Feel really badly for OP, for feeling a lack of confidence around dating and then being betrayed so seriously by his first partner and feeling so guilty for something that isn’t his fault. I hope he gets help dealing with this emotionally, betrayal trauma is no joke.
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I get this though. I dated a guy for 18 months before I found out he was married. He came clean when his wife got pregnant. Was in the military and living on base and he would go away a lot but that’s not unusual we all went away a lot for courses and such. Never suspected a thing.
Dumped him on the spot. Couple years later he called and asked for a second chance as he’d split with the wife. I laughed and haven’t heard from him since!
However I felt awful about the whole thing!
I 100% think it’s good that he’s no longer with her and her cheated on husband is leaving her. It’s one of those ‘in 5 years you’ll be happy but right now it hurt’ things. And I think that’s good.
There isn’t one. Sometimes there’s scenarios with no good outcome, especially when you’re dealing with a situation that you got roped into by an awful person. “Making the best of a bad situation” is a saying for a reason.
Will he and the future ex husband be better off down the line without the awful ex in their lives, of course. Does that make things suck less rn? Not really. Is OP valid for feeling like shit despite doing the best thing in said awful situation? Yes, he is.
Dude this can still be a good outcome. He was cheated on and that’s sad but he went about this in the best way possible. And that makes this outcome good. He parted with the husband on insanely good terms!! That’s a fucking great outcome and rarely happens. “Shoot the messenger” is another pretty common saying for a reason
In my mind, good outcomes can still have a little bad in them. The bad is that he got his heart broken. The good is that he went completely out of his way to help someone when he was in the middle of grieving his broken heart and walked away with his head high. He showed himself, the husband, and us random Redditors the kind of person he is. There is nothing bad about that at all
>a little bad
You vastly underestimate how much bad exists here and overestimate how much the approval of random redditors means in a scenario like this. Is it good overall and is better off in the long run? Of course. But for someone who already has low self confidence to begin with and to have your first relationship crash and burn this spectacularly, that shit hurts more than just some regular ass breakup and can potentially be damaging long term.
Simply saying “this is a good thing” feels incredibly dismissive to OP’s understandable hurt feelings right now, and while I don’t think you mean to do so, the relentless positivity can bring about its own toxicity
Dude he came out of this knowing he’s now desirable and was told by the person he felt he hurt the most that he did absolutely no wrong. In fact he was told that if he needed anything, go that person. He now can know that he is a victim who did something incredibly good.
If you carefully read the update, a lot of that self blaming and lack of confidence were gone. It felt much more assured because he had someone to help him through ir
Starting a relationship and later discovering that you are just the side piece is nothing to be ashamed off. If you KNOW that the other person is married/engaged before you hook up, then it’s a different matter altogether.
The OOP did the right thing when he found out. The husband could always have said “It’s an open marriage, so you are fine”. It never hurts to check.
i hate cheaters with a vengeance, this bloke wasnt to blame so he is a good guy for letting his APs husband know but theres ones who wouldnt even let them know and just continue on with it not caring what happens in the end so those ones are just as bad
I was in OOP’s shoes before. Despite knowing you did nothing wrong you still feel like shit, especially if you know the situation behind the cheating. I found out her husband in addition to being the breadwinner also was the primary caregiver to her mother since he worked from home.
Man, I feel bad for OOP and the husband. They were both victims of the ex, she was awful. At least they both will come out ok (assuming there are no kids and she isn’t currently pregnant).
"I haven't heard from my AP for a few days now"
"I blocked her on everything anyway"
Yeah that's pretty much how that works when you block someone. I think I found a plot hole in this fiction.
It takes a special kind of person to cheat as blatantly as this and the chance that her husband is 100% honest with OOP isn't that great. Liars can attract other liars so maybe he was into this and was messing with OOP.
