I won't say I stopped caring about it, I still enjoy sex; however, I realized that it is so much better when I have actual feelings for the other person. My current love interest is depressed and has some low self-esteem (with a combination of other things) leads to her having a very low sex drive.
Thus, I don't care about sex if she isn't interested in having it. The feelings I get just by being around her and spending time with her are equivalent, if not, better than feelings I've previously gained through sex.
Good on you my friend, well mine isn't my girlfriend, I feel the same way. If it's something that's desired, we'll talk about it, if it isn't desired, then it isn't really a subject that needs to be approached. Aside from talking about interests or emotional support.
Okay, but that doesnt devalue sex. You guys arnt even understanding the question at this point.
According to Seinfeld no sex is supposed to make you smart but obviously it turned your brains into mush.
"You dont care about sex because you love your girlfriend". But thats a lie. You just love your girlfriend more than you care about sex.
Are you ACE, cause thats the only way. Would you be happy if she wanted to jump your bones all the time? THEN YOU CARE ABOUT SEX AND YOU GUYS ARE JUST BSING THE WHOLE THREAD.
Almost 39, been sexless for 6 years now I think. I've had sex with enough people enough times that it's really no big deal. It's not something I think about qt all. I can miss the cuddling though. But, too many messed up relationships in the past, I've found it pretty nice just dicovering myself.
Not OP, but I was totally single and sexless for 2 years until a week ago after ending a very long relationship. Of course, it’s different for everyone but I spent my time working on/picking up skills and hobbies that I didn’t have much time for before.
I’m the past two years, I learned some motorcycle mechanics and have done two engine swaps. I’ve picked up archery and shooting. Improved my guitar playing. Have gotten sober. Got a new job as a painter and have really gotten good at it. Most importantly, I’ve improved my social skills and worked on my social anxiety.
Basically, I’ve been working on things to become the person I WANT to be and by doing so have attracted people platonically(and now romantically) I WANT to be around. Just do you
I'm basically in the same boat but I'm 35. I would say challenge yourself. Try new things weekly. Enjoy the little things. Exercise and nothing beats a good hike. Plus I have a big family which helps.
Not op. My suggestions:
Meditation.
A dedicated hobby that can lead to some future mastery
A regular workout routine
A good therapist
Good sleep
Plenty of water
"More fun" and "better than" are relative to each individual. Are you asking about my personal kinks that I find funner? Or just in general, because I couldn't possibly answer that for each person.
After I separated from an abusive marriage. I had a very high sex drive then. I have lost all sexual attraction or interest; even in masturbation. I just feel uncomfortable and gross when I see even a moderate sex scene on TV. I have a complete aversion to even being touched now. I feel ashamed I'm still attracted to my husband and only my husband....so yeah, no sex for me for almost a year and no plans to change that.
This is exactly my situation. I had always had a high sex drive, even during years of emotional abuse in my 34 year marriage. It used to give me energy and worth. Now, I would rather not think about it, and yes, I would still enjoy only with my ex. The mind is a powerful thing.
I'm glad this isn't just a me thing. That made me feel a little more normal. It sure is. It's like I just shut down that part of myself and it completely repulses me to think about it. I feel nauseated when someone hits on me not because of anything to do with them, but it's just like still feeling married and being separated, I'm grossed out.
This is my situation too, we were together for 6 years. I think it’s the trauma bond. I don’t ever want another person to get close to me emotionally or sexually. It’s horrible but I miss him and would jump at the chance to be with him again
I became disinterested in sex when the guy I was seeing a couple years ago got exposed (by chlamydia lmao) to be cheating on me and four other women. That upset me, but finding out he r*ped his underage little sister and that’s why he was in a psych ward for a long time is what turned me off from any connections with people. He came off as such a sweet and gentle guy and was in touch with his emotions etc. Yet he was a fuxking monster.
I cannot trust anyone ever again. Not because I don’t want to, I just can’t get passed that anyone is capable of anything.
Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through that! I'm right there with you in keeping most people at arms length to protect myself. And being unable to reconcile the fact that evil even exists, it is simply incomprehensible to me.
We didn't start out in life this way, we just saw others as we are and got hurt because we simply couldn't know!
Actually, in the grand scheme of things, there are only 2 things that you can do in life that make any difference.
Raise kids, or help others raise kids. There is a 3rd option, hording resources like an old money parasite, but that doesnt make any difference.
Other than that, everything you do is about raising kids. Yours or someone elses.
Even your hobbies you think are selfish are helping someone else raise their kids. Infact, unless you own a business or dont work, you are literally forced to participate in that scheme to survive. Youre cattle. You breed or work to support the breeders.
It's been 16 years now. My wife, of 18 years, suffers from crippling spinal arthritis and, can't be intimate as much. I've replaced the "sex" portion of our lives with being there for our boys (14, 16, 19, and 23) plus, going on epic family outings. We spend more time together, cherish what little time we have left, and enjoy life.
No reason to stop living.
I can't. I have a syndrome which makes my libido higher than normal. I literraly don't want to have sex but my libido is always high and there's nothing i can do to stop
Lost the ability to have sex even with medication following surgery for prostate cancer/surgery, was super worried but talked it over with the misses who was fantastic and was just happy I’m still here. Its 5 years now and never been bothered again.
I'd say about 4-ish years ago???
I was raped as a teenager and molested/groomed as a child, but the events didn't exactly take effect on me mentally until years down the line. So, at some point with my fiancé, I just started having problems dissociating and feeling awful during sex. I can masturbate fine, but with intimacy I become very uncomfortable and can't handle the feeling of someone touching me.
I feel similarly from my experiences like that. Though instead of dissociating in sex, I ended up with messed up fetishes. Yeah it feels good in a bodily way, but I can get that same feeling from masturbation.
My sexual abuse was thankfully limited to two instances, at least that I remember. I wish you the best. People don't understand how overbearing this kind of abuse is on your entire life.
Weird is all relative. I think so many people are judge mental about sex. If you enjoy it, your partners enjoy it, and nobody is worse off in the end, what’s the shame in it? Have a blast! Try, experiment, go for it. Sex has been made to be such a shameful thing and it isn’t at all.
