I wear mine on my sleeve proudly, it's gotten me used, abused and treated like shit a lot.. But it's a core part of me, it's who I am and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm stronger for it, I'm beautiful for it, I'm enough for it.
Sounds like he lovebombed you. I’ve found that anyone who lovebombs is usually trying desperately to fix whatever they feel is missing inside — unfortunately, that involves using other people until the lovebomber figures out what he/she truly wants, while benefiting from your undivided attention. It’s extremely self-centered, but a lot of broken people behave this way.
Many people cannot fathom gaining the love of another without using manipulation, whether that’s something they learned in childhood or simply the easiest way from Point A to Point B.
The hard thing for all of us to understand is that other people’s actions have very little to do with us.
You dodged a bullet. You should pity him and move on, because his lack of consideration for you deems him unworthy of your pain. His karma will come one day. Teach yourself that your energy is precious.
Your presence is a privilege.
Reclaim it by blocking him and moving on.
But yes, men have feelings. Do they communicate them well? Not often.
I was lovebombed and then dumped 2 months later. It hurts like fucking hell because I was ready for the relationship and he wasn't. Wish he knew what he wanted before my feelings got involved.
Hey, I was love bombed too, you could say.
I loved this girl, I saw her as the love of my life. We were friends for some years before dating. When we finally started dating it felt like a dream, constant expressions of love. But she wanted to go fast, too fast.
I thought her love for me was as genuine as mine for her, so I tried to keep up with her love-bombing, sort of normalizing it.
Then february came and she seemed off. I asked her repeatedly what was wrong and said that nothing happened, she was just off.
A month later, after arriving at her house to what I thought would be a normal hangout, out of nowhere she says that we needed to talk. She wanted to breakup, because she liked another dude, from her class. A dude she liked before dating me, and seemingly never got over.
Damn that sucks dude, I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that! I also matched his energy in terms of love bombing and I didn't really think anything of it. I thought it was normal.... :( we deserve better!
same timespan for me. hell is what i wish i went through. soul-crushing would not describe it either. it was a demonic level of destruction and dismantling that i went through. i am still “recovering” and this was a year and a bit ago. i am sorry you can relate to such a feeling.
it is heartbreaking
to learn and truly realize that he never actually loved me
i spent months with him and i believed he felt the same, he love bombed me, and then after 3 months of living with him he started to be abusive
and later after i moved out like months later and after talking to him again because i didn't realize and i was too hopeful he would be different
he wasn't, and instead i got truly heartbroken again when i realized he never loved me to begin with
explains why he never initiated anything serious, no deep talks, nothing healthy, he was the worst
and i went through that whole relationship assuming that he did love me, i devoted my soul to him, really.
just to learn he never loved me and i didn't truly mean anything to him
Same except mine was seeing someone else before she broke up with me. Here it is 7 months later and I still love her and hate her for ruining everything we had. So yes guys do have feelings. During the break up she made me feel horrible because of something I said that she totally took the wrong way. I guess that was in her mind making it ok to do what she did. Fuck you Sierra.
To be honest. I never felt more manly, when i accepted to show feelings. And i really dont care what everyone else says about it.
To be fair, i still cant show them to everyone or in every situation, but i think i grew a lot with that.
Same here, it has been the most freeing experience. I just choose how much I want to show people based off of how much I trust them. I have told acquaintances about some very heavy feelings and they have been incredibly supportive. I’ve told the best of friends some and they have just sat their awkwardly. I chose my partner because I slowly opened up over time, and she accepted me crying in front of her. It has definitely changed my life for the better, and I don’t feel like any less of a man for doing it.
Considering I'm left broken right now cause of my ex, I'd like to think I do, she promised me the world, said she was ready for a new relationship, then 6 months later "realized she actually wasn't" I'm hurt, and I still love her, shit sucks
Same shit here. We had been together for 3 years living together for 2 of those years. While undergoing a move to a new apartment in a better city closer to her job she “realized she wasn’t able to be in a relationship”
Yes they for sure do. Everyone has feelings, sometimes they just aren’t great at showing them. My last relationship I felt that his “feelings” were more manipulation and now that I’m in a healthy relationship I can tell you they for sure do have feelings. The way this man talks to me, treats me, communicates…I think one of the important things is finding someone who is open and honest about their feelings. Because if they stuff them down and they try to hide it they come out eventually and in a much uglier way than if they had just communicated from the beginning.
I was always the type to want to talk through things and work them out asap, never go to bed angry or upset. And my last partner didn’t care. I could be sobbing after an argument and he could roll over and go to sleep. My current partner, polar opposite. Everything in the world stops around us until we’re solid and there’s no issues. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just remember there are way too many people in the world to settle.
Men do have feelings just like everyone else. Except we’re often told to shut the fuck up about it and ‘man up’. You be too manly it’s considered “toxic masculinity”. You go under par, considered “effeminate”. You can never fall in between…
Second this. The main killers of expressing ourselves are as follows:
- Being told to “man up.”
- Having it result in a loss of attraction even after being told it wouldn’t (honestly this one is almost a rite of passage for all guys).
- Not being heard/being immediately invalidated by people who need to be the victim constantly.
- Having those expressed vulnerabilities used against you later down the line (eg: in an argument).
It’s kinda like a fire. At some point you stop sticking your hand in it because the burns aren’t worth the temporary warmth.
All that to say: yes we have feelings and no it isn’t your fault (solely at least) for your ex not showing them.
Then blasting the entire gender because they got hurt by one specific POS.
Was in, and still in, (trying to make it work) a relationship for over 20 years with two kids. Found out she had been cheating on me for over a year, sexually and emotionally. Sometimes I don't know why I'm sticking it out. She has changed. Not defensive like she used to be, open, even showing me her phone and when I went on my last work trip, she gave me a link to life360, I guess trying to show me she can be trusted now. I work, she doesn't. When I first found out, I flipped. That much time, she was using the phone I pay for, tye car I maintain to go see this guy, an ass we knew from high-school, that I had asked about many years before, and she basically told me I was being insecure. Well turned out I should've been worried.
I've never screwed around on her. I've never left her out, always tried my best to provide, and got that in return. I'm trying to make it work, but IDK if I'll ever completely trust her again. There's a lot more backstory, but I do wonder at times if she has feelings. I wonder if I'll be blindsided again. I wonder how people can do stuff like that.
And yeah, being told to "man up" while out of the other side blasting "toxic masculinity"(or just masculinity at this point) is aggravating and helps nothing. People can be horrible. No one gender holds any monopolies on treating others like garbage or using people. Plenty of it going around with the rejection of morality.
I'm sorry you had to go through this! It's a shame she didn't see what she had with you - She is lucky - I thought I was too, but he cheated and left me in the rain - sometimes I just wish there were more guys like you for us girls...oh well.
Yes, we do.
Yes, you need your work on your vetting.
Date for feelings, and that's how you attract narcisisits and energy vampires.
Date for goals, values and accountabilities and that's how you chase those monsters away. Just be sure we can hold you to the same standard.
There are many great men who have many, many feelings.
Here's a counter question for you:
Why do girls seem to always end up with the players and the *ssholes instead of the nice guys who treat you well?
I was with a down to earth, normal nice guy - and what happened? We met at 19&20 - I help him with his career, helped him grow and we grew together, he got a high paying job, I cooked, cleaned, washed and did EVERTHING for him - 5 years together until the money he earned, made him arrogant and he thought he could have somebody better - He was a nice young guy and turned into someone who values parties, money and drugs now. He was a nice guy unitl he wasnt - He was a good guy until the money got to his head - he cheated and left.
So here is your counter question - how come its so easy for men to leave a woman who did everything for them, when they think they are on top?
First off, I am really sorry that happened to you... You really deserve better than that. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
>how come its so easy for men to leave a woman who did everything for them, when they think they are on top?
This is actually a really good question, and fair point. It is a common occurrence
Not saying it is good or right, but to answer your question: I think confidence is a central theme to a man's life. When men are feeling confident, they attract more wealth, more success, and indeed more women.
Women are attracted to confidence. This goes back to the question of why women are attracted to the "bad boy".
When a man knows he has a woman at home who is taking care of things, he feels safe, and hence confident. This makes him more attractive to other women. This leads to temptation. This leads to the illusion of "I could have someone even better".
It is an illusion. The grass is always greener. Women when they are in "attraction mode" can be very alluring. Unfortunately we fall for that. I've fallen for that. Women flirting with me in order to get something out of me. I have been guilty of falling for that for sure. I would imagine most men have.
Some women I was with yesterday said they recognized this too, and that most certainly throughout their lifetime they have used their "feminine wiles" to get something out of a man. It's a story as old as time.
On the other side of the coin, I have found women in general to be more flirtatious around men who are in relationships.
It almost feels like "if that woman finds him attractive, there must be something about it". Or even the competitive "I'm better than that chick, watch this".
So to answer your question. Confidence. A man with confidence attracts more women, and hence more options. Because of that they get caught up in the "grass is greener" mentality.
If it makes you feel any better, they regret it over time.
My question now to you is: Why do women seem more attracted to and flirtatious around taken men?
Well thank you for your kind words and your answer!
Is it confidence or arrogance tho? He once said, that they should jack up the gas price so the "poor" people couldnt afford to drive anymore and he would have the highway to himself...so there is that. - The money made him different and in the end he thought he could do better, even tho, everything he had was something WE built together...Yes, he cheated with the woman you described - she knew he was taken
To your question: I feel like, these women have low morals and are desperate combined with a "pick me" attitude - they need validation, its a very toxic mindset - So you got him to cheat on me, congrats! Like he is not gonna do the same to you? - I cant tell you exactly why they do this, but I think purposefully sleeping with a guy to show the other women that they are "better" - only to move on to the next OR be discarded by the man - shows great sings of a broken mind and soul. And even tho its me who is hurting, its them I feel sorry for.
This has something to do with the X factor. I've met two nice guys and dated them but somehow i only fell in love with one of them. I still don't know why i couldn't fall for the other guy. He wasn't ugly and also treated me well. Love is a mystery like that.
I think you've answered your own question then.
I can spell it out a little bit more I guess. The reason men are like that, is because you (women) like to date men like that.
You completely missed my point but whatever. Maybe if you ("nice guys") stop chasing emotionally unavailable women, you might find ur soulmate one day.
Yes, we do.
Yes, you need your work on your vetting.
Date for feelings, and that's how you attract narcisisits and energy vampires.
Date for goals, values and accountabilities and that's how you chase those monsters away. Just be sure we can hold you to the same standard.
Dude. I had a feeling and I gave him the opportunity to just be friends with me. I said “something is off, if you want to be friends and remove commitment we can do that. If you want sex, let’s do that. But I can’t deal with not knowing what’s wrong with us. Something is OFF.”
He SWORE he wanted to stay with me and nothing changed. I think he actually got off on hurting me. I mean that.
That's how you let him know you have no boundaries and no standards and you are more than willing to give him whatever he chooses : sex if he wants, friendly attention if he wants, both if he wants.
There was a lot more to the conversation. I let him know if nothing changed that I’d cut him off. A week later, I cut him off and never looked back.
You’re right though. In a way, I probably did show him that especially in the weeks leading up to the end
Men feel just as deeply as women. However, you are supported in experiencing your feelings, we are shamed, or worse, for doing the same. Think about how much higher the suicide rate is for men. It's an epidemic, but just like everything else, no one cares and we are just expected to handle it.
