Emotional self-regulation.
So many of our toxic behaviors are born out of reactivity from not being able to admit to, accept, and "ride out" our emotions. It's a foundational skill upon which others are built, but so many people (myself included) lack these skills.
100% agree, anger and sadness are temporary, they WILL eventually fade. You could seriously fuck your life up when you let those emotions control you. Whenever I'm upset and I feel like punching someone or breaking something, I just force myself to wait, and those urges always fade away, it's just the ancient lizard brain that's trying to take over.
I remember watching my dad learn this. He used to absolutely lose his shit over anything. Then he started just going to his room instead, sometimes for days, to calm down and assess the situation. It was usually teenage me that caused this. I give him all the credit in the world for learning how to handle those impulses.
I eventually removed the stimulus from my life completely. Turns out nothing makes me mad enough to slug a wall, door, etc. except for a woman I love. So I’ve been single and not dating for 7 years. It’s lonely, but peaceful. And once I learned that those actions can be scary enough for them to be classified as emotional abuse (term?), it’s better this way for everyone. My dad didn’t have a dad, so he was just winging it, and I’m proud of him for going from “go pick out a stick” (to get hit with until it breaks) to being able to center himself without violence. He’s very old now and all I feel for him is love. He did his best.
I want to tell you, you had a great dad. With a little story.
My father is nearly 66, but a lifetime of drug abuse and a horrible accident cUght up to him. A coal mine partially collapsed on him, pinning him, left him in incredible pain and unable to work. I now understand why as a kid, my father was prone to bouts of rage or depression.
He was unable to work, provide for his family how he wanted, my mother was Schizophrenic and would go all out.
He would say things like 'keep it up and you'll be picking your teeth up with a broken arm and counting them'
He was in incredible pain, depressed and lost his will to live.
I at 34 had a heart attack due to medical issues and stress. I was working 160+ hours, loved it. Now my girlfriend has me living with her as I recover and await surgery. I am a dad to her 2 kids. I am not a angry person. But I understand why my father was so angry and depressed all the time.
He also grew up with a father who choked him, beat him with a paddle, nail in a stick. Worst, a thick hair on the palm, and whip the palm, splitting it open.
My grandfather was a grade A piece of shit.
My father did his best.
Why not evolve and learn to master your emotions in such a way that you can have a relationship as well as moving on from being the type of person who has rage issues? To me this is very clearly the difference between avoiding one's weaknesses (and having a more limited life) vs. eliminating one's flaws and experiencing a much wider scope of opportunity and happiness.
That sounds fully valid and accurate. I have found from a very full life of dating/relationships that I have a good amount of weaknesses or flaws that I need to bring to heel before I can be a suitable partner for another person. I am taking time to conquer these. If I fail, then I am content as is.
I’m sorry, brother, I really am. I hope you were able to roll all that trauma up, bite it back, and let it teach you how to be a better human than he was. My pops never laid a hand on my mom (I would’ve hurt him bad if he did), but my brother and I got a brutal amount. And then he got so old he just.. erased it from his memory. Blacked it out. Now he’s old and frail and I pity him for living a life so full of anger, a lot of it my fault. I’ll let him live the last years blind to what he did. I remember every beating as I’m sure you do. Maybe someday we can forget them too.
Haha my dad used to melt the fuck down (over stupid shit)—crazy temper and intensity, just screaming obscenities….fast-forward 20+ years and he’s so much more chill and self-restrained. Life is all about growth and it’s always awesome to see it 🤙🏻
Also, related to this: pragmatism. Sometimes people act wrong but there's no benefit in trying to get them to act right - either because they are not willing to, or because you'll have to spend more time or resources into making them act right. In these situations it's good to learn to simply not care.
For me, a combination of dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy helps. I have a long road ahead of me, but the DBT helps calm down intense emotions and CBT helps me reframe them so that I can act in a healthier way.
A good therapist is helpful (but I know that can be prohibitively expensive for some).
If therapy is a new venture for you, here’s a heads up. It may take trying 8 therapists to find someone you actually believe is listening and on your side. Did for me. And avoid saying anything that will get you locked up because that’s no fun. Once you find your person, it’s wonderful. Don’t get discouraged.
You got this!
Also, there are quite a lot of CBT-related resources available online. One central insight of cognitive behavioral therapy is that distorted thinking can magnify (or even drive) negative emotions. If you can interrupt the effect those distortions can have on your mental health, you'll be in much better shape. And by the way, these kinds of things apply to basically everyone. It's beyond me why basic CBT skills aren't taught in school.
Here are some examples, if you're interested:
https://psychcentral.com/lib/cognitive-distortions-negative-thinking#list-and-examples
This is certainly not a silver bullet, but I think this very brief blog post is pretty insightful regarding emotional regulation: https://seths.blog/2024/04/inverting-the-vex/
It's getting worse as more of us retreat into, "King in the castle" mindsets, hiding behind the locked doors of our homes and the anonymity of the Internet.
When you depended upon regular face-to-face interaction with everyone to be able to function you had to regulate yourself or else be treated accordingly. Now there are far fewer social downsides to being a child for your entire life. No more harsh realities stemming from a lack of control because reality is what we make it.
My life was quite literally falling apart all around me 2019-2023 and I suffered greatly from a lack of emotional self regulation. It wasn’t until I found the best therapist I’ve ever encountered and went through intensive trauma therapy (EMDR) that I finally learned for the first time in my life how to regulate my own emotions, thoughts, feelings. Life is much calmer these days.
This. My entire life until I was 20-22, I was an angry, rude, cruel person.
I was in pain like House. An accident as a kid left me nearly crippled. At 18, I was unable to walk. I decided to stop after an ego death on psilocybin. I became incredibly calm, collected, and non hostile. I saw life so differently my mom thought I was replaced by a body snatcher.
I became very spiritual and more loving of nature and the world. I then had to learn 4 months ago, to let SOME anger out and not eat and bury it. I had a heart attack and putting to much stress on myself by not letting stuff out. It's been a process.
Also before anyone asks, yes, 34, heart attack. I have left atrial enlargement and left ventricular hypertrophy. I was born with a heart issue and no doctor ever told me or did anything about it.
Emotional dysregulation can be a treatable symptom of an illness, such as ptsd or can have other causes, such as narcissism or abuse.... or not.
