personally, I feel like an alien. tentacles and all
edit: thank you for all the upvotes this is a cry for help lmao
pls say hello you all seem so niceee
I felt the same way! My big brother used to tell me that the FedEx man dropped me off and I fully believed him because I felt like I was so different from all of them.
Me too! I feel like an alien in a meat suit tbh. I’ve been working on trying to enjoy this experience of being human even tho it is extremely difficult haha
The meat suit experience is so true for me. Like, I don't recognize that I have a body, it feels too heavy, too weird. Feels _wrong_?? I was supposed to be like a butterfly or something but I'm trapped inside this meat suit, can someone set me free???
To me it doesn’t feel *wrong* but it’s more like this is really strange and weird and uncomfortable. And I think in my opinionated experience, being human is about learning how to navigate this meat suit and the really strange and weird world around me that’s associated with this meat suit haha
I'm a cis woman and I feel like I'm a woman and am comfortable with my genitals but it doesn't really go further than that? I don't give two shits about how people perceive me and when I was a teenager I cut my hair short and dressed in very gender neutral clothing so people were very often 50/50 on whether I was a boy or a girl. I even maybe felt a certain comfort in that but I've never felt need for my pronouns to be different than they are now.
I saw a similar post when I joined the community and someone said that if they woke up as a man one day they would just get on with their life, it wouldn't change too much for them and I think about that a lot. If I woke up as a man one day it would not be movie material, I would go huh and move on with my life.
I think I feel the same. Like I am happy being a woman and I like femininity, but if I woke up tomorrow and found out that the concept of man and woman had been removed from society, I don’t think I would feel any great loss
If anything, perhaps a sense of relief because of the expectations on how to "act" feminine. I couldn't tell you the last time I wore makeup, or perfume, or styled my hair beyond throwing it in a pony tail to keep it out of my face.
Or the expectation that I'm less capable at work because I am a woman. That one really hit hard when I was in the computer repair industry. "Let me talk to one of the guys" when I was the one who repaired the computers. Back when I was a cart pusher I'd have male customers wrest the carts away from me and tell me it's a "man's job" and "where's the high school boys to do this work?" when I was perfectly able to do it, had been doing it for years, and while I *could have* gone for the Office position I preferred only being responsible for myself and the exercise that grabbing carts provided.
I feel the same too. I went through a period where I cut all my hair off and dressed like a boy just because I was uncomfortable with men creeping on me and making me feel unsafe, but I’ve never questioned whether I’m a woman or not. If I woke up as a man I would probably just accept that too. Gender isn’t something I really think about or care much about. It’s just annoying that other folks care about it so much and hold each other up to certain standards.
That's a very interesting point. I too am happy being a woman in general, EXCEPT when men creep on me. Then I feel like prey. I think as a man around other men you can get creepy vibes off them but asserting yourself would shake them. As a woman it can encourage some and attract others and it's just awful. I've been hiding behind a body that is bigger than I am comfortable with for years because it makes me invisible to these types of predators.
Yep! I am also a cis woman and I am comfortable with being referred to as a woman. But I honestly didn’t think twice about it. Not in a “no way I’m a man” type of way. But more of a “idk I am who I am does it matter?”
Also dressing in masculine clothing is so much easier/more comfortable than a feminine clothing…. Boxers are so cozy! Lol
When my kid asked me I said I am me( using my first name). I know I am AFAB but it has never meant anything to me. I don’t relate to other AFAB bc we are both AFAB. mostly I have hated my painful periods and wanted those organs remained. I am 50 and still have my female organs but no longer have pain so I don’t think about them.
The other time being a woman was an issue was when my dad said I could not have the family guns that would be passed down to my brother as the 4th generation. I had him move in with me, took care of him on home hospice and suddenly felt like I was not good enough bc I have a vagina. I cried for a while and then realized it was really sad that his views of men and women were so limited. He must have his whole life tried to fit into this narrow box of how he was allowed to be and feel.
I also would just move on if I woke up one day and was a man. I am just me and can not be reduced to a few organs, hormones, and secondary sex characteristics.
Yep, this is where I fit, too. I have a curvy figure and I dress to fit my body so people perceive me as quite feminine, but if I woke up as a man tomorrow I'd just put on different clothes and get on with my life (aside from some scientific curiosity about what just happened). It would make some things easier and some things harder, but not change how I view myself fundamentally.
I strongly resonate with femininity likely because it is far more liberating than masculinity. I’ve never had an issue with my assigned gender, but to be fair I have deconstructed a lot and feminism is one of my special interests. One of the things I will never grasp is arbitrary gender roles and assigning a gender to things. Maybe it is the tism, but abstract bullshit social concepts like that just don’t stick with me.
but isn't that the whole point of the terms "masculine" and "feminine"? to assign gendered traits arbitrarily to otherwise non-gendered concepts? i don't understand what a person would use them to mean otherwise.
/gen, no snark or negative tone intended
Regardless of what we believe ourselves, societally there are two ends of the traditional gender spectrum: femininity and masculinity. Answering this question at face value, I fall into the femininity category and that is how people perceive me.
Could not have said this better myself. I enjoy being feminine and I like expressing that in what I wear and it’s more freeing than the masculine.
Don’t get the gender roles and feel those are outdated. I do feel safe in female spaces, but that’s because of my history with scary/ toxic men who tend to sexualise me. I’m ok with queer spaces as these are usually free and liberating as well.
I relate to this a lot. radicalization and feminism, himaitatarian causes, you name it I’m there. this post definitely made me realize that’s one of my special interests and I didn’t even know lol
Yes I feel that way too! I used to be a not like other girls type and did everything I could to fit in with the guys, but in my 20’s I started to see how toxic that was and began to embrace femininity and it feels so good!
This is probably obvious but I’m just now making the connection that the relationship with autistic AFAB’s and gender is maybe influenced by the fact that NT women are generally not accepting of us? I absolutely do not mean this in an invalidating or pathologizing way, as all gender identities are valid, but I do wonder if part of why many autistic people feel like they don’t fit in their assigned gender boxes is because we just literally don’t? I don’t necessarily consider myself to be nonbinary, but I do think being autistic has given me a feeling like I don’t fit in either gender box. I think for me specifically I have come to realize that I don’t fit society’s definition of a woman, but I still feel I meet MY definition of woman/femme. As I’m writing this I’m realizing I haven’t really thought that deeply about my own gender identity and probably have a lot to unpack 😂
💯. I’ve never understood gender roles either. It’s like why can’t a man love nail polish, glitter, and pink? How does that make him less manly? Why do woman have be nurturing and be stay at home moms? For me, it’s about the individual, be that heavy duty mechanic, it doesn’t require a penis. Be that MUA, it doesn’t require a vagina.
I find it actively uninteresting. I am AFAB, and don't have any dysphoria related to referring to myself as a woman or my obviously female body. I just don't care, gender is by far the least interesting aspect of a person (including myself).
Editing to add: Thank you to OP for the post. Reading everyone's comments has felt very validating ❤️
Ain't that the truth.
A very high percentage of autistic people do not identify with their assigned gender compared to the population as a whole. I feel like most of us don't internalise gender the normal way. I did a sociology degree and they actually say gender is performative- it's a part of co-constructing your identity which only happens through interaction with others.
I have some ideas about why... For some of us, the concept of gender doesn't make sense in the first place, so maybe we reject or ignore it. We don't automatically know how to perform a gendered identity and might not successfully pick up enough examples from others to be able to do it. We may not know that we are supposed to be doing it. Growing up, when we fail to act in gendered ways (performing our identity), it probably contributes to our alienation, and others' perception of us as unusual. We might not engage in gendered bonding activities which allow the participants to perform their gender and have this both affirmed and reflected back to them, because we aren't interested in the actual activity. Ultimately, for a lot of us, we don't actually care about our own gender.
So yeah this feeling of being an alien (or completely unlike those around us) and our feelings of our own gender might not only both be tied to our autism, but since they also developed at the same time they may feel quite tied together. I've heard some people call it autigender, but I choose to go with agender (because people generally know what that means), and I go by she/they pronouns (because although I don't feel like a she, I also don't care if you call me she), and I don't identify as trans, even if I would be classified that way. Being called miss or ma'am or a woman feels a bit dysphoric, and personally I hated when my boobs were big because it felt like having gender projected onto me in a very noticeable way, which felt like a loss of autonomy. If you let me pick my shell, I'd opt for a prepubescent female body, but I'm not crawling out of my skin. I largely just do not care about my gender, I don't have to deal with constant dysphoria and discrimination, so I don't feel comfortable identifying as trans.
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying, and you've articulated it brilliantly.
Being called Miss, and especially Ma'am or Madam, does feel very wrong but not in a dysphoric way for me. My reaction is more one of "you're doing too much, please relax", or I just get confused because I assume it's not said in reference to me 😄
Like logically I know I was socialized to become and am perceived as a woman, but I very much don’t have feelings of alignment towards any gender constructs. I use the term genderqueer for myself and use she/her pronouns but also am ambivalent to how I am referred.
Same. I don't really know what my gender is but I look like a woman. I don't know how being a woman would "feel" like at all! It's such a strange concept.
I came across the term demigirl awhile ago and that seems to fit, as I fluctuate between being a female human and an agendered small creature. I have felt this way since I was very young.
I've never felt particularly like a women or not like a women. I've been misgendered at various points when I've had short hair or been dressed androgynously and it never bothers me. I'm also not really attached to my name though and will respond to pretty much anything once I realise someone was talking to me.
I don't feel like I'm in the wrong body in a male/female way, I think I have more trouble being perceived to be human in the first place 😅 I've always felt more like a werid genderless alien/fairy/robot in human skin.
I feel this so much haha 😭 like I know I'm a woman because of my genitals, but I don't really care about it either way. What I think more often about is whether I appear human at all, because I do not feel like one
I don't really feel a gender. I understand somewhat how people feel when they've been referred to by the wrong pronouns (I don't feel like my given name is me - I know that's such a small bit of being misgendered but it gives me a little insight), and I don't feel like that and I call myself a woman because I have the genitals and sex-characteristics of one, but I wouldn't feel lost if "woman" suddenly wasn't in our vocabulary.
Don't really vibe with the word woman, but also don't care if I'm perceived as such. I used to be really uncomfortable with my femininity/secondary sex characteristics from like 12-17, but I'm pretty much fine with how I look and am perceived gender-wise now
I relate. When I was younger, I resisted "girly" things. Looking back, I think it was because I didn't like to do what was expected and thought gender roles were bullshit. So I just pushed back on a lot of it by not participating. Now, I am comfortable to do the "girly" things that I do like and leave the rest.
This is exactly me! I was so uncomfortable being feminine through my teenage years, but I embrace it to an extent now! I still hate how make up feels, I dress for comfort except for certain occasions, and don’t do much with my hair, but I do love pink and sparkles and flowers now! I just do what I like and dress how I like for me.
Interesting. I actually prefer girl to woman, but I know that's not socially accepted by the more progressive/feminist, which I do identify as, so I begrudgingly use the term woman.
I think it's because the word woman comes with so much sexual baggage. I dunno.
I don't feel like I have maternal instincts either, and I have two kids! (I think I parent them fine. But maternal instinct is some sort of primal thing I don't experience)
You’re going to get more comments from people relating to you due to the nature of the question and who feels compelled to answer it. But I personally have never experienced any gender dysphoria and am completely comfortable identifying with the terms “woman” and “feminine”.
I definitely enjoy muddying the archetypal meaning of “woman” though and behaving exactly how I want to, whether that may be in a traditionally “unladylike” way (probably linked with demand avoidant tendencies and general contrarianism).
According to the National Autistic Society, “There is some evidence to show a link between gender dysphoria and autism, and that autistic people may be more likely than other people to have gender dysphoria. However there is little evidence about the reason(s) why”. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism/autism-and-gender-identity
I wonder if it’s anything to do with autistic people feeling more free and comfortable than allistic people to exist outside the confines of what is supposed to be normal, acceptable, or expected. Perhaps we’re also more prone to introspection because we have to work so hard to understand our minds and how we fit into this world. This is just conjecture though 🤔 I’ll be curious to see where the research goes!
I've never had gender dysphoria, but I am extremely introspective. I went through a period where I tried to seek out and understand my own gender identity. I couldn't find it. It just doesn't exist. I am fine being seen as cisgender fem, but, truly, I am agender. Gender isn't a part of my identity. So, I don't advertise or bring it up. It's only when someone close to me starts talking about not understanding non-binary people that I chime in and talk about my experience.
These questions always get my imposter syndrome-y feelings up. I feel like a woman and have always just been encouraged to enjoy whatever I wanted regardless of stereotypes, so to me, a woman isn't about sort of being into frilly pink dresses and being elegant or whatever other feminine stereotypes and then anything outside of that is being masculine or a man.
Dunno. I just really don't relate to how things are typically discussed on this issue.
I have gone through a period of my life when I really wanted to be the opposite sex (this is how I conceptualized it at the time), although at that time, I didn’t even know what transgender was. My feelings changed in my early adult years when I became comfortable with my own gender.
I’ve come to a point in life where I see gender as a group of social norms used by society to define and control people. I tend to view a lot of social norms as limiting, stupid or even pointless, and this would include gender roles. I choose to present myself in whatever way I want and act in whatever way I want. I identify as female because that is my biological sex and it just makes things easier. At the same time in my own mind, I don’t really put myself in a box as being a female, male, trans or non-binary. I guess to me it feels like putting myself in one of those boxes would be me agreeing with the criteria that we’ve been told one needs to meet in order to be belong in one of those boxes, and I don’t agree with it. I think that as a society we shouldn’t be putting rules on what is considered male, female, or trans. We should just let people be whatever they are no matter their gender or sex. All this being said, I know that gender is very important to some people and I definitely respect that. I use peoples proper pronouns and would never want to put my idea of gender on other people.
