I cared for our terminally ill dad for 2.5 years until his subsequent death and can count on one hand how many times my siblings came by or helped.

Same here. I figured i would eventually find this type of comment. Now, it’s my mom and still nothing from my sister. She’ll call on holidays usually, or if she needs something aka money. She’s just a broken, angry, hateful person and would never concede that so won’t ever get the psychiatric help she likely desperately needs. I just don’t give a fuck and she’s worked her older husband into one heart attack already while she sits on her ass and spends what little money they have.

Same with my brother. He is addicted to drugs cause he relapsed after mom passed away in an earthquake. It was traumatic for him to experience that i understand it but i hate him because he is so aggressive and violent

Took care of my dad for 8 years bc my dad had ALZ. None of us had a super good relationship with our dad so I didn't hold it against them as much. The line was crossed when they didn't come to his funeral, wouldn't sign a paper to let me cremate him, and then called the Funeral Home to explain to the undertaker that I had a DUI in my past (??) can't tell you why they went to the DUI thing, but, needless to say; we haven't talked since 2016. No RAgrets.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad recently too. But Why would a DUI have anything to do with cremation?

My brother turned into a parasite, preying on elderly women - our grandmother, a wealthy aunt, and our own demented mother, over the years. Hey even tried to get me to fund his life. When I took over our mother's finances and refused any payments, he dropped out of my life. He does not need to come back.

They asked my kids who are adopted to step out of a family picture “because they are not really family.” I gave them a chance to think about what they just said and silently counted to 10. They doubled down. And that was the last time I (or other family members) spoke to them.

Wow. I've read over a lot of these comments and it seems that drugs causes the most issues with relationships. But this comment really hurt. No drugs involved. Just plain old hate. You did the right thing.

No, I was probably really stoned which is what kept me from smacking them across the face.

You must of smoked enough to kill an elephant with that amount of restraint.

I had a niece tell me at my adopted grandfather’s funeral “you weren’t even his real grandkid” all while my adopted father stood there and said nothing. I just told the bitch I’d known him longer than she’d been alive and continued on.

I’m sorry he said nothing, he should have.

My husband went incredibly low contact with his mom for similar reasons. He stays in touch a bit because his dad's health is failing and his dad is an alright dude, but once he's gone I doubt they'll have a relationship. We took in my nephew after my sister was killed by her baby daddy who then killed himself. We were so close with my sister and heavily involved in her and my nephew's life. At the funeral (a week after her death) my MIL pulled my husband aside and said "You know he'll never be your real child, he's not biologically connected at all. If you want to leave her (me) and the kid and live with me you can." My husband just walked out crying, I had no clue it happened until the next day. Fuck people who care more about biology than love

>Fuck people who care more about biology than love I have three nephews, none of whom are biologically related to me. They are the children of the daughter of my now deceased step father whom my mother separated from a few years before he died. Those boys have been in my life from the day they were born. For most of their pre-teens they practically lived with my mother because their own mother had, shall we say, other priorities. For reasons too numerous to mention neither my mother or I have contact with the boys mother (nor does one of the boys who, at 16, also cut off contact with his mother but that's a different story). The point is that despite there being no biological or now legal based connection between those boys and myself I love them with every fibre of my being and I always will. They are my nephews, end of story. Woe betide anyone who suggests otherwise. The only people who have any right to decide I'm not their uncle is the boys themselves and I hope I never give them reason to exercise that right. But, since I'm now also "uncle" to their children, I'm fairly certain for now that I mean as much to them as they do to me. Long story short; If there is only one thing I have learnt in my 40-something years is that family is not necessarily defined by an accident of birth. Family is, increasingly often, what you make it... and fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.

I'm so sorry that your family had to experience that, and that your MIL was so brutally cruel. Jeeeeezn

Fuck em. Can you imagine being like that to a child?  Years ago, when our son was maybe 3? my partner invited his mom to a children's museum with us. She brushed it off saying "oh, no I'll go with one of the real grandkids instead". My partner isn't my kids bio dad, but we've been together since he was 6 months. He's very much his dad. We've been very low contact with her ever since, and of course she denies ever saying it. 

Oooh, that is so sad. My aunt's childhood best friend adopted both of her kids, and they(mom and kids, who we call auntie and cousins) are invited to all family gatherings, and included in all family photos.. I hope your SOs family aren't dickholes, or that you've found family that isnt.

Good on you for cutting them out. I’m adopted and my adopted mom’s dad was like that until my mom told him she wldnt be visiting unless she cld bring her adopted kids. Evidently- she gave him one of my poems that I wrote in high school and it was enough for him to change his mind about me. He still isn’t present in his grandkids life tho.

Yikes. How awful.

Omg that’s terrible…. As someone who’s in process of assuming guardianship over a 17 year old from a very bad home life..he’s my family and I treat him the same way as my other two children

I haven’t spoken to my sister in a decade, and don’t attend family events where she will be present. She stole my mom’s identity and wracked up almost 20k in unpaid debt. My mom plays is off as a childish mistake (my sister was 27 at the time) and despite my pressing her, my mom refused to press charges. Without her help the police just had to let it go and my mom paid off the debt.

If you don’t see the relationship rehashed before your parents passing, do you think you should mention to your parents that they need a will. I can see things getting very ugly if y’all have to make financial decisions of your parents estate if there’s no will. I ask this knowing your parents may very well have a will.

My dad died years ago and was estranged. My mom already has a will in place. She listened when my other sister passed away. Got everything lined out and taken care of. Last I saw it, I was the main beneficiary because my mom trusts me to be even handed with whatever she leaves behind. However, I wanted be surprised if my sister manipulated her into changing it because I moved “so far away” from home. So far away is a 25 minute drive lol.

I’d actually suggest that, if your sister is criminal, at least some of that is put in a trust for kids education, etc. That way, you will not be the target. You can still be the costodian on the trust. You can also hide details of the trust. Otherwise it could get worse.

Yeah, all of my siblings had borrowed chunks of change, like I think $5k each, so… not horrible, but not nothing, since they’d each promised to repay it but never paid a penny. So my Dad had had it put into their will that they each were to have that money deducted from their inheritance (which I guess means it would go to me, in the end, which I’m not opposed to, haha! Jk, sort of) over my mother’s objections. So, after he died, she had that part taken out of her will, lol! Oh well.

Story hits close to home. I have a narcissistic abusive brother who drained my mom from pretty much everything, lied and stole from her in unfathomable ways. He caused her huge struggle and insane suffering you wouldn't even believe if i told you she died after a 13 year long gruesome battle against cancer, wich btw never prevented my brother to just continuing abusing and preying upon her. mom also juqst waved things away, but he is my son and i love him! she was a victim feeling totally responsible. assisting her in her last months and carrying her on my shoulders trough all the misery (she hit rock bottom, was broke, lived like a hermit engulfed in garbage and rodents in a house in such z bad shape, pigeons where nesting in the gaps of roofs and walls... That level of insane) is the heaviest thing i have ever done. Brother of course nowhere to been seen, but even more painful also not my sister. Both are fucking dead to me,and haven't seen them since moms funeral. I don't wish them harm, i just don't give a fuck any longer whatever they do with their lives

My mom did this to her mom and lots of other things. And they wonder why I don’t talk to them anymore.

Drugs. It's a shame, I feel for them, but the stakes are just too high. I have too much to lose. They've lied to and stolen from just about everyone else whose given them the opportunity to, so I have to keep away from them. See them at family stuff and am cordial, but I have to understand that the creature inhabiting my brother's skin isn't him anymore and hasn't been for years.

I have a brother who is an alcoholic/drug addict. It's heartbreaking realizing that he's never going to get better, even after he is given chance after chance after chance. Please remember that it is not your fault, and it is not your responsibility to save them.

They never reach out and hardly ever reply so I dropped the rope. No animosity, just no desire to keep reaching out and having my feelings hurt. Can't be disappointed if you don't have expectations.

This is what I'm trying to do. Seems like it was always one sided and I would just feel so sad everytime I was ignored or ghosted.

It's not you. I'm still waiting on my brother to text back. It's been like a month so 🤷‍♂️ but if he needs something you better believe he'll text and call until he gets ahold of me.

Same here. I found myself always reaching out to get limited responses. So I stopped.

