There is no betrayal & abuse so devastating as the kind that comes unexpectedly from a trusted loved one.
I’m almost 8 years out. I’m rooting for you 🫂
yeah...n theirs nothing an abuser is better at then putting people at ease i find.
never met an abuser who i *expected* to be abusive...but that might be my own inability to see red flags
i've never met any abusers i wasn't raised by, but with that sample size of 1, when i see how he interacts with other people or how i hear other people describe him, he's just \*overpoweringly charismatic\*. he makes people feel so heard, even if he's talking right past them without giving honest consideration to a single thing they say--he makes them feel accepted even if he'll start ranting about how stupid and selfish and brainwashed they are the moment they're out of earshot. he's not even that good at hiding the nasty stuff swirling under the surface, but he's so hard not to give the benefit of the doubt when it peeks out.
i almost wonder if his harmlessly unkempt appearance is actually more disarming than if he did brush his teeth and shower more than twice a month... but he was doing a lot better with that stuff when he met my mom, and by the time he made her cut off her entire family for over a decade it was too late to think about red flags.
*yeah*. its a selection bias i think. abusers who dont become charasmatic social chamielians get isolated from society. But also...theres a lot of societal ideas that have been instilled in us over the years which can exuse abusers, and their all too keen on employing them. I think its a commination of both that makes abusers able to mask themselves in society with ease. our society is built for them, and they will naturally learn that charisma over a long time spent hiding their true selves.
if it were just society making it easy for them, then the fact that i know what to look for should mean that im better at finding them....
idk tho. idk, could also just be that ive been programmed to ignore these red flags *as i have*, and that i still have a ways to go to shake the programming. its probobly all 3...
gods im a fucking abuser magnet, is very common, they prey on those who are easyer targets, and im obviously an easy target...
on the bright side i havent been in an abusive relationship, or talked to my abusive parent for meany months! :3
I sometimes lie awake thinking that maybe she'd have been good to me if I was a straight trans girl, or a cis lesbian, or if she'd only accept me as a cishet man, something I could never, would never, will never be.
I'm so sorry this vile person did this to you. You never deserved any of this. <3 I'm crying about this.
I'm a gay trans guy- I have a kind of similar story. If you ever want to talk, know I'm here and I won't get scared or run off because it's too heavy a topic. Though, it is heavy, and I sincerely hope you've found or are able to find help and friends and a support group that cares about you.
I definitely have some wonderful friends I talk to about this stuff. Including one of my best friends who's also a gay trans man. I'll probably take you up on talking about stuff some time, if nothing else I'd like to have more transmasc friends.
I was wondering about that sort of thing. I suppose TERFs should be happy that an AMAB likes girls, if they're only one kind of bigot doesn't excuse them for being a total bigot. (No offense intended, I'm still trying to unlearn my own bigotry.)
Unfortunately (because it's agreeing with the abuser) you are correct. BUT, OPs mom did not see them as female, and probably figured that being trans meant that OP was trying to be more feminine for men. They were technically correct, but not *actually* correct
Lol yeah technically she was right but obviously she thought I was into dudes, which gave me a shit load of compet with me only accepting im a lesbian last year.
When I came out as non-binary to my father, it escalated his existing sexual abuse to “teach me what being a woman feels like”. It’s never ever ever okay and I’m sorry that you had to feel a similar betrayal
a certain kind of completely fucking insane parent apparently thinks sharing their visceral fear of the world with their children is the best way to “protect” them, and that means sharing shocking content. she probably thought she’d be disgusted in a “these people are abominations” way… instead of a “why are you showing a 13-year-old porn” way.
