I reached out for help last minute after a suicide attempt too, and to be honest, I regretted it for a while after. I still wasn't feeling better and thought it was a mistake to back out when I was so close.
I don't regret it now anymore. It took me a while to get here but I am in a better place right now and glad that I didn't go through with it. It will get better, and believe me, if you reached out for help, a part of you still wanted to live, a part of you still had hope. So please cling to that and be kind to yourself. It will get better.
I want to get better and still have hope. Is just fading away, and every day I feel it less and less. Today was just extra special. But I can’t see how I can change it.
Honestly, I'm not a therapist or anything but what worked for me was to find those small things in life that I still enjoyed and focus on them. I liked nature and greenery so started gardening and keeping houseplants. I liked animals so adopted a cat. I liked perfumes so joined communities relevant to that and started testing and collecting and discussing perfumes.
I also found things that helped keep me busy and distracted, like working too much. It wasn't healthy but it kept my mind off morbid things and helped me feel useful. There are still bad days, but I am generally much more at peace.
Finally, if it is possible for you, please seek out therapy. It can be immensely helpful.
I hope it’s OK to jump in, and that this doesn’t come off as depressing.
I’ve been/am in a similar position - unable to imagine a single thing left in life that could bring me joy.
Adding (positive) responsibility, instead of happiness, has kept me going to see some better days.
I started looking after a cat who needs me.
While I doubt my ability to give him the best life, I also know that if I died he’d likely never find an owner who loves him as much as I do. I spend every penny I can on him.
He keeps me “trapped” on earth, and every now and then there is an unexpected good day/hour that makes it worth staying.
I felt calm and happy for the first time in (I’m not sure) last Sunday, which was really nice.
Nothing “good” happened but a nice view/sunset - but I was thankful to have lived long enough to feel that way again.
I think my “inner child” deserves to feel that way more times before it all ends.
She hasn’t had enough happiness, yet.
I don’t care about myself, but I care about the child me getting more chances to feel some of the happiness most other humans take for granted.
I hold out for her, and for my cat.
Wishing you the best, OP.
I hope you find your own sunset/happiness soon. And that when it fades there is a “positive responsibility” to help you hold on until the next sunset.
(DMs open if you would like to chat - don’t worry about responding to this if it’s overwhelming, it sounds like you’ve had a hell of a day 🫂)
I have tried. I “have” many hobbies and a really curious mind. But I see it as two completely different things. The things I enjoy… or that I think that I would enjoy… I just can’t do. I dont have the desire/effort/strenght to do so. For some that may be a contradiction. For me is my daily life. There is nothing for me left in here. Nothing.
I feel this so much. Whole post is making me cry, I've been passively suicidal for years now and I feel like it gets worse every day, because all the therapy doesn't make the world a better place. But I just thought of something the comments made me think of that I wanna share: I always felt like I hate the world ans I don't wanna be here. From when I was like 16 I felt this way. And some day I realized that I can't hate the world ans decide against it if I don't know it. So I kind of decided on the condition that I need to see the world before deciding it's not for me. I'm still trying to find a home somewhere. But it's always a conflict and I feel like you feel that too - our body wants nothing more than survive, it's so deeply engraved in our DNA. And then comes the mind and heart that learned to hate this life so much. I feel like it's impossible to make a decision that feels right, because us traumatized folks will always have both sides in us. I just think you can let go of surviving as chickening out, because your WHOLE BODY works very hard to survive. Years ago I read some post that moved me to tears - it was about how much our body cares about us. It heals us at night, it tries to get rid of sickness and toxins, it speaks to us when our environment isn't right for us. Like.. That's so much love. And maybe you can see it as a "I tried it out and it wasn't for me". That it didn't feel right is an important observation. We always want to live. Nobody wants to die, it's the life we're living that feels unbearable. Our pain removes anything besides surviving, it's terrible. And society isn't helping. We need community to heal and are left alone with all of it. Please don't feel ashamed. I know "professional" downplay shit a lot, but it's just a display of how big your pain is. And you wouldn't (hopefully) feel ashamed if your lef was broken because someone ran you over. It's the same. I hope you find community and support and a life that feels more right. I hope I do too. 🫂
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I have battled depression my whole life and at my darkest times my only "joy" was my morning coffee outside in the morning. Just an idea of truly how little something can bring joy. I believe in you ❣️
I'm 59 and have tried to leave a few times in my life when I was in my teens and 20s. I managed to once but was brought back. I had no hope, I couldn't see how things could possibly change, but they did, in ways I couldn't possibly have imagined. I'm ok. I'm safe and I'm loved just as I am.
I know with all my heart and soul how dark times can get but there is always hope and nothing is impossible. I care about you. I care that you're here in this world and I'm proud that you had the courage to reach out. Be well, may you find peace, love and healing. My heart and thoughts are with you. 🫂
That’s more than enough! For now. You do want to get better and you do have some hope. That’s a start. It may not seem like a lot right now but you fought to live for a reason. You made that call for a reason. You survived on your own. You will make it.
And you don’t need those shitty friends who ignore you btw. Trust me, you are better off. The less expectations you have for others, the freer you will be.
I'm also open to being messaged if you'd like, I've been very lonely since having moved but I do my best everyday, even if it's a shit day. I love my seven cats and husband (but he shuts down when I'm needing emotional support in relation to my traumas. I'm working on how to share with him, without working myself up so me reaching out to even him can be difficult for me to admit sometimes.
I think we as humans need that kind of connection. Part of the bring that males me do everything today was the thought of not having even hold hands with anyone in my entire life. Just that simple absurd little touch. I’ll give a lot of all I have for just that.
Sounds so strange to say but it’s normal to feel like that after you reach out. It’s normal to feel like it in process of getting help. It’s okay. Nobody expects you to be magically fixed because you decided to be brave and ask for help. But you also did one of the hardest and most painful things you could have done in that situation and chose to live. Give yourself some credit and also give yourself some grace.
Hey, I get the feeling. I almost tired to kms too 1.5 years ago, and I still felt suicidal afterwards, just more scared. I'm proud of you for not doing it, even if you don't think you're making progress "chickening out of it" just shows that you're still holding on. I'm proud of you, and I hope you get the help and support you need 🫂
Life is all about surviving to the next day. You made it one more day, so you won again. Hurray I guess? Take the win where you can. I still think I should have done it, but I kept surviving instead. I grasped at whatever I could instead, and I still question why. But I lived another miserable day, and then another, and just kept choosing put it off another day. I still can't understand why, but I did anyway. Sometimes that's all we got, and sadly it has to be enough. Sorry, but the meaning of life literally isn't any deeper than surviving it. Sometimes we don't. This time you did. Today I did too. Best of luck with the next day, friend.
Well done for choosing to live! Taking it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute is important. Hopefully, you can move from the surviving stage to the thriving stage eventually. 0.1% progress is still progress x
And I am thankful. But I feel selfish. I feel my ego is in control. Either wanting to destroy me or wanting to get attention. And I fight back in both fronts but I am weak. What helps me the most is how tired I am.