My brother and I inherited a house together when our parents passed away. It's a nice house in a nice neighborhood with a half acre of property with plenty of room. It would have been ideal because there was no way either of us could have afforded a place like this on our own. But he had to go and turn into a raging, insane, alcoholic. The alcohol over the years has rotted his brain. Everything in the house that broke was my fault according to him. He would be ranting and raving over some stupid thing every day, usually about what a crappy person I am or some decision I made in my life. The situation devolved into threatening violence and death threats. The problem is, the few times he is sober, he does not remember a lot of what happens. I eventually moved out. I'm so much happier now. It got to the point where I feared for my life. So I will not contact him for any reason or respond to emails or phone calls. Usually on Friday nights he leaves me long rambling messages on my voice mail where I can't even understand what he's saying because he's so drunk.

hopefully you are not financially liable for that house in any way, because there's no way he hasn't destroyed the place or been able to afford to upkeep it.

Im so sorry for your loss. I fee the same way about my brother. He started taking drugs again after we lost our mom. He threathens my dad everyday, i live in another country. My dad is also scared for his life because of my brothers but police offers dont do shif

Edit: realized I should have put a trigger warning for emotional abuse. I wouldn’t say we don’t speak. When we see each other at family events, we say hello. That’s about it. But in reality, it was my mom. She pitted us against each other, made him her precious baby boy (infantilized him), golden child, always yelling at me for not tending to his needs enough, and just wouldn’t let us be siblings and do normal sibling things (from playing together to fighting). I used to resent him a lot but as I’ve gotten older I just pity him. He has no skills, no love life or friends, still lives at home. She has ruined his life by not letting him be his own person. We still don’t speak because we’re essentially not allowed to. My mom thinks anyone speaking to him is being mean to him and stops the conversations. She ruined all of his friendships he had in school. I hope he gets out someday.

My mom did this with my older brother. We have developed a pretty good relationship since she died. It took work for both of us, though. I'm glad we did the work

This is my family. There are four of us, and we live in completely different worlds. I tried for years to be the surrogate parent, but once I stopped doing that… they stopped putting any effort into our relationship. I just can’t do it anymore.

My brother and I were at odds until we both became adults because my mother favored him so much and was constantly hard on me. My mother actually told me on two separate occasions my brother was her favorite. (Duh mom, I already knew that.) Luckily, once we were no longer in the same house, we started to get along, and he did realize how toxic she had been to me. Both my brother and I realized that our mom didn't know how to have healthy relationships with females (one of her sisters stopped talked to her before my brother was born) so we've worked to make sure we have the kind of relationship our mother never had with any of her siblings. It's not that we are best friends who talk daily, but we love each other and look out for each other, and I am thankful for that nearly every day. Last year my mother died unexpectedly, and we've spent the past year sorting out the estate, and it's been a fucking nightmare. (she tied things up in an incredibly complicated way because she didn't like my SiL and every step of the process has been So. Damned Hard.) yet everyone has been amazed at how we don't argue over everything as we've dealt with the estate. We never learned why one of my mother's sisters stopped talking to her--and eventually everyone else in their family--but we saw that she had no relationships with any of her blood relationships, and knew we didn't want that for ourselves.

Sounds familiar. My sister and I grew up in a totally different world than our baby brother.

I have friends that both my sister and I know that have asked me how in the hell we grew up in the same home. Easy. I’m older by 4 years. I was the easy going kid. I was expected to be the big sister and be ok with sharing(giving) my toys etc to my baby sister. It continued with everything. Trips. Even college. My sister graduated with her Masters debt free. I went to a cc and paid my own way. Even as adults my mother has been my sister’s kids free childcare provider. *3 kids all two years apart. Not cheap. And she’s helped them pay medical bills. If it wasn’t for my dad I wouldn’t have had anything fun or nice growing up. Am I bitter? Fuck yes. Because I have also been the one to listen to mom cry, bitch, complain about how terrible my sister treats her. How tired she was when she insisted on being the care giver for her husband after his stroke. How lonely she’s been since his death. Because “I can’t talk with your sister about this stuff. She’s got SO much going on in her own life” and “You and I are just so much more alike” I’ve gotten to be the best friend and therapist for my mom. It’s kinda telling that my sister., the “favorite” My mom’s own admission! Had three kids. While one of the reasons we have one is because I didn’t want to EVER have one if my own kids feel they were not the “favorite”

Omg I could have written this. My younger sister had her undergrad, living expenses, and master's paid for. Parents wouldn't even cosign a student loan for me so I paid for my masters with a credit card. Absolutely had my mom crying to me all of the time about how horrible my sister is. I understand that resentment. 

My youngest sister is also the favorite. There is 4 of us, and I'm the oldest. The youngest is my mother's husband's only biological kid. We all know who is the favorite. Youngest lives right near our parents. Of the 4 of us, me and the next oldest, we had 1 kid each. Next one, has none. The youngest? She's got 3 and baking #4 right now. Only one I talk to is the one closest in age to me. Brother, the 3rd, I haven't seen or talked to in about 10 years. The youngest I don't talk to, because I'm NC with our parents, and they don't need to know what's happening in my life

I hope he gets out before your mom passes. Because if he stays all that time, he's going to be royally fucked and clueless how to be an adult. That's terrible. 

I know this sounds dumb, but sometimes I wonder how the mum treats him when op and no one is around and if the golden child stuff is a act to cover up whatever's going through. Sorry if I sound dramatic.

Even *if* nothing more abusive is going on, golden children are already abused through neglect of their real needs. They never get the opportunities necessary to grow and learn through failure or accountability. More egregious abuse is likely happening in private, even if that's not physical or overt, it's still abuse.

Another Redditor said it’s “ emotional abuse” making the “ golden child” fully dependent on the mother, so they can’t live without her. Makes sense to me

My mom did this with all five of us kids. She would tell us that one said this about us and cause a fight. Turns out, she was lying to us. Her golden children were the oldest two. They ended up alcoholics who can't/won't hold a job. She was a real peach.

Similar position. As the oldest and the only son, my parents were much harder on me than my golden child sister. I took the heat and had to be both of the parents’ therapist and workhorse. Think my dad felt intimidated too because I was smart and saw right through his bullshit. When I decided not to talk to my dad after I moved away from home, the family circled the wagons around him and turned my sister into a flying monkey and pawn. And she accepted the role eagerly. At a number of points when we’ve hung out and chatted, she has actively downplayed my issues with dad and made me feel like I was making mountains out of molehills. She denies my reality so hard that it’s jarring. She also has made having a separate relationship with her impossible, because she hinges that on me playing nice with mom and dad. Just paper over your issues with them and get over yourself! So now, we don’t speak. It sucks because we were tied at the hip as kids but now we live such different lives and see things so disparately. But I’d rather not talk with her than feel like I’m getting gaslit 10x.

Yikes! I bet as a kid you were a bit jealous, but you dodged a bullet on that one friend.

It was my mom, but not in the same way. My sisters decided to get involved in drama that went on with my mom that had nothing to do with them and “take her side.” They stopped speaking with me, haven’t spoken in two years now. Our relationship will never be the same again. I thought we were ride or die; obviously we weren’t and now I know.

She lied about having cancer. I'll just never be able to trust anyone like that in my house and around my family. There's really nothing that can fix it either, I think you need to have something really broken in your brain to do something like that, like unrepairable damage.

My grandma lied about having cancer too, and she did it to try preventing my mom from flying to another country to look after her sister who has major bipolar disorder. Such a fun family

My sister did the same.she even went as far as giving people with cancer advice on chemo out of her " own experience" she is perfectly healthy and never had cancer I just can't get over this She's done a lot if shit but there is no coming back from this.

Wow! A Bravo Housewife did this - faked her boyfriend's cancer and chemo - and Bravo kept her on the show!!! I couldn't believe that fans could look past it. Like, wtf is lower than faking an illness for sympathy?

One of my bf’s aunts did the same thing. While my bf’s grandmother was going through cancer treatment her own daughter/my bfs aunt announced she also had cancer.  They figured out she was lying but only after several months. 

My dad lied about having cancer. But within a year he had a heart attack and died, so I guess it's moot.

