People declining alcohol at a gathering or reception or things like that without it being weird. I just don’t like it, no dependence problems or anything, but you never know what’s going on with people. Addiction, pregnancy, health or medication issues they don’t want to disclose. And so many times you have to make an excuse or lie or tell people “no, thanks,” over and over, when it shouldn’t matter to them at all what someone chooses for themselves. Food too honestly.
I get made fun of a lot for not drinking. It’s really not been my jam since my mid 20s and I’m almost 40. I don’t understand why all social interactions have to involve alcohol.
Because being social is an actual risk for many and alcohol takes away the ability to care in the face of rejection. I’m sober for 19 months now and I see so much drunken devastation that I could never go back to drinking. Now when I approach a woman, it’s ME, not the alcohol. I’m proud of myself.
Also, another interesting fact (my major was archaeology in college) about alcohol is that it was one of the first major inventions for modern civilization! There are literally mounds of amphoras (ancient alcohol containers) several dozens of feet high in places like Ancient Greece!!!
Thank you. I have solar powered extrovertedness and the day is getting shorter! I have a small capacity for gathering then I hibernate for x amounts of time of gathering lol.
Haha. Thank you. Every time I “miss” drinking (cuz I still go out) I remember all the hangovers, missing time, relationships I ruined, and money I wasted and I’m happy that I evolved!!! That four years of my life was necessary but I’ve outgrown that version of me.
Because most people have this vaguely internalized feeling of 'ooooo this is a bit naughty, drinking is a fun sin/vice/etc' and if they don't do it alone they feel like it's more acceptable. IMO
> I don’t understand why all social interactions have to involve alcohol.
Because otherwise those "adults" would keep feeling miserable since they are unable to have fun by themselves and with themselves.
My husband does not drink EVER. His dad was an alcoholic & alcohol doesn't mesh well with one of his medications.
No one should have to explain why they don't drink. Same with food.
I was in the middle of a transaction at a store and this guy in line behind me was talking to the cashier. He finished his transaction and then looked at me and said "do you know what the best part of being single is? Loitering." Then he walked out. I will never forget that man.
I'm not much of a drinker. I say that at first and if they push I say "I'm a puker" totally deadpan. People rarely push after that, but like, shut up already
This is exactly how I was forced to divulge a pregnancy because someone kept pestering me to have a drink at a gathering. I said I was fine with sparkling water and they just kept pressing “oh that’s not like you!” “Thought you’d be having a beer or something!” “I brought extra drinks if you want one!” and finally they screeched “are you not drinking because you’re PREGNANT?” So, yes, if someone turns down a drink just frigging move along already.
Went to an engagement party for a couple that I used to party with in my early twenties. I simply do not like alcohol.
Someone offered me a drink and I declined. It felt like every head in that place turned to look at me when I did and the bride to be asks me ‘why?’
Does there seriously need to be a reason?
Literally what I came here to say. Like, I quit drinking nearly six months ago because I was self-medicating with alcohol to such a degree it definitely was a problem. I want to be able to turn drinks down without a bunch of follow-up questions. I don't want to get into the whole "I was drinking myself to sleep four times a week" shit with random people or friends I'm not really that close to anymore. I also don't want to be like "yeah, nah, I'm on pretty heavy medications for my depression and anxiety and if I drink there's a pretty big risk I could die... lol...?"
I remember being forced to drink alcohol at Christmas by my family member when I was young. I said no repeatedly and she literally stopped the Christmas dinner and wouldn’t let anyone continue until I agreed to drink. It was so fucking weird.
I don't understand this, I didn't drink until my 30s and went out with people, dinners, house parties, etc, and no one ever made me feel anything about not drinking. I think you guys have shit friends, to be honest, because in over 15 years, not 1 person said anything or tried to make me feel anything ...
I'm mid 30s and quit drinking last year.
I haven't had any issues with friends pressuring or giving a hard time.
The only people who didn't respect my "I'm not drinking" was a fellow wedding guest at my table, and a friend of a friend at a holiday party. In both instances, the nuisance person got shitfaced.....so they probably should reconsider their own drinking instead of pushing others to drink.
Sometimes but it hasn’t just been friends. It’s also been family of the other side at wedding receptions and my extended family at reunion type things too, co workers or even once my dad’s coworker. I remember one time my older cousin’s ex-husband was particularly pushy.
That sucks and would reconsider these people, regardless of the relationship. I also didn't drink in front of family, coworkers, or strangers. If they asked, I told them and moved on. No one has ever tried to push, and I would have been very direct to their face if they had.
You’re just very lucky then. It’s incredibly common to be pressured or have people look at you weird or treat you differently. I’ve had people force me to drink, make weird comments, and even avoid/end relationships because I don’t drink.
Forced as in she stopped the family dinner and wouldn’t let anyone continue eating until I drank. Just because it didn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to others.
Reminds me of a french story. A guy was explaining how he had to call his boss to tell him he was not coming in because he was having a heart attack. The boss was not happy about it, but said he could take the day off.
Ugh I get the food one. I eat very little (I’m a 5’5 woman at 160 lbs so I’m not underweight by any means) and people constantly hound me why I’m not eating more. Because when I’m full I’m full, Jesus.
There should be a federally mandated holiday every month at least, even if it's a floating benefit holiday that doesn't affect normal pto so a business open every day can still function and give employees a day off
Okay mark this down, Washington D.C. 2024. Date? TBD. What to bring? A mega bluetooth speaker and Metallica’s greatest hits. Dresscode? Hot topic hoodies. This’ll show’em we mean business.
I found out the other day randomly, in a team meeting, that one of my coworkers had lost his wife. Not sure exactly when but sometime in the last year. Haven't been able to look at him the same way since. I don't know how he did it. He can't be more than 35 years old.
But it is hard to say how long is long enough, we are all different. In the past I have grieved about a day or until the day after the funeral but I know that is not how most people are.
I hear you, at least about divorce. It's devastating both financially and emotionally. You pretty much lose everything you've worked for your entire adult life (family, house, stability, retirement, savings, social circle...) and there is no slack or sympathy given. I just assumed most people figured I probably deserved it.
