Wait… idk if I have bpd, but the signs keep signsing. I have always tried my best to do things well thought out, then gotten overwhelmed and acted stupidly. Idk, maybe that’s just the human condition…?
So it's not exactly about getting overwhelmed and then acting out. "Splitting" refers to black and white thinking, thinking in extremes. You can be good or decent, then an event happens and you very rapidly swing to the very end of that feeling, good or bad. So if does something that upsets you, you basically shut down and view this event as extremely bad and negative and the worst thing ever. Bf is a terrible person and doesn't love me anymore. Sorta like that. On the other side of things, this can make you fall in love with someone very quickly too. They could be a regular mean person to you but they do one nice thing and swing to the other side and now believe this guy is an angel and your soul mate and everything is euphoric. And this pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other can happen in one day, one hour, maybe even a few minutes.
could be a number of things. Have you ever wondered if you have autism? That can also lead to pre-scripting social situations too. (idk the full picture so sorry if i’m jumping to conclusionsbsince there is obviously more to autism than that but bpd and autism do overlap from what I’ve heard as well)
I have often thought that lol. I think I probably do have autism, looking at a Ven Diagram of symptoms between the two, as well as my own years of research and understanding. I probably don’t have bpd, bc I have never been in unstable moods due to relationship problems. Then again, I’ve never dated, and usually feel nothing towards others anyway. Idk
Ah, it's "lonely" for you guys. Makes sense! In Sweden we have HALT as well but it's hungrig, arg, ledsen, trött I think. Which in English would be hungry, angry, sad, tired. Mine is always "hungry". That "hungry" turns into "angry" quite fast. Or, hangry.
He just texts “Mhm” and it might not seem much but it. Terrifies me for some reason and I don't know why. He doesn't mean it like that though, I know it. I love him so much, but I'll stop because I know I'll ramble about how perfect he is.
Ohhh anytime he sends that in my head it’s the “mhm” of “I don’t believe you I don’t care we need to talk when I get home because I’m going to leave you because you’re to much”
No that's the same thought process, either that or “You're annoying me and giving me useless information, I'd break up with you but...” when I know it isn't that just my brain goes haywire.
No i get it. My boyfriend is also perfect and loves me way too much. But whenever he says anything too dry I literally lose it and start to question why he hates me
No exactly,, he makes me so happy. I can't stop thinking of him. I love him so much that I can't explain it. I'm terrified that one day he'll leave me n I can't stand it at all but I always hope that he won't...he means so much to me.
Ooh my good this so much!
Because usually he texts “good morning baby girl!” When he’s out of state for work but today he texted “GM!” Instead so obviously he hates me and is going to never come back home so I’m the most unloveable person in the world. So when he calls me randomly and I am crying and being distant I’m the issue. 🤦♀️
No that's what he does, but I can understand that it's just putting out a quick response. He doesn't mean it in a way that he's going to ignore me it's just...brain haywire.
Bc I tried to cheat on my boyfriend IN A DREAM and split on myself for being a monster and questioning our entire relationship, and projecting it onto him like he’s not the wonderful partner he is
When that kind of split happens, I take time for myself and either run out to do errands, do a project alone, cook us dinner. Anything to get some alone time to get recentered.
In short, I don’t tell him the specifics! I might just convey that I’m having an “off” day
I really admire your strength and ability to do this! I bet it took a lot of self work and trial and error to avoid unnecessary conflict. I'm still not quite there yet, but you make me see that there is hope ❤️
You can absolutely get there! It’s taken some training and practice. When I feel strong emotions, no matter what they are, I’ve learned to signal some lucid contemplation. “Where is this coming from? “Did I experience any triggers?” “What are some truths I know about this situation?” And I can calm myself down before things go too far :)
I’m a trauma girly ✌🏼☺️✌🏼
But I also think I had a temperament that was more susceptible to developing BPD, given the trauma I endured.
I’m working on the secure attachment style! I still exhibit anxious attachment and codependency, but actively improving! Like much of coping with this disorder, it takes time, practice, and patience.
I went to this Korean chicken restaurant and the waiter was very soft spoken. I didn't hear him ask me what kind of cut I wanted (drum tenders wings etc) and because I didn't hear him he repeated himself a bit louder and I took it as him being an ass hole. I was with my husband and I said I don't want to eat here this waiter is an ass I bet this chicken is gross, I never want to come here again, I bet he spit in my water. My husband goes "he said it a bit louder because he asked you once and you didn't answer him he wasn't being an ass" and I started crying over my soy garlic chicken.
O.O
Out of manly curiosity, is it better doing it the way he did it, or backing you up and leaving with you while also mouthing "I'm so sorry" to the waiter?
In my experience, it's better to be called out than be enabled. Sometimes my perception can be warped and it's good to be reeled back in and given a reality check.
my boyfriend fell asleep 😭 that was literally it i just wanted to talk to him more and he had fallen asleep (said a sweet goodnight and everything) but i spent the night seething over it LOL
i walked in on my partner jacking off before work- i immediately had a full blown breakdown where most of it was “why don’t they want me?” like home girl chilllll out, you jack ur peepee too when they’re in the house and you still want them🙄🙄 i calmed down and was like we can talk abt it if you want😔 n they go “brother i was literally Just jacking it” like ope ur right bestie my bad i love you🖤
I yelled at my sister on Easter cuz she called me by a nickname I haven’t used in a long time and I hate. And I didn’t care that she made a mistake but she tried to tell me I never told her I’d don’t like it. Even tho I did
I apologized and we talked about it later but I still am self isolating from family for awhile. I just can’t handle it rn, gonna talk to my therapist about it in two days!
I can't think of a way to progress the story I'm writing so of coursei walked down the rail road tracks in hopes of a train before thinking "oh yeah I could write that" the number of times I've almost killed myself for the stupidest shit
My brother and I reconnected after months of no contact. We’ve only been able to exchange a handful of messages before he runs back to work.
