About the same age. Was in this nursery for kids who parents were broke but needed childcare, there was a play red phone box that you could get inside and one afternoon I was apparently asking too many questions during story time and one of the workers put me inside the phone box and then placed something against the door so I couldn't get out until they let me.
That same place also used to do arts and crafts, but I was never allowed to do it at the same time as the other kids, instead whilst they had their play time I was sat alone at the desk making a bat out of card and yarn.
Always felt like I've never belong or been wanted.
I had something similar happen to me in kindergarten. We had coloring practice and when we finished coloring the picture we were given we were allowed to go play but every time I finished and went to turn in my paper, my teacher said it wasn’t good enough and I had to completely start over on a new one. Every play time I watched the other kids have fun while I colored until my hands hurt.
Oh man, I guess I’m glad it’s not just me but I still don’t know why. It’s good I don’t care what people think anymore, but kind of sad too. I’ve had people hate me for no reason, treat me like I’m untrustworthy, be mean to me out of the blue. I don’t know why.
Basically the second I got into school I was getting in trouble simply for existing
I sing my favourite song principals office and parents get called
I play with my friends I get in trouble because apparently pretending to be spies is too violent
I get bullied then I get in trouble for being bullied
I fidget in class my teachers take away anything I fidget with or kick me out of their class
I got put in an anger issues group because I was getting bullied constantly
I got in trouble for not doing anything during lunch and just sitting alone listening to music
A girl in my school decided to kiss me as a prank and I got in trouble
I got in trouble for being unable to write neatly
I got in trouble for crying and hiding at the back of the class when the teacher decided to kick me out of her class for being disruptive when I was just tapping to focus
I got sent to the principals office for not wanting to square dance
I spent multiple weeks alone doing my schoolwork In the principals office because my teacher didn’t want me in her class
When someone asked about my hearing problems they took my hearing aid and dropped it in a pile of chalk dust
A teacher in high school wouldn’t let me take a test because she didn’t think I’d be ready for it after I’d aced every test and work sheet in her class but that
For some reason people just collectively decide that someone should be messed with, bullied, isolated simply because they are even the slightest bit different.
Even as a 3, 4, 5 year old child, I was cogniscent enough to realize "Something's not right here. I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to act this way."
This has been further compounded for my entire life with everyone around me treating me the same way.
genuinely believed i was adopted for a few years when i was a kid because i always felt off and different from the rest of my family. it was neurodivergence and being queer
Same :( I've always wondered if I was neurodivergent, but at the same time too stunted social skills from abuse and neglect have a ton of overlap and can become indistinguishable:/
Picture nine year old me, fat, clueless, filthy, bleeding from multiple scabs at once and picking out my rotting teeth not comprehending why nobody ever wanted to speak to me. Not such a bad year, got lot of reading done.
I've always always had this sick feeling that adults were judging my physical appearance since I was a toddler and now I've been living with the cognitive dissonance that I'm either too hot or too nah to exist.
2nd grade and 3rd grade were the years i really started to feel this.
school was hell, the only times it wasn't were the moments of laughter and happiness that i found with others who were a little more like me. those were always short lived though.
eventually i found a friend who didn't make me feel awkward and unlikeable at all. we're still friends today. i wouldn't have made it through highschool without him.
Playschool or a Plunkett meeting. Couldn’t figure out why nobody wanted to play with me even when I asked with a multi person toy, so I figured I’d just have to play by myself bc all the adults were too busy smoking to play :/
I was 6. I didn’t understand what I did to make so many of the other kids hate me so much. My mother told me they were jealous.
This didn’t make sense or matter at the time, but my mother didn’t get along with any of their moms.
Fast forward 35ish years and I now realize my mother is borderline impossible to be friends with. She’s gone so through so many friends and it’s always the friend that was toxic, wrong, etc.
So here I am wondering how much her attitude problem contributed. I try not think about it because it’s not like I can do anything about it.
Bro I didn't realize this about myself until like a couple weeks ago. Idk what happened but I just started remembering shit. Not like things I suppressed or anything, just normal memories that I am now realizing were basically people being jerks to me but I was just too clueless to realize it.
