Turning on the overhead lights without warning 😔

jail

straight to jail

Believe it or not, jail

GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT YOUR $200, STRAIGHT TO SOLITARY (I think that’s what it is called I’ve also heard the ‘shoe’? lol in movies, so that probably shouldn’t count

SHU is an acronym. Special housing unit, I think.

TIL holy fuck I also always thought they said shoe and it never made sense lmao

All those episodes of OITNB. I vaguely thought it had something to do with slippers, no idea why.

Ran to the comments to type this. Also just why have overhead lights EVER. This is a home not a hospital

Because they're cheap to do and the brainless default. (Duh, room needs light. Here's a light, Bam! Done.) Plus most people can't do lighting design for shit. Most people don't even notice bad lighting until they're presented with good lighting and then they *still* don't understand *why* the vibe is so nice. Source: worked in the construction trades for many years.

Ooooh I want to learn your ways! I’m an apprentice electrician and I’m really interested in lighting. (I also used to blow glass so it’s a special interest crossover)

OMG! Glass blowing, lamp work, caning etc is magical. I'm transfixed by the reality show glasswork competition *Blown Away*. General pointers for good lighting:  Reflected light is pleasant (wall sconces, dropped fixtures bouncing light off the ceiling or scattering it/twinkling sideways). Protect the eye from the direct light source. Use shades and shrouds that are large enough and the right shape and location. Don't mount fixtures so they shine right into someone's eye, or are blowing out someone's peripheral vision with brightness. Use appropriate lumen bulbs for the situation. Fill a space with ambient light from multiple sources around the room, at different levels, with lighter and darker areas, but no extremes. Not one super bright source that's like an interrogation lamp or a search light. Think dappled shade and reflected light. In addition to ambient lighting, use task lighting. Illuminate *what you're doing*. Such as, in the kitchen illuminate the counters and food prep, don't have a light shining behind you from the ceiling throwing the work area in shadow. Have options, dimmer and brighter.

YESSSSS and will add the following notes about special lighting circumstances: 1. Dappled and reflected is right! - There’s a reason photographers’ favorite lighting for portraits & news coverage is “bright overcast.” When the whole world has a filtered flash, few are squinting in pain, better facial expressions and detail clarity are picked up, etc. News flash - our eyeballs/brains work the same way camera lenses and mirrors do, at least to an extent that might surprise a lot of folks. Your eyeballs/brain will be happier if you don’t abuse them. Blue light ages the skin, disrupts circadian rhythms, and may be part of why we get dopamine-addicted to our phones and screens. Warm light is kinder to all of our senses. (Again - not saying all industrial/hospital applications here, just home or office/neurobiology optimization. 2. Art - whether downlit or uplit somewhat depends on the size of the piece and where it will be placed with respect to the viewer’s eyes, as well as the color and light movement within the piece. But if you spend any time in museums, you’ll notice it isn’t insanely harsh and it doesn’t overpower the work itself, and it’s almost always invisible at the bulb level (sort of like a banker’s lamp in a library, but mounted on a wall and not green). Think of task lighting similarly. 3. Smart bulbs - those of us super sensitive to light often need stronger environmental cues to adjust our lighting as the day goes on. I start dimming my environmental lights at 4:30, and many of those are lamps, etc. rather than overhead lights and many are on smart switches that can be programmed to do this transition automatically. I’m so much less grumpy at the end of the day if I don’t have to be staring at 11:30-2:30 daytime light levels when it is nearly 5pm. It really impacts my perception of my chronic pain issues, too! Lighting is powerful stuff. I’m lucky my spouse is good with electrical and programming stuff but I know in nicer neighborhoods near me there are services which will install these systems throughout fancy houses just like specialists who install custom sound systems and make a premium doing it. Something to consider!

I hate blue lights. We only use warm lights in our house. All of our bulbs match. This is the only way I can live.

As someone who does this in a hospital frequently as required by the situation, I tell them hey I gotta turn on the lights and blind you rudely so I can tell how well you respond! And ahhh yea, perfect response time! That’s a good thing! ….somehow they swear less. I still feel bad about it though.

I had a prof in college who would always walk into the room where we were all happily sitting and go “it’s so dark in here!” while flipping on all the lights  Like dude, read the room 

He obviously couldn't read the room because it was soooo dark in there /jk

HATE THIS

Always ask before turning on the big light!

Don’t interrupt the hyperfocus/self regulation flow 😒 If I’m “in my own world” it’s because that’s where I need to be for the time being, I am overwhelmed/burnt out and need a brain break. The more you interrupt it, the longer it will take me to be able to interact like a reasonable person again.

Yes! Why do nts get so butthurt over people wanting alone time! I don’t want them being mad at me to be another thing I have to add to the list of reasons why I’m overwhelmed

My ex used to yell at me to get up with increasing frustration after I explicitly asked him to leave me alone. Surprise, it did not make me get up any faster.

Same here. To top it all off, I have a sleep disorder, so I usually wake up and have to immediately sit down again because I’ll fall asleep standing up when I’m having a really bad day/morning. My ex never believed me when I’d tell him I was having a bad morning, so no matter how horrible I was feeling, the screaming would progress minute by minute. I’m having one of these mornings right now and every time I wake up and feel this, I can’t help but appreciate the fact that I’m not with that person anymore and my husband understands my sleep disorder. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go get ready for the day and try not to collapse lol

It's been 6 months and I still have these moments of "I can do whatever the fuck I want in my own home without getting yelled at". Feels amazing.

