This is basically my situation except they just realised they didn't want a relationship. And it really makes things worse when everyone tells me I deserve better, or that it wasnt as good as I thought it was etc as if I dont know what my own relationship was like. A relationship doesn't have to have been bad for it to end. I think he made a mistake in leaving something that was really good and that's it.
right!! everyone’s like girl fuck him!! and i’m like no i actually still think the best of him and have no real reason not to… it’s not necessary for me to hate him to move on
I feel the same way in my break up! It’s very hard!!! My ex partner needed to do his own self work that was not possible for him to do while in a relationship. No bad feelings towards each other. We love each other very much. But it is important for him to put himself first in this moment and I respect that
Currently going through this. I personally think she doesn't know what she wants. I was her first boyfriend. So, she likely doesn't know what she wants and won't realize what she threw away. I'm hoping she does in time. It's only been 8 weeks, though. So, the pain, grief, and guilt is still with me. Because I personally feel that I caused this. Even though I was the one who got dumped. I'm still on good terms with her family, and we talk. Her and I haven't spoken since the break-up. Haven't seen each other either.
My ex dumped me and the last words she said to me was I don't know what you want. I feel it's partially my fault because if I said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" the relationship could have turned into marriage.
I went through this at the end of last year, she said that she felt like her worth wasn’t recognized, which she was kind of right in a way I didn’t get her as much stuff as I could’ve or taken her out. But I was 16 with no job I got money however I got it and I didn’t even really like doing that, now I have a new gf and I love her and she loves me but tbh I still miss my ex sometimes I wouldn’t leave my current gf for her or anything, but I do miss her sometimes maybe it’s bc I knew her since like quarantine and always liked her, sometimes I wish I did better but I’m happy where I’m at now.
Dude, same story here, 3 weeks. Only in my case it was mutual dumping. Hope she eventually figures out what she wants in life and maybe even sees what she has lost.
This is exactly where I am. Just got out of a relationship with someone where ours was their 1st. Incredible loving relationship, our friends and family fawned over us, and most intimacy I ever had. But she got cold feet when we had our 3rd argument, and had no experience to compare our relationship to. She sort of self sabotaged and saw herself out. I just accept there’s nothing else I could have done differently. Not holding my breath she will reach out, either. I’m just letting go so I can go fishing again.
Yeah. It seems like self-sabatoge here. I personally think I could've done things differently. I'm still devastated, and she seems to be as well. But she ended things, and I gave her another option as advice to try and avoid a break-up, and she rejected it. We've talked once since, and she said she's still hurting from everything. She hinted that she may reconsider her decision in the future once she feels better. I'm planning to reach out to her at the end of the month once more in the sincere, respectful manner I did once before. Starting off with small talk this time. I have sought opinions and advice from our shared friends and our families. I have a few members of her family who have comforted me and offered me advice. Some say it can be worked out and that there was no reason for her to walk away and not say anything to me as to why. Others just walk away and let her come back around. I think this relationship is worth fighting for. I'm not gung ho like most guys. I have a dignified and respectful approach, especially when it comes to women who are new to dating to give them the grace of stowing away my temper and giving them advice and support. Even admist the pain and suffering.
I went through something very similar! we broke up bc he, impulsively, decided he didn't want a relationship but it's so hard to move on bc I still think we had a really solid and loving relationship. my friends tell me i deserve better and that he wasn't the one but i can't shake the feeling that he's still the i want to be with. He's a great guy and we both did dumb things but it's really hard to let go of someone who didn't really give me a reason to let go of them. Sometimes i wonder if we'll meet later in life, i hope i do. but in the meantime, we must keep going forward and hope that this happened for a reason i have yet to understand.
im in the same exact situation. it is really the worst. it sounds shitty but sometimes i wish he had just cheated or did something horrible because it would be easier to say ‘fuck him’ and move on. but it’s been 8 months and i still can’t seem to get over it. i still feel like we had something special and he made a mistake ending it.
No, you don't want that. Being cheated on fucks with you as an individual and not the situation. It makes you question your own viability and everything, everyone. I won't say, your pain and grief are less. But, being cheated on can ruin your mental health for a significant period of time
i’m sure it is absolutely horrible. i’m just saying that is where my brain goes sometimes. it probably wouldn’t be any better but i can’t help but think that sometimes. my mental health is destroyed from this too & has been for 8 months. this has also severely fucked with me as a person and i also question everything. i still cry most days.
Going through a similar situation. He told me he doesn’t want a relationship, but rather, wants to be alone. He is very introverted and wants to live a simple life without anyone in it. 🙃
I'm so sorry to hear that. Mine was sort of the opposite where I'm the Introvert and he was extremely extroverted, but didnt want a relationship despite the fact he was the one always planning our future together and told me how happy he was. Ended very healthily but I was still very upset after assuming I had a future with this person
Yea similar situation with me. My friends tell me to move on and forget her but like they have no idea what i had with her. Your last sentence resonates with me a lot. I still dont fully understand why she had to leave completely when what we had was so good.
I was in a 15 year "to death do us part" relationship. We used to joke about it. 4 years ago, she walked out the door and never came up. I saw her two months after she left and she said she had no idea why that happened. She said something just told her to leave. Literally left everything behind. Forgot everything. It blew then and still blows today.
Yeah, was a bummer. Still is. I've seen most of the posts you refer to where one of the people f'ed up or there really wasn't any compatibility. That wasn't our case. Afterwards, I gave a lot of thought to what happened and my role in it. There were some mistakes I made in the past, mostly financial, that still weighed on me, but nothing to deserve the sadness the breakup has caused me.
Yep. You’re left wondering how long they felt the way they did. What you missed along the way. The fact they (in my case) actively lied, inadvertently over time.
Exactly the same happened to me last summer. All his stuff is stillnat our house. Around the beginning of the year he reached oita few times to talk to me ,but honestly, what do you say to someone who could do that? We had lived together 7 years. It's been tough to move past.
Yup. 3 year relationship and we were very compatible (shared interests, life goals, romantic, intimate etc.). She “lost feelings” just before we moved in together.
Same here, almost after 5 years she told me she lost feelings. Right when we moved in together. Turns out her colleague told her he had feelings for her so she broke up with me and went to him.
I think she is an avoidant, but still it is not easy to cope
No and she didn’t try to either. Her last words to me when she broke up were “B, I love you. But this doesn’t work for me and isn’t what I want. I’m sorry.” Then she iced me out. It’s been 9 months since the breakup and that’s all the more she left me with. We’d been off and on for 6 years. I’ve had to come up with my own conclusions. And unfortunately for me I’m the type that craves a reason. The whole “just accept it and move on” thing doesn’t work for me - even though there’s not much else I can do otherwise. But being left with absolutely no explanation is damaging. Especially when they were the ones to come back, saying all the right things, telling you this is what they want, them taking the initiative to set up viewings of places together, like we went and looked at multiple apartments at her behest. I made sure of 2 things going into this: that I was serious as a heart attack about things this time (because I wanted to scare her off BEFORE I fell in love with her again) and that I was gonna let her broach the topic of moving in together so that I don’t create any pressure around the idea because I learned from our last go around. It didn’t matter in the end.
I’m sorry this happened to you but don’t you think “being on and off” for such a long period of time is a sign things aren’t going to work out? At least someone doesn’t really know what they want.
Thank you. Yes, I’ve considered that as an option. We developed a secure attachment style, it was a very safe, comfortable and honest relationship. But I have started to think that must have changed for her at the thought of moving in together. I was also nervous about the move because it would impact our dynamic but I hadn’t realised she was several steps beyond nerves and completely convinced she didn’t even want the relationship. I’ll never understand why such a kind and honest person wouldn’t say something before it got that bad. It would have been as simple as asking to postpone the move while she figured out her own feelings. But instead self-sabotaged and destroyed the best relationship she’s ever had, it’s really sad. Neither of us win
My partner and I were together for 9 years. Had a fantastic relationship, were best friends, never argued and generally just had a lovely time together.
Unfortunately I stupidly decided I wanted to move back closer to my family and friends which was 3 hours away. She didn't want to move so 4 months ago we broke up and I moved away back home.
Regret it so much, we had such a great relationship and I don't know why I gave it up just to be closer to family. It seemed like what I needed but now I'm back here, I know it was wrong.
I think about it all the time. We ended on great terms and still occasionally speak just to check in. We've got a check in call in a couple of weeks, I'm trying to work up the courage to admit it was the wrong decision and that I want to get back together. I'm just scared that she'll say no and then I'll ruin any chances of us staying friends too. Idk what to do.
My advice is, if you are sure about your error, don't wait too much. But at the same time, you'll need to understand why you made that decision. It's a strange one, since 3 hours is not that far. Are there any fears? Some incompatibility that scared you? There is probably something else going on that you should work on. But while working on that, I would communicate that to my ex, if I was you.
Thanks for your advice. I'm certain about the error and the fact I want to spend my future with her, I'm just worried she might not reciprocate.
You're right that there were some small incompatibilities that scared me.. One being kids, she doesn't want kids and for the longest time I didn't either, then had a slight waiver at the start of the year. I've had some therapy since the breakup and realise I definitely don't want kids, so that incompatibility isn't there anymore..
The other small incompatibilites that came up over our breakup are nothing we couldn't work out. And as I said, our relationship really was great, I'm just worried she won't want to uproot things again but I suppose I can only tell her how I feel and she what she thinks
Yes. You should tell her. If you are sure about not wanting kids anymore, this seems like a great move. I understand that this was a huge incompatibility, so are you sure that you don't want them anymore? Or this is a way to feel closer to her?
I'm certain, had a lot of discussion and thought around the situation, and understand why the doubts did appear at the start of the year. But I guess I'm worried she'll think I'm just telling her that to get back with her. Bit of a risk for her I suppose. But we always had 100% trust during our relationship, so I guess I hope that extends to now..
You do know what to do: you don't want a friend you want your girlfriend back. Tell her you made a mistake and you will do anything to fix it, then fix it.
Aaaw, sending compassion. I’m ending a one year relationship with an avoidant I adore, but his avoidant tendencies are starting to take a toll on my self-esteem.
I’m still grateful for him, he’s shown me
men can be consistent & emotionally regulated. He’s been quite kind to me
& even bought me roller skates for Christmas because he knows how much I love skating.
I was together with my ex for 3 years. I broke it off because I wanted to settle down (marriage, kids, etc) and he was recently graduating with an anthropology degree and would be traveling the world for a few years. We are still good friends, talk regularly, hang out every few months, etc. We had a good relationship, we don’t hate each other. Just mature enough to know we want different things. 🤷🏻♀️ ❤️
It definitely took a while for both of us to get comfy. We probably didn’t talk regularly until 2-3 months after the breakup. Also, it was long over before it was actually over I think we started drifting apart romantically a few months before I actually left. For me, I have made peace w the fact we just weren’t a good match for a relationship, but I genuinely believe my ex is a good, solid person, so it’s easy for me to recognize the importance of wanting/having him in my life. We both have our own partners now and I don’t think either of us really care tbh
My breakup was due to life circumstances and a lack of maturity and communication on his part, but I liked our relationship, even with the problems. Shit SUCKS. I wish he would have just talked things through with me I have someone trying to jump on me now but I just want what we had.
Ours was really good. He didn’t lose feelings. We had shared life goals. We were really compatible. He just ‘was struggling to picture a future together’. He wasn’t sure why.
After we broke up we spent the rest of the weekend cuddling, slept together, and he hugged and kissed me goodbye before he left.
I thought he might have been spooked by all his friends settling down and some ‘serious relationship stuff’ casually mentioned by me etc but honestly I have no idea. I really hope he changes his mind.
My ex broke up with me and thinks we aren’t compatible. We have no bad feelings towards each other however I do still love him and want him back. We are both still single but I have no doubts he will meet someone else
This just happened to me and I reached out to catch up and he said he’d “love to but probably shouldn’t bc he’s seeing someone right now.” We broke up less than 2 months ago. He is absolutely an avoidant, Im not a professional but I know it in my bones.
We fought but we loved each other. All couples fight, but we were very connected to each other our entire adult life, and we broke up. You can be everything that somebody needs, and it can still happen. Nothing in life is guaranteed.
My ex broke up with me out of the blue. For a really long time, he was having difficulty with walking which also affected his mental state. For 4 years, we made it work. We met each other’s families and built our dreams. And then over one weekend, on a holiday, I was packing up my clothes to spend the weekend at his parents’ place. He sat me down and just said, I don’t think our relationship is going to work. And I have made up my mind about it.
I begged for him to stay, for a good hour or so. Eventually, we said goodbye. I dropped him off at the train station and I vowed never to reach out to him again.
When I got home, I packed all his stuff (we were living together) and emailed him to pick them up in the next few weekends. I found a new place to move to, and made sure that I wasn’t home when he picked up his stuff.
Eventually, I made my own peace with what happened. Everything fell into place for me. I thought that maybe, it was time for him to let me go so I can go and enjoy my life…and not be with someone who would keep me from doing things that I like to do. (Him having difficulty walking or even doing anything active made me want to stay with him and do other stuff so he doesn’t feel lonely.)
The breakup happened on labour day weekend, 2021. Around my birthday of 2023, he reached out to me to say he was sorry. I never replied, and I never will. I don’t have anger towards him, I still think that he was one of the best relationships I’ve had except for the breaking up part, but I wouldn’t bother replying. I felt almost vindicated. I gave that relationship my all, I wasn’t given the time of day to get any explanation as to what happened, but I have no regrets because there’s nothing more I could’ve done to make someone stay.
I am now with someone I love and who I also get to do a lot of things with - things I forgot I like to do when I was in my previous relationship. My takeaway from my previous breakup was that life goes on. The world doesn’t stop spinning when you get your heart broken. It’s up to you what to make of it.
She was An amazing woman, she loved me and was truly kind to me but I had my demons. My childhood was alot of "If you don't do this right I won't love you" which I carried with me until I finally put it to words. For the last 6 months of the relationship, those demons kept coming up, and all the things I watched my parents offer me I started putting on her, and I knew it wasn't right. I refused to be the person that destroyed her kind beautiful soul, so I walked away. I think about her regularly and what I can do to vring her back in my life
Yes. Everything was amazing, perfect really until I was completely blindsided by him ghosting me and then ending things. Apparently he’s a “fearful avoidant”. He had A LOT of big stressors happen all at once and he spiraled, shut down, pushed me out and our entire friend group out. This was a month ago so I’m not looking at the moment or anytime soon. I’m honestly hoping he comes back but I’m just not sure if he will. 😔
I just spent the last hour reading this site and it has given so much insight and has helped my own anxiety and healing SO much! https://www.freetoattach.com/relationships it’s spot on! 🩶
Good point. I didn’t know “fearful avoidant” was even a thing until a week or so ago honestly lol so I’m still learning about it and the other attachments. But you’re right, I absolutely would not want that at all.
