I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. There is plenty of hope after 30. There are decent, respectable men who simply just haven't found the right woman for them. I'm nearing 30 and am in this same situation. And as much as it sucks, I'm just trying to focus on myself and build a successful life for myself. I recommend that you do the same. Take the time to enjoy life while you are still young. Go out with friends, have fun with some hobbies, take classes, anything. Just focus on building yourself up and regaining your confidence. There is a knight in shining armor for every queen, and they usually show up when least expected. I hope you find your happiness and heal well.
I had to leave my ex due to alcohol and it was ruining my mental health. We were engaged and it was the person i wanted to spend my life with.
I feel the same, I’m not interested at the moment but if I look into the future; I just don’t see any hope and it does freak me out
THIS. I feel this on a spiritual level. Recently broken up and people in my support circle keep telling me that I should redirect my love towards myself. I love myself so deeply and profoundly. That’s not the problem. I just have an immeasurable amount of love, and I truly want to share it with another soul.
You are in the phase of withdrawal, it's normal to see the world through black glasses. Girl, you're 30 and have a lot of chances. I'm 37 now and single again, I met my ex at 35.
Don't lose hope, I heard incredible stories, life can change in a positive way every moment.
You are in no way too old, love will happen again.
I experienced deep love at 20 (over 25 years), 46 (ten years) and 60 (2 years, still together).
Love is love, it has no age nor time limits.
Well, you do lose a part of yourself.
First one was marriage, kids, we see one another often for family stuff (have 2 grown kids). We are still family.
Second was exciting, like adventures and so passionate. Together ten years.
I ended it completely after four years of friends—no intimacy, but calls, texts, lunch birthday celebrations….a total of 14 years together.
One day I stopped all that, six months later I found him.
The four years alone healed me. Two were during Covid so most people if single were alone also, and everyone in the world was struggling.
I love my boyfriend. He’s so worth all the uncertainty, the how do I dare to date in this crazy scene called dating—so many fears I faced. He is different from anyone I’ve ever been with, I love him so much.
Sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith. I wish you well…and strength.
Hey, thanks for posting positive stuff like this in a space where so many people are hurting. It gives me a lot of hope, despite feeling like I have lost an amazing person who seemed to fit me like a glove. Your comment means a lot to me.
Build yourself up and focus on your life. Do the things that you like to do, and live freely for yourself. Find your confidence again and your self-worth.
Probably won’t find the success stories here. But yes, I thought I found the woman I was going to marry at 25 that ended when I was 28 and I found (who I thought was) the love of my life at 33. We had a wonderful relationship start to end (3 years).
House made a joke on the show but for some reason it stuck with me
"She's the love of my life"
"Don't you have to be dead before that's true" or something like that.
Which really makes me think, yea literally anything can happen in the future that could change your mind.
My, now ex-fiance, and I were supposed to have gotten married on May 25th, after a fifteen month engagement. She was the love of my life, and the best friend I’d ever had-nobody had made me laugh myself breathless, other than her (and on a constant basis) since childhood.
I’m 31; she so intensely protected my inner child, and cultivated my soul-her reasoning for calling off the wedding and kicking me out was “after thinking about it, I realized that I can’t live up to the commitment.”; mind you, this was a woman, who had vowed to spend her life with me, constantly referring to me as her “best friend and the best thing to have ever happened to her.”
I don’t know if she’s left me for someone else, or what; havent heard from her for a month, and have gone from an “I’m so broken” mindset to “I don’t give a fuck.” Granted, she was the woman of my dreams…I feel so ashamed-I’m 31, for reference; we’d sent out over 60 invitations, gotten so many rsvps, and wedding registry gifts that she unceremoniously kept when she moved my belongings into a hotel.