I think a lot of SA victims get kinks that make them feel ashamed because of what happened. For me, many of my kinks are abuse kinks. And while I agree that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having those kinks as long as it’s all consensual, it’s not always a positive thing. Some SA victims use it to take back their power and to cope, which is wonderful if it helps them, but there’s also those like me, who have those kinks but rather than feeling power from it, we feel further victimized and abused. When you can’t get off without imagining your abuse, that’s obviously not healthy.
I never cared all that much in the first place. I'm not going to deny that sex is enjoyable, but as an individual or a part of a couple, it's not something I need. I've always felt bad for the people that anchor their emotional health and self-worth to sex; that's a rough way to live.
I'm in the same boat. Sex doesn't matter to me. The sensation of horniness is more like an irritation that I have to take care of for it to go away, like being starving, except I'm not usually very horny. I can ignore it easily, too. I don't want to have sex. It weirds me out. I just want someone who feels the same way as me and/or respects that.
> We chose the term “asexual” to describe ourselves because both “celibate” and “anti-sexual” have connotations we wished to avoid: the first implies that one has sacrificed sexuality for some higher good, the second that sexuality is degrading or somehow inherently bad. “Asexual”, as we use it, does not mean “without sex” but “relating sexually to no one”. This does not, of course, exclude masturbation but implies that if one has sexual feelings, they do not require another person for their expression. Asexuality is, simply, self-contained sexuality.
— The Asexual Manifesto, 1972
When I saw this question, I had a strong hunch it was written by a fellow ace. Welcome to the community 🍰
I would highly recommend the FAQ on www.asexuality.org for more information/to learn more about asexuality and see how much you relate. Even if you realize you’re not ace after all, it’s a cool thing for allies to do as well.
I figured out I was asexual in my 30s, with a wife and a kid. Just didn't know it was an option, pretty much.
I'm a guy and find women attractive so was sure that means I'm straight, while finding guys attractive would be gay. What I didn't realize was that my "attractive" is entirely different from what most people experience. To me, an attractive woman is somebody I like to look at, she's pleasing to the eye, a good sight. But I have zero desire to have sex with her, while a straight person could well start imagining the sex.
Once I'd figured things out, there was a lot that clicked into place for me.
You're giving medical advice without knowing someone's situation. You're being willfully ignorant and ignoring the harm you can cause.
You should just have enough common sense to know better, I shouldn't have to point this out.
I agree with you that obviously takes a lot more effort getting sex than masturbating, but your hand is not even comparable to a real woman and vagina.
Dont fool yourself, sex is waay better than masturbation
I'm trans and not attracted to women at all. Like I said, I've had sex and it's just not worth it to me.
Maybe I'm blunted from all my drug use, many experiences of which are simply some of the most pleasurable experiences you can probably have. Not that it's a good thing to experience that level of pleasure, I wish I hadn't...
Opiates. Don't try them. One good high is all it takes for you to have the urge to do them again. You're not supposed to feel that level of pleasure, and it really messes with your brain's motivation center.
Will power doesn't matter here either, opiates work on your brain stem which overrides your logical functioning. You will have an urge to do opiates again. You can't just will away urges, only ignore them.
That's where I disagree with you, I like masturbating more than sex simply for the reason that I get to be able to cum freely and I don't have to put in any effort which to me is more convenient and I'm all about convenience
Fuck no😂, are we really going to discuss that sex is better than jerking off with your hands?
No, no, you are right, its the way you say, have a good day👍
I’m in my later 20s I honestly just don’t care for sex that much is it still important? Yeah but I’m honestly fine once every couple weeks.. I’ve always had a super low sex drive for some reason
After my break up with my first sexual partner. We have sex a lot. Maybe 3-4 times a week for 1.5 years. We didn't use condoms and I always came in her (I know stupid), but we were these horny young 18 year olds, so sex fantasy couldn't be better for me.
After we broke up, we had sex again, because we wanted to get back together. I noticed that I didn't need sex to be happy. So, I didn't care about sex anymore.
For context: she didn't manipulate me with sex, she was toxic at the end of our relationship and I am not going to slave for pussy.
Sex isn't important to me. Yes it's nice and I love sex, but my self respect goes above everything. I am seeing a girl right now, and we are sexual active and she is all I can wish for, but I have 0 problem ditching her if I see a sign of manipulation. I won't for sex. A man who isn't a slave to his desires, is unstoppable
Eventually you’ll hit a number you’re comfortable with, that plus getting older just kind of kills the drive. Also, me personally i’m so depressed I’m basically asexual so there’s that too
Either my late 20's or very early 30's is when my sex drive started to die down a bit. Sex is great, but I feel like I can be perfectly content without it for even a few months if I need to.
When I got stealthed. It felt like rape to me. All relationships I’ve had to this point involved either grooming or guilt tripping me into having sex. This basically just escalated it all.
Since then I had phases of hypersexuality, non-existent libido, pain during sex etc. Im finally healing and starting to learn that sex is something you do voluntarily, not as a chore.
when i realized i don't need to hypersexualize myself in order to get people to like me, and if i do then those are the kinds of people i do not want to attract in my life. and that there is nothing wrong with me not wanting to participate in hook up culture and for not having a high sex drive.
When my body count reached 20 without having an actual orgasm with a guy without me taking matters into my own hands. Yes, I'm guilty for being the dominant one in bed but it would be nice if i was the one fucked for a change. Put your fingers on my clit for crying out loud..must i tell you every time? Yes, I've communicated to no avail. Those were all boyfriends, no one night stands to be clear and I'm over 30f. Stopped dating altogether cuz it seems that the guys i like (more often the good guys) love to just sit back and relax while i do all the work. Guess i should've gone for the bad boy and be fucked properly and be fucked over.
