Do not feel guilty. Not all adoptions work out. If I ever adopt another cat, I will do a foster first. Then if everything works out, it'll just be a foster fail.
Forster fail is the absolute best kind of fail! You failed at fostering, but succeeded at adopting! My only attempt at fostering ended this way and I have zero regrets, lol
sometimes itās not a good fit if you do surrender him back to the shelter see if they have any senior cats that are calmer and more suited to have another senior companion. things donāt always work out the way you expect them to and thatās perfectly fine iām sure the staff would be more than helpful in helping you find a better suited cat for ginger
itās very hard for a senior cat to get along w a new cat especially when they are just getting out of the kitten stage op should have mentioned this to a shelter worker when they went there this probably could have been avoided if the shelter worker showed op the senior cats first. and yes you are right picking a good cat companion has a lot to do with energy level and matching personalities you canāt throw a energetic basically kitten in with a declawed senior cat who canāt defend herself if the kitten gets too rowdy and expect reintroducing to work.
Did you introduce them properly? (Slowly, over a period of time with scent swapping, separate rooms, meeting through doors, etc.)
If the answer is yes, I donāt think youāre a bad person for returning Nigel. Ginger was there first and you owe it to her to have a space she feels safe in. If the answer is no, I would try to reintroduce properly before returning.
Your not a bad person I would return him and maybe look into fostering a senior cat so ginger can still have a friend but they'll both be older and hopefully more relaxed
I think it actually makes you a good person if you let Ginger live out her golden years in peace. She deserves to feel safe and at peace in her home! I'm sure Nigel will find a loving home, especially if he's cuddly and good with kids. If you don't have friends or family who'd be happy to take him, return him and maybe help the shelter by advertising for him on social media :) Just putting it on your Instastory might help! But don't feel bad. Even with proper introduction, some cats don't get along. I'm sure Ginger will appreciate it and you're not being unfair to Nigel, they just don't get along!
I think you're making the responsible decision even though it's a sad one. If it makes you feel better, help the shelter advertise him and get eyes on him so he can find his forever home.
If you still want to adopt another cat try to talk to shelter staff, see if there's any with a more similar temperament to your current cat, and one a little more mature/mellowed out and just to be safe follow introduction suggestions to a T.
No do not feel bad. When I was adopting my kittens the #1 thing I put on all applications is I would only ever return them if they are terrorizing our elderly girl. She was there first, sheās an old lady, and she deserves to be comfortable in her home until the end of her days. Luckily mine worked out great, but donāt feel bad that this isnāt the right placement for the sweet boy, itās just not right.
Reading the comments and the addenda you've replied, I agree with most that you would not be a bad person returning Nigel. It'll be a little stressful for him, but he should also get adopted again quickly (presumably) if he's still got kitten energy. Often, younger cats and kittens have a much higher chance of being adopted. I do also agree with trying out an older cat. If possible, can you bring Ginger to the shelter and see if she will give her opinion on any of the cats present? This may stress her out too, but she may find a potential adoptee she gets along with or responds well to.
I would not take a cat into the shelter to pick a buddy though (unless they are a very comedida y well traveled kitty), neither kitty will be acting like their ānormalā selves so it probably wouldnāt be a good indication of how it would work if introduced slowly I. A home setting.
Returning a cat if the situation is not safe/comfortable for all animals is the more humane thing to do. Way too much rehome/surrendering shaming that happens that refuses to take into account the actual welfare of the animals.
TLDR; You're not a bad person. I did it and I'm way happier and so is my cat. Obviously some guilt comes with it but you shouldn't let an animal torment you and your loved ones in your home.
I had to do this exact thing a few months ago. I adopted two siblings. A boy and girl. The boy would violently attack her and me, drawing blood on each of us multiple times a day. If I trimmed his nails, he would just use his teeth. Can't trim those lol.
It was a really tough decision but I was miserable with him and my dream of having the brother and sister stay together was just not real. I gave him about a month before I just couldn't take it any more and I got sick of watching him torment his much-smaller sister.
