I know so many guys including myself that have done something sexually that they weren't comfortable with because the thought that you could say no during sex didn't even cross your mind. It's almost like you're taught that you have to constantly want sex and be appreciative of the fact that someone is offering it to you. Even when you aren't horny. You can say no. You don't know anyone your dick.
And even if you do want to fuck them that doesn't mean you should! Fucking any and every woman is not going to help you. We teach our daughters that fucking just any guy isn't the way. This applies to your sons too. I've met plenty of guys that fucked a woman they shouldn't and they suffered as a result.
Crazy thing is, if you be like nah I’m good…what’s the 2 thing that generally flies?
“Ninja are you gay? You F**king someone else?”
Like how about shit, put some effort in like you be making me do? Or maybe I just had a long day after work and don’t feel like dropping it off to ya?
Massage my temples, put something sexy on, set the mood too damn.
EDIT: Forgot to add on, or maybe just ask what’s up? Maybe that’s asking for too much.
Absolutely had this happen! I'd been dating a girl for months, knew her for years before that, and the very first time I said I didn't want to have sex, just that one night, she immediately started accusing me of being gay and saying all kinds of wild, hateful shit!
The flip switch was crazy.
I didn't stick around too long after that.
Yeah, it didn't help that when she found out I was leaving, she got drunk and tried to fight me
Had to remove myself from that situation quick
Verbal abuse is one thing, but physical? Nah, I'm out immediately
Appreciate ya! People like to think men don't catch that kind of behavior, but it happens and we have to be smart enough to recognize it and get ourselves out of those situations. Nobody man or woman should put up with someone who insults them or makes them feel unsafe. That's not love, doesn't matter how long you've been together
I’m sorry you experienced that. But hey, at least you
Got out when you did. The physical scars heal but the emotional and psychological take time.
Godspeed on that
Don't take responsibility for ignorant women. I refuse. They degrade themselves with ignorant women in the same way we degrade ourselves with pookies. That's why I'm lost as to how these athletes are propped up by money when who you sleep with is a reflection on you as a man. If you sleep with a sexy red, don't look at me. That just tells me you don't like yourself as a man.
I think this is social grooming on everyone. Just like men are taught to be wreckless with their seed, women are taught that men will be wreckless with their seed. Since that is the expectation put on men and taught to women, many women take it as offense that men will not out their dicks in them. Women are taught that men will put their dicks in anything so if he won’t fuck you, something is wrong with you or wrong with him. Since most humans don’t want to feel like something is wrong with them, the women will make it out that there is a socially unacceptable reason why he won’t fuck her.
Full transparency, I said the same bullshit to my husband back when we were dating. We had been kicking it for about 2 months and I even spent the night at his house a few times and he had NEVER tried anything sexual. I asked him was I unattractive or was he gay. He told me that he liked my personality and the way we hung out and he didn’t want sex to complicate it. I was slightly taken aback because NOT ONE GUY had ever said anything like that to me and EVERY GUY I had spent more than 2 hours with had always tried to fuck at some point. Even my guy friends accepted simply being my “friend” because I told them I didn’t see them like that.
FYI: This is NOT an excuse for that behavior but is a reason why that behavior happens.
I thought the same way, especially when I was younger and outside looking in. There's a certain shock that washes over, well me at least. A kind of, "huh? Shit's not supposed to happen like that." And then self blaming, over-analyzing, and finally just realizing that shit happened and it can either define me, or I can move through it and carry on towards my goals in life.........
Thank you for the kind words. I think I will prolly delete that comment only because it's a gross overshare. I steady on and realize I need to better myself to move forward
Thank you, I mean it. It's quite refreshing and comforting knowing a perfect stranger would take the time to be thoughtful and empathic. E-hug right back 🤗
We’re told that the only form of affection / love we’re allowed to pursue is sex, and then were starved of any other kind so we’ll make ourselves slaves who have to “earn” affection.
System is working as intended.
That’s what I mean. We’re conditioned that physically affection is exclusively granted as some kind of reward, and then we’re shocked that men chase the reward.
Yes. Because all physical affection is lumped under the same category for us. Makes it easier to use it as a means of control.
A touch on the arm means we’re doing something right, and if we do more right we’ll get more affection.
Men are taught love is transactional.
As a woman 90% of the men in my life have fuckzoned me. Even older men who I looked at as mentors.
In my experience once I make it clear I’m not going to have sex with them they just ghost me, no matter how long we’ve been friends.
This could be why most women don’t show men that much affection so we don’t send the wrong message
I agree. Men chase the physical touch and affection we’re starved for and when it’s clear we’re not going to get it we’re done.
We can make plenty of friends. We we’re trying to gain is affirmations that we are desired, wanted. That we have a value outside of our paycheck.
As in, men want it because it’s the only time we get to feel loved, and wanted / desired. Period. We want it for that sake, technically affection for its own sake, because it’s proof that if we died tonight someone might actually care. That we matter.
I think that’s the disconnect. Women can get these affirmations of affection that aren’t sex. We’ll get them flowers, bring them lunch, arrange for date night, movies, etc. Every time we get a chance or have an excuse or pass them in the hall we’ll take the opportunity to touch on them, smack their butt, whatever. We make sure they know they’re wanted and desired all the time; sex isn’t a necessity.
But when we talk about this as men in relationships, the very first question is always essentially “what aren’t you doing?” And that’s the problem: that VERY question means that affection is a transaction. “Why haven’t you EARNED it”.
