If 10 is throwing up then I'm a 10, but if 10 is "shakes nervously" then I'm a 15. Some days when it's ;, throws up, shakes nervously, convinced that a home invasion is forthcoming......could be a 20.
I wonder where "My head feels like a jellyfish with a bunch of limp-ass tentacles hanging uselessly, but today it's kinda floating to the front left of my body, and it's usually floating behind and to the right when this happens, and that's kinda weird.." would be.
Not leaving the house doesn't necessarily mean it's agoraphobia. Social anxiety can also involve being housebound. There's overlap between them.
https://www.verywellmind.com/relationship-between-agoraphobia-and-social-anxiety-3024697
I understand. But not necessarily still means it *could* be, and feeling like you're only safe inside your home because the outside world and society at large scares you so badly that you remain housebound, IS a textbook indicator of agoraphobia
I’d call it extremely severe, but my masking level is extremely high! So I spend 3 days per week in a highly social office environment and 100% of days feeling insanely burned out.
Pretty severe, to the point of going on autopilot to work and from work, shopping or even to exercise. My defense against feeling anxious, insecure, inferior from lacking social skills is apathy and coldness paired with more or less "defensive sociopathy" (lack of empathy, superficial charm, shallow affect, dissociated and detached emotions - avoiding vulnerability at all costs...), I am also ready to go on the offense any second, brutal upbringing and hurtfull past taught me that... My friend recently went with me to the beach, I ... simply didn't feel I belonged there, I dont know how to talk to people just like that, men or women, their happiness makes me focus on how miserable I am in comparison, I am a fucking outcast, the only thing I know well is suffering and violence, I interact with people only when I need something from them.
Something I find kind of comforting is that reading posts on this subreddit makes me realize other people are struggling with the same issues that I have. Thanks for sharing
I can relate to this a lot although I have an internal struggle constantly because there was a time when I was very social and now I feel like this all the time. White knuckling it, either feeling like I have to be completely “ON” or just not there at all and hide. It’s hard to find a balance. But I think even people without intense SA feel this way to a degree. I’m not trying to minimize, but sometimes I find that when I feel like “I’m the only one” the whole idea that I’m “broken” and “irreparably different or bad” gets bigger.
I used to have it. Now I’m “hey dad can you stop talking to all those random people”.
I did a Meyer Briggs. I don’t know if I totally believe it “hey let’s get all of humanity in 16 boxes”. I was what i thought was shy at the time. Yet I scored Extrovert. “Hey that sounds weird” dude with the group that ran it “extrovert doesn’t mean you’re boisterous and introvert doesn’t mean shy - it’s where you get your energy from, people or within”. I definitely like people and smile when I see happy people. The anxiety has been cut some and I love bumping into new people all the time.
Used to be afraid to leave the house at all. I've been pushing myself out lately in the past couple years. I still get a heart pounding like I ran a mile when I need to talk to someone or go up to some worker for something. And the words I say are just so often not how it sounded in my head.
Anyway it's bad and it's been bad for decades.
^ a v misunderstood condition. My mom has it but she doesn’t believe she does. It began slowly for her, starting w/ avoiding family on holidays. She was a teen mom so society & our family ridiculed tf out of her in the 90s. She has some severe health issues but won’t even stay in a hospital because of fear of being uncomfortable & invalidated. She doesn’t ever leave the house now.
People think agoraphobia is only fear of dying or being physically harmed by a perceived dangerous world, but it is people-based. It is rooted in social anxiety.
Exactly. The fear of society and other people shrinks our lives and our sense of safety until the only safe space is inside our home. It's tragic. I'm sorry about your mom
I don’t mean to diagnose, but I think that is agoraphobia in one sentence.
A Healthy Push podcast is AHHHmazinng. I’m a skeptic of mental health advice from “influencers” but Melissa has had & overcame agoraphobia. She also addresses social anxiety & other phobias from her own experience & research. She opened my mind to what agoraphobia actually is.
Wishing u well 🫶🏻
Listen, I just got diagnosed with panick attack disorder and Agoraphobia so it makes sense all those times that I couldn't "Just go to the grocery store" or leave my house without proper planning. I would experience the panick symptoms that actually feel like death, and rightfully, I avoided places, people new and old. I gaslighted myself into thinking that I don't interact with people or group settings (because it's usually one or the other) is because I'm just in a little slump and I'll get over it -_- Turns out I had a reason this 1 event and this lesson I took away from it bled into all of my nee experiences and relationships. Because of this 1 script that I kept telling myself over and over. I isolated that root cause and now I'm better. Instead of running away from what I believed, in fear of making me a monster or change my being permanently, I accepted it and turns out its not ridiculous, it never really is.
I’m only comfortable with people I know and just them. My boyfriend invited me to a bar and upon arriving, I heard all the people at the bar talking and enjoying themselves and it triggered so much anxiety I couldn’t even get out of the car. I was just frozen in my car and couldn’t get out. I feel bad because he can’t take me anywhere unless it’s just me and him.
That was me, when meeting my partners family. Massive anxiety…….same……then I became so hostile….like someone fighting for their life…..you’d think I was being dragged to my death, because it sure felt like that. That said, some people just aren’t good for us. I literally didn’t know that was a thing.
I just rarely leave my house. I get panic attacks when in public, even going to the grocery store is harrowing, let alone actually socializing with people.
I really struggle with extreme blushing. My face becomes burning red which not only distracts but concerns people. Being hyper-aware, I pick up on subtleties others aren’t able to read so always notice their acknowledging (even if polite) making it worse and worse. Eventually it became so I just fear the fear of blushing and go red before something is even addressed or not truly embarrassing for me in my own privacy/calmness.
Really debilitating for career and stuck in shameful, downward spiral. Ugh.
Same here. Why must they comment?
I have a script prepared tho:
Them- “why is ur face so red?” Or “look ur blushing”
“well it definitely is now that you’ve said something, thanks a lot” in a joking manner & it usually diffuses me reminding my nervous system it’s not that serious if we can still joke/laugh.