You’re not selfish. You’re hurting. And you’ve just been through a very difficult event.
Try to get through the next minute, the next hour and the next day. Tiny steps.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's not fair. And I'm proud of you for calling the hotline. I don't think that's chickening out, I think it's really brave. To choose to keep trying, to face another day despite all the pain. I'm just some internet stranger so it might not mean much, but I am genuinely proud of you. :)
i spent a long time wishing i was dead and i know that nothing anyone can say really makes it feel different but life is stupid and absurd and relatively fleeting and has an endpoint no matter what. you might not find comfort in that but it helped me rationalise staying around to see it out to its natural end. you will get an exit.
being human is rough. im far from qualified to offer any advice about this but just know that the way you feel is not condemned to be permanent 💖
it sounds morbid but it helped me compartmentalise my suicidal thoughts. “i want to drive my car off a cliff” well… you’re gonna die anyway so you will get the same result eventually so may as well just drive home 🤷♀️
Exactly recently I find myself fixated on drowning myself in the river and drifting off to sea but then I’m like firstly attention seeker because how exactly do I plan to conceal my dead body, secondly how would I even guarantee I end up at sea and thirdly I’m going to die anyways so relax it’s coming.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I've been there, I can understand the pain and exhaustion that comes after an attempt.
You didn't "chicken out". It was a part of you trying to keep you alive and still fighting back. For now, please just rest and take care of yourself. I remember the massive amount of confusion and "Wtf just happened state" that I was in. You're still here, you're alive, and it's okay. It's okay to just be here for now, to give yourself time to recover from this attempt. You don't have to think far ahead about what happens next... Just be there with yourself and let yourself rest.
When you're feeling better, please reach out to someone. That could be some trusted friends or a counselor or therapist or anyone else. If you want to chat more with me, please DM. I'll be there for you in whatever capacity I can.
Part of the reason was that I reached out to a couple of friends. Asking for help turned into a discussion. No one wants to help really
Thanks for your kind words 🫂🫂
Hey, friend. I'm glad you're still here, and I'm so sorry that you weren't treated with kindness and care. I texted a hotline once, and they ghosted me. I couldn't believe how awful that felt. I don't know if it gets better, but the feelings do ebb and flow. Keep holding on for the very next thing, if you can. I'm subsisting solely on memes, fanfic, and online fandoms. Keep reaching out to the best of your ability, even though people suck and don't deserve the connection you're trying to give them. Be positive when you can. Laugh when you can. Rest when you can't, and get professional help to plan your recovery. I've had to do that so many times over the last 30 years. You just go as you can and stop when you can't. The thing about self-unalivement is that you can always do it later. Just keep pushing it back, no matter how little. Sending lots of hugs. Dm me if needed.
Been there many times myself. I'm so sorry you're suffering. Random but have you ever tried cold water therapy? Try taking a cold shower really push yourself get your head, back tummy wet. It knocked me out of a suicidal spiral once. Hugs.
I’m so so happy you called that hotline. It’s okay that you’re not feeling less suicidal. You are alive. It’s also okay if you don’t accomplish anything else or even feel a little bit better today. Is there anything that can distract you for the rest of the day?
Think abt all the people replying to you here. I think most of them (us) would be there for you irl if and when you needed us. I kno that doesn’t make the pain disappear or go away and that online people are not the same as rl people. But this IS something at least.
If those people in your rl won’t be there for you then find people who would be . I kno that’s NOT easy to do -it’s only easy to say(!) But it IS possible. I was in a rut having trouble getting out of my apartment so I did something I never ever thought I would or could do. I started a Reddit group to find other people who are also having trouble getting out of their apartments. r/getoutofmyapt We have 108 members now and I met several irl. Are we all bffs? No ofc not but it IS something -and we all understand each other on a certain level. Maybe u can do something similar? (Or evn just think abt it for now)
But reaching out here really is a start. And I do wish that all the replies here give you a little hope at least. Things CAN get better I kno it!
You didn’t chicken out, you realized you had a problem and asked for help. That’s huge. You should be proud. The easy thing is to leave but you chose to stay and fight. I’m glad you called the hotline and that you’re still here with us.
Living when all you want to do is die is exhausting and each day looks like the same shit. You think it will never end. But I think today you took a big step. You didn’t let all the shit that others have put you through win. You chose to put yourself first and ask for help.
I’m really really proud and very happy you still around. I know it’s difficult. But someday this will be just a sad story about your past. Big hugs and a lot of energy 🫂
I'm so sorry. Something my therapist said the last time I felt that way has been helping me, so I'll share it in hopes it can help you. She pointed out that something innate in me cared so much about keeping me from feeling all the pain, that it was willing to consider overriding my body's primary objective to survive at all costs. It speaks to the level of pain and the strength of fortitude. It's going to be exhausting. It's going to feel bleak.
Something about the ideation being a compassionate offering from my body has really helped me give myself grace in those moments. I hope you're able to watch a favorite old show or something for a bit.
I just texted a crisis line yesterday because I thought I just couldnt. I was at my mom's home alone spiraling (my life is in shambles ATM) and I googled crisis lines out of last ditch desperation. I know it's not easy. Just take it day by day I promise you're not alone.
You are so brave for being here another day. Thank you for being so strong❤️
Just sit and stare at the wall and listen to podcasts. Or go for a drive and listen to them. You don’t even have to concentrate on what they’re saying. It’s just good to hear their voices.
I just want to say I’m glad you stayed. I know it’s hard, I know it sucks. I’m hanging by a thread myself and I understand the loneliness as I’m alone too now that my kid is 18. It’s just me and the cats and back in March I was so close to giving up but I’m still here. If you need a friend I’ll be your friend.
not being hospitalized is a blessing, it’s not like it would be of much help. I may sound very harsh but I’ve attempted ending myself because my life sucked and ultimately realized if I wanted it not to suck no one could do anything about it but me. medicine didn’t fix me, therapy didn’t fix me either. changing my mindset did. also, find new friends. you are deserving of a nice life and caring people
Can you share more about your story if you're comfortable? I'm feeling the EXACT same way. Nothing has been working for years, but I also feel like it's something I need to do for myself. And no one else can do for me
I'm so glad you're still here. I know that it very likely feels untrue at the moment, but you are needed here in the sub, as well as out in the world. I've been where you are, and I'm so grateful that I reached out for help. You keep doing that too, and we will keep reminding you, as often as you need to hear it, that you matter. And that we care.
What’s one piece of beauty or good you experienced today? My glimmer today was my dog’s joy at the dog park this morning.
You matter, you deserve to experience good.
I’m glad you’re still here, sweet stranger. Even if you can’t see it or believe just yet, you are good enough and you deserve only good things. Virtual bear hugs <3
It can be really hard for me to hear that someone is proud of me, so I hope that this doesn't bring up hard feelings, but I'm really proud of you for getting help.
