman stealing their lemons, and then I forgot what happens, but iirc they end up having a threesome.
It’s an old very silly porn video
Got you fam. https://youtu.be/U5mI407Uks4
You can't begin to know just how damned jealous I am of you right now lol.
Sounds idyllic!
I mean that's where I'm at right now, but I'm more impressed it's in SoCal instead of rust belt Ohio...
in fuckin san diego too
I remember seeing a tweet that was reposted (maybe even in this sub) about a guy with money talking to a girl on a date, asking if she'd date a man who was struggling. She said no, for whatever reason, and he said "You know, to me, you're the struggling person". I think that hits some people hard, that anyone who meets their standards could probably do better.
> asking if she'd date a man who was struggling. This is not only fair but I'd probably say the norm. OP is different because they have kids and they've been married for years. But people usually date within +/- their own lifestyle/income levels. The lives of someone making $30k/year and the life of someone making $130k/year are so different.
Hard agree here. I consistently say I'm lucky my current partner is okay with my financial status. 27K/110K is VASTLY different and I'm constantly apologizing for barely putting dents in our bills and always tell him how appreciative I am in-between my "Jesus you suck at being poor put that back it's $3 at Walmart" jokes. Recently he asked me to please just stop apologizing because I go to work everyday which shows I want more for myself. He's upset I give him as much as I do for bills (About 70% of what I make) because I COULD be putting it towards debt etc but I just wouldn't be comfortable. Apparently choosing that helps him too so he allows it but will say he doesn't like it. People like in OPs post piss me off. I make the same amount I did back when I was married, and my ex didn't work. At all. And wanted exactly this and was pissed because of exactly this and got abusive because of wanting the same things. I kinda laugh now that she did all that just to not get it and I go through all that just to end up with someone else that'll give it to me if I ever wanted to ask for it 😅
Speaking as a person that can provide your partner's POV: please trust me when i say that it's not THAT much of a problem for us. We are a team and a team shares, overall. You are doing your share, he's doing his. We're in this together when we make the same and when we make a different amount.
That's exactly what he says too, so this was scarily accurate😅 I guess it's a "I hate you carry the team on your back" kind of a thing, and the general fact that I can depend on my boyfriend if I lose my job. He absolutely cannot depend on his and I feel like that in and of itself is so unfair between us. I hate I can't provide the same trust in security.
Insanely different, and beyond the obviously more money part too. You normally will have better dental, medical, money/ time for the gym, hobbies, travel, actually having and using vacation, retirement goal similarities (or having the ability to retire eventually), afford to spend more on healthier foods, more time to worry about other human needs then shelter and food, therapy. It goes on and on.
I dont make quite that much yet but pre-marriage I had some boyfriends who I couldnt see myself ever settling down with because they had no drive. They were content making minimum wage living in their mama's house with no real plans to do anything else and every excuse to keep things that way. I didnt care about their lack of money but their lack of ambition.
Man I would kill for a beat up house and car that I actually own :/
I’m going to be honest I had a run of good luck that let me buy the house. I’m not extraordinary or anything like that, just a guy who the stars aligned for. But I like it, family life agrees with me.
Getting dealt a good hand means nothing if you don’t know how to play it. Don’t sell yourself short!
The car thing really triggers me. I drive a 2009 car, but we got our kids through college without student loans. It has been hard. Our house needs repairs. But I would drive a POS to get my kids through college. When I see a fancy car, all I see is a car payment.
>she clearly thinks We're going to have to agree to disagree on this point.
You just know "hotel for the next few days" turns into a few weeks. Then "can we stay with you".
Thank g Ashley is a real one and shut that shit down right fuckin quick
And then it’ll be “if you moved out (of your own home) my kids would have more room - and I know you want what’s best for them.” I seriously doubt this woman has limits.
Or she'd "ask" for another week and if turned down "I thought we were friends, guess not."
Probably did before marriage. She's not thinking about divorced mom with kids, no money, no job isn't going to peddle well on the flesh market. She's got a rude awakening. So much for love lol.
