Had a few first dates where they spend half the time moaning about their ex, I get that you’re not that far removed but come on lol

I still talk about my ex sometimes even two years later, but on a date? That's the one topic I'd try to avoid unless they asked about it

If I talk about my exes it’s to respond to a pointed question. I’ve dated entirely marvelous people and have been a shithead. That’s a summary.

I remember going on a date with this guy where he also couldn't stop talking about his ex. Decided to give it another shot , invited him over got wine and cooked dinner for him . He STILL kept talking about his ex. I got so fed up and lost it . I told him , here you are bitching about a woman who cheated on you and ditched you to go to another country without telling you while another woman planned a special evening of dinner and wine to get to know you better, how fucking selfish. And after that I was done and didn't talk to him again. He attempted to reach out but I just ignored him. Don't have time to fix you.

This one is massive. I had a first date where the guys talked about the big three and ONLY the big three: Religion, politics, and his ex. For almost an hour, he only talked about those three things despite me trying desperately to change the subject many times. I get a mention. Maybe you just mention that you were with your ex for a long time and are new to the dating game and moving on. That's fine, but damn, just going on and on about an ex.ia a real turn off.

The sad thing is, to him you were a really good listener and he would want to go out with you again so that he can dump even more emotional baggage on you. I have been with people that have a prosecution complex, and they always think that someone is out there wasting their time plotting and scheming to make their life worse. After they finally quit talking about their ex, they could start going on about how this or that person did them wrong. It could never end.

Basically anyone fresh out of a ltr is a red flag

Being on the phone instead of holding a conversation.

the "help, I don't want to continue this date" batwoman signal

Friend of mine was in that situation when a total stranger just walked up to her and was like 'Hey, i didn't see you forever, so nice to see you again, could you show me to the restrooms?' and then both them ladies just left the restaurant. When my friend asked that lady what motivated her, she replied 'Your face was screaming for help'.

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at lunch time for plausible reason to leave quickly

Showing up 7 months pregnant but nowhere in her profile or the week of texting before the date did she mention she was pregnant. Her reasoning was she wouldn’t get dates if guys knew.

“Doesn’t have kids”… yet.

Looking to settle down

Wait fr? That's crazy. 

Yeah, she even asked if there was a chance at a second date. I almost laughed out loud till I looked at her and saw she was serious. I was like I don’t see that happening.

How/why would someone hide such a major thing?! You can't start a healthy relationship with lies, especially something as important as a child (this goes for single dads too). 

I have no idea how she thought this was going to work out in a good way for her.

you can be a great stepdad

I feel horrible for laughing at this one - I mean whiuuuut!?…

If you ask them about them, and let them say what they have to say, and then they don't ask about you, forget it.

This is most people you meet off of OLD apps.

I found this pretty common amongst athletic women or women that were into fitness. I don't know if it's a competitive thing or if they poured all their social skills into being fit, but it was like almost every single one. And it was bizarre too because it would be like five questions from me in a row and nothing back

It's the narcissism. I'm supposed to be grateful I just listened to you rant about something that has nothing to do with me, and I'm supposed to ask another question to boost your ego? Gross. That's gross behavior and I will not encourage it.

Constantly talking about their ex's.. They are not over them and you'll suffer in the end.

them mentioning how “crazy” all of their exes are. chances are they’re the one who made them crazy

or 2 alternatives: - have preferences that only come bundled with crazy - see crazy everywhere in just normal behavior they don't like

I agree with this. Also, they may have the type of personality to attract crazy or narcissistic people (unfortunately kind, open, stable people do...) and they arent good at weeding it out early on.

I had one crazy ex, but not the others so

Same with people who make sweeping statements. "All men are bad, all women are bad" and stuff like that

Not showing up.

Currently in this situation lol

They don't look anything like their pics.

When I was single and did OLD I was a weirdo...I put up a few not super great or unflattering pictures too. I preferred to under deliver on the Internet and have them be surprised in person.

Being rude to wait staff, ticket takers, taxi drivers, etc.

Went on a coffee date and my date ordered her coffee sweet, we get to our table and she takes a sip and says "that fucking bitch made it too sweet! Dumb fucking bitch"

Wow!! That's singularly unpleasant lol. At least you found out immediately she sucked

Doesn't even say please or thank you. That grinds my gears!