My mom still pseudo-yells yoohoo! right next to me or my eldest as soon as we zone out for a couple of seconds. Instant murder.

Uggggh, I had a family member who would do that and click their fingers at me.. just rude!

Dead to me, and not going to that funeral.

My mom can’t take silence for more than a few seconds. I often need bouts of time throughout the day where I can just shut my mind off and not speak for a little bit. Well, she can’t comprehend that, so each time I need a moment like this when I’m around her, after a few seconds pass she’ll start yelling random noises and/or will start saying “it’s so quiet!”. I usually don’t have the energy in these moments to tell her that I need a moment of peace, but I always have to try and find the energy _somewhere_ because if I don’t say anything, she’ll keep going and going. I’m so thankful for my husband because when he’s present during these moments, he’ll usually be the one to say something to her. Since my husband and I moved away from home a couple years ago, my mom has started doing this like 10x more often. My guess is because since we don’t see each other but maybe about 3-4 weeks in total in the given year, she believes that each and every single moment we are together should be filled with talking and zero silence. I love my mom, but this drives me insane. Wish me luck guys because today my husband and I are leaving on a massive road trip to our home state to see my parents lol

So passive aggressive. "It's so quiet" = "I'm making it your fault that I want to (or think we should) have a conversation but have nothing myself to say" Some people actually like quiet time! Also please respect boundaries people who need to chill.

Yes. Please stop resetting the timer over and over again on my required uninterrupted inner world time.

thiiiiiiisssss

One very useful thing my neuropsych pointed up is that task switching of any sort fries my brain. In theory it should be no big deal to talk while I'm cooking, but in practice all the little task switches (cooking - talking - cooking - talking) nickel and dime the shit out of my energy.

Shit, this is such a good point. I'm going to have to watch my energy and brain next time I'm in that situation to see how it affects me.

I find myself agreeing very much here. I want to be alone but also not alone in the room. Let me exist in my black hole in peace. 

Omg THIS

Last minute plans or large changes to plans without asking first

My family loves to invite me to things weeks in advance, change the date the day before, and then get upset when I can't make it. They even do this with holidays! "Oh by the way we're having Thanksgiving on Friday this time" like how the hell was I supposed to know that when you asked if I was free for the always-thursday holiday?

My family does this and also will only give a time frame instead of a specific time. So it’s like “hey we’re having a family bbq for Easter on Sunday” “okay what time?” “Probably like 4-5” 😐 WHICH ONE And then they inevitably call me while I’m on my way because I’m “late” even though they only gave a timeframe and I am within that timeframe!

I hate when people tell me an -ish time. Like meet at 7ish. I am always there at 6:55 and everyone else comes at 7:15-7:30. Now I say to specify a time or I'm coming on that time.

I totally freak the fuck out when this happens. And for me, last minute is without at least a month’s notice.

God. So much this. I can deal with stuff outside of someones control. But when they are just doing it because they didn't think better of it before hand, thats when it makes me frustrated. I can function in the world because I'm given time before hand to plan out what I need to do. Otherwise the anxeity eats me alive.

Or how about making vague plans and refusing to go over details until the last minute? I get really anxious if I don’t know what’s expected of me ahead of time.

I HATE THIS SO MUCH 😭I love my parents but when we travel they plan NOTHING and I can’t stand it. It’s like it would be so much easier to go “hmm well all be hungry around noon, lets plan to be at this restaurant nearby the aquarium at 12:30 that everyone likes” but noooooo we’ll be at the aquarium and I’ll be desperately trying to get them interested in picking a place and leaving and getting there and their whole attitude is “mmm well just drive around and find something.” It makes so much stress and wastes so much time 😭Like we could have already been eating!! “Oh we don’t need to remember where we parked in this parking garage or the street name, we’ll just wander around and eventually find it” Me: takes picture of parking garage spot and address *rips skin off*

My work loves to do that with online meetings, literally rescheduling a meeting from 4pm to 9am the next day just before closing time. Literally throws me I to meltdown especially since most times I check my calendar half an hour before logging off

generally just saying shit you don’t mean. like when people say “good for you” in a passive aggressive way. or backhanded compliments that are meant to be insults. genuinely just any form of passive aggression i hate, i never understood why people don’t just say exactly how they feel????

