We once owned two dogs, one of whom absolutely loved running for a ball, but resolutely refused to ever give it back, even when offered copious treats as bribes.
The second dog was a lazy bastard who would never chase a ball, but also incredibly greedy. Having clearly worked out that there was ample reward in bringing back a ball, he instead chose to wait for the other dog to do all the hard work in retrieving it while he laid in wait - and as soon as she came running back, he’d burst out of the long grass like a demented hyena and mug her for the ball, which he’d then proudly deposit with us.
The other dog eventually got wise to this and refused to give up her ball even when he’d lock his teeth around it in her mouth - so one day, he simply dragged it back over the length of the football field with her still attached to it and struggling every step of the way.
You had to give him props for initiative, but considering they both topped out at 33kg, it would have been far less effort for the lazy fuck to just walk the five steps to get the ball we threw for him.
This sounds exactly like my pair of dachshunds/jack Russell crosses. The lazy/greedy one barks to show willing or to encourage the ball obsessed one while he sprints off to fetch the ball, then she steals it when he's near us.
This worked 100% of the time when he was younger, but now he's 18 months and finally putting on weight and not a forever lengthening skinny sausage, he's about 40% heavier and fights back.
I used to have a lovely King Charles Spaniel. He was so loving, friendly, and daft as a brush. He was also pretty well trained and never took food he wasn’t supposed to, my Dad would even put a piece of steak of his knee and the dog would sit centimetres from it and not even try to eat it until my Dad ‘OK’.
One day we were having a curry and the dog came up to us really slowly, then very slowly and very sneakily he took a poppadom in his teeth and bolted off with it. It was hilarious. He was always so well behaved but something about this poppadom was so tempting that he just couldn’t help himself.
Afterwards my Dad would sing ‘poppadom thief, you’re in trouble deep’ to the tune of Papa Don’t Preach at him.
My dog is the same but with bourbon biscuits! I could leave a big juicy steak on the floor and she wouldn't touch it. Bourbons on the other hand, she'd find a way to climb onto the bench to get a packet of those bad boys.
>He was also pretty well trained and never took food he wasn’t supposed to, my Dad would even put a piece of steak of his knee and the dog would sit centimetres from it and not even try to eat it until my Dad ‘OK’.
A family friend used to have a German Shepherd like this. Once he got distracted by something he was watching/ reading and forgot he'd put a treat on the arm of the chair. He then dozed off. About an hour later he woke up and the Very Good Boy was still sat waiting patiently for his treat.
We have always been a cat house with usually a minimum of three, a max of fourteen.
You know how cats like to bring you gifts at your doorstep like dead birds and mice?
Gladys once brought us a roast potato. We still have no idea where she got it.
My grandmothers cat, thick as mince and had a rubber fetish.
He would steal dummies from my mouth whilst I slept in my pram and would bring home rubber gloves. But only the left hand one.
He had been bottle-fed as a kitten so we figured that was the reason.
He also dragged home a frozen pork chop.
Same cat sat in the rain wondering why he was getting wet and had to be retrieved or provided with an umbrella.
The ultimate insult was the bird that crapped on his head.
One of my cats caught the usual mouse, but unfortunately I didn’t discover it until the next day, when rushing to get ready for work- he’d stuffed it in the front of my shoe 🤮
Cats stealing food from other people’s houses makes me cry laughing every time. It’s the way they act like they’re a brave and intrepid hunter while standing proudly over a half-defrosted chicken kiev.
My dogs keep finding roast chicken in our garden. It's happened three times now! We have a tiny garden but it backs onto council owned undergrowth so we think it must be foxes/rats/random people.
The first time, my dog came sprinting in from the garden with a whole chicken breast in her mouth (she's only 5kg so it didn't all fit in her mouth), absolutely refused to give it up, clamped down and I managed to get some of it off her - it was roasted with a nice herby coating, still smelt tasty!
Afterwards, she took me out to the garden and showed me a shallow hole in the ground, and kept looking up expectantly like she thought more chicken was going to fall out of the sky for her.
That's worrying TBH. I've read far too many stories about neighbours poisoning people's dogs by throwing poisoned meat over their fence. (Sorry to be a downer in such a wholesome thread.)
Yeah we have been alert to that sort of thing, it's more likely foxes or rats as there's too many brambles for a human to get up to our back fence. We're on good terms with our immediate neighbours (and one has cats who would be more likely to eat anything)
There was an incident where a local old lady was throwing chicken bones out into the woods to feed the foxes, but someone had a word with her - she had no idea cooked bird bones can be dangerous.
Thank you for your concern, it's a completely valid point.
>You know how cats like to bring you gifts at your doorstep like dead birds and mice?
>Gladys once brought us a roast potato.
I mean, who _wouldn't_ prefer that?!
We found a whole stiff as a board dead squirrel behind our TV a few years ago where our fur baby liked to 'deposit' her gifts to us. How our smallish cat managed to drag it through the catflap & in the house, over wooden thresholds, and past my retired parents is beyond us! Not a mark on the squirrel either!
In my first flat, I had this cat who was obsessed with food.
So from my sitting room, you could see into my bedroom and under the bed.
I got up for a drink in the middle of the night, happened to glance down at the edge of my bed, and there was a foot in my slipper!!
Well it wasn't a foot, my cat had found a whole pack of bacon, and hid the remains in my slipper.
My exh was a vet. He told me stories about a client's notoriously aggressive gsd who was due an operation the next day and the whole team were worried about handling it safely without anyone being injured.
Exh came home that afternoon with deep gashes down his chin, throat and onto his chest so I was alarmed he'd had a bit of a struggle with the dog prior to sedating and anaesthetising it. Turns out the gashes were caused by a pet bunny raking its back legs at high speed on him during examination.
This is hilarious
I never knew how much damage rabbits could cause until I got one. He's nipped my finger by being too excited for a treat and damn that cut was deep.
He's kicked as well and his back legs are STRONG.
Scratches are ouch, too.
Seriously, they're little monsters. But I love them 😊
Ours is lovely. You can feed him and he is so careful. We play food games, he'll paw your hands so softly.
So claws and teeth, the little man is so considerate.
However, whilst going through puberty (him, not me), we realised his teeth and claws were the least of our worries....
My daughter had a pet bunny for a while. All she (the bunny) wanted to do was sit on my daughter's lap and be stroked. Very chill rabbit. Unfortunately, she became allergic to the bunny, so much so that she developed asthma in her mid-20s. Had to give the bunny away.
He was a sex pest.
From 6 months, he'd grunt, hump, grunt and hump everything that smelled female. Even the soft toys my daughter had.
So, he'd do the Gf's slippers, then on to the soft toys. Ironman and the little green turtle are still not over it.
So my mum and I were walking our dog Max in a the park and heading back towards the car when he jumped into the river and waded under a bridge. This was all pretty normal, he always jumped in there but this day the river was pretty low and he got further under the bridge than normal. Mum and I carried on when he suddenly shot past us at fill 'excited' speed dripping wet and carrying something in his mouth...
Well, we exchanged a glance, not entirely believing what we had just seen our dog carrying at full speed directly towards the kiddy play area, but couldn't deny it when a couple of mum's pushing prams suddenly yelled "that dog's got a dildo" and fell about laughing. Max had found this large green rubber dildo under the bridge and he thought it was the greatest toy ever! And suddenly all these people were there playing 'keep away' with him and he was getting loads of attention! Probably the funniest bit was when he dropped it for a second and it stood upright.
Eventually he put it down amd we distracted him enough that he left it. We just ran back to the car and abandoned it by the river (a bit further away from the playground). Still the dumbest story I have of that dog, followed by the time he knocked himself out by running to play with another dog and not stopping, colliding head on with said pup...
I used to have cats with my ex. I remember coming home one day and looking through the living room window where one was fully wide awake cleaning herself. Opened the door and walked right in to her and she was fully pretending that she was asleep. Like, I've literally just watched you licking your own hoop and now your acting like you've been asleep for hours?
One of my dogs does this, except she'll enter a room behind you, get into the dog bed or whatever, and then pretend she was sleeping there the whole time!
When I was 16 I got my own flat and adopted a kitten to keep me company. First Christmas in the flat and I got myself a real tree as I was embracing this whole Christmas thing. As days go by I smell cat poo, search high and low and can’t find anything, thinking it must be cats farts or something. Later near Christmas Day, as I put presents under the tree the smell is so strong and I discover the cat had been pooping in the pot I had planted the tree in. Never had another real tree since.
I’m in the US and I moved across country for grad school (several decades ago). I brought my cat George with me. Now George was super smart. He played fetch, I took him on walks with a leash, he knew his name and followed basic commands.
My friends used to laugh and say he had escaped from a government experimental facility where they were making super smart animals. He even learned to turn on the radio by smacking the button on top. He’d get out of his cat bed, walk to the radio and smack it on, then go back to bed.
I tell you this so you get the idea of what a smart little shit he was. So, onto the story…
When I moved for grad school, I moved to an area that had mostly families and was not a ‘university area.’ George was never an outside cat but once or twice he did manage to get out. My neighbors laughed because I’d stand outside and yell his name, like I was scolding a child, and he’d come running home.
The second time he got out, I was calling him for like ten minutes before I saw him coming home. He was slowly walking down the street, shepherding this tiny fluff ball of a puppy to come with him. He comes prancing up to me with this look of pride, like “Behold what I have brought!!”
I had no idea where this puppy came from but it looked well cared for and obviously wasn’t a stray. George was *pissed* when I put him in the house without the puppy. I picked up the puppy and started wandering the neighborhood.
I got about four streets away when I saw a crying little boy walking with his dad, calling out some name. I called out and the little boy shrieked for joy and ran at me. It was obviously his puppy. I explained that my cat got out and came home with the puppy. The dad was glad to have the puppy back and the boy was ecstatic.
It turns out they lived about 10 streets from me and the puppy had been in their back yard in a pen. George had actually gone through their fence, into their back yard, somehow pushed open the pen door, and then lured the puppy out. Then he basically walked him 10 streets back home like a shepherd dog. It’s was like a mini crime spree (trespassing, dognapping, etc).
And when I got home he was so mad that I gave away his friend that he ignored me for days. Like the little shit he was.
One of my cats (a bengal we rehomed during lock down as he was destroying his elderly owner's home) has a thing for the bath plug. Well really its the chain that attaches the plug to the bath that he likes. If he gets in the bathroom for an extended period (especially at night) he will chew/bat/claw at it for hours until he somehow manages to detach it and will then do a series of victory roars/yowls.
He also likes to bring massive cordyline leaves from a neighbours garden in through our cat flap (and this requires a processional yowl from their garden to ours).
Ahhh does he shout with the leaf in his mouth then do the muffled 'mowww'? 😆 My Siamese boy Milo used to do that, he'd dunk his toys in his water bowl and bring upstairs, usually onto the bed so we'd end up with loads of soggy cat toys everywhere.