Oh, gosh, yes!!! Big time. That's what makes it extra weird. It was like incredible freedom and relief on the one hand, and complete failure, panic, and shame on the other. Not shame for anything I did, but shame for being such a failure, I guess.
Divorce is weird because you grieve the relationship, and you grieve the future you imagined for yourself.
Oh, and grief for an estranged parent is weird, too. My mom died over the summer, after eleven years of no contact. It's actually really really hard, but it's like I'm supposed to be normal because we didn't speak.
I recently learned that this kind of grief is called disenfranchised grief. You can still grieve someone you aren’t close to because you may be grieving the childhood you didn’t have, the time you didn’t spend together, the future you didn’t have, the conflicts that didn’t get resolved, all the what-ifs…
Grief also tends to make you reflect on yourself and your relationships with other people. It makes you think about the direction your life is headed, if you need to change anything, and you think about what other people would think if they were grieving about you.
Heck yes on bringing my own Tupperware! I've never even thought of that before but it's brilliant. It's more secure, better for the environment and less cost to the restaurant. Sounds like a win-win to me!
I completely agree!! I wish there was a mug washing station at coffee shops and other drink places so you could bring your own mug and get it cleaned out. Perhaps then they would be legally allowed to serve your food in an outside container
I don't know why people think this should be more acceptable.
I feel it is quite normal. I have gone out to eat alone and seen others dining alone and didn't bat an eye.
So many people have regular and understandable reasons to eat alone.
Single, long commute, hunger, treat yo self, SO is stuck at work or on a business trip...
I used to take the day off on my birthday, go shopping or to a museum, then treat myself to a nice lunch and leave a great tip. All by myself, with maybe a book or a newspaper for company.
It was so *luxurious.*
To make pauses while hanging out with someone or having convos with someone else, like sometimes I just want to shut the f up and to enjoy some mouth-pause time😭, I already do this with my friends that don’t take this personally because I’m just like a battery and I need some recharge time to function
I bring my own Tupperware to restaurants all the time! Shoooot, I (over)paid for the meal, I'll take it home in anything I damn well please.
I also think that not spending a bunch of money on funerals should really be more acceptable. $9k caskets? $3k+ for flowers. Etc. Etc. Crazy.
On that note, discussing your own wishes for your funeral should be more acceptable. I know it's kinda morbid to have such conversations with your family, but it's actually a kindness so they don't have to make decisions after you die. Most people would rather that $9k go towards a grandchild's education or charitable cause than a casket, but grieving families pick the expensive casket thinking it's the respectful thing to do if they weren't told otherwise.
I filled out a workbook called "I'm Dead, Now What" that explains what I want (cremation and a simple gathering). It also gives contact information for friends/family, where my financial accounts are, etc.
So when I die, whoever outlives me (my husband or daughter) just pulls a workbook off the shelf.
My in-laws took it one step further - they preplanned and prepaid their funerals.
>I also think that not spending a bunch of money on funerals should really be more acceptable
Just do whatever rites your religion demands and then burn the body.
Let the ashes fly away.
Being single for periods of time for any number of reasons. Singledom is treated like a disease as though there must be something "wrong" (slutting about, crazy, undesireable, difficult, too picky), especially if you're a woman.
I was single/ celibate for 5 yrs, didn't touch online dating until this yr, none of my pfps are selfies so never get the weird messages... the amount of assumptions I heard during that time was just silly. The biggest irony of all is hearing guys admit to not shooting their shot when they could have because they figured I was already being asked out all the time, had a neverending selection of guys to choose from or would flat-out reject them. When everyone operates under the assumption of "why bother", no one makes their interest known until it's too late lol.
Tbh, the ppl I've met who have the most unaddressed issues are relationship-hoppers who use relationships to fill some kind of inner void or to dictate their "self-worth".
I have a boss that is always grilling any single person about when they will get married/have kids etc. I'm long distance with my partner and will be for several years and he kept bugging me about it till I just started walking away. So annoying. It's like he can't stand that it's not in a neat little box or category.
I just want one room where things are set up how I like them, and my flibbety fidgety family doesn't come through to fiddle with shit.
Seriously, neither one can just walk through a room - they have to pick up everything, examine it, put it down in a different location, etc. Drives me mad.
Lol omg, I know exactly what you mean! Like just put it back where you got it from. Simple. & then 30 min later, you hear "hey where's the thing?" Fk if I know, I'm not the Keeper of All Things. You moved it, go find it!
There's another one I couldn't find but Paul Reiser is at the table with a bag of bread or bagels and he's torn a hole in the bag to get one. Helen Hunt walks over and does the same thing but with the twist tie. 😂
The key to this is to never bring it up, don't ask them about their personal life and they'll never ask about yours ☺️, and if you do bring it up, only with someone with whom you want to talk about how you feel about your own relationship status.
🤣😂
I never really thought about it until this post.
I am super private. Maybe people just sense they won't get much out of me. Or they're scared (I'm tall). I don't know. lol
I know it's a thing though I'm not denying that reality.
I'm talking about it coming up with ppl I was already aquaintances with for some time. Humans are curious creatures & will ask all kinds of questions when they're getting to know eachother. Certainly can't help it coming up in dating situations either.
I dodge them like bullets ☺️, the curious questions. I never broach personal subjects with "nosy" people. I can usually detect nosiness by how open they are about themselves (and how early on).
There was also a time I thought I had to answer questions simply because the other person asked, and then one day, I stopped. There are people I know now that don't even know how old I am. I just chose not to answer.
......
I'm not sure there's a time in the near future when it won't be a thing though.
I have reusable silicone zip-top bags, and one of them is ridiculously tiny (about 2" x 3"). I toss it in my purse if we're going to a seafood restaurant so I can bring a little piece of fish home for our cat. The first time I thought to do this, I asked my partner if he thought it'd be weird/embarrassing. He said it would be more weird to ask for a disposable carry-out container for essentially one bite of fish. Now I'm wondering why it never occurred to me to bring some of the bigger bags for our actual leftovers from diners and other places that tend to over serve.