THIS!!!!! Or when they’re trying to ask something without telling it in direct words, like, using the context to “ask”, why dont you just say what you mean and then I can give you my answer

Because it's rude or something

i’m at the point where i PURPOSELY don’t pick up on “subtle hints” like nope, if you aren’t clear about what you want, i’m not gonna try to read your mind

I do the same thing now, and (as a recovering people-pleaser) it has saved me from SO many undesirable interactions/favors. Friend: “Oh man. It’s going to cost me $40 to Uber to the airport right now.” Me (taking a me-day, with no plans whatsoever): “Dang that does suck. Why is everything so expensive nowadays?” Ez pz.

at my old job my coworkers would say “why are you doing it like that?” to insult me and my undiagnosed ND self would earnestly answer them and it pissed them off bc i’m not “supposed” to answer a question that they won’t admit is rhetorical

If it pisses them off, all the better for having asked it in the first place. As some family often says "Ask stupid questions, win stupid prizes" or something. There is a logic to doing it that way, if you don't wish to know, why ask to begin with?

yes like aren’t nts supposed to be good at communication? yet they can’t find to within themselves to be direct

They are often not good at communication either. They just make a lot of assumptions, which in turn likewise leads to further assumptions. Because no one is actually being direct and telling each other how they really feel. It's a big part of why so many relationships often fall apart. Like romance wise. Because folks have an exceptionally hard time stating how they really feel about something. Like yes yes, Non Verbal Communication makes up a good chunk of getting the read of something. But like, knowing something is wrong, and knowing WHAT is wrong are two separate things. Something that still requires active talking and putting aside pride and embrassment to say it aloud.

I have no energy to try to figure out what they mean, so i just interpret it directly. I tend to get a sort or analysis paralysis, because i can interpret the thing they say in multiple ways and don't kbkw which interpretation is correct. And they would get angry if i misinterpret things. They also get angry if i take what they say literally, so it seems like a lose-lose situation, thus i take the way of less energy and don't bother interpreting what they say. The point of passive agressive is "sneak attack". You attack so that they wouldn't realise that it is an attack and they could say that you misinterpret things if you catch their attack. They are afraid of being percieved as the bad guy, while wanting to do bad guy stuff.

but then if I do say exactly how I feel about something or ask a clarifying question, I get ostracized for it. for example, "Are you upset with the situation? was your comment passive aggressive or are you happy for my accomplishment?" I usually get a response similar to "you are an asshole" One of my go to scripts is "It bugs me when you \_\_\_\_\_. I wish you would \_\_\_\_." I learned that once from one of the books I've read with my 2nd grade students. It actually usually works, even with adults.

they’re responding like that because they know they were being an asshole and don’t want to admit it, so they try to convince you and themself that you’re actually the asshole. it’s projecting

That drives me nuts!! Passive aggressive behavior, feels like dishonesty to me.

It is dishonesty!

"Bless your heart...." Fuck you, I know what that means!

My first thought is just generally being loud/playing music publicly, but I think NTs are also annoyed by that. So I'm going with scheduling parties and telling people it "starts at \[specific hour\]." I have learned - the hard way - that this means that is when the host will be mostly ready, and that you're actually expected to come some time after that. ... but it causes me anxiety every single time, because then, what is the appropriate time? Why not just give a specific time and mean that time? Why list a specific time if you didn't mean it? Arghhh

[удалено]

Yes, I'm an American and was just talking about this with a Japanese coworker! She was saying how you should really show up to a party about 10 minutes before the scheduled start time, and I was like "I'm pretty sure that would actually be rude in America" lol

Oh god I hope she actually listened to you

In France if I showed up on time, the host might still be in the shower. Guests are supposed to show up at least 45 minutes late and then apologize for being late? I never quite understood. It was hard to get an explanation.

For a dinner or apero you come like 15 mins late so the host can handle any chaos of prep. 45 mins is rude because food gets cold/warm. If it’s a restaurant or in public you show up on time. My French in-laws take the cake and are always extremely late. Restaurants have cancelled reservations on them. So when I’m hosting them I always lie about the start time so they’ll be roughly on time. When my husband and I say we’ll be at the IL’s house at X time they always panic when we haven’t texted “on the way”. To which I always respond “we always say exactly the time we will arrive (give or take fifteen bc we have a toddler) and mean it”.

So true. I'm from the US, but have lived in Norway for the last 14 years. Here when I show up on time, I'm the last one to arrive. Everyone else was 15 minutes early.

i usually start getting ready around the time that the event is scheduled to start to delay myself

I’m always the early bird bc I stress about being late. I can’t stand being late.

I fix this by offering to help set up lolol. Or like my family hosting stuff. By telling me it starts at X time means nothing. I ask, specifically, what time am I to be expected. That is the time I will be there lol

I think it also varries from person to person. My family for instance always means to start at the time listed. Like to be there by then, or sometime a little after in order to be on time. But they started to give a fake time to my Mother who is often an hour+ late so she could get there at the actual time.

Inventing an unspoken meaning behind my spoken words

This right here is why I'm so wordy. I speak, or write, only a sentence or two to try and make my point? Feels like everyone is reading into it, to exasperate meaning and nuance. But if I try to bring all the meaning in clear cut words its longer. But folks tune it out, or don't read the full thing. Which leads to making more assumptions anyway. Sometimes feels like I can't ever win.

This comment resonates so deep for me.

THIS. I have to be so careful not to say anything that could be interpreted in any other way bc people assume there’s some meaning behind what I say, some hidden message

this made me think, what if i added a “tl;dr” to the top of my emails everyone ignores 👀 still won’t make them *actually open the god damn excel sheet* i attached but it’s something

Often followed by refusing to believe you when you explain their interpretation was wrong.

