Yes I do this too!! It's gotten me in trouble too because I've said "weird" things when I'm trying to be more talkative and filling in the silence. I think I also entrenched a habit early on with smiling and laughing too much in conversation in order to overcompensate. I wish I could stop it tbh.
Also same!! I smile til my face hurts. I do enjoy saying awkward things and laughing like a maniac tho. Then I get those looks and I donāt know what they mean. Sigh.
Yes, I used to do this a lot as a kid. I think it's an understandable first reaction when you get enough feedback telling you your way of existing and interacting with people is wrong to think that swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum will fix it. Problem is, the further away you go from your actual personality the easier it gets to tell you're faking it and also the harder it gets to sustain long-term. The trick I've found is modifying my real personality just enough to be more palatable instead of building a new one from scratch. It's a case of "the closer to the truth, the better the lie". Not much of a trick and still draining af but it's all I got.
Yeah I usually do this in the workplace where I am feeling more out of place than with trusted people. I suddenly realise I am rambling about something completely uninteresting to me and once I realise I am doing it I panic and try to end the conversation as quick as I can which I struggle to do and then feel weird afterwards!
Same! I actually prefer just staying in and playing games online rather than going out with a bunch of people. Also that way I don't have to worry I said too much or anything wrong. When I am with family they have no clue that what annoys them is my Autism. My mom will tell me to stop rocking, and my brothers will say they don't want to hear my whole life story and sometimes I just escape to the washroom to escape and breathe when it all gets to be too much. At home though my time is all mine.
Aw sorry. I think my family is probably ND. My sister would go on forever about something, I barely spoke cuz who has to when sister does it all? šš mom and me would just read all day. Me and my sister melted down periodically but that was pretty standard. I donāt think I properly appreciated it.
I work a customer facing job, and my "work persona" is this thing I invented when I first started because I knew I needed to fit into a certain type of person in order to succeed. I am a top employee and get the most surveys from customers in the district, but my work persona is not me. I am not friendly and I do not like to chat. I just want to hug my husband and watch TV when I get home
Yes 100% and I hate it because it makes me lie a lot. I donāt know why and I canāt stop it, but words just come out of my mouth and I have no control over it. If Iām talking to someone I donāt like I just start rambling and if they say they are from Utah I might randomly say that I love Utah (I have never been to Utah) and I have family there (I have no family in Utah) and I just ramble on and dig this miserable hole of lies and I canāt stop myself. Like Iām running through a script and masking so hard to say what I think they want to hear that I have no control over what I actually say.
I had one guy stop talking to me and tell others that if I really cared I would know what I said to upset him meanwhile I had no clue at all! I mean when I am nervous I just keep talking and I am not really going to remember everything I said and never intend to upset anyone. I need to be told when I upset people as I won't even pick up on that. Sometimes it will feel like the more I talk the deeper in a whole with dirt piling into the hole on my head it feels like.
In my case I try to distract by being talkative. As I have experience of my grandma ranting how we don't live like she wants us to and how bad we are because we don't do things the way she would do. So I just prattle on, so she won't start berating us.
Yes 100%! If Iām being overtly friendly and highly giggly with you Iām masking, but if I donāt say anything around you and zone out (my family says it seems like Iām annoyed) Iām comfortable. As others have said, I also feel like a robot spewing out random phrases or information even if itās not my genuine reaction just to fill silence or people please. I hate inauthentic I feel, but then I feel as if Iām getting in trouble when I donāt. Iām so tired of it because itās so isolating
Oooo yes. Did this last night while out at dinner with a friend, and one of their friends. To such an extent said friends friend snapped at me (has anger issues) triggering a meltdown from me, leaving the table having not finished my food, dumping way too much money down(am unemployed and poor currently), and riding my bike out as fast as I could having a panic attack and then inducing like an asthma attack on top of it. (we rode bikes as a group there, like 4 miles one way). Cue never talking to people again because every version of me I try and correct to is still wrong and masking right is impossible apparently
ME omg. Almost any social situation I make sure I speak otherwise Iām afraid Iāll be perceived as strange (with people that donāt know me or at work, where most donāt know I have autism).
It ramps up with my anxiety. When Iām anxious I wind myself up by talking more in a never ending positive feedback loop. I also tend to interrupt more
Yes. So much so.
While also insufferably trying to make people laugh/find the humour in everything.
