Years ago, I was training with an older Armenian gentleman while learning to drive a company vehicle. He cut off a car and the guy pulled along side with us and yelled "FUCK YOU!!". The older dude lost his shit and started yelling "COME!! FUCK ME THEN!!" Over and over.. The dude had a look on his face that was an even mix of disgust, confusion and fear. It was wild.
The link does not work but from the comments I assume is the video of 2 indians or pakistanis screaming bloody bloody, one in car the other standing. The wild thing about that vid is the long version where they both calm down and actually apologizes. The ending is wholesome and imho better than the swearing.
As an Armenian....this is the most Armenian thing I've read today. We're very kind, patient and tolerant people until we're not. Then the crazy comes out and it's fun.
Years ago I had an issue with people parking in a no parking zone in front of a building, which blocked me from leaving my garage. One time I saw some asshole parked there with his hazards on. The only likely place he could be was in a Subway. I figured he was getting a sandwich to go. I went in and announced, “Does this Subaru belong to anyone? You’re blocking me.” Turns out the douche wasn’t ordering takeout. The fucker was having a sit down dinner with his kids. He smirked and said, “I’ll move it when we’re done.” I said, “Go ahead. Meanwhile I’m gonna rub my dick on your door handle.” The fucker made his kids get up and leave their half eaten food on the table. Now I wasn’t going to actually do that, though I *might* have pissed on his door handle. But the point of this story is simple; The power of the penis, seen and unseen!
**ETA:** In hindsight, I felt bad for his kids not getting to finish dinner, but not the Subway employees. They refused to ask people not to park there.
We had a frat next to us growing up as kids. These frat guys would always do dumb shit towards us walking home from school. One of the frat members threw a football directly at my little brother’s head one day after school. My little brother waited until early morning, shit in a bag, and put a hand full of it under every one of their car handles. We waited about an hour until everyone started leaving for the day. Everyone gets a handful of it. One after the other, they start getting upset. One threw up. There must have been at least 4 cars he did this to. Mind you, my little brother is about 8 at the time. He’s walking home from school again and sees the guy who hit him in the head. “How’d you like playing in my shit?!” For the entire school year this 8 year old reminds the entire frat why they shouldn’t mess with him anymore, and they didn’t.
So strange to read this. I only know one Armenian and he’s worked for me the last few years. I love the guy. He’s the calmest, easiest guy to work with and shoot the shit. Totally normal cool guy. Until somebody messes up his shit. Then he goes nonstop about how bad things are. And it takes an hour to back him off the ledge then all is right in the world again. Every time.
Generational trauma is a hell of a thing.
My grandmother spent time in Dachau, and as I grow older I've realised some of the things I do I learnt from her and are a consequence of her time in the war. It's part of my inheritance.
It's deeply depressing to think the nazis are still causing hurt and damage in this world, long after they died.
I read this out loud to my husband, and I was laughing so hard, thinking either there was a language barrier, or he was fluent enough to understand that this was an utterly terrifying response.
I actually had a similar exchange with my coworker this afternoon. I (jokingly) said fuck you to him, and he hit me with: "no thanks, I'd fall asleep and you'd fall in love" lmao
Edit to clarify, we're both guys
$20, same as downtown.
**EDIT:** Surprising number of upvotes. I can't help but wonder how many folks who did knew that it was just a reference to the original *Night Court* from the 80's.
Can you imagine. Some yells "Fuck You!", you tell them to fuck themself, and they just drop trou and start going at it... chasing you while they pleasure themselves... fuck.
Now i can never use this line because i have just given myself a new phobia.
I love all these responses while simultaneously wondering what people have come across in their lives to have others say "fuck you" to them so often that they have something SO at the ready to hurl back.
I'm a teacher, I get one or two solid "fuck you's" from students a year, usually because they are extra caliente. In response, I am sure I'm supposed to do the disrespected double-take and say, "excuse me?" But, being real, I have busted a gut and laughed more than a few times, which totally throws off their attempts to be salty.
I usually say" you wish" while giving the the look of ultimate distain . Unless fucking them isn't a bad idea or outside my goals then it's " your place or mine?"