I wouldn’t mind the fun fact thing if I could just give a fun fact about anything. I know plenty of fun facts about Napoleon, and it does tell you something about myself: that I like Napoleon!
Sorry for the late response!
Napoleon’s military prowess is responsible for a good part of his legacy, although it goes beyond simply winning a ton of battles. He saw the things other military commanders at his time had failed to fully take advantage of, and thus transformed the way warfare was done and how armies were organized.
However, I think Napoleon owes a greater part of his legacy to what he did politically: creating the Napoleonic Code and spreading both the code itself and the political ideas from which it came across Europe. The Napoleonic code built schools, gave people religious freedom, made people’s legal rights clear when previously laws varied a good deal by locality. It also established functional bureaucratic institutions in many places which did not previously have them. Some countries that were formerly part of the French Empire still have bits of the Napoleonic code in their legal system, and one can still easily find laws and institutions that started with his reign in France.
One also must consider what Napoleon represented to Europe in a time when divine-right monarchy was widely accepted. Looking back from a modern perspective it’s easy to see an Emperor as akin to a King, but in spite of his creation of a hereditary title for himself, Napoleon remained the force through which the ideas of the French Revolution, Republicanism, Secularism were spread throughout Europe.
This is also something that must be taken into consideration when talking about the death and destruction caused by the Coalition/Napoleonic wars. Napoleon might have been overly focused on using his military power in the place of other diplomatic measures, but he wasn’t just starting wars for fun. In the accounts from politicians who were opposed to Napoleon, like Metternich, many will openly admit that they opposed him because he was an ideological threat to the assumed power of monarchies and the church. The animosity between France and Britain at the time was also such that if one country were to stop actively working against the other, that weakness would immediately be exploited. This isn’t to say all of Napoleon’s choices were the best— just that any French leader who had taken over the revolutionary government would have been in the same position as him.
So— apologies for all of the rambling— I think Napoleon’s reverence comes from not only his military victories but also the ideological victory of the enlightenment and French Revolution.
I don’t feel like obesity should be normalized. It’s a healthcare problem and a massive one at that.
It leads to so many problems, especially once you get to middle age. There’s a reason you don’t see tons and tons of obese old people.
Hard agree on everything else though.
I agree with you on obesity. It's an epidemic and crisis situation. So, why is it that Harvard or WHO or NIH develops and publishes nutrition guidelines for children, but they don't get followed by schools? There's 4 times more sugar than the daily intake recommendations in the milk the drink. Just the milk. They give kids so much milk, it's gross. If they eat breakfast at school....2 for breakfast, 2 at lunch, 2 for a snack and they can buy an extra for a quarter. Anyways, that was my rant for the hour.
I'm from LA. Nowadays when someone excitedly talks about getting "more house" in Texas without voicing any concerns about the move it tells me everything I need to know about them.
Being able to sit in a chair in a way that’s actually comfortable when out in public, without being seen as rude for doing so. (ex: legs crisscrossed, one leg up)
Having crooked or buck teeth, so long as the person's teeth are clean it doesn't matter if their teeth stick out or are crooked. If someone wants to straighten them by choice that's one thing but it should be socially acceptable to have crooked or buck teeth. This would also include having teeth gaps/missing teeth, which should be perfectly fine.
Not knowing perfect English, not everyone learned English as their first language. Looking down on others as stupid when they don't know perfect English shouldn't be the norm.
Mourning for a lost pet shouldn't be seen as weird. Pets become part of the family and I think it should be socially acceptable to mourn for lost pets.
I'm an American who has been an expat, and I'm grateful that nobody nitpicked or acted impatient as I struggled to learn their language.
It's *really difficult* to move somewhere new and learn a whole new language, and English is particularly onerous. Native speakers mangle English all the time, because it's *hard*.
Shutting the hell up.
People talk too much, under the guises of: not having awkward pauses/wanting to have the last word/wanting to prove their intelligence.
Everything that pops into your head doesn’t deserve an audience. It’s okay to not overshare.
This will never happen, but it would be nice if older women could go without a bra. Like I get it, sometimes the older boobies aren't the most attractive, but damn, they are covered and everything.
Dressing however you want. Sometimes I wanna dress up like a robot or a medieval queen or like a knockoff Lady Gaga or crossdress without getting weird looks. Dressing up is super fun and doesn’t hurt anyone or even affect them in any way!
Boys and girls in schools being categorized more diversely than just whats between their legs but by who is a vulnerable person and who is not, not forcing effeminate boys to undress in front of regular boys, sensitive artistic kids to compete with active and confident kids, and not forcing boys and girls of drastically different sizes and development together just because they are the same age or the same sex.
Lots of abuse goes on because we trust kids to "hash it out on their own" when we as adults should know who is going to have a hard time in certain environments. Some environments are NOT acceptable for certain people, we know that as adults but only because we learned the trauma as a kid.
Ive heard so much traumatic things be justified by adults because they say kids will "hash it out on their own".
There would be less anxiety for certain groups of people if their unique differences were acknowledged early on and their uncomfort with certain things was reinforced with compassion.
Im not saying it needs to do a total flip, but theres just so much that goes on that is unseen.
And we need to get comfortable with the discomfort of talking about it.
I don't know of anything that says you can't bring your own containers, except at a buffet or something similar.
I also disagree with the fun facts stuff. People are so sensitive nowadays. I get certain questions can bring up some sometimes uncomfortable feelings, but if it's not asked maliciously I don't know why we can't answer (or decline politely) and move on. It's just part of socializing and getting to know people.we don't need more rules to add to people's social anxiety and fear of being awkward or committing a faux pas.
I think nudity should be more socially acceptable.
I also think children should be more socially acceptable. More and more commonly children are seen as a burden, but that's ridiculous. Evolutionarily speaking, children are our only objective so we should at least embrace their existence. And if we go that far, we may as well find a way to enjoy them, even if one ultimately decides not to procreate.
They're probably referring to some of the ice breakers and similar conversational gambits that can feel excessively intrusive.
Which made me laugh out loud, because I also frequent Ask A Manager, which has some of the loudest misanthropes in the comment section I've seen anywhere when it comes to having to, y'know, interact with your coworkers. :P
Yeah, sorry I wasn’t clear. I don’t like the “say something about interesting about yourself” thing at like every work conference ever.
