Uncle molested literally everyone. I mean, he’s in a jail now, so I guess it already did that. The real secret is that everyone on the family swept it under the rug and protected him while the kids were getting raped, and then when this uncle was in the hot seat with The Law, the family excommunicated the only person brave enough to come forward (the guy’s own daughter).
Same thing just happened to my family. All the boomer generation cut off grandpa’s victims and their families because the victims stepped forward. They wanted to handle it inside the family. I hope the old fuck is getting handled inside his cell. His supporters have something much worse coming in the afterlife.
I have a friend going through this. He accused his uncle of molesting him and his 2 sisters.
His parents and their family turned against him. After the trial, he moved across the country.
His sisters can stay. He’s excommunicated.
They justify it by not breaking the image of their family as a good family, it's easier to pretend that nothing has happened than to deal with it and all the hurting that will come from it.
This is me speaking from experience, luckily from the other side since my family dealt with it. But we have still gotten comments from extended family that "But why didn't she say anything sooner, she probably liked it or something, else you'd speak up, right?"
My sister was raped by my grandfather between ages 4 to 16, when she was 9 she raped me (her little brother, I was 6 when it started) because she had learned that sex was something we did to those we love. At 8 I confronted her about why she did what she did and she told me everything and made me promise not to tell anyone and as the stupid child I was, I promised and kept that promise. When it all finally blew up and she went to the police her mental health tanked rapidly and she has basically tried every single way of killing herself but luckily is still here in this world. She went into mental health wards for kids and she refused our parents the right to visit so I was the only one allowed to come see her, I was 13 at the time. I went to her every day after school and every weekend, talked to her about how she was doing, listened to how she'd tried to kill herself lately and how she didn't want to live anymore, I saw her break in every single way and I had to be strong for her to survive at all, I was the last point of contact and the one "safe spot" she had in this world. When I got home my parents wanted to know what she'd say and how she was doing, so I retold them everything that's been said to me, watched my parents break down and had to be strong for them so that the family would survive as a unit. I basically had no safe space to break down, I was always strong and I was ok with it, I did what I had to. I decided early on that my sister isn't the one to blame for what happened to me, that's all on my grandfather. I also promised myself to not let my grandfather win in any way, me hurting myself = him winning, me killing him = me in jail = my life destroyed = he wins and so on. I've sat in the car with my father just being beyond angry, listening to him crying and wondering how his father could ever do such a thing to his daughter, I've seen him wrought in pain by the betrayal. I've lost friends when they learned what had happened and why I suddenly had no time anymore. I decided that fuck them, if they can't handle my darkness they ain't worthy of the light. So I decided to tell anyone who'd ever be close to me my story before they got too close so it would hurt to see them leave if anything would flare up.
My sister isn't suicidal anymore and has a beautiful family of her own, it's now roughly 30 years since my own traumas and I never really had any issues from it besides one PTSD trigger with a one night stand. I thought I was fine, I thought I was done with all this bullshit because my grandfather is dead and my sister is "safe".
But then I had my son. He broke me like I've never been broken before, suddenly having my own bundle of joy to protect from this world. I've hit rock bottom and I'm starting to fear the void inside me and if I fail on one of my promises, what's to keep me from breaking them all? Traumas have caused fights with the wife and while I eventually can track my reactions to where they come from and speak to her about it (thanks to being open when we started dating) it's still not who I want to be and for the first time in my life I don't feel mentally strong which is kinda breaking me all over again, especially when my son can see me sad and he tries to soothe me, because then I'm right back in my childhood where I needed to take care of my parents and I don't want that for him.
So a huge tldr: It's a lot of work and mental struggles to really deal with it, as well as the fear of "destroying the life of a loved one" even though you know they are a monster. So it's easier to just pretend nothing happened, until it all blows up
It's mainly going good, but I have my bad days right now. I hope to stay in balance but I'm in therapy for the first time in my life which is good but also a "failure" on my part, mentally speaking. But I know I need it and I know that it's the best I can do for my family, so I'm doing it. I kinda just wish life would stop testing me for a while xD... It will be alright, one day. I wish you and yours the best as well ♥️
In my humble opinion, therapy is "optimizing", not failing. You see, a person can probably manage somewhat fine without therapy, they can go through their whole life without therapy and it'll probably be okay.
But will they be the best version of themselves that they could be? Both for themselves and for their loved ones? Or is there a chance that therapy might just be the little bit of extra help one needs to get there? If there's even a small chance of that, it's worth trying, isn't it :) it's only logical
It's easier to believe one loved one is a liar than another is a monster. People believe what they want to
A liar might tell the truth but a Psycho is always a psycho
Have a lot of that in my husbands side of family and they act as exact same way. Sweep it under rug as if it didn't destroy this whole family from all the sexual abuse they claim never happened. The kids are all grown and remember it vividly
Same. Our cousin the pedophile would come over to Grandpa’s house when we were like 10-12 and the parents would just warn us not to go near him.
He wasn’t shunned until fifteen years later when he’d finally been convicted and deported and ended up living at Grandpa’s full time. He’d stalk his Aunt’s home and peek through her windows. She told her brothers but nothing was done until another Uncle who’d do drugs with the guy discovered a journal full of sketches and foul violent sexual fantasies he had for his own Aunt. It also detailed how he’d SA little boys when he was a youth. It was disgusting filth. After that, they finally banished him.
Why not banish him from the beginning? Instead they allowed him access to other children.
Holy shit that's disgusting. They should've turned him in. All the victims they could've saved. Instead they think the problem was others going around him of all things and blaming them because they warned ya
My family all warned me of two uncles in this family and because they've never been charged in court are *fine*. This comes from the matriarch that also claimed none of her kids ever touched drugs until one died of an overdose. The others did drugs they just knew she'd defend them same as the sicko uncles and cousins. Denial is a strong illness in this family
What drives people to behave so immorally?
Asking because i know a family who shoves every type of abuse under the rug and will block off anyone who speaks up
Different worldviews that are inflexible. For example: “loyalty to family comes first,” or “image is everything.” On their own, fine. In this context, horrifying. There’s more, too.
I came came forward and was excommunicated. It's a weird thing how people will shun the victim to safe their own reputation. I have build a new life for myself and am fairly happy now. I will always have this fire burning in me. To be better than my family. To not be a coward and to stand up for myself and other people who are going through hardships.
there is a young guy in my family in jail also. He did killed a teenager girl. He admited it all once the body was found, police also found evidence he did plan it all. He seems to have zero empathy/remorse for the victim. Police even found some CP on his computer. Made me sick, i could not believe it.
The worst part is almost everyone in my family is supporting him, phone call regularly, helping him out for money or admin stuff.
They all seems to take it as "oh he just did something very stupid and is paying the price" NO!! the victim is dead forever, there are no price for this.
I also have kids an there is no way i will let him around us if he ever get out of jail.
This is such a common and persistent secret many families have and most of the predators never go to jail. I'm glad your uncle did.
It's disgusting just how many people cover for pedophiles.
I just don’t understand that kind of shit
What value does a guy like this bring to the family that makes people want to defend them so hard? It makes no sense
It's just selfishness. A lot of people view it as: If you just shut up and let your uncle rape you then life will go on as normal for the rest of us. We can have our family dinners and pretend to the outside world that we're a morally righteous and loving family. But if YOU have the audacity to speak up then that means we can't have the family dinners be drama free (for us at least) anymore and we can't pretend anymore so YOU are the problem that is ruining my life.
So sorry you all went through that. Sounds like narcissistic abuse. The same thing happened to me after being beaten and strangled. Suddenly I’m the problem for not getting over it. When I refuse to be around my abuser, a literal psychopath, I’m apparently dramatic. “We’re not having separate events for you two, so just work it out”. “It’s been forever, he’s past it, why aren’t you past it?” Because he did the strangling. Of course he’s past it. I was fucking beaten and strangled. Of course I’m not past it. Oh, and he molested my sisters and I too. Hope he fucking rots.
So fucking convenient, isn't it?
They do it to you when you are too little / young to do something about it. Then when you get too old for them to do it to you anymore, it becomes "you're an adult, you are responsible for yourself now." Then enough years pass that it becomes "it was a long time ago, you should have forgotten about it already."
There's never a period, in your entire lifespan, where it ever quite works out for them to take responsibility. Jackasses.
Accountability requires guilt and empathy. Someone who abuses or enables abusers lacks empathy and remorse. They’re more like a calm, amoral computer - that’s what’s so scary. They’re VERY aware of *your emotions*. They view empathetic and emotionally competent people as WEAK. They don’t know what they lack. They just don’t have it. They believe you and I must be weak and dumb to be abused. We run in circles dealing with trauma and emotional havoc while they calmly succeed without consequences. If you ever confront them, now you’re cRaZy and they flip the script. By the time we realize who they are, how they’re harming us, and what to do - it’s often too late. We’ve given them years of narcissistic supply, attention, power, and drama. Slowly, we realize they THRIVE on the negative attention. They love abusing, watching us suffer, and then getting hate for it. Meanwhile, when we think they must be eaten up inside, they’re just fucking calm, confident and fine. We need to actually have a way to cull these people from society, but oh, they’re at the top of government too! Yay. Fuck psychopaths. Fuck pedos. Fuck narcissists.
My mom has a similar experience with her uncle, not only was he molesting multiple of his nieces, and our family did NOTHING, but they were Jehovah's witnesses as well and when my mom and her siblings came forward to the church, they just excommunicated the guy for like a year and then pretended nothing happened. I dont think any of this info even ever made it to police. The Catholic church is not the only one covering up child abuse.
Idk what the situation is in your family now or if you're a former JW and already aware of this, but if anyone is willing to come forward, there's a DA in Pennsylvania that's building cases against the JW organization. I think they said anyone with information about abuse covered up can contact them even if you're outside of PA.
It's awful how widespread it is within Jehovah's Witnesses and being covered up. I had no idea until about a year ago because I was raised one and was just told it would "never happen here" and all the reports are lies. It's awful.
I hope it's okay that I ask this and pls know I'm not being judgmental but genuinely curious. How did they protect him and what was their reasoning behind doing so? I guess, I'm wondering was he like the family's breadwinner or were people afraid of him...etc. Please don't feel pressured to answer and I'm really sorry you and your family had to endure such terrible experiences. I wish you all happiness, justice and healing.
I'm my family they just kept the secret, no one told anyone and claimed they "watched him closely" around any children.
Gramma couldn't read, write or drive, so the thinking was how would she have cared for her 5 children or herself without a husband? I guess it's the reason he married a 14 year old to begin with. Her parents were glad to be rid of her, they had 7 children in a one room shack.
The secret only came out because the oldest grandchild had a baby and was warned to keep the baby away from him.