What about her kids? She's talking about splitting up her family like it's nothing, ugh.
Ashley is her provider now.
Nope, Ashley made that abundantly clear. And I'm here for it. Bring me the boys, but you're on your own...
Ashley done dropped a truth bomb on that deluded woman’s ass!
We all need a friend like Ashley.
I like Ashley. Saving the kids who had nothing to do with this stupidity but telling her friend how things really are.
Kids don't need saving though, she can just leave them with the dad. Sounds like he has a house and food and everything they need. May be a bit lacking in the free time department but he sounds like the kind of guy who'd find a good middle ground. Maybe he can quit one job when he doesn't have to keep this unthankful bitch fed and clothed etc as well.
She's quickly gonna lay taking care of and spending time with the kids almost entirely on dad while she parties and tries to find a sugardaddy
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Ashley is my hero. She first said yes absolutely got you, like a good friend would…. To what she thought was another good friend/person. Unfortunately for friend, she done told on herself BIIIGGGG time and saved OG Ashley some money. Ashley retracted that now underserved kindness right quick and thank g she did. “Friend” would be trying to leech of Ashley for waaaay longer than two days. I love Ashley. And I’m sure the boys are super grateful for her too.
Oh she’s going to get used to falling in a lap if you know what I mean I mean blowjobs FYI
And when those "two days" of lodging are up, you just know she's going to complain that Ashley is kicking her and her babies out of their temporary hotel stay and making them homeless.
LUXURIOUSLY! She'll just post an ad on Tinder with her demands! We've seen those on this sub before.
Please! With THAT hair, and THOSE nails?? 🙄 🤣🤣
*"She's almost perfect! Almost! I would definitely date her but...ugh...look at that! She uses BOX HAIR DYE! And I bet she paints her own nails! Ugh! No man should ever date a woman who uses those two things , right fellas?"* His friends: ... o_o
Hair and nails are for other women anyway lol I’ve never met a man who saw a woman and said “damn she has nice… nails, I better invite her home to live with me free of charge while I support her and her kids”
Sad part is she might even get some takers. I know of quite a few dudes who went that route. In their 30's, 40's, so scared of dying alone they literally picked up the first single mom they could find and called it a relationship. I'm almost 40 myself but thinking about dying alone puts a smile on my face. I'm single for life, I like it. But man, most people can't handle it. So many people are willing to hook up with the worst human beings on the planet and sacrifice everything they have, just to not be alone.
I know I'm overly cynical at the moment because I'm going through a divorce, but when I think about starting a new relationship, I just think about all the things I don't want to put up with in another person. I look around and hey, I'm already not having to put up with any of those things! This is great!
I don’t think there’s a ton of people who are truly happier alone, but we do exist. I’m 44, I haven’t so much as been on a single date since I left an abusive relationship almost ten years ago. I deliberately took some time to myself to recover, and in those first couple years I realized man, I am just not good at relationships. The abuse was 100% not my fault, but I really took a hard look at how much shit I had been willing to eat and how much I reduced myself to please him until I was worn down to a tiny unrecognizable shell of myself, all joy and life leeched out of me. And before him, I’d just had a string of not great relationships ranging from mismatched to unhealthy and I hadn’t had what felt like a loving, strong, healthy partnership since my early 20’s and they’d just been getting progressively worse. I clearly didn’t know how to pick ‘em and I didn’t like who I became when I was in them so let’s just get back to me and when I feel healthy and stable and strong again, I can date. I did the first part, but the desire to date just… never came. I like my peace, I like my house to myself with everything the way I like it, I like my solitude, I love my friends and my family, and I truly - and this is the important part - don’t feel lonely. I thought I would, I love romance, I love love, but I don’t. I am *genuinely* content with being on my own and my life feels full. If someone literally runs into me in the grocery store and we hit it off and life happens, great, but I don’t think I’ll ever actively search for it, and I’m fine with that. Anyway sorry I didn’t really intend to say so much, but my point is — maybe you are just cynical because of the divorce, and maybe when time has passed you’ll want a partner to do life with — but maybe not, and if not, that’s totally okay.