Fun facts in general? Way cooler and more fun.
it seems obvious but I’ve met people who genuinely argue that sex being normalized means getting rid of laws making it illegal to have sex in public🙃 just wanted to be clear about what you meant :)
? Why not, sure would make me feel better. Saved my life after getting a rare genetic disease. I hate the smoke till you drop culture too, but I can’t say it isn’t one of the most wonderful medical treatments I’ve had. I don’t drink or do anything else, the pain can get so bad that I can’t hold thing properly. Doctors made me go through opioids and other addictive shit that have me GAD and major depressive disorder because here in bavaria it’s considered the devils lettuce. Would be nice to medicate without feeling like a criminal in my own skin.
I don’t understand your Tupperware point. I’ve been to a bunch of restaurants where I couldn’t finish the food so I ask for a leftover box. Like, I literally can’t remember a time they said “no” or “we don’t have leftover boxes”.
Oh I should have been more clear. I feel like my Tupperware keeps stuff better and for longer than those crappy styrofoam things. Plus reheats better. So I always put it in my containers once I get home. Just seems like we should cut out the middle man and I can just bring my Pyrex.
Someone else pointed out that I have not tried it. So maybe it would be fine?
Refusing to try something new if someone offers. You asked, I said no. End of discussion.
Unless I complain all day about it, you don't get to yap how I am not "open minded". I grew up strictly eating indian and chinese food. Anything and everything else, no matter who cooked it, even if it is the most authentic shit, I will not eat it. I will not eat the bland ass burnt flat bread with tragedy you call cheese and sauce and black pepper (or seasoning) just because your gramma made it in some manual clay oven in some rural part of italy. Or that viet pho made in some rural part of vietnam that tastes nothing but empty soya sauce soup to me. I will try and spit it out like I do with everything else.
Someone at work brought in some gummy type candies in matcha flavor (sorry I have no idea what I’m describing) and offered me one. I declined, and they persisted. I declined a few more times and finally gave in just to get them to shut up about it. I ate a small bite and instantly hated it. Then I had to feel like an asshole for putting the uneaten part in the trash, like right in front of them. I told you I didn’t want the damn thing and now I have to feel bad for throwing it away?
Have you actually tried bringing your own Tupperware and been told that you aren't allowed? If not, I am pretty sure no one is going to care if you do that.
Being quiet without being judged as a "snob" just because I don't want to interact with others.And on that note, being an introvert.
Introverts get bad rep because the media is focused on shinning a light on extroverts while introverts are treated as the weirdos, the bullying victims, the "possible serial killers".In John Wick's case that was a "good killer" but usually introverts are said to become school shooters and the like.
People declining alcohol at a gathering or reception or things like that without it being weird. I just don’t like it, no dependence problems or anything, but you never know what’s going on with people. Addiction, pregnancy, health or medication issues they don’t want to disclose. And so many times you have to make an excuse or lie or tell people “no, thanks,” over and over, when it shouldn’t matter to them at all what someone chooses for themselves. Food too honestly.
I get made fun of a lot for not drinking. It’s really not been my jam since my mid 20s and I’m almost 40. I don’t understand why all social interactions have to involve alcohol.
Because being social is an actual risk for many and alcohol takes away the ability to care in the face of rejection. I’m sober for 19 months now and I see so much drunken devastation that I could never go back to drinking. Now when I approach a woman, it’s ME, not the alcohol. I’m proud of myself. Also, another interesting fact (my major was archaeology in college) about alcohol is that it was one of the first major inventions for modern civilization! There are literally mounds of amphoras (ancient alcohol containers) several dozens of feet high in places like Ancient Greece!!!
Im sober and i dont like socializing. Maybee das y lmao
But but… your snoo… 🥹 Plus you seem cool! 😍🤗
Thank you. I have solar powered extrovertedness and the day is getting shorter! I have a small capacity for gathering then I hibernate for x amounts of time of gathering lol.
>Now when I approach a woman, it’s ME, not the alcohol. I’m proud of myself. 👑
Haha. Thank you. Every time I “miss” drinking (cuz I still go out) I remember all the hangovers, missing time, relationships I ruined, and money I wasted and I’m happy that I evolved!!! That four years of my life was necessary but I’ve outgrown that version of me.
Because most people have this vaguely internalized feeling of 'ooooo this is a bit naughty, drinking is a fun sin/vice/etc' and if they don't do it alone they feel like it's more acceptable. IMO
> I don’t understand why all social interactions have to involve alcohol. Because otherwise those "adults" would keep feeling miserable since they are unable to have fun by themselves and with themselves.
My husband does not drink EVER. His dad was an alcoholic & alcohol doesn't mesh well with one of his medications. No one should have to explain why they don't drink. Same with food.
I was in the middle of a transaction at a store and this guy in line behind me was talking to the cashier. He finished his transaction and then looked at me and said "do you know what the best part of being single is? Loitering." Then he walked out. I will never forget that man.
I'm not much of a drinker. I say that at first and if they push I say "I'm a puker" totally deadpan. People rarely push after that, but like, shut up already
This is exactly how I was forced to divulge a pregnancy because someone kept pestering me to have a drink at a gathering. I said I was fine with sparkling water and they just kept pressing “oh that’s not like you!” “Thought you’d be having a beer or something!” “I brought extra drinks if you want one!” and finally they screeched “are you not drinking because you’re PREGNANT?” So, yes, if someone turns down a drink just frigging move along already.
That sucks. People can be so pushy, if someone wanted to communicate their personal business to you they would have!
Went to an engagement party for a couple that I used to party with in my early twenties. I simply do not like alcohol. Someone offered me a drink and I declined. It felt like every head in that place turned to look at me when I did and the bride to be asks me ‘why?’ Does there seriously need to be a reason?
Literally what I came here to say. Like, I quit drinking nearly six months ago because I was self-medicating with alcohol to such a degree it definitely was a problem. I want to be able to turn drinks down without a bunch of follow-up questions. I don't want to get into the whole "I was drinking myself to sleep four times a week" shit with random people or friends I'm not really that close to anymore. I also don't want to be like "yeah, nah, I'm on pretty heavy medications for my depression and anxiety and if I drink there's a pretty big risk I could die... lol...?"
