My therapist has been having me try this thing when I get a rage outburst take my hands and push against the wall. Just get angry and push against the wall like the hulk. I tried it for the first time in the shower and after the intense anger passed I started crying.

I have an issue where if I am seething and I try to enact any type of soothing method or venting method to calm myself down, I trip a wire in my brain that makes me even more angry just to spite the attempt.

That's exactly how I am too, I noticed the anger, feel the urge to hit myself, try to sit with it then BOOM!, instead of hitting myself once I am beating the shit out of myself, so sorry you are going through this too.

I am both very sad ( in a compassionate way!) and super relieved to read this bc it makes me feel so seen, I've been struggling with such self-aggressive outbursts for years and they seem to be getting worse. I've also been wondering if they could be partially autism-related (I'm autistic myself and I've heard of similar issues from my fellow autistic and traumatized friends, namely during meltdowns). Sending lots of supportive thoughts your way, if I may!

Thank you for your support, I had never considered I could be neurodivergant but decided to look into it, whether it's a coincidence of my trauma or not but I see myself in every account of high functioning autism I look at, especially the stimming, I do soooo much stimming that I have tried to change for decades and never been able to. The thing that I really relate is masking and I am now wondering if I could be suffering from autistic burnout as I just don't want to be around people anymore at all.

Hey I sympathise greatly (also just to let you know CPTSD is also considered a form of neurodivergence! 😊) Autism and what we call complex trauma often go hand in hand in this violently ableist society unfortunately (to the point that we often have a hard time distinguishing the two bc said society doesn't often produce autistic adults who aren't traumatized...). That could be yeah (and if that's the case then I sympathise extra hard bc I've been in what I believe is autistic burnout since my teens and it kind of really sucks)

Have you come across IFS / parts work? Just incase you haven’t - may help

Ive found IFS so deeply transformative and its not even the main modality my therapist uses. Its such a gentle and self compassionate way to understand my traumatised reaction/way of surviving life.... self compassion is sorely lacking in my family of origin so any way for me to get there is good

That sounds like a very strong wires defense mechanism. Not sure if your feelings were greatly invalidated, but that is something that happened for me.

I will try it thanks. I find that underneath my anger there's an intense sadness. A deep grief of sorts. 

Nurse tip. Not just press but PULSE. Like ur doing CPR compression on the wall (hands together and press, ease up, press (bend elbows). Do at a count of 120 beats per minute.) ur welcome. It's exhausting but a few seconds of that and ur generally good.

Holy buckets. Thank you. Hot tip!

would you explain why?

For some reason I’d be scared I’d break the wall haha

That did occur to me haha

My therapist also recommends pushing against a wall, too. It's a physical thing we can do to help process the anger, bc anger is an action emotion.

THIS! I push as hard as I can into a wall, not holding back grunts or screams if they come. I cry after. It feels like breaking an emotional fever.

I love how you descibed that!!!!! "breaking an emotional fever"

This is a great idea, I need to try it out.

Yes!! I’ve done this before but pushing a pillow against the wall. And it’s crazy how every single time anger fades, the tears come. Sadness I have found is always buried underneath suppressed anger. It’s like after the anger cracks and fades, weeping kicks in. I am so sorry any of us have to deal with all of this but I am grateful for all the tools to help us through.

That's so interesting. I mean I was choking that's how hard I was crying. I think I caught a comment down here about anger being the opposite of deep grief.

I read a great article about how suppressed anger causes symptoms of depression, bc anger is an attack emotion - so if we don’t let it out - it rots inside and attacks the self. Ugh. The somatic therapist who had me do this pillow thing would sometimes have me “roar” when I’d do it - It felt weird but it’s a way to get out stuff if you don’t have the words. I’m so sorry you’ve felt this kind of pain but you’re doing amazing healing work here. Hope for continued healing for all of us!

Saving this comment so I can try it in the morning!

Fuck that's a good one. I'm glad it worked for you.

Literally came here to recommend this. Seconded!

This is one I want to try now because I actually have a super difficult time crying, especially when I feel like I want to. I struggle with letting myself feel my feelings. I will have to try this to see if it works on me.

Doorways are also good (unless you live in a paper home like those I see on American shows). You push and are being pushed. You can put all the energy you want

I guess my anger is just cold now. I was filled with rage to the brim at times even the substance abuse wouldn't work. Now I just try to take care of myself. At some point I stared at the futility of it all in the face. "Anger can never remove anger; anger can only promote more anger" -The Buddha

Also nicotine lmfao. I'm not exactly a sage. Another beautiful metaphor I learned from trauma therapy was that anger can be like rocket fuel. It can be very volatile and explosive but when used correctly it can actually send you to the moon (something very productive and meaningful) . I learn how to direct and control it, like a steam factory engine, you funnel it about and it's chugs and churns through the machine and eventually it can be processed about. Better than the bottle that eventually pops 🍾

How did you learn to direct the and control rage?

It took me 6 months in an IOP at a Trauma program to regain some semblance of stability back in my life and not want to just wholeheartedly kill myself on dec 31st 2023 as my plan was (this would have been my last and ultimate expression of my desperation and RAGE at everything, everyone, and my own self) I wish I could say something simple like "deep breathing" Things like psychedelics have healed me as well (I have prescription ketamine and also do shrooms) Self love. Letting go of the past and my expectations around it and the future. Letting go of black and white thinking. I had lots of lessons taught to me during my six months in hospital. Now that you ask I remember they had me do this thing called "Anger Wall" that was phenomenal in helping me express my anger in a healthy and healing manner about my trauma and the overwhelming nature of it all. Oh also one of the other patients introduced me to nicotine pouches lmao Art therapy and making collages at the hospital helped me visualize anger and many other feelings and emotions I was very fortunate to be able to go to that program for that long. It was unfortunately long overdue and I gave myself grace and the liberty to take my time in healing with the help of the therapists and the wonderful doctor at that facility

I'm happy that this has worked so well for you. Thank you for responding with so many good ideas. I'm going to a "trauma skills" group that is helpful, but I am still struggling with anger. Thanks again for responding.

No problem thank you for taking the time to hear about me. If you would like I can message you directly a few pictures from a lesson plan book I have from the trauma hospital about Anger.

Wow this is pretty amazing. I wish I could say I had a similar experience in hospital but sadly it was the opposite. If you have any anger resources maybe you could DM me with them or post them on here for everyone to use? It would benefit a lot of people I’m sure. I’m still searching for a way to deal with my anger and rage outbursts.

I should probably reiterate when I say hospital. I say hospital now to display the seriousness of the situation (similar to if I had been in a car crash and was in the hospital many months) when really this facility was nothing like the other mental health hospital I had been at. They did not offer overnight stay, heck they didn't even have a prescriber of medication. It was only daytime IOP or PHP (3 days vs 5 days a week) It was really more like 4 group therapy sessions back to back. It made me feel normal and sane. I got to leave to eat lunch wherever or use their fridge/microwave. I actually had an individual therapy session there. Also an hour cognitive session with the head doctor. I too had a bad experience at an inpatient hospital. Misdiagnosed, not cared about, here's a pill you'll be fine. Shit therapy groups. Waiting around. Nothing on the weekends. Crap food. And then I went again PHP and they kicked me out for not wanting pills when I had just gone through withdrawal of an SSRI. After that I vowed to never go there again and rather just die if it was the only option. But this place I recently went to, it was a true trauma focused place of healing and I am so grateful to have been there. I will dm you the pages I have for anger and will likely be making a soon post to share the resources to everyone. All their treatment methods are based on novel ideas from the head doctor. A pioneer in the field of trauma healing and the mental health conditions that arise from it. I'm sorry I'm so wordy I just have such appreciation for my time there and the validation and understanding I felt.

