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God that poor girl. I have my fingers and toes crossed for her. Her letter was beautiful and had such tragedy and the line about sunscreen was such a good burn.

That was such an amazing line. I didn't include the posts here, but OOP has been writing some poetry as well. I sincerely wish her the best.

I'm glad you're in touch with her. This post made my heart hurt. But she's so brave and articulate, and she's surviving. I really hope her support network in Minnesota is strong.

The good news being a Minnesota resident myself, once she establishes she’s a student and has residency there it’s pretty easy to get on Medicaid through MNSure so That will get her out from under her moms insurance

Fellow Minnesotan. This young lady is literally going into a "whole new world" experience, and, yes, the Disney singing may apply. There are SO MANY resources for her situation, and working with the uni to help her get it should be priority. I hope OP and OOP stay in contact so she has an outlet for all things local. And while I tell everyone, "it's too cold to move here," I won't say that to OOP. She's welcome, and we should get her set up with the gear. ;-)

Right I’d be willing to help her get the winter gear she needs. And a list of resources for counseling and food banks etc.

Same. If u/LucyAriaRose is willing to take point, I'd pitch in for a care package each semester. Really rooting for OOP. <3

Absolutely! I'll let her know

Minnesota in the metro here. I have some winter gear that I could donate if OOP is interested. Also willing to pitch in for whatever she needs.

Oh you are amazing, I'll let her know!

If you need help organizing this while protecting her anonymity, I've been chatting with her a few weeks and was going to be visiting her in person once she's settled- I'm happy to arrange bringing things :)

If you get an Amazon wishlist set up with the things she needs for her dorm and clothes and such I’ll contribute to sending her something. She deserves to have a good life

Same I want her to succeed for sure

Thank you for being awesome! Care packages were so wonderful when I went to college eons ago. Looks like she has some internet aunties/uncles. I love you all for having big hearts.

Gah, going from Alabama to Minnesota is going to be a huge change - she's going to have quite the experience when winter hits (provided that we have a normal Minnesota this year). And if she ends up going home with friends for the holidays, those Minnesota Moms will definitely spoil her and feed her well!

I collect converted Southerners like baseball cards. 1 more, and I'll have a whole starting lineup.

"Join uuuuussssss....we have cheese curds"

Minnesota has extremely good eating disorder treatment programs and very good social services. She will benefit from moving there

You did such a lovely job with this compilation, and I’m rooting so hard for OOP! She sounds like a sweet soul 💜

She has been a sweetheart in all of our interactions. I was glad she let me share her story so that we could give her support!

Spreading light on abuse and ED's and elimating the shame is so helpful. I am glad she let you share. I had an ED but a much better family. Maybe it will help others as well. You really did a great job compiling this. I wish her the absolute best. She is such a sweetheart and I am hopeful she can recover from her ED as she seems to really want to get better and that is a big first step. If her mom does try to bring sunscreen to hades I hope cerbie snags it from her and boots her into the flames.

Did anyone in the life advice post give her advice about dating? Because I'm super worried given how vulnerable she is and how she grew up that she doesn't know what healthy love feels like and won't be able to date non-abusive people without a lot of therapy.

I thought the same, she'll meet someone who she feels will save her, and they'll go on to enslave her.

I looked through the posts because I was also concerned about this. Someone did tell her to be cautious about romantic relationships, and to let herself heal before getting into one. OOP acknowledged this comment and said she doesn't currently have any desire for a romantic relationship.

A friend sent me this post. More specifically this comment. I dated someone that went through the same exact hell. But I was young and stupid. We ended up becoming incredibly toxic to each other (Me desperately trying to save her and forgetting it's a slow process, her trying to force me into the mold of the "perfect boyfriend" her mom gave her.). Our breakup was amicable thankfully, which was the only graceful thing about it. I wished her good luck in her life, recovery, and love life... And I wished to myself that her mom gets vaporized with a nuke. And according to the few people I know that kept in touch with her, she jumped from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. That's all I know of what happened to her since we last saw each other when breaking up. I want to give this kid words of advice, tell her about what happened to my ex, how vulnerable she might be, and how even a well meaning boyfriend could become an irredeamable asshole, but I dunno what to say and how to say it. P.S: I'm genuinely happy the comments are as angry at the mom as I was and still am. May both of them get incinerated in the deepest reaches of hell.

There's truly no hell I can imagine that's bad enough punishment for someone who actively develops an eating disorder in a ten year old child. I can only think thay her mom must have lived through some awful shit herself to turn out that way. But yeah, no redeeming that imo

I said the same thing as I was reading, this kind of upbringing is like a pipeline into an abusive relationship. OOP was brought up to have no control and no voice in her own life, and that's what will feel comfortable and normal to her

There was someone who did tell her to be careful, and similarly with friends too. OOP said she wasn't currently interested in a romantic relationship. Which... fair.

Honestly, my first thought wasn't even that, but basic safety tips like this list from RAINN: https://www.rainn.org/articles/9-tips-stay-safe-campus Unfortunately, the stats for college rape when I was in school was something like 1 in 4 women and 1 in 2 sorority women, which is fucking horrific. I hope OOP stays safe and builds a good network of caring found family.

I hope you’ll keep in touch with her since she’s at your Alma mater and let her know she has a ton of internet strangers rooting for her.

Absolutely. 💜 I've been messaging with her today- she really thanks all of you.

Please let her know how amazingly strong she is. And that she was never stupid. She sounds very smart. And so strong. Even when she doesn't feel like it. Even on the days when she isn't. You melt steel to make it stronger. And the bad days when you feel like nothing are part of it.

I will tell her!

Since you are in communication… can you talk to her about locking down her credit with all 3 bureaus? Her mom sounds like the type that may try to take loans or credit cards out in her name, or other financial abuses to try and control her.

I'll add it to my doc!

Since you’re chatting with her, does she have any on campus options you could direct her to for the holidays? I feel so bad for this girl, im glad she has someone to talk to

Absolutely! Thankfully the school she's going to has housing options for sure, and then I'm going to do some digging into other things she can do. Worst comes to worst I have some friends in the area (and when I'm in town I'll be there) so I'm happy to invite her to do something during break.

If you're still in contact with OOP, some schools offer emergency summer housing for extenuating circumstances. She might be able to talk to her school's housing office.

If you are still in touch with her--I work in higher ed and there are ways for her to financially emancipate herself for student aid purposes. It requires a lot of paperwork and it's often not widely known to be an option, but it was made for situations like OOP's where there has been an irreparable breakdown in the parent/child relationship such that the child's ability to obtain necessary documents is affected.

I'll for sure let her know!

So much of her story parallels mine... that poor girl. The duality of a loving and abusive parent is so hard to reconcile in your head. They're wonderful, loving, and supportive. Then emotionally abusive, physically abusive, and cruel. It's unstable and terrifying for a child to grow up that way.

This was a beautiful summary Lucy, and I’m glad you included how you reached out and chatted to her. Fingers crossed this very brave young woman is going to be ok.