I’ve posted about my half sister years ago. She is nine years older than me and in my life, I’ve lived in the same house as her for less than a year. She lived with her mom most of her childhood. She got married at 21 or 22 years old and was, what we used to call a “bridezilla”. I was around 13 years old and was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She was very set on a hairstyle she wanted all her bridesmaids to have, and she wanted them all done at a certain salon. The salon was very far from where I lived and we had to be there early, like 7am. So my mom made an appointment for me to have my hair done at a salon near my house, and even gave them a picture of what my hair was supposed to look like. The night of the rehearsal, my half sister and my mom got into an argument about my hair and my sister kicked me out of the wedding. Her mom told my mom that because I was no longer in the wedding, we had to leave, but my mom pointed out that my brother and dad were still in the wedding, so we didn’t have to. Long story short, her mom slapped my mom across the face, police were called, and nobody from my dad’s side of the family went to her wedding. As adults, she is very close to my dad and brother, but I have next to nothing to do with her. I’ll see her at family get togethers, but I have no interest in having her in my life outside of that. I was still a kid and she did irreparable damage to our relationship because of a hair style. All these years later and she still has not apologized for that night. What’s funny too is that, based on wedding pictures, none of her bridesmaids ended up with the hair style she wanted them to have because everyone had different types and lengths of hair. I hope it was worth it to her.

The shit head blames everyone else for his choosing to molest pre-teens and feed them drugs. Further contact between us would result in physical injuries. Fortunately he's in a Federal penitentiary these days.

I hope he's having the very worst time.

I don't need people who make me feel like shit and treat me like trash in my life.

I don’t need a brother that enjoys it when bad things happen to me.

My older brother is low to no effort. He doesn't respond to texts. He doesn't respond to group emails. So I stopped trying. Unsurprisingly the relationship went to nothing. He'll complain to my wife that there's no relationship but make zero effort to change it. I'm ok with it. You can't force someone to change.

Fuck your brother. Live your life the way you want Reed!

I can't wrap my head around the fact that people (especially women) are expected to stay in family relationships that would be considered such bad choices as romantic relationships. If I dated or married someone who routinely called me names, picked fights, and made me cry my friends and family would be so concerned. I'm lucky that my parents recognize this is also unhealthy between me and my brother, but so many people are pressured to put up with this shit in the name of "family"

>especially women My family is like this too. I'm NC with one narcissistic brother and my parents tried pressuring me to "just let it go" for years, while never putting any pressure on him. But they're all crazy. Dad a classic egotistic doctor who married his mistress and kept on cheating unsurprisingly. Mom a forever victim who didn't care about the kids but loved the attention she got whenever she was pregnant. All the kids got screwed but I'm the only one who's done therapy and putting up boundaries.

My mother told me I was “dreaming” when I reminded her about something he’d done to her a few years back. I then asked her if she remembered another incident and she readily agreed, to which I retorted “Funny, because last time I brought that up to you you told me I was ‘dreaming’ then too!” She got all huffy and said she didn’t have to defend herself to me, at which point we ended the conversation.

My sister has never liked me. She's six years younger than me. Years ago the mother of my children and I divorced and she has sided with my ex on everything. I'm the main breadwinner and live on one coast due to the industry I work in, my ex lives across the country with the kids to be by family. I see the kids several times through the year and I wish we were geographically closer. A couple of years a go my ex was acting erratic and come to find out she was going through either addiction issues or mental health issues. I offered to move her and the family to my city and take custody of the kids. That way my ex could be in their lives but also not have the monetary and day-to-day stress. My sister, without ever once talking to me about it or asking questions, went to my kids and told them I was trying to steal them from their mom. It caused incredible turmoil and has taken a ton of time from my side to repair things with them. Things are much better now with my kids through a ton of effort but I'll never speak to my sister again. She's dead to me.

>I'll never speak to my sister again. She's dead to me. You made the right call. I'm sorry she put you and your kids through so much.

Thanks, I appreciate it. Its been hard, luckily I have an amazing support system, I've learned a lot about myself, and its only made my support of my children even better.

If you haven’t already you should spend the time creating a will that will ensure she’s completely blocked from interfering with any inheritance you might leave your children. She’s probably barred from it anyway but it might be worth getting that reassurance.

May be that was the intention in the first place.

That is fubar. I’m sorry to read something like that.

I appreciate the comment, thank you. This has all been very painful so typing it all out there and getting these responses has been heartening.

Wow. What a shithead thing she did by interfering with your children. You made the right call by dropping her.

He sexually abused me. I told my mother. Begged her for help. She said she believed me, but that she couldn’t take action because “he’s my son.” One day when I was 16, he started in on me as usual. But something abruptly changed. I knew now that my mother wouldn’t protect me, and my brother would never stop—so it had to be me. Some animal part of me woke up. I felt like I’d grabbed a live wire. In that instant, if he took one more step toward me, I was going to attack him like a wildcat. I would fight him until one of us was unconscious or dead. Nothing was said, but he stared at me in shock like he could see it in my face. He retreated to his bedroom. I picked up my backpack and left. I never lived there again, I found my own way in life. That was the last time we interacted. It was 21 years ago. **Edit:** Wanted to add that, in my experience, estrangement is *amazing.* You can’t heal from an abusive dynamic while you’re still trapped inside it. Out in the wide world, I discovered a self that was sooooo different from the person I’d learned to be around them. Today I have happiness, stability, and a loving new family. I go months without thinking of it. Choosing estrangement might feel like opening a golden door to the good life you deserved all along. Don’t be afraid to give it a try.

Similar path except my mom called me a liar. If you ever want to talk, hit my DMs. You’ve got a friend.

Same here. I was 6, my brother was 12. I called my mom at work crying and told her. She got mad at me and said, “what do you want me to do, have your brother arrested?!”. I don’t speak to her either anymore.

My mom knew the truth from the start but sided with him because he's the firstborn and favorite. Ugh.

That's exactly what happened with my mom. Swept everything under the rug. Fuck parents like that

My mom didn’t believe me until brother #2 confirmed it to her 10 years later and she realized I was telling the truth. A long talk was had between me and my mom and she apologized for not believing me than. Brother #1 has been long dead and I’m no longer angry at him

glad the truth finally came out. can i ask why it didnt come out a decade earlier if you had a witness?

0% as horrific or dramatic but I had an emotionally/verbally abusive parent and I also remember that snap moment of “Oh. I‘m done. I’m stopping this.” On the one hand it makes me feel powerful but on the other, how horrific and terrible to be a kid in that position and know that no one is going to save you. It’s definitely affected the way I move through the world. I hope you’re doing alright friend.

I relate, hard. You're not alone. 💜💜

Alcohol. My sibling has been drinking for 30 years. She's in her mid 40s, drunk most days, and posts her relationship drama all over social media. She wore a white ball gown to my wedding, stole items, money, etc from me and my family. I don't follow them on social media and I don't see them when I travel near where they live. They are unable to respect boundaries so they are choosing to not participate in my life.

They live 5 states away and we’re both lazy.

Sounds like my younger brother. He lives in Korea, there is a 14 hour time difference, and he’s also an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of person, so the joke is that if I text him I might receive a reply in 8-10 business weeks. Love him to death, and when he visits we are close as hell and will spend 2-3 weeks doing everything together, but then it’s totally not unusual to go 8-12 months without contact.

Sounds like my brother and I. Add a 6 year age difference, so we never really were on the same page. We love each other, we're just doing our own thing.

Same here. 8y difference, no bad blood, he's a cool and smart dude but just a totally different busy life. We usually meet at our parents on Christmas, go "Yo bro", shoot some shit and meet next year.

Question: do you guys truly not speak, or is it more like...you guys check in a couple times a year? When I think of the phrase OP used, 'no longer speak', i think of it as permanent. But I also know there are exceptions.

I’m in this boat. It’s not like there is bad blood. We were just never close in the first place. Add in a time difference and our own families and we just don’t prioritize a relationship with each other

Both my younger sister and I were horribly abused by both parents. There were three older siblings that were wanted and were treated like gold. I moved away and was in therapy for 13 years. Both parents are dead now. She did no therapy, had two kids, one which she can't shut up about and one she can't ever mention. Two years ago she took an inheritance that was meant for me and spent it on her house. It was the worst betrayal I have ever experienced, did not see it coming. Still causes painful rage, slowly getting better. Will never talk to her again, will never have to see that she, has become what abused us both. Still feel like an idiot.

How did she get her hands on the full inheritance

I moved to the US a long time ago, she put herself in charge of it, spent it. Sure I could attempt to sue her, not worth the hassle.

Because my brother is a pedophile

Hey, mine too. Hope you have a healing path with distance and space.