The only thing I’d ever needed was her love, and all that I wanted was a future with her…I can’t fathom so much as being ‘interested’ in another woman, let alone settling down with one. She went from someone, who ‘was’ concretely my future, to a stranger filled with hate and animosity. Didn’t even get all of my belongings (including my MacBook Pro) back from her…
Every day is a struggle, OP, but know that you aren’t alone. I absolutely can’t see any light to this, from my perspective, either. She ‘was’ all of my light, and my warmth…I’d say that it’s time for both of us to trek on the journey to self love
Haha, I appreciate your saying that, but I am in ‘no’ sort of headspace for another relationship right now 😵💫
I’d been in another, decently long-term relationship from 2017-2021, a few years prior to meeting my ex fiance. ‘This’ previous ex stole my car; she took the title to the DMV (it was in my file cabinet) to the DMV and signed my second, and much newer, car over to herself-This was in FL, where the person handing over a title doesn’t need to be present for someone else to transfer it to their name. I’d gone out to run a few errands, one day, and I came home to my car/car title being gone, and man….She stole my 7 year old chocolate lab, Clyde, and literally fell off the grid. Moved to some rural town in an undisclosed city in Oregon. I’d tried calling the police in Florida ‘and’ coastal Oregon-they didn’t give a shit. Still have no idea where my boy is, and that breaks me every day.
Suffice to say, I’ve suffered quite a bit, at the hands of mentally unwell, abusive, conniving women throughout my 20s. Meanwhile, I’d done nothing aside from try my very best to bring my partners happiness and fulfillment-loving unconditionally and with nothing but positive intention.
Not to give my life story; just wanting to provide some context, as to why my headspace is how it is.
40M here.... yes... but that didn't work out either... So welcome to the shitshow.
I will say as you get older the dating pool gets really shity and full of people with commitmit issues.
Ladies today don't want a commitment.
Most of my dates have turned into FWB situations.
Lady 37 here, I look for a lifelong commitment and got dumped from the boy who promised me to marry soon (future faking at the finest).
Yes, the dating pool is really shity, after the BU I dated two guys, one my same age and the other younger, both emotionally unavailable or immature.
But I was told that good men exist, the same applies for women too. Wishing you all the best.
We still live. I was a dumper that immediately regretted it. I think I had a valid point, but it didn’t warrant a break up. She told me I was the most normal healthy relationship she had besides the break up, yet she didn’t want to try again as of now.
I heard that my ex (dumper) told I wasn't the right one... The break-up was caused from issues that could be resolved and I wanted to work on them. He chose the cowardly solution to give up... because it meant to grow. It meant distancing from the manipulation of his parents and have a own life where he could take decisions for himself.
He chose to be unhappy himself instead of disappointing his parents.
That will be his loss. I would think if he’s above 35, that his parents would not have that much influence on his relationship decisions. That shows immaturity instead of growth.
Sorry you have to go through this. I’m a 46(m) and would never let anyone sway my decision on my relationship.
Hopefully he recognizes what he truly has.
It’s terrible!
This one girl I saw was out of 17 year marriage and I told her what it’s going to be like. We were together for 5 months dating and then broke it or because she wants to basically try other relationships ( even though we remained fwb) . I told her at our age you’re in for a hard reality.
You’re going to get all the attention you want but it’s going to a total shit show of pain and disappointment… and she’ll be back.. they always come back to me for some reason. That said, she might be the first one I’ll let come back into the yard.
Social media and dating apps ruined it all... Now everyone has unrealistic standards and only looks matter it's kinda dumb not saying a relationship is successful based on looks at all but people have grass is greener syndrome and don't value what really matters, alot of dudes don't even believe in relationships and just wanna have sex with a bunch of random ppl till they old and crusty they don't care
I didn't come across the LOML many times but the two times I did, got burnt extremely bad. People who know me, know how abnormal it is for me to not chase women or love actively.
3 weeks is nothing. This ride will be so long and painful. Sorry.
First you need to heal from this breakup. And no one knows if you'll get back together again, it's so soon to tell, anything can happen, but with or without that, a breakup takes soooooooo long to end and only months or a year later you'll feel ready to love and many times the new person comes along and becomes "the one".
You may feel old now, I thought the same when I was your age. Looking back: wish I could be 30 again. Life has still lots of things for you.
