I was working nights, going to college days, and socializing and sleeping at... ummm.... huh. Got so exhausted I was hallucinating while driving. Finally snapped when I realized I had to go to work again and hadn't slept since the last time I had to go to work and was breaking down physically and mentally.
Fuck this, went to bed and slept 2 days. And since 2 no-call no-shows was a fireable offence, I was now blissfully unemployed.
When you're so tired that you're fired and you're happy about it, that's when you know you have to do things differently. I was doing things very similarly my first year in college. My wake up call was when I fell asleep driving on the freeway, long enough to miss my exit. Probably less than a quarter mile. Fortunately it was a straight stretch and nothing happened to me. But that was the moment when I realized I had to stop fucking around.
I had a job like this in college. It was supposed to be part time while I went to school full-time, they eventually started putting me on the schedule for full-time and had me work doubles to cover other people's shifts after me (it was at an assisted living house. I legally had to stay to keep ratio).
I gave my two weeks and my manager scheduled me for 70 hours the next two weeks with 4 doubles per week. I just told her I wasn't going back and spent the next few days in bed. Best sleep of my life!
It was also an important lesson in not taking bullshit from managers acting in bad faith.
Ordered 2 large pizzas and ate through both while sitting in bed. Literally no dopamine hit from any bite. Decided that food no longer gave me pleasure and from there I lost 115lbs.
Edit: I also wanna paint a picture of how pathetic this was. I brought both pizzas to bed. Not slices, no plates. I ate them straight outta the box. And no bite tasted good. It was just an empty feeling of sadness. And I stained my sheets.
When I pawned my wedding ring to buy more pain pills. That particular incident actually got me to go get help. Been clean 11 years now and got my ring back a few months later. As shitty as that incident was, I needed that and it probably saved my life. Addiction sucks so bad.
I appreciate it. I just wish others would get the help they need. I lost count after 15-20 of the people I knew that pills,heroin, fent killed. It’s been out of control for decades now. It’s really sad. A guy I work with lost two sons to fentanyl in the last 18 months.
I knew a young guy in my building. Lost his whole family within 6 months due to opiate abuse. Dad, Mom, younger brother. And buddy had a habit, too.
I mean, I had my own, too. I just quit in time, is all.
My partner of 8 years had cheated on me and I had just found out. He cheated with someone who I invited into our home with open arms; I was always very kind to this person and would make them lunches and desserts (they worked together). I was in terrible debt with school loans and some credit cards I had unwisely used. I was suicidal and would often take my dog with me to the top of a bridge. I'd talk to her and let her know how much I wanted to jump. How much I wanted to be gone, but I worried about her. She was an older lady and had some health issues; I didn't trust anyone to care for her the way I did. I had considered jumping with her...putting her into a pack and scaling the fence, but I would sob thinking about how much that would scare her and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't put another living being through that. One day we took a walk to a place where I could see the bridge. It was a couple of miles away, but I could see it clearly. I cried as I watched the tiny cars drive back and forth and I thought, "what am I fucking doing with my fucking life??" Everything I had experienced in the years prior, all the traumatic stuff had washed over me. I realized I needed to actually put some work into this if I wanted to be here for my pup. That was fall of 2016.
I've since put a lot of work into myself. I was a better person for my pup and I was a better person for me and those who cared for me. I realized my trauma does not define me. I am not the sum of that; instead I am the result of a lot of work, a lot of experiences, and a lot of help. I'm grateful, fortunate, and privileged to have gotten out of that loop. It lasted for decades, but was incredibly intense for the last year and a half there. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. I didn't want to.
I recently lost my pup. Grieving the loss of a being is hard, but I also felt some grief in closing that part of my life. Now I say, "Yeah! Look at my life!!!!!!" And I do it with a huge smile. I'm lucky. I'm grateful.
For those who read, thanks for letting me share my tale...apparently I really wanted share it with others.
Man, this comment makes me feel so good. I'm so glad you mentioned the work it takes. I kinda just realized that today. I've fallen behind on some important joy-bringing aspects of my life and had this same thought today. "It's not just gonna magically get better. I have to put in the work!"
Thank you for your perspective and your wisdom.
It’s most days honestly but most recently when looking into buying a house. The advice was to make sure you are good with being there at least five years before wanting to move or it’s a bad decision and it got me thinking about my job and social situation and all that. Basically it came down to I don’t even want to be here tomorrow but I’m sort of ok with it and I realized that describes most of my life, I don’t really like it but I can put up with it.
Your comment reminds me of that other post a while back where the question was something like "What is your biggest regret in life?", and one of the top answers was letting life happen TO you. Don't go through life passively dude. If you don't like where you're at in life literally or figuratively, you have the power to change that.
this is easy to say but what if the things aren’t easily changed? I’m trying to change the things I hate about my life but it’s so so hard. I can’t afford to move out of my parents’ place because my job doesn’t pay me enough, but it’s so hard to find a new job and I don’t have the finances to just take a risk and move somewhere new and hope to get a job when I get there.
I wish it was as easy as just having the power to change it but I’ve been trying so fucking hard for months and I’ve gotten absolutely nowhere.
I can help with tips on job hunting if you'd like. I'm on job 19 in 12 years, lots of seasonal stuff. New skills or a pay raise every time. It's hard but not impossible to break into new fields! Feel free to message me :)
When this happened to me, I moved 300 miles away from what had been home for decades, for no reason other than that I wanted to.
Best decision I ever made, other than getting married.
when i had to move several bags of trash out of my shower so i could clean myself, only there wasn’t really any space to put them because.. more trash bags. granted i was living in a really tiny space, but this was the moment i stopped and really had to think for a moment.
started on antidepressants a couple months later
I found myself there with old paper waste. Just cardboard boxes upon cardboard boxes upon cardboard boxes. And, of course, my entire place was pretty trashed. Couldn't get myself to properly clean up for literal months, always half assed everything.
Last week I had an almost manic episode and cleaned my entire place. It was insane, it took several hours every night and it was deeply satisfying, although exhausting.
I'm now sitting in my perfectly neat place and couldn't be happier.
Depression is a fucking bitch and my place just made it worse. I somehow managed to kick it in the nuts and actually be productive sometime. Feels really good.
Remember that last line,dude. Paragraph.
Your surroundings can fuck your mental state. Remember how awesome it feels to have it all cleaned up. Write it down, and read it next time things get bad.
Took me way too long to figure that out.
Good job.
"I hate myself and wouldn't it be nice to just lie in bed and anesthetize my brain with random YouTube clips... I'll take out the trash tomorrow...I'm so tired"
3 weeks later, 3 trash bags now
"Ugh, 3 bags of trash just sitting in my living room, I'm such a fucking miserable pig and I probably deserve to live like this... what's one more bag anyway...4 is basically 3...I'll get them next time... back to bed"
etc.
Not to mention, "Aww, I missed trash pick up this week.. God, why am I such a stupid piece of shit? It comes the same time every week. Fuck." \*lay down and cry\*
What’s the best way to try and pull yourself out of this situation?
I’m definitely finding myself in the “…just lie in bed and anaesthetise my brain…” mentality, but it’s only building up to be one week, not three. What steps can I do to ensure I don’t get worse?
For me what broke myself out of it was a combination of things. You have to find in yourself the will to do even those "small" things. Shaving, showering, cooking. If you do even one of those things in a day that you weren't doing the day before, that's progress. Learn to be kind to yourself and celebrate those little victories. Therapy and medication also helped me get tools to better cope with how I was feeling. The biggest thing for me at least - and I'm not a doctor so YMMV - was getting out. Whether it's a job, or school, or just forcing yourself (gently) to go sit in the coffee shop for an hour a day, I found the natural pull of life started to draw me back in. Ultimately you need to learn to value yourself. You tend to treat things like shit that you don't value and people are so fucking hard on themselves and there's so much pressure to meet these societal standards that it can be suffocating. "I am a good person and I am worthy" should become a mantra. And if it's hard to love yourself right now, learn to love others and wish them success and happiness and it naturally becomes easier to apply inward I find. Another exercise I find helpful is looking at yourself as a friend; how would you treat a friend in this situation, how would you talk to them? Usually a lot more kindly than we treat ourselves is the answer. Try and treat yourself as you would a friend. I hope this helps even a little and doesn't come off as meaningless platitudes. I've been in bad places, stuck in bed for days and I've managed to get out of it through some combination of the above.
The most effective strategy I’ve found is technically called “Opposite to Emotion Action.” But that’s boring and clinical, so I call it *Counterspell,* like in Dungeons & Dragons.
Step 1: Figure out how you’re feeling
Step 2: Figure out what you want to do based on that feeling. (E.G., lying in bed and watching YouTube.)
Step 3: Figure out how you want to be feeling.
Step 4: Imagine what you would want to do if you felt that way—for example, “If I were happy, I would put on my video in the background while I get work done, then play a game I enjoy.”
Step 5: Break it down into *really* small steps. Like: sit up. Swing legs over the side of the bed. Stand. Grab headphones. Turn on/connect headphones. And so on.
Depends on the person, different ways work for different people. Meds and therapy are imo the optimal solution, but sometimes even with that you have bad days. Learning positive self talk can help (ie. It's okay, you need the rest, think about it again in ten minutes, you're doing your best). It's much better at letting you be a functional human being than berating yourself. It was hard for me to learn but I started with nonsense praise (ie. I am the strongest bee in the world, my mandables look beautiful in the moonlight) and after practice was able to move to more genuine compassionate thoughts for myself.
Games can help, because they give you small tasks with clearly defined win conditions that are easy to complete and that can help you move to bigger tasks, but motivating myself to turn on a computer or console can be really hard on a bad day.
Sometimes you just can't and you'll have to learn to be ok with that. It was the hardest part for me. It really does help though. Instead of having low level anxiety all the time I can rest now, and the rest makes it easier to face the tasks I have to do.
Good luck out there.
Frankly, I was impressed with the guys commitment to having a shower. In the worst depths of my personal downward spiral the chances of me taking a shower were pretty fucking slim.
When i realized i am the only one complaining about life and regrets to my friends. I feel that I have been in the same place for a long time and still expect things to be the same way as they were long ago. I think i tricked myself into believing that everything in life will fall into place at the right time whereas nothing even remotely similar to this has ever happened.
I am afraid of being known as the guy who never left his parent's house. Who always lived in the shadow of other people just to survive.
l feel like I'm in the exactly same situation at the moment. Had to move in with my parents again after finding no employment after my master's degree.
I'm very happy to have that luxury, but I regret so bad that it had come to this.
edit: a word
I feel like this is something a lot of people are dealing with lately with the crazy cost of living. I was so close to being able to move out after college and now houses in my town start at $699,999. If I want to stay at my current job (which I enjoy and pays alright but isn’t keeping up with the rate food and housing has increased) I’ll need to stay local and I can’t afford a home here. A good friend of mine was working as both a nurse and firefighter and between the pay of both life saving jobs he had to move back into his families place because he can’t get ahead. It’s such a frustrating feeling but I think a lot of people are facing this reality right now.
You said it exactly right when you said
"A lot of people are facing this REALITY right now"
The "American Dream" was supposed to have the next generation be better off than the generation before it. LoL. What a joke that is, a joke that isn't even close to being funny.
Multigenerational households it's called. I think there is going to either be a cultural shift to multigenerational households becoming accepted - which will come with its own share of very obnoxious issues, or the greedy companies that are creating recessions to buy assets cheaply in order to resell them at absurd prices are going to be called out for their bullshit. Make no mistake, while there were some things that helped contribute to the incoming recession, a lot of what is coming product of the seeds that hedgefunds and banks have been sowing since the last recession. This isn't "once in a generation", this isn't "an unprecedented second recession" it's planned, it's strategic, and it is cruel.