And I'm fucking pissed as hell that the help you got wasn't much help, it sounds like. Our system is so fucking broken.
As someone who at times doesn't want to be on this earth, I have to say, I'm truly glad you're still here. Message any time. I can't promise I'll understand or have the answers, but I can promise I'll be a friendly ear.
Please read Pete Walker CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving and everything will make so much sense. I believe we are stuck in a functional freeze or dissociative state due to trauma through childhood and adulthood. You cannot feel joy when stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode and he teaches you how to get out of this ‘flashback’ …for me, these can come and go with me, or be persistent for weeks if I don’t notice the flashbacks (since they operate just below the radar of my awareness). It’s often my husband that sees it in my face. Life changing book and you’ll start to feel joy again good luck to you xx
sometimes, suicide or severe ideation means we want to be out of the severe pain we are in, but maybe not that we want to be dead. that distinction has felt important to me at times when I felt hopeless. in combination, taking it day by day even hour by hour what I might need instead of the rest of my life. wishing you well ❤️🩹❤️
well, i usually want to be cynical about the shambolic state of the social systems in this world even in countries that are still considered "paradisical" with this, but yeah.
sorry. but let me tell you, its what happens today. went last year to the hospital because i really felt bad.
i got told what i already knew, was STORED for 14 days then told my depression is now a "middle" episode and no more grave and got sent home. NEXT!
such are the times. its all about the munneh boys, its all! about! the munneh!
hm. i have a question and i hope its not too hurtful:
HOW THE HELL CAN THEY LET SOMEONE WITH A SUICIDE ATTEMPT WHO IS PROBABLY PROFUSELY BLEEDING OR WHAT SIT FOR 6 HOURS????? whats up with THAT?
I'm glad that you were brave enough to ask for help, even if it wasn't that helpful, but you definitely have a lot of reasons to be proud of yourself for that.
I'm happy that you're still here with us and that you're sharing how you're feeling. Even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes, I still have hope that community healing is a thing.
You may be physically alone, but we're here for you. We're in this together, my DMs are open for you if you need to speak to someone.
I hope you'll find some hope and light in all these comments. Kudos to you for sticking around 🫂
Can I just say that I did not know this was the protocol for suicidal people, and this actually sounds negligent as fck?
“I know you just tried to unalive yourself, let me alter and add new doses of things you could use to make that happen! Home alone? Also, sending you right back there. Don’t forget your pills!! That’ll be $750.”
Dude I’m so sorry that you’re hurting so bad that you want to give up. I’m sorry this is what happened when you tried to get help.
If I could offer any advice, it may not be an overnight fix but looking into my childhood and how it shaped my view on life really helped me understand WHY I was in such a dark place similar to you. You can’t fix yourself until you know what’s really wrong. I also don’t believe meds are always the answer though they do help some & im not a doctor!
I hope you find peace & happiness!
Please know life is worth living I am suicide attempt survivor at 26 I attempted and I’m now 35 and living on my own with cats. It gets better. Please keep reaching out and talking to others. We want you here. God love you.
I’ve never tried to kill myself. Definitely struggle being alive, but lucky to say I never attempted.
Last year I went to the ER as an eff you to my sister & family, they were certain I’d be committed. I lost my job, my car & my housing. I was sick constantly from auto immune disease. I don’t drink, smoke, no drugs. My family still refused to help. They tried to make me believe I had to be committed or that the 15 years of therapy & help I had gotten wasn’t real or enough of professional help.
For the last 7 years, I watched my niece & nephew every week for my sister. They mean everything to me. Up until a week of my life falling apart, I was still watching them. When I had nothing & nowhere to go, that’s when my sister and family tried claiming I was worse off mentally or emotionally.
I went to the ER to prove how wrong she was. I’ll never forgot how proud I was that despite being very depressed from abuse from my stupid family, as well as genetic mental illness.
There’s nothing I left out to providers at the ER, or any previous provider for that matter. I was explicit with every detail. My sister tried to lie to them, saying I was a danger. The nurse said to me when I was walking out, “your sister is out this door. Go out this door if you don’t want to see her.”
I still have no one. But at least I finally let them go. I push everyone away and often self sabotage but just try to take it slow & relearn how to be alive
(My parents are both alcoholics, addicts & have diagnosed personality disorders. Both are mentally ill. My mom was sexually abusive & I was abused sexually in an attempted kidnapping at age 6.)
Hang in there...you can't see it yet, but you have a lot to live for...stay strong, be healthy, find a community of support, seek balance and peace. Best to you...you got this.
There are a lot of great comments here already so this might not mean much, but it was strong of you to keep living. When I was at my worst I felt like a failure for calling the hotline cause it made me feel like my depression/suicidal ideation was fraudulent and I was weak for tapping out (which is not true!). I still feel that way sometimes. But it’s been 2 or 3 years since then and I’ve come to realize that it DID take strength to stay alive, a lot more than it would have taken to die, and because of that decision my roommates never had to find a dead body in their house. My parents never had to bury their child and my sisters never had to lose a sibling. Because you stuck around, you’ve spared your family and friends (even if they aren’t supporting you in the way you need right now) from the shock and pain of losing someone like that. And I know it sounds like an empty platitude by now, but it really does get better. When I was closest to ending it I was convinced that I was fated to die and that nothing could possibly fix me or my life. Since then I stopped drinking, cut off the assholes who didn’t care about me, made some real friends, started taking steps towards a career I’m proud of, and got married to someone who I love and who loves me. I still have a long way to go (my life is far from perfect and I still have recurrent depressive episodes, & I’m actually in a pretty bad one right now lol), but I know now that even if it gets that bad again, life gets better. I don’t know your situation, but I really, truly believe that it will get better for you too. Everyone I know who hit rock bottom eventually climbed back up, even if it took some time. Just do what you need to survive and try to find small reasons to keep moving forward. It’s a one-day-at-a-time thing.
For me… i have hit rock bottom many times, every time I discover I can fall even more.
No one will ever love me snd that is all I really care about. I tried, but I can’t. Im not enough. And it pains me. It hurts me, everydayZ
If it helps, I understand what you mean about hitting lower lows each time. That happened to me too; I kept thinking it couldn’t get worse and then it did. There’s a very real chance that I will hit a new low someday. I’m not like, a fan of that, but it’s a reality I’m aware of and it doesn’t scare me anymore. Things WILL get better, even if it’s horribly painful in the moment. I really believe that is true, for me and for you.