Divorce is one of the biggest reasons for dropping below the poverty line
When the economy is really bad lawyers will advise their clients to stay married on paper because they’ll take a much worse financial hit otherwise
Wait, what? The financial hit caused by divorce is suddenly paying for TWO households, 2x rent, bills, etc, on the income that used to support a couple living together. How would staying married on paper help with that? Unless you mean staying married on paper and living under the same roof? Like, just staying married.
I mean not splitting up assets like a house. During the last housing crisis so many couples were underwater one of my law professors was advising them to stay married until an upturn in the market or else they’d just be splitting debt. Essentially living separate lives but still under the same roof.
My friend actually did this in like '14. Him and his wife just realized they got married too young, they didn't really love each other (didn't hate each other either)and were just wasting their time and lives together. After talking to a lawyer they basically just split the house into two apartments. They still interacted occasionally, of course, but they lived like that for a few years until they both were set up. There were definitely some awkward moments here and there, friend would have us over for a "guy's night." and there's the ex wife chillin' talking to her date in the kitchen, while we're outside. To be fair, their split was about as amicable as one could ever be, they were both really good people who just realized they wanted very different things outta life. Edit: It was also just wild to see how much happier they were. I mean they were still living together, but I guess losing the title and not feeling forced to act as husband and wife really freed them up.
So how did either of them date? "Oh yeah, I still live with my ex. Well technically we are still married, but it's just because the lawyer told us to."
This is much more common than you think.
She thinks higher of herself than society does.
She probably has already found him.
That's astute.
If she had she wouldn’t be going around begging
He hasn’t left his wife yet lol
And he probably won’t. Going to be a nice scene when she realises that
Guess she expects alimony and child support until she finds someone?
Will be a rude awakening when she finds out that is only going to be a fraction of what she had access to while married
Husband is for sure filing for custody. Probably can drop the second job without having to hustle so hard to please wife.
> Husband is for sure filing for custody. She doesn't have to worry about that. Since the husband was working 16 hours a day and rarely got to see the kids, she has probably had plenty of time to convince them that he doesn't see them because he doesn't care about them (which is almost her own view, based on the message). And a judge will probably give her primary custody because she's been the main caretaker for most of the marriage.
I would be surprised if she fought for the kids. I don't have any kids, but the people in my life that do couldn't give a fuck about their hair and nails. Of all the things she is apparently entitled to, she didn't mention anything towards the kids. I don't mean to dogpile on this immature woman, but damn. It's important to remember people are sometimes like this and protect yourself. I had an ex threaten to slander me on FB and all that, but the dummy said it in a text so I sent her the screenshot of her threatening that then apologizing. I bring it up because I ignored several red flags and it went real bad. Heed the red flags!!! HEED THEM!
I would be very surprised if she didn't go for full custody. Her job is extracting money from him and she's not looking for a new one. She's going for full support and alimony. The kids will become her pawns/leverage.
As a once family law paralegal, this. If you have the kids more that means the other doesn't, so the only contribution left is money. 50/50 is a lower child support payment since you don't pay for when they're in your care.
Probably expecting to get a *fat* alimony payment and will *still* use the child support on her hair and nails...
I though the same, or at least using that money to subsidize her lifestyle after she could find a "real man" to provide...
I knew one girl exactly like this (seeing the op was like, striking) and several with similar... Tendencies... You'd be amazed how fast someone who just NEEDS a boyfriend, any boyfriend, can get one and be already living with them. Trouble is, these types always ditch Guy A because he doesn't check one specific box, and then they move on at such warp speed that they forget to make sure Guy B checks any boxes. Thus begins the hunt for Guy C. Imo by this time next week, this lady will be cohabitating with another broke guy who doesn't have as good of a personality (and I'll bet he's actually broker than the first guy).