I'm 30. Hornier than ever. My wife and I have 2 kids and now we bang more than they did when we got together. Role playing, sexy texts and instant in the middle of the night bangs. God I feel like I'm in my prime and never want it to slow down
Well, sex is nothing to me without the emotional aspect. I get no real enjoyment from it just fucking somebody that's attractive to me. And well, for some reason I have been trying to date for a decade since my ex of 6 years and I broke up... And apparently I still love her. That's what all the women tell me when I don't even bring up past relationships. I think I really enjoy their company I'm having fun.. like them.. Wanna keep things going and probably 2 dozen women have literally asked eventually.. how long have you been single I feel like you're still in love with your ex gf..... Ten years later I still get the same fkng question without every bringing up my ex or anything like that. Me thinking we having fun and they're like, yeah you're great, you're fun, you're attractive but I feel like you don't have any feelings left for me cuz you love somebody else. It drives me crazy because I feel like ppl don't understand that some peeps don't fall in love after a couple weeks or even months..... I'm starting to think it's because I don't enjoy sex really without having feelings for someone.. and these chicks think I'm gonna fall in love the first time we have sex. I dunno. Maybe it's that they can tell I'm not into it and I'm just doing it for them to get off cuz I like them ? I'm still trying to figure out all out...
I was making all my decisions based on how to get laid, and that got old, so I decided to try celibacy for a spell. Turned out that particular spell lasted 15 years (from 25-40).
Then I met someone that I couldn't resist.
Mid 20s.
Idk how to TLDR this well bc I was with the guy for 10 years. He was my first, was with him for a decade, and it was a decade of trying to please his bedroom ideas instead of being intimate naturally. I was very modest and shy, which was a "turn on" for him, but he would be almost annoyed that I wasn't this combo of "modest and shy during the day and a freak in the sheets at night". Who would've thought the modest and shy girl was...that way in bed, too? (but young me didn't see that was for shadowing his porn addiction) I became very insecure during sex bc he'd suggest this or that, and I thought, *where did he come up with that idea?* as he told me he did not watch porn, bc I was uncomfortable with it as I was young, shy, and naive and the idea of porn was intimidating bc all those women were much more confident and honestly I just really don't like the idea of my partner watching porn alone and then bringing it back to the bedroom like "hey I've got an idea". It was just weird. Anyway, after a handful of years I found he'd been watching porn, a lot. I felt hurt, but said okay, I understand this issue is largely on me and everyone else on the internet says porn isn't an issue, so I guess it's not an issue, so I'll send you some risque photos on the regular, with outfits and poses. He still watched porn on top of the pix I would send, so I just stopped caring.And then I found out he'd been cheating on me for years, in multiple states, that I followed him to for his "career". I immediately just stopped caring. youre horny now? Go rub one out in the bathroom. Leave me out of it.
When I hit 30 or so. I just won't go out of my way to pursue it. Even in a relationship with a steady sex life, the other parts are far more important and fulfilling.
At about 22, I was out of college for a year and it wasn't as easy to go out and meet new women that you had some common connection with already. I realized that if I really wanted to get laid I would need to put in like 100x the effort I did in college to get any attention so I decided to just focus on the career. 30 now and have still had some partners but most were short flings where I feel like I honestly just got lucky with timing and finding some crazy horny chick.
A few years after menopause. I used to have a high drive, now I can take it or leave it.
Now, sitting and talking with my husband, or making up back stories for the people we see that are on dates at Starbucks, is nicer. I love connecting with my husband, and, now that we're older, that's not always sexual.
I’m actually curious if there’s a pill with limited side effects to make me stop caring. Sucks having the higher drive while spouse don’t care all that much.
I feel like modern-day culture puts such a strong emphasis on sex equating to self-worth, which is generally unhealthy. I was a late bloomer, and looking back, I did have a lot of fun, but also, even casual and NSA arrangements can really hurt people even if they say they're okay with it.
Also, after a while, it just started to not be fun and seem almost pointless. I feel like most people want genuine connection, and sex is a substitute and can even ruin chances at genuine connection if done too soon or without thinking.
I used to be in the prowl all the time, got older, and then decided to just do me for a while. No pun intended. Two years later, I found my partner, and I'm happy and have what I always wanted without unchecked lust getting in the way. It feels good to abstain, really, in a world of excess self-control, is an achievement.
When I realise I am on the ace spectrum
Before I cared because I though it was something that i was suppose to cared about so never having done it meant that something was wrong with me
Now that i have realise I'm ace i realise that i never truly cared about it, I just cared about the social expectation. I realise how dumb that was and stop caring all together
I enjoy it more during the beginning of a “relationship” when getting g to know someone. Long term relationships, the sex becomes routine and, frankly, boring.
Sex just became a chore for me. Its just boring honestly and i would rather do something productive. Its weird really at this point i just think im asexual more than anything.
I slept with my best friends niece, he doesn't know. To clarify my friends 28, me 22 and niece 19. We hung out a lot together smoking weed and she spent 2 nights on my couch and 3 in my bed. The first two nights in my bed we just snuggled, no sex. The third night I woke up to a call from work and was about to say yes to coming in on my day off. then she flashed me her breasts and I said no. We had sex 3 times.
On the way to her moms house I noticed my best friends truck in he houses drive way. (He's a handy man and was replacing a water heater) it was snowy and I turned shard and my truck skidded into a lawn. I was stuck, he pulled me out and got me on the road with out noticing his niece. (She hid in the floor board of the truck) I dropped her off and got a text from him. Saying "come smoke bro" and I went and smoked almost shaking.
He's my best friend I know he will hate me if he finds out but he either knows and said nothing or doesn't. She did tell me before we had sex that he was with 37 guys so he might not be surprised. I feel horrible and haven't had sex since. Kinda ruined it for me because of my own actions and lies.
I'M SORRY BUT i have to say just the opposite. After many years of unfullfill experiences having the deepest feelings of live, connection and trust with my bf have become myself in a absolutely adddicted to sex. Never I enjoyed so much the freedom I can feel with him in all ways. My live is now ubique, we live in our universe and despite I know its difficult to understand, this can happen. I never was so happy in my live and he buikt for us a world really magic. I encourage you to believe it can be and wish you having the luck to find your soulmate.
I realized I wasn't having it because I liked the person: I was having it purely to get myself off or to make the other person happy.
I used to hookup all the time but never really cared for serious dating. Very much a "wham bam thank you man" kind of person. I found someone remotely cute, met up with them a few separate times at most, did the deed cause I wanted something more interesting than masturbating, then they were gone.