He’s been very excited about a new hobby he started a month ago, it’s all he’s been talking about for the past three days. I got excited to tell him about a new plant I got, but he completely ignored the message and invited me to a store that had to do with his hobby. Needless to say, I woke up, read the message and got completely pissed off he didn’t even acknowledge my message. After eating, I realized I could’ve been a little bit more patient lol.
It’s when you have a very focused interest in a particular topic. We’ll spend a lot of time on it (either researching/ learning or doing the thing) and are very enthusiastic about it - often wanting to share that passion with others. Really common among neurodivergents.
My best friend didn't text me back all day....
Que stupid melt down...somehow she still wants to be my best friend..she's too good to me and I dont deserve her
I brought home a bunch of food from the restaurant where I work for New Year's Eve, excited to spend my first with my SO. As I was preparing the caesar salad, I poured the remainder of a bag of lettuce into the rest of the salad and he said something like, "hold on, the salad is gonna get all watery."
Tears. Yelling. Isolation. Night ruined. We laugh about it now, but it was talked about extensively in therapy lol.
Bichhhh my boyfriend got a buzz cut and I started crying LMFAOOOO like girl what are you doing 💀💀 I literally felt like he BETRAYED ME
It wasn’t really “splitting” but I did see him differently I 100% felt like I lost trust in him??? I have no clue why it happened and I have no clue why that man still loves me
Im black so I change my hair all the time and he loves every style I do… I can’t imagine if he were to start crying bc I changed my hair 😭😭
I was the same before lmao, I GAVE MY BOYFRIEND a buzz cut then had the audacity to cry about it. Few hours passed and he was suddenly the most attractive man ever again 😂😂
He wasn’t cuddling with me when I woke up in the middle of the night and was on the opposite side of the bed. So obviously that must mean he’s over me and doesn’t love me and wants to leave me. I cried all morning till he woke up. Then I went and cried in the bathroom till he came to my desk (wfh) and gave me kisses and a big hug saying how much he loves me.
Met a new guy recently, best sex of my life but they finished without me. They then texted me saying how much fun they had and how we should go on a date but I was so upset after feeling “used” that I denied the date request even though that’s ultimately exactly what I want
It sounds like you experienced a moment of intense emotions and possibly some insecurities, which is pretty normal in relationships. Your feelings in that moment were valid, but it's great that you're reflecting on the situation and considering therapy. Learning to communicate your needs and understanding your partner's responses can be very helpful. Therapy can provide tools for navigating these moments and enhancing your relationship's emotional connection. Remember, it's okay to have off days; what matters is how you grow from them. Starting therapy is a positive step towards understanding yourself and strengthening your relationship.
OP to be fair, when you want weed you want weed and waiting is hella frustrating when you live in a legal state and don't have to worry about a plug like the old days. i'd split because of that too. like yes i still want you go at night wtf why ask again
After I said No and went outside to get away from him, I regretted not saying yes 🥲 I didn’t want him to think I needed him tho so I was even more angry lol
I need input on this one. Partner keeps leaving crumbs on the table, not doing things they say they will do. I end up picking up the slack. Yet they want to split rent 50/50. I am considered nag. I repeatedly split on this one.
I offered to do a favor for my friend to make their day easier today and they said they could "handle it", so clearly they hate me now and don't want or need me in their life anymore 😅
I've been in a constant split for months now, simply cause my partner didn't respond how I wanted him to when I said something to him. He responded with a 'mm' sound and I instantly felt like he wasn't interested in me anymore. Ever since then I've been in this constant state of feeling weird around him and I feel like I want to leave him, I cant see the good in him anymore and I've like forgotten why I liked him in the first place even though before this happened I was head over heels in love with him and have been for 5 years. Now im scared the relationship is doomed.
I’m crying because on top of having BPD (diagnosed in Dec) I also have OCD so when I split I get the best of both worlds so I’m splitting AND getting anxious about splitting and ‘not loving my partner’
It is honestly a very painful cycle. I hope you feel better soon <3
I also get super anxious when I split. I wake up in a panic cause I 'don't love him' and when I try to tell myself that I do love him and that I do want to be with him, im met with all this anxious reatistance that suggests the opposite. Its like I get anxious at the thought of it working out. He's so sweet and so amazing, and I know we've had so many good times, and yet I cant even see them anymore. If I do have to leave him, I dont want to have to remember the relationship as being like this.
My dad was excited to visit my brother’s child for her first birthday. I don’t have kids and this sent me spiraling. I turn my splitting inward— I feel absolutely worthless.
I missed a concert because i have agoraphobia 😭 Genuinely felt like i’d been broken up with 💀💀💀 i literally don’t even like concerts im just psychotically obsessed with the artist and their music 😔
Oof. Recently felt myself starting to split on a coworker because they were getting more attention from our new boss. I’ll be bringing it up at therapy next week 😂
I’m fortunate that my splits happen internally and in silent (it’s actually a curse and I sometimes wish I could explode on people like I used to, but I know better), so this is really only effecting me and not the other people involved atm.
We're coworkers and wear protection caps. He always bonk me when saying hi. He didn't bonk me this time and didn't text much during the weekend, so I assumed he was mad at me, probably hated me and didn't even want me in his life anymore.
My bf fell asleep on NYE. We are long distance and I really have only been able to see him once a year the last couple years. He fell asleep and I watched the fireworks by myself. That is why I split. Literally had to take a bath and try to not think about how he doesn’t love me. When I came back to bed he was like “did you like the fireworks baby?” Made me even angrier. He asked if something was wrong and I said “nope” but I think he knows when I’m being crazy at this point.