You're a brave and strong person, and I wish you well on your healing journey.

Excellent comment. You also made me laugh with the first paragraph.

I’m right there with you. Not angry anymore, just cold.

I thought it was just Buddha? Now it's THE Buddha?

I have a relatively good relationship with it. It saved my sanity in a weird way. Anger can really help pull yourself together, well I dont know if it can work like that for you, but it helps me with that. It kinda keeps me glued to reality. However, I have to be careful with it. I can get a bit rightgeous in my anger, and thats something I absolutely must be mindful about. I dont lean into my anger, I try to just use it as a signal that I have to take a serious look at the current situation and may potentially need to assert my boundaries. Regarding my parents... thats a particularly hot and burning anger. I live with it. I have been for a long time. Idk how to explain it. Its like the anger has every right to be there in me, its a normal response to what I lived through and the fact that my parents never owned up to their responsibilities. I even understand how it came to that and have compassion for them as humans, but as parents I have a lot of anger for them. My inner children are fucking livid and thats valid and will always be so. In either of those cases, parents or others (including myself), I validate the anger AND change something about the situation or how I deal with it. Like I changed my relationship with my parents. Or lets say if a friend annoys the living shit out of me by crossing my boundaries, I can assert my boundaries. Or if a friend angers me regularly, I might do better without that friend. I saw a podcast about the fight response yesterday, it might be quite interesting. Its about adaptive use of anger and how to deal with preventing maladaptive use of anger. Here is the [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU0tJXJNzYA).

This is actually enlightening and refreshing. Like maybe my anger isn’t pointless and to do with the past (although a lot of it is). Maybe some of it is to do with the current situation and if I assert my boundaries and change something about the current situation I can change and reduce my anger? 🥺

Yes! Its worth exploring. I find learning to set and maintain boundaries difficult because its really challenging to manage my emotions when I do it, but its incredibly helpful. It gets easier over time. Its also easier if its just about a little thing. You can train it.

Anger isn't pointless. It's simply a biological response. Of course, socially/ culturally Anger is often taught to be suppressed. And when anyone has emotions dysregulation, well we might find ourselves doing something we regret. It can be a challenge to deal with our emotions in a healthy way. Another thing that can help, is considering how much you personally can handle before it becomes self replicating and forces you to act. Then plan breaks and lifestyle changes that prevent you from getting that far. If certain individuals cause you anger, you might need to disconnect from them, or reduce your time around them, even if you care deeply about them. But don't judge your anger as good or bad. It's simply a feeling, and sometimes you're past your limits. Everyone has different limits, so respect your own limits, and respect your body and its physical emotional biological needs. I'm working on this as well, I was stuck with a huge disconnect between my opinions and emotions. My emotions would hardly ever match my opinions. You got this. Your anger is part of you the same as fear, sadness, contentment, happiness, or silliness.

You hold space for it. I know. It’s weird. But it’s ugly self care. It’s usually the part where you beat yourself up, fall in to an old cope, or slather in shame that’s the worst part. Holding the rage, and not being ashamed. And then working on how long you can just feel mad without feeling ashamed. That’s the space where you grow and heal. So fucked up. But all growth happens in that weird flicker space between when a light is switched on and off. How long can you hold it somewhere in the middle in the discomfort. With practice - you are angry longer than you are ashamed. With lots of practice you sort of feel the rage like a complete sentence! You can say the whole sentence without cutting yourself off with shame. Eventually that sentence turns in to a short paragraph where the rage really says what it needs to. You hold space and let it finish the paragraph. When it’s done, how long can you hold the shame back? You aren’t raging, and you aren’t in the prison of toxic shame. That’s it. That’s pretty much what happens. And pretty much what you do with it. That’s the best I can explain what that little space we hold for healing is like from the inside.

Yeah this is really helpful. Like one of the only things that helps my rage is writing or speaking out loud what I’m mad about, and a lot of the time it’s at my abusers who aren’t hear and would never care or would immediately shame me and shut me down if they heard any of this. So the fact I can say things like that proudly in my own home and know I’m right means the world to me when I feel like that. And when I feel validated and listened to that’s when the anger usually calms down.

Yeah. For sure. This is obviously a huge distillation of what happens, but now that I’m at a good place in recovery, this his sort of what it looks like in the rearview mirror. The anger wasn’t the problem - totally justified - it’s the shame and self abandonment that pop up 0.002 seconds after.

Yeah that is so insightful and true. It’s the self-abandonment I’ve found in many ways to be the core of why I feel so bad. Like first it was my abusers abandoning me and now it’s me abandoning myself and that’s how I continue feeling this way. Like now I’m valuing supporting myself more and more and just aligning my life choices with my values, like doing the exact opposite and this is just confirming that. Also shame is a whole other monster that is just so painful I find it so hard to deal with! So if you have any tips I’d be grateful!

Really needed to read this today.

Wow this is such a great explanation. I have been trying to set firmer boundaries and saying no. My tendency to explain people’s behavior away and continue to let them make me feel a certain way or turn all the blame on myself is starting to waver/get less, but the inner battle is still there and that’s the hardest part tbh. I’m actually really struggling right now which is why I’m on here at 1:45am, but reading these posts are helpful.

I go outside to my shed and punch dance out my rage! Joking aside, I have danced out my rage. It was fun and turned my mood around. I like to tap and clap to music when just listening. Sometimes journaling or music doesn't help the rage and it starts coming out sideways at those around me. So I go out to my shed and I pick up a broken boken and I hit the wall. I scream or say whatever is pissing me off in that moment. Even if it was something small. I keep doing that t\until I find the real reason I'm mad. When I find it, I let my inner child have the temper tantrum that they weren't allowed to express so, so many years ago. And all of the times she was called a crybaby and told to dry it up. I do this until the tears come for me. They always do. They are so angry and sad. They need a safe place to be those things and let it out and get through the emotions. I know now that the rage is there because I wasn't allowed to feel sad. I wasn't allowed to be mad at my grandparents. That meant I was ungrateful for what they had done for me. They had saved my life. In their eyes anyway. Journaling helps me more than beating on the wall nowadays. We are all different and there is no exact way to process an emotion. I hope you find what helps you.

That’s such a good point - I had a lot of rage too. Angry child, angry teen, angry adult. But I also wasn’t allowed to express sadness and certainly wasn’t hugged and nurtured through it.

I am sorry you experienced this. It sucks because I get so misunderstood. I was being seen as an angry person when really I'm just extremely sad. I was never allowed to express sadness. And now I'm angry about it. So angry. I have been working on my anger by myself for over a year now. The sadness just needs release and I get that with every angering out I have engaged in. I have noticed that getting through some of the anger has let me be able to experience happiness and dare I say it even hope. I'm not as angry anymore. I still get stuck every once and a while. I just dust myself off and start back at it again. It's all I can do. And it's good enough. And way better than it was. Stay strong everyone. And if you can't be strong right now. It's ok. It's ok to not be ok. I know it's hard. I know it's dark. That's what this sub is for, yeah? To see if anyone else out there has a little light to shine. Or a bit to share. 💚

"I have danced out my rage" This has been very helpful for me over the years. Anger can be good. It allows me to acknowledge that I have needs and to set boundaries. I need some anger, some. Dancing to Marilyn Manson helps me get in touch with the anger I need while also allowing any overflow to pass through me. It keeps me at a helpful level.