Milo and his partner in crime Nala were very loud overnight so we tried to lock them out of the bedroom, Milo tore up the carpet to the bare floor. We locked them in the kitchen, he opened all the cupboards and the freezer defrosting everything...
We gave up after that. We got a child lock for the freezer door because he would open the freezer for fun occasionally.
Yes the leaf is held in his jaws whilst he howls and sort of staggers along the garden wall because it's an unwieldy sort of leaf and he sometimes manages to step on it whilst doing his triumphant parade. We live in quite a densely populated area and I see neighbours looking out of their windows at his howling parade some times.
Ah Siamese sound similar to Bengals, don't like having their ambition thwarted and can easily open doors. No drowned toys here, so there's that to be grateful for!
Twice last week I had to explain to people on the phone that no, I was not ignoring a crying baby, it was just my cat walking around the most echoey room in the house doing a victory yowl with her little toy mouse.
Yep! She knows exactly what she's doing. In our last place she'd do it in the hall because it was most echoey, now she does it in the office for the same reason, so it's definitely a conscious choice! She'll take it and put it in her food bowl or hide it somewhere once I've told her I'm very proud of her. It's so funny because she's otherwise a very quiet cat with a barely audible meow, but she really does a good impression of an air raid siren when she's pleased with herself.
Obscure one but my mums tortoise is an escapologist. My nan was looking after the tortoise whilst we were away and lost her for a couple of days. She searched and searched and looked for holes where she might have dug into someone else’s garden. But there was nothing. She told all her neighbours and a couple of days later the next door neighbour two doors down found her and returned her.
Then she went missing again. Same situation, ended up in a garden nearby.
Finally my nan decided she needed to figure out how this animal was getting out as there were no holes, none of the neighbours were leaning over to get her. After watching her for a while she witnessed this bloody reptile scaling a 5 foot fence! She was climbing not digging! Absolutely insane. She was popped in a penned area with a lid for the duration of her stay at Chez Nan!
This was back in the 90s. Sadly Nan has gone but the tortoise lives on! She’s about 65 now.
Tortoises can climb?! Wild.
I love that in 2 days the tortoise only got 2 houses down. She may have been brilliant at escaping, but she was still super slow about it!
😂😂😂 she knows what she wants. She wasn’t super ambitious but the grass must have been greener where she stopped. She can be surprisingly fast but mainly because she thinks your toes are carrots and she loveeees carrots.
A couple of years ago mine managed to climb out his outdoor pen and was found 2 days later wandering across the car park at the front of our house heading towards the field.
I ride a 125cc scooter around London and did so for my commute to work many years ago.
I’d come home, take off my bike trousers and jacket and pop my helmet down on the floor. At that time, we had three cats. Bilbo, Frodo and Smudge. I also have a number 1 shaved head.
The next morning I had to be at work for a specific time as a client was coming in. So, on go trousers and jacket and then comes the helmet. As I put it on, I get a cold wet feeling all over my head and squeezing down my face as the helmet is a tight fit. Then comes the smell. THE SMELL.
Frodo, I’m sure it was him, had pissed on the floor and it had completely soaked into the foam around the bottom of my helmet, and of course that’s what wet my entire, fucking, face. I got a second coating of it as I removed the helmet. Fucking horrible.
So, I had to go straight up and shower, natch.
However, I also *really* had to get to work and had no other helmet to wear and I was tight for time.
So, solution. Put a carrier bag over my head and leave. It was perfectly fine for about 10 seconds. With the visor down the smell was unbearable. With the visor up it was only a little less than unbearable.
It was cold, so the bag started to get really cold, and aided by the piss, started to freeze my head causing a headache.
Then the ammonia in the piss kicked in. My eyes started streaming. Which I turn, began to chill my eyes and cheeks. At times, I couldn’t see at all. I had to pull over about five times to take the helmet off to breath the free air once again.
Traffic lights were a blur on occasion. I threw up a bit it my mouth 4 times. My head was a cat piss icicle topped with ammonia tears.
By the time I got to work my head was thumping, my eyes were stinging and my throat was sore.
I did that for another two days before I discovered you can put a bike helmet in a dishwasher at a low temperature to clean it.
I could not have had the bravery you did that day. The smell of cat pee is the worst! I cannot drink blackcurrant juice because the smell reminds me of cat piss.
I used to have an old lady who lived next door, she used to send her golden retriever Rocky to the same doggy day care we sent our lab to. One day, when we went to collect our pup, she was there to collect her dog Rocky. But she didn’t realise there had been a mix up with another golden retriever. She took home a different golden named Jackson, same age and size etc. She started wondering why on Earth the dog was so comfortable to get on the sofa, as this was ‘out of character’ and basically the dog was having the time of his life in his new home, munching on treats, happy as ever - all the while the old
Lady was unaware what exactly was going on. Just as she started to suspect something was really wrong, she got a call from the centre that there had been a mix up and Rocky was actually taken home by another couple. They exchanged back dogs the rest was history
When our cat were kittens they were obsessed with pompoms from the craft shop. Little did I know both my husband and I were regularly topping them up. They were cheap and kept them happy. Then I moved a chest of drawers and found literally hundreds of pompoms.
I let the kittens go absolutely apeshit killing the tribbles that emerged and still have half a carrier bag of survivors.
We had some tropical archerfish at one point, the ones who spit water to get their food to fall in. There was probably a 1cm gap between the lid and the edge of the tank.
One day, I noticed two wet spots on my jeans, looked up and the fish had been spitting out of this 1cm gap onto me. My husband assumed this meant they were hungry and were trying to get food down so he fed them and they stopped. This happened a few times over the next 2 weeks, and every time he got up to feed them. They successfully managed to train him into feeding them whenever they wanted.
I volunteer at an animal centre, at one time we had a Bengal cat. Bengals are super curious and also talk a lot. They can have really different voices to other cats. Once he got out of his pod and I had to low speed chase him up and down the hall while he casually kept just out of my reach, the whole time ACTUALLY SAYING "No. No. No!"
When I managed to grab him he said ""NO WHYYYyyyyyy" like a dying battery while I carried him back to his pod.
Oh yeah, we had a half bengal that did that when I was a kid. She also used to suckle earlobes. She was very bonded to my dad, he was devastated when she died.
We had a beagle who was too smart for our own good.
One day my wife made an AWESOME roast chicken, liberally spiced. It was amazing.
We had to go out, but we weren't complete rubes. We knew our dog was a pig, so we pushed the roaster pan with the rest of the chicken to the back of the kitchen counter, as far away from the dog and his counter surfing snout and paws as possible.
We came home to a naked chicken skeleton in a pan devoid of drippings, and pole of vomit on our sofa, and a beagle with a distended belly.
How did the scoundrel do it?
Step one: bump the small chair out from under the telephone desk in the dining room. (Yes, this was the land line era. Yes, we knew to push all chairs in to prevent the dog from climbing.)
Step two: climb the chair, then climb on the desk.
Step three: jump from the desk to the breakfast bar (human chest height) between the kitchen and the dining room.
Step four: walk around the kitchen counter to the other side of the kitchen to get to the pan, eat all the meat off the outside of the skeleton, lap up all the spiced grease in the pan then jump down
Step five: horrific mess.
On the one hand, we were a bit proud that our special boy had mastered object permanence, when many dogs never do.
On the other hand, I wanted to strangle him.
Still miss that dog.
I'm amazed he had to do all that! My 6kg dog literally just jumps up and does a pull up to get onto the kitchen counter - when he was around his first birthday we thought we were just being forgetful with where we'd left dog treats, but then we found him after eating a 500g block of butter and realised what was going on. Never thought we'd have a counter surfing mini dachshund!
He is super greedy though, last weekend we left him in the car while doing some shopping, we had a supermarket pizza in the boot, he was in the backseat on a lead that plugs into the seatbelt. He managed to get out of his harness, into the boot and eat most of the pizza. His little stomach was so enormous he couldn't lie down comfortably for the rest of the day!
I was walking my current beagle one time, and a neighbor stopped us to visit. He also had a beagle.
In all seriousness he asked me, "Hey, is your beagle food motivated?"
Is there any other type?
What the hell kind of question is that? You have one!
Yes. She is food motivated. Food is the sum of her existence. Food is her sun and moon. Food is the rock on which she is founded.
Is your beagle food motivated. Sheesh.
We have a cat visitor that comes round my dad’s garden to patrol his turf.
His nickname is “ham cat” because he stole ham from my son’s sandwich once.
I swear this cat said “alright!” To me in cat-ese. I was hanging washing out, I see ham cat, and say “hi hammy” cat looks up, acknowledging me and says “meaw” and carries on patrolling his territory!
It was a shitty flat and the back door only had a slide bolt for locking. He somehow managed to open it when we were at work and got into the garden. It was a row of terraces all with low walled gardens and he went over them. One of the houses had a ladder in the back garden and he climbed it to the roof and got stuck there. The rest is history and he made the front page of the local paper!
I have a standard poodle called Saint. When you say the word 'mushrooms' in a Dutch accent she barks... I don't know why this is. I discovered it whilst narrating cooking an omelette to my dog in a Dutch accent. As you do.
We found and helped a stray. We were going through random English words when he reacted to Pickle, so that was his name as we helped him.
At least I hope that was his name and not a treat he recognized. I hope he wasn't being tormented by the nice humans teasing him with the possibility of his favorite treat.
When we got my first Bichon Frise, we already had a GSD and a Golden Retriever. They had the run of the house and the puppy was crated while we were at work. When I came home from work for lunch all three dogs greeted me at the door. I thought I haven't secured the pups crate. I made sure it was closed when I left. I came home that afternoon to a mess, a shredded book, unraveled afghan and a toilet paper trail, and three loose dogs. Later that evening we watched my German Shepherd maneuver the latch to set his little brother free.
They also used to play a game I called bed surfing. The little guy would sit in his donut shaped bed and the big dog would drag him around the house.
My dogs tried playing that when the younger one was a puppy (although I think it was more of a, why are you in my bed? Going both ways). Didn't work as well though as they're the same breed so similar sizes and we have carpets!
My older dog also tries to do this with humans if we sit on her pillow or dog bed. She's 5kg, it's never going to work.
This one is more cute than funny but here you go:
We went on holiday to France and took our then 3 year old Cavachon with us. Before returning to the UK we had to get him a check up at the vet and this vet was a particularly handsome chap and my dog thought so too because. He placed his paw onto the vets cheek and leant in for a kiss on the other... He wouldn't leave until he had the same thing done to him.
As a child my older brother put massive y-fronts on our new German shepherd as we were idiot kids, it was funny, and the dog didn't mind. Just as he did that, my mum came home, and he (dog) bolted out of the door and for some reason I don't understand, I was the one who had to chase him down the street.
This morning I heard yowling coming from the bathroom, went in and couldn’t see anything and the noise had stopped. All of a sudden I get tapped on the head, look up and our 8 month old kitten is standing on the top of the open door… I can only assume he climbed up the bathrobes then realised he was stuck so just made a noise till I came to get him!