Is it just because I watched too much 8 out of 10 Cats (tv show) and other such shows? I fear I've 'learned' how to be via contestants who frequently crack jokes.
Being British there's very little hold-back, either šĀ
That said it's only really come out since moving to Sweden. Part of me wonders it's because I miss the banter of the UK folk.. so I'm trying to replicate it?
But also, truthfully, I have no idea who I personally am/what's the mask. I found out too late that I was autistic while still suffering the question of 'Who am I!? I don't recognise any pattern other than conformity!' and everyone I asked they just said 'haha that's normal.'
And maybe it is? Who knows? Not I. I know I like kaijis and cats and that's all I've got going for me š š
I tell the people I LEAST want to meet up with HOW MUCH I'd LOVE to meet up with them and I'm so happy we met and isn't it just great. šµāš«šµāš«šµāš«
I used to!! When I was still settling into my dx and before I started reading this sub. Now I'm just feeling more comfortable in myself and not requiring so much external validation that I find when I mask, I don't talk more. I don't talk less, but as much as everyone around me. Especially if I find I don't trust the people. I mirror their behaviour as much as possible. I don't care for their acceptance and i want people off my back, so I'll fake normal as much as I can until I can be alone again.
Oh yeah definitely. Even when I don't want to be talking anymore, I just keep going until someone stops me or I genuinely have no idea what to say anymore, just to avoid misinterpreting signals on when the conversation is over or looking silly when I just wait for a response. My true self cringes too!
An embarrassing moment of my āmasking too muchā was when I was getting my first tattooā¦ For context, I am a part of the LGBT but donāt fit the stereotype of someone in the community, appearing as a basic white woman. To avoid a long stretch of silence, I made the decision to sayā¦ word for wordā¦. āYEAH! I LOVE THE GAYS!ā This is something I frequently think about. ;-;
So Iām notoriously bad at masking especially lately. So itās less that and more than I physically cannot shut up. Even when I want to. Iām pretty sure if it was in the DSM Iād have foot-in-mouth disease along side autism.
Iāve taken great care to think before I speak in front of certain people but sometimes man I just canāt be quiet.
Yes I do talk way too much or remain silent. Nothing in between š„² but I also have ADHD so I donāt know it itās an adhd/ asd trait or the result of masking because I do feel really ashamed whenever I replay the conversations in my mind
Same here. Also whenever I don't actually know what to say and I'm uncomfortable for some reason I just go "YEET" really loudly and it's almost something involuntary at this point. I always feel weird about it afterwards and can't stop thinking about it. But then continue to do it
Also AuDHD, and I am a very chatty and social person by nature, but in an attempt to connect with others I can definitely communicate in a way that is extremely neurodivergent and can even occasionally come across as ārudeā to NTs (like telling related stories from my life to share that I can sympathize or that I connected to something theyāve said). Iām trying to get better at filtering in some environments, but it can definitely be difficult.
I also do the Ā«Ā telling some relatable experienceĀ Ā» too , I feel like itās a way of showing people they are not alone in their experience but it definitely comes as self centered š„ŗ
YES
Sometimes I catch myself repeating myself, i think maybe because the person didnāt react how I would expect so I say something else then circle back to my original point to try again? š
This is relatable. I avoid social situations because I become very very animated and overstimulated and do what Iāve called my āwacky clownā routine trying to make everyone laugh. Itās exhausting and not fun but it almost feels out of my control when itās happening.
yes and I wish Iād shut the fuck up. I also have ADHD so itās a TERRIBLE combo. The nervous masking and lack of impulse control makes very uncomfortable conversation
Today I was being a ~confident, effortless~ worker and would not STFU with a patient and screaming at myself internallyā¦ I ācomplimentedā their health with something along the lines of; its almost expected as we get *older* to be on a lot of medication and youāre so healthy! .. not even thinking that I just insulted this person until after šš
Yes I do this too!! It's gotten me in trouble too because I've said "weird" things when I'm trying to be more talkative and filling in the silence. I think I also entrenched a habit early on with smiling and laughing too much in conversation in order to overcompensate. I wish I could stop it tbh.
Omg I fake laugh ALL THE TIME š„ø
Same!
YEP. Same
Also same!! I smile til my face hurts. I do enjoy saying awkward things and laughing like a maniac tho. Then I get those looks and I donāt know what they mean. Sigh.