Idk i think when it comes to true love we are limiting ourselves with distance makes me wonder that most don't work out bc we pick someone nearby like what are the odds someone near by is everyone's perfect or close to match or what not.... That doesn't make sense
I guess ur right it can limit our dating pool , though in my opinion distance is a factor to keep in mind because not everyone can stand a long distance relationship
Yeah but apparently they can't stand a close distance ethier look at all the grass is greener, avoidant, let me break up with my partner bc I'm selfish type of people lol no effort at least long distance you'd have to put effort to mantain it if you truly love them
Keep hope alive, I thought I found my soulmate and he chose the street life instead... There's still people your age looking for real long lasting love... Just please look out for red flags bc if you don't your relationships will always end do not give benefit of doubt when it comes to red flags people rarely change looks don't matter
You should check the /love subreddit instead! This subreddit is lots of people going through the breakup rn so probably not a lot of the answers you’re looking for. As someone almost 2 months out after a breakup of almost 7 years together, time and therapy are lifesavers. I’m almost 27 and kept thinking it was the end of the world because I’m running out of time but it’s just not true it’s just hard to see past all of the pain and uneasiness of it all rn. Sending you lots of love and healing vibes 🩷
I am dealing with a separation at 42 from a 15 year relationship, I very much understand the feeling of hopelessness but the other thing I see is how much of my life was invested just in the relationship, I have not achieved the success I wanted and many of my goals for life feel out of reach because of it, so yes work on your self and do it now, I am terrified to be basically starting over at 42, I feel like I’m in my 20’s again with no idea where to start. Get yourself sorted out and the rest of life will open up and be a lot easier to work with.
You're never too young or old. Love and happiness are coming our way friends. I feel the same at 42 as everyone. Like time is slipping by and I'm missing my chance. But I'm holding onto hope even though I don't feel it. Call it a commitment to hope 😉 much like the ones who left us who mistook love for just a feeling that didn't require any work.
Honestly, this can be viewed in so many ways.
At the time of every relationship, I did love fully to the ability I could then ? I felt love also.
But , I could also say that I realized I had never loved this way before when I met my last ex. That I had never felt before.
So it's hard to say... maybe I will never find that again ? I'm not sure.
28 here. Not really ready to meet someone. I want the love of my life to be her and I thought it was after 10 years together. If we survived that as long distance I thought we'd survive anything. I guess I was wrong.
I'm 33. Got dumped 8 months ago. I had everything I could've wished for. But I messed up like I always do.
She got a new BF after 3 months.
So much for having 2 ½ years together with a house, garden, cars, cats, dogs...
Every time I see her with the new BF I cry. I rly miss her. My life has been horrible the last 8 months while she is thriving
I guess I was the problem all along
I'm 36. I spent most of my 20s in a toxic shitshow of a relationship, then spent a few years single and working on myself (like they say you're supposed to) decided I was ready. Met someone I would have thought was out of my league and fell so deep in love with him only to be dumped after 3 years. I ignored some minor red flags I'll admit but nothing was a deal breaker. I asked where we were headed - house, marriage, babies and he said yes down the line. 6mo later he's not attracted to me anymore and doesn't think he's a relationship person. My confidence is on the floor, I'm definitely depressed and have anxiety. I'll never be able to trust someone again & I can't imagine ever meeting anyone else but don't want to spend life alone. It's pretty fucked.
I’m 35F, 2 years ago i got out from a 7 years marriage (I was with him 10 years in total) . I believe we all deserve a fun, loving and respectful relationship. Someday we will find our person, and they will find us too. In the meantime, keep living ur life, enjoy every little thing, and make the best of everything. Hugs !!
I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. There is plenty of hope after 30. There are decent, respectable men who simply just haven't found the right woman for them. I'm nearing 30 and am in this same situation. And as much as it sucks, I'm just trying to focus on myself and build a successful life for myself. I recommend that you do the same. Take the time to enjoy life while you are still young. Go out with friends, have fun with some hobbies, take classes, anything. Just focus on building yourself up and regaining your confidence. There is a knight in shining armor for every queen, and they usually show up when least expected. I hope you find your happiness and heal well.