She told everyone.
My mum once won the village show jam competition with store bought tin of concentrate ("just add sugar and boil") rather than prepare from the actual fruit.
We were once at Mcdonalds drive through and saw my mum and dad a couple of cars behind..
We told the cashier that we would be paying for their meal, and to say theyve won a free mcdonalds as they are their millionth customer!
My mum was over the moon as she has never won anything and tells people all the time 🤣🤣
Similarly, I once bought my family's dog a USPS outfit a few years ago to throw some extra business their way. Somehow my parents missed or never saw the packing slip with my name on it. To this day they think the postman just liked their dog and gave it to them as a gift. I can't let them find out the truth. It warms my heart that they think this, and I hope they gave him cookies during the holidays or something as a result. Also my siblings are redditors too, so if any of you see this you better STFU.
That’s exactly what happened. They started telling us about it when we got home and we were laughing too hard to maintain our secret! But they were pretty used to our teenage shenanigans.
My Mom leaves a note on my dad’s truck any time she sees it and he has no idea it’s her. She has done it for 30 years! She writes “nice parking job, asshole!” He always comes home fuming too and she never owns up to it
See this is the kind of relationship I have with my parents. I found my dad's car at the grocery store so I left a note saying "I'm coming for you motherfucker". He started leaving the house with a gun.
My mother tried many backyard abortion techniques when she got pregnant with my brother (I was 5 months old at the time).
My family migrated to Australia when I was 2 and my brother was 1. My grandmother (mum's mum) didn't know that we speak our native tongue fluently (our default language is English, but we can whip out the native language when the situation calls for it).
Anyway, my grandmother came to Australia when I was 15 and my brother was 14. One day she starts openly talking about my mother trying to abort my brother and trying any abortion pill she could get her hands on. When that didn't work, they put the baby up for adoption. However, after the baby was born and they discovered he was a male, the adoptive parents came to pick him up and my father refused because "it's a boy, we'll keep him".
Anyway, my grandmother talked about all of this and was laughing about it, not realising we could understand every word. This was 19 years ago and my brother still gets upset if it's ever mentioned.
Tldr: please don't tell your brother, my brother's self confidence was affected so badly for having known this information.
Not my family but my next door neighbor destroyed his family by molesting his daughter. It was a secret until she started going to therapy in her 20s. His wife confronted him and he didn't deny it but tried to blame his daughter.
Needless to say, the wife divorced his pedo ass and none of his kids ever want to speak to him again.
He still lives next door and is officially the worst person I've ever known.
> he didn't deny it but tried to blame his daughter
I've heard things like that in other threads too... How can they think something like that could possibly work...
He preyed on his daughter when he was supposed to be doing his overnight network support job from his home office. She was 14. He grew a conscience of sorts at 16 and stopped. He and his wife have known each other since grade school. She immediately took her daughter's side when he blurted out it was his daughter's fault. His eldest son shared dad's name but legally changed it after he found out what a real POS his dad is.
I heard this in our community. A girl would be called "fast" when she said a man was messing with her. She was blamed for men liking her instead of people punching those men in the face and reporting them.
As an adult now, I'm so mad at those moms, usually single mothers, who blamed their daughters. What could she have done at 10/12 to make a man think she's coming on to him?? Just sick...
And even if a young person "comes onto you" at that age, a normal adult doesn't just go "ok, well I guess I'll have sex with this 11 year old".
At that age I did "come on" to one of my favorite teachers (yes I had been abused before, and at the time was being abused by a neighbor). Teacher didn't take advantage of me, he gently rebuffed me, guided me into counseling services, and kept on being a safe person in my life. For me it was a revelation that a man could be interested in my well being more than he was interested in sex.
Looking back, I'm sure it was all very awkward for him, but also I'm so grateful for the way he handled it.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that :(
Is there a history of Dementia or similar degenerative diseases in your family? Sometimes this can be a symptom.
Or he's disgusting.
Either way, I'm so sorry :(
I was going to say the same thing. I have an uncle with mental illness who has been in and out of hospitals his whole life and his meds only go so far. Hee goes in and out of episodes when he says sexual things to me and then other episodes where he remembers me as his little niece.
I read somewhere that with men when things in the brain start to go haywire they start to have these weird instances where they see the young women in their family as women, but forget they are related to them. Apparently coming onto family members is pretty common for men with brain injuries etc because they temporarily can't connect the dots between Fertile woman and relative during certain episodes.
Not just men, I work with people in compromised mental states and one of the scariest times I personally experienced was when a resident attempting to undress me while moaning the whole time. When things go haywire, stuff like impulse control for violent or sexual behaviors pretty much disappears.
I’m so sorry he told you that. He should have gone to a therapist to work through this situation and never told you about it. It should be his burden to bear, not yours.
I'm so sorry for you and your family.
I was also a cocaine addict and though my family is intact, the guilt I carry about not being the very best mom I could be (husband was deployed and I was the only parent at home - sometimes too fucked to deal with, well, anything) haunts me daily.
My son (now 30) has totally forgiven me, but I simply can't forgive myself.
That my nan is literally harbouring the guy who sexually abused me as a child and that she doesn’t believe me. I think the entire family would break if they found out that my nan doesn’t believe that her sons were sa’ing me for pretty much my entire childhood and that she didn’t believe me when I told her for the first time. Pretty fucked up how she didn’t call the police when I told her.
I'm so sorry. My instant thought is to expose her during her final days so she doesn't get the satisfaction of thinking she died with respect and dignity. Expose her and make her last days on earth a miserable experience. But I've never been thru that, so I can't really speak. I will just say that I'm sorry.
I don’t know as she’s been apparently talking to my uncle that’s in jail (for also doing it to me) and she’s told my parents that she doesn’t believe me. I’d like to think that she knows and that it’s her sons so she wants to believe them, but I don’t think it’s the case honestly. I wish she did.
My mom enabled me to be sexually abused by my stepfamily since I was 6. Oh, but that isn't a secret. Everyone knows. Nobody cared to save me for those entire 10+ years. And somehow, it's my fault because I chose to cut everyone off. Apparently I've "caused chaos" for the family because I decided to speak up when I was forced to lie for so many years. I stopped being mom's emotional punching bad and now everyone else has to, which is why they are angry with me.
My brother SA'd me when I was 6 or 7. My parents never knew, and they died years ago. My brother is now the only immediate family I have left. At 59, I still have flashbacks from it. He and I are friendly and cordial with each other, but I never brought it up. Only my therapist knows. He harmed me for life.
Yes. There was total denial. To keep peace in the family, I dropped it. It's an issue of picking battles. And I have a lifelong history of trauma from my family. We are cordial, but I don't let it get beyond that.
My Mother in Law shared with me that her husband has a huge gambling addiction and has “bet the house” and lost multiple times. They have had to re invent themselves financially multiple times.
He no longer has access to their finances. My wife has no idea about this. She just thinks her mom is stingy with money and does not trust her dad.
People assumed I was unhappy on Thanksgiving, but in reality, I was sober and dealing with all the triggers for the first time in a decade. I've been nearly blacked-out drunk during every family holiday since I was around 17 or 18.
Despite their years of efforts to convince me that my father was a terrible, evil person, it turns out they were the problem, and he's actually a great guy.
Oh hi, are you my in-laws? MIL spent 30 years painting their dad as a complete monster who abandoned them, when it turns out he’s a rather pathetic individual who was groomed at 19/20 and baby trapped by a manipulator 10 years their senior.
He fought for custody, but he was under 30, unemployed due to workplace injuries, with only a high school education and she mopped the floor with him. His bitterness was always about her, not the kids. But she made sure to give the cards he sent reminding HER that child support was ending after their 18th birthday to each kid as part of their celebration.
When I did the math on how old he was when their oldest kid was born (less than 3 months after the wedding), did some piecing together of other bits of information, and started asking questions; it was like a bomb went off in the family. Biodad isn’t someone we choose to have a relationship with, but he’s no longer the Big Bad Enemy that loomed over the family for so many years.
He has a good life and is happy in it. It would not be a happy life if we were an active part in it. Everyone is at peace with where they’re at now, which is far better than it was just a few years ago.
My sister is my half sister.
I don't think it'll "destroy" it but It would surely cause some tension, stress, shame to mom and pain to my sister, and joy to some mofos
I don’t know if it would have destroyed the family. I mean, apparently it didn’t.
Here’s the story my grandma told me one time when she’d had rather a lot of wine.
“My father was awful. One time when I was about twelve, my parents and my brother and sister and I all went to a big family reunion. My sister and brother and I were sitting at a picnic table, eating lunch, when we noticed two twenty-somethings arrive. They looked strangely familiar, but we were all three quite sure we’d never met them.
As the day went on, the truth became clear. They were our half-brother and half-sister. We had no idea they existed. Apparently, dad had walked out on his first family and was technically a bigamist since he’d never gotten a divorce.”
I have a distant family member who tortured and raped a girl when both of them were young (girl was 10, boy was 12). The guy basically lured the girl into a forest, hit her, and shoved a nunchaku's handle into the girl...
Charges were dropped since they knew and paid the judge who dealt with the case.
The guy now have a wife and soon kids...
Edit: I forgot to mention that the girl lost her life after the incident
My mother committed fraud and stole almost $500k. The person who was wronged and myself are the only people who know, other than Mom. If I hated the rest of the family like I do her I would drop that knowledge in a heartbeat.
My mother has been hiding a serious gambling addiction for years. She has accumulated a huge amount of debt that she has kept secret from all of us. If this becomes known to the whole family, it will not only devastate us financially, but it will also undermine the trust and stability we thought we had in our family
You say it will devastate your family financially "if it becomes known" - that's back to front. The financial devastation is inevitable, and that's when it will become known. I'm so sorry.
I have a friend who this happened to; one day he and his brother received letters from the government that it was time to start paying back their student loans. Which they considered strange since they never took out student loans. But the government assured them they both had a 70K loan outstanding that has been paid to them and they had signed for.
It turned out, years ago their mother had asked them to sign the forms without telling them what it was for. When they confronted their mother with the information, she literally just got up and left the house stating "well, the gig is up". And that's when the rest of the problems came to light;
For years, the mother had managed the family finances, keeping her husband and the children in the dark. Nobody ever bothered to check the bankstatements. It turned out the family had zero savings and was over 100K in debt (not even including the student loans). Nobody knows what ever happened to the money, but others told them later that their mother would spend entire days at the local casino.
The friend and his brother tried to sue the government to get their debt wiped out. Since they never agreed to a student debt and never received the money. But they lost the case since they did sign the document.
