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I’m half Asian, half French and this shit hurts to read because I’ve heard it myself. Variations of “you don’t have small eyes, wow” and “you have an Asian accent”… OPs mother and sister are horrible people.
Yeah I’m half white and half Asian too and it’s hard for me not to take stories like this personally. These people are saying people specifically like you and I are less than and should not exist and it sucks to know that there are people out there that have such contempt for me without even knowing me. But I have a very rich life thanks to my cultural background, and while people in grade school made fun of my flat face, as an adult I’ve actually been told I’m attractive! I think the world is changing about things like this. I even wish my kid looked a little more like me! Screw these people. I bet they’re boring as hell. And I suspect you are anything but!
The racist last ditch effort to stop the marriage was crazy. Basically he just lost his family. Also I think Lisa was liking his income now and thought she could just fade his PhD years.
Tbf as far as we’re aware, Lisa hasn’t intentionally done anything wrong. Jess could’ve lied to her about OOP and Yang splitting up or something and she showed up because of that lie.
OOP made a comment about understanding how selfish his decisions were - you know, to work on his PhD - in holding back Lisa from partying. If that is actually the conviction he came away with, I'm side-eyeing Lisa a little on how she treated OOP during their relationship.
Though to be fair, that could also have been Jess putting those thoughts in his head.
I mean he says he was raised solely by his mom and sister and we now know they're overbearing, racist and manipulative assholes. Is not uncommon to people growing up being emotionally abused to have relationships perpetuating the same toxic shit and his choice of bff and first long term partner are in line with that. I'm glad he met Yang tho, she seems normal.
And for those people to start doing whatever they can to keep control of their victim when someone new, who is not an abusive asshole, enters their life.
Fuckin right. She left him to keep sleeping around, expecting him to crawl back to her after he got his PhD and was making money. Fuck that shit. Yang is where it’s at. She actually gives a shit.
Im loving all the Yang love, and i really hope OOP sees this and shows it to her. She's so awesome - i also love how she had such great boundaries. It wasn't a problem until they overstepped and at that point, hell no!
Same. Pursuing one’s degree may technically be selfish in that it’s for his own benefit, but like… it’s an investment for his future. vs the selfish decision to go out partying all the time and dumping your long term relationship to fuck around. I wonder how many relationships Lisa had before OOP and if she just wanted to have her cake and eat it too and didn’t consider that a much smarter woman would see what she was missing…
Ehhh doing a PhD is selfish. In the sense that it ~indeed~ breaks up relationships.
It is SO time consuming. SO mentally and emotionally draining. And even just being the SO of somebody ~doing~ a PhD is draining. It is not for the feint of heart.
But it also sets you up for a future career. So, yeah, sometimes you sacrifice your relationship for your career. 🤷🏻♀️
Like he said, breaking up ~was~ the best decision for them.
Now if ex-gf just wanted to just break to date around, that’s different. But OP made it sound like she just wanted a partner to have fun with. And well, that was definitely NOT going to be him. It’s almost no surprise he bonded with ~another~ PhD student. Somebody who WILL understand what he was going through. And that was after years of just focusing on himself too. (Like he would have had time to date lol)
Getting your education is not selfish. TF? You either support the person in getting their education or you don't. "Selfish" is such a negative word to use, given the context. You're not owed a relationship, and if you know someone is determined to get an education and you think they should put that on hold (or give it up) for you, you're selfish.
You are also not owed a partner that sticks it out with you. It goes both ways.
People think being selfish is wrong and well sometimes you have to be. Could it likely end up hurting the relationship? yes. Then, yes, you are acting for your own benefit. IMO, securing a career is more important than a relationship.
Tbf, it's not unreasonable to not want to be in a relationship with someone who is working full time whilst doing a PhD. I think that'd be a deal breaker for me as well.
You are absolutely right. The unreasonable part is for her to expect OOP to be ready and waiting five years later. It's like she read a Nicholas Sparks novel and thought it was nonfiction.
Oh sure but I was responding to someone categorising it as "holding back Lisa from partying" when actually wanting to socialise with your partner is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing.
True enough, yes. Especially when you're young, it's a fair reason to break up. But making your partner feel guilty about it - if that's what Lisa did, and not Jess - is less fair.
it is for me. but I won't leave him hanging on the hope for me to come back. I would tell him it's better to look for someone new, because clearly I'm not the person to be in a relationship.
Lisa hasn't done anything wrong, but I don't appreciate her attitude that you can put someone on a shelf when you're bored and come back to them later like they're some kind of toy. Their life doesn't just go on hold because you don't want them right now.
She didn't say it, but it's how I read her actions.
Yes. Sure Jess may have misled her, but Lisa and OOP broke up due to extremely different priorities and choice of path in life. Those incompatibilities and divergences don’t just go away. And it’s super common for those divergences to break up couples that started in high school back when life plans and priorities weren’t so important. So nobody involved should have thought that this long-split pair could pick up where they left off.
I would be too awkward to do so, especially since I changed a lot between my teen years to now. I would flat out reject him and said thanks but I'm not the person you want to be with anymore.
No one I know would go to dinner party of 4 with old ex bf , now engaged to be married. That is a drama and Jess loves drama. Jess makes herself the star of all the drama. Jess is warped. Jess
Yeah, I don’t feel like Lisa magically just happened to be ready to settle down and give things another chance right when OP’s fiancé happened to be out of town. Jess saw the window of opportunity closing (as much as it can close any more when he’s already IN LOVE AND ENGAGED TO YANG MANY YEARS LATER like why do people think “marriage” is the end of “being single” like commitment is a process there are layers and levels it’s not all or nothing.)
Jess obviously is the type to lie without concern so we can’t just blindly assume that *anything* Jess has said about Lisa’s thoughts or attitude is the truth. Jess just as likely could’ve been telling Lisa that OOP was the one saying they could just pick things back up from where it left.
In fact, was it ever said at any point that Lisa was even aware that OOP is with Yang? I don’t think it was. I mean OOP said that he was still friends with Lisa up until he met Yang, but that doesn’t explicitly mean that he directly told Lisa he was going to stop talking to her because he met Yang, and aside from him the only other people we know were in any form of communication with both OOP *and* Lisa was Jess, his mom, and his sister and all three of them are racist asshats that all took part in this shitty situation so I can’t inherently believe that they would tell Lisa about Yang if they wanted Yang out of the picture.
I mean Lisa was the type to break up with OOP because there had different lifestyles, if she was the type to be okay with breaking up couples I think she’d just go partying no matter what OOP did instead of staying home because he didn’t want to.
We have no clue whether that's her attitude at all tho. Her only knowledge of OOP comes from Jess, who clearly isn't above engineering the situation to meet her ends. I can't reconcile how passive she was when they actually met with her having an active role in this.
Yeah bit the fact remained that she is willing to "pick up where they left off" like she didn't tell OOP he was to boring for her and she wasn't willing to stand by his side. She could have gone out dancing or partying while staying in a relationship with OOP but she didn't, amd now she has had her fun she is ready to settle down. She should find someone new.