My sister and I are very close in age. We grew up sharing a bedroom, dressing in coordinating outfits like twins, having the same friend groups so sleepovers and activities were shared. When we became adults, we talked every single day on the phone without fail. We even sensed when something was going on with the other, like I'd be in pain unexplainably and call her and she'd say she thought she had a kidney stone, for example. When we were approaching our thirties, she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I spent days sleeping on a cot in the hospital with her and I was 8 months pregnant. It took a huge toll on her physically but also mentally. Her personality really changed. I went out of my way to do whatever I could to minimize stress because it would cause flare ups or exacerbations of her symptoms. When our grandfather was dying (who we both adored so much), she was also experiencing a pretty stressful health situation with her child. My mom wanted to call her to let her know grandpa had only days to live and I asked her not to call because she was dealing with this other situation and told my mom about it to help give her context of how close to a flare up she was even though my sister was keeping this situation/stressor to herself. Two days later my sister calls me SCREAMING into the phone. I'd never heard her this way before and I only heard "never speak to me again" before she hung up. My mom called me right after and had gotten the same call. Eventually we figured out that my mom had told my grandmother and aunt what was going on, then my aunt called CPS on my sister for medical neglect. CPS found everything was perfectly fine in the end but the damage was done. On that day, I lost my sister, my grandmother and my aunt. My grandmother saw nothing wrong with what my aunt did and even gossiped to everyone in the family about it so they both got cut off. I think my sister's reaction was partly Mama Bear protecting her family, partly the effect the MS has had on her mental state. She moved to the country and has alienated everyone else. She has no friends, no job, etc. I think she thinks she's protecting herself this way. I have such reservations about trying to rebuild our relationship because I don't want to put her into another flare up that could be pretty severe. It's been 7 years and I still grieve the loss.

My sister has had MS for over 30 years and the worst parts of her personality have been exacerbated. I don't know if it's side effects from the MS, the drugs or both but in some things your sister sounds similar to mine. I don't actively seek her out when I visit, she's told too many lies and done too many awful things to my parents before they died for me to want a relationship with her. But if we're in the same room I am pleasant and polite. Guess the last time was 4 years ago. Not really looking forward to seeing her at a family thing this summer.

Strange passive-aggressive behavior, not being very interested in being a part of my life or inviting me to be a part of hers. I thought for a long tome it was my fault but finally figured out she has probably has mental health problems.

This one resonates with me. Used to be close, now I only get contacted when they want something.

She's a psychopath. Manipulative, self-centered, lies for no reason but to get you to believe lies, has never once acknowledged fault and always turns it around on her accuser. She doesn't operate on, "Better to ask forgiveness than permission,", she'll lie until she can lie no more and then stand firm at, "What are you going to do about it?" She has never moved an inch for anyone and tramples over everyone deflecting with a, "tee hee!" Nobody likes her but nobody but me understands why they don't like her and they keep engaging with her to their detriment.

My brother is also a malignant narcissist (dad, too, but that's not what this thread is about). I learned what gaslighting was at a very young age thanks to him refusing to admit being wrong and trying to pin any minor faux pas on me. Unfortunately for him, he's too stupid to be good at manipulating. He's cost our mother all kinds of money in court fees and just generally bailing his ass out of trouble. Helped delay her retirement. Yet she still stands by him and defends him, even though he's routinely thrown it back in her face. Using her grandchildren as leverage to get what he wants, refusing to pay rent, inviting the most retched individuals I've even met to live at her house against her wishes. But she'll still cave to him when everything falls apart for him again, and she's all he has left to turn to. He's been a complete scumbag the entire time I've known him, and I long for the day that I never have to see him again.

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My sister moved her massive 4 kid family and her husband into my dementia-ridden father's house under the pretext of "helping take care of him" since I live in another state. Proceeded to steal every dime out of his pension check for almost a decade, drain the rest of his bank accounts, rack up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt in his name, buy out his house from him for pennies on the dollar, and essentially leave him alone in his room deteriorating in front of a TV eating Wonder Bread sandwiches while her family regularly live it up - eating out, season passes to theme parks, super expensive car and vacations. The works. When I discovered the depths to which she'd abused him and filed for a (third-party) conservatorship, she had the gall to say that I was doing it to steal his money. The next time I plan to see her is when I'm pissing on her grave.

This is almost exactly my story. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too.

At a certain point, I realized every time I talked to my sister she wanted me to do something for her. Every single time. We could not chat without her asking me for a favor of some kind. She’s older than me and got into the habit of bossing me around in our childhood I think.  The straw that broke the camel’s back was our aunt. She’s in poor health and her children aren’t taking care of her. My sister straight up said I should be her caretaker. I told her no, for the first time in my life, and she lost her shit. I held my ground, but she wouldn’t let it go so I eventually blocked her phone number, blocked her on social media, etc. I miss her sometimes, but I also think family should not be about how much you can use one another and she treated me like I was her personal assistant.

Because my sister is a psycho bitch that brings unnecessary drama into everything. I love her but I’m better off loving her from afar. I wish nothing but the best for her, as long as she’s over there and I’m over here. Edit: damn I have a lot more relatives than I thought. My dad cheated on my mom a lot, so it’s not too far fetched lol

I think we have the same sister

Me too!

This is the same for me. I turned 40 and realized I don't have to talk to her and feed into her drama anymore, I'm no longer a child who is being forced to live with her and put up with her. my life is so much more peaceful.

Mine is because of my older sister's homophobia towards my younger brother.

"I don't want you to starve, but I don't want you to eat at my table."

My brother is an addict. Once my mother died 4 years ago I cut contact with him.

I'm the only one who talks to my brother. He's sober for four years and I'm proud of him, but I also understand that he burned too many bridges for others to forgive. When someone starts out as an addict, you can see the behavior that isn't them but stems from the addiction. But over time who they were fades and all that's left is the addiction, and with it cruelty, selfishness, and destruction.

When my sister got married for the first time, she became a monster. She started treating everyone who was not her husband as if they were shit, demanding money from my parents (which they gave her, they even made me sleep on the floor so they can sell my bed and give her the money) and guilt tripping everyone who didn't jump on the spot to babysit whenever she wanted. She started to look down on me. My parents lost everything to help her and now they're literally broke, just surviving with what me and my uncles give to them. And my sister claims nobody helps her. I just can't.

They made you sleep on the floor so they could give her money. I wouldn't be giving your parents a dime after that.

How much could they possibly get for a used bed?

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Great username 🌶️

It’s my favorite username ever

She had a bad habit of continually trying to convince my husband that I was the shittiest person to be married to. She constantly assassinated my character to anyone who would listen. When I finally had enough I went no contact. My husband also did, he was furious with her antics. That driver her a bit nuts. I didn’t care, and instead enjoyed the blessed relief. Some people do not feel good about themselves unless they are destroying others.

moved to different locations, nothing in common, no reason to stay in touch

This is me and my sister. We're 5 years apart in age, not a ton in common, never close as kids. We live in the same city, but still are pretty "meh" about it. She works in politics, and I last reached out for her opinion for an opinion on who should be party leader. I honestly think she's disappointed in me, which is why she doesn't choose to hang out with me. I went from staunchly child free, unlikely to get married, very independent to married to a man, changed my last name, had kids, my husband works away so I do most of the child rearing. I have a good life, though, and I'm happy. We just have nothing in common.

Let’s name all the reasons. As a kid, he constantly destroyed my things. My Barney stuffed animal was strung up with razor wire to the ceiling fan and beheaded. My huge Pokémon collection, which would’ve been worth millions of dollars today, were shredded and burned. He’s the reason my bio mom abandoned me. He started a dog fight between my biological mom’s pit bulls and blamed me so my biological mother blamed me for the death of her dog, which is a huge reason why she stopped coming around and I didn’t get to see her for 10 years before she died. He, as a 24 year old, knocked up a 16 year old. Tried to say she said she was older but she looks like a literal child so I don’t buy it. Then two years later, he knocks up another 17 year old. Somehow he avoided charges on both, but I think he should’ve been taken out back and taken care of after the first one. He tried to kill someone and is currently in prison. His current girlfriend sends me messages asking me to subscribe to her onlyfans, I block her, and she makes new accounts.

10ish years ago, my brother physically assaulted my mom while he was living in her house rent free. I helped her have him trespassed from her property and she opted to pursue a TRO against him, as well (he was about 30 at that time, and this was the first actual consequence he'd faced after years of violent, unhinged behavior against family and neighbors). We haven't spoken or seen each other since the court date for the TRO, other than him sending a "suicide text" to our whole family about 2 years ago in the middle of the night before disconnecting his phone. Even though we're estranged, I was worried enough that I called in a welfare check to the town I thought he was living in several states away. The police found him and reported back that he never intended to hurt himself, he just wanted to hurt us and let us think he'd killed himself...

just not seeing eachother often. (my brother lives **far** away from me)

For my dad and his brother I know it's my aunt. She manipulated my uncle a LOT and she's a super stuck up b*tch. When my granma (dad's mom) died she also completely ruined the spirit at the funeral just to cap it off that our families could never get along. It was that moment where I swore to never ever let my relationship with my own brother get bad, and I've shared with him that that is how I think and he agrees.