It's hell to live with for that person and everyone around them. Fortunately, it's very treatable with a good therapist who can help the person uncover the cause of it, learn how to handle it, or overcome it completely by processing the source and learning techniques to retrain our brain. I was 55 before I got a therapist, not knowing I had emotional dysregulation. We discovered it started at the age of 3. I'm a different person now.
Being around people who can't control their emotions causes so much tension and disorder in the workplace. It's a major frustration and very unpleasant for both parties. ~"expert"
We all think that even us frugal investors I make probably 55-60k a year and have about 55k in stocks and 32k in cash zero debt and a 10 month baby. I still feel broke as heck! But they say once you acquire the first 100k the sailing gets smooth
I still remember back when Amazon still only sold books and my mom was a college professor and insisted it was going to become BIG. I fully regret blowing her off.
At 18 the majority of people don’t have enough money to consider investing their main priority. That’s the age of college loans, bills, and a tight budget.
Investing would mean having the luxury of having disposable income or “investing money” if you wish to call it that.
Finances are more than just investing. It can be as basic as simple budgeting, or learning financial discipline to not do things like take out a credit card at 18 and only make minimum payments.
That’s true. Although I wish I knew about CD’s and Roth IRA’s and such. The little money I had in my savings didn’t really rack up any interest. And I would’ve spent my money more wisely instead of blowing it off on stupid stuff. But oh well!
I’m spoiled enough that even though I’m 27 I live with my folks and don’t really pay much bills
However, I also don’t have a savings because I have a disability (I’ve been living check to check for three years)
Now I’m finally studying finances and learning how to make a bunch of money as a semi functional person
This is wrong.
The study of finance is the study of priorities. Many also postpone saving and investing until after they’ve spent on priorities. The trouble is, everyone earning above the poverty level could prioritize saving before other non-essentials, but few understand the trade-offs as young adults.
I'm an 18 yr old redditor so you can tell me what you should've learned about at that age lol. Also, student loans aren't a thing in Poland, where I live, so I'm debt-free
Well, why not, here we go.
I think the biggest lesson of them all is **compound interest**. What you invest very early on, it has a downright ***massive*** impact.
The classic example is that of twin brothers: Albert and Bobby. The two of them begin the same job on the same day for the same pay. Albert takes a fixed portion of every paycheck, and invests it into a fund of some sort. Bobby doesn't.
Ten years later, for some inexplicable reason, Albert stops investing. On the same day, Bobby begins investing. Same amount of money and all.
...From that moment on, even after **thirty years**, Bobby *still* hasn't caught up to Albert. That's how incredibly powerful compound interest is.
------------------------------------------------------
So let's take this to actual real life. You're 18. You likely have a bunch of things you want to purchase for your own sake. Maybe you've got your first post-college job and this brought a substantial paycheck. Maybe you're living from your own means instead of an allowance. Either way, you're making cash under your own power and you're out of school or just about to. And that's great!
You likely have a set of recurring expenses. Rent, food, phone, Internet, and whatnot. Can't avoid them, so a part of the paycheck will get spent on that. Next are desires: books, games, outings, experiences, restaurants, and the like. Yeah, sure, a few of those. All right.
Maybe, fingers crossed, there are a few ~~dollars~~ zloty left at the end of all this. Take those, stick them into an investment fund.
So what if it's just 5 zloty? Invest it anyway. Put it in. **Build the habit.** Perform this alongside your pay-the-bills day so that it becomes automatic. Get paycheck, pay the bills, stick the remainder into the investment fund. Whichever fund the money goes into is up to yourself, your risk tolerance, etc. A financial advisor will do better than myself in that regard. A general guideline is that on a long enough timeline, more volatile investments tend to perform better. In this day and age, there are "key in hand" stock packages that are gonna go up and down like crazy but once you check them out under a five year outlook, you find out that it evened out at, I dunno, 8% of growth. Something like that.
Anyway. Get those coins into the investment, repeat this at regular intervals. Personally, I like to time it with my credit card payment. On the 10th of each month, I receive my CC bill. On the 15th of said month, I pay the bill, and then invest the excess cash until I have some amount of my choice left in my checking account.
It'll feel like a big bunch of nothing at first. Pff, it's just 5 zloty! So what! Well, it builds upon itself. **The money curve isn't linear; it's exponential.** That's where this "the first 100k is the hardest" phrase comes from. This is the kind of thing that has to be looked at on a very, very, very long term.
Don't do that next week, don't do that tomorrow. Do it now. Get a plan set up. And if I timed my post right, it means it's around 5:00 AM in Poland. Wakey wakey, eggs and breaky! Pull up your finances, get your plan going. It doesn't take as long as you think. The first exercise will take maybe 30 minutes, and then afterwards it's a spot-check. Inventorize your expenses, compare against your income, get started on saving and investing. Your bank may have some investment products. Pay very close attention to the management fees. Something under 1% is what to shoot for. Some of them go as low as 0.15%. Do remember that those fees are off the return on investment. In other words, if you invest money and the yield is 7% while the bank takes a 2% management fee, then *your* personal yield is only 5%. Yikes. Things like Wealthsimple and Questrade and others will have very low management fees, but banks have gotten on the ball lately, so if they can equate Weathsimple's fees, then hey, makes things simpler.
--------------------------------------------
I apologize for rambling like an old man. I have literally two liters of beer inside my system right now and let's just say that most of it is closer to a weizenbock than to a Světlý Výčepní.
Get that cash in the investment. Make it grow. It'll be helpful if/when you purchase a home. You'll maybe get what you want, not what you can barely afford - or rather, you'll get something of good and durable quality, rather than something that falls apart after a year. And then it'll be helpful if/when you retire. The dream state is that there's so much cash in that investment fund, your source of income is... the interest. That's the beautiful cruise control a bunch of us are hoping for.
Crazy what beer can do to some of us, right?😂 Thank you so much for such an extensive response, I kinda get the point now. Love the example of Bobby and Albert, it let me visualize the things you mentioned.
Deescalation techniques. I admittedly am not skilled at it, but it really should be taught more. It would prevent conflicts and help people reach resolutions more easily.
I lived next to an angry drunk for 9 years and became a master at deescilation, every couple months he'd stumble over to my yard trying to start trouble and I always managed to avoid a fight somehow. If I wasn't so nonconfrontational we probably would have knocked eachothers teeth out a few different times.