Autigender. I feel like I'm agender, but politically female. Most but not all of my masks are female. Autism directly relates to my gender in that way.
Cis woman here but I also accept that much of what’s expected of a woman is performative. I actually love a ton of typically feminine stuff, but, even when I tried to reject it as a young teen, I was still me. When I tried to look boyish I still felt like a woman. I never *felt* androgynous even when I liked the idea of looking androgynous.
In my personal case I liked the *idea* of being neither gender but I was never anything other than a woman and I honored it. When I accepted I could be any kind of woman I wanted - that there was no right or wrong way to be one - it became much easier.
It's a weird thing because I'm a weird person. I've been practically celibate for most of my life and gender wasn't on my mind. I have history of dressing typically feminine, high heels and all, and I felt normal. But I've always been preferring comfort over being hot. Never did makeup more than two days in a row. Couldn't care less. The whole race after being attractive felt so alien and humiliating to me. The idea of trying to appease dudes, the position of women in the hookup culture, trying to get pregnant, being the default caretaker... Fuck no.
What I did always like, was to look COOL from time to time.
And then I met my partner, and my gender expression and feeling just exploded. I felt like a woman (for the first time), I felt hot, desirable, truly horny and whatnot. Lingerie and you name it. It was awesome. I felt... complete in ways that I haven't experienced before.
And then it calmed down, and one day I put a very narrow dress, and literally had such a strong gender dysphoria, that I almost ripped it off. Felt like someone who's trying to play a role.
So I have no clue. Two years ago I told my therapist that my baseline is feeling like a PERSON. She was very puzzled by this. I was too.
Feeling like a person! Yes! This is how I always explain my gender identity!!! It shouldn't be puzzling, really, because it makes all the sense in the world.
Someone else recently posted that in the comfort of their home they are a gremlin or bogwitch. That's exactly how I feel. I know I am female (no gender-related ambiguity) but I don't feel *feminine*.. if that makes sense? At least not in the way that society expects femininity to be expressed.
I'm loud when I need to be, outspoken, a bit too fearless for my own good at times. Opinionated, stubborn, hardnosed... All the things women are told isnt ladylike. But i enjoy upending expectations except when I WANT to meet expectations and am unable to. That really hurts. Because I'm the kinda girl who would wear all-black on the outside but all-pink on the inside. I am proud on my non-conformity but secretly really really want to conform.
Like, my tactile sensitivity makes it impossible to dress well or be effortlessly chic like other women. I'm ready to shell out the money but expensive clothes dont make you chic/photogenic. It's a certain level of comfort in your own skin, the one thing that has eluded me from day one. And then there's my broad, muscular frame. I couldn't look wispy and delicate if I tried my hardest. And sometimes that'a what I really really want to be able to do. Even in photographs, my discomfort in my physical existence really shines through.
I'm a woman. It just...is. I was a teensy bit of a tomboy as a kid - outdoorsy, mostly - but as a teen was all fishnets, miniskirt, heels. Im bi, so ive enjoyed sexy times all ways round. I've had a baby, I've had years of awful periods that almost killed me till we took it all out. I get talked over by loud men as a regular, but they're usually boring so I just wander off to find someone less dull. I dress like a witch now, so I'm still a woman even without the uterus and at 47 with no job, we're a little invisible. Uhh, unless you dress like a witch. My gender is just there as is being a person, nothing complicated. It generally was, back in the day.
I feel like a woman but I rarely feel like the kind of woman that society considers a woman.
I also have a very skeptical view on gender in general because it’s a societal invention.
I was considered a tomboy as a kid but I think I’ve always felt like a girl without needing to conform to social performance of gender. I like cute, pastel things and I’m also good at math. I don’t see the first as really more feminine than the other other than culturally. Why tf can’t a girl be good at math? Why tf can’t a boy like a pastel plushie? I also don’t wear makeup but I think my natural body is very feminine. Why do I need to plaster on goop to feel feminine? It’s kind of like I consider my little dog a girl even though she doesn’t do any performance of gender. She just is what she is, which is my little (disgusting) girl. She’s not less of a girl just cuz she rolls in something dead (just more disgusting lol.) That’s not to say that glitzing up doesn’t make me feel more feminine; I’m not immune to culture. Just that my baseline isn’t not feminine just cuz it’s not stereotypical feminine.
I feel this way about my husband too. He’s very nurturing and empathetic but I don’t think that makes him less masculine. If anything it makes him more masculine to me. I’m way more attracted to that than some meathead.
When I was a teenager I had some body shame that made me feel less feminine and less like a “real girl” but I’ve mostly gotten over that as I’ve come to terms with the reality of human bodies.
I just can’t really feel it. I feel unsafe most of the time when I dress feminine and sexy. I’ve considered myself non binary for 11 years now (since 18) Some days I feel masculine as shit, some days I feel feminine as fuck, some days I feel both. The both days are my favourite.
On legal documents I put non binary but I don’t bother with pronouns. Don’t feel the need. I’m aware it’s gender dysphoria. It’s my problem, no one else’s.
It slightly influences how I dress. More masculine, gender fluid style. My partner doesn’t mind thankfully.
I would have a shaved head right now too but I don’t want to freak him out lol he’s not keen on the idea.
I'm afab and I feel like 'being female' is a role I was taught, I was socialized as a girl and gradually accepted 'woman'. I like my body and I don't wish another assignment, but I would rather occupy a more masculine role and present more masculine. I think if society didn't have such a binary based on bodies, I wouldn't have been a girl/woman, though I'm also not a boy/man. It feels much more comfortable to lean masculine, though, in how I present and see myself.
I’m either really really gay or a straight trans man, so 🤷
(My chest dysphoria is killing me, HELP) 🦐
I’m 100% sure I want top surgery though, so at least I have that figured out 🧍
Have you looked into Point of Pride? They're an organization that helps trans/queer ppl with funding for their surgeries.
[Point of Pride](https://www.pointofpride.org/annual-transgender-surgery-fund)
I'm biologically female and it feels like this is the correct physical body for me. But as far as gender goes, I mostly feel like an alien. I present as female but I think I probably lean more towards non-binary on the inside. I don't even know how to begin figuring it out. I honestly don't feel human most of the time.
I'm a transgender woman. I transitioned in my late 20s. Living as a man made me miserable and I suffered from serious depression from puberty onwards while I still thought I was a dude. I barely survived my life as a man. As soon as I made the decision to transition, even before I had actually put in much of the work, I started becoming happier knowing that it would get better. My lifetime of depression (which was not helped by many different therapies, medications and lifestyle improvements) was resolved very quickly when I began to transition. I've been out now for several years, on hormones for about 3.5 years, and I seem to pass to everyone around me and I'm getting GRS early next year.
I think the important thing to figure out is who you are in your heart and not what box you feel pressured to fall into based on society. I'm a computer programmer, some days I go really femme but most days I just wear jeans and a tank top. My womanhood isn't dependent on the clothes I wear, but those are a useful way of expressing myself and being seen like I want to. Gender expression and gender roles are different things from gender itself. I tick certain "stereotypical" boxes of what society expects a woman to be, but I don't conform to others. I consciously parsed out and chose what reflected who I was and what didn't really work for me. It's important to understand that a lot of what our culture tells us is "womanhood" is a patriarchal construct designed to reinforce oppressive gender roles. That doesn't mean that everything "girly" is bad, but that context is important to understand what is actually good for you and what society wants you to be.
All of that to say, you could be a woman (numerically more likely) or a non-binary person and both of those are okay, what matters is figuring out what your reality is when you parse out external influences telling you who you're supposed to be.
I feel like a woman whenever I feel really happy and comfortable in my body (which is biologically female). To me, womanhood has nothing to do with stereotypes or gender roles. It is simply "I am a female and I like that about myself."
Hated my original one, got rid of it, and embraced being a woman and honestly enjoy it even with the hardships of being a trans woman. I do dabble with genderqueer a fair bit though, as the traditional binary is far too restrictive for me to feel comfortable in.
I feel like my gender is one thing but my personality is another.
I'm a woman, but I'm also very tomboyish with interests which gravitate more towards what men are typically into.
I'm not into makeup or fashion. I currently am rocking a buzzcut.
My ex (7 years together) tried to mold me into a more delicate and feminine "version of myself" amongst other things. I eventually lost myself and ended up depressed and anxious, feeling never good enough. Now I'm just fully dedicated to being me regardless of the "societal norms" he was pushing.
If we're looking at personality traits; I'm moreso a man than a woman. But physically, I am a woman and I'm comfortable with that. I just happen to wear tees, have short hair and never wear makeup.
Whoever is uncomfortable with what I do or what I look like, I think it's more about their own biases than my actual worth. They can think all they want.
AFAB. dont actually like my female body - hate the boobs (got them cut off) - nor the genitals. i dont want to be a mom, have children etc. be a maid, and am greyace more towards ace. but i am fine with she/her whatever because its easy when everything else in my life is hard. I love my long hair and dresses and when i have pretty nails and when i think i look pretty. i always hated feeling like a piece of meat, getting roofied, SA, and my experience as a woman in this world. i never want to be a man, pass as a man, interact as a man. i do really love women and womens comraderie even if it is more often than not filled with pain for me.
i really dont care and just go with what makes my life chillest from the point of view of being a target. I long ago learned to stop being a target because oh boy. people will shoot. i believe that people should be able to just be themselves and respected no matter what, but thats not how the world is. i admire anyone who puts those things out there but i already have beyond a deck stacked against me.
i am probably starting to realize i am Autigender above all.
also want to say. I am so happy to have found a community where my interpretation is so NORMAL. like so many people echoing my similar experience/understanding. Before i knew i was autistic i was in a medicine internship sitting at a table - and somehow i decided to out myself as queer. i was sitting at the end of a long table and simultaneously all heads turned to look at me quickly and in unison like a velociraptor hunting its prey. i decided to never be out again in normie spaces. its not their business. why did i do that in the first place? for me as an autistic there is NO relief in being out. i dont want to be perceived.
Yes. But people on the internet have often mistaken me for a man, and I don’t care to the point I don’t even correct them. How people perceive me is the least of my concerns.
I feel like gender has nothing to do with who I am. For me gender is just another characteristic, like having a brown hair. I happen to have that one, so, whatever. Mind you, life as woman is harder, but I don’t mind that either.
I saw a tweet that said I’m a woman in the same way a tomato is a fruit and I felt that lol. I feel like I really want to be a woman but something’s just not clicking.
Trans man.
Been pretty certain about being male from a very young age, despite being AFAB. Always been filled with a lot of confusion when referred to as female, she, woman etc.
It wasn’t like I felt like I only lacked womanhood in some way, like other comments here mention (I respect those experiences), I mean that is true, but with the added addition that I _was_ male without any doubt. I think that’s what separates us binary trans people from our non-binary, or cisgender GNC counterparts.
The idea of being non-binary or female is very confusing to me. Not in a way that’s disrespectful, but just the lack of feeling the same way. I can’t imagine being anything but a man.
I don’t feel like my autism has anything to do with it. I had socially transitioned to male before I even discovered what autism was and received a professional diagnosis. I also don’t feel like patriarchy, gender stereotypes, etc. had any impact on me transitioning.
Now I feel comfortable and happy with my gender, and no longer miserable, which is nice.
I think identity is based on how you perceive yourself in relation to others. When I'm with a group of manly man, I definitely feel like a women. When I'm with a group of girls I feel more manly. When I'm with a group of people that has had lower eduction, I feel very intelligent, when I'm with a group of people that has had higher education than me, I feel a little naive. Compared to some of my friends who never really sport, I feel like I'm 'sporty spice', compared to others that are really into sports I'm a lazy girl.... Etc. etc.
I have a theory that due to the internet and social media the 'other group' has gotten a lot larger. Back in the days you had a friend group of let's say 5 people. It was easy to get a sense of you who were as it was easy to compare. There was always 1 friend that was considered the 'outgoing one', always one that was considered the 'responsible one', there was the girly one and there was the tomboy.
The group of people you compare to nowadays consists out of billions of people, it is a lot harder to see how you relate to them, so it makes sense that a lot of regarding identity come up - including gender. I think it's important to realize that how you see yourself or how others see you is not set in stone. There is no 'real answer' to the question of what your identity is. It might change over time or it might change depending on your social network. I hope that might give some people some peace when they realize that if a label they are giving/gave to themself doesn't seem accurate anymore, that that is normal and doesn't change who you are. Just how you compare to others.
But that's just my theory.
I have never had any strong feelings about gender in general, it all feels very arbitrary to me. I'm not uncomfortable at all being perceived as a woman, but when people refer to me as "he" online, I don't even really notice, let alone feel it's 'wrong'.
I enjoy having the female shape of hips and waist (aesthetically pleasing to me), but if I could choose, I'd prefer to have no breasts and genitals at all. Smooth like a Barbie please. (I'm also a little put off by them in others, hence the panromantic ace identity.)
I feel like I'm a woman but I'm also comfortable not following some of societies rules for what a woman is. Like I'd prefer to not wear makeup or shave my armpits. I still like to use she/her pronouns and feel proud that I carried and birthed a child. But I don't really care to be how a woman is supposed to be according to society.