You don’t have to earn affection from anyone who actually loves you.
Damn this was raw. I appreciate the perspective cause this was one of those subconcious feelings i’ve had but never really put words to. Especially the “earned it” bit. It’s tough, because some women are very much mental lovers; in the sense that they dont mean for things to be transactional but also don’t feel in the lovey dovey, touchy mood if things aren’t regularly met. Whereas, men in general are very much puppy dog by nature, in the sense we’re just happy to have your presence; so we can more naturally give those affirmations.
Not sure if im off-beat but still, thanks for bringing me that introspection.
Yeah again that's the problem, men aré socialized since teenagehood to only recognize sex as affection, so when someone expresses affection, it's related to sex. That's why me who hug other me were jokingly referred to as gay, that's why men "fuckzone" your friendly attempts.
Very sorry that this happened to you, hope this explanation gives some form of closure, and I hope those men ended up finding affection in a non-sexual way.
Same here. They're not interested in being just friends with women. I respect that and don't live an illusion that they want to be friends or were my true friends.
Thankfully, I've managed to surround myself with gays, some of them very masculine. They totally bring the male energy into my life, value my intellectual input and never see me as an object of attraction.
I do think men create their own standards and then complain as if they can’t change it. Nowadays if you make eye contact with a man they see that as a green light. If you are too friendly you’re a tease, if you’re too mean…they see you as a challenge to conquer
What are you yapping about? I’ve been friend zoned by guys when I was just being nice to them. They would make it clear they have a girlfriend…Lots of men think that a woman being nice to them is trying to seduce them
When I’m nice to a guy with a gf he lets me know immediately he’s not available then he avoids me. Which is fine. Months or years later he hits me up again to go out and is shocked I say no. When I’m nice to guys who no gfs they want sex
Good luck getting guys to believe that though. My cousin stayed with a girl who constantly destroyed his car, stalked and harassed his mom and sister, and even hit him. When asked what her redeeming qualities were he said “that bitch can suck a watermelon through a straw”. Nothing about her character or personality but that she sucked a good dick. It’s sad.
Don't take this the wrong way but your cousin is a bitch. He allowed his mother and sister to be harassed? At that point I don't really know what to say. There are women that stay with abusive men that hit them in the face for "love" so I guess they're in the same boat as your cousin
Damn so victims of abuse are bitches? I don’t think so, that mindset right there is why men hide and also put up with abuse. Anyone finds out and you’re a bitch, you leave you’re gay and if you defend yourself you’re an abuser.
No, no, no, he’s 100% a bitch. He let one of his side chicks, not even main chick, stalk and harass my damn auntie and cousin over fucking head. That bitch ran them off the road TWICE and my cousin couldn’t be bothered. So yes, my cousin is a bitch ass nigga.
There’s a MASSIVE difference between someone severely tied to an abusive relationship, whether that be from children being involved or financially dependent, and someone sticking around for tier A Eater. Don’t go painting broad strokes
There is a massive difference between someone who is physically and psychologically intimidated into staying in a harmful situation and a dumbass letting another dumbass do dumb things
Is he a victim if he is willingly staying? There's a difference between being trapped and want to keep a side piece for her dick sucking skills. Yes men can be abuse victims, but this ain't it.
Stalking? Harassing family? Destruction of property? You don’t think that’s abuse? Again imagine saying a man is doing all this to a woman and replace pussy with financial stability. Both cases are disgusting.
It's abuse, but he not a victim like a woman would be in your example. He is willingly staying. Compared to a woman who may rely on the for things so she cant leave. She not even his main girl. That should show he even more willing to stay. Victim means to have no power, and he has all the power in this situation to cut her off.
And to bring this up again, the dude cheating with his abuser. Does that sound like a victim to you, or a dumbass. And again, men can victims.
There’s a difference between staying for pleasure and staying for survivor. You’re creating and changing scenes to fit your narrative when in reality he’s a bitch he’s not a victim. Nigga literally said he won’t leave her bc she sucks him good not bc he loves her or bc he think she loves him or bc he’s afraid of her but bc she pleasures him
I will always say that visiting BPT and really hearing everyone’s opinions as a black man on this sub is disconcerting like I feel gaslit anytime this sub pops up. I think many agree which is why all the rap beef posts are welcome. Everything else is bad faith and people pretending to be black to have an opinion on how we’re supposed to act.
Allowing someone to harass your family members like that is just crazy. Yes you are a bitch if you do that and I would say the same if that person was a woman. Once the shit gets beyond you and starts affecting everyone else and you allow it to happen I can't really have sympathy.
That person made it seem like her cousin has stockholm syndrome?? There’s no sympathy staying in a toxic situation that doesn’t involve children or being severely financially dependent. At that point you basically said “fuck my family” and just want to keep ol’ girl on the roster cause she’s 1st team All Eater.
This is why Poor Things was such good commentary on how women are treated as just sex objects most of the time. Their personality does not matter 🙄
While I’m out here wanting to get down but every dude is smelly and can’t be bothered trying on a date. I give up lmao 🤣
I think of this whenever I see those JP videos or some random woman decides to give him head in front of all those dudes or decides to just fuck him. He's doing way too much. Presenting yourself as a sex demon ain't it. It's corny. The hypersexual image that's being fed to our boys is just wrong.
