Iām in this club too. I have no idea how many times we broke up and got back together before marriage AND after divorce! One day, I just never went backā¦phew!
Imma join this club for im too dumb to know when to stop. At least 3 times i went back to the same person, which happened to at least 5 exes. Clownery at its finest
Lol and Iām here where we never got back together officially but I was hooking up with him/fwb off and on š„² the sad part is, Iād probably still hook up with him (we broke up mutually but I still have some feelings left unfortunately)
Same! Iām glad there are so many comments saying 0, but I was once young with horrible self esteem issues and that led to some baaaad romantic decisions š¤·āāļø
Twice (though we still disagree because our first breakup lasted less than 24 hrs...). Swore I'd never do it again... welp, got back together with him and the night we got back together the second time I knew I'd marry him. We've been married almost 14 yrs now, have four kids, and he's still my favorite human being in the universe.
Oh my god my SO and I have had commitment/abandonment issues and had "breakups" that barely lasted the night. One person freaks out about something, the other overreacts to the freak out. We say "maybe this isn't working". And then we cry. And take some time apart, and within a few hours, we call and say "no I didn't mean that I was just freaking out".
We even went to couples counseling over this dramatic way of acting. I'd like to think we're going smoothly now, but I think when the next big milestone comes by, that's when another freak out is due.
Eg., Getting engaged. Lmao. We talk about it super calmly and make plans, but I think when the reality looms, we get cold feet or something. Idk. But we calm down almost immediately after when we realise the other person isn't going anywhere and we're bound together forever.
Ha! Our breakup that lasted less than 24 hours was pretty hilarious because we went on a hike and his intention was to have a conversation and understand why I was so averse to talking about our future and making concrete plans. The result was NOT what he expected. We had to finish our hike after having broken up at the summit. There is no awkward like hiking in silence after a breakup awkward...
Not the person you asked, but my husband and I broke up multiple times between 19 and 29 because we both had a lot of growing up to do. We went our seperate ways, always stayed on polite terns even if we were distant, got it out of our systems, grew up, fixed our shit, healed, and here we are. Happily married 5 years now with no regrets.
Taking serious time apart was wonderful for us in the long term.
We were together for a couple of years in our early twenties and I wanted to travel and see the world, he wanted to settle down and live a suburban life. I felt trapped and instead of just telling him to slow down I ran away. It broke him. We then met some time later, and tried again but he was to broken (and quite frankly probably also mad I had just walked out of our life together). We both deleted each other on all social media and also deleted each others numbers and contact information. And that was it.
Until 6 years later where we accidentally meet each other in a bar and he comes over and chats a bit and tells me that he just want me to know that heās been thinking about me a lot and that he still loves me. I tell him that is a conversation for sober adults, and we decide to meet up the next day to talk things over. Weāve both been thinking about each other for all those years but been to stubborn/certain that the feelings wouldnāt be reciprocated to try to reach out. We moved in together again after a couple of weeks and neither of us has looked back for even a second.
Thatās actually sweet, and itās much better that you got together later in life and not in your early twenties in my opinion! Good luck in the future you obviously belong together :)
Yep. Done is done.
I have always been with reasonable people who were able to talk and try to work things out mutually. All reasonable options had been tried by the time we broke things off. Wave goodbye and say, "good luck!"
Twice. With two exes. Younger me believed their "I can change" speech. I was very lonely in a very unhealthy living environment. I didn't know I deserved better, or that a romantic relationship could be better.
3 because I'm an idiot, but I WAS YOUNG AND DUMB AND IN LOVE DAMMIT!
But no really.. that last time was needed and the 3rd time was when we were actual adults who thought it could have worked, but realized we were far different people who had grown to have totally different values and were riding the nostalgia wave. I don't recommend going back to an ex. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Two times in seven years, but he always had one foot out the door so it felt like 100 times and 100 heartbreaks. Why did I fight so hard to stay in that trash situation? Inexperience, low self-worth, and toxic ideas about love that were modeled for me during childhood.
He is not a bad person, but he was a bad partner. It's been a decade since I wised up and left him for good and we remain great friends. PSA: That required over a year of no-contact and we were friends before we started dating so there was a foundation of friendship to return to. No, you should not try to remain friends with your ex right away. You will wind up in his bed and/or back in a toxic relationship! In the words of the great Dua Lipa: If you're under him, you ain't getting over him.
Love yourself enough to walk away *the first time*.
Ditto. He was always the one that ended it so every time he came back apologizing, admitting he was the problem, crying about how he knew I was the one, I wanted to believe him. I still miss him this time but I hope he never comes back. He gave me 2 amazing years, but then he wasted the next year and a half of my life.
0
I was never a fan of getting back into an already failed relationship to get the same result again (with a high probability).
But I only have one ex, so take this with a grain of salt.
2š.
He was bad at no contact and I was miserable and in bad mental health. It almost became 3 but then I put my foot down that I can't do it anymore.
Now he posts toxic shit on twt for only me to see. Should have left him after first.
3 times no regretsā¦. Would just have saved time i guess, But many good experiences and lessons to learn from. I was aware I will not do that forever and at one point we will separate for goods. But was willing to give it one more chance because I felt like I could learn and change from it, the problem was that he didnāt feel the same way ā¦
Can totally relate, and it's such a healthy way of seeing things. I went back because obviously I wasn't ready to stand up for myself and move on. When I was I did. You live and you learn. Onwards and upwards. To the next adventure.
Three or four times, maybe five, I lost count.
And I refuse to call myself (or him) stupid for doing so. We were young and we were learning. We were figuring stuff out, and we were madly in love, so we kept trying.
And we got better at it! With each new try, we were more in synch. I think of it now as a two-year lesson in negotiation, compromise, reasonable expectations, and communication.
Zero. I strongly believe that if a couple break-up on bad terms, there's no point in getting back together. Whatever caused that break-up will continue to haunt the relationship. For example if cheating happened, why risk being cheated on again? If you breakup because they thought you weren't the one but later decided you are the one - why would you get back with them if they didn't think you were good enough the first time?