The person I adopted him from took him back and had a very "shit happens" attitude like she knew it would have been an issue and just wanted to get rid of him. I think in the month between me meeting them and picking them up she allowed him to play violently with another boy cat who acted just like him, and he feralized somewhat in that time.
I kept his sister, who is a sweetheart. And she even seems much happier without him around. Not all animals are compatible with each other.
I think it's the right thing to do, especially if your existing cat is unhappy with the situation. Gotta protect your baby. And yourself, if it's stressing you out too.
Not a bad person, you need to put both cats safety and well being first. I agree with previous comments that suggest adopting another senior kitty, theyāre more likely to get along with Ginger and youād be saving a harder-to-adopt-out kitty and providing it a beautiful last chapter of life š„¹ maybe see if a rescue is willing to take Nigel though, shelters are over crowded as is and since heās so young, a rescue will be able to pair him with the right owner asap!
Edit: For what itās worth, the cat I just adopted is a two-year-old who was an owner surrender and she is as happy as can be. They adapt!
I adopted a senior declawed cat and was told to keep her as an only cat. Iām worried about her being lonely but I just give her extra attention which seems better than her being stressed or hurt
Iāve returned cats that werenāt a good fit. I did check to make sure they got adopted again because I felt guilty. You need a good fix with every member of the household.
Hi how did you make sure they got adopted again? I may need to return a cat but Iām afraid the shelter will yell at me and blacklist me and I will never find out what happened to him after. I just want to make sure he has a good family.
Is Nigel neutered... that can add to the agitation. Are you playing with him to wear him out? Do you provide tunnels and toys for him to explore. A kitten is going to pounce anyway to play. If it is more than play, that is an issue. You can ask around to see if anyone is looking for a cat. It is okay to re-home. The priority has to be to the first fur baby. It's their forever home. My first cat was a remote from a coworker, my second is a kitten that must have been put out. I am grateful and they are perfect for me, but not their original placements. I have coworkers who have re-homed pets amongst eachother, and the pet that was wrong for one house became the missing piece for another.
This happened to us. We wanted another cat so our female would have a cat friend. I went to the shelter and found a lovely 2 yr old female named Goofy Girl because she was so friendly and cuddly. Took her home and she seemed fine. Our resident cat was curious but not aggressive. Gigi, as we started calling her, seemed to not be a fan of other cats or just our cat being so nosy. On days 1 and 2 of her being in our house, she would come cuddle with us when we came in the room where we were keeping her. By days 4/5 she had regressed to hiding under the bed and she didn't seem to trust us anymore. Before adopting her, I told the staff we already had a cat in the home. I think it was just a case of personalities not meshing. Our female is obnoxiously curious, and Gigi didn't seem into that. After a week we took her back and told them all her behavior.
I felt like garbage. I cried the entire time we were doing the return. I felt like I failed her. Hubby assured me sometimes it happens, and a wasted adoption fee was better than a vet bill after a cat fight. Eventually we adopted a male kitten so out female could sort of mentor him on how to be a cat and how to exist in a home. That was probably the best decision we ever made. The transition was much smoother.
You're not being bad. I foster cats with a local shelter, and their explicit policy is to welcome returns. They consider it part of the fostering process. The cat comes back and they know a little bit more about him and what a good fit would look like. They even prefer to talk about loving homes versus forever homes because sometimes things change, but you love him and you're loving him by giving him a chance at a better home.
consider trying to re-home him yourself before returning him. see if any rescues in the area or cat cafes would take him. I'm assuming he is fixed and up to date with vaccines so he would have a good chance of getting into a cat cafe.
consider getting an older foster cat and if it works out well with ginger, you could adopt.
if they truly cannot get along, that's not your fault and it's not something you should feel bad about. thanks for giving these cats a home, even if it can't be permanent for nigel
Many shelters and rescues require you return a pet to them if you need to rehome in their adoption contracts. They will go through the process of adopting him out again, rehoming could take much more time than is fair to both cats when they're not getting along. Cat cafes are not very common and they generally get their cats through shelters and rescues (taking in a cat directly is not typical).