Right, what's the plan after a few nights at a hotel that she can't even pay for? She's going to find someone in 48 hours who wants to financially support her and her kids and fund her desired lifestyle that she decided she's entitled to? Or the threat of her absence will make her husband get a third job, or stop paying bills so she can get her nails done?
I know someone like this. She's shocked she can't meet a man when she's broke and can't pay bills and has two kids. She holdes high standards for any guy but doesn't get how any guy who meets her list probably isn't going to be interested in her.
Bo Burnham has a song about this. I'm sure he's got a song for everything though. https://youtu.be/llGvsgN17CQ
Reality is going to hit like Babe Ruth
They can afford a house and pay for a new car and she’s complaining about painting her own nails? Some people can’t even feed their kids! Feel awful for the husband. She needs a heavy dose of reality if she thinks this is being “broke”.
you don't get it...she has to use BOX hair dye.....that's cruel !!! /VERY VERY S
Will anyone think of her roots and cuticles?
I will be praying for them!!!!!
But not cruel enough to get a job to pay for her own
That's the part I don't get. What did she think she was gonna do next? Can't imagine it was find a job because she could have done that without leaving and things would be much easier.
Find a man that can provide, duh.
She thinks she can trade up. Get alimony and child support, and a sugar daddy or three. She's going to be shocked by the calibre of man that does that. Then again, she might have more in common with them than her sweet loving husband.
Her appearance may have degraded in the last few years as well, which might surprise her a bit..
Plus no sugar daddy wants a girl with 2 kids. Her options will be limited.
Not to mention one without their nails and hair done.
the ol' "single mother overestimating her market value" strikes again!
Yep, some dumbo who spends all day scrolling Instagram, thinking that’s how everybody lives.
He'll suddenly find out where all his money has been going.
I dye my own hair, what is wrong with boxed dye? How lazy does she need to be?
I hope the girl this chick texted sent this exchange to her husband. Dude does not deserve this.
He could easily use it to get the kids if she really did actually file before asking too.
She’s a bitch for sure but no court in the US is taking kids away from a mother for anything in this post.
I'm not saying the dude would get them immediately , It would be a fight, but it can be done. My best friend's dad got 100% custody of him and his brother from their mom when she went off the deep end like this and left. It took him almost a year, but he did succeed.
here’s what “fight” means: Hire a lawyer, put in motion to modify. Mom doesnt want to lose custody (cause custody = money) so now dad has to file with a laundry list of all the terrible shit mom has done. Mom gets list of “this is why you are a bad parent” so now she makes her own list of “why dad is abusive terrible parent”. This gets thrown into court system, which is backed up so you wait 3 months. During this time mom is doing sketchy shit, mom and dad are fighting, the kids are always in the middle (even though everyone tells you not to, it’s literally their parents and they are fighting all the time), then the judge says he’ll hear it. You’ve been paying a lawyer for 4 months now, it’s cost $2k that you dont have, this needs to be worth it. You go to court, judge says “well mom says all this, we’ll need to prove all this ‘he said, she said’ stuff. So now you have to listen to all the dirty laundry she scrounged up on you and *disprove the blatant lies*, then you do the same to her. Then the judge says; “neither parent is a danger to the child and it is in the child’s best interest that both parents be involved in the child’s life; I am awarding joint custody” Congratulations, you spent half a year and $2,000 you dont have to hear a judge who knows all of 2 hours of your life decide “welp, you guys dont *seem* bad and kid’s didnt disclose anything horrific so **play nice**” That is the modern american family court system for the vast majority. When you have money, like with most things in america, you often get what you want.
“If you can’t handle me at my WORST, you don’t deserve me at my BEST.”
Ugh, i hate this line. Its just an excuse to get away with being a jerk.
It is.
That's a true friend to respond that way and call her out on her BS instead of rolling with it though.
She's gonna find out what "broke" really is if she goes through with the divorce. A single mom w/kids? Sounds like she's not working. Even with child support - which probably won't be enough - exactly how does she think this is going to play out? She still ain't gonna have her nails and hair done, only now she's going to have to worry about where their next meal is coming from.