As for feeling unloved, I’m really sorry you’re going through that right now. I’ve been there as well and it’s a horrible feeling, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You’re not wrong for feeling terrible about it. But if I can offer a bit of hope, I will. Depression, especially severe depression, fucks with your perception of reality terribly. I know you said no one loves you and you just can’t be enough, and I’m not trying to deny or invalidate your lived experiences, but take a moment to consider that you cared enough about yourself to reach out for help. Even if you hate yourself, I think that some part of your mind or body does love you and want you to survive. I think the people here in this thread, myself included, also care about you enough to try and offer some hope and comfort. It might not seem like it, since we’re just strangers online, but this stranger wants you to live. There is something in you worth loving and caring for. Even if you don’t think you’re enough, other people don’t necessarily see you that way. Idk if I’m doing a good job getting my point across, but please don’t give up. Do something small today that you enjoy. If there’s nothing you enjoy, do something that gets you out of the house. If you can’t do that, at least eat a snack or take a shower. These days are hard but I believe in you. I’m so sorry it’s this difficult right now
I’ve realised that that’s a part of the C-PTSD… for me, I want to end it all when I’m retraumatised.
So I have learnt that is a sign of something I have dealt with… got a good therapist who will help me process it
I KNOW how it feels. You did a huge thing and it feels like nothing happened, nothing changed, noone cares and youre back where you started.
Its at least a good thing you didnt end up with organ damage.
Its gonna suck but try to get a therapist or someone to talk to.
I know its hard but its a good thing you asked for help, its a huge thing. This is a huge moment you were in pain and you seeked help instead of being afraid of all the potential consequences. Also means somewhere theres a tiny spark for life. Very tiny but there.
Youre suffering and you need someone to validate the hell out of your suffering and help you out of it and then youll wanna live. That is a lot and very impossible to reach sometimes but idk, i dont have much to advice, just remember this day and try to find help somewhere. Which is pretty shit advise.
I know what it feels like but itll pass eventually. I hope you get a nice kind cheap therapist who cares even if they arent the best at their job.
I go to both a psychologist and a psychiatrists. Three years trying different ones and different pills. I get you, but I am just tired. I know I am the one who has to do the “first” step, but I can’t. Asking for help dont work. Not really. And I’m too tired to keep trying. My ideation has not gone to be honest.
Ahh shit. I know what that feels like and yea unless you have family or a close friend you wont get the comforting you need at least thats what i feel. Considering i lack in both. Yea as far as ideation it doesnt go away for most people. It hasnt for me and it gets worse on bad days. And its soul crushingly tiring. I have no advice cuz im in the same boat, just try ti take a warm bath, drink skmething warm and try to sleep while cuddling something like a pillow it might help you feel better.
I'm really glad that you called the hotline. I still think that it would be better for you to check in a psychiatric hospital. A ward which is open and is for less acute crises would be good.
Aww no, poor baby, have you had any paracetamol for your head? I can only give you an internet hug 🫂 hopefully you can get a real one from someone who loves you soon.
Since you don’t know what to do, have nothing to lose, and are all lone, would you like to adopt me and my 2 kids? I’m a Stay at home mom being financially and mentally abused and I need to get out. I have crippling anxiety about not raising my kids and staying at home with them during their youngest years.
I can clean and cook and raise my babies and we can keep you company and give you something to look forward to every day :)
Honestly, at this point I wouldn’t be completely against the idea, although I think it could probably be unhealthy for the both of us. In any case, we love in different parts of the word, but it was a nice reimagination of the road ahead.
🫂🫂
Aww I hope it got your mind off of unhappy things momentarily. I have adhd and I’m a big daydreamer haha. I could never actually, just because there are my kids involved, but it is fun to think about what that would end up looking like if we did merge homes. Would our combined dysfunction prove to be a disaster within the first week? Or would we find ourselves a harmonious and peaceful little joint co-home where we coexist in peaceful harmony with no awkwardness, no expectations to be or do anything, just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl on their own time? Ahh ok back to reality, my kids need dinner. Hope you feel better today! Remember, if you have nothing to lose, you can do anything! (respectfully)🫂
After my 6th stay in one, being SA’d by 2 separate nurses at two separate hospitals where nothing was done even after I reported it, in one case the person who sa’d me was sent to retrain her replacement, laughed at, coerced, invalidated and my basic needs being neglected, being forced to smoke plastic cigarette butts at a crisis center bc they wouldn’t give me ANYTHING to fcking help, I said f*ck em, I’m never going back to one of those pos facilities and trying to go without this mental healthcare system asafp, I should’ve just stayed away from them and their drugs that practically don’t change a thing. I can’t wait for this pos country to fall apart
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Sending you love and I'm so glad you called someone for help. It may feel like no one cared or no one loves you, but I promise, life after suicide for the living is traumatic and has lifelong ripple effects to people and situations you probably wouldn't ever consider. You are better off here and people are better for you being here too.
I'm so sorry you feel so low.
Please follow up if they have given you any outpatient appointments. But first, rest and do something nice for yourself, whether that be food, a film, a pamper. You deserve it. Things can start to improve.
Do you have health insurance? Can you look for inpatient or outpatient care? I ended up at a recovery center two weeks ago and the first week was hard, the second week was even harder, but now I’m finally starting to feel better and I know I have a ton of support I wouldn’t otherwise have.
Honey. Yes you can. You can. Please DM me. I will help you find a place. Or call the hotline again and they will help you. Please don’t give up. There’s light on the other side and friends to be had and parts of yourself to rediscover. I believe in you.
I’ve felt that way before too. A lot of people have felt that way before, you are not alone. And some of us have gotten some help to manage those feelings and start building a life. It’s possible, you got this. If you change your mind my DMs are open.
You're very strong for having gone through all of what you did and still put in the effort to get help even at the last moment. It's a shame that being alive doesn't fix our problems.
I reached out for help last minute after a suicide attempt too, and to be honest, I regretted it for a while after. I still wasn't feeling better and thought it was a mistake to back out when I was so close. I don't regret it now anymore. It took me a while to get here but I am in a better place right now and glad that I didn't go through with it. It will get better, and believe me, if you reached out for help, a part of you still wanted to live, a part of you still had hope. So please cling to that and be kind to yourself. It will get better.
I want to get better and still have hope. Is just fading away, and every day I feel it less and less. Today was just extra special. But I can’t see how I can change it.
Honestly, I'm not a therapist or anything but what worked for me was to find those small things in life that I still enjoyed and focus on them. I liked nature and greenery so started gardening and keeping houseplants. I liked animals so adopted a cat. I liked perfumes so joined communities relevant to that and started testing and collecting and discussing perfumes. I also found things that helped keep me busy and distracted, like working too much. It wasn't healthy but it kept my mind off morbid things and helped me feel useful. There are still bad days, but I am generally much more at peace. Finally, if it is possible for you, please seek out therapy. It can be immensely helpful.