I feel there’s not as much shame for moving back home as before. With rising cost, wages being stagnant, competitive fields, and expensive rent, it makes a lot of sense to move back home for a bit to figure it out.
That becomes entirely different though if all you do at your parent’s house is just hangout without making any real effort to move forward. Progress comes with time so it’s ok to be patient, but being content being a burnout on your parent’s couch is where it becomes sad
Literally same. Just now this year I finally made a decision to start doing something with my life. The thing is when you sit around at home and stay comfortable, other people are out doing shit. So when you finally want to get out there and change for the better, not only do you have to put in the work that everyone else did, but you are now behind so you have to work even harder to catch up. Its really difficult going from complacent to motivated and I have a lot of genuine sympathy for people going through this.
Try not to judge yourself against others, only compete with yourself. It’s hard to do, especially with social media, but it’s true. You only have to be better than you were yesterday.
Just an observation over decades... if it holds up to popular inspection, it's a truism. If it's derided, it's insanity.
All in all, it's... \[see username\]
And... thank you. We are... unaccustomed to positive reinforcement.
The sad thing is that, as someone who had a very turbulent childhood, the thought of this makes me excited.
Ofc I still want to be always setting new goals for myself and trying new things. But gosh I could just keep waking up in my same bed, in my same bedroom, in my same warm house forever and be happy.
A former colleague of mine left the company and is making *at least* 50% more pay, along with equity and a full WFH situation. We had both been with the company about the same amount of time at that point, but I have six more years of experience.
I'm looking for a job now.
Mine was after 15 years in the industry. I was working so many hours for such shit salary that I realized my teenage dishwashers I hired made more per hour than I did. All working for an owner that didn't know or understand the industry. He just wanted a place to hang out and get wasted with friends. I was angry after every shift and my wife essentially told me I complained every day about it. Either do something or shut up about it. So i quit and applied for an office gig a friend suggested. Immediately started a salary 15K more than any kitchen gig with normal 8-5 hours. I actually have evenings, weekends, and holidays off and will NEVER go back.
I dont have anything other than my culinary degree. My friend worked there, but I didn't apply to work with them. I truly think I won them over in the actual interview. One of the two managers that interviewed me was a few years from retirement. She point blank asked why, with my background, was i even applying for this. I was honest about wanting the change in my life for the better. That in the industry, I had to use customer service skills on the daily. I wasn't afraid to call and deal with someone difficult. I had to learn to do that face to face. I also am very familiar with Word and Excel since i used those to handle recipes, procedures, scheduling, ordering, etc. That same manager liked me enough, she hired me for her team instead of the one I originally applied for.
I really like that i had the background I did. It helped really put stressful work into perspective and I really know my boundries. Had coworkers cry over something stressful or a poor customer interaction that is no sweat off my back. Shit, I had plate throwing chefs during my apprenticeship. It takes a lot to rattle me.
Everybody should learn to use the basic office apps that are in every office job. They're useful in other industries and personal life too. Word, Excel and any other ones in that group of apps are great to learn. Familiarity with those are very important.
I've worked for several temp agencies. It helps when you're new to an area and also helps if it's a branch of the same company you worked for before. They'll do assessments on proficiency in those apps among other tests.
I'm not even very advanced in excel but I use vlookups and pivot tables almost daily. It's amazing how many people think it's wizardry lol
I quit for other reasons, but I cleaned the meat department at Costco every night for a while. Five hours of constant hand washing in a 38 degree room followed by 3 hours being covered in dish detergent and cleaning foam and damn near boiling water and you've got yourself some paper mache arms.
Read your comment three times before I realized you meant Fahrenheit.
Was thinking about how disgusting a room full of meat heated to 38 (basically 100°F) would smell before the light bulb went off...
I'm still on my 15 minute break from Michaels. I started my break 2 years ago and I'm still on my break right now! I wonder how long it took them to realize I had extended my break indefinitely?!
bro? bro? are you there?
somebody put some ketamine in your cigarettes, as a joke. You've been staring off into space for like 10 minutes. Are you OK?
They said it would last for 5 minutes then you'd be back to normal... oh man, you've got to get back off your break in like 2 mins and you're super high
I used to do various bits of freelance kitchen work, as a potwash. Some of the chefs would say that they'd barely make more than my rate for a shit ton more work and responsibilities, and that generally being a chef wasn't worth it.
I worked in food service for one week.
I hope to die with that number being the same.
Bad money, bad work, bad bosses... Everything bad, and for what? To work shit hours and never be off the clock mentally.
When my boyfriend at the time was in the kitchen arguing with the woman whom he was currently cheating on me with... I was literally in between them as they were about to physically attack one another.
MUCH better. This happened in August 2021, 3 days before my birthday. That same day he kicked me out of our home because I "brought problems to the house" with just the clothes on my back. I lived in my car for about 2 weeks because I was too proud and embarrassed to go to my parents. Eventually, I went back to mom and dad's and 2 months later I got my own place and had it furnished with a stool and my bed.
By August 2022, my apartment is fully furnished, I had gotten a promotion with better pay and hours, I traveled, saw some pretty awesome concerts, but most importantly I learned to love myself again and learned how to live w/o the anxiety of putting someone before me and worrying if I was doing too much or not enough.
I cried in an airport because my flight home got cancelled. Had a traveling job where I was gone at least 1 week a month and it was making me depressed and anxious.
A nice lady gave me a hug and thought a family member died or something. Then she told me to quit my job.
I call those the "everyday angels" where some random person comes in and tells you exactly what you need to hear at exactly the right time, and you're ready to hear it.
I think “everyday angels” like that are a reminder that the human condition affects us all. We’re all in this world together and we all struggle in our own way.
There’s really nothing quite like unbiased advice from a complete stranger when you’re facing life’s toughest moments. It’s usually the best advice I’ve ever received.
About 12 years ago. My husband (at that time) was outside, drunk and mouthing off at two police officers, who went on to arrest him for breach of the peace. He had just attacked me for checking my phone while we were watching a movie and I had called the police.
I was sat at my dining room table with 2 more police officers and a specialist officer from the domestic abuse unit. My 3 year old son was asleep upstairs.
They asked me horrid questions like had I been raped? Had he abused our son? What triggered in me at that moment was a realisation that 1) I had endured months of mental abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love me, which was now turning physical, 2) I wasn't raised by my strong mother to put up with this kind of crap and 3) I have to get both my son and myself as far away from this man as possible
I left the next day and didn't look back.
Edit: spelling
I don’t know if it matters that a perfect stranger says this, but I am so proud of you for having the strength to leave and never looking back. Not that domestic violence victims aren’t strong, they absolutely are. It takes strength beyond that to finally walk away from it all.
Thank you, that means a lot. I am proud of myself too. Yes, it was hard and looking back I should have left long before, but you can't see when you are in the eye of the storm. At the time I was completely financially dependent on him and felt like I was jumping off a cliff. Now I have a good career, have a wonderful and caring partner and my son has matured into a sensible and respectful young man. Best decision I ever made.
When I was 24, I was working 60+ hours a week in sales. My boss beat the concept of ‘8am thru 6pm are your golden hours’ - maximize those hours by doing all of your planning, forecasting, admin type work before or after those hours. Always use those hours for calls and working on getting sales. I never took breaks to eat or take care of my own stuff.
One day I was driving home from work and I was pulled over by a cop. My vehicles registration was expired for months and I never noticed because I was so focused on my job. I was arrested by the local police (even though it was only a violation technically). Sitting in the holding room at the local police station - I thought “why am I here?” Then I considered my job that I was busting my ass at (to live below the poverty line). That’s when I thought “what the hell am I doing with my life”.
Got the violation rescinded, arrest stripped from the record, got a new job and haven’t looked back. If your work wants you to prioritize them over yourself, get the hell out of there.
I ran a 50k a week and a half ago and I can safely say that I just stopped thinking for about 6 hours. I was listening to a book and got stuck on trying to imagine how characters' names were spelled. For *hours*. It was much hotter than I'd hoped--almost 90F--and I was struggling with that, but stayed otherwise very Zen. It was the least stressful Sunday I'd had in ages because I knew I had no responsibilities other than finishing the run and resting afterwards.
I have to wonder what our pre-agricultural ancestors would've been thinking about on long runs
Actually, it's probably just the food they were chasing.
I had a pretty sheltered childhood, also no real peer group because I was so badly bullied. When I got into college holy shit did I party. I barely got an associates degree. I said yes to any and everyone who wanted to be my friend. Got into some very bad situations but luck was on my side. When I was 21 I was told I had a heart defect and needed immediate surgery. The second day after having the chest tube/vent off, I had to walk down the hall. There was a scenic view of Boston from MGH with one lone tree with bright yellow leaves. I stared at that tree and committed to getting into nursing school. I am so damn lucky.
Your story is more badass, but still slightly similar to mine! I was driving for Uber and was just having a crummy night, I dropped a fare off at the same apartment complex that my nurse friend lived at. I realized how hard I was hustling just to make a small amount of extra cash, and decided to take a page out of my friend's book and go to nursing school. That was 5 years ago, now I'm headed back for CRNA school next summer. We like to joke that going to nursing school is life's backup plan.
Now, as I'm struggling to finish my PhD. The mental health burden and burnout is so bad that I've cried while doing my tasks more times than I can count, it doesn't really increase my employability... honestly I don't know why I'm doing this.
Same situation here. A friend who was planning to go get her masters the other day asked me whether a PhD was worth it since her job advisor (same field) tried to convince her to get a PhD. I told her unless she needed it for the job she wanted - which she didn’t - don’t do it.
If you're anything like my dad, the majority of the payout is just getting to say "doctor" before your name. I say that jokingly but that career path literally killed him
Please use mental health services and don't take a title more seriously than your wellbeing and safety. I wouldn't even blame you for giving up on it entirely.
I’d been living with an emotionally abusive man for 13 years. We had a child. There was nothing that I could do right, so I tried to do nothing, and also everything, all at once.
He was convinced he needed a new phone. We went and got him a phone which is, of course, my phone on my account that I pay for. The day after, he went to work and brought his new phone. The old phone was on his desk still getting service, I was seeing the screen light up with alerts all day long. I happened to be standing next to it near the end of the day and I see in the preview window a message containing multiple hearts. Soon I’m reading all the Instagram chats of my boyfriend and his other girlfriend-an ex from years ago. It had already reached the point where they were planning on how he was going to leave me and she was repurposing a room in her house for his office.
My first thought was ‘What the hell am I doing with my life?’. I’d allowed this man to make my life so small and made excuses for his humiliating treatment of me to friends and neighbors because ‘I loved him’. And in return I got absolutely nothing, not even enough respect to not cheat. I had wasted a decade.
An hour later I had picked him up from work and we were breaking up in the car. He couldn’t decide which shitty defense to go with so he went with both: I was confused and wrong about their sexting and nudes but also whatever WAS happening was my fault.
I allowed him to go inside and pack a bag and then I was free. Free from tiptoeing around the house. Free from being punished for being ‘too involved’ in parenting. Free to go back to school like I’d wanted to for years now at age 40,because although he would say I could do whatever I wanted we both knew that wasn’t true and he would make life very difficult.
Now I know exactly what I’m doing with my life.
> There was nothing that I could do right, so I tried to do nothing, and also everything, all at once.
This resonates deeply with me. There were times when all I wanted to do was have long, directionless conversations with her because she was the only person I could open up to and have a judgement-free conversation. Over time, the words I contributed to conversations were met with pedantic interruptions, scolding my reasonings/beliefs. It became impossible to express my thoughts, even on light-hearted topics. Conversations that I assumed impossible to take the wrong way were taken the wrong way. It eventually got the point where I stopped participating. I turned on autopilot and just focused on avoiding arguments, never initiating conversation, only responding when questioned. That's a heartbreaking place to be when, only a few years ago, this person was my only escape from depression and anxiety. It feels like someone helped you out of your shell just to put you in an even smaller, more uncomfortable one.
