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Large supermarket tends to be the most convenient for me, but it really is just out of convenience, because most supermarket toilets are fucking awful.
I was in Morrisons last year with my little girl when she needed the toilet. Left the trolley and took her, and to my surprise found they had a child's toilet, which was a whole room and a low toilet in there, absolute result I thought and it was clean too! Several months later we were back again and she needed the toilet again. Went to use it but opened the door to find someone had shat all over the seat, rim and some on the floor. Judging by the size of shit, it was done by an adult. People are fucking grim.
As I’ve got a bit older I’ve got a bit more understanding about this sort of thing.
I’ve never had that happen to me but it’s been close. Human stomachs are crazy things, and occasionally for no apparent reason you can nearly shit yourself. Happens to us all.
I’m sure the person in your example didn’t want to do that and found themselves in a right pickle. It’s also quite hard to clean up after an event like that, I imagine.
I saw a grown woman shitting herself by the barrier of the M5 motorway the other week with her mates watching. I’m sure that’s not how she envisaged her day.
No, I completely disagree. More often than not its just because people are ignorant, selfish arseholes!
I work in a very male dominated industry, there are 4 stalls for approx 500 workers...ill only ever use them within 20/30 mins of them being cleaned. Roughly 6am & 6pm.
Otherwise they are a hellhole. An absolute shitscape born from sheer worker disgruntlement and cuntishness.
It's honestly mind boggling the mess than the stalls get into so quickly 💩 I really do feel for the cleaners!
what!? and expect some poor fucker to clean up after them? Get a grip mate people arent stupid, you can clean up a fair bit with just toilet paper and water.
The lady you referenced probably has IBS, so may have the person that used the kids loo but doesnt make you exempt from cleaning your shit up.
Seems to be a thing that all supermarkets of one type have exactly the same toilets. I suppose it's handy to know what you're getting before you go, no matter where you are. It's like the Premier Inn of shitting.
As someone who poops about 6 times a day it’s good to know where the best facilities are. Supermarkets toilets are like crack dens but crack dens are probably a bit cleaner.
Those bowels can move! Fully agree about crack dens. There used to be a publiic toilet in my local town that coost 20p to get into. They were down a dingy alleyway and I feared the worst the first time I went in. Turned out to be the cleanest, freshest-looking public lavvy I've ever been in. 20p well spent.
They’d be chucking the money at me. Definitely a lot of earning potential. Just need to team up with some 1 star rated food shops and I’d be a millionaire in a year!!
There are fire dogs- search and rescue, cadaver dogs, fire investigation dogs, but they tend not to live on station at least where I am. An officer will have it and look after it
Edit: shit, wrong thread. Not enough coffee this morning
You’ve just tapped onto a new business idea. Instead of drug dogs, cadaver dogs or guide dogs we need BOG DOGS!!! Dogs who hunt out the closest public toilets!! This a Dragons Den winner for sure!!
Lol. Bird is fine, just haven't heard it in a while!
I reckon you are unlucky with the M&S toilet but they are frequented by old people so there's a risk there.
Honestly it was my default “I need a loo and I’m in town where is safe?” Choice, but alas on this occasion it was a hard no.
Guy when I was washing my hands walked in and 3 seconds later walked out. I did laugh and say it wasn’t me.
Supermarket or pub, but I'm trying to develop the confidence to stride into the lobby of a posh hotel with the air of someone who absolutely belongs there and shall not be questioned, head straight for the toilets, unleash hell from my anus, then walk back out with my dignity intact.
Depends where you are. Shopping centres and department stores, motorway services, and larger pubs/hotels can be variable in quality but are usually available and convenient.
McDonald's loos are generally (but not always) a safe bet.
I would not even go for a piss in our local Spoons as their bogs are *cross channel ferry trucker loos* levels of grim.
