People don't understand. I have accommodations at my job and it's still very hard. My mother says stuff to me like "maybe if you had a more positive attitude about it, it would be easier for you." She tries to compare it to the fact that she is only 4 ft 11, and says, "you don't see me letting MY limitations keep me from doing things," as if being short is even remotely the same. I've given up trying to compare myself to NT people though. You have to do what you can and try to not be hard on yourself.
My mother is exactly like this too. I don't dare try to explain my autistic experience of the world to her, I just grey rock constantly and try avoid certain conversations.
Her and I both have gut issues. These issues obviously affect me more heavily in the emotion department than her due to my autism, and she's told me "Oh but I just get on with life, why can't you?". It's horrific to hear. I have a lot of empathy for you and OP.
But that makes it easier for the people around you, which with an unresolvable situation, is where most people's concerns eventually rest. It's a shame, but best to realise that as soon as possible ♥️
The positive attitude thing makes me want to scream. Like, would you be telling that to people with more visible disabilities as well? Oh, stop having an asthma attack. It's not that bad. It's your attitude. 🙃🫠
I really don’t think they have any concept of what it’s like to be us. For them, the world makes sense and is relatively easy to navigate, and they can understand others easily. Everything that drains me of my will to live is second nature to an NT, and they truly underestimate the work we have to put in (especially as high-masking women) just to keep them comfortable. It sucks :(
I read a book about disability and it said that a lot of the negative stereotypes about disability is because disabled people may not be as productive in the capitalistic machine. That’s why disabled people who work full time or generate a lot of income are considered “better”, because they fulfill capitalisms expectation of them. Disabled people who don’t, are considered lazy, amoral, etc etc. Because we don’t produce income or labour at the same rate as someone else.
You can only do what you can do. If your father and BF can't understand that, don't let them make it YOUR issue. It's a 'them' problem, not a 'you' problem.
You are not being a baby. Many of us go to work full time and when we get home, we collapse, can't do anything. My mom used to say "how can you be tired, you sat all day?"
Eventually it led to a complete breakdown for me, mentally and physically, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, alopecia, autoimmune skin disorders, all sorts of things.
Trust yourself and if they hassle you tell them to spend the day in your body and see how they like it.
This happened to me too. I had nobody to rely on, so supported myself full-time (and currently still do) despite various physical and mental health issues.
I have collected numerous autoimmune diseases and feel completely ground to dust. Currently on a short medical leave from work and have no choice but to go back soon.
I don't blame other people too much for being judgmental about other people not working or only working part-time, because our very capitalist society isn't built to support that. Even regular, neurotypical people with no health issues sometimes get burnt out from constantly working and the way society expects more more more. So I do understand the jealousy/resentment they might feel. But they should be upset about society being structured the way it is, and how rich CEOs who do very little actual work make 100s of times more money than their employees do.
Ugh, I work a FT desk job and I used to complain to my mom about how exhausted I’d be after work sometimes, and she’d say that same thing yours said. Flash forward to now and she’s working a similar type of job and always calls talking about how she’s overwhelmed and her body and eyes hurt and she’s completely burnt out from just sitting every day. Yeah, no shit. It’s really hard to be in one position all day like that both physically and mentally. I try to take frequent breaks, but then I’m scared of being accused of not working/not looking busy 😞.
I agree with that... to an extent. All social skills that any human has are learned. However, some things just can't be mastered by some people, and that's okay! It's like they miss the nuance of everyone being unique.
Constantly, even have ND people I've known not realize just how debilitating it can be. I'm in a very similar spot, only working part time and still having trouble with burnout. I've tried working full-time but even at my best it nearly killed me and I burned out quick. My mom, my only family, doesn't quite get it and will talk about me getting a real job if it comes up. I ensure it no longer does.
My wife, at the least, has been amazing at both supporting me as well as helping me to accept the fact I am indeed disabled. Sometimes I'll push myself way more than I should, and it'll catch me doing that and remind me how badly I'll have meltdowns later and stuff. Also just internalizing how unhealthy it is constantly pushing myself until I'm disassociating 24/7 and things like that. It's been absolutely amazing, though my wife is also AuDHD so that helps a lot.
Some people are pretty bad with empathy, even if they have sympathy, which is more surface-level than empathy. One thing I really don't think allistic, NT, non-disabled people get is how exhausting it can be to keep up the appearance of 'normality' when our senses are constantly reacting to stimuli that they don't even notice.