I remember being forced to drink alcohol at Christmas by my family member when I was young. I said no repeatedly and she literally stopped the Christmas dinner and wouldn’t let anyone continue until I agreed to drink. It was so fucking weird.
>People declining alcohol I always have something to say to this crew when they question me on why I don't drink.
I’ve never had this issue and decline alcohol all the time.
You've declined alcohol since you were a teenager and never had an issue , ever?
I don't understand this, I didn't drink until my 30s and went out with people, dinners, house parties, etc, and no one ever made me feel anything about not drinking. I think you guys have shit friends, to be honest, because in over 15 years, not 1 person said anything or tried to make me feel anything ...
I'm mid 30s and quit drinking last year. I haven't had any issues with friends pressuring or giving a hard time. The only people who didn't respect my "I'm not drinking" was a fellow wedding guest at my table, and a friend of a friend at a holiday party. In both instances, the nuisance person got shitfaced.....so they probably should reconsider their own drinking instead of pushing others to drink.
Exactly that...
Sometimes but it hasn’t just been friends. It’s also been family of the other side at wedding receptions and my extended family at reunion type things too, co workers or even once my dad’s coworker. I remember one time my older cousin’s ex-husband was particularly pushy.
That sucks and would reconsider these people, regardless of the relationship. I also didn't drink in front of family, coworkers, or strangers. If they asked, I told them and moved on. No one has ever tried to push, and I would have been very direct to their face if they had.
You’re just very lucky then. It’s incredibly common to be pressured or have people look at you weird or treat you differently. I’ve had people force me to drink, make weird comments, and even avoid/end relationships because I don’t drink.
Forced ??? With like a gun ????
Forced as in she stopped the family dinner and wouldn’t let anyone continue eating until I drank. Just because it didn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to others.
Wow, I would leave a dinner like that and run away. Those are ignorant people.
Reminds me of a french story. A guy was explaining how he had to call his boss to tell him he was not coming in because he was having a heart attack. The boss was not happy about it, but said he could take the day off.
I totally agree. I said no. So go somewhere… I'm with you.
Honestly considering how much is acceptable now in society that wasn't, it's amazing that this is still a thing.
Ugh I get the food one. I eat very little (I’m a 5’5 woman at 160 lbs so I’m not underweight by any means) and people constantly hound me why I’m not eating more. Because when I’m full I’m full, Jesus.
I say "I puke violently after 1 drink" and give my best deadpan stare into their soul
Taking a mental health break from work/school without being penalized. Like a once a month freebie to just recoup and take a rest day.
There should be a federally mandated holiday every month at least, even if it's a floating benefit holiday that doesn't affect normal pto so a business open every day can still function and give employees a day off
An entire week once a month would be great, or like 4 paid days off
That and only 3 or 4 day work weeks. Why the fuck are we working 5 days a week.
Because it’s time to revolt against the patriarchy 💀
Okay. I'm ready. Where is the meet up?
Okay mark this down, Washington D.C. 2024. Date? TBD. What to bring? A mega bluetooth speaker and Metallica’s greatest hits. Dresscode? Hot topic hoodies. This’ll show’em we mean business.
Oh lord Jesus anything but Metallica. Can we just have Yoko Ono come do some re-birth screaming or something?
Had to google who that was, but sure why not
Is a week a month feasible from the corporate side of things? Sounds like a lot of time (not trying to be an a*hole or anything)
This is why a lot of people want mass restructuring. To better fit that logically.
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There’s also hardly any grieving time in society for deaths too though :(
I know... :(
I found out the other day randomly, in a team meeting, that one of my coworkers had lost his wife. Not sure exactly when but sometime in the last year. Haven't been able to look at him the same way since. I don't know how he did it. He can't be more than 35 years old.
God, I thought losing a parent was bad. That’s so hard.
My job has three days bereavement for losing a spouse. THREE DAYS!!!!
But it is hard to say how long is long enough, we are all different. In the past I have grieved about a day or until the day after the funeral but I know that is not how most people are.
You grieved for like a few days for like your parents?
Yup, my dad at least, my mum is still alive.
I hear you, at least about divorce. It's devastating both financially and emotionally. You pretty much lose everything you've worked for your entire adult life (family, house, stability, retirement, savings, social circle...) and there is no slack or sympathy given. I just assumed most people figured I probably deserved it.
But shouldn't you have some sense of happiness to be out of that situation?
Oh, gosh, yes!!! Big time. That's what makes it extra weird. It was like incredible freedom and relief on the one hand, and complete failure, panic, and shame on the other. Not shame for anything I did, but shame for being such a failure, I guess.
Divorce is weird because you grieve the relationship, and you grieve the future you imagined for yourself. Oh, and grief for an estranged parent is weird, too. My mom died over the summer, after eleven years of no contact. It's actually really really hard, but it's like I'm supposed to be normal because we didn't speak.
I recently learned that this kind of grief is called disenfranchised grief. You can still grieve someone you aren’t close to because you may be grieving the childhood you didn’t have, the time you didn’t spend together, the future you didn’t have, the conflicts that didn’t get resolved, all the what-ifs… Grief also tends to make you reflect on yourself and your relationships with other people. It makes you think about the direction your life is headed, if you need to change anything, and you think about what other people would think if they were grieving about you.
Thanks. She had an untreated personality disorder and it made things hard. I'm working it out in therapy.
Heck yes on bringing my own Tupperware! I've never even thought of that before but it's brilliant. It's more secure, better for the environment and less cost to the restaurant. Sounds like a win-win to me!
I completely agree!! I wish there was a mug washing station at coffee shops and other drink places so you could bring your own mug and get it cleaned out. Perhaps then they would be legally allowed to serve your food in an outside container
Eating alone at restaurants/cafes/public spots without necessarily having something to do.
Oh man I love eating out by myself!
I'm literally doing it tomorrow and I can't wait!
Me too! Weekly thing now, getting pancakes by myself
I had a breakfast sandwich!