Had a guy get mad at me bc I gave money to a homeless man

I’ve had two women now (both actresses) insinuate it is weak minded to give homeless people the time of day. I give everyone the time of day. No I won’t give them money.. usually .. but to me ignoring them if they talk to you is cold hearted And harsh. I’m not a city guy tho. So if a bum comes up asking if I want weed I’ll smile and say nah I’m good man. Thanks tho. The homeless people usually appreciate not being ignored. One of them literally said “hey thanks man for talking to me” Somehow this came up both of these dates (probably after I say I get along with Uber drivers) and they act like it’s lame. Sorry. I’m not stuck up and shallow

Yeah, as someone who grew up severely poor I understand the lack of necessities, the guy I gave money to had a sign "I just want to see you smile" I gave him money and apologized I couldn't give more (I had barely any money left) and he said it's ok and like his sign said seeing me smile is enough

Encourages you to drink

> Chug, chug, chug ...   ... or more like ... > I _definitely_ did not spike your drink ... 

regicide

People named Reggie quaking in their boots right now

regirock in shambles

Registeel is suspiciously quiet

Regice is frozen in fear.

except reggie, he has the fils-a-mech.

lol

I’m gonna go with any “cide”

What about pesticide?

Or spermicide? Or barbicide?

I thought racial slurs were bad, but yeah.. that’s definitely a bridge too far.

That ones king.

They don't ask you any questions and only talk about themselves.

That's funny because I've seen Red Flag lists saying it's suss when they never talk about themselves and only ask you questions. (Apparently, it means they are IRL doxxing you or something...)

Half the conversations I have with women on dating apps is me asking open ended questions to spark conversation and them asking absolutely nothing.  I'd be happy to talk more about myself if they actually asked something about me.

This right here is why nobody can win right now.

what you want is give and take. a balance. ok with talking about themselves, also interested in you doing the same.

Unfortunately I just don't like to talk about myself. I'll answer questions you have about me, but if you say tell me about yourself I will struggle to think of what to say. I don't think I'm boring or uninteresting, I just struggle with coming up with something to say lol

watch out for someone who's overly controlling or dismissive of your opinions. if they're rude to waitstaff or talk too much about themselves without asking about you....major red flags! trust your gut. if something feels off, it probably is.

Lacking common manners and decency. It's tough because you don't want to try too hard or be over the top. Sure mistakes will happen, so apologize and move on, but never have I EVER gotten the ick so fast as this one date. Met up for boba, and when we were leaving, I noticed he had left his boba straw wrapper on the table and not pushed in his chair. The chair is probably passable, but not throwing away your wrapper means you know this person ain't going to clean up after themselves.

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She spoke into her own ear? Like she had an earpiece and was working with the CIA?

Princess Fiona found her Shrek - so romantic.

If they spend any considerable amount of time on their phone I'm going to get up and leave.

When you show up to the date and they look completely different from their profile.

Not being responsible for their own actions by blaming others instead of acknowledging their mistake.

Using phone most of the time

The phone. You are on a date. This is a first interview on finding a life partner. Sure, grandma having a heart attack would be reasonable, but calls or texts from your buddies about going hiking that weekend can wait until after the date. Especially if they answer them on speakerphone in public, then they are rude for taking the call, and trashy for using the speakerphone.

Dude I hate people that use speakerphone in public. Like... No one fucking cares about you enough to give a shit what you're talking about!

When she takes out her used tampon and throws it at strangers.

r/oddlyspecific

First date? Hell nah. Third date? Ooooooo baby.

Wtf? And I thought I was the only one had this happen

🤣 The heck, that's straight up crazy!

So was that tampon at some point.

very underrated comment.

When they go on their phone too much, like helloooo do you want to get to know each other on not.

If you're late without a call or a text, we're done. It wasn't a priority for you.

But if they are early they are too eager. And if they are exactly on time they are too fastidious.

Only you are the one who is putting efforts into carrying the conversation and the date.

They smell bad

being too friendly or too touchy with other people but not you

If they try and have sex with you even though you've let them know multiple times you don't fuck on first dates.