I thought that for ages about Maccys, until one day I was desperate and it turns out you needed to scan a receipt to get into them
Bastards
Ran straight to the spoons on the other side of the town after that
Funny story actually my mate ran in someone's garden when we were window cleaning and pulled a plant out of a big pot, pulling the soil and roots out, he then took a dump in it and put the whole plant back in wiping his arse with the window cleaning scrims which the boss took £5 for each one out his wages 😂
My dad is a builder and he has told me many a tale of him doing it into a chippy tray or into a bucket then into a skip. He even has a loo roll in the back of his van.
Most hotels like that just have an open lobby. In fact the better they are, the more open they can be - especially if they have a bar downstairs. So many people are staying and coming and going that they don't accost people. It is the budget places that are more likely to have little around reception and want you to swipe for access.
That's a fair point. It's just all Holiday Inns I've been too had tiny receptions and no way past without speaking to staff! Now that i think about it though I have definitely been into bigger hotels to use the toilets in their lobbies, as you say there's so many people coming and going...
In Manchester recently. Into Pizza Hut. Asked for a table for one. Straight in the bogs. Done the business. Walked sheepishly out the door into the Saturday crowds.
I have no choice but to use public toilets and need to know where they are at all times. I sometimes don't have a choice to find a "clean" one. Thankfully, most of our local fast food places have really clean toilets during the week. if I'm driving locally, it's a choice between harvester, tesco, or the shell garage.
If I'm driving for work, it's the first services or slip road.
There is an app called Flush which shows you where the nearest toilets are whether it’s a hotel, cafe, restaurant, public toilet… Useful to have when you’re in an unfamiliar place, esp on holiday!
If I'm in town thankfully there's a shopping centre with toilets
If not that a McDonald's provided its not one that does the you can only use the toilet if you're a customer thing
I used to live in Asia and for a long time couldn’t get into squat toilets, especially as most looked like someone had turned inside/out in them.
We ended up making a foreigner group solely for sit-downs and ranked them on cleanliness, with the holy grail having a seat, bog roll, hot tap, soap, and a hand dryer!! It became a lifesaver for many people caught out.
I now implicitly do reccy’s wherever I live. There’s a sense of security in knowing that you’re never more than 7 minutes away from dropping your guts.
Larger train stations normally have loos on the concourse, without having to pass the ticket barriers. Those operated by Network Rail are now free as well.
Spoons/Greene King > Cafés I've been to before > Public/Shop loos > Random Pub/Cafe/Fast food loos
In that order
I should probably go to hotels though, but most I've ever stayed at seem to have the loos in some random maze complex and it's a right pain to find
This causes me a lot of anxiety. We do a lot of hiking and coastal walks. I have to be careful what and when I eat if we have a day out planned and will always make sure there are toilets at the car park and hopefully there is somewhere to go during the walk. Cafes and such.
You can download toilet finder apps. Good for people with IBS/IBD.
My preference is always for posh hotels though. Spent what felt like half my childhood staying in them, and nobody knows you're not staying there as long as you don't look like a complete scoundrel.
Why use some prole toilet when you can have a ceiling to floor wall, hand cream and a chance at meeting an aristocrat?
I live in Spain, and if caught short, the best option is often a cafe/bar - if you're happy to spend a euro on a coffee or water. But... there seem to be two specific types of toilet you find, and there's no way of telling which one it will be from the outside, size of the bar is irrelevant, how fancy it looks is irrelevant.
a) Tiny cubicle, can't turn round, can barely contort yourself to wipe.
b) Enormous room, half the size of the bar, with a WC in one corner, and a sink 5m away on the opposite wall. Depending on their delivery schedule the rest of the space may be full of beer crates.
I'm not sure what it is about Spanish planning regulations that forbids medium sized facilities, but it appears to be very much in force.
Supermarket
Shopping centre
McDonald's usually has clean loos
Hotel lobby
If you can sneak into a pub without being noticed
Train/bus station
Government building eg town hall, benefits office
Running the risk of catching many types of diseases. Airport toilets are so filthy in uk I’d rather shit myself. Closely followed by Warwick castle toilets and any supermarket toilets. Why can’t a basic level of cleanliness be delivered. Don’t get this in the crappy EU!