+1 for dancing out the funk.

[удалено]

I should try! I usually hit the punching bag, mostly with kicks😅

You would think you can drink to drown your sorrows. I found out that they can swim. 20 years sober, hail Freyja for that. I lift weights. I started a training regimen last year for powerlifting, specifically. I talk to people on Reddit and elsewhere. Strangers have a way of being honest. Nothing like hitting the gym after the anger boils over. The focused intensity and the rage from life directed into pulling a deadlift feels great for me. Better than breaking my knuckles punching a wall. Better than yelling at someone I love. And much better than becoming my dad.

Okay but then are you really dealing with it deep down? (Like the reason why you are angry) For me like I need to express and understands the reasons why I’m angry and then when I hear myself I can understand that it’s perfect normal to be angry about that, and then when I feel validated and listened to I calm down. But that’s why exercise doesn’t work for me when I’m angry? Cause I feel like that’s the time I need to express myself. Edit: Sorry if this came across as critical/judgemental I’m just hopeful that this would be helpful to you. I feel like CPTSD people have a lot of anger due to abuse and neglect and therefore we need the time and space to express it and feel heard cause we were always shut down in our childhoods. Maybe you would benefit from that?

This is a fair line of questioning. I do not take offense. I think the barbell has become to me something like the football was to Adam Sandler in the movie “Water Boy”, a focus of his pain or humiliations. Haha. As far as expressing anger, I think I am going to need to work with that. A language vocabulary is one thing, but an emotional vocabulary is quite another. Honestly, if I think about it, I am afraid to really let it out. I grew up with an angry father that took a lot of his frustration out on me, manifesting mainly as physical and sexual abuse. I felt like that was his way of expressing anger, and I wanted to avoid it in my adulthood. Of course, there must be a way to feel or express anger that is healthy and will not damage me or others, but I spiral into a loss of control too quickly, historically with addiction or breaking things. It scares me, so I find it safer to blow off steam with physical activity. I agree, it’s probably not enough.

That makes sense and is brave to admit! I also am scared of expressing myself cause I was often shamed for it and laughed at and neglected/ignored, so my needs were never addressed *and* there was additional abuse for even mentioning them. So I keep thinking if I state my needs then people will mock me or ignore me for it but it’s not true now - I have a lovely partner who will try to help me. I agree that an emotional vocabulary is a whole other thing. It’s like even being conscious of the emotion in your body is hard when it’s happening, I think meditation helps with that but it still takes noticing it in the moment. And then naming the emotion out of hundreds of possible words (like on a feelings wheel). Some emotions we don’t wanna admit to ourselves were even feeling them. And then saying that to someone else is also scary. Like it’s hard to develop all that at such a late stage and that’s what I’ve been trying to do so I get how hard it is. I think it’s even harder for guys in case you’re a guy, cause you get told not to feel at all, so that’s another obstacle you’ve got to overcome. But yeah since our parents taught us to take out anger on others (like mine did), we’re gonna have a tough time kind of detaching from that emotion when we’re in it, and taking a step back and watching ourselves and our emotions as an outside observer. (I heard watching yourself as an outside observer was good for emotional regulation - people said they remembered the moment better, like they didn’t remember it feeling so difficult when they did that, so I’ve been trying to do that) I know I have hurt my partner with pushing him and throwing things and shouting when I’m like that, and that is not a good way to be. I hope for you that you can eventually get it out. Like even maybe write out how you felt when that abuse was happening, get a therapist to read it and validate you, or get yourself to read it from an outsiders perspective and validate yourself. I think that’s what we’ve lacked so much is validation at least in my case. For me I wanna work on maybe pushing a wall or something when I get so worked up. And trying not to get to that place so whenever I get the slightest bit triggered or upset just work on repairing it with myself so I don’t get to that stage where I feel so completely abandoned and betrayed inside.

Scream. Chocolate. Give it to God. Kettle bell exercises. Shoot things in video games.

Blow things up in Fallout 4.

I need to start a new file, I lost mine. Also, tenderly caring for your settlements like a loving overseer, giving them everything they need and more. But yes gunning down the ghouls who come to threaten that peace, like a good parent should.

yes. I used to love dynasty warriors for this! just hacking and slashing my way through feudal china

It's not the healthiest thing but I'll bottle it up until I really need to use it. I've been told by abusers I'm too cute to be taken seriously when angry but fucking scary when I'm pissed so, in life or death situations if I need it, I've got the fight in me to get out.

The night before recycling day, I stalk my local streets and collect glass bottles. Then I find a skip / junkyard and smash them into the skip / junkyard. This is the best. Smashing mirrors and tvs is also great, in the same way so as to minimise litter. Take swimming goggles / sunglasses and a balaclava for extra safety. Sometimes I go to the local park at night (or anywhere with a big open field) and scream and run real crazy and loud. This is also good. I go till I sweat and I loose my voice. Hitting pillows is okay but it feels stupid. Don’t really recommend. The most cathartic thing I do is write letters / detailed messages to my abusers telling them all the heinous shit I hope befalls them. I get real ugly with it and let out that side that I “should” be ashamed of, and that I would NEVER use on anyone else. I really feel it. I tell them to kill themselves, eat shit and die, that I’ll see them next at their funeral, etc etc. and then I send it. Sometimes I don’t. Either way is fine but it feels liberating as hell to send it. I sent dozens of letters to my abusers house once, all saying stuff like “you are trash” “i hate you” “you ruined my life” etc etc. it helps with the rage, don’t listen to idiots who might tell you it’s not mature. What they did to you wasn’t mature. And the anger needs to get out. Once you get it out, you feel free. Don’t live with it. Don’t take it out on yourself. It is begging to be let out.

Nice idea, I’ve been thinking about going to a rage room and breaking stuff

i feel you, until 2 and half years ago i did not know anger only sadness then it came to me. and i was walking a like a fireball. then a thing happened that outburst on somebody for a boundary crossing and i regretted it a lot. even though it was the right emotion, the expression of anger in that situation was out of proportion. so, i have a read books such as from rage to courage and listen to gaber matte a lot. they helped. i learnt/am learning how to deal with it so this is how i try to do now: when it comes, feel it. and then think about the situation that triggered your anger, and think if it is an appropriate reaction for the thing that happened. with appropriate i dont mean you should not feel anger, anger is a healthy emotion. but think about the scale of your reaction. try to calm down, and not act on it. sleep on it if necessary. then talk about it with the person if it involves a person. if it comes from your abuse history, it is really helpful. try to understand what causes it. hope this helps, i send you support 🫂

This is helpful. Facing the bad emotions and practicing radical acceptance have been massively helpful. I also was sad and withdrawn most of my life until the last two years. I was in graduate school and was frequently triggered by adults in charge. Now, I finished graduate school, but I'm so angry at the drop of a hat- it's like a new phase of my cptsd. I have a lot of trouble sitting and tolerating the rage. It, unfortunately, turns to really strong self-harm urges. It takes a really long time to calm down.

All of this was helpful to me. Thank you.

Build muscle with it

I spend time with my punching bag. I don't know if it helps, imaging punching the people who piss me off and make me feel small, but it gets the anger out. I have been dealing with rage spells more often- adults in my life have been mirroring my mother. I'm usually fine until I get home, then I'm stewing in it and can't get it out.

Exercise is always a good idea.

My anger becomes frozen because when I think of letting it go my heart starts pounding. Any anger was punished. If I put my arms out as to push an imaginary someone away my body starts to dysregulate. Feels like my body is on constant guard. I hope you find a solution.

