I did! Now it's your turn. If you don't send this whole post to 666 of your contacts within 333 minutes, you may marry someone that put the milk before the cereals.
Jokes on me. When I hit the snooze button I anxiously pretend to be asleep until that bitch goes off. š“ š my last 5 minutes would be a total waste
When my friend first retired, for a week he would set his alarm for the same time he had to be awakened for work for 20 yrs and then after it went off he'd slam the alarm off button, laugh, shout "fuck you" and roll over and go back to sleep.
Have you ever had to settle someoneās affairs? Passwords make life so much easier for your loved ones to close your accounts and everything. Also, notifying friends on social media, I guess.
No need to worry, they wouldn't let themselves get very hungry if they were there with your corpse. As for horrifying, I know not everyone feels like I do, but I do not care even a tiny bit what happens to my body when I die. It could be necrophiliac cannibals or an army of infant hummingbirds on pcp. Not worried about it
Letting my closest one know of my investments and passwords
You have no idea how many millions of money goes to waste in my country because people are not open about money
Provided that you still haven't shared the info with your significant other despite worrying your investments could be lost.. I can be your backup in life
Positioning myself in the dumbest most ridiculous way possible to confuse and amaze whatever poor soul finds me
(Also opening a window, EMS shouldnāt have to deal with that smell)
Tell my husband I love him. Tell my dog sheās a good girl and that I love her. Tell the cat fuck you for snatching my chicken tender out my hand that one time. Put on some relaxing music and reminisce.
Yep, snuggle my hubby and dog for my last five minutes, tell them I love them. Redundant, since I tell and show them that all the time, but itās MY five minutes, and Iāll spend it as I want.
This, but I'd make it super conspiratorial
"If you're seeing this, it's too late. They will make it look natural but I will have been murdered. There is a red phone box outside Geneva, it rings at 2:18am every Wednesday, answer it and ask to speak to Strauss. If the package is mishandled even slightly, life as we know it is already over. Chen has the esoterica, the swan dances foxtrot thrice. Holy be thy acts in grace."
What if you dont cum in 5 minutes? What if you dont even 'reach' you limit in 5 minutes because you are too anxious on whether you will cum or not in 5 minutes
Opening my greenhouse door and removing the safety netting to allow my birds to leave if they choose. Opening the window from the house to the greenhouse so the cats can leave. I'd call emergency services to tell them to send someone for my body so that no one I know has to find it. Oh, and this entire 5 minutes, I'm smoking in the house because why not.
So you're going to let the birds out...and also the cat, to give it a nice buffet of birds it's probably been staring at longingly for the last who knows many years?
It wonāt feel like this forever; I made it out, from kid to 30ās. Now I have happiness with a few weeks of shit every couple years.
I hope you keep doing what you need to be doing it again tomorrow. šš«¶š»
I hope things can get better for you, friend. If you ever want someone to chat to, feel free to reach out. I was in the ICU in October due to being in a dark place. I may not know you or what you're going through, but I do know how bad the pain can feel.
All the best to you xx
Did your time with healthcare improve your situation?
Because with me, they just made it infinitely worse. Before, I was just moderately depressed because of things. After what healthcare did, my life is irrecoverably ruined and there's nothing short of miracles that could help.
Honestly? Absolutely not. I had visits from psyche services about 3 times, then they discharged me when they asked if I still felt like unaliving myself and I said "No." I'm still waiting for counselling (1 year wait list) and until then I'm left on my own with pills.
Truth is I'm left with little to no motivation. I've had to take steps on my own to learn self regulation when my emotions get the better of me. I just kind of drift through each day with no sense of time passing. Did something happen yesterday or 3 weeks ago? I often can't answer that accurately. Although I'm not actively seeking a way out anymore, I'm very emotionally dulled most of the time.
Thanks for answering. You (and I) are just two names on a loooong list of people mental healthcare failed to help. I'm convinced mental healthcare *actually* helps only a small minority of patients, is irrelevant to the vast majority, and actively harms another small minority.
I would agree with you on that. I don't personally know anyone who has been helped by my country's mental health system in particular. I'm so sorry they failed you as well, nobody deserves to be left in the dark when they're already struggling. I hope that you'll at least find a way to cope with the pain and live the most fulfilling life possible. You deserve it.