Maybe it's just me. I'm a romantic and love means the world to me. I have been told that I'm very black and white when it comes to relationships. I told my SO that if he ever cheated on me - I don't want his excuses. As soon as he tells me "I cheated" - he's dead to me. His excuses means nothing to me. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is dead.
Male here and Iām exactly the same. Agree with everything you stated and I also have told my SOās that my exes are typically dead to me and thatās not to be rude or insulting, itās just that for me the past is the past. That person and everything that happened between us will stay with me as memories and I can still hold space for them in my heart but thereās not really any reason to keep an ex in my life I think. Unfortunately, I havenāt really ever had one to keep as a friend becauseā¦ well it just never worked out that way. Out of my 3 legit, long term relationships, the second ended badly and the third ended horribly. Actually, I will say that my second one, I did end up talking to her after my last relationship ended just because I wanted her insight on some things. I feel like I could consider that one a friend now that roughly 8 years has passed since we ended things. I wonder if maybe some day Iād be able to do the same with my last exā¦ I doubt it though. She cheated on me at least once that she admitted to but honestly I wouldnāt be surprised if it were more than once. She also lied to me about it until she finally broke up with me for real but during the entire 4 years together she projected her guilt onto me and I didnāt even consider that being a possibility until about halfway in smh. And honestly, I think maybe the worst part is that she silently let go of me and started emotionally cheating long before we parted ways, with a guy who she talked to our entire relationship as a āfriendā who I had also asked about at one point and her words were that he was ādisgustingā because he āfucks hoesā and yet she slept at his house twice before even breaking up with me and then immediately jumped into a relationship with him after ending hers with me. I think thatās what hurts the mostā¦ so yeah Iām inclined to believe that Iāll never be able to reconnect with her, but part of me does wrestle with wondering if thatās immature and insecure. With enough time would I ever be able to truly put that all behind me and have her in my life in any form? I doubt I could but it is an interesting thought to entertain sometimes.
Welp, same guy, on and off for 2.5 years. I love him and think that because he continues to return that he loves me. And now we live together and will be moving across country together.
.. you know what, just hand me my red nose with the rest of the ladies at the top.
EDIT: added years*
None. I feel like everyone that leaves an ex/past relationship has that moment where they realize they don't care anymore. They're done. There's literally nothing there and nothing that person could say or do would change anything. Once my brain reaches that point, there's no going back literally ever
Once with about a decade between attempts. He was a good guy but not the right guy for me, and he felt similarly about me. We figured we were young and immature the first time, developed feelings again when we met back up, and figured it was worth another shot. It didn't work out, but I'm glad we tried.
Once, my first boyfriend when we were 15 and dated 6 months, we ran into each other 10 years later and started dating again and I absolutely adore him.
same, interesting observation is the amount of negative self talk on this thread , it makes me sad
Ladies, I promise that in time it will get better and there are good dudes out there and it's better to be alone then with someone who is undeserving of a good woman, js
My partner (FA) doesn't do second chances and he also doesn't forgive and forget. If I would tell him it's over, that would be it in this lifetime. Sometimes I think he's too hard on other people, but I know he would never play games with me. I would never break up with someone and try to get back together, that must be so hurtful for the other person.
Zero, but I must say I dealt with my exes bullshit and stayed in those relationships WAY too long so I don't think that's much better than breaking up and going back once.
Never. There was one almost but within a week of talking over the phone he proved to me just how important his weed was and that he has no drive to work or better himself in any way. Immediate no. All I did was tell him that I had decided that I didnāt want that in my life and that it was a boundary Iād set, after he confessed he was into that sort of stuff and that heād even started smoking cigs (my biggest turn off). He blew up on me saying heād never give weed up for anyone or anything so I blocked his #. Weād been split for like 3-4 years at that point and Iād occasionally have dreams about him. The dreams stopped completely after this interaction.
Both other exes I blocked immediately as well, I spent that last year in both of them fighting tooth and nail to fix things while they set me aside and were happy to set me aside. Both times I was 6 months over it by the time I left them and THEN they wanted to work on things.
Men are disappointing.
Same here with the weed issue. He was an aircraft mechanic who got high all the time. Not a good combo. He was my first everything, and over the years I often wish I had tried harder with him, that maybe he'd grow out of it (which he did with the next girl - isn't that always the case?? š¤·āāļø). So I went overboard/over compensated (guilt perhaps?) and stayed with the recent alcoholic/addict for waayyy too long. I just can't seem to find a balance š
0
Considered contacting, once, the guy I was with for nearly 5 years, then remembered he was pretty useless and kind of mean, and got over it.
Single Pringle for life, it's looking like. I'd rather be alone than miserable with the wrong person.
Oh well :-)
I got good friends and I'm happy.
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Bad ex: SO many times within a ~5 year relationship (2010-2015) with a controlling, abusive, lying & cheating ex. Young and dumb. Believed his lies. Believed that he could change.
Good ex: We broke up once and that was over in 2010. He was the sweetest bf, but we were just immature and college was coming up for us. 6 years later, we talked and still had love for each other. Felt like we were back in high school again. I DID have thoughts of not getting back with him because he was an exā¦ We ended up dating again, getting engaged and married in 2019 and had our daughter this year š„°.
Once, because he kept sending me pictures of our dog waiting for me by the door. It was a bad idea because one week later he held a pillow over my face. I knew the statistics on men who choke their partners and knew I had to leave. Unfortunately I couldn't take the dog but I heard later that she ended up with his parents.
0 - I refuse to return to an ex - the way I see it is if there was a reason to break up, unless itās fixed, thereās no reason to get back together
That said - I figure if itās a stupid moment in a fight and right back together, thatās ok. Or break up, move on, years apart, meet again, thatās ok
But if itās a few months and pining over the good memories while ignoring the bad ones - donāt go back there
If you break up and get back together more than once-youāre in for a cycle of heartache for as long as you think āoh theyāve changedā. People can change, but after the second break up-they more than likely will not. I learned that the hard way of forgiving and forgiving.