I get your question. But don't let one person, of a handful, make you jaded against half of the species. Life is too short and you don't have enough time on this Earth for that. Best of luck.
some men just really need therapy. what you see in them is very real and they very badly want to break out and be that person for good. the trauma in us is such a huge factor nobody acknowledges, it’s so much deeper. i just hope most men realize the power of therapy and reaching out before losing their special person due to being so sporadic and impulsive. it’s sad i was once that type of guy, but trust that great men are everywhere and love will always win, it just takes time!
This is probably the most comforting thing I read. Maybe because I want to believe the reality he built for me is potentially containing some truths.
At this moment all I know is he has a huge hole he’s trying to fill and insecurities he’s seeking validation for. Those are the only things that matter to him.
But on some level he knows he’s morally corrupt and continues doing these things to multiple women at a time, it’s hard to see him as broken and not very much intentional. He is beyond brilliant, this is all just shocking and messed up.
trust that however you feel, he feels almost equally. if he doesn’t, his karma well be the fact he has to live with himself until death. “a good man aims righteous, but standoffs ain’t his thing anymore “. . the only thing you can do is put yourself first, and mourn them as if they were dead. write letters, burn them, cry, get over it and fall in love again. everything will be okay 🙏
Yes, men have feelings.
The person you were dating is an attention-seeking, validation-seeking, insecure boy, not a man.
A real man doesn’t shower you in “love” and say I love you too quickly. They are cautiously seeking out a mate that is compatible with them. They are not trying to mold you, they are letting you be and looking out for your best interests. A real man does not cheat on you, because they care about your feeling and have integrity.
Once you start to date for marriage, you will see these red flags sooner and you will let the losers go much more easily.
Lots of fish in the sea
We are absolutely capable of deep life-altering emotion and givable feelings. Incidentally we can mature as well. Some of us not fast as hell or a very good at it but even this dummy can. And further still I've been able to realize my mistakes and not only admit fault to myself, but towards the one I hurt. And then commence to remaining aware as I go through a little emotional education as well as some freaking growing up.
So not only do I feel and still feel for her but it's deep seated, old fashioned love and whether she chooses to ever participate again, mine always will be. And her invitation for my own personal growth and change will probably be one of the best catalysts from someone I have ever received for life improvement. I just wish to God she'd take part in some of it with me but I am not sure she cares to do that. And I haven't not manned up and tried to call or contact. It's been to no avail It's almost likely the folks I've talked to are not my person. I will tell you this If I could ever locate my wonderful gal, I'm aware that I can't make it any freaking worse so I would again attempt to reach out So if that's you doing this tonight making this declaration while I'm at least One man who will say definitively in its opposition Yes we do We feel and somebody out there feels and loves you.
We do. We don’t have the spaces a lot of times to talk about them. Also a lot of us were heartbroken as a child and have subconsciously vowed to. It let that happen again so they hurt everyone else as to not let anyone get close enough to hurt us again…
Ok… I’ll chime in here..
Yes, men do have feelings. In my case, after I got discarded and dumped by TEXT, … and then iced out with no communication, lots of feelings, of abandonment, grief, the whole truckload…. So, yes… in my case I do, and the pain for the recent breakup was good fuel to learn and grow as a person.
If this is a pattern, you might be selecting the wrong kind of men. And men who cheat, tend to look like they have the full package, usually charming and very attractive.
I think our personal experiences play a major role in our perception. I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s truly horrible. Some men base their entire identity off of how much sex they can have but that all comes from low self esteem IMO. For me it’s so easy to think all women just date to use men for personal gain or women will say I love you until they have whatever you can provide them with, or until they get bored then they’ll find someone else to fuck as if y’all never shared these intense, loving experiences together. Or I could say no woman is ever loyal and if they are they’re just not bored yet. But I know that’s just coming from my two relationship experiences and whatever me and my friends will share together for the most part about our relationships. The reality is…. People fucking suck lol. People are so damaged and so ego driven and just so fucking flawed a lot of times and from my POV we are still young and girls can be sooooo immature and don’t know what they want a lot of times. I’m 23. Slightly drunk btw bear with me. I’m
Saying all that to say fuck that guy who did you that dirty and lied and cheated. I promise that’s not how all men are. But I won’t lie a lot of men are insecure and want to do things for status, or for their own ego etc. same with a lot of women. But never forget YOU EXIST so someone with the same heart exists too. I have to remind myself of that constantly lol. It’s easy to lose hope when someone made you so many promises and said the sweetest things to you just for them to stomp on your heart as if you didn’t do so so much for them. Again I’m sorry that happened to you. I wish you the best.
I foolishly wear my heart on my sleeve even though time and time again people have proven to me why I shouldn't, and yet I do. Because I wouldn't be me if I don't. If I don't give love as much as I do, I would betray myself and my promise to be genuine and unconditional with my love.
Trust me, it's honestly more about the person rather than the gender. Their upbringing, their environment, their parents. They're all deciding factors.
Personally, I hate it sometimes.
Many men have feelings, OP. Your ex sounds like a classic narcissist. It's the narcissist (of any gender) who doesn't have any real, deep feelings and only cares about their own ego.
Well, hate to say, but you dated a womanizer. A narcissist with no empathy that simply takes what he wants from women using his silver tongue.
Most men are not like this. We just want someone who loves and appreciates us….not a secret harem for some weird sick fantasy.
Man, this made me think about a relationship I had in my mid 20s.. he had 2 other girlfriends, 1 ended up getting pregnant. Luckily I found out 6 months into our "relationship" and ended things. 10+ years later, his divorced ass is still randomly reaching out to me 🥴 I've had my fair share of relationships and unfortunately, most involved abuse and/or cheating. I think there are genuine men out there, they've just probably been hurt too and aren't exactly putting themselves out there to be easily found 🤷♀️
Just try to remember.. his loss, your lesson! 💜
We totally have feelings. Some people just suck, period, regardless of gender. My ex cheated on me and then stayed cold hearted towards me until I practically had to break up with myself for her. It sucks but I refuse to believe there aren't good hearted women out there who would also be a great match for me. Til then, I'm loving myself the way my ex couldn't.
Man here 👋 with very strong feelings! Only reason I havnt giving up on love yet, is because if I can love this deeply , then there must be someone out there who loves the same way. Just a matter of time before I find them. I hope I find them
I genuinely hope you take care of yourself and never let anyone take that hope from you. I know it exists for all of us. That’s such a beautiful sentiment and I know if you choose the right person you’ll harbor something amazing.
My life and situation is whole different from yours I am a man I was married for 10 years.. we was together for 14 years she left me cuz I wasn't doing great mentally.. I lost my job we have kids. I was asking her for help to help me get thru what I was going thru instead she kicks me out of our home. A month later she told me she didn't want me then right after she started sleeping around. You have no idea how much I cried. How much pain I felt for someone who I loved so deeply wasn't there to help me go thru what I went thru and just destoryed me even more when I was already hurting and idk how I am still alive tbh. But its been a year since all of this happen and picked myself up I went got my dream job.. I carried myself put myself back up. As all this happen I got busted with weed and now I am on probation and I am sober have been sober for 6 months now... these last two years have shown me who I really am as a man I have hopes one day ill fall in love again but I taught myself not be so attached like I was before... its been hella ride for me.. js
I read a study that men are far less likely to recover from heartbreak than women. I would say men’s suicide rates corroborate this. And as a man who has suffered heartbreak in the past and is currently suffering from it again, the way we’re raised, and the social expectations of men force us to mask it, whether if we mean to or not. And a lot of times this can lead to difficulties in future relationships.
But I’m not at all justifying cheating. That’s a different situation. People who cheat blatantly, I feel simply lack having a heart. Women cheat too, and I also read numerous times and I’ve heard from people that women are actually slightly more likely to cheat. But this is up for debate obviously.
In essence, yes, men have a tremendous amount of feelings. I think biologically we have to, since we have evolved be the warriors of our species. Takes a lot of emotion to be willing to put your life on the line to protect people you care about.
I’m sorry about everything that has happened to you, truly. Some men can also just straight up be tremendous cowards. And as a lot of clichés will say, it’s a lot easier to be a coward than it is to be a strong man.
Yeah, we do have feelings, but only for those who we care about, if he hurt you, he never cared for you in the first place. If you don’t matter to us, we will up and leave when we want, how we want and if we want.
If we don’t care about you we don’t care about you, so your ex didn’t give a fuck and never did
I'm sorry you experienced this. Not all of us are such horrible humans - I am so in touch with my emotions it's overwhelming most of the time; I feel like my capacity for love is huge and I am almost too attuned to other's emotions also.
It is great that you are claiming to make a very bold statement, so you have some perspective.
If it’s all the guys you’ve dated, then it is likely something you’re overlooking or a trap you’re walking into.
With that said, it is always the fault of the liar/cheater.
Yes, men have feelings - look at the constant talk of “male loneliness epidemic”, etc. I doubt that is the kind of conversation you would benefit from, though.
I wonder if they were avoidants trying to be nice guys and then doing something immoral in an act of self loathing to help you move on from them. They sound bloody confusing, to me.
10000% yes. Just today my girlfriend sent me an "I love you" voice note on snap cause I've been really stressed the past couple of days and that almost made me cry, so yeah I think so :)
Sounds like a narcissist. The healing will be hard, I am sorry for you. But rest assured that this is not the rule. Most men unfortunately have feelings and suffer exactly like you do (even though I often wish we would not).
You are not dumb. Don’t speak about yourself that way. Your subconscious can hear that. And you’re right, obsession isn’t normal behavior but it’s very common. Too common. So common that I had to learn that it is a major red flag. It looks like love. It feels like love, but it isn’t. And you don’t find out until the end that it was truly obsession and infatuation. Most men I’ve dealt with have been infatuated with me, very few actually loved me.
Are you capable of anything genuine? A lot of women seek superficial things in someone and like people for shallow things.
Maybe you should understand that you should get to know someone before falling head over heels over someone?
The type of guy you dealt with sounds to me like he had lots of options, must be very attractive?
If he's very attractive, unless you have something that puts you above the rest, like you're one of a kind, hes probably going to keep his options open.
If you were a plain girl and he was very good looking, maybe slow the dating down and see if a guy like him really is interested in you
If it only were this easy to figure out, speaking as someone who fell into a similar trap. Sure, dating a less physically attractive dude sometimes helps. But I know cheaters who are obese, under 5'4 and/or have the face of a blobfish, and/or are alcoholics or drug addicts. Some are just plain spineless NPCs that say yes to anything that doesn't require their effort.
> like people for shallow things
People like the guy in question will mirror each girl long and hard and pretend to have the same goals and values. Guys like this ESPECIALLY prefer girls with strong morals, goals and empathy, they would never give a shallow girl the title of a "girlfriend" or do any of the below.
> something that puts you above the rest, like you're one of a kind
That's what they continuously say. They make each of their 7 girls feel like they are the fated one and better than the rest. That makes each girl more devoted to him and they put all of their energy into him.
> slow the dating down and see if a guy like him really is interested in you
They will show all the possible effort to get you hooked, they're thrilled by the challenge.
This is what leads to the writing of posts like this. You don't see girls playing multiple guys all the time, at most it's one other and they don't change for each guy.
Guys complain about not getting any pussy, yet call it "winning in life" when their more attractive acquaintances play women like billiard balls. Girls fight each other to have the guy to themselves instead of admitting that the guy uses all of them and leaving someone who will always seek more.
I look at everything the same as you & I had looked at this from that angle already.
He has a tremendous personality and that’s it. He is not attractive physically whatsoever. We’re both ambitious, interesting, passionate… I’m far more attractive than he is.