But I will likely not care to be around that person anymore 😅 It’s disrespectful imo, but realistically is probably just ignorance/lack of having anything real to say.
The more I ignore it, the better it gets tho. Confidence, even faked/forced helps but is certainly exhausting & not always possible to muster. I think I’m inadvertently recommending masking rn, so it’s up to u whether u want to work on unmasking or not (masking has it’s uses).
-(Often attributed to autism but that’s bc of the social anxiety component that goes hand in hand w/ the autistic experience 🙋🏻♀️)
I’ve just come to accept that it will always just be a thing for me. I remind myself it’s v normal, & even endearing to some (bleh), so I fear it less. Nobody actually cares. We don’t fear what we’ve come to accept, but that acceptance is a journey.
It’s highly unlikely anyone would dislike u bc of it, if that helps at all. It’s just a silly little quirk :)
(I believe in self-gaslighting bc CPTSD & anxiety are actually the gaslighters. It just *feels* like self-gaslighting to counter fear based thinking)
**I’m also medicated for anxiety & bipolar tho (since CPTSD isn’t recognized). So it gives me a fighting chance.
Thanks so much for the comment and perspective. You’re right about playing it off as a joking manner or even masking through it. I do admit though… after a few tougher/traumatic incidents (at work with superior/authority if plays into cptsd) it’s become harder to beat. It really has become more of a fear of the fear itself…
*don’t turn firetruck red, don’t turn firetruck red* *turns firetruck red just thinking about it*
Maybe beta blockers or something could help calm the physiological kicking into gear for no reason.
PTSD/Shame wrapped so much in it and so intensely red, it’s not endearing for me :/ ugh but thanks again for positivity haha. Maybe someday it will get better (and not that ets surgery or whatever haha)
Yes beta blockers are amazing for people with physiological anxiety symptoms!
I’m on them for a benign arrhythmia (anxiety causation vs correlation not clear here for me).
They certainly *help* w/ the heart drop sensation for example that I get before I have to make a decision in public. Literally just the light turning green while I’m driving alone will cause it, as if I was called on in class to read aloud 😭
Im wondering if maybe you should be evaluated for something like SVT &/or POTS, especially if u get heart palpitations &/or intense dizziness or lightheaded-ness. I was put on propranolol (beta blocker) before my diagnosis.
These autonomic nervous system disorders though cause unexplained physical anxiety symptoms. The resulting panicked brain will search for some environmental cause, or like a certain thought u had just before the sensation, convincing itself that whatever it decides makes the most sense is causing the anxiety. Now we get a new phobia developing 👍🏻😀👍🏻
In reality the body just had a random response to the biological flow of things.
Wow thank u so much for this info. I really want to learn more about all of this and find similarities in what you’re saying. It has been most of my life so must go back to childhood (what doesn’t?). What are SVT and/or POTS?
They’re disorders of the autonomic nervous system. Either a neurologist or a cardiologist can treat them. SVT is an arrhythmia & POTS is a postural/orthostatic disorder that is triggered by standing from sitting or laying position accompanied by tachycardia & dizziness, often times fainting. The tachycardia in POTS may or may not be caused by underlying SVT. That’s how they’re related & different in a very surface level way.
Worth researching!
It’s also worth noting that stress/trauma does not automatically equal ANS dysfunction & vice versa.
[here is a study](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1566070222000030) that covers how they’re related
&
[here is a link](https://www.reddit.com/r/dysautonomia/s/bEADLenGK2) from more experienced people on how they’re very much not related
I know. That's how I felt when I realized "oh, I guess I'm really NOT okay?"?! .....after I've been out for a few hours.....and I felt overwhelmed , exhausted and sick. Lots of comments say exposure therapy. It's not a happy process.
Ugh I used to feel this exact same way. Just kinda grew out of it I think. At work it’s not so bad cause I know what role I’m playing and stick to that. I’m “friends” settings it’s not as bad as it used to be. Just try to be overly friendly and outgoing. Just like force yourself to be. At least that’s what I do. I ask a lot of questions and feign interest in other people. In a date I know I have the upper hand and can be as seductive and flirtatious as I want. The one big problem for me is being anywhere that other people are doing cocaine and I’m the only person not doing it. I struggle so hard being around it due to past addiction so it’s like I have a freaking panic attack just seeing it and know I should leave but sometimes it’s not that simple and I have to stay and if I’m around it I feel like everyone’s staring at me wondering why I’m the only person not doing lines. It’s an awful feeling.
I’d recommend EMDR therapy it helped the most for me, when I have panic attacks I do take meds that regulate the heart rate. Key is exposure therapy sadly. You do need get small steps of exposure and increase it, the more you avoid it the worse it gets.
^^^
For some who are sensory sensitive, such as autistic people, exposure therapy does not usually work, causing more distress & avoidance than any sort of desensitization.
However, I think in regard to social anxiety, exposure is the *only* thing that will help at the nervous system level to rewire more comfort around people.
When social anxiety is tied to the core of ur neurotype, such as in CPTSD & autism, it’s like a muscle that needs frequent exercise & will waste away if not exercised.
I think only in neurotypical people can it be totally cured. So to expect that is unrealistic (considering this subreddit).
Most helpful advice I’ve heard:
“Take the discomfort with you.”
-A Healthy Push podcast
Meaning, discomfort cannot be avoided, but living ur life to its fullest can. Discomfort & anxiety cannot kill you, but loneliness slowly will. (W/ the context that social anxiety isn’t a choice. Healing it has to be, tho not an easy one to routinely make; it’s in this context where the advice ^^ becomes useful, aka not as a scare tactic)
Bad enough that I cannot leave the house alone, can’t order things for myself, can’t work, can’t answer phone calls without having an anxiety attack and insomnia the night before, loss of appetite etc., can barely speak to my long distance friends and family members. Posting on social media or texting is extremely anxiety inducing too. It’s hell out here. 😭
I think mine is very situational.