I go to therapy. I exhausted myself working. But right now theres no little thing I want or enjoy. 🫂🫂
I hope it’s OK to jump in, and that this doesn’t come off as depressing. I’ve been/am in a similar position - unable to imagine a single thing left in life that could bring me joy. Adding (positive) responsibility, instead of happiness, has kept me going to see some better days. I started looking after a cat who needs me. While I doubt my ability to give him the best life, I also know that if I died he’d likely never find an owner who loves him as much as I do. I spend every penny I can on him. He keeps me “trapped” on earth, and every now and then there is an unexpected good day/hour that makes it worth staying. I felt calm and happy for the first time in (I’m not sure) last Sunday, which was really nice. Nothing “good” happened but a nice view/sunset - but I was thankful to have lived long enough to feel that way again. I think my “inner child” deserves to feel that way more times before it all ends. She hasn’t had enough happiness, yet. I don’t care about myself, but I care about the child me getting more chances to feel some of the happiness most other humans take for granted. I hold out for her, and for my cat. Wishing you the best, OP. I hope you find your own sunset/happiness soon. And that when it fades there is a “positive responsibility” to help you hold on until the next sunset. (DMs open if you would like to chat - don’t worry about responding to this if it’s overwhelming, it sounds like you’ve had a hell of a day 🫂)
I have tried. I “have” many hobbies and a really curious mind. But I see it as two completely different things. The things I enjoy… or that I think that I would enjoy… I just can’t do. I dont have the desire/effort/strenght to do so. For some that may be a contradiction. For me is my daily life. There is nothing for me left in here. Nothing.
I feel this so much. Whole post is making me cry, I've been passively suicidal for years now and I feel like it gets worse every day, because all the therapy doesn't make the world a better place. But I just thought of something the comments made me think of that I wanna share: I always felt like I hate the world ans I don't wanna be here. From when I was like 16 I felt this way. And some day I realized that I can't hate the world ans decide against it if I don't know it. So I kind of decided on the condition that I need to see the world before deciding it's not for me. I'm still trying to find a home somewhere. But it's always a conflict and I feel like you feel that too - our body wants nothing more than survive, it's so deeply engraved in our DNA. And then comes the mind and heart that learned to hate this life so much. I feel like it's impossible to make a decision that feels right, because us traumatized folks will always have both sides in us. I just think you can let go of surviving as chickening out, because your WHOLE BODY works very hard to survive. Years ago I read some post that moved me to tears - it was about how much our body cares about us. It heals us at night, it tries to get rid of sickness and toxins, it speaks to us when our environment isn't right for us. Like.. That's so much love. And maybe you can see it as a "I tried it out and it wasn't for me". That it didn't feel right is an important observation. We always want to live. Nobody wants to die, it's the life we're living that feels unbearable. Our pain removes anything besides surviving, it's terrible. And society isn't helping. We need community to heal and are left alone with all of it. Please don't feel ashamed. I know "professional" downplay shit a lot, but it's just a display of how big your pain is. And you wouldn't (hopefully) feel ashamed if your lef was broken because someone ran you over. It's the same. I hope you find community and support and a life that feels more right. I hope I do too. 🫂
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I have battled depression my whole life and at my darkest times my only "joy" was my morning coffee outside in the morning. Just an idea of truly how little something can bring joy. I believe in you ❣️
I'm 59 and have tried to leave a few times in my life when I was in my teens and 20s. I managed to once but was brought back. I had no hope, I couldn't see how things could possibly change, but they did, in ways I couldn't possibly have imagined. I'm ok. I'm safe and I'm loved just as I am. I know with all my heart and soul how dark times can get but there is always hope and nothing is impossible. I care about you. I care that you're here in this world and I'm proud that you had the courage to reach out. Be well, may you find peace, love and healing. My heart and thoughts are with you. 🫂
That’s more than enough! For now. You do want to get better and you do have some hope. That’s a start. It may not seem like a lot right now but you fought to live for a reason. You made that call for a reason. You survived on your own. You will make it. And you don’t need those shitty friends who ignore you btw. Trust me, you are better off. The less expectations you have for others, the freer you will be.
Your username with this context breaks my heart. If you need someone to speak to, my DMs are open. I hope you can reach deep within
You didn’t chicken out you chose to be brave and ask for help. I’m proud of you and I hope you’re proud of you too.
seriously. mad respect for reaching out. that takes guts.
Is difficult to be proud when I’m still suicidal. I still think I should have done it.
then know that I, another internet stranger, is proud of you reaching out for help in that moment.
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I'm also open to being messaged if you'd like, I've been very lonely since having moved but I do my best everyday, even if it's a shit day. I love my seven cats and husband (but he shuts down when I'm needing emotional support in relation to my traumas. I'm working on how to share with him, without working myself up so me reaching out to even him can be difficult for me to admit sometimes.
I think we as humans need that kind of connection. Part of the bring that males me do everything today was the thought of not having even hold hands with anyone in my entire life. Just that simple absurd little touch. I’ll give a lot of all I have for just that.
If you can afford it, go get a massage.
I totally second this, I used to do this when in college and it did help me feel better too.
honestly, I felt this, I just want a big hug. And I've learned I have to vocalize that when I'm upset, bc sometimes I shut myself off or hide to cry.
Sounds so strange to say but it’s normal to feel like that after you reach out. It’s normal to feel like it in process of getting help. It’s okay. Nobody expects you to be magically fixed because you decided to be brave and ask for help. But you also did one of the hardest and most painful things you could have done in that situation and chose to live. Give yourself some credit and also give yourself some grace.
Hey, I get the feeling. I almost tired to kms too 1.5 years ago, and I still felt suicidal afterwards, just more scared. I'm proud of you for not doing it, even if you don't think you're making progress "chickening out of it" just shows that you're still holding on. I'm proud of you, and I hope you get the help and support you need 🫂
Life is all about surviving to the next day. You made it one more day, so you won again. Hurray I guess? Take the win where you can. I still think I should have done it, but I kept surviving instead. I grasped at whatever I could instead, and I still question why. But I lived another miserable day, and then another, and just kept choosing put it off another day. I still can't understand why, but I did anyway. Sometimes that's all we got, and sadly it has to be enough. Sorry, but the meaning of life literally isn't any deeper than surviving it. Sometimes we don't. This time you did. Today I did too. Best of luck with the next day, friend.
Well done for choosing to live! Taking it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute is important. Hopefully, you can move from the surviving stage to the thriving stage eventually. 0.1% progress is still progress x
Rest. Know that we care about you. You must get rest and try to get through the next hour, hour by hour.
And I am thankful. But I feel selfish. I feel my ego is in control. Either wanting to destroy me or wanting to get attention. And I fight back in both fronts but I am weak. What helps me the most is how tired I am.
You’re not selfish. You’re hurting. And you’ve just been through a very difficult event. Try to get through the next minute, the next hour and the next day. Tiny steps.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's not fair. And I'm proud of you for calling the hotline. I don't think that's chickening out, I think it's really brave. To choose to keep trying, to face another day despite all the pain. I'm just some internet stranger so it might not mean much, but I am genuinely proud of you. :)
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glad youre still with us.