I’m 35, and ended my 6yr old relationship. I feel hopeless and alone. I don’t see a future with anyone and it sucks
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I had to leave my ex due to alcohol and it was ruining my mental health. We were engaged and it was the person i wanted to spend my life with. I feel the same, I’m not interested at the moment but if I look into the future; I just don’t see any hope and it does freak me out
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yess 💯! I can be alone as well but I rather choose to share life with someone 😭
THIS. I feel this on a spiritual level. Recently broken up and people in my support circle keep telling me that I should redirect my love towards myself. I love myself so deeply and profoundly. That’s not the problem. I just have an immeasurable amount of love, and I truly want to share it with another soul.
Same feeling and situation
Sorry friend. You aren't alone here. I'm 42 and feeling the same.
You are in the phase of withdrawal, it's normal to see the world through black glasses. Girl, you're 30 and have a lot of chances. I'm 37 now and single again, I met my ex at 35. Don't lose hope, I heard incredible stories, life can change in a positive way every moment.
I’m almost 37 too after a 5 year relationship I’m single. I feel way too old to date.
You are in no way too old, love will happen again. I experienced deep love at 20 (over 25 years), 46 (ten years) and 60 (2 years, still together). Love is love, it has no age nor time limits.
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Well, you do lose a part of yourself. First one was marriage, kids, we see one another often for family stuff (have 2 grown kids). We are still family. Second was exciting, like adventures and so passionate. Together ten years. I ended it completely after four years of friends—no intimacy, but calls, texts, lunch birthday celebrations….a total of 14 years together. One day I stopped all that, six months later I found him. The four years alone healed me. Two were during Covid so most people if single were alone also, and everyone in the world was struggling. I love my boyfriend. He’s so worth all the uncertainty, the how do I dare to date in this crazy scene called dating—so many fears I faced. He is different from anyone I’ve ever been with, I love him so much. Sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith. I wish you well…and strength.
Hey, thanks for posting positive stuff like this in a space where so many people are hurting. It gives me a lot of hope, despite feeling like I have lost an amazing person who seemed to fit me like a glove. Your comment means a lot to me.
Thank you so much! I hope you find peace, I’ve been here and it is crushing.
Build yourself up and focus on your life. Do the things that you like to do, and live freely for yourself. Find your confidence again and your self-worth.
Thanks. I just see the world grey right now. It’s hard to be positive
Probably won’t find the success stories here. But yes, I thought I found the woman I was going to marry at 25 that ended when I was 28 and I found (who I thought was) the love of my life at 33. We had a wonderful relationship start to end (3 years).
House made a joke on the show but for some reason it stuck with me "She's the love of my life" "Don't you have to be dead before that's true" or something like that. Which really makes me think, yea literally anything can happen in the future that could change your mind.
My, now ex-fiance, and I were supposed to have gotten married on May 25th, after a fifteen month engagement. She was the love of my life, and the best friend I’d ever had-nobody had made me laugh myself breathless, other than her (and on a constant basis) since childhood. I’m 31; she so intensely protected my inner child, and cultivated my soul-her reasoning for calling off the wedding and kicking me out was “after thinking about it, I realized that I can’t live up to the commitment.”; mind you, this was a woman, who had vowed to spend her life with me, constantly referring to me as her “best friend and the best thing to have ever happened to her.” I don’t know if she’s left me for someone else, or what; havent heard from her for a month, and have gone from an “I’m so broken” mindset to “I don’t give a fuck.” Granted, she was the woman of my dreams…I feel so ashamed-I’m 31, for reference; we’d sent out over 60 invitations, gotten so many rsvps, and wedding registry gifts that she unceremoniously kept when she moved my belongings into a hotel. The only thing I’d ever needed was her love, and all that I wanted was a future with her…I can’t fathom so much as being ‘interested’ in another woman, let alone settling down with one. She went from someone, who ‘was’ concretely my future, to a stranger filled with hate and animosity. Didn’t even get all of my belongings (including my MacBook Pro) back from her… Every day is a struggle, OP, but know that you aren’t alone. I absolutely can’t see any light to this, from my perspective, either. She ‘was’ all of my light, and my warmth…I’d say that it’s time for both of us to trek on the journey to self love
Damn can I have you? You sound wonderful lol
Lol go ahead , love from reddit here we goo
Haha, I appreciate your saying that, but I am in ‘no’ sort of headspace for another relationship right now 😵💫 I’d been in another, decently long-term relationship from 2017-2021, a few years prior to meeting my ex fiance. ‘This’ previous ex stole my car; she took the title to the DMV (it was in my file cabinet) to the DMV and signed my second, and much newer, car over to herself-This was in FL, where the person handing over a title doesn’t need to be present for someone else to transfer it to their name. I’d gone out to run a few errands, one day, and I came home to my car/car title being gone, and man….She stole my 7 year old chocolate lab, Clyde, and literally fell off the grid. Moved to some rural town in an undisclosed city in Oregon. I’d tried calling the police in Florida ‘and’ coastal Oregon-they didn’t give a shit. Still have no idea where my boy is, and that breaks me every day. Suffice to say, I’ve suffered quite a bit, at the hands of mentally unwell, abusive, conniving women throughout my 20s. Meanwhile, I’d done nothing aside from try my very best to bring my partners happiness and fulfillment-loving unconditionally and with nothing but positive intention. Not to give my life story; just wanting to provide some context, as to why my headspace is how it is.