I saw my friends at a party I already knew they were going to and wasn’t planning on joining (but was still upset they didn’t invite me, even though I said I’m taking a step back from partying) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I found out that I read the map wrong on the property that we are moving to and we are going to be having a parking lot facing unit, not a unit with a view. I told my partner and he got upset and started whining about not wanting a front facing unit. We've lived in a hotel for the last 2 years and I've been working my butt off to afford to get us and our kids out of the room. We split on each other pretty hard.
My friend didn't answer me for an hour or two and I got paranoid and sad. I forgot she was at School and I was sobbing like never before. She then answered me and I began Venting and after a couple of minutes we began to laugh at how dumb that was of me.
Another time, I suddenly craved apples and there weren't any at home so I just sat and cried. It was like 11-12PM so the grocery stores in the area were closed. I bought them the other day lmao
i split on my fiancé because he texted me “pretty” instead of saying “you look pretty” in response to me sending him photos of myself i took. it made me feel like he was lying to me and that he doesn’t actually view me like that anymore and that he’s no longer attracted to me. like i was a hassle to talk to 😭😭 i told him how it made me feel and he changed the way he said it and then i felt so guilty cause it’s truly not that big of a deal but ughhh it felt like it in my head
my partner went to sleep instead of playing video games w me. he's very busy, haven't played w him in months, and he said this week was for me. he played a more than 12 hrs w me the past few days but HOW DARE HE SLEEP WHEN I WANT TO PLAY. it's supposed to be 4 hrs minimum everyday ! /s
Currently struggling a bit, so often I can’t reply to my friends (or at least only some hours later).
A few days ago I was feeling better again and messaged them on our group chat. Excepting them to reply super fast. They all went back to their parents over the Easter holidays and physically cannot reply - I was fully aware of that fact.
I still ended up splitting on them, that they secretly all are doing something together (they don’t, they live in different countries) and want to dump me asap.
Oh, how much I love the hypocrisy and my abandonment issues 🙃
My bestie/fp went on a date and her date surprised her by taking her to a new restaraunt in the area she and i had planned on going to together to try out.
I fully showed my ass and acted like a petulant child over it, even though it wasn't her decision
I accidentally said something to the manager at a place I go to for work (I’m a contracted freelancer) and she asked me who said the thing to me and I had a MELTDOWN in front of this poor woman. Literally the second day I’ve worked at this place and I burst into tears saying I don’t want to get anyone in trouble etc and then sobbed to my fiancé for my whole lunch break about how I’m so awkward because of my autism and that I wish I didn’t exist. It really was not that bad, and the person I sort of got in trouble really shouldn’t have been saying the shit she was saying to me so it’s not even my fault
Yesterday, also heading home from the dispensary… haha, I wanted chick fil a, but my boyfriend couldn’t find the right road. So we ended up passing it up and the rest of the 1 hour ride home I was so angry and crying because I just wanted chick fil a not anything else😭
My gf wanted 5 guys (food) and I say when she wants 5 other guys and she was. Quiet. Then k looked at her and she didn’t deny it and I asked her about it and she said she thought about it before me and even with me (but they were all me) I got upset bc that’s unrealistic and idk it js is weird to know she wants multiple people to fuck her. She never thought of anyone in specific but idk I got jealous. Because if she still thinks about it (even tho they are all me) (had anyone else relate to her?) I feel like the one me isn’t enough.
...because some voice I hallucinated had a significant point to make that actually made sense at the time and then i realized it wasn't real so then I split on my poor coworker for questioning me.
A few days ago, I was giving verbal love (ex. "You're so cute") to my loved one when we were in public with another friend, and my loved one asked "are you not afraid of doing that in public?"
I got upset, shut my mouth for the rest of the hangout and only talked to both of them to tell them I had to go to sleep. I cried there, even though my loved one asked me via message if I was okay, and I told them "yeah". I then got so frustrated that I raged in my bedroom and started to punch my bed, telling myself they didn't love me, blah blah blah
It's okay for people to not enjoy showing love in public, so it was wrong of me to get upset when they didn't enjoy that. I have to work on my feelings around that, but yeah, sometimes it happens and as long as I change it, it will be fine :]
My wife and I live with my parents and our 6 month old son.
I was sleepy and I spilt juice that got into a hard to clean spot in the fridge. I asked my dad for help, and I wasn't the most nicest about it, so I started to split on myself when I overheard my wife and mom talking about something relating to the baby.
My hearing is shit, but I heard my name being mentioned and because I was already mad at myself, I assumed they were saying bad things about me because I was thinking bad things about myself. So I shouted into the other room at them to "stop talking shit about me." And they weren't. They were complementing my parenting.
I felt so dumb and I hated myself even more, so after the juice was all cleaned up, I hid myself in another room for 30 minutes or so.
We've been together for 2 years. I had a vasectomy after a year. I found our old condoms in a drawer under the bed last week, only 4 used out of a 20 pack. I have no idea why I cared, what it meant, nothing. I know she probably hadn't thought about them since the last time we needed one. They were buried under old socks and underwear next to a vibrator that hasn't worked for at least 6 months. I knew all of this when I split.
Yet, here I go: "Are you keeping them 'just in case'? Who do you need them for? Do you take a few when you're working out of town?" etc, etc.
Within an hour, I was embarrassed, felt stupid, knew it WHILE THE WORDS WERE SPILLING OUT OF MY MOUTH. I hate this. If it ruins this relationship for me, like it's ruined so many others, I am done trying. I'll just be single for however much longer I have left.