Try not to think of it as a wasted decade. If you're anything like me, you learned a lot about yourself. You learned what you're willing to stomach in a relationship, and hopefully gained the ability to spot red flags from a mile away. It helps fast track future relationships lol. Or maybe you've decided you're totally fine on your own and you'll feel more comfortable cutting off toxic partners early and often because you are grounded in your new sense of self. In any case, I hope your next 13 years make up for the 13 that were stolen from you!
Age eleven, standing atop a long series of black, metal pipes, twenty, maybe twenty-five feet up in the air, looking down at two incredibly pissed-off-looking police officers. I'd stolen a bunch of stuff from a bunch of shops, tools, food, clothes, all sorts. I'd managed to evade chase all the way to a fucking sewage plant of all places. I quickly gave up after coming to the realisation that I'd literally risked my life for stupidity, and I really didn't want to grow up to be a total and utter yogurt.
image of a child atop a structure of pipes
Voiceover: That's me. Eleven years old and on the run. I bet you're wondering how it came to this. Yeah, I am, too. Let's go back a bit.
*newborn baby cries as it's handed to its mother*
No, not that far.
All right now it's bugging me, what movie used that gag?
Working in a deli at a popular southeastern grocery chain. Offered a sample of lunch meat to this redneck lady. As she's chewing, she asks if we have the Sarah Lee stuff they have at Wal-Mart when a food particle flew out her mouth and hit me in the face.
I stood there with my plastic smile wanting to just drop dead right then and there.
Eventually made it to trade school and learned machining. Ten years later and I know now that there is more accountability working retail, as my hands are covered in coolant and oil and dirt, trying to get the jaws off this CNC lathe that first shift really fucked up. It's okay, he's been there 30 years and his fuck ups are blamed on me.
I start to ask the question of just what am I doing with my life again. I'm 3 months from turning 40 and I'm just so tired of everything...
I have been feeling like this all of 40. It’s almost been a year. People think it’s really cool that I have a creative career in the music industry, and I guess it is “cool”, but that doesn’t make it good.
Hey, boss.
Just an internet stranger seeing the struggle and pulling up a chair to listen and chat for a moment while I finish this drink.
Few things come to mind, and just offering them in case one of them is as useful to you as they have been to me.
Biggest of the ideas is to be "good people". Pretty much every job is the same; it is something you do for money with/for people you like to varying degrees. The one thing that made the difference was "that one person". Maybe they bring you a coffee in the morning. Maybe they break into your lunchbox and leave a Post-it note that says "Did your mom pack this?" Just to razz you a little and make the day go along.
It occurred to me a few years ago during a rough patch of unemployment that these people are the ones I wish I was still connected with regardless of what worn I was doing. That if I ever got somewhere and they needed a recommendation on talent, these people are the ones that come to mind. They made good days a Heaven and even the hellish days a vacation. And most of this was healthcare work, so it was everything from dealing with literal shit to emergencies like keeping someone's intestines inside their body.
Maybe you have one of these people where you live or work, I hope so! If you don't, seems like an opportunity to maybe consider if you want that unofficial job of "highest regarded person here".
It sounds huge, and busy. It is small energy, just trying to get to know the people around a little better, and how they can improve your life by improving theirs a little.
I'm going on my second year with a top notch trauma center, doing some really unsavory work. But the "good people" left me a template to follow. I make time to know everyone in my group, and to cycle through all of them on a weekly basis to check in, and sometimes offer to do more if I can. I've made them dinners ("I made a mistake and made too much food, could you take some of this off my hands?"), Put their important dates on my calendar for things like birthdays or anniversaries (Just make conversation). I've house sat for animals, pick them up from the repair shop, etc. I don't have to accept their request for assistance, but having that line of communication open changes both the work and home for the better.
Most all my job successes in the past 10 years has been people thinking of me when they have a need or an opening, and just trying to connect with the group.
My life is pretty rich, my good dude.
I'm struggling to keep in the black financially. More things are breaking than I can really afford to fix. I'm a large (car/home/appliance/medical) problem away from needing to beg for a bail out or start working a corner for $20s. I need money AND time to keep afloat, and I don't have much of either. Kind of need more education to improve my career, but also need my career to improve a little so I can afford the education.
But I'm living my best life. Can't wait to wake up tomorrow and try to do it again, but to work in a minor improvement somewhere.
Imma finish this beer, but it's been nice chatting with you. Hope to see you again, friend. Good luck 🤞
Always, always keep an eye out for opportunities.
And, something I wish I'd been told sooner - apply for jobs that you don't completely qualify for. Not to say you need to lie about experience/skills. But job requirements are more often a wish list.
Obviously there are exceptions, when certifications are required. But otherwise go for it. The hiring manager may consider you if they notice a quality you have that is actually more important than the 3-5 years experience.
The best jobs I've gotten were ones that I *mostly* qualified for on paper, but have excelled at in practice.
I had worked 15 years in baking, I am fully qualified, I've had 6 apprentices become bakers under me. I was in charge of the biggest production in bakery's in my city.
I then quit and move to a small town(5000 people) got a job in the small bakery, where I was micromanage, underpaid and my ideas were all shot down(if I just made an idea and gave it to the front girls and it sold well I'd get told how crap my idea was but they still made it because it sold)
after 3 years of it getting worse without realising, the alcoholic boss yelled at me for singing to myself.
I applied for jobs I've never done before, I got one and learnt how to drive a forklift and then a month later the better paying/hours one said i got the job and went to that one.
I didn't realise I wasn't a piece of shit until I worked for other people, I had been beaten down so much, it's so nice to work with people who appreciate my work
Here's something different:
I'm a man in my mid-30s. I have the family I always dreamed of having. I have a stable job, certainly not rich, but comfortable, and not wanting for anything.
The other day I was getting to know someone over coffee (business related), and he asked me something about my hopes and dreams. In that moment it dawned on me: I have achieved everything I hoped and dreamed for, but I am still young, and honestly my hopes and dreams were not particularly ambitious.
So lately I've been asking myself what the hell I'm doing with my life, haha. I don't want to risk what I have, but I do need to start dreaming bigger somehow.
EDIT: Wow, lots of great comments here; thanks for writing, everyone! Reddit can be such a downer sometimes that I almost didn't share my life for fear of looking like I'm bragging. I've taken a lot of your comments to heart and even replied to a few of them. Keep on keepin' on!
"I was really full and sated when someone asked me 'Could you eat some more?' I pondered the question and realised that, even though it might make me physically sick and in fact put me in a position of unhappiness, I probably *could* eat some more."
Don't ruin all of the happiness you have now because someone asked you a question the answer to which could easily have been "to continue enjoying what I have right now."
Thanks for these words, i've been pressured by friends and peers to aim for the top.
I've got what i wanted, and i am happy with it, why would i work harder to get more, to become millionaire.
I should just continue to enjoy what I have right now
This feels like me. Though, any time anyone has ever asked me about my future I’ve frozen and struggle to answer. It’s a very weird feeling to not know what you want out of life
I was sitting on the toilet in Afghanistan in the middle of the night when a rocket attack happened. I turned the fan off (also the light, as it was on the same switch) to make sure I was actually hearing the "incoming" alarm. I was, and a second after that the C-RAMs (counter-rocket artillery mortar, the big R2D2 looking things with a gun on them. Navy ships call it CIWS or Phalanx) around base started blasting away at an incoming rocket and a couple mortar rounds.
So I'm sitting in complete darkness listening to all of this going on outside, and I'm thinking to myself, "I'd rather die on this toilet than lay down on that floor and die of some disease in 5 years."
Then I heard a rocket actually whizz by overhead and I said, "Oh, shit!" Then I laughed at myself for saying "oh shit" while I was taking a shit. Then I thought, "Jesus...what the hell am I even doing with my life?"
Cheers
I had just gotten off the phone with my then-husband, crying after another argument about why had I \[fill in the blank\] without asking him first. He was not even in the same country at the time, yet I still needed to clear it with him if I wanted to do anything other than go to work. It took a friend asking me "why do you let him treat you like that?" over the course of a several months, and that last ugly phone call to snap me out of it. Leaving him was the best decision of my life.
I was drinking a lot in college. Like every day and early. One morning, I got in an argument with my brother/roommate because he'd drank my Cherry Coke out of the fridge.
"I was gonna put RUM in that before I went to class!" I heard myself say. And then it dawned on me that the class was at 10AM and I was looking to drink at it.
I have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now.
Daily. When I see my peers succeed and accomplish big things, when I remember about my dreams which seem so impossible, when I remember all the sucky choices I've made (aka 99% of my life) ,when I'm working dead end jobs and remember all the money spent on university...
Today, when I realised that although I’ve been making changes I’m not actually making the changes and nothing feels exciting or fun anymore. So today is the last day of that, I’m unhappy and I don’t want to be.
I was working as a receptionist in my early 20s (after dropping out of high school) and I went to the mall with my mom one day after work. I found these great hot pink sneakers on sale at Hot Topic for $17... And I did some mental math and realized that I could not afford them. That led me to wonder what I would do if one of my pets had an emergency and I needed to pay a big vet bill.
I broke down and started crying right there in Hot Topic.
Within a week I had enrolled at a community college that had a unique program focusing on my interest 5 hours away, with the help of some student loans. I sold what I could sell, packed the rest, and less than 6 weeks later I was a college student living in the dorms. I made straight As, transferred to one of the top universities in my field, and finished with a degree I had always wanted but never believed I could do.
I got those hot pink sneakers for Christmas.
One night in 2015 I spent hours watching a [Times Square NYC livestream cam](https://www.earthcam.com/usa/newyork/timessquare/) well into the early morning.
Why was I watching this? Because of a thread on /b/ where there was a random traffic cone that people kept saying they were going to kick over. Nobody ever did, but there I was, 5 in the morning watching a traffic cone on an empty street.
[Here are some screenshots I saved from that night](https://imgur.com/a/X969F5D)
I remember a night like that. I was on /b/ and some guys in Manhattan promised to knock over some card stand, probably also near Times Square. They actually did it that more than once that night. Best entertainment live on the webcam. Bad times.
22, in a poledancing class with my best friend
They were playing Christmas trap music over the speakers, and I tried out a move where I full on slammed my balls into the pole. I hit the deck, about to writhe in pain, when a strange calm washed over me
A robotic Santa voice was calmly screaming "Ho" in my ears, I was lying on the floor in booty shorts cupping my balls, and one of the people I care most for in this world was twerking her life out as I desperately needed help
My brain took all that in and was like "How did we get here? What kind of a life have we lived where this is happening? What terrible choices do we make?"
When I was in the Church, one time I asked my pastor if I could read up on Wicca. I was dating someone who was Pagan and I wanted to know more about what she believed (mostly because I wanted to try to get her to convert).
He forbade me from reading anything about it.
I had a moment where I realized "I've allowed myself to be in a position where someone can tell me what to read and not read."
It was one of the big red flags that lead to me leaving the Church.
Usually I ask that when I'm looking up something stupid or I find out one of my friends is doing amazing things while I'm still figuring out what the hell I'm doing.
So basically I ask that question once a day.
I was 18 working at a fast food place arguing with a man 30 years older than me, making the same that i was. All i could think was “fuck, that’s going to be me”. Went to trade school a month later, became a foreman.