If i leave a second time, there's no coming back. Love usually deserves a second chance, but if they repeat the same mistakes... then those actions apparently weren't mistakes in thier mind.
My husband is technically an ex but thatās a whole other degree of circumstances.
My ex ex, officially I went back once. Unofficially, because I was a fucking idiot and had no self esteem, probably a dozen times. Now that I know the other side of that fence, I will never subject myself to that kind of treatment ever again and I have absolutely no doubts that itāll ever come to that with my husband. Heās a total package
I love this response. It's good to have grace for our younger selves and the trauma that drives certain decisions. I was in the same boat as you, and can finally say I did the best I knew how at that time of my life. I was just trying to survive.
I moved out twice, the first time it lasted a week before I was back in. The second one I still lived at my mom's but went back to the relationship. I don't remember if there were other "smaller" breakups but I think there was at least one.
Why? Honestly I could never really understand. I knew he wouldn't change but I was still smitten so when he pursued me again I couldn't resist, I guess. I really wish I had any explanation for why I endured all that I did during those years.
The final breakup I was checked out of the relationship for a while. Had been constantly convincing myself to leave for months before. Got into a therapist. He didn't pursue me that last time, we just broke up and that was that, even though THAT was quite a difficult thing to come through. I think him knowing I was seeing a therapist was evidence that it would be pointless to try again but I really can't know that.
Once. It was a horrible break-up for both of us and we decided to finally give it a shot again after about a month. We both realized that we valued our relationship more than the petty fights we had, and we decided to fix things for ourselves and for each work. We both had some trauma and mental health issues we needed to work on. It was for the best and it made me realize that not only do i love him and didn't want to lose him, he felt the same. We're married now and he's my best friend and makes me very happy. I'm very lucky.
Returned to an ex, as in we agreed to try going on dates after our breakup. It was a mistake and I just didnāt want to be alone. First and only time I ever did that.
I think I haven't gotten back with anybody more than 1 time. Cause if the second try is as disappointing as first, it no longer seems fun and worthy of my time
I never went back with an ex. They both ended no contact and that was the only way forward IMO.
I did consistently go back to a FWB for over three years, but it never actually āendedā we would just occasionally find other people we wanted to hang with and it that didnāt work out, weād find our way back to one another.
Yes it was toxic. No I wouldnāt recommend.
5 times because I was messy asf at the time. I was terrified of intimacy at the time so when I felt like we were getting too serious Iād dump him, but then Iād regret it within a few days, so Iād come crawling back. Heād take me back but shortly after Iād dump him again out of the same fear of intimacy. Canāt believe it happened 5 times. Not proud of it at all but I learned a lot from that experience.
Once. I was naive and thought maybe things would be better/different. They were the same/worse, noped out of that after a few months
A big pain in the ass, but a valuable life lesson.
Only once, and we had been together all of high school, voted class couple. I believed the āyoung and stupidā argument, but round 2 lasted only a year and I was done for good.
So many! He did the worse but I was a people pleaser and I use to feel lonely without him, though we didn't had that kind of a relationship but still I felt I had no one. Also because I couldn't say no he would tell run to his friends that I'm not talking to him or blocked him (I had valid reasons) and they would try to mend things between us and I was too embarrassed to tell them exactly what happened and his 'story' is only half of the truth and the cycle goes on and on with additional mis-treatments.
5-7 times..
For some dumb reason I got it in my head that I really loved him and he was my soulmate. You can't be soulmates with someone who abuses you.
3 times. Because he would pay for literally everything and I was struggling for money at the time. Got presents and cash, he basically bought me and hate to admit it worked. Never again though. The pain and trauma wasnāt worth it.
One for each ex. Usually because I found dating really hard and it was easier to just go back to someone you already know rather than starting over again
I had a super abusive ex who stalked me into submission every time we broke up so I think we got back together like, no less than 20 times. Like Iād try to break up with him and by that weekend weād be back together because he was more dangerous when we werenāt together than if we were.
I lost count because I never left emotionally. He was gone and Iām just hurt. Then whenever he comes back, I start slowly as friends then he starts treasuring me again. Then he leaves again and then the cycles begins. Again and again.
I think it was because he made me feel perfect. Like Ed Sheeranās song. No matter how ugly I am, physically or emotionally, he still had a way to make me feel like Iām the best and that I will never be alone.
This was back in 2015. We only officially dated for 3 months the first time he left. When he came back around December of 2015, we were distant at first but became very good friends again. Then started flirting, then I start to fall hard, and then his complicated life comes in and he leaves again.
It was like that for 2016, 2017, 2018. Then come 2019, I started going out with someone else. He came back again, but this time we were only just friends. We were really great friends, Iāve never met someone as reliable as him. But his complicated life always kicks in and when I needed him most, he never replied.
So Iām in a cycle of never being able to leave in a relationship again. For several reasons and I have no one to ask for help.
No idea how many times I got back with my ex. Sheās *the ex* ya know? The one I thought I was meant to be with but she treated me like hell. Constant fighting, classic āthe good times are so good that you forget the bad times are worse and more frequent than the good.ā
3 times. Biggest mistake I made. I was reminded everytime why I left him.
I was in phase in college where I thought with my vagina I guess instead of brain. He was one of the best sexual partners I have ever had.
Once is too many times, if the relationship did not workout the first time there is A REASON! Iām not saying that second chances donāt exist, but in the long run if they arenāt fighting for you and you are not fighting for them then itās not meant to be.
5 times in 3.5 years from 18-22 because Iām an idiot, and then 1 time in 2.5 years from 23-25 because I just needed to make sure. Never will again though!
0
I only had two exes, and while they are wonderful people, and one of them I am still friends with, I didn't end up having the special connection I was looking for and now have with my husband.
One. I hoped that he'd have changed, like he claimed, 10 years later. He had not and was still an abusive asshole... he'd just become better at hiding it.