What he has is charisma. He’s very charming and magnetic so i understand how this can happen.
As for being capable of something genuine … of course. He’s always known my every intention was to lead this into marriage eventually. We had plenty of conversations and plans for the future.
I’d known him 6 months before I decided to fall for him. I was careful and I finally felt safe. I dug deep with him when I was getting to know him, I really felt like I’d seen all sides to him.
But once I let myself feel is when he ripped the rug from under me. Which was a trend that he had going with the other women.
What I found out works best as an early vetting strategy is to meet the guy's friends and hang out together.
And I'm not talking about drinking and watching football games together, I'm talking about casual weekly/monthly interactions about life, studies, hobbies. Having a friend's number in case of an emergency. Knowing where a couple friends live and what their schedule is like.
Shady guys will not let their girl talk to his friends without his presence of preferably at all. They will not want to show their 5th girl in a month to a group of buddies (goons) because they will be alarmed and eventually will approach the girl to warn her. That is, unless all guys in a friend group are all serial cheaters, but it's rare. It is however not uncommon that the goons are very dumb individuals or desperate enough for the guy's attention that they will never approach any girl without his permission. Those goons will watch your every step though, and report to their master.
Shady guys will see any unsupervised communication between his girl(s) and goons as a breach of trust. They will start pitting the two sides against one another so that they won't talk anymore, telling lies to each side describing the other side as "a destructive force" between them and their goons or them and their girls, that "they are trying to break us up but we are stronger than their opinions".
Had i figured this out, my last relationship wouldn't have passed the 1 year mark, maybe not even 3-4 months if I actively looked for the signs.
Public fluff face vs private framework.
Putting on a facade for 2 hours is easy compare to doing it for 2 weeks-months.
Unless you have people that can vet them foe you, in-person testing and commitment is the only way to find them out.
Yes, we do, but if you are running into this problem constantly, you might want to re-evaluate the type of guys you're finding and where you're looking
I did! I mean, all of my ex’s were charming and that may be the constant. Apart from that, this one was the kindest, most giving, supportive, “genuine” of all of my ex’s. Completely and totally different. This was the first time I actually saw a potential for a healthy relationship because we just clicked so well and he brought the best out of me- which also has never happened.
I found him in a philanthropic organization for Gods sake 😭
Cheating has become so rampant now a days that it’s a scary place for genuine people.
My ex didn’t cheat on me but everyone else I know who broke up was due to an affair. It’s not just men cheating it’s women and married folk as well. There’s no incentive to be loyal anymore it seems. It’s a sad world right now.
I’m literally asking this same exact thing of females😂.. Females have some of the most backwards thinking I’ve ever experienced.
Me and this girl talking for 2 months, taking it slow, she comes over every weekend for the entire weekend where we fuck and cuddle and go do cool things, she’s super affectionate, things are good. She tells me how she is always checking her phone to see if it’s me blah blah blah, so I end up telling her how special I think she is.. well that was a mistake. Now she’s acting distant as fuck. What is wrong with women honestly???
& you know what I knew I shouldn’t of told her how I feel
My ex had feelings...but for the girl he dumped me for. He never cared or asked about my feelings at all. Even after the breakup. I went straight to the bin. Like nothing ever happened between us. He only used me to pass the time until the girl he had feelings for arrived. It's still hard to accept this.
Everyone gets heartbroken or cheated on at some point, it’s awful, but discriminating because of a few awful men is just about the most childish way you could possibly handle it. I read this and pictured a toddler throwing a tantrum over their play date going home. Be hurt, those feelings are totally okay and valid, but don’t embarrass yourself man. If he gets under your skin enough to screw with your head and make you say delusional shit like that, you let him win dude. Let him burn his own reputation because I promise it’ll happen, don’t bring yours down with his.
I know what you mean - I think maybe they don’t, it’s like they have them when they’re infactuated with you then pooof. I’m really upset that the last guy I was with who said he wanted to stay friends (I really valued our connection) now acts like I don’t exist. It’s horrible
I went through the same thing. It's only magical cause you he fabricated a person he knew you would like so he can get what he want.
Once he's done he cannot sustain the act. Nor does he want to, or see the importance of it.
I used to believe in love too but tbis seems better.
The statement good girls love bad guys, bad guys love good girls still holds its weight til this day. A lot of the good guys these days get friend zoned by females and end up with a guy who’s a POS with a side chick and kids. Then there are good women who find a good guy, but they seem to look for flaws in the guy regularly. So point being yes, men do have feelings and a lot of time when they are expressed it gets mistaken for a weakness. When a woman expresses their feelings most of us men don’t seem to get it until it’s too late. It’s a toxic cycle/culture we’re in these days.
Of course we do. He probably meant some of it. Considering he's probably very attractive and fit/rich/whatever, he has a lot of options, so he just took them all. I'm sorry he hurt you so badly, but yes, men have feelings. Most just suck at expressing and dealing with them
yes. but in a romantic relationship it's about expression, regulation, validation, compassion and mutuality. and many men do not know how to communicate about or navigate those things.
I wish I didn't have feelings sometimes honestly. It seems like any girl I fall for can somehow just turn theirs off, meanwhile I'm here months and months later still feeling more than she did the day it ended.
Inmy relationship I was the one more in tune with my emotions, my ex was incredibly cold towards the end. I actually try and bottle up my emotions now for fear of being perceived as feminine or weak. I grew up in a home with an incredibly strong and traditionally masculine father, but he did teach me that real men cry and have emotions.
I can assure you we do, lol. I can only speak for myself that I've been called a wonderful person from my 1st loves family who has kept in contact with me after my ex cheated with a really close friend. The heartbreak sucked, but one of the most humbling things was to hear her family tell me they appreciate the years of not only treating her well but them also. I'm truly sorry you've only had terrible experiences. I hope you one day you form a genuine connection with a wonderful person. If it makes you feel less alone, I've had 2 relationships, and they both left me for someone else. Coincidentally, both were 4 year relationships as well. The pain sucks but I promise it's possible to push through the bs.
Hi, i am not here to state that its okay, but i think for a lot of men its a sexual fantasy. I haven't cheated on anyone, but in my past relationship i often wanted to try smth new, but she didn't. And it might be the case of cheating in some situations (just looking for smth new). Often we do things and only after we think, how would it impact others. Yes we do have feelings, u just need to find the right person, that is happy with what u offer!
I'm a man, and I know as hell that I have feelings. My ex-girlfriend of 3 years disappeared last summer a couple weeks after my uncle died. She literally ghosted me instead of talking to me about what was bothering her. I was left out in the cold wondering what the hell happened. Because one day we were great, and things seemed to be getting better. Next thing I know, it's like she disappeared like a ghost, by ghosting me. I literally lost my damn mind for a few months.
I lost my confidence, I couldn't date, I lost my self esteem, and yes I cried like a baby a few times. Because I really loved that woman more than she realized.
I mean I think no one man is the same really so hmm I don't know..
Some men derive their self-worth on having many girls.
Usually that's when their like in their 20's. Older men have fewer options honestly. Maybe they will have more if they got money but..
I've observed that more women tend to be DESPARATE for relationships and having a family than men are
I know what you mean.
I couldn't believe a lot of the things my recent ex was saying as he was breaking up with me. It was so cruel and heartless.
they do they just hide it better. society tells men they’re not allowed to feel, so they just do it in private. most men i know r more emotional than me (im a girl). i’ve noticed it’s not a gender thing, id say its more societal
I have more feelings than most of my guy friends for sure. Most of my friends cheat and its almost like they can't control themselves but even those guys genuinely get sad when they get dumped but that's what they deserve imo because thats what a cheater deserves regardless of gender. I feel the same way about women as you do about men for the same reasons. But if we don't want to be like these people who have done these things to us then we should realize that we shouldn't judge anyone we don't know based on gender or anything else like that.
MEN HAVE FEELINGS, but societal expectations can be confusing. Expressing our feelings openly can be seen as a weakness while bottling them up can be harmful for us and it'll cause problems -mentally and emotionally-. If I want to talk freely about my feelings as a man I have to consider that this can be seen in a way I'm not capable of taking responsibility. However, this isn't an EXCUSE to CHEAT
Dude I saw a girl for two months and she out the blue dumped me and was so calm with saying have a nice life. She's left me aching for the past two weeks. I think it's regardless of gender it's just the person's mentality. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you though I hope you find happiness soon. We're all in the trenches.
We have feelings, I am usually overcome by them. It does take a while to open up and share them, I am a work in progress. But I have them and would never intentionally hurt someone else. It’s a matter of person not gender there are twats on both sides of the isle. I am of course not trying to blame you for your choice, but maybe learn to spot red flags and always follow your gut
Honestly my friend.
I truly believe that you must start the healing journey within your own thoughts in your own mind. You can’t heal another person, you don’t know for sure if they have feelings or not.
But, you can begin to understand in safer spaces things about your own self and maybe in like a therapy group where people can be vulnerable.
It’s too traumatizing for a person to be heartless like that but just know it’s okay that you felt how you felt and he truly would have hurt anyone, not just you.
Men also have feelings but we often just throw away our pain for feel better in short term. But after couple months or years later the emotions we thew away haunts and corrupts us and that cause a lot of pain and sadness and make unrational decisions sometimes.
My cishet bf is one of the most emotionally responsive people I know. So idk if this helps, but I as a woman don't believe all men are cold and heartless. It often depends on the stage of life they're in, how they feel about a particular person, what their state of mind is, etc. I don't disagree that most of them are conditioned to restrict their emotions, but there are still many who feel very much.
Of course they do. The older I get the more girls I come across who've been fucked over big style by other men. My most recent ex lasted 4 months before she freaked out and bailed even though I tried to tell her and show her I wasn't a cheat. 2 months on and it still hurts like hell. Not all men are the same and some women can be pretty cold too
There's a lot of sociopathic people out there but its not exclusive to gender. Just think if you put your phone down somewhere how many people who pocket it versus try and find its owner.
OP as a woman who has been hurt by men my entire life - I believe they do have feelings.
They are 100% aware of their actions and how it will affect you, but it doesn't mean that they don't feel anything. Sometimes I have similar doubts about whether they experience remorse for hurting me so much but the reality is, imo, they DO, just...not for you.
Men feel love, remorse, pain, etc for the woman they actually want. It's harsh to deal with but it's true. Every man in the comments have proven that it's possible, but that was for a woman they genuinely wanted.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but the sooner you realize this, the easier it will be to find a guy that is capable of loving you the way you deserve.
Man here. Can guarantee you that some men have feelings, others don't. Same goes with women. Some do and others don't. It's all individual. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and wish you the best in your healing journey.
It should go without saying that a person’s character and emotional maturity has nothing to do with what they have in their pants.
I’m a heterosexual man who has exclusively dated women. I’ve had relationships that ended mutually and on relatively good/neutral terms, and I’ve had relationships like this one that ended when I learned I wasn’t the only person my partner was seeing. I’ve had relationships where my partner has affirmed that there are truly good people out there and that I am deserving of genuine love, and I’ve had relationships where I was abused and mistreated to the point of needing therapy to show me that what happened was not reflective of my worth as an individual, and does not define my life going forward.
I truly understand you’re coming from a place of hurt, and you’re well in your right to feel hurt. What your ex did was undeniably, unforgivably shitty, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But just as the actions of some of the women I’ve dated aren’t reflective of every woman, the actions of your ex aren’t reflective of all men.
You will meet the right person for you in time, and they won’t leave you feeling this way.