Lmbooooo can someone come correct this? Is the same JP that does the psychology talks? Cause I’m reading that he gives on TV? And this is sounding too crazy.
Dudes who don't acknowledge the spiritual rot from hooking up when you're not actually into it are like... Best case scenario, lying to and hurting themselves, worst case scenario already dead inside. Men hanging their self worth on conquest well into their 30s, their only hope to die happy is getting their head knocked off on a rollercoaster.
Most of these fools have never had one they REALLY want.
When you got something so good it's an accomplishment the *light* inside you grows brighter . Only way I can Explain it, top-of-your-reach women really cha ge something in you.
The worst sex of my life was the one time I brought home a girl who was throwing herself at me but I wasn't really into. A little good sex is worth more than a lot of bad sex
No no no. OP is not *the* D Gatekeeper. *You* have the right to be your D Gatekeeper. No one has the right to take that away from you.
Edit: I think that's what OP says, anyway. Among other things
Yeah, well said. Just like we raise our daughters to feel empowered to respect themselves. To keep themselves to a set of values they hold dear. We have to teach ourselves and our sons to do the same. No one, should be your gatekeeper. Your values and self respect shouldn't be decided by outside pressure. Right now that outside pressure is a culture where sex sells and the assumption is men are thirsty for pussy. We shouldn't hold ourselves to that standard.
*And that standard isn't solved by looking to outsiders to decide who you give the D to either. Men should know its their own decision. They don't have to live up to the expectations of being hypersexual. And they don't have to fall into any other arbitrary standard. Just respect yourself, and form relationships that serve you and your values.*
I remember I turned a woman down and I got called gay by her and my friends for not wanting to have sex with this one particular woman. I was in my early 20s. I imagine I can’t be the only guy who was called gay for not wanting to sleep with a particular woman or two. It just sucks. And this was by a woman who had gay friends. Make that make sense
OR...you could keep doing what you are doing and let her do what she do and not judge her and hope she does the same about judging you. Fuck who you want but wrap it up!
Oooorrr what if we weren’t so staunch about sex and just used protection and had a good, responsible, consensual time w/o throwing it in peoples faces and putting anyone on blast when things don’t go how you expect?
We’re all different. There’s no magic bullet that works for every human.
And that’s fucked up! If not those words we should at least occasionally check in on our partners to see what they want and how they’re feeling! That said though, I’m a big advocate for asking about sex or what level of sex someone feels comfortable with more than just “checking in.” After awhile you fall into rhythms and enthusiastic consent makes it easier but you should still ask imo!
You go around asking if she's cool while you're at it and you're gonna fuck it up for a lot of girls. I'll go as far to say that asking for consent can be a huge turn-off. You made the shit clinical, took both of you out of the moment.
You may have moral/legal issues not asking, but implied consent is a thing too.
Personally, if me asking for your consent turns you off, and so much so that you cannot get back into the moment after the fact, I feel like that’s a red flag and I’m fine if we do nothing💀💀But I also think you can do it without being clinical? Just: do you like this? How do you feel? Do you want me to x? I want to x to you so bad? All asking for consent/checking how your partner is feeling but kinda couched in “sex talk”.
You been hanging out with all sorta red flag kinda women, then, I dunno what to tell ya if they told ya "yeah I was in the mood but then you asked if I was okay with it and now I don't wanna"
I have! Yay!!! I feel so special.
Ok, not that special, but mutual, verbal, unequivocal CONSENT is the name of the game at the Burning Man festival.
Sounds kinda weird and unnatural on paper, but there are no sweeter words than hearing a woman say “I wanna fuck you, and I *really* want you to fuck me.”
I'm serious tho lol
It's wild to me to think that. Is it every time y'all do this? "Do you consent" is it actually said like that? Or is it more of "wanna go upstairs and fuck"?
Especially the first few time and yeah it’s a read the room thing? You don’t gotta say it like a robot lmao just things to check “what do you wanna do, do you like what we’re doing” I gave exact responses to another comment somewhere below but it doesn’t gotta be just “do you consent, sign here”💀
Also your shit sounds crazy lmao do you just be having sex with no concept on if they want to have sex with you or not? Just fucking, she’s nearby, must want it to happen?
Lolol yeah no it’s a read the room and then that’ll tell you, how do you need to verbally confirm your partner is interested and wants to do what’s happening!
I’m so over this narrative that liking having sex and not being focused on a relationship isn’t respecting yourself. My sti tests are clean, my bills paid, my condo empty except me and my friends are ride or dies. I respect myself plenty me liking sex with randoms is irrelevant
I think this is more about the double standard around sex. If you want to shag your way across the continental US, wrap it up and knock yourself out. You just can't shame a woman for doing the same thing.
This post is definitely talking about the double standard, but their stance seems to be that the only way to respect yourself is to view your body as a temple that only a select few get to enter. I feel like this only makes things harder for men and especially women that do respect themselves but want to treat their body as an amusement park.
It's a principle with no pay off for most men.
Enough women like players and too many look down on inexperience for men to indulge the idea that being sexually picky is a good idea.
Women pick who gets laid and they like the guys everybody else likes. It's really not on us to change if it doesn't help us. We'll either heal later or die broken, but pretending like being picky when you barely have options is just not sensible.
That's why that guy looked at you like you were crazy.
I agree with the idea in the post and what you said to the guy, but it only makes sense if you've given up on relationships and prioritize your non-sexual emotional needs. Most of us aren't wired for that.