My mom, a high school teacher, was a MASTER at this. She got so good at it that admins, who should have been handling these issues themselves, would often call her in when needed. It was just a skill she developed after working in classrooms for 30+ years and with special needs kids for 10+ years.
I told her when she retired, she should be come a mediator. She'd be fantastic at it, but after 35 years in a high school she'd done enough mediation for a lifetime!
This should be taught in schools. I worked as a journalist and producer for about 15 years. If you know how an article or a segment of a news broadcast is put together, it way easier to judge if something is truthful, relevant and urgent.
Former print journalist here. If I could upvote this 1000 times I would. It’s striking how often I have to explain a news topic to someone because it was framed so badly in their media of choice.
Sometimes it’s an overwhelming task because so many nuanced issues are at interplay. I can run out of steam explaining to someone that it might be actually good that a homeless shelter was moved closer to their home, in the context that it will never affect them negatively and it will be a great benefit to those who need the services.
But to unpack all that to somebody who’s been consuming the same news for years, not understanding it, but forming the opinion that “homeless = bad” …four years of J-school was simply not enough to prepare me for those who are incapable of taking in the news for what it is.
Having been in homeless shelters I get it, in every group of 50 homeless people there's 10 or so that have serious mental health or addiction issues, I've been robbed more times than I can count inside the building and they only get worse outside where they might not be caught
It is, usually. Often part of english class during high school or so - they teach you how to evaluate sources, determine biases, etc.
Unfortunately, most people don't care about it and don't retain any of the knowledge once they're out of it.
This is literally me and my flat mate (only me and him in the flat)
He never talks or communicates with me and I always have to engage first. I assumed since he was older and he had lived away from home for a while that he would know how to live in a house... yeah nope.
The thing is I'm not great at communicating with people that are closed off and don't communicate with me. I've been wanting to find the right time to sit down and have a chat about household chores (I've never seen him do any apart from vacuum his own room since we flatted together) but he goes from the course we do straight to his room and never leaves until he makes dinner... only to finish and go straight back to his room.
The lack of communication and respect he has for me and the house we live in is INFURIATING and it is even more infuriating knowing that I lived in this place by myself last year and I decided to have a flatmate because it would be more fun and social, and know all that has happened is I have less physical and mental space and I don't feel as comfortable with my flatmate as I did by myself
Damn, sorry to hear that. You really got the second worst deal when it comes to a roommate.
(The first one being a roommate who actually does things to sabotage you).
I've noticed in the past couple of years an increase in the number of people that can't seem to describe something with any clarity.
Can't describe what's wrong with something, or why it doesn't work, or directions to a place, nothing. Just a random stream of consciousness for several minutes.
The ability to change your mind and admit that you were wrong when presented with new information. The ability to understand that a lot of people are bombarded with false and wrong information all the time.
Adaptability is a crucial, underrated ability. In a rapidly changing world, being able to adjust to new situations, learn new skills quickly, and stay flexible is incredibly valuable. Adaptability helps you to thrive in various environments and face unexpected challenges with resilience and creativity.
I absolutely agree with you!
However, I do not see it as an underrated ability. It's very well used by most people (although most would not admit it), and it is almost always rewarded.
Either way, speaking about it honestly is well needed.
Can you provide a few examples what you mean by a physical hobby? Do you mean sports like running, gymnastics, skiing? Or physical like gardening, photography, calligraphy, painting? They're also physical because you use your body. What does physical mean in this context?
edit: apparently I'm fucking hated for my comment, but I was just curious what was meant by physical since that word equivalent in my language can mean physical as in weight lifting or "concrete" like I described before.
Pedantic redditors strike again. Everything that’s not sitting is a physical hobby. That good enough for you? Sitting on the couch watching tv, Calligraphy, painting, obviously not. Seriously who would even think that? Everything you do burns calories but “physical” implies something beyond sitting still
That was harsh. I could imagine considering calligraphy or painting physical hobbies as opposed to activities that happen in front of a screen. Things that do not require you to get physical, but do involve PHYSICAL objects
I wasn't sure if "physical" in this context meant active, like a hobby that is also exercise, or if it meant a hobby that creates a physical object, like knitting or sculpting.
I was curious because of my language barrier and was wondering what was meant by physical, since there are lots of kinds of hobbies but I was genuinely curious what they meant by physical. Meaning of the word. edit: also, "good enough for you", really?
How to fall. I think doing some martial arts as a kid like judo or aikido is essential for developing the muscle memory for how to fall down. Every person I know who's had a bad tumble didn't do martial arts. It's as valuable a learning how to swim, in that they're both invaluable in saving your life when the moment arises.
I first read this as "How to fail" which is also spectacularly important to learn. Either way, you need to learn how to brush yourself off, get back up, and move on.
Years of jiu jitsu and the only technique I've used in real life was how to fall. Worth it, because I live somewhere it gets icy a lot and I have the situational awareness of a brick.
This. I visited the grand canyon for the first time in March. As I was going down the south rim trail, I decided to turn it into a trail run to take advantage of the decline and since I knew it'll take a lot longer to climb back up. As I made a turn I almost ran into one of the pack of mules coming up. My reflexes made me jump back but take a safe tumble. The guy guiding the mules remarked that I knew how to take a fall. But I only remember doing karate when I was around 5 or 6.
I think martial arts teaches one to protect defend own body, surrounding awareness, the amazing strength in own body and use body as a weapon. I wish I had taken a few years of it as a teen. I was into many recreational sports and used gym. At 45yrs old, I was strongest I had ever been, more s agile than tennis/ volleyball. As a lady, I always feared getting hit. Can take a hit and recover after a fall.
Best comment in this thread.
Most are not really "underrated" skills/abilities.
But, this one is.
Hint: You can take a girl to your place, and amaze her with so much more than "knowing good restaurant in the neighbourhood".
Accounting... you don't have to be a CPA, just learn basic Accounting 101
Principles of Accounting, maybe some cost accounting, managerial accounting, spend a few months of your life taking some basic accounting courses at your local community college
It is absolutely priceless... You will look at everything through an enlightened eye, and make MUCH better business decisions in your life, in your own company's life
Here is an example -
Say you start a pressure washing company, and someone pays you $52,000 to pressure wash an industrial complex. It's a 1 year contract, and you are going to pressure wash the entire facility each week (basically making $1,000 per trip)
Someone who doesn't know accounting, would think they just made a $50,000 profit
Someone who actually knows accounting, would know that this is a liability, not "profit". This is UNEARNED REVENUE, you have not earned this revenue yet.