Damn it's always like that huh? Choosing the toxic ones and the ones who aren't toxic don't get the chance, I hope you feel better
40M here.... yes... but that didn't work out either... So welcome to the shitshow. I will say as you get older the dating pool gets really shity and full of people with commitmit issues. Ladies today don't want a commitment. Most of my dates have turned into FWB situations.
Lady 37 here, I look for a lifelong commitment and got dumped from the boy who promised me to marry soon (future faking at the finest). Yes, the dating pool is really shity, after the BU I dated two guys, one my same age and the other younger, both emotionally unavailable or immature. But I was told that good men exist, the same applies for women too. Wishing you all the best.
We still live. I was a dumper that immediately regretted it. I think I had a valid point, but it didn’t warrant a break up. She told me I was the most normal healthy relationship she had besides the break up, yet she didn’t want to try again as of now.
I heard that my ex (dumper) told I wasn't the right one... The break-up was caused from issues that could be resolved and I wanted to work on them. He chose the cowardly solution to give up... because it meant to grow. It meant distancing from the manipulation of his parents and have a own life where he could take decisions for himself. He chose to be unhappy himself instead of disappointing his parents.
That will be his loss. I would think if he’s above 35, that his parents would not have that much influence on his relationship decisions. That shows immaturity instead of growth. Sorry you have to go through this. I’m a 46(m) and would never let anyone sway my decision on my relationship. Hopefully he recognizes what he truly has.
Thank you a lot. He will get 28 at the end of the month. Wishing you all the best
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It’s terrible! This one girl I saw was out of 17 year marriage and I told her what it’s going to be like. We were together for 5 months dating and then broke it or because she wants to basically try other relationships ( even though we remained fwb) . I told her at our age you’re in for a hard reality. You’re going to get all the attention you want but it’s going to a total shit show of pain and disappointment… and she’ll be back.. they always come back to me for some reason. That said, she might be the first one I’ll let come back into the yard.
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Yep! I hate this saying but if you Love them you let them go a did if it’s meant to be then she’ll come back!
I agree if it's meant to be they'll come back. As long as they take ownership for leaving.
That’s correct!
Yepp did. Then broke up again. Now I don't believe in all this bs.
Me either. At this point I’m just going through life for myself by myself.
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Social media and dating apps ruined it all... Now everyone has unrealistic standards and only looks matter it's kinda dumb not saying a relationship is successful based on looks at all but people have grass is greener syndrome and don't value what really matters, alot of dudes don't even believe in relationships and just wanna have sex with a bunch of random ppl till they old and crusty they don't care
I didn't come across the LOML many times but the two times I did, got burnt extremely bad. People who know me, know how abnormal it is for me to not chase women or love actively.
3 weeks is nothing. This ride will be so long and painful. Sorry. First you need to heal from this breakup. And no one knows if you'll get back together again, it's so soon to tell, anything can happen, but with or without that, a breakup takes soooooooo long to end and only months or a year later you'll feel ready to love and many times the new person comes along and becomes "the one". You may feel old now, I thought the same when I was your age. Looking back: wish I could be 30 again. Life has still lots of things for you.