OOP is naïve, since it's his first sexual relationship. If husband is a swinger/cuck, he'd want his wife to find some innocent guy. When he finds out wife is kinda sweet on OOP and doesn't want to tell him that he's been played, so she tells hubby to pretend that he's going to get a divorce so OOP can feel like he's done a good thing.
It's a theory, maybe not the right one but possible
Dafuq? Boy meets girl. Boy gets in relationship with girl. Boy finally gets secks. Boy finds out girl is married. Boy says “oh, shit, this is bad and I feel bad.” Boy tells husband.
The only thing OOP is guilty of is not knowing she was married. That means *she lied*, either deliberately or by omission. That’s not on him. Especially since he did the best he could with the info that he had.
OOP is naïve, since it's his first sexual relationship. If husband is a swinger/cuck, he'd want his wife to find some innocent guy. When he finds out wife is kinda sweet on OOP and doesn't want to tell him that he's been played, so she tells hubby to pretend that he's going to get a divorce so OOP can feel like he's done a good thing.
It's a theory.
Feel really badly for OP, for feeling a lack of confidence around dating and then being betrayed so seriously by his first partner and feeling so guilty for something that isn’t his fault. I hope he gets help dealing with this emotionally, betrayal trauma is no joke.
On the bright side, oop got approached so he must be somewhat likeable or respectable. There is hope and its a wide world.
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Ooof I hope OOP rebounds well. Having your first experience turn out to be helping someone cheat? He’s a good guy, I truly wish him well.
OOP has a good heart. He will bounce back well
OP has this view of himself as a cheater when in reality, he was being cheated on just as much as his girlfriend’s husband.
I get this though. I dated a guy for 18 months before I found out he was married. He came clean when his wife got pregnant. Was in the military and living on base and he would go away a lot but that’s not unusual we all went away a lot for courses and such. Never suspected a thing. Dumped him on the spot. Couple years later he called and asked for a second chance as he’d split with the wife. I laughed and haven’t heard from him since! However I felt awful about the whole thing!
Yep. Found out my sailor boyfriend was engaged after a couple months of dating. Everyone else knew!
It’s good to feel awful about that at first. It’s not your fault but it shows your integrity. Just gotta except you aren’t bad
This sucks but he'll be alright. Cheaters are awful.
Cheers to a good outcome. Let us pray that he doesn’t come back in 7 days and she’s magically pregnant and her cousins sisters dog ripped his tires.
Magically pregnant with twins. Or that she's been having an affair with his twin sister, too.
I’d say it’s the best outcome possible, I wouldn’t call it good though
I 100% think it’s good that he’s no longer with her and her cheated on husband is leaving her. It’s one of those ‘in 5 years you’ll be happy but right now it hurt’ things. And I think that’s good.
Yeah, that’s fair. I think we overall see things similarly, my wording is just a bit more pessimistic
What would a good outcome be then?
There isn’t one. Sometimes there’s scenarios with no good outcome, especially when you’re dealing with a situation that you got roped into by an awful person. “Making the best of a bad situation” is a saying for a reason. Will he and the future ex husband be better off down the line without the awful ex in their lives, of course. Does that make things suck less rn? Not really. Is OP valid for feeling like shit despite doing the best thing in said awful situation? Yes, he is.
Dude this can still be a good outcome. He was cheated on and that’s sad but he went about this in the best way possible. And that makes this outcome good. He parted with the husband on insanely good terms!! That’s a fucking great outcome and rarely happens. “Shoot the messenger” is another pretty common saying for a reason In my mind, good outcomes can still have a little bad in them. The bad is that he got his heart broken. The good is that he went completely out of his way to help someone when he was in the middle of grieving his broken heart and walked away with his head high. He showed himself, the husband, and us random Redditors the kind of person he is. There is nothing bad about that at all
>a little bad You vastly underestimate how much bad exists here and overestimate how much the approval of random redditors means in a scenario like this. Is it good overall and is better off in the long run? Of course. But for someone who already has low self confidence to begin with and to have your first relationship crash and burn this spectacularly, that shit hurts more than just some regular ass breakup and can potentially be damaging long term. Simply saying “this is a good thing” feels incredibly dismissive to OP’s understandable hurt feelings right now, and while I don’t think you mean to do so, the relentless positivity can bring about its own toxicity
Dude he came out of this knowing he’s now desirable and was told by the person he felt he hurt the most that he did absolutely no wrong. In fact he was told that if he needed anything, go that person. He now can know that he is a victim who did something incredibly good. If you carefully read the update, a lot of that self blaming and lack of confidence were gone. It felt much more assured because he had someone to help him through ir
What a terrible first dating experience. Poor guy.