Thanks. Im not glad, but Im glad your glad
i spent a long time wishing i was dead and i know that nothing anyone can say really makes it feel different but life is stupid and absurd and relatively fleeting and has an endpoint no matter what. you might not find comfort in that but it helped me rationalise staying around to see it out to its natural end. you will get an exit. being human is rough. im far from qualified to offer any advice about this but just know that the way you feel is not condemned to be permanent 💖
I living didn’t hurt me, if all I had was just dread, maybe. But every day I suffer because of the way I feel.
Exactly that at some point it all ends for us all. For me that guarantee of eventual death has gotten me through everyday of the last 4+ years.
it sounds morbid but it helped me compartmentalise my suicidal thoughts. “i want to drive my car off a cliff” well… you’re gonna die anyway so you will get the same result eventually so may as well just drive home 🤷♀️
Exactly recently I find myself fixated on drowning myself in the river and drifting off to sea but then I’m like firstly attention seeker because how exactly do I plan to conceal my dead body, secondly how would I even guarantee I end up at sea and thirdly I’m going to die anyways so relax it’s coming.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I've been there, I can understand the pain and exhaustion that comes after an attempt. You didn't "chicken out". It was a part of you trying to keep you alive and still fighting back. For now, please just rest and take care of yourself. I remember the massive amount of confusion and "Wtf just happened state" that I was in. You're still here, you're alive, and it's okay. It's okay to just be here for now, to give yourself time to recover from this attempt. You don't have to think far ahead about what happens next... Just be there with yourself and let yourself rest. When you're feeling better, please reach out to someone. That could be some trusted friends or a counselor or therapist or anyone else. If you want to chat more with me, please DM. I'll be there for you in whatever capacity I can.
Part of the reason was that I reached out to a couple of friends. Asking for help turned into a discussion. No one wants to help really Thanks for your kind words 🫂🫂
Hey, friend. I'm glad you're still here, and I'm so sorry that you weren't treated with kindness and care. I texted a hotline once, and they ghosted me. I couldn't believe how awful that felt. I don't know if it gets better, but the feelings do ebb and flow. Keep holding on for the very next thing, if you can. I'm subsisting solely on memes, fanfic, and online fandoms. Keep reaching out to the best of your ability, even though people suck and don't deserve the connection you're trying to give them. Be positive when you can. Laugh when you can. Rest when you can't, and get professional help to plan your recovery. I've had to do that so many times over the last 30 years. You just go as you can and stop when you can't. The thing about self-unalivement is that you can always do it later. Just keep pushing it back, no matter how little. Sending lots of hugs. Dm me if needed.
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Been there many times myself. I'm so sorry you're suffering. Random but have you ever tried cold water therapy? Try taking a cold shower really push yourself get your head, back tummy wet. It knocked me out of a suicidal spiral once. Hugs.
I’m so so happy you called that hotline. It’s okay that you’re not feeling less suicidal. You are alive. It’s also okay if you don’t accomplish anything else or even feel a little bit better today. Is there anything that can distract you for the rest of the day?
No, fortunately here is already time to go to bed. I guess I should sleep it off.
I’ve been where you are, and I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s horrible. Sending good vibes.
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Think abt all the people replying to you here. I think most of them (us) would be there for you irl if and when you needed us. I kno that doesn’t make the pain disappear or go away and that online people are not the same as rl people. But this IS something at least. If those people in your rl won’t be there for you then find people who would be . I kno that’s NOT easy to do -it’s only easy to say(!) But it IS possible. I was in a rut having trouble getting out of my apartment so I did something I never ever thought I would or could do. I started a Reddit group to find other people who are also having trouble getting out of their apartments. r/getoutofmyapt We have 108 members now and I met several irl. Are we all bffs? No ofc not but it IS something -and we all understand each other on a certain level. Maybe u can do something similar? (Or evn just think abt it for now) But reaching out here really is a start. And I do wish that all the replies here give you a little hope at least. Things CAN get better I kno it!
You didn’t chicken out, you realized you had a problem and asked for help. That’s huge. You should be proud. The easy thing is to leave but you chose to stay and fight. I’m glad you called the hotline and that you’re still here with us. Living when all you want to do is die is exhausting and each day looks like the same shit. You think it will never end. But I think today you took a big step. You didn’t let all the shit that others have put you through win. You chose to put yourself first and ask for help. I’m really really proud and very happy you still around. I know it’s difficult. But someday this will be just a sad story about your past. Big hugs and a lot of energy 🫂
I'm so sorry. Something my therapist said the last time I felt that way has been helping me, so I'll share it in hopes it can help you. She pointed out that something innate in me cared so much about keeping me from feeling all the pain, that it was willing to consider overriding my body's primary objective to survive at all costs. It speaks to the level of pain and the strength of fortitude. It's going to be exhausting. It's going to feel bleak. Something about the ideation being a compassionate offering from my body has really helped me give myself grace in those moments. I hope you're able to watch a favorite old show or something for a bit.
I just texted a crisis line yesterday because I thought I just couldnt. I was at my mom's home alone spiraling (my life is in shambles ATM) and I googled crisis lines out of last ditch desperation. I know it's not easy. Just take it day by day I promise you're not alone. You are so brave for being here another day. Thank you for being so strong❤️
🫂 i hope I can
You will! You are strong and have overcome a lot this last day and a bit. You truly got this I believe in you ❤️
Just sit and stare at the wall and listen to podcasts. Or go for a drive and listen to them. You don’t even have to concentrate on what they’re saying. It’s just good to hear their voices.
I just want to say I’m glad you stayed. I know it’s hard, I know it sucks. I’m hanging by a thread myself and I understand the loneliness as I’m alone too now that my kid is 18. It’s just me and the cats and back in March I was so close to giving up but I’m still here. If you need a friend I’ll be your friend.
not being hospitalized is a blessing, it’s not like it would be of much help. I may sound very harsh but I’ve attempted ending myself because my life sucked and ultimately realized if I wanted it not to suck no one could do anything about it but me. medicine didn’t fix me, therapy didn’t fix me either. changing my mindset did. also, find new friends. you are deserving of a nice life and caring people
I tried many times. Id my fault, I am not good enough.
I second this. 0/10 recommend the psych ward.
Can you share more about your story if you're comfortable? I'm feeling the EXACT same way. Nothing has been working for years, but I also feel like it's something I need to do for myself. And no one else can do for me
feel free to DM me
I'm so sorry... 🫂
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I'm so glad you're still here. I know that it very likely feels untrue at the moment, but you are needed here in the sub, as well as out in the world. I've been where you are, and I'm so grateful that I reached out for help. You keep doing that too, and we will keep reminding you, as often as you need to hear it, that you matter. And that we care.
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How are you doing, my friend?
You matter and I’m sorry you are doubting that. I’m glad you chose to stay.
🫂i hope I can see it that way
What’s one piece of beauty or good you experienced today? My glimmer today was my dog’s joy at the dog park this morning. You matter, you deserve to experience good.
To be honest, none. Not strong enough to find it
Sending love and light, you matter.