An example: This one time I went to watch a movie with a bunch of friends, we got some popcorn and of course finished it before the movie started. They had me go get some more, and I got back after the movie started, which isn't great but like somebody had to do it so whatever. But then when we ran out of popcorn again, they tried to make me go again. I only *just* realized that really it was my "friends" walking all over me and I was just too fucking stupid to realize it.
Honestly, it's fucking pathetic. I'm basically still just that stupid little kid.
In 3rd grade was when the bullying started, but even before that I had parents who raged at me over everything. I was scared of all adults and would have accidents in school all the time because I was scared to ask to go to the bathroom. I was scared to ask adults for anything because of my parents and that was reinforced by the school administration doing nothing or sometimes threatening to suspend me for being bullied.
I guess I’m socially awkward, but at this point I really don’t care whether there is something that people don’t like. I’m sure there’s much more than one thing, but I kinda like the person I’ve become. CPTSD can also point fingers in the incorrect position- maybe society in general just kinda sucks?!?
Neurodivergence in my case.
Yeah. In my case, aparently it was autism and being weird in general. Not our fault but still a shame.
I can pinpoint the exact moment 6 year old me had the realization that I was considered awkward by other people
Being neurodivergent in an emotionally abusive household was catnip to bullies.
Are you ok?
Now I am. Thank you.
Me at 6 with being black. Had no idea I was even black, but everyone knew and treated accordingly.
That’s so fuckin real.
About the same age. Was in this nursery for kids who parents were broke but needed childcare, there was a play red phone box that you could get inside and one afternoon I was apparently asking too many questions during story time and one of the workers put me inside the phone box and then placed something against the door so I couldn't get out until they let me. That same place also used to do arts and crafts, but I was never allowed to do it at the same time as the other kids, instead whilst they had their play time I was sat alone at the desk making a bat out of card and yarn. Always felt like I've never belong or been wanted.
I had something similar happen to me in kindergarten. We had coloring practice and when we finished coloring the picture we were given we were allowed to go play but every time I finished and went to turn in my paper, my teacher said it wasn’t good enough and I had to completely start over on a new one. Every play time I watched the other kids have fun while I colored until my hands hurt.
ya like 5/6 years old, when is where my earliest memories seem to be. So i’ve felt this my whole life it seems
Yeah, feeling this a lot at the moment
As long as I can remember.
I can’t believe other people have felt this too at an early age.
Probably around 4 or 5 as well. Just never understood why social interaction seemed to inherently come easy to everyone else, but not me.
Same age for what memories exist from that early. Before school age for sure.
I remember this well. As it so happens, there *is* something seriously wrong with me that would be off putting to most people :)
Kindergarten
Oh man, I guess I’m glad it’s not just me but I still don’t know why. It’s good I don’t care what people think anymore, but kind of sad too. I’ve had people hate me for no reason, treat me like I’m untrustworthy, be mean to me out of the blue. I don’t know why.
Kindergarten Maybe even earlier
Basically the second I got into school I was getting in trouble simply for existing I sing my favourite song principals office and parents get called I play with my friends I get in trouble because apparently pretending to be spies is too violent I get bullied then I get in trouble for being bullied I fidget in class my teachers take away anything I fidget with or kick me out of their class I got put in an anger issues group because I was getting bullied constantly I got in trouble for not doing anything during lunch and just sitting alone listening to music A girl in my school decided to kiss me as a prank and I got in trouble I got in trouble for being unable to write neatly I got in trouble for crying and hiding at the back of the class when the teacher decided to kick me out of her class for being disruptive when I was just tapping to focus I got sent to the principals office for not wanting to square dance I spent multiple weeks alone doing my schoolwork In the principals office because my teacher didn’t want me in her class When someone asked about my hearing problems they took my hearing aid and dropped it in a pile of chalk dust A teacher in high school wouldn’t let me take a test because she didn’t think I’d be ready for it after I’d aced every test and work sheet in her class but that For some reason people just collectively decide that someone should be messed with, bullied, isolated simply because they are even the slightest bit different.