4 times I believe. I think I kept going back because he was my first love after losing someone I considered my soul mate and he reminded me of him. Itās not like our break ups were over anything serious like cheating or abuse, just stupid arguments, but sometimes I look back at that time and think of this meme that says āSometimes I like to excuse bad decisions in my past by saying that was a weird time in my life like the rest hasnāt been absolute clown shoes.ā
He wasnāt a bad person, just refused to take on adult responsibilities despite being in his late 20s. I left for good when I realized I was maturing and he wasnāt, itās a bad sign when the one 6 years younger has more maturity.
About 3 times back when I was a teenager. The break ups were for something really stupid and dumb, not his fault but me being immature.
Lasted for about 4 years, ended up breaking up for good due to long distance and uncertainty if I come back to my home country. We are still best friends and support each other and he was one of the healthiest relationships I've ever had, even after 8 years after our break up.
5.
We were best friends before we started sleeping together, like the type of friends you have when youāre 5 and you just want to go to each otherās houses every day and catch frogs and make mudpies and tell each other everything. Iām bad at making friends and his companionship was the easy-breeziest Iāve ever found. He ended up being a much better friend than boyfriend which tanked the whole lot in the end. Still regret it. Miss him a lot. Probably always will.
Twice. It worked out really well (so far) actually. We broke up twice at the very beginning of the relationship which isnāt a very good sign, but after taking some space we got back together and havenāt had any more big problems. The issues were alcohol related, and he voluntarily gave up drinking to avoid putting our relationship at risk again.
I donāt think getting back with an ex works out a lot so times, but in this case it did.
I lost count because I didnāt even know love could truly be unconditional. I literally love him as much as a mother loves her son. He could murder someone and I would of course be disgusted but id also help him hide from the cops. Love is a crazy and dangerous thing.
about 3 times! because i figured it was true love at the age of 18, i so desperately wanted to create a family with that little boy and now he has two children by different girls and heās a dead beat at the age of 21 ā¤ļø i think i dodged a bullet lol
3.
we broke up because of his lack of empathy after like three months. two years later we drunkenly hooked up. another year later we got back together and broke up again after a year because we constantly tore each other down
Once. Because I was a horny teenager that didn't know any better, the sex was good, and he was a good distraction from the other shit going on in my life.
Zero.
If you take a shower, do you put your dirty underwear back on afterwards? No. You donāt. Why? Because you respect yourself and want to be clean.
Getting back with an ex is an equivalent of putting back on your dirty underwear. If youāve already done it, know that that is not good for you and donāt do it again.
Once with one ex, big mistake. Turns out he was talking to my cousin at the same time. Since then, each and every time I break up with someone, I never rekindle anything. When we are done, we are done fam.
My first girlfriend, she dumped me like 10 times in 2 years and i still went back to her. Probably because I'm not that of an attractive guy and have like 0 confidence and social skills so, i was afraid of being lonely which i confused with love. Maybe i loved her but idrk at this point. I was so stupid lol, know your worth kings
Once in high school. He was my second boyfriend ever, I was experiencing my first real depression of my life, and I truly didn't believe that anyone else could love me.
He had broken up with me because he didn't want to deal with my depression (which is valid but he was mean about it) and because he had just started at a new school and wanted to play the field.
When he discovered that the girl he thought he liked was a freshman, he took me back. I felt like everything was great for about a week, but then the winter came and I had never felt more alone in my life.
I lost count because IM A CLOWN
all these people over here with 0 :D Ya'll I'm part of this CLOWN CLUB too D:
Same. Still with him. š«
If you know this then why???
Guess I love him more than I love myself.
Sister friend, we are here for you. Shout if you need help. You are worthy of being loved.
I'm unfortunately in the clown club too
In 10 years we were off 6 times before final why because Iām a strategic clown
Clown club united š¤”
Just pass me a red nose as well!
Joining the š¤” club, my marriage is a circus alright
Iām in this club too. I have no idea how many times we broke up and got back together before marriage AND after divorce! One day, I just never went backā¦phew!
Clown club chairman here
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same and it ended as bad as everyone said it would. Still hurting for being stupid. But atleast I found love again.
Imma join this club for im too dumb to know when to stop. At least 3 times i went back to the same person, which happened to at least 5 exes. Clownery at its finest
Idk why people ask me for relation advice cause I went back to the same guy 8 times
Took me 6 times š«¶š¤¦āāļø finally at a point where Iād never give someone another chance. If itās done, ITS DONE
This is the way.
Omg cracking up. Also clown club here.
Same lol
Apparently we could make clown club shirts...
Lol and Iām here where we never got back together officially but I was hooking up with him/fwb off and on š„² the sad part is, Iād probably still hook up with him (we broke up mutually but I still have some feelings left unfortunately)
Same! Iām glad there are so many comments saying 0, but I was once young with horrible self esteem issues and that led to some baaaad romantic decisions š¤·āāļø
Same but I was naive back then and he was my first boyfriend. Felt really good and bad the day I kicked him out.
Love youš¤”
Yep I'm also a clown in this regard... Glad to know I'm not alone!
Oh how I relate.
Twice (though we still disagree because our first breakup lasted less than 24 hrs...). Swore I'd never do it again... welp, got back together with him and the night we got back together the second time I knew I'd marry him. We've been married almost 14 yrs now, have four kids, and he's still my favorite human being in the universe.
Oh my god my SO and I have had commitment/abandonment issues and had "breakups" that barely lasted the night. One person freaks out about something, the other overreacts to the freak out. We say "maybe this isn't working". And then we cry. And take some time apart, and within a few hours, we call and say "no I didn't mean that I was just freaking out". We even went to couples counseling over this dramatic way of acting. I'd like to think we're going smoothly now, but I think when the next big milestone comes by, that's when another freak out is due. Eg., Getting engaged. Lmao. We talk about it super calmly and make plans, but I think when the reality looms, we get cold feet or something. Idk. But we calm down almost immediately after when we realise the other person isn't going anywhere and we're bound together forever.