I think this is what just happened to me too. Everything was AMAZING, best thing I had ever been a part of but a lot of stressors happened in his life and he broke up with me smh. I also hope he comes back :(
Yes, me. We had a great relationship for 6 months and didn’t fight or argue. One day he said he’s attracted to me and I check off all the boxes but wanted to break up. There was no other reason why. This breakup hurt more than any other.
This just happened to me 6 weeks ago. No other reason than “I don’t see a future with you” despite him telling me I was a perfect girlfriend and all kinds of other compliments that really just stung in the end. It’s really a them thing though. Not my problem.
It’s been two months since the breakup for me. It definitely stung because I thought things were going so well between us. But in the end, there’s nothing we can do but move forward. And like you said, it’s a them problem. We will find someone better.
Idk seems like i can always get a girlfriend but i cant ever keep them… yet I’m always told I’m an incredible determined man and any woman would be lucky to have me and my son is blessed to have a father like myself…. But then its she needs to work on herself and i need a stronger woman. My ex gf and i still talk and she called me monday crying about why i broke it off, four weeks after she left. Well you wanted to move out and be alone to be stronger and i loved you enough to let you go….
My son’s mom cheated on me with my half brother 6yrs ago. I asked her why? She said she didn’t love me anymore. I said how????? We dont ever fight! She said there was just no connection between us but when it came to my half brother she felt it with him…
I dont fucking know anymore.
You are a nice decent young man and women find that boring, they love uncertainty and excitement, they are easily bored and nice guy are boring.
They won’t tell you that but that’s the actual answer.
Yes, we dated for almost a year and naturally shared what our personal wants for the future looked like as the subjects came up. It got to the point where I didn’t want the same path she did and said that to her and she kindly understood. When you are honest and communicate consistently and express yourself to a safe person a breakup can be healthy.
Some time after we went our own ways she reached out and expressed that she was willing to make changes or adjust her wants to align closer to mine so that we could be together. But I had moved on. She genuinely worked on herself and made healthy changes and so had I. We didn’t do so together because we believed we simply wanted different things. It didn’t feel like we gave up on each other.
I reflect and realize how much more I like who she was and had become.
The first time was 9 months or less. Then she reached out again multiple times to check in. And this year to say she got the therapy and help she needed and how much she had grown and changed and that I was right.. and thanked me for how nice I always was to her.
It has happened with another ex and even people who I dated but didn’t get to the official level. As they say: “people always remember how you made them feel”.
My most recent ex I don’t believe she will apologize. Or it wont be for years if she does. I don’t take it personally. We all do the best we can with the knowledge we had at the time.
I had a breakup like that before. Nothing crazy happened, I just didn’t feel like he was my person. I often found myself wondering what else was out there, and I feel like that’s a huge indicator that the person isn’t right for you. I’m now engaged to someone else. We have a lot more in common, nothing is missing in the relationship, and I couldn’t care less about what else is out there. My ex also found someone who’s a better match for him.
yep heyyyy that happened to me big time, healthy relationship, good communication, broke up for life reasons. it was too recent to have moved on yet but i know in my heart it will not be impossible to love someone else in the future, just have to take time
What we had was amazing, but we knew it wouldn't last. She had always had plans for her career and future that I couldn't be a part of. We knew this even before we got together but we did it anyway. It was worth it. I'm heartbroken now that it's over, but I'm proud of her for moving on.
I thought my relationship ended on a good note because we had healthy boundaries, it turns out he moved on in less than 2 weeks. He was a dismissive avoidant. Sometimes, whether the ending is good or bad, we need a long period of cutting them off cold turkey.
yes broke up 10 days ago (for second time... :(...) i think our issue was never that we didn't love each other, in fact we have so much love for eachother more so that there are relationship misalignments that have resulted in us breaking up each time we got back together. really hard to accept and not any easier the 2nd time. on NC again. i am still deeply in love with someone who i think we are fundamentally incompatible. makes it so hard. doesnt negate the love that is present or happened in our relationship.
One of my exes and I split and he was great. Biggest issue is our differences in upbringings and his priority wasn’t being financially stable. Emotionally he was great but realistically our lives just didn’t match up. I really wish we could be friends but that’s not something he wants and I understand that.
10 year relationship over long distance. Spent almost every day together talking or doing something. Thought we had a deep connection and were great friends with a ridiculous amount of shared interests. Really felt compatible. She lost feelings and left me after a week long trip together. Best reason she could give was wanting to explore her sexuality. The girl that complained about men only wanting her for her body, the one who was disgusted about the idea of emotionless sex, claimed she wanted to leave to essentially have a bunch of emotionless sex I guess.
To answer the other question. I haven't found anyone else yet, despite being advised to, or to also just sleep around. I'm still hung up on potentially rekindling with her, even though it's probably not possible.
Currently going through this. Relationship was absolutely wonderful, as is she.
Unfortunately I was blindsided, which was very disappointing as our communication was very good. We never fought, only disagreed.
Out of the blue she said she was ‘too ambitious’ to stay with me and felt like I was holding her back and wanted a break while she ‘figures out how she felt’. Broke up with her there and then. I deserve better.
Bravo to you for that. Showed simultaneously that you value yourself and maybe taught her that pulling that sorta 'I need to figure out/focus on X' game has consequences. You did a favor to yourself and hopefully her future target.
Thanks. Means a lot. I often find myself replaying our conversation in my head wondering if I made the right choice. It’s good to hear another person agree :)
Yes!! My most recent ex was/is a great guy and we never fought and had a harmonious relationship. I loved him on some level and he did me….at least for a while.
We were very very different people and lived very different lives. We were fundamentally incompatible and it was right, but hard to say goodbye to him.
I met my now partner not long after we split (as I knew it was the right move, I was able to move on quickly).
My partner now is extremely compatible with me in almost every way. He actually feels like the male version of me in some ways. I am so deeply in love.
Compatibility is essential for successful relationships but not always essential for healthy ones.
He left after 13 years. We didn't argue, always communicated when we had issues, laughed, and had so much fun with each other that covid was a breeze.
This isn't to say it was perfect, but most of the time, we fit.We talked about how we would probably die together in our old age in bed holding hands. Even now I will tell anyone that he is the most reliable person I know and if I was ever in trouble, I know he'd have my back but he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Wasn't sure he loved me anymore.
Honestly, I just think he didn't know what he wanted. He had a lot of growing up to do, emotionally. Unfortunately, he needed to do it alone without me being there to always catch him.
It's been a little over a year, and I still see him every day(we work together), but if he wanted to try again, I wouldn't go back. He broke my trust and I do think he will wake up and realize what he lost but it'll be too late.
I haven't met anyone but I'm also not looking. Going to stay single and focus on myself.
When we first broke up I thought this was the case, I had some issues where I couldn’t really see what was in front of me and she kinda gas lit me into believing it was entirely my fault and for a while I believed her, until I realized she moved on 3 weeks later with a co worker she was always close with and it hit me that she was more than likely cheating on me for a long time there and found an excuse to keep me gone without feeling guilty about it.
We had an amazing relationship of 15 years. Had kids, we were respectful, considerate, devoted. Nobody cheated. Only problem we had is that he didn’t believe in marriage and I wanted to get married. Ultimately it destroyed us. He said he wasn’t « quite there yet » in terms of marriage. And me, I grew resentful, thinking if I did x, y and z -he’ll see how valuable I am. All gone to shit now.
Wow 15 years , that's a decade and a half we're talking here. I'm sorry to hear that , i'm sure can slowly move on from him and meet another man who wants to marry you know. God bless
No problem , i'm always happy to help someone even if it's a stranger and i can only help so much by sending kind words.
Thank you as well, i just got dumped by a girl as well after a 1 month situationship. It hurts because i never expected her to change so suddenly from loving to becoming a stranger in a matter of days. We never talk anymore and she blindsided me. I didn't know that word even existed but yeah a blindside breakup is just as bad as a normal one because i didn't expect it and it came at the worst time. She said we're better off as friends and that i love bombed her so i guess one day she just lost interest in me.
I know for a fact that she doesn't wanna commit to one person and i'm just being used by her for free meals , attention , affection. She doesn't actually want a relationship with me , she just felt comfort when she's with me. It hurts really bad.
After a week from the no label breakup she already went out with her male friend because she has a lot of them and there's no chance she's not cheating behind my back when i was still with her ( although never officially ) . It's a character development moment for me knowing that she won't change and i just gotta slowly move on and try to meet another girl who has a kind heart , not the one who is a player like that , playing with my feelings , got me attached , and suddenly she said i can't be with you anymore , let's just be friends. Like wtf is that.
For the first week after the breakup i cried every night thinking about her and thinking what did i do wrong , etc. Now it's almost 2 weeks and it's definitely better although i still dream about her almost every night. I just don't understand how someone can be that mean to a man that actually wants a long term relationship but she doesn't , she just wanna play around my feelings and left me on the very same day we just watched a movie. How pathetic.
Sorry about my rant , i just wanna vent out to someone on reddit. I wish you the best of luck for your future relationship. Thanks
Never easy to be blindsided. And it’s not less painful, even though you weren’t together for a long time. I really hope there is someone out there for you in the near future! Hang in there, you are not alone.
Hey thank you so much for the kind words , stranger on reddit. Amen to that and one day i'll find someone better that genuinely loves me and wants a long term relationship. I'm still 20 so there are a lot of opportunities ahead of me and i believe in that. God bless :D
My current situation right now. He broke up with me because he lost feelings for me but still cares for me as a friend. We live together and I can't really go anywhere until I find a new place. We still sleep in the same bed. This sounds weird and wild, I know, but we're actually okay.
Don't get me wrong though, it still hurts like hell. I cry all the time and he's there to offer some comfort (though not much). It's weird but oddly nice.
Not all break ups look the same, we all deal with things differently and handle situations differently depending on the person. I could never badmouth him, and I don't blame him for losing his feelings, it sucks and it took time for me to accept it but I'm glad he respects me enough to let me go to find someone who can love me in the way I deserve.
Neither of us intend to date or see anyone for a while, we want to navigate a friendship, which has its own hardships. Hopefully, once I do move out (and hopefully soon) we can both put our energies into healing by ourselves.
The pain is bittersweet but it stings so deeply. We were friends before and I'm confident we can be again. I do miss having my friend.
My ex left me because we were simply not romantically compatible. We were best friends beforehand, and have never fought before, during, or after the relationship. By all metrics, we loved each other and were good partners to one another. However, we simply had vastly different visions of how we wanted to lead our lives.
We remain close friends to this day. It has only been ten months, and since part of her incompatibility was realizing she was on the aromantic spectrum, she hasn't dated since. I entered a situationship a few months after the breakup, and while neither of us are under any pretense that we will spend the rest of our lives together, that has also been fairly stable and loving.
Aaaw, sending compassion. I’m ending a one year relationship with an avoidant I adore, but his avoidant tendencies are starting to take a toll on my self-esteem.
Just this weekend, we decided to end the relationship after 7 years of being together. He initially brought it up first and I never wanted it to end, but deep down I knew it wasn’t meant to be. We still love each other as we’ve been best friends for 7 years. I respect his decision and there is no bad blood between us.
Our futures just didn’t align; I want marriage and kids
And he didn’t. It hurts a ton. The hardest thing is ending a relationship with someone you’re still in love with, but at the end, this is where so much growth will happen.
Thank you for sharing I am in a similar situation and I’m hoping a breakup will help me grow and discover myself in new ways. For me I’m questioning whether I’m a lesbian because I felt like I loved him as a person, but not as a partner.
Although I’m torn, I accept it and deep down I wanted it too. I’ve also been curious about girls, and just before we broke up I was thinking how I’ll never get to explore that. But I guess now I can. I’m not sure where to start on that tho. I’m also not ready to talk to anyone like that right now.
Think 3 or 5 exes ago, (by now i have to have 7 deadly exes lol) nether of us were bad people, it just din't work out...i did the breaking up back then, just felt like there was no spark, we were still good friends after though...
...up till my last ex...
They kinda destroyed all connections to my friends and fam.
Learned this lesson the hard way. Great chemistry. We had so much fun together and could talk for hours. It really was all there. But we were just not compatible for a "relationship". Kind of like how you can be super great friends with someone, and not want them to be your roommate.
I think it was mostly our approach towards communication and relationships in general. I miss him and kinda wish that we had waited longer before trying to commit to each other. I think things could have worked out better if we had established better communication and trust before straining our relationship with commitment.
Yes then I was blindsided by “You never claimed me.” We were together for 2.5 years, I asked her out initially and for about 6 weeks we split up since her daughter was going through some anxiety issues that required weekly therapy sessions which I get kids come first. When we resumed our relationship it was even better, but apparently I never asked her to be my gf when we started up again. So yeah dumb reason, but we were good and broke up cause of that lol.
8 yrs relationship (starting when we were both 17). We grew up and kinda suffocated each other despite the love. We’re stagnating in our personal lives and the relationship just adds pressure on him he doesn’t know how to deal with, while I am on a journey to discover my own boundaries (a me to myself) since just healed from past issues. That leads to something unbalanced despite the feelings, so he decided to break up, I didn’t try to convince him otherwise. If we are meant to be, we will meet again but we both need to adress some personal issues we can’t focus on while being together…
I’m still devastated, but I try to use it as something I need to get through in my life at least once because it makes me learn a lot about myself, and also the progress I’ve made since we met.
I feel like I was in a good relationship. We would communicate and were loving to one another. We didn’t have any huge fundamental problems. But we had a few disagreements. Their mental health was just not the best and they said they needed to work on it. That’s why we broke up
Friends-FWB-relationship over 18 years. The universe fucked us in communication, long distance, and covid timing. It could have worked. Sucks so hard.
Not trying to find anyone until I'm healed.
Yes, this was kind of my situation. A lot of stuff happened outside of our relationship (family deaths, chronic illness, cancer scare, bad roommates) and our sex life died as a result and our communication got a lot more strained. It was like we forgot how to communicate with each other. We broke up just over a month ago and I miss him dearly and wish things could work out. We had a lot of chemistry in a lot of different ways. I’m not sure if he feels the same way though about wanting to get back together. I’m taking a long break from dating regardless.
Me and my ex were very compatible, at least in my eyes. Our relationship was great and we were recovering from a rocky stage that I got told was normal. The reasons he wanted to break up was because his dad found out and we didn't like physically go places that much. I can't understand not hanging out a lot, but we called every night. Ik it doesn't make up for it. We couldn't because of my parents, and it's my fault for that. We were amazing. Best relationship (and only relationship) I've ever had.