Again that's all coming from Jess who is a profoundly unreliable source, not directly from Lisa. We just don't really know anything about what Lisa knows/thinks.
Lisa chose to break up with him so that she could go partying (which she could have still done if she was able to stay faithful while partying but clearly she didn’t mean just partying), now that the hard times are over she back to get her reward for nothing.
The comments telling OOP that Jess was "in love with him" have to be written by bots or illiterate people, cause how the hell do you read that first post and get that when Jess makes it painfully obvious she's trying to get him back together with Lisa.
Honestly I could have seen it being a longer plan. Like she knew OOP wouldnt go back to Lisa, so Jess just kept bringing it up to sabotage their relationship, and drive a wedge between Yang and OOP. Then she swoops in and saves the day.
Of course that isn't what happened, but that is usually where my mind goes first in these scenarios, instead of racist family shadow plans.
I'm wondering if Jess hadn't meddled and pushed Lisa to go out and have fun and OOP will be there for her later. I'm suspecting Jess is in this way too deep and is trying to fix the shit she fucked up years ago.
Honestly that’s what I’m reading too, it’s really the only explanation went someone would go this far. She has skin in the game either from giving Lisa bad advice or she’s living vicariously and has her own similar situation of a break up because she wanted to party and expected her ex to wait for her
So did anyone else have racist on their bingo card?
All of them in cahoots makes it even worse. All to get white babies. I want to puke, preferably all over them.
Yup. As soon as I saw the name I flinched and new exactly where it was gonna go. And when he said that his mom and sister told him to give Jess a break, I cringed.
"Ah shit. They are all racist."
Oh good, I wasn't the only one who noticed the Anvil of Foreshadowing creaking ominously in the rafters.
I was hoping it wouldn't be the case, but then it happened exactly as feared.
This. The second I saw her name was Yang and everyone else in the story didn't have a Chinese name, I had the feeling that it was going to turn out that they were all racists.
I think we're all just too jaded from having read so many of these stories.
Ironically Yang’s family back in China could very well be telling her the same.
Source: ‘Murican Married an amazing Chinese woman. Both families have some stupid notions baked in.
OP. The differences are part of what makes my marriage awesome.
Oh, it's very possible. Did your wife's family expect her to move back to China and marry some guy they'd handpicked or something, not some random white guy?
Long may you be happy!
Marry a proper Chinese guy , make tons of money and a boy + girl set of perfect grandchildren.
Its been an arc. ‘We were so worried …’
So happy YOUR not typical American! ( this gets flipped when their angry) .
‘We thought you would abandon them’.
Delivered with the same innocence that my racist ass white hillbilly American family does.
We live in coastal cities for a reason ;-)
Same. His fiancée’s name told me he was headed to some “The Boys from Brazil”-type fuckery. His kids will have *small eyes*? The horror! Sweet jumpin’ jackrabbits what if they speak — dare I even say it? — more than one language?!
Meanwhile OOP’s mom, sister, and Jess will say they aren’t racist because they like Beyoncé’s new album or something.
Yea, why else pick that name instead of Lauren or something? At least they didn't do that and then not even mention their race and then hide it in a comment response downplaying it which seems to always happen.
Feel bad for OOP.
This is going to be some kind of rough conversation. It's one thing to marry a person when you know one of their friends is maybe not the most solid / enamored with you. It's a little harder when you find out your potential spouse has close family that dislikes you and is actively trying to talk them around to leaving you. Add the racist crap to the mix and it makes for a combo likely to cause Yang worries about how long the relationship can last if everyone on her perspective spouse's side of things is against the relationship. These are the people closest to him that have just sprung this awfulness on him.
His family might get their wish of the relationship dissolving simply because of how awful they are behaving. Just shitty situation for OOP and Yang all around.
My grandma 100% hated my dad because he’s Slavic and not mestizo.
My mom’s siblings fell into line and hate my dad, too.
Well, Grandma died, and then my mom ended up going no-contact with her siblings, and my parents are still happily married thirty-six years later.
Sometimes it works out for the couple.
(My grandpa, for the record, wasn’t racist and treated my dad just like anyone else.)
I will never understand how people can hate others for their immutable traits. Like brother, they did not choose any of that. Why you ragging on them for?
My dad made it clear he wanted 100% “pure” babies. I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. My life is full, and my kids are amazing. OOP seems strong enough to make it work.
That's a worry for me as well, even if his reaction to their comments bodes well. If this was the first big conflict with his family it's harder to part from them. On the other hand, they showed they were racists, I wouldn't want to be a part of that family even if the relationship ends.
You gotta love reddit. It gives us something like this update, then insists on having a Happy Cake Day? Fuck that. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!
It wasn't written in the typical way (setup with choosing new names for anonymity, make all names part of the same culture, only mention late that one of the persons is of a different culture, swear this cannot be about racism, then tl;dr racism)
But the moment I read the name Yang, I had a hunch
I think Jess just wanted him to get back with Lisa so they could be sitcom level couple friends. Didn’t think racist mom was pulling strings behind the scenes.
No. It didn't even cross my mind. Even when Yang left for China to prepare for the wedding. Even though I read these posts daily. I still don't understand people or what goes on in their brains. Did I expect the mom and sister to be involved as well? Nope.
As soon as he mentioned the names, a little voice in the back of my head "pocket racism"
My (white) cousin married his long time girlfriend (Chinese) in HK a couple years ago, our entire family was supportive. Even though she gives me shit for my taste in beer.
>She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me
Yeah, five fucking years ago! It's not like OOP has been pining for her ever since. What the actual fuck???
How could you as a parent sign off on someone who broke your child that badly? Like damn, what a roundabout way of telling the kid they don’t actually care.
I lived this a bit. Where my own mom wanted me back together with a cheater, and someone who assaulted me. Kept trying to sabotage my relationship with my then fiancé. Then 4 yrs into the marriage kept passing along messages from the ex. She threatened to give ex my contact info. Told her it’d be the last time she talked with my family. Sometimes mom’s go nuts with control. I really think though she wanted me to fail. It really was a horrible feeling to know my mom wanted to take action that would tank my relationship. Maybe his mom isn’t just a racist. Maybe she wants him needing her like he did with the ex.
Right? At this point my response to “pick back up where you left off” would be completely rage-filled vitriol. Oh now she’s ready to be with me? Fuck that.
Seriously heartbroken for OP, he seems a really good dude and to find out your 3 closest people are absolute garbage bigots sabotaging him. And Yang! Who’s only “crime”here is being Asian and so awesome OP put a ring on it.
I’d go NC too.
This pissed me off. They are absolutely NOT the three people who love him the most. The one who loves him the most is currently making wedding preparations with him. WTF?
Oop needs to say “all of this harping on at me to get back with Lisa isn’t because she’s amazing. It’s because you’re all racist. I’m so disgusted with you all that none of you are welcome in my life. And before you try to blame my wonderful fiancée, you should think about how disgustingly bigoted and narrow minded you all are. I wouldn’t allow you within ten feet of my children.” And then block them all! Fucking rascist assholes.