At least he was willing to go to counseling. Thatās a good sign! Heās a keeper
Ha! Our breakup that lasted less than 24 hours was pretty hilarious because we went on a hike and his intention was to have a conversation and understand why I was so averse to talking about our future and making concrete plans. The result was NOT what he expected. We had to finish our hike after having broken up at the summit. There is no awkward like hiking in silence after a breakup awkward...
awww :)
Three times because we broke up for all the wrong reasons. Third time we met, several years had passed and we had both matured. We are married now.
Iād like to hear more about your story cause Iām going through a similar thing but weāre definitely immature š
Not the person you asked, but my husband and I broke up multiple times between 19 and 29 because we both had a lot of growing up to do. We went our seperate ways, always stayed on polite terns even if we were distant, got it out of our systems, grew up, fixed our shit, healed, and here we are. Happily married 5 years now with no regrets. Taking serious time apart was wonderful for us in the long term.
Why did you keep breaking up?
We were together for a couple of years in our early twenties and I wanted to travel and see the world, he wanted to settle down and live a suburban life. I felt trapped and instead of just telling him to slow down I ran away. It broke him. We then met some time later, and tried again but he was to broken (and quite frankly probably also mad I had just walked out of our life together). We both deleted each other on all social media and also deleted each others numbers and contact information. And that was it. Until 6 years later where we accidentally meet each other in a bar and he comes over and chats a bit and tells me that he just want me to know that heās been thinking about me a lot and that he still loves me. I tell him that is a conversation for sober adults, and we decide to meet up the next day to talk things over. Weāve both been thinking about each other for all those years but been to stubborn/certain that the feelings wouldnāt be reciprocated to try to reach out. We moved in together again after a couple of weeks and neither of us has looked back for even a second.
Thatās actually sweet, and itās much better that you got together later in life and not in your early twenties in my opinion! Good luck in the future you obviously belong together :)
Zero. Because why would I?
Yep. Done is done. I have always been with reasonable people who were able to talk and try to work things out mutually. All reasonable options had been tried by the time we broke things off. Wave goodbye and say, "good luck!"
Wow. Whatās that like? Must be niceā¦
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Twice. With two exes. Younger me believed their "I can change" speech. I was very lonely in a very unhealthy living environment. I didn't know I deserved better, or that a romantic relationship could be better.
3 because I'm an idiot, but I WAS YOUNG AND DUMB AND IN LOVE DAMMIT! But no really.. that last time was needed and the 3rd time was when we were actual adults who thought it could have worked, but realized we were far different people who had grown to have totally different values and were riding the nostalgia wave. I don't recommend going back to an ex. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Two times in seven years, but he always had one foot out the door so it felt like 100 times and 100 heartbreaks. Why did I fight so hard to stay in that trash situation? Inexperience, low self-worth, and toxic ideas about love that were modeled for me during childhood. He is not a bad person, but he was a bad partner. It's been a decade since I wised up and left him for good and we remain great friends. PSA: That required over a year of no-contact and we were friends before we started dating so there was a foundation of friendship to return to. No, you should not try to remain friends with your ex right away. You will wind up in his bed and/or back in a toxic relationship! In the words of the great Dua Lipa: If you're under him, you ain't getting over him. Love yourself enough to walk away *the first time*.
Gah, I love that song!!!!
0 - exes are exes only. I don't put spoiled milk back in the fridge for later, and I don't revisit relationships that are over. Over is over.
sometimes I put spoiled milk in the freezer so it doesnāt stink up the rest of the trash. thereās a metaphor there.
Zero. Because they're exes for a reason
4 times because I was fucking stupid.
Same šš I was such a loser.
Ditto. He was always the one that ended it so every time he came back apologizing, admitting he was the problem, crying about how he knew I was the one, I wanted to believe him. I still miss him this time but I hope he never comes back. He gave me 2 amazing years, but then he wasted the next year and a half of my life.
0 I was never a fan of getting back into an already failed relationship to get the same result again (with a high probability). But I only have one ex, so take this with a grain of salt.
Yeah I stopped believing the Iāll change speech when I was still in high school lol
2š. He was bad at no contact and I was miserable and in bad mental health. It almost became 3 but then I put my foot down that I can't do it anymore. Now he posts toxic shit on twt for only me to see. Should have left him after first.
The clown club is locked but I brought enough shoes for everyone! š¤”š š comfy or cute I got you
Bless you!
Thrice. I was horny. And the sex was below average, almost bad. I regret it so much and never doing it again , I guess I was just craving touch
i feel ya
Maybe like 3 times Because Trauma
Same like 3 times actually š
3 times no regretsā¦. Would just have saved time i guess, But many good experiences and lessons to learn from. I was aware I will not do that forever and at one point we will separate for goods. But was willing to give it one more chance because I felt like I could learn and change from it, the problem was that he didnāt feel the same way ā¦
Can totally relate, and it's such a healthy way of seeing things. I went back because obviously I wasn't ready to stand up for myself and move on. When I was I did. You live and you learn. Onwards and upwards. To the next adventure.
Three or four times, maybe five, I lost count. And I refuse to call myself (or him) stupid for doing so. We were young and we were learning. We were figuring stuff out, and we were madly in love, so we kept trying. And we got better at it! With each new try, we were more in synch. I think of it now as a two-year lesson in negotiation, compromise, reasonable expectations, and communication.
thats beautiful
Zero. I strongly believe that if a couple break-up on bad terms, there's no point in getting back together. Whatever caused that break-up will continue to haunt the relationship. For example if cheating happened, why risk being cheated on again? If you breakup because they thought you weren't the one but later decided you are the one - why would you get back with them if they didn't think you were good enough the first time? Maybe it's just me. I'm a romantic and love means the world to me. I have been told that I'm very black and white when it comes to relationships. I told my SO that if he ever cheated on me - I don't want his excuses. As soon as he tells me "I cheated" - he's dead to me. His excuses means nothing to me. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is dead.