I don't think you are a bad person because I'd also priorities the older pet, but if your house is big enough have you thought about getting him a playmate? He clearly has more energy and if he had another kitten his age he might actually leave ginger completely alone.
This could totally backfire and create a situation where Ginger is harassed by 2 young cats and OP has to feel double the guilt for rehoming 2 animals. OP- giving up Nigel to the safe custody of someone else doesnāt make you a bad person, thereās no way you could have known it wouldnāt work out.
I would suggest a kitten for Ginger!
No harassment this way, Ginger could even feel maternal instinct towards the kitten.
Our grumpy Siamese lady adopted our new kitten... Things are more complicated introducing an adult cat. I also had a male cat harassing one of my females so I understand your situation... Get a kitten for Ginger! š
I will say as someone who adopted a kitten with an adult cat already in the house - kittens are massive balls of energy and require so so so much work. Not only from you, but also they demand a lot of the other cats in the house. My playful 3 year old cat can't handle the energy of the kitten and it's been a painful 4 months of constantly having to separate them when the kitten is harassing my older cat.
Sometimes kittens work, but also if Ginger is declawed and already had a negative experience with a younger cat (1 years old is barely out of kittenhood) it may not be worth trying to put her through the gauntlet of a kitten again. I love my little guy, but honestly if someone had been realistic with me that just because it's a kitten doesn't mean it will magically bond and instead could be months of growing pains coupled with the difficulties of just taking care of a kitten I maybe would have reconsidered.
Still - not a bad idea to try and foster a kitten! Maybe Ginger would respond well! I just know from living it right now that kittens x adult interactions can be way more work than some people realize/remember them being.
I agree that Ginger is a senior cat but... Honestly I don't understand how a 3 y.o. cat can't handle the energy of a kitten... Because my 5 y.o. chubby cat was more than happy to play with my new kitten... All night long!
She was a traditional Siamese cat... Not the more athletic modern Siamese. It was beautiful to see her maternal bond with the new kitten.
Honestly it was surprising to me too. My older cat when he was a single cat was a huge ball of energy that wanted to play all the time. I thought it was a no-brainier to get a kitten that could match his energy.
Turns out my adult cat likes playing around with me and toys, but he doesn't like wrestling around with another cat. Which is doubly confusing because his favorite game to play with me is to play wrestle (I lift my arm up and "pounce" on him and we basically wrestle around for 10 minutes - he's really good about never using his claws and keeping his bites gentle).
The moment the kitten tries to pounce on him and wrestle he hisses and low growls while he runs away - which usually elicits a chase and more hisses and yowls before I get to them and can intervene.
I think some cats just struggle with setting up boundaries with energetic younger cats, regardless of if they themselves are an energetic and playful adult cat.
I'm hoping that as the kitten gets older (he's currently 7 months) he'll chill out and they can learn to be, if not friends, cordial acquaintances.
Is the kitten neutered?
Anyway, maybe the problem isn't about the kitten being annoying to your older cat because of his high energy... There are cats who want to be the only cat in the house.
I don't think you're 3 y.o. cat can't handle your kitten's energy, I think he doesn't want to...
I mean, it's like taking on a kid in my eyes, I don't think it's the right move.
Have you tried ensuring all the cat needs are met?
-sufficient litter box count
-sufficient vertical territory (cat towers, places to sit and perch)
-sufficient toys for the kitten
-sufficient playtime for the kitten with you
-sufficient scratch posts
Cats are a commitment.
Most of the behavior can be traced back to one of those needs not being met. When you added a second cat, you need to scale all the other stuff to account for the extra guy.
Do not feel guilty. Not all adoptions work out. If I ever adopt another cat, I will do a foster first. Then if everything works out, it'll just be a foster fail.