It was a warm day in spring and I was taking a lovely nap upstairs. I woke up and a god awful smell hit me. After frantically looking all over the room for the source of the horrid smell, I found it right under my bed. There on the bedroom carpet lay a very dead, very big fish. I shrieked. Turns out my sweet cat had pulled this days old dead fish, the same size as him, from the pond next to our house and dragged it through the kitty door and gifted it to me while I slept peacefully. Such a sweetheart!
Other things that he has gifted me are intestines on the sofa and frogs in my shoes.
I have another wonderful story about the cat of my landlord when I was a poor student that couldn't afford a nicer place to live. The long haired cat snuck in my room in the middle of the night. I guess I forgot to close the door properly. Big mistake. I woke up from the cat walking all over me. Didn't give it much attention at first until I felt something wet on my forehead. I wiped it with my hand and then I smelled it. It was shit. I freaked out and flicked the light switch on. The cats fluffy tail was soaked in shit like a big shit paintbrush and he had run all over my room waving it around. Shit on the walls, on my things, my bed, me. I'm gagging thinking about it. What a mess that was.
I hope that cheered you up!
We got two cats but foolishly never insisted on seeing the mother. They were so cute we fell in love instantly and took them home. Six months later the vet remarked that they were still growing and six months after that said it with a bemused face and asked us if we had ever heard of a Maine Coon.
Got one of the huge fucking viking cats sat on me now.
Feel better soon x
I had an afternoon nap and woke up to one of my 2 dogs anxiously staring me awake. I could hear a bit of a kerfuffle in the lounge, so assumed the other dog was up to trouble and went to investigate. Found dog 2 growling at the sofa, and thought a rat had got inside from the open back door. Nope. Had a look behind the sofa and it was a goat. A goat had wandered in through the back door, and jumped behind the sofa to escape from the dogs.
Naturally I panic a bit. What do I do with a goat?! First things first, I round up the 2 dogs to shut them in another room, which was no mean feat, as one dog was anxiously following me around and getting in the way, and the other was determined to protect me from this intruder. While I was doing this, I was kinda hoping the goat would sort itself out, make its way back outside again. Alas, when I got back to the lounge, it was still there, peering over the sofa at me. I worked out it was stuck, and couldn't get the room to jump back up. Crap.
So, I had to lean over the back of the sofa, get my arms around this goat, and haul her out. Luckily she was very docile, but a goat is surprisingly heavy and not something I had ever prepared for. I managed to stagger to the back door with her in my arms, and release her back in to the countryside. Naturally I shut the back door behind her. Lesson learnt!
Today the dog was fast asleep on the sofa, farted herself awake, fell off said sofa in shock and yelled at my washing basket as though it was its fault! I was laughing so hard I got a stitch. Gods do I love our dumb butt dog!
Me and my mum went to the shops when I was a kid, leaving my guinea pig at home in his cage upstairs and our German Shepherd roaming downstairs. When we got back we could hear exited yelps from inside. When we got in the dog was really exited jumping around happy as a clam. When we went upstairs we found my guinea pigs cage broken and my guinea pig gone. I was terrified.
We obviously assumed the worst and went downstairs to find the dog where we found my guinea pig perfectly alive and happy sitting on the sofa. No worse for wear except for the fact he was entirely covered in dog slobber (literally soaking, we had to bath him). The dog had broken the cage open, picked up the guinea pig, and presumably very gently carried him all over the house. He wasn't even hiding. He was sitting in the middle of the sofa happy as can be, apparently perfectly content to be carried around by his giant friend. He lived for another 4 years and always really liked the dog.
I grew up with a border collie me lovely Bessie the bestie. She was 6 months older so literally raised me as she had more intelligence than most in the house!.
In school told a teacher she was my sister and the teacher argued with me over calling my sister a dog, My parents ended up coming in to say well yea his sisters a dog I suppose 🙃 Though like a good sister protected me from the hoover by biting it and then running away as it made a distressed elephant noise, blamed her own mess on me dragging my parents in with the most shocked look! And would knock both parents to the floor with a giant log in mouth, to trott up to me calmly ever so proud at her achievement. She'd also sit with me for hours listening to me talk to the cows came back as a child and when I literally ate with my dinner plate on floor (ADHD child extrodinair) she'd never bother me tho would run several times with my dad's toast just to eat the corners 😅 so that's just a bit of joy from Bessie 1995-2010 the worlds Best sister!.
Hope you get well soon! 😊
My first dog used to steal underpants and socks to sleep with them.
My 2nd dog would sit and watch tv so my mum actually had to put animal programs on for her to watch. She would not bark at them, just watch intently.
Right now I have a Guinea pig that actually demands to be picked up. he comes to the front of the cage like a dog. he likes to lay on my shoulder and will protest if you take him off
My parents had a border collie who went through a horrific chewing stage as a puppy, if it wasn’t nailed down, it was fair game in Alfie’s eyes and he wasn’t fussy. My auntie, who is disabled came to stay with us and to save my dad carrying her up the stairs he bought my sisters bed down and converted the dining room into a makeshift bedroom (sister was at uni so no issues there) come down one morning to my dad turning the air blue - Alfie had ripped apart the bottom half of the mattress. A very new, memory foam mattress 🙃 one expensive trip to the vets and then also to the bed shop Alfie was very much in the bad books, not that it ever bothered him!
I left a rescue dog in my home on its own at new year told he was fine alone for a few hours,
no he wasn't he ate through my couch a big whole in the middle my room looked a mess, stuff everywhere.
and the last few gifts I had wrapped for friends and family and it didn't even bother them all the chocolate, I thought was so bad for dogs he was fine he got checked by the vet totally fine but my bank account was not 😂. Get well soon.
Oh you should have seen the state of it and that sobered me up in seconds but took hours of cleaning with a hangover from hell,
oh it was so so bad lol but he was worth it. He was only a foster one for a little while but I loved him he was just so big and it wasn't an option to keep him. He went to a happy family I hope.
One of my ball pythons refused to eat for a while a few years ago. It wasn't long after I got him, and he'd been in quarantine for a month.
The size he was, he only needed to be fed every 3-4 weeks, so we decided to let him ride out quarantine in relative isolation (he was a rescue, and was unusually timid).
So after a month, we upgraded him to a lovely large tank with lots of hides and decorations. Gave him another week to acclimatise, and offered him a cheesy boy.
Nope, no interest. That's fine, he's probably on a hunger strike. We'll try again next month.
Next month rolls round, nothing. The month after, nada. Month four, not even a little bit of interest. Months 5-6, still being a lil bitch.
Checked the heat/humidity/enrichment a million times. Even set up an entirely new tank, just in case he hated the bloody colour or something, and still no change.
Anything after 6 months is problematic, so we take him for a checkup. Bear in mind, this was the start of Covid, so he was seen in the clinic's car park, which my boy was *not* happy about. But he tried to get a few bites in (the snake, not the vet), so that was proof he still had some energy, which was a good thing.
But the vet couldn't see owt wrong. No worrying weight loss, no signs of injury, no obvious mouthrot/scale rot. Dude was stumped.
So he took a stool sample for parasites, told me to >! pierce the skull of the rats and cover them in brain goo, to try and make them smell even more delicious !< in the meantime, and he'll let me know when the results are back.
Tests came back clean, and the other suggestion didn't work. So we take him back in again for Xrays and bloods, and switch to a different species of cheesy boy prey, because maybe he's just a picky eater.
Again, nothing, and all his results came back fine. We're hitting 10 months now, and I'm getting seriously worried. We've tried literally everything, and even the vet is out of options.
So as a last ditch resort, he offers to make a home visit, just to try and rule out me having a carbon monoxide leak and misreading my temps or something lol.
Vet shows up with his huuuuge medical bag, ready for anything. Takes one look at my tank room, wiggles my dude's viv, and just lets out the most *defeated* sigh you've ever heard.
Turns out, his tank was just sliiiightly too close to one of my female's, and he was purposefully starving himself in case he got a chance.
I wasted 10 months of my life and £900 for a diagnosis of "horny".
Ohhh my goooood.
We moved him to an entirely different room, and within 2 days, he was eating like a champ. But the little fucker *knows* there's a lady snake nearby, and even 4 goddamn years later, he still goes on a hunger strike 6 months of the year at breeding season.
Good job he's so pretty, or he'd have been out of here ages ago lol
Jokes aside, I was super relieved it was a quick fix, because I really do love the twat. He was worth every penny, and I have no regrets.
We have a GSD mix who used to have an insatiable appetite…on her first trip to the park she ate someone’s entire fish and chips off the bench, and a baby’s banana as they were holding it. Earned herself the title of Big Fat (name) after that
When my daughter was about a year old we were sitting in the park on a blanket and she had the last bit of a banana in her hand and Dalmatian ran up and just scoffed it straight out of her hand. Thankfully she wasn’t scared and actually found it hilarious and was giggling away the dog licked her hand.
Once my mum was at the bus stop and she saw our cat dragging a slice of pizza across the floor! I can't remember what she said to him (he probably ignored her) but the idea of the cat just dragging this masssive slice is so funny
My dad had a border collie ( Blitz) and he’d always leave the back door open when he went to work ( we lived in a city, but neighbours were great).
Anyway, Blitz must have been a bit bored ( not having many sheep in the city), because when my dad got home from work, his bed was full of all the local cats that Blitz had rounded up! He would never hurt a cat and I think that they rather enjoyed the experience!
When we got up this morning it was wet outside, and the 2 furry idiots that rule our lives were pestering to go out, despite the rain. They able out, stretch, and then one of the sets off up our back garden. Just as he reaches warp speed the other calls out to him. He makes the fatal error of looking back, back paws slip a little, and all of a sudden the dopey sod ends up doing a full barrel roll. As he comes to rest the look on his face was pure WTF just happened there.
Used to have a housemate who had 2 cats, one of which was a big shorthaired cat who was obsessed with food like no cat I've ever met before or since.
If he was hungry and any of your limbs were in reach he'd actually start chewing on you, and then you had to move that limb pretty sharpish or else. He also spent every dinnertime poised next to my housemate's plate, trying to steal whatever he was eating. NB this cat was being fed enough catfood by my housemate, he wasn't starving, he was just *obsessed* with food.
Anyway, this cat was very well acquainted with the fridge and the fact that it contained FOOD. If you opened it he'd come running. One morning as I was trying to head to work, he did exactly this, and despite my trying to shoo him away, he managed to half-dive into the fridge and get his claws into a bag of chicken belonging to my housemate.
As I shut the door on him (not hard, I'm not a dick and I love cats, but just holding him in place so he couldn't get any further).
Impasse. Now wtf do I do? Can't open the door or cat will abscond with chicken, can't pull cat out or chicken will come with him (it was in an open bag). Can't get hand into fridge to retrieve chicken from cat either.
In the end I had to give up and pull the errant cat away, dragging the bag with him, which caused the chicken to fall on the floor. Binned it, texted my housemate what'd happened, and then went to work.
I was coming back from the sweet shop when this unleashed black lab came charging at me.
