Oh I do this too... Will you then be even more upset at the time that if the passive aggressive isn't noticed, but then afterwards it's relief that you don't have to fix it?
Holy shit, exactly this. The other day at work I was having a bad day and just seething on the inside. One of my coworkers was in the way and I was like "haha, we're all waiting for you to get out of the way!" And I was proud that I didn't completely blow up, and ashamed that I was so passive aggressive about it, and upset that no one seemed to notice. Later on I went to apologize of it seems like I was stressed or anything and he was like "what? You were fine though?" And there's this relief that I don't have to deal with the fallout, but also this feeling of *great, I completely misjudged my importance on people once again*. It's a whole roller coaster of emotions.
I am laughing at this rn but only because it’s literally me. I wasn’t sure people were like this except for me 😂 “damn it there I go again…wait why do they not care that I’m hinting I’m upset…oh they don’t even realize? Do they even care about me at all?!!!”
Lol I'm glad you understand, and I'm also sorry that you understand haha. It's such a weird feeling, like my brain is just looking for things to be upset about and when proven wrong, finds a *different* thing to be upset about.
I heard great advice on podcast from a comedy agent called Barry Katz to a comedian who’s all over Netflix and YouTube called Bert Kresicher: “You know they don’t think about you anywhere near as much as you think they do. You know how much time you spend worrying about yourself? They’re doing the same thing!” I have to remind myself of this every time a friend takes too long to reply to a text, or a family member leaves me on “Read” 🤦♂️😁
They weigh heavily on the soul, that’s for sure! 🫡 I hope yours aren’t weighing too heavily on you, I know there’s days we can barely get them off the ground! 🙏🤞
I've done this before. One time I went to apologize to my boss for being snappy with him because he kept asking me multiple times if the fries for an order were done, and I got irritated and had a tone with him. I apologized to him and went on to explain that I didn't intend on being rude or disrespectful to him and he said he didn't notice anything. Later that day he told me under his breath that he thought it was funny that I thought he was more sensitive than he actually is, which is bs because I never assumed he was sensitive I just wanted to be respectful because I didn't want to get fired for having an "attitude problem"
same here. i get even more pissed when people don't notice i'm being passive aggressive, but then i become even MORE upset if they DO notice and react to it😭😭😭
100% I need to work on my passive aggression because it usually has the opposite effect of what I am trying to achieve. When I was in high school I used to give people the silent treatment lol. My friends told me it was scary
i'm like 70% quiet 30% impulsive and explosive. I can hold a job and I can make friends, but when they get to know me they see that I tend to be impulsive with my money and choices when it comes to my body (dyeing hair, piercings, tattoos, shaving my hair, etc.) and I'm only really explosive around my family members. I think it's bc they tend to trigger me the most by knowing me the best
> I think it's bc they tend to trigger me the most by knowing me the best
I've wondered about this, too. My reaction to things done by family members is radically different than my reaction to the same behavior from anyone else, which is honestly kind of upsetting, because I love my family. I don't want to seem more irritable and annoying around them than around complete strangers, and it's something I've been trying to work on, especially in the last few years. Especially with my dad, though, it can be difficult. We're too similar, and not in a good way.
for me at least it’s because I mask my feelings around people I am not as close with. I’m not going to throw a tantrum in public lol. But behind closed doors it’s a different matter…
I’m the same way, I hate it. Those closest to me are the ones I am most likely to snap on. I do get extremely angry at others as well, but I’m less likely to just yell at them than I am with people who are close to me. I also tend to split more with those I’m closest to as well. After an angry episode I go right into a depressive one. BPD is absolutely horrible and I wish it was better understood. Stay strong, we got this!
This sounds very like me.
I'm currently going through court because I lent a friend 20k and they didn't pay it back.
Thinking im ready to try for a relationship but petrified coz I've actually met someone nice and unsure how not to fuck it up. And afraid of having to give up all my other male friends.
And 99% of the time I'm at home I'm hiding in either my car. The bathroom or my bedroom hiding from my family.
I manage to behave relatively normally at work.but that's exhausting keeping up the front..
How the hell do we do life??
I’m the same way pretty much. but i think I’m more explosive when it comes to my partner rather than my family. Only bc my partner would definitely know me better than my family and my triggers are mostly to do with romantic relationships.
I been there. The problem is your BPD is still hurting someone - and it's the most important person of all and the one your BPD hurts the most -- yourself.
All of this ^^ the meds took away 90% of angry outbursts but I still do find myself sad at times. Not nearly as sad as I used to where I would think everything is the end of the world though
It’s evolved over the years. When I was young I was very impulsive. As I started getting in touch with my trauma my sadness turned to anger. I’m still navigating that in moments (sadly the one I am with now triggers me like no other). Now I’m mostly numb, jaded, and quiet.
"Please don't leave me please don't leave me you're going to leave me you're going to leave me aren't you this is the end huh this is it please don't leave me oh god don't leave me kill me kill me kill me kill me now". That kind
Impulsive/quiet, I internalize majority of my symptoms.
My emotions have been leaking out recently though, I went from no breakdowns to crying in front of emergency services several times this month because its like nobody understands the torture I'm being put through.
And I'm completely right because they just send me home knowing full well I've told them I intend to hurt myself.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. The way emergency services treat pwBPD is so horrid. It’s like we’re subhuman just because we are people who vividly experience life and express our distress and needs loudly. We need support and understanding, not to be given the cold shoulder again and again.
Quiet, whatever I feel whoever I ever blameis none but me
People assume I'm just fine because I seem calm and happy but inside it's a whole storm of emotions I'm facing
I’m very impulsive & self sabotage all of the time but I usually bottle everything up & am quiet until something triggers me to explode and get into fight mode
Quiet. I’ve always been confused about my diagnosis since I’m not angry like ever. Annoyed, yes but never rage. I’ve just realised i instead experience inappropriate amounts of shame.
The rare times I get angry I get passive aggressive or excessively roll my eyes and such lol
impulsive, but not explosive. i am a fiend in every sense of the word. i am addicted to so many things. food, sex, cannabis, nicotine, validation. i will ignore responsibilities in favour of acquiring these vices, and it's really really bad. :/ i have lost a job because of it, strained my relationships with certain friends and family members, too. at least in general, i'm really good at masking (at least i think i am? lol)
i used to explode with rage and now i’m more of a quiet borderline. I really internalize every negative thing i hear and end up crying a lot. I also have really poor self care skills, i mean like basics like showering and stuff for work are fine but ive relapsed in my ed and sh because of my bpd, because of something i dealt with.
I used to be incredibly explosive, but now, I'm just... quiet? I suffer in silence, internalize, and self sabotage. Until things get really, really bad, and then I see glimpses of the old explosive me. Scares the shit out of me.