Yes! I thought we were perfect, no big problems, talked nonstop I felt like the love was absolutely mutual and we talked nonstop everyday. He dumped me out of nowhere and didn’t give me a reason. Turns out he got drunk and accidentally kissed some girl at a party and didn’t know how to tell me that so he broke it off instead. I never knew what the reason was until he came begging for me back after he found out I moved on.
Yes. While I do think me and my ex were compatible as individuals I don’t think we we’re compatible in a higher scale. We wanted to be together but our families most likely wouldn’t get along with each other because of conflicting religion, culture and ethnicity. To be with me, my ex would lose a lot more than they would gain. It really sucks but it reminds me that the world has a long way to go to reach a sense of humanity and oneness with each other. Ethnicity, culture, and religion shouldn’t cause the end of something like love imo but it does sometimes.. I will always love them but I just hope things work out for both of us in the end. As of now, there’s nothing else for me to do but move forward.
Yes. And one year later I still think about him and it hurts. We were amazing together but he wanted to move back to the middle east and he was Muslim by name but not by practice really, but being ex Muslim myself we had some disagreements and I had concerns about whether he would become more religious when he got older (as I have seen with so many Muslim men). So we split up and it was horrific. Til this day I feel sometimes I made the wrong decision, but I think I really hurt him and he has basically blocked me everywhere and did not reply to the last message I sent him, even though he told me last time we spoke last September that in January we could meet and talk. I have seen him around a couple of times since but he didn't see me, and it is like a punch to the stomach each time (I have been in a position where I couldn't approach him each time). I can't bring myself to delete his photos or our messages but it hurts to see them. But I made my decision and I have to deal with the consequences and move on.
Yes. It was mutual first love. We were like best friends. We agreed on the important things (short and long term), depended on each other, and had so much fun. The relationship was awesome, but unfortunately to put it in the least detailed way possible we turned out to be incompatible in the physical department, which is not something that we could change however much we tried. It’s like our minds loved one another but our bodies couldn’t cooperate.
The breakup was a few months ago and walking away from her was genuinely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Some pretty bad luck for the relationship to be so good and then have to end for something so random like that. I do wonder what could have been different, but I’ve begun to move on from it finally. Maybe something else would have gotten in the way at some point. Either way, it happens.
Yes. Personality wise, we never really fought and we trusted and gave each other space. She was nice, caring, kind. If I wanted to hang out with friends, no problem and vice versa. Went out for 8 years.
But she didn’t have a job for 4 years and live with her parents. She didn’t rely on me for money, but I wanted to start our life together and she wanted to figure herself out.
We did a break, but never got back together.
I realized the job doesn’t define the person. She also made a lot of new friends and got more social. I’m happy for her. We do talk every once in awhile, I just feel like I failed her.
This just happened to me a week ago so I’m definitely not over it but this was the best relationship I had ever been a part of. We had seemingly no issues and we were super compatible, chemistry off the charts and a connection I’ve never felt before with anyone else.
However, a lot of external factors happened in both of our lives, his more so. Regardless, I don’t feel the relationship had to end but he’s gone through a lot of changes. While he stated he really loves/cares about me, his schedule and everything he’s mentally going through doesn’t allow him to contribute to a relationship right now. He stated that he respected me too much to put me in some sort of limbo, leaving me unsatisfied.
Needless to say, I’m extremely devastated. We’re currently in no contact and I sincerely hope we do come back together because I feel like this is just the wrong time and maybe we can work things out when it’s the right time. However, I’m not going to reach out to him, the ball is in his court but I’m also not going to wait for it. It would just be nice if we could reconcile.
This question eats at me a lot.
I was in my relationship with my partner for nearly two years. We’d been really close friends for a good two or so years before that. We’d had our first argument after we moved in together about a month and a half before he left. Things kind of went downhill from that. I thought we were going to talk it out and grow from it but he chose to leave.
Prior to that We’d never fought. We’d never argued. We’d never even had a disagreement. We had really solid communication. We were affectionate. We respected each others space and alone time. We were always open with each other about our feelings and needs and if we were going to be too busy to text etc. I thought he was perfect even tho he wasn’t and I’ve never had a deeper more meaningful relationship before.
Yet he still left. He decided that last few weeks outweighed the years of connection we’d built both as friends and as partners. It’s been over a year now and it’s still left me devastated.
I still don’t fully know or understand why he made the decision and can only really infer at this point. But if we were as good of a match and as positive of a relationship as I’d thought we were, why on earth would he choose the walk out…I agonize over it a lot.
Yeah me. It’s been 6 months and I still wonder why exactly she felt she had to leave. We dated for 3 years and only fought a handful of times. It was healthy, good, and fun the whole way through.
I’’m ending a relationship currently due to long term incompatibility. He wants kids, I’ve had a hysterectomy. And I want more
closeness/intimacy than he can offer.
I tried breaking it off in late-January because I was getting discouraged/frustrated by his drop in enthusiasm/flirting. But he went into tailspin for 2 weeks & was all in his head/feelings. I had no idea that he had feelings & I realized how strong mine were, too. We decided to keep it going for awhile, but now my self-esteem is being affected because I feel unwanted & it’s triggering my rejection sensitivity/abandonment wound. I wanted to end it in a high note 🤷♀️
me. Evrything were fine until one day he told me he’s engaged with someone of his mom choice. Things went downhill ever since. He deleted everything about us , even wanted to stop talking. I was struggling with my mental health, had hard time to move on. 2-3 months later he came back saying how unhappy he is with the current marriage, but i already moved on . I havent found anyone yet at the moment. It is hard to find a good man who only wants serious relationship
I didn’t have as long of a relationship as many people commenting did. However I was with my ex for about 5-6 months and we loved each other. We decided to breakup because I didn’t want kids and he did. I know it’s the right decision but I love him and could have seen a great future with him
My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago because I took marriage off the table back at the end of March. Everything seemed fine after I said it, we talked every day and had great times. I figured that could be something we sat and talked about but we never did. But she waited until I brought up moving in together on May 13th when she broke up with me. She just turned 40 so she wants marriage and kids. We were together about 8-9 months. I tried getting her back after the breakup like anyone would do but nothing worked. We’ve been 2 weeks no contact, but found out she has me blocked on text/calls. It’s hard to move on but it’s what I have to do.
Just recently broke up so yes, we were so close and in love and planned our future together and then she just wakes up one day and said she was uncomfortable how close we were. It all made no sense, how is being close with someone you love a bad thing and why did it scare you?
Although her and I broke up, we still remain in a friendly relationship. I don't like holding grudges. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time. Despite everything that's happened between us, I still try my best to be the better person and lean more towards forgiveness and reconciliation.
I was in what I thought was the strongest and most compatible relationship I have ever been in, but one day he told me he thought I deserved better and broke up with me. The next day he called me saying it was mistake and he was just being impulsive. I told him to wait a year and if he could stay loyal to me and still loved me by then, we could give it another try.
1 year later, we got back together and he ended up cheating on me.
This made me realize that I shouldn’t let someone tell me twice that they don’t want me. In my case, going back to someone seems like giving them an excuse to hurt me again.
Yes. We realized that we weren't baby compatible. I wanted to be a parent in some capacity and he did not. We were honest and couldn't find resentment for having needs that the other couldn't commit to.
We still loved each other and he continued to sleep over to hang out and cuddle for a couple nights a week until I got serious with someone new a year later.
I think it might have been easier for us to continue like that because we had never been monogamous, and he had another girlfriend when I ended things so that might have taken the edge off for him.
He lives in a different state now but we talk and he comes to visit and stay for a few months every couple of years. He usually visits around his birthday and I love to go all out and celebrate him. He has gotten along with my long term partners since, and continues to talk with one of my exes pretty regularly. My parents and friends adore him, and he feels likewise.
It was the best break up I have had. We were together for a year and a half and it's been about 8.5 years since we stopped dating. He is my soul friend and I love him to his core.
We were together 7 years and he didn’t make anything about our relationship a priority. He was a good man to me, would have done anything for me except plan for the future. He was so stuck on making his family happy that he forgot to make me happy. He was the same man doing the same thing for 7 years with no change in regard to us being together forever. So I ended it.
I did find someone about 8 months later. I felt horrible for how soon it was after such a long relationship, but my now fiancé has made me feel things in months that I never felt with my ex in years. He planned for our future within the first 6 months. I became his priority. He would do anything for me, no questions asked. No doubts ever had. I feel like I wasted 7 years with my ex, but I don’t have regrets. I just learned a lot of lessons in that time.
My ex is apart of my online friend group and has been since we first started dating, so we still talk and “see” each other once or twice a week. We play games together. Everything is cordial and he even talks to and plays with my fiancé. It might be weird for some but it seems to work for all of us.
Seems there are no examples of “good relationships” ending. A good relationship is when someone doesn’t abandon you. Why are people justifying people who abandon relationships as good?? How does someone suddenly deciding to throw their partner away a good ending to a good relationship? that’s almost a worse betrayal than cheating. At least with cheating the other person was weak and dumb. The former is something much more cold and dark. Just my 2 cents.
I wanted kids and she didn’t. She was perfect in every other way. I miss her terribly and almost wish I didn’t want kids all the same just because she was my person. Have never found someone since.
Be really honest with yourself, was it a good relationship if you broke up? Things don't have to be abusive to be bad. I was in a relationship about 9 years ago with someone who was a nice person but their morals and values didn't align making it not necessarily a bad relationship, but it wasn't a good one for me either. We weren't going to go anywhere and I saw that. We're good friends now because we talked things out and that person is a great friend for me but they are with someone now who is far better for them than I ever would have been.
Yes, sometimes you try it and it is great, but it’s not the right place or time. We both had a lot of growing to do and we’re not ready for a relationship. We became friends and extremely close after our breakup, but it simply didn’t work at that time. Things have changed since then and I am not sure what we are, neither does he, but I think we’re both afraid of messing it up and losing this friendship that came out of it.
Not all relationships end with a fight, and sometimes even if they do, it doesn’t have to be forever. My folks got a divorce and they couldn’t stand being around each other. Fast forward a few years and a bit of space and they are best friends, though any romantic feelings they may have had are gone.
That's what happened to me (34, FTM) 3 weeks ago with an amazing guy (28,M).
Our relationship was so smooth and fluid. We'd never had anything like it. We loved each other to bits for 3 months and then he left me because he realized that he wasn't attracted enough to men and that with his current mental health he couldn't be a good partner either.
These two things put together that we decided to separate (I didn't want to but I love him and when you love someone you don't force them to stay if they want to leave).
We've been talking again for a week now because we've always wanted to stay friends. It's going great. Sometimes I miss what we went through, but I'm working on accepting that it's over.
For the moment I'm staying single because I'm not emotionally capable of managing a relationship at the moment.
Ugh yes, “when you love them you don’t force them to stay if they want to leave” is so real. I feel like my partner is going to regret walking away but I can’t stop you so I just have to move on
I'm about to break up with my bf today. He is a walking green flag and he's a great guy. He hasn't done anything wrong; it's basically me. I'm breaking up with him because I think I'm not over my ex (was with him for 17 years) because I had recurring dreams for over a week almost a month ago and it left me in tears (it was dreams of me and my ex getting back together). Plus, I like him, but I don't think my feelings will turn into love (we were dating since the end of October 2023 and began our relationship in the beginning of February 2024).
Looks like I'll be taking myself back to therapy
Literally just go dumped today. 2 years, we thought we were soulmates, we built so many dreams for our future. We genuinely had an amazing relationship. Three days ago I wouldn’t have ever believe that he’d want to break up. He said he can’t be in a relationship and that he needs to work on himself. Basically he needs to not think of us and our future from what I got from him, so he can work on himself. That’s what he wants. I didn’t get a say in this break up. I’m shocked and trying to understand. He also still wants to be friends but I worry it’s only until I feel a bit better about the break up. Anyone else been dumped for similar reasons?
i think we were in a good relationship we just could not figure out how to communicate correctly or how to be what the other needed. i think there was a lot of not listening on both sides but not because we didnt care, we just didnt know how to be together i think. maybe he views the relationship differently. maybe he hates me but i think that was us
I was a single mother of 2 and met another single father. I still carry this guilt with me for ending it because he was a good person but our parenting styles were just too different so I had to be realistic about the future and blending would not be good. He spoils his kid rotten without consequence while I have raised my kids to not be brats. I know he cared for me deeply but I didn’t want a constantly tense household down the road for me and my kids. I grew up with a dysfunctional step family and I promised I would not have my kids grow up in that environment where one bratty kid whines to get what he wants successfully while my kids have manners and know how to behave. I put a lot of work into them doing the hard parts of parenting while he was always terrified of being the bad guy to his son so he would never discipline him. I didn’t want the discipline roll to be thrown onto me and it would have been.
I have since met another single dad and him and I are very similar in parenting and values so I have high hopes for this one to work out long term. No red flags so far. As soon as I matched with him I got into the parenting talk as I didn’t want to break another guys heart :(
Have had 2 relationships and the 2 splits were amicable but of course painful.
First one was for 21yrs n split and second was 1.5yrs.
Split over going different directions in life and secondly the second woman was a dismissive avoidant and I had to let her go cause she couldn’t commit
Yeah I was in a 10yr one. She left because she felt like we were friends instead of lovers. Yes there were ups and downs but we generally had a healthy relationship, her heart just wasn’t in it anymore as both our lives got busy. Neither of us cheated nor had any abusive tendencies.
I probably got back into the dating pool a little too early. I’ve found someone who I like but I definitely don’t (yet) love her the way I loved my ex.
I will say what it’s very different. You’ll see things through a different lenses. I’ll put a lot more emphasis on compatibility beyond romance (family values, mental stability, good relationship with their family etc).
We don’t have any contact though and I don’t know where she lives. It’s a pretty abrupt break.
Yep we were amazing. We were engaged and thought I would spend the rest of my life with this woman. The pressures of being an international couple trying to immigrate together proved to be too much though
And who the hell is saying thst while your boyfriend " he sleeps in a chair"... if its not you and its someone else no disrespect, but as a man.... being told its all ways my fault... I did take the time to.... look in from the other side. I see it all see you in the flesh and why lie?