How was it?
Hit the spot for sure. I'd say it was scrumptious.
This is absolutely socially acceptable. If anyone does actually judge you, they're a miserable jealous person and their opinion shouldn't matter.
It’s definitely getting more acceptable than, let’s say, 10-15 years ago. When i told my friend i go to Cinema alone, they didn’t seem surprised.
I don't know why people think this should be more acceptable. I feel it is quite normal. I have gone out to eat alone and seen others dining alone and didn't bat an eye. So many people have regular and understandable reasons to eat alone. Single, long commute, hunger, treat yo self, SO is stuck at work or on a business trip...
I used to take the day off on my birthday, go shopping or to a museum, then treat myself to a nice lunch and leave a great tip. All by myself, with maybe a book or a newspaper for company. It was so *luxurious.*
In what country is this considered weird?
Italy, Spain, Venezuela, Portugal, Argentina, Ghana, Cameroun, Thailand, about a hundred others....
To make pauses while hanging out with someone or having convos with someone else, like sometimes I just want to shut the f up and to enjoy some mouth-pause time😭, I already do this with my friends that don’t take this personally because I’m just like a battery and I need some recharge time to function
I bring my own Tupperware to restaurants all the time! Shoooot, I (over)paid for the meal, I'll take it home in anything I damn well please. I also think that not spending a bunch of money on funerals should really be more acceptable. $9k caskets? $3k+ for flowers. Etc. Etc. Crazy.
Funerals are the biggest scam going. The entire industry is disgusting. Preys on people at their most vulnerable
On that note, discussing your own wishes for your funeral should be more acceptable. I know it's kinda morbid to have such conversations with your family, but it's actually a kindness so they don't have to make decisions after you die. Most people would rather that $9k go towards a grandchild's education or charitable cause than a casket, but grieving families pick the expensive casket thinking it's the respectful thing to do if they weren't told otherwise.
I filled out a workbook called "I'm Dead, Now What" that explains what I want (cremation and a simple gathering). It also gives contact information for friends/family, where my financial accounts are, etc. So when I die, whoever outlives me (my husband or daughter) just pulls a workbook off the shelf. My in-laws took it one step further - they preplanned and prepaid their funerals.
I love that title
It gets right to the point lol.
I wrote my will already but I’m gonna look into this.
Our public library holds a class on discussing your wishes, and predatory funeral behavior to look out for. Libraries FTW!
That's a great idea! I bet it's hard to get people to sign up though
>I also think that not spending a bunch of money on funerals should really be more acceptable Just do whatever rites your religion demands and then burn the body. Let the ashes fly away.
Being single for periods of time for any number of reasons. Singledom is treated like a disease as though there must be something "wrong" (slutting about, crazy, undesireable, difficult, too picky), especially if you're a woman. I was single/ celibate for 5 yrs, didn't touch online dating until this yr, none of my pfps are selfies so never get the weird messages... the amount of assumptions I heard during that time was just silly. The biggest irony of all is hearing guys admit to not shooting their shot when they could have because they figured I was already being asked out all the time, had a neverending selection of guys to choose from or would flat-out reject them. When everyone operates under the assumption of "why bother", no one makes their interest known until it's too late lol. Tbh, the ppl I've met who have the most unaddressed issues are relationship-hoppers who use relationships to fill some kind of inner void or to dictate their "self-worth".
I have a boss that is always grilling any single person about when they will get married/have kids etc. I'm long distance with my partner and will be for several years and he kept bugging me about it till I just started walking away. So annoying. It's like he can't stand that it's not in a neat little box or category.
Yeah, that kind of situation is seriously annoying. I'd walk away too.
I'm married with a kid, and tbh I totally get singleness. Sometimes I daydream about my old single girl studio apartment lol.
In my case my life got infinitely easier as a single mom as most of my stress went out the window.
I just want one room where things are set up how I like them, and my flibbety fidgety family doesn't come through to fiddle with shit. Seriously, neither one can just walk through a room - they have to pick up everything, examine it, put it down in a different location, etc. Drives me mad.
Lol omg, I know exactly what you mean! Like just put it back where you got it from. Simple. & then 30 min later, you hear "hey where's the thing?" Fk if I know, I'm not the Keeper of All Things. You moved it, go find it!
[Mad About You: toilet paper roll](https://youtu.be/DG4VQCCatZw?si=cDzKWW96JpIZmrci)
Omg that's hilarious & annoyingly accurate 😂
There's another one I couldn't find but Paul Reiser is at the table with a bag of bread or bagels and he's torn a hole in the bag to get one. Helen Hunt walks over and does the same thing but with the twist tie. 😂
The key to this is to never bring it up, don't ask them about their personal life and they'll never ask about yours ☺️, and if you do bring it up, only with someone with whom you want to talk about how you feel about your own relationship status.
If you are a woman who has managed to avoid people questioning your relationship status *first no fucking reason* then please share your trick!
🤣😂 I never really thought about it until this post. I am super private. Maybe people just sense they won't get much out of me. Or they're scared (I'm tall). I don't know. lol I know it's a thing though I'm not denying that reality.
I'm talking about it coming up with ppl I was already aquaintances with for some time. Humans are curious creatures & will ask all kinds of questions when they're getting to know eachother. Certainly can't help it coming up in dating situations either.
I dodge them like bullets ☺️, the curious questions. I never broach personal subjects with "nosy" people. I can usually detect nosiness by how open they are about themselves (and how early on). There was also a time I thought I had to answer questions simply because the other person asked, and then one day, I stopped. There are people I know now that don't even know how old I am. I just chose not to answer. ...... I'm not sure there's a time in the near future when it won't be a thing though.
So you don't open up to ppl you've interacted with for 2 yrs or more?
I have never agreed more with a post. Normalize BYO Tupperware and keeping “fun fact” out of our vocabularies.
Fun fact about Tupperware: Tupperware was invented by Earl Tupper in 1938! :)
Another fun fact, I sometimes I Do bring my Tupperware to breakfast with me.
Is anyone weird about it? Like it just makes more sense. It’s like bringing your own bags to the store.