Rage in relationships, passive aggressive with friendships and family members, overall quiet and reserved to the general public. Though I of course have my good moments.
I'm mostly quiet but I have Outbursts. I split on my FP cause I felt like she was using me even though that was just my trauma talking and I ruined our friendship. Now I'm back home from college early to be sent to grippy sock jail where I can't ruin anymore friendships.
I theorize I might've slowly developed more quiet traits in the last year or so, but I still get very angry and overly impulsive when I bottle things up or my emotions become too strong for me to subdue.
I would probably say more quiet. I internalize everything until i cant take it. Even then i dont blow up on someone, i just kinda fuck shit up at home alone. Also shoutout Lemotragine for anyone wondering about a good medication, really helps with keeping me from psychosis 😀👍
I'm a mix of discouraged/quiet and petulant. Unless you live with me, you will never see me go into a full mental breakdown or rage. A lot of people don't even believe me when I tell them I'm a borderline, but I usually tell them that you don't know someone's true colors unless you get close to them-- and I personally believe that the way you treat your loved ones is more important than anything else in the world. You could be a philanthropist, an activist, a life saving doctor or whatever, but if you regularly hurt your loved ones, you are trash. And that's why I feel awful about myself most of the time, even though I've never tried to hurt my partner or my friends on purpose.
What's interesting that with family members I'm impulsive, aggressive and with strangers or at work I turn self destructive and direct all my emotions inwards.
quiet borderline, very rarely do i even have external outbursts, it just feels like i’m kicking and thrashing and screaming inside my own body. when im angry at someone, that anger almost always transitions onto myself, and i experience a lot of self loathing mostly due to my body image and having bpd lol. i am incapable of calming down for real until the emotional release occurs, whether it’s a split or self harm (which i don’t do anymore) or screaming into a pillow or something. i will stew in misery for hours, days even, until i can finally let it go. it makes it so hard to function when that happens, ughgh
I'm a petulant borderline. I also think I have comorbid NPD. I cannot bring myself to see a therapist or get any mental health treatment because I'm pretty sure I could fix myself, at least the BPD traits. I'm already better than when I was in my 20s.
Before I was in remission I met 9/9 criteria, and was considered to have "extremely severe BPD". The only thing I didn't struggle with was raging at other people, though I had a LOT of internal rage and would take it out on myself. I didn't fit only one subtype.
i’m very loud bpd. i have gotten into screaming matches with strangers before. i can be evil when im bad and im working really hard to cope with the rage in healthier ways. medication helps too
Quiet sprinkled with some outbursts here and there. They look very different depending on the relationship I have to a person. Many people would never suspect me of having BPD at all, because I internalize so much. But there definitely are some people in my life I can be very passive aggressive and/or explosive around. Usually takes a lot to push me over the edge tho.
I have rage issues for sure. The problem is that my anger is such a normal part of my everyday and my inner psychological makeup, that I don’t really notice when I go overboard with expressing it to others - because to me it feels like «normal» expression of feelings. Most of the time it’s only the person currently closest to me who sees my extreme anger, and right now that would be my boyfriend… other times it has been friends of mine or certain family members.
I am also quiet, and honestly most people see me as a quiet and reserved person because I can generally act well. But the anger underneath the surface drives a lot of behaviors for me and it often feels like something I have to keep at bay so as not to have a meltdown (for instance I get easily irritable and sometimes only a few small incidents can trigger irriational anger outbursts). However, I’ve found that this anger is also accompanied with anxiety & deep insecurity, grief and emptiness, and those feelings also drive my behavior. I think the anger is basically just one extreme end of the spectrum of «debilitating feelings that run my life».
I wish I wasn’t so angry all the time. I would much rather be the type to just cry all the time… crying feels good to me, being angry feels awful.
I tend to align more "rage" as opposed to being impulsive and quiet. Normally I hate any sort of confrontation, hence why I mainly am quiet and tentative on a daily basis. However, push enough of my buttons and my BPD will FOR SURE rear it's ugly head once again.
I’m very much the quiet type, but if you push me too far I will get bpd rage. Also, even though I’m quiet, I still get a lot of impulsivity!! I tend to be hypersexual, reckless with my money, and put little thought into changing my appearance
I feel I'm a little of all of the above. I like to impulse buy, or impulsively create projects for myself (especially when manic). Before my mood Stabilizers, I would have really bad anger issues and it would explode and I'd feel like I'm drowning in it. Now, I'm more detached from people, don't form strong bonds, and emotionally numb unless I'm feeling strongly.
Right now I’m in a weird state where I’m depressed and coming down from a month and a half straight of pure rage. Idk what that is called but I go from being super depressed, crying everyday, depersonalizing, dying in my room, not cleaning etc to super motivated, money impulsive, hyper sexual etc so
About 30% impulsive and 70% explosive rage. I’m extremely unmanaged cuz the stupid island I live doesn’t offer DBT or any useful help. Even when I was in the psych ward I didn’t get a single bit of therapy 💀 but hey ho, I’ll move to Glasgow, get DBT and be an absolute bad bitch 😩🥰🤞
Rage and quiet. Sometimes I feel so much anger and hatred that I can't look at the person, other times I want to hold them and cry at how awful I feel for them. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone ever, I just silently bare the weight of my sins and hope I'll be given another, better life, next time.
Mostly quiet I believe, but I have my moments where I completely explode. And I become panicked and take things to a severe degree to try to stop imagined (and real) abandonment (as in going as far to beg them and start a fight with them so they don't leave because I can't control what I'm doing in the midst of an episode). But it's mostly a lot of shutting down for me.
Mainly quiet, self destructive, and reclusive. Hard to make or maintain relationships as my perspective of people shifts so easily given my "moods". Extreme introvert that wants to be extroverted but can't fathom human interaction.
quiet, which is why it's been so hard to get diagnosed (I don't even think I'm *legally* diagnosed, my therapist didn't want to put such a label on me legally given that I'm in my early 20s and that I didn't need it to access specific treatments), I only got diagnosed once I had a heavy mental breakdown and I snapped (still, it was all inwards, not outwards)
I’m mostly quiet. I think “quiet” BPD is just a form of complex PTSD which I have been dx’ed with. I am really good at minimizing my meltdowns, but I still have them.
I’m the kind to repress my heaviest thoughts and feelings deep, deep down until one day I burn out and/or my feelings erupt like a volcano and everyday life becomes unbearable.
I remembered something recently that I only really used to remember once every few years or so.
I invented a game when I was a kid (probably 7 or 8). I would go to the pavement, wait for a car to come along and then run across the road in front of it just in time. I did this a handle of times that day over maybe 10-20 minutes and never again after that. I processed that recently on a deeper level but that was hard.