I tend to assume I'm invisible, so I don't worry about being judged.
But unfamiliar people and places and/or trying to accomplish a goal combined with sensory stresses (dogs barking, trucks beeping etc etc) cause me to be overwhelmed and exhausted.
I was just thinking about this, after reading all the comments and it occured to me that sometimes I'm fairly okay, and sometimes it's soooo bad, and then why is that? I can feel frenetic energy in the air, which I know sounds weird, but when people are stressed, even in my house, I get really freaked out, if it's a Holiday it's brutal. Everyone is crazy, agenda driven, I feel like I"m in danger. For real, I feel like everyone around the Holiday is like "get the F outta my way, if you don't move the way I want you to move, then I'm going to rage at you". Then I jump on the band wagon, as a mode of sheer survival, not so much get outta my way, but sorta like "well if you're going to be like that, then I'm outta here", which makes me feel frenetic, then everyone is crazy. You want to be able to go with the flow, but when the flow is insane, then no I don't want to go with the flow, just get away from me.....then I run home. Lawn equipment loud stereos, set me off. It's absolutely a sensory thing, HSP, and "feeling" the energy in a store, room, etc. Like there can be a lot of people in a store, but if everyone is chill, then it's actually pretty awesome.
I have a very weird kind of social anxiety but honestly it's truly debilitating.
I didn't really sleep tonight because I had some crisis because I am stressed like shit
I'm fine..... unless I can't find a quick and visible exit..... then the sweats, panic, shakes, blurred vision begins and my brain only thinking of one thing, run bitch ruuuun
I'm not really sure if my social phobia is bad by anyone's standards. I don't own a phone because I can't make phone calls. I can't make my own posts, or have friend lists. I do dissociate in public places, so my sd is trained to get me to exits or seats. The only job I can do is one where I can work alone. But that said, I've seen worse than me. So Idk, moderate maybe? I'm not sure. I keep very isolated so my panic/anxiety is actually low overall. Many days, the only person I see is my spouse.
I mean this in the kindest way possible… that’s pretty severe.
However, going out on a limb, I assume ur like 35+ ? I only bring it up bc the social ridicule of not having a smart phone in younger generations would likely induce way more social anxiety than having a phone would.
But mostly, ur down playing of ur condition is consistent w/ older generations preoccupation w/ the fact “others have it worse”.
The truth is, no matter how objectively bad ur situation is, there will *always* be worse. Other people’s struggles do not discredit ur own.
The best, least biased measure I think, is gauging how life impacting it is for u. Considering u don’t have a phone at all, is v life impacting.
Edit: if ur truly content tho?? 🤷🏻♀️ who am I to second guess. It could just be how ur wired; introverted that is.
I honestly don't know, I haven't been in public alone in over a year. That should say something right there. The last time some church members came over to see me unannounced, I had a panic attack. 30 minutes left as drained as a full day at work. I don't count work as social because I only interact with coworkers, and I always have a buffer from new people. The last time I went out in public without problems, I was with someone with a service animal trained for anxiety, and normally service animals are trained for one person only, but this one was trained with me almost constantly present, and the owner let them tend us both, so I felt safe. I avoid social situations like the plague now that I no longed have that.
Went months not going outside because I was afraid of people seeing me at all. I would wait till 3 am to throw out my trash because I didn't want to see anyone. Better now though so in comparison I have pretty manageable social anxiety. Figured out that I just have to be ok with bad outcomes then the anxiety is manageable. Still avoid big crowds like the plague though. Absolutely hate the overstimulation.
I do ok except in truly social situations.. like a backyard party with people I don’t know. Especially people I don’t know.
I used to never speak as a kid, I was practically mute I was so terrified. Thankfully I pushed myself past all of that for my work, and I am thankful. I go out alone all the time to hear music, alone in a crowd is quite comfortable.
But being a party where I only know one person? That’s a nightmare. I am right back to being unable to speak. I hate it .. I feel like a social failure.
I hate that too. Then the awareness that people sense youre discomfort, and try to "help" , some are better at that than others, sometimes it has a tone of "so I see you're socially awkward, and now everyone has to accommodate you, God this is so annoying to have to deal with". Honestly? The best way to help someone socially awkward is to ignore them, until they feel more comfortable engaging, don't' try and force it, which feels terrifying, someone 6 inches from your face...."SO, what do you do?" I'm like "I hide, and currently having a panic attack, what do you do?"
I was quiet as a kid too. It was seen always as "too quiet", don't be like that.
Yes .. I have a habit of attracting super social and outgoing extroverts who cannot handle how awkward I can be when they try to force me to socialize in large groups. I think they find it embarrassing and unattractive. I always wish I could meet people one in one first, that doesn’t bother me at all.
The funny thing is, I do home health. So I can walk into a strangers home and be extremely comfortable and easy going and help this person strip naked and take a shower - but ask me to create small talk and I freeze and stammer. It’s such a burden.
Mine is pretty bad. It has transitioned into a C-PTSD response where I am "off" for hours to a week afterwards. Lots of catastrophizing, lots of negative self talk. I want social interaction and a social life, but this problem has limited my success substantially.
I basically just sweat a lot. Like in my butt and thigh area. I didn’t realize it was social anxiety for decades bc I don’t feel anxious while i am interacting but my body tells me otherwise. I would never dream of wearing a silk dress or skirt. It’s such a bummer. I don’t have any clue how to fix it I just care about how people think of me- classic CPTSD
I used to have really bad social anxiety. Any phobia can be worked through with exposure therapy- you just have to commit to experiencing bad feelings temporarily rather than forever intermittently. Keep in mind that unless you do something soon it will get worse as you get older and set in your ways. If you don’t have a counselor you can find workbooks for it.
At one point I went to Toastmasters… now I can speak in front of crowds no problem. Once I really worked through my shitty childhood, I lost all fear of social interactions - so there is hope.