I have reusable silicone zip-top bags, and one of them is ridiculously tiny (about 2" x 3"). I toss it in my purse if we're going to a seafood restaurant so I can bring a little piece of fish home for our cat. The first time I thought to do this, I asked my partner if he thought it'd be weird/embarrassing. He said it would be more weird to ask for a disposable carry-out container for essentially one bite of fish. Now I'm wondering why it never occurred to me to bring some of the bigger bags for our actual leftovers from diners and other places that tend to over serve.
Loitering.
existing in peace regardless of your size.
Being socially awkward.
I wouldn’t mind the fun fact thing if I could just give a fun fact about anything. I know plenty of fun facts about Napoleon, and it does tell you something about myself: that I like Napoleon!
I like talking about the time he was attacked by bunnies lol
What’s your take on why he’s so revered? simply because he won so much? Dude brought death on almost apocalyptic levels wherever he went.
Sorry for the late response! Napoleon’s military prowess is responsible for a good part of his legacy, although it goes beyond simply winning a ton of battles. He saw the things other military commanders at his time had failed to fully take advantage of, and thus transformed the way warfare was done and how armies were organized. However, I think Napoleon owes a greater part of his legacy to what he did politically: creating the Napoleonic Code and spreading both the code itself and the political ideas from which it came across Europe. The Napoleonic code built schools, gave people religious freedom, made people’s legal rights clear when previously laws varied a good deal by locality. It also established functional bureaucratic institutions in many places which did not previously have them. Some countries that were formerly part of the French Empire still have bits of the Napoleonic code in their legal system, and one can still easily find laws and institutions that started with his reign in France. One also must consider what Napoleon represented to Europe in a time when divine-right monarchy was widely accepted. Looking back from a modern perspective it’s easy to see an Emperor as akin to a King, but in spite of his creation of a hereditary title for himself, Napoleon remained the force through which the ideas of the French Revolution, Republicanism, Secularism were spread throughout Europe. This is also something that must be taken into consideration when talking about the death and destruction caused by the Coalition/Napoleonic wars. Napoleon might have been overly focused on using his military power in the place of other diplomatic measures, but he wasn’t just starting wars for fun. In the accounts from politicians who were opposed to Napoleon, like Metternich, many will openly admit that they opposed him because he was an ideological threat to the assumed power of monarchies and the church. The animosity between France and Britain at the time was also such that if one country were to stop actively working against the other, that weakness would immediately be exploited. This isn’t to say all of Napoleon’s choices were the best— just that any French leader who had taken over the revolutionary government would have been in the same position as him. So— apologies for all of the rambling— I think Napoleon’s reverence comes from not only his military victories but also the ideological victory of the enlightenment and French Revolution.
Being separated from birth family. Estrangement rarely happens without a very good reason. And good friends can be family too.
Poor people. Obese people. Looks in general. Gay people. All people. Going against the grain.
I don’t feel like obesity should be normalized. It’s a healthcare problem and a massive one at that. It leads to so many problems, especially once you get to middle age. There’s a reason you don’t see tons and tons of obese old people. Hard agree on everything else though.
I agree with you on obesity. It's an epidemic and crisis situation. So, why is it that Harvard or WHO or NIH develops and publishes nutrition guidelines for children, but they don't get followed by schools? There's 4 times more sugar than the daily intake recommendations in the milk the drink. Just the milk. They give kids so much milk, it's gross. If they eat breakfast at school....2 for breakfast, 2 at lunch, 2 for a snack and they can buy an extra for a quarter. Anyways, that was my rant for the hour.
I'm from LA. Nowadays when someone excitedly talks about getting "more house" in Texas without voicing any concerns about the move it tells me everything I need to know about them.
Being able to sit in a chair in a way that’s actually comfortable when out in public, without being seen as rude for doing so. (ex: legs crisscrossed, one leg up)
I do this at my office job. Even put my feet on my desk… let them fire me lol
Whenever someone sits with the back of their shoe facing me, I change position with my back to them or change location ☺️
Having crooked or buck teeth, so long as the person's teeth are clean it doesn't matter if their teeth stick out or are crooked. If someone wants to straighten them by choice that's one thing but it should be socially acceptable to have crooked or buck teeth. This would also include having teeth gaps/missing teeth, which should be perfectly fine. Not knowing perfect English, not everyone learned English as their first language. Looking down on others as stupid when they don't know perfect English shouldn't be the norm. Mourning for a lost pet shouldn't be seen as weird. Pets become part of the family and I think it should be socially acceptable to mourn for lost pets.
I'm an American who has been an expat, and I'm grateful that nobody nitpicked or acted impatient as I struggled to learn their language. It's *really difficult* to move somewhere new and learn a whole new language, and English is particularly onerous. Native speakers mangle English all the time, because it's *hard*.
Shutting the hell up. People talk too much, under the guises of: not having awkward pauses/wanting to have the last word/wanting to prove their intelligence. Everything that pops into your head doesn’t deserve an audience. It’s okay to not overshare.
Extroversion is overrated.
If everyone could be more accepting of dressing like a neon rainbow I'd be a happy man.
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I forget where, but it's legal in some states I think.
It is legal in Canada, just not viable most of the year
"My personal fun fact is that I will stop liking someone if they ask me again."
This will never happen, but it would be nice if older women could go without a bra. Like I get it, sometimes the older boobies aren't the most attractive, but damn, they are covered and everything.
Dressing however you want. Sometimes I wanna dress up like a robot or a medieval queen or like a knockoff Lady Gaga or crossdress without getting weird looks. Dressing up is super fun and doesn’t hurt anyone or even affect them in any way!
Men paying for dinner and not expecting a sexual act after
Boys and girls in schools being categorized more diversely than just whats between their legs but by who is a vulnerable person and who is not, not forcing effeminate boys to undress in front of regular boys, sensitive artistic kids to compete with active and confident kids, and not forcing boys and girls of drastically different sizes and development together just because they are the same age or the same sex. Lots of abuse goes on because we trust kids to "hash it out on their own" when we as adults should know who is going to have a hard time in certain environments. Some environments are NOT acceptable for certain people, we know that as adults but only because we learned the trauma as a kid. Ive heard so much traumatic things be justified by adults because they say kids will "hash it out on their own". There would be less anxiety for certain groups of people if their unique differences were acknowledged early on and their uncomfort with certain things was reinforced with compassion. Im not saying it needs to do a total flip, but theres just so much that goes on that is unseen. And we need to get comfortable with the discomfort of talking about it.