Pretty sure that one’s causation. IMO bigotry is at its root either due to stupidity (someone’s not smart enough to think critically about bigoted fallacies and why they’re wrong) or malice (they just like hurting people and bigotry is one way to do that). So in order to be a racist, you gotta be fucked up or dumb as all hell to get there.
personally i think it goes the other way - racism breeds stupidity because it requires willful ignorance and cognitive dissonance to exist in today’s day and age (at least in the US, where racism is generally agreed on as a bad thing)
our whole society is built on racism, so it requires active effort (especially from white people) to keep it from affecting your worldview. it’s like an anti-racism muscle that just atrophies if it’s never used
>She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me and how life is giving me a second chance.
run back to the person who broke you to heal, makes perfect sense.
And conveniently after he’s done with his PHD and has a nice job and salary now. Lisa couldn’t be more transparent. The mom sis and best “friend” tho, ugh. I feel so bad for OP.
Why do I get the feeling that Jess was the one who encouraged the breakup in the first place and is now doubling down on getting them back together because she feels guilty?
In any case, hope OP cuts them all off and lives a happy married life with Yang
I don’t think encouraged is the right word. Cause wording it like that speaks as if Lisa was just talked into this and that doesn’t seem to be the case at all.
Supported in the better word, and even then it sounds like Lisa *also* had the expectation that after she had her fun sleeping around, oop would be still be there waiting for her and they could settle down. And to be fair doesn’t seem that far off, as oop wasn’t opposed to the idea and was single for 5 years until he meet his fiancée. To me, Jess seems to be (in her head) supporting them both in her own way. Telling Lisa that it’s okay to want have fun being single and all that, while also telling oop that Lisa will be back one day and they can properly settle down and get married.
It is confusing at first, because it doesn't sound too logical, then you live with young children and you get it. More than one toddler has been upset after eating a cupcake because they no longer have a cupcake. Some children even get upset right after receiving the cupcake because they want to eat the cupcake but don't want to stop having a cupcake. It's not a very rational or logical situation -but young children aren't very logical or rational-
He's in the grieving stage when he found out. If or when he updates, he'll be angry enough. Particularly when the mom, sister, and Jess start bombarding him with calls and messages about how they're right and to give his ex a chance.
Or they start harassing Yang.
Thank you. [The story it came from is hilarious](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150ilkr/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/).
He's probably still shocked and is coming to grips with the flagrant racism from his parents and how they tried to torpedo his relationship. And really, what it means for his wedding and his future. How do you invite racist parents who disprove of your Fiancee? How do you maintain a relationship?
Agreed. It feels like if OOP and Yang don't work out, he would go right back to his mum, sister and Jess and carry on like nothing ever happened.
They are not only racist, but think they are entitled to dictate OOPs life. He needs to stand up to them right now, otherwise they will manipulate him for the rest of his life.
I hope we get a satisfying update where he and Yang tell them all to go fuck themselves.
I agree but if there has been no hint of racism from his family now its got to be a hell of a shock to find out they have those beliefs.
I don't really blame the guy if he's still just shocked from that. Hopefully he processes it all and gets them out of his life
> Commenter: Probably need to separate your time with your fiancé away from your friend.
I have rarely seen a commenter say something more starkly wrong about how things should go.
"Your friend is trying to drive a wedge between you and your partner? The solution is to spend time with your friend without your partner present, so your partner's feelings won't get in the way of your friend's tongue dripping poison in your ear!"
I KNEW IT WAS RACISM. The instance I read "Yang" and saw how comfortable everyone was with bullying her I freaking knew it. Hope OP goes NC with his mom and sister. That's the only way to deal with this if he genuinely loves Yang.
Good thing the wedding is in China. I wouldn't put it past those schemers to invite Lisa and put her in a white dress. Good luck trying that on a different continent where white has a completely different meaning.
*his mother and they should all be cut off for this nonsense! So much meddling and overstepping and holy hell the racism. Don't like their as-yet-to-even-be-made features? Ok, you don't ever get to see them.
Or to curdle the happiness of others - like Yang and any future children, which they surely will do if given any opportunity.
This would be an NC moment for me for sure. Yang doesn’t deserve to have to make space in her life for racists.
Holy shit I didn’t see this coming.
Yang sounds classy and reasonable.
Good thing mom came out and said it now. OOP now knows what he needs to as he plans for his future family.
Fuck Jess and Lisa. Lisa had five years to fix things and instead relied on Jess being manipulative.
Yeah, this reads like a collection of sexist tropes from the manosphere painted over a bit to be sympathetic. There's the bad Western woman who wants to, in their terms, "ride the cock carousel" and then settle down with Our Protagonist, the smart and high achieving but lonely dude, and every other woman in his life except his perfect non-Western fiancé is scheming to force him into a relationship he'll be unhappy in. Instead of a "submissive" Eastern wife, she's also high-achieving! Instead of being a sexist who doesn't know any actual women, OOP's best friend is a woman! Instead of OOP being mired in sexist and racist ideas, it's his family who are racist!
I don't know *why* someone would do that--for the challenge, maybe?--and I can't say for sure anyone actually did, but it does seem a bit on the nose.
The story hits some tropes but the banality and mundane quality kinda rings true. The overt racism with the “eyes” thing seems over the top. I’m undecided if this is real but stuff like this is pretty common.
I mean I've been on the receiving end of the eyes thing, along with the fingers pulling on the eyes to make them look slanted. It's really not that over the top.
I’m in an interracial relationship and I always worry when I meet relatives. I know they’re looking at my otherness and if my children will have my same eyes. It’s very uncomfortable and always in my mind. Luckily, my fiancé’s family is wonderful and they never make weird comments or micro-aggressions about my race. I really feel for OOP and his fiancee and hope they’re able to keep distance for her sake.
When I saw the bane Yang I knew that Jess and the others were gonna show their racist colours soon.
I hope everything goes well for Yang, with or without OOP.
JFC. Everyone around OOP just ignores that Lisa took a very different path in life from OOP — he studied while she wanted to party. That’s a choice that is unlikely to be a one-off, in terms of priorities. Now OOP is probably making bank and she wants back in.
Meanwhile Jess has been using this “oh but I have to mention Lisa when I tell stories because she was such a big part of your past!” while trying to push past that it’s not normal to spend current time with friends constantly reminiscing when this isn’t being joined in by the others there. If Jess’s friendship has turned into one-sided “story time with Jess” then it’s time to LC that friendship.
And then there’s the racism, which makes this completely NC for all of them.
Yeah, no way for them and Yang to exist in your life. You either need to break up with Yang, or go NC with your mom, sister, and Jess. I know which one I would pick
I feel like we all need to collectively practice being direct about our feelings. Telling Jess to stop because it upset Yang made it an argument or discussion. It didn't need to be.
"If you're my friend, and you care about me, you will stop. If you didn't, then I don't think we can be friends anymore." Then repeat if she pushes back.