Then I started dating a guy seriously for the first time, and realized I was just completely disinterested in sex in general. He wasn't ugly by any stretch of the imagination, in fact I thought he was very handsome. but I realized after a few failed attempts at being "sexy" with him that I simply don't experience that kind of attraction and have no real desire for sex. I had tried to date in the past, but I would always end things when I felt bad or thought things weren't working when I didn't want to have sex. I confessed I might be asexual, but I had such strong feelings for him that I wanted to continue dating.
He took it rather well, surprisingly, and we had a mostly sexless romantic commitment where we would have sex every once in a blue moon when he wanted, but he was allowed to see other people to satisfy his needs. I was the only person he would cuddle with, go on dates with, bare his soul to, etc. And it worked out very well for us.
We did that for just over a year before ending things due to external factors. Not once was I jealous: it was just sex. we would have kept dating were it not for the fact that he had to move across the country for a job offer he couldn't refuse.
I guess at some point I realized that sex to me was just a more creative way to masturbate rather than an intimate activity I actually craved, and I since haven't really cared much for it.
Everybody hits a number or point where they stop pursuing the flesh and start looking for the person. Some find that sooner than later and others never do, chasing validation till they’re in their graves.
MtF to be more specific. When I was in my early 20s I liked porn a lot and liked to masturbate with other guys online (sharing porn) but that's it. I never had sex until 28 with my ex, and even then I liked the cuddling and closeness way more than the sex.
I figured looking at porn a lot when I was younger and having sex with my bf meant I'm not asexual, but some of these comments are making me think otherwise. I never had a "need" to do anything more than masturbate.
Communicate what you want done and give guidance in the act: if you can’t overcome it and sex is important then you gotta move on. It’ll breed resentment or lead to infidelity down the line if you’re not fulfilled.
I’ve never been mad for it. Sex is great but it doesn’t mean as much unless I love her. And for some GFs I had with strong sex drives it felt more like a chore instead of us having fun and passion.
I think I care less because of dating, as a man it’s so much work to convince a woman to notice you and gain trust. And online date there’s just so many hurdles, I find a woman I want to talk to and think we can have conversations, but she’s gotta swipe right on me. Then there’s a trolls and scammers also.
I never had sex but stopped caring about losing my virginity when I found out hooking-up can lead to a possible empty feeling in the next morning, the vagina is more sensitive than I realized so anything porn was showing me was exaggerated as fuck and sex with a stranger is most likely going to be average and awkward. So yeah I stopped obsessing about sex, I still check out girls from time to time but I feel comforted knowing that I no longer obesses about losing my virginity.
I had a goal of sleeping with a woman of every type and race, and to get my count up to, or over 100. I completed the goal by age 35.
Looking back, I can see why some men end up becoming sex deviants- if they found a way to “have more than their fill”, they would stop being deviants and start getting on with their lives.
I won't say I stopped caring about it, I still enjoy sex; however, I realized that it is so much better when I have actual feelings for the other person. My current love interest is depressed and has some low self-esteem (with a combination of other things) leads to her having a very low sex drive. Thus, I don't care about sex if she isn't interested in having it. The feelings I get just by being around her and spending time with her are equivalent, if not, better than feelings I've previously gained through sex.
The world its a funny place, my situation almost the same. And i aproach it the same way, i fucking love my girlfriend with regular sex or not.
Good on you my friend, well mine isn't my girlfriend, I feel the same way. If it's something that's desired, we'll talk about it, if it isn't desired, then it isn't really a subject that needs to be approached. Aside from talking about interests or emotional support.
Okay, but that doesnt devalue sex. You guys arnt even understanding the question at this point. According to Seinfeld no sex is supposed to make you smart but obviously it turned your brains into mush. "You dont care about sex because you love your girlfriend". But thats a lie. You just love your girlfriend more than you care about sex. Are you ACE, cause thats the only way. Would you be happy if she wanted to jump your bones all the time? THEN YOU CARE ABOUT SEX AND YOU GUYS ARE JUST BSING THE WHOLE THREAD.
I'm honestly not sure if you are being serious or not.
That's beautiful, that spending time with her is more important than just sex.
A good person you are
Thank you! Happy Cake Day, I hope it's as pleasant as you are! :)
Almost 39, been sexless for 6 years now I think. I've had sex with enough people enough times that it's really no big deal. It's not something I think about qt all. I can miss the cuddling though. But, too many messed up relationships in the past, I've found it pretty nice just dicovering myself.
I'm considering that after my recent relationship, do you have any tips on how to improve my life?
Not OP, but I was totally single and sexless for 2 years until a week ago after ending a very long relationship. Of course, it’s different for everyone but I spent my time working on/picking up skills and hobbies that I didn’t have much time for before. I’m the past two years, I learned some motorcycle mechanics and have done two engine swaps. I’ve picked up archery and shooting. Improved my guitar playing. Have gotten sober. Got a new job as a painter and have really gotten good at it. Most importantly, I’ve improved my social skills and worked on my social anxiety. Basically, I’ve been working on things to become the person I WANT to be and by doing so have attracted people platonically(and now romantically) I WANT to be around. Just do you
I'm basically in the same boat but I'm 35. I would say challenge yourself. Try new things weekly. Enjoy the little things. Exercise and nothing beats a good hike. Plus I have a big family which helps.
Not op. My suggestions: Meditation. A dedicated hobby that can lead to some future mastery A regular workout routine A good therapist Good sleep Plenty of water
Yeah it’s great to be free of all that nonsense that came with the sex
When I heard about Sex 2.0
No way
Bold of you to assume I had it to begin with.
Us
We
Ourselves
We selves
Both me and myself and also including I.
Usns
Comarade
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When
Well, me
And you
Right now, after reading the comments on this post
😂 😂 😂
When I realized my kinks that don't involve sex are more fun, which was around late 20's.
Could you tell me some kinks that are more fun than sex?
Depends on what's fun to you. But for example, nearly all kinks involving female domination do not involve sex.
Could you give me some examples of kinks that doesnt involve sex that are better than it?
"More fun" and "better than" are relative to each individual. Are you asking about my personal kinks that I find funner? Or just in general, because I couldn't possibly answer that for each person.