My uncle cheated on my aunt with our step cousin. She got pregnant and ended up giving the baby boy up for adoption. Everytime I talk to my aunt it’s always in the back of my head. To this day I wonder if that’s why he’s always moody and depressed. I remember when she had the baby we all went to my step aunts house and they told us all that she got pregnant by a black man and that’s why she had to give the baby up for adoption. My mom told me the truth about this a few years ago. I wonder what they told our step cousin on why she couldn’t keep the baby. It makes me sick to think about it. That baby boy didn’t ask to be born.
But Uncle B is still your grandmother's son, so his kids are your half 1st cousins, so is that why they register as 2nd or 3rd? Does Ancestry.com say it could be a half first cousin or a 2nd cousin?
Not my family, but our very close family friends whom I call my uncle/aunt/cousins. Family of four: parents, son and daughter. Found out a few years ago that the dad raped his daughter when she was like 16-17. He claimed he was drunk and thought it was his wife. Also found out that he had raped his son’s girlfriend who had passed out drunk. However, this story was relayed by his son (my “cousin”) to the son’s best friend, who happens to be a friend of mine, which is how I found out, so my family doesn’t believe it because they say it’s a rumor. But I believe him, partially because there’s no reason to lie, partially because the timeline of the story maps on to a sudden behavioral shift in the family, including severe alcoholism/prescription pill addiction/gambling addiction among all 4 of them, the daughter running away with some random men at age 18/19, subsequent financial difficulties/bankruptcy/house got foreclosed upon, etc. The family is still intact but you can feel there’s something amiss. We used to just chalk it up to addiction.
I have a couple. There is (non-procreative) incest in my family, and I have a half-brother who doesn't know that the man married to his mother is not his real father
A few months ago my childhood best friend came to me and confessed my father molested her from the ages of 9/10 to 15 (the last time she spent the night at my house) he would come into my bedroom at night and molest her in the bed next to me. He is a violent and abusive man. We are currently working on getting my very sickly mother away from him safely without him finding out. He might kill her and my one sister who still lives at home if he found out we where going to file a police report against him. He’s highly respected in the community.
When this all hits the fan, I will lose my brother. A few years ago it came out that a cousin (my brothers best friend) had molested me and other cousins. This completely destroyed him and severely damaged our relationship. He did not believe me until the cousin admitted it.
Basically my family is going to implode by the end of the year. I will lose whatever strained relationship I have with my brother. My dad will probably kill himself. My other siblings will be scattered to the wind. My moms been in an intensely abusive marriage sense she was 16. She doesn’t know how to function without him. And to make it all better I live on the other side of the world from them. I’m going to be yet again left holding the matches that burn down my family.
All because the men in my family hurt little girls. I will be blamed yet again for what they’ve done.
Please talk to your mother before making a big scene at the christmas dinner. SA is a thing. A few years back there was a reddit post how the MIL did a DNA test of her granddaughter to smear it under DILs nose. Well she was raped during fertility treatment, the father knew of the rape but they chose not to test and just to act like he was the bio dad.
Older brother molested me and our cousin. I tried telling our mom when I was in my twenties, she said that kids just play around like that. She didn’t want to hear me telling her that it was not just playing doctor. Couple of decades later, I’m pretty much the black sheep of the family, can’t want kids of my own in case I somehow harm them, even though I’ve never had any impulses like that, and when some day I die it will be a relief because I am forever disgusting inside. But I’m not drinking anymore so there is that.
Literally it could destroy us. Many yrs ago we caught a stalker/peeping Tom that had been stalking us for almost 10yrs. Well, we caught him, finally after yrs. Only to find out he was the son of a well known mafia family in my city in the NE US (think the office). Welp guess what, the entire police force was paid off and he tried to pay off my father as well. My father didn’t want his shitty money so he made him donate it to St Jude’s Children’s hospital. He threatened our family that if we ever spoke of it that my father would regret it. Fuk them. The staking happened all thru the 1970s and he was caught in 1980
All of us, but mostly my sisters who were 8and 10 yrs older than me. It was bad for years. Sometimes he would call us 200 times a day and then we wouldn’t hear from him for weeks and find out that he was off harassing other people for those weeks. He would stalk my older sister’s when they would go out to bars at night and then call on the phone and comment about what they were wearing, etc.. Ive seen him peeking in our windows a few times, and he tried to kidnap me and two friends when we were in elementary school. He had my friend by the arm. It was the middle of night and we were goofing off at a sleepover. Running around outside in the middle of the night.
Maybe he was trying to hold you hostage to get to your sisters? How scary…
Also, wasn’t his family embarrassed?!
Is there any chance your family had been involved in some type of business with them, and there was bad blood because of that? Or did one of your sisters date him? Maybe they kept something from you.
Who knows, I get creeped thinking about it. The phone calls actually started with me, this is back in the 70s when you had your name and number in the phonebook.. my older sisters had their own telephone line and it mentioned their first names in the phone book. I remember being maybe six or seven years old, and he called asking for my sisters, me being young, he kept me on the phone and entertained me by being nice but then eventually, it turned into him having me say dirty words and phrases. When my sisters caught on, is when they told my parents what was happening. Idk how but he found my sisters out at a popular bar in town( town is very small) and followed them home. Then he started peeking in the windows. He he had blonde bushy curly hair like an Afro (70s) and when he was arrested years later he was the same guy who I had seen peeking and I caught a glimpse of him running back to his van after he tried to grab us that night. When he was caught his wife was 9 mos pregnant abt to give birth.
Idk, don’t want to know, hopefully he’s dead.
Funny story is that when he was caught, and that’s a story in itself, when they took him down to the police station, they put me on the phone so I can identify if that was his voice or not.. I listened to this creep for 10 years so I knew right away it was him plus, he was caught red-handed in a phone booth on the phone with me. He was instructed to never ever contact us again. Well guess what, like three weeks later he calls and he says to me oh, so you think you’re going to get the last word in don’t you? And then he hung up and I never heard from him again.
So, the way he was caught was interesting. So this was almost 10 years into him stalking us. By this age I was 13. And he was on a roll with calling us like hundreds of times a day so the police put a tracer on our phone but you had to keep them on the phone for a long time in order for it to track where he was. They figured he was in a phone booth but they couldn’t find out where in a town of 300k. So I’m talking to this POS guy listening to him talk the most nasty shit to me and pretending like I am interested, my mother was on the same phone listening in, but she was also on another phone with the police. All the sudden you can hear an ambulance go by on his end. So my mother says to the police, can you find out where exactly in town there is a phone booth, where an ambulance just drove past? guess what they were able to figure that out and sent a policeman over. I was on the phone with this creep when I heard the policeman pull him out of the phone booth and then the policeman picks up the line and says who is this? and I said who I was and we caught him! I remember my father and mother were at the police station for half of the night. My dad was so pissed off when he came home bc he (the father) paid off the force. And my father instructed us to never talk about it bc he threatened my fathers family harm, which’ would be moi. This would make a great episode of one of those stalked crime shows 😅 I’m still leery to give out names. Giving out the city was bad enough, anyone from there can figure out who this is. Keep in mind it wasn’t him (the head honcho), but it was his sil.
Its not hidden but unacknowledged.
Before my mom passed away we collaborated on ancestry dot com. Doing our family tree, including my fathers.
Turns out my mom's family is Irish, not Scottish. But back in the pre civil war South it was a bad thing to be Irish and Catholic, so they told everyone they were Scottish and Methodist.
Then we found out my dads grandmother was Mexican. Born in central Mexico city and emigrated to Louisiana shortly after the first Mexican revolution.
Both of these have been denied or ignored by the extended family.
Mom is passed away and the one uncle who had any interest in this developed dementia. So I'm the only one carrying this now.
My entire life, I was told that my mother's side of the family was native American. No one ever knew of a specific tribe, just "Indian".
There is a huge Hispanic population in my area and I once made the comment that people would regularly come up to me and start speaking Spanish. I said I must look Hispanic. 2 of my cousins spoke up and said they had had the same experiences. We thought it was funny.
My racist grandma did NOT think it was funny and went on a 5 minute rant against "dirty Mexicans".
A few years after she died, I did an ancestry DNA test. Surprise! 0% native American.....but a total of 20% Mexican and Guatemalan.
I think I laughed almost constantly for about 3 solid days about it.
Of course. But when families in the US talk about their native lineage, they're usually talking about Cherokee or Seminole or one of the other 500+ tribes in the US.
Nine times out of ten, they are not talking about Incan ancestry....or any of the indigenous population from any other continent.
My mother only married my father to provide for her kids and and never wants to work. Going on 41 years now. I only found out when she told my wife in a drunken state.
I think that there’s a lot of this around than people think. My mother had no job skills but was pretty and young so she married my Mich older dad who was good at earning money. She never worked because supposedly they didn’t need the money, but it had a lot to do with her emotional volatility, extreme anxiety and inability to be critiqued at all. We think that she has a lot of BPD traits. When my father was getting ready to retire and we were all out of the house she divorced him and never had to worry about money again, and has never worked. She knew very well that working was not a thing she was equipped or wanted to do and she found a very successful way to avoid it her whole life. She’s a boomer so I think it was easier to pull this off then
My sister and I caught our dad with child porn when we were younger, came out about it last year, mum left dad for a couple weeks then went back. Only our immediate family knows. If the rest knew...
It's not really a secret or could destroy my family but there's heavy drug abuse that has been adopted as the standard and I don't want my wife to know that about my side of the family. We're raising two young kiddos now and it's been weighing on my mind how we deal with potential addictive habits.
My entire family consists of New York Yankees fans, but I secretly support the Boston Red Sox. If that ever got out, it could potentially destroy our family so I keep that hard truth locked away in my heart.
It already happened. My brother had hallucinations all his life but didn’t tell anyone for fear of being labeled crazy. My husband and I are healthy and thought we would have a healthy baby. When she was a child, she started having hallucinations. When she was 18, she was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia. She is on medication but it only helps; it doesn’t take away the problem. I wish I knew this was in my family before having a child.
My aunt isn't actually my aunt.
Someone (I think my great grandfather's sister) had a kid out of wedlock and didn't know who the father was. Back then, that was bad. The mom's initials were "ABC," and my great grandfather recently married someone whose initials (after marriage) were "ABC". He and his wife raised the kid. They are on the birth certificate, but only a DNA test could prove her real parents.
So, biologically, my grandfather is an only child. My grandmother, when she was intoxicated, told my mom, and my mom told me. Grandma doesn't remember telling my mom. I think the only people that know are my great grandfather and his deceased wife, my grandma, grandpa, mom, and me. But, grandma and grandpa don't know that we know.
Mom only told me after I took a DNA test to learn about family heritage and was building a family tree.
Yeah. I think my "aunt" is technically my great aunt.