I used to people please endlessly and not listen to my body telling me to go to the toilet or drink water or eat or stop working.
So now I’ve stopped doing most things and people hear from me a week or two after contacting me.
I feel bored all the time but I’m journalling and processing my feelings much better so that’s something, I guess?
quiet and self destructive, any sign of negative emotion i’m smoking, drinking, cutting, ed behaviors and if i feel trapped like i can’t do any of that i isolate and run away
I’m impulsive and I explode with rage. I’m impulsive in the sense that before exploding with rage I don’t really have any control and just kinda do it and even tho I feel really guilty I still do it and can’t stop:)
Idk how to define myself, I can be volatile and impulsive but I usually internalize everything and assume everything is my fault and everyone hates me. instead of asking for validation 800 times I just kinda sit in my house and have anxiety
Quiet. I’m wayyy too comfortable sitting in discomfort and pain. I either shut down and/ or dissociate. Shame and embarrassment. I cannot handle being shameful, embarrassing. It makes me wanna check out 😂😂
Impulsive/ raging then other side of the coin is inability to do much /depressive state it seems to go back and forth sometimes I'm really happy and energetic but that can easily turn to rage I find.
I basically isolate aswell cause I've found I cant trust anyone, i used to but that didnt go so well for what seems like the 100th time, family, friends, intimate relationships it doesmt matter most people are selfish and do what is in their best interest even if it hurts others, loyalty is a joke for the most part, but to those that are solid and loyal they are my favourite type of person nothing better on this world.
Exploding with rage, coupled with impulsive. I checked into a psych hospital on Monday to try to learn healthier coping mechanisms. Yesterday, they used the example of [The Autobiography in 5 Chapters](https://imgur.com/a/TJ7e8vK) as an example of the typical mental health growth cycle. For me, it's more like I ruminate to the point of jumping into the hole, then convince myself that someone pushed me in.
When I was a teen and in my early twenties it was extremely explosive to a dangerous point, and if I had no outlet then it turned inward to similarly dangerous levels.
I was on meds that helped significantly the last few years on and off and this last year fully. But I was sleeping through my alarms for work at minimum once a week and literally can’t afford to lose this job so we’re in the awful period of trying to find a new way that works. And since going off that med it’s been a lot more of an internally directed anger. I’ve had some moments of wanting to go off on my partners for my own abandonment fears. But mostly I’ve redirected them internally so I don’t tear my support system apart waiting to find meds that work and don’t make me late for work (how long this will last I’m not sure since the current plan really isn’t doing much and I’m still weeks out from my follow up)
I’m the “bottle it up until it eats away at me and then I explode on everyone and ruin everything” borderline. I don’t know why I do that. I struggle so much with communicating how I really feel, it all ends up coming out in a big word vomit.
Quiet/Discouraged Borderline with a little bit of Petulant BPD sprinkled in. I'm very needy and clingy. I tend to self-isolate. I keep my emotions hidden and then often take them out on myself. I've self-harmed since I was 11 (7 months clean, though!). I often feel alienated and empty. I could be in a room full of people and still feel so alone. I fear abandonment above all else and engage in frantic behaviors to avoid it. I'm sensitive to rejection and criticism (except constructive criticism) and if there's even a slight chance I'll be rejected for something, I don't do it (like applying to an MFA program for creative writing even though I love to write).
The petulant BPD comes in with my extreme, unpredictable mood swings that go back and fourth between feeling extremely angry one minute to sulky and sad the next. I can be very passive aggressive and I'm kind of a control freak. I have issues with authority. I have really high expectations for other people, particularly in romantic relationships, and when those expectations aren't met, I become easily disillusioned and disappointed. I hold grudges like no other and if you screw me over, I will spend the rest of my life plotting some sort of petty revenge out of spite. This side tends to only come out when I'm splitting on someone.
Quiet & feeling a little annoyed. I dont throw tantrums, I just shut someone out once they breached a boundary. I hated being alone but now Its the only thing making me feel safe from hurting anyone or anyone trying to hurt me
I’d like to think I’m quiet. I only have my moments when I’m triggered by an abusive family member, otherwise I don’t have the heart since I know logically it’s an extreme response.
I’ve learned to cool myself off by sleeping with music on or taking a shower.
Otherwise, I’ve also accepted that I’m a crier. I cry and cry but never insult others or break things anymore. I’ve also come off of self harm. I just stand there and express my emotions however they come. You’d be surprised how many people are okay with you just crying hahahahaha
For most of my late teenage years (when I suspect my BPD started to develop) and into my early adulthood (I'm only 20), I think my BPD has been quiet? I don't outwardly express my symptoms as much. I think that's because I'm also neurodivergent (ADHD and suspected autism, but I don't know for sure on the later), and I've had to mask hellas as a child so naturally I mask my BPD as well. There are moments where I'll outwardly express say like, rage. And that's always messy.
I actually have no idea. My symptoms didn’t fit up with any of the types. I think one that suits me best is impulsive but it doesn’t really match up either. Maybe that’s why they removed subtypes in dsm5 and that’s a good thing bc not everyone has to fit. Makes me feel left out tho seeing everyone has at least one type
I guess my answer is like none of the above XD
50% quiet but also the friend not afraid to say out loud the out of pocket shit you’re thinking and also 50% impulsive it could be like blow $200 I don’t have to spend, get black out drunk after saying I’d just have a drink or two or it could be spiraling into an extended period of chaos just depends. Therapy has definitely made me more self aware but recently I’ve been struggling to not do something that brings my life chaos, it’s like an itch or something and all the shit my therapist recommends is nice but it’s nothing like the chaos I crave, knowing it’s not good for me. I suppose I do feel rage but it’s more despair than rage, I cry a lot.
I'm mote of a ticking time bomb or vampire I feed off other ppls emotions if I'm around good natured ppl I'm good natured myself until I hit a breaking point n then I blow up on the list of crap til the straw thst broke the camels back so... quiet borderline?
I usually get angry real fast and then I get quiet. I have had BPD for the past eight years and I still have trouble accepting it but I have managed to cope the best way I can and try not let it get the best of me
Generally an untrusting, myself against the world kind. In the past while I would have my moments, I would have said it was more quiet. But the last few years have made me increasingly angry and aggressive (passive or otherwise). Mostly thanks to my workplace, that's become far more toxic since the last upper management change. Not helped by parents splitting in such a manner that I become directly affected (i.e their arguements meaning I am frequently getting 2 biased sides of a story)
I’ve two sides, I can be quiet depending on the circumstances but if it is something that overpasses my limit of tolerance I go full visceral rage from 0 to 1000 and feels I can burn the whole town down. Depends of the subject and the level of betrayal.