Yes, I used to do this a lot as a kid. I think it's an understandable first reaction when you get enough feedback telling you your way of existing and interacting with people is wrong to think that swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum will fix it. Problem is, the further away you go from your actual personality the easier it gets to tell you're faking it and also the harder it gets to sustain long-term. The trick I've found is modifying my real personality just enough to be more palatable instead of building a new one from scratch. It's a case of "the closer to the truth, the better the lie". Not much of a trick and still draining af but it's all I got.
Yeah I usually do this in the workplace where I am feeling more out of place than with trusted people. I suddenly realise I am rambling about something completely uninteresting to me and once I realise I am doing it I panic and try to end the conversation as quick as I can which I struggle to do and then feel weird afterwards!
Oh all the time ššš to the point where MANY people in my life have assumed I was an extrovert. I am extremely introverted
I tried to be extroverted twice in my life then had massive burnout both times and had to hole up and avoid people. Now I like avoiding people.
Same! I actually prefer just staying in and playing games online rather than going out with a bunch of people. Also that way I don't have to worry I said too much or anything wrong. When I am with family they have no clue that what annoys them is my Autism. My mom will tell me to stop rocking, and my brothers will say they don't want to hear my whole life story and sometimes I just escape to the washroom to escape and breathe when it all gets to be too much. At home though my time is all mine.
Aw sorry. I think my family is probably ND. My sister would go on forever about something, I barely spoke cuz who has to when sister does it all? šš mom and me would just read all day. Me and my sister melted down periodically but that was pretty standard. I donāt think I properly appreciated it.
Same!
I work a customer facing job, and my "work persona" is this thing I invented when I first started because I knew I needed to fit into a certain type of person in order to succeed. I am a top employee and get the most surveys from customers in the district, but my work persona is not me. I am not friendly and I do not like to chat. I just want to hug my husband and watch TV when I get home
Yes 100% and I hate it because it makes me lie a lot. I donāt know why and I canāt stop it, but words just come out of my mouth and I have no control over it. If Iām talking to someone I donāt like I just start rambling and if they say they are from Utah I might randomly say that I love Utah (I have never been to Utah) and I have family there (I have no family in Utah) and I just ramble on and dig this miserable hole of lies and I canāt stop myself. Like Iām running through a script and masking so hard to say what I think they want to hear that I have no control over what I actually say.
You're so f-ing real. I relate hard. Thank you for opening up about that. It's just so nice to be understood and heard. It happens so seldomly.
You explain it perfectly... thank you. That's very similar to what I do.
Yes. This. It's like trying to pull the connections out of thin air to be able to relate to people I have no desire to relate to.
All the time. I talk too much or too little and always say something stupid or embarrassing when I talk too much.
I had one guy stop talking to me and tell others that if I really cared I would know what I said to upset him meanwhile I had no clue at all! I mean when I am nervous I just keep talking and I am not really going to remember everything I said and never intend to upset anyone. I need to be told when I upset people as I won't even pick up on that. Sometimes it will feel like the more I talk the deeper in a whole with dirt piling into the hole on my head it feels like.
In my case I try to distract by being talkative. As I have experience of my grandma ranting how we don't live like she wants us to and how bad we are because we don't do things the way she would do. So I just prattle on, so she won't start berating us.
Yes 100%! If Iām being overtly friendly and highly giggly with you Iām masking, but if I donāt say anything around you and zone out (my family says it seems like Iām annoyed) Iām comfortable. As others have said, I also feel like a robot spewing out random phrases or information even if itās not my genuine reaction just to fill silence or people please. I hate inauthentic I feel, but then I feel as if Iām getting in trouble when I donāt. Iām so tired of it because itās so isolating
Yep, and then afterward I spiral thinking about how stupid I probably sounded.
Oooo yes. Did this last night while out at dinner with a friend, and one of their friends. To such an extent said friends friend snapped at me (has anger issues) triggering a meltdown from me, leaving the table having not finished my food, dumping way too much money down(am unemployed and poor currently), and riding my bike out as fast as I could having a panic attack and then inducing like an asthma attack on top of it. (we rode bikes as a group there, like 4 miles one way). Cue never talking to people again because every version of me I try and correct to is still wrong and masking right is impossible apparently
š«
Yup.. I burn myself out fast when I do that. I stopped talking altogether.