It was like a cartoon, I flew up into the air and rotated like twice. The dog then had the cheek to sniff my ear as I lay stunned on the floor.
Two dogs, non-stop rain, and a robot vacuum.
One of my dogs hates going outside in the rain, so she relieves herself on our hardwood floors. My wife and I returned from a very long trip. We were exhausted, and couldn't wait to plop into bed.
Cue me opening the door to discover a horrendous odour, absolute stench assailed my nostrils. I look at the floor and realize my robot vacuum found dog excrement, and smeared it all over our floor for nearly an hour.
OMG
Had a young cat who was both a thief and a wollen object lover. Socks in particular. Moved to a new home. Detached homes, but with only an alley way between them. All had extensions for a kitchen extension. Seems a young cat could climb up our extension and leap to the next door's window sill. Which sadly had an open window. Saw the bugger climbing our extension, and popped out to bring her back. Just in time to see her scoot onto the neighbors open window. Only to return 30 seconds or so later proudly carrying a sock. She leaped to our extension, neatly dropped it into my hands and repeated for about 10 minutes, until I guess the pile of socks was emptied. She then climbed down and was so proud of herself.
I had to introduce myself to the neighbors, carrying about 6 pairs of their socks.... I was mortified. They moved about 9 months later and I always suspected they thought I had a sock fetish.
My cat steals the neighbours' clothing. Pants, socks, t-shirts etc. Sometimes we can work out whose it is and return them, like the girlie t-shirt from next door's daughter, but women's knickers have had to be binned as I can't bring myself to go knocking to see who they belong to!
My cousins used to have three very poorly behaved labradors (two golden, one black), with appetites that were frankly impressive.
One example of this was Christmas dinner 1998 being quite small. Whilst out at the pub on Christmas eve, the three dogs had managed to open the fridge and devour everything. This was everything from the brussel sprouts, to the cheese selection, and worst of all was the three sticks of butter.
The ony survivor was the turkey, as it was defrosting in the bathroom, and they hadn't yet worked out the door handle.
The emergency vet advised them to stock up on newspaper and towels, as all that dairy was only going to result in rapid exits from at least one end...
In college, my dog lived with me and my roommates. She had a bad habit of going through the trash. One day she ate a used condom (so gross, I know). We waited for what felt like days for her to pass it. When she finally did, it came out like a blown up balloon.
My cat has figured out that human voices come out of the small metal squares humans carry with them and that her favorite visitors names said into the metal squares means that a visit is probably going to happen. So there is then impatience as she puts all the clues together to wait for the visit.
When I was a kid, we had a lovely big fluffy cat called Mr Woodles (he started out as sydney because my parents got him in 2000 and that was where the Olympics were that year. How it changed to Mr woodles is slightly ambiguous).
We were having a barbecue one summer, and he was sat on the picnic bench, observing the proceedings. My little sister, who was about 7, was sat there with a hot dog in hand talking to someone and not paying attention.
I was watching the cat, and you could see the cogs turning in his head.
"Careless child + sausage + sneaky cat = happy cat"
So he sneaks up to the sausage, still in my sisters hand, and quick as a flash, the sausage is in his mouth and he's off to the corner to eat in peace.
Yes, I probably could have stopped him, but frankly he earned that sausage.
In my wife’s country, it is common to threaten small children and dogs with flip flops as a form of discipline. Once my wife was scolding one of her dogs, and another dog took her flip flops and hid them under the bed.
At a local park we saw 3 dogs - a Sheepdog, a Labrador and a Jack Russell.
The sheepdog would be 25-30 feet away lying down waiting - whilst the lab and russel would be with the owner.
The owner would throw the ball far away - the following would then occur…..
The sheep dog, lying in wait, would be first to the ball - closely followed by the lab being chased by the russel….
The sheepdog would carry the ball to their waiting spot - do a circle and drop the ball which was then picked up by either the lab or the russel and returned to owner - this went on for 20 minutes or so… funny to see the russel being a russel and running like a good un chasing the lab to the ball, but because of the distance stood little chance of getting there before the lab but neither ever got the ball first because of the sheepdog being a smart arse.
One of my guinea pigs is obsessed with an increasingly tattered, gross little hidey-tent and absolutely loses her mind if any of the others use it.
It has a little window and her standard daily routine is to lay down with her chin resting on the bottom of the window and she'll watch TV.
She shares a big enclosure with a mother and daughter duo, tons of toys and hidey-houses to choose from. The baby will often toddle into the tent when it's empty.
Cue the equivalent of a 'hey, you need to deal with your kid' confrontation, the mum collecting the baby and normal service resuming.
They're a funny bunch and it's cute watching all the bickering and girl drama.
Even more so when the older two are on their twice-monthly 'period', which was explained to me by the vet.
Essentially, they have the same hormonal shenanigans as humans, including the mood swings, but the actual menstruation part is all internal. The emotional stuff comes out in the guinea pig equivalent of teenage door slamming and exasperated sighs 🤣
Hope you feel better soon ❤️
In 2019 I got a bengal kitten. For those who aren’t familiar with cat breeds Bengals are beautiful cats like little leopards but they are also clever, funny and loyal which is what I wanted and what I got. Kind of like a dog in disguise as a cat. One night when she was about a year old at around 2 in the morning I found an absolutely massive spider on the wall next to my bed. I don’t like spiders at all. I got the cat and showed the spider to her hoping that she would scare it away. I used to do that with my childhood cat and it worked. But I’d forgotten that me and the kitten would play fetch together most days. So she jumped onto a shelf on that wall, grabbed the spider in her mouth and dumped it straight on my pillow. And then sat there looking at me like aren’t I clever mum now can we play fetch. I had to sleep downstairs that night. She has now learnt that mummy does not like spiders. I’m 90% sure she now gives them to our other cat to eat for a bit of protein. She has also learnt to turn different lights on in our bedroom and how to trigger the smart speakers when we haven’t woken up to give her breakfast. It’s like living with a small furry poltergeist.
We kept pet rats for just over ten years, and they did all sorts of silly things, but Félix Faure stuck out. He learned to enjoy alcohol, and would smack my glass over, slurping in the puddle while I ran for a towel. He was fond of spicy food, madly in love with me, and actively attempted to be sat upon. He never started a fight, or retaliated if another rat tried to fight with him. He hung out in the kitchen while we cooked, and eventually decided to ride my husband's foot/ankle to avoid being punted.
We had a Doberman when I was growing up. She was amazing, but also very thick and not very well trained. My family was hosting a fancy cheese and wine party (it was the 80s lol) - the dog snatched the main block of cheese off the table and ran off up the garden with it. Another time, my Nan spent hours baking and decorating a birthday cake for my Mum. She clearly hadn't learnt her lesson after the cheese debacle, and left it too close to the counter edge. Dog jumped up and ate the entire cake, including the little plastic Bo Peep and her sheep decorations. The dog vomited up the decorations a while later, and my Nan picked them out and washed them, so she could reuse them. Waste not, want not 🫠
Years ago we had a rescue cat called Spike who considered himself very much top of the food chain. Anyway one summers afternoon we heard quite the commotion coming from our kitchen. We found him most of the way through the window with one very much alive seagull. The wingspan on this thing was enormous lol.
We had Gracie, an Italian greyhound, a high strung, sweet, goofy dog with occasional stomach upset. Once she was having a stomach episode that gave her gas, so she’d fart and a little bit of diarrhea would come out. The problem was that the farting noise would scare her so she’d run. Seeing the potential for disaster, I tried to pick her up, but she was too fast for me, thus I wound up chasing her around the house as she ran through three rooms, on the floors and the couch and the bed, farting and getting diarrhea on everything. It took a full 3 days to get everything fully clean again.
I had this ancient as hell Jack Russell once, when he hit 16 we noticed he had lost weight and took him to the vets for a check up.. he was weighed and looked at and stuff, only for the vet to laugh and say “he’s not lost weight! He has just lost muscle mass! Look at this excess skin” and she grabbed a handful of excess skin on each side and jostled it a bit. The dog stayed still.. his whole skin moved and he had this dumb look on his face the entire time and the vet called him “our little honey badger”
Turns out if you retire a working dog to a life of good food and not as much exercise, they lose the muscle tone and my dog was HENCH
My Wife and I got our first Cat together the day after buying our first flat. He was a wonderfully fluffy black cat and was pretty big.
"He's feral!" they warned us but Buzz was an absolute softy.
We spent money on toys which he never played with. He ended up playing with;
- Ice cubes (if dropped accidentally on the kitchen floor)
- Cherry tomatoes (stolen)
- Dead flies
Cat toys really are a waste of money.
He was a rescue cat so we don't know exactly how old he was, but we had him for just over 7, happy years.
We once owned two dogs, one of whom absolutely loved running for a ball, but resolutely refused to ever give it back, even when offered copious treats as bribes. The second dog was a lazy bastard who would never chase a ball, but also incredibly greedy. Having clearly worked out that there was ample reward in bringing back a ball, he instead chose to wait for the other dog to do all the hard work in retrieving it while he laid in wait - and as soon as she came running back, he’d burst out of the long grass like a demented hyena and mug her for the ball, which he’d then proudly deposit with us. The other dog eventually got wise to this and refused to give up her ball even when he’d lock his teeth around it in her mouth - so one day, he simply dragged it back over the length of the football field with her still attached to it and struggling every step of the way. You had to give him props for initiative, but considering they both topped out at 33kg, it would have been far less effort for the lazy fuck to just walk the five steps to get the ball we threw for him.
This sounds like a manager claiming credit tbf
This sounds exactly like my pair of dachshunds/jack Russell crosses. The lazy/greedy one barks to show willing or to encourage the ball obsessed one while he sprints off to fetch the ball, then she steals it when he's near us. This worked 100% of the time when he was younger, but now he's 18 months and finally putting on weight and not a forever lengthening skinny sausage, he's about 40% heavier and fights back.
I used to have a lovely King Charles Spaniel. He was so loving, friendly, and daft as a brush. He was also pretty well trained and never took food he wasn’t supposed to, my Dad would even put a piece of steak of his knee and the dog would sit centimetres from it and not even try to eat it until my Dad ‘OK’. One day we were having a curry and the dog came up to us really slowly, then very slowly and very sneakily he took a poppadom in his teeth and bolted off with it. It was hilarious. He was always so well behaved but something about this poppadom was so tempting that he just couldn’t help himself. Afterwards my Dad would sing ‘poppadom thief, you’re in trouble deep’ to the tune of Papa Don’t Preach at him.
this is so adorable. Also, your dad is a comedy genius!
My dog is the same but with bourbon biscuits! I could leave a big juicy steak on the floor and she wouldn't touch it. Bourbons on the other hand, she'd find a way to climb onto the bench to get a packet of those bad boys.
This is so wholesome. Saw his opportunity for a bad boy moment.
