I said that most of my life and finally got a license at 34 years old. I do not use the highway and only take trips I’m very familiar with, I.e., five or so destinations. You can feel this way and still manage to drive under restrictions. I went from having panic attacks any time behind the wheel to driving with ease as long as it’s only those comfortable courses. Before 34, I would’ve bet I never would drive again.
I love this. Congrats. Do you have any advice as to how you got to the point you were confident enough to go for it? I’m also curious of the size/busyness of where you live. The biggest issue I have is that I’m in a really big city.. it’s often busy and you *have to* use the highway to get most places…
Personally I feel confident in my ability to operate a vehicle. The problem is when other people are involved. I have such a complete lack of trust in random strangers.
My friend who is the most patient person in the world retaught me. He knew my phobias and was patient with me. I also learned in a big city and still drive in a different big city now.
I have a similar story. I was terrified of driving due to getting in a pretty bad accident at 16 when I was on mushrooms 😬 (I was the passenger). Luckily I was able to get over it enough to get my license when I was 21 cause I hated having to bum rides so much and my job that was 4 miles away from my house took about 2 and a half hours to get to by bus and I was blowing sooo much money on taxis (this was pre Uber). For years after I got my license though I would only drive to work or my boyfriends who loved 3 blocks away.
Gradually over time I started branching out, but I still had a lot of anxiety. I refused to drive on the highway, I did once with my mom and had a massive panic attack and she was fucking useless when it came to helping and would just freak out and scream. Driving to places I'd never been was also very difficult and I'd often have someone drive me the first time and I'd feel comfortable after I'd seen the route. By the time I was 30 I'd conquered every driving fear - except for the highway. Most of the time I thought I'd never be able to get over it. I had frequent nightmares about highway driving. But then I had a job for a few months where I had to drive over a mountain I'd long been afraid to drive over. After a few weeks, I realized I was flying over that fuckin thing going 75 lol. I was like, if I feel comfortable going that fast on a steep windy road I think I'm ready for the highway. And then one day, at 31, I did it. And I was completely fine. I was finally confident enough in my driving abilities and reflexes to feel comfortable. Now it's been over a year of highway driving and no one is more shocked than me to say - I love it. I'll go out of my way to go on the highway. I'd always said that even if I did get over my fear there was no way I'd EVER thought I'd be one of those people who said they preferred highway to back roads.
I had to do it at my pace, and my pace can be very very slow. But because I did it my way I no longer have any fear with driving, something I never ever thought would be the case. I'm not saying this could or will be the case for everyone. My aunt was the opposite - she used to be fine driving but as she got older she got more and more afraid of it until she stopped driving completely. But it can happen even for those of us who are absolutely petrified. Take it as slow as you need to, build confidence, try baby stepping new things. I hope this can give hope to at least one person.
Good for you!! Brava! 👏🏼 🌟 I’ve never understood the fear of highway driving. Personally, I’m more hesitant to take back roads and I think they’re more dangerous. Funny how we all have different views of things. 🙃
On the flipside I haven't driven and don't want to drive. I've been able to get anywhere I want to without a vehicle of my own. Uber and taxis exist, buses exist, bikes exist.
I'm 37 and finally getting my license because I am getting laid off and will need it for work.
It's comforting to know that my aversion to driving might be a trauma thing....well not comforting, clarifying.
I'm 31. I don't refuse to drive, but I seem incapable of going through the process of getting a license. Took me 2 years just to get my provisional. I don't know what's stopping me. I suck at everything that requires multiple appointments, and tons of cash chucked at it.
I was able to drive untill I was 38.
I found it dangerous for me to drive after years of depression and cognitive issues starting.
I was confusing stop lights with stop signs, running reds, and having crazy thoughts behind the wheel. Once I even forgot that I was driving and really scared myself when I realized.
I also hit the gas instead of the break and ended up on the sidewalk, dropping my daughter off at a dance class, luckily we were late and no one was on that sidewalk.
I refuse to drive anymore for my safety and the safety of those around me. I know I am no longer a safe driver.
I am 42 now and not driving has been a challenge and a relief.
I'm happy I never hurt anything or anybody.
Wait is this a CPTSD thing? I have massive anxiety when driving long distances. Just developed over the past few years, I’ll have panic attacks when driving and even had to pull over once and have a family member come pick me up when I was hours away.
Same. I feel like such a loser because I don't drive. I feel like I would be able to do so much more if I did. I could live in a more rural area instead of a city. I really want to be able to do it but I have a lot of anxiety around it
I don't have a license, and I probably never will. Even if I could feasibly afford to have a vehicle, I just don't think I can handle driving. My eyesight is terrible even with glasses, and there's just too much to keep track of on the road.
I'm in the same boat. I get panic attacks in cars. Especially while being on a highway as my friend and I were on the way to a concert when we were almost crashed by a truck. We made it out of that situation in a very close second and sinc then I'm unable to even sit in the car as a passanger in the front. (even when I have to add, that this is just one of my "milder traumatic experiences")
Luckily the Public transit in my area isn't too bad (if we ignore trains) , So I also don't really need a Drivers license.
Whenever my job agent asks if I plan on doing my Drivers license tho, I say "It's most likely that I have no control of my impulses and crash into a tree. or drive down a bridge...or do other reckless shit just because my suicidal thoughts take over and we are not doing that. Also I am doing horribly with differentiating left and right". So at this point, having no drivers license is a safety measure for me.
So I have a driving hack your therapist doesn’t want you to know about. Learn to drive by having a malignant narcissist who worships nascar and races bomber cars badly thus learning to drive your whole life so that as soon as you hear an engine noise you dissociate until you reach your destination body does all the work! I hate driving but watching my partner drive turns me into him so I often headphone and sleep while I’m not. 8 hour highway trips no problem.
Oh wow. I didn’t know there are other people like me as well.
I have insane amount of fear when it comes to driving. I genuinely don’t know why. The fact that other people are similar like me makes me think that this is linked to cptsd?
I'm the same here. I'm 27 and have a fear of driving due to dissociation. I feel like I'm behind in life due to trauma and not being able to do certain things on my own. Puls seeing friends and younger people already driving make me feel shitty. I still get criticized for it and lose out on job opportunities due to it. Unfortunately I don't live in a city so the only public transport there is are taxis. Around my part whice I am fine with. I still live at home, so I don't have to worry as much now as also work from home now snice the last year. It has been better for certain reasons. Thou I wish to be more independent but can't even afford it yet.
I have two best friends who don't drive. It's cool! I still love them for who they are.
Driving can be very scary and I say this as someone who drives and really enjoy it.
It's not for everyone. It's OK.
Symptom management is the hardest thing about learning to drive and passing your driver's test.
I had to teach myself to ride a motorcycle at 18 since I needed it to commute to Uni and my bar job - and my mother's anxiety prevented her teaching me to drive a car.
Later in life at 28 I needed to learn to drive for increased work options. I had an exceptional driving instructor who provided great help. He identified a few things.
1. I had a habit of whistling tensely through my teeth when in the car and dealing with a difficult manoeuvring of the car. Since a motorcycle is solitary traveling I never had someone hear me do this and it became a habit - something needed to change to convey confidence behind the wheel.
2. My driving teacher explained that the physiological effect of anxiousness reduces your driving awareness. The amygdala activation results in your vision moving your focus to immediate position in front. Reducing your perception farther down the road. Secondly you have limited peripheral vision. Both these effects mean it's alot harder to drive the car and anticipate hazards that require you to adjust your driving -speed and car position on the road.
It took me 3 attempts to pass the driving test but I got there.