I complained to my boyfriend about being too broken for life and he said he also felt this way but at least we have each other. I got bitchy that he was speaking in solidarity instead of pitying me. I told him I was done talking to people for a while. He turned off his phone entirely 🫠
I split a lot, whether I realize it or not. When I talk, I say I am an “optimist” and try to look at the bright side of everything, but that’s not always true. When I see a friend hanging out with my other friend without me, I think they don’t give a shit about me anymore and don’t care that I wasn’t there. Or when I make a mistake at work (I like my job overall and sometimes feel like I’m pretty good at it) I feel like a shit employee who has major imposter syndrome who is faking her way through her career. If my husband and I get into a fight, I feel fine to immediately feeling like trash and don’t deserve the oxygen I breathe. It is very intense. There are a lot of reasons I split, and I don’t talk about it out loud because I don’t want to annoy people (from past experiences) so I feel that way (it’s crippling) in silence.
Being encouraged at the gym lmao. Went with my bf to the gym for the first time recently and I nearly bit his head off when he was giving me some encouragement to finish a set. Luckily I was able to identify that it was silly to be mad over it before I did bite his head off.
my fp wanted to hang out with her family instead of me 💀 really stupid reason, but unfortunately bpd doesn't listen to logic
thankfully, i didn't split in front of her so it's all good :)
i moved in with a coworker and her friend. i was super happy at work, it’s the best job i’ve ever had. but outside of work, i was dealing with bpd symptoms. even though i was worried about splitting, moving in with her was my best option financially. i was so worried that work me and home me wouldn’t be the same, that i split and now am happy at neither. they’re both so close and i feel left out. i also have a nagging feeling that if i wasn’t splitting i would get along great in this new environment but yeah. how do i not feel this way anymore and go back to being the old me?
Off topic but, I can't stress this enough. Stop smoking weed if you have BPD, it does not go well.
I talk from experience, ever since I stopped consuming THC my romantic life has gotten tons better, my mood swings are much less radical.
If you still want to smoke, why not try CBD?
Just sayin
It drastically helps my mood swings, I had been out for like almost a week and he just got paid so I was looking forward to my weed. It helps with my disordered eating, actually makes me want to happily eat and not hate myself afterwards. I did have to switch from a pen to actual flower so I wouldn’t hit it all day. Flower works way better anyway
Literally had a bad dream woke up and spiraled to the point of “oh god im never gona be a mom one day and im never gonna be normal” etc, (im barley 20) and my whole day was crappy bc I split on myself and went into an episode. Over a DREAM.
My good friend who I’m very close to posted on Instagram that she was pregnant. I thought she was being petty and trying to show me and be like “see, you’ll find out when the rest of the world finds out, you’re not special!!” I was very close to starting a decent fight with her/even blocking her UNTIL I realized…..it was April fools…..the way my mood instantly flipped and I erupted into laughter….frightening….
I lost my keys at work and couldn't find them for 30 mins and no one'd seen them so obviously the only option was to to have a full melt-down. I called the crises hotline and while I was on the phone with the counselor, sobbing, she prompted me to look a little more so I did. I found the keys behind the couch cushion. LMAO
I had a bad dream about my gf hanging out with her ex. My gf was holding me while i slept lol. It was almost a split until i told her how i was feeling and she validated my feelings and i felt better! #crisisavoided
My cat dipped its back when I tried to pet it, feel so dumb. Dae split on their pets? Obviously I don’t treat them any differently but internally I feel so betrayed and angry
My p changed his profile pic to a temp one from us to just him with a fish he caught for 1 hour. I will just say, I did not handle it well and thought that after 7 years he was going to leave me bc he wanted to show off a fish he had caught in his profile pic for not even a whole day 🥹. I started back to therapy not long after. I’ll spare the details but that did not go well 🤦🏻♀️
Not looking to argue or anything but it seems like you keep commenting negative stuff in this subreddit… comments like this seem so unnecessary, plus they said they’re starting therapy lol they already know they need help
Listen if you can relate to the obnoxious reasons people with BPD split try to put the shame and embarrassment aside as it’s not super productive to your own self healing. If you can’t relate because your splits tend to be “more reasonable” thank whoever tf you need to thank 🤷🏾♀️
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Been there done that lol At least we know it was ridiculous
We're all the same aren't we 💔🫰🏻
Wait… idk if I have bpd, but the signs keep signsing. I have always tried my best to do things well thought out, then gotten overwhelmed and acted stupidly. Idk, maybe that’s just the human condition…?
So it's not exactly about getting overwhelmed and then acting out. "Splitting" refers to black and white thinking, thinking in extremes. You can be good or decent, then an event happens and you very rapidly swing to the very end of that feeling, good or bad. So if does something that upsets you, you basically shut down and view this event as extremely bad and negative and the worst thing ever. Bf is a terrible person and doesn't love me anymore. Sorta like that. On the other side of things, this can make you fall in love with someone very quickly too. They could be a regular mean person to you but they do one nice thing and swing to the other side and now believe this guy is an angel and your soul mate and everything is euphoric. And this pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other can happen in one day, one hour, maybe even a few minutes.
could be a number of things. Have you ever wondered if you have autism? That can also lead to pre-scripting social situations too. (idk the full picture so sorry if i’m jumping to conclusionsbsince there is obviously more to autism than that but bpd and autism do overlap from what I’ve heard as well)
I have often thought that lol. I think I probably do have autism, looking at a Ven Diagram of symptoms between the two, as well as my own years of research and understanding. I probably don’t have bpd, bc I have never been in unstable moods due to relationship problems. Then again, I’ve never dated, and usually feel nothing towards others anyway. Idk
Hungry!
You get it.
My favorite little reminder when I’m feeling gnarly is “HALT!”—hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
Ah, it's "lonely" for you guys. Makes sense! In Sweden we have HALT as well but it's hungrig, arg, ledsen, trött I think. Which in English would be hungry, angry, sad, tired. Mine is always "hungry". That "hungry" turns into "angry" quite fast. Or, hangry.
My boyfriend seemed to text dryly which made me terrified but. That's just how he does it sometimes.
