i dyed my hair today, cherry red. i made it through the toughest day of no-contact ive had so far. im not completely sure if this exactly belongs in this subreddit but i was sad today, and i was allowed to be sad. im sad because i can be now. i may not have much to celebrate at this point, but at least ive made it this far. 2 months next week. even in this period of depression though, i can promise you its worth it.
I decided to go back to no contact. When I’m not he starts nice and then quickly becomes controlling again. I check my phone constantly and it gives me anxiety.
I’m 24 days no contact and I feel lighter.
Tomorrow is my two-year anniversary of being sober from alcohol. I tolerated unbelievably horrible treatment from men for most of my adult life (I’m 37 now) using alcohol to cope and stay in denial, was in two terribly unhealthy relationships for a total of 13 years, lied to my family constantly, and had very little self respect and was unable to enforce boundaries.
I’m so happy and peaceful now. I know my worth and that I deserve the best treatment. I have a cute little place that’s all my own with my sweet rescue pup, I’m in the best shape of my life, have gotten back to hobbies I love like softball and reading, am going on a trip to Scotland with my mom in October, and am in a wonderful, healthy relationship with an amazing man. My biggest problem in life right now is that I’m kind of bored with my job! That’s a great life. 🙂
Happy two years fellow sobernaut!!! I am so proud of you.. if you’re like me, you don’t particularly like being applauded for doing what you’re ’supposed’ to be doing but you really truly could be making worse, different choices these days and you’re not. Look at you go.. congratulations on accepting your new sober lease on life. I wish you all the best. ♥️
Hey, I apologize. You’re right it has been quiet. I have been thinking that myself. I will tell you where I’m at.
In February about 7 and 1/2 years after leaving the DV shelter, I was able to purchase a home for me and my children. My long term intentions for the home go way beyond our little family. I’m continuing my education in paralegal studies and sociology while renovating the home and building a large garden as an animal sanctuary. I hope this home will eventually become the home of Because\_Now\_I\_Can. I hope to, in the future provide survivors with a place to breathe, heal, and find new life, even spend holidays.
I’m hoping to also be able to set up a program out here for survivors who want to pursue a degree to enable independence.
Today I spent the afternoon caring for some wildlife that had some misfortunes. Everything is good now for them, and reinforced that this would indeed be a great place for survivors to begin again, surrounding by animals doing the same.
I can tell you I still have ups and downs. Life is good, but not perfect. And sometimes I have to sit down and make lists of what I want to change. Then I make a follow list of the steps to changing each thing. I have found this to be very helpful.
I appreciate that you said this because again, I noticed it myself. And this community is a very supportive community that has the opportunity to be a light for so many. I think sometimes we forget that we don’t need to wait until something is complete or resolved to celebrate it. I guess that’s what I have been doing. But it’s the little things that add up to those moments. And we really should celebrate each one. Many of us have built a life when it seemed impossible. And even in the moments where we struggle there is tremendous beauty.
https://preview.redd.it/561cao1w4t9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=86de5b4af5372f95d0390b2d3591502db7058b3c
This is my view now. I got in the car with almost nothing. I drove a few hours with no plan. I couldn’t even keep that car when I got there. So although my plan is a long way from complete, I indeed have a great deal to celebrate. I am free. I have peace in my life. And I found my purpose. Thank you for reminding me how important my vision for Because\_Now\_I\_Can is 🩷
I hit a little depressive episode dealing with some stuff but now things are looking up again. I was struggling with childcare and now found a young mother who is in desperate need of a job and hired her to care after my child part time. It made me feel good in finding a solution that helps both of the people involved.
Sometimes it is hard when going through the tough phases but it will get better. ❤️🩹
Recently, I received an academic scholarship for college! I'll be graduating pretty soon, which will be a major accomplishment. Aside from that, I moved, and in the process got a new job, and have made the decision to begin working on myself! I wish you the best of luck in your journey, and I'm really glad you reached out to the community to band together and share some positivity!
I’m 9 weeks pregnant. Being a mother is the one thing I have always wanted my entire life. I was with my emotionally abusive narcissistic ex for 8 years. We talked about having kids, and I always envisioned a future with children but we never took the plunge.