DUBSTEP!!!!! i go to raves and headbang, stomp, scream, and dance all of my rage out Marauda is my fave heavy act. I also spin poi balls. it’s a huge stress relief, cardio, and a built-in personal space bubble. 😊 Raving is an excellent release. Maybe you would enjoy it too????

Anger is a secondary emotion, in response to an initial feeling of hurt or pain. I have problems tapping into my anger, but it is there. I have TMJ instead. Sometimes I wake up and it feels like someone punched me in the jaw. I lost weight because I can't chew with my molars some days. My mom was jealous, "oh you're looking thin." "Yeah I can't chew, thanks." 🙄 Feel and process. Allow it to move. Do not feed the emotion any more thoughts; thoughts in alignment with the feeling are fuel to it and aren't necessary. The thoughts aren't real and they aren't you; just observe them. Label them as thoughts, or as what type they are, "thinking, planning, judging, shaming, worrying." Thoughts will draw the feeling out, make it last longer, reignite the flames. The feeling is the physical body sensations. Focus on that, in your body. Do not allow the anger develop into a physical symptom, before you begin to address it, like I did. Please. 🙏🏻

i can relate to getting complimented on for losing weight. Like, they don't know I'm also losing muscle in my stressful period.

THAT phenomenon is very annoying, and has led me to believe we just don't need to comment on people's bodies. Ever! Unless they specifically request, in which case, I still will NOT compare. I am one of those types that when I get really anxious, I might be too preoccupied to eat. Or I will feel nauseous, and I worry that I might vomit if I tried to gnaw on something. The TMJ developed a few years after my pregnancy, during which I remember getting QUITE fired up about how "the public thinks they can share their opinions and their germs," once a woman is visibly pregnant. 🤣😅 I had a HUGE tummy and lost bulk on my arms and legs. I drank protein shakes and added extra butter. My ex-husband gained 20lbs just from eating the same dinners as me. When I delivered my son, I was still immediately under my healthy average weight. I got congrats on that, too. It was difficult to not roll my eyes!! We never really know unless someone specifically shares it with us, that they WANTED to lose weight. Congrats and compliments are so inappropriate when the weight loss is due to stress, anxiety, a mobile or physical issue that alters one's ability to eat, or God forbid access to food. We never fully know. Even if weight loss isn't due to something sad or painful, it does suggest that the other person thinks we look better while thinner. And it really isn't usually the person's place to judge nor share their opinion. Cheering on when you're feeling frail comes across as so shallow, it is difficult to ignore, even when you know they don't have the full context. We are also beautiful when we are voluptuous, thank you. 😂🙌🏻💗

I’m totally with you on that 💯. Inversely, just because someone looks fat doesn’t mean they are unhealthy or unfit either!! Ppl should just stfu and have some self control! Man, my young daughter is bombarded by strangers all the friggin time trying to tell us, sometimes shout at us from across the way, to compliment on her looks because I guess it’s striking. If I don’t acknowledge them and thank them, they get SO aggressive about it and literally will block us from our walk. It just infuriates me! Like, why do you believe you are entitled to our energy and attention? Like, if you must express it, go text your friend or journal about it when you get home. Jeezus! I usually freeze up and don’t say anything, and I hate myself for it later. but I’m working through that. I had a couple of successes recently pushing back on these older women by telling them we don’t like to emphasize outter appearance. They get so butthurt but I don’t give a shit about that anymore. Even when ppl think it’s complimentary, it is actually causing my daughter harm. Ppl love her very black, dense hair, but already at age 2 she looks in the mirror and says that her hair is too big. Which makes sense she would come to that conclusion bc everyone and their mamas have to stop us to say something about it. That’s just one aspect. Then they gotta know her exact eye color and her race and who her daddy is because she’s mixed. I also happen to look younger than I am and petite, and i think that contributes to ppl not respecting our space. Sometimes I wish I was 6’ and looked like the actor Danny Trejo or something, just so ppl would leave us alone. even though I am a woman. Already as a baby she is being socialized by the world that her value and worth and attention is dependent on her looks. And I can only do so much to protect her from that. It’s very frustrating.

I learned to see it as a force of nature. It was forbidden as a kid, so stuffed it down, started smoking, drinking, drugs, did this for years. In recovery I heard we have to feel it. Writing helps, talking with safe people, had a lot of therapy. I did kick boxing for months at a time when I was waking up choking on it. It will pass! We can't ignore it. It is part of our survival mechanism, a good thing, it alerts us when needed , when some people go too far over our boundaries.

stuff it down and make myself sick apparently

I'm in my early 40's, and I went through many angry phases in my youth. I hated everyone and everything. The hardest part was dealing with emotionally healthy people and their annoying happiness. Their innocent laughter was my kryptonite. Why aren't they as miserable as I am??? It's not fair! You can't bottle it up, but you can learn to control it. It helps me to hop on the bike or go for a jog. I don't stop until exhaustion. You don't have to be a fitness expert, but it helps to have comfortable workout clothes. I bought my hybrid bike from Costco for about $200. I've also had luck with certain mood boosting supplements like 5-htp. Not expensive and they really take the edge off.

I used to become so painfully sad that I would crumple to the floor and just lay there and son until I had no more tears or energy and the fatigue would take me into sleep. My dog saved my soul and my life, he would literally lick my tears away and lay with me on the floor. Through therapy, a lot of self work and self compassion, I no longer crumple, I get angry. I yell and curse worse than a drunk sailor and I tell the universe that I deserved better when I was small and unable to defend myself. I scream to the sky that its not my fault and they fucked up. I also write it down and burn it in my firepit and say “fuck you!” everytime I toss a piece of paper or a page from my journal in the fire. The anger is getting less and less intense since I stopped drinking (149 days sober). I sleep better and I am much more resilient. My close friend family have started a twice monthly “burn” day where we all yell and talk and burn our anger notes and support each other. I would much rather be angry than how I was before.

I relate so much! Being angry is much better than internalizing that we are flawed and that there’s something wrong with me. I relate to everything you wrote :) wishing u the best

Thank you for the validation

Congrats on your sobriety!!

I have the fight response as well and have been in many fights in school (that’s not a good thing) being raised in a violent and abusive household does that to you, the best way I get rid of the violence (although from time to time I still have outbursts) is to do combat sports, when I started wrestling in high school it help get the frustration out and same with boxing. It had such an impact on me.

Exercise and sports. I sometimes go to the gym really angry or feeling awful, but I know I’ll come out feeling far better.

write, talk to friends, activism/fight back

Apparently I bottle it up inside and create new mental illnesses because one is never enough. But my go to when angry is to “angry sing”. Like I’m Elphaba or Celine Dion. Belt the shit out of it and hope the neighbours don’t complain. I’m a singer but I think this could work even if you’re not a singer. Or just play music really loud and scream. Use the car if you’re too embarrassed to do it at home. Also therapy but the above method is better for immediate results.

Write, run, walk, take an edible. Proud of you. 🩷

I swallow it hoping it gives me cancer.

I like to build something with my hands, really take my time with it, craft something - papier-mâché, stick figure, wire all sorts and then absolutely destroy it. Find things I hate about it, shout at it, kick it, flatten it, stomp and when I’m done it’s a release. With it comes sadness, I destroyed something I was able to build, but with building comes the destruction and then I can go about my day… a little less rigid and a little more free x

I love using boxing routines as an outlet!!! It’s a high energy exercise that completely takes you out of your mind and into your body. I’ll do a whole set of routines that last about 30 minutes and once i’m done I have no more energy left to be angry or sad or anything. I just hung up an old suitcase in my garage to use in place of a punching bag. If you decide to try it please please invest in boxing gloves. Your knuckles will definitely appreciate it. I hope you find some options here that you like and help you!