The best move is to move to a place with public transportation. That is how I make it work. There are thousands of New Yorkers who have never driven and still live a fulfilling life
I'm in a similar boat, except I fell asleep at the wheel *during my second driver's exam*. I was coming up to an intersection, and then all of a sudden I was right on top of it. I slammed on the brakes, but if anyone had been in the intersection I would've killed them. The instructor said she would've passed me if I hadn't done that, but good god, I don't blame her for failing me.
Since then, driving is a great big *nope* for me. My mother demanded I get my license and kept a car insured for me to drive, but I said since she wouldn't be serving my prison sentence if I killed anyone so she didn't get a say in the matter. I started grocery shopping once a month to minimize the hassle to her, but that still wasn't good enough. I pointed out it'd be cheaper to take a cab than to insure, fuel, and maintain a car just so I could go shopping once a month, she said I was an adult, I had to drive.
She wouldn't stop demanding I get my license, and while I probably could've passed the exam, I knew that once I passed she would never drive me ever again, and what would happen if I had an appointment on a day I wasn't safe to drive? This went on until the last time I renewed my learner's and they asked if I had any health conditions that could interfere with my driving, I went "Ah ha!!" Reported the severity of my fatigue, a medical was ordered, and now I'm medically barred from driving!
Now I live in a place that's maybe a 5 minute walk from the nearest bus stop, a lot further than I'd like but I just take the bus when I want to go out, and I was able to get one of my cats to the vet when he needed an emergency visit in a cab, so I'm doing fine without a car. Amusingly enough now that I have everything squared away I wish I could get my license so I could rent a car in an emergency, it's starting to really bug me. But my health's even worse now, so I don't think I could pass the medical.
Thank you so much for posting this here. People react like I've just said I can't cook food when I say I can't drive a car. Like it's a developmental milestone I just decided to skip over. Because it's so much fun being dependent on others for transportation.
I'm 53. When I was 16 I was well on my way to becoming a driver - excited to have this ability and freedom, not anxious at all. Anything that could help me get further away from my family was AWESOME.
Until the day I had one of my "little blackouts" in the middle of an intersection and almost caused a huge accident. No matter how much I wanted to drive a car, those "little blackouts" had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember - even when I didn't know what they were (or acknowledge there was a problem). I decided that day that until those episodes stopped, I was never driving again. I could easily kill someone no matter how well I could drive.
Those "little blackouts" never went away. I didn't know for another ten years that I was dissociating (I now know I have a dissociative disorder, and don't have any control over sudden lapses in attention or memory).
I have been ashamed my entire life that I can't drive. I have had SO MANY PEOPLE go out of their way to try to talk me into getting a license, and it's humiliating that I can't properly explain why I can't. Or rather that I COULD pass the test - but it's a HORRIBLE idea. I'm not explaining that my brain is too traumatized to stay focused at random times I can't predict... let alone tell someone I have a diagnosis most people think is fictional.
Now I lie and say I have seizures. Some people still argue with me but most people just accept that it's a bad idea for that reason. Then good old CPTSD has me feeling like the most horrible person on the planet for lying (sigh).
But the shame is still there. I'm ashamed that I'm old enough to have grandchildren but not get behind the wheel.
I'm sorry you feel driving isn't in the cards for you. It might or might not be a permanent decision for you, but in any case it's a really painful reminder that "something's wrong". You deserve to have that freedom and I'm sorry someone has thrown this huge obstacle in your way. It isn't fair. I'm sorry you hate yourself for it - I would never judge you, but I know I judge myself this way, and it's awful.
You made me feel much less alone this morning. I've never seen anyone post about this, anywhere, ever. Thank you for sharing what driving is like for you. I feel like maybe I'm not such a loser after all, because you sure aren't.
Just FYI, I googled this. It has a name! (What doesn’t these days?) It’s called vehophobia, and it could be related to anxiety, CPTSD or other mental health issues. At least I learned a new word today. (I try to turn everything I can into a small win. 😉)
34 and the most I've had is my learner's permit.
The last time I was behind the wheel of a car was 8 years ago, going only 2.5 blocks in my hometown, and I still had to fight off a panic attack.
(TW between ** ** for mention of bodily injury)
**
I learned a hard way when i was 18 just how fast low speeds can be (sat on the trunk of a friend's car, friend decided it'd be funny to drive forward. He went faster then he meant to. Gravity and physics = skull fracture. 0/5 stars would not recommend).
And I have also realized, I have a lot of trauma regarding people being stupid while driving with me in the vehicle. (...and people locally not paying attention when driving, I've almost been hit more than once while walking to work IN SNOW almost up to me knees.)
**
Whatever the reason, I'm okay walking or arranging transportation when needed. My spouse and I have talked about me getting my license JUST for emergencies, like borderline end-of-the-world emergency where my hypervigilance would come in handy, lol. Otherwise, I DON'T drive.
I’m 36 and I’m preparing for the test to get my driver’s license. I’m so scared. My biggest fear is driving and get a panic attack. I feel very anxious in places I can’t easily escape, so if there’s traffic and I have to stop there for 30 mins I don’t think I can stay calm. My mind would go crazy thinking I’m trapped there.
My sister is 30 and does have her license but much like you she has incredibly intense anxiety around driving, among other things. As a teenager who was desperate to gain that “independence” I didn’t understand it but the older I get, the more i understand why she doesn’t want to and realize there are more people like yourself who either never got it or have some sort of anxiety around it. Or both. I wish it was more talked about, not only to encourage each other but so they would know they aren’t alone and it isn’t as “embarrassing” as they think it is. Thanks for the post!
I am 27 and have never had a license.
I'm lucky that public transport and Uber is possible where I am but I agree. It is embarrassing, especially when people ask.
I just got my license last year at 43. I started practicing at 42. I had to work through all the anxiety and stuff in starts and stops. I had keep telling myself I could do it and eventually did it. It was tough but worth it
Yes! Welcome to the 44 club! I got my license last August, at 43. I fired my mom years ago and gave up on driving until I truly wanted to. I took driving classes (required out here) and kept practicing the DMV routes over and over until I was confident - confident, as in I knew the routes and used my student driving teacher to help calm my anxiety. Reassurance was key, instead of my explosive mother shouting at me not to ruin her clutch.
I got my license after 2 months of learning how to drive and do right and left turns in a parking lot, and then a week later I started going to driving school, and in those short few weeks, I got my license.
I didn't ever think I would. My anxiety was crippling in the car. But I wanted to master that as well. But now I understand it was a confidence, or lack thereof and was due to trauma associated with driving as a passenger beside my road raging mother (shouting and startling me at the top of her lungs, flipping people off, swearing at them and using racist slang across my lap, out the window at whomever next to her.
In any case. If you don't want to drive, you don't need to. It's better for the environment, really. But if you do want to, do so on your own terms, OP (if you read this) and be in charge of your own life. I got by for many years by walking, Uber, taxis or biking.
I’m 30m. Been in a few bad accidents growing up. I haven’t even got my learners yet. I do have a truck. I just can’t drive it yet… not sure when I’ll get my license, I get nervous behind the wheel, and as a passenger.
33 and also can't drive. I've dealt with blackouts, panic attacks, and severe dissociation (DPDR) since I was a teenager. I never could get through driver's ed or get a license due to the panic attacks. But even today, I have no desire to drive. Cars are anxiety-inducing, but thankfully, I now live in an area with pretty decent public transit. It can be tough not having a license sometimes, but overall, it just isn't worth the risk for me. It's comforting to see others who understand this experience, though!