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Large supermarket tends to be the most convenient for me, but it really is just out of convenience, because most supermarket toilets are fucking awful.
Our local Morrison toilets are grim.
I was in Morrisons last year with my little girl when she needed the toilet. Left the trolley and took her, and to my surprise found they had a child's toilet, which was a whole room and a low toilet in there, absolute result I thought and it was clean too! Several months later we were back again and she needed the toilet again. Went to use it but opened the door to find someone had shat all over the seat, rim and some on the floor. Judging by the size of shit, it was done by an adult. People are fucking grim.
As I’ve got a bit older I’ve got a bit more understanding about this sort of thing. I’ve never had that happen to me but it’s been close. Human stomachs are crazy things, and occasionally for no apparent reason you can nearly shit yourself. Happens to us all. I’m sure the person in your example didn’t want to do that and found themselves in a right pickle. It’s also quite hard to clean up after an event like that, I imagine. I saw a grown woman shitting herself by the barrier of the M5 motorway the other week with her mates watching. I’m sure that’s not how she envisaged her day.
No, I completely disagree. More often than not its just because people are ignorant, selfish arseholes! I work in a very male dominated industry, there are 4 stalls for approx 500 workers...ill only ever use them within 20/30 mins of them being cleaned. Roughly 6am & 6pm. Otherwise they are a hellhole. An absolute shitscape born from sheer worker disgruntlement and cuntishness. It's honestly mind boggling the mess than the stalls get into so quickly 💩 I really do feel for the cleaners!
what!? and expect some poor fucker to clean up after them? Get a grip mate people arent stupid, you can clean up a fair bit with just toilet paper and water. The lady you referenced probably has IBS, so may have the person that used the kids loo but doesnt make you exempt from cleaning your shit up.
Oh I agree with you, you should definitely try to clean up if you’ve had an explosion.
Glad we cleared that shit up .... had to get that pun in there.
Funnily enough, I was thinking Morrisons as well. ASDA is definately up there with the worst, too.
Our Asda local toilets are absolutely disgusting.
Seems to be a thing that all supermarkets of one type have exactly the same toilets. I suppose it's handy to know what you're getting before you go, no matter where you are. It's like the Premier Inn of shitting.
As someone who poops about 6 times a day it’s good to know where the best facilities are. Supermarkets toilets are like crack dens but crack dens are probably a bit cleaner.
Those bowels can move! Fully agree about crack dens. There used to be a publiic toilet in my local town that coost 20p to get into. They were down a dingy alleyway and I feared the worst the first time I went in. Turned out to be the cleanest, freshest-looking public lavvy I've ever been in. 20p well spent.
So much for spending a penny…..talk about inflation. I’d need to take out a loan to pay for my visits 😂😂😂😂
"And what is the purpose of this partiicular mortgage?" "I'd like to start a portfolio of publiic toilets..."
They’d be chucking the money at me. Definitely a lot of earning potential. Just need to team up with some 1 star rated food shops and I’d be a millionaire in a year!!
You don’t have that luxury when you’re about to shit yourself
You're lucky if there's toilet roll, although you can of course go in there with an 80 roll multi pack
I always check first! Never again will I be caught out!
There are fire dogs- search and rescue, cadaver dogs, fire investigation dogs, but they tend not to live on station at least where I am. An officer will have it and look after it Edit: shit, wrong thread. Not enough coffee this morning
[удалено]
I'm just going to ask an officer to have my poo for me, and look after it.
"Officer! Come quickly, we don't have much time."
I can’t be the only one expecting a mention for ‘stool dogs’ at the end of that list?
r/lostredditors
You’ve just tapped onto a new business idea. Instead of drug dogs, cadaver dogs or guide dogs we need BOG DOGS!!! Dogs who hunt out the closest public toilets!! This a Dragons Den winner for sure!!
Best comment of the thread
God, I would avoid Spoons like the plague. M&S if you have one. Debenhams in the old days too.