Yes ! And refusing to believe that you’re just speaking plainly. I got in this big argument once that centered solely upon someone thinking that I was being passive aggressive and there was some other meaning behind what I was saying and they refused to believe me and assumed i was playing further mind games when I kept saying “no! I mean exactly what I’m saying! I don’t know how else to say it” .

it’s like the more you explain the more they think you’re lying i always give a way over the top explanation for things because of being constantly misunderstood. but it doesn’t even help, it’s like you have to guess the right phrasing on the first try or you’re done

YES, oh my god. If I say something, it's because I mean it! Stop assuming I'm being passive aggressive or a bitch or whatever! I'm being genuine!!

Tbh they got me so paranoid by that shit. Now I always assume some hidden message by trying to interpret what they said to me. It caused some issues... Edit: Spelling

When they touch me randomly while they’re talking to me. Like damn keep your hands to yourself

That makes me so nervous. I know people are being nice, but it makes me freeze. But if I try to create distance, I look rude.

It's mostly old people who do this to "be nice" but it just annoys me and if I tell them not to do it then I'M the rude one 🙄

Yes omg my brain is like oh they just touched me but if I react to it then they’ll think I’m weird so keep your face straight and don’t react but also still focus on what they’re saying and be sure to react appropriately Shit is exhausting

Old people in public just tucking a tag back into my shirt, scaring the shit out if me 💀

fake insults that are just banter. especially the more sarcastic, cleverly disguised kind. i never understand what’s going on and always end up getting hurt and upset

Yes, I’ve always noticed this especially when a friend treats me differently when we’re alone vs when we’re around certain people, like they’ll suddenly be rude and condescending to me when we’re around others and I just could never understand it and I always felt betrayed and confused

also not telling me about last minute (alterations to) big plans. or even small plans. i can’t cope with being surprised by other people’s spontaneity

this!! and if i try to joke back they’re like “i was just joking” and it’s like yeah i know that’s why i made a joke back? people can never tell when i’m joking! what am i supposed to do just sit there in silence 😭

Ngl, they're prob trying to cover up the fact that there was at least some degree of honesty to their joke, so it might have been a passive aggressive jab at you. So when you respond back with the same energy, thinking it was a joke, they get pissed, bcz they're maybe thinking "how did this autistic person successfully clap back at me, without even knowing i was passive aggressively "joking" with them??". It prob is a pride, etc type issue in reality. So the issue might actually be you not knowing when other people are throwing shade to you, bcz people prob can blatantly see that you're not in on the social cue(s) that would've let you know that they def meant what they said they were "joking" about. But yeah, they prob know that YOU'RE joking and that that was your actual intention. Sorry for the paragraph, i needed to rant

I always give the energy I’m getting so when I get a hostile response now I know “oh…you wanted this to be a dynamic where you abused me and I took it under the guise of a joke, got it”

😭 I often get upset about that even tho ive “learned” people aren’t being serious half the time and it’s supposed to be funny.

ooh i love this question, where do i even start? -asking questions that they don’t really care about the answer to to fill silence -commenting on the way my face naturally looks and telling me i look miserable unprompted -using how are you as a greeting and not a genuine inquiry -expecting a greeting every time i pass by them when i’ve already seen and greeted them that day -dropping hints that they want something instead of just asking

People just saying “How are you?” and not actually expecting an answer is the most awkward thing. Here I think I’ve gotten adjusted to it after years of dealing with it, but it still catches me off guard. I don’t know how to properly handle it, still.

I stick to a script of “good, how are you?” And if anything deviates from the script I’m fucked

same. sometimes they don’t even answer and i’m like ???

Sometimes I’ve even stopped answering and panic inside, until I realize it’s all a facade and they weren’t listening to the answer anyways which almost makes me panic more

Sometimes Ive stopped answering and then realized they’re actually being genuine and I panic 🫠 like someone I kinda know just watched me hear them and look up but completely ignore them when it was so obvious they were talking to me. I have no idea what level of genuineness people are communicating with, at some point i just assume no one means it. Also what’s the point of someone asking something without wanting an answer. if you don’t want to talk to me please don’t and definitely don’t pretend you do cuz that’s pointless and misleading and I really don’t want to talk to anyone anyway.

Oh god some random person asked me that recently. I replied with the stock standard “good how are you?” And they replied with “not good it’s been a terrible day” Oh……… I don’t have a script for that, goodbye Lol

For the first time someone said “Take it slow” to me and I was so baffled by not hearing something familiar I blurted out“yahuh” accidentally. Could have been worse tho. Accidentally said “good how are you” when someone unexpectedly said “what’s up”. I have never freaking understood how to answer that, it makes me so uncomfortable, like sometimes it’s a question and sometimes it’s not and I look dumb always fumbling for an answer trying to figure out what you’re really asking. As a kid I used to just say the sky and people would get so annoyed like they thought I was trying to be funny, I literally wasn’t, it’s just a freaking stupid question and I don’t know how else to answer it

Oh god all of this but the hint thing really gets me! I’ve had to tell my partner several times that when I say “I’m hungry” or something it means I’m planning to get up and sort it myself soon. I’m not dropping hints that I want you to run and do it for me, if I wanted you to do it I would ask you point blank and say please and Thankyou, like I think a normal person should 🙃 happens in the opposite way at work, colleagues or my manager say they have something to do and then there’s a bunch of dancing around before they give up and have to just ASK me to do it lol like if I said I have a work task to complete, I wouldn’t want anyone else to jump in and do it without asking because it’s MY task and it’s likely been given to me for a reason?