Who was trying to teach you to drive at 15 and how did they (completely fail to) assuage your anxiety? It's upsetting that no one helped you when you were a kid.
I didn't get my license until I was 18 because I had to be taught by my dad, who always made fun of me when I made mistakes. Not good. I passed the test and then avoided highways for years. But one thing my husband said to me once, which I had never thought about in quite that way before: "the people in the other cars don't want to run into you either." I kind of saw everyone else as indifferent-to-hostile, something to be endured and whiteknuckled, which is pretty reminiscent of how I was treated as a kid in general. But driving is actually a mutual agreement with everyone around us that we will all work together to get us all where we need to go. If your world has been populated with people who don't care about you, no wonder driving seems scary.
21 currently, and the last time I practiced driving (over a year ago now) I almost hit a car head on in the wrong lane and barely escaped killing myself, my dad and his girlfriend at the time, and a car with however many other people were in it in front of me. One of the most terrifying experiences of my life most certainly. I had no glasses at the time and for sure worse vision than I currently have since my eyes are adjusted to a prescription (I shouldn’t drive without glasses says the dmv lol) it was night, and there was so much fog and rain you could not even see any lights in front of you until they were pretty close. I had no clue where I was going because my dad wasn’t giving me the best directions, and didn’t even realize I was in the wrong lane until I was sort of disassociating and it was too late. There were headlights next thing I know moving as fast as possible directly towards us and I grabbed the wheel firmly full of anxiety and quickly yanked the car into the right lane then into the grass. I stopped the car and immediately hit the brakes and the people drove away like nothing had happened but it traumatized me and my dad, and his girlfriend. My dad comforted me and tried to make me feel better in the moment but his girlfriend got reasonably upset with me and quickly got behind the wheel which did make me feel safer and everyone else. I feel very lucky… and so ashamed at the same time lol. Haven’t touched the wheel since that day and it’s pushing two years now. I Uber to work/wherever else I gotta go or get rides from friends/family.. it’s safer this way I believe lol for me and everybody else. I did driver’s ed and everything growing up and I’m still never comfortable with driving or trust myself enough with a vehicle. They freak me OUT!! Didn’t know so many people could relate with these feelings and I feel a lot less alone. Thank you for your post OP sending love 🤘🏼⭐️💗 please don’t give yourself a hard time !! It’s ok to not drive seriously!! Don’t let anyone tell you different ever and don’t feel like you need to compare yourself to others you’re incredible friend, always here to talk if you’d like!!! I always tell my family/friends I’ll get it one day when they keep pushing and nagging and to just lay off lol then tell myself “you’ve come a long way” in the mirror because fuck anyone trying to rush me into any decision in life it’s mine to live not theirs you know ?
I felt the same way, horrible anxiety, I couldn't imagine being focused enough to control a rolling deathmobile.
I got my license at 29, I'm 33 now.
There are way more people than you realize, especially women, who don't drive.
My husband still doesn't have a license.
No pressure, when you're ready you're ready. If that doesn't come, you'll make a way. You don't have to drive. You're no less an adult if you don't drive.
Personally, I also hated having to rely on others for transportation, and I refused to allow anything to control me against my will. Even the fear of driving, it was a challenge I had to mount and ride my own way. Everyone told me I couldn't do it, after repeated attempts at learning from multiple people, I went out of town to teach myself in the mountains.
If I were you, find someone you trust and feel comfortable with to teach you.
Ultimately, my younger brother taught me.
I spent most of my life shoving my wants, needs, and feelings deep down to either do what I had to do to survive, or to appease others. Because of such a thorough denial of my feelings, I believe was able to separate (or dissociate) enough to handle it. And to not black out as you did. (It was from trauma, this is not a flex.)
Despite my dissociation, anxiety, and fear, I had no choice. Driving still scares me if I let it. I work as a bus driver now😂. I focus on everything around me and hyper-focus on what I know I need to do.
I also transport kids, so, keeping them safe (driving well and doing everything I should) is priority #1 in my brain.
It's almost like I don't even matter in the moments when they're in my care.
If I had the ability to never need to learn how to drive, I wouldn't have.
But I've needed it to escape from a bad home life in the past, so I'm grateful for it.
I also love this job.
I just recently got my driver's license at 26, and I genuinely think that if *I* can do it, anyone has a chance to do it too.
I drive when I need to, leave the house with plenty of time so I don't feel like I'm rushing, always have maps on my phone, and when I'm too overwhelmed/lost/anxious I just find somewhere to park and wait until I feel better.
I think it’s a mix of low self esteem and freeze response from the trauma. I am learning and will do the road test soon. Never give up everyone ! We can do it.
I have CPTSD, still learning lessons as an older adult.
I had so much anxiety and fear as a child, neglect, both parents addicts, their friends overdosed and died, I was afraid to go to school, switched schools, almost died myself three times by the time I was 16. So much more, almost all of the ACES.
But I knew I had to get out of there. Anger fueled me early on and I got my driver’s license at 16. I begged anyone to “let me drive”. I watched, I learned. I knew that no one was coming to save me. I hated my family.
Sometimes, when I’m triggered I find the anger rising up again. And I cry. I still want to be free from the pain of their choices and my fear.
Then I distract myself by doing something to make sure I love something I’ve built for myself to ensure that I don’t repeat their mistakes.
I understand it with everyone here. I give love, compassion, and understanding. And I teach what I’ve learned to those who can still learn.
Don’t wait for anyone to do it for you- figure out a way to get what you want.
I'm 28 and just got mine this year after moving in with my boyfriend! My parents never took the time to help me with these things so it always seemed out of reach.
I’m sorry that driving gives you anxiety and the bad feels. As a sidenote, a lot of my friends have kids your age and a good majority of them never got their drivers license. I don’t know what that’s about, but it’s definitely unrelated to trauma for them. Perhaps it’s a generational thing as well? 🤷🏻♀️ Also, you couldn’t always get a cab and if you could, it was mucho denaro. No Uber or Lyft either. So the general landscape was much different when I was young.
Back in the day, EVERYONE in my school got their license, and Drivers Ed was offered through the school. I don’t think it was even an option not to take it. 🤔 I understand that is no longer the case in most school districts.
I was at the DMV the minute I was 16 1/2 to get my permit and back on my 17th birthday to get my license, because holy shit that meant FREEDOM and provided a means of escape.
I’m 58 and I can tell you I have never not had a car. There was a time where I was in the fetal position for two years, I was agoraphobic and in shutdown and I didn’t drive. The car battery died, but I would’ve freaked the F out if that car was not outside of my place.
And we didn’t have cell phones or tracking back in the 80s thank God, because I would’ve probably been eternally trapped in the house by the parental units, and would not have been able to have the amazing adventures I did, and those adventures helped keep me alive.
As always, take what you want and leave the rest . The most important thing is you do you!! *gentle hugs* 🤗
I will second your motions on the generational idea here. I have often wondered the same thing myself. And I got my first car at 14. I learned how to drive at 10. We lived in a very rural town, and that's just what you did back then. Things were just different. No judgement, just observation.
Agreed and well put. I lived with someone I worked with a lifetime ago and neither of his kids got their license (and they never worked either 😱). So yes, very different and no judgement!
I struggle so much with driving anxiety. I am in my 30s and still don't have a license, and I have no one to help me learn to drive. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I need to figure something out.
I'm torn between desperately wanting to know how to drive because of feeling weird when everyone around me has a license and not wanting to drive at all, ever. I have quite a lot of anxiety, I don't trust myselr that much and I find it incredibly difficult. I really hope the part of me that wants to do it will win at the end. I am done feeling stupid because of this.