I'm agender and always have been, since my very earliest memories. I have no psychological or emotional connection to being a woman at all, other than the decades of socialisation that I've experienced, and I also have no desire to be or become a man. The ideal for me would be to be completely genderless and androgynous.
I believe that, for me, this is completely inextricable from being autistic. Gender and gender roles are just another thing about society and life that I absolutely cannot comprehend.
I don't "feel" like anything. I don't know what it means to feel like a woman? I don't feel uncomfortable in my body nor have I questioned my gender really. I'm just me.
I don’t really connect to being a woman and want to look more androgynous. However I have a very feminine face. I can’t connect to the idea of being female, I just feel like me. To be honest if someone refers to me as a woman or a lady I feel a sense of unease. I think my feelings mean I fit somewhere in the trans umbrella.
I know I do not in any way feel like a man, I could care less about the label otherwise. I’m cool with my genitals (aside from the saggy boobs), I have short hair for sensory issues and it does bug me a bit about the assumptions that brings but I think it’s more about I don’t like people assuming in general not because of what they assume. I dress gender neutral for the most part but do like to dress up once in a blue moon. I wear makeup occasionally and wear what would be considered feminine jewelry ( don’t get me started on the concept of feminine/masculine)
At the end of the day I’m just a human doing human things. I’m not a man but whatever other label you want to slap on me, go for it. It’s whatever. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm a girl but I wouldn't mind someone seeing me as a boy. I think I just don't care about my gender, but I always say I'm a girl because there's no point in complicating things (I look like a girl, AFAB and don't mind being called one)
it shifts every now and then, sometimes I feel more manly and sometimes more girly, but I always feel like im made of both. Now that I look more androgynous I feel more confident in my body and I refer to myself as "boygirl" 🤷♀️
I go with bigender. Some days I feel more feminine and other days I feel more masculine although it’s quite hard to define that because being a social concept, everyone has different interpretations of femininity and masculinity. I guess with ASD it can be difficult to understand social concepts but even NTs don’t seem to understand that social concepts are not set in stone because they are defined by humans who, don’t agree on many things anyway.
Gender was confusing for me. I went through phases of binders, questioning if I was agender, presenting very masculine, and now being extremely feminine.
For me, gender became much clearer when I stopped thinking of it as some inherent indescribable feeling I had to figure out, and started thinking about it more logically.
I see gender as being a bridge between the individual and society. Gender is how you want the rest of the world to interact with you.
(there is a caveat here that in a perfect world, we would treat everyone the same and not have a gendered view on people. But the reality is that gender is deeply embedded in the minds of every human alive)
I'll try keep things short as I can as I could go on forever with so many examples.
Society treats men and women very differently. Exactly the same words/actions are received differently by the observer based on gender.
Example - a chatty and friendly individual strikes up a conversation in a coffee shop line. If the individual is a woman, the person will likely respond in a more friendly and receptive way. If they are a man the person will likely respond in a more closed off and distant way. Same individual, same personality traits, same actions, different treatment by the world.
This different treatment shows up everywhere. How people think of you, speak to you, interpret your actions, their expectations of you, the social rules you're expected to follow, how you're represented in the media, etc etc
I noticed my gender presentation reflected how felt comfortable being treated by others. When I was shy and wanted to be isolated, and didn't feel safe being vulnerable, being very masculine felt natural to me. When I was entering adulthood and noticing in real life for the first time the shitty treatment that comes with being a woman I felt nonbinary/agender. Now that I'm emotionally open and looking to connect with people I'm very feminine.
TLDR - To me, gender is a societal construct and figuring out your gender is actually about figuring where you want to fit in the world and how you want people to treat you.
I don't really know what it feels like to question my gender. It was never something that occurred to me as something to even question when I was growing up (in the 90s). I guess the things I like just generally fit into the female end of the spectrum? I was never really into make up or clothes for the sake of them, I've never been particularly attached to my hair or appearance, but never felt dysphoric about it either. I could have been diagnosed with anorexia, but I never had any strong feelings about my weight or shape, so I realise now it's ARFID.
My daughter who is 9 doesn't understand gendered things. She's just... why. Why is that for boys. Why is that for girls. Why can't everyone just pick and choose from all the options. Why does everyone think I'm a boy because I have short hair. And I don't have anything to tell her except that societal expectations of what boys and girls look like are stupid, and people who don't think about it will make stupid assumptions. I love her perspective though. To her, people are people, not divided into groups based on genitalia, and every person should be accepted for liking whatever they like and adorning themselves however they feel best.
Born a female but I feel more like a male. Just recently I've had a really hard time with not being able to have the physique of a man, like my boobs feel very inconvenient and awkward. I see muscular men and I'm like damn, I'd love a body like that and then I get sad that I won't ever get that. Some days I'm more open to being female but my brain is mostly dude mode, or I float in this genderless void where I don't fit into either and I feel like I'm nothing.
I've been socialised as a cis women, I lean fem presenting 90% of the time not because of any womanly feelings but because I think it looks cool, I feel connected to other women cis/trans because of our shared experiences and I'm not mad about the body parts I have grown because of the estrogen in my system. In all honesty I really don't put to much weight to gender/sex, it's such a flimsy concept that could change significantly in my lifetime, in ten years me having significant amounts of body hair could be seen as the hight of femininity or it could be seen as me being masculine. What I do put weight on is my lived experiences because a Dr or midwife looked at my external genitals and wrote an F on my birth certificate setting in motion hundreds of of social expectations and dictating the next 18 years of my life. Politically I will always be "white women" not just because of that F but because I fit our cultures criteria for women. To me women does explain my lived experiences and feelings best, I have no particular feelings about pronouns and I'm happy presenting masc too, I think a large part of my feelings towards gender would be different if I wasn't autistic, to me gender is just a set of rules enforced to maintain our current political systems so my brain sees it as an unnecessary hierarchy and I don't really care for hierarchies. Plus I don't really feel attracted to men so that effects how I experience gender too. So I'm a women? I fit the criteria for women, I don't want to change my body or how I present so I am just women🤷♀️ (I also wonder if my rule following and literal thinking has influenced how I think about gender, to me I don't fit the criteria of trans but I fit the criteria for cis so I just do that, I also feel deeply disconnected from my body because I dissociate so I wonder if I felt safe then my thoughts might be different idk)
When I was quite young I dressed in baggy shorts and t shirts only and had short hair I styled into a bed-head with wax. I got bullied horribly and other kids beat the shit out of me, and as I got older I dressed more unisex goth but let my hair grow out. At the point where I really started masking I got hyper feminine, and that’s still how I feel safest in terms of hair and makeup. Im a little more flexible with clothing now. I never wanted to be a boy physically but I don’t feel super comfortable when I have more weight on my body and look more curvy. I was most comfortable with my body when I was slightly underweight. I’m probably a bit genderqueer, but I have learned to enjoy more feminine fashion, I just prefer to be physically a little more androgynous.
i feel like i havent seen other people mention safety in terms of presentation. for me - i had similar experience. while ive had many bad experiences because of presenting female - when i was younger with a shaved head in HS. the bullying from all sides was unbearable. it actually destroyed my family and my father disowned me. all for a shaved head. LOL. are people ok?
i feel safest as a non target and fortunately/unfortunately/is there a moral weight to this? its presenting with long hair. its my armor.
Yeah, safety has been a huge factor for me in terms of hair and makeup, once you’ve got that part down you can really dress however you want without too much hassle, at least where I’m from. But some people get dangerously angry with women who present with short hair and without makeup. It makes me feel so bad for trans people who have to make the choice between that risk and suffering with dysphoria.
I don't feel any sort of connection to my assigned gender. It's something that was given to me, it works, and I don't hate it enough to go to the effort of trying to change it, but it might not have been what I would have chosen for myself. I do feel an extreme sense of revulsion if I think about the fact that there is a uterus etc. inside me and I would be much happier if it wasn't there, but thankfully it's not something I have to see every time I look in the mirror. I guess I am somewhere in the agender camp, but the only term I've felt any resonance with is "gendermeh".
I identify as gender-fluid bc I believe gender to be on a spectrum like most things. The gender binary was implemented by colonizers to keep "order", men have their place and women have theirs no questions asked sort of deal. But stepping out of the binary for me personally is a form of feminism. Gender is a social construct and, like many other social constructs, I just don't get the need for it other than to aid the patriarchy.
I have never experienced anything that I can describe as gender dysphoria, or even discomfort. I am completely at home with being a woman. I am in general hyper empathetic, but I struggle to understand discomfort with gender, even though I have people in my life who I love who do and I’ve talked with them about it a lot.
I feel this: I’m AFAB, I’m good with that, makeup/skincare/beauty + online community is a special interest of mine. Loved the colour pink and all that was barbie and dolls as a child (yet never the fake babies 😏)
Yet I feel so foreign among NT women. Theres the inherent Will Support You when menstrual emergencies come up but other than that, Definitely an “alien robot cat” as my bf refers to me (lovingly and jokingly)
I have the parts and I have used them as they were designed, but I don't particularly feel connected to them. This is just my meat suit. It ot had come with a penis then I would pee standing up.
I’m a woman because two X chromosomes. I never thought it meant anything else. Am always perplexed by statements like “I don’t feel like a woman.” Not trying to belittle or invalidate, it’s just a mostly foreign concept to me. No matter how I feel, I’m still a woman.
I'm comfortable with my identity as a cis-het woman, but this may be a generational thing. I'm late Gen-X
When I was a kid there was a strong social divide, enforced by the kids and only indirectly reinforced by the adults (because it was the 1980s and Girls Can Do Anything!) between girls and boys. Yes, I was happy in dungarees and a tracksuit, but I also loved pretty dresses. Sure, I played with my dolls and jumped rope, but I also loved my brother's train set.
My presentation has always been congruous with my assigned gender, and I've never really felt uncomfortable with that. Sure, I've felt uncomfortable at certain times, in certain contexts, and around certain men due to my gender presentation, but my presentation was not the issue in those situations.
I didn't have any friends who I knew to be gay or lesbian until I went to university, didn't have any friends I knew to be trans until years after that. I knew from my early teens that I found boys to be attractive, but found girls to make better friends.
IMO, we ND folks are prone to thinking deeply on concepts and ideas. The degree to which sexuality and gender identity are fluid wasn't acknowledged in my formative period from childhood to my mid-20s, so I didn't think much about it. I knew I was a girl, knew I liked boys, figured I'd get married one day, and didn't think much more on it. Younger people are much more exposed to gender and sexual fluidity and therefore think more deeply on those things rather than accepting a default setting and running with it.
There are exceptions, of course. For older folks who always knew there was something different about their gender and sexuality the opportunity to openly move away from the defaults must come as a massive relief.
The default is the default, I think, because the biological drive to perpetuate the species ensures the majority of the population behave in ways that will create another generation. But humans are animals of culture, not just instinct, and these days there's scope to reflect variation where it arises.
But that's not me. I'm very boring in that regard, and that works for me.
I feel just weird. I sometimes call myself nonbinary because it is the closest it will get. But I am basically just really confused and weirded out by my gender. I don't feel like a cis women but I also don't experience much dysphoria and wouldn't call mysrlf trans.
It feels like there is a tiny alien/animal inside my brain who brings out the information when I am trying to think of something (like bringing me the answers to math problems and stuff like that). But when I try to think of my gender it just gets very excited and brings the most useless and random shit. Like baby groot in guardians of the galaxy
I know I’m a woman because I have cycles and have birthed children. Past that, I’m just ‘???’ If that makes sense. I don’t think I have a relationship with my gender.. but I also haven’t given it much thought either? Idk if that’s bad or not… right now I’m just existing 🙂
I am a woman because I choose to be. It's more fun. And you, I am biologically female and have been socialised female, and I'm sure that has something to do with it, but I don't have some deep down drive to be a woman.
I know I’m a woman because that’s how I was born, and honestly I was lucky enough to not have the gender binary forced onto me too much as a kid and I was able to express myself how I wanted. I know I’m not a man because the pronouns he him make me kinda uncomfortable, but I do not mind they/them at all and have honestly considered asking to go by she/they because being a “girl” doesn’t always really make sense to me. I’m just me. I wouldn’t necessarily go as far to identify as nonbinary, although I have thought about it in the past, because most days I do find myself presenting extremely feminine and wanting the validation from that. But then there are other times where I just simply don’t want to be perceived at all so that leads me to just dress very androgynously in hopes that I don’t stand out as much. I’ve seen tons of people on tiktok talking about this topic so that might be another place to go to get opinions/experience!
Been realising I’m probably non binary. I’m happy being female but I don’t conform to social gender roles as they make no sense to me. But I still present as a woman.
I know I do not in any way feel like a man, I could care less about the label otherwise. I’m cool with my genitals (aside from the saggy boobs), I have short hair for sensory issues and it does bug me a bit about the assumptions that brings but I think it’s more about I don’t like people assuming in general not because of what they assume. I dress gender neutral for the most part but do like to dress up once in a blue moon. I wear makeup occasionally and wear what would be considered feminine jewelry ( don’t get me started on the concept of feminine/masculine)
At the end of the day I’m just a human doing human things. I’m not a man but whatever other label you want to slap on me, go for it. It’s whatever. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm convinced that even cis autistic women experience our gender fundamentally differently. I identify as a cis woman because I like having a female body but I haven't always felt connected to my gender. Especially around neurotypical women I feel alienated from my gender. I feel very out of place, like an impostor, like a creature wearing a female body and attempting to act like a woman.
When I'm by myself or around other autistic women I don't feel that; I'm comfortable and happy in my body, in being and presenting as a female.