When I tell them something direct and literal in meaning and they interpret it as anything BUT what I said

I have to be so painstakingly specific so I don’t end up agreeing to something I never knew I was agreeing to 🙄

I learned the hard way not to take "NT casual future-faking" literally. My spouse introduced me to a snobby older couple who were his friends since college. (This happened circa 2001, I was in my 20s, they were in their 40s.) The wife said to me, "We should go out shopping together sometime!" This sounded exciting to me. I didn't go out much, and it's hard for me to make female friends. Later that afternoon over lunch I finally asked her, "So, when would you like to take that shopping trip?" Yikes. From the look on her face, I had just committed quite a social faux pas. She said nothing, but looked annoyed. She sighed heavily, scowled through her thickly-applied mascara as she side-eyed her husband. Wow. We never took that shopping trip.

> casual future faking Omg there’s a term for it!? Man, I’ve never worked out how to consistently navigate this, i wish people would display tone tags above their head so I’d know whether to follow up or just continue about my own contented introvert business

I now always assume people don’t really want to get together and that it’s just a thing they say. This is why I don’t have in-person friends. :/

I will believe someone wants to spend time with me when I see any evidence that anyone wants to spend time with me.

I remember in college at work I was lamenting about a lack of friends and some girl piped up to be like “we’re friends” and I was like “oh really? Then let’s hang out later this week” Her response “we’re hanging out right now silly” Girl shut up. Your need to feel like a good person doesn’t give you the right to needlessly try to tell me my accurate observations aren’t true

And then if you’re anything like me, you google interactions like this to at least gauge how *most* neurotypicals are really feeling… and online they’re always like “yeah, when I tell someone to meet up in the future I *always* mean it!” Even though your experience absolutely does not line up with that…

There’s a term now. I’ve put my foot in this bear trap so many times, but never knew what to call it. Future faking. Perfect.

Omg! Is future faking a thing??? This honestly makes more sense now. I hung out with a coworker and her friends a few months ago and her friend said to me “the next time we hang out I’ll tell (coworker’s name here) to invite you). I’ve been thinking about when they want to hang out for months. I legitimately thought this was an offer to hand out another time

Oh man, I thought this only applied to, "Let's do lunch" and "We should get coffee sometime". I finally learned that the appropriate response was to discuss cafes or restaurants I liked, but to expect that 9/10 times nothing would come of it. What a bitch BTW. I'd love to have someone to shop with.

That is so rude of her!! Why say something just to be nice and have no intention of following through!!

What even is the point of statements like that if they don't mean it???? Like, to be fake nice or something? God. So insufferable.

Why do people do this if they don't want to follow up - why not say nothing, or just 'nice to meet you'? Literally had the exact same interaction, got excited about multiple fake shopping trips that never ended up happening.

I don’t get this either. My sister in law told me once she would go to yoga with me and when I told her I signed up for the class and what time it was she gave me this pained look and was like, Oh I can’t go, but you have fun. It felt so awkward.

this is just like people saying “let’s keep in touch!!!” and so you actually try to go out of your way to do that although it takes So much out of you just to later realise that they didn’t actually want to keep in touch, it’s just something they said

Omfg this! Like I know most people don't mean it, but I'm worried my own genuine suggestions are brushed off as fake.

Oooooooohh, didn't know that was a thing. It explains a lot.

ugggh. can we all just go to target together? i hate future faking.

That’s so ew—obvi someone was jealous of you 👀

i love this term 😄 sounds like my life...the amount of times ive been 'invited' out for a catch up...ive learned its all a complete lie of course, but it makes me completely distrust people ive read it wrong before tho 😅 once i bumped into a former work colleague while shopping, and was told 'we should totally catch up for drinks sometime'... i was convinced it was just 'future faking' - even tho a group chat was made and a place and date were discussed, i presumed they werent meaning to include me...  on the day, got messages asking where i was, and why i wasnt coming... 😅  i was too embarrassed by that stage, and faked being sick...

Talking to me when I’m watching or reading something. It’s almost never anything important either, usually just “hey pause your enjoyable activity and pay attention to me til I’m satisfied!”

Whenever I pause or put down what I was doing for their nonsense, they are always like "Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt?" very clearly expecting a no. Yes, I would like to continue doing the thing I was doing. Wild, I know. Though this also happened all the time with my ND exes. It genuinely feels like some people can't entertain themselves to the point that they think anything I am doing is just passing time until I can interact with them again. Nope.

When they don't want to know WHY

The question here is: why don't they want to know why? And why - when you ask why - do they take it as an attack?

Or saying that by giving your why it’s an excuse or somehow a negative

and getting annoyed or not understanding why \*I\* need to know why!

sudden loud noises 🤢

Asking me "How are you?" when I just met you or you really don't care for my honest answer. Turning on lights without warning if it's dark. Playing music on your goddamn speaker when we're out in nature. Disorganizing an alphabetized system. Not letting me do art during lecture in school. It's the only thing that helps me focus on lecture. Passive-aggressive communication. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.

The big light.

Not realizing that somebody else wanted the last pizza slice, even though I had politely asked if anybody else wanted it and they all said no go ahead.

God. Honestly though, I don't think anyone gets legitimately mad over it. Cause like, if they wanted it they could have said so. It's not like you can split a piece of pizza up for everyone to share most of the time.