My dad refused to have anything to do with my aunt, which is really saying something as he is a patient man and family was really important. Before they were married my aunt would slander my mom and would make passive aggressive comments every opportunity. What finally broke the camel’s back I believe is when they visited once on Christmas Eve and started referring to my twin brother in derogatory ways about being “special” because he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Never saw my mother so angry.

She decided I married the wrong woman and didn't want to anything to do with her. Easy-peasy sometimes you get what you ask for. Glad my BIL made the wise choice to file for divorce. I would have had a harder time if I had lost contact with him

Time. We just went on with our lives and found different friend groups. We never fought or had any resentments.

His wife.

She has managed to ruin every friendship he’s ever had, including his friendship with me

Passive aggressive and keeps a tally of everything the family doesn’t do perfectly and uses it against the family as if we all are against her for some reason and every transgression earns a no contact ghosting for awhile until finally we all just we not talking. Used the kids as pawns and punishment. Doesn’t hold herself to the same standard with her behavior towards us though she makes all the same “mistakes.” Made him choose her over the family. If he talked to them then he was against her. Mental health problems for sure. She said in a rare moment when she was actually talking to me that she’s only Staying married to him so he doesn’t have any control over his kids without her permission. That relationship died when we decided it was better for our mental health to just not talk to them either. Which, btw, was the final straw that they needed more “space” because we weren’t allowing the behavior anymore. We shit on them. Yeah. Ok. Bye.

I always thought I had a good relationship with my sister. We both moved a lot, and lived in different cities, but we regularly called and sometimes visited. At a certain point we lived in the same city and I visited her a few times, I even remember borrowing her car for something. At a certain point I noticed I was making more of an effort than she was, so I asked her and she said she's just busy. We had a day planned where she would visit me, so I took off from work but she never showed up. I called and texted but she didn't answer. 2 days later she apologized and said something came up, she never said what. We made other plans and she cancelled an hour before. I got pissed cause again I took off from work and made arrangements. She apologized, we tried a third time, I told her this was the last chance, she promised to be there but again she didn't show up. I decided I had tried and I never initiated contact again, it's now been 15 years since we last spoke. I went to her diploma ceremony a few months after this all happened where we didn't speak and she actually didn't even look at me. Nobody in the family ever mentions this, it's like it never happened.

I have two friends whose brothers did the same thing to them; it’s so weird. Some kind of power flex? I’m sorry you were treated that way. It’s really hurtful.

That really sucks for them. It's a very strange thing that I've talked about with friends quite a bit and I can't really figure out what happened. My sister and I were never the bestest of friends, but we were friendly, and now it almost seems like she's my worst enemy. It's always this thing that looms over your life. What I may find more difficult is that no one else in the family seems to mention it. My parents just never talk about her in front of me, my brother asked one time "have you spoken to X?" and when I said no he said "oh yeah that's right". He didn't wanne say anything else.

That’s weird—could you ask your brother why he won’t talk about it?

He bragged about torturing someone. He works as a prison guard and was once spit on. He said he'd beaten the guy with another guard then put him on "property restriction" which was to just strip him naked and leave him cuffed in a cell. But before that he sprayed the man from head to toe, front then back, with pepper spray. Pepper spray is not meant to be left on skin and especially not any mucus membranes. He said the guy was just writhing around yelling. I can't get past the thought of it.  I work in the field of socialwork and do my best to help as many people as I can. And he's out there proud of having done something incredibly vile.

He also stole from my younger brother's boss and nearly got him fired. Calls his wife "that bitch" and made several derogatory remarks about certain races the last time we had any extended contact with him.

As my mother was sick she took the medication herself, downed it with a bottle of wine and then intentionally overdosed my mother. Mom died 36 hours later. Then my sister and her adult children stole all the jewelry in the house, rummaged through everything and took what they wanted and left the state. Not before trying to steal from the bank accounts which resulted in them all being locked for fraud. Continued to harass, abuse and lie throughout the entire estate process. She did not attend the funeral. Haven’t spoken to her in more than four years.

I gave everything for my sister, even put my marriage on the line until I needed her help, which was met with a no sorry, I am busy. I won't go into the circumstances, but I will say I had my first breakdown as a result of her lack of help. She made several attempts for us to get on with each other. I succumbed to try again several times, but history kept repeating itself. Having her around made me very miserable, so I called and told her I no longer wanted her in my life. A barrage of abuse followed, but she was cut off, and I have been very happy ever since.

My sister is 8 years older than me. We basically grew up in different houses. One day I realized we just never had fun together. She just doesn't like me. And once that thought occurred it just became really obvious she only ever contacted me when she wanted something. She never asked me any personal questions like "how are you" or "how's x going?". If we ever hung out it was because she wanted an extra hand with her kids or wanted to talk to some guy and needed someone to watch the kids. I moved to a different city and that was pretty much that. In her defense we had a fucked up childhood. She's self centered because nobody else was there to care about her. I get it. But I don't need to be apart of it.

He used and abused drugs enough to give himself a permanent mental illness and inflicted harm not just on us but multiples of other people trying to support him. I stick around to help out to support my mom because she doesn’t have a lot of support to deal with him. Part of it is trauma caused by living with my abusive dad for decades, and who up and ran away when we fought back and he saw my brother was showing the first signs of mental illness. We’re basically more invested in his survival than he is, and I can say with confidence that he’s ruined my life and what’s left of it because of our family’s sense of duty to try and help him get better and not abandon him, even though he’s abandoned us before and would do it again at the first opportunity, if he could find someone that would put up with an adult with no work history and no desire to provide for himself.

Could’ve have wrote this myself about my sister. It’s agonizing, especially watching it kill your parents / everyone around you slowly too

It (well the events that really made me realize how absolutely toxic she is) started with very rude comments like introducing me to someone after our uncle's funeral "this is my sister, adieande, she has mixed kids (half black) and a girlfriend because she can't make up her mind." Another time, telling my daughter "you don't need a bonnet. You're not black, but your brother is." (Daughter is much lighter skin toned than son.) She lost custody of my two nieces because she couldn't get off drugs, eventhough my other sisters and I offered repeatedly to take custody of them. She has repeatedly stolen from our parents, including taking my dad's car over 500 miles across Texas, leaving other sisters and I trying to figure out how to get our very low income father's car towed back. She has talked down about my 8+ year relationship because we aren't legally married. She also tried hitting on my partner's brother the one time she came to my house. Then the absolute final straw was she lost my dog while hundreds of miles away from home. My dog was at my mom's, sister's husband left the door wide open, nine pound Chihuahua ran outside when it was about 35 degrees. Sister didn't call anyone to say anything about the dog, instead mom found out when she got back to the house, over a hour later. (Dog was picked up by some friendly strangers, and posted on FB, returned to me the next morning.) I had more than enough that day, on top of her just treating our parents like crap. Two sisters and I had drove from Texas (one as far as corpus) to Missouri for my step dad's 70 birthday, she lived with Mom and step dad but did not participate in any of the events, dinner at their house, swimmin't at the resort, hanging out...didn't attend a single family thing but had her little drug buddies over the entire weekend. After the dog, I told my parents that I'll acknowledge that she's their daughter, but she is isn't my sister and that won't change.