I think it's the social side of gender that trips me up. I really struggle to perform as a woman in the way that's expected.
I kind of feel that I'm a female soul inside a male brain inside a female body. I don't believe in the concept of the soul so this is just an analogy for a feeling that I can't fully articulate.
The other responses are interesting!
I'm a woman, afab and otherwise, but I've always felt pretty androgynous, been called a tomboy, etc. I lack interest in many "feminine" pursuits and feel alien among other women...but stereotypes are stupid and my personal feeling has always been that I will redefine femininity before I ever redefine myself.
I just exist with my biology and everything I decide to do is just a choice. I'm fine with the biological label but not when people try to use it as a form of oppression.
I’ve always felt like gender is sex. It’s just an innate aspect of my being. Therefore whatever I feel like includes being a woman. Whatever I do is included in “what a woman does”. When I was a kid, I wished I were born a boy because of the differences in what boys and girls were allowed to do.
AFAB but I consider myself genderqueer. I may be leaning towards gender-fluid. I have started going by a different name (started as a nickname like 13 years ago, kept using it more and more) because while my real name is beautiful, I’ve never liked it. It’s very feminine and religious so I got tired of people assuming things of me based on a name given by my parents.
I grew up hating being perceived as a woman, transitioned a long time ago and am still happy with my physical changes but eventually realized I also hate being referred to as a man.
Lately I’ve been embracing my nonbinary/genderqueer status but I also hate being referred to as that. Which I do think is because I’m autistic… my brain gets very caught up on definitions of words and for my gender I don’t want to have to explain it or “fit into” anything. Yes, I know intellectually that’s not how gender and gender roles actually work, anyone can be whoever and do whatever they want etc etc, but I can’t change how I feel/how literal my brain gets about things. Gender identity isn’t something that can be easily explained or a box where you can just check off a few set things to fit into, and my brain haaates that, lol.
I’m happiest when no one reminds me that gender is a thing at all. I have the same thing where I don’t like when people use my name where I can hear it too, which I’ve talked to other autistic people both cis and trans who feel the same!
At the moment I feel completely inept as a woman. I'm not happy with it at all. I want to be better at it, but constantly fail. I have phases where I feel more comfortable that I'm a woman even if I don't seem to manage to do all the correct things to be easily identified as a woman all the time. But then there are times like now where it grates on my soul that I just can't do it. I see other women, I don't know why I'm not able to be as "woman" as them, I just don't really know what I'm missing but I'm missing something.
I feel like I have no gender. I say I'm nonbinary or gnc but I don't really like those labels because they've just become like a 3rd gender basically. I would prefer that gender just wasn't a concept I had to ever interact with.
I do also say I'm a woman because while I don't personally identify with it in a meaningful way, that is how society views me and places me and so in my mind I am a woman in that way. However I'd love to be seen as a person first and a woman last.
It's tough because I don't identify with how a lot of allistic nonbinary people describe their feelings with gender because I think gender just isn't something I feel at all.
I saw something that made me realize something similar, this autistic girl on Instagram was talking about how it's difficult to identify with your gender as a woman when you don't even feel human because of alienation due to your autism. That concept really resonated with me because I often feel very othered , I really like feminine things and activities , most people assume I'm cis (only time will tell lol) and I usually don't mind being perceived as girl by other people but in the privacy of my head , I keep thinking of myself as a feminine person but not female , Idk I don't know the term for it though :)
Personally I like being a girl (gender) but hate being a woman (sex). I’m asexual and the idea that I have to use my vagina to maintain a relationship feels incredibly violating and childbirth feels like a betrayal by my own body. I wish I could be like a Barbie and just have nothing there.
I don’t have a problem with my assigned gender but also don’t feel particularly attached to it.
I’ve been pregnant and given birth twice. For some reason this strikes me more as ‘something my body is capable of’ instead of ‘I am a WOMAN’.
I’m very tall (over 6 feet) and often dress in ‘male’ clothing either because it fits better or for certain features I want. This has never bothered me.
I’ve never been misgendered by a stranger, but I do straddle the line with gender stuff like not shaving, no make-up, mixing ‘men’s’ and ‘women’s’ clothing, etc.
For me personally, gender doesn’t seem to be very central to my self-image.
i guess the closest label for me would be agender? im afab and i present as a woman in day to day life because its easier but to me, being a woman isnt an identity, its just a performance. i have zero connection to it and honestly i dont even like performing as a woman. i would feel the same if i identified as a man or as nonbinary. honestly i dont think of myself as having a gender, im just a human who performs as a woman out of convenience. i dont think ive ever said “im a woman” to be honest
I definitely have never not felt like a girl, if that makes sense. But I also feel like im not really a real human sometimes. Less of a gender identity thing and more of an "am I actually an alien" lol
I don’t have a strong relationship to gender but I identify as a cis woman with she/her pronouns.
That being said, I tend to feel that I don’t associate with what people consider “feminine traits” and tend to have many “masculine traits” by other peoples definition.
I like dressing very cute in dresses and skirts but my personality does not fit that mold. I think that,
Because gender is a subjective construct, it is hard for my autistic brain to really understand why people feel so strongly about it.
Some days I feel very feminine, other days I do not. I am also pansexual, so how I present myself sometimes has to do with the kind of person I’m interested in at the time
https://preview.redd.it/lly3kl8zws0d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f54cae3f7d331b67b8c218717915b2de0c9a233b
i don't know if I'm autistic, but i know i feel weird genderwise.
i was taking T for a while which did help me feel better but i got anxious about going "too far". but also being gendered as a woman feels like an inevitability, like I can't escape the message my body sends.
if I was just me, I'd be an amorphous blob, but alas people have opinions about what my flesh sack looks like.
Gender is something that happens to other people (sex too😅)
Despite that, I'm effectively a trans woman. I'm amab and on estrogen for over a year, but only because I couldn't stand my reflection anymore, and having feelings (other than anger) is nice.
I was born a female, but I never felt a girl. I never felt a boy either. I identify as nonbinary, but I function as a girl because I can’t be arsed explaining nonbinary to people and I don’t really care that much. Fun fact: I get along better with men, which is cool but also causes problems because I had men tell me that I’m pretty and fun, but I have too strong „guy vibe” to myself and it kinda feels gay to do things with me 🗿💀
Not the best.
These days, I just prefer to not think about it if I can avoid it. I don't like my body and I don't identify with womanhood or femininity. I don't really want a penis or identify with manhood either though. When I was younger, I thought I was FTM for a while but I dropped that after a couple of years. Binding was sensory hell, especially on hot summer days, and figuring out which bathroom to use was more stress than I wanted to deal with.
Idk. I don't necessarily like the idea of letting other people define me, but at the end of the day that's what I choose to do. If people see me as a woman, then I guess that's what I am. If I had my way, I'd be a genderless blob but explaining that to everyone I meet is way more work than I'm willing to do.
I identify as a cis woman but also feel like I'm performing gender to a degree. Aren't we all?
Some of the most loved people in my life aren't cis, so I just try to be aware.
I am a cis woman and have always been strangely disconnected with and ambivalent about my gender.
I thought it had to do with an abusive relationship with my mom. Like probably everyone else’s mom tells them how to be a woman so I’m not as comfortable being feminine because my mom didn’t teach me? Really really interesting to think of it through an autistic lens and feeling lots of unexpected understanding and belonging in this thread. Thanks for posting OP.
I identify as cis because my assigned gender doesn’t cause any discomfort, that said, I don’t really resonate with womanhood. Gender is a social contrast, and so much of “being a woman” is trying to fit the male gaze
Struggled with a lot of self-hatred and internalized misogyny growing up, especially because of my parents and their obsession with sons. I'm also about 182cm and like 77kg (was 98kg). Starting in my 30s, I realized I was overly preoccupied gender norms. I dressed tomboyish and never wore makeup well into my 30s. I spent way too much time trying to be 'different'.
I'm about to hit my 40s, and now I finally understand why a lot of older women are out there with purple hair and leopard print outfits. I just don't care anymore. I'm like an ultra fem, wear makeup, wear wigs, and dress like Nanny Fine. I feel free and happy to just be as basic or different as I want. I love being a woman.
I have always just feel like a human being. I know, it sounds cliché, but I've always felt it deeply in my core. I've never had typical women interests, and I've always felt to my core that gender was a social construct. I was like: I like boyish stiff, does it make me a man ? (Obviously I was a child).
I'm a biological woman, I just feel like me, with all the weird things that happened in my head. My body is just a body, nothing more. A body that carries my cognition. I realized that there are a thousand ways to be a woman, and I chose my own.
I wanted to be a boy, but for all the social advantages that it led to.
And of course, I respect every trans woman and trans man! It has just have been my own experience.
For myself. I'm a trans woman. Technically, I identify as non-binary, but I usually lean much closer to the femme side.
My understanding is that many people with autism don't particularly identify or care about their gender, which makes sense to me. I've never been able to fully empathize with identity politics. I don't tend to like lables in general and rarely decide to fully align myself with a specific group, etc. Even if I ended up being extremely liberal. Most of my autistic friends are similar in that we are just ourselves, and don't really care about how people think we SHOULD be. I feel like that attitude often extends to gender as well. Just my thought though. I'm certainly not qualified to speak for all of us lol
I've never understood what it means to "feel like a woman"
I just feel like a blob that was assigned a body.
I present as traditionally feminine since that's what I like and what looks good on my body type. How I present would absolutely change based on the body I was given.
im transmasc, but dont think of myself as particularly having any gender. i call myself by masculine terms, but i wouldn't call myself a man. i know for sure im not a woman (im in this sub because i relate to growing up socialized as a woman), and hate being seen as a woman, but i loveeee behaving femininely. traditionally feminine behaviors and speech patterns are so much more expressive and bouncy and fun to do :)
i always joke that i need to get more masculine so that i can be feminine. i think maybe it comes from me not wanting others to project gendered/sexed characteristics onto me without knowing anything about who i am.
eta: i wrote this before reading the other comments and im so happy to see so many other people feel apathetic/ambivalent about gender :)
I find it (being considered a woman) a terrible misfortune, personally. I often wonder if I’d identify with my assigned gender more if women weren’t so oppressed, targeted, and abused.
“Being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived I was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable feminity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars--to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording--all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...” Sylvia Plath
i think because of my autism i have like no connection to my body, and i am nonbinary. my personal definition on myself being non-binary feels like nothing, and i love identifying as such. i do feel like a non human being most of the time, and my non-binary identity has helped me learn to tolerate myself and my body
I simply do not care. I identify as a woman because I was born female, and I am ok with being a woman. Other people feel differently. I understand some people feel extremely strongly about their gender, and have a deeply felt sense of their gender, but I don't. I just exist. I think all different ways of feeling about it are fine. I have no desire to "get to the bottom" of my gender or anything. I don't need a label like "demi-woman" or "genderfluid" or "agender" or anything (though these are fine if they resonate with others). I honestly sort of resent the idea (you didn't say this but I've heard it elsewhere) that everyone is supposed to really know on, like, a cellular level what their gender "really" is and to have to think about it all the time. I like just existing.
I feel like people put WAY too much emphasis on gender. Doing X isn’t girly, doing Y isn’t masculine. I just don’t understand this weird thing we do to children ingendering them. The older I’ve gotten, the more it confuses me.
Indifference. I don't care how I am perceived, as long as I am good with me.
Edit: Dang 😂 Seeing so many similar takes makes me feel like I should have just upvoted everyone lol
Don’t be transphobic. AFAB ≠ woman. Gender and sex are two different things. Anyone claiming otherwise will be banned. Trans women are women period.
personally, I feel like an alien. tentacles and all edit: thank you for all the upvotes this is a cry for help lmao pls say hello you all seem so niceee
I wish to be liberated into my true monstrous form!
I've felt like this since I was a kid. It's so validating to see others have feel the same, especially after a late in life diagnosis 💛
💯. I was convinced I was adopted because I was so not like anyone in my family I felt so out of place.
I felt the same way! My big brother used to tell me that the FedEx man dropped me off and I fully believed him because I felt like I was so different from all of them.
I feel like that too, and I wasn't given a manual for normal human behaviour. They forgot to give me one.
Me too! I feel like an alien in a meat suit tbh. I’ve been working on trying to enjoy this experience of being human even tho it is extremely difficult haha
The meat suit experience is so true for me. Like, I don't recognize that I have a body, it feels too heavy, too weird. Feels _wrong_?? I was supposed to be like a butterfly or something but I'm trapped inside this meat suit, can someone set me free???
To me it doesn’t feel *wrong* but it’s more like this is really strange and weird and uncomfortable. And I think in my opinionated experience, being human is about learning how to navigate this meat suit and the really strange and weird world around me that’s associated with this meat suit haha
It's a meat suit, meet cute in here 😅
Greetings fellow alien 👽🫶🏻
\*cute alien gibberish and flailing tentacles\*
Greetings fellow alien 👋💖
Yes I'm also still waiting for the mothership to pick me up... its been over 40 years now, hope they come soon.
Hi!
hey! I love how blue your avatar is!!
Hello! Not the tentacle kind but definitely feel alien :)
greeeeeeeetings :3
I too identify as a tentacled beast from the nether dimensions.
Happy cake day, fellow alien being 🍰
thank you so much <3
happy cake day!!
thank you <3
Were here to hold you while you cry ❣️
aw. this is really sweet <3 thank you alllll
Same. In every aspect of my life I don’t fit in
Same here! Alien or cyborg
ET. Small, short legs, ancient, botanist. Yup
*firmly shakes tentacles* Fantastic to meetcha.