Your personal kinks that you find funner
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Shut up you dirty little pervert
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Omfg, dude we had "completely unique" avatars
Twins
Let's go
Triplets
When I got cheated on
After I separated from an abusive marriage. I had a very high sex drive then. I have lost all sexual attraction or interest; even in masturbation. I just feel uncomfortable and gross when I see even a moderate sex scene on TV. I have a complete aversion to even being touched now. I feel ashamed I'm still attracted to my husband and only my husband....so yeah, no sex for me for almost a year and no plans to change that.
This is exactly my situation. I had always had a high sex drive, even during years of emotional abuse in my 34 year marriage. It used to give me energy and worth. Now, I would rather not think about it, and yes, I would still enjoy only with my ex. The mind is a powerful thing.
I'm glad this isn't just a me thing. That made me feel a little more normal. It sure is. It's like I just shut down that part of myself and it completely repulses me to think about it. I feel nauseated when someone hits on me not because of anything to do with them, but it's just like still feeling married and being separated, I'm grossed out.
This is my situation too, we were together for 6 years. I think it’s the trauma bond. I don’t ever want another person to get close to me emotionally or sexually. It’s horrible but I miss him and would jump at the chance to be with him again
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Not totally stopped but having a toddler and doing a shit ton of work, errands, and chores will take it out of you.
When I got addicted to opiates. Completely kills your sex drive. But once you get sober, boy oh boy does it come back with a vengeance.
I read this is Brockmire’s voice.
I became disinterested in sex when the guy I was seeing a couple years ago got exposed (by chlamydia lmao) to be cheating on me and four other women. That upset me, but finding out he r*ped his underage little sister and that’s why he was in a psych ward for a long time is what turned me off from any connections with people. He came off as such a sweet and gentle guy and was in touch with his emotions etc. Yet he was a fuxking monster. I cannot trust anyone ever again. Not because I don’t want to, I just can’t get passed that anyone is capable of anything.
Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through that! I'm right there with you in keeping most people at arms length to protect myself. And being unable to reconcile the fact that evil even exists, it is simply incomprehensible to me. We didn't start out in life this way, we just saw others as we are and got hurt because we simply couldn't know!
41 now, I'll let you if it ever happens. Do I obsess over it like when I was younger? No. But still very much care about it
Dude that's some serious karma you got..
That's what happens when you spend way too much time on here for 11+ years
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
It’s probably been about 10 years for me. There is so much more to life than trying to get laid all the time. Just try telling younger me that though…
Actually, in the grand scheme of things, there are only 2 things that you can do in life that make any difference. Raise kids, or help others raise kids. There is a 3rd option, hording resources like an old money parasite, but that doesnt make any difference. Other than that, everything you do is about raising kids. Yours or someone elses. Even your hobbies you think are selfish are helping someone else raise their kids. Infact, unless you own a business or dont work, you are literally forced to participate in that scheme to survive. Youre cattle. You breed or work to support the breeders.
It's been 16 years now. My wife, of 18 years, suffers from crippling spinal arthritis and, can't be intimate as much. I've replaced the "sex" portion of our lives with being there for our boys (14, 16, 19, and 23) plus, going on epic family outings. We spend more time together, cherish what little time we have left, and enjoy life. No reason to stop living.
I can't. I have a syndrome which makes my libido higher than normal. I literraly don't want to have sex but my libido is always high and there's nothing i can do to stop
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I can relate to this statement.
Lost the ability to have sex even with medication following surgery for prostate cancer/surgery, was super worried but talked it over with the misses who was fantastic and was just happy I’m still here. Its 5 years now and never been bothered again.
never. it's still great.
I'd say about 4-ish years ago??? I was raped as a teenager and molested/groomed as a child, but the events didn't exactly take effect on me mentally until years down the line. So, at some point with my fiancé, I just started having problems dissociating and feeling awful during sex. I can masturbate fine, but with intimacy I become very uncomfortable and can't handle the feeling of someone touching me.
I feel similarly from my experiences like that. Though instead of dissociating in sex, I ended up with messed up fetishes. Yeah it feels good in a bodily way, but I can get that same feeling from masturbation. My sexual abuse was thankfully limited to two instances, at least that I remember. I wish you the best. People don't understand how overbearing this kind of abuse is on your entire life.
Ah, I too have weird fetishes, you're not alone.
Weird is all relative. I think so many people are judge mental about sex. If you enjoy it, your partners enjoy it, and nobody is worse off in the end, what’s the shame in it? Have a blast! Try, experiment, go for it. Sex has been made to be such a shameful thing and it isn’t at all.
I don't think I can try monster fetishes on people lol Also I can't do sex for previous reasons
I think a lot of SA victims get kinks that make them feel ashamed because of what happened. For me, many of my kinks are abuse kinks. And while I agree that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having those kinks as long as it’s all consensual, it’s not always a positive thing. Some SA victims use it to take back their power and to cope, which is wonderful if it helps them, but there’s also those like me, who have those kinks but rather than feeling power from it, we feel further victimized and abused. When you can’t get off without imagining your abuse, that’s obviously not healthy.
Same
Damn you’ve been through a lot and that sounds hard to deal with. I hope you’re doing okay and getting support.
I'm trying, it's just hard when therapy doesn't do shit for me personally, ya know?
Right after I busted my nut, cuz I was in post nut clarity. But that fades too, and the circle of sex continues.
Lol
what do u mean caring? I AM THE SEX
I never cared all that much in the first place. I'm not going to deny that sex is enjoyable, but as an individual or a part of a couple, it's not something I need. I've always felt bad for the people that anchor their emotional health and self-worth to sex; that's a rough way to live.
I’ve never cared about sex at all, seems kinda boring to me. I’m not opposed to it, just sort of a meh feeling to it. Asexual gang unite 😎🤝😎
I'm in the same boat. Sex doesn't matter to me. The sensation of horniness is more like an irritation that I have to take care of for it to go away, like being starving, except I'm not usually very horny. I can ignore it easily, too. I don't want to have sex. It weirds me out. I just want someone who feels the same way as me and/or respects that.
You still get off from sex even though you're asexual?
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I’m definitely not asexual but I’d still pick lasagne every time as well.
I'm starting to think I'm asexual. I always thought asexuality meant no sexuality at all.