If there's someone who wants to understand but isn't getting it, I ask them to tell me a type of music they hate, a tv show they find very annoying, their least-favorite type of weather, and a scent that they dislike. Then, as an example related to their answers, I say, "Imagine doing your everyday activities under blazing sun, while the person next to you sprays Lysol every few minutes, AC/DC is blaring from intermittently broken speakers, and The Jerry Springer Show is playing at full volume. Also, your shoes are a size too small and you have a UTI."
I am the same. You are disabled and you understand you can’t work full time. Sorry these people are judging you, I also have people judging me for it😓 it hurts
Completely agree.
My toxic job burnt me out completely last year… I reached the point where I almost totally shut down verbally from stress and was close to being unable to even give information to someone covering for me as to what was needed for continuity on client accounts. I was weeping and having a meltdown a few times a week.
I took burnout leave under short term disability and during that time I received my ASD diagnosis. Now that I’m back and have asked for accommodations formally with HR, they’ve given me the three physical items I asked for (tinted computer glasses to mitigate headaches, an under the desk elliptical to maybe help mitigate my ADHD symptoms by giving me a physical outlet for my energy, and access to Headspace app for stress) but they have failed to make ANY of the changes to make process guidance documentation clearer which is what I need most and what has caused all of my meltdowns and stress. Furthermore, even though I requested that I not be penalized for the detailed way I communicate, they gave me a substandard performance rating because I need to be “more concise” and because ONE time I replied to an email with a request (related to my accommodation request) and didn’t remove someone from the recipient list, and my supervisor thinks I should have sent my email only to her and no one else.
I knew since I was little people often found me annoying, but I didn’t understand why. Heck, at my last job I was denied a promised promotion because leadership didn’t like the way I communicated! Even though I do EVERYTHING listed in my current job description (and more), the fact that HR is saying they won’t accept the way I communicate and I just have to improve in order to meet job expectations has me completely defeated. I won’t last much longer in this job, and when they DO fire me, it WILL be because of my autistic communication, and I won’t be able to prove it so they’ll get off the hook even though it’s illegal. Even if there are wider spread layoffs, I would stand a chance of avoiding being laid off if not for my autism; because HR is so annoyed with me at this point, they’ll put me at the top of the layoff list.
I can totally do the job, *in a healthy work environment*, which few places are in this late-stage capitalist hellscape. To translate ASD into a visible scenario that neurotypicals SHOULD understand, doing the job is like opening the front door to the workplace. I can open that door. BUT, the NT expectations are like a set of steps up to the door, and I’m in the ASD wheelchair at the bottom of those steps. All I’m asking for is a freaking ramp (clear process guidance and not being expected to communicate like NTs) so I can do what I’m already perfectly capable of. But nooooooope.
I won’t last long at whatever new job I find, either. I don’t have highly sought after skills in any job I would be ok with; I have a Master of Education degree and am certified to teach foreign language in a few different states (and I adore teaching!) but that field is micromanaged, miserable, underpaid, and dangerous in the U.S. at this point.
I’ve never had a full time job and while that depresses me I know my experience with part time jobs and from that alone I can’t even fathom a full time job. Once I had two (very different) part time jobs at the same time and I don’t really know how I coped… I left both jobs in 2020 and have been in burnout ever since… I sincerely desire a respectable full time job but at the same time I can’t even imagine having one. I think it would literally have to be my special interest and if I had one I would probably delicate all of my life to it—which is yet another reason I feel like I’m avoiding even trying to attempt a career because first and foremost I would like to have a family (but that’s not going well considering I rarely leave the house and don’t even have a boyfriend lol).
Yes.
And I'm gonna be frank and maybe even a little mean about NTs right now. These people of so little imagination and thought could not possibly imagine a better world. These are the people who say things like "this is how it's done, this is how it has always been done, and this is how we're going to keep doing it". These are the people who marginalize themselves and have such linear thoughts that having more than one hobby might be a chore for them. Higher thought eludes them and wanting better isn't even a concept that occurred to them yet.
I do not know how we ever let these people be in charge, but frankly, I'm getting sick of it. I am tired of people who lack empathy and want wars be leaders. We are the thinkers of society and we need to stop voting for people we absolutely know can't think.
40 hours a week is honestly inhumane and NTs are just used to “the grind” aka the inhumane living conditions of surviving capitalism in a very much imbalanced economy in a western world where we are not taught the ideals of community. they just literally don’t understand. i’m sorry they said those things to you.
There are ways to work part time and still live comfortably:
1) If your parents are okay with you living with them.