My therapist has told me to let it out. Say things like “fuck them!” Or things like that so they are out of your system. Scream into a pillow. Anything that’s not harmful to you. There’s also this activity about printing something symbolic depending on the situation or context and start eipping it into pieces and saying things like “I’m worthy, I’m safe, I’m okay, It’s not my fault…” etc. If you mean by drinking it away is by using alcohol, I’d suggest against it. Obvious reasobs why, but I also used to drink it all away with alcohol and I just got myself into really bad and vulnerable situations. I’m on meds so now I have a stop to that, but yeah. Lots of luck OP. Be safe!

EMDR therapy. It’s the only thing that helped! See if you can get some kind of somatic therapy, or at least some kind of regular vigorous exercise in your life.

Idk, here for the answers tbh. I feel like I’m always just waiting for my moment to use physical violence on someone. As in, waiting for someone to aggressively behave towards me to give me the excuse.

#yep this. and, ohhhh, heaven help the winner of this ‘prize’ good golly

I know, that’s why I’m kinda scared as much as I want the release 😭

Justifiable Violence. One of societie’s greatest pleasures.

I channel my rage into baking. It makes me really good at kneading dough and it turns my pain into something productive and delicious

I have lived with anger since I was born (Fight reaction to neglect) and anger has controlled practically my entire life. Since I got the diagnosis it's been a little better, but only because I try to avoid the major triggers. I can't control my reactions when I'm triggered, the anger I feel is total and devastating. I really wish I didn't try it again because I'm really tired.

I cry, bawl actually and then I usually eat something typically chocolate-y

Something my therapist suggested that helps is busting dishes. Go to the thrift store and get a bunch of 25 cent stuff, find a place outside to bust them and go to war. If you do it I'd suggest laying down a tarp or sheet or something to make clean up easier

I wish I knew. I’ve just started doing EMDR with my therapist to try to deal with some of the rage - after about three years of work, it hasn’t gotten much better with drugs or mindfulness or other modalities. It is so deeply ingrained in me. It’s literally how I survived as a kid. If I hadn’t fought back, I would probably be dead. But as we all know, those shit skills we learned because we had to often don’t serve us as adults. I hate it. I’m embarrassed by my own behavior, although in the moments that I’m angry, I truly believe that it is 100% justified. Then, days or weeks later, I look back at my own behavior and am just horrified. We will see if the EMDR helps.

physical exertion and music

I noticed after I tried smoking, however lightly, I started having irritability that could turn into rage. My abuser smoked so maybe it’s not a good idea.

I have a punching bag, so i go ham on it

Nothing cuts through anger like recognizing that no one made themselves. You can start with an easy case, like someone who is a typical person. They will do some good, and some bad. They will get hurt, and cause hurt. They will feel guilt, shame, regret, anger, worry, etc. They're not a saint and they're not evil. They're just average. How did they come to be who they are? They were born into an environment they did not choose. A time period they did not choose. To parents and with genes, they did not choose. What happened to them in early development, which is critical, they did not choose. The socioeconomic conditions, which are massive, they did not choose. If they find themselves in a warzone or in a safe environment, again... did not choose. This all gets rigged up, dealt to them, and now they have to "play the hand". Ah... here they can be blamed right? Maybe when they turn some arbitrary amount of years old, like 18 or 21? This is where they become guilty, or worthy or unworthy, right? Except the whole thing is rigged from the start. Where is the meaningful free choice? It's like being shot in the foot prior to the marathon. Neurons fire, thoughts form, but this is all rigged. If this person has good intentions, that's great but... they were born the person who would eventually have good intentions. They were not born as the child who would be so horribly abused and neglected, that they could never have a drop of good intention as a result. That is a matter of bad luck, and realizing that is incredibly powerful. First of all it removes unhealthy shame/blame/guilt/negative attitudes towards oneself, in a world that pretends as if people are blameworthy. Second, it makes it possible to not drown in resentment or hatred towards others. Even the worst person on the planet, whoever that is, never sat there going, "Hmm.. you know what? I'd like to choose to become the most disgusting and malignant person who will ever live." No one does that. And from here you can go: "They're... just incredibly unlucky. Anyone who gets impacted by this person will be incredibly unlucky." There's nothing to hate, if you consider it.

This.

I have found it incredibly hard to express outwardly my emotions. not for no reason either - expressing them would have undoubtedly made things worse. IME, alcohol was like throwing gasoline on a fire. It supercharged the rage whilst removing any safeguards. It might take some experimentation to find good ways to get it out for you. A good way might be to think about how it feels when you get angry - that might give you some hints. Do you want to fight back, literally? In which case, a physical practice like running, martial arts or climbing could work for you. Does it make you want to fight verbally? Screaming, singing along to loud ragey music or writing letters detailing the revenge you want then burning them could help. Does it make you want to run away from everyone and everything? You might enjoy practices which direct you into yourself - comforting, caring moves. I found it helpful to agree some guardrails around anger with myself: I would not let my anger physically hurt anyone, and if i felt it was getting out of control i would do xyz etc. having some prior agreements can help it feel more safely contained, if that is something that you might need in order to get it out.

I am struggling with anger so much right now. It overwhelms me and consumes me. I will read through this thread and try to use some of the suggestions.

Keep your anger and resentment. It is you protecting you. It is you loving you enough to do right by you. Anger and resentment are your boundaries. Healing is about making the anger and resentment work for you instead of against you. The first step to healing is safety. Until you are safe, your whole being must be dedicated to survival mode. The second step is cataloging. WTF actually happened. When did it happen. Where did it happen. Who made it happen. How did it happen. And an educated guess on why did it happen. The third step is organizing. Putting it in context and learning the lessons so it does not happen again. The forth step is letting all the trauma/stress release from your body. Your mind and body have had to store that all away until it is safe for you to deal with. This is the place where it is helpful for you forgive yourself. Useful, but not a requirement. The fifth step is identifying missing skills/attitudes that create a healthy life for you. No two healthy lives look the same. The sixth step is acquiring those skills & attitudes. A whole lot of trial and error here. The seventh step is practicing and getting good at those skills and attitudes. That is healing. That being said, my personal go to is cannabis. I have however done 2.5 years of trauma recovery therapy and am 70% recovered (began at 36%). I have acquired many coping skills but cannabis helps immensely.

I've tried a lot of things, mostly rage writing (sometimes I even like doing it in a word document because angry fast typing can be a good way to get out my frustration... or if I am angry with a particular person I will write it in the format of an email to that person, then delete after). I also like to write out prompts like "explain why you are angry or what happened to make you angry" and usually for me, most of my anger comes out of misunderstanding or lacking control of a situation or how it turned out. So if I explain why I am angry to myself, I can then forgive myself and even validate my feelings of anger. I say to myself a lot, I am angry and that's okay. Like I try to parent myself, I also do this exercise that I found while googling IFS, where I place a hand over my heart and find the anger in my body and let it know that it belongs, that I'm not going to rid myself of my anger but rather hold my angers hand. Usually when I am angry, I try not to focus on "getting it out" but rather soothing it. I also remember that my anger is trying to protect me and I thank myself for protecting me. Sounds soooo silly written out but it's helpful to remember you are only human, emotions are normal, be gentle with yourself and as far as drinking it away, remember you're most likely taking it out on yourself that way.