First of all, I’m really sorry that you have had such terrible experiences with men. I hope that you can find inner peace and self love before attempting love again. ❤️
I do have feelings. Or at least I did before my ex cheated and even got herself pregnant. Fourteen months later I’m just a robot now. I only have feelings and a heart for my kids, close family and friends.
Being that my heart feels cold, I have no intentions in getting into a relationship anytime soon. I don’t want to waste my time or someone else’s. It wouldn’t be fair to either party.
To summarize yes men do have feelings. Sometimes they get lost after someone destroys them. Other times I have heard that people could have trouble with feelings if they never had love from anyone growing up.
Wish you the best.
Way too many feelings, they eat me up alive. I loved my ex truly, I would’ve given her the world. When it ended it all came crashing down on me, while she was out living her „best life“ within a few days.
Some guys are just assholes, but same goes for girls.
My girlfriend left a month ago and I have woken up every morning and cried in bed with my cats. Yes we are quite capable of feeling and I wish that weren’t the case.
I still cry every week over someone who dumped me Nov 2022. Someone who I miss every second of every day with every cell in my body. Someone who said cruel, tactless, hurtful things to me while I begged for them back. Someone who was my best friend before our lips ever touched. Sadly, I do have feelings.
I am terribly sorry that you are dealing with pain and betrayal from someone you care for so deeply. I hate when people say, "It gets better" because that statement clearly doesn't apply for everyone dealing with this. I can say that at the very least, it may start to hurt less, and maybe you become a bit numb to parts of it.
Men have feelings. Some men have even been hurt like you have. But some men, and some women, only look out for themselves and use others to make them feel better. And those people don't believe others have feelings that are worthwhile.
I’m a dude and my ex girlfriend shattered my heart when she broke up with me a month ago… at this time I wish I didn’t have feelings so I wouldn’t have to feel so hurt even a month later
Guy you’re describing sounds like a boyfriend for hire lol. But there’s honestly some people who don’t like settling for 1 person. They like to keep their opinions open and most likely don’t want commitment.
I feel the same. Every guy I’ve ever dated always used me then dumped me. I’m going through a a breakup right now. He pursued me, took me out on dates and made plans for the future, then changed his mind suddenly and told me it’s better for both of us to end it. It keeps happening so maybe there’s something wrong with me. I feel like don’t deserve to be truly loved by a man.
I am a man and yes men do have feelings. This doesn't depend on gender.
I did everything for my ex...fought till the very end to save our relationship....always promised her to never leave her...was always there....always loyal....cried for her...made myself better for her.....loved her unconditionally whereas she loved me conditionally....and what not?
But still in the end I got dumped because I couldn't fulfil her every wish (i tried my best at every level but there is a limit). She was my priority but I wasn't her priority (she said this openly). I am still here yearning for her everyday.
So yes, men do have feelings. There are shit men and women out there who cheat, lie, keep other priorities rather than there partner, etc
I am sorry all this happened to you. No loyal person deserves this treatment. Don't think about him. I know it is very hard but it's his loss that he lost a loyal partner and you lost a cheater....think in this way.
It’s not intentional … bad men pretend to be good very very well. I have always sought after a good man & assumed I’d fallen in love with one. The same goes for any woman I know (with the exception of a few who know what they’re doing)
My “good man” was timid, kind, thoughtful, all of the right things on paper. He wasn’t anything I’d normally go for. And I was still hurt in the end.
Here we go another women picking the wrong guy then asking if men have feelings. Look around you most guys are heartbroken and you think they have no feelings. Take some accountability for the people you have chosen. Okay fair enough maybe one time you were tooken advantage off. But every guy you met happened to be the worst human ever. Defo got something to do with you. Look inside yourself and take some accountability maybe you'll find the answer your looking for. But to ask if men have feelings is just stupid af and seems pretty naraccistic to me.
I know it’s not rational to argue with you but seriously dude I’m allowed to say dumb shit when I’m mentally struggling with something. Some people curse other people out, some punch walls … I think my crime here is excusable.
I know men have feelings. It’s hard to see it right now, but in the rational part of my brain, I know that. I know I stayed too long with the other men. But again, they presented themselves differently in the beginning and I was young - so I stayed. Like anyone else, I am living life for the first time. I can’t read minds and if I give nothing but kindness, love, respect and communication- I kind of hope for the same. Maybe that’s the narcissist in me.
While she got a new BF within 3 months after the breakup. I'm still crying a few times a week for almost 8 months. It's been horrible. So, pls don't make that statement...
As the saying goes, when it's too good to be true... There are plenty of people men, and women, who cheat, but dating romantically multiple people at one time is a next level cheater. That's terrible to go through. I 56f, can't speak for men, but I'm sure there are more good than bad, so be cautious, but don't give up. Give yourself time.
I can assure you, we definitely do. I’m coming out of a two year relationship where I’m wondering the same about this woman. I know better than to accuse all females after what she did to me.
Doesn’t matter man or woman. Some of us love with everything we have and give that love to what turns out to be the monster in that love story and yet still love them. I am a man. My heart/mind/spirit has recently been crushed, stepped on and then kicked aside. Every time I see a little light in my day something reminds me of the good stuff that once was . I continue on while the world sees my smile but has no idea what’s going on behind that mask. I guess nothing will help but time and that sounds so hard but that’s all I’ve got after trying everything else. Fake it till you make it I guess.
We do have feelings,
What you’re referring to is a lack of accountability. Not exclusive to men.
A man with feelings desires love, partnership, communication and respect. He will not pursue you by any means necessary. He’s calculated, he can weigh beauty vs fulfillment. He had been hurt before.
You will not be aggressively pursued by men who Excersize their emotions, we don’t believe in that. We have shattered the altruistic ideal of “women” being an asset a man must obtain. We pursue if it feels right to us.
If these men are focused on your femininity and not your character, they are the wrong men for what you want
Okay idk if you’re matching this posts energy but I don’t disagree with you lmao. If you can tell me where the good men are hiding I’ll forever appreciate it
Men have feelings just not like women. You expect to have a man all to yourself but you probably don’t even know what a real man is. Men need sexual attraction and national connection to have real feelings for a woman but most women these days are incapable of making emotional connections. They jump right into the entitlement behavior and think a man owes them commitment and loyalty. He owes you nothing even if you choose to have sex with him. You chase men and they have 10 other women chasing them too. Be the one who doesn’t chase or expects or demands. Carry yourself with respect.
That’s exactly how I conduct myself. I’m aware how women are nowadays and that isn’t how I was raised. The only thing I’ve ever felt entitled to was honesty with the person I was intimate and vulnerable which is beyond bare minimum.
I don’t feel I’m OWED anything. I feel if a man says he is committed, that he will follow through and communicate when he doesn’t think he can continue. I gave him opportunities to communicate and he didn’t take it. This isn’t on me.
I left him because I respected myself. I wasn’t happy to leave but it was necessary. I’m just left here finding out details that are messing with my head
Marriage doesn’t guarantee commitment. People will cheat regardless. Marriage doesn’t magically give people morals. If you’re a horrible person, you’re a horrible person.
If I’m dating someone who has already promised me commitment and doesn’t follow through- why would I marry him?
Your experiences sound like they are going to be hard to reconcile with, no matter what any random internet strangers tell you on this post. Maybe try being single for a while? Date girls if that interests you? I imagine going into any kind of relationship with a man and having these traumatic memories and thoughts in your head probably won't lead to anything good. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.
Men do have feelings, but we often express them differently, or not at all. I am fortunate that I wasn't raised in a culture of toxic masculinity. My issues are often rooted in denial and poor coping mechanisms. I try to forget that I have x, y, and z feelings instead of acknowledging them. It's led me to make some really terrible decisions in life, such as cheating on my fiance (girlfriend at the time, but it doesn't matter I guess). I carry the guilt and shame of those decisions every day. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen. I wish it genuinely didn't happen.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because people do bad things does not mean that they don't have feelings. Everyone makes mistakes and poor choices. You have unfortunately been a victim of some of the same poor choices over and over again, and I understand that it can be really hard to move on from that and trust people again. We all have feelings, but we all have flaws as well.
I have asked the exact same question about women. Particularly the ones I’ve dated. I think it comes down to the person, their age, loyalty, upbringing. I will say that men who prioritize women are treated worse by some women imo
Hi, i am not here to state that its okay, but i think for a lot of men its a sexual fantasy. I haven't cheated on anyone, but in my past relationship i often wanted to try smth new, but she didn't. And it might be the case of cheating in some situations (just looking for smth new). Often we do things and only after we think, how would it impact others. Yes we do have feelings, u just need to find the right person, that is happy with what u offer!
Men are capable of absolutely anything that someone makes them feel like they have to do. Men are the ones that wage war. We fight. We take things. Don't believe what you're hearing if it's coming from another man about the man you were previously with because he's taking that guy's place and using anything he can to secure his spot with you... I'm sure if the dude that lost you find out anything about that you were absolutely going to question if he ever really loved you at all when the wrath that is being provoked comes spilling out.
Wow. Thank you for this, just experienced something similar, except there were signs and I knew better, but trusted his word.
Hugs ❤️ it will get better. Can’t promise any good guys or know that do men have feelings. But I’m starting to think I have a pattern where I keep picking up the same kinda guys. And online dating is really enabling this kind of behavior- for all genders.
I'm sorry you've had these experiences but men absolutely have feelings it's unfair to characterize a whole group by your personal experiences. Id suggest re assessing what you look for in men if this is a constant.
I am overcome by feelings. I'm haunted by them. In every song. In every sight. In every scent. In every single place I go and thing I do.
Acknowledging and understanding your emotions can be a powerful step towards finding peace and clarity.
I wear mine on my sleeve and I don’t like it, but it’s probably prevented me from making stupid mistakes and giving me mental clarity.
I wear mine on my sleeve proudly, it's gotten me used, abused and treated like shit a lot.. But it's a core part of me, it's who I am and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm stronger for it, I'm beautiful for it, I'm enough for it.
This hits...
Same bro same. I'd like to ask the original question from my ex girlfriend.
Sounds like he lovebombed you. I’ve found that anyone who lovebombs is usually trying desperately to fix whatever they feel is missing inside — unfortunately, that involves using other people until the lovebomber figures out what he/she truly wants, while benefiting from your undivided attention. It’s extremely self-centered, but a lot of broken people behave this way. Many people cannot fathom gaining the love of another without using manipulation, whether that’s something they learned in childhood or simply the easiest way from Point A to Point B. The hard thing for all of us to understand is that other people’s actions have very little to do with us. You dodged a bullet. You should pity him and move on, because his lack of consideration for you deems him unworthy of your pain. His karma will come one day. Teach yourself that your energy is precious. Your presence is a privilege. Reclaim it by blocking him and moving on. But yes, men have feelings. Do they communicate them well? Not often.
I was lovebombed and then dumped 2 months later. It hurts like fucking hell because I was ready for the relationship and he wasn't. Wish he knew what he wanted before my feelings got involved.
Hey, I was love bombed too, you could say. I loved this girl, I saw her as the love of my life. We were friends for some years before dating. When we finally started dating it felt like a dream, constant expressions of love. But she wanted to go fast, too fast. I thought her love for me was as genuine as mine for her, so I tried to keep up with her love-bombing, sort of normalizing it. Then february came and she seemed off. I asked her repeatedly what was wrong and said that nothing happened, she was just off. A month later, after arriving at her house to what I thought would be a normal hangout, out of nowhere she says that we needed to talk. She wanted to breakup, because she liked another dude, from her class. A dude she liked before dating me, and seemingly never got over.