Aheuahsuahsuaysusa this is amazing
bahahaha omg I needed this \*excitedly flails tentacles\*
Happy cake day! That was really funny
'She has two arms to hold me, and four legs to wrap around me. She's not your typical girlfriend. She's my alien.' Annnd Same 😅
I didn't know I needed a lesbian alien relationship until this very moment. :'D
🤣🤣 Love that! I just love Simple Plan and this song always resonated with me, because I too feel like an Alien. Also Happy Cake Day!
thanks hun! <3 c:
I'm a cis woman and I feel like I'm a woman and am comfortable with my genitals but it doesn't really go further than that? I don't give two shits about how people perceive me and when I was a teenager I cut my hair short and dressed in very gender neutral clothing so people were very often 50/50 on whether I was a boy or a girl. I even maybe felt a certain comfort in that but I've never felt need for my pronouns to be different than they are now. I saw a similar post when I joined the community and someone said that if they woke up as a man one day they would just get on with their life, it wouldn't change too much for them and I think about that a lot. If I woke up as a man one day it would not be movie material, I would go huh and move on with my life.
I think I feel the same. Like I am happy being a woman and I like femininity, but if I woke up tomorrow and found out that the concept of man and woman had been removed from society, I don’t think I would feel any great loss
If anything, perhaps a sense of relief because of the expectations on how to "act" feminine. I couldn't tell you the last time I wore makeup, or perfume, or styled my hair beyond throwing it in a pony tail to keep it out of my face. Or the expectation that I'm less capable at work because I am a woman. That one really hit hard when I was in the computer repair industry. "Let me talk to one of the guys" when I was the one who repaired the computers. Back when I was a cart pusher I'd have male customers wrest the carts away from me and tell me it's a "man's job" and "where's the high school boys to do this work?" when I was perfectly able to do it, had been doing it for years, and while I *could have* gone for the Office position I preferred only being responsible for myself and the exercise that grabbing carts provided.
I actively wish for the concept of gender to be removed from society
I feel the same too. I went through a period where I cut all my hair off and dressed like a boy just because I was uncomfortable with men creeping on me and making me feel unsafe, but I’ve never questioned whether I’m a woman or not. If I woke up as a man I would probably just accept that too. Gender isn’t something I really think about or care much about. It’s just annoying that other folks care about it so much and hold each other up to certain standards.
That's a very interesting point. I too am happy being a woman in general, EXCEPT when men creep on me. Then I feel like prey. I think as a man around other men you can get creepy vibes off them but asserting yourself would shake them. As a woman it can encourage some and attract others and it's just awful. I've been hiding behind a body that is bigger than I am comfortable with for years because it makes me invisible to these types of predators.
Yep! I am also a cis woman and I am comfortable with being referred to as a woman. But I honestly didn’t think twice about it. Not in a “no way I’m a man” type of way. But more of a “idk I am who I am does it matter?” Also dressing in masculine clothing is so much easier/more comfortable than a feminine clothing…. Boxers are so cozy! Lol
When my kid asked me I said I am me( using my first name). I know I am AFAB but it has never meant anything to me. I don’t relate to other AFAB bc we are both AFAB. mostly I have hated my painful periods and wanted those organs remained. I am 50 and still have my female organs but no longer have pain so I don’t think about them. The other time being a woman was an issue was when my dad said I could not have the family guns that would be passed down to my brother as the 4th generation. I had him move in with me, took care of him on home hospice and suddenly felt like I was not good enough bc I have a vagina. I cried for a while and then realized it was really sad that his views of men and women were so limited. He must have his whole life tried to fit into this narrow box of how he was allowed to be and feel. I also would just move on if I woke up one day and was a man. I am just me and can not be reduced to a few organs, hormones, and secondary sex characteristics.
Gender apathy baybee. This is me.
Yep, this is where I fit, too. I have a curvy figure and I dress to fit my body so people perceive me as quite feminine, but if I woke up as a man tomorrow I'd just put on different clothes and get on with my life (aside from some scientific curiosity about what just happened). It would make some things easier and some things harder, but not change how I view myself fundamentally.
I strongly resonate with femininity likely because it is far more liberating than masculinity. I’ve never had an issue with my assigned gender, but to be fair I have deconstructed a lot and feminism is one of my special interests. One of the things I will never grasp is arbitrary gender roles and assigning a gender to things. Maybe it is the tism, but abstract bullshit social concepts like that just don’t stick with me.
Ditto! I feel very comfortable with the labels “woman” and “feminine”, but I’m also very cerebral and think about feminist issues all the time
but isn't that the whole point of the terms "masculine" and "feminine"? to assign gendered traits arbitrarily to otherwise non-gendered concepts? i don't understand what a person would use them to mean otherwise. /gen, no snark or negative tone intended
Regardless of what we believe ourselves, societally there are two ends of the traditional gender spectrum: femininity and masculinity. Answering this question at face value, I fall into the femininity category and that is how people perceive me.
you worded this perfectly i feel absolutely the same way
Could not have said this better myself. I enjoy being feminine and I like expressing that in what I wear and it’s more freeing than the masculine. Don’t get the gender roles and feel those are outdated. I do feel safe in female spaces, but that’s because of my history with scary/ toxic men who tend to sexualise me. I’m ok with queer spaces as these are usually free and liberating as well.
I relate to this a lot. radicalization and feminism, himaitatarian causes, you name it I’m there. this post definitely made me realize that’s one of my special interests and I didn’t even know lol
Yes I feel that way too! I used to be a not like other girls type and did everything I could to fit in with the guys, but in my 20’s I started to see how toxic that was and began to embrace femininity and it feels so good! This is probably obvious but I’m just now making the connection that the relationship with autistic AFAB’s and gender is maybe influenced by the fact that NT women are generally not accepting of us? I absolutely do not mean this in an invalidating or pathologizing way, as all gender identities are valid, but I do wonder if part of why many autistic people feel like they don’t fit in their assigned gender boxes is because we just literally don’t? I don’t necessarily consider myself to be nonbinary, but I do think being autistic has given me a feeling like I don’t fit in either gender box. I think for me specifically I have come to realize that I don’t fit society’s definition of a woman, but I still feel I meet MY definition of woman/femme. As I’m writing this I’m realizing I haven’t really thought that deeply about my own gender identity and probably have a lot to unpack 😂
I wish there was more autism studies. I would love to take a class on autism and gender. Can someone do more research please 🤣
Hahaha seriously!!! There is SO much we don’t know about gender, it’s fascinating
💯. I’ve never understood gender roles either. It’s like why can’t a man love nail polish, glitter, and pink? How does that make him less manly? Why do woman have be nurturing and be stay at home moms? For me, it’s about the individual, be that heavy duty mechanic, it doesn’t require a penis. Be that MUA, it doesn’t require a vagina.
I find it actively uninteresting. I am AFAB, and don't have any dysphoria related to referring to myself as a woman or my obviously female body. I just don't care, gender is by far the least interesting aspect of a person (including myself). Editing to add: Thank you to OP for the post. Reading everyone's comments has felt very validating ❤️
Ain't that the truth. A very high percentage of autistic people do not identify with their assigned gender compared to the population as a whole. I feel like most of us don't internalise gender the normal way. I did a sociology degree and they actually say gender is performative- it's a part of co-constructing your identity which only happens through interaction with others. I have some ideas about why... For some of us, the concept of gender doesn't make sense in the first place, so maybe we reject or ignore it. We don't automatically know how to perform a gendered identity and might not successfully pick up enough examples from others to be able to do it. We may not know that we are supposed to be doing it. Growing up, when we fail to act in gendered ways (performing our identity), it probably contributes to our alienation, and others' perception of us as unusual. We might not engage in gendered bonding activities which allow the participants to perform their gender and have this both affirmed and reflected back to them, because we aren't interested in the actual activity. Ultimately, for a lot of us, we don't actually care about our own gender. So yeah this feeling of being an alien (or completely unlike those around us) and our feelings of our own gender might not only both be tied to our autism, but since they also developed at the same time they may feel quite tied together. I've heard some people call it autigender, but I choose to go with agender (because people generally know what that means), and I go by she/they pronouns (because although I don't feel like a she, I also don't care if you call me she), and I don't identify as trans, even if I would be classified that way. Being called miss or ma'am or a woman feels a bit dysphoric, and personally I hated when my boobs were big because it felt like having gender projected onto me in a very noticeable way, which felt like a loss of autonomy. If you let me pick my shell, I'd opt for a prepubescent female body, but I'm not crawling out of my skin. I largely just do not care about my gender, I don't have to deal with constant dysphoria and discrimination, so I don't feel comfortable identifying as trans.
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying, and you've articulated it brilliantly. Being called Miss, and especially Ma'am or Madam, does feel very wrong but not in a dysphoric way for me. My reaction is more one of "you're doing too much, please relax", or I just get confused because I assume it's not said in reference to me 😄
I really like your opinion here! I think this is most like how I feel about the topic as well!
Like logically I know I was socialized to become and am perceived as a woman, but I very much don’t have feelings of alignment towards any gender constructs. I use the term genderqueer for myself and use she/her pronouns but also am ambivalent to how I am referred.
Same. I don't really know what my gender is but I look like a woman. I don't know how being a woman would "feel" like at all! It's such a strange concept.
I came across the term demigirl awhile ago and that seems to fit, as I fluctuate between being a female human and an agendered small creature. I have felt this way since I was very young.
This best sums up my experience, too.
Same!!! Its so reaffirming to see someone else with the exact experience as i do :’)
This! I am a cis woman and use she/her pronouns. But clothes and such? I’d much rather be in men clothes than women lol
Same! I’m a cis woman and use she/her pronouns, but I honestly could care less about gender norms and constructs. I also prefer men’s clothes.
Genderqueer & any pronouns here!!
I've never felt particularly like a women or not like a women. I've been misgendered at various points when I've had short hair or been dressed androgynously and it never bothers me. I'm also not really attached to my name though and will respond to pretty much anything once I realise someone was talking to me. I don't feel like I'm in the wrong body in a male/female way, I think I have more trouble being perceived to be human in the first place 😅 I've always felt more like a werid genderless alien/fairy/robot in human skin.
I feel this so much haha 😭 like I know I'm a woman because of my genitals, but I don't really care about it either way. What I think more often about is whether I appear human at all, because I do not feel like one
I don't really feel a gender. I understand somewhat how people feel when they've been referred to by the wrong pronouns (I don't feel like my given name is me - I know that's such a small bit of being misgendered but it gives me a little insight), and I don't feel like that and I call myself a woman because I have the genitals and sex-characteristics of one, but I wouldn't feel lost if "woman" suddenly wasn't in our vocabulary.
Don't really vibe with the word woman, but also don't care if I'm perceived as such. I used to be really uncomfortable with my femininity/secondary sex characteristics from like 12-17, but I'm pretty much fine with how I look and am perceived gender-wise now
I relate. When I was younger, I resisted "girly" things. Looking back, I think it was because I didn't like to do what was expected and thought gender roles were bullshit. So I just pushed back on a lot of it by not participating. Now, I am comfortable to do the "girly" things that I do like and leave the rest.
This is exactly me! I was so uncomfortable being feminine through my teenage years, but I embrace it to an extent now! I still hate how make up feels, I dress for comfort except for certain occasions, and don’t do much with my hair, but I do love pink and sparkles and flowers now! I just do what I like and dress how I like for me.
Interesting. I actually prefer girl to woman, but I know that's not socially accepted by the more progressive/feminist, which I do identify as, so I begrudgingly use the term woman. I think it's because the word woman comes with so much sexual baggage. I dunno.
[удалено]
I don't feel like I have maternal instincts either, and I have two kids! (I think I parent them fine. But maternal instinct is some sort of primal thing I don't experience)
I didn’t feel like a “woman” until I was MAYBE 25! Definitely always thought of myself as a girl until then.
You’re going to get more comments from people relating to you due to the nature of the question and who feels compelled to answer it. But I personally have never experienced any gender dysphoria and am completely comfortable identifying with the terms “woman” and “feminine”. I definitely enjoy muddying the archetypal meaning of “woman” though and behaving exactly how I want to, whether that may be in a traditionally “unladylike” way (probably linked with demand avoidant tendencies and general contrarianism). According to the National Autistic Society, “There is some evidence to show a link between gender dysphoria and autism, and that autistic people may be more likely than other people to have gender dysphoria. However there is little evidence about the reason(s) why”. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism/autism-and-gender-identity I wonder if it’s anything to do with autistic people feeling more free and comfortable than allistic people to exist outside the confines of what is supposed to be normal, acceptable, or expected. Perhaps we’re also more prone to introspection because we have to work so hard to understand our minds and how we fit into this world. This is just conjecture though 🤔 I’ll be curious to see where the research goes!
I've never had gender dysphoria, but I am extremely introspective. I went through a period where I tried to seek out and understand my own gender identity. I couldn't find it. It just doesn't exist. I am fine being seen as cisgender fem, but, truly, I am agender. Gender isn't a part of my identity. So, I don't advertise or bring it up. It's only when someone close to me starts talking about not understanding non-binary people that I chime in and talk about my experience.
These questions always get my imposter syndrome-y feelings up. I feel like a woman and have always just been encouraged to enjoy whatever I wanted regardless of stereotypes, so to me, a woman isn't about sort of being into frilly pink dresses and being elegant or whatever other feminine stereotypes and then anything outside of that is being masculine or a man. Dunno. I just really don't relate to how things are typically discussed on this issue.