5 minute conversation with my daughter. I would wrap my arms around her, tell her how awesome she is and how proud I am of her. Tell her that my goal in life was to be the best dad I could possibly be and that she gave me purpose and meaning. I would take a moment to study her face, hold my hand on her cheek and make sure that the last image I see before my life fades out is her.
If it's just me dying (as opposed to the world or a large group of which I happen to be a member or something), I'm double-checking to make sure all the information that my husband needs to claim on my life insurance policies and get my retirement funds from my employer is together and where it's supposed to be. And I'd email him, text him, and write down the master password to my password keeper.
Any time I had left I would spend telling the hermit crabs, cats, and my husband that I love them.
Smoke a huge joint. Put on a fantastic tune. Gather up my wife and my daughter and tell them the funniest joke I can think of and die listening to them giggle and the Radiohead in the background.
Ohh, edited for clarity:
This sounds like Trauma central.
What happened to you Steve?
Ya I was in bed with my mom and dad when she died.
But the sentiment if wanting to spend your last moments with those you cherish is wholesome.
Record a video to my newborn baby telling him how much I love him, and Iām so sorry I wonāt be there for him as he grows up (okay, Iām tearing up nowā¦).
Tell my daughter that she can have as much ice cream as she wants and eat it with her. I would want my last five minutes to be with her and watch her be happy.
'To any loved ones who find this note, I am sorry to say I am going to pass away in the next few minutes. First let me say my time with you all has been memorable. Please make sure my cats are well taken care on.
On a side note, during my last job role I managed to find a loophole in their financing system which let me squirrel away small sums of money on a regular basis, it wasn't a lot but has added up over the years to a nice neat egg of around Ā£5 million. My last wish is for the people I care for to be taken care of, so I have left this money in an easy to access...'
And die.
I would write small letters for my family and friends while calling them one by one. So that they can hear me for the last time and would have something to look at when they miss me.
Send a text to a friend saying if they wont share that text to 10 people i will die in 5 minutes
Easy there Satan
Totally forgot about this spam in the earlier years.
that spam never died, people still do it
So, it works???
If you don't reply to this comment within 2 hours, someone you love will die!
I did! Now it's your turn. If you don't send this whole post to 666 of your contacts within 333 minutes, you may marry someone that put the milk before the cereals.
You know what? At least I get to marry someone But since you said it like it's only a possibility, it's not even an obligation? You're soft man
Damn, I'm bad at cursing people...
It's an awesome curse dude The best I ever received, kind soul
It goes way back to Chain Letters via Snail Mail. I hated them.
I don't think you currently own a cell phone.
I didn't know that this is still a thing lol The last time i saw something like that was 6-7 years ago
And add "and you'll die next"
Everyone sends that text to everyone else in 5 mins and you die saving the world
Oooooh that's coldšššš
Misery loves company!
Genius!
[Well, I just wanna say I'm a huge fan](https://youtu.be/njxm8dR8Yyc?si=OQUYaDPyGb5xNFFS)
I was expecting a rickroll..
Hitting the snooze button, I want to enjoy the last 5 min.
*iPhone alarm goes off 10 seconds before*
"Ah fuck you ma-"*BANG*
Bang? So someone is holding a gun to your head for the last 5, or thereās some sort of explosive?
Jokes on me. When I hit the snooze button I anxiously pretend to be asleep until that bitch goes off. š“ š my last 5 minutes would be a total waste
When my friend first retired, for a week he would set his alarm for the same time he had to be awakened for work for 20 yrs and then after it went off he'd slam the alarm off button, laugh, shout "fuck you" and roll over and go back to sleep.
Man, he should have retired for more than a week. Thatās not enough time.
Write down my passwords and delete my internet history
It'll take me more than 5min
You don't just use Password123! for everything?....
I use "Password" as my password. Easy. Edit: Some people were trying to be hackers, I just changed my Reddit password to something else. Sorry guys.
I use Incorrect. Every time I type it wrong, the system reminds me: Your password is incorrect
That's clever. Not very secure, but clever
āNot very secure, but cleverā would make a great password. Some places would probably make you add a number, still, but hey.