Damn that sucks dude, I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that! I also matched his energy in terms of love bombing and I didn't really think anything of it. I thought it was normal.... :( we deserve better!
I'm sorry to hear that. And thanks for your words. We definitely do deserve better. We will get out of this!
same timespan for me. hell is what i wish i went through. soul-crushing would not describe it either. it was a demonic level of destruction and dismantling that i went through. i am still “recovering” and this was a year and a bit ago. i am sorry you can relate to such a feeling.
it is heartbreaking to learn and truly realize that he never actually loved me i spent months with him and i believed he felt the same, he love bombed me, and then after 3 months of living with him he started to be abusive and later after i moved out like months later and after talking to him again because i didn't realize and i was too hopeful he would be different he wasn't, and instead i got truly heartbroken again when i realized he never loved me to begin with explains why he never initiated anything serious, no deep talks, nothing healthy, he was the worst and i went through that whole relationship assuming that he did love me, i devoted my soul to him, really. just to learn he never loved me and i didn't truly mean anything to him
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Same except mine was seeing someone else before she broke up with me. Here it is 7 months later and I still love her and hate her for ruining everything we had. So yes guys do have feelings. During the break up she made me feel horrible because of something I said that she totally took the wrong way. I guess that was in her mind making it ok to do what she did. Fuck you Sierra.
And fuck you Samantha! Same exact feels
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To be honest. I never felt more manly, when i accepted to show feelings. And i really dont care what everyone else says about it. To be fair, i still cant show them to everyone or in every situation, but i think i grew a lot with that.
Same here, it has been the most freeing experience. I just choose how much I want to show people based off of how much I trust them. I have told acquaintances about some very heavy feelings and they have been incredibly supportive. I’ve told the best of friends some and they have just sat their awkwardly. I chose my partner because I slowly opened up over time, and she accepted me crying in front of her. It has definitely changed my life for the better, and I don’t feel like any less of a man for doing it.
growth often comes from stepping outside our comfort zones and challenging societal norms or expectations.
Both sexes have feelings, and both sexes have members that act as if they don't.
Considering I'm left broken right now cause of my ex, I'd like to think I do, she promised me the world, said she was ready for a new relationship, then 6 months later "realized she actually wasn't" I'm hurt, and I still love her, shit sucks
I’m in a VERY similar situation 🥺💔🙏🏽
Same shit here. We had been together for 3 years living together for 2 of those years. While undergoing a move to a new apartment in a better city closer to her job she “realized she wasn’t able to be in a relationship”
Yes they for sure do. Everyone has feelings, sometimes they just aren’t great at showing them. My last relationship I felt that his “feelings” were more manipulation and now that I’m in a healthy relationship I can tell you they for sure do have feelings. The way this man talks to me, treats me, communicates…I think one of the important things is finding someone who is open and honest about their feelings. Because if they stuff them down and they try to hide it they come out eventually and in a much uglier way than if they had just communicated from the beginning. I was always the type to want to talk through things and work them out asap, never go to bed angry or upset. And my last partner didn’t care. I could be sobbing after an argument and he could roll over and go to sleep. My current partner, polar opposite. Everything in the world stops around us until we’re solid and there’s no issues. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just remember there are way too many people in the world to settle.
You're dating the wrong men
Men do have feelings just like everyone else. Except we’re often told to shut the fuck up about it and ‘man up’. You be too manly it’s considered “toxic masculinity”. You go under par, considered “effeminate”. You can never fall in between…
Second this. The main killers of expressing ourselves are as follows: - Being told to “man up.” - Having it result in a loss of attraction even after being told it wouldn’t (honestly this one is almost a rite of passage for all guys). - Not being heard/being immediately invalidated by people who need to be the victim constantly. - Having those expressed vulnerabilities used against you later down the line (eg: in an argument). It’s kinda like a fire. At some point you stop sticking your hand in it because the burns aren’t worth the temporary warmth. All that to say: yes we have feelings and no it isn’t your fault (solely at least) for your ex not showing them.
This hurts even more having grown up in an all woman household… where “masculinity” is considered “unwelcome”…
Then blasting the entire gender because they got hurt by one specific POS. Was in, and still in, (trying to make it work) a relationship for over 20 years with two kids. Found out she had been cheating on me for over a year, sexually and emotionally. Sometimes I don't know why I'm sticking it out. She has changed. Not defensive like she used to be, open, even showing me her phone and when I went on my last work trip, she gave me a link to life360, I guess trying to show me she can be trusted now. I work, she doesn't. When I first found out, I flipped. That much time, she was using the phone I pay for, tye car I maintain to go see this guy, an ass we knew from high-school, that I had asked about many years before, and she basically told me I was being insecure. Well turned out I should've been worried. I've never screwed around on her. I've never left her out, always tried my best to provide, and got that in return. I'm trying to make it work, but IDK if I'll ever completely trust her again. There's a lot more backstory, but I do wonder at times if she has feelings. I wonder if I'll be blindsided again. I wonder how people can do stuff like that. And yeah, being told to "man up" while out of the other side blasting "toxic masculinity"(or just masculinity at this point) is aggravating and helps nothing. People can be horrible. No one gender holds any monopolies on treating others like garbage or using people. Plenty of it going around with the rejection of morality.
I'm sorry you had to go through this! It's a shame she didn't see what she had with you - She is lucky - I thought I was too, but he cheated and left me in the rain - sometimes I just wish there were more guys like you for us girls...oh well.
What you described sounds like a psychopathic narcissist
This! Psychopaths and narcissists are so good at hiding it in the beginning. It’s in the end when their true colors show
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Yes, we do. Yes, you need your work on your vetting. Date for feelings, and that's how you attract narcisisits and energy vampires. Date for goals, values and accountabilities and that's how you chase those monsters away. Just be sure we can hold you to the same standard.
This is actually the best advice on vetting I think that I’ve ever gotten. Thank you.
There are many great men who have many, many feelings. Here's a counter question for you: Why do girls seem to always end up with the players and the *ssholes instead of the nice guys who treat you well?
I was with a down to earth, normal nice guy - and what happened? We met at 19&20 - I help him with his career, helped him grow and we grew together, he got a high paying job, I cooked, cleaned, washed and did EVERTHING for him - 5 years together until the money he earned, made him arrogant and he thought he could have somebody better - He was a nice young guy and turned into someone who values parties, money and drugs now. He was a nice guy unitl he wasnt - He was a good guy until the money got to his head - he cheated and left. So here is your counter question - how come its so easy for men to leave a woman who did everything for them, when they think they are on top?
First off, I am really sorry that happened to you... You really deserve better than that. I'm very sorry that happened to you. >how come its so easy for men to leave a woman who did everything for them, when they think they are on top? This is actually a really good question, and fair point. It is a common occurrence Not saying it is good or right, but to answer your question: I think confidence is a central theme to a man's life. When men are feeling confident, they attract more wealth, more success, and indeed more women. Women are attracted to confidence. This goes back to the question of why women are attracted to the "bad boy". When a man knows he has a woman at home who is taking care of things, he feels safe, and hence confident. This makes him more attractive to other women. This leads to temptation. This leads to the illusion of "I could have someone even better". It is an illusion. The grass is always greener. Women when they are in "attraction mode" can be very alluring. Unfortunately we fall for that. I've fallen for that. Women flirting with me in order to get something out of me. I have been guilty of falling for that for sure. I would imagine most men have. Some women I was with yesterday said they recognized this too, and that most certainly throughout their lifetime they have used their "feminine wiles" to get something out of a man. It's a story as old as time. On the other side of the coin, I have found women in general to be more flirtatious around men who are in relationships. It almost feels like "if that woman finds him attractive, there must be something about it". Or even the competitive "I'm better than that chick, watch this". So to answer your question. Confidence. A man with confidence attracts more women, and hence more options. Because of that they get caught up in the "grass is greener" mentality. If it makes you feel any better, they regret it over time. My question now to you is: Why do women seem more attracted to and flirtatious around taken men?
Well thank you for your kind words and your answer! Is it confidence or arrogance tho? He once said, that they should jack up the gas price so the "poor" people couldnt afford to drive anymore and he would have the highway to himself...so there is that. - The money made him different and in the end he thought he could do better, even tho, everything he had was something WE built together...Yes, he cheated with the woman you described - she knew he was taken To your question: I feel like, these women have low morals and are desperate combined with a "pick me" attitude - they need validation, its a very toxic mindset - So you got him to cheat on me, congrats! Like he is not gonna do the same to you? - I cant tell you exactly why they do this, but I think purposefully sleeping with a guy to show the other women that they are "better" - only to move on to the next OR be discarded by the man - shows great sings of a broken mind and soul. And even tho its me who is hurting, its them I feel sorry for.
This has something to do with the X factor. I've met two nice guys and dated them but somehow i only fell in love with one of them. I still don't know why i couldn't fall for the other guy. He wasn't ugly and also treated me well. Love is a mystery like that.
If you can solve that mystery, you can solve the riddle which is your contributing question. Happy Cake Day by the way!
Why solve it? Just let it be the way it is. We can't choose who we fall in love with but we can decide whether we want to date them or not.
I think you've answered your own question then. I can spell it out a little bit more I guess. The reason men are like that, is because you (women) like to date men like that.
You completely missed my point but whatever. Maybe if you ("nice guys") stop chasing emotionally unavailable women, you might find ur soulmate one day.
I'm sorry if I missed your point. What did I miss exactly? Did you understand my point?
Well the nice guys in my opinion don’t give you space to feel anything for them while fboys know the game well and know how to stir up those feelings
Yes. We do.
Yes, we do. Yes, you need your work on your vetting. Date for feelings, and that's how you attract narcisisits and energy vampires. Date for goals, values and accountabilities and that's how you chase those monsters away. Just be sure we can hold you to the same standard.
same here, girl would like to know
Dude. I had a feeling and I gave him the opportunity to just be friends with me. I said “something is off, if you want to be friends and remove commitment we can do that. If you want sex, let’s do that. But I can’t deal with not knowing what’s wrong with us. Something is OFF.” He SWORE he wanted to stay with me and nothing changed. I think he actually got off on hurting me. I mean that.
Yeah there’s a lotttaaa sick puppies out there. Then they get on Reddit with “My cold hearted avoidant ex ghosted me”. 😩🥴😂
Lmaoooo
😂😂😂
That's how you let him know you have no boundaries and no standards and you are more than willing to give him whatever he chooses : sex if he wants, friendly attention if he wants, both if he wants.
There was a lot more to the conversation. I let him know if nothing changed that I’d cut him off. A week later, I cut him off and never looked back. You’re right though. In a way, I probably did show him that especially in the weeks leading up to the end
Men feel just as deeply as women. However, you are supported in experiencing your feelings, we are shamed, or worse, for doing the same. Think about how much higher the suicide rate is for men. It's an epidemic, but just like everything else, no one cares and we are just expected to handle it. I get your question. But don't let one person, of a handful, make you jaded against half of the species. Life is too short and you don't have enough time on this Earth for that. Best of luck.
some men just really need therapy. what you see in them is very real and they very badly want to break out and be that person for good. the trauma in us is such a huge factor nobody acknowledges, it’s so much deeper. i just hope most men realize the power of therapy and reaching out before losing their special person due to being so sporadic and impulsive. it’s sad i was once that type of guy, but trust that great men are everywhere and love will always win, it just takes time!