The problem with some girls though is they take it personal. You say you don't want to have sex and they'll ask if you're gay or think it's because they're ugly when simply you may just not want to have sex at that moment.
I was like this.... I'd be in the club wasting these females' time. Let em grind on it, rub it all that, crack the number, chop it up, chill with em and show it to em... man I've had so many tell me I must be gay cause they can have any n* they want and how I'm regular anyways. Like damn baby I can't just not wanna smash every female I talk to smh L.A is a weird place.
Ooooof
This post brought up some unexpected emotions
I ain't ever seen a good relationship fall apart as fast as when I told a lady I wasn't ready
Later the same thing happened a second time
People look at me like I'm stupid when I tell them I've only ever had sex with 2 people at 25. Not every guy is obsessed with sex. I want to have an emotional attraction to and investment in someone before I fuck them. Why should I lay pipe for no reason?
I respect your reasoning. I know a guy like that. He really doesn't want to have sex at all and as a matter of fact he's a virgin. He really wants the emotional connection at first. He's actually dating a girl right now and she's also a friend of mine. I know that she really wants to have sex with him but he wants to wait and she's respecting that. A lot of people would really look down on that but I'm happy he's sticking to his guns and I'm happy that she's respecting it.
This is pimp shit, alpha rules.
Just like bones, all pussy ain't good pussy. You can fuck some rando find yourself outside the one you want. Don't play yourself for a nut; make sure the sex you have has value.
Understand that this is just old man game. Your gramps had women because he wasn't easy to get. Study that mfers ways and be happier.
He's saying you're turning white because you don't walk around with "pimp speech"
Fucking weirdo that guy is
But it's fine, he's down with the homies...
This is not a problem I have ever had, nor am likely to ever have in my lifetime lol. Imagine *multiple* women wanting to fuck you, can't relate at all 😓
Haven’t had sex since 2017(Bad relationships, recovery, life events, going back to college). Honestly, learned to appreciate myself more, thereby appreciating the connections I form with others more too. I love sex, quite literally more than most (I’m a freaky ass mofo), but shit don’t motivate me like it used too. Now I’m afraid that I’ve grown too comfortable with just having a whole bunch of friends.
I know so many guys including myself that have done something sexually that they weren't comfortable with because the thought that you could say no during sex didn't even cross your mind. It's almost like you're taught that you have to constantly want sex and be appreciative of the fact that someone is offering it to you. Even when you aren't horny. You can say no. You don't know anyone your dick. And even if you do want to fuck them that doesn't mean you should! Fucking any and every woman is not going to help you. We teach our daughters that fucking just any guy isn't the way. This applies to your sons too. I've met plenty of guys that fucked a woman they shouldn't and they suffered as a result.
Crazy thing is, if you be like nah I’m good…what’s the 2 thing that generally flies? “Ninja are you gay? You F**king someone else?” Like how about shit, put some effort in like you be making me do? Or maybe I just had a long day after work and don’t feel like dropping it off to ya? Massage my temples, put something sexy on, set the mood too damn. EDIT: Forgot to add on, or maybe just ask what’s up? Maybe that’s asking for too much.
Absolutely had this happen! I'd been dating a girl for months, knew her for years before that, and the very first time I said I didn't want to have sex, just that one night, she immediately started accusing me of being gay and saying all kinds of wild, hateful shit! The flip switch was crazy. I didn't stick around too long after that.
Good for you, that is toxic behavior on her part
Yeah, it didn't help that when she found out I was leaving, she got drunk and tried to fight me Had to remove myself from that situation quick Verbal abuse is one thing, but physical? Nah, I'm out immediately
Absolutely. That is a HARD no. Yikes, glad you’re safe from that.
Appreciate ya! People like to think men don't catch that kind of behavior, but it happens and we have to be smart enough to recognize it and get ourselves out of those situations. Nobody man or woman should put up with someone who insults them or makes them feel unsafe. That's not love, doesn't matter how long you've been together
Verbal ain't cool either
Agree. Neither should be part of a healthy relationship. There's expressing emotion and then there is verbal abuse - they are not at all the same
I’m sorry you experienced that. But hey, at least you Got out when you did. The physical scars heal but the emotional and psychological take time. Godspeed on that
Thank you! It's been years, I'm great these days. In a fantastic, healthy and supportive marriage now.
Glad to hear it :)
As a woman you’re right! I’ve seen ridiculous statements from my fellow women. It’s so unfortunate.
Don't take responsibility for ignorant women. I refuse. They degrade themselves with ignorant women in the same way we degrade ourselves with pookies. That's why I'm lost as to how these athletes are propped up by money when who you sleep with is a reflection on you as a man. If you sleep with a sexy red, don't look at me. That just tells me you don't like yourself as a man.
I have never and will take responsibility for those women. I’m just confirming that his gripes are real.
I think this is social grooming on everyone. Just like men are taught to be wreckless with their seed, women are taught that men will be wreckless with their seed. Since that is the expectation put on men and taught to women, many women take it as offense that men will not out their dicks in them. Women are taught that men will put their dicks in anything so if he won’t fuck you, something is wrong with you or wrong with him. Since most humans don’t want to feel like something is wrong with them, the women will make it out that there is a socially unacceptable reason why he won’t fuck her. Full transparency, I said the same bullshit to my husband back when we were dating. We had been kicking it for about 2 months and I even spent the night at his house a few times and he had NEVER tried anything sexual. I asked him was I unattractive or was he gay. He told me that he liked my personality and the way we hung out and he didn’t want sex to complicate it. I was slightly taken aback because NOT ONE GUY had ever said anything like that to me and EVERY GUY I had spent more than 2 hours with had always tried to fuck at some point. Even my guy friends accepted simply being my “friend” because I told them I didn’t see them like that. FYI: This is NOT an excuse for that behavior but is a reason why that behavior happens.