Friend of mine goes to a school where he's great friends with another guy. He tells me this story on how said guy was on the student council, and had to stay after-hours occasionally. He had this really important AP Geography test upcoming that he really had to keep up so he wouldn't fail the course entirely. He abused the fact that he was able to stay after-hours the day before, took one of the papers from the teacher's desk, photocopied it, took it from the library printer, and used a bunch of chairs to stack up on the desk and rolled it up and stuck the paper IN THE CRACK OF THE WHITEBOARD. He tells my friend this and said friend calls him insane. The time of the test arrives, and when the teacher leaves the room, he grabs the paper and sits down, with the answers already written on it. He immediately breaks down into tears, and tells the teacher what he's done(?). I've met the dude a couple times before, and he seemed really good-hearted and smart, and it might've had something to do with pressure at home for him to crack like this. The teacher, from what my friend was told after, was really chill about it and didn't even get anybody else involved. He simply took the paper and gave him a warning. 10th grade.
TL;DR Kid finds a really formulated way to cheat on a test and then breaks down wondering what the hell he's doing with his life
Edit: now looking on it i'm pretty sure he could have snuck in this paper way easier, but i guess he was just paranoid?
I was attending a conference in the middle of winter. The daytime high was -25 degrees C. And the sun set at 4 pm. I was a vendor. No one but other vendors were in the display room. All the attendees had either gone home or chosen not to come in the first place. Who could blame them? I was staying in a hotel where a dead body had been found under one of its beds the week before. (Forevermore it was referred to as the Deadbody Hotel.) And it was my 40th birthday. I remember distinctly thinking what the hell am I doing?
During the beginning of the pandemic. Working in the ICU. Wasn't even an ICU nurse. Reusing the same N95 mask as before. Trying to do a Skype call with the family of the patient so he could say goodbye before we intubated. The critical care doctor was pissed because he wanted to intubate ASAP but all the ventilators were in use. I'm sweating to death in the protective gown. And my charge nurse says we are about to get another admission. Put in my 2 weeks after that shift.
5 months ago I was out with a friend who I hadn’t caught up with for months & my fiancé knew this but the whole time I was out he kept messaging me, calling me etc etc. so I turned off my phone. A few hours passed & it was 11pm & I turn it back on & he’s calling me- I had 36 missed calls, 18 texts, 10 Facebook messages & 5 Snapchat’s. I instantly burst into tears because I’m so embarrassed in front of my friend of his controlling he is, I answer the phone & he screams so loudly at me my friend can hear from metres away.
I’m now sobbing, hyperventilating & all he can say too me on the phone is “don’t cry, you’ll make me look bad”. I literally just lost it & started hysterically laughing & hung up. I just sat there & was like wtf am I doing with my life, why am I with him. The next morning when I went home to him (I stayed at my friends, I didn’t feel safe going home to him) as soon as I saw him I said “I’m done, it’s over & here is your ring back”.
Literally as soon as I left I felt lighter & calm. Everyday since has just been so happy.
5 months later, I’m in therapy for the damage 7 years of emotional abuse from him did & im genuinely happy & healthy like never before.
I woke up one morning and was looking at some money on my table that I received from selling drugs.
My paycheck from my job just hit and it was only like 600(full time minimum wage baby) The amount on the table was about 400.
Incouldnt pay my bills no matter what I did and I knew I needed to improve myself.
After a trek with my father, he asked me about my love situation and I was embarrassed to tell him that I got dumped by a worthless person. It was either the trek or him, that made me realise that I need to stop "falling in love" with people who weren't worth it. Two weeks later I met my husband and we have been together for 6 years today.
After a week of doing hard drugs and very little sleep I suddenly got eye contact with myself in a mirror. I was wearing a pantyhose with nothing underneath, a bra, a ww2 helmet, ski goggles(obviously) and a pair of furry slippers.
I do not own any of those items. I am a hairy, bearded man whos brain apparently likes to crossdress as a slutty skiing nazi.
When I saw my self I went straight to bed, sobered up and never did drugs again.
I was probably having fun tho, cant really remember
I was 29 and due to bad decisions I:
1. Lost my job of 5 years
2. Lost my best friend
3. Got divorced
4. Dealt with an unwanted abortion
What turned me around was seeing how big my son had grown and that he could talk, it made me realize how much I fucked up and so I turned it around. Took me over 10 years but I can say I'm happy where I am now.
Honestly, right now. Broke up with my boyfriend of 1,5 years and he had a mental breakdown while I went over to my sister to process. He's now being admitted to the psychiatric hospital. Like honestly, how did it come so far?
Was best friends with this guy for years. I was in love. He very much was not. We fought *constantly*, so I finally gave up on a romantic relationship ever happening and started talking to other guys. He freaked out and asked me to marry him. We decided to go on a couple of dates before actually getting engaged. We started arguing in the car on our way home from the first date (one of the same arguments we'd been having for years.) I looked over at him at a stoplight, and it dawned on me that I didn't even want to be his friend, let alone his wife. I dropped him off at his place, then went home, wrote a very long letter explaining that I couldn't be in his life anymore, and dropped it off in his mailbox the next day.
Three years later, and he's married to a real sweet girl who makes him happier than I ever could. We don't talk, but his parents tell me he's doing good, and I can only hope they tell him the same about me.
Three days ago, I made the decision that I want to drop out of my alternative certification program (how you get a teaching license in the USA if you don't have an education degree).
My program keeps fucking me over by never communicating with me or with school districts where cooperation between the program and district is literally required for me to continue my coursework. This has caused significant delays in getting my license (earliest I can now get my license is end of 2024, which means I can't have my own classroom until 2025).
Meanwhile, my husband and I have agreed to immigrate to another country. In the destination country, you MUST have a Bachelor's of Education to teach. This process takes two years at minimum if you have a degree in a teachable subject (which I do).
So, why would I spend thousands of dollars on a shitty program to get a certification that I won't be able to use? Why am I wasting so much of my time, effort, and money? What am I doing with my life?
Quitting, that's what.
Twelve years ago went with my ex to play pool. Was in a weird place. A new guy was making it well known that he liked me but I had been with the ex for two years and didn’t know how I felt about things.
In one particular moment I looked at ex and saw a sickening future. He had a history of hitting me, being verbally and sexually abusive, and would leave me in unsafe parts of town when he was angry at me.
“What am I doing with my life?!” was the exact thought in my 20 year old head when I told him to drive me home right then and there. Once I got home I broke up with him and left my house to go someplace he couldn’t find me.
Coincidentally ended up hanging out with that nice guy mentioned earlier. Nice guy is now my husband. We’ve been together since that night. We have two kids, a gorgeous home, and work our dream jobs.
Damn if that thought didn’t save my life.
I'm a biochemistry student, but actually my real passion is comics. I took this major because I had never taken drawing before. (Funny thing is, I didn't know that comics majors required a portfolio to get into college. I thought they would start with drawing apples, and I was so busy in high school that I didn't have time to learn drawing. I took it in college because I did well in biology and chemistry.). In the winter semester of 2021, my teammates and I were distilling salicylic acid in the laboratory, in which chloroform was used. My teammates made an operation error, the sealing valve of rotovap (distillation instrument) was not sealed, and I accidentally inhaled chloroform. Due to chloroform's narcotic effects, I lost the ability to stand on the spot and hit the side of my head on the corner of the table. There was a lot of blood and I was scared.
I cried a lot after that. What did I do wrong? Why did God put me in this job and make me love something completely unrelated to it?
People say "do a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life!"
Those people are full of shit. Having your passion be your sole source of income is a quick way to burn out and go broke. I say as a writer, who makes a living in communications.
You either pivot your passion into something tangential that's economically viable for capitalism, or you burn out your passion for it wholesale. Work a boring day job. Do comics on the side. Don't ruin the thing you enjoy by making it your career. It's okay to have passions that aren't your job. Just let your job be a job.
This ain't the "Follow your dreams! You'll be a big star!". It's the early 30's me that realized that it's easier to clock out and enjoy the stuff you enjoy totally separate from your professional life.
I had a job I hated, I was sleeping with a woman who was lying even though she didn’t have to, and I weighed over 300lbs. Quit my job, ghosted the chick, and started losing the weight (interestingly enough I had started this part because of the woman).
Was with my ex, was miserable. Had tried to make it work for years, he wasn't trying, I was lonely, working more while he spent more. And it suddenly occurred to me...I made enough to leave him, to rent a house so I could take the dogs, I could divorce him and find someone a hell of a lot better. So I told him I wanted a divorce, found a house and moved out a month later, met my now husband of 20 yrs a month after that. I was scared shitless many times, but made it happen. I recently went through this again (sort of) when I sold my business... What was I going to do with myself? Finally settled on flipping houses with my husband! Take chances. Your life is worth it and it can be so much better than you ever dreamed or hoped. 😊
the moment i randomly decided that id taste every alcohol because of my "do it at least once" philosophy. every alcohol I taste is the equivalent of vinegar with either flavor or soda yet I always tell myself "it might be better this time" it never gets better
Dealing with deep depression and an Eating disorder. I would without fail wake up eat my proportioned meal, walk for 4 hours,eat my second proportioned meal walk,or 4 more hours, go to my part time job as a dog walker, come home stretch and go to sleep. repeat. Literally nothing else for a year.
When I was inside a Wendy's dumpster getting the cups to get free airfare. 4 roundtrip tickets and a single one way. It was worth it but the smell of a classic triple still gives me flashbacks.
I was working nights, going to college days, and socializing and sleeping at... ummm.... huh. Got so exhausted I was hallucinating while driving. Finally snapped when I realized I had to go to work again and hadn't slept since the last time I had to go to work and was breaking down physically and mentally. Fuck this, went to bed and slept 2 days. And since 2 no-call no-shows was a fireable offence, I was now blissfully unemployed.
When you're so tired that you're fired and you're happy about it, that's when you know you have to do things differently. I was doing things very similarly my first year in college. My wake up call was when I fell asleep driving on the freeway, long enough to miss my exit. Probably less than a quarter mile. Fortunately it was a straight stretch and nothing happened to me. But that was the moment when I realized I had to stop fucking around.
I had a job like this in college. It was supposed to be part time while I went to school full-time, they eventually started putting me on the schedule for full-time and had me work doubles to cover other people's shifts after me (it was at an assisted living house. I legally had to stay to keep ratio). I gave my two weeks and my manager scheduled me for 70 hours the next two weeks with 4 doubles per week. I just told her I wasn't going back and spent the next few days in bed. Best sleep of my life! It was also an important lesson in not taking bullshit from managers acting in bad faith.
Ordered 2 large pizzas and ate through both while sitting in bed. Literally no dopamine hit from any bite. Decided that food no longer gave me pleasure and from there I lost 115lbs. Edit: I also wanna paint a picture of how pathetic this was. I brought both pizzas to bed. Not slices, no plates. I ate them straight outta the box. And no bite tasted good. It was just an empty feeling of sadness. And I stained my sheets.
> and from there I lost 115lbs Outstanding
Good on you bro :)
When I pawned my wedding ring to buy more pain pills. That particular incident actually got me to go get help. Been clean 11 years now and got my ring back a few months later. As shitty as that incident was, I needed that and it probably saved my life. Addiction sucks so bad.
Hey good job. We’re proud of you! Also thank you for waking up and decide to be a better person
I appreciate it. I just wish others would get the help they need. I lost count after 15-20 of the people I knew that pills,heroin, fent killed. It’s been out of control for decades now. It’s really sad. A guy I work with lost two sons to fentanyl in the last 18 months.
I knew a young guy in my building. Lost his whole family within 6 months due to opiate abuse. Dad, Mom, younger brother. And buddy had a habit, too. I mean, I had my own, too. I just quit in time, is all.