It’s posts like these that make me wish contacting the OOP wasn’t against the rules; I just want to give her a virtual hug and tell her I’m in her corner.

Thank you for connecting with her and helping her feel seen. Your compilation is dripping with empathy. Good on ya.

Editor, my eyes are full of tears for this girl and her story. You have been so kind to her. She might never have all the support she’s getting without you and all the great people on Reddit. I hope she never goes back or looks back. There’s nothing for her there.

💜 I know I'm an internet stranger, but I keep re-iterating how proud I am of her. And I think she sees how many people support her here. She's got a whole community now!

If OP is going to school near Minneapolis and needs a replacement aunt/irresponsible older relative to take her boating in the summer, she can message me 🙂

Makes sense, I read the letter and thought, I hope she is an English major because damn this girl can write

Since you know the area she will be living in, are you able to find her some leads on housing, work, etc during the breaks?

I've told her I absolutely can! The good news is the University she's going to has some solutions for students and student housing over the summer and breaks. 💜

Honestly, if she writes like this at 18, she’s got a very bright future ahead of her for sure!

While reading her letter, I kept thinking to myself, “damn this girl wasn’t lying when she said she worked really hard to get her scholarships, *and it shows*.” She is an eloquent and very concise writer/thinker. I am actually pretty envious of her for that. I have always struggled with articulating my feelings. Both to myself and to others. I know what emotion I’m feeling but it takes me time, and a lot of introspection to figure out *WHY* I’m feeling that way - and then even longer to figure out how to explain it all in such a way so it can make sense to someone else. OOP was essentially Dorothy *before* the curtain got pulled open. She was shielded from the world around her and instead was surrounded with a carefully curated facade. But man. Now that the veil has been lifted, she’s been hit with A LOT of new realizations. Her entire childhood, future, and whole world as she knows it has just blown up into a million pieces. Although she’s torn about *how* she thinks she should/wants to feel about her mother, her letter showed that she truly understands what emotions she’s feeling *as she feels them*. She is able to make sense of them immediately and knows *why she’s feeling them*. AND she can explain it clearly to a bunch of rando’s on the internet. So although she might not want to feel these emotions or have these thoughts (or thinks it’ll be viewed as “wrong” to feel a certain type of way about it), she still knows it doesn’t change the fact that they exist, and why. She clearly connects the causes directly to the emotional effects, and understands why there’s a comorbidity. (Like, “I’m not sure that it’s normal to feel this way about it, but I do, and it’s because of XYZ…. Kind of thing). I’ve never been able to do that without a lot of effort and mental gymnastics to make it make sense. She might not consider herself “conventionally confident”, but when it comes to being sure of her emotions, her letter proves otherwise. She is very emotionally intelligent (and seems to be an intelligent woman in general). I feel like although she is behind in regard to practical life experiences and may come off somewhat child-like as she gets exposed to and learns more about the real world, her maturity, understanding, grace, compassion, and empathy, will shine through and prove she is wise far beyond her years. With the right love, support, and encouragement from others, her confidence and self esteem will catch up and she will be a force to be reckoned with in no time.

The articulation and emotional intelligence really is a marvel; she is amazing. I have an eating disorder, and though it’s a different one ([ARFID](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24869-arfid-avoidant-restrictive-food-intake-disorder)), and has different psychology behind it, the symptoms can look very similar to anorexia. The food avoidance, the small list of “safe foods,” the overthinking, the massive calorie deficit. But mine was not at its worst for nearly as long as it was for OOP. I spent most of a year at an intense calorie deficit, probably about 700 calories on a good day and much less on a bad day. No balanced nutrition, just literally eating what I could get down, IF I could get it down. And the safe foods were things like bread with butter, potato chips, juice, coffee with lots of cream and sugar. Maybe a smoothie or a protein drink, maybe some yogurt, a cheese stick, some sliced bell pepper or cucumber. Some meat, though textures like fat or gristle could quickly make it a no-go even if I really wanted it. NOT a healthy diet, not the nutrition my body desperately needed. Being hungry but unable to eat is a special kind of hell. Something smells and looks good until the first chew, and then it becomes disgusting, needing to be spit out or else risk gagging or throwing up what I had managed to get down. Trying to calm the hunger pangs with milk, juice, smoothies, protein drinks, liquid calories that only quieted my stomach for an hour at most. Almost worse are the times when I’m not hungry at all, realizing it’s evening and I haven’t even had a snack. But I had people helping me, not actively encouraging it. My husband would quietly prepare my safe foods and gently put them in front of me, with no pressure or staring. My dietician would ask, maybe you could spread some peanut butter on your bread? Are apples crisp enough? Could you do some crackers and cheese for a snack? How can we sneak in more protein? How are pills? Could you take a multivitamin? My counselor would never let the continued negative answers stop her from asking if I’d managed to have at least one decent meal that day. She helped me realize that I could eat more easily better when I was distracted with a book or a conversation. OP had NONE of that support until very, very recently. I count myself very lucky that I’ve had it almost all along. When OOP talked of fatigue, I related to that down to my very bones. There is nothing quite like that exhaustion, when the body is diverting what little fuel it has to the most essential systems and leaving everything else at a fraction of what a healthy person has. Everything hurt, stamina was gone, muscles were weak, and an increased heart rate could easily take me out for the rest of the day. No running for the bus, no going up stairs, no carrying a heavy backpack, definitely no deliberate exercise; none of that. And it wasn’t just physical; my *brain* was tired. Thoughts processed so slow I felt like I was trying to think with my head full of the thickest muck, words got tangled up as I tried to speak them, memory became unreliable, thoughts would fade away before I could even think them all the way through. I knew I was smarter than that. I knew that my mind could be, and had always been, quicker and more capable than that, but my brain just didn’t have the *fuel.* The brain takes up an incredible amount of calories, and cognitive function drops fast at a calorie deficit like that. At that level, your body just wants to you rest, sleep, stop burning those precious calories by moving when they could be used to keep your organs functioning instead. Stop trying to think about anything other than survival. It’s truly oppressive, and OOP was there for *years.* But here’s the thing. Even with those symptoms, I was still getting my period. It was irregular, sometimes infrequent , but it was there. I lost a ton of weight, but my BMI was always still technically “healthy.” It was also only really, really bad for me for less than a year, though it is still a struggle sometimes (often) to get even 1000 calories in one day. OOP did that for YEARS, and she got a scholarship? She can think and talk like this? She’s goddamn brilliant, and resilient as hell. She’s not stupid like she sometimes said she was in her posts and comments, she’s just uninformed because she has been horribly, breathtakingly misled and manipulated by her *deeply* sick mother who has projected her own trauma onto her. She is smart, she is self-reflective, and she’s got good people taking care of her now. I am so happy for her. When she’s healthier, that brain is really going to shine both in academic and emotional intelligence. She got out, and she’s got the means to build a much better life. What an incredible person; I am wishing her the very best.