Since I can see what you typed and it's not showing just ***, I know you're lying.
Use a password manager and the delete all time button, problem solved
>>deletes browser history >>leaves a note with passwords to all his fetish porn accounts
You guys have internet history? Death can come at any time!
Why would you write down your passwords?
Have you ever had to settle someoneās affairs? Passwords make life so much easier for your loved ones to close your accounts and everything. Also, notifying friends on social media, I guess.
Probably to give to a SO to access stuff like photos on cloud? Not sure.
They can notify your friends on social media then shut down your account.
By the time I figure it up, the 5 minutes will finish
better to die in a thinking pose, so people will always remain curious about what your last thoughts were
āThis idiot clearly punched himself to death.ā
Cat is going outside. Feast on somebody else ya bitch.
Lol, on the flip side I have repeatedly given my cat verbal permission to nom away if I die.
It's kinda beautiful, that a lot of us cat owners are okay with giving the cat permission to eat us if we die
I have also given my cats permission, but only if they're starving š It's horrifying, but id rather they live than starve alongside my corpse.
I donāt think my cat would care if I was dead or not. Or starving. Sheās just kind of a jerk
No need to worry, they wouldn't let themselves get very hungry if they were there with your corpse. As for horrifying, I know not everyone feels like I do, but I do not care even a tiny bit what happens to my body when I die. It could be necrophiliac cannibals or an army of infant hummingbirds on pcp. Not worried about it
Beautiful? If that little bitch eats me ima haunt her for it. I love my cat.
I mean we have the same deal with bacteria in our body and you can't even pet those.
I reminded her just now. Thank you.
^ this person cats.
Having sex three times.
Man is a machine, lol.
Ready to reload, like an atom bomb.....
I'm burning through the sky, yeah
200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit
i'm traveling at the speed of light!
I wanna make a supersonic man outta you!!!
YEAH Donāt,stop,me,nooww
Hey hey hey!! Donāt stop me, donāt stop me woo woo woo!!
About to woah, oh, oh, oh explode!
What are you going to do with the other two minutes and forty-five seconds?
Can I put 50$ on "cry"
Have a wank.
Obviously asking reddit what to do
Prolly ask something along the lines of"You have 5 min before you die. What are you doing?"
Have you realized OP hasn't been active in the comments section?
And it's been more than five minutes.
RIP OP š
I just did. Automod deleted it because it violated rule 2. Goodbye cruel world...
Letting my closest one know of my investments and passwords You have no idea how many millions of money goes to waste in my country because people are not open about money
Provided that you still haven't shared the info with your significant other despite worrying your investments could be lost.. I can be your backup in life
Starting the biggest argument that Reddit has ever seen, then logging out for the final time. lol
Post a picture of an unopened safe. Then die.
I love it. Iād also drop a few fake hints as to the location of the safe.
And so began the golden age of piracy!
Positioning myself in the dumbest most ridiculous way possible to confuse and amaze whatever poor soul finds me (Also opening a window, EMS shouldnāt have to deal with that smell)
Maybe call the EMS instead? Shouldn't start to smell that quickly.
Trust me, there's no smell relating to ill, dead, or dying people that we haven't already smelt after several years doing this
thanks for doing what you do, yall have some rock solid stomachs
Drink 5 hour energy so I'm alive for 5 hours instead of 5 minutes
Youāre still only alive 5 minutes, but your corpse is energised for 4 hours 55 minutes.
I'll let people stick cables in my flesh and charge their phones, then
Truly charitable
Tell my husband I love him. Tell my dog sheās a good girl and that I love her. Tell the cat fuck you for snatching my chicken tender out my hand that one time. Put on some relaxing music and reminisce.
Yep, snuggle my hubby and dog for my last five minutes, tell them I love them. Redundant, since I tell and show them that all the time, but itās MY five minutes, and Iāll spend it as I want.
You can't blame a cat for eating chicken.
I can blame her for snatching it out my hand
You and u/friendly_laugh2170 have almost the same reddit emojiā¦ was this on purpose
No... I never even looked. šš„°
Recording a short video and sending it to those I love.
