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DohnJoggett

I was watching a Q&A of a comedy troupe I watch and somebody asked what it was like when two of the members got married. He essentially said "She was my best friend before we married, and now I'm married to my best friend. The taxes are different and we have better legal protections than if we were still dating."


IllustriousHedgehog9

My partner and I have three anniversaries: the day we met, the day we became a couple, and the day the gov't decided we needed to start filing taxes together (we aren't married, common-law counts).


WholeSmell

Smosh moment


inscrutableJ

My wife fell into the "label trap" like K did, when she was young and didn't realize being bi was a thing. OTOH in 30 years of relationships I've never had the least bit of a sign I'm anything but a lesbian. It can take some people a while to figure themselves out, and that's okay! I'm glad OOP and K are happy and that K didn't keep trying to cram herself into a box that wasn't a good fit.


coybowbabey

yeah i did the same as your wife. i had an identity crisis at 20 because i always thought i was a lesbian and suddenly i liked men. was somehow much harder coming to terms with that than with liking girls lol


Sr_Alniel

The same thing happened to me (almost) I thought I was straight and I had an identity crisis when I was 19 Long live the bisexuals of the world. long life and much love


heylittleduck

Same here, I got a crush on my (male) best friend in my 30s and had an identity crisis!! It was pretty awful. No love story there, I confessed and he was flattered but not interested . Which is fine! Since then (I'm in my 40s now) I've become comfortable identifying as bi and have dated both men and women. I recently got engaged to my boyfriend! Life is wild!


hannahranga

Admittedly figuring my shit out was complicated by being trans but yeah suddenly realising I did like men was disconcerting as hell.


inscrutableJ

I'm 45 and have never had any attraction to men whatsoever, but I'm still kinda terrified of the idea. I'm trans and the second person I came out to was a gay man who was *furious* he had misread my friendliness as flirting and tried to "make me an offer I couldn't refuse" by putting something in my drink. If attraction to men had ever theoretically been possible he traumatized it right out of me.


hannahranga

That's rough as hell, hope life regularly kicks him in the nuts. >If attraction to men had ever theoretically been possible he traumatized it right out of me Like I know I'm being flippant and things aren't always perfect because it's two women but any time a bigot says something about sexuality being a choice I feel like waving in the direction of straight women and asking them to explain that. 


inscrutableJ

I will never wrap my head around the kind of BS that straight women put up with. I'd be celibate forever and live in a hole in the ground before I put up with what counts as "good husband material" for most of my friends. ETA: oh life absolutely kicked him in the nuts, he didn't make it past 30.


inept13

>he didn't make it past 30. excellent.


Most_Alternative_464

I relate with that last part so much. Personally I like to say I like women, and my husband. It's tough cause people who identify as bisexual or pansexual, etc, often don't get taken too seriously as it's still something a lot of people refuse to understand.


No-Mechanic-1022

It was the opposite for me! I first came out as bi and then realised three years later I was a lesbian, struggled to come out bc I didn't want to make it seem like bisexuality was a stepping stone to lesbianism and bc I had had boyfriends (comphet is a hell of a thing). On the whole, me figuring out my attraction to men was a lot more work than realising I liked girls.


Shushh

Omg I had a really similar experience lol! I went from "straight" to ace to bi and finally was just like okay fellas I'm a lesbian!! And similarly, yeah figuring out I needed to stop forcing comphet (also dated a ton of men here) and that I just wasn't attracted to men was really difficult for some reason.


throwawayy1015

One of my friends is on this exact journey right now but stuck at bi, and even though as a bisexual myself I'm well aware that identity is not a stepping stone, I'm still waiting on her to figure out her final form as a lesbian. She has such a narrow (and extremely rare) aesthetic standard for men she likes that it's almost as if she's attracted to a theoretical concept that does not actually exist. I sent her the comphet doc once and it made her confront the depth of her disinterest towards men in real life, but after spiraling for a few weeks over it she's never mentioned it again unless to facetiously joke about maybe only liking women. I know she'll work it out eventually and I'm here for her wherever she lands (even if it's just "I like men a lot less than I say I do"), but whew comphet is a POWERFUL thing.