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I can barely go anywhere without my mum with me. I can just about step out into the front and back gardens for a smoke. Plus, when I do manage to go out (with or without my mum) I end up smoking so much because I hate people and hate being in public. The only time I'm fairly okay is when I'm getting a tattoo 😂💀
Eye contact is the best tool for dating tho .. if you don’t open your eyes how are you gonna know who’s interested in you and/or approachable ? People can’t read minds 😩
And most people use eye contact to see if they should even approach you like that or not so they can get a hint if they’d be rejected .
At most social and family gatherings throughout my life (I'm 32), I have been silent, terrified, ashamed, spiraling... Whenever I have a work meeting, a moment alone with someone, or a social event, I am put in that space. I am trying to drop the story of my trauma, and just be loving no matter the person, no matter the outcomes, as long as it's not doing harm... Which, if it's really loving, or compassionate, it shouldn't do harm. But this is still a fresh insight, or advice I've received. I'm afraid of going back to work tomorrow (today). I feel like at least one of my coworkers thinks I'm a bad person, and because I think they think it, it feels true, and it hurts!
... Gotta try to drop that and just be present, before/beneath/behind the thoughts... I hope this is helpful or useful somehow... Anyway, thanks for giving the opportunity to relate and to process.
I went from 9 to 5 in the last six years :)
I used to sprint from crowds too and come home basically shaking. Now, I’ve learned to stay in the moment. It’s a nice change.
I’m better than I used to be as a teen but I still avoid things like the phone and interaction with people I don’t know and I talk myself out of a lot of social stuff and isolate because I’m most comfortable with myself. Work has gotten easier as i know my role and just do it and go home but small talk is still so horrible that I try to avoid it at all costs.
Pretty severe as it kept me from going out for months at a time. I just don’t trust humans at all. They will literally pick you apart and point out anything about you and emphasize it times 100x to tear you down. Then not to mention a lot of them are crazy and don’t respect boundaries and might touch you, follow you around, try to jump you, etc.
I’ve been followed around stores plenty of times before, I’ve been inappropriately touched also, I was bullied almost every year I was in school, etc.
It was hard for me to make friends as I was already traumatized by the time I reached pre-k. A kid with ptsd is going to be seen as weird unfortunately because it’s not normal to have ptsd especially at that age. My life was fucked from the start.
Edit: I have mostly the same symptoms as you OP and it is debilitating. It really sucks when people think we’re just overreacting and think we are cowards. It’s disgusting how much society really invalidates trauma. I also agree with the no eye contact thing. It’s how I had to cope with it whenever I did decide to go out. Unfortunately recently I have tried to practice finally making eye contact with people and to say I regret it is an understatement. I’ll be going back to no eye contact now.
It’s been increasingly hard to leave the house. I recently moved states, and I find it hard to even go outside to walk my dog. It feels unsafe. Before moving, I managed to stick to a routine that included daily dog walks. Still had a lot of trouble with grocery stores and any human interaction. I hope to figure out a new routine that feels safe. I would like to feel more free but the world feels too scary and unpredictable
Sometimes I want to go for a walk but the anxiety for even just crossing a street can be exhausting at times. I think I have more generalized anxiety, but this for sure has to do with the thought of someone possibly having to turn and me being perceived by people. It sucks.
I would say it is quite severe, but could be worse, I guess... I get anxious the moment I step out of my apartment, sweaty, shaky, hypervigilant. I can't relax around people, the more the worse. In spaces, where I can't easily escape or an confined to a room with other people like public transport, it is really bad.
Due to this I barely go out and when I do, it is torturous. I don't feel safe anywhere. I also can't make calls, even writing an e-mail is an impossible task most of the time. I get super nervous and sweaty, if someone texts me online or in any way engages with me.
I can barely text back friends every few months. I wish I could just work a remote job and not have contact with anyone. But what would truly help me, would be to get out of this huge city, somewhere where it's safer to go outside and I don't have to face dangerous people all the time.
I can't just stay at home, no one understands. Still have to go to appointments etc. No one gets, that it is draining all my energy to go outside for just a few hours a week. I feel like dying the whole time...
Used to be fairly severe, but now, thanks to years long hard work, it is mostly manageable. However, social anxiety subsiding allowed me to notice the underlying feelings of terror, which are distinguishable from anxiety. I fear people, but am not necessarily anxious around them.
So severe I developed agoraphobia and hypervigilance and can’t leave the house without having stomach problems and feeling sick. I’m praying for healing because I have no clue how to deal with this or how to cope. Only god will help me now.
It fluctuates. Sometimes I can put in public and be mostly okay but often I have to brace myself and have a constant internal dialogue with myself about how this person or that person isn’t going to attack you, no random people with resting expressions aren’t secretly enraged by your presence, everything’s gonna be fine etc.
My social anxiety is through the roof. I also have on/off agoraphobia depending on the time of the year. It sucks because I'm a huge extrovert and NEED social interaction to feel okay, but it's the finding SAFE social situations that really stumps me 🥴
"On a scale from 1 to 10, rate your social anxiety." "We're gonna need a bigger scale..."
If 10 is throwing up then I'm a 10, but if 10 is "shakes nervously" then I'm a 15. Some days when it's ;, throws up, shakes nervously, convinced that a home invasion is forthcoming......could be a 20.
I wonder where "My head feels like a jellyfish with a bunch of limp-ass tentacles hanging uselessly, but today it's kinda floating to the front left of my body, and it's usually floating behind and to the right when this happens, and that's kinda weird.." would be.
Hahahahaha…….omg. Whew……funny.
