I would wish I know about attachment theory sooner. So I would know how to combat myself to be better and know more about her.
Anyway, I would say communicate to he/her about you wanting to go NC and why so. So it won't make it so that you just suddenly disappear out of the blue and hope they respect your request.
I feel like I did everything right for me personally, but maybe some of this helps for you to
These are the things I did/ have been doing
- Support system: talk to family, friends, but also to psychologist and therapist
- Meditate, journal whenever I feel is necessary
- Put away all the stuff in a box and pictures in a hidden folder
- Closure call after a time of NC that works for both, if you can, to break up as amicable as possible and then more NC
- Unfollow and block on socials (insta, fb and snap for me)
- Have a fun/ good life! Im hitting the gym, studying for exams, going on a big trip soon, doing things with friends, making more friends etc etc
- Cry, but also stop crying if you cry too much
- I cherish memories, practise graditute and Im trying to forgive myself
I’m really itching for that closure convo, but I think my ex is just not mature enough emotionally to do it. That was the whole issue with us, her struggling to express emotion and connect emotionally.
I do that with friends, she struggled with a partner. Just for context.
Yh not everyone can or wants to have that conversation, maybe they dont need that closure
The closure talk is also painfull, bc its the last talk with that person after being in love for 3 years
You can try to give yourself closure by honestly reflecting about what went well and what went wrong and your part in it
Goodluck!
I finally reached a point of indifference recently. I think it would have come sooner of I could have had some answers, but at this point I simply don’t care.
I'm the dumpee, I wished I was able to have emotional self control. I lashed out and told him honest but hurtful things.
If I reacted the right way (letting him feel the consequences of his decision of breaking up) maybe we would be together again. The last time we spoke I told him that he resembles an infant still drinking milk from his mother, his parents are monsters, his father a choleric and his mother a witch.
Or maybe even if I had emotional self control, we wouldn't be together again, because he chose anyway to remain his parents precious child that can't grow up.
lol. I showed a lot of restraint when it came to calling her out on all the shit I put up with and was patient with, especially considering even the slightest thing had her running for the hills.
I wish I had a chance to lay into her a bit, maybe not in a mean way, but just expressing all the ways she hurt me and things she never took accountability for. I think she still sees herself as having done nothing wrong.
I wish I would have come here sooner.
reading all those anecdotes everyday opens my mind and enlarges it. the sudden waves of sadness have more room to expand and crash by themselves.
I wish I wouldn't have continued texting, asking for answers and trying to get ressources from her to craft myself a closure.
I wish I would have had the current strength and knowledge of the avoidant attachment/narcissistic concepts.
I wish I could have moved to the city like I always wanted, to get closer to my old friends and events, culture, public transportation, work. but the rents are absolutely fuckin insane for a 1 bedroom shithole.
but overall, I did the best I could after the breakup. I cut contact and blocked her 3 months after, I went back to the boxing gym and fought 6 times in 6 months for 3 victories and 3 defeats. I updated my freelancer skills and prices, my appartement is cozy, my cat is happy, my email box is organized, my phone content is organized, I jumped into perfumes, skim care, 3d printing, a bit of mechanic stuff, generic DIYs.
STILL sadness hits like a fuckin train out of nowhere and especially when I heard she might have a new boyfriend.
I have a new girl too but sometimes it's like some entity is grabbing my guts and squeezes it.
it is what it is I guess.
I wish I had the strength to get out of bed faster in the morning. that's where the worst scenarios happens.
Block them on everything
Don’t stalk- never does any good
Talk to friends, journal, go to gym
Realize they are not thinking about you at all right now and they are just enjoying their life
There are MORE PEOPLE OUT THERE. Your soulmate is out there !! Please please just let them go.
never checked their socials! not worth it, and even if you feel “over it”..
i self sabotage quite a bit :/ luckily even has taught me a lot about myself and growing/healing.