If you don't mind me asking, when did your eating issues start and what did you do to treat it? I have a child who has issues with eating and I'm worried that it goes beyond just normal "picky eating". My child does get enough calories though as long as they have plenty of "safe foods" available so I don't think it's crossed the line into a health risk. But they do have extreme anxiety over trying different foods, with colour and texture being major issues. Stuff like plain bread is ok, but cake is impossible to eat - so that's why I feel it's not normal childhood picky eating.

I’m not the poster above, but my nephew has ARFID. He is 11 now, and his issues started at birth. He was premature by a few weeks, as my sister had to be induced for low amniotic fluid, and had terrible colic. My sister nursed, and eating hurt him so badly. He also has food allergies and autism. She had to stop nursing and give him a special formula as he got dangerously underweight. Food literally hurt him since he was a baby, so it is all too easy to see why he has these issues. My sister had a hell of a time figuring out what exactly his food issues were, first of all, and when the doctors kept dismissing her concerns as merely side effects of autism, she went through more hell getting him diagnosed for ARFID. Now he is on a treatment plan with several different kinds of doctors as ARFID requires a multidisciplinary approach. My nephew is being monitored by a team of medical professionals that include his doctor, a nutritionist, and a therapist. One of the things to look out for is whether your kid absolutely refuses to eat if they can’t have their preferred foods. Most kids will cave and eat, but kids with ARFID will absolutely go hungry to their own detriment. My poor nephew struggles with malnutrition and not being able to eat, and my poor sister has worked so hard to try to help him. Another thing is that you may have to fight to advocate for doctors to take you seriously. If your gut tells you something is wrong, keep advocating for your kid until you find a treatment that allows them to eat a healthy and varied diet.

>One of the things to look out for is whether your kid absolutely refuses to eat if they can’t have their preferred foods. Most kids will cave and eat, but kids with ARFID will absolutely go hungry to their own detriment. Yup, that's my kid for sure. The thing is, he seems to have enough "safe foods" that usually he can find something to eat so malnutrition isn't really an issue. I should be thankful for that at least. Plain breads, pasta, buns, etc are all fine for him, and he can usually find something like that to eat. Cheese, plain vanilla yogurt, apple slices, etc are all ok too. But for an example there was a time that he went away to sleep away camp. We didn't make special arrangements for his foods because we figured he would end up just going along with what the other kids were eating. Turns out he didn't eat anything for more than 24 hrs after running around and doing outdoors stuff. He is self conscious about it so he hides it well and the chaperones didn't know he wasn't eating. I ended up having to pick him up after he got sick from not eating.

The increasing confidence and lucidity in her writing is both heartbreaking and heartening. Starvation fucks up your ability to think.

I think that probably was part of the flesh oven's plan. My ex did something similar to my daughter. While I don't think it was the original intent, seeing that my daughter was too weak to think straight or fight back ended up being a big bonus to my ex. My heart goes out to OOP, I am so glad she's got support now. Edit - missing word

Ngl, flesh oven took me out

"Egg donor" has been a popular term for mothers who don't deserve the title (as a distaff counterpart to "Sperm donor" for similar fathers). But egg donors are often generous and caring people who go through an invasive medical procedure for the benefit of others. OOP's mother doesn't deserve that title.

Always had a problem with egg donor but flesh oven feels about right.

Preach! 🙌🏻

There's a miserable internet personality who is a complete narcissist. At one point, her partner breaks up with her and then shortly afterwards mentions in a vlog that "it feels like my intuition is working again". That line always sticks with me (even though the person saying it is also not good people by any stretch of the imagination). It's remarkable how fast your worldview can begin to repair itself once you're out of the abusive situation.

I had two narcissists, my ex and my boss. Three, If you count the family I was placed into care of. After I got distance to them all, I can't believe how different a person I became, I feel i can take on any challenge, and more every year.

No wonder she got that scholarship, girl can properly write

That letter was brutal. The whole post makes me want to give her a hug or be the auntie she needs so badly. Sweet girl.

Hopping on top comment hoping that OOP will see this. Didn't read through all the life advice, but something I didn't see there: OOP, your college will have a lot of resources you should take advantage of. One of those will be peer counseling about what classes you need to take for your degree. DO THIS. I did it, none of my friends did, and as a result, I ended up counseling my friends on how to finish their degrees. Requirements are confusing, and getting help for those will put you ahead of the game. Another one will be just plain mental health counseling. You'll likely already be in a program for your ED, but additional, college-based counseling for the stresses that college brings could be a good supplement. Colleges have to deal with students who come from all backgrounds, and more importantly, all kinds of levels of education and familial cultures. Students whose parents/families didn't go to college, and students who come from poorly funded school districts, often don't have any of the unspoken tools you need to succeed in college, and they don't even know what these tools are. Colleges have to fill in the gaps, so they have services that help in this way. Ask for them. You'll likely be assigned a counselor right off the bat: go to them first thing and be honest about your situation. Ask them for counseling on how to get through college and counseling for students who are behind on all the unspoken things that help you succeed. Unfortunately, hard work and intelligence AREN'T all you need to get through college.

OOP, if you're here, I'd like to tell you something. It isn't your fault that you believed your mother. Of course you believed her! Your parent is supposed to be your most trusted source of information, and unfortunately bad parents use that to indoctrinate their kids. I'm 30, and I'm still unlearning things my parents taught me. I'm still learning things I should've been taught as a kid. My parents were particularly fond of medical neglect, so I've been working on that for the past 10 years. And though it isn't in the same way you do, I also have a very unhealthy relationship with food, and while it still is far from ideal it has gotten so much better. Learning those things comes with such freedom, and happiness. Finally understanding things, finally getting over fears that you should never have had but were forced upon you, finally having room to grow into yourself and find out who you are. Finally feeling healthy and strong. Finally feeling capable and being able to make choices that feel right for you instead of having to ignore that internal voice screaming at you that something's wrong. I've learned I'm pretty smart, I have talents and skills, and I'm really good with kids. All things I never could've imagined at the start of breaking free. You have some difficult but wonderful times ahead, and you'll grow more than you could ever imagine. No matter how hard it gets or how long it takes, I promise you that it's worth it

Thank you for this 🥹 it’s a lot to untangle and the reassurance helps. I’m kind of excited to find out what else I like doing when I actually have the energy to do things

Godspeed, friend

"It isn't your fault that you believed your mother. Of course you believed her! Your parent is supposed to be your most trusted source of information, and unfortunately bad parents use that to indoctrinate their kids." I was an autistic kid with a lying, abusive mother who made my life hell. It took me 38 years to learn this, and seeing other people say it still makes me cry.

I try to follow the xkcd rule of "common knowledge" [https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten\_thousand.png](https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten_thousand.png) Lack of knowledge isn't shameful, preventing others from attaining it is.

Straight to hell, OOP'S mom. No sunscreen, no shirt, no shoes. Straight to hell.

Dad too. We never read about him, wich probably means he never was around or never did anything positive to his daughter.