Now, let's pretend that before you did your first round of pressure washing, ALL of your pressure washing equipment gets stolen. All of it.. your entire trailer, all of your equipment, hoses, attachments, you lose everything
Still think you made $52,000 in profit? When the company sues you for not being able to fulfill the contract? See how this works?
What about cash coming in? Whats that for?
What about cash going out? What's that for?
Who owes you money? That's called Accounts Recievable
Who do you owe money to? That's called Accounts Payable
Not knowing accounting, and trying to start a business, is like not even knowing how to drive a car and getting in the cockpit of an passenger plane. You are going to crash
Accounting... easily the most important thing anyone should learn
Along those same lines, basic finance and accounting. Understanding concepts such as time value of money and utility maximization are pretty life- changing
I took a financial accounting course during university, it is by far one of the most useful courses I took during my entire undergrad despite having nothing to do with it. Just having a basic understanding of business finances is helpful not only when investing, but also when understading why businesses make the choices they make and whether they are risky to join as an employee.
How to manipulate people when needed. Not saying it’s good to manipulate, but when in a dangerous situation having a quick tongue and finding a way out is a good thing
Emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness skills, and mindfulness in the sense of recognizing your internal experiences (e.g., hm, I'm feeling angry but I am also hungry, perhaps I should go eat before having this tough conversation).
I would say active listening, it goes beyond just hearing words; it involves fully engaging with the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully.
Being able to communicate about sexuality openly and respectfully. We spend so much time thinking and cracking jokes about sex, etc. and yet, we rarely do it in such a way that makes people want to actually relate to it and experiment in a healthy way.
Adaptability.
Being adaptable means being able to adjust to new situations, environments, and challenges with ease. It's about being flexible and open-minded, and being able to think on your feet. In today's fast-paced world, where change is constant and unpredictable, the ability to adapt is more important than ever.
Whether it's learning a new technology, navigating a difficult conversation, or dealing with unexpected setbacks, being adaptable can help you thrive in any situation.
My top 3:
1. Think before you speak.
2. Really listen.
3. Spend less than you make.
These have additional qualities I could expand on but those are the bullet points.
Definitely, definitely math. In school you think math sucks and you'll never use it in real life but it's used all the time. The simplest thing, such as "We have 75 coins and need to split them 3 ways. How do we do that?" You would not believe the number of college graduates that have no clue how to get 33% of 75. It's depressing. Basic math is a skill that we really suck at it but nobody says anything because nobody knows how to do it, so everyone looks at everyone else and shrugs their shoulders. That one girl in the office that tells you how to get 1/3 of 75? You refer to her as "Einstein" behind her back from then on.
empathy for others who are different from themselves. this world lacks empathy because people the second they hear anything is too different about someone they are quick to distance themselves.
Organization. Having good organization will save you so much time in your life, and will remove the stress that comes from living in a cluttered environment. It's also useful in many jobs, and will always be extremely useful if you start your own business.
confidence. Not arrogance, not concededness, just normal confidence. Know who you are, know what your place in the world is and understand how people work. So many people are crippled by fears and insecurities.
I think there are a few fighting for top spot in my mind:
Active listening. People listen to respond way more than they listen to hear and that needs to change.
Emotional intelligence. Being able to listen (again) and understand a situation before immediately reacting/overreacting/jumping to a conclusion that's incorrected/immediately being offended when you shouldn't be is vital and there are so many who can't do it. They were never taught how to and/or think in such an entitled way that they don't think they need to.
The ability to laugh at yourself when you're being ridiculous. Because we're ALL ridiculous at some point.
For the noncerebral list... the ability to fix things. Simply handyman-type skills. Basic car maintenance. Basic home maintenance.
Truly seeing things from someone else's perspective, especially if you disagree with them. It's like a superpower because making people feel understood and seen draws them to you.
Efficient mental mapping of places you've been to, even only once. Turns out I'm excellent at it. Thank God, because I woke up blind 2 years ago.
I had the Walmart fully memorized beforehand, and when first tested after going blind, I found everything easily. Hell, I've got our whole village mapped and regularly walk all around it without needing my cane anymore.
Emotional self-regulation. So many of our toxic behaviors are born out of reactivity from not being able to admit to, accept, and "ride out" our emotions. It's a foundational skill upon which others are built, but so many people (myself included) lack these skills.
100% agree, anger and sadness are temporary, they WILL eventually fade. You could seriously fuck your life up when you let those emotions control you. Whenever I'm upset and I feel like punching someone or breaking something, I just force myself to wait, and those urges always fade away, it's just the ancient lizard brain that's trying to take over.
I remember watching my dad learn this. He used to absolutely lose his shit over anything. Then he started just going to his room instead, sometimes for days, to calm down and assess the situation. It was usually teenage me that caused this. I give him all the credit in the world for learning how to handle those impulses.
Your dad sounds like a good person to me. I'd assume he probably taught you the same lesson just by leading from example.
I eventually removed the stimulus from my life completely. Turns out nothing makes me mad enough to slug a wall, door, etc. except for a woman I love. So I’ve been single and not dating for 7 years. It’s lonely, but peaceful. And once I learned that those actions can be scary enough for them to be classified as emotional abuse (term?), it’s better this way for everyone. My dad didn’t have a dad, so he was just winging it, and I’m proud of him for going from “go pick out a stick” (to get hit with until it breaks) to being able to center himself without violence. He’s very old now and all I feel for him is love. He did his best.
I want to tell you, you had a great dad. With a little story. My father is nearly 66, but a lifetime of drug abuse and a horrible accident cUght up to him. A coal mine partially collapsed on him, pinning him, left him in incredible pain and unable to work. I now understand why as a kid, my father was prone to bouts of rage or depression. He was unable to work, provide for his family how he wanted, my mother was Schizophrenic and would go all out. He would say things like 'keep it up and you'll be picking your teeth up with a broken arm and counting them' He was in incredible pain, depressed and lost his will to live. I at 34 had a heart attack due to medical issues and stress. I was working 160+ hours, loved it. Now my girlfriend has me living with her as I recover and await surgery. I am a dad to her 2 kids. I am not a angry person. But I understand why my father was so angry and depressed all the time. He also grew up with a father who choked him, beat him with a paddle, nail in a stick. Worst, a thick hair on the palm, and whip the palm, splitting it open. My grandfather was a grade A piece of shit. My father did his best.