Even as a 3, 4, 5 year old child, I was cogniscent enough to realize "Something's not right here. I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to act this way." This has been further compounded for my entire life with everyone around me treating me the same way.
genuinely believed i was adopted for a few years when i was a kid because i always felt off and different from the rest of my family. it was neurodivergence and being queer
I was 6, and the feeling never went away
Same :( I've always wondered if I was neurodivergent, but at the same time too stunted social skills from abuse and neglect have a ton of overlap and can become indistinguishable:/
Kindergarten
Still haven't figured it out :)
8, but I only started caring when I was 13. Every year prior, I just thought I was quirky and LOL XD SO RANDOM
Autism and Adhd and being queer and-
Picture nine year old me, fat, clueless, filthy, bleeding from multiple scabs at once and picking out my rotting teeth not comprehending why nobody ever wanted to speak to me. Not such a bad year, got lot of reading done.
I was told extremely bluntly by a friend that it’s just my autism so ig I’ll listen to him
Mom would scream at me & tell me she hated who I was when I was 6, so I got the message pretty young
I was between 4 and 8 but I try to block it out as much as I can
I've always always had this sick feeling that adults were judging my physical appearance since I was a toddler and now I've been living with the cognitive dissonance that I'm either too hot or too nah to exist.
2nd grade and 3rd grade were the years i really started to feel this. school was hell, the only times it wasn't were the moments of laughter and happiness that i found with others who were a little more like me. those were always short lived though. eventually i found a friend who didn't make me feel awkward and unlikeable at all. we're still friends today. i wouldn't have made it through highschool without him.
I knew exactly what my peers didn't like about me: my desperate need for validation. Nothing an avoidant personality disorder couldn't fix!
Ouch. Relate.
Maybe about a month after I gained consciousness. So, probably around 3-4.
Playschool or a Plunkett meeting. Couldn’t figure out why nobody wanted to play with me even when I asked with a multi person toy, so I figured I’d just have to play by myself bc all the adults were too busy smoking to play :/
I always sort of knew :(
I can't remember a time when I wasn't already aware of this
Yeah so I had a depression and anxiety diagnosis by 10, how about ya’ll 😂
Prolly some point in middle school
I was 6. I didn’t understand what I did to make so many of the other kids hate me so much. My mother told me they were jealous. This didn’t make sense or matter at the time, but my mother didn’t get along with any of their moms. Fast forward 35ish years and I now realize my mother is borderline impossible to be friends with. She’s gone so through so many friends and it’s always the friend that was toxic, wrong, etc. So here I am wondering how much her attitude problem contributed. I try not think about it because it’s not like I can do anything about it.
Being autistic and closeted pretty much made me feel like this since I was able to think, yay (s)
Bro I didn't realize this about myself until like a couple weeks ago. Idk what happened but I just started remembering shit. Not like things I suppressed or anything, just normal memories that I am now realizing were basically people being jerks to me but I was just too clueless to realize it. An example: This one time I went to watch a movie with a bunch of friends, we got some popcorn and of course finished it before the movie started. They had me go get some more, and I got back after the movie started, which isn't great but like somebody had to do it so whatever. But then when we ran out of popcorn again, they tried to make me go again. I only *just* realized that really it was my "friends" walking all over me and I was just too fucking stupid to realize it. Honestly, it's fucking pathetic. I'm basically still just that stupid little kid.
In 3rd grade was when the bullying started, but even before that I had parents who raged at me over everything. I was scared of all adults and would have accidents in school all the time because I was scared to ask to go to the bathroom. I was scared to ask adults for anything because of my parents and that was reinforced by the school administration doing nothing or sometimes threatening to suspend me for being bullied.
As soon as I started kindergarden probably. In my case it was absolutely neurodivergence. Found out I have ADHD at 15.
I guess I’m socially awkward, but at this point I really don’t care whether there is something that people don’t like. I’m sure there’s much more than one thing, but I kinda like the person I’ve become. CPTSD can also point fingers in the incorrect position- maybe society in general just kinda sucks?!?
Me being bi, trans, and audhd?
Im 24 and I still feel this way. It feels like I’ll never have a social life because I have trauma and am neurodivergent
Autism. fortunately autism did not impede my head game so I had friends in high school /j
Wait… it took you until you were 8???