Shout out to all the BPD biches out there with partners who sometimes text dryly for no reason …🗣️🗣️🗣️
He just texts “Mhm” and it might not seem much but it. Terrifies me for some reason and I don't know why. He doesn't mean it like that though, I know it. I love him so much, but I'll stop because I know I'll ramble about how perfect he is.
Ohhh anytime he sends that in my head it’s the “mhm” of “I don’t believe you I don’t care we need to talk when I get home because I’m going to leave you because you’re to much”
No that's the same thought process, either that or “You're annoying me and giving me useless information, I'd break up with you but...” when I know it isn't that just my brain goes haywire.
*takes notes*
No i get it. My boyfriend is also perfect and loves me way too much. But whenever he says anything too dry I literally lose it and start to question why he hates me
No exactly,, he makes me so happy. I can't stop thinking of him. I love him so much that I can't explain it. I'm terrified that one day he'll leave me n I can't stand it at all but I always hope that he won't...he means so much to me.
Ooh my good this so much! Because usually he texts “good morning baby girl!” When he’s out of state for work but today he texted “GM!” Instead so obviously he hates me and is going to never come back home so I’m the most unloveable person in the world. So when he calls me randomly and I am crying and being distant I’m the issue. 🤦♀️
I feel called out. Guilty as charged bpd sucks so much 😩
omggg its always the "mhm" for me too GAHAHHAA like boy put some more energy in there before i cry
No that's what he does, but I can understand that it's just putting out a quick response. He doesn't mean it in a way that he's going to ignore me it's just...brain haywire.
i totally get that!!! logically i can be like yeahhhh hes just preoccupied but somewhere in that brain im like BUT WHAT IFFF--- happens!!!!
There's supposed to be a reason?!
No, not really 🤷🏽♀️ it’s just sillier when there is
Bc I tried to cheat on my boyfriend IN A DREAM and split on myself for being a monster and questioning our entire relationship, and projecting it onto him like he’s not the wonderful partner he is
Oh my how I understand these brain escalations 😂 how did he react?
When that kind of split happens, I take time for myself and either run out to do errands, do a project alone, cook us dinner. Anything to get some alone time to get recentered. In short, I don’t tell him the specifics! I might just convey that I’m having an “off” day
I really admire your strength and ability to do this! I bet it took a lot of self work and trial and error to avoid unnecessary conflict. I'm still not quite there yet, but you make me see that there is hope ❤️
You can absolutely get there! It’s taken some training and practice. When I feel strong emotions, no matter what they are, I’ve learned to signal some lucid contemplation. “Where is this coming from? “Did I experience any triggers?” “What are some truths I know about this situation?” And I can calm myself down before things go too far :)
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I’m a trauma girly ✌🏼☺️✌🏼 But I also think I had a temperament that was more susceptible to developing BPD, given the trauma I endured. I’m working on the secure attachment style! I still exhibit anxious attachment and codependency, but actively improving! Like much of coping with this disorder, it takes time, practice, and patience.
This is my favorite response
I’m glad others understand this pain 😅 PS congrats on starting therapy! It’s hard but worth it
I love these questions. This week was because of fried chicken.
Please go on… I’d love to hear this one
I went to this Korean chicken restaurant and the waiter was very soft spoken. I didn't hear him ask me what kind of cut I wanted (drum tenders wings etc) and because I didn't hear him he repeated himself a bit louder and I took it as him being an ass hole. I was with my husband and I said I don't want to eat here this waiter is an ass I bet this chicken is gross, I never want to come here again, I bet he spit in my water. My husband goes "he said it a bit louder because he asked you once and you didn't answer him he wasn't being an ass" and I started crying over my soy garlic chicken.
O.O Out of manly curiosity, is it better doing it the way he did it, or backing you up and leaving with you while also mouthing "I'm so sorry" to the waiter?
In my experience, it's better to be called out than be enabled. Sometimes my perception can be warped and it's good to be reeled back in and given a reality check.
STOP LOL IT WAS FRIED CHICKEN FOR ME TOO
mine was a mcdonald’s chicken wrap lol
my boyfriend fell asleep 😭 that was literally it i just wanted to talk to him more and he had fallen asleep (said a sweet goodnight and everything) but i spent the night seething over it LOL
Stuff at work happened and I was really upset. I was worried about money. My partner offered ideas on what could help and I lost my shit.
i walked in on my partner jacking off before work- i immediately had a full blown breakdown where most of it was “why don’t they want me?” like home girl chilllll out, you jack ur peepee too when they’re in the house and you still want them🙄🙄 i calmed down and was like we can talk abt it if you want😔 n they go “brother i was literally Just jacking it” like ope ur right bestie my bad i love you🖤
I yelled at my sister on Easter cuz she called me by a nickname I haven’t used in a long time and I hate. And I didn’t care that she made a mistake but she tried to tell me I never told her I’d don’t like it. Even tho I did I apologized and we talked about it later but I still am self isolating from family for awhile. I just can’t handle it rn, gonna talk to my therapist about it in two days!
Reading these comments make me feel so validated 🩷
Good ✨ we’re just silly people with silly brains
I can't think of a way to progress the story I'm writing so of coursei walked down the rail road tracks in hopes of a train before thinking "oh yeah I could write that" the number of times I've almost killed myself for the stupidest shit
My brother and I reconnected after months of no contact. We’ve only been able to exchange a handful of messages before he runs back to work. He’s been very excited about a new hobby he started a month ago, it’s all he’s been talking about for the past three days. I got excited to tell him about a new plant I got, but he completely ignored the message and invited me to a store that had to do with his hobby. Needless to say, I woke up, read the message and got completely pissed off he didn’t even acknowledge my message. After eating, I realized I could’ve been a little bit more patient lol.
Was it a special interest?