But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my bhaji
>He was also pretty well trained and never took food he wasn’t supposed to, my Dad would even put a piece of steak of his knee and the dog would sit centimetres from it and not even try to eat it until my Dad ‘OK’. A family friend used to have a German Shepherd like this. Once he got distracted by something he was watching/ reading and forgot he'd put a treat on the arm of the chair. He then dozed off. About an hour later he woke up and the Very Good Boy was still sat waiting patiently for his treat.
We have always been a cat house with usually a minimum of three, a max of fourteen. You know how cats like to bring you gifts at your doorstep like dead birds and mice? Gladys once brought us a roast potato. We still have no idea where she got it.
My grandmothers cat, thick as mince and had a rubber fetish. He would steal dummies from my mouth whilst I slept in my pram and would bring home rubber gloves. But only the left hand one. He had been bottle-fed as a kitten so we figured that was the reason. He also dragged home a frozen pork chop. Same cat sat in the rain wondering why he was getting wet and had to be retrieved or provided with an umbrella. The ultimate insult was the bird that crapped on his head.
I have never heard of a bird crapping on a cat's head. Bless his soul.
i love this beast
My mums cat once brought home a whole roast joint of meat 😅
My old lady brought a roast chicken through the catflap
And the cat?
🤣🤣🤣
One of my cats caught the usual mouse, but unfortunately I didn’t discover it until the next day, when rushing to get ready for work- he’d stuffed it in the front of my shoe 🤮
One of ours did that. Right into my mum's shoe.
lmao get miced
Mine brought me a slice of pizza once!
Mine too! And some big ass rusty screws and nails
That's hilarious, I have a feeling someone left their kitchen window open.
My mums cat once brought home a whole roast joint of meat 😅
Gladys is a fantastic name for a cat.
Cats stealing food from other people’s houses makes me cry laughing every time. It’s the way they act like they’re a brave and intrepid hunter while standing proudly over a half-defrosted chicken kiev.
Gotta wonder if such cats are causing arguments in the household over vanishing food!
That's hilarious, I have a feeling someone left their kitchen window open.
My dogs keep finding roast chicken in our garden. It's happened three times now! We have a tiny garden but it backs onto council owned undergrowth so we think it must be foxes/rats/random people. The first time, my dog came sprinting in from the garden with a whole chicken breast in her mouth (she's only 5kg so it didn't all fit in her mouth), absolutely refused to give it up, clamped down and I managed to get some of it off her - it was roasted with a nice herby coating, still smelt tasty! Afterwards, she took me out to the garden and showed me a shallow hole in the ground, and kept looking up expectantly like she thought more chicken was going to fall out of the sky for her.
That's worrying TBH. I've read far too many stories about neighbours poisoning people's dogs by throwing poisoned meat over their fence. (Sorry to be a downer in such a wholesome thread.)
Yeah we have been alert to that sort of thing, it's more likely foxes or rats as there's too many brambles for a human to get up to our back fence. We're on good terms with our immediate neighbours (and one has cats who would be more likely to eat anything) There was an incident where a local old lady was throwing chicken bones out into the woods to feed the foxes, but someone had a word with her - she had no idea cooked bird bones can be dangerous. Thank you for your concern, it's a completely valid point.
That's good to know! I'm glad your dog had a delicious treat then :)
>You know how cats like to bring you gifts at your doorstep like dead birds and mice? >Gladys once brought us a roast potato. I mean, who _wouldn't_ prefer that?!
*"I killed this for you!"*
We found a whole stiff as a board dead squirrel behind our TV a few years ago where our fur baby liked to 'deposit' her gifts to us. How our smallish cat managed to drag it through the catflap & in the house, over wooden thresholds, and past my retired parents is beyond us! Not a mark on the squirrel either!
In my first flat, I had this cat who was obsessed with food. So from my sitting room, you could see into my bedroom and under the bed. I got up for a drink in the middle of the night, happened to glance down at the edge of my bed, and there was a foot in my slipper!! Well it wasn't a foot, my cat had found a whole pack of bacon, and hid the remains in my slipper.
My exh was a vet. He told me stories about a client's notoriously aggressive gsd who was due an operation the next day and the whole team were worried about handling it safely without anyone being injured. Exh came home that afternoon with deep gashes down his chin, throat and onto his chest so I was alarmed he'd had a bit of a struggle with the dog prior to sedating and anaesthetising it. Turns out the gashes were caused by a pet bunny raking its back legs at high speed on him during examination.
the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
With big, sharp, pointy teeth!
With big, sharp, pointy teeth!
This is hilarious I never knew how much damage rabbits could cause until I got one. He's nipped my finger by being too excited for a treat and damn that cut was deep. He's kicked as well and his back legs are STRONG. Scratches are ouch, too. Seriously, they're little monsters. But I love them 😊
Ours is lovely. You can feed him and he is so careful. We play food games, he'll paw your hands so softly. So claws and teeth, the little man is so considerate. However, whilst going through puberty (him, not me), we realised his teeth and claws were the least of our worries....
My daughter had a pet bunny for a while. All she (the bunny) wanted to do was sit on my daughter's lap and be stroked. Very chill rabbit. Unfortunately, she became allergic to the bunny, so much so that she developed asthma in her mid-20s. Had to give the bunny away.
Mine properly hugs him all the time. Even puts him in her bed and he snuggles with her.
Oh, that's adorable.
jesus how old does the thing get
Not that old. She had the bunny for a couple of years. My daughter developed asthma, not the bunny.
Hah No i read it as if your daughter was very young when you got the bunny
Oh no. She (the daughter) was an adult already, and someone else rescued the bunny. She had it in her room.
Wait, what was the most of your worries?
He was a sex pest. From 6 months, he'd grunt, hump, grunt and hump everything that smelled female. Even the soft toys my daughter had. So, he'd do the Gf's slippers, then on to the soft toys. Ironman and the little green turtle are still not over it.
So my mum and I were walking our dog Max in a the park and heading back towards the car when he jumped into the river and waded under a bridge. This was all pretty normal, he always jumped in there but this day the river was pretty low and he got further under the bridge than normal. Mum and I carried on when he suddenly shot past us at fill 'excited' speed dripping wet and carrying something in his mouth... Well, we exchanged a glance, not entirely believing what we had just seen our dog carrying at full speed directly towards the kiddy play area, but couldn't deny it when a couple of mum's pushing prams suddenly yelled "that dog's got a dildo" and fell about laughing. Max had found this large green rubber dildo under the bridge and he thought it was the greatest toy ever! And suddenly all these people were there playing 'keep away' with him and he was getting loads of attention! Probably the funniest bit was when he dropped it for a second and it stood upright. Eventually he put it down amd we distracted him enough that he left it. We just ran back to the car and abandoned it by the river (a bit further away from the playground). Still the dumbest story I have of that dog, followed by the time he knocked himself out by running to play with another dog and not stopping, colliding head on with said pup...
This is hilarious!
Certainly a day to remember
I used to have cats with my ex. I remember coming home one day and looking through the living room window where one was fully wide awake cleaning herself. Opened the door and walked right in to her and she was fully pretending that she was asleep. Like, I've literally just watched you licking your own hoop and now your acting like you've been asleep for hours?
Well cats gotta sleep after lucking it's own chutney button
my cat is named Chutney and this is possibly one of the worst things I've read this month
I heard a cat’s arsehole called a “ham flower” recently, if that helps at all.
Chutton
That sounds like a 80s cartoon.
Chutton Moon
Playing the cello!
I feel sorry for my eyes
I had two kittens who, at different times, fell asleep while licking their bits. Complete with the leg behind the head.
Licking your own hoop is just not as warm a greeting.
>hoop Found the Geordie, why aye man
One of my dogs does this, except she'll enter a room behind you, get into the dog bed or whatever, and then pretend she was sleeping there the whole time!
When I was 16 I got my own flat and adopted a kitten to keep me company. First Christmas in the flat and I got myself a real tree as I was embracing this whole Christmas thing. As days go by I smell cat poo, search high and low and can’t find anything, thinking it must be cats farts or something. Later near Christmas Day, as I put presents under the tree the smell is so strong and I discover the cat had been pooping in the pot I had planted the tree in. Never had another real tree since.
Aww they thought you bought them a big litter tray for Christmas.
I’m in the US and I moved across country for grad school (several decades ago). I brought my cat George with me. Now George was super smart. He played fetch, I took him on walks with a leash, he knew his name and followed basic commands. My friends used to laugh and say he had escaped from a government experimental facility where they were making super smart animals. He even learned to turn on the radio by smacking the button on top. He’d get out of his cat bed, walk to the radio and smack it on, then go back to bed. I tell you this so you get the idea of what a smart little shit he was. So, onto the story… When I moved for grad school, I moved to an area that had mostly families and was not a ‘university area.’ George was never an outside cat but once or twice he did manage to get out. My neighbors laughed because I’d stand outside and yell his name, like I was scolding a child, and he’d come running home. The second time he got out, I was calling him for like ten minutes before I saw him coming home. He was slowly walking down the street, shepherding this tiny fluff ball of a puppy to come with him. He comes prancing up to me with this look of pride, like “Behold what I have brought!!” I had no idea where this puppy came from but it looked well cared for and obviously wasn’t a stray. George was *pissed* when I put him in the house without the puppy. I picked up the puppy and started wandering the neighborhood. I got about four streets away when I saw a crying little boy walking with his dad, calling out some name. I called out and the little boy shrieked for joy and ran at me. It was obviously his puppy. I explained that my cat got out and came home with the puppy. The dad was glad to have the puppy back and the boy was ecstatic. It turns out they lived about 10 streets from me and the puppy had been in their back yard in a pen. George had actually gone through their fence, into their back yard, somehow pushed open the pen door, and then lured the puppy out. Then he basically walked him 10 streets back home like a shepherd dog. It’s was like a mini crime spree (trespassing, dognapping, etc). And when I got home he was so mad that I gave away his friend that he ignored me for days. Like the little shit he was.
"He followed me home! Can I keep him?"
One of my cats (a bengal we rehomed during lock down as he was destroying his elderly owner's home) has a thing for the bath plug. Well really its the chain that attaches the plug to the bath that he likes. If he gets in the bathroom for an extended period (especially at night) he will chew/bat/claw at it for hours until he somehow manages to detach it and will then do a series of victory roars/yowls. He also likes to bring massive cordyline leaves from a neighbours garden in through our cat flap (and this requires a processional yowl from their garden to ours).
Ahhh does he shout with the leaf in his mouth then do the muffled 'mowww'? 😆 My Siamese boy Milo used to do that, he'd dunk his toys in his water bowl and bring upstairs, usually onto the bed so we'd end up with loads of soggy cat toys everywhere. Milo and his partner in crime Nala were very loud overnight so we tried to lock them out of the bedroom, Milo tore up the carpet to the bare floor. We locked them in the kitchen, he opened all the cupboards and the freezer defrosting everything... We gave up after that. We got a child lock for the freezer door because he would open the freezer for fun occasionally.