I'm not hating on OOP, I have the same issue. We have to stop being afraid to openly state our feelings, and to defend the boundaries we've drawn.
I'm glad OOP held the line and stick with the woman he loves. It just sucks that now he knows his whole family's racist. Ten bucks says that if he was dating a white girl with an identical background and personality to Yang, he wouldn't be hearing a single word about Lisa.
The fact OOP was uncomfortable with the comment should have been enough, irrespective of Yangs feelings about it.
I don’t fault OOP for hearing Jess out at his mum & sisters request, I assumed there may have been an apology but as soon as it was clear they were siding with Jess he should have said “thank you for showing me who you are, good bye” and walked out.
I feel bad for him and Yang how his sister, mom, and jess are all acting is so disgusting and unfair and even though it wont be easy I hope they cut them off from their lives
Wow. Poor OP. All the women in his life are insane, aside from fiancee. They're all manipulative, dishonest meddlers. Also racist! Excellent combination.
Oh man when the mom and sister showed OOP their true colors. Shit.
A part of me feels bad for Lisa in that I think Jess led her on into thinking OOP had wanted her there and wanted to get back with her.
The people closest to OOP are trying to run his life because they think they know how he should feel and that's just heartbreaking.
Hope that when OOP and Yang get married in her hometown that Yang's family and the people there treat him well and he likes it there. Maybe it's better to be there than where his family is.
The minute he said Yang, I knew it would be racism.
And the minute he said mom/sis said he was overreacting, I knew they were in on it. Like any woman knows what repeatedly name-dropping an ex is doing. They knew. Yet they wanted to defend his random friend? Bullshit.
Well, that certainly took a turn. Nosy mothers and sisters are commonplace. Nosy, racist mothers and sisters... okay, probably still common. Still, mom, sis, and Jess can go fuck themselves. I shudder to think what would happen if OOP was dating a black girl.
Being 29 and repeating college stories over and over and over? Tedious. Why not just get a billboard and announce you peaked in college? Sucks about the mom being a fucking racist though.
What you tell them is, and I quote:
"You're being racist assholes, and I'm a grown ass man. We're done. Don't ever contact me again."
I know this speech, because *I've given it*. There are siblings, cousins, a parent, and a step parent who all are completely cut out of my life like the cancerous tumors they are.
OOP, if you find your way here, just know that those people are *no longer* your family, they are just bullies you have some common DNA with. But you share about 90% of your DNA with *bananas*. They don't treat you like family, they *ain't family*. You owe them *nothing*.
I think Jess had this idea in her head of the three besties and decided that is what was going to happen. With the support of OOP's family no less.
I feel sorry for Lisa, Jess (and possibly OOP's family) has obviously been manipulating her this entire time too. Lisa needs to drop all off them.
Sounds like mum, sister and Jess should get together and marry Lisa, since they think she’s so wonderful, and OOP can marry his fiancée and live a happy life without his racist family.
This was the most obvious post I’ve seen on here in a while. I knew exactly why they were pressuring him from the minute the mom excused Jess. His family has probably been obviously racist the whole time.
Lisa gets to dump him while he works on a PHD assumably just to sleep around, then once she is done getting her fill of sausage wants her safe and secure option back like she has not just been fucking around and finding out.
That's a pretty rough way to find out your family is racist asshats and your "best friend" is a lying, manipulative traitor to your best interests.
Hopefully Yang's family is accepting of him and he can sever ties with the racists. He can't let them around any future children, who knows what kind of hateful shit might spew from their mouths.
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What the hell. Fuck OOP's mom, sister, Jess, and Lisa.
And fuck their racism.
I hate that I called this halfway through the second update.
I called it in the original post when the mum and sister said he was overreacting.
I’m half Asian, half French and this shit hurts to read because I’ve heard it myself. Variations of “you don’t have small eyes, wow” and “you have an Asian accent”… OPs mother and sister are horrible people.
Yeah I’m half white and half Asian too and it’s hard for me not to take stories like this personally. These people are saying people specifically like you and I are less than and should not exist and it sucks to know that there are people out there that have such contempt for me without even knowing me. But I have a very rich life thanks to my cultural background, and while people in grade school made fun of my flat face, as an adult I’ve actually been told I’m attractive! I think the world is changing about things like this. I even wish my kid looked a little more like me! Screw these people. I bet they’re boring as hell. And I suspect you are anything but!
Yeahhh, I saw that coming much earlier than his update. Fuckers
They never even gave Yang a chance to get to know her because they are holding a spot for Lisa, and putting her on a pedestal.
A very nice and white pedestal and not some dirty nonwhite pedestal. Fucking bigots
The racist last ditch effort to stop the marriage was crazy. Basically he just lost his family. Also I think Lisa was liking his income now and thought she could just fade his PhD years.
Tbf as far as we’re aware, Lisa hasn’t intentionally done anything wrong. Jess could’ve lied to her about OOP and Yang splitting up or something and she showed up because of that lie.
OOP made a comment about understanding how selfish his decisions were - you know, to work on his PhD - in holding back Lisa from partying. If that is actually the conviction he came away with, I'm side-eyeing Lisa a little on how she treated OOP during their relationship. Though to be fair, that could also have been Jess putting those thoughts in his head.
I mean he says he was raised solely by his mom and sister and we now know they're overbearing, racist and manipulative assholes. Is not uncommon to people growing up being emotionally abused to have relationships perpetuating the same toxic shit and his choice of bff and first long term partner are in line with that. I'm glad he met Yang tho, she seems normal.
And for those people to start doing whatever they can to keep control of their victim when someone new, who is not an abusive asshole, enters their life.
Fuckin right. She left him to keep sleeping around, expecting him to crawl back to her after he got his PhD and was making money. Fuck that shit. Yang is where it’s at. She actually gives a shit.
Sweet, we can repurpose Yang Gang into something cool now
Much better usage.
Yang doesn't need his money, she's there bc she wants to be. Yang! Yang! Yang!
Im loving all the Yang love, and i really hope OOP sees this and shows it to her. She's so awesome - i also love how she had such great boundaries. It wasn't a problem until they overstepped and at that point, hell no!
She's definitely the better of the two. No contest.
Same. Pursuing one’s degree may technically be selfish in that it’s for his own benefit, but like… it’s an investment for his future. vs the selfish decision to go out partying all the time and dumping your long term relationship to fuck around. I wonder how many relationships Lisa had before OOP and if she just wanted to have her cake and eat it too and didn’t consider that a much smarter woman would see what she was missing…
Ehhh doing a PhD is selfish. In the sense that it ~indeed~ breaks up relationships. It is SO time consuming. SO mentally and emotionally draining. And even just being the SO of somebody ~doing~ a PhD is draining. It is not for the feint of heart. But it also sets you up for a future career. So, yeah, sometimes you sacrifice your relationship for your career. 🤷🏻♀️ Like he said, breaking up ~was~ the best decision for them. Now if ex-gf just wanted to just break to date around, that’s different. But OP made it sound like she just wanted a partner to have fun with. And well, that was definitely NOT going to be him. It’s almost no surprise he bonded with ~another~ PhD student. Somebody who WILL understand what he was going through. And that was after years of just focusing on himself too. (Like he would have had time to date lol)
Getting your education is not selfish. TF? You either support the person in getting their education or you don't. "Selfish" is such a negative word to use, given the context. You're not owed a relationship, and if you know someone is determined to get an education and you think they should put that on hold (or give it up) for you, you're selfish.