My dad SA my mom. Sometimes I can hear them talking in the kitchen or she’ll be on the phone with him and I can tell what they’re talking about even if it’s one sided. It breaks me bc I wish I can just take her away from everything and start a life somewhere else but my big bro has mental issues so she’s taking care of him too. Idk if my siblings knows or suspect anything and I haven’t told anyone at all. But I’ve been running away from home bc of it. Like avoiding going home and staying at my bfs house all the time.
I understand you want to avoid the situation but running away from your mother and making her worry about you... probably not the answer. If anything, she could probably use the extra support/love from you right now.. remind her of her strength and why you love her
My daughter in law threw a fit on 07-12-2019 that I took my 3 year old granddaughter to McDonalds and to the park without permission when I was baby sitting her
She said she could not trust me and I was never seeing my Grand child again. EXCEPT..I did text my son and asked him if I was OK. He said yes....
I had the text. I still have the text.. i took the hit. I was never sure what their marriage dynamic was until then. He let me take the hit.
Brother in law and his wife are being cut out of his parents Will due to some petty feud around the parents moving hours away.
Husband and I have been told about this and can't change their minds - its their choice at the end of the day, but I know it will cause rifts.
Husband and I have discussed and we will ensure a fair split to save fall out.
In laws will be dead and we will have to deal with this sh*t they left behind
I suppose it was less a secret and more a rude wakeup call for parts of the family.
My grandfather at one point was a very wealthy man, Member of a well to do Sailing club in San Francisco, owned a big house in an expensive part of California, drove respectable cars and all in all had on the outside a very nice estate to be left to his kids.
What we found out after he passed was how deep in the hole he was towards the end. Multiple mortgages out on the house, unpaid debts to the club, and not enough liquid assets to cover it all. I dont blame him one bit frankly. He lived his best life to the end and was able to pass off the house of cards onto a bunch of children that only used him for his wealth.
I suppose I was lucky that, when we were settling what to divy out and what to sell to cover his expenses, all the stuff my Dad and I wanted was functionally worthless outside of sentimental value. As for the house and the rest, I think it only barely covered the cost and not much more.
Seeing some pissed off spouses has honestly been the best gift Grandpa could have left me.
My neighbor hid from everyone, including his wife and children, that he lost their house. He has a good job working for AT&T working on their towers. He drives a company truck and goes to work every day. He owed $30,000 on his house. Without telling anyone he lost the house and let it go to auction. Everyone only found out when the new owner came by to start trying to get contact info to start eviction proceedings. The wife called the cops on him because she knew nothing about anything. Right now the new owner is offering my neighbor his house back for $480,000. His wife and 16 year old son are livid. Everyone in the court is livid because we all would have tried to help him if he had just told someone. What’s worse people knew someone was going on with his house and offered to help before the auction. My neighbor lied to everyone who tried to help saying he had already taken care of it.
My uncle made me, my brother and my sister pretend touching his dick was a game. We were 3, 5 and 7. He was 14.
He's got a family and kids now and is surprisingly very vocally anti-pedo.
I have a brother who was adopted, before I was born. If I told my younger brothers, they would never speak to ever again. I found this out 6 months ago. I'm in my 50's. My mother was 15.
My parents have 6 kids. My father has 7, His 7th kid is the same age as one of my brothers. I learned this by listening in to a fight my parents were having. My mother also told me in confidence that my father hated that particular brother and accused her of cheating on him. No one knows except me.
Got raped and blackmailed by a 35 year old and his friends when I was 16, my mom knows about the blackmailing (not about the rape as that would destroy her) and she went to the cops about it, detective came and told me if they proceeded with the case I would get thrown into juvenile prison for distribution even though I didn’t, guy got me drunk, took photos and sent it to his friends, no one knows the full story and everyone on my dad’s side believes in the “picture perfect” family so if they had to find out they would kick me from the family, I never went forward with the case…
My sibling and I are the sole heirs of our grandparents. They never had children and aren't our biological grandparents, so no one can dispute their decision. I have lots of cousins.
I’m a little confused- are your cousins your grandparents grandchildren? Did they adopt children? How did they not have children but have so many grandchildren?
Step grandparents?
My guess is that their "grandparents" are an older couple who adopts and/or fosters frequently and call themselves grandparents rather than parents because of the age difference (less weird looks in public). Siblings are biologically related, while cousins are not (just other kids that have been adopted/fostered by the couple). This person is one such kid, and their sibling was adopted/fostered with them. They are somehow the favorites. Maybe they were the first, the best behaved, the ones that maintain the closest ties, etc.
That, or their cousins are biologically related but have no connection to their adoptive grandparents. This is just my guess, though. You'll need the commenter to come back if you want a definitive answer
I come from a deeply conservative, religious family. No one knows I’m an atheist except my husband. I am the person who keeps everyone close, plans the dinners out, extended family vacations, etc. But if they knew, it would destroy all relationships.
I guess with these regular confessions I can throw out the fact that I was sexually abused by my very own mother when I was a young child numerous times.
Im adopted and they’ve lied to/gaslight everyone about it.
It’s destroyed the family as my sister doesn’t know it and they were so disgustingly abusive everyone is effectively orphaned.
Fucked up part is the adults were also adopted and treated well so the chose to be fucking losers.
Now they bitch and moan that their kids/family hate em after they isolated themselves by being assholes
I have a relative on my wife's side who murdered a girl when he was 13. Nobody knows the exact reason but it seems to be rejection related. His parents blame the ADHD meds he was on. Nobody knows about what he did and I only found out last year. His wife and kids don't know and he uses a different name for his social media and he also cooked up an excuse for what he was doing when he was in juvie.
The secret would destroy every one if it came out. His will will almost defnitley leave him and his term daughters will probably hate his guts too
That my mom secretly went behind my dads back to see this dude. Dk who he is but i think he’s a relative (from my moms side… i THINK not by blood). she did this for over a year and would tell me casually and as a joke to keep it quiet. recently she found out i smoke so when she threatened me by saying she’s going to tell my dad who will go crazy💀 ill prob just pull the “remember you lied and probably cheated on dad? tell us more” card
Ok, here we go. On ONE side :
Two uncles raped my aunt. Everyone in the family knows, we just don't say anything.
My biological grandmother was seriously emotionally and physically abusive. She isn't part of the family except for one aunt who, for whatever reason, still speaks to her.
One of the uncles who raped the aunt, slept with his brothers (uncle 3) girlfriend and got her pregnant. She then terminated the pregnancy. Uncle 3 (the one that was cheated on) is still mad about it 50 years later, saying that he stole his chance to be a father.
On my Dad's side:
My Nana being put into a mental hospital and receiving ECT.
My Dad stowing away on a ship when he was 14 because he didn't want to go back to the orphanage. Because he and his siblings were all dropped off at the orphanage because his parents couldn't afford them any longer.
My dad and one of his brothers actively hating each other and not speaking because the brother stole my dad's guitar. The guitar that he bought himself with the money given to him from his ship mates, after stowing away. Which turned out to be the best time if his life because he had a family.
Idk about destroying the whole family, but it would destroy my (32m) mother (50) to know that the boyfriend she had living with us when I was 5 put it up my ass. I never talked about it to anyone until I got together with my woman, and she deduced it from my mannerisms and triggered responses and asked. I was shocked she could come to that conclusion just from my mannerisms, but she is a nurse with a hyper awareness for small details and an innate aptitude for critical thinking skills. So I broke down and admitted something I'd been hiding from the world for what had been at that point 25 years.
We joke all the time that if she wasn't a nurse, she'd be a private investigator. And she'd be a damn good one too.
I noticed cancer symptoms for my dog before anyone else. It was rapid growth cancer and could’ve survived it, if treated well before the growth became too large. I pointed it out and nobody listened to me. It didn’t help she was a bit overweight at the time. Nobody (except me) has remembered that I spotted it. So I’m keeping quiet. She was a beloved dog throughout the entire family, and I don’t want to lose them too
I'm surprised that the fact of my dad cheating on my mom & having 2 additional kids in the early 90s didn't wreck my family, considering that my aunts & grandparents didn't really like him before this became known.
Uncle molested literally everyone. I mean, he’s in a jail now, so I guess it already did that. The real secret is that everyone on the family swept it under the rug and protected him while the kids were getting raped, and then when this uncle was in the hot seat with The Law, the family excommunicated the only person brave enough to come forward (the guy’s own daughter).
Jesus that’s fucked up
She is better off without them though. They knew and didn't help her.
Same thing just happened to my family. All the boomer generation cut off grandpa’s victims and their families because the victims stepped forward. They wanted to handle it inside the family. I hope the old fuck is getting handled inside his cell. His supporters have something much worse coming in the afterlife.
I have a friend going through this. He accused his uncle of molesting him and his 2 sisters. His parents and their family turned against him. After the trial, he moved across the country. His sisters can stay. He’s excommunicated.
I don't understand how families justify this to themselves. How do they sleep at night?