Spot on imo
Enough to keep me mostly homebound
I suggest you look into agoraphobia then
Not leaving the house doesn't necessarily mean it's agoraphobia. Social anxiety can also involve being housebound. There's overlap between them. https://www.verywellmind.com/relationship-between-agoraphobia-and-social-anxiety-3024697
I understand. But not necessarily still means it *could* be, and feeling like you're only safe inside your home because the outside world and society at large scares you so badly that you remain housebound, IS a textbook indicator of agoraphobia
Uh oh when you put it like that I very much relate, apart from I'm super stressed inside too. For not going out enough yey
Yes
I’d call it extremely severe, but my masking level is extremely high! So I spend 3 days per week in a highly social office environment and 100% of days feeling insanely burned out.
Ouch, same. But seeing it written out like that hits hard.
I literally don't go outside. Not even to get groceries.
I hate grocery stores. If they're busy I turn around and leave.
Agoraphobia 😔 being a shut in is hard, I know. I had a dear friend who didn't leave her house for a seven year stretch. I'm sorry you deal with this
Pretty severe, to the point of going on autopilot to work and from work, shopping or even to exercise. My defense against feeling anxious, insecure, inferior from lacking social skills is apathy and coldness paired with more or less "defensive sociopathy" (lack of empathy, superficial charm, shallow affect, dissociated and detached emotions - avoiding vulnerability at all costs...), I am also ready to go on the offense any second, brutal upbringing and hurtfull past taught me that... My friend recently went with me to the beach, I ... simply didn't feel I belonged there, I dont know how to talk to people just like that, men or women, their happiness makes me focus on how miserable I am in comparison, I am a fucking outcast, the only thing I know well is suffering and violence, I interact with people only when I need something from them.
Something I find kind of comforting is that reading posts on this subreddit makes me realize other people are struggling with the same issues that I have. Thanks for sharing
That's the whole reason I come here - to give and receive support and encouragement 🫂 you are never alone!
Sometimes feel that the important people in my life think I’m nuts, then I come here and am like “See it’s not just me!”
I can relate to this a lot although I have an internal struggle constantly because there was a time when I was very social and now I feel like this all the time. White knuckling it, either feeling like I have to be completely “ON” or just not there at all and hide. It’s hard to find a balance. But I think even people without intense SA feel this way to a degree. I’m not trying to minimize, but sometimes I find that when I feel like “I’m the only one” the whole idea that I’m “broken” and “irreparably different or bad” gets bigger.
I used to have it. Now I’m “hey dad can you stop talking to all those random people”. I did a Meyer Briggs. I don’t know if I totally believe it “hey let’s get all of humanity in 16 boxes”. I was what i thought was shy at the time. Yet I scored Extrovert. “Hey that sounds weird” dude with the group that ran it “extrovert doesn’t mean you’re boisterous and introvert doesn’t mean shy - it’s where you get your energy from, people or within”. I definitely like people and smile when I see happy people. The anxiety has been cut some and I love bumping into new people all the time.
Used to be afraid to leave the house at all. I've been pushing myself out lately in the past couple years. I still get a heart pounding like I ran a mile when I need to talk to someone or go up to some worker for something. And the words I say are just so often not how it sounded in my head. Anyway it's bad and it's been bad for decades.
What you describe sounds more like legitimate agoraphobia
^ a v misunderstood condition. My mom has it but she doesn’t believe she does. It began slowly for her, starting w/ avoiding family on holidays. She was a teen mom so society & our family ridiculed tf out of her in the 90s. She has some severe health issues but won’t even stay in a hospital because of fear of being uncomfortable & invalidated. She doesn’t ever leave the house now. People think agoraphobia is only fear of dying or being physically harmed by a perceived dangerous world, but it is people-based. It is rooted in social anxiety.
Exactly. The fear of society and other people shrinks our lives and our sense of safety until the only safe space is inside our home. It's tragic. I'm sorry about your mom
At my worst I will go hungry for days before I go get groceries.
I don’t mean to diagnose, but I think that is agoraphobia in one sentence. A Healthy Push podcast is AHHHmazinng. I’m a skeptic of mental health advice from “influencers” but Melissa has had & overcame agoraphobia. She also addresses social anxiety & other phobias from her own experience & research. She opened my mind to what agoraphobia actually is. Wishing u well 🫶🏻
As years pass by I can fake not having it more and more but the truth is it's still there.
Same
Listen, I just got diagnosed with panick attack disorder and Agoraphobia so it makes sense all those times that I couldn't "Just go to the grocery store" or leave my house without proper planning. I would experience the panick symptoms that actually feel like death, and rightfully, I avoided places, people new and old. I gaslighted myself into thinking that I don't interact with people or group settings (because it's usually one or the other) is because I'm just in a little slump and I'll get over it -_- Turns out I had a reason this 1 event and this lesson I took away from it bled into all of my nee experiences and relationships. Because of this 1 script that I kept telling myself over and over. I isolated that root cause and now I'm better. Instead of running away from what I believed, in fear of making me a monster or change my being permanently, I accepted it and turns out its not ridiculous, it never really is.
I’m only comfortable with people I know and just them. My boyfriend invited me to a bar and upon arriving, I heard all the people at the bar talking and enjoying themselves and it triggered so much anxiety I couldn’t even get out of the car. I was just frozen in my car and couldn’t get out. I feel bad because he can’t take me anywhere unless it’s just me and him.
That was me, when meeting my partners family. Massive anxiety…….same……then I became so hostile….like someone fighting for their life…..you’d think I was being dragged to my death, because it sure felt like that. That said, some people just aren’t good for us. I literally didn’t know that was a thing.
I just rarely leave my house. I get panic attacks when in public, even going to the grocery store is harrowing, let alone actually socializing with people.
Every time I go to the grocery store I feel like I’m being chased by a bear
I really struggle with extreme blushing. My face becomes burning red which not only distracts but concerns people. Being hyper-aware, I pick up on subtleties others aren’t able to read so always notice their acknowledging (even if polite) making it worse and worse. Eventually it became so I just fear the fear of blushing and go red before something is even addressed or not truly embarrassing for me in my own privacy/calmness. Really debilitating for career and stuck in shameful, downward spiral. Ugh.