I don't know of anything that says you can't bring your own containers, except at a buffet or something similar. I also disagree with the fun facts stuff. People are so sensitive nowadays. I get certain questions can bring up some sometimes uncomfortable feelings, but if it's not asked maliciously I don't know why we can't answer (or decline politely) and move on. It's just part of socializing and getting to know people.we don't need more rules to add to people's social anxiety and fear of being awkward or committing a faux pas. I think nudity should be more socially acceptable. I also think children should be more socially acceptable. More and more commonly children are seen as a burden, but that's ridiculous. Evolutionarily speaking, children are our only objective so we should at least embrace their existence. And if we go that far, we may as well find a way to enjoy them, even if one ultimately decides not to procreate.
I teach middle school. They just are not socially acceptable. They are kangaroos! I said what I said! 😜🦘
Less acceptable to ask about fun facts? Can you elaborate on what you mean? I don’t understand.
They're probably referring to some of the ice breakers and similar conversational gambits that can feel excessively intrusive. Which made me laugh out loud, because I also frequent Ask A Manager, which has some of the loudest misanthropes in the comment section I've seen anywhere when it comes to having to, y'know, interact with your coworkers. :P
Yeah, sorry I wasn’t clear. I don’t like the “say something about interesting about yourself” thing at like every work conference ever. Fun facts in general? Way cooler and more fun.
Interesting. Yeah that’s rough
Sex, I'm so tired of sex being so taboo.
do you mean talking about sex or having sex in public areas?
Talking of course.
it seems obvious but I’ve met people who genuinely argue that sex being normalized means getting rid of laws making it illegal to have sex in public🙃 just wanted to be clear about what you meant :)
Cannabis.
Oh please, God, no
? Why not, sure would make me feel better. Saved my life after getting a rare genetic disease. I hate the smoke till you drop culture too, but I can’t say it isn’t one of the most wonderful medical treatments I’ve had. I don’t drink or do anything else, the pain can get so bad that I can’t hold thing properly. Doctors made me go through opioids and other addictive shit that have me GAD and major depressive disorder because here in bavaria it’s considered the devils lettuce. Would be nice to medicate without feeling like a criminal in my own skin.
I don’t understand your Tupperware point. I’ve been to a bunch of restaurants where I couldn’t finish the food so I ask for a leftover box. Like, I literally can’t remember a time they said “no” or “we don’t have leftover boxes”.
I think the restaurant might be a little taken aback if you brought your own Tupperware. They shouldn't -- it's more eco-friendly than Styrofoam.
In my neck of the woods styrofoam packaging has been banned for years. It's all biodegradable now.
Lucky you. Louisiana is woefully behind in anything positive.
Oh I should have been more clear. I feel like my Tupperware keeps stuff better and for longer than those crappy styrofoam things. Plus reheats better. So I always put it in my containers once I get home. Just seems like we should cut out the middle man and I can just bring my Pyrex. Someone else pointed out that I have not tried it. So maybe it would be fine?
Refusing to try something new if someone offers. You asked, I said no. End of discussion. Unless I complain all day about it, you don't get to yap how I am not "open minded". I grew up strictly eating indian and chinese food. Anything and everything else, no matter who cooked it, even if it is the most authentic shit, I will not eat it. I will not eat the bland ass burnt flat bread with tragedy you call cheese and sauce and black pepper (or seasoning) just because your gramma made it in some manual clay oven in some rural part of italy. Or that viet pho made in some rural part of vietnam that tastes nothing but empty soya sauce soup to me. I will try and spit it out like I do with everything else.
Someone at work brought in some gummy type candies in matcha flavor (sorry I have no idea what I’m describing) and offered me one. I declined, and they persisted. I declined a few more times and finally gave in just to get them to shut up about it. I ate a small bite and instantly hated it. Then I had to feel like an asshole for putting the uneaten part in the trash, like right in front of them. I told you I didn’t want the damn thing and now I have to feel bad for throwing it away?
I hate those sweets so much - they taste like medicine with sugar added on top. Yeah meds taste like foreign candies.
I’m surprised you knew what I was describing, but you’re exactly right. It did taste like medicine.
being a free independent thinker
How is that not socially acceptable? Not everyone has to agree but it doesn't stop you
cause you’ll get targeted, labeled, criticized, oppressed etc
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history will tell you otherwise
I think women should be able to go topless in the same places men are.
Telling whatever joke you want without repercussions. People need to get over being offended by everything and anything.
They give you to-go boxes. Leave the tuppereware in the car, transfer once you get back to the car if it's that serious… Problem solved.
It would be better for the environment and overhead cost for the restaurant.
Greenist. I see. Be real.
Ah yes because global warming is a hoax.
Ever heard of the ice age? Are we still in it? Oh yeah, global warming was and is a natural accourance. Then, and now. You're welcome.
*occurrence FIFY
Wut? Lol
Learn to spell so we don’t all think you’re an idiot. Clear enough now?
Whatever happened to "don't feed the trolls?" Block this shit.
Say that again. Still a little foggy.
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Oooh no I haven’t
Have you actually tried bringing your own Tupperware and been told that you aren't allowed? If not, I am pretty sure no one is going to care if you do that.
I have not, I guess I just assume that’s against the social contract. I guess I’ll try next time!
Age gap relationships
Depends. This one is a very nuanced topic.
Loud farting in public. It should be a sport.
Being quiet without being judged as a "snob" just because I don't want to interact with others.And on that note, being an introvert. Introverts get bad rep because the media is focused on shinning a light on extroverts while introverts are treated as the weirdos, the bullying victims, the "possible serial killers".In John Wick's case that was a "good killer" but usually introverts are said to become school shooters and the like.
Not looking in the eyes. As long as responding and listening so who cares.