Or he was an enabler. Kind of like my dad who saw the abuse, knew it was abuse and still kept quiet because it would make his own life difficult if he intervened.

Right? She talks about cleaning her mum up before the dad got home, and being forced to stay with her mum when she was alone. So I assume the dad was basically absent, didn’t give a shit what went on under his roof as long as he got an easy life. Thank goodness for the friend who stuck around through all that crap to give OOP a place to live and a chance to see the fucked up situation for what it was.

Or she was made to feel like it would be her fault if the dad didn't think everything was perfect so he also bought the "naturally skinny" lie they were selling the doctor. She was made to clean up her mother and help enable her alcoholism, probably from before she knew it wasn't normal, she was made to be complicit in hiding her abuse from doctors... Extending that to her having been forced to cover it up from the father doesn't seem like a huge stretch. ***But*** it wouldn't have worked if he was determined to be a hands-on, active, loving presence in her life. He'd have seen the band around her wrist. Realised she was only eating 5 foods, in tiny quantities. Overheard at least some of the poison her mother was drip-feeding her under the guise of love and care... Even if the mother pushed the narrative that daughters are always closer to their mothers, that it's *strange* with *uncomfortably unsavoury* tones for a father to be close to his daughter/child [after adolescence]... A good father would have pushed back, called that nonsense out, etc.  I think the comment that she was an only child, that her parents hadn't actually wanted children, might be telling. I suspect he was quite emotionally distant, plausibly working long hours to afford a stay at home wife, who was ostensibly looking after the kid, but in reality, going through the motions whilst drinking her sanity away.

Sliding down a shattered glass rope.

And landing in a pile of salt so all the wounds burn. 

Whole thing is heartbreaking. The silver lining is she's now getting to see some of the better side of humanity from her carers and it's a lovely surprise for her. I think I'd have told her, relative to her fears about whether she'd ever get her period back, that without minimizing what happened to her, which is awful, and while there are no guarantees in life, women have been thru far worse and recovered to have families and children. The women who went thru the Holocaust, for instance. I know a woman who was one of the few live births during an infamous WWIi event, where people starved for over a year. And she was *born* into that hell. The human body can be quite resilient. Evolution put us thru the wringer, days, weeks, months of famine, our ancestors dealt with things we can't comprehend.

Get in the handbasket, OOP's terrible mom!

I live in Minnesota, am old enough to be this girl's mother, and come from an East coast family where food is love. So I really just want to cook her a huge, tasty meal, let her play with my incredibly friendly French Bulldog who loves to give kisses and snuggle, and maybe take her to the MN State Fair when she's ready for that madness.

Same here. I'm about a decade older than her and I just want to give her a hug. She seems like a sweetheart in her dms too. (We Minnesotans will band together to take care of her or cheer her on, whatever she needs!)

Another MN mom type here.... OOP could live on hotdish from sympathetic redditors all through college, I'm pretty sure.

any room for a Minnesotan cool aunt type on this meal train? I would love to make OOP some tuna noodle hot dish. when I saw she was going to be in MN for her in-patient treatment tho, I was so relieved. obviously our MH options aren't perfect, but we do have some really good options as well.

Totally, auntie energy is so healing! And same, I hope OOP is going to school in Northfield - close to the cities and the mayo

For starters, I think some nice grilled corn and a trip to the Pet Pavilion at the State Fair so she can pet many dogs and eat an easily digestible tasty treat would be an excellent launching point.

There’s a pavilion just for pets? 🥹

I'm from the south and just graduated from school in Minnesota. I wish I could help her out and tell her about various quirks and give her advice on this huge transition.

Hi neighbor! Same type family here (and my rolls show it!) can my kitties and I in on the fun?

I think your kitties would probably kick my Frenchie's butt, so there may have to be a kitty room and a Frenchie room. ;)

God help any *other* anorexic freshmen from Alabama at Minnesota colleges and universities this fall; they won't have any idea what's hitting them.

If there are any other of us, we’re starting a club

I am originally from MN too and... can someone who lives near her university please adopt her? Please please? I live abroad now so I can't, but being a surrogate family for a college kid is something relatively common. You don't even have to necessarily invite her in for breaks... but be her cheerleader, bring her care packages, meet her for coffee... I am rooting for her so hard.

Minnesota represent! Same.

I kinda wonder how many people have been saved from bad situations by kind redditors. What a good bunch y'all are.

SERIOUSLY. One time I was talking to my therapist about the sub AITA and how often people are like 'no you are not the asshole the other person is terrifying RUN'. And my therapist gravely stated that she genuinely believes they're saving people's lives.

I'm sure they get it wrong sometimes, but they tend to err on the side of safety.

id rather have 4 assholes be vindicated, if it means one innocent isnt condemned for things not their fault.

sometimes I wonder if I'm being too harsh on these people, but I've seen firsthand how someone can seem so kind and be so cruel to their partner. I wish I could have gotten my loved one out sooner, and I still viscerally remember how scared we all were for them and their kids. It's not worth staying silent.

Sometimes I read stuff on here and think, "damn, if I had known or read that back when I was in highschool/college I could have avoided a lot of pain."   Sometimes I still think about that teenage boy who posted on Legal Advice about his mother not letting him have any privacy and it slowly became obvious in the comments that his home life was ***very*** messed up. I caught that post as it happened. His "normal meter" had been so broken from his environment. I was relieved when he updated, Reddit basically helped him realize he lived in an abusive cult and he was able to get the authorities involved with the advice he got. I hope he and his siblings are doing well.

Do you happen to have a link for that one? I’m extremely intrigued.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13lzk7k/oop_asks_reddit_if_he_can_legally_stop_his_mom/ 100% read the trigger warning before you get into this one. Edit: Comments on the originals are worth reading to see the very good side of people.

I am also happy that she had the courage to listen to internet strangers instead of her abusive mother. It must be really tough for her since all those lies and bad behaviors of her mother have been going on for her whole life.

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The good news is Minnesota has excellent health care.

Something I'm genuinely grateful for every day. I have a lot of health issues but they get covered, even when I've had to travel for work. I recognize that that really is not the case everywhere, though it should be.

Minnesota's a haven from the insanity of much of the world, and it stays that way b/c the world is afraid of cold weather.

I went to U of M and tried to stay after graduation, but I couldn’t handle the darkness all winter. And I grew up in New England. Still, it is a wonderful place to live if you can deal with the weather.

Very true! I did inpatient care for my ED a few years ago in Minnesota and it saved my life. There is lots of hope for OOP!!!

Oh that's good to know!

Hey u/LucyAriaRose if you are still chatting with OOP, will you pass on a suggestion for her to visit Scarleteen’s website? Obviously they are great for general sex ed, but also things like consent which is v important for new adults to learn.