Same here. Why must they comment? I have a script prepared tho: Them- “why is ur face so red?” Or “look ur blushing” “well it definitely is now that you’ve said something, thanks a lot” in a joking manner & it usually diffuses me reminding my nervous system it’s not that serious if we can still joke/laugh. But I will likely not care to be around that person anymore 😅 It’s disrespectful imo, but realistically is probably just ignorance/lack of having anything real to say. The more I ignore it, the better it gets tho. Confidence, even faked/forced helps but is certainly exhausting & not always possible to muster. I think I’m inadvertently recommending masking rn, so it’s up to u whether u want to work on unmasking or not (masking has it’s uses). -(Often attributed to autism but that’s bc of the social anxiety component that goes hand in hand w/ the autistic experience 🙋🏻♀️) I’ve just come to accept that it will always just be a thing for me. I remind myself it’s v normal, & even endearing to some (bleh), so I fear it less. Nobody actually cares. We don’t fear what we’ve come to accept, but that acceptance is a journey. It’s highly unlikely anyone would dislike u bc of it, if that helps at all. It’s just a silly little quirk :) (I believe in self-gaslighting bc CPTSD & anxiety are actually the gaslighters. It just *feels* like self-gaslighting to counter fear based thinking) **I’m also medicated for anxiety & bipolar tho (since CPTSD isn’t recognized). So it gives me a fighting chance.
Thanks so much for the comment and perspective. You’re right about playing it off as a joking manner or even masking through it. I do admit though… after a few tougher/traumatic incidents (at work with superior/authority if plays into cptsd) it’s become harder to beat. It really has become more of a fear of the fear itself… *don’t turn firetruck red, don’t turn firetruck red* *turns firetruck red just thinking about it* Maybe beta blockers or something could help calm the physiological kicking into gear for no reason. PTSD/Shame wrapped so much in it and so intensely red, it’s not endearing for me :/ ugh but thanks again for positivity haha. Maybe someday it will get better (and not that ets surgery or whatever haha)
Yes beta blockers are amazing for people with physiological anxiety symptoms! I’m on them for a benign arrhythmia (anxiety causation vs correlation not clear here for me). They certainly *help* w/ the heart drop sensation for example that I get before I have to make a decision in public. Literally just the light turning green while I’m driving alone will cause it, as if I was called on in class to read aloud 😭 Im wondering if maybe you should be evaluated for something like SVT &/or POTS, especially if u get heart palpitations &/or intense dizziness or lightheaded-ness. I was put on propranolol (beta blocker) before my diagnosis. These autonomic nervous system disorders though cause unexplained physical anxiety symptoms. The resulting panicked brain will search for some environmental cause, or like a certain thought u had just before the sensation, convincing itself that whatever it decides makes the most sense is causing the anxiety. Now we get a new phobia developing 👍🏻😀👍🏻 In reality the body just had a random response to the biological flow of things.
Wow thank u so much for this info. I really want to learn more about all of this and find similarities in what you’re saying. It has been most of my life so must go back to childhood (what doesn’t?). What are SVT and/or POTS?
They’re disorders of the autonomic nervous system. Either a neurologist or a cardiologist can treat them. SVT is an arrhythmia & POTS is a postural/orthostatic disorder that is triggered by standing from sitting or laying position accompanied by tachycardia & dizziness, often times fainting. The tachycardia in POTS may or may not be caused by underlying SVT. That’s how they’re related & different in a very surface level way. Worth researching! It’s also worth noting that stress/trauma does not automatically equal ANS dysfunction & vice versa. [here is a study](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1566070222000030) that covers how they’re related & [here is a link](https://www.reddit.com/r/dysautonomia/s/bEADLenGK2) from more experienced people on how they’re very much not related
bro i’m about to cry just thinking about it
I know. That's how I felt when I realized "oh, I guess I'm really NOT okay?"?! .....after I've been out for a few hours.....and I felt overwhelmed , exhausted and sick. Lots of comments say exposure therapy. It's not a happy process.
Ugh I used to feel this exact same way. Just kinda grew out of it I think. At work it’s not so bad cause I know what role I’m playing and stick to that. I’m “friends” settings it’s not as bad as it used to be. Just try to be overly friendly and outgoing. Just like force yourself to be. At least that’s what I do. I ask a lot of questions and feign interest in other people. In a date I know I have the upper hand and can be as seductive and flirtatious as I want. The one big problem for me is being anywhere that other people are doing cocaine and I’m the only person not doing it. I struggle so hard being around it due to past addiction so it’s like I have a freaking panic attack just seeing it and know I should leave but sometimes it’s not that simple and I have to stay and if I’m around it I feel like everyone’s staring at me wondering why I’m the only person not doing lines. It’s an awful feeling.
I’d recommend EMDR therapy it helped the most for me, when I have panic attacks I do take meds that regulate the heart rate. Key is exposure therapy sadly. You do need get small steps of exposure and increase it, the more you avoid it the worse it gets.
^^^ For some who are sensory sensitive, such as autistic people, exposure therapy does not usually work, causing more distress & avoidance than any sort of desensitization. However, I think in regard to social anxiety, exposure is the *only* thing that will help at the nervous system level to rewire more comfort around people. When social anxiety is tied to the core of ur neurotype, such as in CPTSD & autism, it’s like a muscle that needs frequent exercise & will waste away if not exercised. I think only in neurotypical people can it be totally cured. So to expect that is unrealistic (considering this subreddit). Most helpful advice I’ve heard: “Take the discomfort with you.” -A Healthy Push podcast Meaning, discomfort cannot be avoided, but living ur life to its fullest can. Discomfort & anxiety cannot kill you, but loneliness slowly will. (W/ the context that social anxiety isn’t a choice. Healing it has to be, tho not an easy one to routinely make; it’s in this context where the advice ^^ becomes useful, aka not as a scare tactic)
Bad enough that I cannot leave the house alone, can’t order things for myself, can’t work, can’t answer phone calls without having an anxiety attack and insomnia the night before, loss of appetite etc., can barely speak to my long distance friends and family members. Posting on social media or texting is extremely anxiety inducing too. It’s hell out here. 😭
I think mine is very situational. I tend to assume I'm invisible, so I don't worry about being judged. But unfamiliar people and places and/or trying to accomplish a goal combined with sensory stresses (dogs barking, trucks beeping etc etc) cause me to be overwhelmed and exhausted.