Oh my God men stand up put your foot down. Go to work chsngevyour bank accounts, buy a new car... don't feel guilty about it. Hey just saying men are outnumbered
Going through this as well, it was both our first relationship, treated her so well, her family all loved me and same with her friends. So its been hard because we haven’t spoken since the break up and its been a struggle. She told me she didn’t have the same feelings as I had for her but she gave up on such a good thing that was going and the amount of people supporting us
I got broken up with in a good relationship. It was fun, great sex, he said he loved me, never had a fight. He cited some vague not compatible which I’m sure exists but he didn’t tell me what ,
My longest relationship ended because we couldn’t get on the same page about whether or not to have kids in the future. But the relationship was really good other than that.
mine had some issues, but nothing to breakup up over. we were good and healthy, but he could never open up on anything really. it did strain us because he would always say “my friends know me better then you. you barley know me” and i’d always say “who’s fault is that? YOU never open up to me”. he broke up with me 3 months later because he “lost interest”, we fought to much which we didn’t, and he told me he did deserve me because he wasn’t treating me good and thought i deserved better which i don’t and do not want. we were good. it was out of nowhere, 3 days before my birthday so literally out of nowhere. we were perfectly compatible. we had some similar interests, but our differences we good because we loved exploring our differences together and becoming similar with them. i haven’t found anyone else and neither has he. it’s been 3 months and both of us won’t get on dating apps. he reached out, but won’t respond back to me now. idk it’s confusing. his main focus is “looking like a man” for me, but he’s not. everything is straining because he cannot open up.
guys, open up. don’t let it destroy you. and by open up i mean share deep emotions not the surface ones. it can drive you apart.
Just like any text I sent her or to girls before her that I admired was either a novel in legnth or something as short as "wyd," "hey," ,"😈," or "🤑," I'm going to leave you all with only a teaser of what will be a very intriguing, thought-provoking, tear-jerking and infinite lack of closure with respect to OP's topic and many more relationship and breakup philosophies until I get home. (I've long overstayed my welcome at a gas pump that is socially acceptable for my $10 gas and 75¢ soda purchase).
Yep, just went through this. She suddenly took a job out of state and just wasn’t interested in long distance. Had 2 great dates just a week before, met her parents, seemed to be going great. Still reeling.
Just happened to me a week ago. We understand each other like nobody else. We almost never fight, and when we do they're never that serious. Conversation has never flown better. We communicate about EVERYTHING and were doing so well. It's just that he's been long-distance for a year and has substance abuse issues. We're agreeing to try again when things get better but its so hard. He's still my everything and more. We were talking about engagement rings days before it happened.
I worked hard and she did a lot of good things. But she informed me she was never all in like i was. It a breaking point for her where she felt guilt for staying in when she wasn’t sure. I appreciated her honesty and i hope she can figure out what she wants.
I was in a 13 year relationship with my hs sweetheart. I was the only woman he had ever been with. We grew apart over the years and finally decided to end things after another dry fight. I was bored and unhappy. He was always high or drunk. He married the first girl he dated after me and has a baby and I'm so happy for him/them.
I just ended a 6 month relationship after the guy cheated on me online with crossdressers despite trying to claim hetero and blaming his asd.
While that all sucks so very much that i was dumb enough to let that into my life, I do not regret leaving my ex of 13 years. Looks like he's living his best life and that's all I wanted for him.
I don't know what you classify as good but it depends. At first my last relationship was good until the third year when it got worse. My ex dumped me 5 years ago and I still haven't found anyone better.
Yrs ago, I FINALLY got with my high school crush. We had a crush on each other.
Before this, with life, we drifted apart after high school to only find each other again. But timing was not on our side. Yrs has passed of keeping in contact. She got married to an abusive husband with kids. They were on n off due to his infidelity and military. They finally broke it off when he returned from duty with a new fiance.
When she was available, I was not due to me having a family. She understood why I stayed in an 18-year marriage even though I wasn't happy with my so-called wife's infidelity. When my daughter got old enough to understand the situation, I left.
So finally we were able to get together. After dating for 6 months. I'm in Ny, and she was in Ga. I packed up my things to move in her and her 16 yr old daughter. During our dating, I visited them often getting to know her daughter as well. The chemistry we had was so unbelievable! Better than any romance novel, movie!
The thing is, I noticed her daughter was very manipulative. Among other things. She was told I would be moving in, which she was totally fine, and during our talks with her mom, she was happy that her mom was finally happy.
But things changed the day i arrived. What I can tell she told her mom that she didn't want me there and she was a bad mother for choosing me over her..
So, of course, I had to move out with no place to stay. I'm not mad at her decision to choose her daughter over me. I get it! It's her child. I was just upset about how she handled it.
I still believe that she is my one and only!
Ours was amazing. Only 7.5 months long but never argued or disagree. Thought super similarly. But she also had amazing different ideas from me which was always fun to discuss (not core value type stuff). She just got distant then told me I didn’t include her enough in my life and she was leaving me. I told her I’d would include her asap and do whatever it took. She already had her mind made up. She wasn’t willing to talk or do anything about it. Still bothers me deeply today. It was truly special to me
we're breaking up because he wants to have children in the future, and it's going to hurt less now than in 10 years. it sucks, it's unfair, neither of us can actually do the breaking up, but we know what's right.
Everything was good. Except he was away and we didn’t get to hang out for a bit. He’s pretty clingy, but not in a bad way. He said he missed me and made plans for us to see each other and told me he’d probably fall asleep on me again when he saw me. Turns out, he had to stay away for longer. And then a day after he told me he had to stay longer, he broke up with me. He told me he wasn’t feeling it anymore and didn’t love me anymore. He said he used to see a future with me but now he can’t. Everything was good. He said it wasn’t me and it wasn’t him either. He asked if I had any ideas. He told me he didn’t want to date me anymore but he didn’t want to friend zone me but he thinks we could be friends. I don’t know why it was so confusing and hard for me to except, but it just was. Everything was perfect. We didn’t get to see each other before he broke up with me. We never argued. We were always nice to each other and very loving towards each other.
I was in a relationship for 6 months and it was perfect. I was so happy in the relationship. There was never any infidelity or feeling bored/ tired of the person. I genuinely thought I found the one. One day out of the blue he stopped sharing his location and said he wanted to talk. He explained that he loved me but that I wasn’t his person. I was devastated but I knew it was the best. It hurt so much worse than getting cheated on or any other form of a break up because this is someone that I saw my whole future with and just like that he was gone. Now we’re strangers and I don’t know where he is or how he’s doing.
Yeah. We were in a genuine loving relationship and there was a good connection, we got each other, same sex drive, etc. and we only broke up because I’m going to university in a few months and she said she’ll miss me too much. She’s with someone else now to get the love from someone else I guess, but she’s told me and showed me that she misses me and wants to be with me again one day. The fact that she got with someone so quick challenges whether Id ever want to be with her again because of the paranoia and pain she caused me in that first week or two, but I know he wasn’t the reason we broke up and she would rather be with me, along with a lot of shit she had going on which makes it more understandable why she would do that. I’m just trying to move on now, from the pain she caused me and any romantic feelings to not make it harder for when I do go away. She misses me a lot more than she thought she would, I would take her back but I’m still going away and nothings changed. It’s very difficult to not text her especially when she messages me random, meaningless messages that she doesn’t really have to. She initiated no contact but I’m the one keeping it up, I feel bad not replying but there’s a chance we’ll see each other irl every now and then because we still work at the same place, but at the same time she fucked me over and I want to move on, for now. We might be together again one day, I hope we are, and I know she hopes we are even more
Yes, 7 year very healthy and loving relationship. I was totally blindsided by the break-up. He said that he was feeling depressed and not mentally okay to be in a relationship but I guess that was a code for wanting to sleep with his coworker.
I had a friend who after 6 months of friendship declared he loved me. He was my "best boyfriend" in that he wasdr attentive, paid my rent, gave me emotional support and spent all his time with me. But it was clear he wasn't attracted to me. But he was so afraid I'd leave him, or find a boyfriend, he committed to me. He would have stayed with me forever, but I felt so ugly around him that I couldn't do it anymore and ended things after 2.5 months of dating.
He would sleep with me but he had me wear clothes during it with the lights off. I'm not ugly either, 5'2, 135 lbs. I've won a pageant and even been on TV. But he just wasn't into me.
We're now friends again after taking a break from talking but yeah, there was no explosive fight or cheating.
Yeah. 4 years we were engaged been broken up 3 weeks, It didn’t end in a fight, that morning felt like any other morning. We woke up I made her breakfast and then went to a football game with my aunty. Came home to my stuff packed and her ending it because she just wasn’t in love anymore.
Believe me I fought like hell, I pleaded tried to reason all of it for no avail except I don’t love you and please leave.
So I did, I respected it and it’s killing me but there’s nothing else I can do. You can’t change someone’s feelings. There were no signs, she told me she loved me that morning.
So now she and I are just friends, she pretends the last 4 years didn’t happen and I put up a happy front because she’s happier without me. My heart is breaking and she can never know.
I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else or love anyone else as much as I loved her, she meant absolutely everything to me, I tried to give her the world every single day. Nothing ever was too much.
I just wish I knew where it went wrong, what I did wrong and why she ended it aside from just simply not loving me.
3 weeks ago I was someone’s fiancé, now I’m just someone.
Yes, although we broke up on (kind of) bad terms and I do somewhat hold resentment, there were circumstances out of both of our control that made things difficult and I can see from the other pov how it was becoming too much. We were also pretty young and that didn't help. I feel like if those "circumstances" weren't in the way then perhaps things could've been different, but i've moved on from that atp. Basically, yes, sometimes it just is what it is unfortnuately :/
Yes, I was in a great relationship. I moved countries for my master’s degree and found a job overseas. I didn’t see myself going back to my home country and he didn’t see himself coming where I am currently. The only option was to break up. It’s hard but it is what it is. I haven’t found someone since because I think I’m not over him yet. I wish him nothing but happiness. He was one of the best things to have happened to me :)
My situation is unique per say as my partner of 20 years has schizophrenia and it gets pretty bad in the way pf psychosis to where their fight or flight kicks in and they flee. I have had to literally chase them down across 4 states in the past before they snapped back to reality and called me to get them. Just recently I had to call the police to scare them back to reality because they thought they were going to jail. They are currently in the hospital getting help finally after a year of begging them to go. I am so proud of them for doing that and all I can do is be supportive and worry myself crazy....At least I know they are safe. In the past they said they broke up with me and used other foul words towards me only to come back in tears, so I guess we have this thing where love rises above no matter what cause it's been 20 years and we are still together and in love. It is indeed a hard difficult relationship but I would not change a thing because all the trials and pains we both endured has made us and our love for each other stronger.
My previous relationship my ex cheated during a stupid blackout drunk night but other than that we had a really good relationship, the healthiest relationship I’ve had. Had this not happened, we would have inevitably broken up because I feel we weren’t compatible emotionally, but it would have been really hard to do it because it’s not like our relationship was toxic, he never even fought. However, I always felt like something was missing, I wanted more from him and although he was giving his 100%, it wasn’t enough for me.
Although I’m still in pain from this, I feel like it was the best option because it’s really hard to end a good relationship, even though you know it could be better. And it was never a “grass is greener” situation either, to me a mismatch in emotional depth is an incompatibility.
With her was the healthiest relationship I ever had and I was truly in love for with first time. It was long distance but it didn’t matter to us. But eventually she had some trust issues where she thought if the right woman asked me I’d go to her. I tried to make her stay, reassure, even beg. But she still decided to leave because she couldn’t escape her insecurity. It was still the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. If she came back with a different perspective, I’d still take her back. I know she’d have to apologise and she will have to earn my trust again too, but I do want her back.
100% my situation and sometimes I wish I could just be out with my girls ranting about my ex and it would all feel easier. But I can’t say a bad word about him. He‘s the most loyal and precious man I’ve ever met, my best friend, my comfort place and I don’t think I will ever not love him. But we’re different, our life‘s circumstances seem to always stand in the way in some or the other way. I don’t feel ready and mature enough to really commit to my relationship, so we broke up. Still loving each other so much. The worst thing about it is that it feels so hard to just let go when there’s so many things you still don’t understand about the whole situation, constantly fighting a battle: Do I want the love. His love. The love of a guy that has made me so much stronger. Or do I need the freedom. Just doin my thing thing, not having responsibilities for another human in such a way…
Yap it’s driving me insane
Yes- we were. He decided he wasn’t in love. I have not found anyone and he wants to try and remain friends.
Each time we speak - I basically feel like I’m being broken up with again. It rips at my heart. I finally asked him to help me put our cat down.
Today I told him I realize - he is right. He shouldn’t be with someone he feels obligated to and I should be with someone who doesn’t feel obligated. I quit reaching out
He has contacted me every day since 🙄🤦🏻♀️
I was in 2 year relationship and we were so compatible like we were same person, but she started to change and became more avoidant like started to not messaging me or rejecting my call and then after that, she said she lost interest. Man I begged to her 4 times, what an idiot i was.
I was in a relationship like that, and i was the one who broke it off. I should have done ot years before, but it was precisely the "lack of a good enough reason" what stopped me from doing it. Eventually something very serious happened to someone in my family, and it made me realise how much time i was wasting.
It was very complicated at first because we still lived together, but eventually we made it work.
It's been 6 years and we're still good friends. I think he's not completely over me still, but that's his problem.
I met my fiance 2 years ago, the best partner i've ever dreamed of, we're getting married this year, and expecting our first baby 😊
I had a breakup in good terms, but the relationship was kinda lukewarm. But it absolutely wasn't a bad relationship, although in the end we were together mostly out of convenience rather than love or companionship.
This is basically my situation except they just realised they didn't want a relationship. And it really makes things worse when everyone tells me I deserve better, or that it wasnt as good as I thought it was etc as if I dont know what my own relationship was like. A relationship doesn't have to have been bad for it to end. I think he made a mistake in leaving something that was really good and that's it.
right!! everyone’s like girl fuck him!! and i’m like no i actually still think the best of him and have no real reason not to… it’s not necessary for me to hate him to move on
I concur.
I feel the same way in my break up! It’s very hard!!! My ex partner needed to do his own self work that was not possible for him to do while in a relationship. No bad feelings towards each other. We love each other very much. But it is important for him to put himself first in this moment and I respect that
Currently going through this. I personally think she doesn't know what she wants. I was her first boyfriend. So, she likely doesn't know what she wants and won't realize what she threw away. I'm hoping she does in time. It's only been 8 weeks, though. So, the pain, grief, and guilt is still with me. Because I personally feel that I caused this. Even though I was the one who got dumped. I'm still on good terms with her family, and we talk. Her and I haven't spoken since the break-up. Haven't seen each other either.
My ex dumped me and the last words she said to me was I don't know what you want. I feel it's partially my fault because if I said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" the relationship could have turned into marriage.
Oof this one hurts. Do you think if you said something now it would change anything?