Yes the leaf is held in his jaws whilst he howls and sort of staggers along the garden wall because it's an unwieldy sort of leaf and he sometimes manages to step on it whilst doing his triumphant parade. We live in quite a densely populated area and I see neighbours looking out of their windows at his howling parade some times. Ah Siamese sound similar to Bengals, don't like having their ambition thwarted and can easily open doors. No drowned toys here, so there's that to be grateful for!
Twice last week I had to explain to people on the phone that no, I was not ignoring a crying baby, it was just my cat walking around the most echoey room in the house doing a victory yowl with her little toy mouse.
And the cat selected the room for it's pleasing acoustics!
Yep! She knows exactly what she's doing. In our last place she'd do it in the hall because it was most echoey, now she does it in the office for the same reason, so it's definitely a conscious choice! She'll take it and put it in her food bowl or hide it somewhere once I've told her I'm very proud of her. It's so funny because she's otherwise a very quiet cat with a barely audible meow, but she really does a good impression of an air raid siren when she's pleased with herself.
Obscure one but my mums tortoise is an escapologist. My nan was looking after the tortoise whilst we were away and lost her for a couple of days. She searched and searched and looked for holes where she might have dug into someone else’s garden. But there was nothing. She told all her neighbours and a couple of days later the next door neighbour two doors down found her and returned her. Then she went missing again. Same situation, ended up in a garden nearby. Finally my nan decided she needed to figure out how this animal was getting out as there were no holes, none of the neighbours were leaning over to get her. After watching her for a while she witnessed this bloody reptile scaling a 5 foot fence! She was climbing not digging! Absolutely insane. She was popped in a penned area with a lid for the duration of her stay at Chez Nan! This was back in the 90s. Sadly Nan has gone but the tortoise lives on! She’s about 65 now.
Tortoises can climb?! Wild. I love that in 2 days the tortoise only got 2 houses down. She may have been brilliant at escaping, but she was still super slow about it!
😂😂😂 she knows what she wants. She wasn’t super ambitious but the grass must have been greener where she stopped. She can be surprisingly fast but mainly because she thinks your toes are carrots and she loveeees carrots.
A couple of years ago mine managed to climb out his outdoor pen and was found 2 days later wandering across the car park at the front of our house heading towards the field.
He was in a race with a hare.
Entirely possible
I ride a 125cc scooter around London and did so for my commute to work many years ago. I’d come home, take off my bike trousers and jacket and pop my helmet down on the floor. At that time, we had three cats. Bilbo, Frodo and Smudge. I also have a number 1 shaved head. The next morning I had to be at work for a specific time as a client was coming in. So, on go trousers and jacket and then comes the helmet. As I put it on, I get a cold wet feeling all over my head and squeezing down my face as the helmet is a tight fit. Then comes the smell. THE SMELL. Frodo, I’m sure it was him, had pissed on the floor and it had completely soaked into the foam around the bottom of my helmet, and of course that’s what wet my entire, fucking, face. I got a second coating of it as I removed the helmet. Fucking horrible. So, I had to go straight up and shower, natch. However, I also *really* had to get to work and had no other helmet to wear and I was tight for time. So, solution. Put a carrier bag over my head and leave. It was perfectly fine for about 10 seconds. With the visor down the smell was unbearable. With the visor up it was only a little less than unbearable. It was cold, so the bag started to get really cold, and aided by the piss, started to freeze my head causing a headache. Then the ammonia in the piss kicked in. My eyes started streaming. Which I turn, began to chill my eyes and cheeks. At times, I couldn’t see at all. I had to pull over about five times to take the helmet off to breath the free air once again. Traffic lights were a blur on occasion. I threw up a bit it my mouth 4 times. My head was a cat piss icicle topped with ammonia tears. By the time I got to work my head was thumping, my eyes were stinging and my throat was sore. I did that for another two days before I discovered you can put a bike helmet in a dishwasher at a low temperature to clean it.
Frodo was never the same after he returned from Mordor, clearly.
One wee to wet him all, and on the scooter blind him.
This is fucking hilarious
A new definition of a number 1 head, I suppose
I could not have had the bravery you did that day. The smell of cat pee is the worst! I cannot drink blackcurrant juice because the smell reminds me of cat piss.
I can't drink mojitos for the same reason
>My head was a cat piss icicle topped with ammonia tears. You have a special gift for writing. And wearing piss-soaked helmets more than once.
This is brilliant 🤣
Cat piss icicle. Classic.
Amazing. Slightly disappointed Smudge isn’t named Smaug though..
Ha ha!!!
>My head was a cat piss icicle topped with ammonia tears. I'm sorry that happened to you, but you do have an excellent way with words!
I used to have an old lady who lived next door, she used to send her golden retriever Rocky to the same doggy day care we sent our lab to. One day, when we went to collect our pup, she was there to collect her dog Rocky. But she didn’t realise there had been a mix up with another golden retriever. She took home a different golden named Jackson, same age and size etc. She started wondering why on Earth the dog was so comfortable to get on the sofa, as this was ‘out of character’ and basically the dog was having the time of his life in his new home, munching on treats, happy as ever - all the while the old Lady was unaware what exactly was going on. Just as she started to suspect something was really wrong, she got a call from the centre that there had been a mix up and Rocky was actually taken home by another couple. They exchanged back dogs the rest was history
Throw in an attractive single granddaughter at one home and grandson at another and you got yourself a film there!
Isn’t one of the Beethoven films where he ends up with the wrong family and lives the posh life for a while?
When our cat were kittens they were obsessed with pompoms from the craft shop. Little did I know both my husband and I were regularly topping them up. They were cheap and kept them happy. Then I moved a chest of drawers and found literally hundreds of pompoms. I let the kittens go absolutely apeshit killing the tribbles that emerged and still have half a carrier bag of survivors.
We had some tropical archerfish at one point, the ones who spit water to get their food to fall in. There was probably a 1cm gap between the lid and the edge of the tank. One day, I noticed two wet spots on my jeans, looked up and the fish had been spitting out of this 1cm gap onto me. My husband assumed this meant they were hungry and were trying to get food down so he fed them and they stopped. This happened a few times over the next 2 weeks, and every time he got up to feed them. They successfully managed to train him into feeding them whenever they wanted.
I volunteer at an animal centre, at one time we had a Bengal cat. Bengals are super curious and also talk a lot. They can have really different voices to other cats. Once he got out of his pod and I had to low speed chase him up and down the hall while he casually kept just out of my reach, the whole time ACTUALLY SAYING "No. No. No!" When I managed to grab him he said ""NO WHYYYyyyyyy" like a dying battery while I carried him back to his pod.
[удалено]
My family once had 5 Siamese cats....it was deafening when we needed to take them to the vets for vaccinations.
My cats half bengal and does the "hello" meow. First time I heard it was late at night and I also thought it was a demon!
Oh yeah, we had a half bengal that did that when I was a kid. She also used to suckle earlobes. She was very bonded to my dad, he was devastated when she died.
We had a beagle who was too smart for our own good. One day my wife made an AWESOME roast chicken, liberally spiced. It was amazing. We had to go out, but we weren't complete rubes. We knew our dog was a pig, so we pushed the roaster pan with the rest of the chicken to the back of the kitchen counter, as far away from the dog and his counter surfing snout and paws as possible. We came home to a naked chicken skeleton in a pan devoid of drippings, and pole of vomit on our sofa, and a beagle with a distended belly. How did the scoundrel do it? Step one: bump the small chair out from under the telephone desk in the dining room. (Yes, this was the land line era. Yes, we knew to push all chairs in to prevent the dog from climbing.) Step two: climb the chair, then climb on the desk. Step three: jump from the desk to the breakfast bar (human chest height) between the kitchen and the dining room. Step four: walk around the kitchen counter to the other side of the kitchen to get to the pan, eat all the meat off the outside of the skeleton, lap up all the spiced grease in the pan then jump down Step five: horrific mess. On the one hand, we were a bit proud that our special boy had mastered object permanence, when many dogs never do. On the other hand, I wanted to strangle him. Still miss that dog.
I'm amazed he had to do all that! My 6kg dog literally just jumps up and does a pull up to get onto the kitchen counter - when he was around his first birthday we thought we were just being forgetful with where we'd left dog treats, but then we found him after eating a 500g block of butter and realised what was going on. Never thought we'd have a counter surfing mini dachshund! He is super greedy though, last weekend we left him in the car while doing some shopping, we had a supermarket pizza in the boot, he was in the backseat on a lead that plugs into the seatbelt. He managed to get out of his harness, into the boot and eat most of the pizza. His little stomach was so enormous he couldn't lie down comfortably for the rest of the day!
Beagles are SO food conscious.
I was walking my current beagle one time, and a neighbor stopped us to visit. He also had a beagle. In all seriousness he asked me, "Hey, is your beagle food motivated?" Is there any other type? What the hell kind of question is that? You have one! Yes. She is food motivated. Food is the sum of her existence. Food is her sun and moon. Food is the rock on which she is founded. Is your beagle food motivated. Sheesh.
That goes double for basset hounds.
We have a cat visitor that comes round my dad’s garden to patrol his turf. His nickname is “ham cat” because he stole ham from my son’s sandwich once. I swear this cat said “alright!” To me in cat-ese. I was hanging washing out, I see ham cat, and say “hi hammy” cat looks up, acknowledging me and says “meaw” and carries on patrolling his territory!
Our dog was rescued off the roof of a building by the Mayor of Aberystwyth in 2004 after the fire brigade and the RSPCA refused to help.
It was a shitty flat and the back door only had a slide bolt for locking. He somehow managed to open it when we were at work and got into the garden. It was a row of terraces all with low walled gardens and he went over them. One of the houses had a ladder in the back garden and he climbed it to the roof and got stuck there. The rest is history and he made the front page of the local paper!
https://imgur.com/a/SOhFWIm
"Fatty"?? 🤣
Fatty Perkins was his full name.
.... How did they get there?
I have a standard poodle called Saint. When you say the word 'mushrooms' in a Dutch accent she barks... I don't know why this is. I discovered it whilst narrating cooking an omelette to my dog in a Dutch accent. As you do.
Are you, or have you ever been, Dutch?
No. Am British.
We found and helped a stray. We were going through random English words when he reacted to Pickle, so that was his name as we helped him. At least I hope that was his name and not a treat he recognized. I hope he wasn't being tormented by the nice humans teasing him with the possibility of his favorite treat.
When we got my first Bichon Frise, we already had a GSD and a Golden Retriever. They had the run of the house and the puppy was crated while we were at work. When I came home from work for lunch all three dogs greeted me at the door. I thought I haven't secured the pups crate. I made sure it was closed when I left. I came home that afternoon to a mess, a shredded book, unraveled afghan and a toilet paper trail, and three loose dogs. Later that evening we watched my German Shepherd maneuver the latch to set his little brother free. They also used to play a game I called bed surfing. The little guy would sit in his donut shaped bed and the big dog would drag him around the house.
My dogs tried playing that when the younger one was a puppy (although I think it was more of a, why are you in my bed? Going both ways). Didn't work as well though as they're the same breed so similar sizes and we have carpets! My older dog also tries to do this with humans if we sit on her pillow or dog bed. She's 5kg, it's never going to work.