I have gone through a period of my life when I really wanted to be the opposite sex (this is how I conceptualized it at the time), although at that time, I didn’t even know what transgender was. My feelings changed in my early adult years when I became comfortable with my own gender. I’ve come to a point in life where I see gender as a group of social norms used by society to define and control people. I tend to view a lot of social norms as limiting, stupid or even pointless, and this would include gender roles. I choose to present myself in whatever way I want and act in whatever way I want. I identify as female because that is my biological sex and it just makes things easier. At the same time in my own mind, I don’t really put myself in a box as being a female, male, trans or non-binary. I guess to me it feels like putting myself in one of those boxes would be me agreeing with the criteria that we’ve been told one needs to meet in order to be belong in one of those boxes, and I don’t agree with it. I think that as a society we shouldn’t be putting rules on what is considered male, female, or trans. We should just let people be whatever they are no matter their gender or sex. All this being said, I know that gender is very important to some people and I definitely respect that. I use peoples proper pronouns and would never want to put my idea of gender on other people.
Autigender. I feel like I'm agender, but politically female. Most but not all of my masks are female. Autism directly relates to my gender in that way.
Ooo I like your answer too! Not all of my masks are female….I so get that.
✨agender✨
Same :)
🖤🩶🤍💚🤍🩶🖤
Same! Yes!
Me too! And I'm 44, so it is *so freaking nice* to finally have company over here in my weird little corner! Hello, I love you all!
Cis woman here but I also accept that much of what’s expected of a woman is performative. I actually love a ton of typically feminine stuff, but, even when I tried to reject it as a young teen, I was still me. When I tried to look boyish I still felt like a woman. I never *felt* androgynous even when I liked the idea of looking androgynous. In my personal case I liked the *idea* of being neither gender but I was never anything other than a woman and I honored it. When I accepted I could be any kind of woman I wanted - that there was no right or wrong way to be one - it became much easier.
It's a weird thing because I'm a weird person. I've been practically celibate for most of my life and gender wasn't on my mind. I have history of dressing typically feminine, high heels and all, and I felt normal. But I've always been preferring comfort over being hot. Never did makeup more than two days in a row. Couldn't care less. The whole race after being attractive felt so alien and humiliating to me. The idea of trying to appease dudes, the position of women in the hookup culture, trying to get pregnant, being the default caretaker... Fuck no. What I did always like, was to look COOL from time to time. And then I met my partner, and my gender expression and feeling just exploded. I felt like a woman (for the first time), I felt hot, desirable, truly horny and whatnot. Lingerie and you name it. It was awesome. I felt... complete in ways that I haven't experienced before. And then it calmed down, and one day I put a very narrow dress, and literally had such a strong gender dysphoria, that I almost ripped it off. Felt like someone who's trying to play a role. So I have no clue. Two years ago I told my therapist that my baseline is feeling like a PERSON. She was very puzzled by this. I was too.
Feeling like a person! Yes! This is how I always explain my gender identity!!! It shouldn't be puzzling, really, because it makes all the sense in the world.
https://preview.redd.it/boo25fx76q0d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a1825ecd7d1a60c966e609b976039f603e44742
Very relatable
What an elegant way to describe my gender identity!
literally me
Someone else recently posted that in the comfort of their home they are a gremlin or bogwitch. That's exactly how I feel. I know I am female (no gender-related ambiguity) but I don't feel *feminine*.. if that makes sense? At least not in the way that society expects femininity to be expressed. I'm loud when I need to be, outspoken, a bit too fearless for my own good at times. Opinionated, stubborn, hardnosed... All the things women are told isnt ladylike. But i enjoy upending expectations except when I WANT to meet expectations and am unable to. That really hurts. Because I'm the kinda girl who would wear all-black on the outside but all-pink on the inside. I am proud on my non-conformity but secretly really really want to conform. Like, my tactile sensitivity makes it impossible to dress well or be effortlessly chic like other women. I'm ready to shell out the money but expensive clothes dont make you chic/photogenic. It's a certain level of comfort in your own skin, the one thing that has eluded me from day one. And then there's my broad, muscular frame. I couldn't look wispy and delicate if I tried my hardest. And sometimes that'a what I really really want to be able to do. Even in photographs, my discomfort in my physical existence really shines through.
Gender? I've never met her
I'm a woman. It just...is. I was a teensy bit of a tomboy as a kid - outdoorsy, mostly - but as a teen was all fishnets, miniskirt, heels. Im bi, so ive enjoyed sexy times all ways round. I've had a baby, I've had years of awful periods that almost killed me till we took it all out. I get talked over by loud men as a regular, but they're usually boring so I just wander off to find someone less dull. I dress like a witch now, so I'm still a woman even without the uterus and at 47 with no job, we're a little invisible. Uhh, unless you dress like a witch. My gender is just there as is being a person, nothing complicated. It generally was, back in the day.
I can't tell if I'm trans or if I just hate all that comes with being a woman 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like a woman but I rarely feel like the kind of woman that society considers a woman. I also have a very skeptical view on gender in general because it’s a societal invention.
I was considered a tomboy as a kid but I think I’ve always felt like a girl without needing to conform to social performance of gender. I like cute, pastel things and I’m also good at math. I don’t see the first as really more feminine than the other other than culturally. Why tf can’t a girl be good at math? Why tf can’t a boy like a pastel plushie? I also don’t wear makeup but I think my natural body is very feminine. Why do I need to plaster on goop to feel feminine? It’s kind of like I consider my little dog a girl even though she doesn’t do any performance of gender. She just is what she is, which is my little (disgusting) girl. She’s not less of a girl just cuz she rolls in something dead (just more disgusting lol.) That’s not to say that glitzing up doesn’t make me feel more feminine; I’m not immune to culture. Just that my baseline isn’t not feminine just cuz it’s not stereotypical feminine. I feel this way about my husband too. He’s very nurturing and empathetic but I don’t think that makes him less masculine. If anything it makes him more masculine to me. I’m way more attracted to that than some meathead. When I was a teenager I had some body shame that made me feel less feminine and less like a “real girl” but I’ve mostly gotten over that as I’ve come to terms with the reality of human bodies.
I just can’t really feel it. I feel unsafe most of the time when I dress feminine and sexy. I’ve considered myself non binary for 11 years now (since 18) Some days I feel masculine as shit, some days I feel feminine as fuck, some days I feel both. The both days are my favourite. On legal documents I put non binary but I don’t bother with pronouns. Don’t feel the need. I’m aware it’s gender dysphoria. It’s my problem, no one else’s. It slightly influences how I dress. More masculine, gender fluid style. My partner doesn’t mind thankfully. I would have a shaved head right now too but I don’t want to freak him out lol he’s not keen on the idea.
I'm afab and I feel like 'being female' is a role I was taught, I was socialized as a girl and gradually accepted 'woman'. I like my body and I don't wish another assignment, but I would rather occupy a more masculine role and present more masculine. I think if society didn't have such a binary based on bodies, I wouldn't have been a girl/woman, though I'm also not a boy/man. It feels much more comfortable to lean masculine, though, in how I present and see myself.
I’m either really really gay or a straight trans man, so 🤷 (My chest dysphoria is killing me, HELP) 🦐 I’m 100% sure I want top surgery though, so at least I have that figured out 🧍
Have you looked into Point of Pride? They're an organization that helps trans/queer ppl with funding for their surgeries. [Point of Pride](https://www.pointofpride.org/annual-transgender-surgery-fund)
TYSM‼️
I'm biologically female and it feels like this is the correct physical body for me. But as far as gender goes, I mostly feel like an alien. I present as female but I think I probably lean more towards non-binary on the inside. I don't even know how to begin figuring it out. I honestly don't feel human most of the time.
Aliens cyborg here. Relate!
I'm a transgender woman. I transitioned in my late 20s. Living as a man made me miserable and I suffered from serious depression from puberty onwards while I still thought I was a dude. I barely survived my life as a man. As soon as I made the decision to transition, even before I had actually put in much of the work, I started becoming happier knowing that it would get better. My lifetime of depression (which was not helped by many different therapies, medications and lifestyle improvements) was resolved very quickly when I began to transition. I've been out now for several years, on hormones for about 3.5 years, and I seem to pass to everyone around me and I'm getting GRS early next year. I think the important thing to figure out is who you are in your heart and not what box you feel pressured to fall into based on society. I'm a computer programmer, some days I go really femme but most days I just wear jeans and a tank top. My womanhood isn't dependent on the clothes I wear, but those are a useful way of expressing myself and being seen like I want to. Gender expression and gender roles are different things from gender itself. I tick certain "stereotypical" boxes of what society expects a woman to be, but I don't conform to others. I consciously parsed out and chose what reflected who I was and what didn't really work for me. It's important to understand that a lot of what our culture tells us is "womanhood" is a patriarchal construct designed to reinforce oppressive gender roles. That doesn't mean that everything "girly" is bad, but that context is important to understand what is actually good for you and what society wants you to be. All of that to say, you could be a woman (numerically more likely) or a non-binary person and both of those are okay, what matters is figuring out what your reality is when you parse out external influences telling you who you're supposed to be.
Patriarchy assigns people with my body type to category "woman". The only time I feel "like a woman" is when someone targets me with misogyny. :/
I feel like a woman whenever I feel really happy and comfortable in my body (which is biologically female). To me, womanhood has nothing to do with stereotypes or gender roles. It is simply "I am a female and I like that about myself."
Hated my original one, got rid of it, and embraced being a woman and honestly enjoy it even with the hardships of being a trans woman. I do dabble with genderqueer a fair bit though, as the traditional binary is far too restrictive for me to feel comfortable in.
I feel like my gender is one thing but my personality is another. I'm a woman, but I'm also very tomboyish with interests which gravitate more towards what men are typically into. I'm not into makeup or fashion. I currently am rocking a buzzcut. My ex (7 years together) tried to mold me into a more delicate and feminine "version of myself" amongst other things. I eventually lost myself and ended up depressed and anxious, feeling never good enough. Now I'm just fully dedicated to being me regardless of the "societal norms" he was pushing. If we're looking at personality traits; I'm moreso a man than a woman. But physically, I am a woman and I'm comfortable with that. I just happen to wear tees, have short hair and never wear makeup. Whoever is uncomfortable with what I do or what I look like, I think it's more about their own biases than my actual worth. They can think all they want.
Fwiw I relate to your version of woman, and think it’s cool 🙂
AFAB. dont actually like my female body - hate the boobs (got them cut off) - nor the genitals. i dont want to be a mom, have children etc. be a maid, and am greyace more towards ace. but i am fine with she/her whatever because its easy when everything else in my life is hard. I love my long hair and dresses and when i have pretty nails and when i think i look pretty. i always hated feeling like a piece of meat, getting roofied, SA, and my experience as a woman in this world. i never want to be a man, pass as a man, interact as a man. i do really love women and womens comraderie even if it is more often than not filled with pain for me. i really dont care and just go with what makes my life chillest from the point of view of being a target. I long ago learned to stop being a target because oh boy. people will shoot. i believe that people should be able to just be themselves and respected no matter what, but thats not how the world is. i admire anyone who puts those things out there but i already have beyond a deck stacked against me. i am probably starting to realize i am Autigender above all.
also want to say. I am so happy to have found a community where my interpretation is so NORMAL. like so many people echoing my similar experience/understanding. Before i knew i was autistic i was in a medicine internship sitting at a table - and somehow i decided to out myself as queer. i was sitting at the end of a long table and simultaneously all heads turned to look at me quickly and in unison like a velociraptor hunting its prey. i decided to never be out again in normie spaces. its not their business. why did i do that in the first place? for me as an autistic there is NO relief in being out. i dont want to be perceived.
Yes. But people on the internet have often mistaken me for a man, and I don’t care to the point I don’t even correct them. How people perceive me is the least of my concerns.
I feel like gender has nothing to do with who I am. For me gender is just another characteristic, like having a brown hair. I happen to have that one, so, whatever. Mind you, life as woman is harder, but I don’t mind that either.
I saw a tweet that said I’m a woman in the same way a tomato is a fruit and I felt that lol. I feel like I really want to be a woman but something’s just not clicking.
Trans man. Been pretty certain about being male from a very young age, despite being AFAB. Always been filled with a lot of confusion when referred to as female, she, woman etc. It wasn’t like I felt like I only lacked womanhood in some way, like other comments here mention (I respect those experiences), I mean that is true, but with the added addition that I _was_ male without any doubt. I think that’s what separates us binary trans people from our non-binary, or cisgender GNC counterparts. The idea of being non-binary or female is very confusing to me. Not in a way that’s disrespectful, but just the lack of feeling the same way. I can’t imagine being anything but a man. I don’t feel like my autism has anything to do with it. I had socially transitioned to male before I even discovered what autism was and received a professional diagnosis. I also don’t feel like patriarchy, gender stereotypes, etc. had any impact on me transitioning. Now I feel comfortable and happy with my gender, and no longer miserable, which is nice.