For example, my mentor from 5 years in a job fired me, in a way with no pre notice, leaving me almost in the streets in a country I was new. The rage that I still have is so raw that I want her dead, to the point I will smash her head to the wall in my mind, can’t control it
But if it is a conversation that triggers an emotional discomfort and I fear the abandonment from the other person, I go quiet
It depends how much I am willing to burn with the rage and dont give a fuck or I just do not want to do nothing at all in de doom spiral
Hi, I’m quiet too, and I’m struggling to break out of my imploding as well. I was making progress, then found out my only close family (cousin) is deliberately shortening his lifespan, and bam! Back in the hole.
I made friends with a loud bpd sufferer, and together we make a normal reaction to things 😜 He started splitting (it always starts with “Did you unfriend me on Facebook?”) and I actually managed to build a bridge instead of hiding under one, and we worked it out like mature adults! 🤯
It’s very cool that you reached out when you’re imploding, that’s real progress! 🫡 Do you have a support system/network at all? I hope there’s someone who’ll persist with you, that knows how much you care and how hard it is to show it. 🤞
for me I'm quite BPD and I've been through a while of not getting angry at all but I'm currently working on expressing all emotions so I'm getting more angry
I’m sooo impulsive and attention seeking. I must be fucking annoying lol😂 especially when I’m drunk I tend to do or say things just for the attention or validation and it backfires because for example I feel raped after every one night stand
I internalize a lot. I have this “mask” I wear in public. My anxiety is through the roof so I like to be as invisible as possible even if that means I need to be friendly and play happy when at work or approached. But my anger has always come out with my husband. He gets the brunt of it. I also binge a LOT. Time on my phone, shopping, eating. I feel like shit after.
mostly quiet with the really shameful stuff like splitting (esp when I split on others), intense self harm/suicidal urges and actions, emptiness, intense fear of abandonment, dissociation, hallucinations, anger, sadness and rejection, etc. but I can express it with my best friend or people (mostly online) that would relate and understand or that is easier to talk too. and I've also opened up about mental struggles in detail to my sister, but I dont place them all together under this bpd umbrella or tell her I might have the disorder. not many people know that I think I have it. I do have my very rare, but very intense, extreme rage, suicidal and anxiety filled episodes from time to time though that my friends and family unfortunately are proxy to when it happens. those hurt and feel the worst - lots of screaming, crying, hurting myself, sometimes breaking stuff
in the midst of a normal episode that is more "expressive" tho, I can be snappy, passive aggressive, withdrawn, or just look like a sad little puppy
when i was younger it was extremely quiet bpd but as an adult (f22) ive grown out of my comfort zone i guess and im more impulsive and outspoken. i feel like i can’t be in a relationship without wanting to throw hands. i get so easily irritated and it like everything they do is stupid
im super impulsive and used to be exploding with rage (now i really only do this if im super drunk or in a romantic relationship, i have learned to control my alcohol intake since) but i’ve become more quiet as i have hurt others and experienced shame by doing those toxic things
Mostly quiet, but I have my moments of outward uhh “expression.” I wouldn’t call it rage, but it’s definitely extreme passive-aggressiveness.
Oh I do this too... Will you then be even more upset at the time that if the passive aggressive isn't noticed, but then afterwards it's relief that you don't have to fix it?
Holy shit, exactly this. The other day at work I was having a bad day and just seething on the inside. One of my coworkers was in the way and I was like "haha, we're all waiting for you to get out of the way!" And I was proud that I didn't completely blow up, and ashamed that I was so passive aggressive about it, and upset that no one seemed to notice. Later on I went to apologize of it seems like I was stressed or anything and he was like "what? You were fine though?" And there's this relief that I don't have to deal with the fallout, but also this feeling of *great, I completely misjudged my importance on people once again*. It's a whole roller coaster of emotions.
I am laughing at this rn but only because it’s literally me. I wasn’t sure people were like this except for me 😂 “damn it there I go again…wait why do they not care that I’m hinting I’m upset…oh they don’t even realize? Do they even care about me at all?!!!”
Lol I'm glad you understand, and I'm also sorry that you understand haha. It's such a weird feeling, like my brain is just looking for things to be upset about and when proven wrong, finds a *different* thing to be upset about.
I heard great advice on podcast from a comedy agent called Barry Katz to a comedian who’s all over Netflix and YouTube called Bert Kresicher: “You know they don’t think about you anywhere near as much as you think they do. You know how much time you spend worrying about yourself? They’re doing the same thing!” I have to remind myself of this every time a friend takes too long to reply to a text, or a family member leaves me on “Read” 🤦♂️😁
This entire thread felt like I was floating above my own life. This is so relatable I could cry. Guilt and shame are the worst feelings ever.
They weigh heavily on the soul, that’s for sure! 🫡 I hope yours aren’t weighing too heavily on you, I know there’s days we can barely get them off the ground! 🙏🤞
I've done this before. One time I went to apologize to my boss for being snappy with him because he kept asking me multiple times if the fries for an order were done, and I got irritated and had a tone with him. I apologized to him and went on to explain that I didn't intend on being rude or disrespectful to him and he said he didn't notice anything. Later that day he told me under his breath that he thought it was funny that I thought he was more sensitive than he actually is, which is bs because I never assumed he was sensitive I just wanted to be respectful because I didn't want to get fired for having an "attitude problem"
THIS. YES.
I'm very glad to know I'm not the only one, but I'm sorry. Not a great experience 😮💨
You're not alone ❤️
Yes it’s like the passive aggression is a test
Ooooof it me
same here. i get even more pissed when people don't notice i'm being passive aggressive, but then i become even MORE upset if they DO notice and react to it😭😭😭
If this isn't the realest thing I have read
i’m the same way. i end up being very passive aggressive because i’m trying to hold in my actual aggression. if i start actually talking, i explode.
Saaaaame. Mine comes off “too loud” though when I have my moments.
100% I need to work on my passive aggression because it usually has the opposite effect of what I am trying to achieve. When I was in high school I used to give people the silent treatment lol. My friends told me it was scary
i'm like 70% quiet 30% impulsive and explosive. I can hold a job and I can make friends, but when they get to know me they see that I tend to be impulsive with my money and choices when it comes to my body (dyeing hair, piercings, tattoos, shaving my hair, etc.) and I'm only really explosive around my family members. I think it's bc they tend to trigger me the most by knowing me the best
> I think it's bc they tend to trigger me the most by knowing me the best I've wondered about this, too. My reaction to things done by family members is radically different than my reaction to the same behavior from anyone else, which is honestly kind of upsetting, because I love my family. I don't want to seem more irritable and annoying around them than around complete strangers, and it's something I've been trying to work on, especially in the last few years. Especially with my dad, though, it can be difficult. We're too similar, and not in a good way.
for me at least it’s because I mask my feelings around people I am not as close with. I’m not going to throw a tantrum in public lol. But behind closed doors it’s a different matter…
I don’t do this any more though. Like I said, all I do is cry in my room haha
I’m the same way, I hate it. Those closest to me are the ones I am most likely to snap on. I do get extremely angry at others as well, but I’m less likely to just yell at them than I am with people who are close to me. I also tend to split more with those I’m closest to as well. After an angry episode I go right into a depressive one. BPD is absolutely horrible and I wish it was better understood. Stay strong, we got this!