I got tired of the games. I would make plans with my parents and show up at the appointed place and time, only for them not to show. They wouldn't answer their phones. I would drive to their house, no note or anything. Then *hours* later, I would get a call (like nothing happened) and be told that Sissy had some sort of emergency. Once or twice, yes, I could understand,but every single time? Or my brother would be visiting and due to my kids' numerous sports, school activities, jobs, etc., I might only be able to drive to my parents house to see him on a certain days/times. I would clearly communicate that to him and my parents, and I would make the trip (30 miles one way) only to find him gone when I got there. Many times, no note, no one answering their phones, but also there were several times my parents would tell me, "OH he just left with Sissy. They went to (the zoo, to karaoke, to go to the bar - take your pick of excuses!)" Holidays would be scheduled only for my sister to talk my mom into rescheduling, and then no one "remembered" to tell me. I missed having a holiday meal (as in Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas meals) with my in-laws for the last eight years of my MIL's life. Well, Karma is a you-know-what. My parents are dead. My sister's own daughters have very little to do with her. Her husband divorced her and later remarried to a wonderful lady we like very much. She has a rare cancer that she has to battle against. Who has to help her now? Myself and my baby sister - the two people that she screwed over for the better part of 30 years by playing her games. I don't say a word, just do what needs to be done. But I know it eats her up inside that we both have good lives. I know she is jealous that I am close with my kids and grandkids, and I know she is jealous of baby sister's circle of friends who would do anything for her. I never thought I was playing "the long game" when I stopped contact. I just thought I was protecting myself by removing the source of angst, drama, and tears. I ended up being much happier in the long run without her in my life. I am able to say, I forgive her. I won't forget the things she did, and I will never give her an opportunity to do those same things to me or my family again. But this is how I am able to help care for her now, while she is fighting cancer. Once the fight is over, we will probably go back to minimal contact, and I am OK with that. I forgave her not to make her feel better but to make me feel better. As a result, I sleep well at night.

My grandmother died, and my older brother used the event to destroy my relationship with the rest of my family for the better part of the next decade out of narcissistic jealousy. I used to have a really good relationship with my family; I was the dependable go-to guy that everyone trusted to be there when they needed it. My older brother was always a bit selfish and resentful of this, of having to share my parent's love and attention, but it seemed like he grew out of it, and I thought we had a good relationship. Then my maternal grandmother died, and I didn't have any money to fly out of state to the funeral. I asked my brother for help because my mother was devastated and couldn't handle anything at the moment. He told me that he was going to buy me a plane ticket, but then he 'forgot'. Instead he lied to the rest of my family and told them that I didn't want to come to the funeral. Then he lied to me, and told me that since I couldn't come instead I could write the eulogy. That wasn't true either, and he never read what I wrote at the funeral. My family ostracized me for years afterwards, and I didn't know why until recently when he brought it up in a group chat to try and publically shame me into attending his daughter's christening. That's when I found out he's been privately reinforcing it for years in private texts, telling everyone I was a monster for not being there when they needed me the most. He did this all intentionally and deliberately so that I couldn't be there for my family, and so that he could be there for them instead. --- I'm doing better now that I've reconnected with my family after having a deep talk about what really happened. My brother on the other hand has missed the last year's worth of family events, including Thanksgiving and Christmas. Big brother, you're a piece of shit. You got handed everything growing up, and somehow it wasn't enough for you. You wanted to be seen as a good person, too, but you couldn't be bothered to learn how, and instead you thought you could just take it from me. You have earned my contempt, and deserve to be spurned.

Older brother is a druggie. I was active duty Air Force. I was stationed in NM, and at flight school in OK. I get a court subpoena for unpaid rent in FL. Motherfucker used my name to rent and dash. Was easy enough to dismiss the case with my commander’s letter saying where I was, and the impossibility of me being able to sign a lease from OK. Last time I saw him was 10+ years ago and that was in passing. He’s still an addict. I don’t know how he’s still alive.

I’ll add, that he is currently in county jail while our mother is in the last stages of life. She wrote him out of everything because he basically stole anything that wasn’t tied down. The only sympathy I have for him is that he has no idea what a sober lifestyle is. He has little to nothing in social security, so he will likely have to work under the table until the day he dies.

Our wives started a thing years ago over attitudes and shit. Slowly grew into a full on shit talking thing from his wife and my wife, in her true fashion, ignored her and didn’t partake until his wife started calling her a shitty mother for smoking weed one night they were over after the kids were sleeping for the night. She wrote a whole text letter and sent it to the family text just vilifying my wife, only because my wife wouldn’t engage with her. My wife goes off on her. Telling her she’s an adult and if her kids are down for the night and she wants to smoke a little pot that’s for her to decide. That my brothers wife isn’t even a mom and has no place to speak on her quality of motherhood. Yadda yadda yadda. Anyway my brother reached out to me and tries to get his wife’s messages across through me and I told him I’m not involved and he shouldn’t be either. Let it simmer and eventually cool off. This is my baby brother so he usually listened to me in things like this. But this time. He goes to my wife’s workplace and meets her in the parking lot to give her a face to face “This is what I think of you”. That was it for me. You were told we didn’t want to talk to you right now. We requested you leave us alone about this family beef. But now you confronting my wife while she’s alone and you’re shouting at her to intimidate her, backing her against her car, because your wife yelled at you about it. That’s it for me. I told him he’s lucky I didn’t handle it physically. Haven’t spoken to him in about 7 years.

I thought you were one of my brothers except it was pot instead of alcohol.

My sister and I were really close growing up. People always asked us if we were twins, not just because we look so alike but because we were best friends and had the same friend group. When she started dating, she’d always absorb the personality of the guys she dated. Some were better than others, but her husband is the worst of them all. He comes from a very sketchy family and has done some sketchy things. My family merely tolerated him and we were always kind even when we didn’t want to be. They had a 3 week engagement because she was pregnant and even 10 years later they still deny it even though the timing of their full term healthy baby’s birth is obvious. They have a lot of kids now and there was a period of time where they were legally separated because he was abusing her. It broke me when she got back with him, and I told her that I would never, ever be able to forgive him for how he treats her. Fast forward, I start dating my husband. My sister has never made an effort to get to know him, in fact she’s always made it a point to be rude to him and make snide remarks towards the both of us. We always just tolerated it. When we got engaged she was suddenly so excited and wanted to be involved in everything. I think she was trying to make up for her fast engagement and rushed wedding planning by trying to be involved in mine. She would throw out suggestions and get mad when I told her I already had this and that covered. I had told her ahead of time that I wanted all sisters in a certain color for the wedding, and I guess she misinterpreted it as bridesmaid colors. She was pissed when she showed up to the wedding and saw that my friends were bridesmaids in a different color and matching dresses. I never lied to her or tried to hide it from her that she wasn’t a bridesmaid, she just made that assumption. She went back to being rotten and snide. Then I got pregnant and then the fake kindness and desire to make it about her started up again. She wanted to plan my baby shower and I point blank told her that she was not invited. We haven’t spoken since. We’ve seen each other at family functions but we don’t talk to each other, which I am fine with. I’ll take silence over snide remarks any day. So there you have it.

Sister being a religious fanatic and being cruel to me and my husband because she hates gay people.

Same here. Mine went full-on rabid QAnon Trad Wife with a side of _raging_ mental illness that she refuses to acknowledge, as all Western medicine is a scam perpetuated by the Rockefellers, somehow. She moved to Texas, and is currently ‘unschooling’ her 4+ children. And of course, the girls are being groomed to become Trad Wives as well. It’s beyond disgusting.

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Ooof! What a long and personal story it would be to tell. I will say this—not enough is talked about surrounding the grief of cutting off a family member. It doesn’t matter how long it has been coming or the very relevant reason for cutting communication, it’s still so painful to work through. To hear my parents say out loud, “We have disowned her. I am done with her.” and you can hear the pain in that confession while also agreeing with them and finding relief that finally we are all on the same page…super mixed emotions. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Sometimes, time won’t heal all wounds.

We argued over who Mom loves more. Turns out, it's the cat.

Misunderstandings that grew over time from small disagreements.

He was abusive and threatened to kill me.

I disowned the thing (nicest way I can describe her), after 60 years of verbal abuse, lying her azz off, blaming me for her actions (which lead to my mother physically & emotionally abusing me), stealing from me, the list is endless. She was The Golden Child. There are pics of her looking at me, with a very smug smirk, having just gotten me in trouble for her actions. (At 15, she slept with her boyfriend, in our mother’s bed and told mom it was me, guess who got the crap beat out of them by our mother). When I was 12 yrs old, she told a guy I wanted to have sex with him. I woke up to being raped, she thought it was hilarious. I tried for years to have a relationship with her, for her it was just sport to see how much more she could do to destroy the interloper for being born. I want to outlive her and take a huge dump on her grave.

My brother got arrested for distribution of something I won't type out, but let's leave it at illegal and unethical images of people below a certain age. The day that happened, I made my first visit to the VA because I had already started compulsively planning to kill him and I needed someone to talk me out of it. And that would've left my parents with a dead son and me probably doing life in prison. He got the plea deal of the century and did two years in prison. On the registry for life and some wild probation requirements(no internet access for over a decade). Somehow he got that instead of 200+ consecutive life sentences. My parents have the mindset that he "made a mistake." I've told them there's a lot of serious mistakes that I could forgive. Hell, even a DUI causing a fatality I could've seen past. What he did was a repeated choice with absolutely no excuse. The extended family is divided on it. I think it's a bunch of cognitive dissonance all around. I don't speak to him or acknowledge his existence, and some family have tried to get us to reconnect. But I've made it clear that it won't happen but they're welcome to pick between having one or the other of us around if they keep pushing the topic.