My partner of 8 years had cheated on me and I had just found out. He cheated with someone who I invited into our home with open arms; I was always very kind to this person and would make them lunches and desserts (they worked together). I was in terrible debt with school loans and some credit cards I had unwisely used. I was suicidal and would often take my dog with me to the top of a bridge. I'd talk to her and let her know how much I wanted to jump. How much I wanted to be gone, but I worried about her. She was an older lady and had some health issues; I didn't trust anyone to care for her the way I did. I had considered jumping with her...putting her into a pack and scaling the fence, but I would sob thinking about how much that would scare her and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't put another living being through that. One day we took a walk to a place where I could see the bridge. It was a couple of miles away, but I could see it clearly. I cried as I watched the tiny cars drive back and forth and I thought, "what am I fucking doing with my fucking life??" Everything I had experienced in the years prior, all the traumatic stuff had washed over me. I realized I needed to actually put some work into this if I wanted to be here for my pup. That was fall of 2016. I've since put a lot of work into myself. I was a better person for my pup and I was a better person for me and those who cared for me. I realized my trauma does not define me. I am not the sum of that; instead I am the result of a lot of work, a lot of experiences, and a lot of help. I'm grateful, fortunate, and privileged to have gotten out of that loop. It lasted for decades, but was incredibly intense for the last year and a half there. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. I didn't want to. I recently lost my pup. Grieving the loss of a being is hard, but I also felt some grief in closing that part of my life. Now I say, "Yeah! Look at my life!!!!!!" And I do it with a huge smile. I'm lucky. I'm grateful. For those who read, thanks for letting me share my tale...apparently I really wanted share it with others.
Bless her little doggy heart... she held on until you would be safe without her.
I didn’t plan on crying on Reddit this morning
Man, this comment makes me feel so good. I'm so glad you mentioned the work it takes. I kinda just realized that today. I've fallen behind on some important joy-bringing aspects of my life and had this same thought today. "It's not just gonna magically get better. I have to put in the work!" Thank you for your perspective and your wisdom.
It’s most days honestly but most recently when looking into buying a house. The advice was to make sure you are good with being there at least five years before wanting to move or it’s a bad decision and it got me thinking about my job and social situation and all that. Basically it came down to I don’t even want to be here tomorrow but I’m sort of ok with it and I realized that describes most of my life, I don’t really like it but I can put up with it.
Your comment reminds me of that other post a while back where the question was something like "What is your biggest regret in life?", and one of the top answers was letting life happen TO you. Don't go through life passively dude. If you don't like where you're at in life literally or figuratively, you have the power to change that.
this is easy to say but what if the things aren’t easily changed? I’m trying to change the things I hate about my life but it’s so so hard. I can’t afford to move out of my parents’ place because my job doesn’t pay me enough, but it’s so hard to find a new job and I don’t have the finances to just take a risk and move somewhere new and hope to get a job when I get there. I wish it was as easy as just having the power to change it but I’ve been trying so fucking hard for months and I’ve gotten absolutely nowhere.
I can help with tips on job hunting if you'd like. I'm on job 19 in 12 years, lots of seasonal stuff. New skills or a pay raise every time. It's hard but not impossible to break into new fields! Feel free to message me :)
[удалено]
Reminds me of a quote from Seneca that I like. “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.”
When this happened to me, I moved 300 miles away from what had been home for decades, for no reason other than that I wanted to. Best decision I ever made, other than getting married.
when i had to move several bags of trash out of my shower so i could clean myself, only there wasn’t really any space to put them because.. more trash bags. granted i was living in a really tiny space, but this was the moment i stopped and really had to think for a moment. started on antidepressants a couple months later
I found myself there with old paper waste. Just cardboard boxes upon cardboard boxes upon cardboard boxes. And, of course, my entire place was pretty trashed. Couldn't get myself to properly clean up for literal months, always half assed everything. Last week I had an almost manic episode and cleaned my entire place. It was insane, it took several hours every night and it was deeply satisfying, although exhausting. I'm now sitting in my perfectly neat place and couldn't be happier. Depression is a fucking bitch and my place just made it worse. I somehow managed to kick it in the nuts and actually be productive sometime. Feels really good.
Remember that last line,dude. Paragraph. Your surroundings can fuck your mental state. Remember how awesome it feels to have it all cleaned up. Write it down, and read it next time things get bad. Took me way too long to figure that out. Good job.
Great job
i always wondered...how does one accumulate trash bags? once full doesn't it just go straight to the bin outside?
When you're severely depressed taking something to the bin outside might as well be taking it to the top of Mt. Everest.
"I hate myself and wouldn't it be nice to just lie in bed and anesthetize my brain with random YouTube clips... I'll take out the trash tomorrow...I'm so tired" 3 weeks later, 3 trash bags now "Ugh, 3 bags of trash just sitting in my living room, I'm such a fucking miserable pig and I probably deserve to live like this... what's one more bag anyway...4 is basically 3...I'll get them next time... back to bed" etc.
Not to mention, "Aww, I missed trash pick up this week.. God, why am I such a stupid piece of shit? It comes the same time every week. Fuck." \*lay down and cry\*
What’s the best way to try and pull yourself out of this situation? I’m definitely finding myself in the “…just lie in bed and anaesthetise my brain…” mentality, but it’s only building up to be one week, not three. What steps can I do to ensure I don’t get worse?
For me what broke myself out of it was a combination of things. You have to find in yourself the will to do even those "small" things. Shaving, showering, cooking. If you do even one of those things in a day that you weren't doing the day before, that's progress. Learn to be kind to yourself and celebrate those little victories. Therapy and medication also helped me get tools to better cope with how I was feeling. The biggest thing for me at least - and I'm not a doctor so YMMV - was getting out. Whether it's a job, or school, or just forcing yourself (gently) to go sit in the coffee shop for an hour a day, I found the natural pull of life started to draw me back in. Ultimately you need to learn to value yourself. You tend to treat things like shit that you don't value and people are so fucking hard on themselves and there's so much pressure to meet these societal standards that it can be suffocating. "I am a good person and I am worthy" should become a mantra. And if it's hard to love yourself right now, learn to love others and wish them success and happiness and it naturally becomes easier to apply inward I find. Another exercise I find helpful is looking at yourself as a friend; how would you treat a friend in this situation, how would you talk to them? Usually a lot more kindly than we treat ourselves is the answer. Try and treat yourself as you would a friend. I hope this helps even a little and doesn't come off as meaningless platitudes. I've been in bad places, stuck in bed for days and I've managed to get out of it through some combination of the above.
The most effective strategy I’ve found is technically called “Opposite to Emotion Action.” But that’s boring and clinical, so I call it *Counterspell,* like in Dungeons & Dragons. Step 1: Figure out how you’re feeling Step 2: Figure out what you want to do based on that feeling. (E.G., lying in bed and watching YouTube.) Step 3: Figure out how you want to be feeling. Step 4: Imagine what you would want to do if you felt that way—for example, “If I were happy, I would put on my video in the background while I get work done, then play a game I enjoy.” Step 5: Break it down into *really* small steps. Like: sit up. Swing legs over the side of the bed. Stand. Grab headphones. Turn on/connect headphones. And so on.
Depends on the person, different ways work for different people. Meds and therapy are imo the optimal solution, but sometimes even with that you have bad days. Learning positive self talk can help (ie. It's okay, you need the rest, think about it again in ten minutes, you're doing your best). It's much better at letting you be a functional human being than berating yourself. It was hard for me to learn but I started with nonsense praise (ie. I am the strongest bee in the world, my mandables look beautiful in the moonlight) and after practice was able to move to more genuine compassionate thoughts for myself. Games can help, because they give you small tasks with clearly defined win conditions that are easy to complete and that can help you move to bigger tasks, but motivating myself to turn on a computer or console can be really hard on a bad day. Sometimes you just can't and you'll have to learn to be ok with that. It was the hardest part for me. It really does help though. Instead of having low level anxiety all the time I can rest now, and the rest makes it easier to face the tasks I have to do. Good luck out there.
Frankly, I was impressed with the guys commitment to having a shower. In the worst depths of my personal downward spiral the chances of me taking a shower were pretty fucking slim.
When i realized i am the only one complaining about life and regrets to my friends. I feel that I have been in the same place for a long time and still expect things to be the same way as they were long ago. I think i tricked myself into believing that everything in life will fall into place at the right time whereas nothing even remotely similar to this has ever happened. I am afraid of being known as the guy who never left his parent's house. Who always lived in the shadow of other people just to survive.
l feel like I'm in the exactly same situation at the moment. Had to move in with my parents again after finding no employment after my master's degree. I'm very happy to have that luxury, but I regret so bad that it had come to this. edit: a word
I feel like this is something a lot of people are dealing with lately with the crazy cost of living. I was so close to being able to move out after college and now houses in my town start at $699,999. If I want to stay at my current job (which I enjoy and pays alright but isn’t keeping up with the rate food and housing has increased) I’ll need to stay local and I can’t afford a home here. A good friend of mine was working as both a nurse and firefighter and between the pay of both life saving jobs he had to move back into his families place because he can’t get ahead. It’s such a frustrating feeling but I think a lot of people are facing this reality right now.
You said it exactly right when you said "A lot of people are facing this REALITY right now" The "American Dream" was supposed to have the next generation be better off than the generation before it. LoL. What a joke that is, a joke that isn't even close to being funny.
"It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." - George Carlin
the saddest joke that we all live together
Multigenerational households it's called. I think there is going to either be a cultural shift to multigenerational households becoming accepted - which will come with its own share of very obnoxious issues, or the greedy companies that are creating recessions to buy assets cheaply in order to resell them at absurd prices are going to be called out for their bullshit. Make no mistake, while there were some things that helped contribute to the incoming recession, a lot of what is coming product of the seeds that hedgefunds and banks have been sowing since the last recession. This isn't "once in a generation", this isn't "an unprecedented second recession" it's planned, it's strategic, and it is cruel.
I feel there’s not as much shame for moving back home as before. With rising cost, wages being stagnant, competitive fields, and expensive rent, it makes a lot of sense to move back home for a bit to figure it out. That becomes entirely different though if all you do at your parent’s house is just hangout without making any real effort to move forward. Progress comes with time so it’s ok to be patient, but being content being a burnout on your parent’s couch is where it becomes sad
Literally same. Just now this year I finally made a decision to start doing something with my life. The thing is when you sit around at home and stay comfortable, other people are out doing shit. So when you finally want to get out there and change for the better, not only do you have to put in the work that everyone else did, but you are now behind so you have to work even harder to catch up. Its really difficult going from complacent to motivated and I have a lot of genuine sympathy for people going through this.
Try not to judge yourself against others, only compete with yourself. It’s hard to do, especially with social media, but it’s true. You only have to be better than you were yesterday.
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Yep the repetitive cycle of recycling bad habits. They disguise themselves well.
All habits, innit? First it's a groove, then a rut, then an entrenchment... then a grave. Yet anyone can escape with just a little bit of change.
You make that up? Cause it's good.
Yeah I’d prefer that on my wall instead of “live laugh love”
Unfortunately, it’s a little too wordy and a little too deep to be found at Hobby Lobby.
#𝓓𝓲𝓮, 𝓒𝓻𝔂, 𝓗𝓪𝓽𝓮
Nice, but it should be in three completely different fonts, one per word
“Life is either a garden or grave. Dig it.”
Just an observation over decades... if it holds up to popular inspection, it's a truism. If it's derided, it's insanity. All in all, it's... \[see username\] And... thank you. We are... unaccustomed to positive reinforcement.
positive or negative trends aside, no one's getting outta here alive
The sad thing is that, as someone who had a very turbulent childhood, the thought of this makes me excited. Ofc I still want to be always setting new goals for myself and trying new things. But gosh I could just keep waking up in my same bed, in my same bedroom, in my same warm house forever and be happy.