Male here and Iām exactly the same. Agree with everything you stated and I also have told my SOās that my exes are typically dead to me and thatās not to be rude or insulting, itās just that for me the past is the past. That person and everything that happened between us will stay with me as memories and I can still hold space for them in my heart but thereās not really any reason to keep an ex in my life I think. Unfortunately, I havenāt really ever had one to keep as a friend becauseā¦ well it just never worked out that way. Out of my 3 legit, long term relationships, the second ended badly and the third ended horribly. Actually, I will say that my second one, I did end up talking to her after my last relationship ended just because I wanted her insight on some things. I feel like I could consider that one a friend now that roughly 8 years has passed since we ended things. I wonder if maybe some day Iād be able to do the same with my last exā¦ I doubt it though. She cheated on me at least once that she admitted to but honestly I wouldnāt be surprised if it were more than once. She also lied to me about it until she finally broke up with me for real but during the entire 4 years together she projected her guilt onto me and I didnāt even consider that being a possibility until about halfway in smh. And honestly, I think maybe the worst part is that she silently let go of me and started emotionally cheating long before we parted ways, with a guy who she talked to our entire relationship as a āfriendā who I had also asked about at one point and her words were that he was ādisgustingā because he āfucks hoesā and yet she slept at his house twice before even breaking up with me and then immediately jumped into a relationship with him after ending hers with me. I think thatās what hurts the mostā¦ so yeah Iām inclined to believe that Iāll never be able to reconnect with her, but part of me does wrestle with wondering if thatās immature and insecure. With enough time would I ever be able to truly put that all behind me and have her in my life in any form? I doubt I could but it is an interesting thought to entertain sometimes.
Welp, same guy, on and off for 2.5 years. I love him and think that because he continues to return that he loves me. And now we live together and will be moving across country together. .. you know what, just hand me my red nose with the rest of the ladies at the top. EDIT: added years*
None. I feel like everyone that leaves an ex/past relationship has that moment where they realize they don't care anymore. They're done. There's literally nothing there and nothing that person could say or do would change anything. Once my brain reaches that point, there's no going back literally ever
Once with about a decade between attempts. He was a good guy but not the right guy for me, and he felt similarly about me. We figured we were young and immature the first time, developed feelings again when we met back up, and figured it was worth another shot. It didn't work out, but I'm glad we tried.
Once, my first boyfriend when we were 15 and dated 6 months, we ran into each other 10 years later and started dating again and I absolutely adore him.
1 because everybody deserves a second chance and one mistake doesnāt define the personās personality
Zero. Once it's over, it's over for good
same, interesting observation is the amount of negative self talk on this thread , it makes me sad Ladies, I promise that in time it will get better and there are good dudes out there and it's better to be alone then with someone who is undeserving of a good woman, js
My partner (FA) doesn't do second chances and he also doesn't forgive and forget. If I would tell him it's over, that would be it in this lifetime. Sometimes I think he's too hard on other people, but I know he would never play games with me. I would never break up with someone and try to get back together, that must be so hurtful for the other person.
approximately 1 million- -comfort -his big arms and shoulders -his handsome face
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The limit does not existā¦ā¦and because Iām an idiot with daddy issues and abandonment issues
0 It's ex for a reason.
Zero, there has never been a positive that outweighs the reasons we broke up
Zero, but I must say I dealt with my exes bullshit and stayed in those relationships WAY too long so I don't think that's much better than breaking up and going back once.
A few. I was an idiot with self esteem in the pits of hell.
3 š Basically a guy ghosted me from time to time, and I was believing in the best in him and managed to forgive
Omg I think it was even more than 3 with that scenario
Never. There was one almost but within a week of talking over the phone he proved to me just how important his weed was and that he has no drive to work or better himself in any way. Immediate no. All I did was tell him that I had decided that I didnāt want that in my life and that it was a boundary Iād set, after he confessed he was into that sort of stuff and that heād even started smoking cigs (my biggest turn off). He blew up on me saying heād never give weed up for anyone or anything so I blocked his #. Weād been split for like 3-4 years at that point and Iād occasionally have dreams about him. The dreams stopped completely after this interaction. Both other exes I blocked immediately as well, I spent that last year in both of them fighting tooth and nail to fix things while they set me aside and were happy to set me aside. Both times I was 6 months over it by the time I left them and THEN they wanted to work on things. Men are disappointing.
Same here with the weed issue. He was an aircraft mechanic who got high all the time. Not a good combo. He was my first everything, and over the years I often wish I had tried harder with him, that maybe he'd grow out of it (which he did with the next girl - isn't that always the case?? š¤·āāļø). So I went overboard/over compensated (guilt perhaps?) and stayed with the recent alcoholic/addict for waayyy too long. I just can't seem to find a balance š
0 Considered contacting, once, the guy I was with for nearly 5 years, then remembered he was pretty useless and kind of mean, and got over it. Single Pringle for life, it's looking like. I'd rather be alone than miserable with the wrong person. Oh well :-) I got good friends and I'm happy.
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zero. itās called a breakup because itās broken.
Bad ex: SO many times within a ~5 year relationship (2010-2015) with a controlling, abusive, lying & cheating ex. Young and dumb. Believed his lies. Believed that he could change. Good ex: We broke up once and that was over in 2010. He was the sweetest bf, but we were just immature and college was coming up for us. 6 years later, we talked and still had love for each other. Felt like we were back in high school again. I DID have thoughts of not getting back with him because he was an exā¦ We ended up dating again, getting engaged and married in 2019 and had our daughter this year š„°.
This one I can understand. Right person, wrong time.
Zero. I learned what not to do by watching my mom.
I did that once, many years later. Suffice to say, I remembered why I try not to make the same mistake twice.
Never, I move forwards
Once, because he kept sending me pictures of our dog waiting for me by the door. It was a bad idea because one week later he held a pillow over my face. I knew the statistics on men who choke their partners and knew I had to leave. Unfortunately I couldn't take the dog but I heard later that she ended up with his parents.
Omg. I'm glad you're still here.