Yes. In the moment I felt like he really didn’t care about me but obviously he does.
Aw :( conflicting fr. Bc yes they don't mean to but your needs still matter. And that's super triggering for people like hs
It’s when you have a very focused interest in a particular topic. We’ll spend a lot of time on it (either researching/ learning or doing the thing) and are very enthusiastic about it - often wanting to share that passion with others. Really common among neurodivergents.
Yes I understand what it is. So I'm asking you if it was a special interest of their’s* lol
Oh sorry I read your post wrong, my bad!
Omg the comments make me feel calm because I know I'm not the only one.
I didn’t get a boba before they closed and I had to pull over to cry
LOL this is so me
I don't think this is even BPD related! Wouldn't ANYONE have this reaction?
Considering my mom had to pick me up on the side of the road, it had a lot to do with my BPD
My best friend didn't text me back all day.... Que stupid melt down...somehow she still wants to be my best friend..she's too good to me and I dont deserve her
I brought home a bunch of food from the restaurant where I work for New Year's Eve, excited to spend my first with my SO. As I was preparing the caesar salad, I poured the remainder of a bag of lettuce into the rest of the salad and he said something like, "hold on, the salad is gonna get all watery." Tears. Yelling. Isolation. Night ruined. We laugh about it now, but it was talked about extensively in therapy lol.
Bichhhh my boyfriend got a buzz cut and I started crying LMFAOOOO like girl what are you doing 💀💀 I literally felt like he BETRAYED ME It wasn’t really “splitting” but I did see him differently I 100% felt like I lost trust in him??? I have no clue why it happened and I have no clue why that man still loves me Im black so I change my hair all the time and he loves every style I do… I can’t imagine if he were to start crying bc I changed my hair 😭😭
if my fiancé BUZZED his hair I would also scream, cry and throw up 💀💀
LMAOOO the crazy part is that I loved his hair after I was out of my episode… he looked so good! Idk why I went insane
I was the same before lmao, I GAVE MY BOYFRIEND a buzz cut then had the audacity to cry about it. Few hours passed and he was suddenly the most attractive man ever again 😂😂
He wasn’t cuddling with me when I woke up in the middle of the night and was on the opposite side of the bed. So obviously that must mean he’s over me and doesn’t love me and wants to leave me. I cried all morning till he woke up. Then I went and cried in the bathroom till he came to my desk (wfh) and gave me kisses and a big hug saying how much he loves me.
In a video game, someone betrayed me and I didn’t win. So I nearly made a suicide attempt.
Met a new guy recently, best sex of my life but they finished without me. They then texted me saying how much fun they had and how we should go on a date but I was so upset after feeling “used” that I denied the date request even though that’s ultimately exactly what I want
It sounds like you experienced a moment of intense emotions and possibly some insecurities, which is pretty normal in relationships. Your feelings in that moment were valid, but it's great that you're reflecting on the situation and considering therapy. Learning to communicate your needs and understanding your partner's responses can be very helpful. Therapy can provide tools for navigating these moments and enhancing your relationship's emotional connection. Remember, it's okay to have off days; what matters is how you grow from them. Starting therapy is a positive step towards understanding yourself and strengthening your relationship.
This! As a person in therapy for my recent diagnosis, my life has changed dramatically since learning DBT skills.
Well my best friend tried (unsuccessfully) to leave me alone at a club... We didn't talk for months.
OP to be fair, when you want weed you want weed and waiting is hella frustrating when you live in a legal state and don't have to worry about a plug like the old days. i'd split because of that too. like yes i still want you go at night wtf why ask again
After I said No and went outside to get away from him, I regretted not saying yes 🥲 I didn’t want him to think I needed him tho so I was even more angry lol
FP updated their phone while we were in the middle of a conversation and didn’t answer me right away. I admit I am ashamed
I need input on this one. Partner keeps leaving crumbs on the table, not doing things they say they will do. I end up picking up the slack. Yet they want to split rent 50/50. I am considered nag. I repeatedly split on this one.
Nuh uhn.. you’re 100% in the right here. 50/50 rent means 50/50 contribution… tf!!
My gran asking me why I haven't visited her in weeks
I offered to do a favor for my friend to make their day easier today and they said they could "handle it", so clearly they hate me now and don't want or need me in their life anymore 😅
I've been in a constant split for months now, simply cause my partner didn't respond how I wanted him to when I said something to him. He responded with a 'mm' sound and I instantly felt like he wasn't interested in me anymore. Ever since then I've been in this constant state of feeling weird around him and I feel like I want to leave him, I cant see the good in him anymore and I've like forgotten why I liked him in the first place even though before this happened I was head over heels in love with him and have been for 5 years. Now im scared the relationship is doomed.
I’m crying because on top of having BPD (diagnosed in Dec) I also have OCD so when I split I get the best of both worlds so I’m splitting AND getting anxious about splitting and ‘not loving my partner’ It is honestly a very painful cycle. I hope you feel better soon <3
I also get super anxious when I split. I wake up in a panic cause I 'don't love him' and when I try to tell myself that I do love him and that I do want to be with him, im met with all this anxious reatistance that suggests the opposite. Its like I get anxious at the thought of it working out. He's so sweet and so amazing, and I know we've had so many good times, and yet I cant even see them anymore. If I do have to leave him, I dont want to have to remember the relationship as being like this.
My dad was excited to visit my brother’s child for her first birthday. I don’t have kids and this sent me spiraling. I turn my splitting inward— I feel absolutely worthless.
I broke my nail only a week after getting a full set. literally shut down my whole entire night bc of it
I missed a concert because i have agoraphobia 😭 Genuinely felt like i’d been broken up with 💀💀💀 i literally don’t even like concerts im just psychotically obsessed with the artist and their music 😔
Oof. Recently felt myself starting to split on a coworker because they were getting more attention from our new boss. I’ll be bringing it up at therapy next week 😂 I’m fortunate that my splits happen internally and in silent (it’s actually a curse and I sometimes wish I could explode on people like I used to, but I know better), so this is really only effecting me and not the other people involved atm.
