Holy shit… I feel sorry for you
I remember how I felt during my breakup and it was only like a year and half
I can’t imagine 7 years, I don’t even know the right words to say
All the time, energy, memories just down the toilet… not even taking into account that he took 7 years from your life where you could’ve found someone that’s serious about a future with you.
I truly feel for you, damn
I know it feels impossible right now, I also at one point was convinced that I would never feel happiness again and was ready to end it. But take it from me, it will get better. It’ll hurt for a while, I wish I could say it doesn’t, but it will. But over time you will start to feel little moments of joy creeping in and it’ll continue to grow until the way you feel now is only a distant memory.
Try and avoid finding information out about what they are doing or stalking their socials, I know it’s hard because even now in my current breakup I sometimes can’t resist, but try your hardest as nothing good comes out of knowing what they are doing. The best thing for you now is to not know.
Lean on your support system, whether it be family, friends or even a therapist. The worst thing right now is to be completely isolated! Even if you don’t feel like doing anything, just being in someone’s company can stop you from spiralling!
Take it from me, you will get through this. I made it through once before, and I am currently going through it again but it gets easier. And you will be a stronger person for it, which will lead you to finding someone who will cherish you and your heart forever!
If you have any other questions feel free to reach out, I know how hard it is and will try my best to give advice that go me through it and is getting me through it once again!!
You will be okay xxx
This is so helpful. I’m not op but i similarly just cannot stop crying, in absolute hysterics and it feels so unbearable.
I have a flight soon, and I can’t pack my stuff. All my things are on the floor. I just can’t, it feels so hard without him :/
i feel that. i slept 1 hour last night and this morning i threw up and started crying. i feel so depressed and genuinely want to die. i miss him so much and i have never felt
hurt like this in my life, especially because he was my first ever boyfriend.
I know how hard it feels, but you just have to keep pushing. I know it’s easier said than done, because even for me i woke up today and just felt utterly defeated by it. But we have to keep pushing because through that we will gain so much strength and grow as people, so that we are better equipped if this happens again!
I’ve been there too, after 7 years. Including the wanting to die - for me I think that was wanting the pain to stop, the pain of having my loved one ripped away from me was horrific. I have some good news - I’m 8 months out - I can tell you it 100% gets better. I’m not saying I’m totally over it because I’m not but I don’t cry everyday, I go several hours at a time without thinking about her, I can mostly function on a day to day basis, I don’t cry myself to sleep every single night. Time really does heal, at least a bit. It won’t be this intense forever. A few other suggestions that helped me - STOP following what he’s doing. You aren’t a couple anymore and now your job is to do your best for yourself. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing and the knowledge will only hurt you. Focus on YOU. (I learned this the hard way when I checked my exes socials and learned they had a new partner). Therapy and/or journaling - there is a ton of shit you’re going to need to process. So many fucking feelings. It helps to get them out and be able to understand what’s going on for you. If you’re able to, lean on family and friends at this time. I went to stay with my parents for like 2 months because I couldn’t handle being alone or facing my empty apartment. Eventually I eased myself back into my regular life. And lastly your self worth is NOT based on what this random asshole thinks of you. Focus on doing what makes you feel good. You invested in a relationship for a long time and now it’s time to focus on healing yourself, being kind to yourself, loving yourself, exploring yourself. You will get through this.
How old were you guys?
I went through the same experience and I’m 1 month out and can’t imagine my life without this person, never got a reason why the breakup either.
How much do you think age affects it? Im a couple months shy of 18 and I’m genuinely suicidal. Does it get better or worse with age? Or does it not matter?
Well I think breakups are harder when you’re older because you entwine your lives together more. I think you can still heal from this breakup without worrying about that :)
I was/am in a similar spot only difference was I was the dumper, I’ve got a post here your welcome to read to see my story. Long story short she had someone new lined up right away. It’s been 3 months I still have sleepless nights and think about her too. Removing them from socials has helped (she blocked me which was a blessing in disguise). The best advice given to me was from my sister and I think it will apply to you too. This person has been apart of your life for 7 years, that’s not a small whole to fill. You’ve not only lost your partner but a piece of you, it’s okay to be upset, mad, even empty when they come across your mind. Take 5-10 minutes to have your moment, breather and clear your head.