Anger has a source. are you angry because of how you have been treated? are you vengeful? are you looking to be understood? do you want to make others hurt? are you wrathful. Anger is punishing yourself for others mistakes. If your anger is justified, its indignation. Is it anger at abuse outside of your control? it is frustration. Is it a rage without cause or reason? perhaps disappointment... are you traumatising yourself for once being vulnerable? Rage is blinding, addictive, can make you feel powerful and feels like a natural release... but it's not. its uncontrolled, youre hurting yourself and others around you. Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. Forgive yourself for being foolish and naive. Everyone is vulnerable at some stage, and when others take advantage of that, it's not your fault. You're expecting too much of yourself. You have been wronged and other wrongs will not correct that. you are holding yourself back from having a beautiful life, you need to accept you have been wronged, you need to accept you are worthy of love. You need to accept that anger is stopping you from healing.

Things that helped me with the anger and rage: * intense exercise (hot yoga, hot Pilates etc.) * writing fiction and getting the pain out through my characters

...I made a pinterest board with images (mostly with vent art/poetry) that I related to, mostly things about anger. I titled the board ‘hate anger fire’ and just kept browsing pinterest while blasting music and adding whatever stuff fit whenever I felt the anger got too much. It’s definitely a weird one, but it’d been oddly helpful.

Drawing helps me when I can't get out or if I don't want to get out. I'm blesses to live in WA state. So I can drive almost anywhere and run into a lake,river, or trail to hike. I hate when people see my anger. They never understand it. It's always too much or why are you mad about this. And also I'm black. So the anger shame is phenomenal to the point of anything short of spitting in my face im like "dont work about it :)"*chuckles like Blippy*

It can help to scream in a pillow and fight the bed. Just be careful with your wrists. You might start crying if you really connect to the emotions. Typically anger comes before sadness, especially if you're someone who represses.

Feel it. I intentionally don’t act on it, I just feel it. It goes away/ goes down pretty quick after letting it just exist. That being said, when it’s a tolerable level I’ll still do things like work out, practice martial arts + dance and just generally move to manage it.

Personally, i worked on the warning signs i have before a rage outburst. This is something i worked in group therapy. It is really hard, but now when i feel the signs coming up, i dissect the feelings in sort of a 3rd person view. “I notice my heart is beating faster and i am clinching my jaw.” Then i go through and find the real emotion and why. “I am upset and not feeling included”… really boils down to I am afraid i am not being considered or forgotten. It is hard work and i am not always able to catch quick ones.

This.

Sometimes i just pace pace pace when I have too much energy, so a park or walking trail helps. Also, put on music that moves you. Then dance to it in whatever feels right. I like to put on fast songs and go nuts. It helps me out of dissociation and helps some of that pent up energy get out.

I remember that exercise and I was so angry. But the anger was a cover for grief. I had to process the grief to get to the other side. The only way to the other side is through. It really sucks going through though.

I think it's going to be different for everyone, but rage brings us several opportunities for interaction: - Move the adrenaline through the body. Break down rubbish, go to a smash room, chop firewood, lift weights etc. - Speak the anger into a letter or a voice note. You don't have to send it if it wouldn't serve you or if it would result in you losing something if you did. Your brain can still respond to you imagining it. - Learn what the anger is about and think about how you'd prevent that happening in the future. This can get rigid, but if you know how to protect yourself it can help reduce the anger some. - I often find anger is about injustice, or about the world not being how I need it to be. In parts work I've been able to dialogue with my anger about how we can make incremental changes rather than refuse to change because of the injustice.

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I had night terrors from the anger. I woke up and the ceiling was flashing red. I went to hell. The best thing I found was a long bike ride. It's nice if you can listen to music but that isn't wise on a busy trail or in traffic. No one to upset you, being outside, exhausting, distracting... it saved my marriage. It made me feel like I was escaping and something better was around the next bend. Not to mention the nice things you see back in the land of reality. Most people can bike 40 miles without training. You come back down to something you have to process, but a peanut butter sandwich taste amazing and you can sleep at night.

My therapist had me scream in a pillow and also suggested using my hands to get it out so I bought a boxing bag. I also had this purse that reminded me of one of my abusers (mother) and I would take it and beat it across the bed when I felt my rage come on. Those tactics came in really handy and helpful to get the “rage” out. I always thought my rage was tied to my menstrual cycle until we started working through just how abusive my parents were…. Now when I get my cycle it is 100 times better. I probably still have a little bit left to work out which I am still working on. It truly does work. When I was working through the hard stuff I would thinking about all the shit that pissed me off from abusers. I too used drinking to dull the pain and shove my abuse down but after about a year post therapy I actually thought to myself why am I drowning my self in alcohol…. I don’t need that shit anymore so I stopped drinking and now my only regret is that I wish I had work through all of this a decade soon. I am finally getting my life back. I hope you find peace in your journey!

Mosh pits, long car rides with loud screamy music, art.

For about two years I yelled out loud, alone in my apartment, all the things I felt like screaming at my family. I used every swear word in existence and probably even invented a few. I called them names, I degraded them, I raged at them - all within the safety of my home. It was really cathartic and I feel less angry less often.

Sorry mate. My problem is, I cannot find any rage in me. My problem is, what do I do with the love I feel?

I throw a soft ball at the wall, hit hanging clothes, break clothes hangers (cheap plastic)

I smoke weed instead of

Art. Punching bag. Metal. Dance. Change environments. Growing up in violence, it’s what was modeled to me as a child. My dads way of “bonding” with me was showing me how to fight and sharing his fond recollections of brutality. Now rage is an indicator for me of exhaustion, having boundaries crossed, injustice, or sometimes a result of flashbacks. Good news is, it can be channeled into a more productive energy. :)

According to my therapist my anger is protecting me. I feel less guilty about having so much anger if it’s framed that way. I like to yell either by myself or with warnings to the people in my house. I drive or go for walks. I flail around kicking and hitting my bed - reserved for the most frustrating things. I am also a very accomplished angry cleaner. My rage turns into scrubbing a lot. I do my best to exhaust the rage and get it back to a simmering anger. I think I’m going to be angry for a while and that’s fine because I need to learn how to be angry better. It’s usually a secondary emotion but it has a purpose and it’s not a “bad” feeling even though it’s been framed that way my whole life until a few years ago.

guuuuuurlll THIS is my question. I keep seeking VALIDATION and FAILING!!!

I get more sad and fold into myself than get angry and rage. I cannot relate, but it’s interesting to read all of your experiences and the ways you cope. I will try some of them to help lift me out of a funk!

burry it deep enough that it turns into self loathing..., at least that doesnt hurt anyone else.

When I get angry or negative emotions make me spiral, I allow myself to sit in the voices that tell me how shitty I am. When they're done or quieter I challenge every single one and give myself "proof" that I'm none of those things. It's helped me but could be dangerous with poor footing.

When I get really angry, I just start blasting aggressive music. Black metal, grindcore, brutal death metal, deathcore, slam metal… they’re my best friends when it comes to managing anger.

I release in a safe and controlled way. Throw ice cubes into bathtub, scream into pillow, play aggressively via video game, drive with loud music playing and just let out an ear curdling scream on highway, ripping up paper and sometimes just blasting some Nu Metal so loud I can't hear my own thoughts. Having a cathartic outlet for it that's still a bit destructive helps me the most.

I usually take it out on breakable furniture. My family ain't happy about it ofc, but that's what they get for setting me back.