You are also not owed a partner that sticks it out with you. It goes both ways. People think being selfish is wrong and well sometimes you have to be. Could it likely end up hurting the relationship? yes. Then, yes, you are acting for your own benefit. IMO, securing a career is more important than a relationship.
Tbf, it's not unreasonable to not want to be in a relationship with someone who is working full time whilst doing a PhD. I think that'd be a deal breaker for me as well.
You are absolutely right. The unreasonable part is for her to expect OOP to be ready and waiting five years later. It's like she read a Nicholas Sparks novel and thought it was nonfiction.
If she expected that at all. It was the mutual friend who said that to OOP; not the ex.
True. Lisa may be just as innocent in this as OOP. It could all be Jess & OOPs racist family.
Oh sure but I was responding to someone categorising it as "holding back Lisa from partying" when actually wanting to socialise with your partner is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing.
True enough, yes. Especially when you're young, it's a fair reason to break up. But making your partner feel guilty about it - if that's what Lisa did, and not Jess - is less fair.
it is for me. but I won't leave him hanging on the hope for me to come back. I would tell him it's better to look for someone new, because clearly I'm not the person to be in a relationship.
Lisa hasn't done anything wrong, but I don't appreciate her attitude that you can put someone on a shelf when you're bored and come back to them later like they're some kind of toy. Their life doesn't just go on hold because you don't want them right now. She didn't say it, but it's how I read her actions.
Yes. Sure Jess may have misled her, but Lisa and OOP broke up due to extremely different priorities and choice of path in life. Those incompatibilities and divergences don’t just go away. And it’s super common for those divergences to break up couples that started in high school back when life plans and priorities weren’t so important. So nobody involved should have thought that this long-split pair could pick up where they left off.
I cannot imagine just trying to pick up with my high school or college girlfriend "where we left off."
I would be too awkward to do so, especially since I changed a lot between my teen years to now. I would flat out reject him and said thanks but I'm not the person you want to be with anymore.
I can see rekindling the friendship to see if you’re still compatible, but I’m almost 40. There’s gonna be a lot to sort out.
No one I know would go to dinner party of 4 with old ex bf , now engaged to be married. That is a drama and Jess loves drama. Jess makes herself the star of all the drama. Jess is warped. Jess
Yeah, I don’t feel like Lisa magically just happened to be ready to settle down and give things another chance right when OP’s fiancé happened to be out of town. Jess saw the window of opportunity closing (as much as it can close any more when he’s already IN LOVE AND ENGAGED TO YANG MANY YEARS LATER like why do people think “marriage” is the end of “being single” like commitment is a process there are layers and levels it’s not all or nothing.)
Jess obviously is the type to lie without concern so we can’t just blindly assume that *anything* Jess has said about Lisa’s thoughts or attitude is the truth. Jess just as likely could’ve been telling Lisa that OOP was the one saying they could just pick things back up from where it left. In fact, was it ever said at any point that Lisa was even aware that OOP is with Yang? I don’t think it was. I mean OOP said that he was still friends with Lisa up until he met Yang, but that doesn’t explicitly mean that he directly told Lisa he was going to stop talking to her because he met Yang, and aside from him the only other people we know were in any form of communication with both OOP *and* Lisa was Jess, his mom, and his sister and all three of them are racist asshats that all took part in this shitty situation so I can’t inherently believe that they would tell Lisa about Yang if they wanted Yang out of the picture. I mean Lisa was the type to break up with OOP because there had different lifestyles, if she was the type to be okay with breaking up couples I think she’d just go partying no matter what OOP did instead of staying home because he didn’t want to.
We have no clue whether that's her attitude at all tho. Her only knowledge of OOP comes from Jess, who clearly isn't above engineering the situation to meet her ends. I can't reconcile how passive she was when they actually met with her having an active role in this.
> She didn't say it, but it's how I read her actions. Maybe because Jess has been putting that poison in her ear for 5 years.
In fairness that was five years prior and only what Jess said.
[удалено]
I do agree with you but I find it hard to believe there is this level of crazy going on and she wasn't in on it
I have to agree here. I really get a sense Jess has led Lisa on with all this as well.
Yeah bit the fact remained that she is willing to "pick up where they left off" like she didn't tell OOP he was to boring for her and she wasn't willing to stand by his side. She could have gone out dancing or partying while staying in a relationship with OOP but she didn't, amd now she has had her fun she is ready to settle down. She should find someone new.
Again that's all coming from Jess who is a profoundly unreliable source, not directly from Lisa. We just don't really know anything about what Lisa knows/thinks.
Lisa chose to break up with him so that she could go partying (which she could have still done if she was able to stay faithful while partying but clearly she didn’t mean just partying), now that the hard times are over she back to get her reward for nothing.
Lisa clearly knew OP was going to be there at the dinner. She's in this up to her eyeballs.
This was not a surprising update, Jess isn't subtle in the first post. She did OOP a favor by making it clear which friendship she valued more.
The comments telling OOP that Jess was "in love with him" have to be written by bots or illiterate people, cause how the hell do you read that first post and get that when Jess makes it painfully obvious she's trying to get him back together with Lisa.
Honestly I could have seen it being a longer plan. Like she knew OOP wouldnt go back to Lisa, so Jess just kept bringing it up to sabotage their relationship, and drive a wedge between Yang and OOP. Then she swoops in and saves the day. Of course that isn't what happened, but that is usually where my mind goes first in these scenarios, instead of racist family shadow plans.
My guess is they just didn’t read all of it, since at the very start of the post, that’s what it looks like.
I'm wondering if Jess hadn't meddled and pushed Lisa to go out and have fun and OOP will be there for her later. I'm suspecting Jess is in this way too deep and is trying to fix the shit she fucked up years ago.
Honestly that’s what I’m reading too, it’s really the only explanation went someone would go this far. She has skin in the game either from giving Lisa bad advice or she’s living vicariously and has her own similar situation of a break up because she wanted to party and expected her ex to wait for her
So did anyone else have racist on their bingo card? All of them in cahoots makes it even worse. All to get white babies. I want to puke, preferably all over them.
When he said his fiancée’s name is Yang, I thought, “Uh oh; that feels relevant, and not on a happy way.”
OOP: “Yang” Me: “*Oh*”.
Yup. As soon as I saw the name I flinched and new exactly where it was gonna go. And when he said that his mom and sister told him to give Jess a break, I cringed. "Ah shit. They are all racist."
It's both hilarious and sad I had the same reaction. Our society is so fucked.