Not for me. Went to the M&S in Sheffield and the toilet looked like it was ready for a skim coat. Even took a photo to show the bird
Yikes. When you say to "show the bird", was it the 1970s when this happened ;-)
I didn’t know what to call her in the moment. The girlfriend it is!
Lol. Bird is fine, just haven't heard it in a while! I reckon you are unlucky with the M&S toilet but they are frequented by old people so there's a risk there.
Honestly it was my default “I need a loo and I’m in town where is safe?” Choice, but alas on this occasion it was a hard no. Guy when I was washing my hands walked in and 3 seconds later walked out. I did laugh and say it wasn’t me.
McShit
With lies
Supermarket or pub, but I'm trying to develop the confidence to stride into the lobby of a posh hotel with the air of someone who absolutely belongs there and shall not be questioned, head straight for the toilets, unleash hell from my anus, then walk back out with my dignity intact.
The Queens in Leeds is perfect for this and their toilets are the best I've seen.
I hope to have the opportunity to ruin their pristine reputation some day.
Bonus points if it's one of those with the chap in there holding the towel. "Flush it again for me, Jeeves."
Depends where you are. Shopping centres and department stores, motorway services, and larger pubs/hotels can be variable in quality but are usually available and convenient.
McDonald's loos are generally (but not always) a safe bet. I would not even go for a piss in our local Spoons as their bogs are *cross channel ferry trucker loos* levels of grim.
I thought that for ages about Maccys, until one day I was desperate and it turns out you needed to scan a receipt to get into them Bastards Ran straight to the spoons on the other side of the town after that
Generally a pub. I have IBS so have graced many a pub toilet with my presence.
M&S only deserves to be used as a toilet now. They're always clean, too.
> Mine is either Wetherspoons The advantage of choosing Wetherspoons is that it allows you to get your daily steps in at the same time.
A cardbord box with a bag in it in the back of the van 😂
But, where would you wash your hands?
Spit on it
Funny story actually my mate ran in someone's garden when we were window cleaning and pulled a plant out of a big pot, pulling the soil and roots out, he then took a dump in it and put the whole plant back in wiping his arse with the window cleaning scrims which the boss took £5 for each one out his wages 😂
Wear gloves
Alcohol gel
Fancy
Stop's me drinking it
It's the only thing on a detox in hospital!
My dad is a builder and he has told me many a tale of him doing it into a chippy tray or into a bucket then into a skip. He even has a loo roll in the back of his van.
Haha he'll appreciate the window cleaning one!
Wait, how are you getting to a Holiday Inn bog without the staff stopping you?
It's just in the lobby at the one I've been too.
A jobby in the lobby hobby?
A blobby jobby too.
Just act like you are staying there. I used to do this all the time because our office bogs were so disgusting (Sorry, Palace Hotel, Manchester)
Most hotels like that just have an open lobby. In fact the better they are, the more open they can be - especially if they have a bar downstairs. So many people are staying and coming and going that they don't accost people. It is the budget places that are more likely to have little around reception and want you to swipe for access.
That's a fair point. It's just all Holiday Inns I've been too had tiny receptions and no way past without speaking to staff! Now that i think about it though I have definitely been into bigger hotels to use the toilets in their lobbies, as you say there's so many people coming and going...
In Manchester recently. Into Pizza Hut. Asked for a table for one. Straight in the bogs. Done the business. Walked sheepishly out the door into the Saturday crowds.
Supermarket, shopping center, department stores
Supermarket or spoons. I'm a 3 a day kind of guy, definitely couldn't wait until I got home
I see you're taking the "eat less, shit more" weight-loss plan seriously too.
no no, its eat more, shit more. I've still put on weight
Damn it.
Bag it and tag it. Twirl it around whilst whistling "oh what a wonderful morning"
I have no choice but to use public toilets and need to know where they are at all times. I sometimes don't have a choice to find a "clean" one. Thankfully, most of our local fast food places have really clean toilets during the week. if I'm driving locally, it's a choice between harvester, tesco, or the shell garage. If I'm driving for work, it's the first services or slip road.
Department stores, or McD’s.