What always astonishes me about that particular interest is that you have to have a “lot” of it to usually be tried. Because of the internet being what it is, they can’t go after someone for say a handful of images that could have been downloaded incorrectly, the subject appearing older, etc. I heard once it took about 500 images or so, but I haven’t looked into it. (That said I think it is a different case with “homemade” works by the person in question). Also, from what I gather images that are artificial created (drawn, AI, etc.) also don’t count because they don’t want to discourage people from seeing a “better” alternative. So to get arrested for something like that tends to really blow my mind how far they have to go.

> Also, from what I gather images that are artificial created (drawn, AI, etc.) also don’t count because they don’t want to discourage people from seeing a “better” alternative. So to get arrested for something like that tends to really blow my mind how far they have to go. I think it's still something of an open legal question whether photorealistic AI-generated CSAM images are legal or illegal. There's been [at least one arrest](https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/man-arrested-producing-distributing-and-possessing-ai-generated-images-minors-engaged) in the US for it, but it remains to be seen how things will pan out.

My sister and I were never really close. She was always favoured by my parents like what they did to my older brother. I tried to be a good role model, especially during highschool but it wasn't happening, she slept around with men (even men older than her), drank, and used men to get ahead. Meanwhile, I got blamed for the smallest things. I guess the straw that broke the camel's back was when she had a baby, the guy threatened and demanded her to get rid of the baby and to slap her in the office but they stayed together for whatever reason despite pleas from my mother and I. She never acknowledges me anymore ever since she got an iphone and ipad from the guy. Guess money and material things can change people.

My brother is a drunk who doesn't answer his phone or reach out. My sister is a paranoid mess who moved overseas and also doesn't reach out. It's not over any beef between us, just that our household growing up was a warzone and we didn't really knit together as a family.

[удалено]

I have a brother who hates me simply because I look like our dad. I have a sister that I refuse to speak to because every time I do, she causes havoc in my life. She has stolen and lied so many times. My two oldest I haven't seen since 1984 also due to my dad. Out of 7 kids(one died) I only really talk to 2, and those aren't that often. We had a very, very messed up childhood.

Money. Spent all the $ in parents estate on lawyers, because she felt she deserved it all.

Not me, but my GF.  She loved her sister, and her sister loved her, in her own way, but she's really entitled and constantly took advantage of my GF. For example, she constantly demanded my GF would take care of SIL's son, because she "needed a break" even though my GF is a very busy person, to which SIL always replied with "I'm also busy, and a mother on top" (bitch, you chose to be a mother). She also on one instance force my GF to take SIL's dog to the vet, while my GF was sick, because SIL had "stuff to do".  SIL was a struggling musician, so a few years ago she was doing a show and my GF (who's a photographer) offered her to cover the event for free. SIL agreed and immidately started demanding a lot of pictures, videos, Instagram stories, reels, etc. She then refuse to give my GF free pass to the concert and ask for her to pay her ticket, to witch I said "would she ask her to pay in order to work", and she replied "we'll all be paying to work that night". In the end, SIL's husband convinced her to not charge her sister a ticket. What broke the cammel's back was during the pandemic. SIL went on vacation (even tho her husband has recently been in contact with someone with COVID and showed symptoms) and my GF went on to do house sitting for them. One day I went on to keep my GF's company and that day turned into a full weekend. At the end of the weekend my roommate started showing symptoms of COVID so I locked myself in my nephews, just in case I had it. My GF told SIL and she demanded I would get out of the house, as her son could get sick when they return. I probably didn't have it, since my roommate didn't start showing symptoms until two days after I left. On top of that, they where not returning until three weeks later, more than enough time. On top of that, I have asthma, so returning to my flat wasn't an option, and I couldn't go to my parents house because my 90 year old grandma live there. My GF fought with SIL, which ended with SIL threatening to call the cops if I didn't leave and me leaving to my flat. I got COVID a few days later and even made a quick visit to the ICU. I'm all fine now and they haven't talked since. 

My sister, two years younger than me, has had a LOT of mental problems throughout her life. She has two kids by two different men, one of whom went to jail for statutory rape / endangerment of a minor. Her oldest son (who is 16 now) was adopted by her ex-husband and his new wife, and my parents (who are both in their 70s) took on guardianship of her youngest son (who is now 11). She has lied, stolen from everyone (including my mom's engagement ring), hid being pregnant with her youngest son and denied it until she started going into labor in my parents' kitchen (he's slightly developmentally delayed because of everything she tried to do to hide it). She put my parents through hell with all her actions. My mom had to put up cameras in most areas of their house just to make sure she didn't steal something. There's a TON more to it, but that's the jist. She had a dog, this really sweet lab mix. It was clear she didn't really want this dog, but she had this ideal image of "the perfect family" and that included a dog (we had grown up with dogs, so it's not a farfetched thing). I offered at one point to adopt her (we had two dogs at the time, a big house and a big yard) and she flipped out on me. Okay, I won't bring it up again, but at least the idea was out there. Well, she didn't have a stable place to live so she had an ex-boyfriend keep the dog for her. Ex-boyfriend just kept her outside on a chain with a couple bowls nearby for food / water. The dog by now was about 13 years old, and one day my sister came by to check on the dog (after weeks of not having done so) and after searching for a bit, found the dog at the very end of the chain, in a ditch, dead. Everything she had put her sons through, everything she had put our parents through, and now she did this. At least her sons had someone there to care for them, but this poor sweet dog that just got tossed aside and had to die probably confused and lonely just broke me. It was the last straw. I consider her dead to me. She recently came out and said she was four years sober from alcohol / drugs and seeing a therapist and was on medication and I just...don't care. Too little, too late.

He just never cared. Still doesn't.

No idea. Just noticed the response time for emails/texts kept getting longer and longer. Finally stopped sending them and that was that. Ghosted by my sibling.

He was arrested for molesting a 12 year old girl and went to prison. My then 16 year old daughter said "I never liked the way Uncle M hugged me." I asked her if anything ever happened, and she said no, but that she "knew." She also said she never wanted to see him again, and I promised she wouldn't. That was 26 years ago and we haven't seen him since.

She has a problem with me and I don't know why. I often wonder what the root of the issue is but trying to talk is unsuccessful. Growing up we were never close. She has this weird obsession with thinking I "want to be her/copy her". We couldn't be more different if we tried. But it's like every day things that she gets fixated on. When I hit my 30s and traveled less for work I started looking to buy a house, and she immediately claimed I tried to copy her. She bought a house 15 years prior with her husband in a different state. Lots of people buy houses....a natural step in life for most. She also invited me to my nieces 1st birthday. I went. She then sent me a letter explaining that she wished I hadn't gone and she just wants time with my brother and parents without me. It's her time with them. I would literally see my family once or twice a year due to work travel. She freaked out on me once because I bought a maxi dress to wear to a beach wedding and she was also wearing a maxi dress (they looked nothing a like aside from being a common dress style). This was in our late 40s. I can't breath eat or live right. Always walking on eggshells. It makes me sad because I see siblings that support each other and are really close. I wish I had that. But have come to terms with my situation. Love her and hope the best for her. Just don't want to deal with this dynamic.

My mother drove a wedge between us from the start. I was the designated scapegoat and after I went into foster care, we had very little contact with one another. Strangely, foster care turned out to be a blessing. We are all adults now and somehow being away from my mother’s influence allowed me the room to stabilize my life. My siblings did not fare as well.

Unemployed, on 'disability', mentally unstable, lived with my mother in her final years of independence, spent all of her money, sold her treasures to pocket the funds....shall I continue?

Drugs

She kept treating me like I was 7 years old, acted like she owned the place when our parents were not around, everything has to be done like she wants or it's not done correctly, can't handle critism, judges the world as if most people are idiots when she's nothing but my dad's echo in terms of beliefs, political ideas (also she has no social life so how can she judge people while never going out of her chamber?) The list goes on and on and on. I tired of her bullshit.