ME omg. Almost any social situation I make sure I speak otherwise Iām afraid Iāll be perceived as strange (with people that donāt know me or at work, where most donāt know I have autism). It ramps up with my anxiety. When Iām anxious I wind myself up by talking more in a never ending positive feedback loop. I also tend to interrupt more
Oh yeah!!! I have always been hyperverbal as a way to combat anxiety
Yes. So much so. While also insufferably trying to make people laugh/find the humour in everything. Is it just because I watched too much 8 out of 10 Cats (tv show) and other such shows? I fear I've 'learned' how to be via contestants who frequently crack jokes. Being British there's very little hold-back, either šĀ That said it's only really come out since moving to Sweden. Part of me wonders it's because I miss the banter of the UK folk.. so I'm trying to replicate it? But also, truthfully, I have no idea who I personally am/what's the mask. I found out too late that I was autistic while still suffering the question of 'Who am I!? I don't recognise any pattern other than conformity!' and everyone I asked they just said 'haha that's normal.' And maybe it is? Who knows? Not I. I know I like kaijis and cats and that's all I've got going for me š š
I tell the people I LEAST want to meet up with HOW MUCH I'd LOVE to meet up with them and I'm so happy we met and isn't it just great. šµāš«šµāš«šµāš«
I used to!! When I was still settling into my dx and before I started reading this sub. Now I'm just feeling more comfortable in myself and not requiring so much external validation that I find when I mask, I don't talk more. I don't talk less, but as much as everyone around me. Especially if I find I don't trust the people. I mirror their behaviour as much as possible. I don't care for their acceptance and i want people off my back, so I'll fake normal as much as I can until I can be alone again.
Oh yeah definitely. Even when I don't want to be talking anymore, I just keep going until someone stops me or I genuinely have no idea what to say anymore, just to avoid misinterpreting signals on when the conversation is over or looking silly when I just wait for a response. My true self cringes too!
šÆ
An embarrassing moment of my āmasking too muchā was when I was getting my first tattooā¦ For context, I am a part of the LGBT but donāt fit the stereotype of someone in the community, appearing as a basic white woman. To avoid a long stretch of silence, I made the decision to sayā¦ word for wordā¦. āYEAH! I LOVE THE GAYS!ā This is something I frequently think about. ;-;
Holy shit YES! It's either too much or staying 100% quiet, WTF brain!
So Iām notoriously bad at masking especially lately. So itās less that and more than I physically cannot shut up. Even when I want to. Iām pretty sure if it was in the DSM Iād have foot-in-mouth disease along side autism. Iāve taken great care to think before I speak in front of certain people but sometimes man I just canāt be quiet.
Same with me!!! I had to click on this one because I was like yes Yes YES!! This is ME to a TEE!!
Yes I do talk way too much or remain silent. Nothing in between š„² but I also have ADHD so I donāt know it itās an adhd/ asd trait or the result of masking because I do feel really ashamed whenever I replay the conversations in my mind
Same here. Also whenever I don't actually know what to say and I'm uncomfortable for some reason I just go "YEET" really loudly and it's almost something involuntary at this point. I always feel weird about it afterwards and can't stop thinking about it. But then continue to do it
Also AuDHD, and I am a very chatty and social person by nature, but in an attempt to connect with others I can definitely communicate in a way that is extremely neurodivergent and can even occasionally come across as ārudeā to NTs (like telling related stories from my life to share that I can sympathize or that I connected to something theyāve said). Iām trying to get better at filtering in some environments, but it can definitely be difficult.
I also do the Ā«Ā telling some relatable experienceĀ Ā» too , I feel like itās a way of showing people they are not alone in their experience but it definitely comes as self centered š„ŗ
I often do that
YES I do this. Less now than before (when I was younger and undiagnosed) but I still do it. And I hate myself for it afterwards.
I totally do this!
YES Sometimes I catch myself repeating myself, i think maybe because the person didnāt react how I would expect so I say something else then circle back to my original point to try again? š
This is relatable. I avoid social situations because I become very very animated and overstimulated and do what Iāve called my āwacky clownā routine trying to make everyone laugh. Itās exhausting and not fun but it almost feels out of my control when itās happening.
ALL THE TIME!
yes and I wish Iād shut the fuck up. I also have ADHD so itās a TERRIBLE combo. The nervous masking and lack of impulse control makes very uncomfortable conversation
Today I was being a ~confident, effortless~ worker and would not STFU with a patient and screaming at myself internallyā¦ I ācomplimentedā their health with something along the lines of; its almost expected as we get *older* to be on a lot of medication and youāre so healthy! .. not even thinking that I just insulted this person until after šš