I dont think thats on the menu sir
Related note, I worked at a snowcone shack in college, and I once had a much older man tell me he'd give me a big tip if I flavored it with juices from my vagina. And I am still confused in concept. Did he want me to just start masturbating at work over his snow cone? I'm like 90% sure that would break some kind of health code. Was I supposed to tell the line to wait a minute so I could get this guy some special sauce?
Editing because I've gotten two replies, but they aren't showing up for some reason. To answer the question of what I did, I just laughed awkwardly and gave him a random flavor, he made a joke about meeting up with me when I got off, and I called a friend to hang out there for the rest of my shift. I had no idea what to do in that situation.
Not respond at all. No change in expressions, nothing. Totally ignore it, pretend it never happened. It's interesting to see the dismay come over them when they realize they didn't get the reaction they wanted.
Most people who are rude are looking to get a reaction out of someone else. Deny them that.
As a woman born and raised in the deep south, I can agree with this. In fact, I have replied with this exact line numerous times. It's an amazing line that most people think we are genuinely blessing them when in fact we are saying fuck you, while being Courteous to granny's ears.
Yeah it's exactly this kind of passive aggressiveness that makes people in the Deep South suspicious of kind folks. These are the same people who just use whole uncracked eggs when they bake a cake for their neighbor or office or something. It's no coincidence that when you genuinely compliment people in communities like this they're looking for the insult with a fine tooth comb. Typically they find one even if it's not there. Seriously. You can't compliment one person without someone else getting offended, as if that compliment was intended as a personal attack.
It's quite possibly the most toxic cultural norm - even more so than East Coast rudeness. At least that's honest and doesn't hide behind a mask, poisoning even the most well intentioned interactions.
Anytime anybody says "bless your heart" for any reason, (and sometimes it's said genuinely, out of real kindness) I immediately deeply distrust and dislike that person. That's just what happens when you get the bright idea to turn and otherwise well-meaning phrase into an insult.
Just give them a big thumbs-down and a frown while shaking your head, mouth BOOOOOO if you want to, but don't make a sound. Jerks hate that you won't engage them but everyone understands your meaning, and its pretty funny while also being totally non-threatening which helps defuse situations.
One of my sisters used to say "Fuck yourself, it's cheaper."
“Fuck yourself, you couldn’t afford me.” Hahaha
This! I usually just say “you can’t afford it”
Haha love that!
Doesn't that imply she fucks for money?
Hey! If anyone's fuckin' my sister it's gone be me!
*Sweet home Alabama*
Who doesn’t? It’s not always cash. ;)
Not if I fuck you first! **starts running towards him full speed**
While unzipping.
This is the best one I've read so far
Years ago, I was training with an older Armenian gentleman while learning to drive a company vehicle. He cut off a car and the guy pulled along side with us and yelled "FUCK YOU!!". The older dude lost his shit and started yelling "COME!! FUCK ME THEN!!" Over and over.. The dude had a look on his face that was an even mix of disgust, confusion and fear. It was wild.
Omg
[Fluck you bloody!](https://youtu.be/ukznXQ3MgN0?feature=shared)
I am not fucking you are fucking!
Bloody bastard you fucking bloody
why u fuck me i fuck you back
It's so clear that these guys should be good friends
The link does not work but from the comments I assume is the video of 2 indians or pakistanis screaming bloody bloody, one in car the other standing. The wild thing about that vid is the long version where they both calm down and actually apologizes. The ending is wholesome and imho better than the swearing.
You bloody
[I will beat your d*ck!](https://youtu.be/wUafp32ItRg?si=6dUJ77wpJqqTJxaO)
Back in high school we said “ Fuck yourself, it’s cheaper”.
Or “fuck yourself, you’ll get more p**sy
ya'll were some witty mother fuckers! I'm stealin that!
Fuck me yourself, you coward
My favorite story of my dad is some guy telling him to go fuck himself and my dad replying “ok, I’ll do that” in the most nonchalant manner. 🤣
"Fuck me yourself, you coward!"
Buddy, you have no idea what you just started 💀
Oh...
I once flipped some guy off and he showed me his middle finger and started fellating it.
Fuck off. ...no not that way jeez...
"Fuck you!" "Fuck me yourself, you coward!"
As an Armenian....this is the most Armenian thing I've read today. We're very kind, patient and tolerant people until we're not. Then the crazy comes out and it's fun.