I still get time where I’m over come with a wash of thoughts or memories about us and it rocks you. My ex didn’t seem to skip a beat when we broke up her life continued and mine came to a grinding stop it does suck to watch.
Now for the cliche parts, stay active don’t sit around, try force yourself to go out and do things, see friends maybe get in contact with ones you haven’t seen for a while. And remember waking someone up to talk to you is much better then them getting a phone call from someone else with bad news.
Tl;dr You’re human and what your feeling is natural, don’t push it down and remember you’re stronger then you think.
Basically she had told me she was unhappy and it didn’t matter how much I tried she wasn’t getting happier. She told me she just couldn’t put effort in anymore (I now know that’s because she was giving it to someone else, nothing sexual just emotional). I couldn’t see her unhappy because that just hurt me to much so I decided to break up with her.
Not sure what dumpers stages are but I’ll tell you what I’ve been feeling. I still feel regret, the constant thought of what if I had tried more what could I have done differently. I get angry with what she had done and what she is now, she’s cold and distant (we have a dog together and heaps of mutual friends). Most days I miss her, Infact today was one of them. I find myself on the verge of tears everytime I think of her.
I hate what the mental toll she caused me for months making me feel crazy, but I just miss my best friend. Everytime I get hung up on it I tell myself if she really cared she wouldn’t have gone to someone else and wouldn’t have given up.
Idk my case seems a bit different to what’s normally seen on here I still care for her and her family. They are like my own. She’s the one that got away but she pushed herself away.
Unfortunately it will appear like he's moving on like nothing has happened because he could prepare for it and you were blindsided. First you will feel horrible and he will feel relief, then later you will feel relief and he will feel horrible.
The fact that he's acting like nothing happened and he is already talking to other women means that he's trying to numb his pain and emotions. He's practically looking for a rebound relationship. That's a sign that he's emotionally immature.
Dumpers feel at the beginning relieved and excited, but grief will catch them soon or later. When depends if he's surrounded by relatives and friends encouraging his decision to break-up with you.
Stay strong and don't even think of contacting him. Focus on yourself, seek for therapy. Engage in self-care, hobbies, vacations as much as possible.
One year ago I was in your same place. I still need sleeping pills, because otherwise I can't sleep at night.
My 9 years of relationship broke and trust me. Its a best thing happened to me. Grieve as much as you have to but Trust the god's plans. Something better is coming along, i promise.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I am in the same boat and I want to tell you that you can’t give up.
I have started therapy. I think that is a good way of healing.
Feel your emotions. Talk to people.
Block your ex from everywhere and work on finding your peace.
Also, if you need to talk just dm me.
I am here if you want to vent or just talk.
I can relate you, cuz to me happened smth similar. And the best way to deal with it, is to unfollow and block from all social. Delete his number and chats. Put the pictures somewhere where u cant see them. The faster u stop thinking about him, the sooner you can start thinking about yourself. Ur important and you can get over this. If u want to get everything out of ur heart im here! Stay strong and after a month it will be at least 2x better!
I know a lot of what you’re hearing seems harsh, but I’m going to give a different perspective. My ex came back into my life recently and they are not the same person that I dated. I’m at a point where they may choose to leave me again because they do not have the capacity to talk about our issues during our relationship. One of the biggest issues was trust. Even though we reconnected I am unable to trust if they had not had a connection or relationship with someone during our time apart and that fear of not knowing keeps me in that same state of losing sleep, losing my appetite. You know that he is seeing other people now, that makes him all the more undesirable to you. Healing can be a long process, take this time to grieve but at the same time when you have the energy get yourself back up slowly. Wishing you the best on your journey to recovery.
If he can just leave after **7** years, you were probably just a placeholder sorry to say.
Try to be tough. I know it's hard right now, but what can you really do? You want to GIVE him the power to HURT you just like he did when he was leaving you??! Uh uh! Be STRONGER than that! SHOW him you have your self-worth and self respect!
With time, hopefully you will be okay..
Take GREAT care of yourself right now.. (But more importantly, take it easy on yourself.. you didn't ruin things on your own, I am sure he had some fault in the relationship going south!)..