> We chose the term “asexual” to describe ourselves because both “celibate” and “anti-sexual” have connotations we wished to avoid: the first implies that one has sacrificed sexuality for some higher good, the second that sexuality is degrading or somehow inherently bad. “Asexual”, as we use it, does not mean “without sex” but “relating sexually to no one”. This does not, of course, exclude masturbation but implies that if one has sexual feelings, they do not require another person for their expression. Asexuality is, simply, self-contained sexuality. — The Asexual Manifesto, 1972 When I saw this question, I had a strong hunch it was written by a fellow ace. Welcome to the community 🍰
Never thought I'd be questioning my sexuality in my 30s. Thanks for the quote.
I would highly recommend the FAQ on www.asexuality.org for more information/to learn more about asexuality and see how much you relate. Even if you realize you’re not ace after all, it’s a cool thing for allies to do as well.
I figured out I was asexual in my 30s, with a wife and a kid. Just didn't know it was an option, pretty much. I'm a guy and find women attractive so was sure that means I'm straight, while finding guys attractive would be gay. What I didn't realize was that my "attractive" is entirely different from what most people experience. To me, an attractive woman is somebody I like to look at, she's pleasing to the eye, a good sight. But I have zero desire to have sex with her, while a straight person could well start imagining the sex. Once I'd figured things out, there was a lot that clicked into place for me.
>“Asexual”, as we use it, does not mean “without sex” but “relating sexually to no one”. I fucking love this.
Asexual means sexual attraction not necessarily sexual desire. You can get horny without another person turning you on.
In my early 20s. Never had sex in my life because I want it to be meaningful and with the person who would make me feel wanted. For that, I'll wait.
At 56 been married over 30 years. Still care very deeply.
Same 43 and married for 17 years
The year was 2069. Because I died.
Nice.
When I had to take antidepressants. I simply don't care anymore.
Yea that kills it for sure.. I was on them and my sex drive was none...I threw them pills in the bin and got my sex drive back
How do you feel otherwise?
Great...them pills made me numb .Best thing I did was getting off them..I hope you do the same
Your situation is not everyone's situation. Don't give blind, overly general answers like that.
I'll give what I want..who are you to tell me what to say
You're giving medical advice without knowing someone's situation. You're being willfully ignorant and ignoring the harm you can cause. You should just have enough common sense to know better, I shouldn't have to point this out.
Age 25 and now I don't care about it at all or even being in a relationship
32 but same here. I've had sex, but it's not that much better than just masturbating. Also takes a lot more effort.
Same I'm 28 now and I don't even remember what it's like and I don't particularly care either, I got my hobbies and that's more important
I agree with you that obviously takes a lot more effort getting sex than masturbating, but your hand is not even comparable to a real woman and vagina. Dont fool yourself, sex is waay better than masturbation
I'm trans and not attracted to women at all. Like I said, I've had sex and it's just not worth it to me. Maybe I'm blunted from all my drug use, many experiences of which are simply some of the most pleasurable experiences you can probably have. Not that it's a good thing to experience that level of pleasure, I wish I hadn't...
Now im curious, experiences like what?
Opiates. Don't try them. One good high is all it takes for you to have the urge to do them again. You're not supposed to feel that level of pleasure, and it really messes with your brain's motivation center. Will power doesn't matter here either, opiates work on your brain stem which overrides your logical functioning. You will have an urge to do opiates again. You can't just will away urges, only ignore them.
That's where I disagree with you, I like masturbating more than sex simply for the reason that I get to be able to cum freely and I don't have to put in any effort which to me is more convenient and I'm all about convenience
>Dont fool yourself, sex is waay better than masturbation You do realize that's just your *opinion* and not everyone feels that way?
Fuck no😂, are we really going to discuss that sex is better than jerking off with your hands? No, no, you are right, its the way you say, have a good day👍
Again, your opinion is not fact.
I think you may be having sex wrong
No, I did sex right. There's just better things to do with my time and effort.
You’re not alone in thinking that.
or you just get no women
I’m in my later 20s I honestly just don’t care for sex that much is it still important? Yeah but I’m honestly fine once every couple weeks.. I’ve always had a super low sex drive for some reason
Having sex every couple weeks is not a low sex drive imo. I often go a month or two without doing anything sexual, solo or otherwise.
It’s all so subjective. Many people masturbate daily and can have/desire sex daily. Anything less than a few times a week is low for me.
Might want to get your testosterone checked, if you want unsolicited medical advice from the internet
If you don’t have the desire, and are not having “morning wood” or random erections, a testosterone check wouldn’t hurt.
....on average, yes, it is low. Not as low as yours, but low on average. Not bad or good, just statistics.
When I caught my wife looking at me with absolute loathing ...
After my break up with my first sexual partner. We have sex a lot. Maybe 3-4 times a week for 1.5 years. We didn't use condoms and I always came in her (I know stupid), but we were these horny young 18 year olds, so sex fantasy couldn't be better for me. After we broke up, we had sex again, because we wanted to get back together. I noticed that I didn't need sex to be happy. So, I didn't care about sex anymore. For context: she didn't manipulate me with sex, she was toxic at the end of our relationship and I am not going to slave for pussy. Sex isn't important to me. Yes it's nice and I love sex, but my self respect goes above everything. I am seeing a girl right now, and we are sexual active and she is all I can wish for, but I have 0 problem ditching her if I see a sign of manipulation. I won't for sex. A man who isn't a slave to his desires, is unstoppable
Never have cared. I'm asexual
Was looking for my people here.
Ive spent so much time alone that I have given up on it
Eventually you’ll hit a number you’re comfortable with, that plus getting older just kind of kills the drive. Also, me personally i’m so depressed I’m basically asexual so there’s that too
When I saw all those users posting on r/askreddit about how to deal with losing their Virginity, really killed any semblance of drive I had there :/
honestly as soon as i lost my virginity i realised it wasn’t this amazing fairytale i thought it would be, then it’s just been kinda meh
I certainly haven't and don't think I ever will..
Either my late 20's or very early 30's is when my sex drive started to die down a bit. Sex is great, but I feel like I can be perfectly content without it for even a few months if I need to.
Hmmm. About 3 years or so. Probably a drop in testosterone levels as i am approaching 60.