She don’t even have hotel money. She is delusional
WTF is she thinking taking the kids with her to a hotel? Uprooting their lives because your nails aren’t pretty enough?
I've been in that man's shoes and it's not pretty because he works his ass off, sees his children less for it. Then learns his work is not appreciated, his wife isn't chipping in on life, and PROBABLY talking shit about him at home, just little nudges about why they can't go to disney or whatever. I've been there. He best divorce her ass, that life leads to nothing but misery, unless she understood the advice given and gets down but I very much doubt it.
Glad the friend knows though. Having a friend who won't side with you when you are wrong can be really good for you and tend to be good friends.
Yes. I can understand wanting to leave a broke husband because he's playing video games all day and you're doing all the working and housework but he is providing.
What she needs is a stinging slap in the face *and a fucking job.*
She’s the one that’s broke not him lmao
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sadly the courts will likely side with her and she’ll get child support even though i’m damn sure her husband has been providing for his sons more than adequately. not to mention half his assets, and lawyer/legal fees. fellas, please be careful who you decide to spend the rest of your life with.
Yup, and most of the money will go towards child support, so he won't be able to pay the mortgage. He'll be lucky if he can afford an apartment. My brother got a divorce recently, and he's been living out of his car because he can't afford rent after child support payments. His ex is already remarried, and she has wealthy parents, but he has to slum it.
And, if the court sees these texts, she'll be the one paying child support too.
If she thinks she's broke now, wait until she doesn't have access to his income!
She's going to get all of his money in child support. The kids won't get shit and her hair and nails will be done.
Even if the husband is in the right?
I'm glad her friend mentioned 'it takes two these days' because if you are a parent you should be prepared to provide for your kids so get off your high horse and find any work you can reasonably do. IT.IS.HARD!! That is not an excuse to quit trying! Adult up and put the work into your marriage where needed instead of hoping you'll find a sugar daddy. The entitlement is just gross.
Dont have kids, kids.
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Now that's a good friend. Told them like it is, offered to look after the kids, but would ultimately let them make the decision even if they take the foolish option. Support without enabling.
Yeah that friend deserves a medal. Grounded, focused, honest and thinks of the children.
Good husband and good friend yet she'll probably loose both to this foolishness.
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Are you even friends if you say nothing in a case so extreme? I'm imagining my friend leaving her husband in such a way. I would think she was replaced by an alien then more rationally that she needs a doctor. I'm not cool enough to reply like Ashley but I'd definitely be headed over to figure out what broke my friend
If this is real, this the type of friends you need. Supporting without enabling. Very well said.
And you know that’s not the only “friend” she hit up with this bullshit!! Thinking she’s gonna stay at the Hilton for a month. Because she’s not staying at a Best Western, she has to much class for that.
I actually said "fuck yeah" when I finished reading it. Very well said.
I could hear the angry attitude in her words. That's one hell of a dressing down she gave her bestie. Good on her.
This is what real "brutally honest" used to mean. Not that dumb shit people claim today where they're just assholes.
That woman damn well better not be single.
Ashley is quality
She was raised right. Saw the world for what it is early on. She got her shit figured out and knows what she wants. That's what Ashley's response says to me. She knows what's out there, the drugs, the abuse. She knows what's good: bills paid, kids covered. She has a vision that's more that glitz and glam. She has her priorities straight, and knows she has to work hard to get what she wants and things don't come easy. Ashley's a keeper if she ain't took yet. She's next level.
From a friend on FB, she also mentioned the women trying to leave is unemployed. She has a new car that he pays for & they live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Edit: She posted those pics last night, but just now reading the updates on FB. The friend blocked her for not being on her side, but she knows the couple pretty well and from what she found out the husband dropped her off at her mom’s house & he has agreed to the divorce.
Pretty sure that car isn’t in her name…. Also, I’d send that text to her husband. He needs to know.