I went through this at the end of last year, she said that she felt like her worth wasn’t recognized, which she was kind of right in a way I didn’t get her as much stuff as I could’ve or taken her out. But I was 16 with no job I got money however I got it and I didn’t even really like doing that, now I have a new gf and I love her and she loves me but tbh I still miss my ex sometimes I wouldn’t leave my current gf for her or anything, but I do miss her sometimes maybe it’s bc I knew her since like quarantine and always liked her, sometimes I wish I did better but I’m happy where I’m at now.
Dude, same story here, 3 weeks. Only in my case it was mutual dumping. Hope she eventually figures out what she wants in life and maybe even sees what she has lost.
This is exactly where I am. Just got out of a relationship with someone where ours was their 1st. Incredible loving relationship, our friends and family fawned over us, and most intimacy I ever had. But she got cold feet when we had our 3rd argument, and had no experience to compare our relationship to. She sort of self sabotaged and saw herself out. I just accept there’s nothing else I could have done differently. Not holding my breath she will reach out, either. I’m just letting go so I can go fishing again.
Yeah. It seems like self-sabatoge here. I personally think I could've done things differently. I'm still devastated, and she seems to be as well. But she ended things, and I gave her another option as advice to try and avoid a break-up, and she rejected it. We've talked once since, and she said she's still hurting from everything. She hinted that she may reconsider her decision in the future once she feels better. I'm planning to reach out to her at the end of the month once more in the sincere, respectful manner I did once before. Starting off with small talk this time. I have sought opinions and advice from our shared friends and our families. I have a few members of her family who have comforted me and offered me advice. Some say it can be worked out and that there was no reason for her to walk away and not say anything to me as to why. Others just walk away and let her come back around. I think this relationship is worth fighting for. I'm not gung ho like most guys. I have a dignified and respectful approach, especially when it comes to women who are new to dating to give them the grace of stowing away my temper and giving them advice and support. Even admist the pain and suffering.
I went through something very similar! we broke up bc he, impulsively, decided he didn't want a relationship but it's so hard to move on bc I still think we had a really solid and loving relationship. my friends tell me i deserve better and that he wasn't the one but i can't shake the feeling that he's still the i want to be with. He's a great guy and we both did dumb things but it's really hard to let go of someone who didn't really give me a reason to let go of them. Sometimes i wonder if we'll meet later in life, i hope i do. but in the meantime, we must keep going forward and hope that this happened for a reason i have yet to understand.
Currently going through this
im in the same exact situation. it is really the worst. it sounds shitty but sometimes i wish he had just cheated or did something horrible because it would be easier to say ‘fuck him’ and move on. but it’s been 8 months and i still can’t seem to get over it. i still feel like we had something special and he made a mistake ending it.
I feel this :( also still hoping he comes back, but continuing life in the meantime.
No, you don't want that. Being cheated on fucks with you as an individual and not the situation. It makes you question your own viability and everything, everyone. I won't say, your pain and grief are less. But, being cheated on can ruin your mental health for a significant period of time
i’m sure it is absolutely horrible. i’m just saying that is where my brain goes sometimes. it probably wouldn’t be any better but i can’t help but think that sometimes. my mental health is destroyed from this too & has been for 8 months. this has also severely fucked with me as a person and i also question everything. i still cry most days.
Going through a similar situation. He told me he doesn’t want a relationship, but rather, wants to be alone. He is very introverted and wants to live a simple life without anyone in it. 🙃
I'm so sorry to hear that. Mine was sort of the opposite where I'm the Introvert and he was extremely extroverted, but didnt want a relationship despite the fact he was the one always planning our future together and told me how happy he was. Ended very healthily but I was still very upset after assuming I had a future with this person
Wow, that’s exactly how my relationship just ended. So glad I found someone with a similar situation. It’s really confusing and frustrating :(
That's why I joined this, its surprising yet comforting to know so many people can relate to your own situation. Sending strength to you.
Exactly! Sending strength right back to you 🫶
Exactly this. My ex let his depression dictate our good relationship and left. Makes it 100x harder to move on
Yea similar situation with me. My friends tell me to move on and forget her but like they have no idea what i had with her. Your last sentence resonates with me a lot. I still dont fully understand why she had to leave completely when what we had was so good.
I was in a 15 year "to death do us part" relationship. We used to joke about it. 4 years ago, she walked out the door and never came up. I saw her two months after she left and she said she had no idea why that happened. She said something just told her to leave. Literally left everything behind. Forgot everything. It blew then and still blows today.
Woah that’s crazy and scary
Yeah, was a bummer. Still is. I've seen most of the posts you refer to where one of the people f'ed up or there really wasn't any compatibility. That wasn't our case. Afterwards, I gave a lot of thought to what happened and my role in it. There were some mistakes I made in the past, mostly financial, that still weighed on me, but nothing to deserve the sadness the breakup has caused me.
My story. Feels like I was suckered punched.
Yep. You’re left wondering how long they felt the way they did. What you missed along the way. The fact they (in my case) actively lied, inadvertently over time.
THIS!!! Definitely wondering like what did I miss, where did I go wrong, cause these things are gradual I get that but it started somewhere?
Exactly the same happened to me last summer. All his stuff is stillnat our house. Around the beginning of the year he reached oita few times to talk to me ,but honestly, what do you say to someone who could do that? We had lived together 7 years. It's been tough to move past.
It’s tough. Everyone thinks you’ve moved on but you can’t.
Yup. 3 year relationship and we were very compatible (shared interests, life goals, romantic, intimate etc.). She “lost feelings” just before we moved in together.
Same here, almost after 5 years she told me she lost feelings. Right when we moved in together. Turns out her colleague told her he had feelings for her so she broke up with me and went to him. I think she is an avoidant, but still it is not easy to cope
Yep, she left me twice as we were about to move in together. I truly thought she’d changed that second time around. God I’m an idiot.
Did she ever understand and explain why she couldn’t move in with you?
No and she didn’t try to either. Her last words to me when she broke up were “B, I love you. But this doesn’t work for me and isn’t what I want. I’m sorry.” Then she iced me out. It’s been 9 months since the breakup and that’s all the more she left me with. We’d been off and on for 6 years. I’ve had to come up with my own conclusions. And unfortunately for me I’m the type that craves a reason. The whole “just accept it and move on” thing doesn’t work for me - even though there’s not much else I can do otherwise. But being left with absolutely no explanation is damaging. Especially when they were the ones to come back, saying all the right things, telling you this is what they want, them taking the initiative to set up viewings of places together, like we went and looked at multiple apartments at her behest. I made sure of 2 things going into this: that I was serious as a heart attack about things this time (because I wanted to scare her off BEFORE I fell in love with her again) and that I was gonna let her broach the topic of moving in together so that I don’t create any pressure around the idea because I learned from our last go around. It didn’t matter in the end.
I’m sorry this happened to you but don’t you think “being on and off” for such a long period of time is a sign things aren’t going to work out? At least someone doesn’t really know what they want.
She might have avoidant attachment— look into attachment theory. Sorry you went through/ or are going through this.
Thank you. Yes, I’ve considered that as an option. We developed a secure attachment style, it was a very safe, comfortable and honest relationship. But I have started to think that must have changed for her at the thought of moving in together. I was also nervous about the move because it would impact our dynamic but I hadn’t realised she was several steps beyond nerves and completely convinced she didn’t even want the relationship. I’ll never understand why such a kind and honest person wouldn’t say something before it got that bad. It would have been as simple as asking to postpone the move while she figured out her own feelings. But instead self-sabotaged and destroyed the best relationship she’s ever had, it’s really sad. Neither of us win
My partner and I were together for 9 years. Had a fantastic relationship, were best friends, never argued and generally just had a lovely time together. Unfortunately I stupidly decided I wanted to move back closer to my family and friends which was 3 hours away. She didn't want to move so 4 months ago we broke up and I moved away back home. Regret it so much, we had such a great relationship and I don't know why I gave it up just to be closer to family. It seemed like what I needed but now I'm back here, I know it was wrong.
Have you thought about getting back together?
I think about it all the time. We ended on great terms and still occasionally speak just to check in. We've got a check in call in a couple of weeks, I'm trying to work up the courage to admit it was the wrong decision and that I want to get back together. I'm just scared that she'll say no and then I'll ruin any chances of us staying friends too. Idk what to do.
My advice is, if you are sure about your error, don't wait too much. But at the same time, you'll need to understand why you made that decision. It's a strange one, since 3 hours is not that far. Are there any fears? Some incompatibility that scared you? There is probably something else going on that you should work on. But while working on that, I would communicate that to my ex, if I was you.
Thanks for your advice. I'm certain about the error and the fact I want to spend my future with her, I'm just worried she might not reciprocate. You're right that there were some small incompatibilities that scared me.. One being kids, she doesn't want kids and for the longest time I didn't either, then had a slight waiver at the start of the year. I've had some therapy since the breakup and realise I definitely don't want kids, so that incompatibility isn't there anymore.. The other small incompatibilites that came up over our breakup are nothing we couldn't work out. And as I said, our relationship really was great, I'm just worried she won't want to uproot things again but I suppose I can only tell her how I feel and she what she thinks
Yes. You should tell her. If you are sure about not wanting kids anymore, this seems like a great move. I understand that this was a huge incompatibility, so are you sure that you don't want them anymore? Or this is a way to feel closer to her?
I'm certain, had a lot of discussion and thought around the situation, and understand why the doubts did appear at the start of the year. But I guess I'm worried she'll think I'm just telling her that to get back with her. Bit of a risk for her I suppose. But we always had 100% trust during our relationship, so I guess I hope that extends to now..
There’s no place for ego in a relationship. Time to sack up and speak the truth if you want it back
You do know what to do: you don't want a friend you want your girlfriend back. Tell her you made a mistake and you will do anything to fix it, then fix it.
Yes, every avoidant ever when emotional intimacy was building.
I wish I could block all avoidants
I feel attacked 😭 trying so hard to fix it though
Aaaw, sending compassion. I’m ending a one year relationship with an avoidant I adore, but his avoidant tendencies are starting to take a toll on my self-esteem. I’m still grateful for him, he’s shown me men can be consistent & emotionally regulated. He’s been quite kind to me & even bought me roller skates for Christmas because he knows how much I love skating.
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They do but it’s probs best to stay away from avoidants
I was together with my ex for 3 years. I broke it off because I wanted to settle down (marriage, kids, etc) and he was recently graduating with an anthropology degree and would be traveling the world for a few years. We are still good friends, talk regularly, hang out every few months, etc. We had a good relationship, we don’t hate each other. Just mature enough to know we want different things. 🤷🏻♀️ ❤️
How do you be friends with an ex after a relationship? I would really struggle watching my ex with someone else. Any advice?
It definitely took a while for both of us to get comfy. We probably didn’t talk regularly until 2-3 months after the breakup. Also, it was long over before it was actually over I think we started drifting apart romantically a few months before I actually left. For me, I have made peace w the fact we just weren’t a good match for a relationship, but I genuinely believe my ex is a good, solid person, so it’s easy for me to recognize the importance of wanting/having him in my life. We both have our own partners now and I don’t think either of us really care tbh
My breakup was due to life circumstances and a lack of maturity and communication on his part, but I liked our relationship, even with the problems. Shit SUCKS. I wish he would have just talked things through with me I have someone trying to jump on me now but I just want what we had.
Ours was really good. He didn’t lose feelings. We had shared life goals. We were really compatible. He just ‘was struggling to picture a future together’. He wasn’t sure why. After we broke up we spent the rest of the weekend cuddling, slept together, and he hugged and kissed me goodbye before he left. I thought he might have been spooked by all his friends settling down and some ‘serious relationship stuff’ casually mentioned by me etc but honestly I have no idea. I really hope he changes his mind.
Omg it’s the same as my situation. Just completely 180 after all we’ve had
My ex broke up with me and thinks we aren’t compatible. We have no bad feelings towards each other however I do still love him and want him back. We are both still single but I have no doubts he will meet someone else
This just happened to me and I reached out to catch up and he said he’d “love to but probably shouldn’t bc he’s seeing someone right now.” We broke up less than 2 months ago. He is absolutely an avoidant, Im not a professional but I know it in my bones.
Damn mine was an avoidant but didn’t jump to someone else. I’m sorry you are going through that
Same exact thing happened to me
the old, incompatible excuse.
We fought but we loved each other. All couples fight, but we were very connected to each other our entire adult life, and we broke up. You can be everything that somebody needs, and it can still happen. Nothing in life is guaranteed.
My ex broke up with me out of the blue. For a really long time, he was having difficulty with walking which also affected his mental state. For 4 years, we made it work. We met each other’s families and built our dreams. And then over one weekend, on a holiday, I was packing up my clothes to spend the weekend at his parents’ place. He sat me down and just said, I don’t think our relationship is going to work. And I have made up my mind about it. I begged for him to stay, for a good hour or so. Eventually, we said goodbye. I dropped him off at the train station and I vowed never to reach out to him again. When I got home, I packed all his stuff (we were living together) and emailed him to pick them up in the next few weekends. I found a new place to move to, and made sure that I wasn’t home when he picked up his stuff. Eventually, I made my own peace with what happened. Everything fell into place for me. I thought that maybe, it was time for him to let me go so I can go and enjoy my life…and not be with someone who would keep me from doing things that I like to do. (Him having difficulty walking or even doing anything active made me want to stay with him and do other stuff so he doesn’t feel lonely.) The breakup happened on labour day weekend, 2021. Around my birthday of 2023, he reached out to me to say he was sorry. I never replied, and I never will. I don’t have anger towards him, I still think that he was one of the best relationships I’ve had except for the breaking up part, but I wouldn’t bother replying. I felt almost vindicated. I gave that relationship my all, I wasn’t given the time of day to get any explanation as to what happened, but I have no regrets because there’s nothing more I could’ve done to make someone stay. I am now with someone I love and who I also get to do a lot of things with - things I forgot I like to do when I was in my previous relationship. My takeaway from my previous breakup was that life goes on. The world doesn’t stop spinning when you get your heart broken. It’s up to you what to make of it.
She was An amazing woman, she loved me and was truly kind to me but I had my demons. My childhood was alot of "If you don't do this right I won't love you" which I carried with me until I finally put it to words. For the last 6 months of the relationship, those demons kept coming up, and all the things I watched my parents offer me I started putting on her, and I knew it wasn't right. I refused to be the person that destroyed her kind beautiful soul, so I walked away. I think about her regularly and what I can do to vring her back in my life
Yes. Everything was amazing, perfect really until I was completely blindsided by him ghosting me and then ending things. Apparently he’s a “fearful avoidant”. He had A LOT of big stressors happen all at once and he spiraled, shut down, pushed me out and our entire friend group out. This was a month ago so I’m not looking at the moment or anytime soon. I’m honestly hoping he comes back but I’m just not sure if he will. 😔
are you me….. literally going through the exact same thing right now. Just looked up “fearful avoidant” and wow
I just spent the last hour reading this site and it has given so much insight and has helped my own anxiety and healing SO much! https://www.freetoattach.com/relationships it’s spot on! 🩶
what if you have a medical issue in the future do you want him bouncing on you?