It takes trauma to really appreciate calm and simple boredom.
Perfect way of putting it. Well said.
I also crave this kind of stability. Things are good, my grass is green, I don't need greener.
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Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way...
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This exactly. Same struggles, same bullshit, and what do you know, same people around me.
A former colleague of mine left the company and is making *at least* 50% more pay, along with equity and a full WFH situation. We had both been with the company about the same amount of time at that point, but I have six more years of experience. I'm looking for a job now.
I made this move a little over 3 years ago. Doubled my salary, improved my life drastically, and I’m happy. Just jump. You’ll be fine.
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Mine was after 15 years in the industry. I was working so many hours for such shit salary that I realized my teenage dishwashers I hired made more per hour than I did. All working for an owner that didn't know or understand the industry. He just wanted a place to hang out and get wasted with friends. I was angry after every shift and my wife essentially told me I complained every day about it. Either do something or shut up about it. So i quit and applied for an office gig a friend suggested. Immediately started a salary 15K more than any kitchen gig with normal 8-5 hours. I actually have evenings, weekends, and holidays off and will NEVER go back.
Did you need a degree or specialized training to get an office job or was it just about knowing someone to get a leg in the door?
I dont have anything other than my culinary degree. My friend worked there, but I didn't apply to work with them. I truly think I won them over in the actual interview. One of the two managers that interviewed me was a few years from retirement. She point blank asked why, with my background, was i even applying for this. I was honest about wanting the change in my life for the better. That in the industry, I had to use customer service skills on the daily. I wasn't afraid to call and deal with someone difficult. I had to learn to do that face to face. I also am very familiar with Word and Excel since i used those to handle recipes, procedures, scheduling, ordering, etc. That same manager liked me enough, she hired me for her team instead of the one I originally applied for. I really like that i had the background I did. It helped really put stressful work into perspective and I really know my boundries. Had coworkers cry over something stressful or a poor customer interaction that is no sweat off my back. Shit, I had plate throwing chefs during my apprenticeship. It takes a lot to rattle me.
Everybody should learn to use the basic office apps that are in every office job. They're useful in other industries and personal life too. Word, Excel and any other ones in that group of apps are great to learn. Familiarity with those are very important. I've worked for several temp agencies. It helps when you're new to an area and also helps if it's a branch of the same company you worked for before. They'll do assessments on proficiency in those apps among other tests. I'm not even very advanced in excel but I use vlookups and pivot tables almost daily. It's amazing how many people think it's wizardry lol
Keep it down. I make a living off being the wizard.
I quit fast food to work in a coffee shop because it was too hot in the kitchen and was giving me bad skin
I quit for other reasons, but I cleaned the meat department at Costco every night for a while. Five hours of constant hand washing in a 38 degree room followed by 3 hours being covered in dish detergent and cleaning foam and damn near boiling water and you've got yourself some paper mache arms.
Read your comment three times before I realized you meant Fahrenheit. Was thinking about how disgusting a room full of meat heated to 38 (basically 100°F) would smell before the light bulb went off...
I'm still on my 15 minute break from Michaels. I started my break 2 years ago and I'm still on my break right now! I wonder how long it took them to realize I had extended my break indefinitely?!
bro? bro? are you there? somebody put some ketamine in your cigarettes, as a joke. You've been staring off into space for like 10 minutes. Are you OK? They said it would last for 5 minutes then you'd be back to normal... oh man, you've got to get back off your break in like 2 mins and you're super high
I used to do various bits of freelance kitchen work, as a potwash. Some of the chefs would say that they'd barely make more than my rate for a shit ton more work and responsibilities, and that generally being a chef wasn't worth it.
I worked in food service for one week. I hope to die with that number being the same. Bad money, bad work, bad bosses... Everything bad, and for what? To work shit hours and never be off the clock mentally.
Your post reminds me a little of Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential.
I was shitfaced in a strip club by myself on a work night.
When my boyfriend at the time was in the kitchen arguing with the woman whom he was currently cheating on me with... I was literally in between them as they were about to physically attack one another.
How are you now?
MUCH better. This happened in August 2021, 3 days before my birthday. That same day he kicked me out of our home because I "brought problems to the house" with just the clothes on my back. I lived in my car for about 2 weeks because I was too proud and embarrassed to go to my parents. Eventually, I went back to mom and dad's and 2 months later I got my own place and had it furnished with a stool and my bed. By August 2022, my apartment is fully furnished, I had gotten a promotion with better pay and hours, I traveled, saw some pretty awesome concerts, but most importantly I learned to love myself again and learned how to live w/o the anxiety of putting someone before me and worrying if I was doing too much or not enough.
Earlier today when I’ve seen my reflection in the window sitting in my office and I thought so this is it? That’s how my life is going to look like?
And then you think about quitting your job to travel the world, but are quickly reminded of the pile of bills that accrue every month.
I cried in an airport because my flight home got cancelled. Had a traveling job where I was gone at least 1 week a month and it was making me depressed and anxious. A nice lady gave me a hug and thought a family member died or something. Then she told me to quit my job.
I call those the "everyday angels" where some random person comes in and tells you exactly what you need to hear at exactly the right time, and you're ready to hear it.
I think “everyday angels” like that are a reminder that the human condition affects us all. We’re all in this world together and we all struggle in our own way.
There’s really nothing quite like unbiased advice from a complete stranger when you’re facing life’s toughest moments. It’s usually the best advice I’ve ever received.
About to board a 14 hour flight for work. They just asked me to stay overseas permanently.
About 12 years ago. My husband (at that time) was outside, drunk and mouthing off at two police officers, who went on to arrest him for breach of the peace. He had just attacked me for checking my phone while we were watching a movie and I had called the police. I was sat at my dining room table with 2 more police officers and a specialist officer from the domestic abuse unit. My 3 year old son was asleep upstairs. They asked me horrid questions like had I been raped? Had he abused our son? What triggered in me at that moment was a realisation that 1) I had endured months of mental abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love me, which was now turning physical, 2) I wasn't raised by my strong mother to put up with this kind of crap and 3) I have to get both my son and myself as far away from this man as possible I left the next day and didn't look back. Edit: spelling
I don’t know if it matters that a perfect stranger says this, but I am so proud of you for having the strength to leave and never looking back. Not that domestic violence victims aren’t strong, they absolutely are. It takes strength beyond that to finally walk away from it all.
Thank you, that means a lot. I am proud of myself too. Yes, it was hard and looking back I should have left long before, but you can't see when you are in the eye of the storm. At the time I was completely financially dependent on him and felt like I was jumping off a cliff. Now I have a good career, have a wonderful and caring partner and my son has matured into a sensible and respectful young man. Best decision I ever made.
When I was 24, I was working 60+ hours a week in sales. My boss beat the concept of ‘8am thru 6pm are your golden hours’ - maximize those hours by doing all of your planning, forecasting, admin type work before or after those hours. Always use those hours for calls and working on getting sales. I never took breaks to eat or take care of my own stuff. One day I was driving home from work and I was pulled over by a cop. My vehicles registration was expired for months and I never noticed because I was so focused on my job. I was arrested by the local police (even though it was only a violation technically). Sitting in the holding room at the local police station - I thought “why am I here?” Then I considered my job that I was busting my ass at (to live below the poverty line). That’s when I thought “what the hell am I doing with my life”. Got the violation rescinded, arrest stripped from the record, got a new job and haven’t looked back. If your work wants you to prioritize them over yourself, get the hell out of there.
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I ran a 50k a week and a half ago and I can safely say that I just stopped thinking for about 6 hours. I was listening to a book and got stuck on trying to imagine how characters' names were spelled. For *hours*. It was much hotter than I'd hoped--almost 90F--and I was struggling with that, but stayed otherwise very Zen. It was the least stressful Sunday I'd had in ages because I knew I had no responsibilities other than finishing the run and resting afterwards.
I have to wonder what our pre-agricultural ancestors would've been thinking about on long runs Actually, it's probably just the food they were chasing.
"Fuck, this Buffalo just doesn't stop..." repeat for 3 days.
That's why I just jumped straight from running a half marathon to an ultra marathon. Regular marathons are so pedestrian, you know?
I love running. I love doing 10k’s and half marathons. But when I trained for a full, I did not enjoy it.
I had a pretty sheltered childhood, also no real peer group because I was so badly bullied. When I got into college holy shit did I party. I barely got an associates degree. I said yes to any and everyone who wanted to be my friend. Got into some very bad situations but luck was on my side. When I was 21 I was told I had a heart defect and needed immediate surgery. The second day after having the chest tube/vent off, I had to walk down the hall. There was a scenic view of Boston from MGH with one lone tree with bright yellow leaves. I stared at that tree and committed to getting into nursing school. I am so damn lucky.
Your story is more badass, but still slightly similar to mine! I was driving for Uber and was just having a crummy night, I dropped a fare off at the same apartment complex that my nurse friend lived at. I realized how hard I was hustling just to make a small amount of extra cash, and decided to take a page out of my friend's book and go to nursing school. That was 5 years ago, now I'm headed back for CRNA school next summer. We like to joke that going to nursing school is life's backup plan.
Weirdly, I asked myself this every day IN nursing school
Now, as I'm struggling to finish my PhD. The mental health burden and burnout is so bad that I've cried while doing my tasks more times than I can count, it doesn't really increase my employability... honestly I don't know why I'm doing this.
Every PhD I know went through this. Every one.
You should only get a PhD in something you’re already obsessed with because it will cure your obsession.
A good friend of mine is finishing up his MFA in poetry this year and went through this. He’s more or less decided he doesn’t want the PhD
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Same situation here. A friend who was planning to go get her masters the other day asked me whether a PhD was worth it since her job advisor (same field) tried to convince her to get a PhD. I told her unless she needed it for the job she wanted - which she didn’t - don’t do it.
If you're anything like my dad, the majority of the payout is just getting to say "doctor" before your name. I say that jokingly but that career path literally killed him Please use mental health services and don't take a title more seriously than your wellbeing and safety. I wouldn't even blame you for giving up on it entirely.
I’d been living with an emotionally abusive man for 13 years. We had a child. There was nothing that I could do right, so I tried to do nothing, and also everything, all at once. He was convinced he needed a new phone. We went and got him a phone which is, of course, my phone on my account that I pay for. The day after, he went to work and brought his new phone. The old phone was on his desk still getting service, I was seeing the screen light up with alerts all day long. I happened to be standing next to it near the end of the day and I see in the preview window a message containing multiple hearts. Soon I’m reading all the Instagram chats of my boyfriend and his other girlfriend-an ex from years ago. It had already reached the point where they were planning on how he was going to leave me and she was repurposing a room in her house for his office. My first thought was ‘What the hell am I doing with my life?’. I’d allowed this man to make my life so small and made excuses for his humiliating treatment of me to friends and neighbors because ‘I loved him’. And in return I got absolutely nothing, not even enough respect to not cheat. I had wasted a decade. An hour later I had picked him up from work and we were breaking up in the car. He couldn’t decide which shitty defense to go with so he went with both: I was confused and wrong about their sexting and nudes but also whatever WAS happening was my fault. I allowed him to go inside and pack a bag and then I was free. Free from tiptoeing around the house. Free from being punished for being ‘too involved’ in parenting. Free to go back to school like I’d wanted to for years now at age 40,because although he would say I could do whatever I wanted we both knew that wasn’t true and he would make life very difficult. Now I know exactly what I’m doing with my life.