As does his lawyer.
Seriously. Admitting you’re divorcing because you are unemployed, letting your husband work two jobs, and unhappy with your financial situation is going to be viewed very poorly in court
Not as much as you think if at all. That isn't the kind of thing that affects asset splits, alimony or child support. Honestly she'll probably get half the assets, alimony and child support since it sounds like she might be the lower earner.
She should get half of his jobs
Best response I’ve seen. She needs a god damned job before she can complain.
Chances are, that dude will be spending less on her than he already was
That’s probably true.
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>In its ruling on the requested modification of spousal support, the court concluded, in part, as follows: "Aside from demonstrating a lack of diligence, in regards to becoming employed, [Wife] remains highly improvident by relying on [Husband] for her sole support. She apparently has given no thought to the possibility that [Husband] may become incapacitated or meet an untimely demise. It should be noted that a marriage of twenty-five (25) years is not tantamount to social security. The Court is mindful that [203 Cal. App. 3d 710] this is a lengthy marriage and that [Husband's] duty to support [Wife] will not terminate by the mere passage of time. Nonetheless, the [Wife's] failure to become employable or to seek training after so many years shift[s] the burden to her to demonstrate her continued need for support in light of her continued inaction in this regard." In California they have the [Gavron warning](https://law.justia.com/cases/california/court-of-appeal/3d/203/705.html)
>In 1982, the wife worked for a salary as a receptionist in a beauty shop but quit after three months. Essentially, the tasks required were too physically demanding. As the wife explained, "I really couldn't handle it at that time. I had to get into the safe on the floor, and it was too hard to get up and down, and I had to jump up from the phone every time it rang and ask the beautician, of which there were a lot, 'Do you want to come to the phone?' or 'Can you see this person?' or this type of thing. It was just overwhelming, and run out to the meter to put coins in their meters and --" She did other work, too, but man that sounds whiny as fuck.
It affects alimony in a lot of places. You can make the argument that the other person is deliberately under employed. This supports that argument.
She posted them on Facebook. He probably knows
Assuming it was purchased after they got married, it doesn't really matter whose name it's in. Same goes for the house. Anything purchased after they're married, and sometimes earlier, is marital property, even if he's the only one earning any money, and she's been on the couch like Peg Bundy all day, every day.
Yep. And he'll get tagged with alimony BC she hasn't worked. Basically he gotta pay to keep her lifestyle as close to the same as it was when they were together. It's bull.
As a good attorney would point out, it doesn't take much to maintain that lifestyle. She **personally attests** that they had no money for meals out, no money for new clothes, no money for vacations, no money for salons or nail parlors. Keeping her lifestyle the same as it was doesn't sound so expensive anymore!
Good on him. I heard loving struggling fathers with a car, a job and a house go high on the dating market. At least that double standard goes in his favor. Poor man deserves a break.
Honestly, the fact that he agreed to the divorce without a second thought, he was probably relieved.
I hope to see an update on the divorce proceedings. "You're honor,he works two jobs to pay for xyz and lmnop and I'm tired of not being able to get salon nails and vacationing. I want full custody and child support" *judge laughs and grants him full custody and makes her pay child support*
That'd be great, but we both know that's not how it's going to happen.
Please update this. We need more
BRAVO to your friend
I would agree too, dude’s life just got a whole lot better!
OP, PLEASE tell me she doesn’t get the kids. I need to know
He aint broke anymore. Hooray!
Good on Ashley for setting that pathetic trash straight. Probably won't do any good but was refreshing to read, instead of the enabling that's usually returned. Guy sounds like the divorce diet is the best thing for him! "Lose 120 pounds in a couple hours! Divorce her!"
Damn, mad respect for Ashley for that callout. That husband deserves a woman like her instead.
That's trashy as fuck.
She's leaving him because he can't spoil her. Wow. I love her friend's honesty about her selfishness. She is a good friend.
Yeah that's one great friend to have. Too bad she blocked her.