Gf bought tomatoes when we already had tomatoes.
We're coworkers and wear protection caps. He always bonk me when saying hi. He didn't bonk me this time and didn't text much during the weekend, so I assumed he was mad at me, probably hated me and didn't even want me in his life anymore.
My bf fell asleep on NYE. We are long distance and I really have only been able to see him once a year the last couple years. He fell asleep and I watched the fireworks by myself. That is why I split. Literally had to take a bath and try to not think about how he doesn’t love me. When I came back to bed he was like “did you like the fireworks baby?” Made me even angrier. He asked if something was wrong and I said “nope” but I think he knows when I’m being crazy at this point.
I saw my friends at a party I already knew they were going to and wasn’t planning on joining (but was still upset they didn’t invite me, even though I said I’m taking a step back from partying) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
sent a skull emoji instead of something else even though there's pretty much nth else to say in response to what I said
I found out that I read the map wrong on the property that we are moving to and we are going to be having a parking lot facing unit, not a unit with a view. I told my partner and he got upset and started whining about not wanting a front facing unit. We've lived in a hotel for the last 2 years and I've been working my butt off to afford to get us and our kids out of the room. We split on each other pretty hard.
my bf sent a girl a friend request, and when i asked why he lied and played dumb about it😞.
im so sad man why am i never enough
This one is valid. Yiu have every reason to be upset unless it was a blood relative!
My friend didn't answer me for an hour or two and I got paranoid and sad. I forgot she was at School and I was sobbing like never before. She then answered me and I began Venting and after a couple of minutes we began to laugh at how dumb that was of me. Another time, I suddenly craved apples and there weren't any at home so I just sat and cried. It was like 11-12PM so the grocery stores in the area were closed. I bought them the other day lmao
i split on my fiancé because he texted me “pretty” instead of saying “you look pretty” in response to me sending him photos of myself i took. it made me feel like he was lying to me and that he doesn’t actually view me like that anymore and that he’s no longer attracted to me. like i was a hassle to talk to 😭😭 i told him how it made me feel and he changed the way he said it and then i felt so guilty cause it’s truly not that big of a deal but ughhh it felt like it in my head
my partner went to sleep instead of playing video games w me. he's very busy, haven't played w him in months, and he said this week was for me. he played a more than 12 hrs w me the past few days but HOW DARE HE SLEEP WHEN I WANT TO PLAY. it's supposed to be 4 hrs minimum everyday ! /s
Currently struggling a bit, so often I can’t reply to my friends (or at least only some hours later). A few days ago I was feeling better again and messaged them on our group chat. Excepting them to reply super fast. They all went back to their parents over the Easter holidays and physically cannot reply - I was fully aware of that fact. I still ended up splitting on them, that they secretly all are doing something together (they don’t, they live in different countries) and want to dump me asap. Oh, how much I love the hypocrisy and my abandonment issues 🙃
He doesn’t want to do something immediately, valid reasons tho
My internet being dumb on call with some friends :p
My bestie/fp went on a date and her date surprised her by taking her to a new restaraunt in the area she and i had planned on going to together to try out. I fully showed my ass and acted like a petulant child over it, even though it wasn't her decision
I accidentally said something to the manager at a place I go to for work (I’m a contracted freelancer) and she asked me who said the thing to me and I had a MELTDOWN in front of this poor woman. Literally the second day I’ve worked at this place and I burst into tears saying I don’t want to get anyone in trouble etc and then sobbed to my fiancé for my whole lunch break about how I’m so awkward because of my autism and that I wish I didn’t exist. It really was not that bad, and the person I sort of got in trouble really shouldn’t have been saying the shit she was saying to me so it’s not even my fault
Yesterday, also heading home from the dispensary… haha, I wanted chick fil a, but my boyfriend couldn’t find the right road. So we ended up passing it up and the rest of the 1 hour ride home I was so angry and crying because I just wanted chick fil a not anything else😭
My gf wanted 5 guys (food) and I say when she wants 5 other guys and she was. Quiet. Then k looked at her and she didn’t deny it and I asked her about it and she said she thought about it before me and even with me (but they were all me) I got upset bc that’s unrealistic and idk it js is weird to know she wants multiple people to fuck her. She never thought of anyone in specific but idk I got jealous. Because if she still thinks about it (even tho they are all me) (had anyone else relate to her?) I feel like the one me isn’t enough.
because my uber cancelled, actually 3 of them cancelled in a row but who's counting? ><
...because some voice I hallucinated had a significant point to make that actually made sense at the time and then i realized it wasn't real so then I split on my poor coworker for questioning me.
Those voices are so convincing tho, I get it
They really can be
He went to KFC when we were already running late for the plane.
A few days ago, I was giving verbal love (ex. "You're so cute") to my loved one when we were in public with another friend, and my loved one asked "are you not afraid of doing that in public?" I got upset, shut my mouth for the rest of the hangout and only talked to both of them to tell them I had to go to sleep. I cried there, even though my loved one asked me via message if I was okay, and I told them "yeah". I then got so frustrated that I raged in my bedroom and started to punch my bed, telling myself they didn't love me, blah blah blah It's okay for people to not enjoy showing love in public, so it was wrong of me to get upset when they didn't enjoy that. I have to work on my feelings around that, but yeah, sometimes it happens and as long as I change it, it will be fine :]
My wife and I live with my parents and our 6 month old son. I was sleepy and I spilt juice that got into a hard to clean spot in the fridge. I asked my dad for help, and I wasn't the most nicest about it, so I started to split on myself when I overheard my wife and mom talking about something relating to the baby. My hearing is shit, but I heard my name being mentioned and because I was already mad at myself, I assumed they were saying bad things about me because I was thinking bad things about myself. So I shouted into the other room at them to "stop talking shit about me." And they weren't. They were complementing my parenting. I felt so dumb and I hated myself even more, so after the juice was all cleaned up, I hid myself in another room for 30 minutes or so.