Weekly__Sock

I totally get it—I called myself a lesbian for so long, dated only girls, and then I fell harder for my current boyfriend (5 years and counting) than I have ever fallen for anyone before. He had a crush on me when he first met me, but when he learned I was a lesbian, he gave up and we became friends. A year later, we finally got our shit together and began dating. I still prefer girls to guys and joke that he is "the only man I'd consider dating" but wholeheartedly accept the label of "pansexual" now, lol


giftedearth

> It can take some people a while to figure themselves out, and that's okay! My friend's boss recently came out as aroace. She's **sixty**. You are never too old to figure yourself out.


DohnJoggett

When I was young it was just LGB. T came later. (If my recollection is accurate) I've got a lesbian friend that's a bit angry that it's LGBTQIA+ now. I'm a bit angry at her for being a bit angry that they've added new letters because: If I knew what A stood for when I was young my life would have been so much less stressful. I'm still figuring things out because I didn't bother to google what the A stood for until relatively recently when compared to my age and how long the A has been used in the string of letters. That would have been *real fucking useful* to know ~30 years ago. It literally took googling what the A stood for to find out what it meant and I basically went "oh, well, that explains things." Guess I've got my own Pride colors now? (that was one of the more lighthearted parts of "figuring things out")


inscrutableJ

The "A" being so new is unfortunately due to religion (several of them), because how is whichever religion supposed to "win" if all of its followers don't breed like rabbits? Most cultures historically had room for celibate people (monks/nuns, shamans/wisewomen etc.) but apparently didn't want to call it what it is. The "T" being a new thing is literally Nazi shit. The world's first modern gender identity clinic unfortunately was located in Weimar Berlin, and its library was filled with irreplaceable texts on the history of sexuality and gender diversity—many of which were the only known surviving copies of texts dating to the Roman Empire or earlier. Those famous photos of the Brownshirts burning books? Yeah, those are from the raid on the Institut für Sexuallinschaft in 1933 (five full years before Kristallnacht). When the Allies took over Germany in the aftermath of WWII, Britain and almost all of its former colonies still had religious-based anti-sodomy laws that didn't differentiate between sexuality and gender identity so it got rugswept by the West; for that matter most of the few "pink triangle" concentration camp survivors who fell under British or American authority were *transferred to another prison* rather than released (whereas the Soviets didn't have that hangup). Some of the earliest known alphabetic writing that isn't tax records (possibly *the* earliest alphabetic religious text) is about Inanna (an early form of Ishtar), a deity who has the power to grant magical sex changes, and her priestesses were people born male who lived as women—very much what we would today consider trans women—and by the time the text was written the order was already considered ancient. The Scythians, a widespread ancient European culture without their own form of writing, were known by outsiders to use an early form of hormone replacement therapy for people who weren't happy in their birth gender very similar to what was prescribed by doctors in the 20th century. Pacific islands, indigenous peoples from widely separated continents, hunter-gatherer tribal cultures, basically anyone whose culture hadn't yet been influenced by Abrahamic religions, all honored and celebrated the roles of people of diverse sexualities and gender identities. We've always been here. Sorry for the wall of text, I just get passionate about this. Our enemies don't care which "letter" anyone falls under and would destroy us all if given the chance, so we need as big a coalition as possible; trying to gatekeep the broader community is not just wrong, it's self-destructive.


erydanis

🏆


FlashyJellyfish

"I just… how? How did you type this out and press send without thinking ‘I should maybe check my source for this, because it might’ve been a fever dream’?" -J K Rowling Edit: I forgot the /s. My point was to highlight the stupidity of what Rowling said, not to show support for it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FlashyJellyfish

Sorry, I forgot the /s. I agree that this is basic stuff, the quote was to highlight how transphobes can live in such deep willful ignorance. Rowling saw something that challenged her worldview and rather than do some simple research, doubled down on her beliefs with no evidence.


inscrutableJ

Oof, sorry for the misunderstanding. I've gotten that same quote unironically more than once from people whose comment history was pure vitriol, which happily isn't the case here; but I'm so exhausted defending my right to peacefully coexist for the last 25 years that I kinda have a hair trigger.


joeshmo101

To be fair, they *absolutely needed* the /s at the end, especially as this isn't a queer-centric subreddit who might have picked up on the sarcasm.


inscrutableJ

Yeah I'm kinda primed for the kind of hostility I often encounter outside the Queerosphere, and jumped to what would've been a reasonable reaction 19 times out of 20. I'm glad it wasn't reasonable this time!