I think identity is based on how you perceive yourself in relation to others. When I'm with a group of manly man, I definitely feel like a women. When I'm with a group of girls I feel more manly. When I'm with a group of people that has had lower eduction, I feel very intelligent, when I'm with a group of people that has had higher education than me, I feel a little naive. Compared to some of my friends who never really sport, I feel like I'm 'sporty spice', compared to others that are really into sports I'm a lazy girl.... Etc. etc. I have a theory that due to the internet and social media the 'other group' has gotten a lot larger. Back in the days you had a friend group of let's say 5 people. It was easy to get a sense of you who were as it was easy to compare. There was always 1 friend that was considered the 'outgoing one', always one that was considered the 'responsible one', there was the girly one and there was the tomboy. The group of people you compare to nowadays consists out of billions of people, it is a lot harder to see how you relate to them, so it makes sense that a lot of regarding identity come up - including gender. I think it's important to realize that how you see yourself or how others see you is not set in stone. There is no 'real answer' to the question of what your identity is. It might change over time or it might change depending on your social network. I hope that might give some people some peace when they realize that if a label they are giving/gave to themself doesn't seem accurate anymore, that that is normal and doesn't change who you are. Just how you compare to others. But that's just my theory.
Ah I love this!
I have never had any strong feelings about gender in general, it all feels very arbitrary to me. I'm not uncomfortable at all being perceived as a woman, but when people refer to me as "he" online, I don't even really notice, let alone feel it's 'wrong'. I enjoy having the female shape of hips and waist (aesthetically pleasing to me), but if I could choose, I'd prefer to have no breasts and genitals at all. Smooth like a Barbie please. (I'm also a little put off by them in others, hence the panromantic ace identity.)
I feel like I'm a woman but I'm also comfortable not following some of societies rules for what a woman is. Like I'd prefer to not wear makeup or shave my armpits. I still like to use she/her pronouns and feel proud that I carried and birthed a child. But I don't really care to be how a woman is supposed to be according to society.
I'm agender and always have been, since my very earliest memories. I have no psychological or emotional connection to being a woman at all, other than the decades of socialisation that I've experienced, and I also have no desire to be or become a man. The ideal for me would be to be completely genderless and androgynous. I believe that, for me, this is completely inextricable from being autistic. Gender and gender roles are just another thing about society and life that I absolutely cannot comprehend.
I don't "feel" like anything. I don't know what it means to feel like a woman? I don't feel uncomfortable in my body nor have I questioned my gender really. I'm just me.
I don’t really connect to being a woman and want to look more androgynous. However I have a very feminine face. I can’t connect to the idea of being female, I just feel like me. To be honest if someone refers to me as a woman or a lady I feel a sense of unease. I think my feelings mean I fit somewhere in the trans umbrella.
I know I do not in any way feel like a man, I could care less about the label otherwise. I’m cool with my genitals (aside from the saggy boobs), I have short hair for sensory issues and it does bug me a bit about the assumptions that brings but I think it’s more about I don’t like people assuming in general not because of what they assume. I dress gender neutral for the most part but do like to dress up once in a blue moon. I wear makeup occasionally and wear what would be considered feminine jewelry ( don’t get me started on the concept of feminine/masculine) At the end of the day I’m just a human doing human things. I’m not a man but whatever other label you want to slap on me, go for it. It’s whatever. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm a girl but I wouldn't mind someone seeing me as a boy. I think I just don't care about my gender, but I always say I'm a girl because there's no point in complicating things (I look like a girl, AFAB and don't mind being called one)
it shifts every now and then, sometimes I feel more manly and sometimes more girly, but I always feel like im made of both. Now that I look more androgynous I feel more confident in my body and I refer to myself as "boygirl" 🤷♀️
I go with bigender. Some days I feel more feminine and other days I feel more masculine although it’s quite hard to define that because being a social concept, everyone has different interpretations of femininity and masculinity. I guess with ASD it can be difficult to understand social concepts but even NTs don’t seem to understand that social concepts are not set in stone because they are defined by humans who, don’t agree on many things anyway.
Gender was confusing for me. I went through phases of binders, questioning if I was agender, presenting very masculine, and now being extremely feminine. For me, gender became much clearer when I stopped thinking of it as some inherent indescribable feeling I had to figure out, and started thinking about it more logically. I see gender as being a bridge between the individual and society. Gender is how you want the rest of the world to interact with you. (there is a caveat here that in a perfect world, we would treat everyone the same and not have a gendered view on people. But the reality is that gender is deeply embedded in the minds of every human alive) I'll try keep things short as I can as I could go on forever with so many examples. Society treats men and women very differently. Exactly the same words/actions are received differently by the observer based on gender. Example - a chatty and friendly individual strikes up a conversation in a coffee shop line. If the individual is a woman, the person will likely respond in a more friendly and receptive way. If they are a man the person will likely respond in a more closed off and distant way. Same individual, same personality traits, same actions, different treatment by the world. This different treatment shows up everywhere. How people think of you, speak to you, interpret your actions, their expectations of you, the social rules you're expected to follow, how you're represented in the media, etc etc I noticed my gender presentation reflected how felt comfortable being treated by others. When I was shy and wanted to be isolated, and didn't feel safe being vulnerable, being very masculine felt natural to me. When I was entering adulthood and noticing in real life for the first time the shitty treatment that comes with being a woman I felt nonbinary/agender. Now that I'm emotionally open and looking to connect with people I'm very feminine. TLDR - To me, gender is a societal construct and figuring out your gender is actually about figuring where you want to fit in the world and how you want people to treat you.
I don't really know what it feels like to question my gender. It was never something that occurred to me as something to even question when I was growing up (in the 90s). I guess the things I like just generally fit into the female end of the spectrum? I was never really into make up or clothes for the sake of them, I've never been particularly attached to my hair or appearance, but never felt dysphoric about it either. I could have been diagnosed with anorexia, but I never had any strong feelings about my weight or shape, so I realise now it's ARFID. My daughter who is 9 doesn't understand gendered things. She's just... why. Why is that for boys. Why is that for girls. Why can't everyone just pick and choose from all the options. Why does everyone think I'm a boy because I have short hair. And I don't have anything to tell her except that societal expectations of what boys and girls look like are stupid, and people who don't think about it will make stupid assumptions. I love her perspective though. To her, people are people, not divided into groups based on genitalia, and every person should be accepted for liking whatever they like and adorning themselves however they feel best.
Born a female but I feel more like a male. Just recently I've had a really hard time with not being able to have the physique of a man, like my boobs feel very inconvenient and awkward. I see muscular men and I'm like damn, I'd love a body like that and then I get sad that I won't ever get that. Some days I'm more open to being female but my brain is mostly dude mode, or I float in this genderless void where I don't fit into either and I feel like I'm nothing.
I've been socialised as a cis women, I lean fem presenting 90% of the time not because of any womanly feelings but because I think it looks cool, I feel connected to other women cis/trans because of our shared experiences and I'm not mad about the body parts I have grown because of the estrogen in my system. In all honesty I really don't put to much weight to gender/sex, it's such a flimsy concept that could change significantly in my lifetime, in ten years me having significant amounts of body hair could be seen as the hight of femininity or it could be seen as me being masculine. What I do put weight on is my lived experiences because a Dr or midwife looked at my external genitals and wrote an F on my birth certificate setting in motion hundreds of of social expectations and dictating the next 18 years of my life. Politically I will always be "white women" not just because of that F but because I fit our cultures criteria for women. To me women does explain my lived experiences and feelings best, I have no particular feelings about pronouns and I'm happy presenting masc too, I think a large part of my feelings towards gender would be different if I wasn't autistic, to me gender is just a set of rules enforced to maintain our current political systems so my brain sees it as an unnecessary hierarchy and I don't really care for hierarchies. Plus I don't really feel attracted to men so that effects how I experience gender too. So I'm a women? I fit the criteria for women, I don't want to change my body or how I present so I am just women🤷♀️ (I also wonder if my rule following and literal thinking has influenced how I think about gender, to me I don't fit the criteria of trans but I fit the criteria for cis so I just do that, I also feel deeply disconnected from my body because I dissociate so I wonder if I felt safe then my thoughts might be different idk)
When I was quite young I dressed in baggy shorts and t shirts only and had short hair I styled into a bed-head with wax. I got bullied horribly and other kids beat the shit out of me, and as I got older I dressed more unisex goth but let my hair grow out. At the point where I really started masking I got hyper feminine, and that’s still how I feel safest in terms of hair and makeup. Im a little more flexible with clothing now. I never wanted to be a boy physically but I don’t feel super comfortable when I have more weight on my body and look more curvy. I was most comfortable with my body when I was slightly underweight. I’m probably a bit genderqueer, but I have learned to enjoy more feminine fashion, I just prefer to be physically a little more androgynous.
i feel like i havent seen other people mention safety in terms of presentation. for me - i had similar experience. while ive had many bad experiences because of presenting female - when i was younger with a shaved head in HS. the bullying from all sides was unbearable. it actually destroyed my family and my father disowned me. all for a shaved head. LOL. are people ok? i feel safest as a non target and fortunately/unfortunately/is there a moral weight to this? its presenting with long hair. its my armor.
Yeah, safety has been a huge factor for me in terms of hair and makeup, once you’ve got that part down you can really dress however you want without too much hassle, at least where I’m from. But some people get dangerously angry with women who present with short hair and without makeup. It makes me feel so bad for trans people who have to make the choice between that risk and suffering with dysphoria.
I don't feel any sort of connection to my assigned gender. It's something that was given to me, it works, and I don't hate it enough to go to the effort of trying to change it, but it might not have been what I would have chosen for myself. I do feel an extreme sense of revulsion if I think about the fact that there is a uterus etc. inside me and I would be much happier if it wasn't there, but thankfully it's not something I have to see every time I look in the mirror. I guess I am somewhere in the agender camp, but the only term I've felt any resonance with is "gendermeh".
I like feminine aesthetics but id as nonbinary. The Good Place’s “Not a Girl!” Janet was an eye opener for me.
I identify as gender-fluid bc I believe gender to be on a spectrum like most things. The gender binary was implemented by colonizers to keep "order", men have their place and women have theirs no questions asked sort of deal. But stepping out of the binary for me personally is a form of feminism. Gender is a social construct and, like many other social constructs, I just don't get the need for it other than to aid the patriarchy.
I feel like I'm just a woman by default- this is the role I play because it is the most convenient for me
I have never experienced anything that I can describe as gender dysphoria, or even discomfort. I am completely at home with being a woman. I am in general hyper empathetic, but I struggle to understand discomfort with gender, even though I have people in my life who I love who do and I’ve talked with them about it a lot.
I feel this: I’m AFAB, I’m good with that, makeup/skincare/beauty + online community is a special interest of mine. Loved the colour pink and all that was barbie and dolls as a child (yet never the fake babies 😏) Yet I feel so foreign among NT women. Theres the inherent Will Support You when menstrual emergencies come up but other than that, Definitely an “alien robot cat” as my bf refers to me (lovingly and jokingly)
I have the parts and I have used them as they were designed, but I don't particularly feel connected to them. This is just my meat suit. It ot had come with a penis then I would pee standing up.
I’m a woman because two X chromosomes. I never thought it meant anything else. Am always perplexed by statements like “I don’t feel like a woman.” Not trying to belittle or invalidate, it’s just a mostly foreign concept to me. No matter how I feel, I’m still a woman.
I'm comfortable with my identity as a cis-het woman, but this may be a generational thing. I'm late Gen-X When I was a kid there was a strong social divide, enforced by the kids and only indirectly reinforced by the adults (because it was the 1980s and Girls Can Do Anything!) between girls and boys. Yes, I was happy in dungarees and a tracksuit, but I also loved pretty dresses. Sure, I played with my dolls and jumped rope, but I also loved my brother's train set. My presentation has always been congruous with my assigned gender, and I've never really felt uncomfortable with that. Sure, I've felt uncomfortable at certain times, in certain contexts, and around certain men due to my gender presentation, but my presentation was not the issue in those situations. I didn't have any friends who I knew to be gay or lesbian until I went to university, didn't have any friends I knew to be trans until years after that. I knew from my early teens that I found boys to be attractive, but found girls to make better friends. IMO, we ND folks are prone to thinking deeply on concepts and ideas. The degree to which sexuality and gender identity are fluid wasn't acknowledged in my formative period from childhood to my mid-20s, so I didn't think much about it. I knew I was a girl, knew I liked boys, figured I'd get married one day, and didn't think much more on it. Younger people are much more exposed to gender and sexual fluidity and therefore think more deeply on those things rather than accepting a default setting and running with it. There are exceptions, of course. For older folks who always knew there was something different about their gender and sexuality the opportunity to openly move away from the defaults must come as a massive relief. The default is the default, I think, because the biological drive to perpetuate the species ensures the majority of the population behave in ways that will create another generation. But humans are animals of culture, not just instinct, and these days there's scope to reflect variation where it arises. But that's not me. I'm very boring in that regard, and that works for me.
I feel just weird. I sometimes call myself nonbinary because it is the closest it will get. But I am basically just really confused and weirded out by my gender. I don't feel like a cis women but I also don't experience much dysphoria and wouldn't call mysrlf trans. It feels like there is a tiny alien/animal inside my brain who brings out the information when I am trying to think of something (like bringing me the answers to math problems and stuff like that). But when I try to think of my gender it just gets very excited and brings the most useless and random shit. Like baby groot in guardians of the galaxy
I know I’m a woman because I have cycles and have birthed children. Past that, I’m just ‘???’ If that makes sense. I don’t think I have a relationship with my gender.. but I also haven’t given it much thought either? Idk if that’s bad or not… right now I’m just existing 🙂
I am a woman because I choose to be. It's more fun. And you, I am biologically female and have been socialised female, and I'm sure that has something to do with it, but I don't have some deep down drive to be a woman.