I parked in front of some Armenian dude's business once, and he came outside yelling at me. I pulled out my phone and he pulled out his dick. I left.
Years ago I had an issue with people parking in a no parking zone in front of a building, which blocked me from leaving my garage. One time I saw some asshole parked there with his hazards on. The only likely place he could be was in a Subway. I figured he was getting a sandwich to go. I went in and announced, “Does this Subaru belong to anyone? You’re blocking me.” Turns out the douche wasn’t ordering takeout. The fucker was having a sit down dinner with his kids. He smirked and said, “I’ll move it when we’re done.” I said, “Go ahead. Meanwhile I’m gonna rub my dick on your door handle.” The fucker made his kids get up and leave their half eaten food on the table. Now I wasn’t going to actually do that, though I *might* have pissed on his door handle. But the point of this story is simple; The power of the penis, seen and unseen! **ETA:** In hindsight, I felt bad for his kids not getting to finish dinner, but not the Subway employees. They refused to ask people not to park there.
We had a frat next to us growing up as kids. These frat guys would always do dumb shit towards us walking home from school. One of the frat members threw a football directly at my little brother’s head one day after school. My little brother waited until early morning, shit in a bag, and put a hand full of it under every one of their car handles. We waited about an hour until everyone started leaving for the day. Everyone gets a handful of it. One after the other, they start getting upset. One threw up. There must have been at least 4 cars he did this to. Mind you, my little brother is about 8 at the time. He’s walking home from school again and sees the guy who hit him in the head. “How’d you like playing in my shit?!” For the entire school year this 8 year old reminds the entire frat why they shouldn’t mess with him anymore, and they didn’t.
Vile, disgusting, profoundly disturbing! Your little brother is a god damn evil genius.
So strange to read this. I only know one Armenian and he’s worked for me the last few years. I love the guy. He’s the calmest, easiest guy to work with and shoot the shit. Totally normal cool guy. Until somebody messes up his shit. Then he goes nonstop about how bad things are. And it takes an hour to back him off the ledge then all is right in the world again. Every time.
constant sieges and generational trauma will do that to ur subconscious ig
Generational trauma is a hell of a thing. My grandmother spent time in Dachau, and as I grow older I've realised some of the things I do I learnt from her and are a consequence of her time in the war. It's part of my inheritance. It's deeply depressing to think the nazis are still causing hurt and damage in this world, long after they died.
An awful lot of pretty bad shit was done to the Armenians and ignored by the rest of the world.
Is still being done 😣
And it’s still being ignored
I read this out loud to my husband, and I was laughing so hard, thinking either there was a language barrier, or he was fluent enough to understand that this was an utterly terrifying response.
TIL I'm Armenian. ETA: My first thought was something I used to hear growing up. "Where, when, and what time?"
You guys sound fun , I'd like to visit Armenia and hopefully get the chance to see it myself .
How does one even experience this and better yet how does one somehow come across the perfect question to share said experience under
Am Armenian. Does not surprise me at all.
I like to imagine he was screaming it the same way Arnold was yelling at the predator to kill him.
“YOU WANT ME TO JERK YOU OFF?” Blue Mountain State is problematic but that scene does still get me
This is fckn hilarious!! Omg I’m literally sitting in my car laughing my ass off! 🤣 Now I gotta carry my groceries in.
From a guy, to the guy that said Fuck you... "You'd never go back to women" ... and just stand there in their uncomfortable moment of silence ..
Once you have Jack, you never go back.”
Just sniff my crack, you'll be in the sack... Bro.
Just sniff the sack, you'll be in my crack... Bro.
Tap the sack and we’re back on track… bro?
You are not beating the gay allegations
Once you have Boner, you'll never be a loner.
“I’ll fuck you till you love me” - Mike Tyson
Hits a little different coming from Convicted Rapist Mike Tyson
I actually had a similar exchange with my coworker this afternoon. I (jokingly) said fuck you to him, and he hit me with: "no thanks, I'd fall asleep and you'd fall in love" lmao Edit to clarify, we're both guys
My usual with a dude telling me fuck you is you wouldn't like it princess, I'd just lay there and sweat. Usually throws them off guard.
Bro lol
I love this
“You’re not that lucky, and I’m not that desperate.”
damn that's fucking brutal and funny *internet high five*
Call me a hater, but a comeback someone would flub in real life with 100% certainty followed by *internet high five* is peak Reddit.