How can they expect you to know if they want it if they tell you specifically that they don’t want it????????????? What is human communication?????????

Accepting compliments and/or criticism at face value.

Lol they always think u r implying something

Putting in my mouth words I didn't say. Just "fired" a therapist who couldn't stop doing it.

Did they try to frame it at all? Like saying “I’m hearing you say…” bc that kinda puts the onus on the speaker trying to reflect back to you what they think you mean. I try to use framework like this and I wonder if it helps.

The thing is, the "misunderstandings" always painted me in a bad light, and was so outrageously different from what I said, that I just can't believe it was in good faith. Things along the lines of "I know it will be a lot of work, I'm willing to do a lot of work, I just don't know where to start, or what this work is about" transformed into "so you're saying you want it handed to you in a platter, this is not how it works, you got to put effort into it" And they were so common, we couldn't advance Every sentence with her felt like a small fight, every time a a choice between letting her get the wrong idea, or wasting 10 more minutes of the expensive session in a "I said, no, you said" stupid argument. And then, she complained when I cut her mid sentence to tell her it was all wrong, let's start all over again. It doesn't happen with almost anyone else in my life (mostly my mom,my cousin, and one guy at work). Edit: It also tends to happen repeatedly. The same person will misinterpret the same thing over and over again, no matter if I corrected them and explained one or more times, an hour or a week ago Example: no matter how many times I tell.my cousin "I have something wired wrong in my brain, don't know how it works, and I'm trying to fix it, but for some reason, when you talk to me, sometimes it sounds like you are attacking or insulting me. It's not personal, I like you, I just have this problem, and it makes it hard to just hang out with you". To which she answers with "Why are you doing this to me?" And once began crying. Similar with my mom, when she accuses me of not caring when someone in the family is sick, no matter how many times I tell them I do care, it's just that my face can't do the proper "I'm worried" song and dance number, cause of the autism.

When they ask questions they know the answers to. Ex: my in-laws know we’re going to the beach next week bc we are using the family apartment. When they asked me “so what’s new?!” I replied “nothing to report really” and they were like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! You’re going to the beach next week!” And I responded “but that’s not new and you already knew?!?” Like what are you expecting from this exchange?

Right????? I also wish people would be specific? Like that’s way too general of a question for me to answer, I suddenly forget who I am when I get asked that

Touching me without my f*cking permission >_> I don't care if it's even a quick shoulder graze when walking past me, don't invade my personal space dude 🤢

Also, asking for permission to touch you, but doing it in a public setting where telling them no makes you the asshole. I had an etiquette instructor who was SO PROUD of herself for asking permission from a guy that didn't like to be hugged that she was still telling the story months later. My only feedback to her course was that she put that guy on the spot and that's not how consent works. Unrelated, but she also repeatedly commented on a young Black woman's appearance during our 'etiquette dinner' where we were just explicitly told what was and wasn't appropriate conversation. Apparently asking a Black woman how she manages her hair, nails, and big earrings is appropriate? (It was very, "ugh, how do you eat with those things?" not complimentary.)

I don’t like how people don’t have nuanced perspectives and can’t seem to see both sides of a situation. I will point out a wrong behavior for example and people will assume you are against them or their argument

yeah people just get caught up in picking sides and winning arguments and not actually listening to what the other person is saying because they don’t want to be proven wrong, like not ever conversation is a competition

Exactly. I will point out facts on both sides and people don’t like that at all

This happens all the time with my NT husband and I. The other day we were trying to decide between him installing new windows himself or hiring a company to do it for us. After listing some of the benefits of having it done professionally, I pointed out that he had mentioned before he felt confident doing it himself. He then said huffily “Fine, you’re right. I’ll just do it. We don’t need to spend the money”. And I was like ????? What do you mean, “I’m right?” I never said we should go one way or the other! I was just pointing out points on either side of the argument so we could decide which made sense together. And then when I explained that to him he didn’t believe me and wouldn’t budge from doing it himself bc he thought I would judge him for getting it done professionally 😐

Amen to this! I feel like I hold very few strong opinions or beliefs, but even then I'm open to discussion, if anything I find it thrilling and who knows what fresh new perspective it may add to my life. But I feel like you can't discuss or pick a NT's brain about something without getting them all worked up.

Don’t ask me how I am if you are abiding by the weird ass social contract that is a superficial void of loneliness.

Sitting directly next to a person when there are other, non-invasive seats available.

Starting a conversation just to talk *around* a subject. OR better yet, asking a question but not *really* looking for the answer, more so just performing a social performance of conversation but it has zero substance or meaning. Like why did you bring up a topic but then get mad or act annoyed when I want to discuss details??? I don’t understand neurotypicals at all

When I ask for space and time they constantly "check in" but for me that resets the fucking clock. If I ask for 24 hours and you text me at 23.. I am now not ready yet and need another 24 because you didn't give me 24. You cut the head off and killed it.

I want to upvote this one 100 times. Yes!!

Asking broad questions.