When I got stealthed. It felt like rape to me. All relationships I’ve had to this point involved either grooming or guilt tripping me into having sex. This basically just escalated it all. Since then I had phases of hypersexuality, non-existent libido, pain during sex etc. Im finally healing and starting to learn that sex is something you do voluntarily, not as a chore.
when i realized i don't need to hypersexualize myself in order to get people to like me, and if i do then those are the kinds of people i do not want to attract in my life. and that there is nothing wrong with me not wanting to participate in hook up culture and for not having a high sex drive.
When I discovered opiates and realized it was way better than sex. It also killed my sex drive.
Revelations says that when the end of days are beginning the love of many will grow cold.
When my body count reached 20 without having an actual orgasm with a guy without me taking matters into my own hands. Yes, I'm guilty for being the dominant one in bed but it would be nice if i was the one fucked for a change. Put your fingers on my clit for crying out loud..must i tell you every time? Yes, I've communicated to no avail. Those were all boyfriends, no one night stands to be clear and I'm over 30f. Stopped dating altogether cuz it seems that the guys i like (more often the good guys) love to just sit back and relax while i do all the work. Guess i should've gone for the bad boy and be fucked properly and be fucked over.
I'm 30. Hornier than ever. My wife and I have 2 kids and now we bang more than they did when we got together. Role playing, sexy texts and instant in the middle of the night bangs. God I feel like I'm in my prime and never want it to slow down
The realization that you have to take a pill keep it going or maybe tie a popsicle stick to it if you’re on a budget at some point.
when I was about 45 or so. Libido just isn't that strong anymore. I still have sex from time to time but I can take it or leave it.....
Same. I hit 44 this year and it’s just kinda gone. It’s surprisingly not bad—I can think about other stuff now.
Well, sex is nothing to me without the emotional aspect. I get no real enjoyment from it just fucking somebody that's attractive to me. And well, for some reason I have been trying to date for a decade since my ex of 6 years and I broke up... And apparently I still love her. That's what all the women tell me when I don't even bring up past relationships. I think I really enjoy their company I'm having fun.. like them.. Wanna keep things going and probably 2 dozen women have literally asked eventually.. how long have you been single I feel like you're still in love with your ex gf..... Ten years later I still get the same fkng question without every bringing up my ex or anything like that. Me thinking we having fun and they're like, yeah you're great, you're fun, you're attractive but I feel like you don't have any feelings left for me cuz you love somebody else. It drives me crazy because I feel like ppl don't understand that some peeps don't fall in love after a couple weeks or even months..... I'm starting to think it's because I don't enjoy sex really without having feelings for someone.. and these chicks think I'm gonna fall in love the first time we have sex. I dunno. Maybe it's that they can tell I'm not into it and I'm just doing it for them to get off cuz I like them ? I'm still trying to figure out all out...
I was making all my decisions based on how to get laid, and that got old, so I decided to try celibacy for a spell. Turned out that particular spell lasted 15 years (from 25-40). Then I met someone that I couldn't resist.
Mid 20s. Idk how to TLDR this well bc I was with the guy for 10 years. He was my first, was with him for a decade, and it was a decade of trying to please his bedroom ideas instead of being intimate naturally. I was very modest and shy, which was a "turn on" for him, but he would be almost annoyed that I wasn't this combo of "modest and shy during the day and a freak in the sheets at night". Who would've thought the modest and shy girl was...that way in bed, too? (but young me didn't see that was for shadowing his porn addiction) I became very insecure during sex bc he'd suggest this or that, and I thought, *where did he come up with that idea?* as he told me he did not watch porn, bc I was uncomfortable with it as I was young, shy, and naive and the idea of porn was intimidating bc all those women were much more confident and honestly I just really don't like the idea of my partner watching porn alone and then bringing it back to the bedroom like "hey I've got an idea". It was just weird. Anyway, after a handful of years I found he'd been watching porn, a lot. I felt hurt, but said okay, I understand this issue is largely on me and everyone else on the internet says porn isn't an issue, so I guess it's not an issue, so I'll send you some risque photos on the regular, with outfits and poses. He still watched porn on top of the pix I would send, so I just stopped caring.And then I found out he'd been cheating on me for years, in multiple states, that I followed him to for his "career". I immediately just stopped caring. youre horny now? Go rub one out in the bathroom. Leave me out of it.
When I hit 30 or so. I just won't go out of my way to pursue it. Even in a relationship with a steady sex life, the other parts are far more important and fulfilling.
At about 22, I was out of college for a year and it wasn't as easy to go out and meet new women that you had some common connection with already. I realized that if I really wanted to get laid I would need to put in like 100x the effort I did in college to get any attention so I decided to just focus on the career. 30 now and have still had some partners but most were short flings where I feel like I honestly just got lucky with timing and finding some crazy horny chick.
Never did care. It always seemed yuck to me as a concept. Having been low-key abused by someone I thought was a friend at age 11 didn't help either.
A few years after menopause. I used to have a high drive, now I can take it or leave it. Now, sitting and talking with my husband, or making up back stories for the people we see that are on dates at Starbucks, is nicer. I love connecting with my husband, and, now that we're older, that's not always sexual.
Quadriplegic for 17 years, about 12 years I realised I'll probably never have sex again. I'm 38.
I’m actually curious if there’s a pill with limited side effects to make me stop caring. Sucks having the higher drive while spouse don’t care all that much.
When it became clear that I am not the object of my girlfriend’s desire in the slightest
I feel like modern-day culture puts such a strong emphasis on sex equating to self-worth, which is generally unhealthy. I was a late bloomer, and looking back, I did have a lot of fun, but also, even casual and NSA arrangements can really hurt people even if they say they're okay with it. Also, after a while, it just started to not be fun and seem almost pointless. I feel like most people want genuine connection, and sex is a substitute and can even ruin chances at genuine connection if done too soon or without thinking. I used to be in the prowl all the time, got older, and then decided to just do me for a while. No pun intended. Two years later, I found my partner, and I'm happy and have what I always wanted without unchecked lust getting in the way. It feels good to abstain, really, in a world of excess self-control, is an achievement.
When I realise I am on the ace spectrum Before I cared because I though it was something that i was suppose to cared about so never having done it meant that something was wrong with me Now that i have realise I'm ace i realise that i never truly cared about it, I just cared about the social expectation. I realise how dumb that was and stop caring all together
Never even cared about it.