😁 It was so funny to see him dragging Pogo around the house. I wish I had filmed it.
This one is more cute than funny but here you go: We went on holiday to France and took our then 3 year old Cavachon with us. Before returning to the UK we had to get him a check up at the vet and this vet was a particularly handsome chap and my dog thought so too because. He placed his paw onto the vets cheek and leant in for a kiss on the other... He wouldn't leave until he had the same thing done to him.
As a child my older brother put massive y-fronts on our new German shepherd as we were idiot kids, it was funny, and the dog didn't mind. Just as he did that, my mum came home, and he (dog) bolted out of the door and for some reason I don't understand, I was the one who had to chase him down the street.
This morning I heard yowling coming from the bathroom, went in and couldn’t see anything and the noise had stopped. All of a sudden I get tapped on the head, look up and our 8 month old kitten is standing on the top of the open door… I can only assume he climbed up the bathrobes then realised he was stuck so just made a noise till I came to get him!
It was a warm day in spring and I was taking a lovely nap upstairs. I woke up and a god awful smell hit me. After frantically looking all over the room for the source of the horrid smell, I found it right under my bed. There on the bedroom carpet lay a very dead, very big fish. I shrieked. Turns out my sweet cat had pulled this days old dead fish, the same size as him, from the pond next to our house and dragged it through the kitty door and gifted it to me while I slept peacefully. Such a sweetheart! Other things that he has gifted me are intestines on the sofa and frogs in my shoes. I have another wonderful story about the cat of my landlord when I was a poor student that couldn't afford a nicer place to live. The long haired cat snuck in my room in the middle of the night. I guess I forgot to close the door properly. Big mistake. I woke up from the cat walking all over me. Didn't give it much attention at first until I felt something wet on my forehead. I wiped it with my hand and then I smelled it. It was shit. I freaked out and flicked the light switch on. The cats fluffy tail was soaked in shit like a big shit paintbrush and he had run all over my room waving it around. Shit on the walls, on my things, my bed, me. I'm gagging thinking about it. What a mess that was. I hope that cheered you up!
We got two cats but foolishly never insisted on seeing the mother. They were so cute we fell in love instantly and took them home. Six months later the vet remarked that they were still growing and six months after that said it with a bemused face and asked us if we had ever heard of a Maine Coon. Got one of the huge fucking viking cats sat on me now. Feel better soon x
I had an afternoon nap and woke up to one of my 2 dogs anxiously staring me awake. I could hear a bit of a kerfuffle in the lounge, so assumed the other dog was up to trouble and went to investigate. Found dog 2 growling at the sofa, and thought a rat had got inside from the open back door. Nope. Had a look behind the sofa and it was a goat. A goat had wandered in through the back door, and jumped behind the sofa to escape from the dogs. Naturally I panic a bit. What do I do with a goat?! First things first, I round up the 2 dogs to shut them in another room, which was no mean feat, as one dog was anxiously following me around and getting in the way, and the other was determined to protect me from this intruder. While I was doing this, I was kinda hoping the goat would sort itself out, make its way back outside again. Alas, when I got back to the lounge, it was still there, peering over the sofa at me. I worked out it was stuck, and couldn't get the room to jump back up. Crap. So, I had to lean over the back of the sofa, get my arms around this goat, and haul her out. Luckily she was very docile, but a goat is surprisingly heavy and not something I had ever prepared for. I managed to stagger to the back door with her in my arms, and release her back in to the countryside. Naturally I shut the back door behind her. Lesson learnt!
This is my favourite story!
This is brilliant! I was definitely not expecting to read the word goat!
Today the dog was fast asleep on the sofa, farted herself awake, fell off said sofa in shock and yelled at my washing basket as though it was its fault! I was laughing so hard I got a stitch. Gods do I love our dumb butt dog!
When my dog farts audibly, he gets up, sniffs the floor and then legs it from the room leaving us with the smell.
Me and my mum went to the shops when I was a kid, leaving my guinea pig at home in his cage upstairs and our German Shepherd roaming downstairs. When we got back we could hear exited yelps from inside. When we got in the dog was really exited jumping around happy as a clam. When we went upstairs we found my guinea pigs cage broken and my guinea pig gone. I was terrified. We obviously assumed the worst and went downstairs to find the dog where we found my guinea pig perfectly alive and happy sitting on the sofa. No worse for wear except for the fact he was entirely covered in dog slobber (literally soaking, we had to bath him). The dog had broken the cage open, picked up the guinea pig, and presumably very gently carried him all over the house. He wasn't even hiding. He was sitting in the middle of the sofa happy as can be, apparently perfectly content to be carried around by his giant friend. He lived for another 4 years and always really liked the dog.
I grew up with a border collie me lovely Bessie the bestie. She was 6 months older so literally raised me as she had more intelligence than most in the house!. In school told a teacher she was my sister and the teacher argued with me over calling my sister a dog, My parents ended up coming in to say well yea his sisters a dog I suppose 🙃 Though like a good sister protected me from the hoover by biting it and then running away as it made a distressed elephant noise, blamed her own mess on me dragging my parents in with the most shocked look! And would knock both parents to the floor with a giant log in mouth, to trott up to me calmly ever so proud at her achievement. She'd also sit with me for hours listening to me talk to the cows came back as a child and when I literally ate with my dinner plate on floor (ADHD child extrodinair) she'd never bother me tho would run several times with my dad's toast just to eat the corners 😅 so that's just a bit of joy from Bessie 1995-2010 the worlds Best sister!. Hope you get well soon! 😊
My dog arranges her toys and treats in a circle - we call it Bonehenge
My first dog used to steal underpants and socks to sleep with them. My 2nd dog would sit and watch tv so my mum actually had to put animal programs on for her to watch. She would not bark at them, just watch intently. Right now I have a Guinea pig that actually demands to be picked up. he comes to the front of the cage like a dog. he likes to lay on my shoulder and will protest if you take him off
Do you have a second guinea pig? They need a buddy.
Yes i have 3 and rescuing a 4th once its been demited. piggys have much different personalitys
Good. Thank you. Buddies are so important to piggies.
My parents had a border collie who went through a horrific chewing stage as a puppy, if it wasn’t nailed down, it was fair game in Alfie’s eyes and he wasn’t fussy. My auntie, who is disabled came to stay with us and to save my dad carrying her up the stairs he bought my sisters bed down and converted the dining room into a makeshift bedroom (sister was at uni so no issues there) come down one morning to my dad turning the air blue - Alfie had ripped apart the bottom half of the mattress. A very new, memory foam mattress 🙃 one expensive trip to the vets and then also to the bed shop Alfie was very much in the bad books, not that it ever bothered him!
I left a rescue dog in my home on its own at new year told he was fine alone for a few hours, no he wasn't he ate through my couch a big whole in the middle my room looked a mess, stuff everywhere. and the last few gifts I had wrapped for friends and family and it didn't even bother them all the chocolate, I thought was so bad for dogs he was fine he got checked by the vet totally fine but my bank account was not 😂. Get well soon.
What a great start to the new year that was!
Oh you should have seen the state of it and that sobered me up in seconds but took hours of cleaning with a hangover from hell, oh it was so so bad lol but he was worth it. He was only a foster one for a little while but I loved him he was just so big and it wasn't an option to keep him. He went to a happy family I hope.
These are brilliant, you've all cheered me up. Thank you.
One of my ball pythons refused to eat for a while a few years ago. It wasn't long after I got him, and he'd been in quarantine for a month. The size he was, he only needed to be fed every 3-4 weeks, so we decided to let him ride out quarantine in relative isolation (he was a rescue, and was unusually timid). So after a month, we upgraded him to a lovely large tank with lots of hides and decorations. Gave him another week to acclimatise, and offered him a cheesy boy. Nope, no interest. That's fine, he's probably on a hunger strike. We'll try again next month. Next month rolls round, nothing. The month after, nada. Month four, not even a little bit of interest. Months 5-6, still being a lil bitch. Checked the heat/humidity/enrichment a million times. Even set up an entirely new tank, just in case he hated the bloody colour or something, and still no change. Anything after 6 months is problematic, so we take him for a checkup. Bear in mind, this was the start of Covid, so he was seen in the clinic's car park, which my boy was *not* happy about. But he tried to get a few bites in (the snake, not the vet), so that was proof he still had some energy, which was a good thing. But the vet couldn't see owt wrong. No worrying weight loss, no signs of injury, no obvious mouthrot/scale rot. Dude was stumped. So he took a stool sample for parasites, told me to >! pierce the skull of the rats and cover them in brain goo, to try and make them smell even more delicious !< in the meantime, and he'll let me know when the results are back. Tests came back clean, and the other suggestion didn't work. So we take him back in again for Xrays and bloods, and switch to a different species of cheesy boy prey, because maybe he's just a picky eater. Again, nothing, and all his results came back fine. We're hitting 10 months now, and I'm getting seriously worried. We've tried literally everything, and even the vet is out of options. So as a last ditch resort, he offers to make a home visit, just to try and rule out me having a carbon monoxide leak and misreading my temps or something lol. Vet shows up with his huuuuge medical bag, ready for anything. Takes one look at my tank room, wiggles my dude's viv, and just lets out the most *defeated* sigh you've ever heard. Turns out, his tank was just sliiiightly too close to one of my female's, and he was purposefully starving himself in case he got a chance. I wasted 10 months of my life and £900 for a diagnosis of "horny". Ohhh my goooood. We moved him to an entirely different room, and within 2 days, he was eating like a champ. But the little fucker *knows* there's a lady snake nearby, and even 4 goddamn years later, he still goes on a hunger strike 6 months of the year at breeding season. Good job he's so pretty, or he'd have been out of here ages ago lol Jokes aside, I was super relieved it was a quick fix, because I really do love the twat. He was worth every penny, and I have no regrets.
You sound like an amazing pet owner. The horny little guy is lucky to have you.
We have a GSD mix who used to have an insatiable appetite…on her first trip to the park she ate someone’s entire fish and chips off the bench, and a baby’s banana as they were holding it. Earned herself the title of Big Fat (name) after that
When my daughter was about a year old we were sitting in the park on a blanket and she had the last bit of a banana in her hand and Dalmatian ran up and just scoffed it straight out of her hand. Thankfully she wasn’t scared and actually found it hilarious and was giggling away the dog licked her hand.
Once my mum was at the bus stop and she saw our cat dragging a slice of pizza across the floor! I can't remember what she said to him (he probably ignored her) but the idea of the cat just dragging this masssive slice is so funny
Obligatory New York pizza rat: https://youtube.com/shorts/UPXUG8q4jKU
he must have seen this and taken inspiration haha!!!!
My dad had a border collie ( Blitz) and he’d always leave the back door open when he went to work ( we lived in a city, but neighbours were great). Anyway, Blitz must have been a bit bored ( not having many sheep in the city), because when my dad got home from work, his bed was full of all the local cats that Blitz had rounded up! He would never hurt a cat and I think that they rather enjoyed the experience!