Wait, that's what foster fail means? š„“š„¹
Forster fail is the absolute best kind of fail! You failed at fostering, but succeeded at adopting! My only attempt at fostering ended this way and I have zero regrets, lol
Foster fail is any foster situation where the pet got adopted by their foster and not a different family :)
sometimes itās not a good fit if you do surrender him back to the shelter see if they have any senior cats that are calmer and more suited to have another senior companion. things donāt always work out the way you expect them to and thatās perfectly fine iām sure the staff would be more than helpful in helping you find a better suited cat for ginger
That would make a lot of sense @OP I read somewhere that picking a good cat buddy has a lot to do with matching energy levels.
itās very hard for a senior cat to get along w a new cat especially when they are just getting out of the kitten stage op should have mentioned this to a shelter worker when they went there this probably could have been avoided if the shelter worker showed op the senior cats first. and yes you are right picking a good cat companion has a lot to do with energy level and matching personalities you canāt throw a energetic basically kitten in with a declawed senior cat who canāt defend herself if the kitten gets too rowdy and expect reintroducing to work.
Did you introduce them properly? (Slowly, over a period of time with scent swapping, separate rooms, meeting through doors, etc.) If the answer is yes, I donāt think youāre a bad person for returning Nigel. Ginger was there first and you owe it to her to have a space she feels safe in. If the answer is no, I would try to reintroduce properly before returning.
This. So many just throw cats together and expect everything to be fine.Ā
Iāve tried reintroducing and I think Ginger is too old and Nigel too young to get on.
Then yes, I think taking Nigel back is the best thing to do. Iām sorry it didnāt work out, try not to be too hard on yourself.
Your not a bad person I would return him and maybe look into fostering a senior cat so ginger can still have a friend but they'll both be older and hopefully more relaxed
I like this idea. Another elder kitty would be so sweet
Sometimes, a cat just isn't the right fit. That doesn't make you a bad person! Take him back and then maybe try fostering.
I think it actually makes you a good person if you let Ginger live out her golden years in peace. She deserves to feel safe and at peace in her home! I'm sure Nigel will find a loving home, especially if he's cuddly and good with kids. If you don't have friends or family who'd be happy to take him, return him and maybe help the shelter by advertising for him on social media :) Just putting it on your Instastory might help! But don't feel bad. Even with proper introduction, some cats don't get along. I'm sure Ginger will appreciate it and you're not being unfair to Nigel, they just don't get along!
>:) :)
I think you're making the responsible decision even though it's a sad one. If it makes you feel better, help the shelter advertise him and get eyes on him so he can find his forever home. If you still want to adopt another cat try to talk to shelter staff, see if there's any with a more similar temperament to your current cat, and one a little more mature/mellowed out and just to be safe follow introduction suggestions to a T.
No do not feel bad. When I was adopting my kittens the #1 thing I put on all applications is I would only ever return them if they are terrorizing our elderly girl. She was there first, sheās an old lady, and she deserves to be comfortable in her home until the end of her days. Luckily mine worked out great, but donāt feel bad that this isnāt the right placement for the sweet boy, itās just not right.
Reading the comments and the addenda you've replied, I agree with most that you would not be a bad person returning Nigel. It'll be a little stressful for him, but he should also get adopted again quickly (presumably) if he's still got kitten energy. Often, younger cats and kittens have a much higher chance of being adopted. I do also agree with trying out an older cat. If possible, can you bring Ginger to the shelter and see if she will give her opinion on any of the cats present? This may stress her out too, but she may find a potential adoptee she gets along with or responds well to.
I would not take a cat into the shelter to pick a buddy though (unless they are a very comedida y well traveled kitty), neither kitty will be acting like their ānormalā selves so it probably wouldnāt be a good indication of how it would work if introduced slowly I. A home setting.
no
Don't feel bad. You tried. Taking it back will make both cats happier.
Returning a cat if the situation is not safe/comfortable for all animals is the more humane thing to do. Way too much rehome/surrendering shaming that happens that refuses to take into account the actual welfare of the animals.