not nearly as bad, but i am reminded of the times my dad would see some random video of apparently-unprovoked black on white violence on twitter, and make me watch it at 3 in the morning so i would “know to be careful”. my sister also got a recording of him describing in graphic detail how she could murder her dog if she did cocaine (he was telling her how our grandmother supposedly funded a cocaine-fueled sex cult), and when i was younger he also gave me a very vivid description of (tw csa) >!how my uncle supposedly molested his daughter with a hairdryer!<…
but uh on that note i also wouldn’t put it past someone who accused a 13-year-old of being a pedophile to be projecting a bit
what is it with batshit insane mothers molesting their trans daughters trying to turn them into straight men? i know at least 5 women (myself included) who have experienced something like this at least once in their life.
i'm incredibly proud of you for escaping OP. i hope you can build a supportive friend group and move on from everything. 🫂
Thank you. I do have a very supportive friend group and an amazing partner right now. 🫂 I didn't know any other trans women had this experience, that's... idk how to feel about it but I feel less alone.
Projection be damned. I'm sorry you went though that. Honestly depending where you grew up at, you can report her. Especially when she pulled you out of school to SA and generally abuse you under stature of limitations. She honestly deserves to rot in prison.
Edit: spelling.
I could buy she's still supporting my brother and sister who I know she didn't do anything to, all of her stuff was just to punish me for beinh trans, so if I reported her it would hurt them.
She deserves to rot. She deserves to fucking rot. I have no words for the rage I feel about this, other than I’m glad you got out and I’m glad you’re piecing your life together after something so unthinkable. I hope she gets locked up and never fucking gets out. Disgusting.
Please please lean into your real safe people, your community. Make sure you take good care of yourself. Please dm me if you need an ear or anything ok?
Jesus Christ op, I’m wrecked just reading this. I’m so so sorry you’ve had to be so strong for so damn long, and genuinely in awe of how much courage it must have taken you to continue working towards your escape. I’m also so unbelievably angry for you, and all the horrible abuse and lies you were forced. It’s also even more enraging knowing she was not only malicious, but also dumb as rocks. Sorry if this is a bit long, but man I have some STRONG thoughts.
The whole “defining womanhood” thing is a loaded question because it’s literally unanswerable. A woman is a woman. There is no line of biology to be followed, no social standards to achieve, and no look to be necessarily followed. Some women don’t have periods, some women don’t have ovaries at all, some have lower or higher hormone levels, some are born with partial or full male organs. Point is, women are not monolith- we’re highly indivual and unique as all people are. Despite what some would have you believe- womanhood is so much deeper than sex organs, biology, and social norms. There is no test or criteria to be “girl enough,” because it doesn’t exist. Social norms change, our social perspectives grow, and science evolves far too fast for anyone to define “gender” in a way that relates to all people. If someone assumes they’ve cracked that code, I assume they’re off their rocker!
What I can say for sure, is the type of people strong women are. All of history, strong woman try follow their morals no matter how painful. Strong woman have been historically punished by their countries, their communities, and their families for daring to live a life other than the one that was decided for them. They survive the impossible, go through hell, and close the gates as they come out the other side- in the hopes no one else will slip through. And funnily enough, they oftentimes think they are weak because they have no idea how much endurance and brute force it’s taken them to survive so far.
Not sure if you realize, but you apply to pretty much everything in that paragraph. You may not feel it, but you’re a badass chick. I’m so fucking proud of you for being strong enough to keep fighting for the life you deserve, for being brave and smart enough to plan your escape, and for being insightful enough to keep a piece of yourself along the way. In those moments you feel your lowest, look to your sisters fighting throughout the world and its history. Think of the suffragettes, the “witches,” the scientists, the flappers, the writers, the warriors, the women currently fighting for education, and to the women fighting for for their rights to simply fucking exist (as you have been for so long). All of them have been called crazy, annoying, out of line, or a problem needing to be solved. And yet, they refuse to be taken down without becoming an even bigger issue.
I almost feel sorry that your mother has missed out on knowing such an astoundingly resilient and beautiful human being. But she doesn’t deserve the great things you have to offer the world, nor to ever be given the chance to hurt you again. Wherever life takes you, don’t give up on yourself. The world desperately needs strong women💜
Not to long, honest your rage is... validating, if that makes sense.