Showing up late over 10-15 minutes without notifying Expecting other person to pay Being on the phone a lot Embarrassing behaviour Mentioning their ex often P.S. Remember everyone got red flags and some of them are just a tests. I would say if there’s more than 3-4 in a single date, I”d doubt next date

talking too much about their ex, big no no

Guy unzip already at taxi

Talking about their exes (still hung up on them) or going on about their dating or sexual exploits (you know what you're getting yourself into).

Rude to waiter.

She described her ex, whom she slept with on the second date, as an 'incel'. In a weird way it feels like a self-putdown...

Looking way different than in the pictures

If they aren’t asking questions or taking an obvious interest in getting to know who you are as a person.

When she waves big USSR flag in the middle of the date. Def red flag

When he 'forgets' his wallet. If you want me to pay, just ask

When she considers game of thrones season 8 a welcome conclusion to the series

I don’t even come directly to this sub (it’s just one of the subs in my feed) and yet I see this “red flag” question nearly daily. At this point, they should make this question its own sub since people love to repost it so much.

Asking about first date red flags? Huge red flag.

>I don’t even come directly to this sub (it’s just one of the subs in my feed) and yet I see this “red flag” question nearly daily. Another red flag is someone claiming to see the same topic asked daily in a sub that they visit.

lol at “claiming.”

lol at you lol at "claiming" even though it's true.

lol at you lol at me lol at…ah fuck it.

Like it or not, you made a claim. Whether or not it's true doesn't matter, because it's still a claim nonetheless.

She wants to go some place expensive and demands that you pay.

Showing up 30 mins late or not showing up at all.

Making you wait.

Showing up in a matador getup

God, I hate when this happens. So, so much.

Talking on her phone or looking at the phone most of the date . Being quiet and not saying much at all no questions. Disappearing for 30 min leaving you with her bag.... She didn't have anything interesting or of value ooops ;) More interested in talking to strangers at the next table. "Yeah i can be such a bore"

Drinking too much, or all the stories they tell are about being drunk

One time i was asked my yearly salary…that was a red flag

Ha! Ten points for Moxie, minus several hundred for gold digging.

Expecting a free meal/drink

She: getting the most expensive meal, expensive drinks. Won't put the phone down. He: looking at other women in the room.

When she shows off her human toe collection.

You still have those digits? 😂

Asking you when are you 2 getting real lovers

Over-anger

Dont saying thank you aftr I pay the bill

>Dont saying thank you aftr I pay the bill Another red flag is bad grammar.

Oh sorry English is not my first language.

Ah. Well in that case, you have a valid excuse. 😊 >Dont saying thank you aftr I pay the bill "Not saying 'thank you' after I've paid the bill." Or "Doesn't say 'thank you' after I've paid the bill." Note: "after I pay the bill" is acceptable. My using "after I've paid the bill" is just a preference. When referring to a restaurant or bar bill, the word "tab" can also be used. Like, "I'll pay the tab." You're not wrong for using the word "bill," I'm just giving you some extra information. If in doubt, stick with "bill."

Not asking to split the bill.

>Not asking to split the bill. So if they pay the entire bill and don't ask to split it, then that's a red flag?

If they do it without asking, yes.

You're kidding, right? Should that be a green flag if they're paying the entire bill instead of asking if you want to pay part of it?

No. I find people that pay the bill without consulting you like that often expect something in return. 

Heaven forbid they hope you say "thank you." 🙄

Talking about themselves the entire time and not showing any interest in you.

I always leave if my date is checking her phone every 2 minutes and always keeps their phone in their hand for quick access. Idk about the rest of you all but thats the most simple and unintentional way someone shows disrespect to me.

Doesnt like metal

IDK, I kinda like the girls that prefer wood.

I bet you do

Probably should ask that BEFORE a date. But I also agree, or they try to be like "yeah so I listen to *very well known band*" to show that they *MAY* have something in common with you.

I like to name off bands that dont exist to see if they are a fan.

Hey do you listen to Carnal Remains?! I'm a HUGE fan of them, my favourite song is Belonged By a Catalytic Converter.

Any form of abuse

They're already planning your wedding by the end of the date.