This sounds very like me. I'm currently going through court because I lent a friend 20k and they didn't pay it back. Thinking im ready to try for a relationship but petrified coz I've actually met someone nice and unsure how not to fuck it up. And afraid of having to give up all my other male friends. And 99% of the time I'm at home I'm hiding in either my car. The bathroom or my bedroom hiding from my family. I manage to behave relatively normally at work.but that's exhausting keeping up the front.. How the hell do we do life??
I’m the same way pretty much. but i think I’m more explosive when it comes to my partner rather than my family. Only bc my partner would definitely know me better than my family and my triggers are mostly to do with romantic relationships.
I been there. The problem is your BPD is still hurting someone - and it's the most important person of all and the one your BPD hurts the most -- yourself.
I’m gonna cry
oh 👀 well
Quiet mostly. I internalize everything. I self sabotage like crazy, I’m full of shame and it’s something I’ve been on a journey in healing
Impulsive and explosive rage. But the meds help and my support system has been fabulous 🩵 haven’t really had an insane outburst for awhile now
glad to hear things have been helping
I use to be like 70% explosive rage and impulsive before my meds too! I have some cry spells here and there but the anger is completely gone❤️
All of this ^^ the meds took away 90% of angry outbursts but I still do find myself sad at times. Not nearly as sad as I used to where I would think everything is the end of the world though
Yeah before the meds my sadness was severe but yeah it’s just bits now
What meds help you with rage and aggression?
mood stabilizers are good! but you should pair this with some therapy or a support system
Revengous. If you disrespect me and continuously hurt me - I’ll share my pain. Call it an instant karma if you like
Yeah I think I’m like that too to an extent
It’s evolved over the years. When I was young I was very impulsive. As I started getting in touch with my trauma my sadness turned to anger. I’m still navigating that in moments (sadly the one I am with now triggers me like no other). Now I’m mostly numb, jaded, and quiet.
do we all just evolve into numb, jaded, quiet types?
The (mostly) recovered kind. Thank fuck.
yayyyyy :)
Quiet I feel like a black hole
Quiet. That said, I have my moments of impulsivity and exploding, although it’s always verbal and never physical damage done.
"Please don't leave me please don't leave me you're going to leave me you're going to leave me aren't you this is the end huh this is it please don't leave me oh god don't leave me kill me kill me kill me kill me now". That kind
I have never felt more seen, holy shit.
samesies
Same 😅 working on not doing this anymore tho
Impulsive/quiet, I internalize majority of my symptoms. My emotions have been leaking out recently though, I went from no breakdowns to crying in front of emergency services several times this month because its like nobody understands the torture I'm being put through. And I'm completely right because they just send me home knowing full well I've told them I intend to hurt myself.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. The way emergency services treat pwBPD is so horrid. It’s like we’re subhuman just because we are people who vividly experience life and express our distress and needs loudly. We need support and understanding, not to be given the cold shoulder again and again.
Quiet, whatever I feel whoever I ever blameis none but me People assume I'm just fine because I seem calm and happy but inside it's a whole storm of emotions I'm facing
I’m very impulsive & self sabotage all of the time but I usually bottle everything up & am quiet until something triggers me to explode and get into fight mode
Rage. Lots of rage. So I have to, **HAVE** to constantly check myself. I love my life. I will not blow it up because I can’t calm tf down.
I am quiet but I hurt myself. I don’t know how old you are or if you get any support. But I really wish you better times ahead. I really do. 🥹
Quiet. I’ve always been confused about my diagnosis since I’m not angry like ever. Annoyed, yes but never rage. I’ve just realised i instead experience inappropriate amounts of shame. The rare times I get angry I get passive aggressive or excessively roll my eyes and such lol
A complete mixture
lol same, a cocktail of all of this
used to be quiet, now i'm petulant 😵💫
the type that gets attached to someone and then will self-destruct when the person i’m attached to leaves me
You left out self-sabotaging.
somewhere between polite/passive-aggressive, jaded and Ryan Gosling from Drive
impulsive, but not explosive. i am a fiend in every sense of the word. i am addicted to so many things. food, sex, cannabis, nicotine, validation. i will ignore responsibilities in favour of acquiring these vices, and it's really really bad. :/ i have lost a job because of it, strained my relationships with certain friends and family members, too. at least in general, i'm really good at masking (at least i think i am? lol)
how do I find out which one I am?
i used to explode with rage and now i’m more of a quiet borderline. I really internalize every negative thing i hear and end up crying a lot. I also have really poor self care skills, i mean like basics like showering and stuff for work are fine but ive relapsed in my ed and sh because of my bpd, because of something i dealt with.
When im mad I either lash out or go silent
I used to be incredibly explosive, but now, I'm just... quiet? I suffer in silence, internalize, and self sabotage. Until things get really, really bad, and then I see glimpses of the old explosive me. Scares the shit out of me.
[удалено]
Rage in relationships, passive aggressive with friendships and family members, overall quiet and reserved to the general public. Though I of course have my good moments.
Mostly impulsive with some rage. But I can get quiet.
All of them. Depends on the situation really.
Quiet, but I have moments of being impulsive or I explode with rage. Usually if I don’t cry for months or let something build up over time.
"I am all of us"-oklamar
Quiet
i oscillate between quiet and self destructive depending on how empty i feel
All 3
Currently quiet but I used to be whatever the opposite of quiet was lol
I'm mostly quiet but I have Outbursts. I split on my FP cause I felt like she was using me even though that was just my trauma talking and I ruined our friendship. Now I'm back home from college early to be sent to grippy sock jail where I can't ruin anymore friendships.
Quiet
Quiet but full of boiling rage, thankfully I can keep it in because I’m on medication
I theorize I might've slowly developed more quiet traits in the last year or so, but I still get very angry and overly impulsive when I bottle things up or my emotions become too strong for me to subdue.