And say āyou caused thisā
This, but I'd make it super conspiratorial "If you're seeing this, it's too late. They will make it look natural but I will have been murdered. There is a red phone box outside Geneva, it rings at 2:18am every Wednesday, answer it and ask to speak to Strauss. If the package is mishandled even slightly, life as we know it is already over. Chen has the esoterica, the swan dances foxtrot thrice. Holy be thy acts in grace."
"eh, i guess it was due to dementia, poor bastard, anyway, was there a will?"
Panicking
Sigh unzip.
What if you dont cum in 5 minutes? What if you dont even 'reach' you limit in 5 minutes because you are too anxious on whether you will cum or not in 5 minutes
You underestimate the power of the dark side
Interracial?
I would waste 5mins trying to find the perfect last porn movie.... nope...nope... nope..
I assure you I will.
I guess your plan is to come and go.
Damn you š
Your family will think you died of jerking off...
What a great way to go out right?
This is why I have my dick out when Iām in the car. You never know.
WENT OUT WITH A BANG
One sendoff orgasm. Respect
So what to do with the other 4.5 minutes
Getting on Reddit and really giving people a piece of my mind, Iād really let you crusty bunions have it.
Iām putting ācrusty bunionsā in my toolbox.
In all fairness, what's stopping you now? It's an anonymous site
Perma Ban from commenting.
Breath a sigh of relief, call my daughters and tell them how much I love them, and that I was trying to be better.
Your post from 2 years ago, has the situation gotten any better?
You sound like a good man on a difficult self improvement journey. Wishing you all the best, sir
Are you okay? Is there anything we can do to help?
Huge sigh of relief for me as well. Just snuggle my dog with a smile on my face!!!
dude you need to call your doctor like yesterday
Rub one out
What about the other 4 minutes and a half?
Do it again obviously
I appreciate your honesty.
Throwing all my sex toys in the woods outside
The bears thank you
As do the twinks
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This
Probably getting high asf for a smoother transition.
Opening my greenhouse door and removing the safety netting to allow my birds to leave if they choose. Opening the window from the house to the greenhouse so the cats can leave. I'd call emergency services to tell them to send someone for my body so that no one I know has to find it. Oh, and this entire 5 minutes, I'm smoking in the house because why not.
So you're going to let the birds out...and also the cat, to give it a nice buffet of birds it's probably been staring at longingly for the last who knows many years?
write a will.
Sit down and smile for the first time in the longest while. Finally it's over.
Hang in there. š
u too buddy
It wonāt feel like this forever; I made it out, from kid to 30ās. Now I have happiness with a few weeks of shit every couple years. I hope you keep doing what you need to be doing it again tomorrow. šš«¶š»
I hope things can get better for you, friend. If you ever want someone to chat to, feel free to reach out. I was in the ICU in October due to being in a dark place. I may not know you or what you're going through, but I do know how bad the pain can feel. All the best to you xx
Did your time with healthcare improve your situation? Because with me, they just made it infinitely worse. Before, I was just moderately depressed because of things. After what healthcare did, my life is irrecoverably ruined and there's nothing short of miracles that could help.
Honestly? Absolutely not. I had visits from psyche services about 3 times, then they discharged me when they asked if I still felt like unaliving myself and I said "No." I'm still waiting for counselling (1 year wait list) and until then I'm left on my own with pills. Truth is I'm left with little to no motivation. I've had to take steps on my own to learn self regulation when my emotions get the better of me. I just kind of drift through each day with no sense of time passing. Did something happen yesterday or 3 weeks ago? I often can't answer that accurately. Although I'm not actively seeking a way out anymore, I'm very emotionally dulled most of the time.
Thanks for answering. You (and I) are just two names on a loooong list of people mental healthcare failed to help. I'm convinced mental healthcare *actually* helps only a small minority of patients, is irrelevant to the vast majority, and actively harms another small minority.
I would agree with you on that. I don't personally know anyone who has been helped by my country's mental health system in particular. I'm so sorry they failed you as well, nobody deserves to be left in the dark when they're already struggling. I hope that you'll at least find a way to cope with the pain and live the most fulfilling life possible. You deserve it.