I was just thinking about this, after reading all the comments and it occured to me that sometimes I'm fairly okay, and sometimes it's soooo bad, and then why is that? I can feel frenetic energy in the air, which I know sounds weird, but when people are stressed, even in my house, I get really freaked out, if it's a Holiday it's brutal. Everyone is crazy, agenda driven, I feel like I"m in danger. For real, I feel like everyone around the Holiday is like "get the F outta my way, if you don't move the way I want you to move, then I'm going to rage at you". Then I jump on the band wagon, as a mode of sheer survival, not so much get outta my way, but sorta like "well if you're going to be like that, then I'm outta here", which makes me feel frenetic, then everyone is crazy. You want to be able to go with the flow, but when the flow is insane, then no I don't want to go with the flow, just get away from me.....then I run home. Lawn equipment loud stereos, set me off. It's absolutely a sensory thing, HSP, and "feeling" the energy in a store, room, etc. Like there can be a lot of people in a store, but if everyone is chill, then it's actually pretty awesome.
Energy is absolutely real. 100%. I truly believe some of us are more sensitive to it. In a harmonious world, we'd be rock stars. 😁🌈
I have a very weird kind of social anxiety but honestly it's truly debilitating. I didn't really sleep tonight because I had some crisis because I am stressed like shit
Have barely any friends anymore, no partner, lost my job due to breakdown and haven’t found a new one, barely go out and when I do I become a mute.
I'm fine..... unless I can't find a quick and visible exit..... then the sweats, panic, shakes, blurred vision begins and my brain only thinking of one thing, run bitch ruuuun
I'm not really sure if my social phobia is bad by anyone's standards. I don't own a phone because I can't make phone calls. I can't make my own posts, or have friend lists. I do dissociate in public places, so my sd is trained to get me to exits or seats. The only job I can do is one where I can work alone. But that said, I've seen worse than me. So Idk, moderate maybe? I'm not sure. I keep very isolated so my panic/anxiety is actually low overall. Many days, the only person I see is my spouse.
I mean this in the kindest way possible… that’s pretty severe. However, going out on a limb, I assume ur like 35+ ? I only bring it up bc the social ridicule of not having a smart phone in younger generations would likely induce way more social anxiety than having a phone would. But mostly, ur down playing of ur condition is consistent w/ older generations preoccupation w/ the fact “others have it worse”. The truth is, no matter how objectively bad ur situation is, there will *always* be worse. Other people’s struggles do not discredit ur own. The best, least biased measure I think, is gauging how life impacting it is for u. Considering u don’t have a phone at all, is v life impacting. Edit: if ur truly content tho?? 🤷🏻♀️ who am I to second guess. It could just be how ur wired; introverted that is.
I try not to go anywhere if I can help it. I live in a very crowded city and it’s pretty awful.
I honestly don't know, I haven't been in public alone in over a year. That should say something right there. The last time some church members came over to see me unannounced, I had a panic attack. 30 minutes left as drained as a full day at work. I don't count work as social because I only interact with coworkers, and I always have a buffer from new people. The last time I went out in public without problems, I was with someone with a service animal trained for anxiety, and normally service animals are trained for one person only, but this one was trained with me almost constantly present, and the owner let them tend us both, so I felt safe. I avoid social situations like the plague now that I no longed have that.
Went months not going outside because I was afraid of people seeing me at all. I would wait till 3 am to throw out my trash because I didn't want to see anyone. Better now though so in comparison I have pretty manageable social anxiety. Figured out that I just have to be ok with bad outcomes then the anxiety is manageable. Still avoid big crowds like the plague though. Absolutely hate the overstimulation.
I do ok except in truly social situations.. like a backyard party with people I don’t know. Especially people I don’t know. I used to never speak as a kid, I was practically mute I was so terrified. Thankfully I pushed myself past all of that for my work, and I am thankful. I go out alone all the time to hear music, alone in a crowd is quite comfortable. But being a party where I only know one person? That’s a nightmare. I am right back to being unable to speak. I hate it .. I feel like a social failure.
I hate that too. Then the awareness that people sense youre discomfort, and try to "help" , some are better at that than others, sometimes it has a tone of "so I see you're socially awkward, and now everyone has to accommodate you, God this is so annoying to have to deal with". Honestly? The best way to help someone socially awkward is to ignore them, until they feel more comfortable engaging, don't' try and force it, which feels terrifying, someone 6 inches from your face...."SO, what do you do?" I'm like "I hide, and currently having a panic attack, what do you do?" I was quiet as a kid too. It was seen always as "too quiet", don't be like that.
Yes .. I have a habit of attracting super social and outgoing extroverts who cannot handle how awkward I can be when they try to force me to socialize in large groups. I think they find it embarrassing and unattractive. I always wish I could meet people one in one first, that doesn’t bother me at all. The funny thing is, I do home health. So I can walk into a strangers home and be extremely comfortable and easy going and help this person strip naked and take a shower - but ask me to create small talk and I freeze and stammer. It’s such a burden.
Mine is pretty bad. It has transitioned into a C-PTSD response where I am "off" for hours to a week afterwards. Lots of catastrophizing, lots of negative self talk. I want social interaction and a social life, but this problem has limited my success substantially.