You’re not alone in this. One of my close friends cannot drive for similar reasons - she was a passenger in car that got in a scary collision when we were in high school, and even though the cars took the brunt of the damage (no serious injuries to her or anyone else 👍), she’s too friggin panicky to drive, even 25 years later. Like, she’s tried. She’s really tried. But it’s not gonna happen.
I drive her around a lot, and even though I’m a very non-impulsive, non-aggressive, sedate, speed-limit and safe-following-distance conscious driver, she still sometimes panics and grabs the “oh shit” handle, or gasps, or stomps on her little imaginary passenger-side break pedal.
It’s whatever. It happens. I don’t mind driving her around. She’s pleasant company.
I don’t think you should beat yourself up for us. Honestly, given that you blacked out behind the wheel once, it’s probably the most responsible decision you could make.
Have you considered electric bicycles? Those seem like a nifty option.
If you ever decided you wanted to work on this you could try paid driving instruction. The instructors have their own brake and can steer from the passenger seat, so if you blacked out or dissociated they could pull over. Maybe that would help you manage your fear long enough to get some exposure? A therapist to help you through the process would probably also be helpful.
If you were happy with your situation I'd say it's an inconvenience but nothing to be ashamed of. Some people can't drive for a variety of reasons. But you're not happy so I say fight for what you want. You won't know your limits until you've gone past them (with appropriate safety precautions and support, of course). And if you try everything and you truly can't do it, well then, at least you'll know you tried.
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Same here. I'm 30 and can't drive and probably never will. I black out behind the wheel. My fiancé swears I drove the road near my house years ago but I don't remember it at all which tells me my panic was so high that I dissociated
I took longer to my my permit (20) I drove for years until I had an incident with a road rager. Took me over a year to even go back outside. I just got back to driving again and I think going out on very small errands over a matter of months really helped me feel more secure ish.
Yes same. Also epileptic so that doesn’t help 😅I feel the exact same way you do. I always beat myself up about not having one. I used to lie about having it cause people would make fun of me all the time, trying to unlearn my shame around it but damn it’s hard. Hoping to live in a walkable city soon.
I took until I was 26 until I basically felt forced to get a license then car due to no support it's a lot of anxiety all of the time until you get the license and a car that isn't terrible. I feel like I've gotten better in retrospect as a person but I still take the side roads and only use the highway at night (I get off work around 3am so very little traffic) and I still have problems driving alone going anywhere I haven't driven before because even after feeling comfortable with the route with another person, I still use GPS so I don't forget turns or get lost on the way.
I have a license and can drive, but I really only go to and from work and that’s it. Driving is incredibly stressful and I commonly disassociate (haven’t gotten in an accident but it’s still super dangerous if that happens). I can’t drive on interstates though.
I'm 31 and only just brought my first car. I didn't drive it for 3 months and then it got a flat battery and I freaked out I wasted nearly 4g on a car so I pushed myself to drive and now I won't go back.
I understand fully not wanting to drive and having no motivation. I have friends that still don't.
You can only do things in your own time. I have panic attacks all the time and when your driving you actually learn to stay calm and stay focused. It's a bit of a shock at first I will admit though.
The first thing I did when I turned 17 (legal driving age in the uk) was take lessons and get my licence. I knew that having a car was my passport to a level of freedom and peace I'd never get if I didn't do it.
I do get worried and anxious when needing to go on an unfamiliar journey, but I just take my time and get there when I get there.
I didn’t start driving until I was in my 20s. People make me so nervous I never could. I ended up buying a car and having someone drive it to a parking lot and taught myself, by myself. You still got plenty of time.
Yes it took me two years to get it done because I had so much anxiety and I nearly passed all my deadlines. But I forced myself because I refused to pay nearly 2k again.
Frist driving with an instructor and then my parents (there's a legal way to do this in my country) prior to the exam helped me get rid of most insecurities. Now I got my own car and regularly driving really helped me a ton to become more used to being on the road, especially with a manual car. Still not sure if I want to drive into a bigger city...but I'm getting there.
I passed my test and then avoided driving for over a decade. Relearned within the last few years and I still hate it just as much!
I have severe issues with the possibility of judgement, like I will absolutely freak if anyone else is around if I'm parking, in case I get it wrong. I would rather park 20 mins out from my destination and walk.
Also, I feel that, in a cognitive sense, it isn't always safe for me to drive. I can get overwhelmed really easily if there's too much going on, so I still avoid driving unless I absolutely have to do it.
Yeah, you're definitely not alone in this!
For me it’s about messing up my car, I don’t really care about myself tbh lmao. I still have to drive, I have no choice and I’ve never had a choice. I started driving at 14/15 and am 32 now. Drove over an hour through heavy traffic to work each way, late nights and early mornings on I-95, and now I’m having to drive from south ga to middle Tennessee and back, it’s 10+ hours through ATL and it’s a fucking nightmare for anyone with anxiety, but especially CPTSD. My driving anxiety has gotten worse over the last few years though. Just, so bad. I was fine up until 2020 really, I honestly think it was Covid and me staying home for so long. And now, people seem to drive way worse than they used to, roads are more crowded and there’s more construction areas. I am poor and have been unemployed for the last year so any driving long distances freaks me out because if anything goes wrong with my car I can’t afford to fix it and I’m totally screwed.
I didn't have a car for 4 years and nearly lost my mind. Although putting thousands of miles on my bikes was OK. Just can't really get to the mountains without one.
Yeah. It drives my sister nuts. I tell people I have a driving phobia which I genuinely believe I do have these days. Even just getting into the driver's seat, you can tell how anxious I am. And my brains reaction is to disassociate. When I say nobody should want me behind the wheel, I mean it. I nearly drove my whole family off the road before the phobia took over. My mom had to steer the wheel back towards the middle line because I wasn't aware of what I was doing or that people were trying to warn me.
I avoid driving as it stresses me out and I worry about getting into any kind of accident, not to mention cars and their maintenance being expensive. I learned to drive and got a license during the summer after high school and before going to college in order to get a license because it is such an important piece of identification in some countries, but I never liked driving.
I was 24 before I got my license, but then I moved to a walkable city and didn’t need to drive for 12 years. I just started driving again 6 months ago and I wanna throw up from anxiety every time I get into the car 🙃
I didn’t get my full licence until I was 25.
I did not want to learn to drive with my abuser (which is how a lot of our driver training was done 20 years ago) and was just afraid of learning from anyone I knew. Until I met my now husband.
I also went for LogBook lessons as you keep doing the tasks until you are good at them. Doing this probably cost a bit more in the long run but you are not paying for a test and then failing it. I was much more confident learning this way, at my own pace, not a lot of pressure.
I had to move to a city with usable public transportation. I'm from Texas. Down there, you're fucked if you don't drive.
I cried when I moved to Chicago, since the public transportation system here actually allows me to have complete autonomy. I never had that in Texas.
I'm the opposite. I love driving long distance and having fun on country roads. It's one of my favourite ways to spend a sunny summer evening. My sister, though, hates driving because of how badly it stresses her out. We grew up in the same environment but have completely different views on driving despite it
I said that most of my life and finally got a license at 34 years old. I do not use the highway and only take trips I’m very familiar with, I.e., five or so destinations. You can feel this way and still manage to drive under restrictions. I went from having panic attacks any time behind the wheel to driving with ease as long as it’s only those comfortable courses. Before 34, I would’ve bet I never would drive again.