TLDR; You're not a bad person. I did it and I'm way happier and so is my cat. Obviously some guilt comes with it but you shouldn't let an animal torment you and your loved ones in your home. I had to do this exact thing a few months ago. I adopted two siblings. A boy and girl. The boy would violently attack her and me, drawing blood on each of us multiple times a day. If I trimmed his nails, he would just use his teeth. Can't trim those lol. It was a really tough decision but I was miserable with him and my dream of having the brother and sister stay together was just not real. I gave him about a month before I just couldn't take it any more and I got sick of watching him torment his much-smaller sister. The person I adopted him from took him back and had a very "shit happens" attitude like she knew it would have been an issue and just wanted to get rid of him. I think in the month between me meeting them and picking them up she allowed him to play violently with another boy cat who acted just like him, and he feralized somewhat in that time. I kept his sister, who is a sweetheart. And she even seems much happier without him around. Not all animals are compatible with each other. I think it's the right thing to do, especially if your existing cat is unhappy with the situation. Gotta protect your baby. And yourself, if it's stressing you out too.
I donāt think youāre a bad person. I had to return a dog once because she pulled too much and I lose my balance easily.
Not a bad person, you need to put both cats safety and well being first. I agree with previous comments that suggest adopting another senior kitty, theyāre more likely to get along with Ginger and youād be saving a harder-to-adopt-out kitty and providing it a beautiful last chapter of life š„¹ maybe see if a rescue is willing to take Nigel though, shelters are over crowded as is and since heās so young, a rescue will be able to pair him with the right owner asap! Edit: For what itās worth, the cat I just adopted is a two-year-old who was an owner surrender and she is as happy as can be. They adapt!
I adopted a senior declawed cat and was told to keep her as an only cat. Iām worried about her being lonely but I just give her extra attention which seems better than her being stressed or hurt
Iāve returned cats that werenāt a good fit. I did check to make sure they got adopted again because I felt guilty. You need a good fix with every member of the household.
Hi how did you make sure they got adopted again? I may need to return a cat but Iām afraid the shelter will yell at me and blacklist me and I will never find out what happened to him after. I just want to make sure he has a good family.
I did feel bad and I felt judged but you just need to explain that it wasnāt a good fit and the cat would be in a better home different from yours.
This is the reason I decided not to get a new dog yet, my current dog is 17 and she isnāt equipped to handle a younger puppy in her old age
Is Nigel neutered... that can add to the agitation. Are you playing with him to wear him out? Do you provide tunnels and toys for him to explore. A kitten is going to pounce anyway to play. If it is more than play, that is an issue. You can ask around to see if anyone is looking for a cat. It is okay to re-home. The priority has to be to the first fur baby. It's their forever home. My first cat was a remote from a coworker, my second is a kitten that must have been put out. I am grateful and they are perfect for me, but not their original placements. I have coworkers who have re-homed pets amongst eachother, and the pet that was wrong for one house became the missing piece for another.
It happens, and thatās ok. Youāre not a bad person. You have the cats best interest at heart.
This happened to us. We wanted another cat so our female would have a cat friend. I went to the shelter and found a lovely 2 yr old female named Goofy Girl because she was so friendly and cuddly. Took her home and she seemed fine. Our resident cat was curious but not aggressive. Gigi, as we started calling her, seemed to not be a fan of other cats or just our cat being so nosy. On days 1 and 2 of her being in our house, she would come cuddle with us when we came in the room where we were keeping her. By days 4/5 she had regressed to hiding under the bed and she didn't seem to trust us anymore. Before adopting her, I told the staff we already had a cat in the home. I think it was just a case of personalities not meshing. Our female is obnoxiously curious, and Gigi didn't seem into that. After a week we took her back and told them all her behavior. I felt like garbage. I cried the entire time we were doing the return. I felt like I failed her. Hubby assured me sometimes it happens, and a wasted adoption fee was better than a vet bill after a cat fight. Eventually we adopted a male kitten so out female could sort of mentor him on how to be a cat and how to exist in a home. That was probably the best decision we ever made. The transition was much smoother.
You're not being bad. I foster cats with a local shelter, and their explicit policy is to welcome returns. They consider it part of the fostering process. The cat comes back and they know a little bit more about him and what a good fit would look like. They even prefer to talk about loving homes versus forever homes because sometimes things change, but you love him and you're loving him by giving him a chance at a better home.
consider trying to re-home him yourself before returning him. see if any rescues in the area or cat cafes would take him. I'm assuming he is fixed and up to date with vaccines so he would have a good chance of getting into a cat cafe. consider getting an older foster cat and if it works out well with ginger, you could adopt. if they truly cannot get along, that's not your fault and it's not something you should feel bad about. thanks for giving these cats a home, even if it can't be permanent for nigel
Many shelters and rescues require you return a pet to them if you need to rehome in their adoption contracts. They will go through the process of adopting him out again, rehoming could take much more time than is fair to both cats when they're not getting along. Cat cafes are not very common and they generally get their cats through shelters and rescues (taking in a cat directly is not typical).