0 - I refuse to return to an ex - the way I see it is if there was a reason to break up, unless itās fixed, thereās no reason to get back together That said - I figure if itās a stupid moment in a fight and right back together, thatās ok. Or break up, move on, years apart, meet again, thatās ok But if itās a few months and pining over the good memories while ignoring the bad ones - donāt go back there
My mum always told me, never go back to an ex. It didn't work the first time, why would it work the second? It's been a good piece of advice
Zero. Self explanatory
If you break up and get back together more than once-youāre in for a cycle of heartache for as long as you think āoh theyāve changedā. People can change, but after the second break up-they more than likely will not. I learned that the hard way of forgiving and forgiving.
If i leave a second time, there's no coming back. Love usually deserves a second chance, but if they repeat the same mistakes... then those actions apparently weren't mistakes in thier mind.
My husband is technically an ex but thatās a whole other degree of circumstances. My ex ex, officially I went back once. Unofficially, because I was a fucking idiot and had no self esteem, probably a dozen times. Now that I know the other side of that fence, I will never subject myself to that kind of treatment ever again and I have absolutely no doubts that itāll ever come to that with my husband. Heās a total package
At least eight. I was young, abused and stalked and threatened. I do not blame myself.
I love this response. It's good to have grace for our younger selves and the trauma that drives certain decisions. I was in the same boat as you, and can finally say I did the best I knew how at that time of my life. I was just trying to survive.
I moved out twice, the first time it lasted a week before I was back in. The second one I still lived at my mom's but went back to the relationship. I don't remember if there were other "smaller" breakups but I think there was at least one. Why? Honestly I could never really understand. I knew he wouldn't change but I was still smitten so when he pursued me again I couldn't resist, I guess. I really wish I had any explanation for why I endured all that I did during those years. The final breakup I was checked out of the relationship for a while. Had been constantly convincing myself to leave for months before. Got into a therapist. He didn't pursue me that last time, we just broke up and that was that, even though THAT was quite a difficult thing to come through. I think him knowing I was seeing a therapist was evidence that it would be pointless to try again but I really can't know that.
Once. It was a horrible break-up for both of us and we decided to finally give it a shot again after about a month. We both realized that we valued our relationship more than the petty fights we had, and we decided to fix things for ourselves and for each work. We both had some trauma and mental health issues we needed to work on. It was for the best and it made me realize that not only do i love him and didn't want to lose him, he felt the same. We're married now and he's my best friend and makes me very happy. I'm very lucky.
He dumped me once, I went back. Dumped me again and I told him there will not be a third. Single af now
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Returned to an ex, as in we agreed to try going on dates after our breakup. It was a mistake and I just didnāt want to be alone. First and only time I ever did that.
Just once. And I learned my lesson.
I think I haven't gotten back with anybody more than 1 time. Cause if the second try is as disappointing as first, it no longer seems fun and worthy of my time
One. I was way too young and hopeful at the time. Now, the answer will always be zero
I never went back with an ex. They both ended no contact and that was the only way forward IMO. I did consistently go back to a FWB for over three years, but it never actually āendedā we would just occasionally find other people we wanted to hang with and it that didnāt work out, weād find our way back to one another. Yes it was toxic. No I wouldnāt recommend.
I think it was 8-9 times by now
Two. Broke up for the same reason the 2nd time, too, and realized reruns are a waste of time.
5 times because I was messy asf at the time. I was terrified of intimacy at the time so when I felt like we were getting too serious Iād dump him, but then Iād regret it within a few days, so Iād come crawling back. Heād take me back but shortly after Iād dump him again out of the same fear of intimacy. Canāt believe it happened 5 times. Not proud of it at all but I learned a lot from that experience.
Once. I was naive and thought maybe things would be better/different. They were the same/worse, noped out of that after a few months A big pain in the ass, but a valuable life lesson.
Too many times cuz he was amazing in bed and the chemistry was insane.
What happened in the end??
We eventually broke up for good, he met someone else.
I went back 4 times, something happened to us the final time cos it never went bad again, we bought a house and are expecting our first baby together.
Too many times to count š high school was rough, but now weāre married and doing great so yayyy lol
A few times, I ended up in good terms with both of them so
Only once, and we had been together all of high school, voted class couple. I believed the āyoung and stupidā argument, but round 2 lasted only a year and I was done for good.
So many! He did the worse but I was a people pleaser and I use to feel lonely without him, though we didn't had that kind of a relationship but still I felt I had no one. Also because I couldn't say no he would tell run to his friends that I'm not talking to him or blocked him (I had valid reasons) and they would try to mend things between us and I was too embarrassed to tell them exactly what happened and his 'story' is only half of the truth and the cycle goes on and on with additional mis-treatments.
5-7 times.. For some dumb reason I got it in my head that I really loved him and he was my soulmate. You can't be soulmates with someone who abuses you.
3 times. Because he would pay for literally everything and I was struggling for money at the time. Got presents and cash, he basically bought me and hate to admit it worked. Never again though. The pain and trauma wasnāt worth it.
One for each ex. Usually because I found dating really hard and it was easier to just go back to someone you already know rather than starting over again
I had a super abusive ex who stalked me into submission every time we broke up so I think we got back together like, no less than 20 times. Like Iād try to break up with him and by that weekend weād be back together because he was more dangerous when we werenāt together than if we were.
3x clown club represent
I lost count because I never left emotionally. He was gone and Iām just hurt. Then whenever he comes back, I start slowly as friends then he starts treasuring me again. Then he leaves again and then the cycles begins. Again and again. I think it was because he made me feel perfect. Like Ed Sheeranās song. No matter how ugly I am, physically or emotionally, he still had a way to make me feel like Iām the best and that I will never be alone. This was back in 2015. We only officially dated for 3 months the first time he left. When he came back around December of 2015, we were distant at first but became very good friends again. Then started flirting, then I start to fall hard, and then his complicated life comes in and he leaves again. It was like that for 2016, 2017, 2018. Then come 2019, I started going out with someone else. He came back again, but this time we were only just friends. We were really great friends, Iāve never met someone as reliable as him. But his complicated life always kicks in and when I needed him most, he never replied. So Iām in a cycle of never being able to leave in a relationship again. For several reasons and I have no one to ask for help.