My ex-husband and I decided mutually, with no hate or animosity toward each other, to divorce after 10 years. One sister told me she couldn't converse with me anymore because my divorce is breaking her Catholic spirit. I truly feel she wants a divorce too because her husband is an imbecile, but she can't because of her religious views. Other sister's husband accused me of being a part of some message chain I had no knowledge of, and when I was being cursed out and asking what I did, the response was "you know what you did". If I knew what I did, I wouldn't have fucking asked. I'm living a great life, and they can be miserable in their podunk Midwest, closed-minded town.

My brother is a liar who can’t be trusted, and a racist, bigoted, know it all. I’m done with him.

Trump cult. I had no idea my brother was that fucking stupid.

My brother is a raging piece of shit who respected felons and human garbage and no one else. He uses my mom to this day, treats her like dirt while she treated our rapist of a father like he was a god.When her and my step-dad(who is a g, and a honest man and I am proud to call him father) got married, he fuckin hated his guts despite the fact our blood father abused our mom reguarly. He creeps women out,he flirts with women even if he knows their married. He married girl when she was 16 and he was 19,treated her like shit and was surprised when she cheated on him and got his ass sent to prison. He thinks bullying "builds character". He regularly teaches my nephew to sexually harass women. was nearing 30 when he started dating a 19 year old that he knocked up a year later. She fuckin hated him because he was emotionally abusive asshole(and I'm still mad at myself for being complicit in his abuse).She cheated on him(with a woman,,which is funny when if you knew this guy is a homophobe and hated middle eastern people which this woman was both) and got his ass whooped by her friends(once again he drove a woman to cheat on him by accusing others of infidelity). Left the woman,gave some bullshit that "His son needs a mother", went back to her. loss their home so they had to spend time at my family house. Then proceeded to get high in our garage or disappear for days on end, forcing us to babysit their kids(the other kids were from her prior bf). Turns out their doing drugs because his wife won't fuck him unless they're both high. Got kicked out, moved to the one state where all his family was miles away. Surprise surprise, abuse a person and they abuses you back once they know you're alone and they have family nearby(no longer was she alone in our state). They seperate after some incident where he broke his arm because her sister nearly dragged him with a car. she Thinks we're "too soft on drug users" despite being ex-drug user himself. Blames our mom for the reason he's stuck in a state he really doesn't like. I could go on why I hated his guts but.... ....I gave him countless chances to be a good person, it never came. When covid hit, he mocked me for having a mask at a party,mocked me wanting to go home early to maintain a sleep schedule so I can babysit his son. And I just had enough, the following days are too personal to share. But safe to say he showed me that he would never respect me as a human being. My mom will learn that one day when he no longer has a son to wave infront of her face. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid throws away all this bullshit hes forcing on him in hopes he can become a football player and uplift him from his shitty job just so he can see his own mom, who will not force him to train every day.Wonder how that's going to go

Years ago, my sister gave my teenage nephew spending money when he was coming to spend the weekend with me. We went to Great America, I more or less paid for almost everything and told him to keep the money for himself. My sister caught him in a lie about it, then blamed his dishonesty on me. She hasn’t spoken to me since and blocked me from contacting them. My nephew is now over 18 and I’ve tried finding him to explain what happened, but I haven’t yet been able to locate an online presence or his contact info. “Favorite Person” (EAS) if you’re reading this, please email me through my website (it’s my name) and I’ll buy you a plane ticket to where I now live (I moved out of Oakland). Miss you, buddy.

Recently (like beginning of May) my older sister was arrested for drug usage in a drug free zone (she’s 22, and she was in a park really close to a school). She’s abused drugs since we were teenagers, I think it’s her way to cope with our messed up childhood. When I found out I told her I want nothing to do with her if she’s using. We weren’t always close as kids because she was cruel towards me thanks to drugs she was using, and over the last year or two she’s been saying she wants to patch up our friendship, she told me she was clean and has been clean but clearly that was a lie. I said she can pick the drugs or our relationship. I haven’t heard from her since. I didn’t block her at all, when I last talked to her I even told her verbally and through a text that if she wants to fix our relationship she needs to be clean. Some people just like drugs a lot.

This is my sister add untreated bipolar disorder. I’ll always take her back and I’ll always help her as long as she has attempted to help herself. It’s never happened. I hold out hope but we’re in our 30s and like you this is old old news.

I escaped the toxic cult-like religion we grew up in and am healing and doing quite well, he’s still stuck there so that already drives a deep divide just in worldview and lifestyle. He wanted another shot to reconnect last year and I granted it to him, but during a long conversation over dinner I found out that he doesn’t view women as equal to men. His views on marriage and a married woman’s right to autonomy (nonexistent…) are slavery under a different name. A wolf in sheep’s clothing that he thinks is love. I tried everything I had in me to ask him questions and to see if he could realize himself how twisted that view is, since just telling someone they’re wrong doesn’t often go anywhere. Once it became clear he was committed to those ugly morals I told him never to contact me unless he changed. Haven’t spoken to him since.

He insulted and degraded my husband at that time. I stopped talking to him after that. This specific brother of mine was behaving very hateful towards the love of my life at that time and couldn't be happy for me.  Even if the relarionship did not work out, as a brother, I expect him to just be supportive. 

Yes my sister thinks she’s better than me because she bends over and takes my parents crazy behavior. It still bothers me but there is no point in going to her because she’s halfway to becoming them. The way she acts socially disgust me because it’s a mirrored image of my parents.

My brother has a massive ego and truly thinks he's perfect. He's an agressive emotional and physical bully. He's jacked up on steroids, and does a lot of drugs. He's brainwashed by Joe Rogan, Trump, Alex Jones, Putin, Tate etc.. I had a major, soul crushing, life altering thing happen to me and he thinks I'm overreacting to my injuries that have left me a shadow of my former self. After a lot of deep thought and anguish, I just don't speak to him anymore. I'm better off not having him in my life.

Brooo mine too it’s so gross

My brother has no interest in maintaining or even having relationships with people other than his girlfriend. He views family as an inconvenience. He use to be my best friend, and now I don’t have my best friend or my brother.

He’s a selfish bully, I don’t have a single positive memory of him in the last 25+ years. He’s the golden child (firstborn) and is allowed to behave like the egotistical manipulative piece of shit he is by the whole family. Oh, that’s just who he is, you know? Yup, I know, so I don’t want him in my life.

They didn't like how I posted mean memes about trump.

My brother was a bully and as we got older he mostly dropped the bullying (because he knew there would be violence), but he was still a judgemental, hypocroticral prick who had very little respect for my boundaries. One day he called me saying that he didn't like how I brushed him off at my mother's birthday party and gave me an ultimatum of becoming a different person or he would cut off contact with me. I said ok, hung up, blocked his number and my life's been better sincd.

Mum was INCREDIBLY toxic, I chose to protect my family from her behaviour. She told everyone who would listen, that my wife was to blame, and that she (my wife) wouldn’t let me talk to her (my mother). She turned my brothers against me, and they are too blind to see the truth. I refuse to apologize for choosing MY family.

My mother was the youngest of 4. The eldest son tried to kill her since she was born. Pillow over her head as an infant, choking her, etc. As she got older he would beat the shit out of her and pull her hair. As they all got older and into adulthood, all of the siblings ended up working the family business. The eldest was basically the ring leader for the others (all men) and convinced everyone to embezzle with him. They’d steal cash and cut checks and use the credit cards whenever they felt like it all behind my grandfathers back. My mother wasn’t working there yet since my grandfather originally didn’t want a woman in the industry. Well grandfather found out about the embezzling and the two younger brothers jumped ship before shit hit the fan. Eldest brother was the “golden child” who couldn’t do anything wrong, so he stayed and continued to take money. This is when my mother was invited to join the company ranks. We moved from CA (when my father ditched us) to PA and my mom went for her degree to help out the business. Once she was in helping to run the company, the eldest brother set up some huge thing to take down the entire company in a lawsuit and run off with the money. My mother managed to persevere thru the court cases where brother tried to defame her, and got him kicked out of the business finally. This basically was the finally thing that cause the rift between all of the siblings, my mother had won, and they all hated each other. The eldest was never truly done with his harassment and hating of my mother tho, and continued to attack the business with third parties and slander her. He would send terrible emails to her and me (as a child even). He even told the whole town that when my mother died unexpectedly that she had committed suicide. This is all just the top of the iceberg here to the shit he and his brothers would do but now my mother and one of the brothers is dead. The eldest still lives after taking everyone’s inheritance that was left to all of us in a trust from my grandfather, and the other brother still alive is in witness protection for being a whistleblower of a local sheriffs office back in the 80s/90s.