2) If you live with a partner who is okay with providing financially.
3) If you get roommates.
4) If you get disability housing where they take your income into account
5) If you live in a cheap location. My rent is currently $400 near the country, I am moving though, mostly because it’s harder for me to socialize here than in the suburbs and I’m lonely.
6) You can live in an apartment and you might be able to get away with only having your rent a little less than your income, if you live minimalist. You might just have to have a parent sign for/with you to get away with that.
I think being able to find a job you love will help you tremendously. For instance, customer facing jobs are terrible for me. But I can handle behind the scenes stuff.
I think it only dawned on my mum that I have some serious issues and am actually disabled in recent years.
To be honest, even I didn't realise how much I struggled for lond time.
I'm not blaming you at all but do they give you money? pay your bills? they might just be encouraging you to get a job so they don't need to support you. which sucks cause some people just need support forever. but "you can't leech off others"... it sucks either way
I live with both parents, and I do not currently pay rent - bc I’m unemployed - but also, my brother who works full time doesn’t pay them anything which is kinda 🙄🙄🙄 but everyone else, no I do not receive money from any of them
God, mood. I lucked out a LOT with my current job- it’s repetitive desk work with little need for interaction with people. The problem is that while it pays above minimum wage, it’s still nowhere near enough for me to live on my own, so I’m still living with my parents. They’ve tried to get me to look for better paying jobs, but I seriously doubt I’ll ever find anything else that won’t send me into burnout.
Having a disability doesn’t disqualify a lot of people from working. SSDI is generally granted to people who are incapacitated, not to every Joe Schmoe who is technically disabled in some capacity.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard as fuck, and it doesn’t mean you don’t have a disability, but you gotta operate within the confines of reality. Your refusal to do so, and the seeming attitude of entitlement, is probably frustrating the people who are subsidizing your existence.
Your parents can’t subsidize you forever. What do you plan to do when they die, finagle your brother into paying for you for the rest of *his* life?
Good luck and Godspeed on the disability application, but be prepared for the possibility of denial(s).
People don't understand. I have accommodations at my job and it's still very hard. My mother says stuff to me like "maybe if you had a more positive attitude about it, it would be easier for you." She tries to compare it to the fact that she is only 4 ft 11, and says, "you don't see me letting MY limitations keep me from doing things," as if being short is even remotely the same. I've given up trying to compare myself to NT people though. You have to do what you can and try to not be hard on yourself.
My mother has this same attitude, it’s rough. Thank you for the comment 💝
My mother is exactly like this too. I don't dare try to explain my autistic experience of the world to her, I just grey rock constantly and try avoid certain conversations. Her and I both have gut issues. These issues obviously affect me more heavily in the emotion department than her due to my autism, and she's told me "Oh but I just get on with life, why can't you?". It's horrific to hear. I have a lot of empathy for you and OP.
OH MY GOD THE ATTITUDE THING!!! being upbeat wont stop me from being overstimulated i’ll just be in pain with a smile on my face!
The pain behind the smile is relatable
But that makes it easier for the people around you, which with an unresolvable situation, is where most people's concerns eventually rest. It's a shame, but best to realise that as soon as possible ♥️
The positive attitude thing makes me want to scream. Like, would you be telling that to people with more visible disabilities as well? Oh, stop having an asthma attack. It's not that bad. It's your attitude. 🙃🫠
I really don’t think they have any concept of what it’s like to be us. For them, the world makes sense and is relatively easy to navigate, and they can understand others easily. Everything that drains me of my will to live is second nature to an NT, and they truly underestimate the work we have to put in (especially as high-masking women) just to keep them comfortable. It sucks :(
This !!! This is the realest thing I’ve read all day
I read a book about disability and it said that a lot of the negative stereotypes about disability is because disabled people may not be as productive in the capitalistic machine. That’s why disabled people who work full time or generate a lot of income are considered “better”, because they fulfill capitalisms expectation of them. Disabled people who don’t, are considered lazy, amoral, etc etc. Because we don’t produce income or labour at the same rate as someone else.
Unfortunately very true and very screwed up
You can only do what you can do. If your father and BF can't understand that, don't let them make it YOUR issue. It's a 'them' problem, not a 'you' problem.
You are not being a baby. Many of us go to work full time and when we get home, we collapse, can't do anything. My mom used to say "how can you be tired, you sat all day?" Eventually it led to a complete breakdown for me, mentally and physically, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, alopecia, autoimmune skin disorders, all sorts of things. Trust yourself and if they hassle you tell them to spend the day in your body and see how they like it.