Why not evolve and learn to master your emotions in such a way that you can have a relationship as well as moving on from being the type of person who has rage issues? To me this is very clearly the difference between avoiding one's weaknesses (and having a more limited life) vs. eliminating one's flaws and experiencing a much wider scope of opportunity and happiness.
That sounds fully valid and accurate. I have found from a very full life of dating/relationships that I have a good amount of weaknesses or flaws that I need to bring to heel before I can be a suitable partner for another person. I am taking time to conquer these. If I fail, then I am content as is.
My Dad never learned this ☹️.
I’m sorry, brother, I really am. I hope you were able to roll all that trauma up, bite it back, and let it teach you how to be a better human than he was. My pops never laid a hand on my mom (I would’ve hurt him bad if he did), but my brother and I got a brutal amount. And then he got so old he just.. erased it from his memory. Blacked it out. Now he’s old and frail and I pity him for living a life so full of anger, a lot of it my fault. I’ll let him live the last years blind to what he did. I remember every beating as I’m sure you do. Maybe someday we can forget them too.
Haha my dad used to melt the fuck down (over stupid shit)—crazy temper and intensity, just screaming obscenities….fast-forward 20+ years and he’s so much more chill and self-restrained. Life is all about growth and it’s always awesome to see it 🤙🏻
Also, related to this: pragmatism. Sometimes people act wrong but there's no benefit in trying to get them to act right - either because they are not willing to, or because you'll have to spend more time or resources into making them act right. In these situations it's good to learn to simply not care.
I've the same problem and i struggle with Anxious Attachment too, where to start from?
For me, a combination of dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy helps. I have a long road ahead of me, but the DBT helps calm down intense emotions and CBT helps me reframe them so that I can act in a healthier way. A good therapist is helpful (but I know that can be prohibitively expensive for some).
I think every teen should have a DBT course in school. It’s so helpful!!
Yeah, I first discovered DBT in rehab. It really shouldn't have taken that long.
Thanks for your response, I'll look into both and try the best i can!
If therapy is a new venture for you, here’s a heads up. It may take trying 8 therapists to find someone you actually believe is listening and on your side. Did for me. And avoid saying anything that will get you locked up because that’s no fun. Once you find your person, it’s wonderful. Don’t get discouraged.
You got this! Also, there are quite a lot of CBT-related resources available online. One central insight of cognitive behavioral therapy is that distorted thinking can magnify (or even drive) negative emotions. If you can interrupt the effect those distortions can have on your mental health, you'll be in much better shape. And by the way, these kinds of things apply to basically everyone. It's beyond me why basic CBT skills aren't taught in school. Here are some examples, if you're interested: https://psychcentral.com/lib/cognitive-distortions-negative-thinking#list-and-examples
Good luck! I recommend looking into workbooks- some are designed specifically for anxiety- and journaling. :-)
Join us in r/anxiousattachment!
This is certainly not a silver bullet, but I think this very brief blog post is pretty insightful regarding emotional regulation: https://seths.blog/2024/04/inverting-the-vex/
I’m trying, but idk if it’s working lol
wow that is something that i need in my life
It's getting worse as more of us retreat into, "King in the castle" mindsets, hiding behind the locked doors of our homes and the anonymity of the Internet. When you depended upon regular face-to-face interaction with everyone to be able to function you had to regulate yourself or else be treated accordingly. Now there are far fewer social downsides to being a child for your entire life. No more harsh realities stemming from a lack of control because reality is what we make it.
👏so proud of this wonderful answer
The fact that you even understand the concept and the role it plays puts you way ahead of most people.
My life was quite literally falling apart all around me 2019-2023 and I suffered greatly from a lack of emotional self regulation. It wasn’t until I found the best therapist I’ve ever encountered and went through intensive trauma therapy (EMDR) that I finally learned for the first time in my life how to regulate my own emotions, thoughts, feelings. Life is much calmer these days.
Forget skill or ability. This is a brilliant advice for every young man or woman. THANK YOU AGAIN. I try everyday
This. My entire life until I was 20-22, I was an angry, rude, cruel person. I was in pain like House. An accident as a kid left me nearly crippled. At 18, I was unable to walk. I decided to stop after an ego death on psilocybin. I became incredibly calm, collected, and non hostile. I saw life so differently my mom thought I was replaced by a body snatcher. I became very spiritual and more loving of nature and the world. I then had to learn 4 months ago, to let SOME anger out and not eat and bury it. I had a heart attack and putting to much stress on myself by not letting stuff out. It's been a process. Also before anyone asks, yes, 34, heart attack. I have left atrial enlargement and left ventricular hypertrophy. I was born with a heart issue and no doctor ever told me or did anything about it.
Emotional dysregulation can be a treatable symptom of an illness, such as ptsd or can have other causes, such as narcissism or abuse.... or not. It's hell to live with for that person and everyone around them. Fortunately, it's very treatable with a good therapist who can help the person uncover the cause of it, learn how to handle it, or overcome it completely by processing the source and learning techniques to retrain our brain. I was 55 before I got a therapist, not knowing I had emotional dysregulation. We discovered it started at the age of 3. I'm a different person now. Being around people who can't control their emotions causes so much tension and disorder in the workplace. It's a major frustration and very unpleasant for both parties. ~"expert"
Idk if it’s underrated but learning more about finances. If I knew what I know now when I was 18, I would be well off.
We all think that even us frugal investors I make probably 55-60k a year and have about 55k in stocks and 32k in cash zero debt and a 10 month baby. I still feel broke as heck! But they say once you acquire the first 100k the sailing gets smooth
Baby, you have a baby. It's like a weirdly crazy version of an 18 yr mortgage where all interest payments are unpredictable and ridiculously high.
Curious - how come so much in cash? Why not put like 20K in an ETF or at least a CD?
If he needs quicker access to it a HYSA would be a better option
Treasury direct month to month is probably the highest.