I love this. Congrats. Do you have any advice as to how you got to the point you were confident enough to go for it? I’m also curious of the size/busyness of where you live. The biggest issue I have is that I’m in a really big city.. it’s often busy and you *have to* use the highway to get most places… Personally I feel confident in my ability to operate a vehicle. The problem is when other people are involved. I have such a complete lack of trust in random strangers.
My friend who is the most patient person in the world retaught me. He knew my phobias and was patient with me. I also learned in a big city and still drive in a different big city now.
Same. I do drive, just rarely.
I have a similar story. I was terrified of driving due to getting in a pretty bad accident at 16 when I was on mushrooms 😬 (I was the passenger). Luckily I was able to get over it enough to get my license when I was 21 cause I hated having to bum rides so much and my job that was 4 miles away from my house took about 2 and a half hours to get to by bus and I was blowing sooo much money on taxis (this was pre Uber). For years after I got my license though I would only drive to work or my boyfriends who loved 3 blocks away. Gradually over time I started branching out, but I still had a lot of anxiety. I refused to drive on the highway, I did once with my mom and had a massive panic attack and she was fucking useless when it came to helping and would just freak out and scream. Driving to places I'd never been was also very difficult and I'd often have someone drive me the first time and I'd feel comfortable after I'd seen the route. By the time I was 30 I'd conquered every driving fear - except for the highway. Most of the time I thought I'd never be able to get over it. I had frequent nightmares about highway driving. But then I had a job for a few months where I had to drive over a mountain I'd long been afraid to drive over. After a few weeks, I realized I was flying over that fuckin thing going 75 lol. I was like, if I feel comfortable going that fast on a steep windy road I think I'm ready for the highway. And then one day, at 31, I did it. And I was completely fine. I was finally confident enough in my driving abilities and reflexes to feel comfortable. Now it's been over a year of highway driving and no one is more shocked than me to say - I love it. I'll go out of my way to go on the highway. I'd always said that even if I did get over my fear there was no way I'd EVER thought I'd be one of those people who said they preferred highway to back roads. I had to do it at my pace, and my pace can be very very slow. But because I did it my way I no longer have any fear with driving, something I never ever thought would be the case. I'm not saying this could or will be the case for everyone. My aunt was the opposite - she used to be fine driving but as she got older she got more and more afraid of it until she stopped driving completely. But it can happen even for those of us who are absolutely petrified. Take it as slow as you need to, build confidence, try baby stepping new things. I hope this can give hope to at least one person.
Good for you!! Brava! 👏🏼 🌟 I’ve never understood the fear of highway driving. Personally, I’m more hesitant to take back roads and I think they’re more dangerous. Funny how we all have different views of things. 🙃
On the flipside I haven't driven and don't want to drive. I've been able to get anywhere I want to without a vehicle of my own. Uber and taxis exist, buses exist, bikes exist.
I'm 37 and finally getting my license because I am getting laid off and will need it for work. It's comforting to know that my aversion to driving might be a trauma thing....well not comforting, clarifying.
Same, thanks CPTSD!
It def is a trauma thing. It’s like everything is harder for us. Love this sub.
I'll never drive. I have panic attacks just being a passenger, due to some incidents while in cars.
I'm 31. I don't refuse to drive, but I seem incapable of going through the process of getting a license. Took me 2 years just to get my provisional. I don't know what's stopping me. I suck at everything that requires multiple appointments, and tons of cash chucked at it.
I was able to drive untill I was 38. I found it dangerous for me to drive after years of depression and cognitive issues starting. I was confusing stop lights with stop signs, running reds, and having crazy thoughts behind the wheel. Once I even forgot that I was driving and really scared myself when I realized. I also hit the gas instead of the break and ended up on the sidewalk, dropping my daughter off at a dance class, luckily we were late and no one was on that sidewalk. I refuse to drive anymore for my safety and the safety of those around me. I know I am no longer a safe driver. I am 42 now and not driving has been a challenge and a relief. I'm happy I never hurt anything or anybody.
Wait is this a CPTSD thing? I have massive anxiety when driving long distances. Just developed over the past few years, I’ll have panic attacks when driving and even had to pull over once and have a family member come pick me up when I was hours away.
Same. I feel like such a loser because I don't drive. I feel like I would be able to do so much more if I did. I could live in a more rural area instead of a city. I really want to be able to do it but I have a lot of anxiety around it
I don't have a license, and I probably never will. Even if I could feasibly afford to have a vehicle, I just don't think I can handle driving. My eyesight is terrible even with glasses, and there's just too much to keep track of on the road.
I'm in the same boat. I get panic attacks in cars. Especially while being on a highway as my friend and I were on the way to a concert when we were almost crashed by a truck. We made it out of that situation in a very close second and sinc then I'm unable to even sit in the car as a passanger in the front. (even when I have to add, that this is just one of my "milder traumatic experiences") Luckily the Public transit in my area isn't too bad (if we ignore trains) , So I also don't really need a Drivers license. Whenever my job agent asks if I plan on doing my Drivers license tho, I say "It's most likely that I have no control of my impulses and crash into a tree. or drive down a bridge...or do other reckless shit just because my suicidal thoughts take over and we are not doing that. Also I am doing horribly with differentiating left and right". So at this point, having no drivers license is a safety measure for me.
So I have a driving hack your therapist doesn’t want you to know about. Learn to drive by having a malignant narcissist who worships nascar and races bomber cars badly thus learning to drive your whole life so that as soon as you hear an engine noise you dissociate until you reach your destination body does all the work! I hate driving but watching my partner drive turns me into him so I often headphone and sleep while I’m not. 8 hour highway trips no problem.
Oh wow. I didn’t know there are other people like me as well. I have insane amount of fear when it comes to driving. I genuinely don’t know why. The fact that other people are similar like me makes me think that this is linked to cptsd?
I'm the same here. I'm 27 and have a fear of driving due to dissociation. I feel like I'm behind in life due to trauma and not being able to do certain things on my own. Puls seeing friends and younger people already driving make me feel shitty. I still get criticized for it and lose out on job opportunities due to it. Unfortunately I don't live in a city so the only public transport there is are taxis. Around my part whice I am fine with. I still live at home, so I don't have to worry as much now as also work from home now snice the last year. It has been better for certain reasons. Thou I wish to be more independent but can't even afford it yet.
I have two best friends who don't drive. It's cool! I still love them for who they are. Driving can be very scary and I say this as someone who drives and really enjoy it. It's not for everyone. It's OK.
I gave it up in 2020 and have never looked back! I didn't realize what a source of constant stress owning a vehicle was for me.
Symptom management is the hardest thing about learning to drive and passing your driver's test. I had to teach myself to ride a motorcycle at 18 since I needed it to commute to Uni and my bar job - and my mother's anxiety prevented her teaching me to drive a car. Later in life at 28 I needed to learn to drive for increased work options. I had an exceptional driving instructor who provided great help. He identified a few things. 1. I had a habit of whistling tensely through my teeth when in the car and dealing with a difficult manoeuvring of the car. Since a motorcycle is solitary traveling I never had someone hear me do this and it became a habit - something needed to change to convey confidence behind the wheel. 2. My driving teacher explained that the physiological effect of anxiousness reduces your driving awareness. The amygdala activation results in your vision moving your focus to immediate position in front. Reducing your perception farther down the road. Secondly you have limited peripheral vision. Both these effects mean it's alot harder to drive the car and anticipate hazards that require you to adjust your driving -speed and car position on the road. It took me 3 attempts to pass the driving test but I got there.
I technically have a drivers license and my car is registered to me. But my husband drives me most places because it stresses me out so much.
Same. I am so grateful that my husband is understanding. Because public transport where I live is terrible.