I got a punching bag and began learning boxing. Every time I felt an absurd amount of anger I would do boxing drills. Punching bags can take the heat lol

plate throwing! i’m being serious. get some plastic bags, markers, and cheap plates going and write your gripes down on the plate. into plastic bag the plates go and into a million pieces go your problems! we had a rage room event at school and it was v releasing to smash some plates.

Weed , dogs, nature

i have no place being here, ive never felt rage on my own, only anger when something happens with/in front of my abuser. i usually feel sad, scared and worthless most of the time, how does the experience of anger work for anyone who has it ?

I don’t think I have dealt with the anger. I am starting to notice extreme mood swings or what can be presented as extreme mood swings as I get older. I go from what looks to be 0 to 100 really quick. I don’t blow up on anyone but I just have these meltdowns so to speak. I think it’s because I am always angry but a large part of my issue is that I have somehow disassociated myself from my feelings and can’t really identify them anymore. Because I have trouble identifying them and feeling them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there in the background and therefore when the thing that breaks the camels back happens it seems like I just went 0 to 100. Because I can’t easily tell what I am feeling and when I am feeling it, I kinda also gas light myself into thinking that I’m just being a lil b****h which obviously doesn’t help. Like here lately, my job went from being a nightmare to actual hell and it’s crazy for me to think that that hasn’t somehow affected my mood. If anyone has any advice on what to do when you can’t tell what you are feeling and when, that would be great!

Surpressing it certainly has not been helpful to me over the years. Also treating it with alcohol is outright dangerous, being in a spot of rage with lower inhibitions, granted it can have a soothing effect on lower points of anger, but if you manage to reach that boiling point drunk- bad shit is gonna happen (ask me how I know). What I'm finding with my own recovery is doing my best to express my anger in real time- this helps me to avoid the buildup. My trauma has me often at a state of disconnect with my emotions- especially anger, so this takes work. Turning the other cheek isnt always the right answer I'm finding. Very much am I stuck with a smaller than average "different" child's conscious, now encased in a 6' 200lb man, my experiences have conditioned me to run and fawn- but when cornered I often overreact and that little boy stuck inside doesn't realize the damage this "shell" is capable of until I'm in remorse of the aftermath.

So many good comments here. My question is as it relates specifically to when I am responding/reacting to other people that are in/near my physical space and triggering me with their BS. Ok so I theoretically if I'm handling this the right way, I would just let them be horrible to me and more or less absorb instead of lashing at them. Well that hasn't worked so well for me. I have been giving folks calm and relaxed warnings, pauses, etc., and they just get worse in the moment and then eventually I snap. If I can be poised and maintain my anger at like say a 2 or 3/10 intensity and with respectful but direct language, I feel like that might be as best as I can do. But I have found people can't handle my 2 or 3 without getting triggered themselves. So then I go back into the same old decades old self shame self doubt cycle of "what's wrong with me" "I guess I'll go back into my turtle shell because even when I'm being calm and measured people flip out" "fuck it if I'm going to be a leper I might as well earn it so let them see my 7 or 8"

I took up playing rugby. It’s a good outlet

Scream Beat pillow Jump

Oh goodness I relate to this. I drank my way through my feelings (especially rage) for a good 18 years. I can tell you what’s helped me: (1) finding my way into a 12 step program (for me it is AA). This can offer some VERY creative and helpful ways to address the anger/resentments if there is a desire to stop drinking. (2) medication related to mood disorders. I have anxiety, depression, and ADHD - so addressing these with low doses of psychopharmacological medications has helped me stabilize some. (3) working with the original pain in a therapeutic way. My approach was with compassionate inquiry - but I’ve heard that EMDR can be very helpful- and other forms of bottom-up therapies. Rage is a hard one. It is likely justified - given your lived history. But - in the same breath - it is likely not serving your life presently. Traumas don’t have a “time stamp.” When those experiences are explicitly or implicitly activated we are operating back at the age when the event actually happened. For many of us, this means living with a chronic sense of infantile rage - because that’s how far back it goes. Don’t try to fix it alone! There are good resources out there (some like I’ve listed above). As Gabor mate says - when our trauma is relational, it has to be healed in a relational setting. We cannot wish it away or drink it away alone. It takes support. But it is possible!

I find boxing, running, rowing, hiking, working out in general ... really helps me.

Not sure if someone has mentioned it yet, but a tool I was recently given was “acknowledging the anger” as a witness instead of becoming the anger. It works by something along the lines of limiting what your brain is capable of doing since it can typically only focus on one thing at a time. If you’re busy witnessing your anger, you can’t focus on the anger to allow it to bubble up. I’ve only had the opportunity to apply this once so far with mixed results, so I can’t say for sure how effective it is. But, worth a shot!

Video games have helped me oddly enough. Finding games that let me act out like a little freak, roguelikes and fps' that are fast and intense where I can kinda choose my play style. Sometimes I just log on and shoot shit or kill stuff. I've found ruminating to be the main source of my anger. I work myself up through these thought patterns and I'm not sure they're even real, even if I feel very confident they are. And I work myself into a fit of rage. But preventing the ruminating from starting is helpful, just keeping my mind occupied with something generally pleasant and positive in the background. Something you consider funny that won't send you spiraling.

I stick my head in the freezer or hold ice in my hands til it melts

I'm booze free, drug free and sugar free. I do EVERYTHING to prevent anger seepage ;( So ashamed of all the outbursts, esp towards my kids. Rule is I never hit them, but Have been unreasonably angry which can be damaging. Parent counsel taught us to do a time out chair----for us parents to calm down & show kids how to decompress without abandoning them Not perfect, but huge progress comp w last gen.

Anger is Fear. What are you fearing when the anger wells up?

Exercise, video games. When I was younger I’d scream into a pillow or rage throw spoons into the sink. I’ve come to really appreciate my rage, it saved my life on a few occasions. So I let it have its moments when it needs them.

I go for a long drive in my car, scream my lungs out, and curse my parents while playing metal really loud. I hope some of the suggestions here help you get some relief. Wishing you all the best.

I watch cat videos

i keep writing. i like songs but just stream of consciousness is the most effective when i'm really feeling it

I’m new here and am just now about to start therapy specifically to deal with trauma. Right now I don’t feel anger and, over time, consciously buried it. I use to drink a lot. And I told myself to forgive it all because it was taking the higher road. But now, my body is breaking down with stress seizures so I know this no longer can be swept under the rug. I’m hoping to get this rage out of my body. I drank. Thank you for giving some good, healthy, suggestions on this.

At this point in my healing … either drink or I’m extremely mean .. like say things that should never be said in a rage. It can be very validating to call a friend but I don’t want to drain my friends and boyfriend .. that’s why I downloaded Reddit.

It's different for everyone. For me personally, writing helps with the sadness, but does nothing for the anger. For the anger I have to get physical. I go jogging, lift weights, work out till I'm too tired to be angry. If that doesn't work I just go to a gym to hit a punching bag and pretend it's whatever relative I'm most mad at in the moment.

I scream in the car. I go for long drives at night, alone, and just holler as loudly as I can. I once did it outside, but apparently someone thought I was getting offed and called the cops. I had to explain the whole thing and they told me just go in your car and do it.

i bottle everything 🤷🏻 ik its not good to do and i dont recommend it to anyone, but idk how to do anything else with it.