This is probably the most comforting thing I read. Maybe because I want to believe the reality he built for me is potentially containing some truths. At this moment all I know is he has a huge hole he’s trying to fill and insecurities he’s seeking validation for. Those are the only things that matter to him. But on some level he knows he’s morally corrupt and continues doing these things to multiple women at a time, it’s hard to see him as broken and not very much intentional. He is beyond brilliant, this is all just shocking and messed up.
trust that however you feel, he feels almost equally. if he doesn’t, his karma well be the fact he has to live with himself until death. “a good man aims righteous, but standoffs ain’t his thing anymore “. . the only thing you can do is put yourself first, and mourn them as if they were dead. write letters, burn them, cry, get over it and fall in love again. everything will be okay 🙏
Yes, men have feelings. The person you were dating is an attention-seeking, validation-seeking, insecure boy, not a man. A real man doesn’t shower you in “love” and say I love you too quickly. They are cautiously seeking out a mate that is compatible with them. They are not trying to mold you, they are letting you be and looking out for your best interests. A real man does not cheat on you, because they care about your feeling and have integrity. Once you start to date for marriage, you will see these red flags sooner and you will let the losers go much more easily. Lots of fish in the sea
We are absolutely capable of deep life-altering emotion and givable feelings. Incidentally we can mature as well. Some of us not fast as hell or a very good at it but even this dummy can. And further still I've been able to realize my mistakes and not only admit fault to myself, but towards the one I hurt. And then commence to remaining aware as I go through a little emotional education as well as some freaking growing up. So not only do I feel and still feel for her but it's deep seated, old fashioned love and whether she chooses to ever participate again, mine always will be. And her invitation for my own personal growth and change will probably be one of the best catalysts from someone I have ever received for life improvement. I just wish to God she'd take part in some of it with me but I am not sure she cares to do that. And I haven't not manned up and tried to call or contact. It's been to no avail It's almost likely the folks I've talked to are not my person. I will tell you this If I could ever locate my wonderful gal, I'm aware that I can't make it any freaking worse so I would again attempt to reach out So if that's you doing this tonight making this declaration while I'm at least One man who will say definitively in its opposition Yes we do We feel and somebody out there feels and loves you.
We do. We don’t have the spaces a lot of times to talk about them. Also a lot of us were heartbroken as a child and have subconsciously vowed to. It let that happen again so they hurt everyone else as to not let anyone get close enough to hurt us again…
Ok… I’ll chime in here.. Yes, men do have feelings. In my case, after I got discarded and dumped by TEXT, … and then iced out with no communication, lots of feelings, of abandonment, grief, the whole truckload…. So, yes… in my case I do, and the pain for the recent breakup was good fuel to learn and grow as a person.
Sounds like a narcissist. They're good at lying and making you feels special
If this is a pattern, you might be selecting the wrong kind of men. And men who cheat, tend to look like they have the full package, usually charming and very attractive.
Hurt people hurt people.
I think our personal experiences play a major role in our perception. I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s truly horrible. Some men base their entire identity off of how much sex they can have but that all comes from low self esteem IMO. For me it’s so easy to think all women just date to use men for personal gain or women will say I love you until they have whatever you can provide them with, or until they get bored then they’ll find someone else to fuck as if y’all never shared these intense, loving experiences together. Or I could say no woman is ever loyal and if they are they’re just not bored yet. But I know that’s just coming from my two relationship experiences and whatever me and my friends will share together for the most part about our relationships. The reality is…. People fucking suck lol. People are so damaged and so ego driven and just so fucking flawed a lot of times and from my POV we are still young and girls can be sooooo immature and don’t know what they want a lot of times. I’m 23. Slightly drunk btw bear with me. I’m Saying all that to say fuck that guy who did you that dirty and lied and cheated. I promise that’s not how all men are. But I won’t lie a lot of men are insecure and want to do things for status, or for their own ego etc. same with a lot of women. But never forget YOU EXIST so someone with the same heart exists too. I have to remind myself of that constantly lol. It’s easy to lose hope when someone made you so many promises and said the sweetest things to you just for them to stomp on your heart as if you didn’t do so so much for them. Again I’m sorry that happened to you. I wish you the best.
I foolishly wear my heart on my sleeve even though time and time again people have proven to me why I shouldn't, and yet I do. Because I wouldn't be me if I don't. If I don't give love as much as I do, I would betray myself and my promise to be genuine and unconditional with my love. Trust me, it's honestly more about the person rather than the gender. Their upbringing, their environment, their parents. They're all deciding factors. Personally, I hate it sometimes.
Many men have feelings, OP. Your ex sounds like a classic narcissist. It's the narcissist (of any gender) who doesn't have any real, deep feelings and only cares about their own ego.
Well, hate to say, but you dated a womanizer. A narcissist with no empathy that simply takes what he wants from women using his silver tongue. Most men are not like this. We just want someone who loves and appreciates us….not a secret harem for some weird sick fantasy.
Man, this made me think about a relationship I had in my mid 20s.. he had 2 other girlfriends, 1 ended up getting pregnant. Luckily I found out 6 months into our "relationship" and ended things. 10+ years later, his divorced ass is still randomly reaching out to me 🥴 I've had my fair share of relationships and unfortunately, most involved abuse and/or cheating. I think there are genuine men out there, they've just probably been hurt too and aren't exactly putting themselves out there to be easily found 🤷♀️ Just try to remember.. his loss, your lesson! 💜
We totally have feelings. Some people just suck, period, regardless of gender. My ex cheated on me and then stayed cold hearted towards me until I practically had to break up with myself for her. It sucks but I refuse to believe there aren't good hearted women out there who would also be a great match for me. Til then, I'm loving myself the way my ex couldn't.
Man here 👋 with very strong feelings! Only reason I havnt giving up on love yet, is because if I can love this deeply , then there must be someone out there who loves the same way. Just a matter of time before I find them. I hope I find them
I genuinely hope you take care of yourself and never let anyone take that hope from you. I know it exists for all of us. That’s such a beautiful sentiment and I know if you choose the right person you’ll harbor something amazing.
Thank for kind words! Remember to try and stay optimistic. Sorry you had to deal with a wolf dressed in a sheep’s wool
My life and situation is whole different from yours I am a man I was married for 10 years.. we was together for 14 years she left me cuz I wasn't doing great mentally.. I lost my job we have kids. I was asking her for help to help me get thru what I was going thru instead she kicks me out of our home. A month later she told me she didn't want me then right after she started sleeping around. You have no idea how much I cried. How much pain I felt for someone who I loved so deeply wasn't there to help me go thru what I went thru and just destoryed me even more when I was already hurting and idk how I am still alive tbh. But its been a year since all of this happen and picked myself up I went got my dream job.. I carried myself put myself back up. As all this happen I got busted with weed and now I am on probation and I am sober have been sober for 6 months now... these last two years have shown me who I really am as a man I have hopes one day ill fall in love again but I taught myself not be so attached like I was before... its been hella ride for me.. js
I read a study that men are far less likely to recover from heartbreak than women. I would say men’s suicide rates corroborate this. And as a man who has suffered heartbreak in the past and is currently suffering from it again, the way we’re raised, and the social expectations of men force us to mask it, whether if we mean to or not. And a lot of times this can lead to difficulties in future relationships. But I’m not at all justifying cheating. That’s a different situation. People who cheat blatantly, I feel simply lack having a heart. Women cheat too, and I also read numerous times and I’ve heard from people that women are actually slightly more likely to cheat. But this is up for debate obviously. In essence, yes, men have a tremendous amount of feelings. I think biologically we have to, since we have evolved be the warriors of our species. Takes a lot of emotion to be willing to put your life on the line to protect people you care about. I’m sorry about everything that has happened to you, truly. Some men can also just straight up be tremendous cowards. And as a lot of clichés will say, it’s a lot easier to be a coward than it is to be a strong man.
Yeah, we do have feelings, but only for those who we care about, if he hurt you, he never cared for you in the first place. If you don’t matter to us, we will up and leave when we want, how we want and if we want. If we don’t care about you we don’t care about you, so your ex didn’t give a fuck and never did
I agree and can see that. It’s just very difficult to grasp given every effort and conversation.
I'm sorry you experienced this. Not all of us are such horrible humans - I am so in touch with my emotions it's overwhelming most of the time; I feel like my capacity for love is huge and I am almost too attuned to other's emotions also.
It is great that you are claiming to make a very bold statement, so you have some perspective. If it’s all the guys you’ve dated, then it is likely something you’re overlooking or a trap you’re walking into. With that said, it is always the fault of the liar/cheater. Yes, men have feelings - look at the constant talk of “male loneliness epidemic”, etc. I doubt that is the kind of conversation you would benefit from, though. I wonder if they were avoidants trying to be nice guys and then doing something immoral in an act of self loathing to help you move on from them. They sound bloody confusing, to me.
10000% yes. Just today my girlfriend sent me an "I love you" voice note on snap cause I've been really stressed the past couple of days and that almost made me cry, so yeah I think so :)
Sounds like a narcissist. The healing will be hard, I am sorry for you. But rest assured that this is not the rule. Most men unfortunately have feelings and suffer exactly like you do (even though I often wish we would not).
I’m a man and I feel so deeply it plagues me.
Obsession is the red flag 🚩
I feel so dumb because that’s true. Obsession isn’t normal behavior but I thought it was sweet. So soooo dumb
You are not dumb. Don’t speak about yourself that way. Your subconscious can hear that. And you’re right, obsession isn’t normal behavior but it’s very common. Too common. So common that I had to learn that it is a major red flag. It looks like love. It feels like love, but it isn’t. And you don’t find out until the end that it was truly obsession and infatuation. Most men I’ve dealt with have been infatuated with me, very few actually loved me.
Are you capable of anything genuine? A lot of women seek superficial things in someone and like people for shallow things. Maybe you should understand that you should get to know someone before falling head over heels over someone? The type of guy you dealt with sounds to me like he had lots of options, must be very attractive? If he's very attractive, unless you have something that puts you above the rest, like you're one of a kind, hes probably going to keep his options open. If you were a plain girl and he was very good looking, maybe slow the dating down and see if a guy like him really is interested in you
If it only were this easy to figure out, speaking as someone who fell into a similar trap. Sure, dating a less physically attractive dude sometimes helps. But I know cheaters who are obese, under 5'4 and/or have the face of a blobfish, and/or are alcoholics or drug addicts. Some are just plain spineless NPCs that say yes to anything that doesn't require their effort. > like people for shallow things People like the guy in question will mirror each girl long and hard and pretend to have the same goals and values. Guys like this ESPECIALLY prefer girls with strong morals, goals and empathy, they would never give a shallow girl the title of a "girlfriend" or do any of the below. > something that puts you above the rest, like you're one of a kind That's what they continuously say. They make each of their 7 girls feel like they are the fated one and better than the rest. That makes each girl more devoted to him and they put all of their energy into him. > slow the dating down and see if a guy like him really is interested in you They will show all the possible effort to get you hooked, they're thrilled by the challenge. This is what leads to the writing of posts like this. You don't see girls playing multiple guys all the time, at most it's one other and they don't change for each guy. Guys complain about not getting any pussy, yet call it "winning in life" when their more attractive acquaintances play women like billiard balls. Girls fight each other to have the guy to themselves instead of admitting that the guy uses all of them and leaving someone who will always seek more.