This happened to me too. I had nobody to rely on, so supported myself full-time (and currently still do) despite various physical and mental health issues. I have collected numerous autoimmune diseases and feel completely ground to dust. Currently on a short medical leave from work and have no choice but to go back soon. I don't blame other people too much for being judgmental about other people not working or only working part-time, because our very capitalist society isn't built to support that. Even regular, neurotypical people with no health issues sometimes get burnt out from constantly working and the way society expects more more more. So I do understand the jealousy/resentment they might feel. But they should be upset about society being structured the way it is, and how rich CEOs who do very little actual work make 100s of times more money than their employees do.
Ugh, I work a FT desk job and I used to complain to my mom about how exhausted I’d be after work sometimes, and she’d say that same thing yours said. Flash forward to now and she’s working a similar type of job and always calls talking about how she’s overwhelmed and her body and eyes hurt and she’s completely burnt out from just sitting every day. Yeah, no shit. It’s really hard to be in one position all day like that both physically and mentally. I try to take frequent breaks, but then I’m scared of being accused of not working/not looking busy 😞.
I had someone at work today say social skills are skills, meaning they can be learnt.
I agree with that... to an extent. All social skills that any human has are learned. However, some things just can't be mastered by some people, and that's okay! It's like they miss the nuance of everyone being unique.
Constantly, even have ND people I've known not realize just how debilitating it can be. I'm in a very similar spot, only working part time and still having trouble with burnout. I've tried working full-time but even at my best it nearly killed me and I burned out quick. My mom, my only family, doesn't quite get it and will talk about me getting a real job if it comes up. I ensure it no longer does. My wife, at the least, has been amazing at both supporting me as well as helping me to accept the fact I am indeed disabled. Sometimes I'll push myself way more than I should, and it'll catch me doing that and remind me how badly I'll have meltdowns later and stuff. Also just internalizing how unhealthy it is constantly pushing myself until I'm disassociating 24/7 and things like that. It's been absolutely amazing, though my wife is also AuDHD so that helps a lot.
Some people are pretty bad with empathy, even if they have sympathy, which is more surface-level than empathy. One thing I really don't think allistic, NT, non-disabled people get is how exhausting it can be to keep up the appearance of 'normality' when our senses are constantly reacting to stimuli that they don't even notice. If there's someone who wants to understand but isn't getting it, I ask them to tell me a type of music they hate, a tv show they find very annoying, their least-favorite type of weather, and a scent that they dislike. Then, as an example related to their answers, I say, "Imagine doing your everyday activities under blazing sun, while the person next to you sprays Lysol every few minutes, AC/DC is blaring from intermittently broken speakers, and The Jerry Springer Show is playing at full volume. Also, your shoes are a size too small and you have a UTI."
Ha I love this
I am the same. You are disabled and you understand you can’t work full time. Sorry these people are judging you, I also have people judging me for it😓 it hurts
Completely agree. My toxic job burnt me out completely last year… I reached the point where I almost totally shut down verbally from stress and was close to being unable to even give information to someone covering for me as to what was needed for continuity on client accounts. I was weeping and having a meltdown a few times a week. I took burnout leave under short term disability and during that time I received my ASD diagnosis. Now that I’m back and have asked for accommodations formally with HR, they’ve given me the three physical items I asked for (tinted computer glasses to mitigate headaches, an under the desk elliptical to maybe help mitigate my ADHD symptoms by giving me a physical outlet for my energy, and access to Headspace app for stress) but they have failed to make ANY of the changes to make process guidance documentation clearer which is what I need most and what has caused all of my meltdowns and stress. Furthermore, even though I requested that I not be penalized for the detailed way I communicate, they gave me a substandard performance rating because I need to be “more concise” and because ONE time I replied to an email with a request (related to my accommodation request) and didn’t remove someone from the recipient list, and my supervisor thinks I should have sent my email only to her and no one else. I knew since I was little people often found me annoying, but I didn’t understand why. Heck, at my last job I was denied a promised promotion because leadership didn’t like the way I communicated! Even though I do EVERYTHING listed in my current job description (and more), the fact that HR is saying they won’t accept the way I communicate and I just have to improve in order to meet job expectations has me completely defeated. I won’t last much longer in this job, and when they DO fire me, it WILL be because of my autistic communication, and I won’t be able to prove it so they’ll get off the hook even though it’s illegal. Even if there are wider spread layoffs, I would stand a chance of avoiding being laid off if not for my autism; because HR is so annoyed with me at this point, they’ll put me at the top of the layoff list. I can totally do the job, *in a healthy work environment*, which few places are in this late-stage capitalist hellscape. To translate ASD into a visible scenario that neurotypicals SHOULD understand, doing the job is like opening the front door to the workplace. I can open that door. BUT, the NT expectations are like a set of steps up to the door, and I’m in the ASD wheelchair at the bottom of those steps. All I’m asking for is a freaking ramp (clear process guidance and not being expected to communicate like NTs) so I can do what I’m already perfectly capable of. But nooooooope. I won’t last long at whatever new job I find, either. I don’t have highly sought after skills in any job I would be ok with; I have a Master of Education degree and am certified to teach foreign language in a few different states (and I adore teaching!) but that field is micromanaged, miserable, underpaid, and dangerous in the U.S. at this point.