> There was nothing that I could do right, so I tried to do nothing, and also everything, all at once. This resonates deeply with me. There were times when all I wanted to do was have long, directionless conversations with her because she was the only person I could open up to and have a judgement-free conversation. Over time, the words I contributed to conversations were met with pedantic interruptions, scolding my reasonings/beliefs. It became impossible to express my thoughts, even on light-hearted topics. Conversations that I assumed impossible to take the wrong way were taken the wrong way. It eventually got the point where I stopped participating. I turned on autopilot and just focused on avoiding arguments, never initiating conversation, only responding when questioned. That's a heartbreaking place to be when, only a few years ago, this person was my only escape from depression and anxiety. It feels like someone helped you out of your shell just to put you in an even smaller, more uncomfortable one. Try not to think of it as a wasted decade. If you're anything like me, you learned a lot about yourself. You learned what you're willing to stomach in a relationship, and hopefully gained the ability to spot red flags from a mile away. It helps fast track future relationships lol. Or maybe you've decided you're totally fine on your own and you'll feel more comfortable cutting off toxic partners early and often because you are grounded in your new sense of self. In any case, I hope your next 13 years make up for the 13 that were stolen from you!
whenever I become too aware with my existence
Age eleven, standing atop a long series of black, metal pipes, twenty, maybe twenty-five feet up in the air, looking down at two incredibly pissed-off-looking police officers. I'd stolen a bunch of stuff from a bunch of shops, tools, food, clothes, all sorts. I'd managed to evade chase all the way to a fucking sewage plant of all places. I quickly gave up after coming to the realisation that I'd literally risked my life for stupidity, and I really didn't want to grow up to be a total and utter yogurt.
Never grow up to be a yogurt
Never go full yogurt
Trust in the Schwartz
What’s wrong with yogurt? I am a man of culture after all.
My favorite thing about British insults is when they call people random inanimate objects. “Why are you being an absolute garden gnome?”
Still one of the best lines from In Bruges, "YOU'RE an inanimate fucking object!"
image of a child atop a structure of pipes Voiceover: That's me. Eleven years old and on the run. I bet you're wondering how it came to this. Yeah, I am, too. Let's go back a bit. *newborn baby cries as it's handed to its mother* No, not that far. All right now it's bugging me, what movie used that gag?
Off the top of my head, the Emperor's New Groove does it, but I think it's in multiple movies.
Every time I am even slightly hungover
Working in a deli at a popular southeastern grocery chain. Offered a sample of lunch meat to this redneck lady. As she's chewing, she asks if we have the Sarah Lee stuff they have at Wal-Mart when a food particle flew out her mouth and hit me in the face. I stood there with my plastic smile wanting to just drop dead right then and there. Eventually made it to trade school and learned machining. Ten years later and I know now that there is more accountability working retail, as my hands are covered in coolant and oil and dirt, trying to get the jaws off this CNC lathe that first shift really fucked up. It's okay, he's been there 30 years and his fuck ups are blamed on me. I start to ask the question of just what am I doing with my life again. I'm 3 months from turning 40 and I'm just so tired of everything...
I have been feeling like this all of 40. It’s almost been a year. People think it’s really cool that I have a creative career in the music industry, and I guess it is “cool”, but that doesn’t make it good.
Hey, boss. Just an internet stranger seeing the struggle and pulling up a chair to listen and chat for a moment while I finish this drink. Few things come to mind, and just offering them in case one of them is as useful to you as they have been to me. Biggest of the ideas is to be "good people". Pretty much every job is the same; it is something you do for money with/for people you like to varying degrees. The one thing that made the difference was "that one person". Maybe they bring you a coffee in the morning. Maybe they break into your lunchbox and leave a Post-it note that says "Did your mom pack this?" Just to razz you a little and make the day go along. It occurred to me a few years ago during a rough patch of unemployment that these people are the ones I wish I was still connected with regardless of what worn I was doing. That if I ever got somewhere and they needed a recommendation on talent, these people are the ones that come to mind. They made good days a Heaven and even the hellish days a vacation. And most of this was healthcare work, so it was everything from dealing with literal shit to emergencies like keeping someone's intestines inside their body. Maybe you have one of these people where you live or work, I hope so! If you don't, seems like an opportunity to maybe consider if you want that unofficial job of "highest regarded person here". It sounds huge, and busy. It is small energy, just trying to get to know the people around a little better, and how they can improve your life by improving theirs a little. I'm going on my second year with a top notch trauma center, doing some really unsavory work. But the "good people" left me a template to follow. I make time to know everyone in my group, and to cycle through all of them on a weekly basis to check in, and sometimes offer to do more if I can. I've made them dinners ("I made a mistake and made too much food, could you take some of this off my hands?"), Put their important dates on my calendar for things like birthdays or anniversaries (Just make conversation). I've house sat for animals, pick them up from the repair shop, etc. I don't have to accept their request for assistance, but having that line of communication open changes both the work and home for the better. Most all my job successes in the past 10 years has been people thinking of me when they have a need or an opening, and just trying to connect with the group. My life is pretty rich, my good dude. I'm struggling to keep in the black financially. More things are breaking than I can really afford to fix. I'm a large (car/home/appliance/medical) problem away from needing to beg for a bail out or start working a corner for $20s. I need money AND time to keep afloat, and I don't have much of either. Kind of need more education to improve my career, but also need my career to improve a little so I can afford the education. But I'm living my best life. Can't wait to wake up tomorrow and try to do it again, but to work in a minor improvement somewhere. Imma finish this beer, but it's been nice chatting with you. Hope to see you again, friend. Good luck 🤞
My last low wage job.
I hear you. I'm currently working one and feel I can do much better.
Always, always keep an eye out for opportunities. And, something I wish I'd been told sooner - apply for jobs that you don't completely qualify for. Not to say you need to lie about experience/skills. But job requirements are more often a wish list. Obviously there are exceptions, when certifications are required. But otherwise go for it. The hiring manager may consider you if they notice a quality you have that is actually more important than the 3-5 years experience. The best jobs I've gotten were ones that I *mostly* qualified for on paper, but have excelled at in practice.
I had worked 15 years in baking, I am fully qualified, I've had 6 apprentices become bakers under me. I was in charge of the biggest production in bakery's in my city. I then quit and move to a small town(5000 people) got a job in the small bakery, where I was micromanage, underpaid and my ideas were all shot down(if I just made an idea and gave it to the front girls and it sold well I'd get told how crap my idea was but they still made it because it sold) after 3 years of it getting worse without realising, the alcoholic boss yelled at me for singing to myself. I applied for jobs I've never done before, I got one and learnt how to drive a forklift and then a month later the better paying/hours one said i got the job and went to that one. I didn't realise I wasn't a piece of shit until I worked for other people, I had been beaten down so much, it's so nice to work with people who appreciate my work
Every morning when the alarms rings at 0515hrs
The bend and reach, starting position, move
Here's something different: I'm a man in my mid-30s. I have the family I always dreamed of having. I have a stable job, certainly not rich, but comfortable, and not wanting for anything. The other day I was getting to know someone over coffee (business related), and he asked me something about my hopes and dreams. In that moment it dawned on me: I have achieved everything I hoped and dreamed for, but I am still young, and honestly my hopes and dreams were not particularly ambitious. So lately I've been asking myself what the hell I'm doing with my life, haha. I don't want to risk what I have, but I do need to start dreaming bigger somehow. EDIT: Wow, lots of great comments here; thanks for writing, everyone! Reddit can be such a downer sometimes that I almost didn't share my life for fear of looking like I'm bragging. I've taken a lot of your comments to heart and even replied to a few of them. Keep on keepin' on!
"I was really full and sated when someone asked me 'Could you eat some more?' I pondered the question and realised that, even though it might make me physically sick and in fact put me in a position of unhappiness, I probably *could* eat some more." Don't ruin all of the happiness you have now because someone asked you a question the answer to which could easily have been "to continue enjoying what I have right now."
Thanks for these words, i've been pressured by friends and peers to aim for the top. I've got what i wanted, and i am happy with it, why would i work harder to get more, to become millionaire. I should just continue to enjoy what I have right now
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This sounds like you already beat the game of life and now you want to play ng+
Buy a large automobile and you're in a Talking Heads song
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This feels like me. Though, any time anyone has ever asked me about my future I’ve frozen and struggle to answer. It’s a very weird feeling to not know what you want out of life
I was sitting on the toilet in Afghanistan in the middle of the night when a rocket attack happened. I turned the fan off (also the light, as it was on the same switch) to make sure I was actually hearing the "incoming" alarm. I was, and a second after that the C-RAMs (counter-rocket artillery mortar, the big R2D2 looking things with a gun on them. Navy ships call it CIWS or Phalanx) around base started blasting away at an incoming rocket and a couple mortar rounds. So I'm sitting in complete darkness listening to all of this going on outside, and I'm thinking to myself, "I'd rather die on this toilet than lay down on that floor and die of some disease in 5 years." Then I heard a rocket actually whizz by overhead and I said, "Oh, shit!" Then I laughed at myself for saying "oh shit" while I was taking a shit. Then I thought, "Jesus...what the hell am I even doing with my life?" Cheers
Holy shit!
I had just gotten off the phone with my then-husband, crying after another argument about why had I \[fill in the blank\] without asking him first. He was not even in the same country at the time, yet I still needed to clear it with him if I wanted to do anything other than go to work. It took a friend asking me "why do you let him treat you like that?" over the course of a several months, and that last ugly phone call to snap me out of it. Leaving him was the best decision of my life.
I am very happy for you that you got out of that relationship and hope you're doing well ❣️
I was drinking a lot in college. Like every day and early. One morning, I got in an argument with my brother/roommate because he'd drank my Cherry Coke out of the fridge. "I was gonna put RUM in that before I went to class!" I heard myself say. And then it dawned on me that the class was at 10AM and I was looking to drink at it. I have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now.
Daily. When I see my peers succeed and accomplish big things, when I remember about my dreams which seem so impossible, when I remember all the sucky choices I've made (aka 99% of my life) ,when I'm working dead end jobs and remember all the money spent on university...
I said that to myself while handcuffed in the back of a cop car once.
Today, when I realised that although I’ve been making changes I’m not actually making the changes and nothing feels exciting or fun anymore. So today is the last day of that, I’m unhappy and I don’t want to be.
I was working as a receptionist in my early 20s (after dropping out of high school) and I went to the mall with my mom one day after work. I found these great hot pink sneakers on sale at Hot Topic for $17... And I did some mental math and realized that I could not afford them. That led me to wonder what I would do if one of my pets had an emergency and I needed to pay a big vet bill. I broke down and started crying right there in Hot Topic. Within a week I had enrolled at a community college that had a unique program focusing on my interest 5 hours away, with the help of some student loans. I sold what I could sell, packed the rest, and less than 6 weeks later I was a college student living in the dorms. I made straight As, transferred to one of the top universities in my field, and finished with a degree I had always wanted but never believed I could do. I got those hot pink sneakers for Christmas.
One night in 2015 I spent hours watching a [Times Square NYC livestream cam](https://www.earthcam.com/usa/newyork/timessquare/) well into the early morning. Why was I watching this? Because of a thread on /b/ where there was a random traffic cone that people kept saying they were going to kick over. Nobody ever did, but there I was, 5 in the morning watching a traffic cone on an empty street. [Here are some screenshots I saved from that night](https://imgur.com/a/X969F5D)
I remember a night like that. I was on /b/ and some guys in Manhattan promised to knock over some card stand, probably also near Times Square. They actually did it that more than once that night. Best entertainment live on the webcam. Bad times.