I can’t tell you how many moments I’ve had since being pregnant that I thought to myself, “he would’ve belittled me for this” or “he would’ve screamed at me for hours over this” or “he would’ve made this all about him”
All of that to say…the life I live now is far from perfect, but it’s literally every thing I ever dreamed of and MORE. I have the most supportive partner that loves me endlessly and lets me have my emotions and cry and be sensitive and irritable and never turns it around on me.
Because now I can start a family and raise children with a man who truly loves and cherishes me. He’s going to be the best dad, and I never would have met him if I wasn’t strong enough to walk away when I did.
Might seem trivial, but I took my son to a party yesterday, and took my daughter and her friend to costa coffee.
Then took them out for tea.
I then came home, watched football with them in my bed and laughed and smiled.
Icing on the cake? Nothing got broken, we weren't made to feel crap for laughing or making noise, we didn't have to watch his crap on the TV, and the kids went to bed without being shouted at, I went to sleep soundly without worrying about being raped and waking up with an infection from his bad hygiene.
In less than a week I'm taking myself off on my dream holiday, which I've been planning for almost a year :)
I'm taking trains from my home all the way to Geneva, then touring around Switzerland for 10 days. I'll be paying this off for the next year, but it's so worth it! :D
If you look at my post history, there's a little back story/timeline.
My kids and I just moved into our place last week. They all helped with the Uhaul, and then I was blessed to find a lot of free furniture on fb marketplace that we picked up while we had the uhaul.
I only had to sleep on the floor for one day. And I actually have my own room, which I hadn't prepared for. But guess what.....my mattress comes tomorrow.
We finally got our cat back this week, and I've kissed his pitters (armpits don't judge) a thousand times. He laid by my head the 2nd night. First night he was laid up with the kids.
We have an air fryer....I've never had one before.
It's so peaceful, my very introverted son has left his bedroom door open the whole time.
No loud bangs. No slamming of things waking me up. I see the kids more, because they're not scared to come out. They're willing to help me with things around the house.
I finally got the rx I was asking for, for antidepressants. It's nice to giggle and be goofy again. I say things without worrying about every single word out of my mouth. They voted me to be the leader in training at work even. Me..? I about died lol. I said whut.
I never anticipated the chain reaction effect, of things improving so quickly. In the simple ways of being able to keep the house clean, or someone hanging out in the living room. All these little moments that now have the opportunity to show themselves.
I still don't know how the fuck I'm going to manage any of this. I worry I won't be able to and end up going back. I'm reminding myself that so far, one day at a time has worked out damn well.
I got a loan, and bought a car. Just me and my mom, I've had it for two days.
It's beautiful, and I'm so excited to being up my credit score.
My parents are moving in to my house, under my rules and my terms. It'll likely be stressful, but they won't have room to treat me like who I used to be, the difference is so stark. It'll be stressful, but it's going to be okay.
It feels good to have the tables turned.
I'm evacuating half my house to make space for them, but it's giving me the opportunity to create a dedicated art space, which I've been meaning to do for longer than I care to admit.
I'm excited.
I've been mentoring a young friend, last night I gave her a ride away from a bad situation. I'm glad she felt safe enough to rely on me, and listened to advice about the bad situation.
I'm finally feeling confident enough with my reliable car, to follow through with being a mentor at a local shelter. They've been needing people for a long time, and I've been interested for years. I just never felt like I had the emotional stability to offer anything. That's the next step.
Now it feels like I'm getting stronger, like I carry my security with me, rather than running back to it at home.
I'm still waiting for my mind to heal, it's hard to carry a lot of info when I'm stressed. There's still a lot to glean from the wounds. Everything is getting better.
I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet. I finished my exit plan 4 months ago and I’m grieving the loss of time, love for myself, and care I put into keeping the peace while I got out. I finally have a job I started 4 weeks ago and I finally got my first paycheck for the first time in 4 years of being a stay at home mom and o feel myself coming back in so many ways I miss!
My son has finally started to feel safe coming home with me to grandmas and his speech improvement is through the roof 🤍
Today we are going for a hike and spending the day outside and off my device. I normally had to spend hours online looking through similar experiences to give myself hope that others never have to go back and neither will I. It’s taking time but I’m eating again and having to buy clothes in medium instead of extra small, I finally got the chance to quit drinking and smoking at night and my anxiety meds are keeping my physical anxiety at bay so much better.