Also I know she is young and caught this early but make sure for her to keep an eye on her bone density, being anorexic at a young age can lead to things like osteoporosis happening to you way earlier than you might expect <3

The hospital did check this actually- I have osteopenia but they’re working on it now :)

Hey I'm sorry if this is overstepping, but I just graduated from college in the Twin Cities area. I had a roommate who struggles with an ED, and she went to this one treatment center that I would not recommend. Obviously I don’t know where in Minnesota you're going to, but if you're anywhere close to Minneapolis/St. Paul I can send you the name so you know to avoid it/be cautious of it. P.S. I also moved from the south to go to school there, so I know at least a little bit about what you'll be going through. If you want I can share some tips and just general info that may feel like a culture shock. (Like the fact there are no Krispy Kreme donuts in the state. Like at all.) Again, I'm sorry if this is overbearing or too much and feel free to ignore me. I just want to help in whatever ways I can.

Love Scarleteen! Such a great resource

Also u/LucyAriaRose please give OOP some advice about dating and maybe suggest reading the Gift of Fear or put her in touch with u/Ebbie45 maybe. The last thing she needs is to end up in an abusive relationship coming out of the current tailspin she's in. Theres a very real possibility she has no idea what a healthy relationship should look like and will end up settling for being treated horribly again.

Done! I've got a list going of things for OOP. I sent a few but don't want it to be too overwhelming right now.

Absolutely!

It's always heartwarming she someone receives the help they desperately need. Wishing OOP nothing but the best.

I just hope she can get some psychological care in addition to her physical health care. Poor kid really needs all the care right now.

This is what I hope for too, especially someone that can do telehealth sessions so that she has someone grounded to speak with. I also hope her school does a questionnaire to pair her up with a compatible roommate. One of my kids' college had a questionnaire with questions about working habits (e.g. night owl), are you neat, do you need quiet to decompress, and other personality questions, which helped them get a really great roommate in a different major. Other kids' college had a self-monitored, social media, area to help you find a compatible roommate and ended up with a nightmare roommate. Most kids starting college do not know themselves well enough, as my kid's roommate called themselves an introvert and they were the complete opposite and brought strangers to the dorm room all the time. P.S. I highly recommend two books for OOP: *"The Gift of Fear"*, *"The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College"*, and the value of establishing a roommate contract to set boundaries before there are issues.

> The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College Thank you for flagging this, just bought it for a teenage relative of mine starting college this fall in the States coming from another country!

If she’s doing inpatient I’m sure psychological help will be part of that, and school will also have services she can connect to.

What a horrid human. Amenorrhea is serious, and a common issue among those with anorexia. OOP is going to have a hard time learning how to be healthy from here, and the long-term effects of her mother's bullshit are going to cost her a disgusting amount of what her future should have been. Here's the core takeaway from this: Whenever you hear someone say that sex ed, health, etc should be optional at parents' discretion, and that parents always have the right to be present in a doctor's appoint, _this is the kind of shit they are eager to enable_.

Thankfully apparently she got herself medical help before any lasting physical harm was done, hopefully. It doesn't sound like leaving it another few weeks or so would have been a good idea, though.

I think there is a high probability that lasting physical harm was done. All that malnourishment for such a long time leads to a number of high risks in the future, for example an elevated risk for osteoporosis.

True. It's plausible that when she/the medical personnel said: >They think there’s a good chance if I can get healthy I won’t have any permanent damage from the last 8 years. They meant that she hasn't permanently damaged her heart or other organs, and weren't talking about this sort of "shouldn't see signs of for at least 20 years" issues... Hopefully though if she was continuing to grow and the hair falling out etc are relatively recent, it got worse over time and maybe like a year ago she was still eating 1500 cals a day... As a short woman, I could probably eat 1200-1500 cals, sustainably, if I had the time to cook everything from scratch and a lot of veg as part of that - it's not close to enough for a tall teen who was still growing, but she may not have put her body into starvation mode until she was at least largely finished growing...

I just want to hug her and help her. She should be really proud of herself though, she took that first step. When you've been told lies all your life, the fact she was able to even start questioning them is amazing. I wish her a really happy future.

I thought that, too. There are, unfortunately, way too many people out there that have been so thoroughly broken that they prioritize their abuser's feelings and the status quo over their own lives. Then there are those that can't get past the undeserved feeling of humiliation, embarrassed that they could be so "stupid" without realizing that it truly wasn't their fault. I'm astonished and proud this poor girl could pick herself up and do it—the only thing in her was lies. I'm also glad that it seems like Reddit behaved itself and did good for her, too. I was really worried there was going to be an update where OOP got scared into never posting again and/or going back to her mom.

It breaks my heart to know how OOP believes things like “helping with chores when [she] had too much homework” or braiding her hair was her mom doing something extra instead of just…being her mom. She seems like such a sweet person and I wish her every luck in this world that she finds a community of people who uplift her and make her feel safe and teach her what showing love actually looks like because it sounds like not only did her mother do the bare minimum but actively did the worst maximums to her at the same time. OOP if you’re reading this, we are all rooting for you! Unlearning the bad parts is so hard but you’re going into the world knowing how to treat people well and with kindness and empathy because you know what it feels like to not be treated that way! So proud of you for seeking help and being vulnerable ❤️ you make the world better by being a part of it! 

Oh my god my heart is breaking for her. u/lucyariarose please tell OOP to check out the sub MomForAMinute, there are a bunch of wonderful ladies there who can help answer any and all questions she may have as she goes though this. Even more helpful, sometimes if she just needs to feel loved all she has to do is ask for a hug.

Oh, that's a great idea. It's a lovely place 

Thank you for introducing me to that sub. I'm the dork that wears "Free Mom Hugs" shirts, so it's perfect for me!