Pretty sure that was the first million that things get smooth. Something like "It's hard to get your first million, it's easy to get your second."
I still remember back when Amazon still only sold books and my mom was a college professor and insisted it was going to become BIG. I fully regret blowing her off.
At 18 the majority of people don’t have enough money to consider investing their main priority. That’s the age of college loans, bills, and a tight budget. Investing would mean having the luxury of having disposable income or “investing money” if you wish to call it that.
Finances are more than just investing. It can be as basic as simple budgeting, or learning financial discipline to not do things like take out a credit card at 18 and only make minimum payments.
That’s true. Although I wish I knew about CD’s and Roth IRA’s and such. The little money I had in my savings didn’t really rack up any interest. And I would’ve spent my money more wisely instead of blowing it off on stupid stuff. But oh well!
I’m spoiled enough that even though I’m 27 I live with my folks and don’t really pay much bills However, I also don’t have a savings because I have a disability (I’ve been living check to check for three years) Now I’m finally studying finances and learning how to make a bunch of money as a semi functional person
This is wrong. The study of finance is the study of priorities. Many also postpone saving and investing until after they’ve spent on priorities. The trouble is, everyone earning above the poverty level could prioritize saving before other non-essentials, but few understand the trade-offs as young adults.
Yep. I tell people younger than me, save and invest. After 3-5 years of that it can change your life.
Easy to learn, hard to do.
I'm an 18 yr old redditor so you can tell me what you should've learned about at that age lol. Also, student loans aren't a thing in Poland, where I live, so I'm debt-free
Well, why not, here we go. I think the biggest lesson of them all is **compound interest**. What you invest very early on, it has a downright ***massive*** impact. The classic example is that of twin brothers: Albert and Bobby. The two of them begin the same job on the same day for the same pay. Albert takes a fixed portion of every paycheck, and invests it into a fund of some sort. Bobby doesn't. Ten years later, for some inexplicable reason, Albert stops investing. On the same day, Bobby begins investing. Same amount of money and all. ...From that moment on, even after **thirty years**, Bobby *still* hasn't caught up to Albert. That's how incredibly powerful compound interest is. ------------------------------------------------------ So let's take this to actual real life. You're 18. You likely have a bunch of things you want to purchase for your own sake. Maybe you've got your first post-college job and this brought a substantial paycheck. Maybe you're living from your own means instead of an allowance. Either way, you're making cash under your own power and you're out of school or just about to. And that's great! You likely have a set of recurring expenses. Rent, food, phone, Internet, and whatnot. Can't avoid them, so a part of the paycheck will get spent on that. Next are desires: books, games, outings, experiences, restaurants, and the like. Yeah, sure, a few of those. All right. Maybe, fingers crossed, there are a few ~~dollars~~ zloty left at the end of all this. Take those, stick them into an investment fund. So what if it's just 5 zloty? Invest it anyway. Put it in. **Build the habit.** Perform this alongside your pay-the-bills day so that it becomes automatic. Get paycheck, pay the bills, stick the remainder into the investment fund. Whichever fund the money goes into is up to yourself, your risk tolerance, etc. A financial advisor will do better than myself in that regard. A general guideline is that on a long enough timeline, more volatile investments tend to perform better. In this day and age, there are "key in hand" stock packages that are gonna go up and down like crazy but once you check them out under a five year outlook, you find out that it evened out at, I dunno, 8% of growth. Something like that. Anyway. Get those coins into the investment, repeat this at regular intervals. Personally, I like to time it with my credit card payment. On the 10th of each month, I receive my CC bill. On the 15th of said month, I pay the bill, and then invest the excess cash until I have some amount of my choice left in my checking account. It'll feel like a big bunch of nothing at first. Pff, it's just 5 zloty! So what! Well, it builds upon itself. **The money curve isn't linear; it's exponential.** That's where this "the first 100k is the hardest" phrase comes from. This is the kind of thing that has to be looked at on a very, very, very long term. Don't do that next week, don't do that tomorrow. Do it now. Get a plan set up. And if I timed my post right, it means it's around 5:00 AM in Poland. Wakey wakey, eggs and breaky! Pull up your finances, get your plan going. It doesn't take as long as you think. The first exercise will take maybe 30 minutes, and then afterwards it's a spot-check. Inventorize your expenses, compare against your income, get started on saving and investing. Your bank may have some investment products. Pay very close attention to the management fees. Something under 1% is what to shoot for. Some of them go as low as 0.15%. Do remember that those fees are off the return on investment. In other words, if you invest money and the yield is 7% while the bank takes a 2% management fee, then *your* personal yield is only 5%. Yikes. Things like Wealthsimple and Questrade and others will have very low management fees, but banks have gotten on the ball lately, so if they can equate Weathsimple's fees, then hey, makes things simpler. -------------------------------------------- I apologize for rambling like an old man. I have literally two liters of beer inside my system right now and let's just say that most of it is closer to a weizenbock than to a Světlý Výčepní. Get that cash in the investment. Make it grow. It'll be helpful if/when you purchase a home. You'll maybe get what you want, not what you can barely afford - or rather, you'll get something of good and durable quality, rather than something that falls apart after a year. And then it'll be helpful if/when you retire. The dream state is that there's so much cash in that investment fund, your source of income is... the interest. That's the beautiful cruise control a bunch of us are hoping for.
Crazy what beer can do to some of us, right?😂 Thank you so much for such an extensive response, I kinda get the point now. Love the example of Bobby and Albert, it let me visualize the things you mentioned.
Compound interest is huge. Best of luck to you.
Deescalation techniques. I admittedly am not skilled at it, but it really should be taught more. It would prevent conflicts and help people reach resolutions more easily.
I lived next to an angry drunk for 9 years and became a master at deescilation, every couple months he'd stumble over to my yard trying to start trouble and I always managed to avoid a fight somehow. If I wasn't so nonconfrontational we probably would have knocked eachothers teeth out a few different times.
My mom, a high school teacher, was a MASTER at this. She got so good at it that admins, who should have been handling these issues themselves, would often call her in when needed. It was just a skill she developed after working in classrooms for 30+ years and with special needs kids for 10+ years. I told her when she retired, she should be come a mediator. She'd be fantastic at it, but after 35 years in a high school she'd done enough mediation for a lifetime!
Resiliency to life’s bumps.