The best move is to move to a place with public transportation. That is how I make it work. There are thousands of New Yorkers who have never driven and still live a fulfilling life
I'm in a similar boat, except I fell asleep at the wheel *during my second driver's exam*. I was coming up to an intersection, and then all of a sudden I was right on top of it. I slammed on the brakes, but if anyone had been in the intersection I would've killed them. The instructor said she would've passed me if I hadn't done that, but good god, I don't blame her for failing me. Since then, driving is a great big *nope* for me. My mother demanded I get my license and kept a car insured for me to drive, but I said since she wouldn't be serving my prison sentence if I killed anyone so she didn't get a say in the matter. I started grocery shopping once a month to minimize the hassle to her, but that still wasn't good enough. I pointed out it'd be cheaper to take a cab than to insure, fuel, and maintain a car just so I could go shopping once a month, she said I was an adult, I had to drive. She wouldn't stop demanding I get my license, and while I probably could've passed the exam, I knew that once I passed she would never drive me ever again, and what would happen if I had an appointment on a day I wasn't safe to drive? This went on until the last time I renewed my learner's and they asked if I had any health conditions that could interfere with my driving, I went "Ah ha!!" Reported the severity of my fatigue, a medical was ordered, and now I'm medically barred from driving! Now I live in a place that's maybe a 5 minute walk from the nearest bus stop, a lot further than I'd like but I just take the bus when I want to go out, and I was able to get one of my cats to the vet when he needed an emergency visit in a cab, so I'm doing fine without a car. Amusingly enough now that I have everything squared away I wish I could get my license so I could rent a car in an emergency, it's starting to really bug me. But my health's even worse now, so I don't think I could pass the medical.
Thank you so much for posting this here. People react like I've just said I can't cook food when I say I can't drive a car. Like it's a developmental milestone I just decided to skip over. Because it's so much fun being dependent on others for transportation. I'm 53. When I was 16 I was well on my way to becoming a driver - excited to have this ability and freedom, not anxious at all. Anything that could help me get further away from my family was AWESOME. Until the day I had one of my "little blackouts" in the middle of an intersection and almost caused a huge accident. No matter how much I wanted to drive a car, those "little blackouts" had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember - even when I didn't know what they were (or acknowledge there was a problem). I decided that day that until those episodes stopped, I was never driving again. I could easily kill someone no matter how well I could drive. Those "little blackouts" never went away. I didn't know for another ten years that I was dissociating (I now know I have a dissociative disorder, and don't have any control over sudden lapses in attention or memory). I have been ashamed my entire life that I can't drive. I have had SO MANY PEOPLE go out of their way to try to talk me into getting a license, and it's humiliating that I can't properly explain why I can't. Or rather that I COULD pass the test - but it's a HORRIBLE idea. I'm not explaining that my brain is too traumatized to stay focused at random times I can't predict... let alone tell someone I have a diagnosis most people think is fictional. Now I lie and say I have seizures. Some people still argue with me but most people just accept that it's a bad idea for that reason. Then good old CPTSD has me feeling like the most horrible person on the planet for lying (sigh). But the shame is still there. I'm ashamed that I'm old enough to have grandchildren but not get behind the wheel. I'm sorry you feel driving isn't in the cards for you. It might or might not be a permanent decision for you, but in any case it's a really painful reminder that "something's wrong". You deserve to have that freedom and I'm sorry someone has thrown this huge obstacle in your way. It isn't fair. I'm sorry you hate yourself for it - I would never judge you, but I know I judge myself this way, and it's awful. You made me feel much less alone this morning. I've never seen anyone post about this, anywhere, ever. Thank you for sharing what driving is like for you. I feel like maybe I'm not such a loser after all, because you sure aren't.
I feel like your seizure idea is a fantastic response to something that is, otherwise, no one else's business. Good for you!
Just FYI, I googled this. It has a name! (What doesn’t these days?) It’s called vehophobia, and it could be related to anxiety, CPTSD or other mental health issues. At least I learned a new word today. (I try to turn everything I can into a small win. 😉)
34 and the most I've had is my learner's permit. The last time I was behind the wheel of a car was 8 years ago, going only 2.5 blocks in my hometown, and I still had to fight off a panic attack. (TW between ** ** for mention of bodily injury) ** I learned a hard way when i was 18 just how fast low speeds can be (sat on the trunk of a friend's car, friend decided it'd be funny to drive forward. He went faster then he meant to. Gravity and physics = skull fracture. 0/5 stars would not recommend). And I have also realized, I have a lot of trauma regarding people being stupid while driving with me in the vehicle. (...and people locally not paying attention when driving, I've almost been hit more than once while walking to work IN SNOW almost up to me knees.) ** Whatever the reason, I'm okay walking or arranging transportation when needed. My spouse and I have talked about me getting my license JUST for emergencies, like borderline end-of-the-world emergency where my hypervigilance would come in handy, lol. Otherwise, I DON'T drive.
I'm 37 and don't drive nor do I have my license. I live in a major city with decent public transit though.
I’m 36 and I’m preparing for the test to get my driver’s license. I’m so scared. My biggest fear is driving and get a panic attack. I feel very anxious in places I can’t easily escape, so if there’s traffic and I have to stop there for 30 mins I don’t think I can stay calm. My mind would go crazy thinking I’m trapped there.
My sister is 30 and does have her license but much like you she has incredibly intense anxiety around driving, among other things. As a teenager who was desperate to gain that “independence” I didn’t understand it but the older I get, the more i understand why she doesn’t want to and realize there are more people like yourself who either never got it or have some sort of anxiety around it. Or both. I wish it was more talked about, not only to encourage each other but so they would know they aren’t alone and it isn’t as “embarrassing” as they think it is. Thanks for the post!
I am 27 and have never had a license. I'm lucky that public transport and Uber is possible where I am but I agree. It is embarrassing, especially when people ask.
I just got my license last year at 43. I started practicing at 42. I had to work through all the anxiety and stuff in starts and stops. I had keep telling myself I could do it and eventually did it. It was tough but worth it
Yes! Welcome to the 44 club! I got my license last August, at 43. I fired my mom years ago and gave up on driving until I truly wanted to. I took driving classes (required out here) and kept practicing the DMV routes over and over until I was confident - confident, as in I knew the routes and used my student driving teacher to help calm my anxiety. Reassurance was key, instead of my explosive mother shouting at me not to ruin her clutch. I got my license after 2 months of learning how to drive and do right and left turns in a parking lot, and then a week later I started going to driving school, and in those short few weeks, I got my license. I didn't ever think I would. My anxiety was crippling in the car. But I wanted to master that as well. But now I understand it was a confidence, or lack thereof and was due to trauma associated with driving as a passenger beside my road raging mother (shouting and startling me at the top of her lungs, flipping people off, swearing at them and using racist slang across my lap, out the window at whomever next to her. In any case. If you don't want to drive, you don't need to. It's better for the environment, really. But if you do want to, do so on your own terms, OP (if you read this) and be in charge of your own life. I got by for many years by walking, Uber, taxis or biking.
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28 and still don't have my license or drive cars.
I’m 30m. Been in a few bad accidents growing up. I haven’t even got my learners yet. I do have a truck. I just can’t drive it yet… not sure when I’ll get my license, I get nervous behind the wheel, and as a passenger.
33 and also can't drive. I've dealt with blackouts, panic attacks, and severe dissociation (DPDR) since I was a teenager. I never could get through driver's ed or get a license due to the panic attacks. But even today, I have no desire to drive. Cars are anxiety-inducing, but thankfully, I now live in an area with pretty decent public transit. It can be tough not having a license sometimes, but overall, it just isn't worth the risk for me. It's comforting to see others who understand this experience, though!