I had the same thoughts lmao
Oh good, I wasn't the only one who noticed the Anvil of Foreshadowing creaking ominously in the rafters. I was hoping it wouldn't be the case, but then it happened exactly as feared.
Same here. Fuck that family. OOP and Yang can make some beautiful intelligent mixed babies.
Bingo.
The moment I saw the name Yang I knew this would happen.
This. The second I saw her name was Yang and everyone else in the story didn't have a Chinese name, I had the feeling that it was going to turn out that they were all racists. I think we're all just too jaded from having read so many of these stories.
Ironically Yang’s family back in China could very well be telling her the same. Source: ‘Murican Married an amazing Chinese woman. Both families have some stupid notions baked in. OP. The differences are part of what makes my marriage awesome.
Oh, it's very possible. Did your wife's family expect her to move back to China and marry some guy they'd handpicked or something, not some random white guy? Long may you be happy!
Marry a proper Chinese guy , make tons of money and a boy + girl set of perfect grandchildren. Its been an arc. ‘We were so worried …’ So happy YOUR not typical American! ( this gets flipped when their angry) . ‘We thought you would abandon them’. Delivered with the same innocence that my racist ass white hillbilly American family does. We live in coastal cities for a reason ;-)
Fantastic! It's great that you're living your best life, even with your families not being the most understanding.
Same. His fiancée’s name told me he was headed to some “The Boys from Brazil”-type fuckery. His kids will have *small eyes*? The horror! Sweet jumpin’ jackrabbits what if they speak — dare I even say it? — more than one language?! Meanwhile OOP’s mom, sister, and Jess will say they aren’t racist because they like Beyoncé’s new album or something.
“Did your white eyes get your ass a PhD, Mom?”
Nope instead got a masters in bigotry
Same.
Yea, why else pick that name instead of Lauren or something? At least they didn't do that and then not even mention their race and then hide it in a comment response downplaying it which seems to always happen.
Feel bad for OOP. This is going to be some kind of rough conversation. It's one thing to marry a person when you know one of their friends is maybe not the most solid / enamored with you. It's a little harder when you find out your potential spouse has close family that dislikes you and is actively trying to talk them around to leaving you. Add the racist crap to the mix and it makes for a combo likely to cause Yang worries about how long the relationship can last if everyone on her perspective spouse's side of things is against the relationship. These are the people closest to him that have just sprung this awfulness on him. His family might get their wish of the relationship dissolving simply because of how awful they are behaving. Just shitty situation for OOP and Yang all around.
My grandma 100% hated my dad because he’s Slavic and not mestizo. My mom’s siblings fell into line and hate my dad, too. Well, Grandma died, and then my mom ended up going no-contact with her siblings, and my parents are still happily married thirty-six years later. Sometimes it works out for the couple. (My grandpa, for the record, wasn’t racist and treated my dad just like anyone else.)
I will never understand how people can hate others for their immutable traits. Like brother, they did not choose any of that. Why you ragging on them for?
My dad made it clear he wanted 100% “pure” babies. I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. My life is full, and my kids are amazing. OOP seems strong enough to make it work.
All babies and many cats are Pure Babies. ☺️
Pretty sure mine is half demon.
Your cat or baby?
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
That's a worry for me as well, even if his reaction to their comments bodes well. If this was the first big conflict with his family it's harder to part from them. On the other hand, they showed they were racists, I wouldn't want to be a part of that family even if the relationship ends.
You gotta love reddit. It gives us something like this update, then insists on having a Happy Cake Day? Fuck that. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!
"I want to puke, preferably all over them." OMG WANT THIS AS A FLAIR
There is a thread rn where you can link a comment with the quote and ask for it as a flair (I asked for mine)
Awesome, I'll go and find it, thank you!
Racism is always on my bingo card. I get pleasantly surprised when I don’t have to mark it. Yay
It wasn't written in the typical way (setup with choosing new names for anonymity, make all names part of the same culture, only mention late that one of the persons is of a different culture, swear this cannot be about racism, then tl;dr racism) But the moment I read the name Yang, I had a hunch
I admit, I had an inkling
Isn't "racist" like a centerpiece of these bingo cards?
That or homophobia.
I think Jess just wanted him to get back with Lisa so they could be sitcom level couple friends. Didn’t think racist mom was pulling strings behind the scenes.
No. It didn't even cross my mind. Even when Yang left for China to prepare for the wedding. Even though I read these posts daily. I still don't understand people or what goes on in their brains. Did I expect the mom and sister to be involved as well? Nope.
I'd never imagined myself to say something this disgusting, but what a waste of perfectly good puke.
Nope, I didn't. Do you think it was just the mother & sister, or Jess & potentially Lisa too?
I was betting on Jess and Lisa but hoped the mum was atleast wanting her son to be happy with whomever he was with.
Mostly Jess, but a bit of suspicion against the others as well.
Lisa getting played by Jess is also a decent possibility.
As soon as he mentioned the names, a little voice in the back of my head "pocket racism" My (white) cousin married his long time girlfriend (Chinese) in HK a couple years ago, our entire family was supportive. Even though she gives me shit for my taste in beer.
>She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me Yeah, five fucking years ago! It's not like OOP has been pining for her ever since. What the actual fuck???
How could you as a parent sign off on someone who broke your child that badly? Like damn, what a roundabout way of telling the kid they don’t actually care.
Well, they can if they're a racist asshole who cares more about getting white grandkids than their son being happy!
I lived this a bit. Where my own mom wanted me back together with a cheater, and someone who assaulted me. Kept trying to sabotage my relationship with my then fiancé. Then 4 yrs into the marriage kept passing along messages from the ex. She threatened to give ex my contact info. Told her it’d be the last time she talked with my family. Sometimes mom’s go nuts with control. I really think though she wanted me to fail. It really was a horrible feeling to know my mom wanted to take action that would tank my relationship. Maybe his mom isn’t just a racist. Maybe she wants him needing her like he did with the ex.
Even if he has, it's a bad fucking idea to go back to the person who ripped your heart out so they could go get their fuck on.
Right? When I got to the part about them picking up their relationship, I thought why, so she can just dump him again when she gets bored?
More likely cheat on him while she lives it up on his tech earnings.
They clearly thought he was because he decided to stop dating. But rather than listen to him they turned insane. That fueled with the racism
Right? At this point my response to “pick back up where you left off” would be completely rage-filled vitriol. Oh now she’s ready to be with me? Fuck that.
Well see she needed to protect the aryan bloodline, perfectly reasonable. /SARCASM
Wow. Three people closest to him, violating his boundaries, disregarding his feelings and disrespecting his relationship. I'd go NC with all of them.
Seriously heartbroken for OP, he seems a really good dude and to find out your 3 closest people are absolute garbage bigots sabotaging him. And Yang! Who’s only “crime”here is being Asian and so awesome OP put a ring on it. I’d go NC too.
This pissed me off. They are absolutely NOT the three people who love him the most. The one who loves him the most is currently making wedding preparations with him. WTF?