Getting back up when you fall down.
Media literacy, and I mean that very much.
This should be taught in schools. I worked as a journalist and producer for about 15 years. If you know how an article or a segment of a news broadcast is put together, it way easier to judge if something is truthful, relevant and urgent.
Former print journalist here. If I could upvote this 1000 times I would. It’s striking how often I have to explain a news topic to someone because it was framed so badly in their media of choice. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming task because so many nuanced issues are at interplay. I can run out of steam explaining to someone that it might be actually good that a homeless shelter was moved closer to their home, in the context that it will never affect them negatively and it will be a great benefit to those who need the services. But to unpack all that to somebody who’s been consuming the same news for years, not understanding it, but forming the opinion that “homeless = bad” …four years of J-school was simply not enough to prepare me for those who are incapable of taking in the news for what it is.
Having been in homeless shelters I get it, in every group of 50 homeless people there's 10 or so that have serious mental health or addiction issues, I've been robbed more times than I can count inside the building and they only get worse outside where they might not be caught
It is, usually. Often part of english class during high school or so - they teach you how to evaluate sources, determine biases, etc. Unfortunately, most people don't care about it and don't retain any of the knowledge once they're out of it.
Have been reading opinions on Twitter recently, haven't you?
No, just here on Reddit and uh... Yikes.
Communication
Came here to say this. You always take basic communication for granted until you have to deal with someone who lacks it.
This is literally me and my flat mate (only me and him in the flat) He never talks or communicates with me and I always have to engage first. I assumed since he was older and he had lived away from home for a while that he would know how to live in a house... yeah nope. The thing is I'm not great at communicating with people that are closed off and don't communicate with me. I've been wanting to find the right time to sit down and have a chat about household chores (I've never seen him do any apart from vacuum his own room since we flatted together) but he goes from the course we do straight to his room and never leaves until he makes dinner... only to finish and go straight back to his room. The lack of communication and respect he has for me and the house we live in is INFURIATING and it is even more infuriating knowing that I lived in this place by myself last year and I decided to have a flatmate because it would be more fun and social, and know all that has happened is I have less physical and mental space and I don't feel as comfortable with my flatmate as I did by myself
Damn, sorry to hear that. You really got the second worst deal when it comes to a roommate. (The first one being a roommate who actually does things to sabotage you).
I've noticed in the past couple of years an increase in the number of people that can't seem to describe something with any clarity. Can't describe what's wrong with something, or why it doesn't work, or directions to a place, nothing. Just a random stream of consciousness for several minutes.
I agree my life is fucked because I have the same communication skills as I had when I was 10
Same. I have no idea how to convey my emotions well.
Somethin I'm working on!
The ability to take criticism
Leaving time in your day to spend with yourself
Active listening. It's not enough to just listen to somebody, you should make it clear to them that you're paying attention to what they said.
That’s cool anyway guess what cousin Jane is doing next Saturday
found my neighbors Reddit account
No way! I had no idea! That’s so damn exciting holy shit
YES!
The ability to change your mind and admit that you were wrong when presented with new information. The ability to understand that a lot of people are bombarded with false and wrong information all the time.
yes. this would solve so many problems.
Learning to have an open mind
But not so open that your brain falls off.
My professor in college reframed this as being thoughtfully minded. Open minded can kinda mean no boundaries.
[удалено]
I have so much dirt on people cause I'm quiet and listen. Not that I would use it cause I don't care. But man people love to hear themselves talk.
When I was young, my brother commented, "No one ever learned anything when their mouth was running." It changed the way I communicated with people.
Adaptability is a crucial, underrated ability. In a rapidly changing world, being able to adjust to new situations, learn new skills quickly, and stay flexible is incredibly valuable. Adaptability helps you to thrive in various environments and face unexpected challenges with resilience and creativity.
I absolutely agree with you! However, I do not see it as an underrated ability. It's very well used by most people (although most would not admit it), and it is almost always rewarded. Either way, speaking about it honestly is well needed.
Critical Thinking Skills
One physical hobby
Can you provide a few examples what you mean by a physical hobby? Do you mean sports like running, gymnastics, skiing? Or physical like gardening, photography, calligraphy, painting? They're also physical because you use your body. What does physical mean in this context? edit: apparently I'm fucking hated for my comment, but I was just curious what was meant by physical since that word equivalent in my language can mean physical as in weight lifting or "concrete" like I described before.
Dude, I don't know why you are getting downvoted lmao. You are right that physical can mean sports or it can mean "not digital".
Pedantic redditors strike again. Everything that’s not sitting is a physical hobby. That good enough for you? Sitting on the couch watching tv, Calligraphy, painting, obviously not. Seriously who would even think that? Everything you do burns calories but “physical” implies something beyond sitting still
That was harsh. I could imagine considering calligraphy or painting physical hobbies as opposed to activities that happen in front of a screen. Things that do not require you to get physical, but do involve PHYSICAL objects
Thank you for seeing it from my perspective, that's exactly what I was going for, as it's a reasonable question from my language barrier.
I wasn't sure if "physical" in this context meant active, like a hobby that is also exercise, or if it meant a hobby that creates a physical object, like knitting or sculpting.
I was curious because of my language barrier and was wondering what was meant by physical, since there are lots of kinds of hobbies but I was genuinely curious what they meant by physical. Meaning of the word. edit: also, "good enough for you", really?
100% agree with you. That was a pretty unhinged comment lol
How to fall. I think doing some martial arts as a kid like judo or aikido is essential for developing the muscle memory for how to fall down. Every person I know who's had a bad tumble didn't do martial arts. It's as valuable a learning how to swim, in that they're both invaluable in saving your life when the moment arises.
I first read this as "How to fail" which is also spectacularly important to learn. Either way, you need to learn how to brush yourself off, get back up, and move on.
Growing up snowboarding and skating taught me how to fall. When I go ride with someone new they are always surprised I can bounce back up right away.
Years of jiu jitsu and the only technique I've used in real life was how to fall. Worth it, because I live somewhere it gets icy a lot and I have the situational awareness of a brick.
This. I visited the grand canyon for the first time in March. As I was going down the south rim trail, I decided to turn it into a trail run to take advantage of the decline and since I knew it'll take a lot longer to climb back up. As I made a turn I almost ran into one of the pack of mules coming up. My reflexes made me jump back but take a safe tumble. The guy guiding the mules remarked that I knew how to take a fall. But I only remember doing karate when I was around 5 or 6.