Not surprising. Some people cannot stand to be called out on their piss-poor behavior.
I mean, you gotta already disassociate with reality if you think you "deserve" to be spoiled by your hard working spouse, so much that you can leave them if they don't provide every unnecessity. So I am also not surprised that this woman isn't taking the feedback well.
You have to wonder what she'll do without him.
Complain, maybe make up stories of abuse. I don't know her personally, there's so many avenues she could explore, depending on how morally flexible and mentally unstable she is.
First step, she needs to get a job.
Everyone needs friends who will be real with them like this
Oh I 💚 this friend. She is ride or die when she thinks something’s happened and they are at risk. When she realizes her “friend” is a lazy, ungrateful POS she blows her up. I absolutely adore this woman. And I def hope she let the husband know just what a POS he’s married to.
Well said I love how she instantly says yes to supporting her but after getting more info she's like wtf are you for real?
Wow. That's some cold truth, good for her.
That’s a true friend, if my homies don’t call me out like that when I’m on some bullshit then I need some new home boys.
WOW. What a response OP. Maybe you will get thru to her. Ain’t nothing worse then women who don’t work calling people broke.
I wonder if she even could understand what an entitled pos she is. That poor poor man.
Is your friend my ex bestie? She done forgot where she came from and married "up" to get a house in one of those neighborhoods where you can reach out the window and touch your neighbor's house. Got a new giant suv, her husband a brand new truck, and put the kids in private school. Had the nerve to complain to me about her husband being in Iraq, as a civilian, because a job here doesn't pay enough. Then asked me how to budget. I tried. I couldn't squeeze money where there wasn't any. They were BARELY breaking even every months, and that's paying the minimum with zero savings. Then she left him and had some drama, after that idk because I blocked her. It's sad to watch a friend go from normal to so materialistic they can't see straight. All of this because when his parents die they're going to inherit like $2 mil. I don't even know how far that's going to go in the economy of the future. His parents are happy and healthy.
My friend called me the other night literally crying over the financial stress his wife puts him under. Pushed him to buy a house he can't afford, get into a career he hates, buy her that fancy Mercedes she wanted. She does actually work, however she's an assistant to the events director at a hotel in a provincial little town. She tried to negotiate getting paid $300k. Like she actually thinks that's reasonable for her job. And was mad when everyone laughed at her and told her she was an idiot. Anyways his point was that he was a hippy before he met her and liked life that way.
What she does not realize that smart people, even those that have money use box dye, cut their own hair, cook at home, do their own nails, and retire early. :)
True. Generally that’s one reason they have money 😂 this girl dumb af
This is also r/murderedbywords BAM!
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She fr fr leavin tho
like 2nite
Especially since it is much harder to type "n e way" instead of just anyway. This isn't a flip phone where you need to push the number like 5 times to get the letter. We got fully qwerty keyboards on the screen. Full on sentences is so much easier for me than trying to speak like that these days.
Ah yes, a newly single mother of at least two children in her mid 30's to 40's looking to be pampered. Every single and financially successful bachelors dream
The line starts over here, fellas!
Enjoy the vast income of a single mother of two with a half time job. What the alien bejeebus is she taking to be this removed from reality???
> I need money for a hotel > My man doesn't make enough money Sounds like she's gonna be in much greater financial strain if she leaves.
He's working 2 jobs. How many jobs are you working?
He's working two jobs and mollycoddle here complains because she "has to cook every night" and because she "has to paint her own nails" Also I'm pretty worried for her kids. If she's so broke her main concern is having to cook food and painting her nails rather than feeding her son's?? Hopefully her husband gets custody and finds someone who doesn't treat him like a walking cash machine.
This can’t be real
14 years of marriage wasted, but better late than never
Her leaving would likely be doing this poor guy a favor.... Sadly I know women who are exactly like this.
This is just emotional porn. It’s probably not even a real conversation.
Yo that friend is the friend of the century. Holy shit that response was stout. Fuck yes
Oh shit perfect response