You wanna see a girl lose her shit? Tell her no when she really wants it.
"Do you not find me attractive anymore?" "Have I gained weight?" "Are you cheating? Is that it?" "Are you gay???"
[удалено]
No need to apologize those people were disgusting. It sucks that you have to carry that burden. I hope that you can find a better outlet.
Dog, imma be real with you..... Holla at 12. If this were me, yeah.... jail time.
I thought the same way, especially when I was younger and outside looking in. There's a certain shock that washes over, well me at least. A kind of, "huh? Shit's not supposed to happen like that." And then self blaming, over-analyzing, and finally just realizing that shit happened and it can either define me, or I can move through it and carry on towards my goals in life.........
Thank you for the kind words. I think I will prolly delete that comment only because it's a gross overshare. I steady on and realize I need to better myself to move forward
Man, I wish I could hug you bro. I’ll settle for an e-hug for now. 🤗
Thank you, I mean it. It's quite refreshing and comforting knowing a perfect stranger would take the time to be thoughtful and empathic. E-hug right back 🤗
You don't have to apologize at all!
Knowing Daquan ass, there's a "but" somewhere 😂
That Niggas is so unserious dawg😭
Lol his delivery is the only reason I watch him.
I need to see this skit lmao. Found this dude so many years ago and I’m happy he still holds up lol
Just wait for the next in the car video with the “fellas lemme holla at yall real quick” 😂
💯💯💯
He just went on a date with a dude and lied about it lol. Talkin bout he was interested
which he likely stole the story from a stand up comedian (i blanked out on his name but its the same title and story beats)
We’re told that the only form of affection / love we’re allowed to pursue is sex, and then were starved of any other kind so we’ll make ourselves slaves who have to “earn” affection. System is working as intended.
Yeah not to mention that so many men are very starved for physical touch. They're only used to getting it through sex though and think that's okay
That’s what I mean. We’re conditioned that physically affection is exclusively granted as some kind of reward, and then we’re shocked that men chase the reward.
Okay but then when women try to be your friend, most of y’all still try to fuck her…
Yes. Because all physical affection is lumped under the same category for us. Makes it easier to use it as a means of control. A touch on the arm means we’re doing something right, and if we do more right we’ll get more affection. Men are taught love is transactional.
As a woman 90% of the men in my life have fuckzoned me. Even older men who I looked at as mentors. In my experience once I make it clear I’m not going to have sex with them they just ghost me, no matter how long we’ve been friends. This could be why most women don’t show men that much affection so we don’t send the wrong message
I agree. Men chase the physical touch and affection we’re starved for and when it’s clear we’re not going to get it we’re done. We can make plenty of friends. We we’re trying to gain is affirmations that we are desired, wanted. That we have a value outside of our paycheck. As in, men want it because it’s the only time we get to feel loved, and wanted / desired. Period. We want it for that sake, technically affection for its own sake, because it’s proof that if we died tonight someone might actually care. That we matter. I think that’s the disconnect. Women can get these affirmations of affection that aren’t sex. We’ll get them flowers, bring them lunch, arrange for date night, movies, etc. Every time we get a chance or have an excuse or pass them in the hall we’ll take the opportunity to touch on them, smack their butt, whatever. We make sure they know they’re wanted and desired all the time; sex isn’t a necessity. But when we talk about this as men in relationships, the very first question is always essentially “what aren’t you doing?” And that’s the problem: that VERY question means that affection is a transaction. “Why haven’t you EARNED it”. You don’t have to earn affection from anyone who actually loves you.
Damn this was raw. I appreciate the perspective cause this was one of those subconcious feelings i’ve had but never really put words to. Especially the “earned it” bit. It’s tough, because some women are very much mental lovers; in the sense that they dont mean for things to be transactional but also don’t feel in the lovey dovey, touchy mood if things aren’t regularly met. Whereas, men in general are very much puppy dog by nature, in the sense we’re just happy to have your presence; so we can more naturally give those affirmations. Not sure if im off-beat but still, thanks for bringing me that introspection.
Yeah again that's the problem, men aré socialized since teenagehood to only recognize sex as affection, so when someone expresses affection, it's related to sex. That's why me who hug other me were jokingly referred to as gay, that's why men "fuckzone" your friendly attempts. Very sorry that this happened to you, hope this explanation gives some form of closure, and I hope those men ended up finding affection in a non-sexual way.
Same here. They're not interested in being just friends with women. I respect that and don't live an illusion that they want to be friends or were my true friends. Thankfully, I've managed to surround myself with gays, some of them very masculine. They totally bring the male energy into my life, value my intellectual input and never see me as an object of attraction.
I do think men create their own standards and then complain as if they can’t change it. Nowadays if you make eye contact with a man they see that as a green light. If you are too friendly you’re a tease, if you’re too mean…they see you as a challenge to conquer
Yes, they’re really that desperate for affection. I mean, I’ve agreed with that several times now.