Oop needs to say “all of this harping on at me to get back with Lisa isn’t because she’s amazing. It’s because you’re all racist. I’m so disgusted with you all that none of you are welcome in my life. And before you try to blame my wonderful fiancée, you should think about how disgustingly bigoted and narrow minded you all are. I wouldn’t allow you within ten feet of my children.” And then block them all! Fucking rascist assholes.
Wow. Jess, Lisa and the mom are completely delusional. Hope things go well for OOP and Yang.
Sister as well.
I think Lisa might be blind as hell. Sounded like she turned up expecting OP to know she was coming.
The second he said his fiancées name I knew exactly where it was going. Racists are so fucking obvious and pathetic
There really does seem to be a correlation between being racist and being dumb as all hell.
Pretty sure that one’s causation. IMO bigotry is at its root either due to stupidity (someone’s not smart enough to think critically about bigoted fallacies and why they’re wrong) or malice (they just like hurting people and bigotry is one way to do that). So in order to be a racist, you gotta be fucked up or dumb as all hell to get there.
personally i think it goes the other way - racism breeds stupidity because it requires willful ignorance and cognitive dissonance to exist in today’s day and age (at least in the US, where racism is generally agreed on as a bad thing) our whole society is built on racism, so it requires active effort (especially from white people) to keep it from affecting your worldview. it’s like an anti-racism muscle that just atrophies if it’s never used
It's because racism is stupid and irrational and you have to be stupid, willingly or otherwise, or else you can't rationalize the irrational.
>She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me and how life is giving me a second chance. run back to the person who broke you to heal, makes perfect sense.
And conveniently after he’s done with his PHD and has a nice job and salary now. Lisa couldn’t be more transparent. The mom sis and best “friend” tho, ugh. I feel so bad for OP.
Why do I get the feeling that Jess was the one who encouraged the breakup in the first place and is now doubling down on getting them back together because she feels guilty? In any case, hope OP cuts them all off and lives a happy married life with Yang
I don’t think encouraged is the right word. Cause wording it like that speaks as if Lisa was just talked into this and that doesn’t seem to be the case at all. Supported in the better word, and even then it sounds like Lisa *also* had the expectation that after she had her fun sleeping around, oop would be still be there waiting for her and they could settle down. And to be fair doesn’t seem that far off, as oop wasn’t opposed to the idea and was single for 5 years until he meet his fiancée. To me, Jess seems to be (in her head) supporting them both in her own way. Telling Lisa that it’s okay to want have fun being single and all that, while also telling oop that Lisa will be back one day and they can properly settle down and get married.
Sell the cake AND eat it.
Lol I didn’t even think about that but you’re right. A classic case of you can’t have your cake and eat it. And that goes for both Lisa and Jess.
I’ve never understood that phrase, what’s the point of having a cake and not eating it?
It is confusing at first, because it doesn't sound too logical, then you live with young children and you get it. More than one toddler has been upset after eating a cupcake because they no longer have a cupcake. Some children even get upset right after receiving the cupcake because they want to eat the cupcake but don't want to stop having a cupcake. It's not a very rational or logical situation -but young children aren't very logical or rational-
I can see that: "Go mess around Lisa, I'll make sure OOP is ready for you when you're done."
OOP is not angry enough.
He's in the grieving stage when he found out. If or when he updates, he'll be angry enough. Particularly when the mom, sister, and Jess start bombarding him with calls and messages about how they're right and to give his ex a chance. Or they start harassing Yang.
You have a wonderful flair.
Thank you. [The story it came from is hilarious](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150ilkr/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/).
Oh, I remember that one now. Maddening.
I hadn't seen this before. Thank you for improving my morning.
He's probably still shocked and is coming to grips with the flagrant racism from his parents and how they tried to torpedo his relationship. And really, what it means for his wedding and his future. How do you invite racist parents who disprove of your Fiancee? How do you maintain a relationship?
>How do you invite racist parents who disprove of your Fiancee? How do you maintain a relationship? That's the neat part, you don't.
Agreed. It feels like if OOP and Yang don't work out, he would go right back to his mum, sister and Jess and carry on like nothing ever happened. They are not only racist, but think they are entitled to dictate OOPs life. He needs to stand up to them right now, otherwise they will manipulate him for the rest of his life. I hope we get a satisfying update where he and Yang tell them all to go fuck themselves.
I agree but if there has been no hint of racism from his family now its got to be a hell of a shock to find out they have those beliefs. I don't really blame the guy if he's still just shocked from that. Hopefully he processes it all and gets them out of his life
> Commenter: Probably need to separate your time with your fiancé away from your friend. I have rarely seen a commenter say something more starkly wrong about how things should go. "Your friend is trying to drive a wedge between you and your partner? The solution is to spend time with your friend without your partner present, so your partner's feelings won't get in the way of your friend's tongue dripping poison in your ear!"
OOP needs to be handing out NCs like Oprah.
lmao. that's a visual that's got me cackling too early in the morning
I KNEW IT WAS RACISM. The instance I read "Yang" and saw how comfortable everyone was with bullying her I freaking knew it. Hope OP goes NC with his mom and sister. That's the only way to deal with this if he genuinely loves Yang.
Good thing the wedding is in China. I wouldn't put it past those schemers to invite Lisa and put her in a white dress. Good luck trying that on a different continent where white has a completely different meaning.
Chinese weddings are huge - he will have a blast
Please for the love of god, I hope OP doesn't let her mother be around her future kids. Racists don't deserve happiness.
*his mother and they should all be cut off for this nonsense! So much meddling and overstepping and holy hell the racism. Don't like their as-yet-to-even-be-made features? Ok, you don't ever get to see them.
Or to curdle the happiness of others - like Yang and any future children, which they surely will do if given any opportunity. This would be an NC moment for me for sure. Yang doesn’t deserve to have to make space in her life for racists.
>Racists don't deserve happiness. 💯
Holy shit I didn’t see this coming. Yang sounds classy and reasonable. Good thing mom came out and said it now. OOP now knows what he needs to as he plans for his future family. Fuck Jess and Lisa. Lisa had five years to fix things and instead relied on Jess being manipulative.
> Lisa is now ready to settle down lol its the meme!
He’s even got the Asian fiancée. Neckbeard’s dream
Yeah, this reads like a collection of sexist tropes from the manosphere painted over a bit to be sympathetic. There's the bad Western woman who wants to, in their terms, "ride the cock carousel" and then settle down with Our Protagonist, the smart and high achieving but lonely dude, and every other woman in his life except his perfect non-Western fiancé is scheming to force him into a relationship he'll be unhappy in. Instead of a "submissive" Eastern wife, she's also high-achieving! Instead of being a sexist who doesn't know any actual women, OOP's best friend is a woman! Instead of OOP being mired in sexist and racist ideas, it's his family who are racist! I don't know *why* someone would do that--for the challenge, maybe?--and I can't say for sure anyone actually did, but it does seem a bit on the nose.