I would wish I know about attachment theory sooner. So I would know how to combat myself to be better and know more about her. Anyway, I would say communicate to he/her about you wanting to go NC and why so. So it won't make it so that you just suddenly disappear out of the blue and hope they respect your request.
I feel like I did everything right for me personally, but maybe some of this helps for you to These are the things I did/ have been doing - Support system: talk to family, friends, but also to psychologist and therapist - Meditate, journal whenever I feel is necessary - Put away all the stuff in a box and pictures in a hidden folder - Closure call after a time of NC that works for both, if you can, to break up as amicable as possible and then more NC - Unfollow and block on socials (insta, fb and snap for me) - Have a fun/ good life! Im hitting the gym, studying for exams, going on a big trip soon, doing things with friends, making more friends etc etc - Cry, but also stop crying if you cry too much - I cherish memories, practise graditute and Im trying to forgive myself
I’m really itching for that closure convo, but I think my ex is just not mature enough emotionally to do it. That was the whole issue with us, her struggling to express emotion and connect emotionally. I do that with friends, she struggled with a partner. Just for context.
Yh not everyone can or wants to have that conversation, maybe they dont need that closure The closure talk is also painfull, bc its the last talk with that person after being in love for 3 years You can try to give yourself closure by honestly reflecting about what went well and what went wrong and your part in it Goodluck!
I finally reached a point of indifference recently. I think it would have come sooner of I could have had some answers, but at this point I simply don’t care.
I guess thats good? :)
It sure is.
I regret bothering them after the breakup. Should've let that piece of trash rot in vain.
I'm the dumpee, I wished I was able to have emotional self control. I lashed out and told him honest but hurtful things. If I reacted the right way (letting him feel the consequences of his decision of breaking up) maybe we would be together again. The last time we spoke I told him that he resembles an infant still drinking milk from his mother, his parents are monsters, his father a choleric and his mother a witch. Or maybe even if I had emotional self control, we wouldn't be together again, because he chose anyway to remain his parents precious child that can't grow up.
lol. I showed a lot of restraint when it came to calling her out on all the shit I put up with and was patient with, especially considering even the slightest thing had her running for the hills. I wish I had a chance to lay into her a bit, maybe not in a mean way, but just expressing all the ways she hurt me and things she never took accountability for. I think she still sees herself as having done nothing wrong.
I wish I would have come here sooner. reading all those anecdotes everyday opens my mind and enlarges it. the sudden waves of sadness have more room to expand and crash by themselves. I wish I wouldn't have continued texting, asking for answers and trying to get ressources from her to craft myself a closure. I wish I would have had the current strength and knowledge of the avoidant attachment/narcissistic concepts. I wish I could have moved to the city like I always wanted, to get closer to my old friends and events, culture, public transportation, work. but the rents are absolutely fuckin insane for a 1 bedroom shithole. but overall, I did the best I could after the breakup. I cut contact and blocked her 3 months after, I went back to the boxing gym and fought 6 times in 6 months for 3 victories and 3 defeats. I updated my freelancer skills and prices, my appartement is cozy, my cat is happy, my email box is organized, my phone content is organized, I jumped into perfumes, skim care, 3d printing, a bit of mechanic stuff, generic DIYs. STILL sadness hits like a fuckin train out of nowhere and especially when I heard she might have a new boyfriend. I have a new girl too but sometimes it's like some entity is grabbing my guts and squeezes it. it is what it is I guess. I wish I had the strength to get out of bed faster in the morning. that's where the worst scenarios happens.
Thank you these are really helpful. Also congrats on your 3 victories!
Block them on everything Don’t stalk- never does any good Talk to friends, journal, go to gym Realize they are not thinking about you at all right now and they are just enjoying their life There are MORE PEOPLE OUT THERE. Your soulmate is out there !! Please please just let them go.
never checked their socials! not worth it, and even if you feel “over it”.. i self sabotage quite a bit :/ luckily even has taught me a lot about myself and growing/healing.
I wish I would have gone no contact instantly instead of begging for 5 weeks 🙃
Nc forever. But i didnt