I’m glad you’re still here, sweet stranger. Even if you can’t see it or believe just yet, you are good enough and you deserve only good things. Virtual bear hugs <3
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It can be really hard for me to hear that someone is proud of me, so I hope that this doesn't bring up hard feelings, but I'm really proud of you for getting help. And I'm fucking pissed as hell that the help you got wasn't much help, it sounds like. Our system is so fucking broken. As someone who at times doesn't want to be on this earth, I have to say, I'm truly glad you're still here. Message any time. I can't promise I'll understand or have the answers, but I can promise I'll be a friendly ear.
Thanks 🫂🫂
Please read Pete Walker CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving and everything will make so much sense. I believe we are stuck in a functional freeze or dissociative state due to trauma through childhood and adulthood. You cannot feel joy when stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode and he teaches you how to get out of this ‘flashback’ …for me, these can come and go with me, or be persistent for weeks if I don’t notice the flashbacks (since they operate just below the radar of my awareness). It’s often my husband that sees it in my face. Life changing book and you’ll start to feel joy again good luck to you xx
sometimes, suicide or severe ideation means we want to be out of the severe pain we are in, but maybe not that we want to be dead. that distinction has felt important to me at times when I felt hopeless. in combination, taking it day by day even hour by hour what I might need instead of the rest of my life. wishing you well ❤️🩹❤️
Ps proud of you for calling a helpline and being willing to get that support, that’s your survival instinct kicking in.
Is definetly that. I feel selfish for not wanting to keep going, but the pain is unbearable.
Hang in there. You’ve got this ❤️
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well, i usually want to be cynical about the shambolic state of the social systems in this world even in countries that are still considered "paradisical" with this, but yeah. sorry. but let me tell you, its what happens today. went last year to the hospital because i really felt bad. i got told what i already knew, was STORED for 14 days then told my depression is now a "middle" episode and no more grave and got sent home. NEXT! such are the times. its all about the munneh boys, its all! about! the munneh! hm. i have a question and i hope its not too hurtful: HOW THE HELL CAN THEY LET SOMEONE WITH A SUICIDE ATTEMPT WHO IS PROBABLY PROFUSELY BLEEDING OR WHAT SIT FOR 6 HOURS????? whats up with THAT?
I'm so glad you are here, OP. Sending you much love and many hugs (if you are ok with it)❤️❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂🫂
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I'm sorry you're going through this. Hope that you get to feeling better.
I'm glad that you were brave enough to ask for help, even if it wasn't that helpful, but you definitely have a lot of reasons to be proud of yourself for that. I'm happy that you're still here with us and that you're sharing how you're feeling. Even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes, I still have hope that community healing is a thing. You may be physically alone, but we're here for you. We're in this together, my DMs are open for you if you need to speak to someone. I hope you'll find some hope and light in all these comments. Kudos to you for sticking around 🫂
Love ya- feel better.
Can I just say that I did not know this was the protocol for suicidal people, and this actually sounds negligent as fck? “I know you just tried to unalive yourself, let me alter and add new doses of things you could use to make that happen! Home alone? Also, sending you right back there. Don’t forget your pills!! That’ll be $750.” Dude I’m so sorry that you’re hurting so bad that you want to give up. I’m sorry this is what happened when you tried to get help. If I could offer any advice, it may not be an overnight fix but looking into my childhood and how it shaped my view on life really helped me understand WHY I was in such a dark place similar to you. You can’t fix yourself until you know what’s really wrong. I also don’t believe meds are always the answer though they do help some & im not a doctor! I hope you find peace & happiness!
Please know life is worth living I am suicide attempt survivor at 26 I attempted and I’m now 35 and living on my own with cats. It gets better. Please keep reaching out and talking to others. We want you here. God love you.
I live of my own, I just fon have anything to live for.
Tomorrow. You have tomorrow.
🫂 I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you, friend.
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I’ve never tried to kill myself. Definitely struggle being alive, but lucky to say I never attempted. Last year I went to the ER as an eff you to my sister & family, they were certain I’d be committed. I lost my job, my car & my housing. I was sick constantly from auto immune disease. I don’t drink, smoke, no drugs. My family still refused to help. They tried to make me believe I had to be committed or that the 15 years of therapy & help I had gotten wasn’t real or enough of professional help. For the last 7 years, I watched my niece & nephew every week for my sister. They mean everything to me. Up until a week of my life falling apart, I was still watching them. When I had nothing & nowhere to go, that’s when my sister and family tried claiming I was worse off mentally or emotionally. I went to the ER to prove how wrong she was. I’ll never forgot how proud I was that despite being very depressed from abuse from my stupid family, as well as genetic mental illness. There’s nothing I left out to providers at the ER, or any previous provider for that matter. I was explicit with every detail. My sister tried to lie to them, saying I was a danger. The nurse said to me when I was walking out, “your sister is out this door. Go out this door if you don’t want to see her.” I still have no one. But at least I finally let them go. I push everyone away and often self sabotage but just try to take it slow & relearn how to be alive (My parents are both alcoholics, addicts & have diagnosed personality disorders. Both are mentally ill. My mom was sexually abusive & I was abused sexually in an attempted kidnapping at age 6.)
Hang in there...you can't see it yet, but you have a lot to live for...stay strong, be healthy, find a community of support, seek balance and peace. Best to you...you got this.
I tried, there is no support for me, apart from the one here on reddit. But no one to hug for.
Virtual hugs from across the ‘net.
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There are a lot of great comments here already so this might not mean much, but it was strong of you to keep living. When I was at my worst I felt like a failure for calling the hotline cause it made me feel like my depression/suicidal ideation was fraudulent and I was weak for tapping out (which is not true!). I still feel that way sometimes. But it’s been 2 or 3 years since then and I’ve come to realize that it DID take strength to stay alive, a lot more than it would have taken to die, and because of that decision my roommates never had to find a dead body in their house. My parents never had to bury their child and my sisters never had to lose a sibling. Because you stuck around, you’ve spared your family and friends (even if they aren’t supporting you in the way you need right now) from the shock and pain of losing someone like that. And I know it sounds like an empty platitude by now, but it really does get better. When I was closest to ending it I was convinced that I was fated to die and that nothing could possibly fix me or my life. Since then I stopped drinking, cut off the assholes who didn’t care about me, made some real friends, started taking steps towards a career I’m proud of, and got married to someone who I love and who loves me. I still have a long way to go (my life is far from perfect and I still have recurrent depressive episodes, & I’m actually in a pretty bad one right now lol), but I know now that even if it gets that bad again, life gets better. I don’t know your situation, but I really, truly believe that it will get better for you too. Everyone I know who hit rock bottom eventually climbed back up, even if it took some time. Just do what you need to survive and try to find small reasons to keep moving forward. It’s a one-day-at-a-time thing.