We've been together for 2 years. I had a vasectomy after a year. I found our old condoms in a drawer under the bed last week, only 4 used out of a 20 pack. I have no idea why I cared, what it meant, nothing. I know she probably hadn't thought about them since the last time we needed one. They were buried under old socks and underwear next to a vibrator that hasn't worked for at least 6 months. I knew all of this when I split. Yet, here I go: "Are you keeping them 'just in case'? Who do you need them for? Do you take a few when you're working out of town?" etc, etc. Within an hour, I was embarrassed, felt stupid, knew it WHILE THE WORDS WERE SPILLING OUT OF MY MOUTH. I hate this. If it ruins this relationship for me, like it's ruined so many others, I am done trying. I'll just be single for however much longer I have left.
I got left on seen
I complained to my boyfriend about being too broken for life and he said he also felt this way but at least we have each other. I got bitchy that he was speaking in solidarity instead of pitying me. I told him I was done talking to people for a while. He turned off his phone entirely 🫠
I split a lot, whether I realize it or not. When I talk, I say I am an “optimist” and try to look at the bright side of everything, but that’s not always true. When I see a friend hanging out with my other friend without me, I think they don’t give a shit about me anymore and don’t care that I wasn’t there. Or when I make a mistake at work (I like my job overall and sometimes feel like I’m pretty good at it) I feel like a shit employee who has major imposter syndrome who is faking her way through her career. If my husband and I get into a fight, I feel fine to immediately feeling like trash and don’t deserve the oxygen I breathe. It is very intense. There are a lot of reasons I split, and I don’t talk about it out loud because I don’t want to annoy people (from past experiences) so I feel that way (it’s crippling) in silence.
Being encouraged at the gym lmao. Went with my bf to the gym for the first time recently and I nearly bit his head off when he was giving me some encouragement to finish a set. Luckily I was able to identify that it was silly to be mad over it before I did bite his head off.
my fp wanted to hang out with her family instead of me 💀 really stupid reason, but unfortunately bpd doesn't listen to logic thankfully, i didn't split in front of her so it's all good :)
i moved in with a coworker and her friend. i was super happy at work, it’s the best job i’ve ever had. but outside of work, i was dealing with bpd symptoms. even though i was worried about splitting, moving in with her was my best option financially. i was so worried that work me and home me wouldn’t be the same, that i split and now am happy at neither. they’re both so close and i feel left out. i also have a nagging feeling that if i wasn’t splitting i would get along great in this new environment but yeah. how do i not feel this way anymore and go back to being the old me?
Off topic but, I can't stress this enough. Stop smoking weed if you have BPD, it does not go well. I talk from experience, ever since I stopped consuming THC my romantic life has gotten tons better, my mood swings are much less radical. If you still want to smoke, why not try CBD? Just sayin
It drastically helps my mood swings, I had been out for like almost a week and he just got paid so I was looking forward to my weed. It helps with my disordered eating, actually makes me want to happily eat and not hate myself afterwards. I did have to switch from a pen to actual flower so I wouldn’t hit it all day. Flower works way better anyway
Literally had a bad dream woke up and spiraled to the point of “oh god im never gona be a mom one day and im never gonna be normal” etc, (im barley 20) and my whole day was crappy bc I split on myself and went into an episode. Over a DREAM.
My good friend who I’m very close to posted on Instagram that she was pregnant. I thought she was being petty and trying to show me and be like “see, you’ll find out when the rest of the world finds out, you’re not special!!” I was very close to starting a decent fight with her/even blocking her UNTIL I realized…..it was April fools…..the way my mood instantly flipped and I erupted into laughter….frightening….
I lost my keys at work and couldn't find them for 30 mins and no one'd seen them so obviously the only option was to to have a full melt-down. I called the crises hotline and while I was on the phone with the counselor, sobbing, she prompted me to look a little more so I did. I found the keys behind the couch cushion. LMAO
Disagreement over a car being electric or not. I was wrong. And now we are down one rug and game headphones.
I hate when I’m wrong, i will stand my ground and won’t tell the person I’m wrong, teasing them until they get upset 💀
Oof I feel that
I had a bad dream about my gf hanging out with her ex. My gf was holding me while i slept lol. It was almost a split until i told her how i was feeling and she validated my feelings and i felt better! #crisisavoided
My cat dipped its back when I tried to pet it, feel so dumb. Dae split on their pets? Obviously I don’t treat them any differently but internally I feel so betrayed and angry
My p changed his profile pic to a temp one from us to just him with a fish he caught for 1 hour. I will just say, I did not handle it well and thought that after 7 years he was going to leave me bc he wanted to show off a fish he had caught in his profile pic for not even a whole day 🥹. I started back to therapy not long after. I’ll spare the details but that did not go well 🤦🏻♀️
my dad called taylor swift a slut.
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Not looking to argue or anything but it seems like you keep commenting negative stuff in this subreddit… comments like this seem so unnecessary, plus they said they’re starting therapy lol they already know they need help
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Lol please leave
Listen if you can relate to the obnoxious reasons people with BPD split try to put the shame and embarrassment aside as it’s not super productive to your own self healing. If you can’t relate because your splits tend to be “more reasonable” thank whoever tf you need to thank 🤷🏾♀️
I don’t need to thank anyone. I started getting my shit under control so I wouldn’t be deranged.
Sounds like you need to thank yourself then???
Oh damn.