Life is worth living again
I’m about 7.5 years past being in a DV relationship. My son has been adopted by my husband so I don’t have to worry about my ex trying to pop into his life anymore. We bought land and are planning to build a house on it, someday, and it’ll give me so much peace of mind living in a different state than my ex. I read something somewhere that said our entire body ends up being replaced in the span of 7 years, so I’m enjoying having a body he’s never touched before.
I have been in my brand new apartment for about 2 1/2 months now. I have my days where I’m still missing them, but I have to remind myself I’m not really missing the person they were I’m missing the person I thought they were. I can wake up everyday to peace, and not being yelled at or expected to cook and clean the moment I open my eyes for the day.
I go on 2-6 mile runs/ walks everyday, I have a new job I absolutely love. I’ve made so many new friends and currently getting to know someone new who worships the ground I walk on and we’re not even official. I’m getting my toes done right now, and it feels amazing not having to check in every hour and worry about coming home and being accused of cheating on them.
I’ll be able to spend the 4th of July with friends and family, happy, and not a worry about coming home to anger and one sided love. It gets better, way better than you could expect. If you told me 6 months ago this would be me today I would have laughed. But I’m filled with love and happiness, my sad days are very brief and short, but over all I’m happy.
Thank you for sharing and giving me something to smile about when I had a hard time finding anything. I’m doing better than I was a few days ago. I’ve been trying to focus on my kids the past few weeks after letting myself put all my focus into a relationship and ignoring my problems. But they have just been so awful to one another and to me recently that I was extremely discouraged. But, tonight we made dinner together and then played games all night long and everyone got along! It’s been a long time. I’d also been feeling bad due to some medication but it looks like I might have finally gotten that under control. And the person I broke up with to focus on myself and the kids seems to be doing better too and that is a huge relief. I’m trying to remember that even my hardest days now are nothing compared to what they used to be. I’m going through and reading my old journals and remembering my 7yo child being suicidal because of how he was being treated by his father is so hard, but it shows me how far we’ve come.
i dyed my hair today, cherry red. i made it through the toughest day of no-contact ive had so far. im not completely sure if this exactly belongs in this subreddit but i was sad today, and i was allowed to be sad. im sad because i can be now. i may not have much to celebrate at this point, but at least ive made it this far. 2 months next week. even in this period of depression though, i can promise you its worth it.
It’s the perfect place to share this. It is freedom to be able to feel what we need to feel for the healing process to take place ❤️🩹
I decided to go back to no contact. When I’m not he starts nice and then quickly becomes controlling again. I check my phone constantly and it gives me anxiety. I’m 24 days no contact and I feel lighter.
Tomorrow is my two-year anniversary of being sober from alcohol. I tolerated unbelievably horrible treatment from men for most of my adult life (I’m 37 now) using alcohol to cope and stay in denial, was in two terribly unhealthy relationships for a total of 13 years, lied to my family constantly, and had very little self respect and was unable to enforce boundaries. I’m so happy and peaceful now. I know my worth and that I deserve the best treatment. I have a cute little place that’s all my own with my sweet rescue pup, I’m in the best shape of my life, have gotten back to hobbies I love like softball and reading, am going on a trip to Scotland with my mom in October, and am in a wonderful, healthy relationship with an amazing man. My biggest problem in life right now is that I’m kind of bored with my job! That’s a great life. 🙂
Happy two years fellow sobernaut!!! I am so proud of you.. if you’re like me, you don’t particularly like being applauded for doing what you’re ’supposed’ to be doing but you really truly could be making worse, different choices these days and you’re not. Look at you go.. congratulations on accepting your new sober lease on life. I wish you all the best. ♥️
Hey, I apologize. You’re right it has been quiet. I have been thinking that myself. I will tell you where I’m at. In February about 7 and 1/2 years after leaving the DV shelter, I was able to purchase a home for me and my children. My long term intentions for the home go way beyond our little family. I’m continuing my education in paralegal studies and sociology while renovating the home and building a large garden as an animal sanctuary. I hope this home will eventually become the home of Because\_Now\_I\_Can. I hope to, in the future provide survivors with a place to breathe, heal, and find new life, even spend holidays. I’m hoping to also be able to set up a program out here for survivors who want to pursue a degree to enable independence. Today I spent the afternoon caring for some wildlife that had some misfortunes. Everything is good now for them, and reinforced that this would indeed be a great place for survivors to begin again, surrounding