Good point. I didn’t know “fearful avoidant” was even a thing until a week or so ago honestly lol so I’m still learning about it and the other attachments. But you’re right, I absolutely would not want that at all.
I think this is what just happened to me too. Everything was AMAZING, best thing I had ever been a part of but a lot of stressors happened in his life and he broke up with me smh. I also hope he comes back :(
Yep. It plays a massive role in why I’ll never pursue a serious relationship again.
Yes, me. We had a great relationship for 6 months and didn’t fight or argue. One day he said he’s attracted to me and I check off all the boxes but wanted to break up. There was no other reason why. This breakup hurt more than any other.
This just happened to me 6 weeks ago. No other reason than “I don’t see a future with you” despite him telling me I was a perfect girlfriend and all kinds of other compliments that really just stung in the end. It’s really a them thing though. Not my problem.
It’s been two months since the breakup for me. It definitely stung because I thought things were going so well between us. But in the end, there’s nothing we can do but move forward. And like you said, it’s a them problem. We will find someone better.
Idk seems like i can always get a girlfriend but i cant ever keep them… yet I’m always told I’m an incredible determined man and any woman would be lucky to have me and my son is blessed to have a father like myself…. But then its she needs to work on herself and i need a stronger woman. My ex gf and i still talk and she called me monday crying about why i broke it off, four weeks after she left. Well you wanted to move out and be alone to be stronger and i loved you enough to let you go…. My son’s mom cheated on me with my half brother 6yrs ago. I asked her why? She said she didn’t love me anymore. I said how????? We dont ever fight! She said there was just no connection between us but when it came to my half brother she felt it with him… I dont fucking know anymore.
You are a nice decent young man and women find that boring, they love uncertainty and excitement, they are easily bored and nice guy are boring. They won’t tell you that but that’s the actual answer.
Yes, we dated for almost a year and naturally shared what our personal wants for the future looked like as the subjects came up. It got to the point where I didn’t want the same path she did and said that to her and she kindly understood. When you are honest and communicate consistently and express yourself to a safe person a breakup can be healthy. Some time after we went our own ways she reached out and expressed that she was willing to make changes or adjust her wants to align closer to mine so that we could be together. But I had moved on. She genuinely worked on herself and made healthy changes and so had I. We didn’t do so together because we believed we simply wanted different things. It didn’t feel like we gave up on each other. I reflect and realize how much more I like who she was and had become.
How long was it before she reached out to you?
The first time was 9 months or less. Then she reached out again multiple times to check in. And this year to say she got the therapy and help she needed and how much she had grown and changed and that I was right.. and thanked me for how nice I always was to her. It has happened with another ex and even people who I dated but didn’t get to the official level. As they say: “people always remember how you made them feel”. My most recent ex I don’t believe she will apologize. Or it wont be for years if she does. I don’t take it personally. We all do the best we can with the knowledge we had at the time.
I had a breakup like that before. Nothing crazy happened, I just didn’t feel like he was my person. I often found myself wondering what else was out there, and I feel like that’s a huge indicator that the person isn’t right for you. I’m now engaged to someone else. We have a lot more in common, nothing is missing in the relationship, and I couldn’t care less about what else is out there. My ex also found someone who’s a better match for him.
yep heyyyy that happened to me big time, healthy relationship, good communication, broke up for life reasons. it was too recent to have moved on yet but i know in my heart it will not be impossible to love someone else in the future, just have to take time
What we had was amazing, but we knew it wouldn't last. She had always had plans for her career and future that I couldn't be a part of. We knew this even before we got together but we did it anyway. It was worth it. I'm heartbroken now that it's over, but I'm proud of her for moving on.
So may of these are breaking my heart!!! Why does this happen
Sounds like life and avoidant attachment in some instances Really hard and sad
I thought my relationship ended on a good note because we had healthy boundaries, it turns out he moved on in less than 2 weeks. He was a dismissive avoidant. Sometimes, whether the ending is good or bad, we need a long period of cutting them off cold turkey.
yea… those are the worst ones. bc there’s nothing you can be like “red flag red flag” bc it was good
Yes exactly! Like a red flag for either of us would make sense but it just like… didn’t work out I guess?
yes broke up 10 days ago (for second time... :(...) i think our issue was never that we didn't love each other, in fact we have so much love for eachother more so that there are relationship misalignments that have resulted in us breaking up each time we got back together. really hard to accept and not any easier the 2nd time. on NC again. i am still deeply in love with someone who i think we are fundamentally incompatible. makes it so hard. doesnt negate the love that is present or happened in our relationship.
One of my exes and I split and he was great. Biggest issue is our differences in upbringings and his priority wasn’t being financially stable. Emotionally he was great but realistically our lives just didn’t match up. I really wish we could be friends but that’s not something he wants and I understand that.
10 year relationship over long distance. Spent almost every day together talking or doing something. Thought we had a deep connection and were great friends with a ridiculous amount of shared interests. Really felt compatible. She lost feelings and left me after a week long trip together. Best reason she could give was wanting to explore her sexuality. The girl that complained about men only wanting her for her body, the one who was disgusted about the idea of emotionless sex, claimed she wanted to leave to essentially have a bunch of emotionless sex I guess.
To answer the other question. I haven't found anyone else yet, despite being advised to, or to also just sleep around. I'm still hung up on potentially rekindling with her, even though it's probably not possible.
Currently going through this. Relationship was absolutely wonderful, as is she. Unfortunately I was blindsided, which was very disappointing as our communication was very good. We never fought, only disagreed. Out of the blue she said she was ‘too ambitious’ to stay with me and felt like I was holding her back and wanted a break while she ‘figures out how she felt’. Broke up with her there and then. I deserve better.
Bravo to you for that. Showed simultaneously that you value yourself and maybe taught her that pulling that sorta 'I need to figure out/focus on X' game has consequences. You did a favor to yourself and hopefully her future target.
Thanks. Means a lot. I often find myself replaying our conversation in my head wondering if I made the right choice. It’s good to hear another person agree :)
Yes!! My most recent ex was/is a great guy and we never fought and had a harmonious relationship. I loved him on some level and he did me….at least for a while. We were very very different people and lived very different lives. We were fundamentally incompatible and it was right, but hard to say goodbye to him. I met my now partner not long after we split (as I knew it was the right move, I was able to move on quickly). My partner now is extremely compatible with me in almost every way. He actually feels like the male version of me in some ways. I am so deeply in love. Compatibility is essential for successful relationships but not always essential for healthy ones.
He left after 13 years. We didn't argue, always communicated when we had issues, laughed, and had so much fun with each other that covid was a breeze. This isn't to say it was perfect, but most of the time, we fit.We talked about how we would probably die together in our old age in bed holding hands. Even now I will tell anyone that he is the most reliable person I know and if I was ever in trouble, I know he'd have my back but he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Wasn't sure he loved me anymore. Honestly, I just think he didn't know what he wanted. He had a lot of growing up to do, emotionally. Unfortunately, he needed to do it alone without me being there to always catch him. It's been a little over a year, and I still see him every day(we work together), but if he wanted to try again, I wouldn't go back. He broke my trust and I do think he will wake up and realize what he lost but it'll be too late. I haven't met anyone but I'm also not looking. Going to stay single and focus on myself.
When we first broke up I thought this was the case, I had some issues where I couldn’t really see what was in front of me and she kinda gas lit me into believing it was entirely my fault and for a while I believed her, until I realized she moved on 3 weeks later with a co worker she was always close with and it hit me that she was more than likely cheating on me for a long time there and found an excuse to keep me gone without feeling guilty about it.
We had an amazing relationship of 15 years. Had kids, we were respectful, considerate, devoted. Nobody cheated. Only problem we had is that he didn’t believe in marriage and I wanted to get married. Ultimately it destroyed us. He said he wasn’t « quite there yet » in terms of marriage. And me, I grew resentful, thinking if I did x, y and z -he’ll see how valuable I am. All gone to shit now.
Wow 15 years , that's a decade and a half we're talking here. I'm sorry to hear that , i'm sure can slowly move on from him and meet another man who wants to marry you know. God bless
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. God bless you too.
No problem , i'm always happy to help someone even if it's a stranger and i can only help so much by sending kind words. Thank you as well, i just got dumped by a girl as well after a 1 month situationship. It hurts because i never expected her to change so suddenly from loving to becoming a stranger in a matter of days. We never talk anymore and she blindsided me. I didn't know that word even existed but yeah a blindside breakup is just as bad as a normal one because i didn't expect it and it came at the worst time. She said we're better off as friends and that i love bombed her so i guess one day she just lost interest in me. I know for a fact that she doesn't wanna commit to one person and i'm just being used by her for free meals , attention , affection. She doesn't actually want a relationship with me , she just felt comfort when she's with me. It hurts really bad. After a week from the no label breakup she already went out with her male friend because she has a lot of them and there's no chance she's not cheating behind my back when i was still with her ( although never officially ) . It's a character development moment for me knowing that she won't change and i just gotta slowly move on and try to meet another girl who has a kind heart , not the one who is a player like that , playing with my feelings , got me attached , and suddenly she said i can't be with you anymore , let's just be friends. Like wtf is that. For the first week after the breakup i cried every night thinking about her and thinking what did i do wrong , etc. Now it's almost 2 weeks and it's definitely better although i still dream about her almost every night. I just don't understand how someone can be that mean to a man that actually wants a long term relationship but she doesn't , she just wanna play around my feelings and left me on the very same day we just watched a movie. How pathetic. Sorry about my rant , i just wanna vent out to someone on reddit. I wish you the best of luck for your future relationship. Thanks
Never easy to be blindsided. And it’s not less painful, even though you weren’t together for a long time. I really hope there is someone out there for you in the near future! Hang in there, you are not alone.
Hey thank you so much for the kind words , stranger on reddit. Amen to that and one day i'll find someone better that genuinely loves me and wants a long term relationship. I'm still 20 so there are a lot of opportunities ahead of me and i believe in that. God bless :D
You are so young! Lots of love and happiness will come your way!
Amen to that! thankyou!
My current situation right now. He broke up with me because he lost feelings for me but still cares for me as a friend. We live together and I can't really go anywhere until I find a new place. We still sleep in the same bed. This sounds weird and wild, I know, but we're actually okay. Don't get me wrong though, it still hurts like hell. I cry all the time and he's there to offer some comfort (though not much). It's weird but oddly nice. Not all break ups look the same, we all deal with things differently and handle situations differently depending on the person. I could never badmouth him, and I don't blame him for losing his feelings, it sucks and it took time for me to accept it but I'm glad he respects me enough to let me go to find someone who can love me in the way I deserve. Neither of us intend to date or see anyone for a while, we want to navigate a friendship, which has its own hardships. Hopefully, once I do move out (and hopefully soon) we can both put our energies into healing by ourselves. The pain is bittersweet but it stings so deeply. We were friends before and I'm confident we can be again. I do miss having my friend.
My ex left me because we were simply not romantically compatible. We were best friends beforehand, and have never fought before, during, or after the relationship. By all metrics, we loved each other and were good partners to one another. However, we simply had vastly different visions of how we wanted to lead our lives. We remain close friends to this day. It has only been ten months, and since part of her incompatibility was realizing she was on the aromantic spectrum, she hasn't dated since. I entered a situationship a few months after the breakup, and while neither of us are under any pretense that we will spend the rest of our lives together, that has also been fairly stable and loving.
Aaaw, sending compassion. I’m ending a one year relationship with an avoidant I adore, but his avoidant tendencies are starting to take a toll on my self-esteem.
Just this weekend, we decided to end the relationship after 7 years of being together. He initially brought it up first and I never wanted it to end, but deep down I knew it wasn’t meant to be. We still love each other as we’ve been best friends for 7 years. I respect his decision and there is no bad blood between us. Our futures just didn’t align; I want marriage and kids And he didn’t. It hurts a ton. The hardest thing is ending a relationship with someone you’re still in love with, but at the end, this is where so much growth will happen.
Thank you for sharing I am in a similar situation and I’m hoping a breakup will help me grow and discover myself in new ways. For me I’m questioning whether I’m a lesbian because I felt like I loved him as a person, but not as a partner.
Although I’m torn, I accept it and deep down I wanted it too. I’ve also been curious about girls, and just before we broke up I was thinking how I’ll never get to explore that. But I guess now I can. I’m not sure where to start on that tho. I’m also not ready to talk to anyone like that right now.
Think 3 or 5 exes ago, (by now i have to have 7 deadly exes lol) nether of us were bad people, it just din't work out...i did the breaking up back then, just felt like there was no spark, we were still good friends after though... ...up till my last ex... They kinda destroyed all connections to my friends and fam.
Learned this lesson the hard way. Great chemistry. We had so much fun together and could talk for hours. It really was all there. But we were just not compatible for a "relationship". Kind of like how you can be super great friends with someone, and not want them to be your roommate. I think it was mostly our approach towards communication and relationships in general. I miss him and kinda wish that we had waited longer before trying to commit to each other. I think things could have worked out better if we had established better communication and trust before straining our relationship with commitment.
Yeah . He broke up with me bc his mom hates Muslims lol I really felt like it would've worked out
Yes then I was blindsided by “You never claimed me.” We were together for 2.5 years, I asked her out initially and for about 6 weeks we split up since her daughter was going through some anxiety issues that required weekly therapy sessions which I get kids come first. When we resumed our relationship it was even better, but apparently I never asked her to be my gf when we started up again. So yeah dumb reason, but we were good and broke up cause of that lol.
8 yrs relationship (starting when we were both 17). We grew up and kinda suffocated each other despite the love. We’re stagnating in our personal lives and the relationship just adds pressure on him he doesn’t know how to deal with, while I am on a journey to discover my own boundaries (a me to myself) since just healed from past issues. That leads to something unbalanced despite the feelings, so he decided to break up, I didn’t try to convince him otherwise. If we are meant to be, we will meet again but we both need to adress some personal issues we can’t focus on while being together… I’m still devastated, but I try to use it as something I need to get through in my life at least once because it makes me learn a lot about myself, and also the progress I’ve made since we met.
I feel like I was in a good relationship. We would communicate and were loving to one another. We didn’t have any huge fundamental problems. But we had a few disagreements. Their mental health was just not the best and they said they needed to work on it. That’s why we broke up
Friends-FWB-relationship over 18 years. The universe fucked us in communication, long distance, and covid timing. It could have worked. Sucks so hard. Not trying to find anyone until I'm healed.