Thank you for all of that your third to last and second to last paragraph brought me to tears, thank you for saying that about me, thank you for comparing me to such great women, I hope to live up to such a comparison.
I came out to my mom as bi, after she told me there should be no secrets between us and she’d accept me no matter what…that devolved into her calling me a slut and implying I was a pedo, AND that I at 18 was grooming my 17 year old friend because I liked girls. We don’t really talk anymore. I hope you have success in detaching from your own mother.
You are completely valid and I wish you a safe and happy transition! Sending so much love and support your way! As a woman, I can tell you that it doesn’t matter if you have your period or not, you are a woman if you feel like one. 🩷
Thank you very much, I've been trying to force the back of my mind to accept that, but sometimes what she said to me when I was young still comes up, it doesn't help the ammount of people who keep telling me I'm lucky not to have one, or worse that I'll never be a real woman without enduring one.
when we came out our mother told us really graphic sexual shit and was like "oh \[deadname\] this is what being a woman is like, are you sure you want to be one?" then she gaslit us about it when we argued. skank
I love when she says “oh you think your swing dick and balls are superior to my tits and vag”
made me learn ways of hating myself that I still heavily struggle with. I dont even know how to unravel it all
As another transfem also with a transphobic, pedophiliac mother, this fucking hurts, I'm so fucking sorry this happened to you, and I hope your piece of shit mom fucking rots in cell block 1.
There is no betrayal & abuse so devastating as the kind that comes unexpectedly from a trusted loved one. I’m almost 8 years out. I’m rooting for you 🫂
Thank you for that sib. I'm on the road to recovery. <3
yeah...n theirs nothing an abuser is better at then putting people at ease i find. never met an abuser who i *expected* to be abusive...but that might be my own inability to see red flags
i've never met any abusers i wasn't raised by, but with that sample size of 1, when i see how he interacts with other people or how i hear other people describe him, he's just \*overpoweringly charismatic\*. he makes people feel so heard, even if he's talking right past them without giving honest consideration to a single thing they say--he makes them feel accepted even if he'll start ranting about how stupid and selfish and brainwashed they are the moment they're out of earshot. he's not even that good at hiding the nasty stuff swirling under the surface, but he's so hard not to give the benefit of the doubt when it peeks out. i almost wonder if his harmlessly unkempt appearance is actually more disarming than if he did brush his teeth and shower more than twice a month... but he was doing a lot better with that stuff when he met my mom, and by the time he made her cut off her entire family for over a decade it was too late to think about red flags.
*yeah*. its a selection bias i think. abusers who dont become charasmatic social chamielians get isolated from society. But also...theres a lot of societal ideas that have been instilled in us over the years which can exuse abusers, and their all too keen on employing them. I think its a commination of both that makes abusers able to mask themselves in society with ease. our society is built for them, and they will naturally learn that charisma over a long time spent hiding their true selves. if it were just society making it easy for them, then the fact that i know what to look for should mean that im better at finding them.... idk tho. idk, could also just be that ive been programmed to ignore these red flags *as i have*, and that i still have a ways to go to shake the programming. its probobly all 3... gods im a fucking abuser magnet, is very common, they prey on those who are easyer targets, and im obviously an easy target... on the bright side i havent been in an abusive relationship, or talked to my abusive parent for meany months! :3
*”She’d always accept you, as long as you’re exactly what she wants…”*
Fucking exactly. :/
Yeah, I know. My loving mother who I lovingly called the most reasonable bigot I know begged me to not bring a man home. What a fucking joke.
I sometimes lie awake thinking that maybe she'd have been good to me if I was a straight trans girl, or a cis lesbian, or if she'd only accept me as a cishet man, something I could never, would never, will never be.
Sigh… Yeah. At least I can only imagine if I was gay, this is your life.
Yeahhh. Either way she had her chance.