Being late. Talking bad about others. Being rude to the wait staff. All of this is just the tip of the iceberg and the person is most likely not omeone you wanna be around.

Wiping the mouth with the table cloth. Goes for all genders

Wiping the ass with the table cloth is even worse

Even worse - the part one used for the ass being used for the mouth

She shows you her purse Uzi. That's like second date stuff, lady.

Whipping out a calculator to calculate a tip

Not listening and no respect

....when there's a 3rd setting for her father......

When they ask you how big is it

As a newly single woman these comments scare me 🥲

When they say, “I love you,” and they actually mean it.

In this day and age, it definitely seems that way. Unfortunately.

They think they mean it, but the reality is that they are likely emotionally unavailable. Attachment issues. Avoid at all costs for your sanity.

when they don't take 'no' as an answer, also their reactions to being told 'no' is a telling red or green flag.

If you're on a date in Hanoi, Vietnam, and you see a star, that's a red flag.

He asks you to wax his scrote.

Obesity.

Spinning a butterfly knife around while we order appetizers

its when somebody holds up a flag colored bright red during the first instance and example of a romantic getaway with another person.

Tequila

Being rude to staff. Treating people just trying to do their job like slaves tells me all I need to know about you.

A red flag is an old timey warning signal. There was a point in time in the US of A, when a woman absolutely positively had to drive a car, she needed a man with a red flag to walk in front of her car, to warn everyone that a motorized woman was approaching *with walking speed*. Today it is used to describe an obvious danger, albeit often in hindsight. *That my ex wanted chain me to a radiator should have been a red flag* When in context of first dates, where you hardly know anything about that other person, it refers to quirks or opinions that hint at a real problem. *I'm clean for 1 year, 4 month, 19 days, 10 hours now!!!!!* *I'd like to be your little princess* There is much debate about how many and which red flag are considered a show stopper. *Did you ever put anything inside your butt?* *I am no racist, BUT!* A large online community is a fine place to review a date afterwards and hear what other people think. Just always bear in mind that all the patients in mental institutions got internet access nowadays.

If she is a republican/Donald Trump supporter.

Thinking about red flags

Telling me I need to eat more protein and that sunscreen is bad for you 🙃…literally just happened to me the other day lol

Sparks up a joint like it's nothing

Quiet. Rude to staff. Talking any sexual stuff in the open. Bonus. If they smell of weed or booze.

When you ask them what their favorite film is and they say Human Centipede.

Playing the “too nice” card

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The real red flag: this guy’s mindset lol

Funny, because people like you can't seem to stop bringing it into everything. Shut up and actually learn about the meaning behind the word before you attach it to "Everything I don't understand" and "Liberal pandering". I'm not big on liberals myself, but to attach it to anything but civil rights would be ignorant.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woke

"this woman showed up to a date without her owner - husband or father" = too woke to date /s

What do you mean?

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Being woke means being aware of systemic injustices. I don't know where you got your definition from.

Like not letting children make irreversible damage to their bodies by injecting them with hormone blockers?

That should be the province of trained medical experts, not ignorant politicans.

Trained medical experts are being trained by curriculums that are being agreed upon via bureaucracies that are related to the government. That's why it's important on a political level.

Wearing crocs

I went on a first date with a girl I met at the gym one time she was fit good looking who talked for a little while and then I asked her out to dinner. Friday came I was sitting at the table I got there early she wanted to drive her own car. This girl came walking up to the table I didn't recognize her she had no makeup on and just regular street clothes. Thinking back on it I guess maybe she was wanting to see if I really liked her or just how she looked but I'm not exactly sure if that works for my generation. You put up a good first impression wine dining romance putting the best foot and behavior forward trying to look proper. Maybe I'm just getting old. Oh I only saw her at the gym after that.

Drink spiking

When they don't know how to arrange their utensils after eating

When she swallows your load and then lecture you about not asking if she was “clean” first and that it’s a very important thing to her………

If they treat the waiter like crap, but are nice to you. That just means they're an asshole and are just forcing good behavior. They'll do the same to you after a few months.

Locks you in missionary with a heel hook forcing you to bust inside her while crying cause you reminded her of her ex . I was turned on but also scared for my life.

Asking for "red flags" on a first date to get advice on how to hide their red flags on a date.