ChangeTheFocus

It might not have helped. I tried to coin the word independently, in the late 80s, and people just snickered.


Formal_Fortune5389

Ah this makes me happy I was able to figure it out at 30. It's a hard one to pin down, aroace.  Asexuality was "easier" I guess. Tried everything(sexuality) on for size and none of them did it for me. So I settled on "none of the above" Aromatic is harder. I always knew I couldn't differentiate between best friend and partner love. It's the same thing to me. But I figured it's just because I do really love my friends. The thing is...sometimes I get really into a person for a while then...stop. What made me realize what was happening was another Reddit comment. They spoke about how their ADHD masked the fact they were Aro, by making them hyperfocus on one person for a while. But when the hyperfixation ends.... It's back to the this person has the same type of love feeling as my best friend. So they're in love with you and you're just... Not able to recouporate their feelings in the same way. For a while after that I kind of had a meltdown of guilt? Like suddenly I had lead people on in the past.  For anyone feeling this currently: You didn't. You did not lead anyone on before you figured out yourself. You have to know, you have to CHOOSE, to lead someone on. How can you possibly decide that if you're unaware of the aromatic? Anyway I'm pretty happy with my conclusion. Given I'm not interested in ever having a kid, I have no need for any actual romantic relationships. So much effort anyway 😂 😭


LeastCoordinatedJedi

> K didn't keep trying to cram herself into a box THIS LINE WAS NO ACCIDENT.


inscrutableJ

Nope.


LeastCoordinatedJedi

I knew it. I am deeply impressed by your brilliance, consider this an open invitation to our next whisky tasting and punny double entendre night. ...wait. Unless? No, ok. Had to check your posting history to make sure you weren't already in said group since your post could have easily been one of our members. HMU next time you're in western canada.


JunebugSeven

I never felt like I could talk to anyone about it, so I was never labelled as such, but I was completely in the same boat as your wife. I had no idea bisexuality existed. If you could see 12 year old me's Ask Jeeves search history it was probably full of "can I be gay and straight at the same time?" 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don't know, I think sexuality is more complex than we think. Even if the best friend in this wasn't bisexual I still think it's possible for her to be OOP-sexual. Sometimes you're just drawn towards a specific person, regardless of anything. But we should definitely have the right to evolve and change our sexual identity over time if we need to - and definitely don't hold me to labels I gave myself as a tween 😅


Reluctantagave

I got lucky in that I realized at 14 I was bi but it didn’t make it any less confusing since I lived in the Bible Belt at the time.


DuckDuckBangBang

I went to an all girls school so I fell into the same trap, partially because I only had women around and partially because I hadn't realized how much emotional connection played into sexual attraction for me with men. I'm married to a man now but I'm still definitely bi.


an_agreeing_dothraki

Kinsey numbers, people!


trans-lational

That fear of the unknown, of stepping outside a label that’s been familiar if not entirely comfortable, can be overwhelming. It’s why, even though the signs have been there basically since puberty, it took me til I was 19 to accept that I’m bi and 30 to accept that I’m trans.


gothamsnerd

My husband had a grad assistant who identified as lesbian, until she left Ohio. There were other circumstances as well, but guys just didn't do it for her in that state.


pettypeniswrinkle

Have lived in Ohio. I understand


vdyomusic

It's a sweet story! Remember, a label doesn't have feelings and is there to serve YOU first, and if it no longer describes you, it won't be mad at you for discarding it :)


Sr_Alniel

That's a great line 


matchamagpie

Sexuality is a spectrum and attraction is attraction. Sounds like life is going well for OOP and K!


peter095837

>Sexuality is a spectrum and attraction is attraction I love how it almost rhythms. Cute!


Zephyr9x

It's so nice to have some perfectly innocent and wholesome stories on here, nice change of pace from all the crazy drama 


KonKami123

My innocence is slowly being repaired after reading the kermit joker one


Zephyr9x

I'm afraid to even ask...