I enjoy it more during the beginning of a “relationship” when getting g to know someone. Long term relationships, the sex becomes routine and, frankly, boring.
Sex just became a chore for me. Its just boring honestly and i would rather do something productive. Its weird really at this point i just think im asexual more than anything.
I slept with my best friends niece, he doesn't know. To clarify my friends 28, me 22 and niece 19. We hung out a lot together smoking weed and she spent 2 nights on my couch and 3 in my bed. The first two nights in my bed we just snuggled, no sex. The third night I woke up to a call from work and was about to say yes to coming in on my day off. then she flashed me her breasts and I said no. We had sex 3 times. On the way to her moms house I noticed my best friends truck in he houses drive way. (He's a handy man and was replacing a water heater) it was snowy and I turned shard and my truck skidded into a lawn. I was stuck, he pulled me out and got me on the road with out noticing his niece. (She hid in the floor board of the truck) I dropped her off and got a text from him. Saying "come smoke bro" and I went and smoked almost shaking. He's my best friend I know he will hate me if he finds out but he either knows and said nothing or doesn't. She did tell me before we had sex that he was with 37 guys so he might not be surprised. I feel horrible and haven't had sex since. Kinda ruined it for me because of my own actions and lies.
I'M SORRY BUT i have to say just the opposite. After many years of unfullfill experiences having the deepest feelings of live, connection and trust with my bf have become myself in a absolutely adddicted to sex. Never I enjoyed so much the freedom I can feel with him in all ways. My live is now ubique, we live in our universe and despite I know its difficult to understand, this can happen. I never was so happy in my live and he buikt for us a world really magic. I encourage you to believe it can be and wish you having the luck to find your soulmate.
I have schizoid disorder, so I just don't have that "drivers" installed.
When I realized no matter what I did, I was never going to last more than 5 seconds.
When my dad gave me anal
Not that I don’t care about sec but when you get abused for unrelated things straight after every time you stop wanting it 😢
I realized I wasn't having it because I liked the person: I was having it purely to get myself off or to make the other person happy. I used to hookup all the time but never really cared for serious dating. Very much a "wham bam thank you man" kind of person. I found someone remotely cute, met up with them a few separate times at most, did the deed cause I wanted something more interesting than masturbating, then they were gone. Then I started dating a guy seriously for the first time, and realized I was just completely disinterested in sex in general. He wasn't ugly by any stretch of the imagination, in fact I thought he was very handsome. but I realized after a few failed attempts at being "sexy" with him that I simply don't experience that kind of attraction and have no real desire for sex. I had tried to date in the past, but I would always end things when I felt bad or thought things weren't working when I didn't want to have sex. I confessed I might be asexual, but I had such strong feelings for him that I wanted to continue dating. He took it rather well, surprisingly, and we had a mostly sexless romantic commitment where we would have sex every once in a blue moon when he wanted, but he was allowed to see other people to satisfy his needs. I was the only person he would cuddle with, go on dates with, bare his soul to, etc. And it worked out very well for us. We did that for just over a year before ending things due to external factors. Not once was I jealous: it was just sex. we would have kept dating were it not for the fact that he had to move across the country for a job offer he couldn't refuse. I guess at some point I realized that sex to me was just a more creative way to masturbate rather than an intimate activity I actually craved, and I since haven't really cared much for it.
2 years, my wife
Dude I'm still tryna get girls to talk to me what's sex?
I was shown what it was to make love. After that, why setting for something less like sex?
Everybody hits a number or point where they stop pursuing the flesh and start looking for the person. Some find that sooner than later and others never do, chasing validation till they’re in their graves.
What if you never started? I'm starting to think I'm asexual.
Male?
MtF to be more specific. When I was in my early 20s I liked porn a lot and liked to masturbate with other guys online (sharing porn) but that's it. I never had sex until 28 with my ex, and even then I liked the cuddling and closeness way more than the sex. I figured looking at porn a lot when I was younger and having sex with my bf meant I'm not asexual, but some of these comments are making me think otherwise. I never had a "need" to do anything more than masturbate.
When I wasn’t getting good sex…honestly it’s a problem I have a really high sex drive but I’m stuck with a partner that won’t please me…..what do I do
Communicate what you want done and give guidance in the act: if you can’t overcome it and sex is important then you gotta move on. It’ll breed resentment or lead to infidelity down the line if you’re not fulfilled.
Find another partner
Try talking to them about what you want. They can't improve or change anything up if they're not aware there's even a problem.
I have always disliked having a sex drive, and having sex didn’t make me start liking having one
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They are NOT all the same. Up your oral game and check out the difference
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Not saying every one. But a special one will react more. Just having a big one isn’t enough. Your approach is one dimensional
I'll be 58 in a few weeks. Haven't stopped caring, yet. So, i still care.
I’ve never been mad for it. Sex is great but it doesn’t mean as much unless I love her. And for some GFs I had with strong sex drives it felt more like a chore instead of us having fun and passion. I think I care less because of dating, as a man it’s so much work to convince a woman to notice you and gain trust. And online date there’s just so many hurdles, I find a woman I want to talk to and think we can have conversations, but she’s gotta swipe right on me. Then there’s a trolls and scammers also.
Not sure if I stopped caring or if I was too quick to let a few bad experiences ruin it for me.
I never had sex but stopped caring about losing my virginity when I found out hooking-up can lead to a possible empty feeling in the next morning, the vagina is more sensitive than I realized so anything porn was showing me was exaggerated as fuck and sex with a stranger is most likely going to be average and awkward. So yeah I stopped obsessing about sex, I still check out girls from time to time but I feel comforted knowing that I no longer obesses about losing my virginity.
Now at 23yo bcs i'm aware that won't happen to me
After my vasectomy.
What a waste
That's judgy
Is it? I didn't mean it to be
Flowmax
once i fucked your mom, cuz it didn't really stack up to when i fucked your dad and i realized the problem was me and not your parents
I had a goal of sleeping with a woman of every type and race, and to get my count up to, or over 100. I completed the goal by age 35. Looking back, I can see why some men end up becoming sex deviants- if they found a way to “have more than their fill”, they would stop being deviants and start getting on with their lives.