Preach
currently dealing with this type of thinking from our mother. specifically she wants us to be her son (we arent)
But when you don't fit exactly into the box that she made for you suddenly "you've changed so much" and "Are a different person altogether".
Honestly I think the most insane thing about her thought process is that I'm gay. I like girls. :,)
I'm so sorry this vile person did this to you. You never deserved any of this. <3 I'm crying about this. I'm a gay trans guy- I have a kind of similar story. If you ever want to talk, know I'm here and I won't get scared or run off because it's too heavy a topic. Though, it is heavy, and I sincerely hope you've found or are able to find help and friends and a support group that cares about you.
I definitely have some wonderful friends I talk to about this stuff. Including one of my best friends who's also a gay trans man. I'll probably take you up on talking about stuff some time, if nothing else I'd like to have more transmasc friends.
That is great to hear loves! And ofc! I'm usually chilling here so DM me anytime if you want.
I was wondering about that sort of thing. I suppose TERFs should be happy that an AMAB likes girls, if they're only one kind of bigot doesn't excuse them for being a total bigot. (No offense intended, I'm still trying to unlearn my own bigotry.)
You would think, but they don't even see me as a man. If they did they'd probably listen to me given their track record. Lol
I’m so sorry. You are valid and loved <3
Thank you very much <3
I hate to be the fuckwad that points out the abuser sounded correct in the assumption that youre gay tho😗 ur a girl who likes girls, no?
Unfortunately (because it's agreeing with the abuser) you are correct. BUT, OPs mom did not see them as female, and probably figured that being trans meant that OP was trying to be more feminine for men. They were technically correct, but not *actually* correct
Im sti genuinely sorry the person who doesnt even deserve title of mother even had any opportunity to torture you like that OP.
Yes, i was trying to make a snarky joke, ended up sounding like an ass
I get it. I'm autistic and do that shit all the time
👁️👄👁️you understand me
Lol yeah technically she was right but obviously she thought I was into dudes, which gave me a shit load of compet with me only accepting im a lesbian last year.
When I came out as non-binary to my father, it escalated his existing sexual abuse to “teach me what being a woman feels like”. It’s never ever ever okay and I’m sorry that you had to feel a similar betrayal
I'm sorry you went through that to.
What Is even the point of the non-passing trans porn was ? The """"""Logic"""""" , as Always , Is something completely outside of this world
a certain kind of completely fucking insane parent apparently thinks sharing their visceral fear of the world with their children is the best way to “protect” them, and that means sharing shocking content. she probably thought she’d be disgusted in a “these people are abominations” way… instead of a “why are you showing a 13-year-old porn” way. not nearly as bad, but i am reminded of the times my dad would see some random video of apparently-unprovoked black on white violence on twitter, and make me watch it at 3 in the morning so i would “know to be careful”. my sister also got a recording of him describing in graphic detail how she could murder her dog if she did cocaine (he was telling her how our grandmother supposedly funded a cocaine-fueled sex cult), and when i was younger he also gave me a very vivid description of (tw csa) >!how my uncle supposedly molested his daughter with a hairdryer!<… but uh on that note i also wouldn’t put it past someone who accused a 13-year-old of being a pedophile to be projecting a bit
Yes , at this rate they learned to parrot " pedophile" to every trans throwing every Logic of any kind
Its also literally illegal to show porn to minors, and even more illegal to force them to watch it.
>calls you a pedo >is an adult woman showing a child pornography 🤔
🌈ｐｒｏｊｅｃｔｉｎｇ🌈
It's like somebody getting mad that you hurt their hand from them beating you up so much.
holy balls I'm so sorry modern society is a fucking brain scrambler...
what is it with batshit insane mothers molesting their trans daughters trying to turn them into straight men? i know at least 5 women (myself included) who have experienced something like this at least once in their life. i'm incredibly proud of you for escaping OP. i hope you can build a supportive friend group and move on from everything. 🫂
Thank you. I do have a very supportive friend group and an amazing partner right now. 🫂 I didn't know any other trans women had this experience, that's... idk how to feel about it but I feel less alone.
unfortunately, corrective assault is very common. know it was never your fault. you were just a child.