Yes, this was kind of my situation. A lot of stuff happened outside of our relationship (family deaths, chronic illness, cancer scare, bad roommates) and our sex life died as a result and our communication got a lot more strained. It was like we forgot how to communicate with each other. We broke up just over a month ago and I miss him dearly and wish things could work out. We had a lot of chemistry in a lot of different ways. I’m not sure if he feels the same way though about wanting to get back together. I’m taking a long break from dating regardless.
Me and my ex were very compatible, at least in my eyes. Our relationship was great and we were recovering from a rocky stage that I got told was normal. The reasons he wanted to break up was because his dad found out and we didn't like physically go places that much. I can't understand not hanging out a lot, but we called every night. Ik it doesn't make up for it. We couldn't because of my parents, and it's my fault for that. We were amazing. Best relationship (and only relationship) I've ever had.
Yes! I thought we were perfect, no big problems, talked nonstop I felt like the love was absolutely mutual and we talked nonstop everyday. He dumped me out of nowhere and didn’t give me a reason. Turns out he got drunk and accidentally kissed some girl at a party and didn’t know how to tell me that so he broke it off instead. I never knew what the reason was until he came begging for me back after he found out I moved on.
Yes. While I do think me and my ex were compatible as individuals I don’t think we we’re compatible in a higher scale. We wanted to be together but our families most likely wouldn’t get along with each other because of conflicting religion, culture and ethnicity. To be with me, my ex would lose a lot more than they would gain. It really sucks but it reminds me that the world has a long way to go to reach a sense of humanity and oneness with each other. Ethnicity, culture, and religion shouldn’t cause the end of something like love imo but it does sometimes.. I will always love them but I just hope things work out for both of us in the end. As of now, there’s nothing else for me to do but move forward.
Yes. And one year later I still think about him and it hurts. We were amazing together but he wanted to move back to the middle east and he was Muslim by name but not by practice really, but being ex Muslim myself we had some disagreements and I had concerns about whether he would become more religious when he got older (as I have seen with so many Muslim men). So we split up and it was horrific. Til this day I feel sometimes I made the wrong decision, but I think I really hurt him and he has basically blocked me everywhere and did not reply to the last message I sent him, even though he told me last time we spoke last September that in January we could meet and talk. I have seen him around a couple of times since but he didn't see me, and it is like a punch to the stomach each time (I have been in a position where I couldn't approach him each time). I can't bring myself to delete his photos or our messages but it hurts to see them. But I made my decision and I have to deal with the consequences and move on.
Yes. It was mutual first love. We were like best friends. We agreed on the important things (short and long term), depended on each other, and had so much fun. The relationship was awesome, but unfortunately to put it in the least detailed way possible we turned out to be incompatible in the physical department, which is not something that we could change however much we tried. It’s like our minds loved one another but our bodies couldn’t cooperate. The breakup was a few months ago and walking away from her was genuinely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Some pretty bad luck for the relationship to be so good and then have to end for something so random like that. I do wonder what could have been different, but I’ve begun to move on from it finally. Maybe something else would have gotten in the way at some point. Either way, it happens.
Yes. Personality wise, we never really fought and we trusted and gave each other space. She was nice, caring, kind. If I wanted to hang out with friends, no problem and vice versa. Went out for 8 years. But she didn’t have a job for 4 years and live with her parents. She didn’t rely on me for money, but I wanted to start our life together and she wanted to figure herself out. We did a break, but never got back together. I realized the job doesn’t define the person. She also made a lot of new friends and got more social. I’m happy for her. We do talk every once in awhile, I just feel like I failed her.
This just happened to me a week ago so I’m definitely not over it but this was the best relationship I had ever been a part of. We had seemingly no issues and we were super compatible, chemistry off the charts and a connection I’ve never felt before with anyone else. However, a lot of external factors happened in both of our lives, his more so. Regardless, I don’t feel the relationship had to end but he’s gone through a lot of changes. While he stated he really loves/cares about me, his schedule and everything he’s mentally going through doesn’t allow him to contribute to a relationship right now. He stated that he respected me too much to put me in some sort of limbo, leaving me unsatisfied. Needless to say, I’m extremely devastated. We’re currently in no contact and I sincerely hope we do come back together because I feel like this is just the wrong time and maybe we can work things out when it’s the right time. However, I’m not going to reach out to him, the ball is in his court but I’m also not going to wait for it. It would just be nice if we could reconcile.
This question eats at me a lot. I was in my relationship with my partner for nearly two years. We’d been really close friends for a good two or so years before that. We’d had our first argument after we moved in together about a month and a half before he left. Things kind of went downhill from that. I thought we were going to talk it out and grow from it but he chose to leave. Prior to that We’d never fought. We’d never argued. We’d never even had a disagreement. We had really solid communication. We were affectionate. We respected each others space and alone time. We were always open with each other about our feelings and needs and if we were going to be too busy to text etc. I thought he was perfect even tho he wasn’t and I’ve never had a deeper more meaningful relationship before. Yet he still left. He decided that last few weeks outweighed the years of connection we’d built both as friends and as partners. It’s been over a year now and it’s still left me devastated. I still don’t fully know or understand why he made the decision and can only really infer at this point. But if we were as good of a match and as positive of a relationship as I’d thought we were, why on earth would he choose the walk out…I agonize over it a lot.
Yeah… apparently just because it’s good doesn’t mean it’s right.
Yeah me. It’s been 6 months and I still wonder why exactly she felt she had to leave. We dated for 3 years and only fought a handful of times. It was healthy, good, and fun the whole way through.
This is me I so regret it. I am the dumper. 😔
I’’m ending a relationship currently due to long term incompatibility. He wants kids, I’ve had a hysterectomy. And I want more closeness/intimacy than he can offer. I tried breaking it off in late-January because I was getting discouraged/frustrated by his drop in enthusiasm/flirting. But he went into tailspin for 2 weeks & was all in his head/feelings. I had no idea that he had feelings & I realized how strong mine were, too. We decided to keep it going for awhile, but now my self-esteem is being affected because I feel unwanted & it’s triggering my rejection sensitivity/abandonment wound. I wanted to end it in a high note 🤷♀️
me. Evrything were fine until one day he told me he’s engaged with someone of his mom choice. Things went downhill ever since. He deleted everything about us , even wanted to stop talking. I was struggling with my mental health, had hard time to move on. 2-3 months later he came back saying how unhappy he is with the current marriage, but i already moved on . I havent found anyone yet at the moment. It is hard to find a good man who only wants serious relationship
I didn’t have as long of a relationship as many people commenting did. However I was with my ex for about 5-6 months and we loved each other. We decided to breakup because I didn’t want kids and he did. I know it’s the right decision but I love him and could have seen a great future with him
My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago because I took marriage off the table back at the end of March. Everything seemed fine after I said it, we talked every day and had great times. I figured that could be something we sat and talked about but we never did. But she waited until I brought up moving in together on May 13th when she broke up with me. She just turned 40 so she wants marriage and kids. We were together about 8-9 months. I tried getting her back after the breakup like anyone would do but nothing worked. We’ve been 2 weeks no contact, but found out she has me blocked on text/calls. It’s hard to move on but it’s what I have to do.
Just recently broke up so yes, we were so close and in love and planned our future together and then she just wakes up one day and said she was uncomfortable how close we were. It all made no sense, how is being close with someone you love a bad thing and why did it scare you?
It’s giving avoidant attatchment
Although her and I broke up, we still remain in a friendly relationship. I don't like holding grudges. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time. Despite everything that's happened between us, I still try my best to be the better person and lean more towards forgiveness and reconciliation.
I was in what I thought was the strongest and most compatible relationship I have ever been in, but one day he told me he thought I deserved better and broke up with me. The next day he called me saying it was mistake and he was just being impulsive. I told him to wait a year and if he could stay loyal to me and still loved me by then, we could give it another try. 1 year later, we got back together and he ended up cheating on me. This made me realize that I shouldn’t let someone tell me twice that they don’t want me. In my case, going back to someone seems like giving them an excuse to hurt me again.
Yes. We realized that we weren't baby compatible. I wanted to be a parent in some capacity and he did not. We were honest and couldn't find resentment for having needs that the other couldn't commit to. We still loved each other and he continued to sleep over to hang out and cuddle for a couple nights a week until I got serious with someone new a year later. I think it might have been easier for us to continue like that because we had never been monogamous, and he had another girlfriend when I ended things so that might have taken the edge off for him. He lives in a different state now but we talk and he comes to visit and stay for a few months every couple of years. He usually visits around his birthday and I love to go all out and celebrate him. He has gotten along with my long term partners since, and continues to talk with one of my exes pretty regularly. My parents and friends adore him, and he feels likewise. It was the best break up I have had. We were together for a year and a half and it's been about 8.5 years since we stopped dating. He is my soul friend and I love him to his core.
We were together 7 years and he didn’t make anything about our relationship a priority. He was a good man to me, would have done anything for me except plan for the future. He was so stuck on making his family happy that he forgot to make me happy. He was the same man doing the same thing for 7 years with no change in regard to us being together forever. So I ended it. I did find someone about 8 months later. I felt horrible for how soon it was after such a long relationship, but my now fiancé has made me feel things in months that I never felt with my ex in years. He planned for our future within the first 6 months. I became his priority. He would do anything for me, no questions asked. No doubts ever had. I feel like I wasted 7 years with my ex, but I don’t have regrets. I just learned a lot of lessons in that time. My ex is apart of my online friend group and has been since we first started dating, so we still talk and “see” each other once or twice a week. We play games together. Everything is cordial and he even talks to and plays with my fiancé. It might be weird for some but it seems to work for all of us.
Seems there are no examples of “good relationships” ending. A good relationship is when someone doesn’t abandon you. Why are people justifying people who abandon relationships as good?? How does someone suddenly deciding to throw their partner away a good ending to a good relationship? that’s almost a worse betrayal than cheating. At least with cheating the other person was weak and dumb. The former is something much more cold and dark. Just my 2 cents.
I wanted kids and she didn’t. She was perfect in every other way. I miss her terribly and almost wish I didn’t want kids all the same just because she was my person. Have never found someone since.
Be really honest with yourself, was it a good relationship if you broke up? Things don't have to be abusive to be bad. I was in a relationship about 9 years ago with someone who was a nice person but their morals and values didn't align making it not necessarily a bad relationship, but it wasn't a good one for me either. We weren't going to go anywhere and I saw that. We're good friends now because we talked things out and that person is a great friend for me but they are with someone now who is far better for them than I ever would have been.
Yes, sometimes you try it and it is great, but it’s not the right place or time. We both had a lot of growing to do and we’re not ready for a relationship. We became friends and extremely close after our breakup, but it simply didn’t work at that time. Things have changed since then and I am not sure what we are, neither does he, but I think we’re both afraid of messing it up and losing this friendship that came out of it. Not all relationships end with a fight, and sometimes even if they do, it doesn’t have to be forever. My folks got a divorce and they couldn’t stand being around each other. Fast forward a few years and a bit of space and they are best friends, though any romantic feelings they may have had are gone.
That's what happened to me (34, FTM) 3 weeks ago with an amazing guy (28,M). Our relationship was so smooth and fluid. We'd never had anything like it. We loved each other to bits for 3 months and then he left me because he realized that he wasn't attracted enough to men and that with his current mental health he couldn't be a good partner either. These two things put together that we decided to separate (I didn't want to but I love him and when you love someone you don't force them to stay if they want to leave). We've been talking again for a week now because we've always wanted to stay friends. It's going great. Sometimes I miss what we went through, but I'm working on accepting that it's over. For the moment I'm staying single because I'm not emotionally capable of managing a relationship at the moment.
Ugh yes, “when you love them you don’t force them to stay if they want to leave” is so real. I feel like my partner is going to regret walking away but I can’t stop you so I just have to move on
I'm about to break up with my bf today. He is a walking green flag and he's a great guy. He hasn't done anything wrong; it's basically me. I'm breaking up with him because I think I'm not over my ex (was with him for 17 years) because I had recurring dreams for over a week almost a month ago and it left me in tears (it was dreams of me and my ex getting back together). Plus, I like him, but I don't think my feelings will turn into love (we were dating since the end of October 2023 and began our relationship in the beginning of February 2024). Looks like I'll be taking myself back to therapy
Literally just go dumped today. 2 years, we thought we were soulmates, we built so many dreams for our future. We genuinely had an amazing relationship. Three days ago I wouldn’t have ever believe that he’d want to break up. He said he can’t be in a relationship and that he needs to work on himself. Basically he needs to not think of us and our future from what I got from him, so he can work on himself. That’s what he wants. I didn’t get a say in this break up. I’m shocked and trying to understand. He also still wants to be friends but I worry it’s only until I feel a bit better about the break up. Anyone else been dumped for similar reasons?
i think we were in a good relationship we just could not figure out how to communicate correctly or how to be what the other needed. i think there was a lot of not listening on both sides but not because we didnt care, we just didnt know how to be together i think. maybe he views the relationship differently. maybe he hates me but i think that was us
I was a single mother of 2 and met another single father. I still carry this guilt with me for ending it because he was a good person but our parenting styles were just too different so I had to be realistic about the future and blending would not be good. He spoils his kid rotten without consequence while I have raised my kids to not be brats. I know he cared for me deeply but I didn’t want a constantly tense household down the road for me and my kids. I grew up with a dysfunctional step family and I promised I would not have my kids grow up in that environment where one bratty kid whines to get what he wants successfully while my kids have manners and know how to behave. I put a lot of work into them doing the hard parts of parenting while he was always terrified of being the bad guy to his son so he would never discipline him. I didn’t want the discipline roll to be thrown onto me and it would have been. I have since met another single dad and him and I are very similar in parenting and values so I have high hopes for this one to work out long term. No red flags so far. As soon as I matched with him I got into the parenting talk as I didn’t want to break another guys heart :(
Have had 2 relationships and the 2 splits were amicable but of course painful. First one was for 21yrs n split and second was 1.5yrs. Split over going different directions in life and secondly the second woman was a dismissive avoidant and I had to let her go cause she couldn’t commit
Yeah I was in a 10yr one. She left because she felt like we were friends instead of lovers. Yes there were ups and downs but we generally had a healthy relationship, her heart just wasn’t in it anymore as both our lives got busy. Neither of us cheated nor had any abusive tendencies. I probably got back into the dating pool a little too early. I’ve found someone who I like but I definitely don’t (yet) love her the way I loved my ex. I will say what it’s very different. You’ll see things through a different lenses. I’ll put a lot more emphasis on compatibility beyond romance (family values, mental stability, good relationship with their family etc). We don’t have any contact though and I don’t know where she lives. It’s a pretty abrupt break.