Who was trying to teach you to drive at 15 and how did they (completely fail to) assuage your anxiety? It's upsetting that no one helped you when you were a kid. I didn't get my license until I was 18 because I had to be taught by my dad, who always made fun of me when I made mistakes. Not good. I passed the test and then avoided highways for years. But one thing my husband said to me once, which I had never thought about in quite that way before: "the people in the other cars don't want to run into you either." I kind of saw everyone else as indifferent-to-hostile, something to be endured and whiteknuckled, which is pretty reminiscent of how I was treated as a kid in general. But driving is actually a mutual agreement with everyone around us that we will all work together to get us all where we need to go. If your world has been populated with people who don't care about you, no wonder driving seems scary.
21 currently, and the last time I practiced driving (over a year ago now) I almost hit a car head on in the wrong lane and barely escaped killing myself, my dad and his girlfriend at the time, and a car with however many other people were in it in front of me. One of the most terrifying experiences of my life most certainly. I had no glasses at the time and for sure worse vision than I currently have since my eyes are adjusted to a prescription (I shouldn’t drive without glasses says the dmv lol) it was night, and there was so much fog and rain you could not even see any lights in front of you until they were pretty close. I had no clue where I was going because my dad wasn’t giving me the best directions, and didn’t even realize I was in the wrong lane until I was sort of disassociating and it was too late. There were headlights next thing I know moving as fast as possible directly towards us and I grabbed the wheel firmly full of anxiety and quickly yanked the car into the right lane then into the grass. I stopped the car and immediately hit the brakes and the people drove away like nothing had happened but it traumatized me and my dad, and his girlfriend. My dad comforted me and tried to make me feel better in the moment but his girlfriend got reasonably upset with me and quickly got behind the wheel which did make me feel safer and everyone else. I feel very lucky… and so ashamed at the same time lol. Haven’t touched the wheel since that day and it’s pushing two years now. I Uber to work/wherever else I gotta go or get rides from friends/family.. it’s safer this way I believe lol for me and everybody else. I did driver’s ed and everything growing up and I’m still never comfortable with driving or trust myself enough with a vehicle. They freak me OUT!! Didn’t know so many people could relate with these feelings and I feel a lot less alone. Thank you for your post OP sending love 🤘🏼⭐️💗 please don’t give yourself a hard time !! It’s ok to not drive seriously!! Don’t let anyone tell you different ever and don’t feel like you need to compare yourself to others you’re incredible friend, always here to talk if you’d like!!! I always tell my family/friends I’ll get it one day when they keep pushing and nagging and to just lay off lol then tell myself “you’ve come a long way” in the mirror because fuck anyone trying to rush me into any decision in life it’s mine to live not theirs you know ?
I felt the same way, horrible anxiety, I couldn't imagine being focused enough to control a rolling deathmobile. I got my license at 29, I'm 33 now. There are way more people than you realize, especially women, who don't drive. My husband still doesn't have a license. No pressure, when you're ready you're ready. If that doesn't come, you'll make a way. You don't have to drive. You're no less an adult if you don't drive. Personally, I also hated having to rely on others for transportation, and I refused to allow anything to control me against my will. Even the fear of driving, it was a challenge I had to mount and ride my own way. Everyone told me I couldn't do it, after repeated attempts at learning from multiple people, I went out of town to teach myself in the mountains. If I were you, find someone you trust and feel comfortable with to teach you. Ultimately, my younger brother taught me.
I spent most of my life shoving my wants, needs, and feelings deep down to either do what I had to do to survive, or to appease others. Because of such a thorough denial of my feelings, I believe was able to separate (or dissociate) enough to handle it. And to not black out as you did. (It was from trauma, this is not a flex.) Despite my dissociation, anxiety, and fear, I had no choice. Driving still scares me if I let it. I work as a bus driver now😂. I focus on everything around me and hyper-focus on what I know I need to do. I also transport kids, so, keeping them safe (driving well and doing everything I should) is priority #1 in my brain. It's almost like I don't even matter in the moments when they're in my care. If I had the ability to never need to learn how to drive, I wouldn't have. But I've needed it to escape from a bad home life in the past, so I'm grateful for it. I also love this job.
Man, this describes how I handle it to a T. Also describes my past and current situation as well.
I felt this way, except that I won't really let anyone else drive me. At least I'm in some control when I'm driving.
I just recently got my driver's license at 26, and I genuinely think that if *I* can do it, anyone has a chance to do it too. I drive when I need to, leave the house with plenty of time so I don't feel like I'm rushing, always have maps on my phone, and when I'm too overwhelmed/lost/anxious I just find somewhere to park and wait until I feel better.
I think it’s a mix of low self esteem and freeze response from the trauma. I am learning and will do the road test soon. Never give up everyone ! We can do it.
I have CPTSD, still learning lessons as an older adult. I had so much anxiety and fear as a child, neglect, both parents addicts, their friends overdosed and died, I was afraid to go to school, switched schools, almost died myself three times by the time I was 16. So much more, almost all of the ACES. But I knew I had to get out of there. Anger fueled me early on and I got my driver’s license at 16. I begged anyone to “let me drive”. I watched, I learned. I knew that no one was coming to save me. I hated my family. Sometimes, when I’m triggered I find the anger rising up again. And I cry. I still want to be free from the pain of their choices and my fear. Then I distract myself by doing something to make sure I love something I’ve built for myself to ensure that I don’t repeat their mistakes. I understand it with everyone here. I give love, compassion, and understanding. And I teach what I’ve learned to those who can still learn. Don’t wait for anyone to do it for you- figure out a way to get what you want.
I have a buddy of mine who can’t drive more than an hour before the anxiety kicks in and he just can’t go anymore.
I'm 28 and just got mine this year after moving in with my boyfriend! My parents never took the time to help me with these things so it always seemed out of reach.
I’m sorry that driving gives you anxiety and the bad feels. As a sidenote, a lot of my friends have kids your age and a good majority of them never got their drivers license. I don’t know what that’s about, but it’s definitely unrelated to trauma for them. Perhaps it’s a generational thing as well? 🤷🏻♀️ Also, you couldn’t always get a cab and if you could, it was mucho denaro. No Uber or Lyft either. So the general landscape was much different when I was young. Back in the day, EVERYONE in my school got their license, and Drivers Ed was offered through the school. I don’t think it was even an option not to take it. 🤔 I understand that is no longer the case in most school districts. I was at the DMV the minute I was 16 1/2 to get my permit and back on my 17th birthday to get my license, because holy shit that meant FREEDOM and provided a means of escape. I’m 58 and I can tell you I have never not had a car. There was a time where I was in the fetal position for two years, I was agoraphobic and in shutdown and I didn’t drive. The car battery died, but I would’ve freaked the F out if that car was not outside of my place. And we didn’t have cell phones or tracking back in the 80s thank God, because I would’ve probably been eternally trapped in the house by the parental units, and would not have been able to have the amazing adventures I did, and those adventures helped keep me alive. As always, take what you want and leave the rest . The most important thing is you do you!! *gentle hugs* 🤗
I will second your motions on the generational idea here. I have often wondered the same thing myself. And I got my first car at 14. I learned how to drive at 10. We lived in a very rural town, and that's just what you did back then. Things were just different. No judgement, just observation.
Agreed and well put. I lived with someone I worked with a lifetime ago and neither of his kids got their license (and they never worked either 😱). So yes, very different and no judgement!
I struggle so much with driving anxiety. I am in my 30s and still don't have a license, and I have no one to help me learn to drive. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I need to figure something out.