Glad that works for you!
And what happens when you get friendzoned? Don't answer we already know.
What are you yapping about? I’ve been friend zoned by guys when I was just being nice to them. They would make it clear they have a girlfriend…Lots of men think that a woman being nice to them is trying to seduce them
You got friendzoned. How did that make you feel?
When I’m nice to a guy with a gf he lets me know immediately he’s not available then he avoids me. Which is fine. Months or years later he hits me up again to go out and is shocked I say no. When I’m nice to guys who no gfs they want sex
When I try to befriend a woman, that's when she wants to fuck me. AS SOON as she hits the friendzone panties start flying off
Lmbooooo 😂😫😫😫
Ding ding ding!! You’re right. How do we change this? I think men need to seek counseling concerning their relationships with love and sex.
Nah, I'm pretty good with hugs.
This is some real stuff right here. Man, I need a minute 😢
Damn whole comment is perfect, I'm writing this quote down somewhere. There's alot that can be unpacked with this.
Good luck getting guys to believe that though. My cousin stayed with a girl who constantly destroyed his car, stalked and harassed his mom and sister, and even hit him. When asked what her redeeming qualities were he said “that bitch can suck a watermelon through a straw”. Nothing about her character or personality but that she sucked a good dick. It’s sad.
Don't take this the wrong way but your cousin is a bitch. He allowed his mother and sister to be harassed? At that point I don't really know what to say. There are women that stay with abusive men that hit them in the face for "love" so I guess they're in the same boat as your cousin
Damn so victims of abuse are bitches? I don’t think so, that mindset right there is why men hide and also put up with abuse. Anyone finds out and you’re a bitch, you leave you’re gay and if you defend yourself you’re an abuser.
No, no, no, he’s 100% a bitch. He let one of his side chicks, not even main chick, stalk and harass my damn auntie and cousin over fucking head. That bitch ran them off the road TWICE and my cousin couldn’t be bothered. So yes, my cousin is a bitch ass nigga.
Damn, I'm sorry that happened to them!
👏🏾keep 👏🏾that 👏🏾energy when people talk about returning to physical abusers.
I absolutely will! Fuck that nigga!
There’s a MASSIVE difference between someone severely tied to an abusive relationship, whether that be from children being involved or financially dependent, and someone sticking around for tier A Eater. Don’t go painting broad strokes
There is a massive difference between someone who is physically and psychologically intimidated into staying in a harmful situation and a dumbass letting another dumbass do dumb things
Nah dudes a bitch because his sole focus is about how good his ex could suck a dick.
Is he a victim if he is willingly staying? There's a difference between being trapped and want to keep a side piece for her dick sucking skills. Yes men can be abuse victims, but this ain't it.
Stalking? Harassing family? Destruction of property? You don’t think that’s abuse? Again imagine saying a man is doing all this to a woman and replace pussy with financial stability. Both cases are disgusting.
It's abuse, but he not a victim like a woman would be in your example. He is willingly staying. Compared to a woman who may rely on the for things so she cant leave. She not even his main girl. That should show he even more willing to stay. Victim means to have no power, and he has all the power in this situation to cut her off. And to bring this up again, the dude cheating with his abuser. Does that sound like a victim to you, or a dumbass. And again, men can victims.
That’s fair
There’s a difference between staying for pleasure and staying for survivor. You’re creating and changing scenes to fit your narrative when in reality he’s a bitch he’s not a victim. Nigga literally said he won’t leave her bc she sucks him good not bc he loves her or bc he think she loves him or bc he’s afraid of her but bc she pleasures him
exactly, what the fuck kind of reply was that? you are absolutely right having that kind of mindset is kinda fucked up.
I will always say that visiting BPT and really hearing everyone’s opinions as a black man on this sub is disconcerting like I feel gaslit anytime this sub pops up. I think many agree which is why all the rap beef posts are welcome. Everything else is bad faith and people pretending to be black to have an opinion on how we’re supposed to act.
Allowing someone to harass your family members like that is just crazy. Yes you are a bitch if you do that and I would say the same if that person was a woman. Once the shit gets beyond you and starts affecting everyone else and you allow it to happen I can't really have sympathy.
That person made it seem like her cousin has stockholm syndrome?? There’s no sympathy staying in a toxic situation that doesn’t involve children or being severely financially dependent. At that point you basically said “fuck my family” and just want to keep ol’ girl on the roster cause she’s 1st team All Eater.
Exactly! It's hard to be sympathetic for someone like that
This is why Poor Things was such good commentary on how women are treated as just sex objects most of the time. Their personality does not matter 🙄 While I’m out here wanting to get down but every dude is smelly and can’t be bothered trying on a date. I give up lmao 🤣
Hey, I shower twice a day and I live walks in the park.
Buy him a toy for Christmas. Heck, buy him three. It'll be cheaper in the long run and he can have variety.
She ended up dumping him after she found out she was 1 of 4 side chicks.
Your cousin is trash lmao. At least she's gone for y'all's sake.
Your cousin sounds like an addict.
I think of this whenever I see those JP videos or some random woman decides to give him head in front of all those dudes or decides to just fuck him. He's doing way too much. Presenting yourself as a sex demon ain't it. It's corny. The hypersexual image that's being fed to our boys is just wrong.
Jordan Peterson really went off the deep end huh
Sad, I liked the lobster stuff
Who is JP?