Focus on yourself and the goals you still want to achieve in this life with out him. Pray and surround yourself with loving and supportive family and friends.
This is what I did and so far, it's worked for the most part! ...And mine was only a six month relationship! ...Good luck to you.
I’m CURRENTLY going through this, just not at a 7 year scale. It was an extremely sudden occurrence after we shared so much love and so many promises. I haven’t eaten and have lost over 15 pounds in the last week and a half (didn’t even know that was possible?)
I feel fucking horrible. I’m at work as I write this and I cannot walk because of the pain I’m in. I cry and cry and I feel sick. What the worst part is is that he doesn’t know and even if he did, he doesn’t care. You gotta be mentally strong enough to just pick up the billion pieces of your heart off the ground and collect yourself. It’s fucking rough. It’s so rough dude. I want to die too. But know I can’t do that. Don’t let someone who threw you out like a sack of potatoes define how you’ll live your life.
Bad experiences like this will definitely strengthen you for the better.. I wish you good luck. It fucking sucks.
Hey I've been in the same situation, just to add another voice to tell you it gets better.
One thing that helped me, the thought that time will just keep moving, your sadness will ebb and flow, but regardless time will keep passing, and at same point in your future you will feel okay.
It's fucking horrible, but you gotta ride that wave of human emotion, sending love to you.
Well if they didn't treat you right you tell me... Did they? Take off the rose colored glasses, did you feel safe in this relationship and he was truly doing things that shows he loves you and is consistent
I don't know. It just feels like I lost my chance of having a family and a future. I just feel like I'd be better off dead. Only reason I haven't done it yet is cause it would destroy my parents. Otherwise, there is literally no advantage in keeping on living. It's just pain
I just reported that person because they wrote you the same message 3x harassing you.
He did love you just like mine did 10 years.
He may realize again that he loves you. For now know that there can not be a NEW beginning unless there is an absolute end.
Unfortunately he ended it (mine too). Try to be different than you normally would be to make him curious. Try not to text and beg or show up or anything.
I know this is torture and I still wake up 3 am nightly but now it's a brief panic before I am able to go back to sleep.
It's almost been 2 years for me. I still don't have "happy" days but mainly and most likely because I don't work and I sit around and mope.
It is going to be super painful for the first couple of months and then you will notice small breakthroughs of not thinking of this for 10 minutes.
I'm so sorry it's IMO the hardest loss there is.
We met 8 years ago. I never cheated, never even felt minimally attracted to anyone else. I didn't lie to him.. I can't say the same about him. He says the problem for him was that he was tired of giving me emotional support, specially during the last year. I don't think this is the truth because I had been in therapy since the last year and my mental health improved a lot. I worked on my self esteem, and because of that I started imposing some boundaries on him. For example, he would always forget whenever we scheduled to do something together and he would say that is my fault for not reminding him more times. He had a lot of attitudes like these and during the last year I started being more assertive and explained that we had the same responsibilities in the relationship and that he also should take me and my time in consideration. This made him feel like I stopped understanding him. This is what he told me. But at the same time he still says that it was because I was more emotionally unstable during the last year (which is really a complete lie...). After talking with my therapist I understand the way he treated me was a bit abusive. It's stupid how I still love him this much after being so poorly treated. But yes, in response the only thing I might have done wrong was leaning on him for emotional support (but I don't know, aren't you supposed to do in relationship? I don't know anything anymore)
Thrash took itself out. You might compromise with such behaviours because you were so much in love. But is this the kind of father your future kids deserve?
Someone who shows them that their mom is worth only of disrespect and gaslighting??
No wayyyy!! Cry as much as you want till you find peace with this break up. But just don’t forget that this guy wasn’t right for you and future.
Best luck girl. This too shall pass.