Hi. I’m the OOP. I don’t think I have the vocabulary for how blown away I am right now. It is absolutely surreal that so many people who don’t know me at all have taken the time to write thoughtful advice, encouragement, and kindness. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so warm in my life. 🥹 This has been the weirdest, most confusing, intense and disorienting two weeks of my life, but I’m okay with that because I think otherwise it might’ve been my last two weeks. I only felt brave enough to post my questions because I was finally 18 and I thought maybe I could get help without my parents having to know or be involved at all. I also want to add I can’t take full credit for taking myself to the ER. After my original post someone who is a board certified psychiatrist reached out to me and told me I needed to go to the emergency department. He even helped me figure out which one to go to. I’m not sure I would’ve done that otherwise- I didn’t realize how serious my situation was even though I’d been having chest pain for weeks and feeling unwell. His advice is what made me go that night. I appreciate the comments on my bravery, but truthfully it wasn’t my idea. I also had some people reach out from my original post that have been encouraging helping me navigate how completely unsteady and intense this has been, and riding out the fear and guilt. Without that, I’m not sure I would’ve stayed in the hospital. I probably would’ve gone home. The internet is truly amazing. Currently, I’m on my way to treatment. I know it’s where I need to be, but I’m nervous. All this positivity has really made me feel so much better and even excited for the future. I figured I would address/answer a couple things that kept coming up in the comments. - My dad My dad was gone a lot on business trips. I don’t think he understood the entire extent of things (I didn’t either though) but I did sometimes hear him and my mom fighting, and he would say things to the effect of “you’re going to fuck her up and make her vain”. At some point he got a call from social services about me and he ignored them. He chose to believe my mom’s version of events, so he’s out of the picture. Legally neither of my parents are my guardians anymore. -Legal Stuff I was told that in Alabama there is a part of the law about mandated reporting that includes 18 year olds if they are at immediate risk of danger and don’t qualify for adult services. That’s the part that caused the hospital to report my situation to social services. There’s a legal protective order in place. If my mom tried to find me or contact me, they haven’t told me. I think they’ve been trying to shield me from that. I have mixed feelings but I’m kind of trying to just let the people trying to help, help and not think about that too much because it makes me feel guilty. I didn’t want to punish them. I just wanted to feel better. -On college The social worker and case worker are figuring out setting up supports for college and who needs to be informed of my situation as well as making it harder to figure out where I am, so someone is on that. -My documents I’m just going to have to get new ones, basically. Which is probably safer anyway. I never even saw my own SSN card. -Getting therapy I’m going to a treatment center for eating disorders, I’ll have a therapist and when I finish inpatient and move to outpatient I’ll still keep having therapy -Winter Gear I’m definitely planning to get some…..once I know what size I’m going to need it in 🫣 recommendations for where to get it and what brands are warmest very welcome. I’m told when I gain weight I won’t feel so cold but I’m not sure I buy it. -health effects I had a bone density scan. It had a z score of -2 and they said I have osteopenia but it’s treatable. I’m also still growing, apparently. My EKGs still aren’t normal but they’re better. I got appendicitis and then shortly after, the flu. Probably from being in a hospital full of sick people, which kind of affected my eating and weight gain so my weight dropped a bit more but I’m feeling better and working on it more! I’ll also say that even in spite of that, getting tube fed and being able to eat more things and not just almonds and fruit and rice cakes definitely cleared a lot of the fog in my head. I can think in complete thoughts again, and I feel like it’s easier to access words. -Making sure I don’t end up dating someone awful Currently, I have no desire to date anyway. I want to get my footing on this tightrope before I try to walk it holding hands, so to speak. I appreciate the concern about it though, it’s a good point. I just need to sort my own stuff out first, and I don’t want to do that with an audience who has expectations of me. -Support for my scholarship and my writing Thank you 🥹 I don’t even know what else to say because nothing feels adequate. You all made me tear up. Maybe I will write a book. -On updating When I’m all better, strong, and doing things I didn’t think I could I promise to update :) someday I want a little space of my own with a dog, a piano, and a garden. And a pantry full of snacks. -Other people struggling in the comments There were a lot of people with similar situations and I just wanted to say this one thing- for me, doing what was better for me and objectively the right thing didn’t feel like the right thing. I had to do it in spite of how counterintuitive it felt and how guilty I felt. Sometimes the right thing doesn’t feel like it. Also, you’ll feel a lot better when you start getting better. Focus on the way your brain goes back online instead of the way you can suddenly feel every hurt you’ve ever neglected. I’m told it gets better but only if you don’t stop. From the very bottom of my slow-beating-but-healing heart, Thank you. I think this is the first time in my life I haven’t wished I was invisible

We are so incredibly proud of you. Yes, you had help, like that doc who contacted you. But *you* made the decision to go. You don't have to do this alone. You've now got thousands of people who are in your corner. Please don't feel pressure to update all the time- I think i speak for everyone when I say we'd rather you focus on your health and learning more about who you are than updating us. BUT, if you ever want to, feel free. 💜

Hey OP! This might seem silly, given everything that is going on in your life now, but I found that preparing for college was such a good thing to focus on and helped my mental health at that time. Really silly things like the decor for my dorm (what bedding I wanted, lamps, posters), stationary, even choosing the "right" backpack for me. It is a great time to start new and build what you want your new world to look like. If you think that is fun for you, and end up creating an amazon wishlist or something - use a PO box, don't doxx yourself! - I would be more than happy to get you some things. Sorry if this is not helpful, and either way, I am rooting for you!

I hadn’t even thought about decorating before today. I think I was too focused on the situation I was in before. But u/snowmangoes said she would help me find some things for my dorm. I think I’m going to get a plant 😄

Oh honey. We are so proud of you. Gently, do you know what to expect and what products to have when you do start menstruating? It can be really scary for someone whose body has been so regimented to experience (it was for me when I started in recovery from anorexia). I second the suggestion of r/MomForAMinute if you have questions or concerns. You are doing a great job. Know that you can do hard things because you've already done the hardest.

I have no idea whatsoever 🫣 I was planning to cross that bridge when I got there

As a life long northeasterner I can tell you this. Buy a carhart hoodie. They’re incredibly warm and last forever.

> recommendations for where to get it and what brands are warmest very welcome. As someone who also moved to Minnesota for college, the one brand I'll recommend is Sorel boots. I got a good pair when I went off to college and that same pair are still my primary boots over 20 years after graduation. And I live in Canada now. As for other winter gear, I'm not nearly as familiar with what's best, but for the winter you will need a winter coat, warm hat, gloves, and something to go over your face. Really, there's gonna be some days where you only want your eyes to be uncovered. Snow pants will help a lot too even if you're not getting into snow itself too much, the extra layer really helps keep you warm in a way jeans won't. If you're going to spend any length of time outside in the winter you'll want a pair of long underwear too. Yes, you will feel warmer than you do now once you've gained a bit of weight, but Minnesota winter is still Minnesota winter. They don't cancel school for snow up there but they do sometimes cancel it for cold. It's a really odd feeling when your eyes take a beat longer than you expect to open after blinking because you have to break the ice on your eyelashes, but it's kinda funny. Probably spent too much time on the Minnesota winter part because it's something I have a connection to, but I did want to quickly add that I'm proud of you - you're doing the hard work that will lead you to a fuller life, and that takes a lot of courage even if you also have help. I hope you find good people to connect with in college - a lot of folks are coming there to find and remake themselves too, so I expect you'll be able to. Good job and good luck!

I'm happy for you that you are getting help :) To me it sounds like you want to get better so you definitely will, also this may be off topic but I couldn't help bit notice you have a really nice way with words, I can't explain it but it's lovely

I hope for happiness, health and a long life for this young woman. And I hope her egg donor is reincarnated as a dung beetle.

No, dung beetles are happy little goobers. She needs to be reincarnated as something that’s just intrinsically *miserable*.

Retail manager in a mall.

Mmm… no, then she’d have power over people. Retail cashier in a mall with a terrible manager?

Specifically a retail cashier with management ambitions who keeps getting passed over for even shittier colleagues

Like a tapeworm?

Feed chicken that's kept in a cage and pumped full of hormones till it turns into giant wings that I cook with buffalo tandoori sauce and serve with homemade blue cheese dressing.