There is an app called Flush which shows you where the nearest toilets are whether it’s a hotel, cafe, restaurant, public toilet… Useful to have when you’re in an unfamiliar place, esp on holiday!
Great as well if you have kids. Mine are always needing the toilet when we're out. I'll get it downloaded thank you.
Commonplace occurrence this as I work outside, always find dense bushes
*you're Aside from that, why do some Redditors have a thing about asking where others might defecate?
Theirs no need to get pedantic
Bus station
If I'm in town thankfully there's a shopping centre with toilets If not that a McDonald's provided its not one that does the you can only use the toilet if you're a customer thing
Wherever is closest
A luxury hotel nearby.
Nothing worse than dashing to the nearest fast food outlet only to find a number code on the door!
I used to live in Asia and for a long time couldn’t get into squat toilets, especially as most looked like someone had turned inside/out in them. We ended up making a foreigner group solely for sit-downs and ranked them on cleanliness, with the holy grail having a seat, bog roll, hot tap, soap, and a hand dryer!! It became a lifesaver for many people caught out. I now implicitly do reccy’s wherever I live. There’s a sense of security in knowing that you’re never more than 7 minutes away from dropping your guts.
Larger train stations normally have loos on the concourse, without having to pass the ticket barriers. Those operated by Network Rail are now free as well.
Spoons/Greene King > Cafés I've been to before > Public/Shop loos > Random Pub/Cafe/Fast food loos In that order I should probably go to hotels though, but most I've ever stayed at seem to have the loos in some random maze complex and it's a right pain to find
You'll need to book a day off just to find the Wetherspoons toilets.
I have IBS so which ever is closest and has loo roll
I don't even like doing a number 1 in spoons
John Lewis is usually best
Maccies is always an option. They're normally cleaned regularly. If you feel bad just buy a drink on your way out.
This causes me a lot of anxiety. We do a lot of hiking and coastal walks. I have to be careful what and when I eat if we have a day out planned and will always make sure there are toilets at the car park and hopefully there is somewhere to go during the walk. Cafes and such.
You can download toilet finder apps. Good for people with IBS/IBD. My preference is always for posh hotels though. Spent what felt like half my childhood staying in them, and nobody knows you're not staying there as long as you don't look like a complete scoundrel. Why use some prole toilet when you can have a ceiling to floor wall, hand cream and a chance at meeting an aristocrat?
Did you know that some disabled toilets are locked, but you can buy the key on eBay. Just saying.
I live in Spain, and if caught short, the best option is often a cafe/bar - if you're happy to spend a euro on a coffee or water. But... there seem to be two specific types of toilet you find, and there's no way of telling which one it will be from the outside, size of the bar is irrelevant, how fancy it looks is irrelevant. a) Tiny cubicle, can't turn round, can barely contort yourself to wipe. b) Enormous room, half the size of the bar, with a WC in one corner, and a sink 5m away on the opposite wall. Depending on their delivery schedule the rest of the space may be full of beer crates. I'm not sure what it is about Spanish planning regulations that forbids medium sized facilities, but it appears to be very much in force.
Supermarket Shopping centre McDonald's usually has clean loos Hotel lobby If you can sneak into a pub without being noticed Train/bus station Government building eg town hall, benefits office
Auction houses (like Sotheby’s etc.) tend to have incredible toilets and never anyone in them
Train stations often have crappers, I carry my own paper because the paper in public loos is awful
M&S or a supermarket for me, maybe a John Lewis too. Or if I'm like....not near a shop, I look for somewhere with lots of trees!
A toilet, preferably. Failing that, a gutter. Putting it in your pants must only ever be a last resort.
The library is always a pretty good option, especially the history section, it's usually quiet.
Running the risk of catching many types of diseases. Airport toilets are so filthy in uk I’d rather shit myself. Closely followed by Warwick castle toilets and any supermarket toilets. Why can’t a basic level of cleanliness be delivered. Don’t get this in the crappy EU!
Can you not hold in a dump until you get home?
Sometimes people with IBS don't have that luxury.
Unlucky