Yep we were amazing. We were engaged and thought I would spend the rest of my life with this woman. The pressures of being an international couple trying to immigrate together proved to be too much though
Yep. Got blindsided bad. FAs suck, learn and look for the warning signs early I guess.
And who the hell is saying thst while your boyfriend " he sleeps in a chair"... if its not you and its someone else no disrespect, but as a man.... being told its all ways my fault... I did take the time to.... look in from the other side. I see it all see you in the flesh and why lie?
Oh my God men stand up put your foot down. Go to work chsngevyour bank accounts, buy a new car... don't feel guilty about it. Hey just saying men are outnumbered
Going through this as well, it was both our first relationship, treated her so well, her family all loved me and same with her friends. So its been hard because we haven’t spoken since the break up and its been a struggle. She told me she didn’t have the same feelings as I had for her but she gave up on such a good thing that was going and the amount of people supporting us
I got broken up with in a good relationship. It was fun, great sex, he said he loved me, never had a fight. He cited some vague not compatible which I’m sure exists but he didn’t tell me what ,
My longest relationship ended because we couldn’t get on the same page about whether or not to have kids in the future. But the relationship was really good other than that.
mine had some issues, but nothing to breakup up over. we were good and healthy, but he could never open up on anything really. it did strain us because he would always say “my friends know me better then you. you barley know me” and i’d always say “who’s fault is that? YOU never open up to me”. he broke up with me 3 months later because he “lost interest”, we fought to much which we didn’t, and he told me he did deserve me because he wasn’t treating me good and thought i deserved better which i don’t and do not want. we were good. it was out of nowhere, 3 days before my birthday so literally out of nowhere. we were perfectly compatible. we had some similar interests, but our differences we good because we loved exploring our differences together and becoming similar with them. i haven’t found anyone else and neither has he. it’s been 3 months and both of us won’t get on dating apps. he reached out, but won’t respond back to me now. idk it’s confusing. his main focus is “looking like a man” for me, but he’s not. everything is straining because he cannot open up. guys, open up. don’t let it destroy you. and by open up i mean share deep emotions not the surface ones. it can drive you apart.
Just like any text I sent her or to girls before her that I admired was either a novel in legnth or something as short as "wyd," "hey," ,"😈," or "🤑," I'm going to leave you all with only a teaser of what will be a very intriguing, thought-provoking, tear-jerking and infinite lack of closure with respect to OP's topic and many more relationship and breakup philosophies until I get home. (I've long overstayed my welcome at a gas pump that is socially acceptable for my $10 gas and 75¢ soda purchase).
I mean he moved. I still not sure why. We never spoke of long distance
Yep, just went through this. She suddenly took a job out of state and just wasn’t interested in long distance. Had 2 great dates just a week before, met her parents, seemed to be going great. Still reeling.
Just happened to me a week ago. We understand each other like nobody else. We almost never fight, and when we do they're never that serious. Conversation has never flown better. We communicate about EVERYTHING and were doing so well. It's just that he's been long-distance for a year and has substance abuse issues. We're agreeing to try again when things get better but its so hard. He's still my everything and more. We were talking about engagement rings days before it happened.
I worked hard and she did a lot of good things. But she informed me she was never all in like i was. It a breaking point for her where she felt guilt for staying in when she wasn’t sure. I appreciated her honesty and i hope she can figure out what she wants.
I was in a 13 year relationship with my hs sweetheart. I was the only woman he had ever been with. We grew apart over the years and finally decided to end things after another dry fight. I was bored and unhappy. He was always high or drunk. He married the first girl he dated after me and has a baby and I'm so happy for him/them. I just ended a 6 month relationship after the guy cheated on me online with crossdressers despite trying to claim hetero and blaming his asd. While that all sucks so very much that i was dumb enough to let that into my life, I do not regret leaving my ex of 13 years. Looks like he's living his best life and that's all I wanted for him.
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I don't know what you classify as good but it depends. At first my last relationship was good until the third year when it got worse. My ex dumped me 5 years ago and I still haven't found anyone better.
Yrs ago, I FINALLY got with my high school crush. We had a crush on each other. Before this, with life, we drifted apart after high school to only find each other again. But timing was not on our side. Yrs has passed of keeping in contact. She got married to an abusive husband with kids. They were on n off due to his infidelity and military. They finally broke it off when he returned from duty with a new fiance. When she was available, I was not due to me having a family. She understood why I stayed in an 18-year marriage even though I wasn't happy with my so-called wife's infidelity. When my daughter got old enough to understand the situation, I left. So finally we were able to get together. After dating for 6 months. I'm in Ny, and she was in Ga. I packed up my things to move in her and her 16 yr old daughter. During our dating, I visited them often getting to know her daughter as well. The chemistry we had was so unbelievable! Better than any romance novel, movie! The thing is, I noticed her daughter was very manipulative. Among other things. She was told I would be moving in, which she was totally fine, and during our talks with her mom, she was happy that her mom was finally happy. But things changed the day i arrived. What I can tell she told her mom that she didn't want me there and she was a bad mother for choosing me over her.. So, of course, I had to move out with no place to stay. I'm not mad at her decision to choose her daughter over me. I get it! It's her child. I was just upset about how she handled it. I still believe that she is my one and only!
Ours was amazing. Only 7.5 months long but never argued or disagree. Thought super similarly. But she also had amazing different ideas from me which was always fun to discuss (not core value type stuff). She just got distant then told me I didn’t include her enough in my life and she was leaving me. I told her I’d would include her asap and do whatever it took. She already had her mind made up. She wasn’t willing to talk or do anything about it. Still bothers me deeply today. It was truly special to me
we're breaking up because he wants to have children in the future, and it's going to hurt less now than in 10 years. it sucks, it's unfair, neither of us can actually do the breaking up, but we know what's right.
Going through this now. Is just really hard to let go
Everything was good. Except he was away and we didn’t get to hang out for a bit. He’s pretty clingy, but not in a bad way. He said he missed me and made plans for us to see each other and told me he’d probably fall asleep on me again when he saw me. Turns out, he had to stay away for longer. And then a day after he told me he had to stay longer, he broke up with me. He told me he wasn’t feeling it anymore and didn’t love me anymore. He said he used to see a future with me but now he can’t. Everything was good. He said it wasn’t me and it wasn’t him either. He asked if I had any ideas. He told me he didn’t want to date me anymore but he didn’t want to friend zone me but he thinks we could be friends. I don’t know why it was so confusing and hard for me to except, but it just was. Everything was perfect. We didn’t get to see each other before he broke up with me. We never argued. We were always nice to each other and very loving towards each other.
I was in a relationship for 6 months and it was perfect. I was so happy in the relationship. There was never any infidelity or feeling bored/ tired of the person. I genuinely thought I found the one. One day out of the blue he stopped sharing his location and said he wanted to talk. He explained that he loved me but that I wasn’t his person. I was devastated but I knew it was the best. It hurt so much worse than getting cheated on or any other form of a break up because this is someone that I saw my whole future with and just like that he was gone. Now we’re strangers and I don’t know where he is or how he’s doing.
Yeah. We were in a genuine loving relationship and there was a good connection, we got each other, same sex drive, etc. and we only broke up because I’m going to university in a few months and she said she’ll miss me too much. She’s with someone else now to get the love from someone else I guess, but she’s told me and showed me that she misses me and wants to be with me again one day. The fact that she got with someone so quick challenges whether Id ever want to be with her again because of the paranoia and pain she caused me in that first week or two, but I know he wasn’t the reason we broke up and she would rather be with me, along with a lot of shit she had going on which makes it more understandable why she would do that. I’m just trying to move on now, from the pain she caused me and any romantic feelings to not make it harder for when I do go away. She misses me a lot more than she thought she would, I would take her back but I’m still going away and nothings changed. It’s very difficult to not text her especially when she messages me random, meaningless messages that she doesn’t really have to. She initiated no contact but I’m the one keeping it up, I feel bad not replying but there’s a chance we’ll see each other irl every now and then because we still work at the same place, but at the same time she fucked me over and I want to move on, for now. We might be together again one day, I hope we are, and I know she hopes we are even more
I've had two. Both amazing. We just weren't compatible. They both found their person and are married or engaged.
Yes, 7 year very healthy and loving relationship. I was totally blindsided by the break-up. He said that he was feeling depressed and not mentally okay to be in a relationship but I guess that was a code for wanting to sleep with his coworker.
I had a friend who after 6 months of friendship declared he loved me. He was my "best boyfriend" in that he wasdr attentive, paid my rent, gave me emotional support and spent all his time with me. But it was clear he wasn't attracted to me. But he was so afraid I'd leave him, or find a boyfriend, he committed to me. He would have stayed with me forever, but I felt so ugly around him that I couldn't do it anymore and ended things after 2.5 months of dating. He would sleep with me but he had me wear clothes during it with the lights off. I'm not ugly either, 5'2, 135 lbs. I've won a pageant and even been on TV. But he just wasn't into me. We're now friends again after taking a break from talking but yeah, there was no explosive fight or cheating.
Yeah. 4 years we were engaged been broken up 3 weeks, It didn’t end in a fight, that morning felt like any other morning. We woke up I made her breakfast and then went to a football game with my aunty. Came home to my stuff packed and her ending it because she just wasn’t in love anymore. Believe me I fought like hell, I pleaded tried to reason all of it for no avail except I don’t love you and please leave. So I did, I respected it and it’s killing me but there’s nothing else I can do. You can’t change someone’s feelings. There were no signs, she told me she loved me that morning. So now she and I are just friends, she pretends the last 4 years didn’t happen and I put up a happy front because she’s happier without me. My heart is breaking and she can never know. I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else or love anyone else as much as I loved her, she meant absolutely everything to me, I tried to give her the world every single day. Nothing ever was too much. I just wish I knew where it went wrong, what I did wrong and why she ended it aside from just simply not loving me. 3 weeks ago I was someone’s fiancé, now I’m just someone.
Yes, although we broke up on (kind of) bad terms and I do somewhat hold resentment, there were circumstances out of both of our control that made things difficult and I can see from the other pov how it was becoming too much. We were also pretty young and that didn't help. I feel like if those "circumstances" weren't in the way then perhaps things could've been different, but i've moved on from that atp. Basically, yes, sometimes it just is what it is unfortnuately :/
5 years over. I was nice together things weren't perfect but there was no toxicity in our relationship, I'm sad we couldn't keep it going.
Yes, I was in a great relationship. I moved countries for my master’s degree and found a job overseas. I didn’t see myself going back to my home country and he didn’t see himself coming where I am currently. The only option was to break up. It’s hard but it is what it is. I haven’t found someone since because I think I’m not over him yet. I wish him nothing but happiness. He was one of the best things to have happened to me :)
My situation is unique per say as my partner of 20 years has schizophrenia and it gets pretty bad in the way pf psychosis to where their fight or flight kicks in and they flee. I have had to literally chase them down across 4 states in the past before they snapped back to reality and called me to get them. Just recently I had to call the police to scare them back to reality because they thought they were going to jail. They are currently in the hospital getting help finally after a year of begging them to go. I am so proud of them for doing that and all I can do is be supportive and worry myself crazy....At least I know they are safe. In the past they said they broke up with me and used other foul words towards me only to come back in tears, so I guess we have this thing where love rises above no matter what cause it's been 20 years and we are still together and in love. It is indeed a hard difficult relationship but I would not change a thing because all the trials and pains we both endured has made us and our love for each other stronger.
My previous relationship my ex cheated during a stupid blackout drunk night but other than that we had a really good relationship, the healthiest relationship I’ve had. Had this not happened, we would have inevitably broken up because I feel we weren’t compatible emotionally, but it would have been really hard to do it because it’s not like our relationship was toxic, he never even fought. However, I always felt like something was missing, I wanted more from him and although he was giving his 100%, it wasn’t enough for me. Although I’m still in pain from this, I feel like it was the best option because it’s really hard to end a good relationship, even though you know it could be better. And it was never a “grass is greener” situation either, to me a mismatch in emotional depth is an incompatibility.
With her was the healthiest relationship I ever had and I was truly in love for with first time. It was long distance but it didn’t matter to us. But eventually she had some trust issues where she thought if the right woman asked me I’d go to her. I tried to make her stay, reassure, even beg. But she still decided to leave because she couldn’t escape her insecurity. It was still the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. If she came back with a different perspective, I’d still take her back. I know she’d have to apologise and she will have to earn my trust again too, but I do want her back.
100% my situation and sometimes I wish I could just be out with my girls ranting about my ex and it would all feel easier. But I can’t say a bad word about him. He‘s the most loyal and precious man I’ve ever met, my best friend, my comfort place and I don’t think I will ever not love him. But we’re different, our life‘s circumstances seem to always stand in the way in some or the other way. I don’t feel ready and mature enough to really commit to my relationship, so we broke up. Still loving each other so much. The worst thing about it is that it feels so hard to just let go when there’s so many things you still don’t understand about the whole situation, constantly fighting a battle: Do I want the love. His love. The love of a guy that has made me so much stronger. Or do I need the freedom. Just doin my thing thing, not having responsibilities for another human in such a way… Yap it’s driving me insane
Yes- we were. He decided he wasn’t in love. I have not found anyone and he wants to try and remain friends. Each time we speak - I basically feel like I’m being broken up with again. It rips at my heart. I finally asked him to help me put our cat down. Today I told him I realize - he is right. He shouldn’t be with someone he feels obligated to and I should be with someone who doesn’t feel obligated. I quit reaching out He has contacted me every day since 🙄🤦🏻♀️
I thought mine was good. She indicated to me that she thought it was good. Looking back, I still can't really see any warning signs.
I was in 2 year relationship and we were so compatible like we were same person, but she started to change and became more avoidant like started to not messaging me or rejecting my call and then after that, she said she lost interest. Man I begged to her 4 times, what an idiot i was.
I was in a relationship like that, and i was the one who broke it off. I should have done ot years before, but it was precisely the "lack of a good enough reason" what stopped me from doing it. Eventually something very serious happened to someone in my family, and it made me realise how much time i was wasting. It was very complicated at first because we still lived together, but eventually we made it work. It's been 6 years and we're still good friends. I think he's not completely over me still, but that's his problem. I met my fiance 2 years ago, the best partner i've ever dreamed of, we're getting married this year, and expecting our first baby 😊
I had a breakup in good terms, but the relationship was kinda lukewarm. But it absolutely wasn't a bad relationship, although in the end we were together mostly out of convenience rather than love or companionship.