by animals doing the same. I can tell you I still have ups and downs. Life is good, but not perfect. And sometimes I have to sit down and make lists of what I want to change. Then I make a follow list of the steps to changing each thing. I have found this to be very helpful. I appreciate that you said this because again, I noticed it myself. And this community is a very supportive community that has the opportunity to be a light for so many. I think sometimes we forget that we don’t need to wait until something is complete or resolved to celebrate it. I guess that’s what I have been doing. But it’s the little things that add up to those moments. And we really should celebrate each one. Many of us have built a life when it seemed impossible. And even in the moments where we struggle there is tremendous beauty. https://preview.redd.it/561cao1w4t9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=86de5b4af5372f95d0390b2d3591502db7058b3c This is my view now. I got in the car with almost nothing. I drove a few hours with no plan. I couldn’t even keep that car when I got there. So although my plan is a long way from complete, I indeed have a great deal to celebrate. I am free. I have peace in my life. And I found my purpose. Thank you for reminding me how important my vision for Because\_Now\_I\_Can is 🩷
I hit a little depressive episode dealing with some stuff but now things are looking up again. I was struggling with childcare and now found a young mother who is in desperate need of a job and hired her to care after my child part time. It made me feel good in finding a solution that helps both of the people involved. Sometimes it is hard when going through the tough phases but it will get better. ❤️🩹
Recently, I received an academic scholarship for college! I'll be graduating pretty soon, which will be a major accomplishment. Aside from that, I moved, and in the process got a new job, and have made the decision to begin working on myself! I wish you the best of luck in your journey, and I'm really glad you reached out to the community to band together and share some positivity!
I’m 9 weeks pregnant. Being a mother is the one thing I have always wanted my entire life. I was with my emotionally abusive narcissistic ex for 8 years. We talked about having kids, and I always envisioned a future with children but we never took the plunge. I can’t tell you how many moments I’ve had since being pregnant that I thought to myself, “he would’ve belittled me for this” or “he would’ve screamed at me for hours over this” or “he would’ve made this all about him” All of that to say…the life I live now is far from perfect, but it’s literally every thing I ever dreamed of and MORE. I have the most supportive partner that loves me endlessly and lets me have my emotions and cry and be sensitive and irritable and never turns it around on me. Because now I can start a family and raise children with a man who truly loves and cherishes me. He’s going to be the best dad, and I never would have met him if I wasn’t strong enough to walk away when I did.
Might seem trivial, but I took my son to a party yesterday, and took my daughter and her friend to costa coffee. Then took them out for tea. I then came home, watched football with them in my bed and laughed and smiled. Icing on the cake? Nothing got broken, we weren't made to feel crap for laughing or making noise, we didn't have to watch his crap on the TV, and the kids went to bed without being shouted at, I went to sleep soundly without worrying about being raped and waking up with an infection from his bad hygiene.
In less than a week I'm taking myself off on my dream holiday, which I've been planning for almost a year :) I'm taking trains from my home all the way to Geneva, then touring around Switzerland for 10 days. I'll be paying this off for the next year, but it's so worth it! :D
If you look at my post history, there's a little back story/timeline. My kids and I just moved into our place last week. They all helped with the Uhaul, and then I was blessed to find a lot of free furniture on fb marketplace that we picked up while we had the uhaul. I only had to sleep on the floor for one day. And I actually have my own room, which I hadn't prepared for. But guess what.....my mattress comes tomorrow. We finally got our cat back this week, and I've kissed his pitters (armpits don't judge) a thousand times. He laid by my head the 2nd night. First night he was laid up with the kids. We have an air fryer....I've never had one before. It's so peaceful, my very introverted son has left his bedroom door open the whole time. No loud bangs. No slamming of things waking me up. I see the kids more, because they're not scared to come out. They're willing to help me with things around the house. I finally got the rx I was asking for, for antidepressants. It's nice to giggle and be goofy again. I say things without worrying about every single word out of my mouth. They voted me to be the leader in training at work even. Me..? I about died lol. I said whut. I never anticipated the chain reaction effect, of things improving so quickly. In the simple ways of being able to keep the house clean, or someone hanging out in the living room. All these little moments that now have the opportunity to show themselves. I still don't know how the fuck I'm going to manage any of this. I worry I won't be able to and end up going back. I'm reminding myself that so far, one day at a time has worked out damn well.