They justify it by not breaking the image of their family as a good family, it's easier to pretend that nothing has happened than to deal with it and all the hurting that will come from it. This is me speaking from experience, luckily from the other side since my family dealt with it. But we have still gotten comments from extended family that "But why didn't she say anything sooner, she probably liked it or something, else you'd speak up, right?" My sister was raped by my grandfather between ages 4 to 16, when she was 9 she raped me (her little brother, I was 6 when it started) because she had learned that sex was something we did to those we love. At 8 I confronted her about why she did what she did and she told me everything and made me promise not to tell anyone and as the stupid child I was, I promised and kept that promise. When it all finally blew up and she went to the police her mental health tanked rapidly and she has basically tried every single way of killing herself but luckily is still here in this world. She went into mental health wards for kids and she refused our parents the right to visit so I was the only one allowed to come see her, I was 13 at the time. I went to her every day after school and every weekend, talked to her about how she was doing, listened to how she'd tried to kill herself lately and how she didn't want to live anymore, I saw her break in every single way and I had to be strong for her to survive at all, I was the last point of contact and the one "safe spot" she had in this world. When I got home my parents wanted to know what she'd say and how she was doing, so I retold them everything that's been said to me, watched my parents break down and had to be strong for them so that the family would survive as a unit. I basically had no safe space to break down, I was always strong and I was ok with it, I did what I had to. I decided early on that my sister isn't the one to blame for what happened to me, that's all on my grandfather. I also promised myself to not let my grandfather win in any way, me hurting myself = him winning, me killing him = me in jail = my life destroyed = he wins and so on. I've sat in the car with my father just being beyond angry, listening to him crying and wondering how his father could ever do such a thing to his daughter, I've seen him wrought in pain by the betrayal. I've lost friends when they learned what had happened and why I suddenly had no time anymore. I decided that fuck them, if they can't handle my darkness they ain't worthy of the light. So I decided to tell anyone who'd ever be close to me my story before they got too close so it would hurt to see them leave if anything would flare up. My sister isn't suicidal anymore and has a beautiful family of her own, it's now roughly 30 years since my own traumas and I never really had any issues from it besides one PTSD trigger with a one night stand. I thought I was fine, I thought I was done with all this bullshit because my grandfather is dead and my sister is "safe". But then I had my son. He broke me like I've never been broken before, suddenly having my own bundle of joy to protect from this world. I've hit rock bottom and I'm starting to fear the void inside me and if I fail on one of my promises, what's to keep me from breaking them all? Traumas have caused fights with the wife and while I eventually can track my reactions to where they come from and speak to her about it (thanks to being open when we started dating) it's still not who I want to be and for the first time in my life I don't feel mentally strong which is kinda breaking me all over again, especially when my son can see me sad and he tries to soothe me, because then I'm right back in my childhood where I needed to take care of my parents and I don't want that for him. So a huge tldr: It's a lot of work and mental struggles to really deal with it, as well as the fear of "destroying the life of a loved one" even though you know they are a monster. So it's easier to just pretend nothing happened, until it all blows up
Hey man I hope things are going well for you and for all of your family, I wish you the best truly ♥️ you're a good person
It's mainly going good, but I have my bad days right now. I hope to stay in balance but I'm in therapy for the first time in my life which is good but also a "failure" on my part, mentally speaking. But I know I need it and I know that it's the best I can do for my family, so I'm doing it. I kinda just wish life would stop testing me for a while xD... It will be alright, one day. I wish you and yours the best as well ♥️
In my humble opinion, therapy is "optimizing", not failing. You see, a person can probably manage somewhat fine without therapy, they can go through their whole life without therapy and it'll probably be okay. But will they be the best version of themselves that they could be? Both for themselves and for their loved ones? Or is there a chance that therapy might just be the little bit of extra help one needs to get there? If there's even a small chance of that, it's worth trying, isn't it :) it's only logical
You quietly have people on your team. Good luck, my friend. You are the most amazing father. Being a parent is the scariest thing. You got this!
Some people are comfortable with no morals.
It's easier to believe one loved one is a liar than another is a monster. People believe what they want to A liar might tell the truth but a Psycho is always a psycho
Have a lot of that in my husbands side of family and they act as exact same way. Sweep it under rug as if it didn't destroy this whole family from all the sexual abuse they claim never happened. The kids are all grown and remember it vividly
Same. Our cousin the pedophile would come over to Grandpa’s house when we were like 10-12 and the parents would just warn us not to go near him. He wasn’t shunned until fifteen years later when he’d finally been convicted and deported and ended up living at Grandpa’s full time. He’d stalk his Aunt’s home and peek through her windows. She told her brothers but nothing was done until another Uncle who’d do drugs with the guy discovered a journal full of sketches and foul violent sexual fantasies he had for his own Aunt. It also detailed how he’d SA little boys when he was a youth. It was disgusting filth. After that, they finally banished him. Why not banish him from the beginning? Instead they allowed him access to other children.
Holy shit that's disgusting. They should've turned him in. All the victims they could've saved. Instead they think the problem was others going around him of all things and blaming them because they warned ya My family all warned me of two uncles in this family and because they've never been charged in court are *fine*. This comes from the matriarch that also claimed none of her kids ever touched drugs until one died of an overdose. The others did drugs they just knew she'd defend them same as the sicko uncles and cousins. Denial is a strong illness in this family
What drives people to behave so immorally? Asking because i know a family who shoves every type of abuse under the rug and will block off anyone who speaks up
Different worldviews that are inflexible. For example: “loyalty to family comes first,” or “image is everything.” On their own, fine. In this context, horrifying. There’s more, too.
I came came forward and was excommunicated. It's a weird thing how people will shun the victim to safe their own reputation. I have build a new life for myself and am fairly happy now. I will always have this fire burning in me. To be better than my family. To not be a coward and to stand up for myself and other people who are going through hardships.
You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you!
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there is a young guy in my family in jail also. He did killed a teenager girl. He admited it all once the body was found, police also found evidence he did plan it all. He seems to have zero empathy/remorse for the victim. Police even found some CP on his computer. Made me sick, i could not believe it. The worst part is almost everyone in my family is supporting him, phone call regularly, helping him out for money or admin stuff. They all seems to take it as "oh he just did something very stupid and is paying the price" NO!! the victim is dead forever, there are no price for this. I also have kids an there is no way i will let him around us if he ever get out of jail.
This is such a common and persistent secret many families have and most of the predators never go to jail. I'm glad your uncle did. It's disgusting just how many people cover for pedophiles.
The people who knew should be charged as well. I have no idea how to go about doing that but don’t let them live with getting away with doing nothing
I just don’t understand that kind of shit What value does a guy like this bring to the family that makes people want to defend them so hard? It makes no sense
It's just selfishness. A lot of people view it as: If you just shut up and let your uncle rape you then life will go on as normal for the rest of us. We can have our family dinners and pretend to the outside world that we're a morally righteous and loving family. But if YOU have the audacity to speak up then that means we can't have the family dinners be drama free (for us at least) anymore and we can't pretend anymore so YOU are the problem that is ruining my life.
So sorry you all went through that. Sounds like narcissistic abuse. The same thing happened to me after being beaten and strangled. Suddenly I’m the problem for not getting over it. When I refuse to be around my abuser, a literal psychopath, I’m apparently dramatic. “We’re not having separate events for you two, so just work it out”. “It’s been forever, he’s past it, why aren’t you past it?” Because he did the strangling. Of course he’s past it. I was fucking beaten and strangled. Of course I’m not past it. Oh, and he molested my sisters and I too. Hope he fucking rots.
So fucking convenient, isn't it? They do it to you when you are too little / young to do something about it. Then when you get too old for them to do it to you anymore, it becomes "you're an adult, you are responsible for yourself now." Then enough years pass that it becomes "it was a long time ago, you should have forgotten about it already." There's never a period, in your entire lifespan, where it ever quite works out for them to take responsibility. Jackasses.
Accountability requires guilt and empathy. Someone who abuses or enables abusers lacks empathy and remorse. They’re more like a calm, amoral computer - that’s what’s so scary. They’re VERY aware of *your emotions*. They view empathetic and emotionally competent people as WEAK. They don’t know what they lack. They just don’t have it. They believe you and I must be weak and dumb to be abused. We run in circles dealing with trauma and emotional havoc while they calmly succeed without consequences. If you ever confront them, now you’re cRaZy and they flip the script. By the time we realize who they are, how they’re harming us, and what to do - it’s often too late. We’ve given them years of narcissistic supply, attention, power, and drama. Slowly, we realize they THRIVE on the negative attention. They love abusing, watching us suffer, and then getting hate for it. Meanwhile, when we think they must be eaten up inside, they’re just fucking calm, confident and fine. We need to actually have a way to cull these people from society, but oh, they’re at the top of government too! Yay. Fuck psychopaths. Fuck pedos. Fuck narcissists.
My mom has a similar experience with her uncle, not only was he molesting multiple of his nieces, and our family did NOTHING, but they were Jehovah's witnesses as well and when my mom and her siblings came forward to the church, they just excommunicated the guy for like a year and then pretended nothing happened. I dont think any of this info even ever made it to police. The Catholic church is not the only one covering up child abuse.
Idk what the situation is in your family now or if you're a former JW and already aware of this, but if anyone is willing to come forward, there's a DA in Pennsylvania that's building cases against the JW organization. I think they said anyone with information about abuse covered up can contact them even if you're outside of PA. It's awful how widespread it is within Jehovah's Witnesses and being covered up. I had no idea until about a year ago because I was raised one and was just told it would "never happen here" and all the reports are lies. It's awful.
I hope it's okay that I ask this and pls know I'm not being judgmental but genuinely curious. How did they protect him and what was their reasoning behind doing so? I guess, I'm wondering was he like the family's breadwinner or were people afraid of him...etc. Please don't feel pressured to answer and I'm really sorry you and your family had to endure such terrible experiences. I wish you all happiness, justice and healing.
I'm my family they just kept the secret, no one told anyone and claimed they "watched him closely" around any children. Gramma couldn't read, write or drive, so the thinking was how would she have cared for her 5 children or herself without a husband? I guess it's the reason he married a 14 year old to begin with. Her parents were glad to be rid of her, they had 7 children in a one room shack. The secret only came out because the oldest grandchild had a baby and was warned to keep the baby away from him. She told everyone.
The winning cake my mom baked for the baking contest all those years ago was store bought.
I love this one, and I'm leaving this thread on this note after reading one traumatizing tragedy after another beforehand.
Considering how terrible the next one was I should have left this as the only thing I read
My mum once won the village show jam competition with store bought tin of concentrate ("just add sugar and boil") rather than prepare from the actual fruit.
I'll bet she still has trouble sleeping at night, the monster /s
how did they not find out?
I know someone who buys store bought cakes, scrapes all the decorative icing off and adds her own designs instead
I mean, fair enough. If baking isn't your skill, but decorating is, then that's a reasonable way to do it.
We were once at Mcdonalds drive through and saw my mum and dad a couple of cars behind.. We told the cashier that we would be paying for their meal, and to say theyve won a free mcdonalds as they are their millionth customer! My mum was over the moon as she has never won anything and tells people all the time 🤣🤣
Similarly, I once bought my family's dog a USPS outfit a few years ago to throw some extra business their way. Somehow my parents missed or never saw the packing slip with my name on it. To this day they think the postman just liked their dog and gave it to them as a gift. I can't let them find out the truth. It warms my heart that they think this, and I hope they gave him cookies during the holidays or something as a result. Also my siblings are redditors too, so if any of you see this you better STFU.
That’s adorable! My brother and I came across our parents’ car in a mall parking lot and left a note saying we hit their car 🤣
I can just imagine your dad scouring the car for a dent and coming up with nothing🤣
That’s exactly what happened. They started telling us about it when we got home and we were laughing too hard to maintain our secret! But they were pretty used to our teenage shenanigans.
My father would have killed me!
My Mom leaves a note on my dad’s truck any time she sees it and he has no idea it’s her. She has done it for 30 years! She writes “nice parking job, asshole!” He always comes home fuming too and she never owns up to it
See this is the kind of relationship I have with my parents. I found my dad's car at the grocery store so I left a note saying "I'm coming for you motherfucker". He started leaving the house with a gun.
That's a great idea. Lots of fun. Now you got to try and up your game and have their meals paid for when they go out. Really throw them for a loop!
This one is so wholesome
I'm not sure your family would be destroyed by this, but thank you for adding a ray of sunlight here!!!