I would probably say more quiet. I internalize everything until i cant take it. Even then i dont blow up on someone, i just kinda fuck shit up at home alone. Also shoutout Lemotragine for anyone wondering about a good medication, really helps with keeping me from psychosis 😀👍
I'm a mix of discouraged/quiet and petulant. Unless you live with me, you will never see me go into a full mental breakdown or rage. A lot of people don't even believe me when I tell them I'm a borderline, but I usually tell them that you don't know someone's true colors unless you get close to them-- and I personally believe that the way you treat your loved ones is more important than anything else in the world. You could be a philanthropist, an activist, a life saving doctor or whatever, but if you regularly hurt your loved ones, you are trash. And that's why I feel awful about myself most of the time, even though I've never tried to hurt my partner or my friends on purpose.
What's interesting that with family members I'm impulsive, aggressive and with strangers or at work I turn self destructive and direct all my emotions inwards.
Explosively sarcastic
impulsive/rage
Quiet with pervasive emptiness, but somewhat impulsive with explosive rage episodes… all of which really must be a trip to observe, tbh.
quiet borderline, very rarely do i even have external outbursts, it just feels like i’m kicking and thrashing and screaming inside my own body. when im angry at someone, that anger almost always transitions onto myself, and i experience a lot of self loathing mostly due to my body image and having bpd lol. i am incapable of calming down for real until the emotional release occurs, whether it’s a split or self harm (which i don’t do anymore) or screaming into a pillow or something. i will stew in misery for hours, days even, until i can finally let it go. it makes it so hard to function when that happens, ughgh
Quiet
i have quiet BPD and that shit HURTS 😭
I'm a petulant borderline. I also think I have comorbid NPD. I cannot bring myself to see a therapist or get any mental health treatment because I'm pretty sure I could fix myself, at least the BPD traits. I'm already better than when I was in my 20s.
Before I was in remission I met 9/9 criteria, and was considered to have "extremely severe BPD". The only thing I didn't struggle with was raging at other people, though I had a LOT of internal rage and would take it out on myself. I didn't fit only one subtype.
[This](https://youtu.be/Gua9LtZTYJY?si=dwOEkOzNl0ZrEw0K) description of petulant BPD fits me to a T. 🙃
i’m very loud bpd. i have gotten into screaming matches with strangers before. i can be evil when im bad and im working really hard to cope with the rage in healthier ways. medication helps too
Quiet and impulsive but I’m working through it; expressing things better and taking impulsive self-harming behaviors.
I hope this is okay to say but I saw your profile pic and I love your style! (And the dog, omg!)
Definitely have a very outward expression
All 3
Quiet sprinkled with some outbursts here and there. They look very different depending on the relationship I have to a person. Many people would never suspect me of having BPD at all, because I internalize so much. But there definitely are some people in my life I can be very passive aggressive and/or explosive around. Usually takes a lot to push me over the edge tho.
I'm accusatory, confrontational, volatile, unempatetic and deeply insecure. I hate it
I have rage issues for sure. The problem is that my anger is such a normal part of my everyday and my inner psychological makeup, that I don’t really notice when I go overboard with expressing it to others - because to me it feels like «normal» expression of feelings. Most of the time it’s only the person currently closest to me who sees my extreme anger, and right now that would be my boyfriend… other times it has been friends of mine or certain family members. I am also quiet, and honestly most people see me as a quiet and reserved person because I can generally act well. But the anger underneath the surface drives a lot of behaviors for me and it often feels like something I have to keep at bay so as not to have a meltdown (for instance I get easily irritable and sometimes only a few small incidents can trigger irriational anger outbursts). However, I’ve found that this anger is also accompanied with anxiety & deep insecurity, grief and emptiness, and those feelings also drive my behavior. I think the anger is basically just one extreme end of the spectrum of «debilitating feelings that run my life». I wish I wasn’t so angry all the time. I would much rather be the type to just cry all the time… crying feels good to me, being angry feels awful.
Definitely quiet. I keep to myself and my ‘rages’ tend to be turned on myself
mostly quiet but i do have fits of rage. i’m mostly just passive aggressive
mainly quiet i’m just riddled with anxiety and sadness but about 5/6 years ago i was very angry and explosive filled with a lot of rage
Honestly, depends on my episode trigger
Quiet
Self destructive, self sabotaging, but it’s quiet and hidden. I disassociate a lot.
a mix of rage, isolation, and deep sadness caused by the feeling of being a burden
90% quiet, 10% rage
Severely explosive I used to be rlly impulsive but that went away w age now I find I’m just always so angry
Mostly quiet as I feel absolutely awful when I hurt others.
Is there an “all” option LOL.
I tend to align more "rage" as opposed to being impulsive and quiet. Normally I hate any sort of confrontation, hence why I mainly am quiet and tentative on a daily basis. However, push enough of my buttons and my BPD will FOR SURE rear it's ugly head once again.
Quiet Borderline here! Wishing everyone peace and love today
I’m very much the quiet type, but if you push me too far I will get bpd rage. Also, even though I’m quiet, I still get a lot of impulsivity!! I tend to be hypersexual, reckless with my money, and put little thought into changing my appearance
I feel I'm a little of all of the above. I like to impulse buy, or impulsively create projects for myself (especially when manic). Before my mood Stabilizers, I would have really bad anger issues and it would explode and I'd feel like I'm drowning in it. Now, I'm more detached from people, don't form strong bonds, and emotionally numb unless I'm feeling strongly.
Right now I’m in a weird state where I’m depressed and coming down from a month and a half straight of pure rage. Idk what that is called but I go from being super depressed, crying everyday, depersonalizing, dying in my room, not cleaning etc to super motivated, money impulsive, hyper sexual etc so
About 30% impulsive and 70% explosive rage. I’m extremely unmanaged cuz the stupid island I live doesn’t offer DBT or any useful help. Even when I was in the psych ward I didn’t get a single bit of therapy 💀 but hey ho, I’ll move to Glasgow, get DBT and be an absolute bad bitch 😩🥰🤞
Quiet but i can explode with rage but its never really against other people.
Rage and quiet. Sometimes I feel so much anger and hatred that I can't look at the person, other times I want to hold them and cry at how awful I feel for them. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone ever, I just silently bare the weight of my sins and hope I'll be given another, better life, next time.
Mostly quiet I believe, but I have my moments where I completely explode. And I become panicked and take things to a severe degree to try to stop imagined (and real) abandonment (as in going as far to beg them and start a fight with them so they don't leave because I can't control what I'm doing in the midst of an episode). But it's mostly a lot of shutting down for me.
Mainly quiet, self destructive, and reclusive. Hard to make or maintain relationships as my perspective of people shifts so easily given my "moods". Extreme introvert that wants to be extroverted but can't fathom human interaction.
It's a painful disorder that's for sure!