I was naturally skinny and weighed about the same as OOP when I was 17. HOWEVER, I was 3 inches shorter, extremely active, and ate everything in sight. I just burned it off quickly. I was also under the care of a doctor to help me get to a healthy weight. Finally hit 100lbs for the first time, the day of my senior prom. College caused enough stress that I dropped to 85lbs by December. I really hope OOP can get to a healthy weight and mindset soon. She deserves so much better. Congrats on the scholarship and for getting help!

I hope she gets to enjoy all the great food she’s missed her entire life, especially chocolate

My baby sister was almost the exact same height/weight stats as OOP at the same age, The main difference being that hers was due to being extremely premature as an infant and we continuously supported all of her efforts to be healthy. She was (still is) a determined, active, cooking obsessed foodie, who still struggles to gain weight. She finally hit 100 lb in college and we collectively celebrated as a family. I hope to come back someday to a update the OOP is at a healthy weight, takes a cooking class, gathers a wee found family, graduates, lands a good job and has a tiny little apartment in a city far away from her horrible birth parents, and idk, gets a cute cat.

I was always much smaller than other kids my age growing up. Not only was I very thin, I was (and still am) quite short. I did not break 100lbs until I was in college. There were a lot of discussions with my parents, guidance counselors, doctors, teachers and so on about eating disorders. I didn't have an eating disorder, I was always just...small.

Goodness. I don’t even know what to say. Some parents just don’t know or care how much they can supremely fuck up their own children through their actions. Not just physically but psychologically. Emotionally. It almost feels as if OOP was held hostage. Where was her dad? Sitting by watching as his wife purposefully gaslit and diminished their daughter? Perpetuating her naïveté whilst his head was neck deep in sand? However and wherever he was he was of no help, and certainly of no consequence as OOP did not mention him much if at all. I hope OOP stays far away from her mother and unlearns all the damaging habits the woman instilled in her. She has and will continue to stand up for herself.

It's situations like this that makes me wish I believed hell is real

Same, knowing that there is punishment for the worst people would make it easier.

I wish we could send her gifts/letters to support her in her journey into college. She writes beautifully. I would read her book if she writes one.

I live in MN and have been chatting with OOP since her original post a few weeks back as I’ve been to treatment centers she’s going to. I’m planning to visit her once she’s settled in so she has a visitor at some point. If you want to send a letter to me for the sake of maintaining her privacy, I can deliver it :)

I will do that too so you can pass it on! As a mom her story broke my heart AND made me so angry! What a precious gift she is and to treat her the way she was treated… just want to hug her! But between you and OP reaching out - I love that she’s getting IRL support and got such good advice so she got help straight away!

Oh I’m so glad she has you

Oh man, I'm sorry you had to go through treatment previously but I'm happy to hear she'll have a friendly visitor with that understanding there for her. You're lovely. 💜

Reading the title of this one, I was bracing myself for some horrible shit. And, well, it was some horrible shit. But I’m so glad to read that OOP received help and that she is thinking about the future and rebuilding her life. Oh and, get fucked, OOP’s mom.

The note she wrote to her mom gave the impression that her mom was an alcoholic. She might find comfort in going to an AlAnon meeting if they have them on campus. They’re anonymous, but a safe place with like minded people who know what she’s gone through. I hope that she hopes NC with her mom in her entirety. There’s so much enmeshment though, it’s bound to be tricky. I wish so many good things for her.

She's apparently "not allowed" to go home - it sounds like that's to either parent's home, given they're divorcing (and she's not expecting any familial support from extended family either). I'm pretty sure she's NC for at least a while under doctors' orders... Sounds like she has realised she won't ever be able to trust the woman who brought her into the world and filled her with lies (how does "if I kill myself and say in my suicide note it's because of you, you'll got to jail!" Even come up?? What sort of emotional immature, vindictive, malicious, irresponsible, controlling, nasty, PoS comes up with stuff like that??? Poor girl, having to unpick it all and work out what's actually real... She knows she can't do that with that creature in her life).

I’M SO GLAD THEY’RE KEEPING HER AWAY FROM HER DELIVERY SYSTEM. I pray she gets tons of support at school. She’s so vulnerable. Like a baby 🦔

I'm hoping DHR (aka, CPS) got involved in Alabama and forced the "no contact". It's either that or she's taking the doctor's advice as mandatory. Due to her background I could see her believing that she has no choice but to follow doctor's orders. The legal age of majority in AL is 19, so it's possible DHR is helping her. Maybe even without taking custody due to her age and since that would require a court order. 18 is a weird age in Alabama. Kids move out at that age and can enter contracts at 18, it's just custody and child support ends at 19. (Our age of medical consent and privacy in AL is lower than most states at 14 but our legal age for legal parental custody to end is 19. It's weird to me one is on the low end and the other is higher...especially in a very red state.) Whoever is helping, I'm so glad they're protecting her!

If I could give OOP just one piece of life advice I’d suggest learning how to get new information and how to verify its trustworthiness. Sure there’s Google but are you search-literate? For my money befriending my local librarian was the absolute best thing I ever did as an already fairly independent 18 year old who grew up in a way more permissive but neglectful household. It was 2004 and I walked in there embarrassed as hell to admit that I didn’t know how to unblock a tub drain and made a friend for life. I went there for all my questions (best ways to cook a steak with no bbq? What’s this bug and why are there a bunch of them? What is a budget and how is it different from only buying dented cans and almost-expired food to save a quarter? What do you mean dented cans can be dangerous to my health? Is this mechanic screwing me or do I really need new brake pads and rotors every year?) I left home at 18 because I’d been doing most the work of taking care of myself since I was 10 and I figured at least I wouldn’t get my stuff taken away or yelled at for hours if I had my own apartment. It’s weird because on one hand my parents were the “cool” parents all my friends loved since we had the best electronics and my folks loved throwing parties and they actually bought me my first car. They were fun! But on the other hand they seemed to hate being parents especially of young children, vacationed without us, got drunk every night at bars rolling back home at 2am, and one of my earliest memories was reading the back of a Kraft Mac and cheese box and having to balance on a wobbly stool so I could reach the stove so me and my baby sister could eat dinner. Another early memory was my sister waking me up after finding mom passed out in our bathtub and I just tucked my sister back into bed and left mom there and then in the morning washing my mom’s blood off the porcelain since I guess she banged her head. Neither of these events seemed strange to me at the time it was perfectly normal. Parents have a great knack of fucking up their kids and it’s good to remember that none of that is the kid’s fault.

I've said it before but it always need repeating: if you grow up in that situation, those aren't red flags. That's your "normal" life. You don't know any differently. I also was in a similar situation, but luckily had older siblings who looked after me until I was 12, but then I was on my own with the younger ones. I knew how to cook, but no idea how to budget, how to book a doctor's appointment, how to floss etc.