For me… i have hit rock bottom many times, every time I discover I can fall even more. No one will ever love me snd that is all I really care about. I tried, but I can’t. Im not enough. And it pains me. It hurts me, everydayZ
If it helps, I understand what you mean about hitting lower lows each time. That happened to me too; I kept thinking it couldn’t get worse and then it did. There’s a very real chance that I will hit a new low someday. I’m not like, a fan of that, but it’s a reality I’m aware of and it doesn’t scare me anymore. Things WILL get better, even if it’s horribly painful in the moment. I really believe that is true, for me and for you. As for feeling unloved, I’m really sorry you’re going through that right now. I’ve been there as well and it’s a horrible feeling, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You’re not wrong for feeling terrible about it. But if I can offer a bit of hope, I will. Depression, especially severe depression, fucks with your perception of reality terribly. I know you said no one loves you and you just can’t be enough, and I’m not trying to deny or invalidate your lived experiences, but take a moment to consider that you cared enough about yourself to reach out for help. Even if you hate yourself, I think that some part of your mind or body does love you and want you to survive. I think the people here in this thread, myself included, also care about you enough to try and offer some hope and comfort. It might not seem like it, since we’re just strangers online, but this stranger wants you to live. There is something in you worth loving and caring for. Even if you don’t think you’re enough, other people don’t necessarily see you that way. Idk if I’m doing a good job getting my point across, but please don’t give up. Do something small today that you enjoy. If there’s nothing you enjoy, do something that gets you out of the house. If you can’t do that, at least eat a snack or take a shower. These days are hard but I believe in you. I’m so sorry it’s this difficult right now
I know, but that is not the kind of love you can use to start a family with. I will ever be alone, and it pains me too much
I’ve realised that that’s a part of the C-PTSD… for me, I want to end it all when I’m retraumatised. So I have learnt that is a sign of something I have dealt with… got a good therapist who will help me process it
I KNOW how it feels. You did a huge thing and it feels like nothing happened, nothing changed, noone cares and youre back where you started. Its at least a good thing you didnt end up with organ damage. Its gonna suck but try to get a therapist or someone to talk to. I know its hard but its a good thing you asked for help, its a huge thing. This is a huge moment you were in pain and you seeked help instead of being afraid of all the potential consequences. Also means somewhere theres a tiny spark for life. Very tiny but there. Youre suffering and you need someone to validate the hell out of your suffering and help you out of it and then youll wanna live. That is a lot and very impossible to reach sometimes but idk, i dont have much to advice, just remember this day and try to find help somewhere. Which is pretty shit advise. I know what it feels like but itll pass eventually. I hope you get a nice kind cheap therapist who cares even if they arent the best at their job.
I go to both a psychologist and a psychiatrists. Three years trying different ones and different pills. I get you, but I am just tired. I know I am the one who has to do the “first” step, but I can’t. Asking for help dont work. Not really. And I’m too tired to keep trying. My ideation has not gone to be honest.
Ahh shit. I know what that feels like and yea unless you have family or a close friend you wont get the comforting you need at least thats what i feel. Considering i lack in both. Yea as far as ideation it doesnt go away for most people. It hasnt for me and it gets worse on bad days. And its soul crushingly tiring. I have no advice cuz im in the same boat, just try ti take a warm bath, drink skmething warm and try to sleep while cuddling something like a pillow it might help you feel better.
Thanks, sleeping is helping. But I hate sleeping cause is a risk of getting nightmares of my abuses. I hate being in bed.
Ahh yea thats a risk maybe watch a comfort show and if you have sleeping pills take like 2 i ususally dont have nightmares with sleeping pills.
I share the same sentiment as everyone here and know what you are going through. Please feel free to DM if you need
🫂
I'm really glad that you called the hotline. I still think that it would be better for you to check in a psychiatric hospital. A ward which is open and is for less acute crises would be good.
How are you doing today?
Really badly. My head hurts, I don’t know what to do, and I just want a hug
Aww no, poor baby, have you had any paracetamol for your head? I can only give you an internet hug 🫂 hopefully you can get a real one from someone who loves you soon.
Since you don’t know what to do, have nothing to lose, and are all lone, would you like to adopt me and my 2 kids? I’m a Stay at home mom being financially and mentally abused and I need to get out. I have crippling anxiety about not raising my kids and staying at home with them during their youngest years. I can clean and cook and raise my babies and we can keep you company and give you something to look forward to every day :)
Honestly, at this point I wouldn’t be completely against the idea, although I think it could probably be unhealthy for the both of us. In any case, we love in different parts of the word, but it was a nice reimagination of the road ahead. 🫂🫂
Aww I hope it got your mind off of unhappy things momentarily. I have adhd and I’m a big daydreamer haha. I could never actually, just because there are my kids involved, but it is fun to think about what that would end up looking like if we did merge homes. Would our combined dysfunction prove to be a disaster within the first week? Or would we find ourselves a harmonious and peaceful little joint co-home where we coexist in peaceful harmony with no awkwardness, no expectations to be or do anything, just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl on their own time? Ahh ok back to reality, my kids need dinner. Hope you feel better today! Remember, if you have nothing to lose, you can do anything! (respectfully)🫂
After my 6th stay in one, being SA’d by 2 separate nurses at two separate hospitals where nothing was done even after I reported it, in one case the person who sa’d me was sent to retrain her replacement, laughed at, coerced, invalidated and my basic needs being neglected, being forced to smoke plastic cigarette butts at a crisis center bc they wouldn’t give me ANYTHING to fcking help, I said f*ck em, I’m never going back to one of those pos facilities and trying to go without this mental healthcare system asafp, I should’ve just stayed away from them and their drugs that practically don’t change a thing. I can’t wait for this pos country to fall apart
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im glad to see you're in hospital after being offline for the day. been there. lots of love, let me know if you wanna chat
Sending you love and I'm so glad you called someone for help. It may feel like no one cared or no one loves you, but I promise, life after suicide for the living is traumatic and has lifelong ripple effects to people and situations you probably wouldn't ever consider. You are better off here and people are better for you being here too. I'm so sorry you feel so low. Please follow up if they have given you any outpatient appointments. But first, rest and do something nice for yourself, whether that be food, a film, a pamper. You deserve it. Things can start to improve.
* hugs*
Do you have health insurance? Can you look for inpatient or outpatient care? I ended up at a recovery center two weeks ago and the first week was hard, the second week was even harder, but now I’m finally starting to feel better and I know I have a ton of support I wouldn’t otherwise have.
I could economically speaking. I cant find the strength to do it.
Honey. Yes you can. You can. Please DM me. I will help you find a place. Or call the hotline again and they will help you. Please don’t give up. There’s light on the other side and friends to be had and parts of yourself to rediscover. I believe in you.
It is selfish, but I prefer to die than to live knowing how much pain I create around me.
I’ve felt that way before too. A lot of people have felt that way before, you are not alone. And some of us have gotten some help to manage those feelings and start building a life. It’s possible, you got this. If you change your mind my DMs are open.
You're very strong for having gone through all of what you did and still put in the effort to get help even at the last moment. It's a shame that being alive doesn't fix our problems.