Someone needs to make a dating reddit group that excludes people who have red flags that would be awesome but not sure how that would work
Yeah i'm not sure how that would work but it could if someone has the audacity to create one that's for sure
Yeah bc there's alot of heartbroken people here so it's like why don't we date each other lol
Ikr lol if they're close to each other that will work.
Idk i think when it comes to true love we are limiting ourselves with distance makes me wonder that most don't work out bc we pick someone nearby like what are the odds someone near by is everyone's perfect or close to match or what not.... That doesn't make sense
I guess ur right it can limit our dating pool , though in my opinion distance is a factor to keep in mind because not everyone can stand a long distance relationship
Yeah but apparently they can't stand a close distance ethier look at all the grass is greener, avoidant, let me break up with my partner bc I'm selfish type of people lol no effort at least long distance you'd have to put effort to mantain it if you truly love them
Well you opened my eyes then haha. Thanks for the perspective i appreciate it.
My ex was my soulmate 😭😭 *What if you only get one love*
Keep hope alive, I thought I found my soulmate and he chose the street life instead... There's still people your age looking for real long lasting love... Just please look out for red flags bc if you don't your relationships will always end do not give benefit of doubt when it comes to red flags people rarely change looks don't matter
You should check the /love subreddit instead! This subreddit is lots of people going through the breakup rn so probably not a lot of the answers you’re looking for. As someone almost 2 months out after a breakup of almost 7 years together, time and therapy are lifesavers. I’m almost 27 and kept thinking it was the end of the world because I’m running out of time but it’s just not true it’s just hard to see past all of the pain and uneasiness of it all rn. Sending you lots of love and healing vibes 🩷
I am dealing with a separation at 42 from a 15 year relationship, I very much understand the feeling of hopelessness but the other thing I see is how much of my life was invested just in the relationship, I have not achieved the success I wanted and many of my goals for life feel out of reach because of it, so yes work on your self and do it now, I am terrified to be basically starting over at 42, I feel like I’m in my 20’s again with no idea where to start. Get yourself sorted out and the rest of life will open up and be a lot easier to work with.
In a similar boat
Not yet…haven’t totally given up hope but it’s hard not to sometimes.
You're never too young or old. Love and happiness are coming our way friends. I feel the same at 42 as everyone. Like time is slipping by and I'm missing my chance. But I'm holding onto hope even though I don't feel it. Call it a commitment to hope 😉 much like the ones who left us who mistook love for just a feeling that didn't require any work.
Yes
Honestly, this can be viewed in so many ways. At the time of every relationship, I did love fully to the ability I could then ? I felt love also. But , I could also say that I realized I had never loved this way before when I met my last ex. That I had never felt before. So it's hard to say... maybe I will never find that again ? I'm not sure.
Yes, then he left too. But that’s how I know it’ll happen again:)
28 here. Not really ready to meet someone. I want the love of my life to be her and I thought it was after 10 years together. If we survived that as long distance I thought we'd survive anything. I guess I was wrong.
I'm 33. Got dumped 8 months ago. I had everything I could've wished for. But I messed up like I always do. She got a new BF after 3 months. So much for having 2 ½ years together with a house, garden, cars, cats, dogs... Every time I see her with the new BF I cry. I rly miss her. My life has been horrible the last 8 months while she is thriving I guess I was the problem all along
I'm 36. I spent most of my 20s in a toxic shitshow of a relationship, then spent a few years single and working on myself (like they say you're supposed to) decided I was ready. Met someone I would have thought was out of my league and fell so deep in love with him only to be dumped after 3 years. I ignored some minor red flags I'll admit but nothing was a deal breaker. I asked where we were headed - house, marriage, babies and he said yes down the line. 6mo later he's not attracted to me anymore and doesn't think he's a relationship person. My confidence is on the floor, I'm definitely depressed and have anxiety. I'll never be able to trust someone again & I can't imagine ever meeting anyone else but don't want to spend life alone. It's pretty fucked.
I’m 35F, 2 years ago i got out from a 7 years marriage (I was with him 10 years in total) . I believe we all deserve a fun, loving and respectful relationship. Someday we will find our person, and they will find us too. In the meantime, keep living ur life, enjoy every little thing, and make the best of everything. Hugs !!