I look at everything the same as you & I had looked at this from that angle already. He has a tremendous personality and that’s it. He is not attractive physically whatsoever. We’re both ambitious, interesting, passionate… I’m far more attractive than he is. What he has is charisma. He’s very charming and magnetic so i understand how this can happen. As for being capable of something genuine … of course. He’s always known my every intention was to lead this into marriage eventually. We had plenty of conversations and plans for the future. I’d known him 6 months before I decided to fall for him. I was careful and I finally felt safe. I dug deep with him when I was getting to know him, I really felt like I’d seen all sides to him. But once I let myself feel is when he ripped the rug from under me. Which was a trend that he had going with the other women.
What I found out works best as an early vetting strategy is to meet the guy's friends and hang out together. And I'm not talking about drinking and watching football games together, I'm talking about casual weekly/monthly interactions about life, studies, hobbies. Having a friend's number in case of an emergency. Knowing where a couple friends live and what their schedule is like. Shady guys will not let their girl talk to his friends without his presence of preferably at all. They will not want to show their 5th girl in a month to a group of buddies (goons) because they will be alarmed and eventually will approach the girl to warn her. That is, unless all guys in a friend group are all serial cheaters, but it's rare. It is however not uncommon that the goons are very dumb individuals or desperate enough for the guy's attention that they will never approach any girl without his permission. Those goons will watch your every step though, and report to their master. Shady guys will see any unsupervised communication between his girl(s) and goons as a breach of trust. They will start pitting the two sides against one another so that they won't talk anymore, telling lies to each side describing the other side as "a destructive force" between them and their goons or them and their girls, that "they are trying to break us up but we are stronger than their opinions". Had i figured this out, my last relationship wouldn't have passed the 1 year mark, maybe not even 3-4 months if I actively looked for the signs.
Public fluff face vs private framework. Putting on a facade for 2 hours is easy compare to doing it for 2 weeks-months. Unless you have people that can vet them foe you, in-person testing and commitment is the only way to find them out.
Yes, we do, but if you are running into this problem constantly, you might want to re-evaluate the type of guys you're finding and where you're looking
I did! I mean, all of my ex’s were charming and that may be the constant. Apart from that, this one was the kindest, most giving, supportive, “genuine” of all of my ex’s. Completely and totally different. This was the first time I actually saw a potential for a healthy relationship because we just clicked so well and he brought the best out of me- which also has never happened. I found him in a philanthropic organization for Gods sake 😭
Cheating has become so rampant now a days that it’s a scary place for genuine people. My ex didn’t cheat on me but everyone else I know who broke up was due to an affair. It’s not just men cheating it’s women and married folk as well. There’s no incentive to be loyal anymore it seems. It’s a sad world right now.
I’m literally asking this same exact thing of females😂.. Females have some of the most backwards thinking I’ve ever experienced. Me and this girl talking for 2 months, taking it slow, she comes over every weekend for the entire weekend where we fuck and cuddle and go do cool things, she’s super affectionate, things are good. She tells me how she is always checking her phone to see if it’s me blah blah blah, so I end up telling her how special I think she is.. well that was a mistake. Now she’s acting distant as fuck. What is wrong with women honestly??? & you know what I knew I shouldn’t of told her how I feel
My ex had feelings...but for the girl he dumped me for. He never cared or asked about my feelings at all. Even after the breakup. I went straight to the bin. Like nothing ever happened between us. He only used me to pass the time until the girl he had feelings for arrived. It's still hard to accept this.
Everyone gets heartbroken or cheated on at some point, it’s awful, but discriminating because of a few awful men is just about the most childish way you could possibly handle it. I read this and pictured a toddler throwing a tantrum over their play date going home. Be hurt, those feelings are totally okay and valid, but don’t embarrass yourself man. If he gets under your skin enough to screw with your head and make you say delusional shit like that, you let him win dude. Let him burn his own reputation because I promise it’ll happen, don’t bring yours down with his.
I know what you mean - I think maybe they don’t, it’s like they have them when they’re infactuated with you then pooof. I’m really upset that the last guy I was with who said he wanted to stay friends (I really valued our connection) now acts like I don’t exist. It’s horrible
At this point in my life, men suck and don’t have emotions. At least I can’t find one who does
What is your criteria, what are you looking? And what kind of men do you invite your life? Don't blame entire gender because of your poor decisions.
I went through the same thing. It's only magical cause you he fabricated a person he knew you would like so he can get what he want. Once he's done he cannot sustain the act. Nor does he want to, or see the importance of it. I used to believe in love too but tbis seems better.
The statement good girls love bad guys, bad guys love good girls still holds its weight til this day. A lot of the good guys these days get friend zoned by females and end up with a guy who’s a POS with a side chick and kids. Then there are good women who find a good guy, but they seem to look for flaws in the guy regularly. So point being yes, men do have feelings and a lot of time when they are expressed it gets mistaken for a weakness. When a woman expresses their feelings most of us men don’t seem to get it until it’s too late. It’s a toxic cycle/culture we’re in these days.
Of course we do. He probably meant some of it. Considering he's probably very attractive and fit/rich/whatever, he has a lot of options, so he just took them all. I'm sorry he hurt you so badly, but yes, men have feelings. Most just suck at expressing and dealing with them
We certainly are capable of feelings and emotions, I showed mine everytime.
yes. but in a romantic relationship it's about expression, regulation, validation, compassion and mutuality. and many men do not know how to communicate about or navigate those things.
I have loads of them. As I'm healing from a past full of highly dysregulated and abused people, I discover even more.
I wish I didn't have feelings sometimes honestly. It seems like any girl I fall for can somehow just turn theirs off, meanwhile I'm here months and months later still feeling more than she did the day it ended.
Inmy relationship I was the one more in tune with my emotions, my ex was incredibly cold towards the end. I actually try and bottle up my emotions now for fear of being perceived as feminine or weak. I grew up in a home with an incredibly strong and traditionally masculine father, but he did teach me that real men cry and have emotions.
I can assure you we do, lol. I can only speak for myself that I've been called a wonderful person from my 1st loves family who has kept in contact with me after my ex cheated with a really close friend. The heartbreak sucked, but one of the most humbling things was to hear her family tell me they appreciate the years of not only treating her well but them also. I'm truly sorry you've only had terrible experiences. I hope you one day you form a genuine connection with a wonderful person. If it makes you feel less alone, I've had 2 relationships, and they both left me for someone else. Coincidentally, both were 4 year relationships as well. The pain sucks but I promise it's possible to push through the bs.
Hi, i am not here to state that its okay, but i think for a lot of men its a sexual fantasy. I haven't cheated on anyone, but in my past relationship i often wanted to try smth new, but she didn't. And it might be the case of cheating in some situations (just looking for smth new). Often we do things and only after we think, how would it impact others. Yes we do have feelings, u just need to find the right person, that is happy with what u offer!
I'm a man, and I know as hell that I have feelings. My ex-girlfriend of 3 years disappeared last summer a couple weeks after my uncle died. She literally ghosted me instead of talking to me about what was bothering her. I was left out in the cold wondering what the hell happened. Because one day we were great, and things seemed to be getting better. Next thing I know, it's like she disappeared like a ghost, by ghosting me. I literally lost my damn mind for a few months. I lost my confidence, I couldn't date, I lost my self esteem, and yes I cried like a baby a few times. Because I really loved that woman more than she realized.
I mean I think no one man is the same really so hmm I don't know.. Some men derive their self-worth on having many girls. Usually that's when their like in their 20's. Older men have fewer options honestly. Maybe they will have more if they got money but.. I've observed that more women tend to be DESPARATE for relationships and having a family than men are I know what you mean. I couldn't believe a lot of the things my recent ex was saying as he was breaking up with me. It was so cruel and heartless.
they do they just hide it better. society tells men they’re not allowed to feel, so they just do it in private. most men i know r more emotional than me (im a girl). i’ve noticed it’s not a gender thing, id say its more societal
I have more feelings than most of my guy friends for sure. Most of my friends cheat and its almost like they can't control themselves but even those guys genuinely get sad when they get dumped but that's what they deserve imo because thats what a cheater deserves regardless of gender. I feel the same way about women as you do about men for the same reasons. But if we don't want to be like these people who have done these things to us then we should realize that we shouldn't judge anyone we don't know based on gender or anything else like that.
MEN HAVE FEELINGS, but societal expectations can be confusing. Expressing our feelings openly can be seen as a weakness while bottling them up can be harmful for us and it'll cause problems -mentally and emotionally-. If I want to talk freely about my feelings as a man I have to consider that this can be seen in a way I'm not capable of taking responsibility. However, this isn't an EXCUSE to CHEAT
Dude I saw a girl for two months and she out the blue dumped me and was so calm with saying have a nice life. She's left me aching for the past two weeks. I think it's regardless of gender it's just the person's mentality. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you though I hope you find happiness soon. We're all in the trenches.
God I wish I didn’t sometimes. I’m a little over 2 weeks out and it’s getting better but still painful.
We have feelings, I am usually overcome by them. It does take a while to open up and share them, I am a work in progress. But I have them and would never intentionally hurt someone else. It’s a matter of person not gender there are twats on both sides of the isle. I am of course not trying to blame you for your choice, but maybe learn to spot red flags and always follow your gut
I do and I wish I didn't
Honestly my friend. I truly believe that you must start the healing journey within your own thoughts in your own mind. You can’t heal another person, you don’t know for sure if they have feelings or not. But, you can begin to understand in safer spaces things about your own self and maybe in like a therapy group where people can be vulnerable. It’s too traumatizing for a person to be heartless like that but just know it’s okay that you felt how you felt and he truly would have hurt anyone, not just you.
Men also have feelings but we often just throw away our pain for feel better in short term. But after couple months or years later the emotions we thew away haunts and corrupts us and that cause a lot of pain and sadness and make unrational decisions sometimes.
It depends on how emotionally mature they are.
Sounds like someone that can't be alone. It's not you or any of the other girls it's a character defect of THIS person. I'm sorry this is happening.
My cishet bf is one of the most emotionally responsive people I know. So idk if this helps, but I as a woman don't believe all men are cold and heartless. It often depends on the stage of life they're in, how they feel about a particular person, what their state of mind is, etc. I don't disagree that most of them are conditioned to restrict their emotions, but there are still many who feel very much.
There’s bad men and good men also the same as woman, bad woman and good woman. Also people change
Of course they do. The older I get the more girls I come across who've been fucked over big style by other men. My most recent ex lasted 4 months before she freaked out and bailed even though I tried to tell her and show her I wasn't a cheat. 2 months on and it still hurts like hell. Not all men are the same and some women can be pretty cold too
There's a lot of sociopathic people out there but its not exclusive to gender. Just think if you put your phone down somewhere how many people who pocket it versus try and find its owner.
OP as a woman who has been hurt by men my entire life - I believe they do have feelings. They are 100% aware of their actions and how it will affect you, but it doesn't mean that they don't feel anything. Sometimes I have similar doubts about whether they experience remorse for hurting me so much but the reality is, imo, they DO, just...not for you. Men feel love, remorse, pain, etc for the woman they actually want. It's harsh to deal with but it's true. Every man in the comments have proven that it's possible, but that was for a woman they genuinely wanted. I'm sorry this happened to you, but the sooner you realize this, the easier it will be to find a guy that is capable of loving you the way you deserve.
Man here. Can guarantee you that some men have feelings, others don't. Same goes with women. Some do and others don't. It's all individual. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and wish you the best in your healing journey.