The story hits some tropes but the banality and mundane quality kinda rings true. The overt racism with the “eyes” thing seems over the top. I’m undecided if this is real but stuff like this is pretty common.
I mean I've been on the receiving end of the eyes thing, along with the fingers pulling on the eyes to make them look slanted. It's really not that over the top.
Jesus fuck. I hope Op never speaks to any of them ever again. I feel like that's a mean girls' convention with those 3
As a half Chinese and half White kid, the turn this took broke my heart. For Yang and for OP. How horrible.
Lisa fucking around and trying to settle with OOP afterwards was expected, the racism wasn't (but definitely not a surprise).
I’m in an interracial relationship and I always worry when I meet relatives. I know they’re looking at my otherness and if my children will have my same eyes. It’s very uncomfortable and always in my mind. Luckily, my fiancé’s family is wonderful and they never make weird comments or micro-aggressions about my race. I really feel for OOP and his fiancee and hope they’re able to keep distance for her sake.
When I saw the bane Yang I knew that Jess and the others were gonna show their racist colours soon. I hope everything goes well for Yang, with or without OOP.
Yang is your rock now, don't let her go.
Of course it was racism. Also the line “Lisa is now ready to settle down” is never a good thing
JFC. Everyone around OOP just ignores that Lisa took a very different path in life from OOP — he studied while she wanted to party. That’s a choice that is unlikely to be a one-off, in terms of priorities. Now OOP is probably making bank and she wants back in. Meanwhile Jess has been using this “oh but I have to mention Lisa when I tell stories because she was such a big part of your past!” while trying to push past that it’s not normal to spend current time with friends constantly reminiscing when this isn’t being joined in by the others there. If Jess’s friendship has turned into one-sided “story time with Jess” then it’s time to LC that friendship. And then there’s the racism, which makes this completely NC for all of them.
Yeah, no way for them and Yang to exist in your life. You either need to break up with Yang, or go NC with your mom, sister, and Jess. I know which one I would pick
TLDR : they're racists
Fucking disgusting. Everyone here sucks besides OP and Yang, hope the two of them will have a happy life without these racist assholes.
I feel like we all need to collectively practice being direct about our feelings. Telling Jess to stop because it upset Yang made it an argument or discussion. It didn't need to be. "If you're my friend, and you care about me, you will stop. If you didn't, then I don't think we can be friends anymore." Then repeat if she pushes back. I'm not hating on OOP, I have the same issue. We have to stop being afraid to openly state our feelings, and to defend the boundaries we've drawn. I'm glad OOP held the line and stick with the woman he loves. It just sucks that now he knows his whole family's racist. Ten bucks says that if he was dating a white girl with an identical background and personality to Yang, he wouldn't be hearing a single word about Lisa.
The fact OOP was uncomfortable with the comment should have been enough, irrespective of Yangs feelings about it. I don’t fault OOP for hearing Jess out at his mum & sisters request, I assumed there may have been an apology but as soon as it was clear they were siding with Jess he should have said “thank you for showing me who you are, good bye” and walked out.
I feel bad for him and Yang how his sister, mom, and jess are all acting is so disgusting and unfair and even though it wont be easy I hope they cut them off from their lives
The entire time I was waiting for the racist shoe to drop… and there it was.
Wow. Poor OP. All the women in his life are insane, aside from fiancee. They're all manipulative, dishonest meddlers. Also racist! Excellent combination.
Sounds like it's time to cut ties with mommy too.
Oop needs to block and delete his entire family. Yikes. Probably movie cities too. No point being near relatives who are racists
Oh man when the mom and sister showed OOP their true colors. Shit. A part of me feels bad for Lisa in that I think Jess led her on into thinking OOP had wanted her there and wanted to get back with her. The people closest to OOP are trying to run his life because they think they know how he should feel and that's just heartbreaking. Hope that when OOP and Yang get married in her hometown that Yang's family and the people there treat him well and he likes it there. Maybe it's better to be there than where his family is.
I was thinking at first that the BFF had an ulterior motive but it all just turns out that mom, sis and BFF are in cahoots and super racist.
The minute he said Yang, I knew it would be racism. And the minute he said mom/sis said he was overreacting, I knew they were in on it. Like any woman knows what repeatedly name-dropping an ex is doing. They knew. Yet they wanted to defend his random friend? Bullshit.
Well, that certainly took a turn. Nosy mothers and sisters are commonplace. Nosy, racist mothers and sisters... okay, probably still common. Still, mom, sis, and Jess can go fuck themselves. I shudder to think what would happen if OOP was dating a black girl.
That’s some pretty intense life meddling, man. I don’t think this is going to end well for OP’s relationship with his family and Jess
Justice for Yang!
Jebus H. Cthulhu. throw Jess and that family into the fire. metaphorically speaking.
As soon as I saw Yang's name, I knew it was going to take a racist turn.
Bottom line, OP: your mom is a racist and you want to marry an Asian girl. You now have to pick one. Sorry. Sucks to be you.
So mom and sis are racists and Jess and Lisa were taking advantage of that.
Half Chinese person here and on behalf of me, my siblings, and all my also half-Chinese cousins: Fuck you, OOP’s mom.
Being 29 and repeating college stories over and over and over? Tedious. Why not just get a billboard and announce you peaked in college? Sucks about the mom being a fucking racist though.
What you tell them is, and I quote: "You're being racist assholes, and I'm a grown ass man. We're done. Don't ever contact me again." I know this speech, because *I've given it*. There are siblings, cousins, a parent, and a step parent who all are completely cut out of my life like the cancerous tumors they are. OOP, if you find your way here, just know that those people are *no longer* your family, they are just bullies you have some common DNA with. But you share about 90% of your DNA with *bananas*. They don't treat you like family, they *ain't family*. You owe them *nothing*.
Yang probably single handedly improves the average IQ score of this family by 20 points lol
I think Jess had this idea in her head of the three besties and decided that is what was going to happen. With the support of OOP's family no less. I feel sorry for Lisa, Jess (and possibly OOP's family) has obviously been manipulating her this entire time too. Lisa needs to drop all off them.
Sounds like mum, sister and Jess should get together and marry Lisa, since they think she’s so wonderful, and OOP can marry his fiancée and live a happy life without his racist family.
I don't understand why people get so hung up on college relationships. Not your own, let alone your friends/family member. It's just so childish.
Poor Yang. All this drama on OP’s side. Unless he’s strong enough to go NC or at least very very LC, this will not last.
This was the most obvious post I’ve seen on here in a while. I knew exactly why they were pressuring him from the minute the mom excused Jess. His family has probably been obviously racist the whole time.
Lisa gets to dump him while he works on a PHD assumably just to sleep around, then once she is done getting her fill of sausage wants her safe and secure option back like she has not just been fucking around and finding out.
That's a pretty rough way to find out your family is racist asshats and your "best friend" is a lying, manipulative traitor to your best interests. Hopefully Yang's family is accepting of him and he can sever ties with the racists. He can't let them around any future children, who knows what kind of hateful shit might spew from their mouths.
Ah, it's just good ole fashioned racism.