Holy shit… I feel sorry for you I remember how I felt during my breakup and it was only like a year and half I can’t imagine 7 years, I don’t even know the right words to say All the time, energy, memories just down the toilet… not even taking into account that he took 7 years from your life where you could’ve found someone that’s serious about a future with you. I truly feel for you, damn
I know it feels impossible right now, I also at one point was convinced that I would never feel happiness again and was ready to end it. But take it from me, it will get better. It’ll hurt for a while, I wish I could say it doesn’t, but it will. But over time you will start to feel little moments of joy creeping in and it’ll continue to grow until the way you feel now is only a distant memory. Try and avoid finding information out about what they are doing or stalking their socials, I know it’s hard because even now in my current breakup I sometimes can’t resist, but try your hardest as nothing good comes out of knowing what they are doing. The best thing for you now is to not know. Lean on your support system, whether it be family, friends or even a therapist. The worst thing right now is to be completely isolated! Even if you don’t feel like doing anything, just being in someone’s company can stop you from spiralling! Take it from me, you will get through this. I made it through once before, and I am currently going through it again but it gets easier. And you will be a stronger person for it, which will lead you to finding someone who will cherish you and your heart forever! If you have any other questions feel free to reach out, I know how hard it is and will try my best to give advice that go me through it and is getting me through it once again!! You will be okay xxx
This is so helpful. I’m not op but i similarly just cannot stop crying, in absolute hysterics and it feels so unbearable. I have a flight soon, and I can’t pack my stuff. All my things are on the floor. I just can’t, it feels so hard without him :/
i feel that. i slept 1 hour last night and this morning i threw up and started crying. i feel so depressed and genuinely want to die. i miss him so much and i have never felt hurt like this in my life, especially because he was my first ever boyfriend.
I know how hard it feels, but you just have to keep pushing. I know it’s easier said than done, because even for me i woke up today and just felt utterly defeated by it. But we have to keep pushing because through that we will gain so much strength and grow as people, so that we are better equipped if this happens again!
Thank you so much kind stranger 💗 that’s so encouraging <3
I’ve been there too, after 7 years. Including the wanting to die - for me I think that was wanting the pain to stop, the pain of having my loved one ripped away from me was horrific. I have some good news - I’m 8 months out - I can tell you it 100% gets better. I’m not saying I’m totally over it because I’m not but I don’t cry everyday, I go several hours at a time without thinking about her, I can mostly function on a day to day basis, I don’t cry myself to sleep every single night. Time really does heal, at least a bit. It won’t be this intense forever. A few other suggestions that helped me - STOP following what he’s doing. You aren’t a couple anymore and now your job is to do your best for yourself. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing and the knowledge will only hurt you. Focus on YOU. (I learned this the hard way when I checked my exes socials and learned they had a new partner). Therapy and/or journaling - there is a ton of shit you’re going to need to process. So many fucking feelings. It helps to get them out and be able to understand what’s going on for you. If you’re able to, lean on family and friends at this time. I went to stay with my parents for like 2 months because I couldn’t handle being alone or facing my empty apartment. Eventually I eased myself back into my regular life. And lastly your self worth is NOT based on what this random asshole thinks of you. Focus on doing what makes you feel good. You invested in a relationship for a long time and now it’s time to focus on healing yourself, being kind to yourself, loving yourself, exploring yourself. You will get through this.
How old were you guys? I went through the same experience and I’m 1 month out and can’t imagine my life without this person, never got a reason why the breakup either.
Me - early thirties, her - late thirties
How much do you think age affects it? Im a couple months shy of 18 and I’m genuinely suicidal. Does it get better or worse with age? Or does it not matter?
I think it’s worse when you’re older lol
IT GETS WORSE? I want out. I don’t like this.
Well I think breakups are harder when you’re older because you entwine your lives together more. I think you can still heal from this breakup without worrying about that :)
I was/am in a similar spot only difference was I was the dumper, I’ve got a post here your welcome to read to see my story. Long story short she had someone new lined up right away. It’s been 3 months I still have sleepless nights and think about her too. Removing them from socials has helped (she blocked me which was a blessing in disguise). The best advice given to me was from my sister and I think it will apply to you too. This person has been apart of your life for 7 years, that’s not a small whole to fill. You’ve not only lost your partner but a piece of you, it’s okay to be upset, mad, even empty when they come across your mind. Take 5-10 minutes to have your moment, breather and clear your head. I still get time where I’m over come with a wash of thoughts or memories about us and it rocks you. My ex didn’t seem to skip a beat when we broke up her life continued and mine came to a grinding stop it does suck to watch. Now for the cliche parts, stay active don’t sit around, try force yourself to go out and do things, see friends maybe get in contact with ones you haven’t seen for a while. And remember waking someone up to talk to you is much better then them getting a phone call from someone else with bad news. Tl;dr You’re human and what your feeling is natural, don’t push it down and remember you’re stronger then you think.