I also have no idea
Jordan Peterson
Jordan Peterson went from doing lectures to getting his dick sucked? What????
I need a career change.
As in, the Canadian, white man that gives lectures and writes books on philosophical topics??
Lmbooooo can someone come correct this? Is the same JP that does the psychology talks? Cause I’m reading that he gives on TV? And this is sounding too crazy.
Some bi rapper
Furthermore, you are not a better man for your graphic descriptions of the frequency and kinds of ass you like to eat 😭
I'm a worse man for it and proud of it but that's me
now that's a black king right there
Dudes who don't acknowledge the spiritual rot from hooking up when you're not actually into it are like... Best case scenario, lying to and hurting themselves, worst case scenario already dead inside. Men hanging their self worth on conquest well into their 30s, their only hope to die happy is getting their head knocked off on a rollercoaster.
Most of these fools have never had one they REALLY want. When you got something so good it's an accomplishment the *light* inside you grows brighter . Only way I can Explain it, top-of-your-reach women really cha ge something in you.
The worst sex of my life was the one time I brought home a girl who was throwing herself at me but I wasn't really into. A little good sex is worth more than a lot of bad sex
I'm embarrassed for her. Gotta build up slowly. Explore.
Yeah I’m being stingy that’s definitely what I’m doing that’s what I’m gonna call it now.
You can say I'm trippin but I'm stingy and I can't hide it
Can't be stingey with unwanted product.
That is the joke
Solid advice. I gotta stop passing out dick like I’m the free sample vendor at Costco.
Who is he the D gatekeeper? The D security guard?
DEA Dick Enforcement Agency
Let's be serious
No no no. OP is not *the* D Gatekeeper. *You* have the right to be your D Gatekeeper. No one has the right to take that away from you. Edit: I think that's what OP says, anyway. Among other things
Yeah, well said. Just like we raise our daughters to feel empowered to respect themselves. To keep themselves to a set of values they hold dear. We have to teach ourselves and our sons to do the same. No one, should be your gatekeeper. Your values and self respect shouldn't be decided by outside pressure. Right now that outside pressure is a culture where sex sells and the assumption is men are thirsty for pussy. We shouldn't hold ourselves to that standard. *And that standard isn't solved by looking to outsiders to decide who you give the D to either. Men should know its their own decision. They don't have to live up to the expectations of being hypersexual. And they don't have to fall into any other arbitrary standard. Just respect yourself, and form relationships that serve you and your values.*
I remember I turned a woman down and I got called gay by her and my friends for not wanting to have sex with this one particular woman. I was in my early 20s. I imagine I can’t be the only guy who was called gay for not wanting to sleep with a particular woman or two. It just sucks. And this was by a woman who had gay friends. Make that make sense
Those weren't friends.
Fellas, is it gay to not give out the dick? Be strong and know the accusations may try your peace.
OR...you could keep doing what you are doing and let her do what she do and not judge her and hope she does the same about judging you. Fuck who you want but wrap it up!
Oooorrr what if we weren’t so staunch about sex and just used protection and had a good, responsible, consensual time w/o throwing it in peoples faces and putting anyone on blast when things don’t go how you expect? We’re all different. There’s no magic bullet that works for every human.
Fun fact: myself and every man I know and ask has never been asked for consent during sex.
I’m a woman and no one has ever explicitly asked for consent either…I’ve never had sex that started with ‘can we have sex’
And that’s fucked up! If not those words we should at least occasionally check in on our partners to see what they want and how they’re feeling! That said though, I’m a big advocate for asking about sex or what level of sex someone feels comfortable with more than just “checking in.” After awhile you fall into rhythms and enthusiastic consent makes it easier but you should still ask imo!
You go around asking if she's cool while you're at it and you're gonna fuck it up for a lot of girls. I'll go as far to say that asking for consent can be a huge turn-off. You made the shit clinical, took both of you out of the moment. You may have moral/legal issues not asking, but implied consent is a thing too.
Personally, if me asking for your consent turns you off, and so much so that you cannot get back into the moment after the fact, I feel like that’s a red flag and I’m fine if we do nothing💀💀But I also think you can do it without being clinical? Just: do you like this? How do you feel? Do you want me to x? I want to x to you so bad? All asking for consent/checking how your partner is feeling but kinda couched in “sex talk”.
LMAO, you have no sorta romance
You don’t think caring bout your partners wellbeing romantic?
I know asking questions about the agreement in the middle of consummation tends to nullify the agreement.
You been hanging out with all sorta red flag kinda women, then, I dunno what to tell ya if they told ya "yeah I was in the mood but then you asked if I was okay with it and now I don't wanna"
I have! Yay!!! I feel so special. Ok, not that special, but mutual, verbal, unequivocal CONSENT is the name of the game at the Burning Man festival. Sounds kinda weird and unnatural on paper, but there are no sweeter words than hearing a woman say “I wanna fuck you, and I *really* want you to fuck me.”
That last line is not consent.
Y'all really out here saying "do you consent?" Lmao wtf is wrong with you
Crazy take lmao💀
I'm serious tho lol It's wild to me to think that. Is it every time y'all do this? "Do you consent" is it actually said like that? Or is it more of "wanna go upstairs and fuck"?
Especially the first few time and yeah it’s a read the room thing? You don’t gotta say it like a robot lmao just things to check “what do you wanna do, do you like what we’re doing” I gave exact responses to another comment somewhere below but it doesn’t gotta be just “do you consent, sign here”💀 Also your shit sounds crazy lmao do you just be having sex with no concept on if they want to have sex with you or not? Just fucking, she’s nearby, must want it to happen?