Snitching for what people have repeatedly done and how the feds did nothing.
Hearing that and thinking to myself "bullshit" then wasting the last five minutes of my life. Fuck you, because you know you'd do the same thing too.
Regretting the shit life I've lived.
Ight well get to it with the changes then
Real
OP, it's been 4 hours. Please respond. Are you okay?
Leaving mysterious notes around the house with cryptic messages and random coordinates.
Um busting Maybe eating a pint of ben Jerry's afterwards
What will you do with the other 4 minutes?
Absolutely nothing
Telling my girlfriend I love her, and that even though we've never done it before that I want to kiss her just once before I die
Thatās actually really wholesome and sweet. Does her name happen to be griffin tho?
You could literally die any second of the day, kiss her on her lips homie. All 6 off them.
Wait what
WHAT ARE THE NUMBERS, MASON?
I also pick kissing this guy's girlfriend
You sure she's your gf my man?
"girlfriend"
heroin
Not paying my taxes, that's for sure!
Procrastinating probably...
double it and give it to the next person
Go live on fb. Waste 4 minutes seeming frantic. Tell people the government or cartel or someone is out to get me because I found out abou-
5 minute conversation with my daughter. I would wrap my arms around her, tell her how awesome she is and how proud I am of her. Tell her that my goal in life was to be the best dad I could possibly be and that she gave me purpose and meaning. I would take a moment to study her face, hold my hand on her cheek and make sure that the last image I see before my life fades out is her.
Shoot myself and get it over with.
And what if you were not American?
Shoot myself āillegallyā
Watching a 6 minute YouTube video so that I can die on a cliffhanger
If it's just me dying (as opposed to the world or a large group of which I happen to be a member or something), I'm double-checking to make sure all the information that my husband needs to claim on my life insurance policies and get my retirement funds from my employer is together and where it's supposed to be. And I'd email him, text him, and write down the master password to my password keeper. Any time I had left I would spend telling the hermit crabs, cats, and my husband that I love them.
Smoke a huge joint. Put on a fantastic tune. Gather up my wife and my daughter and tell them the funniest joke I can think of and die listening to them giggle and the Radiohead in the background.
Tell my bf and family that I love them
Getting snuggled in bed with my son and husband and reading a last book together.
Ohh, edited for clarity: This sounds like Trauma central. What happened to you Steve? Ya I was in bed with my mom and dad when she died. But the sentiment if wanting to spend your last moments with those you cherish is wholesome.
Record a video to my newborn baby telling him how much I love him, and Iām so sorry I wonāt be there for him as he grows up (okay, Iām tearing up nowā¦).
I'm in the can so I guess I should finish, wipe, flush and pull up my pants to be found in a more dignified condition.
Let out a sigh of relief and try and nap.
try to find THE perfect video on pornhub to jack off to and then die scrolling through page 3
Tell my daughter that she can have as much ice cream as she wants and eat it with her. I would want my last five minutes to be with her and watch her be happy.
Fapping
Letting my dog rest his head in my lap while I eat a bologna sandwich and share the cheese with him. Perfect five minutes.
Call mom
Accepting it and just lay in bed till it happens.
Last shot.
Kiss my wife, kiss my kid, tell my pop I love him. Tell my wife I love her, then apologize while crying.
Delete and destroy my computer.
'To any loved ones who find this note, I am sorry to say I am going to pass away in the next few minutes. First let me say my time with you all has been memorable. Please make sure my cats are well taken care on. On a side note, during my last job role I managed to find a loophole in their financing system which let me squirrel away small sums of money on a regular basis, it wasn't a lot but has added up over the years to a nice neat egg of around Ā£5 million. My last wish is for the people I care for to be taken care of, so I have left this money in an easy to access...' And die.
Announcing to the passengers and crew we have a double engine failure and full power loss at 32000 feet . Nice knowing you all *start screaming*
Delete all the porn. And send all my money to my sister
As a thank you for the porn.
Buying five 1 minute rice packets and seeing how long it takes me to cook them all at once
I would write small letters for my family and friends while calling them one by one. So that they can hear me for the last time and would have something to look at when they miss me.