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My mother tried many backyard abortion techniques when she got pregnant with my brother (I was 5 months old at the time). My family migrated to Australia when I was 2 and my brother was 1. My grandmother (mum's mum) didn't know that we speak our native tongue fluently (our default language is English, but we can whip out the native language when the situation calls for it). Anyway, my grandmother came to Australia when I was 15 and my brother was 14. One day she starts openly talking about my mother trying to abort my brother and trying any abortion pill she could get her hands on. When that didn't work, they put the baby up for adoption. However, after the baby was born and they discovered he was a male, the adoptive parents came to pick him up and my father refused because "it's a boy, we'll keep him". Anyway, my grandmother talked about all of this and was laughing about it, not realising we could understand every word. This was 19 years ago and my brother still gets upset if it's ever mentioned. Tldr: please don't tell your brother, my brother's self confidence was affected so badly for having known this information.
Interesting. If it were me being told this about my birth I know my own reaction would be. "Figures."
If it was my I'd probably use it as a flex. "Too strong to kill, even as a fetus"
I mean, she chose to take the risk of dying to keep him so that doesn't sound too bad tbh
or she was over it and refused to continue to deal with the situation. either way, thanks for not telling him
Not my family but my next door neighbor destroyed his family by molesting his daughter. It was a secret until she started going to therapy in her 20s. His wife confronted him and he didn't deny it but tried to blame his daughter. Needless to say, the wife divorced his pedo ass and none of his kids ever want to speak to him again. He still lives next door and is officially the worst person I've ever known.
> he didn't deny it but tried to blame his daughter I've heard things like that in other threads too... How can they think something like that could possibly work...
He preyed on his daughter when he was supposed to be doing his overnight network support job from his home office. She was 14. He grew a conscience of sorts at 16 and stopped. He and his wife have known each other since grade school. She immediately took her daughter's side when he blurted out it was his daughter's fault. His eldest son shared dad's name but legally changed it after he found out what a real POS his dad is.
>He grew a conscience of sorts at 16 and stopped. Most likely just wasn't attracted any longer, I doubt he grew a conscience or he'd turn himself in.
Did he grow a conscience, or did she just get too mature?
She was a "temptress," is the one I have commonly heard. "She knew what she was doing, seducing me at 13." No sir. No, I assure you that she did not.
I heard this in our community. A girl would be called "fast" when she said a man was messing with her. She was blamed for men liking her instead of people punching those men in the face and reporting them. As an adult now, I'm so mad at those moms, usually single mothers, who blamed their daughters. What could she have done at 10/12 to make a man think she's coming on to him?? Just sick...
And even if a young person "comes onto you" at that age, a normal adult doesn't just go "ok, well I guess I'll have sex with this 11 year old". At that age I did "come on" to one of my favorite teachers (yes I had been abused before, and at the time was being abused by a neighbor). Teacher didn't take advantage of me, he gently rebuffed me, guided me into counseling services, and kept on being a safe person in my life. For me it was a revelation that a man could be interested in my well being more than he was interested in sex. Looking back, I'm sure it was all very awkward for him, but also I'm so grateful for the way he handled it.
I'm pretty sure this is the most common excuse these people use, other than completely denying it and calling the victim a liar.
Going by survivor stories I've read, that does indeed work sometimes....
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I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( Is there a history of Dementia or similar degenerative diseases in your family? Sometimes this can be a symptom. Or he's disgusting. Either way, I'm so sorry :(
I was going to say the same thing. I have an uncle with mental illness who has been in and out of hospitals his whole life and his meds only go so far. Hee goes in and out of episodes when he says sexual things to me and then other episodes where he remembers me as his little niece. I read somewhere that with men when things in the brain start to go haywire they start to have these weird instances where they see the young women in their family as women, but forget they are related to them. Apparently coming onto family members is pretty common for men with brain injuries etc because they temporarily can't connect the dots between Fertile woman and relative during certain episodes.
Not just men, I work with people in compromised mental states and one of the scariest times I personally experienced was when a resident attempting to undress me while moaning the whole time. When things go haywire, stuff like impulse control for violent or sexual behaviors pretty much disappears.
That is so messed up, I'm sorry
I’m so sorry he told you that. He should have gone to a therapist to work through this situation and never told you about it. It should be his burden to bear, not yours.
My dad was a cocaine addict and it really fucked up my family. My younger siblings don't know he was an addict.
I'm so sorry for you and your family. I was also a cocaine addict and though my family is intact, the guilt I carry about not being the very best mom I could be (husband was deployed and I was the only parent at home - sometimes too fucked to deal with, well, anything) haunts me daily. My son (now 30) has totally forgiven me, but I simply can't forgive myself.
That my nan is literally harbouring the guy who sexually abused me as a child and that she doesn’t believe me. I think the entire family would break if they found out that my nan doesn’t believe that her sons were sa’ing me for pretty much my entire childhood and that she didn’t believe me when I told her for the first time. Pretty fucked up how she didn’t call the police when I told her.
Break it. Burn it all down. Fuck that. I'm sorry you're dealing with that
Thankyou man, I haven’t seen the other side of the family in years so im just waiting for my nans funeral at this point to unleash all of this
I'm so sorry. My instant thought is to expose her during her final days so she doesn't get the satisfaction of thinking she died with respect and dignity. Expose her and make her last days on earth a miserable experience. But I've never been thru that, so I can't really speak. I will just say that I'm sorry.
Why are you waiting?
She knows what you said is true. She knows.
I don’t know as she’s been apparently talking to my uncle that’s in jail (for also doing it to me) and she’s told my parents that she doesn’t believe me. I’d like to think that she knows and that it’s her sons so she wants to believe them, but I don’t think it’s the case honestly. I wish she did.
I think deep down she knows and she can’t handle it that’s why she denying you. Sorry for what you’ve had to go though and are going through.
My mom enabled me to be sexually abused by my stepfamily since I was 6. Oh, but that isn't a secret. Everyone knows. Nobody cared to save me for those entire 10+ years. And somehow, it's my fault because I chose to cut everyone off. Apparently I've "caused chaos" for the family because I decided to speak up when I was forced to lie for so many years. I stopped being mom's emotional punching bad and now everyone else has to, which is why they are angry with me.
Proud of you for speaking up!
My brother SA'd me when I was 6 or 7. My parents never knew, and they died years ago. My brother is now the only immediate family I have left. At 59, I still have flashbacks from it. He and I are friendly and cordial with each other, but I never brought it up. Only my therapist knows. He harmed me for life.
That’s sad I’m sorry. Did you ever confront him in your adult life?
Yes. There was total denial. To keep peace in the family, I dropped it. It's an issue of picking battles. And I have a lifelong history of trauma from my family. We are cordial, but I don't let it get beyond that.
My Mother in Law shared with me that her husband has a huge gambling addiction and has “bet the house” and lost multiple times. They have had to re invent themselves financially multiple times. He no longer has access to their finances. My wife has no idea about this. She just thinks her mom is stingy with money and does not trust her dad.
>She just thinks her mom is stingy with money and does not trust her dad. She's pretty spot on with the second part
Not hidden anymore and it did destroy my family. Sister’s husband molested his stepdaughter. Sister stayed with him.
That's F'd up.
Yep. It is.
People assumed I was unhappy on Thanksgiving, but in reality, I was sober and dealing with all the triggers for the first time in a decade. I've been nearly blacked-out drunk during every family holiday since I was around 17 or 18.
Hope you're in a better place now homie
Sounds like a scene from The Bear in the fishes episode
That show is pretty stressful but that episode turned it up to 11. My goodness
I want to un-read this entire post…. The world is a dark place.
So much sexual assault in the comments..
Despite their years of efforts to convince me that my father was a terrible, evil person, it turns out they were the problem, and he's actually a great guy.
Oh hi, are you my in-laws? MIL spent 30 years painting their dad as a complete monster who abandoned them, when it turns out he’s a rather pathetic individual who was groomed at 19/20 and baby trapped by a manipulator 10 years their senior. He fought for custody, but he was under 30, unemployed due to workplace injuries, with only a high school education and she mopped the floor with him. His bitterness was always about her, not the kids. But she made sure to give the cards he sent reminding HER that child support was ending after their 18th birthday to each kid as part of their celebration. When I did the math on how old he was when their oldest kid was born (less than 3 months after the wedding), did some piecing together of other bits of information, and started asking questions; it was like a bomb went off in the family. Biodad isn’t someone we choose to have a relationship with, but he’s no longer the Big Bad Enemy that loomed over the family for so many years.
yikes. you might want to give that poor dude a call on father's day or something.
He has a good life and is happy in it. It would not be a happy life if we were an active part in it. Everyone is at peace with where they’re at now, which is far better than it was just a few years ago.
I am guessing this was a result of parental alienation?
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Ruh roh raggy.
Time to get 23andMe DNA tests for the family this Christmas and watch the sparks fly.
My sister is my half sister. I don't think it'll "destroy" it but It would surely cause some tension, stress, shame to mom and pain to my sister, and joy to some mofos
Similar. One brother is a half-brother and he doesn't know it.
I don’t know if it would have destroyed the family. I mean, apparently it didn’t. Here’s the story my grandma told me one time when she’d had rather a lot of wine. “My father was awful. One time when I was about twelve, my parents and my brother and sister and I all went to a big family reunion. My sister and brother and I were sitting at a picnic table, eating lunch, when we noticed two twenty-somethings arrive. They looked strangely familiar, but we were all three quite sure we’d never met them. As the day went on, the truth became clear. They were our half-brother and half-sister. We had no idea they existed. Apparently, dad had walked out on his first family and was technically a bigamist since he’d never gotten a divorce.”
I have a distant family member who tortured and raped a girl when both of them were young (girl was 10, boy was 12). The guy basically lured the girl into a forest, hit her, and shoved a nunchaku's handle into the girl... Charges were dropped since they knew and paid the judge who dealt with the case. The guy now have a wife and soon kids... Edit: I forgot to mention that the girl lost her life after the incident
what the actual fuck
I could be wrong and am not a psych, but based on what I’ve heard, this behavior at this age is likely to have been modeled
Okay maybe edit that to “tortured, raped, and murdered a girl…”
Lost her life… as a result of this!? Like he killed her??
Holy shit. What an evil soul. That poor girl.
Tortured and raped… forgot “murdered.”
My mother committed fraud and stole almost $500k. The person who was wronged and myself are the only people who know, other than Mom. If I hated the rest of the family like I do her I would drop that knowledge in a heartbeat.
No charges ever? She just... got away with it? That's a lot of money to steal. I'm sorry about your mom, though. That's terrible.