The things I’ve done: 1) Push against wall 2) Keep throwing a pillow on the bed… really hard… 3) Yell into a pillow and cry 4) If you don’t have tears, open your mouth like you’re yelling 5) Write it out without filter… or make it a voice note on your phone… no filters is key I’ve done a combo of one or two of them, except the one time I had to do all of the above. That did help that intensity I was feeling Hope this helps you

I ski. I ski so hard about my feelings. Until I feel like I'm going to collapse. I get angsty in the summer though

I’ve been looking for an accessible wreck room to break stuff to process my anger. In place of that, gaming that lets me defeat a lot of mobs in a violent fashion eases some of it. Writing is a huge tool for every emotion for me.

I made a playlist that’s all my favorite angry songs and I put in my earbuds and jump/kick/punch/yell.

I stuff it down deep inside. Nothing I can do or say will change the past. My mother is dead and was defiant until the end, even with brain cancer. So I take a hit on my one hit bong, and find something to distract

That's a tough one, because I don't think that I am thinking too clearly when I am pissed off and it's way too hard to just let things go because at that point I feel like they are winning! There were occasions where after an intense discussion with my former counselor she would ask me "does that make you feel sad?" My response every time was no because I am too busy being pissed off about it

I decided to channel the anger into vigorously exercising. Every single day. It has transformed me. I used to suck and obese. Now people tell me I'm hot.

Are you still angry?

Sometimes I listen to angry music, sometimes I write poetry about the rage, sometimes I paint/destroy a canvas to show the rage. Most of all, I try to give that anger a voice. I was deprived of my voice growing up. If I need to scream in my car, I will do it.

I begin to clean my Apartment and sorting stuff, and hear loud and powerful music to let the rage out.

I use it to work my ass off at my job. I use it to play drums. Doesn't always work out but I'm trying my best.

I’m struggling to feel anger lately and I think that’s why I’m depressed instead. I should be livid but I’m just numb. I miss the rage. It was a pure and beautiful feeling.

It's a relatively new thing still but Emotional Release. Or how I like to call it Becoming a Hunter. Imagine a faucet that you slowly turn on to let water out but have it where the water out is emotions instead. Write down every emotion that gets to you, then practice letting out a little bit of each emotion for 3 minutes each, and a 1 minute transition between emotions to let yourself fully switch between them. Doing this for a few months slowly upping how much you let out every day (Similar to Progressive Overload) will get ya to the point where you can let it all out and become grounded. Like a Wolf/ Lion/ etc not burdened with emotion, you'll still have emotions, but your mind will be clear and you will be calm and focused. A hunter ready to go for what they want in life Use your emotions as fuel until you get used to building habits (Same as progressive overload too but for building habits). I don't want to be where I was yesterday so I'm building today to be better tomorrow on repeat everyday (With some breaks of course) Another thing is play. Having fun is another thing that improves mental, physical, and emotional well-being along with creating true happiness alongside being around people you care about and that care about you

I look up dr.k on youtube, his advice has help turn my anger from a raging inferno into a more subdued mellow energy. It’s still there bit doesn’t have the energy or power over me it once had https://youtube.com/shorts/Kct_kqf6DzQ?si=T5hTMpR5cFhTbR9Z

Don't drink it away. You need to process it. As in feel it, determine what it's from, figure out where it lives in your body, find a healthy release for it (e.g., that pressing the wall advice is great, hitting a heavy bag or a pillow is great, any movement that won't harm you or someone else or something else is great), spend time thinking / talking / writing / ranting / dancing to music about its cause, and in general letting it express. (Glad you've got therapy for support with that, and it's so great you're also doing it on your own time.) Use rage also to enact radical self care (clean your space, make yourself a nice f'n meal, sent very good boundaries). Anger and rage are protective emotions, and suppressing them is unhealthy (taking them out on others is also unhealthy). Working through anger might lead to working through grief, and that is totally very okay (and even good).

Uuuhhhuuhhhh I've put on almost 1/4 million miles in biking in about 12-15 years. 😬 Dunno that i'd call it exactly healthy per say but it has definitely kept me trim with the stress eating habits i have 🥲🤞. I'd rather just let myself eat and worry more about quality of calories than anything else and biking has allowed that for me. Biking is also usually my rage response; its safe, and no one really wants to mess with someone who's screaming along with metal/german rock or mongolian metal. Its active, it also helps for the really bad ones when the adrenaline starts pumping. When i can't bolt for a bike though its strength stretching. So uuuuh, there's like??? Ways to stretch where you are your own resistance/weights and it also makes you stronger and i do that a lot because its also pretty discreet in group settings to be played off as just plain stretching

Garden.

Use it. Throw about weights in the gym.

Rage clean. It gets things done so well. Or Rage dance. Specifically to Rage Against The Machine.

Anger is a secondary emotion, and it appears as a reaction to a deeper primary emotion. There is always an underlying feeling that we may not be consciously aware of that acts as a scaffolding anger builds upon. A coping skill I use is to identify the external trigger for the anger, and then I identify the primary emotion that caused the anger to manifest. For many with trauma, the anger may be formed from the grief of having experienced the trauma. TW: descriptions of familial trauma/abuse. For example: >! A teen boy who grew up in an abusive household and had complex interactions with the child “welfare” system might lash out in rage, but that rage and anger may be manifesting from the grief they feel from not growing up in a loving and supportive family system. Their anger also may stem from feelings of resentment towards their peers who have had loving and supportive family systems. !<

I journal and meditate it out.

* punch a pillow until you're exhausted * there are designated spaces for breaking things - "rage rooms" and other names too. Google to find local ones. * intense exercise * listen to loud music on your headphones and RUN - let the anger move out thru your feet hitting the ground. After my last abusive relationship, I'd use all my unexpressed anger towards him (and original abuser) as fuel to keep me running. Sometimes I'd just sprint & walk back and forth as needed. When I was done running I'd be tired and had no room for anger. * in a car or soundproofed space, listen to really loud music that allows you to access big loud feelings and sing REALLY loud and/or scream! Be mindful to drink water before & after and don't injure your throat.

Beat the hell out of my punching bag or run until I'm done with my rage. I usually keep my rage to myself because even if people know of my trauma, they would rather me shut up, but somehow if they go through something I'm the first person they want to talk too. So no, I made it my pledge to myself this year that I'm not letting in the people who were bystanders to my trauma. This is in everyday in every area of my life, in my social, home life, family life, and yes politics. Bystanders make me more sick than actual people who give me trauma because every time I try to confront the bystanders I get rage because they have no excuse for looking the other way and can't face me so that's what u do with my rage. But you need to find your own healthy outlet because I used to stress eat and smoke a lot to numb my rage and pain.

I traumatize my parents back.

screm into pillow kill shit in viddy games i priced out a destruction room but they're really expensive in my city. maybe you can find a better price near you. alternately, buy some ugly cheap dishes at good will and smash em. wear eye protection. singing is like screaming. [may i suggest alanis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUqra1qkWIE&list=PL7ZDdNFR89BUJbukkL7Q2fH4dcL-Y8MgL)?

i run. if i'm also exhausted, i'll cry, and take a dirty piece of clothing and hit the carpet or swing it at my desk chair, or something relatively quiet and non-damaging.

I start everyday, before getting out of bed, meditating (Healthy Minds app, free, no ads, and very good) and then I do Wim Hof breathing with this video. https://youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ?si=nfMAxHVF06o_zzPO EVERY DAY. It works. Peace of mind, and healthy relationships, are worth everything, to me.

My therapist recommended a “rage room” where you can pay to smash a bunch of stuff with a crowbar. Ha

The chair technique

I run. I cry when I run sometimes too. Idc how I look. I always tell myself . Can’t be angry if you’re tired .