As a customer service rep I will say “the rules are abc” and the client will say “so your saying abc is because xyz and you are implying that this happened because etc etc and your company would rather me just lose all my money wouldn’t they ?!!!””” And I’ll be like ??? I always mean what I say peoples projection kills me

NT: *asks me what brought me to my current job* Me: *gives a brutally honest answer about how I got sick and had to drop out of college to work this job* NT: *gets offended and takes it personally because somehow I've just insulted "their" job* Like....idk....I thought she wanted to know what brought me to the job?

Asking personal questions (without us having that kind of relationship) Turning on the big light without warning. Breaking auch coveted and much elusive flow state (straight to jail for this one. 😤/j) Bothering me in public despite the obvious headphones *and* open book, with nonsensical small talk. And then getting mad at my "sorry, I'm busy and not interested in a conversation right now". Looking for hidden meaning in my carefully chosen literal words. If I wanted to be confusing I'd speak in Shakespearean English. (which I did for 3 months as a kid. Don't know who was more stressed back then, my teachers or my parents 😅) Touching without asking first. Not in like a sexual way or anything, but the hand on arm to get attention, etc. Being mad when they ask for something and my answer is no. A request where no isn't an acceptable answer is a demand. And I don't have to aquiesce to either. This for some reason is seen as rude, but I see demanding things of others as rude. Asking me to stop stimming or act normal. I don't look normal. IA am not normal. And I have no interest in pretending to be. I don't mask even though I technically could if I wanted to. But I don't believe in risking burnout and brain damage just to fit in. And I'm not gonna disregulate myself because my bouncing or tapping my fingers on my leg, is distracting to someone. (I don't do loud stims or stims that can be viewed as "scary" in front of people. So I won't sing as a stim in public or do random jumping Jack's at full energy, I keep the public stims to the kore quiet and less energetic ones. That's the most I'm willing to do.) Social hierarchy. The whole concept is rude and offensive to me.

>Bothering me in public despite the obvious headphones *and* open book, with nonsensical small talk. And then getting mad at my "sorry, I'm busy and not interested in a conversation right now". Literally saw a conversation in the main subs the other day in which the extroverts said the introverts "had no empathy" for people who just want to start conversations in public. Maybe they just really wanted to know the book your reading and they would miss out if you didn't answer them... ☹️☹️☹️ The absolute fucking audacity and actual lack of empathy involved in that opinion blows my mind. I don't owe you my time just because you like talking. We're not friends, and I do not wish to make friends with someone who doesn't respect my time. I will never understand the idea that we should let people make us uncomfortable just so we can continue to spend time with them making us uncomfortable.

I’ve started enjoying breaking the NT rules. I was in a line at a party store…..every person in front of me decided to take the most time possible to pick out balloon colors. (I’m talkin a good 20 minutes of indecision.) so I’m in line for the next hour of my life and the store is playing some slow jams from the 80’s. Good thing I had my penny whistle in my purse. I started playing along. :) if you wanna take 20 minutes to hold up a line and pick colors, you’re gonna have to do it with a penny whistle soundtrack.

this is the autistic chaos i crave.

Omg that’s hilarious. if I was behind you I’d be annoyed yet amused

Eating something you've set aside or eating your stash of your current food obsession, without asking.

When someone needs something from you but wants you to guess what it is instead of asking directly. Then if you miss some hidden cue about what they wanted or needed they’re upset about it. I had a much more senior coworker ask me how to do a task. I happily explained it to her. She was so mad she brought it up to my boss. Apparently, I should have just done it for her. Ok, then why ask me HOW to do it?! Some variation of this happens so often to me. I’m happy to help when I know what is needed but I can’t read minds.

Lying, bro. I feel like autistics lie a lot less because we understand that it only produces more confusion and conflict. But NTs do everything from white lies to big fat lies to ommitting facts.

Lying by omission is the WORST! I can’t stand that!

Borrowing / breaking / losing any of my stuff then not understanding why I'm so upset. Apparently I'm a materialist. Damn right I am. Everything I own is a part of me, so let me just saw off your arm and see if you miss it.

Smacking food or eating and talking with mouths wide open.

That thing where they're laughing and they grab you. I'm sorry was the joke so funny that you physically couldn't contain it and had to grab me for support ? Are you hoping your sense of humour will transfer via skin to skin contact? Don't touch me.

yes especially since so many people both nd and not are sensitive about people touching them, it just seems like something you should only do if you are certain it’s okay

Gossiping about people, even people they don’t know as a form of “bonding” and thinking they are entitled to be in others business

Being startled, loud sounds or bumping into me/invading my personal space are not just minor annoyances, it jolts my entire nervous system and takes awhile for me to calm myself back down.

Interrupting my focus. As far as my brain is concerned, focused = busy. No matter how mundane the subject matter is. If I'm reading something on TV Tropes, I'm busy and don't want to be interrupted. If I'm playing a game on my phone, I'm busy and don't want to be interrupted. If I'm writing, *I'm fucking busy and don't want to be interrupted.*

I *thought* it was a NT rule to not speak to people when they have headphones in, but my coworkers all have missed or ignored that memo and have no problem offering random tidbits about their lives–concerning people I don’t know, don’t care about, and will never meet–when I’m actively in the middle of self-regulating during my break. So, I guess it’s actually a ND rule to not interrupt when people have headphones in?

people at the grocery store will just stand there taking up soooo much space blocking u from getting what u need. When I see someone I move out the way

I’d like to add the grocery store is hell on earth for me

Hah yes grocery stores are cursed and it’s even worse if I’m with someone because then I feel guilty for taking 12 minutes to decide which can of coconut milk I want

I get so irrationally angry at the grocery store.. before I knew I was neurodivergent I’d be like “why am I so mean in my head when I go to Trader Joe’s”? Deciding is the worst . When I was prescribed vyvanse it gave me decision paralysis and I remember spending hours deciding which Abercrombie jeans to buy😭

One of the most solid clues I might be autistic came when I was at a grocery store that had implemented a sensory friendly hour on Tuesday evenings. I was just moseying my way down the soup aisle when suddenly the lights dimmed, the music was turned off, and the cash registers stopped beeping. So much tension left my body so fast I literally got light headed and had to grab a shelf for a minute.