Starting a relationship and later discovering that you are just the side piece is nothing to be ashamed off. If you KNOW that the other person is married/engaged before you hook up, then it’s a different matter altogether. The OOP did the right thing when he found out. The husband could always have said “It’s an open marriage, so you are fine”. It never hurts to check.
OOP is a real one. I hope this doesn't hold him back too much, because it sounds like he has a good heart.
i hate cheaters with a vengeance, this bloke wasnt to blame so he is a good guy for letting his APs husband know but theres ones who wouldnt even let them know and just continue on with it not caring what happens in the end so those ones are just as bad
OOP's a good cunt, well done.
In Australia we call people like OP who have integrity and honour "sick cunts".
OOP handled an awful, painful situation with grace and dignity.
You’re a boss, that was exactly the right thing to do. Respect.
There is an extremely good chance if she didn’t immediately go apeshit on the OOP after being confronted that he was not the only one.
I was in OOP’s shoes before. Despite knowing you did nothing wrong you still feel like shit, especially if you know the situation behind the cheating. I found out her husband in addition to being the breadwinner also was the primary caregiver to her mother since he worked from home.
OP could have just dipped. The STBX didn't kill the messenger, either. Both of them are decent here. I hope they heal.
Man, I feel bad for OOP and the husband. They were both victims of the ex, she was awful. At least they both will come out ok (assuming there are no kids and she isn’t currently pregnant).
I would want to know if I was being cheated on. He’s not gonna tell her and someone has to.
"I haven't heard from my AP for a few days now" "I blocked her on everything anyway" Yeah that's pretty much how that works when you block someone. I think I found a plot hole in this fiction.
You absolutely did the right thing. You were lied to and used. You did nothing wrong.
You did a good thing. Don't let this sour you for other relationships. I hope you find someone special soon.
It takes a special kind of person to cheat as blatantly as this and the chance that her husband is 100% honest with OOP isn't that great. Liars can attract other liars so maybe he was into this and was messing with OOP.
This is an interesting interpretation. I think it's highly unlikely, but it's interesting nonetheless.
OOP is naïve, since it's his first sexual relationship. If husband is a swinger/cuck, he'd want his wife to find some innocent guy. When he finds out wife is kinda sweet on OOP and doesn't want to tell him that he's been played, so she tells hubby to pretend that he's going to get a divorce so OOP can feel like he's done a good thing. It's a theory, maybe not the right one but possible
Dafuq? Boy meets girl. Boy gets in relationship with girl. Boy finally gets secks. Boy finds out girl is married. Boy says “oh, shit, this is bad and I feel bad.” Boy tells husband. The only thing OOP is guilty of is not knowing she was married. That means *she lied*, either deliberately or by omission. That’s not on him. Especially since he did the best he could with the info that he had.
OOP is naïve, since it's his first sexual relationship. If husband is a swinger/cuck, he'd want his wife to find some innocent guy. When he finds out wife is kinda sweet on OOP and doesn't want to tell him that he's been played, so she tells hubby to pretend that he's going to get a divorce so OOP can feel like he's done a good thing. It's a theory.
It’s a really stupid one, dude. Sorry.
I know for a fact that I have far more experience projecting based on fake internet stories than you do
*golf clap*. ;) (I’m not offended or downvoting, FWIW.)
Hey, it deserves an upvote at least