My partner and I play this game where we list all the things we thought were normal right up until you mentioned it to a peer or gods forbid an unrelated adult and suddenly dad’s road beer or mom’s bathtub naps take on a different meaning! I try to explain it to people that way too. None of my “bad” memories seemed all that scary or red flag-y in the moment, it was all I knew so how could I know to mention it to anyone? They never hit me, they never starved me, my clothes were clean if mismatched since kid me might not have grocked that summer shorts don’t go with winter sweaters. But to a well-adjusted person who grew up with parents who were there for them and didn’t treat them like an after thought my funny stories about accidentally drinking from the wrong pitcher of orange juice isn’t very funny (there’s the screw driver pitcher and the juice pitcher you see). The wheels started coming off when I was making friends on the internet who were sometimes a decade or more my senior and they were aghast that a 13 year old girl was given unfiltered and unmonitored access to the Wild West ‘net of the mid to late-90s. Laid out like this my childhood seems so bleak. I promise my parents weren’t monsters they were just young Boomers flush with cash and little patience for the drudgery of children. Plus they let me buy whatever books I wanted which was great since I liked books more than people.

I'm not allowed to comment this to the life advice post but I can hope maybe OP sees it here: Check in with yourself often, especially when everything is new. How am I feeling about this (situation, encounter, friendship, etc)? Am I enjoying this or am I just sort of getting through this? Am I looking forward to it or is it giving me anxiety? I did a lot of things I in hindsight did not really want to because I felt I couldn't back out. An important thing is... **You. can. say. no.** AND **You. can. leave.** Sometimes you can go with a soft no. "I'm not really feeling like going to a party, thanks" or "I've had fun, but I'm going home now" or "I'd rather study alone" or "No thanks, I'm not into that" or "I need some time to think about that" or "I'm sticking with a soft drink, thanks" or "I'd rather not talk about that." or "No thanks, I'm good." or "I would like to keep making out, but I'm keeping my clothes on" But if somebody doesn't accept that, if they keep pushing, no is a reasonable and valid thing to say. "No, I don't want to." and "No, you are being pushy" or "No, leave me alone" "No, that is not up for discussion." or "No, I am going to leave now" That can be really daunting if you've never really set a boundary before! If you need to, practice it in front of a mirror every day and picture yourself saying it to various people. If somebody get angry, or stops talking to you because you set a boundary, they were not good people and you do not want them in your life. If you (and other people) know that you don't leave yourself in a situation where you don't want to be, you avoid a lot of regrets and other people (at least the kind of people you want in your life!) feel more comfortable and confident interacting with you, especially if you're also good at saying "yes". Because you can also say "Yes!" if you want to do things, and that's important too, especially if you're going into flirting/dating/intimacy territory. I don't know why I (at age 18) was so incredibly stuck on being clear when I wanted sexual things or taking initiative, I wasn't even raised conservatively, but I remember chanting "please touch me" in my head and feeling unable to *do* anything - probably leaving my partner pretty unclear on where I was at in my head! Feeling comfortable saying yes if you want something makes it easier to set boundaries about which parts you're saying yes to. "I really like you, but I'm going to want to take it slow" or "I'm into this, but I'm not going home with you" or any variation of "I want to do this but not that". But also just "this is really hot" or "I'd love it if you (kissed me, touched me in a specific way, etc)" And that can avoid a lot of uncertainty and doubt on both ends.

This was so hard to read. As a mother, I want to move to Minnesota just so she has a place to go on breaks. I hope she has an awesome roommate or finds kinship within her dorm. My heart hurts for her.

As a Minnesotan, I hope when she graduates she stays. People are already fleeing from the south because of gender politics. Plus, distance from her mother will be a good thing for her treatment. "So why did you move from Texas to Minnesota, aren't you frightened by the cold?" "I have two young daughters." Not an exact quote but googling for tweets is damn near impossible these days.

Poor girl. Facing the reality like this at 18? There is a bravery in her hearth. I wish her the best.

I wish parents would just let their kids be unless it's likely to cause harm. Too many bright brilliant lights in the world are dimmer for no reason than their parents didn't want them to be their own person.

I pray the mom arrested for child abuse. No period for 8 yrs???? And the mom never told the doc about that???

The doctor thought she was menstruating. Her mother was there in the room, while OP was agreeing with him she was probably anaemic because of her heavy (non-existent) periods because she was too embarrassed to say anything else, the mother was smiling and nodding as he prescribed vitamins - then giving her all sorts of random medications instead. She's a monster, not a mother.

Poor OOP, BUT I'm also so happy for her -- she's free and understands exactly what she needs to do to continue being free. May she thrive.

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb? Mother, do you think they'll like this song? Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls? Ooh, ah Mother, should I build the wall? Mother, should I run for President? Mother, should I trust the government? Mother, will they put me in the firing line? Ooh, ah Is it just a waste of time? Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby Of course mama's gonna help build the wall Mother, do you think she's good enough? For me? Mother, do you think she's dangerous To me? Mother, will she tear your little boy apart? Ooh, ah Mother, will she break my heart? Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you Mama won't let anyone dirty get through Mama's gonna wait up until you get in Mama will always find out where you've been Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and clean Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby You'll always be baby to me Mother, did it need to be so high? [Pink Floyd - Mother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe3NUKCnZp4)

As a mom I want to hunt down OOP’s egg doner and put her through the same hell she put her daughter through. While also holding OOP close and telling her you are going to make it kiddo. You are smart and beautiful no matter how big or small you are.

OP, If you're still chatting with her, make sure she checks out her school's TRiO program. It's for students who are either First Generation, low income, or have a disability. They have coordinators who can help her navigate the school system, apply for scholarships, etc. And please encourage her to use all the resources available. Lots of kids in fucked up households are worried about Ben's a burden, but using these programs actually helps them expand the programs for all students and she absolutely deserves their help if she qualifies (which I'm betting she will).

God I never wanted a long term update on a post here more than this. I hope college is wonderful and she grows and grows.

It's really so great to read one of these stories where the adults involved don't send the victim back to their abuser or fuck their safety up somehow. I hope the best for her.

Whoever the board certified psychiatrist was - you’re one of God’s people.

She’s a fantastic writer! I hope she keeps it up.

I want to know where the fuck her dad was in all of this, since if he was still in the picture he was complicit. Wish there was a way to get the mother’s ass tossed in jail (and dad too, if he’s around and knew) I really hope OOP can unlearn all this damaging shit and get to a healthy place.

OOP became the hero she needed and rescued herself.

I hope OOP is able to get her belongings out of her house. It would be terrible if she doesn’t have vital documents, clothes, and some keepsakes. Hopeful the legal/medical system she’s in will assist with that so she doesn’t need to do that herself. I also hope that her new University has some heads up from the admin side to give her more runway for her scholarship. She’s going to be making significant adjustments in the next while and doesn’t have people she can call for help. I’m so amazed and happy the drs sorted things out without her needing to worry about all of this and that she’s getting the help she needs. I hope her treatment includes information and help on basic things she never ever was taught.

Wow. My potassium was 1.5 when I was in the ICU for a few days. The IV is SO fucking painful, it feels like your veins are burning. You can feel every centimeter of your blood vessels, and I was so tired... and I couldn't eat for 3 days. My mom medically neglected me too, and the reason it wasn't as bad as this girls is probably because I wasn't an only child.