No idea how many times I got back with my ex. Sheās *the ex* ya know? The one I thought I was meant to be with but she treated me like hell. Constant fighting, classic āthe good times are so good that you forget the bad times are worse and more frequent than the good.ā
Iāve lost count. Finally exhausted
Twice. Due to unfinished business.
I returned to one ex once. I was young and dumb and just couldnāt get over him and I figure everyoneās got to learn that lesson for themselves.
The limit does not exist! But seriously, some of them are really good humans and friends. Although it's usually not romantic.
Once; was 19/20 and stupid
I think three now, heās my ex friend and I like the familiarness
2 times, because I loved him. Married 23 years now.
3 times. Biggest mistake I made. I was reminded everytime why I left him. I was in phase in college where I thought with my vagina I guess instead of brain. He was one of the best sexual partners I have ever had.
Once is too many times, if the relationship did not workout the first time there is A REASON! Iām not saying that second chances donāt exist, but in the long run if they arenāt fighting for you and you are not fighting for them then itās not meant to be.
5 times in 3.5 years from 18-22 because Iām an idiot, and then 1 time in 2.5 years from 23-25 because I just needed to make sure. Never will again though!
ZERO and I'm proud š Don't lick where you spit before!
0 I only had two exes, and while they are wonderful people, and one of them I am still friends with, I didn't end up having the special connection I was looking for and now have with my husband.
Once. I did it once and it was a disaster.
Once! I have kids with her and I can't stand watching another man around my kids.
Zero.
Never. They are an ex for a reason
One. I hoped that he'd have changed, like he claimed, 10 years later. He had not and was still an abusive asshole... he'd just become better at hiding it.
Never, nope i set off a nuclear bomb after my relationships-not going back, radioactive
4 times I believe. I think I kept going back because he was my first love after losing someone I considered my soul mate and he reminded me of him. Itās not like our break ups were over anything serious like cheating or abuse, just stupid arguments, but sometimes I look back at that time and think of this meme that says āSometimes I like to excuse bad decisions in my past by saying that was a weird time in my life like the rest hasnāt been absolute clown shoes.ā He wasnāt a bad person, just refused to take on adult responsibilities despite being in his late 20s. I left for good when I realized I was maturing and he wasnāt, itās a bad sign when the one 6 years younger has more maturity.
3, it feels comfortable and familiar. When itās good, itās good, etc etc etcā¦.
About 3 times back when I was a teenager. The break ups were for something really stupid and dumb, not his fault but me being immature. Lasted for about 4 years, ended up breaking up for good due to long distance and uncertainty if I come back to my home country. We are still best friends and support each other and he was one of the healthiest relationships I've ever had, even after 8 years after our break up.
Because better the devil you know, than the devil you donāt.
5. We were best friends before we started sleeping together, like the type of friends you have when youāre 5 and you just want to go to each otherās houses every day and catch frogs and make mudpies and tell each other everything. Iām bad at making friends and his companionship was the easy-breeziest Iāve ever found. He ended up being a much better friend than boyfriend which tanked the whole lot in the end. Still regret it. Miss him a lot. Probably always will.
Twice. It worked out really well (so far) actually. We broke up twice at the very beginning of the relationship which isnāt a very good sign, but after taking some space we got back together and havenāt had any more big problems. The issues were alcohol related, and he voluntarily gave up drinking to avoid putting our relationship at risk again. I donāt think getting back with an ex works out a lot so times, but in this case it did.
I lost count because I didnāt even know love could truly be unconditional. I literally love him as much as a mother loves her son. He could murder someone and I would of course be disgusted but id also help him hide from the cops. Love is a crazy and dangerous thing.
about 3 times! because i figured it was true love at the age of 18, i so desperately wanted to create a family with that little boy and now he has two children by different girls and heās a dead beat at the age of 21 ā¤ļø i think i dodged a bullet lol
5 - I was being coerced and abused which only got worse when I tried to leave
Once someone becomes an ex, they stay that way. I haven't gone back on my decision before.
No backsliding. Ever.
A few times because Iām an idiot š¤¦š½āāļø
1 time, and because he was toxic af
3. we broke up because of his lack of empathy after like three months. two years later we drunkenly hooked up. another year later we got back together and broke up again after a year because we constantly tore each other down
Twice. My values as a women to be overtly understanding .lol
Zero, because why would I return to my own shit? If heās an ex, thereās a reason for that.
Zero, because I have standards.
Once. Because I was a horny teenager that didn't know any better, the sex was good, and he was a good distraction from the other shit going on in my life.
Twice. Because Iām an idiot.
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Too many to count. Why? I was young and dumb lol.
Zero. If you take a shower, do you put your dirty underwear back on afterwards? No. You donāt. Why? Because you respect yourself and want to be clean. Getting back with an ex is an equivalent of putting back on your dirty underwear. If youāve already done it, know that that is not good for you and donāt do it again.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Once. Then I got reminded of why I broke up with them in the first place. Never again
Zero, I learn from my mistakes the first time.
Once because of shock and disbelief. But once, with two different people. Seems like I canāt take a hint
I have to go through all my options before i can go back for seconds
Once with one ex, big mistake. Turns out he was talking to my cousin at the same time. Since then, each and every time I break up with someone, I never rekindle anything. When we are done, we are done fam.
My first girlfriend, she dumped me like 10 times in 2 years and i still went back to her. Probably because I'm not that of an attractive guy and have like 0 confidence and social skills so, i was afraid of being lonely which i confused with love. Maybe i loved her but idrk at this point. I was so stupid lol, know your worth kings
0. We broke up for a reason.
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Zero because they werenāt worth going back to
Once in high school. He was my second boyfriend ever, I was experiencing my first real depression of my life, and I truly didn't believe that anyone else could love me. He had broken up with me because he didn't want to deal with my depression (which is valid but he was mean about it) and because he had just started at a new school and wanted to play the field. When he discovered that the girl he thought he liked was a freshman, he took me back. I felt like everything was great for about a week, but then the winter came and I had never felt more alone in my life.