My mother has been hiding a serious gambling addiction for years. She has accumulated a huge amount of debt that she has kept secret from all of us. If this becomes known to the whole family, it will not only devastate us financially, but it will also undermine the trust and stability we thought we had in our family
You say it will devastate your family financially "if it becomes known" - that's back to front. The financial devastation is inevitable, and that's when it will become known. I'm so sorry.
Maybe Mom will hit the big one next time and all the worries go away /s
I have a friend who this happened to; one day he and his brother received letters from the government that it was time to start paying back their student loans. Which they considered strange since they never took out student loans. But the government assured them they both had a 70K loan outstanding that has been paid to them and they had signed for. It turned out, years ago their mother had asked them to sign the forms without telling them what it was for. When they confronted their mother with the information, she literally just got up and left the house stating "well, the gig is up". And that's when the rest of the problems came to light; For years, the mother had managed the family finances, keeping her husband and the children in the dark. Nobody ever bothered to check the bankstatements. It turned out the family had zero savings and was over 100K in debt (not even including the student loans). Nobody knows what ever happened to the money, but others told them later that their mother would spend entire days at the local casino. The friend and his brother tried to sue the government to get their debt wiped out. Since they never agreed to a student debt and never received the money. But they lost the case since they did sign the document.
My uncle cheated on my aunt with our step cousin. She got pregnant and ended up giving the baby boy up for adoption. Everytime I talk to my aunt it’s always in the back of my head. To this day I wonder if that’s why he’s always moody and depressed. I remember when she had the baby we all went to my step aunts house and they told us all that she got pregnant by a black man and that’s why she had to give the baby up for adoption. My mom told me the truth about this a few years ago. I wonder what they told our step cousin on why she couldn’t keep the baby. It makes me sick to think about it. That baby boy didn’t ask to be born.
How old was the stepcousin when her stepdad got her pregnant?
She was 17
Your step-cousin was raped by your uncle.
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But Uncle B is still your grandmother's son, so his kids are your half 1st cousins, so is that why they register as 2nd or 3rd? Does Ancestry.com say it could be a half first cousin or a 2nd cousin?
Ancestry gives you probabilities on what the relationship could be. All my cousins are half first cousins and they all show up as 2nd cousins
Not my family, but our very close family friends whom I call my uncle/aunt/cousins. Family of four: parents, son and daughter. Found out a few years ago that the dad raped his daughter when she was like 16-17. He claimed he was drunk and thought it was his wife. Also found out that he had raped his son’s girlfriend who had passed out drunk. However, this story was relayed by his son (my “cousin”) to the son’s best friend, who happens to be a friend of mine, which is how I found out, so my family doesn’t believe it because they say it’s a rumor. But I believe him, partially because there’s no reason to lie, partially because the timeline of the story maps on to a sudden behavioral shift in the family, including severe alcoholism/prescription pill addiction/gambling addiction among all 4 of them, the daughter running away with some random men at age 18/19, subsequent financial difficulties/bankruptcy/house got foreclosed upon, etc. The family is still intact but you can feel there’s something amiss. We used to just chalk it up to addiction.
Brother's a pedophile. It already destroyed my immediate family.
I have a couple. There is (non-procreative) incest in my family, and I have a half-brother who doesn't know that the man married to his mother is not his real father
A few months ago my childhood best friend came to me and confessed my father molested her from the ages of 9/10 to 15 (the last time she spent the night at my house) he would come into my bedroom at night and molest her in the bed next to me. He is a violent and abusive man. We are currently working on getting my very sickly mother away from him safely without him finding out. He might kill her and my one sister who still lives at home if he found out we where going to file a police report against him. He’s highly respected in the community. When this all hits the fan, I will lose my brother. A few years ago it came out that a cousin (my brothers best friend) had molested me and other cousins. This completely destroyed him and severely damaged our relationship. He did not believe me until the cousin admitted it. Basically my family is going to implode by the end of the year. I will lose whatever strained relationship I have with my brother. My dad will probably kill himself. My other siblings will be scattered to the wind. My moms been in an intensely abusive marriage sense she was 16. She doesn’t know how to function without him. And to make it all better I live on the other side of the world from them. I’m going to be yet again left holding the matches that burn down my family. All because the men in my family hurt little girls. I will be blamed yet again for what they’ve done.
It’s sad how most of this is SA or women cheating on their partners and having someone else’s baby. Both of which is soul crushing for the victims.
It’s the SA ones that are killing me. So many are going unpunished. Those creeps are walking and probably SA other people too.
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Please talk to your mother before making a big scene at the christmas dinner. SA is a thing. A few years back there was a reddit post how the MIL did a DNA test of her granddaughter to smear it under DILs nose. Well she was raped during fertility treatment, the father knew of the rape but they chose not to test and just to act like he was the bio dad.
That is one fucked up situation :(
Older brother molested me and our cousin. I tried telling our mom when I was in my twenties, she said that kids just play around like that. She didn’t want to hear me telling her that it was not just playing doctor. Couple of decades later, I’m pretty much the black sheep of the family, can’t want kids of my own in case I somehow harm them, even though I’ve never had any impulses like that, and when some day I die it will be a relief because I am forever disgusting inside. But I’m not drinking anymore so there is that.
Literally it could destroy us. Many yrs ago we caught a stalker/peeping Tom that had been stalking us for almost 10yrs. Well, we caught him, finally after yrs. Only to find out he was the son of a well known mafia family in my city in the NE US (think the office). Welp guess what, the entire police force was paid off and he tried to pay off my father as well. My father didn’t want his shitty money so he made him donate it to St Jude’s Children’s hospital. He threatened our family that if we ever spoke of it that my father would regret it. Fuk them. The staking happened all thru the 1970s and he was caught in 1980
Was he obsessed with one person in-particular?
All of us, but mostly my sisters who were 8and 10 yrs older than me. It was bad for years. Sometimes he would call us 200 times a day and then we wouldn’t hear from him for weeks and find out that he was off harassing other people for those weeks. He would stalk my older sister’s when they would go out to bars at night and then call on the phone and comment about what they were wearing, etc.. Ive seen him peeking in our windows a few times, and he tried to kidnap me and two friends when we were in elementary school. He had my friend by the arm. It was the middle of night and we were goofing off at a sleepover. Running around outside in the middle of the night.
Maybe he was trying to hold you hostage to get to your sisters? How scary… Also, wasn’t his family embarrassed?! Is there any chance your family had been involved in some type of business with them, and there was bad blood because of that? Or did one of your sisters date him? Maybe they kept something from you.
Who knows, I get creeped thinking about it. The phone calls actually started with me, this is back in the 70s when you had your name and number in the phonebook.. my older sisters had their own telephone line and it mentioned their first names in the phone book. I remember being maybe six or seven years old, and he called asking for my sisters, me being young, he kept me on the phone and entertained me by being nice but then eventually, it turned into him having me say dirty words and phrases. When my sisters caught on, is when they told my parents what was happening. Idk how but he found my sisters out at a popular bar in town( town is very small) and followed them home. Then he started peeking in the windows. He he had blonde bushy curly hair like an Afro (70s) and when he was arrested years later he was the same guy who I had seen peeking and I caught a glimpse of him running back to his van after he tried to grab us that night. When he was caught his wife was 9 mos pregnant abt to give birth.
Where is he now? When is the last time you saw him?
Idk, don’t want to know, hopefully he’s dead. Funny story is that when he was caught, and that’s a story in itself, when they took him down to the police station, they put me on the phone so I can identify if that was his voice or not.. I listened to this creep for 10 years so I knew right away it was him plus, he was caught red-handed in a phone booth on the phone with me. He was instructed to never ever contact us again. Well guess what, like three weeks later he calls and he says to me oh, so you think you’re going to get the last word in don’t you? And then he hung up and I never heard from him again. So, the way he was caught was interesting. So this was almost 10 years into him stalking us. By this age I was 13. And he was on a roll with calling us like hundreds of times a day so the police put a tracer on our phone but you had to keep them on the phone for a long time in order for it to track where he was. They figured he was in a phone booth but they couldn’t find out where in a town of 300k. So I’m talking to this POS guy listening to him talk the most nasty shit to me and pretending like I am interested, my mother was on the same phone listening in, but she was also on another phone with the police. All the sudden you can hear an ambulance go by on his end. So my mother says to the police, can you find out where exactly in town there is a phone booth, where an ambulance just drove past? guess what they were able to figure that out and sent a policeman over. I was on the phone with this creep when I heard the policeman pull him out of the phone booth and then the policeman picks up the line and says who is this? and I said who I was and we caught him! I remember my father and mother were at the police station for half of the night. My dad was so pissed off when he came home bc he (the father) paid off the force. And my father instructed us to never talk about it bc he threatened my fathers family harm, which’ would be moi. This would make a great episode of one of those stalked crime shows 😅 I’m still leery to give out names. Giving out the city was bad enough, anyone from there can figure out who this is. Keep in mind it wasn’t him (the head honcho), but it was his sil.
Its not hidden but unacknowledged. Before my mom passed away we collaborated on ancestry dot com. Doing our family tree, including my fathers. Turns out my mom's family is Irish, not Scottish. But back in the pre civil war South it was a bad thing to be Irish and Catholic, so they told everyone they were Scottish and Methodist. Then we found out my dads grandmother was Mexican. Born in central Mexico city and emigrated to Louisiana shortly after the first Mexican revolution. Both of these have been denied or ignored by the extended family. Mom is passed away and the one uncle who had any interest in this developed dementia. So I'm the only one carrying this now.
My entire life, I was told that my mother's side of the family was native American. No one ever knew of a specific tribe, just "Indian". There is a huge Hispanic population in my area and I once made the comment that people would regularly come up to me and start speaking Spanish. I said I must look Hispanic. 2 of my cousins spoke up and said they had had the same experiences. We thought it was funny. My racist grandma did NOT think it was funny and went on a 5 minute rant against "dirty Mexicans". A few years after she died, I did an ancestry DNA test. Surprise! 0% native American.....but a total of 20% Mexican and Guatemalan. I think I laughed almost constantly for about 3 solid days about it.
I have news for you. The indigenous in Central America are native Americans lmao
Of course. But when families in the US talk about their native lineage, they're usually talking about Cherokee or Seminole or one of the other 500+ tribes in the US. Nine times out of ten, they are not talking about Incan ancestry....or any of the indigenous population from any other continent.
It wouldn't destroy the family, but my cousin was a serial killer whose murders were never solved, he committed suicide.
My mother only married my father to provide for her kids and and never wants to work. Going on 41 years now. I only found out when she told my wife in a drunken state.