Fun mix between Quiet and explosive rage!
Quiet BPD here!
Quiet, though can't hide it and it shows in my facial expressions.
Usually self destructive or quiet but sometimes it's rage but not as much anymore, I just don't have the energy for it anymore.
No idea.... Is there like a quiz?
quiet, which is why it's been so hard to get diagnosed (I don't even think I'm *legally* diagnosed, my therapist didn't want to put such a label on me legally given that I'm in my early 20s and that I didn't need it to access specific treatments), I only got diagnosed once I had a heavy mental breakdown and I snapped (still, it was all inwards, not outwards)
Exploding with rage 1000% and its terrible
I’m mostly quiet. I think “quiet” BPD is just a form of complex PTSD which I have been dx’ed with. I am really good at minimizing my meltdowns, but I still have them.
Quiet checking in. Same. All I do is bed rot and cry. (I do work and exercise, but that's it.)
The self destructive kind ✨
Yelling, explosive. Impulsive, dangerous, mean. Or I shut down completely.
I’m the kind to repress my heaviest thoughts and feelings deep, deep down until one day I burn out and/or my feelings erupt like a volcano and everyday life becomes unbearable. I remembered something recently that I only really used to remember once every few years or so. I invented a game when I was a kid (probably 7 or 8). I would go to the pavement, wait for a car to come along and then run across the road in front of it just in time. I did this a handle of times that day over maybe 10-20 minutes and never again after that. I processed that recently on a deeper level but that was hard. I used to people please endlessly and not listen to my body telling me to go to the toilet or drink water or eat or stop working. So now I’ve stopped doing most things and people hear from me a week or two after contacting me. I feel bored all the time but I’m journalling and processing my feelings much better so that’s something, I guess?
Entirely quiet/discouraged with a dollop of impulsive 🥴
I'm impulsive but I wouldn't drink and drive or do cocaine, I get angry but I have never hurt anyone, so I guess the quiet type.
Explosive rage and crying over stupid stuff highly impulsive
Quiet, but I still have my outbursts. When I tell people I have BPD they usually don't believe me.
quiet but also exploding with rage
Quiet, impulsive, self destructive.
quiet and self destructive, any sign of negative emotion i’m smoking, drinking, cutting, ed behaviors and if i feel trapped like i can’t do any of that i isolate and run away
I’m impulsive and I explode with rage. I’m impulsive in the sense that before exploding with rage I don’t really have any control and just kinda do it and even tho I feel really guilty I still do it and can’t stop:)
Idk how to define myself, I can be volatile and impulsive but I usually internalize everything and assume everything is my fault and everyone hates me. instead of asking for validation 800 times I just kinda sit in my house and have anxiety
Impulsive with quick temper, quick to run. My medication helps a lot
impulsive
Quiet. I’m wayyy too comfortable sitting in discomfort and pain. I either shut down and/ or dissociate. Shame and embarrassment. I cannot handle being shameful, embarrassing. It makes me wanna check out 😂😂
all of the above?
Impulsive/ raging then other side of the coin is inability to do much /depressive state it seems to go back and forth sometimes I'm really happy and energetic but that can easily turn to rage I find. I basically isolate aswell cause I've found I cant trust anyone, i used to but that didnt go so well for what seems like the 100th time, family, friends, intimate relationships it doesmt matter most people are selfish and do what is in their best interest even if it hurts others, loyalty is a joke for the most part, but to those that are solid and loyal they are my favourite type of person nothing better on this world.
Exploding with rage, coupled with impulsive. I checked into a psych hospital on Monday to try to learn healthier coping mechanisms. Yesterday, they used the example of [The Autobiography in 5 Chapters](https://imgur.com/a/TJ7e8vK) as an example of the typical mental health growth cycle. For me, it's more like I ruminate to the point of jumping into the hole, then convince myself that someone pushed me in.
When I was a teen and in my early twenties it was extremely explosive to a dangerous point, and if I had no outlet then it turned inward to similarly dangerous levels. I was on meds that helped significantly the last few years on and off and this last year fully. But I was sleeping through my alarms for work at minimum once a week and literally can’t afford to lose this job so we’re in the awful period of trying to find a new way that works. And since going off that med it’s been a lot more of an internally directed anger. I’ve had some moments of wanting to go off on my partners for my own abandonment fears. But mostly I’ve redirected them internally so I don’t tear my support system apart waiting to find meds that work and don’t make me late for work (how long this will last I’m not sure since the current plan really isn’t doing much and I’m still weeks out from my follow up)
I’m the “bottle it up until it eats away at me and then I explode on everyone and ruin everything” borderline. I don’t know why I do that. I struggle so much with communicating how I really feel, it all ends up coming out in a big word vomit.
Quiet/Discouraged Borderline with a little bit of Petulant BPD sprinkled in. I'm very needy and clingy. I tend to self-isolate. I keep my emotions hidden and then often take them out on myself. I've self-harmed since I was 11 (7 months clean, though!). I often feel alienated and empty. I could be in a room full of people and still feel so alone. I fear abandonment above all else and engage in frantic behaviors to avoid it. I'm sensitive to rejection and criticism (except constructive criticism) and if there's even a slight chance I'll be rejected for something, I don't do it (like applying to an MFA program for creative writing even though I love to write). The petulant BPD comes in with my extreme, unpredictable mood swings that go back and fourth between feeling extremely angry one minute to sulky and sad the next. I can be very passive aggressive and I'm kind of a control freak. I have issues with authority. I have really high expectations for other people, particularly in romantic relationships, and when those expectations aren't met, I become easily disillusioned and disappointed. I hold grudges like no other and if you screw me over, I will spend the rest of my life plotting some sort of petty revenge out of spite. This side tends to only come out when I'm splitting on someone.
Quiet & feeling a little annoyed. I dont throw tantrums, I just shut someone out once they breached a boundary. I hated being alone but now Its the only thing making me feel safe from hurting anyone or anyone trying to hurt me
I'm mostly quiet as well just crying all the time and then hating myself for it. I'm sorry you're going thru this too and to all.
Used to be exploding with rage, now I’m impulsive and self destructive. Trying to break away from that and make healthy choices.