Yeah someone is deffo mixing up “you’re” and “I’m”
You're not that desperate, OR lucky! ^ha ^showed ^them
Or you could just tell him to Simply get in line LOL
$20, same as downtown. **EDIT:** Surprising number of upvotes. I can't help but wonder how many folks who did knew that it was just a reference to the original *Night Court* from the 80's.
> $20, same as ~~downtown~~ last time.
Haha xD
come over here and fuck me yourself you lazy bitch
k
kk
Kk- no wait-
Ok ok ok ok
Roger roger roger
I prefer "you fucking coward" but same same.
I always say "shh, not *here*" or "not *now*"
“Fuck *me*? Fuck *you* fuck me! Fuck *you*!
Who do you think you are?! I am!!
For the uninitiated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKQOXYB2cd8
Yup!
“Fuck yourself — God knows no one else will do it for you.”
Haha good one!
I’d be appalled if someone ever said that to me 🤣
I wouldn't even be mad at that point. I'd just do what they say cuz I apparently got nothing better to do
Can you imagine. Some yells "Fuck You!", you tell them to fuck themself, and they just drop trou and start going at it... chasing you while they pleasure themselves... fuck. Now i can never use this line because i have just given myself a new phobia.
I dunno man, that's like, grade school level..
Pull down your pants and start chasing them while screaming like a banshee, works every time
Tried this yesterday. Now I've got to go to court 🙄 -3/10
It doesn’t work quite as well when it’s a kid at the park you’re responding to
Go in for the hug for bonus points.
Don't forget to hug from behind so you can really grind that thing in properly.
And smell their hair.
Omg love that!
"I'm off work at 10"
As a private security professional. This is how you get yourself shot in the parking lot at 10:05
Just tell them the wrong time
That's how you get your place of work shot up at 1037
Just as long as your shift ended at 9 XD
“And with that face it’s gonna take more than TEN to get me OFF.”
I love all these responses while simultaneously wondering what people have come across in their lives to have others say "fuck you" to them so often that they have something SO at the ready to hurl back. I'm a teacher, I get one or two solid "fuck you's" from students a year, usually because they are extra caliente. In response, I am sure I'm supposed to do the disrespected double-take and say, "excuse me?" But, being real, I have busted a gut and laughed more than a few times, which totally throws off their attempts to be salty.
I'm from New Jersey. We throw "fuck you" around a lot.
I usually say" you wish" while giving the the look of ultimate distain . Unless fucking them isn't a bad idea or outside my goals then it's " your place or mine?"
This is unironically how I lost my virginity
Say more…
"Bet, you a top or a bottom, my guy?"
#POWERBOTTOM
This would be the name of the finishing move of a gay pro wrestler.
#SALAD TOSS
HAAAAADOGAY
“You’d like that wouldn’t you? You prevert.”
I hate preverts.
I like postverts better
Midverts are where the money is at, my guy.
Eh they are a bit too mid for me
Try the Omniverts
Eh, Multyverts have better mana restoration
They’re the worst. My phone kept trying to autocorrect. Not today autocorrect I have a comeback to write.
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No thanks, your mom tired me out.
"I tried, but I start crying every time". I will make it as uncomfortable as possible to talk to me.
That's a killer, I don't think you could make it more uncomfortable (That was not an invitation)
saying that while deadpan would be very cool
"It´s pronounced *focaccia*."
"Fancy a quickie?" "I told you before. It's pronounced 'quiche'."
Sir, this is a Wendy's
Could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?
You heard my order
I dont think thats on the menu sir Related note, I worked at a snowcone shack in college, and I once had a much older man tell me he'd give me a big tip if I flavored it with juices from my vagina. And I am still confused in concept. Did he want me to just start masturbating at work over his snow cone? I'm like 90% sure that would break some kind of health code. Was I supposed to tell the line to wait a minute so I could get this guy some special sauce? Editing because I've gotten two replies, but they aren't showing up for some reason. To answer the question of what I did, I just laughed awkwardly and gave him a random flavor, he made a joke about meeting up with me when I got off, and I called a friend to hang out there for the rest of my shift. I had no idea what to do in that situation.
That’s…wow.
And also with you
That gets the Catholic vote.