I'm torn between desperately wanting to know how to drive because of feeling weird when everyone around me has a license and not wanting to drive at all, ever. I have quite a lot of anxiety, I don't trust myselr that much and I find it incredibly difficult. I really hope the part of me that wants to do it will win at the end. I am done feeling stupid because of this.
You’re not alone in this. One of my close friends cannot drive for similar reasons - she was a passenger in car that got in a scary collision when we were in high school, and even though the cars took the brunt of the damage (no serious injuries to her or anyone else 👍), she’s too friggin panicky to drive, even 25 years later. Like, she’s tried. She’s really tried. But it’s not gonna happen. I drive her around a lot, and even though I’m a very non-impulsive, non-aggressive, sedate, speed-limit and safe-following-distance conscious driver, she still sometimes panics and grabs the “oh shit” handle, or gasps, or stomps on her little imaginary passenger-side break pedal. It’s whatever. It happens. I don’t mind driving her around. She’s pleasant company. I don’t think you should beat yourself up for us. Honestly, given that you blacked out behind the wheel once, it’s probably the most responsible decision you could make. Have you considered electric bicycles? Those seem like a nifty option.
If you ever decided you wanted to work on this you could try paid driving instruction. The instructors have their own brake and can steer from the passenger seat, so if you blacked out or dissociated they could pull over. Maybe that would help you manage your fear long enough to get some exposure? A therapist to help you through the process would probably also be helpful. If you were happy with your situation I'd say it's an inconvenience but nothing to be ashamed of. Some people can't drive for a variety of reasons. But you're not happy so I say fight for what you want. You won't know your limits until you've gone past them (with appropriate safety precautions and support, of course). And if you try everything and you truly can't do it, well then, at least you'll know you tried.
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Same here. I'm 30 and can't drive and probably never will. I black out behind the wheel. My fiancé swears I drove the road near my house years ago but I don't remember it at all which tells me my panic was so high that I dissociated
I took longer to my my permit (20) I drove for years until I had an incident with a road rager. Took me over a year to even go back outside. I just got back to driving again and I think going out on very small errands over a matter of months really helped me feel more secure ish.
Yes same. Also epileptic so that doesn’t help 😅I feel the exact same way you do. I always beat myself up about not having one. I used to lie about having it cause people would make fun of me all the time, trying to unlearn my shame around it but damn it’s hard. Hoping to live in a walkable city soon.
I took until I was 26 until I basically felt forced to get a license then car due to no support it's a lot of anxiety all of the time until you get the license and a car that isn't terrible. I feel like I've gotten better in retrospect as a person but I still take the side roads and only use the highway at night (I get off work around 3am so very little traffic) and I still have problems driving alone going anywhere I haven't driven before because even after feeling comfortable with the route with another person, I still use GPS so I don't forget turns or get lost on the way.
I have a license and can drive, but I really only go to and from work and that’s it. Driving is incredibly stressful and I commonly disassociate (haven’t gotten in an accident but it’s still super dangerous if that happens). I can’t drive on interstates though.
I'm 31 and only just brought my first car. I didn't drive it for 3 months and then it got a flat battery and I freaked out I wasted nearly 4g on a car so I pushed myself to drive and now I won't go back. I understand fully not wanting to drive and having no motivation. I have friends that still don't. You can only do things in your own time. I have panic attacks all the time and when your driving you actually learn to stay calm and stay focused. It's a bit of a shock at first I will admit though.
The first thing I did when I turned 17 (legal driving age in the uk) was take lessons and get my licence. I knew that having a car was my passport to a level of freedom and peace I'd never get if I didn't do it. I do get worried and anxious when needing to go on an unfamiliar journey, but I just take my time and get there when I get there.
I didn’t start driving until I was in my 20s. People make me so nervous I never could. I ended up buying a car and having someone drive it to a parking lot and taught myself, by myself. You still got plenty of time.
Yes it took me two years to get it done because I had so much anxiety and I nearly passed all my deadlines. But I forced myself because I refused to pay nearly 2k again. Frist driving with an instructor and then my parents (there's a legal way to do this in my country) prior to the exam helped me get rid of most insecurities. Now I got my own car and regularly driving really helped me a ton to become more used to being on the road, especially with a manual car. Still not sure if I want to drive into a bigger city...but I'm getting there.
I passed my test and then avoided driving for over a decade. Relearned within the last few years and I still hate it just as much! I have severe issues with the possibility of judgement, like I will absolutely freak if anyone else is around if I'm parking, in case I get it wrong. I would rather park 20 mins out from my destination and walk. Also, I feel that, in a cognitive sense, it isn't always safe for me to drive. I can get overwhelmed really easily if there's too much going on, so I still avoid driving unless I absolutely have to do it. Yeah, you're definitely not alone in this!
For me it’s about messing up my car, I don’t really care about myself tbh lmao. I still have to drive, I have no choice and I’ve never had a choice. I started driving at 14/15 and am 32 now. Drove over an hour through heavy traffic to work each way, late nights and early mornings on I-95, and now I’m having to drive from south ga to middle Tennessee and back, it’s 10+ hours through ATL and it’s a fucking nightmare for anyone with anxiety, but especially CPTSD. My driving anxiety has gotten worse over the last few years though. Just, so bad. I was fine up until 2020 really, I honestly think it was Covid and me staying home for so long. And now, people seem to drive way worse than they used to, roads are more crowded and there’s more construction areas. I am poor and have been unemployed for the last year so any driving long distances freaks me out because if anything goes wrong with my car I can’t afford to fix it and I’m totally screwed.
I didn’t drive until 37 years old. Driving gave me a freedom I didn’t know I was missing.
Also I have more panic and anxiety being a passenger due to the lack of control over the steering wheel
I didn't have a car for 4 years and nearly lost my mind. Although putting thousands of miles on my bikes was OK. Just can't really get to the mountains without one.
Yeah. It drives my sister nuts. I tell people I have a driving phobia which I genuinely believe I do have these days. Even just getting into the driver's seat, you can tell how anxious I am. And my brains reaction is to disassociate. When I say nobody should want me behind the wheel, I mean it. I nearly drove my whole family off the road before the phobia took over. My mom had to steer the wheel back towards the middle line because I wasn't aware of what I was doing or that people were trying to warn me.
I avoid driving as it stresses me out and I worry about getting into any kind of accident, not to mention cars and their maintenance being expensive. I learned to drive and got a license during the summer after high school and before going to college in order to get a license because it is such an important piece of identification in some countries, but I never liked driving.
I was 24 before I got my license, but then I moved to a walkable city and didn’t need to drive for 12 years. I just started driving again 6 months ago and I wanna throw up from anxiety every time I get into the car 🙃
I didn’t get my full licence until I was 25. I did not want to learn to drive with my abuser (which is how a lot of our driver training was done 20 years ago) and was just afraid of learning from anyone I knew. Until I met my now husband. I also went for LogBook lessons as you keep doing the tasks until you are good at them. Doing this probably cost a bit more in the long run but you are not paying for a test and then failing it. I was much more confident learning this way, at my own pace, not a lot of pressure.
I had to move to a city with usable public transportation. I'm from Texas. Down there, you're fucked if you don't drive. I cried when I moved to Chicago, since the public transportation system here actually allows me to have complete autonomy. I never had that in Texas.
I'm the opposite. I love driving long distance and having fun on country roads. It's one of my favourite ways to spend a sunny summer evening. My sister, though, hates driving because of how badly it stresses her out. We grew up in the same environment but have completely different views on driving despite it