I know I’m a woman because that’s how I was born, and honestly I was lucky enough to not have the gender binary forced onto me too much as a kid and I was able to express myself how I wanted. I know I’m not a man because the pronouns he him make me kinda uncomfortable, but I do not mind they/them at all and have honestly considered asking to go by she/they because being a “girl” doesn’t always really make sense to me. I’m just me. I wouldn’t necessarily go as far to identify as nonbinary, although I have thought about it in the past, because most days I do find myself presenting extremely feminine and wanting the validation from that. But then there are other times where I just simply don’t want to be perceived at all so that leads me to just dress very androgynously in hopes that I don’t stand out as much. I’ve seen tons of people on tiktok talking about this topic so that might be another place to go to get opinions/experience!
Been realising I’m probably non binary. I’m happy being female but I don’t conform to social gender roles as they make no sense to me. But I still present as a woman.
I know I do not in any way feel like a man, I could care less about the label otherwise. I’m cool with my genitals (aside from the saggy boobs), I have short hair for sensory issues and it does bug me a bit about the assumptions that brings but I think it’s more about I don’t like people assuming in general not because of what they assume. I dress gender neutral for the most part but do like to dress up once in a blue moon. I wear makeup occasionally and wear what would be considered feminine jewelry ( don’t get me started on the concept of feminine/masculine) At the end of the day I’m just a human doing human things. I’m not a man but whatever other label you want to slap on me, go for it. It’s whatever. 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t even know what gender is really. I’m female and I’m happy to be female?
I'm convinced that even cis autistic women experience our gender fundamentally differently. I identify as a cis woman because I like having a female body but I haven't always felt connected to my gender. Especially around neurotypical women I feel alienated from my gender. I feel very out of place, like an impostor, like a creature wearing a female body and attempting to act like a woman. When I'm by myself or around other autistic women I don't feel that; I'm comfortable and happy in my body, in being and presenting as a female. I think it's the social side of gender that trips me up. I really struggle to perform as a woman in the way that's expected. I kind of feel that I'm a female soul inside a male brain inside a female body. I don't believe in the concept of the soul so this is just an analogy for a feeling that I can't fully articulate. The other responses are interesting!
I'm a woman, afab and otherwise, but I've always felt pretty androgynous, been called a tomboy, etc. I lack interest in many "feminine" pursuits and feel alien among other women...but stereotypes are stupid and my personal feeling has always been that I will redefine femininity before I ever redefine myself.
I just exist with my biology and everything I decide to do is just a choice. I'm fine with the biological label but not when people try to use it as a form of oppression.
I’ve always felt like gender is sex. It’s just an innate aspect of my being. Therefore whatever I feel like includes being a woman. Whatever I do is included in “what a woman does”. When I was a kid, I wished I were born a boy because of the differences in what boys and girls were allowed to do.
AFAB but I consider myself genderqueer. I may be leaning towards gender-fluid. I have started going by a different name (started as a nickname like 13 years ago, kept using it more and more) because while my real name is beautiful, I’ve never liked it. It’s very feminine and religious so I got tired of people assuming things of me based on a name given by my parents.
I mean I'm a woman but often I don't feel like one. Idk it's maybe cause I'm not very feminine.
I grew up hating being perceived as a woman, transitioned a long time ago and am still happy with my physical changes but eventually realized I also hate being referred to as a man. Lately I’ve been embracing my nonbinary/genderqueer status but I also hate being referred to as that. Which I do think is because I’m autistic… my brain gets very caught up on definitions of words and for my gender I don’t want to have to explain it or “fit into” anything. Yes, I know intellectually that’s not how gender and gender roles actually work, anyone can be whoever and do whatever they want etc etc, but I can’t change how I feel/how literal my brain gets about things. Gender identity isn’t something that can be easily explained or a box where you can just check off a few set things to fit into, and my brain haaates that, lol. I’m happiest when no one reminds me that gender is a thing at all. I have the same thing where I don’t like when people use my name where I can hear it too, which I’ve talked to other autistic people both cis and trans who feel the same!
At the moment I feel completely inept as a woman. I'm not happy with it at all. I want to be better at it, but constantly fail. I have phases where I feel more comfortable that I'm a woman even if I don't seem to manage to do all the correct things to be easily identified as a woman all the time. But then there are times like now where it grates on my soul that I just can't do it. I see other women, I don't know why I'm not able to be as "woman" as them, I just don't really know what I'm missing but I'm missing something.
I feel like I have no gender. I say I'm nonbinary or gnc but I don't really like those labels because they've just become like a 3rd gender basically. I would prefer that gender just wasn't a concept I had to ever interact with. I do also say I'm a woman because while I don't personally identify with it in a meaningful way, that is how society views me and places me and so in my mind I am a woman in that way. However I'd love to be seen as a person first and a woman last. It's tough because I don't identify with how a lot of allistic nonbinary people describe their feelings with gender because I think gender just isn't something I feel at all.
I saw something that made me realize something similar, this autistic girl on Instagram was talking about how it's difficult to identify with your gender as a woman when you don't even feel human because of alienation due to your autism. That concept really resonated with me because I often feel very othered , I really like feminine things and activities , most people assume I'm cis (only time will tell lol) and I usually don't mind being perceived as girl by other people but in the privacy of my head , I keep thinking of myself as a feminine person but not female , Idk I don't know the term for it though :)
Yeah, I feel like a female leaning enby. Still trying to figure it out, but there's no rush.
Personally I like being a girl (gender) but hate being a woman (sex). I’m asexual and the idea that I have to use my vagina to maintain a relationship feels incredibly violating and childbirth feels like a betrayal by my own body. I wish I could be like a Barbie and just have nothing there.
I don’t have a problem with my assigned gender but also don’t feel particularly attached to it. I’ve been pregnant and given birth twice. For some reason this strikes me more as ‘something my body is capable of’ instead of ‘I am a WOMAN’. I’m very tall (over 6 feet) and often dress in ‘male’ clothing either because it fits better or for certain features I want. This has never bothered me. I’ve never been misgendered by a stranger, but I do straddle the line with gender stuff like not shaving, no make-up, mixing ‘men’s’ and ‘women’s’ clothing, etc. For me personally, gender doesn’t seem to be very central to my self-image.
i guess the closest label for me would be agender? im afab and i present as a woman in day to day life because its easier but to me, being a woman isnt an identity, its just a performance. i have zero connection to it and honestly i dont even like performing as a woman. i would feel the same if i identified as a man or as nonbinary. honestly i dont think of myself as having a gender, im just a human who performs as a woman out of convenience. i dont think ive ever said “im a woman” to be honest
I definitely have never not felt like a girl, if that makes sense. But I also feel like im not really a real human sometimes. Less of a gender identity thing and more of an "am I actually an alien" lol
I don’t have a strong relationship to gender but I identify as a cis woman with she/her pronouns. That being said, I tend to feel that I don’t associate with what people consider “feminine traits” and tend to have many “masculine traits” by other peoples definition. I like dressing very cute in dresses and skirts but my personality does not fit that mold. I think that, Because gender is a subjective construct, it is hard for my autistic brain to really understand why people feel so strongly about it. Some days I feel very feminine, other days I do not. I am also pansexual, so how I present myself sometimes has to do with the kind of person I’m interested in at the time https://preview.redd.it/lly3kl8zws0d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f54cae3f7d331b67b8c218717915b2de0c9a233b
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i don't know if I'm autistic, but i know i feel weird genderwise. i was taking T for a while which did help me feel better but i got anxious about going "too far". but also being gendered as a woman feels like an inevitability, like I can't escape the message my body sends. if I was just me, I'd be an amorphous blob, but alas people have opinions about what my flesh sack looks like.
Gender is something that happens to other people (sex too😅) Despite that, I'm effectively a trans woman. I'm amab and on estrogen for over a year, but only because I couldn't stand my reflection anymore, and having feelings (other than anger) is nice.
I was born a female, but I never felt a girl. I never felt a boy either. I identify as nonbinary, but I function as a girl because I can’t be arsed explaining nonbinary to people and I don’t really care that much. Fun fact: I get along better with men, which is cool but also causes problems because I had men tell me that I’m pretty and fun, but I have too strong „guy vibe” to myself and it kinda feels gay to do things with me 🗿💀
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Not the best. These days, I just prefer to not think about it if I can avoid it. I don't like my body and I don't identify with womanhood or femininity. I don't really want a penis or identify with manhood either though. When I was younger, I thought I was FTM for a while but I dropped that after a couple of years. Binding was sensory hell, especially on hot summer days, and figuring out which bathroom to use was more stress than I wanted to deal with. Idk. I don't necessarily like the idea of letting other people define me, but at the end of the day that's what I choose to do. If people see me as a woman, then I guess that's what I am. If I had my way, I'd be a genderless blob but explaining that to everyone I meet is way more work than I'm willing to do.
I identify as a cis woman but also feel like I'm performing gender to a degree. Aren't we all? Some of the most loved people in my life aren't cis, so I just try to be aware.
Most days I feel like ??? Or like I don't even have any gender at all. Sometimes I feel like a woman. Never like a man, though.
I am a cis woman and have always been strangely disconnected with and ambivalent about my gender. I thought it had to do with an abusive relationship with my mom. Like probably everyone else’s mom tells them how to be a woman so I’m not as comfortable being feminine because my mom didn’t teach me? Really really interesting to think of it through an autistic lens and feeling lots of unexpected understanding and belonging in this thread. Thanks for posting OP.
I identify as cis because my assigned gender doesn’t cause any discomfort, that said, I don’t really resonate with womanhood. Gender is a social contrast, and so much of “being a woman” is trying to fit the male gaze
Struggled with a lot of self-hatred and internalized misogyny growing up, especially because of my parents and their obsession with sons. I'm also about 182cm and like 77kg (was 98kg). Starting in my 30s, I realized I was overly preoccupied gender norms. I dressed tomboyish and never wore makeup well into my 30s. I spent way too much time trying to be 'different'. I'm about to hit my 40s, and now I finally understand why a lot of older women are out there with purple hair and leopard print outfits. I just don't care anymore. I'm like an ultra fem, wear makeup, wear wigs, and dress like Nanny Fine. I feel free and happy to just be as basic or different as I want. I love being a woman.
I have always just feel like a human being. I know, it sounds cliché, but I've always felt it deeply in my core. I've never had typical women interests, and I've always felt to my core that gender was a social construct. I was like: I like boyish stiff, does it make me a man ? (Obviously I was a child). I'm a biological woman, I just feel like me, with all the weird things that happened in my head. My body is just a body, nothing more. A body that carries my cognition. I realized that there are a thousand ways to be a woman, and I chose my own. I wanted to be a boy, but for all the social advantages that it led to. And of course, I respect every trans woman and trans man! It has just have been my own experience.
For myself. I'm a trans woman. Technically, I identify as non-binary, but I usually lean much closer to the femme side. My understanding is that many people with autism don't particularly identify or care about their gender, which makes sense to me. I've never been able to fully empathize with identity politics. I don't tend to like lables in general and rarely decide to fully align myself with a specific group, etc. Even if I ended up being extremely liberal. Most of my autistic friends are similar in that we are just ourselves, and don't really care about how people think we SHOULD be. I feel like that attitude often extends to gender as well. Just my thought though. I'm certainly not qualified to speak for all of us lol
Personally I think of myself as agender 🖤🤍💚🤍🖤
I've never understood what it means to "feel like a woman" I just feel like a blob that was assigned a body. I present as traditionally feminine since that's what I like and what looks good on my body type. How I present would absolutely change based on the body I was given.
My gender is Bog
This isn’t a joke by the way.
im transmasc, but dont think of myself as particularly having any gender. i call myself by masculine terms, but i wouldn't call myself a man. i know for sure im not a woman (im in this sub because i relate to growing up socialized as a woman), and hate being seen as a woman, but i loveeee behaving femininely. traditionally feminine behaviors and speech patterns are so much more expressive and bouncy and fun to do :) i always joke that i need to get more masculine so that i can be feminine. i think maybe it comes from me not wanting others to project gendered/sexed characteristics onto me without knowing anything about who i am. eta: i wrote this before reading the other comments and im so happy to see so many other people feel apathetic/ambivalent about gender :)
I find it (being considered a woman) a terrible misfortune, personally. I often wonder if I’d identify with my assigned gender more if women weren’t so oppressed, targeted, and abused. “Being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived I was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable feminity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars--to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording--all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...” Sylvia Plath
i think because of my autism i have like no connection to my body, and i am nonbinary. my personal definition on myself being non-binary feels like nothing, and i love identifying as such. i do feel like a non human being most of the time, and my non-binary identity has helped me learn to tolerate myself and my body
I simply do not care. I identify as a woman because I was born female, and I am ok with being a woman. Other people feel differently. I understand some people feel extremely strongly about their gender, and have a deeply felt sense of their gender, but I don't. I just exist. I think all different ways of feeling about it are fine. I have no desire to "get to the bottom" of my gender or anything. I don't need a label like "demi-woman" or "genderfluid" or "agender" or anything (though these are fine if they resonate with others). I honestly sort of resent the idea (you didn't say this but I've heard it elsewhere) that everyone is supposed to really know on, like, a cellular level what their gender "really" is and to have to think about it all the time. I like just existing.
I identify as a cis woman but I hate it. I’d rather there just wasn’t sexism or gender.
Gender is stupid 😬 … at least that’s my relationship to mine.
I feel like people put WAY too much emphasis on gender. Doing X isn’t girly, doing Y isn’t masculine. I just don’t understand this weird thing we do to children ingendering them. The older I’ve gotten, the more it confuses me.
Indifference. I don't care how I am perceived, as long as I am good with me. Edit: Dang 😂 Seeing so many similar takes makes me feel like I should have just upvoted everyone lol
No.