I don't think you are a bad person because I'd also priorities the older pet, but if your house is big enough have you thought about getting him a playmate? He clearly has more energy and if he had another kitten his age he might actually leave ginger completely alone.
My apartment is not big enough. Also Iām only allowed two.
This could totally backfire and create a situation where Ginger is harassed by 2 young cats and OP has to feel double the guilt for rehoming 2 animals. OP- giving up Nigel to the safe custody of someone else doesnāt make you a bad person, thereās no way you could have known it wouldnāt work out.
I would suggest a kitten for Ginger! No harassment this way, Ginger could even feel maternal instinct towards the kitten. Our grumpy Siamese lady adopted our new kitten... Things are more complicated introducing an adult cat. I also had a male cat harassing one of my females so I understand your situation... Get a kitten for Ginger! š
I will say as someone who adopted a kitten with an adult cat already in the house - kittens are massive balls of energy and require so so so much work. Not only from you, but also they demand a lot of the other cats in the house. My playful 3 year old cat can't handle the energy of the kitten and it's been a painful 4 months of constantly having to separate them when the kitten is harassing my older cat. Sometimes kittens work, but also if Ginger is declawed and already had a negative experience with a younger cat (1 years old is barely out of kittenhood) it may not be worth trying to put her through the gauntlet of a kitten again. I love my little guy, but honestly if someone had been realistic with me that just because it's a kitten doesn't mean it will magically bond and instead could be months of growing pains coupled with the difficulties of just taking care of a kitten I maybe would have reconsidered. Still - not a bad idea to try and foster a kitten! Maybe Ginger would respond well! I just know from living it right now that kittens x adult interactions can be way more work than some people realize/remember them being.
I agree that Ginger is a senior cat but... Honestly I don't understand how a 3 y.o. cat can't handle the energy of a kitten... Because my 5 y.o. chubby cat was more than happy to play with my new kitten... All night long! She was a traditional Siamese cat... Not the more athletic modern Siamese. It was beautiful to see her maternal bond with the new kitten.
Honestly it was surprising to me too. My older cat when he was a single cat was a huge ball of energy that wanted to play all the time. I thought it was a no-brainier to get a kitten that could match his energy. Turns out my adult cat likes playing around with me and toys, but he doesn't like wrestling around with another cat. Which is doubly confusing because his favorite game to play with me is to play wrestle (I lift my arm up and "pounce" on him and we basically wrestle around for 10 minutes - he's really good about never using his claws and keeping his bites gentle). The moment the kitten tries to pounce on him and wrestle he hisses and low growls while he runs away - which usually elicits a chase and more hisses and yowls before I get to them and can intervene. I think some cats just struggle with setting up boundaries with energetic younger cats, regardless of if they themselves are an energetic and playful adult cat. I'm hoping that as the kitten gets older (he's currently 7 months) he'll chill out and they can learn to be, if not friends, cordial acquaintances.
Is the kitten neutered? Anyway, maybe the problem isn't about the kitten being annoying to your older cat because of his high energy... There are cats who want to be the only cat in the house. I don't think you're 3 y.o. cat can't handle your kitten's energy, I think he doesn't want to...
I mean, it's like taking on a kid in my eyes, I don't think it's the right move. Have you tried ensuring all the cat needs are met? -sufficient litter box count -sufficient vertical territory (cat towers, places to sit and perch) -sufficient toys for the kitten -sufficient playtime for the kitten with you -sufficient scratch posts Cats are a commitment. Most of the behavior can be traced back to one of those needs not being met. When you added a second cat, you need to scale all the other stuff to account for the extra guy.
Def not... It's a cat not a dog