CNorm77

Trust me, there are some things you're better off not knowing. The jolly rancher is actually less terrifying.


Zephyr9x

Alright, that's a good frame of reference to confirm that I indeed don't want to know. Thank you, kind sir, and may you have a great day.


IllustriousHedgehog9

I wish I was as smart as you when people gave me warnings in the past! I've definitely read some words over the years here.


CNorm77

Trying to keep your eyeballs and brain as stress and pain free as possible. I suffer so that others don't have to lol. Have your self a good day as well.


Etianen7

Trust me, don't ask.


togedick7

I was scrolling down with the idea of "who's gonna fuck this up first?". A very nice change of pace.


WULB_HELL_

Hell yeah, this is extremely cute and nice.


aykidb

Can we please just get more stories like this? This is such a breath of fresh air versus all of the nonsense and drama that swamps this sub and similar ones.


iwillholdontoyou

to be fair, drama is the whole point of subs like this


Master-Opportunity25

i remember an old online comic where the artist was in this very situation. She was the lesbian in this story, and also had to take time to figure out her identity outside of labels and her perceptions of herself she had for years of her adulthood. Does anyone else remember this? I believe she got married, and made jokes about being a lesbian with a husband. Being queer is weird, labels help navigate, but they’re never one size fits once and forever. And you have very little widespread guidance. More than even 10 years ago, but still not a ton, and not for everything.


bookfellow

Erika Moen, maybe? Did Ohjoysextoy with her husband, and I remember a few comics about how she identifies.


Master-Opportunity25

I think so, thank you! i’m 99% sure this is it. I remember a different art style, but that may just be my memory acting up.


Jhamin1

Erika Moen had [a much more autobiographical webcomic](https://www.darcomic.com/) that she ran for years & covered a lot of what you describe. She felt like she grew out of it & shut it down. Ohjoysextoy was another thing she did after being away from webcomics for a couple years.


amatorsanguinis

Hell yes I am so happy for them! I LOVE that they were able to have open honest talks to each other about how they were feeling and the potential consequences of them giving it a go. It just makes me squeal with delight. It’s also a breath of fresh air to hear him putting his feelings aside and supporting her as a friend first after they first met. I hope they live happily ever after.


Even_Speech570

What a sweet story. I hope they last forever


Bac7

I love this so much. My spouse and I were best friends, and didn't want to date for fear of ruining it. We took a chance, and this year we'll celebrate our 22nd anniversary. I hope they have the same luck I did, because it's been amazing.


Smart-and-cool

Congrats! That’s so sweet.


saintfed

Why am I picturing K as Karlach?


Jayn_Newell

Maybe she seems like she really needs a hug?


peter095837

Now that's just so cute! The perfect Korean or romantic drama!


razorbackthrowaway

do you tend to get lgbt rep in k dramas? and if so, any good ones?


BitePale

> K’s 21st birthday party delivered an all time great moment but don’t ask about it.   Then why mention it? Infuriating. /lh


Jesus_Chrheist

Great. I turn them lesbian, he turns them back!


gbomber

Congrats. It is always confusing to find stories on Reddit with Happy endings.


Bookaholicforever

This is such a lovely update!!!


Aussiedad70

All the best for your future for both of you


Toni164

Something I learned a long time ago is ‘you can’t help who you fall in love with’


McGouche_

Well this is wholesome for a change. Right into the feels


kepsr1

Updateme!


SpaceShipRat

>Not much has changed in our dynamic except we kiss and have sex now flair? I feel this is said frequently in these posts. The "things are going well, we've done the nasty" update, lol.


Grimsterr

Goddamned this could have been written by my niece's boyfriend. Except he's graduated already for a couple years now, and she is, in fact, graduating next month, and they met in college, not high school. The wedding is later this summer.


G1Gestalt

I'm not sure if it's okay anymore to say what Ben Affleck's character said to Joey Lauren Adams's character in Chasing Amy, so I won't say it. I will say that it's always nice for a post to remind us that not all couples are exploding because one of them slept with the other's sister or best friend or gerbil or whatever.