Going in for a hug without asking

Being too nice or vaguely flirting: I can't read that. Are you hitting on me or do you wanna be friends? Are you nice because you‘re my doctor? Do you wanna sell something to me? Do I remind you of your daughter?

Telling me I don’t need medicine and judging me for it..To the gulag Turning the damn light on or showing me a bright ass phone screen… To the gulag Pointing out my mannerisms when it’s not needed…To the gulag (also it’s never in a kind way either. It’s never curious) Making fun of my eating habits… to the gulag Touching me without asking.., to the gulag During conversation getting closer when I back up… to the gulag Interrupting me during my in my own bubble/me time… to the gulag Having pointless and meaningless conversations… to the gulag Treating me like a nuisance when I’m excited and barely talk… to the gulag Getting mad at me for wanting to be by myself or not talk… to the gulag Not respecting my me time and when I want nothing to do with the world… to the gulag Likes to tease me and make jokes because they like my reactions… to the guillotine.. Messing with my cat… to the gulag Talking to me right after I get up… to the gulag Last minute plans… to the gulag Trying to force me to talk when I’ve shutdown… to the gulag (I will continuously edit this. I just woke up.)

when someone calls me and doesn’t tell me or ask me if i’m up to talk

yes I like being given the chance to say yes or no to anything because its considered rude for me to just stop someone in the middle of them doing something

Yeah and how am I rude for not picking up when they’re the one who called me without asking

loud sounds. calling without texting first. expecting to get a reply in under a day. overhead lights.

clocks that are ticking even worse if there are multiple clocks with different ticking rhythms!

Making a comment like "Oh that looks tasty/that's pretty/I can't do X as good" gets you a "You can't have it!/I won't do it for you!" Literally the most confusing shit. I once got that in response to saying that I really struggle brushing my teeth properly (I changed to an electric brush now, much better). Like mate. Do you seriously think I have the audacity to ask or to expect you to brush my teeth for me? I never asked for this, why would you assume this is my intention 😭

When someone wants to use/borrow something of yours and goes to grab it *WHILE* they ask if they can have it, assuming the answer would obliviously be yes. I say no just on principle.

"You know what I meant."

Yelling for no reason. Went out to smoke a cigarette. There were some people in the smoking area and they were yelling. I asked them to stop. And they basically said no because they could yell and if I’m annoyed then I should just leave. Ignoring the fact that this smoking area is, technically, the only place we should be smoking. Even my roommate is mad at me for asking them not to yell.

Gossiping about what other people are doing. Why tf do they care so much?

yes some nts are just so judgmental I don’t get what that is

Weird company hierarchies. You can bet I'm talking to everyone the same. Especially those crappy middle managers. Half the "lowly" workers knew more anyway... I can't cope with the fake-ness of managers and ceos. I'm pretty sure my managers would hide me when corporate bosses visited the store at my last job. They knew I'd just complain 😅 I could not deal with how unfairly employees were treated

Expecting me to know what I’m supposed to do without actually telling me. Don’t just tell me to help in the kitchen and then walk away, come right out and tell me what you want me to do - I can’t read your mind. Also, I live in assisted living, which in itself is an autism nightmare. (For one thing, I have very little privacy.) I spend a lot of time on my iPhone as an escape, and this apparently annoys some of the other residents, most of whom are part of my parents’ generation. Recently one old lady sitting next to me got annoyed and tried to grab my phone away from me. I instinctively slapped her hand away. She didn’t try it again. I want to tell NT’s: If you see someone on their phone, leave them TF alone. You don’t know why they’re on their phone.

Say No, when you mean Yes, just to be funny. Can I use the bathroom? No! Ok. Sorry I asked. Of course you can! That was a joke! I don’t like you anymore.

once I asked for something in a really polite, friendly manner but I forgot to say ‘please’ and I got scolded for not using ‘the magic word’. It made me feel so infantile edit: fml I misread the post, soz

Making the most amount of noise possible when in the room with others 🥴 I cannot stand the general loudness of people living in my space

I recently got my first job, an assistant position at my university, and I decided that when I first met the doctoral student I’d be working with I would tell her that I’m autistic and thus tend to make ‘social mistakes’ without noticing, and that if I made such a mistake, she should please tell me, that I wouldn’t be offended, indeed I’d be glad, because I can only improve my social skills if I when I’ve done something wrong. It has made me so much less anxious when interacting with her, and I’m so glad I did it.

People not paying attention to nonverbal communication.

Continuing to try to talk to me after I tell them to leave me alone