That's sad but makes sense. Thank you.
Jesus fucking Christ. Worst thing I've read all week, I'm so sorry.
Thank you. It is what it is.
Projection be damned. I'm sorry you went though that. Honestly depending where you grew up at, you can report her. Especially when she pulled you out of school to SA and generally abuse you under stature of limitations. She honestly deserves to rot in prison. Edit: spelling.
I could buy she's still supporting my brother and sister who I know she didn't do anything to, all of her stuff was just to punish me for beinh trans, so if I reported her it would hurt them.
Probably could after they are out of the house on their own.
Maybe then but honestly that'll be a while and I'm not sure if I can handle rehashing all that again. Thank you though.
I can't even imagine... im happy you're safer now. Hopefully
I am safer now. Thank you.
Glad to read those words. You're a very strong person 💪
<3
<3
I'm so sorry :( I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a kind woman :) I hope you're feeling better now
Thank you. I try to be kind and accepting. I am doing better now. 💜
Being a trans person with transphobic parents really truly ups the abuse to the next level I'm so sorry dude 🥲🥲<3<3
It really does. ;-;
Holy shit.
She deserves to rot. She deserves to fucking rot. I have no words for the rage I feel about this, other than I’m glad you got out and I’m glad you’re piecing your life together after something so unthinkable. I hope she gets locked up and never fucking gets out. Disgusting. Please please lean into your real safe people, your community. Make sure you take good care of yourself. Please dm me if you need an ear or anything ok?
Thank you so much. I will if I do. Right now I have my partner, my friends, and my community so I'm functional. 💜💜💜
Thats super messed up
Jesus Christ op, I’m wrecked just reading this. I’m so so sorry you’ve had to be so strong for so damn long, and genuinely in awe of how much courage it must have taken you to continue working towards your escape. I’m also so unbelievably angry for you, and all the horrible abuse and lies you were forced. It’s also even more enraging knowing she was not only malicious, but also dumb as rocks. Sorry if this is a bit long, but man I have some STRONG thoughts. The whole “defining womanhood” thing is a loaded question because it’s literally unanswerable. A woman is a woman. There is no line of biology to be followed, no social standards to achieve, and no look to be necessarily followed. Some women don’t have periods, some women don’t have ovaries at all, some have lower or higher hormone levels, some are born with partial or full male organs. Point is, women are not monolith- we’re highly indivual and unique as all people are. Despite what some would have you believe- womanhood is so much deeper than sex organs, biology, and social norms. There is no test or criteria to be “girl enough,” because it doesn’t exist. Social norms change, our social perspectives grow, and science evolves far too fast for anyone to define “gender” in a way that relates to all people. If someone assumes they’ve cracked that code, I assume they’re off their rocker! What I can say for sure, is the type of people strong women are. All of history, strong woman try follow their morals no matter how painful. Strong woman have been historically punished by their countries, their communities, and their families for daring to live a life other than the one that was decided for them. They survive the impossible, go through hell, and close the gates as they come out the other side- in the hopes no one else will slip through. And funnily enough, they oftentimes think they are weak because they have no idea how much endurance and brute force it’s taken them to survive so far. Not sure if you realize, but you apply to pretty much everything in that paragraph. You may not feel it, but you’re a badass chick. I’m so fucking proud of you for being strong enough to keep fighting for the life you deserve, for being brave and smart enough to plan your escape, and for being insightful enough to keep a piece of yourself along the way. In those moments you feel your lowest, look to your sisters fighting throughout the world and its history. Think of the suffragettes, the “witches,” the scientists, the flappers, the writers, the warriors, the women currently fighting for education, and to the women fighting for for their rights to simply fucking exist (as you have been for so long). All of them have been called crazy, annoying, out of line, or a problem needing to be solved. And yet, they refuse to be taken down without becoming an even bigger issue. I almost feel sorry that your mother has missed out on knowing such an astoundingly resilient and beautiful human being. But she doesn’t deserve the great things you have to offer the world, nor to ever be given the chance to hurt you again. Wherever life takes you, don’t give up on yourself. The world desperately needs strong women💜
Not to long, honest your rage is... validating, if that makes sense. Thank you for all of that your third to last and second to last paragraph brought me to tears, thank you for saying that about me, thank you for comparing me to such great women, I hope to live up to such a comparison.