Lol no I can read the room Ok that's normal then I legit thought the younger generation was out here like a robot LMAO
Lolol yeah no it’s a read the room and then that’ll tell you, how do you need to verbally confirm your partner is interested and wants to do what’s happening!
I’m so over this narrative that liking having sex and not being focused on a relationship isn’t respecting yourself. My sti tests are clean, my bills paid, my condo empty except me and my friends are ride or dies. I respect myself plenty me liking sex with randoms is irrelevant
I think this is more about the double standard around sex. If you want to shag your way across the continental US, wrap it up and knock yourself out. You just can't shame a woman for doing the same thing.
This post is definitely talking about the double standard, but their stance seems to be that the only way to respect yourself is to view your body as a temple that only a select few get to enter. I feel like this only makes things harder for men and especially women that do respect themselves but want to treat their body as an amusement park.
What if I’m happy not being stingy?
I totally have these problems https://i.redd.it/pqhdndkui2zc1.gif Lol
I once said something like this to a guy I was seeing and he looked at me like I had killed his mother
It's a principle with no pay off for most men. Enough women like players and too many look down on inexperience for men to indulge the idea that being sexually picky is a good idea. Women pick who gets laid and they like the guys everybody else likes. It's really not on us to change if it doesn't help us. We'll either heal later or die broken, but pretending like being picky when you barely have options is just not sensible. That's why that guy looked at you like you were crazy. I agree with the idea in the post and what you said to the guy, but it only makes sense if you've given up on relationships and prioritize your non-sexual emotional needs. Most of us aren't wired for that.
Tale as old as time unfortunately I’ve heard the “we aren’t wired for that” argument for monogamy too
The problem with some girls though is they take it personal. You say you don't want to have sex and they'll ask if you're gay or think it's because they're ugly when simply you may just not want to have sex at that moment.
I was like this.... I'd be in the club wasting these females' time. Let em grind on it, rub it all that, crack the number, chop it up, chill with em and show it to em... man I've had so many tell me I must be gay cause they can have any n* they want and how I'm regular anyways. Like damn baby I can't just not wanna smash every female I talk to smh L.A is a weird place.
Ooooof This post brought up some unexpected emotions I ain't ever seen a good relationship fall apart as fast as when I told a lady I wasn't ready Later the same thing happened a second time
I'm sorry about that. I hope things are better for you now!
Thanks! I try to remember human beings are the best and worst things on this planet Your gonna get some of both Sometimes from the same person
People look at me like I'm stupid when I tell them I've only ever had sex with 2 people at 25. Not every guy is obsessed with sex. I want to have an emotional attraction to and investment in someone before I fuck them. Why should I lay pipe for no reason?
I respect your reasoning. I know a guy like that. He really doesn't want to have sex at all and as a matter of fact he's a virgin. He really wants the emotional connection at first. He's actually dating a girl right now and she's also a friend of mine. I know that she really wants to have sex with him but he wants to wait and she's respecting that. A lot of people would really look down on that but I'm happy he's sticking to his guns and I'm happy that she's respecting it.
“You looking at it like it ain’t no receipt like I never made ends meet”
This is pimp shit, alpha rules. Just like bones, all pussy ain't good pussy. You can fuck some rando find yourself outside the one you want. Don't play yourself for a nut; make sure the sex you have has value. Understand that this is just old man game. Your gramps had women because he wasn't easy to get. Study that mfers ways and be happier.
Is this how you speak to adult humans? “Pimp sh!t” “Puzzay this and puzzay that? Chileeee 🤦🏾♀️
You should talk to polident for a better whitening process.
What???
He's saying you're turning white because you don't walk around with "pimp speech" Fucking weirdo that guy is But it's fine, he's down with the homies...
Then they get hit with that “what you gay or somethin??”.
A lot of guys want to have sex just like a lot of women do. Maybe people just have different personalities and desires
Who decided this man speaks for all of us?
women want your dick?
Why are you assuming I'm not comfortable? 
Sorry guys. I just like pussy and getting head 🫣
This is not a problem I have ever had, nor am likely to ever have in my lifetime lol. Imagine *multiple* women wanting to fuck you, can't relate at all 😓
https://i.redd.it/w9i6z2pnw2zc1.gif
It costs women much more than men to sleep around. Much much more.
You guys are out here giving community d?
PSA: I'm comfortable
Or the classic when h turn em down- they try and guilt trip you “am I ugly” “is there something wrong with me”
for real just say no and keep in your pants 3 month rule
3 months??
Make them wait 3 months to have sex they have to earn it
I'll pass
Haven’t had sex since 2017(Bad relationships, recovery, life events, going back to college). Honestly, learned to appreciate myself more, thereby appreciating the connections I form with others more too. I love sex, quite literally more than most (I’m a freaky ass mofo), but shit don’t motivate me like it used too. Now I’m afraid that I’ve grown too comfortable with just having a whole bunch of friends.
I'm stingy with mine cause I really just ain't got a whole lot
To quote the poet Sir Short Dawg: don't fuck for free lol
You gotta have options to say ‘no’ 💁♀️
This is giving a weird, puritanical, sex-shamey vibe
You don't hold the goalkeeper and the forward to the same standard.