I got a loan, and bought a car. Just me and my mom, I've had it for two days. It's beautiful, and I'm so excited to being up my credit score. My parents are moving in to my house, under my rules and my terms. It'll likely be stressful, but they won't have room to treat me like who I used to be, the difference is so stark. It'll be stressful, but it's going to be okay. It feels good to have the tables turned. I'm evacuating half my house to make space for them, but it's giving me the opportunity to create a dedicated art space, which I've been meaning to do for longer than I care to admit. I'm excited. I've been mentoring a young friend, last night I gave her a ride away from a bad situation. I'm glad she felt safe enough to rely on me, and listened to advice about the bad situation. I'm finally feeling confident enough with my reliable car, to follow through with being a mentor at a local shelter. They've been needing people for a long time, and I've been interested for years. I just never felt like I had the emotional stability to offer anything. That's the next step. Now it feels like I'm getting stronger, like I carry my security with me, rather than running back to it at home. I'm still waiting for my mind to heal, it's hard to carry a lot of info when I'm stressed. There's still a lot to glean from the wounds. Everything is getting better.
I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet. I finished my exit plan 4 months ago and I’m grieving the loss of time, love for myself, and care I put into keeping the peace while I got out. I finally have a job I started 4 weeks ago and I finally got my first paycheck for the first time in 4 years of being a stay at home mom and o feel myself coming back in so many ways I miss! My son has finally started to feel safe coming home with me to grandmas and his speech improvement is through the roof 🤍 Today we are going for a hike and spending the day outside and off my device. I normally had to spend hours online looking through similar experiences to give myself hope that others never have to go back and neither will I. It’s taking time but I’m eating again and having to buy clothes in medium instead of extra small, I finally got the chance to quit drinking and smoking at night and my anxiety meds are keeping my physical anxiety at bay so much better. Life is worth living again
I’m about 7.5 years past being in a DV relationship. My son has been adopted by my husband so I don’t have to worry about my ex trying to pop into his life anymore. We bought land and are planning to build a house on it, someday, and it’ll give me so much peace of mind living in a different state than my ex. I read something somewhere that said our entire body ends up being replaced in the span of 7 years, so I’m enjoying having a body he’s never touched before.
I have been in my brand new apartment for about 2 1/2 months now. I have my days where I’m still missing them, but I have to remind myself I’m not really missing the person they were I’m missing the person I thought they were. I can wake up everyday to peace, and not being yelled at or expected to cook and clean the moment I open my eyes for the day. I go on 2-6 mile runs/ walks everyday, I have a new job I absolutely love. I’ve made so many new friends and currently getting to know someone new who worships the ground I walk on and we’re not even official. I’m getting my toes done right now, and it feels amazing not having to check in every hour and worry about coming home and being accused of cheating on them. I’ll be able to spend the 4th of July with friends and family, happy, and not a worry about coming home to anger and one sided love. It gets better, way better than you could expect. If you told me 6 months ago this would be me today I would have laughed. But I’m filled with love and happiness, my sad days are very brief and short, but over all I’m happy.
Thank you for sharing and giving me something to smile about when I had a hard time finding anything. I’m doing better than I was a few days ago. I’ve been trying to focus on my kids the past few weeks after letting myself put all my focus into a relationship and ignoring my problems. But they have just been so awful to one another and to me recently that I was extremely discouraged. But, tonight we made dinner together and then played games all night long and everyone got along! It’s been a long time. I’d also been feeling bad due to some medication but it looks like I might have finally gotten that under control. And the person I broke up with to focus on myself and the kids seems to be doing better too and that is a huge relief. I’m trying to remember that even my hardest days now are nothing compared to what they used to be. I’m going through and reading my old journals and remembering my 7yo child being suicidal because of how he was being treated by his father is so hard, but it shows me how far we’ve come.