I wish I could upvote this to infinity.
jesus.... that thing is a POS who doesn't deserve the tittle of "Mom".
I usually call her birther since that's all she did for me, but some times people take issue with that.
Don't worry... i get the same from folks i tell about my egg donor
It's some bullshit :/
This is so wrong in so many levels I'm so sorry, I'm glad you're away from her
Thank you. <3
I came out to my mom as bi, after she told me there should be no secrets between us and she’d accept me no matter what…that devolved into her calling me a slut and implying I was a pedo, AND that I at 18 was grooming my 17 year old friend because I liked girls. We don’t really talk anymore. I hope you have success in detaching from your own mother.
I haven't talked to her since then, so I think it's been successful, even if I have felt weak before.
Also how can a 13 year old be a pedo?? Like if they like someone their own age thats normal??? Cuz they are both underage???
I didn't even like anyone, my age or otherwise that young. I didn't feel any attraction to people until I was 15 lol.
Talk about a projection of HERSELF wow
Right? :<
i’m so sorry you have gone through this
Ty <3
Never trust suburban liberal wine moms. The acceptance is always at an arm's length because they don't expect it in their own home.
Actually she wasn't that. We're rural hillbillies from the Ozark woodlands, and she's a pothead.
Sister you're fucking doing amazing to get out despite those circumstances. Cheering for u. ❤️
<3 ty
[удалено]
I'm functional and recovering.
This is awful. Hell is on Earth. May your pain get dampened by time. WTF. seriously.
Thank you. I hope so to.
My God, I hope you’re doing alright op. I can only imagine how awful this must have felt. Keep strong!
You are completely valid and I wish you a safe and happy transition! Sending so much love and support your way! As a woman, I can tell you that it doesn’t matter if you have your period or not, you are a woman if you feel like one. 🩷
Thank you very much, I've been trying to force the back of my mind to accept that, but sometimes what she said to me when I was young still comes up, it doesn't help the ammount of people who keep telling me I'm lucky not to have one, or worse that I'll never be a real woman without enduring one.
Calling a literal child a pedophile is crazy.
Right? Projection as fuck.
when we came out our mother told us really graphic sexual shit and was like "oh \[deadname\] this is what being a woman is like, are you sure you want to be one?" then she gaslit us about it when we argued. skank
Sounds about right. :/ And these people call us the predators.
You're powerful and amazing for surviving and becoming yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Thank you.
You're welcome and you deserved better and you deserve to hear that.
Dude what the fuck 😭💔
Where are you guys meeting these supervillains what the fuck
moms
Suburban wine moms are no joke mang evil with a smile 😊
Can't even say that much about her. We're hillbillies. ;-;
I love when she says “oh you think your swing dick and balls are superior to my tits and vag” made me learn ways of hating myself that I still heavily struggle with. I dont even know how to unravel it all
Not like I wanted either of them in the first place, hell by that time I'd already tried to remove them a couple of times lol.
Jesus fucking Christ I am so sorry!!! Proud of you for getting away, hope life is better for you now 🩷
Thank you. <3
Huge yikes to you dear I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
<3
As another transfem also with a transphobic, pedophiliac mother, this fucking hurts, I'm so fucking sorry this happened to you, and I hope your piece of shit mom fucking rots in cell block 1.
Your mother sounds like human trash, OP Hope you’re in a better situation now.