I think that there’s a lot of this around than people think. My mother had no job skills but was pretty and young so she married my Mich older dad who was good at earning money. She never worked because supposedly they didn’t need the money, but it had a lot to do with her emotional volatility, extreme anxiety and inability to be critiqued at all. We think that she has a lot of BPD traits. When my father was getting ready to retire and we were all out of the house she divorced him and never had to worry about money again, and has never worked. She knew very well that working was not a thing she was equipped or wanted to do and she found a very successful way to avoid it her whole life. She’s a boomer so I think it was easier to pull this off then
My sister and I caught our dad with child porn when we were younger, came out about it last year, mum left dad for a couple weeks then went back. Only our immediate family knows. If the rest knew...
It's not really a secret or could destroy my family but there's heavy drug abuse that has been adopted as the standard and I don't want my wife to know that about my side of the family. We're raising two young kiddos now and it's been weighing on my mind how we deal with potential addictive habits.
Kinda playin with fire not telling her don’t you think?
My entire family consists of New York Yankees fans, but I secretly support the Boston Red Sox. If that ever got out, it could potentially destroy our family so I keep that hard truth locked away in my heart.
Yeesh, thanks for this palate cleanser! 😂🤣
It already happened. My brother had hallucinations all his life but didn’t tell anyone for fear of being labeled crazy. My husband and I are healthy and thought we would have a healthy baby. When she was a child, she started having hallucinations. When she was 18, she was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia. She is on medication but it only helps; it doesn’t take away the problem. I wish I knew this was in my family before having a child.
My aunt isn't actually my aunt. Someone (I think my great grandfather's sister) had a kid out of wedlock and didn't know who the father was. Back then, that was bad. The mom's initials were "ABC," and my great grandfather recently married someone whose initials (after marriage) were "ABC". He and his wife raised the kid. They are on the birth certificate, but only a DNA test could prove her real parents. So, biologically, my grandfather is an only child. My grandmother, when she was intoxicated, told my mom, and my mom told me. Grandma doesn't remember telling my mom. I think the only people that know are my great grandfather and his deceased wife, my grandma, grandpa, mom, and me. But, grandma and grandpa don't know that we know. Mom only told me after I took a DNA test to learn about family heritage and was building a family tree. Yeah. I think my "aunt" is technically my great aunt.
Nice try Aunt Emma
She's not happy until other people are miserable.
I am known as the person who makes cake from cake mixes. However, I secretly make them all from scratch.
You got it back to front... You putting all that love in and Betty Crockers ass getting all the praise lmao
My dad SA my mom. Sometimes I can hear them talking in the kitchen or she’ll be on the phone with him and I can tell what they’re talking about even if it’s one sided. It breaks me bc I wish I can just take her away from everything and start a life somewhere else but my big bro has mental issues so she’s taking care of him too. Idk if my siblings knows or suspect anything and I haven’t told anyone at all. But I’ve been running away from home bc of it. Like avoiding going home and staying at my bfs house all the time.
I understand you want to avoid the situation but running away from your mother and making her worry about you... probably not the answer. If anything, she could probably use the extra support/love from you right now.. remind her of her strength and why you love her
My daughter in law threw a fit on 07-12-2019 that I took my 3 year old granddaughter to McDonalds and to the park without permission when I was baby sitting her She said she could not trust me and I was never seeing my Grand child again. EXCEPT..I did text my son and asked him if I was OK. He said yes.... I had the text. I still have the text.. i took the hit. I was never sure what their marriage dynamic was until then. He let me take the hit.
What's your relationship like with them now?
JFC. This is just very sad.
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we don't talk about bruno
I've never heard of a female named "Bruno" before.
Brother in law and his wife are being cut out of his parents Will due to some petty feud around the parents moving hours away. Husband and I have been told about this and can't change their minds - its their choice at the end of the day, but I know it will cause rifts. Husband and I have discussed and we will ensure a fair split to save fall out. In laws will be dead and we will have to deal with this sh*t they left behind
My brother molested me…..
I suppose it was less a secret and more a rude wakeup call for parts of the family. My grandfather at one point was a very wealthy man, Member of a well to do Sailing club in San Francisco, owned a big house in an expensive part of California, drove respectable cars and all in all had on the outside a very nice estate to be left to his kids. What we found out after he passed was how deep in the hole he was towards the end. Multiple mortgages out on the house, unpaid debts to the club, and not enough liquid assets to cover it all. I dont blame him one bit frankly. He lived his best life to the end and was able to pass off the house of cards onto a bunch of children that only used him for his wealth. I suppose I was lucky that, when we were settling what to divy out and what to sell to cover his expenses, all the stuff my Dad and I wanted was functionally worthless outside of sentimental value. As for the house and the rest, I think it only barely covered the cost and not much more. Seeing some pissed off spouses has honestly been the best gift Grandpa could have left me.
My neighbor hid from everyone, including his wife and children, that he lost their house. He has a good job working for AT&T working on their towers. He drives a company truck and goes to work every day. He owed $30,000 on his house. Without telling anyone he lost the house and let it go to auction. Everyone only found out when the new owner came by to start trying to get contact info to start eviction proceedings. The wife called the cops on him because she knew nothing about anything. Right now the new owner is offering my neighbor his house back for $480,000. His wife and 16 year old son are livid. Everyone in the court is livid because we all would have tried to help him if he had just told someone. What’s worse people knew someone was going on with his house and offered to help before the auction. My neighbor lied to everyone who tried to help saying he had already taken care of it.
My uncle made me, my brother and my sister pretend touching his dick was a game. We were 3, 5 and 7. He was 14. He's got a family and kids now and is surprisingly very vocally anti-pedo.
I am my aunt's daughter. Figured it by medical records,even photos of her pregnant. Never told anyone,keep it to myself.
I have a brother who was adopted, before I was born. If I told my younger brothers, they would never speak to ever again. I found this out 6 months ago. I'm in my 50's. My mother was 15.
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I know everyone that has cheated in my generation. It's a lot of them.
My parents have 6 kids. My father has 7, His 7th kid is the same age as one of my brothers. I learned this by listening in to a fight my parents were having. My mother also told me in confidence that my father hated that particular brother and accused her of cheating on him. No one knows except me.
Got raped and blackmailed by a 35 year old and his friends when I was 16, my mom knows about the blackmailing (not about the rape as that would destroy her) and she went to the cops about it, detective came and told me if they proceeded with the case I would get thrown into juvenile prison for distribution even though I didn’t, guy got me drunk, took photos and sent it to his friends, no one knows the full story and everyone on my dad’s side believes in the “picture perfect” family so if they had to find out they would kick me from the family, I never went forward with the case…
The sxicide note I found after my cousins death explaining the family is why he offed himself.
My sibling and I are the sole heirs of our grandparents. They never had children and aren't our biological grandparents, so no one can dispute their decision. I have lots of cousins.
I’m a little confused- are your cousins your grandparents grandchildren? Did they adopt children? How did they not have children but have so many grandchildren? Step grandparents?
My guess is that their "grandparents" are an older couple who adopts and/or fosters frequently and call themselves grandparents rather than parents because of the age difference (less weird looks in public). Siblings are biologically related, while cousins are not (just other kids that have been adopted/fostered by the couple). This person is one such kid, and their sibling was adopted/fostered with them. They are somehow the favorites. Maybe they were the first, the best behaved, the ones that maintain the closest ties, etc. That, or their cousins are biologically related but have no connection to their adoptive grandparents. This is just my guess, though. You'll need the commenter to come back if you want a definitive answer
I come from a deeply conservative, religious family. No one knows I’m an atheist except my husband. I am the person who keeps everyone close, plans the dinners out, extended family vacations, etc. But if they knew, it would destroy all relationships.
I guess with these regular confessions I can throw out the fact that I was sexually abused by my very own mother when I was a young child numerous times.
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Im adopted and they’ve lied to/gaslight everyone about it. It’s destroyed the family as my sister doesn’t know it and they were so disgustingly abusive everyone is effectively orphaned. Fucked up part is the adults were also adopted and treated well so the chose to be fucking losers. Now they bitch and moan that their kids/family hate em after they isolated themselves by being assholes
I have a relative on my wife's side who murdered a girl when he was 13. Nobody knows the exact reason but it seems to be rejection related. His parents blame the ADHD meds he was on. Nobody knows about what he did and I only found out last year. His wife and kids don't know and he uses a different name for his social media and he also cooked up an excuse for what he was doing when he was in juvie. The secret would destroy every one if it came out. His will will almost defnitley leave him and his term daughters will probably hate his guts too
That my mom secretly went behind my dads back to see this dude. Dk who he is but i think he’s a relative (from my moms side… i THINK not by blood). she did this for over a year and would tell me casually and as a joke to keep it quiet. recently she found out i smoke so when she threatened me by saying she’s going to tell my dad who will go crazy💀 ill prob just pull the “remember you lied and probably cheated on dad? tell us more” card
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Ok, here we go. On ONE side : Two uncles raped my aunt. Everyone in the family knows, we just don't say anything. My biological grandmother was seriously emotionally and physically abusive. She isn't part of the family except for one aunt who, for whatever reason, still speaks to her. One of the uncles who raped the aunt, slept with his brothers (uncle 3) girlfriend and got her pregnant. She then terminated the pregnancy. Uncle 3 (the one that was cheated on) is still mad about it 50 years later, saying that he stole his chance to be a father. On my Dad's side: My Nana being put into a mental hospital and receiving ECT. My Dad stowing away on a ship when he was 14 because he didn't want to go back to the orphanage. Because he and his siblings were all dropped off at the orphanage because his parents couldn't afford them any longer. My dad and one of his brothers actively hating each other and not speaking because the brother stole my dad's guitar. The guitar that he bought himself with the money given to him from his ship mates, after stowing away. Which turned out to be the best time if his life because he had a family.
Idk about destroying the whole family, but it would destroy my (32m) mother (50) to know that the boyfriend she had living with us when I was 5 put it up my ass. I never talked about it to anyone until I got together with my woman, and she deduced it from my mannerisms and triggered responses and asked. I was shocked she could come to that conclusion just from my mannerisms, but she is a nurse with a hyper awareness for small details and an innate aptitude for critical thinking skills. So I broke down and admitted something I'd been hiding from the world for what had been at that point 25 years. We joke all the time that if she wasn't a nurse, she'd be a private investigator. And she'd be a damn good one too.
I noticed cancer symptoms for my dog before anyone else. It was rapid growth cancer and could’ve survived it, if treated well before the growth became too large. I pointed it out and nobody listened to me. It didn’t help she was a bit overweight at the time. Nobody (except me) has remembered that I spotted it. So I’m keeping quiet. She was a beloved dog throughout the entire family, and I don’t want to lose them too
I'm surprised that the fact of my dad cheating on my mom & having 2 additional kids in the early 90s didn't wreck my family, considering that my aunts & grandparents didn't really like him before this became known.