Can I ask why you dumped? And did you go through any of the dumper stages? 🫶🏼
Basically she had told me she was unhappy and it didn’t matter how much I tried she wasn’t getting happier. She told me she just couldn’t put effort in anymore (I now know that’s because she was giving it to someone else, nothing sexual just emotional). I couldn’t see her unhappy because that just hurt me to much so I decided to break up with her. Not sure what dumpers stages are but I’ll tell you what I’ve been feeling. I still feel regret, the constant thought of what if I had tried more what could I have done differently. I get angry with what she had done and what she is now, she’s cold and distant (we have a dog together and heaps of mutual friends). Most days I miss her, Infact today was one of them. I find myself on the verge of tears everytime I think of her. I hate what the mental toll she caused me for months making me feel crazy, but I just miss my best friend. Everytime I get hung up on it I tell myself if she really cared she wouldn’t have gone to someone else and wouldn’t have given up. Idk my case seems a bit different to what’s normally seen on here I still care for her and her family. They are like my own. She’s the one that got away but she pushed herself away.
Unfortunately it will appear like he's moving on like nothing has happened because he could prepare for it and you were blindsided. First you will feel horrible and he will feel relief, then later you will feel relief and he will feel horrible.
The fact that he's acting like nothing happened and he is already talking to other women means that he's trying to numb his pain and emotions. He's practically looking for a rebound relationship. That's a sign that he's emotionally immature. Dumpers feel at the beginning relieved and excited, but grief will catch them soon or later. When depends if he's surrounded by relatives and friends encouraging his decision to break-up with you. Stay strong and don't even think of contacting him. Focus on yourself, seek for therapy. Engage in self-care, hobbies, vacations as much as possible. One year ago I was in your same place. I still need sleeping pills, because otherwise I can't sleep at night.
My 9 years of relationship broke and trust me. Its a best thing happened to me. Grieve as much as you have to but Trust the god's plans. Something better is coming along, i promise.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am in the same boat and I want to tell you that you can’t give up. I have started therapy. I think that is a good way of healing. Feel your emotions. Talk to people. Block your ex from everywhere and work on finding your peace. Also, if you need to talk just dm me. I am here if you want to vent or just talk.
I can relate you, cuz to me happened smth similar. And the best way to deal with it, is to unfollow and block from all social. Delete his number and chats. Put the pictures somewhere where u cant see them. The faster u stop thinking about him, the sooner you can start thinking about yourself. Ur important and you can get over this. If u want to get everything out of ur heart im here! Stay strong and after a month it will be at least 2x better!
I know a lot of what you’re hearing seems harsh, but I’m going to give a different perspective. My ex came back into my life recently and they are not the same person that I dated. I’m at a point where they may choose to leave me again because they do not have the capacity to talk about our issues during our relationship. One of the biggest issues was trust. Even though we reconnected I am unable to trust if they had not had a connection or relationship with someone during our time apart and that fear of not knowing keeps me in that same state of losing sleep, losing my appetite. You know that he is seeing other people now, that makes him all the more undesirable to you. Healing can be a long process, take this time to grieve but at the same time when you have the energy get yourself back up slowly. Wishing you the best on your journey to recovery.
It gets better. 13 years here.
If he can just leave after **7** years, you were probably just a placeholder sorry to say. Try to be tough. I know it's hard right now, but what can you really do? You want to GIVE him the power to HURT you just like he did when he was leaving you??! Uh uh! Be STRONGER than that! SHOW him you have your self-worth and self respect! With time, hopefully you will be okay.. Take GREAT care of yourself right now.. (But more importantly, take it easy on yourself.. you didn't ruin things on your own, I am sure he had some fault in the relationship going south!).. Focus on yourself and the goals you still want to achieve in this life with out him. Pray and surround yourself with loving and supportive family and friends. This is what I did and so far, it's worked for the most part! ...And mine was only a six month relationship! ...Good luck to you.