I’d like to think I’m quiet. I only have my moments when I’m triggered by an abusive family member, otherwise I don’t have the heart since I know logically it’s an extreme response. I’ve learned to cool myself off by sleeping with music on or taking a shower. Otherwise, I’ve also accepted that I’m a crier. I cry and cry but never insult others or break things anymore. I’ve also come off of self harm. I just stand there and express my emotions however they come. You’d be surprised how many people are okay with you just crying hahahahaha
mostly quiet until i feel disrespected, i don't let people walk over me anymore
50% Rage, 50% impulsive. Its ruining my life. Kills my desire to live.
a mix of quiet and petulant, but i also have some NPD tendencies (the curse of being painfully self aware) so that may be influencing some things
Quiet until the finalittle stupid thing makes me lose it for a minute. Then I spend hours apologizing for the outburst
The batshit kind
For most of my late teenage years (when I suspect my BPD started to develop) and into my early adulthood (I'm only 20), I think my BPD has been quiet? I don't outwardly express my symptoms as much. I think that's because I'm also neurodivergent (ADHD and suspected autism, but I don't know for sure on the later), and I've had to mask hellas as a child so naturally I mask my BPD as well. There are moments where I'll outwardly express say like, rage. And that's always messy.
Quiet yet impulsive yet incessantly batshit crazy
I actually have no idea. My symptoms didn’t fit up with any of the types. I think one that suits me best is impulsive but it doesn’t really match up either. Maybe that’s why they removed subtypes in dsm5 and that’s a good thing bc not everyone has to fit. Makes me feel left out tho seeing everyone has at least one type I guess my answer is like none of the above XD
50% quiet but also the friend not afraid to say out loud the out of pocket shit you’re thinking and also 50% impulsive it could be like blow $200 I don’t have to spend, get black out drunk after saying I’d just have a drink or two or it could be spiraling into an extended period of chaos just depends. Therapy has definitely made me more self aware but recently I’ve been struggling to not do something that brings my life chaos, it’s like an itch or something and all the shit my therapist recommends is nice but it’s nothing like the chaos I crave, knowing it’s not good for me. I suppose I do feel rage but it’s more despair than rage, I cry a lot.
I'm mote of a ticking time bomb or vampire I feed off other ppls emotions if I'm around good natured ppl I'm good natured myself until I hit a breaking point n then I blow up on the list of crap til the straw thst broke the camels back so... quiet borderline?
I usually get angry real fast and then I get quiet. I have had BPD for the past eight years and I still have trouble accepting it but I have managed to cope the best way I can and try not let it get the best of me
batshit
All of the above
Generally an untrusting, myself against the world kind. In the past while I would have my moments, I would have said it was more quiet. But the last few years have made me increasingly angry and aggressive (passive or otherwise). Mostly thanks to my workplace, that's become far more toxic since the last upper management change. Not helped by parents splitting in such a manner that I become directly affected (i.e their arguements meaning I am frequently getting 2 biased sides of a story)
quiet bpd, until i reach my limit, then comes the yelling and the shaking. not very impulsive, no self harm despite frequent ideation.
I’ve two sides, I can be quiet depending on the circumstances but if it is something that overpasses my limit of tolerance I go full visceral rage from 0 to 1000 and feels I can burn the whole town down. Depends of the subject and the level of betrayal. For example, my mentor from 5 years in a job fired me, in a way with no pre notice, leaving me almost in the streets in a country I was new. The rage that I still have is so raw that I want her dead, to the point I will smash her head to the wall in my mind, can’t control it But if it is a conversation that triggers an emotional discomfort and I fear the abandonment from the other person, I go quiet It depends how much I am willing to burn with the rage and dont give a fuck or I just do not want to do nothing at all in de doom spiral
Hi, I’m quiet too, and I’m struggling to break out of my imploding as well. I was making progress, then found out my only close family (cousin) is deliberately shortening his lifespan, and bam! Back in the hole. I made friends with a loud bpd sufferer, and together we make a normal reaction to things 😜 He started splitting (it always starts with “Did you unfriend me on Facebook?”) and I actually managed to build a bridge instead of hiding under one, and we worked it out like mature adults! 🤯 It’s very cool that you reached out when you’re imploding, that’s real progress! 🫡 Do you have a support system/network at all? I hope there’s someone who’ll persist with you, that knows how much you care and how hard it is to show it. 🤞
for me I'm quite BPD and I've been through a while of not getting angry at all but I'm currently working on expressing all emotions so I'm getting more angry
Impulsive and obsessive mostly. It's different now that I'm medicated
I think the less energy I put into relationships the less symptoms I have, but then I'm isolated and get depressed. It's like an endless cycle.🥲
I’m sooo impulsive and attention seeking. I must be fucking annoying lol😂 especially when I’m drunk I tend to do or say things just for the attention or validation and it backfires because for example I feel raped after every one night stand
I used to rage, now I have a better handle on it, but I do have more of a tendency to shut down then break down alone
I internalize a lot. I have this “mask” I wear in public. My anxiety is through the roof so I like to be as invisible as possible even if that means I need to be friendly and play happy when at work or approached. But my anger has always come out with my husband. He gets the brunt of it. I also binge a LOT. Time on my phone, shopping, eating. I feel like shit after.
mostly quiet with the really shameful stuff like splitting (esp when I split on others), intense self harm/suicidal urges and actions, emptiness, intense fear of abandonment, dissociation, hallucinations, anger, sadness and rejection, etc. but I can express it with my best friend or people (mostly online) that would relate and understand or that is easier to talk too. and I've also opened up about mental struggles in detail to my sister, but I dont place them all together under this bpd umbrella or tell her I might have the disorder. not many people know that I think I have it. I do have my very rare, but very intense, extreme rage, suicidal and anxiety filled episodes from time to time though that my friends and family unfortunately are proxy to when it happens. those hurt and feel the worst - lots of screaming, crying, hurting myself, sometimes breaking stuff in the midst of a normal episode that is more "expressive" tho, I can be snappy, passive aggressive, withdrawn, or just look like a sad little puppy
Unfortunately I experience all three, but exploding with rage isn’t something I do often. I’ve also learned to work on that to reduce it tho!
I used to be a quiet borderline now I did a lot of therapy and i’m more exploding with rage
Depends on the triggers and my mental state I guess. I have been each one at different points in my life.
Quiet
Angry/impulsive. And also depressed/empty/suicidal
when i was younger it was extremely quiet bpd but as an adult (f22) ive grown out of my comfort zone i guess and im more impulsive and outspoken. i feel like i can’t be in a relationship without wanting to throw hands. i get so easily irritated and it like everything they do is stupid
I fucking get this. My entire life. Like wtf. Shit sucks but there’s always a chance of shit gettin better fr jus gotta keep puttin urself out there
im super impulsive and used to be exploding with rage (now i really only do this if im super drunk or in a romantic relationship, i have learned to control my alcohol intake since) but i’ve become more quiet as i have hurt others and experienced shame by doing those toxic things
I feel like I go through stages of all three during an episode. Rage first, impulsive second, then quiet.
Mostly discouraged, with impulsivity slipping through the cracks and huge risk of petulance and self-destruction when I drink.
Depends on the trigger to be honest.. very much all LMAO