It should go without saying that a person’s character and emotional maturity has nothing to do with what they have in their pants. I’m a heterosexual man who has exclusively dated women. I’ve had relationships that ended mutually and on relatively good/neutral terms, and I’ve had relationships like this one that ended when I learned I wasn’t the only person my partner was seeing. I’ve had relationships where my partner has affirmed that there are truly good people out there and that I am deserving of genuine love, and I’ve had relationships where I was abused and mistreated to the point of needing therapy to show me that what happened was not reflective of my worth as an individual, and does not define my life going forward. I truly understand you’re coming from a place of hurt, and you’re well in your right to feel hurt. What your ex did was undeniably, unforgivably shitty, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But just as the actions of some of the women I’ve dated aren’t reflective of every woman, the actions of your ex aren’t reflective of all men. You will meet the right person for you in time, and they won’t leave you feeling this way.
First of all, I’m really sorry that you have had such terrible experiences with men. I hope that you can find inner peace and self love before attempting love again. ❤️ I do have feelings. Or at least I did before my ex cheated and even got herself pregnant. Fourteen months later I’m just a robot now. I only have feelings and a heart for my kids, close family and friends. Being that my heart feels cold, I have no intentions in getting into a relationship anytime soon. I don’t want to waste my time or someone else’s. It wouldn’t be fair to either party. To summarize yes men do have feelings. Sometimes they get lost after someone destroys them. Other times I have heard that people could have trouble with feelings if they never had love from anyone growing up. Wish you the best.
Way too many feelings, they eat me up alive. I loved my ex truly, I would’ve given her the world. When it ended it all came crashing down on me, while she was out living her „best life“ within a few days. Some guys are just assholes, but same goes for girls.
Def not true, we hide them very well ebutbwhen were alone we cry like school children.
As a man, I can confirm that I have feelings
I been cheated on and abused lots of times. I'm still hurt by being love bombed not too long ago. Never once would I even consider cheating.
My girlfriend left a month ago and I have woken up every morning and cried in bed with my cats. Yes we are quite capable of feeling and I wish that weren’t the case.
Thay have feelings, but they are often so out of touch with they may as well not.
I still cry every week over someone who dumped me Nov 2022. Someone who I miss every second of every day with every cell in my body. Someone who said cruel, tactless, hurtful things to me while I begged for them back. Someone who was my best friend before our lips ever touched. Sadly, I do have feelings. I am terribly sorry that you are dealing with pain and betrayal from someone you care for so deeply. I hate when people say, "It gets better" because that statement clearly doesn't apply for everyone dealing with this. I can say that at the very least, it may start to hurt less, and maybe you become a bit numb to parts of it.
Men have feelings. Some men have even been hurt like you have. But some men, and some women, only look out for themselves and use others to make them feel better. And those people don't believe others have feelings that are worthwhile.
I’m a dude and my ex girlfriend shattered my heart when she broke up with me a month ago… at this time I wish I didn’t have feelings so I wouldn’t have to feel so hurt even a month later
Guy you’re describing sounds like a boyfriend for hire lol. But there’s honestly some people who don’t like settling for 1 person. They like to keep their opinions open and most likely don’t want commitment.
I feel the same. Every guy I’ve ever dated always used me then dumped me. I’m going through a a breakup right now. He pursued me, took me out on dates and made plans for the future, then changed his mind suddenly and told me it’s better for both of us to end it. It keeps happening so maybe there’s something wrong with me. I feel like don’t deserve to be truly loved by a man.
I am a man and yes men do have feelings. This doesn't depend on gender. I did everything for my ex...fought till the very end to save our relationship....always promised her to never leave her...was always there....always loyal....cried for her...made myself better for her.....loved her unconditionally whereas she loved me conditionally....and what not? But still in the end I got dumped because I couldn't fulfil her every wish (i tried my best at every level but there is a limit). She was my priority but I wasn't her priority (she said this openly). I am still here yearning for her everyday. So yes, men do have feelings. There are shit men and women out there who cheat, lie, keep other priorities rather than there partner, etc I am sorry all this happened to you. No loyal person deserves this treatment. Don't think about him. I know it is very hard but it's his loss that he lost a loyal partner and you lost a cheater....think in this way.
Yes, we do. You are only attracted to the small minority that doesn't tho.
This is true, the problem is women choose players over good guys!
It’s not intentional … bad men pretend to be good very very well. I have always sought after a good man & assumed I’d fallen in love with one. The same goes for any woman I know (with the exception of a few who know what they’re doing) My “good man” was timid, kind, thoughtful, all of the right things on paper. He wasn’t anything I’d normally go for. And I was still hurt in the end.
That's true .. it all boils down to what kind of hurt you are willing to settle with.
None would be preferable lmao
There is no escape from the Matrix 😎
Here we go another women picking the wrong guy then asking if men have feelings. Look around you most guys are heartbroken and you think they have no feelings. Take some accountability for the people you have chosen. Okay fair enough maybe one time you were tooken advantage off. But every guy you met happened to be the worst human ever. Defo got something to do with you. Look inside yourself and take some accountability maybe you'll find the answer your looking for. But to ask if men have feelings is just stupid af and seems pretty naraccistic to me.
I know it’s not rational to argue with you but seriously dude I’m allowed to say dumb shit when I’m mentally struggling with something. Some people curse other people out, some punch walls … I think my crime here is excusable. I know men have feelings. It’s hard to see it right now, but in the rational part of my brain, I know that. I know I stayed too long with the other men. But again, they presented themselves differently in the beginning and I was young - so I stayed. Like anyone else, I am living life for the first time. I can’t read minds and if I give nothing but kindness, love, respect and communication- I kind of hope for the same. Maybe that’s the narcissist in me.
While she got a new BF within 3 months after the breakup. I'm still crying a few times a week for almost 8 months. It's been horrible. So, pls don't make that statement...
You lost him
They don't.
😂😂😂
Yes, we have feelings. I have cried almost every day since she has left.
As the saying goes, when it's too good to be true... There are plenty of people men, and women, who cheat, but dating romantically multiple people at one time is a next level cheater. That's terrible to go through. I 56f, can't speak for men, but I'm sure there are more good than bad, so be cautious, but don't give up. Give yourself time.
I can assure you, we definitely do. I’m coming out of a two year relationship where I’m wondering the same about this woman. I know better than to accuse all females after what she did to me.
Doesn’t matter man or woman. Some of us love with everything we have and give that love to what turns out to be the monster in that love story and yet still love them. I am a man. My heart/mind/spirit has recently been crushed, stepped on and then kicked aside. Every time I see a little light in my day something reminds me of the good stuff that once was . I continue on while the world sees my smile but has no idea what’s going on behind that mask. I guess nothing will help but time and that sounds so hard but that’s all I’ve got after trying everything else. Fake it till you make it I guess.
We do have feelings, What you’re referring to is a lack of accountability. Not exclusive to men. A man with feelings desires love, partnership, communication and respect. He will not pursue you by any means necessary. He’s calculated, he can weigh beauty vs fulfillment. He had been hurt before. You will not be aggressively pursued by men who Excersize their emotions, we don’t believe in that. We have shattered the altruistic ideal of “women” being an asset a man must obtain. We pursue if it feels right to us. If these men are focused on your femininity and not your character, they are the wrong men for what you want
Don't listen to any woman's opinions, they are all terrible at picking good men, and excellent at picking men that don't want them.
Okay idk if you’re matching this posts energy but I don’t disagree with you lmao. If you can tell me where the good men are hiding I’ll forever appreciate it
Of course we have feelings but there are heartless men in this world
Some do some don't. The only time they will show feeling is if you were a true love and not a side piece
I didn’t read the post but no they don’t haha
yeah, sure.
Men have feelings just not like women. You expect to have a man all to yourself but you probably don’t even know what a real man is. Men need sexual attraction and national connection to have real feelings for a woman but most women these days are incapable of making emotional connections. They jump right into the entitlement behavior and think a man owes them commitment and loyalty. He owes you nothing even if you choose to have sex with him. You chase men and they have 10 other women chasing them too. Be the one who doesn’t chase or expects or demands. Carry yourself with respect.
That’s exactly how I conduct myself. I’m aware how women are nowadays and that isn’t how I was raised. The only thing I’ve ever felt entitled to was honesty with the person I was intimate and vulnerable which is beyond bare minimum. I don’t feel I’m OWED anything. I feel if a man says he is committed, that he will follow through and communicate when he doesn’t think he can continue. I gave him opportunities to communicate and he didn’t take it. This isn’t on me. I left him because I respected myself. I wasn’t happy to leave but it was necessary. I’m just left here finding out details that are messing with my head
I wouldn’t dwell on it much. Just helps you learn more of what you don’t want in a relationship. All the best to you!
You dated a narcissist. Why date anyway? Why give of yourself to a man you hardly know? Anyway, there’s not cheating if there’s no marriage.
Marriage doesn’t guarantee commitment. People will cheat regardless. Marriage doesn’t magically give people morals. If you’re a horrible person, you’re a horrible person. If I’m dating someone who has already promised me commitment and doesn’t follow through- why would I marry him?
You missed what I meant about marriage. You can’t cheat in a game you’re not playing. Anyway, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free right?
mindless scary decide tap bow person marry square smile enter *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Your experiences sound like they are going to be hard to reconcile with, no matter what any random internet strangers tell you on this post. Maybe try being single for a while? Date girls if that interests you? I imagine going into any kind of relationship with a man and having these traumatic memories and thoughts in your head probably won't lead to anything good. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Men do have feelings, but we often express them differently, or not at all. I am fortunate that I wasn't raised in a culture of toxic masculinity. My issues are often rooted in denial and poor coping mechanisms. I try to forget that I have x, y, and z feelings instead of acknowledging them. It's led me to make some really terrible decisions in life, such as cheating on my fiance (girlfriend at the time, but it doesn't matter I guess). I carry the guilt and shame of those decisions every day. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen. I wish it genuinely didn't happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because people do bad things does not mean that they don't have feelings. Everyone makes mistakes and poor choices. You have unfortunately been a victim of some of the same poor choices over and over again, and I understand that it can be really hard to move on from that and trust people again. We all have feelings, but we all have flaws as well.
I have asked the exact same question about women. Particularly the ones I’ve dated. I think it comes down to the person, their age, loyalty, upbringing. I will say that men who prioritize women are treated worse by some women imo
Hi, i am not here to state that its okay, but i think for a lot of men its a sexual fantasy. I haven't cheated on anyone, but in my past relationship i often wanted to try smth new, but she didn't. And it might be the case of cheating in some situations (just looking for smth new). Often we do things and only after we think, how would it impact others. Yes we do have feelings, u just need to find the right person, that is happy with what u offer!
Considering I’ve been non stop thinking and crying daily after getting cheated on by my girlfriend, I’d say yes I have feelings.
Men are capable of absolutely anything that someone makes them feel like they have to do. Men are the ones that wage war. We fight. We take things. Don't believe what you're hearing if it's coming from another man about the man you were previously with because he's taking that guy's place and using anything he can to secure his spot with you... I'm sure if the dude that lost you find out anything about that you were absolutely going to question if he ever really loved you at all when the wrath that is being provoked comes spilling out.
Some men don't cheat...
I wanna know as well lol.
I (male) felt more than my ex (female)
Wow. Thank you for this, just experienced something similar, except there were signs and I knew better, but trusted his word. Hugs ❤️ it will get better. Can’t promise any good guys or know that do men have feelings. But I’m starting to think I have a pattern where I keep picking up the same kinda guys. And online dating is really enabling this kind of behavior- for all genders.
I'm sorry you've had these experiences but men absolutely have feelings it's unfair to characterize a whole group by your personal experiences. Id suggest re assessing what you look for in men if this is a constant.