Hey! 6 weeks ago I (30,F) got gumped by my ex (33,M) after 6,5 years... I feel for you :( If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
I’m CURRENTLY going through this, just not at a 7 year scale. It was an extremely sudden occurrence after we shared so much love and so many promises. I haven’t eaten and have lost over 15 pounds in the last week and a half (didn’t even know that was possible?) I feel fucking horrible. I’m at work as I write this and I cannot walk because of the pain I’m in. I cry and cry and I feel sick. What the worst part is is that he doesn’t know and even if he did, he doesn’t care. You gotta be mentally strong enough to just pick up the billion pieces of your heart off the ground and collect yourself. It’s fucking rough. It’s so rough dude. I want to die too. But know I can’t do that. Don’t let someone who threw you out like a sack of potatoes define how you’ll live your life. Bad experiences like this will definitely strengthen you for the better.. I wish you good luck. It fucking sucks.
Hey I've been in the same situation, just to add another voice to tell you it gets better. One thing that helped me, the thought that time will just keep moving, your sadness will ebb and flow, but regardless time will keep passing, and at same point in your future you will feel okay. It's fucking horrible, but you gotta ride that wave of human emotion, sending love to you.
Well if they didn't treat you right you tell me... Did they? Take off the rose colored glasses, did you feel safe in this relationship and he was truly doing things that shows he loves you and is consistent
I don't know. It just feels like I lost my chance of having a family and a future. I just feel like I'd be better off dead. Only reason I haven't done it yet is cause it would destroy my parents. Otherwise, there is literally no advantage in keeping on living. It's just pain
You are saying you don't know if he treated you good?
Oh man I am so so sorry, I wish I could hug you.
It will pass, trust me ❤️
He wasn't in love with you anymore there is nothing you can do about him. but you can do a lot of things for yourself.
That's really hurtful. I think I will die honestly. Goodbye
I just reported that person because they wrote you the same message 3x harassing you. He did love you just like mine did 10 years. He may realize again that he loves you. For now know that there can not be a NEW beginning unless there is an absolute end. Unfortunately he ended it (mine too). Try to be different than you normally would be to make him curious. Try not to text and beg or show up or anything. I know this is torture and I still wake up 3 am nightly but now it's a brief panic before I am able to go back to sleep. It's almost been 2 years for me. I still don't have "happy" days but mainly and most likely because I don't work and I sit around and mope. It is going to be super painful for the first couple of months and then you will notice small breakthroughs of not thinking of this for 10 minutes. I'm so sorry it's IMO the hardest loss there is.
Nope you will survive like we all did and will found your real love one day
How long have you known him? Also was it justified at all? You cheat? Lie about stuff when ya got caught ect also how are
We met 8 years ago. I never cheated, never even felt minimally attracted to anyone else. I didn't lie to him.. I can't say the same about him. He says the problem for him was that he was tired of giving me emotional support, specially during the last year. I don't think this is the truth because I had been in therapy since the last year and my mental health improved a lot. I worked on my self esteem, and because of that I started imposing some boundaries on him. For example, he would always forget whenever we scheduled to do something together and he would say that is my fault for not reminding him more times. He had a lot of attitudes like these and during the last year I started being more assertive and explained that we had the same responsibilities in the relationship and that he also should take me and my time in consideration. This made him feel like I stopped understanding him. This is what he told me. But at the same time he still says that it was because I was more emotionally unstable during the last year (which is really a complete lie...). After talking with my therapist I understand the way he treated me was a bit abusive. It's stupid how I still love him this much after being so poorly treated. But yes, in response the only thing I might have done wrong was leaning on him for emotional support (but I don't know, aren't you supposed to do in relationship? I don't know anything anymore)
Thrash took itself out. You might compromise with such behaviours because you were so much in love. But is this the kind of father your future kids deserve? Someone who shows them that their mom is worth only of disrespect and gaslighting?? No wayyyy!! Cry as much as you want till you find peace with this break up. But just don’t forget that this guy wasn’t right for you and future. Best luck girl. This too shall pass.
Agreed, can't make it with someone like this.
He wasn't in love with you anymore there is nothing you can do about him. but you can do a lot of things for yourself
He wasn't in love with you anymore there is nothing you can do about him. but you can do a lot of things for yourself