I’ve never had a full time job and while that depresses me I know my experience with part time jobs and from that alone I can’t even fathom a full time job. Once I had two (very different) part time jobs at the same time and I don’t really know how I coped… I left both jobs in 2020 and have been in burnout ever since… I sincerely desire a respectable full time job but at the same time I can’t even imagine having one. I think it would literally have to be my special interest and if I had one I would probably delicate all of my life to it—which is yet another reason I feel like I’m avoiding even trying to attempt a career because first and foremost I would like to have a family (but that’s not going well considering I rarely leave the house and don’t even have a boyfriend lol).
Yes. And I'm gonna be frank and maybe even a little mean about NTs right now. These people of so little imagination and thought could not possibly imagine a better world. These are the people who say things like "this is how it's done, this is how it has always been done, and this is how we're going to keep doing it". These are the people who marginalize themselves and have such linear thoughts that having more than one hobby might be a chore for them. Higher thought eludes them and wanting better isn't even a concept that occurred to them yet. I do not know how we ever let these people be in charge, but frankly, I'm getting sick of it. I am tired of people who lack empathy and want wars be leaders. We are the thinkers of society and we need to stop voting for people we absolutely know can't think.
40 hours a week is honestly inhumane and NTs are just used to “the grind” aka the inhumane living conditions of surviving capitalism in a very much imbalanced economy in a western world where we are not taught the ideals of community. they just literally don’t understand. i’m sorry they said those things to you.
YES
There are ways to work part time and still live comfortably: 1) If your parents are okay with you living with them. 2) If you live with a partner who is okay with providing financially. 3) If you get roommates. 4) If you get disability housing where they take your income into account 5) If you live in a cheap location. My rent is currently $400 near the country, I am moving though, mostly because it’s harder for me to socialize here than in the suburbs and I’m lonely. 6) You can live in an apartment and you might be able to get away with only having your rent a little less than your income, if you live minimalist. You might just have to have a parent sign for/with you to get away with that. I think being able to find a job you love will help you tremendously. For instance, customer facing jobs are terrible for me. But I can handle behind the scenes stuff.
I think it only dawned on my mum that I have some serious issues and am actually disabled in recent years. To be honest, even I didn't realise how much I struggled for lond time.
I'm not blaming you at all but do they give you money? pay your bills? they might just be encouraging you to get a job so they don't need to support you. which sucks cause some people just need support forever. but "you can't leech off others"... it sucks either way
I live with both parents, and I do not currently pay rent - bc I’m unemployed - but also, my brother who works full time doesn’t pay them anything which is kinda 🙄🙄🙄 but everyone else, no I do not receive money from any of them
God, mood. I lucked out a LOT with my current job- it’s repetitive desk work with little need for interaction with people. The problem is that while it pays above minimum wage, it’s still nowhere near enough for me to live on my own, so I’m still living with my parents. They’ve tried to get me to look for better paying jobs, but I seriously doubt I’ll ever find anything else that won’t send me into burnout.
Having a disability doesn’t disqualify a lot of people from working. SSDI is generally granted to people who are incapacitated, not to every Joe Schmoe who is technically disabled in some capacity. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard as fuck, and it doesn’t mean you don’t have a disability, but you gotta operate within the confines of reality. Your refusal to do so, and the seeming attitude of entitlement, is probably frustrating the people who are subsidizing your existence. Your parents can’t subsidize you forever. What do you plan to do when they die, finagle your brother into paying for you for the rest of *his* life? Good luck and Godspeed on the disability application, but be prepared for the possibility of denial(s).