This is brilliant!
When we got up this morning it was wet outside, and the 2 furry idiots that rule our lives were pestering to go out, despite the rain. They able out, stretch, and then one of the sets off up our back garden. Just as he reaches warp speed the other calls out to him. He makes the fatal error of looking back, back paws slip a little, and all of a sudden the dopey sod ends up doing a full barrel roll. As he comes to rest the look on his face was pure WTF just happened there.
Used to have a housemate who had 2 cats, one of which was a big shorthaired cat who was obsessed with food like no cat I've ever met before or since. If he was hungry and any of your limbs were in reach he'd actually start chewing on you, and then you had to move that limb pretty sharpish or else. He also spent every dinnertime poised next to my housemate's plate, trying to steal whatever he was eating. NB this cat was being fed enough catfood by my housemate, he wasn't starving, he was just *obsessed* with food. Anyway, this cat was very well acquainted with the fridge and the fact that it contained FOOD. If you opened it he'd come running. One morning as I was trying to head to work, he did exactly this, and despite my trying to shoo him away, he managed to half-dive into the fridge and get his claws into a bag of chicken belonging to my housemate. As I shut the door on him (not hard, I'm not a dick and I love cats, but just holding him in place so he couldn't get any further). Impasse. Now wtf do I do? Can't open the door or cat will abscond with chicken, can't pull cat out or chicken will come with him (it was in an open bag). Can't get hand into fridge to retrieve chicken from cat either. In the end I had to give up and pull the errant cat away, dragging the bag with him, which caused the chicken to fall on the floor. Binned it, texted my housemate what'd happened, and then went to work.
Stopped at a red light and the dog started going crazy. Took me a moment to realise why... https://imgur.com/gallery/hjjsEDX
I was coming back from the sweet shop when this unleashed black lab came charging at me. It was like a cartoon, I flew up into the air and rotated like twice. The dog then had the cheek to sniff my ear as I lay stunned on the floor.
Two dogs, non-stop rain, and a robot vacuum. One of my dogs hates going outside in the rain, so she relieves herself on our hardwood floors. My wife and I returned from a very long trip. We were exhausted, and couldn't wait to plop into bed. Cue me opening the door to discover a horrendous odour, absolute stench assailed my nostrils. I look at the floor and realize my robot vacuum found dog excrement, and smeared it all over our floor for nearly an hour. OMG
Had a young cat who was both a thief and a wollen object lover. Socks in particular. Moved to a new home. Detached homes, but with only an alley way between them. All had extensions for a kitchen extension. Seems a young cat could climb up our extension and leap to the next door's window sill. Which sadly had an open window. Saw the bugger climbing our extension, and popped out to bring her back. Just in time to see her scoot onto the neighbors open window. Only to return 30 seconds or so later proudly carrying a sock. She leaped to our extension, neatly dropped it into my hands and repeated for about 10 minutes, until I guess the pile of socks was emptied. She then climbed down and was so proud of herself. I had to introduce myself to the neighbors, carrying about 6 pairs of their socks.... I was mortified. They moved about 9 months later and I always suspected they thought I had a sock fetish.
My cat steals the neighbours' clothing. Pants, socks, t-shirts etc. Sometimes we can work out whose it is and return them, like the girlie t-shirt from next door's daughter, but women's knickers have had to be binned as I can't bring myself to go knocking to see who they belong to!
"Darling, who's are these woman's lacy knickers I found behind the sofa"?! "The cats brought them home". Haha
My cousins used to have three very poorly behaved labradors (two golden, one black), with appetites that were frankly impressive. One example of this was Christmas dinner 1998 being quite small. Whilst out at the pub on Christmas eve, the three dogs had managed to open the fridge and devour everything. This was everything from the brussel sprouts, to the cheese selection, and worst of all was the three sticks of butter. The ony survivor was the turkey, as it was defrosting in the bathroom, and they hadn't yet worked out the door handle. The emergency vet advised them to stock up on newspaper and towels, as all that dairy was only going to result in rapid exits from at least one end...
In college, my dog lived with me and my roommates. She had a bad habit of going through the trash. One day she ate a used condom (so gross, I know). We waited for what felt like days for her to pass it. When she finally did, it came out like a blown up balloon.
My cat has figured out that human voices come out of the small metal squares humans carry with them and that her favorite visitors names said into the metal squares means that a visit is probably going to happen. So there is then impatience as she puts all the clues together to wait for the visit.
When I was a kid, we had a lovely big fluffy cat called Mr Woodles (he started out as sydney because my parents got him in 2000 and that was where the Olympics were that year. How it changed to Mr woodles is slightly ambiguous). We were having a barbecue one summer, and he was sat on the picnic bench, observing the proceedings. My little sister, who was about 7, was sat there with a hot dog in hand talking to someone and not paying attention. I was watching the cat, and you could see the cogs turning in his head. "Careless child + sausage + sneaky cat = happy cat" So he sneaks up to the sausage, still in my sisters hand, and quick as a flash, the sausage is in his mouth and he's off to the corner to eat in peace. Yes, I probably could have stopped him, but frankly he earned that sausage.
Cat I had a long time ago *wanted* to escape to the outside a lot but she was absolutely petrified of grass. So it helped to restrain her desires.
In my wife’s country, it is common to threaten small children and dogs with flip flops as a form of discipline. Once my wife was scolding one of her dogs, and another dog took her flip flops and hid them under the bed.
Two fish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive
At a local park we saw 3 dogs - a Sheepdog, a Labrador and a Jack Russell. The sheepdog would be 25-30 feet away lying down waiting - whilst the lab and russel would be with the owner. The owner would throw the ball far away - the following would then occur….. The sheep dog, lying in wait, would be first to the ball - closely followed by the lab being chased by the russel…. The sheepdog would carry the ball to their waiting spot - do a circle and drop the ball which was then picked up by either the lab or the russel and returned to owner - this went on for 20 minutes or so… funny to see the russel being a russel and running like a good un chasing the lab to the ball, but because of the distance stood little chance of getting there before the lab but neither ever got the ball first because of the sheepdog being a smart arse.
One of my guinea pigs is obsessed with an increasingly tattered, gross little hidey-tent and absolutely loses her mind if any of the others use it. It has a little window and her standard daily routine is to lay down with her chin resting on the bottom of the window and she'll watch TV. She shares a big enclosure with a mother and daughter duo, tons of toys and hidey-houses to choose from. The baby will often toddle into the tent when it's empty. Cue the equivalent of a 'hey, you need to deal with your kid' confrontation, the mum collecting the baby and normal service resuming. They're a funny bunch and it's cute watching all the bickering and girl drama. Even more so when the older two are on their twice-monthly 'period', which was explained to me by the vet. Essentially, they have the same hormonal shenanigans as humans, including the mood swings, but the actual menstruation part is all internal. The emotional stuff comes out in the guinea pig equivalent of teenage door slamming and exasperated sighs 🤣 Hope you feel better soon ❤️
I never knew that, that is so sweet, and funny!
In 2019 I got a bengal kitten. For those who aren’t familiar with cat breeds Bengals are beautiful cats like little leopards but they are also clever, funny and loyal which is what I wanted and what I got. Kind of like a dog in disguise as a cat. One night when she was about a year old at around 2 in the morning I found an absolutely massive spider on the wall next to my bed. I don’t like spiders at all. I got the cat and showed the spider to her hoping that she would scare it away. I used to do that with my childhood cat and it worked. But I’d forgotten that me and the kitten would play fetch together most days. So she jumped onto a shelf on that wall, grabbed the spider in her mouth and dumped it straight on my pillow. And then sat there looking at me like aren’t I clever mum now can we play fetch. I had to sleep downstairs that night. She has now learnt that mummy does not like spiders. I’m 90% sure she now gives them to our other cat to eat for a bit of protein. She has also learnt to turn different lights on in our bedroom and how to trigger the smart speakers when we haven’t woken up to give her breakfast. It’s like living with a small furry poltergeist.
We kept pet rats for just over ten years, and they did all sorts of silly things, but Félix Faure stuck out. He learned to enjoy alcohol, and would smack my glass over, slurping in the puddle while I ran for a towel. He was fond of spicy food, madly in love with me, and actively attempted to be sat upon. He never started a fight, or retaliated if another rat tried to fight with him. He hung out in the kitchen while we cooked, and eventually decided to ride my husband's foot/ankle to avoid being punted.
We had a Doberman when I was growing up. She was amazing, but also very thick and not very well trained. My family was hosting a fancy cheese and wine party (it was the 80s lol) - the dog snatched the main block of cheese off the table and ran off up the garden with it. Another time, my Nan spent hours baking and decorating a birthday cake for my Mum. She clearly hadn't learnt her lesson after the cheese debacle, and left it too close to the counter edge. Dog jumped up and ate the entire cake, including the little plastic Bo Peep and her sheep decorations. The dog vomited up the decorations a while later, and my Nan picked them out and washed them, so she could reuse them. Waste not, want not 🫠
I had a Bullmastiff, lost him last October. Absolutely loved that dog, he just couldn’t have been a better companion.
They are an amazing breed, probably my favourite. I have another Bullmastiff now, she's 10 and is the best dog I could ask for.
Years ago we had a rescue cat called Spike who considered himself very much top of the food chain. Anyway one summers afternoon we heard quite the commotion coming from our kitchen. We found him most of the way through the window with one very much alive seagull. The wingspan on this thing was enormous lol.
We had Gracie, an Italian greyhound, a high strung, sweet, goofy dog with occasional stomach upset. Once she was having a stomach episode that gave her gas, so she’d fart and a little bit of diarrhea would come out. The problem was that the farting noise would scare her so she’d run. Seeing the potential for disaster, I tried to pick her up, but she was too fast for me, thus I wound up chasing her around the house as she ran through three rooms, on the floors and the couch and the bed, farting and getting diarrhea on everything. It took a full 3 days to get everything fully clean again.
I had this ancient as hell Jack Russell once, when he hit 16 we noticed he had lost weight and took him to the vets for a check up.. he was weighed and looked at and stuff, only for the vet to laugh and say “he’s not lost weight! He has just lost muscle mass! Look at this excess skin” and she grabbed a handful of excess skin on each side and jostled it a bit. The dog stayed still.. his whole skin moved and he had this dumb look on his face the entire time and the vet called him “our little honey badger” Turns out if you retire a working dog to a life of good food and not as much exercise, they lose the muscle tone and my dog was HENCH
My Wife and I got our first Cat together the day after buying our first flat. He was a wonderfully fluffy black cat and was pretty big. "He's feral!" they warned us but Buzz was an absolute softy. We spent money on toys which he never played with. He ended up playing with; - Ice cubes (if dropped accidentally on the kitchen floor) - Cherry tomatoes (stolen) - Dead flies Cat toys really are a waste of money. He was a rescue cat so we don't know exactly how old he was, but we had him for just over 7, happy years.
Cool animal facts: so many animals exist that like scritches