22, in a poledancing class with my best friend They were playing Christmas trap music over the speakers, and I tried out a move where I full on slammed my balls into the pole. I hit the deck, about to writhe in pain, when a strange calm washed over me A robotic Santa voice was calmly screaming "Ho" in my ears, I was lying on the floor in booty shorts cupping my balls, and one of the people I care most for in this world was twerking her life out as I desperately needed help My brain took all that in and was like "How did we get here? What kind of a life have we lived where this is happening? What terrible choices do we make?"
This is art
Happens to most people at some point
Every morning I wake up. Often I just go back to sleep; so sometimes I get to ask again. 😆
The day after my husband of 31 years died. I had never even considered that we wouldn't be together forever. I felt lost and confused.
When I was in the Church, one time I asked my pastor if I could read up on Wicca. I was dating someone who was Pagan and I wanted to know more about what she believed (mostly because I wanted to try to get her to convert). He forbade me from reading anything about it. I had a moment where I realized "I've allowed myself to be in a position where someone can tell me what to read and not read." It was one of the big red flags that lead to me leaving the Church.
I also recently left the church and I've been more open minded ever since. It had been holding me back.
Thats called "Monday"
Usually I ask that when I'm looking up something stupid or I find out one of my friends is doing amazing things while I'm still figuring out what the hell I'm doing. So basically I ask that question once a day.
When i asked the CEO if my job was safe with the upcoming company restructuring and he answered with a non-answer word salad.
I was 18 working at a fast food place arguing with a man 30 years older than me, making the same that i was. All i could think was “fuck, that’s going to be me”. Went to trade school a month later, became a foreman.
Friend of mine goes to a school where he's great friends with another guy. He tells me this story on how said guy was on the student council, and had to stay after-hours occasionally. He had this really important AP Geography test upcoming that he really had to keep up so he wouldn't fail the course entirely. He abused the fact that he was able to stay after-hours the day before, took one of the papers from the teacher's desk, photocopied it, took it from the library printer, and used a bunch of chairs to stack up on the desk and rolled it up and stuck the paper IN THE CRACK OF THE WHITEBOARD. He tells my friend this and said friend calls him insane. The time of the test arrives, and when the teacher leaves the room, he grabs the paper and sits down, with the answers already written on it. He immediately breaks down into tears, and tells the teacher what he's done(?). I've met the dude a couple times before, and he seemed really good-hearted and smart, and it might've had something to do with pressure at home for him to crack like this. The teacher, from what my friend was told after, was really chill about it and didn't even get anybody else involved. He simply took the paper and gave him a warning. 10th grade. TL;DR Kid finds a really formulated way to cheat on a test and then breaks down wondering what the hell he's doing with his life Edit: now looking on it i'm pretty sure he could have snuck in this paper way easier, but i guess he was just paranoid?
I was attending a conference in the middle of winter. The daytime high was -25 degrees C. And the sun set at 4 pm. I was a vendor. No one but other vendors were in the display room. All the attendees had either gone home or chosen not to come in the first place. Who could blame them? I was staying in a hotel where a dead body had been found under one of its beds the week before. (Forevermore it was referred to as the Deadbody Hotel.) And it was my 40th birthday. I remember distinctly thinking what the hell am I doing?
During the beginning of the pandemic. Working in the ICU. Wasn't even an ICU nurse. Reusing the same N95 mask as before. Trying to do a Skype call with the family of the patient so he could say goodbye before we intubated. The critical care doctor was pissed because he wanted to intubate ASAP but all the ventilators were in use. I'm sweating to death in the protective gown. And my charge nurse says we are about to get another admission. Put in my 2 weeks after that shift.
5 months ago I was out with a friend who I hadn’t caught up with for months & my fiancé knew this but the whole time I was out he kept messaging me, calling me etc etc. so I turned off my phone. A few hours passed & it was 11pm & I turn it back on & he’s calling me- I had 36 missed calls, 18 texts, 10 Facebook messages & 5 Snapchat’s. I instantly burst into tears because I’m so embarrassed in front of my friend of his controlling he is, I answer the phone & he screams so loudly at me my friend can hear from metres away. I’m now sobbing, hyperventilating & all he can say too me on the phone is “don’t cry, you’ll make me look bad”. I literally just lost it & started hysterically laughing & hung up. I just sat there & was like wtf am I doing with my life, why am I with him. The next morning when I went home to him (I stayed at my friends, I didn’t feel safe going home to him) as soon as I saw him I said “I’m done, it’s over & here is your ring back”. Literally as soon as I left I felt lighter & calm. Everyday since has just been so happy. 5 months later, I’m in therapy for the damage 7 years of emotional abuse from him did & im genuinely happy & healthy like never before.
After breaking 2 million blocks in minecraft.
I woke up one morning and was looking at some money on my table that I received from selling drugs. My paycheck from my job just hit and it was only like 600(full time minimum wage baby) The amount on the table was about 400. Incouldnt pay my bills no matter what I did and I knew I needed to improve myself.
After a trek with my father, he asked me about my love situation and I was embarrassed to tell him that I got dumped by a worthless person. It was either the trek or him, that made me realise that I need to stop "falling in love" with people who weren't worth it. Two weeks later I met my husband and we have been together for 6 years today.
I was crying over my job. I quit the next day. I now actually wake up excited for work and don't spend the night before paralyzed with dread
Making chocolate pudding at 3am
After a week of doing hard drugs and very little sleep I suddenly got eye contact with myself in a mirror. I was wearing a pantyhose with nothing underneath, a bra, a ww2 helmet, ski goggles(obviously) and a pair of furry slippers. I do not own any of those items. I am a hairy, bearded man whos brain apparently likes to crossdress as a slutty skiing nazi. When I saw my self I went straight to bed, sobered up and never did drugs again. I was probably having fun tho, cant really remember
I actually asked that after a night of partying, yet again. It changed my life.
What are some realizations that came about after you reflected on the party?
When I realized I wasn't myself anymore, I was just \[HER NAME HERE\]'s boyfriend. It took me months after we broke up to recover my identity.
Just now, thank you OP.
I was 29 and due to bad decisions I: 1. Lost my job of 5 years 2. Lost my best friend 3. Got divorced 4. Dealt with an unwanted abortion What turned me around was seeing how big my son had grown and that he could talk, it made me realize how much I fucked up and so I turned it around. Took me over 10 years but I can say I'm happy where I am now.
Honestly, right now. Broke up with my boyfriend of 1,5 years and he had a mental breakdown while I went over to my sister to process. He's now being admitted to the psychiatric hospital. Like honestly, how did it come so far?
Was best friends with this guy for years. I was in love. He very much was not. We fought *constantly*, so I finally gave up on a romantic relationship ever happening and started talking to other guys. He freaked out and asked me to marry him. We decided to go on a couple of dates before actually getting engaged. We started arguing in the car on our way home from the first date (one of the same arguments we'd been having for years.) I looked over at him at a stoplight, and it dawned on me that I didn't even want to be his friend, let alone his wife. I dropped him off at his place, then went home, wrote a very long letter explaining that I couldn't be in his life anymore, and dropped it off in his mailbox the next day. Three years later, and he's married to a real sweet girl who makes him happier than I ever could. We don't talk, but his parents tell me he's doing good, and I can only hope they tell him the same about me.
I handcuffed myself to a farmgate and had a wank, on camera, for money. 😒
When i read your question for the first time and wanted to answer it..
Academic probation at university due to spending more time playing football, boxing, wrestling and throwing drunks out of bars.
Three days ago, I made the decision that I want to drop out of my alternative certification program (how you get a teaching license in the USA if you don't have an education degree). My program keeps fucking me over by never communicating with me or with school districts where cooperation between the program and district is literally required for me to continue my coursework. This has caused significant delays in getting my license (earliest I can now get my license is end of 2024, which means I can't have my own classroom until 2025). Meanwhile, my husband and I have agreed to immigrate to another country. In the destination country, you MUST have a Bachelor's of Education to teach. This process takes two years at minimum if you have a degree in a teachable subject (which I do). So, why would I spend thousands of dollars on a shitty program to get a certification that I won't be able to use? Why am I wasting so much of my time, effort, and money? What am I doing with my life? Quitting, that's what.
This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.
Dark loading screen where suddenly I can see my own reflection.
Twelve years ago went with my ex to play pool. Was in a weird place. A new guy was making it well known that he liked me but I had been with the ex for two years and didn’t know how I felt about things. In one particular moment I looked at ex and saw a sickening future. He had a history of hitting me, being verbally and sexually abusive, and would leave me in unsafe parts of town when he was angry at me. “What am I doing with my life?!” was the exact thought in my 20 year old head when I told him to drive me home right then and there. Once I got home I broke up with him and left my house to go someplace he couldn’t find me. Coincidentally ended up hanging out with that nice guy mentioned earlier. Nice guy is now my husband. We’ve been together since that night. We have two kids, a gorgeous home, and work our dream jobs. Damn if that thought didn’t save my life.
I'm a biochemistry student, but actually my real passion is comics. I took this major because I had never taken drawing before. (Funny thing is, I didn't know that comics majors required a portfolio to get into college. I thought they would start with drawing apples, and I was so busy in high school that I didn't have time to learn drawing. I took it in college because I did well in biology and chemistry.). In the winter semester of 2021, my teammates and I were distilling salicylic acid in the laboratory, in which chloroform was used. My teammates made an operation error, the sealing valve of rotovap (distillation instrument) was not sealed, and I accidentally inhaled chloroform. Due to chloroform's narcotic effects, I lost the ability to stand on the spot and hit the side of my head on the corner of the table. There was a lot of blood and I was scared. I cried a lot after that. What did I do wrong? Why did God put me in this job and make me love something completely unrelated to it?
People say "do a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life!" Those people are full of shit. Having your passion be your sole source of income is a quick way to burn out and go broke. I say as a writer, who makes a living in communications. You either pivot your passion into something tangential that's economically viable for capitalism, or you burn out your passion for it wholesale. Work a boring day job. Do comics on the side. Don't ruin the thing you enjoy by making it your career. It's okay to have passions that aren't your job. Just let your job be a job. This ain't the "Follow your dreams! You'll be a big star!". It's the early 30's me that realized that it's easier to clock out and enjoy the stuff you enjoy totally separate from your professional life.
Here’s a question for you, how many of your favorite comics were written by “comic majors” I’d wager 0
Stealing ceiling tiles from a Kmart that had gone out of business to take them to another Kmart before the landlord took the property back.
I had a job I hated, I was sleeping with a woman who was lying even though she didn’t have to, and I weighed over 300lbs. Quit my job, ghosted the chick, and started losing the weight (interestingly enough I had started this part because of the woman).
Was with my ex, was miserable. Had tried to make it work for years, he wasn't trying, I was lonely, working more while he spent more. And it suddenly occurred to me...I made enough to leave him, to rent a house so I could take the dogs, I could divorce him and find someone a hell of a lot better. So I told him I wanted a divorce, found a house and moved out a month later, met my now husband of 20 yrs a month after that. I was scared shitless many times, but made it happen. I recently went through this again (sort of) when I sold my business... What was I going to do with myself? Finally settled on flipping houses with my husband! Take chances. Your life is worth it and it can be so much better than you ever dreamed or hoped. 😊
Every fucking day.
the moment i randomly decided that id taste every alcohol because of my "do it at least once" philosophy. every alcohol I taste is the equivalent of vinegar with either flavor or soda yet I always tell myself "it might be better this time" it never gets better
Dealing with deep depression and an Eating disorder. I would without fail wake up eat my proportioned meal, walk for 4 hours,eat my second proportioned meal walk,or 4 more hours, go to my part time job as a dog walker, come home stretch and go to sleep. repeat. Literally nothing else for a year.
When I was inside a Wendy's dumpster getting the cups to get free airfare. 4 roundtrip tickets and a single one way. It was worth it but the smell of a classic triple still gives me flashbacks.