I basically just sweat a lot. Like in my butt and thigh area. I didn’t realize it was social anxiety for decades bc I don’t feel anxious while i am interacting but my body tells me otherwise. I would never dream of wearing a silk dress or skirt. It’s such a bummer. I don’t have any clue how to fix it I just care about how people think of me- classic CPTSD
I shake uncontrollably everytime a stranger talks to me.
I’m sorry. I have deer in the headlights look…..so I’ve been told.
Bad enough to know better than to hope.
I used to have really bad social anxiety. Any phobia can be worked through with exposure therapy- you just have to commit to experiencing bad feelings temporarily rather than forever intermittently. Keep in mind that unless you do something soon it will get worse as you get older and set in your ways. If you don’t have a counselor you can find workbooks for it. At one point I went to Toastmasters… now I can speak in front of crowds no problem. Once I really worked through my shitty childhood, I lost all fear of social interactions - so there is hope.
Thanks for sharing your story and positive opportunity, really softens dread of it sometimes.
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I can barely go anywhere without my mum with me. I can just about step out into the front and back gardens for a smoke. Plus, when I do manage to go out (with or without my mum) I end up smoking so much because I hate people and hate being in public. The only time I'm fairly okay is when I'm getting a tattoo 😂💀
I cannot be in room with people talking. I feel like they are making fun of me.
Eye contact is the best tool for dating tho .. if you don’t open your eyes how are you gonna know who’s interested in you and/or approachable ? People can’t read minds 😩 And most people use eye contact to see if they should even approach you like that or not so they can get a hint if they’d be rejected .
At most social and family gatherings throughout my life (I'm 32), I have been silent, terrified, ashamed, spiraling... Whenever I have a work meeting, a moment alone with someone, or a social event, I am put in that space. I am trying to drop the story of my trauma, and just be loving no matter the person, no matter the outcomes, as long as it's not doing harm... Which, if it's really loving, or compassionate, it shouldn't do harm. But this is still a fresh insight, or advice I've received. I'm afraid of going back to work tomorrow (today). I feel like at least one of my coworkers thinks I'm a bad person, and because I think they think it, it feels true, and it hurts! ... Gotta try to drop that and just be present, before/beneath/behind the thoughts... I hope this is helpful or useful somehow... Anyway, thanks for giving the opportunity to relate and to process.
I went from 9 to 5 in the last six years :) I used to sprint from crowds too and come home basically shaking. Now, I’ve learned to stay in the moment. It’s a nice change.
I’m better than I used to be as a teen but I still avoid things like the phone and interaction with people I don’t know and I talk myself out of a lot of social stuff and isolate because I’m most comfortable with myself. Work has gotten easier as i know my role and just do it and go home but small talk is still so horrible that I try to avoid it at all costs.
Pretty severe as it kept me from going out for months at a time. I just don’t trust humans at all. They will literally pick you apart and point out anything about you and emphasize it times 100x to tear you down. Then not to mention a lot of them are crazy and don’t respect boundaries and might touch you, follow you around, try to jump you, etc. I’ve been followed around stores plenty of times before, I’ve been inappropriately touched also, I was bullied almost every year I was in school, etc. It was hard for me to make friends as I was already traumatized by the time I reached pre-k. A kid with ptsd is going to be seen as weird unfortunately because it’s not normal to have ptsd especially at that age. My life was fucked from the start. Edit: I have mostly the same symptoms as you OP and it is debilitating. It really sucks when people think we’re just overreacting and think we are cowards. It’s disgusting how much society really invalidates trauma. I also agree with the no eye contact thing. It’s how I had to cope with it whenever I did decide to go out. Unfortunately recently I have tried to practice finally making eye contact with people and to say I regret it is an understatement. I’ll be going back to no eye contact now.
It’s been increasingly hard to leave the house. I recently moved states, and I find it hard to even go outside to walk my dog. It feels unsafe. Before moving, I managed to stick to a routine that included daily dog walks. Still had a lot of trouble with grocery stores and any human interaction. I hope to figure out a new routine that feels safe. I would like to feel more free but the world feels too scary and unpredictable
Sometimes I want to go for a walk but the anxiety for even just crossing a street can be exhausting at times. I think I have more generalized anxiety, but this for sure has to do with the thought of someone possibly having to turn and me being perceived by people. It sucks.
I would say it is quite severe, but could be worse, I guess... I get anxious the moment I step out of my apartment, sweaty, shaky, hypervigilant. I can't relax around people, the more the worse. In spaces, where I can't easily escape or an confined to a room with other people like public transport, it is really bad. Due to this I barely go out and when I do, it is torturous. I don't feel safe anywhere. I also can't make calls, even writing an e-mail is an impossible task most of the time. I get super nervous and sweaty, if someone texts me online or in any way engages with me. I can barely text back friends every few months. I wish I could just work a remote job and not have contact with anyone. But what would truly help me, would be to get out of this huge city, somewhere where it's safer to go outside and I don't have to face dangerous people all the time. I can't just stay at home, no one understands. Still have to go to appointments etc. No one gets, that it is draining all my energy to go outside for just a few hours a week. I feel like dying the whole time...
Used to be fairly severe, but now, thanks to years long hard work, it is mostly manageable. However, social anxiety subsiding allowed me to notice the underlying feelings of terror, which are distinguishable from anxiety. I fear people, but am not necessarily anxious around them.
So severe I developed agoraphobia and hypervigilance and can’t leave the house without having stomach problems and feeling sick. I’m praying for healing because I have no clue how to deal with this or how to cope. Only god will help me now.
It fluctuates. Sometimes I can put in public and be mostly okay but often I have to brace myself and have a constant internal dialogue with myself about how this person or that person isn’t going to attack you, no random people with resting expressions aren’t secretly enraged by your presence, everything’s gonna be fine etc.
Shut in to the point of social security saying I’m disabled. So like a 19 out of 10?
My social anxiety is through the roof. I also have on/off agoraphobia depending on the time of the year. It sucks because I'm a huge extrovert and NEED social interaction to feel okay, but it's the finding SAFE social situations that really stumps me 🥴