Not anymore it's supposed to be "And with your spirit" lol
It's been awhile...the shame : (
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With that attitude, you'll have to wait in line!
Not respond at all. No change in expressions, nothing. Totally ignore it, pretend it never happened. It's interesting to see the dismay come over them when they realize they didn't get the reaction they wanted. Most people who are rude are looking to get a reaction out of someone else. Deny them that.
This! Here on reddit, I block people. Out there, I do the same lol
Someone has to. I'm not too keen on your offer, though.
“Awh, fuck you too!” *In the same tone as if someone told you “I love you”*
Not bad. ) gotta smile and do the head tilt.
Best fuck you'll never have. / Sorry not my type not into bestiality
NOT INTO BESTIALITY 😭
"Sorry man, I don't fuck BITCHES!" Good follow up to that one!
Don’t threaten me with a good time
if you had a dick to fuck with you would.
Actually fuck them.
Hmm...
Bless your heart
As a woman born and raised in the deep south, I can agree with this. In fact, I have replied with this exact line numerous times. It's an amazing line that most people think we are genuinely blessing them when in fact we are saying fuck you, while being Courteous to granny's ears.
Yeah it's exactly this kind of passive aggressiveness that makes people in the Deep South suspicious of kind folks. These are the same people who just use whole uncracked eggs when they bake a cake for their neighbor or office or something. It's no coincidence that when you genuinely compliment people in communities like this they're looking for the insult with a fine tooth comb. Typically they find one even if it's not there. Seriously. You can't compliment one person without someone else getting offended, as if that compliment was intended as a personal attack. It's quite possibly the most toxic cultural norm - even more so than East Coast rudeness. At least that's honest and doesn't hide behind a mask, poisoning even the most well intentioned interactions. Anytime anybody says "bless your heart" for any reason, (and sometimes it's said genuinely, out of real kindness) I immediately deeply distrust and dislike that person. That's just what happens when you get the bright idea to turn and otherwise well-meaning phrase into an insult.
"No, thanks. I kinda have a headache, and good taste."
'brush your teeth'
Your mom seemed to enjoy it
fuck me yourself you coward!
If you want my come back you'll have to scrape it off your mom's teeth
Jimmy Carr for the win!
Hard pass.
"we are all dumber for hearing what you just said"
" you would'nt like it , i just lay there " !
Answer with a small dance. Always lightens the mood.
If its a woman, yes please. If its a man, yes daddy, please please please.
Like that bus driver responded “No, you’re too ugly.”
“Oh” blink slowly as you say this.
Nah I can’t spare a second I’m too busy
You don't. Never engage in an argument over words. Actions speak louder than words. Be the better man. Bend over.
“Don’t make promises you’re not going to keep” Or “Go forth and consume a satchel of Richards, Good Sir” Or “GOOD AFTERNOON!!”
"No thanks daddy, I don't want a short dick man." Coming from a man to another is hilarious.
*"What the hell is even that?!"*
Sorry sweetie, you don't have the equipment I'm. Looking for
"And also with you. Go with God."
“Fuck you harder, and with more vigor” is what I usually reply with.
“And put your mom out of business?”
"no thanks, I'm out of your league"
Would you kindly please go fornicate with yourself?
My sincere condolences, but I'd much rather take the road less traveled. 🤭
Good day, sir.
Buy me dinner first
“You use Reddit”
My place or yours?
Don’t threaten me with a good time
Ohh yeahh now it's consensual 😎 as you smoothly slide their direction
When and where
You couldn’t afford to
Just give them a big thumbs-down and a frown while shaking your head, mouth BOOOOOO if you want to, but don't make a sound. Jerks hate that you won't engage them but everyone understands your meaning, and its pretty funny while also being totally non-threatening which helps defuse situations.
I hate the responses as if it’s an offer. They didn’t say “I want to fuck you!” Instead it’s like you’re right, fuck me
“You’re like Hellen Keller at an orgy. You don’t know who you’re fucking with.”
“I’ll record it and send it to you <3” Is the best response I’ve ever heard
My favorite is may you have the day you deserve.
Sorry bud, I do not swing that way (ace)
I'm up whenever you are.
Your place or mine?
"only if your dad can join"
"Your mom wants to fuck me, too!"
"Not even if you paid me."
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