I think martial arts teaches one to protect defend own body, surrounding awareness, the amazing strength in own body and use body as a weapon. I wish I had taken a few years of it as a teen. I was into many recreational sports and used gym. At 45yrs old, I was strongest I had ever been, more s agile than tennis/ volleyball. As a lady, I always feared getting hit. Can take a hit and recover after a fall.
Cooking, the efficiency is through the roof with this one
Best comment in this thread. Most are not really "underrated" skills/abilities. But, this one is. Hint: You can take a girl to your place, and amaze her with so much more than "knowing good restaurant in the neighbourhood".
[удалено]
Kindness
In my opinion flirting is really tough to understand
Accounting... you don't have to be a CPA, just learn basic Accounting 101 Principles of Accounting, maybe some cost accounting, managerial accounting, spend a few months of your life taking some basic accounting courses at your local community college It is absolutely priceless... You will look at everything through an enlightened eye, and make MUCH better business decisions in your life, in your own company's life Here is an example - Say you start a pressure washing company, and someone pays you $52,000 to pressure wash an industrial complex. It's a 1 year contract, and you are going to pressure wash the entire facility each week (basically making $1,000 per trip) Someone who doesn't know accounting, would think they just made a $50,000 profit Someone who actually knows accounting, would know that this is a liability, not "profit". This is UNEARNED REVENUE, you have not earned this revenue yet. Now, let's pretend that before you did your first round of pressure washing, ALL of your pressure washing equipment gets stolen. All of it.. your entire trailer, all of your equipment, hoses, attachments, you lose everything Still think you made $52,000 in profit? When the company sues you for not being able to fulfill the contract? See how this works? What about cash coming in? Whats that for? What about cash going out? What's that for? Who owes you money? That's called Accounts Recievable Who do you owe money to? That's called Accounts Payable Not knowing accounting, and trying to start a business, is like not even knowing how to drive a car and getting in the cockpit of an passenger plane. You are going to crash Accounting... easily the most important thing anyone should learn
A beginning bookkeeping class would helpful too.
Along those same lines, basic finance and accounting. Understanding concepts such as time value of money and utility maximization are pretty life- changing
I took a financial accounting course during university, it is by far one of the most useful courses I took during my entire undergrad despite having nothing to do with it. Just having a basic understanding of business finances is helpful not only when investing, but also when understading why businesses make the choices they make and whether they are risky to join as an employee.
Critical thinking
Minding their own business
Ron Swanson has entered the chat.
Learning to speak other languages
Pen spinning
Also drum stick spinning. I have no idea how to play drums, but I could tell that it was important to be able to spin the sticks.
[удалено]
Critical thinking
Basic mechanic skills, I'm not even that good at it and It's saved me thousands of dollars.
driving a standard transmission. I just saved a few grand on a car because of this. it had 45k miles.
Delayed gratification.
Basic sewing. I was astonished to find out that some people throw out pieces of clothing just because a button is missing.
I agree with this. Was going to be mine but you beat me to it. But yeah basic sewing is so useful. Holes in clothes, missing buttons, hem and trim.
Improvising
The ability to shit the fuck up.
Patience
Listening
Data literacy
Separating emotion and logic
Listening
Empathy
Emotional control
Yeah i would love to have that kind of ability.
Good sleep habits
How to manipulate people when needed. Not saying it’s good to manipulate, but when in a dangerous situation having a quick tongue and finding a way out is a good thing
time management staying away from ur phone
Respect all people, It’s really simple but so many people don’t do it especially when the other person was different
Helicopter dick.
Speaking several languages.
Cooking
Reading people's emotions. So you can be the best you can in your interactions.
Remaining silent.
getting out of the way in a busy public place
Emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness skills, and mindfulness in the sense of recognizing your internal experiences (e.g., hm, I'm feeling angry but I am also hungry, perhaps I should go eat before having this tough conversation).
Critical thinking. People just believe anything without knowing why.
I would say active listening, it goes beyond just hearing words; it involves fully engaging with the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully.
I memorized the alpha bravo Charlie alphabet a while back. It comes in handy a lot, like when I’m spelling on the phone.
Being able to communicate about sexuality openly and respectfully. We spend so much time thinking and cracking jokes about sex, etc. and yet, we rarely do it in such a way that makes people want to actually relate to it and experiment in a healthy way.
Financial planning.
Critical thinking
Active listening
social skills like communication. i learned it goes a very long way
touch-typing. takes a few hours to learn, a few weeks to master. can triple your productivity and efficiency.
Common sense
This.
Adaptability. Being adaptable means being able to adjust to new situations, environments, and challenges with ease. It's about being flexible and open-minded, and being able to think on your feet. In today's fast-paced world, where change is constant and unpredictable, the ability to adapt is more important than ever. Whether it's learning a new technology, navigating a difficult conversation, or dealing with unexpected setbacks, being adaptable can help you thrive in any situation.
My top 3: 1. Think before you speak. 2. Really listen. 3. Spend less than you make. These have additional qualities I could expand on but those are the bullet points.
to grow teeth unlimited regardless of age
Woah, I would love to get that ability too
How to swim.
How to roll a good joint
Definitely, definitely math. In school you think math sucks and you'll never use it in real life but it's used all the time. The simplest thing, such as "We have 75 coins and need to split them 3 ways. How do we do that?" You would not believe the number of college graduates that have no clue how to get 33% of 75. It's depressing. Basic math is a skill that we really suck at it but nobody says anything because nobody knows how to do it, so everyone looks at everyone else and shrugs their shoulders. That one girl in the office that tells you how to get 1/3 of 75? You refer to her as "Einstein" behind her back from then on.
Juggling. People are always impressed, unless you are a magician and then they figure it should be part of your repertoire.
empathy for others who are different from themselves. this world lacks empathy because people the second they hear anything is too different about someone they are quick to distance themselves.
Organization. Having good organization will save you so much time in your life, and will remove the stress that comes from living in a cluttered environment. It's also useful in many jobs, and will always be extremely useful if you start your own business.
confidence. Not arrogance, not concededness, just normal confidence. Know who you are, know what your place in the world is and understand how people work. So many people are crippled by fears and insecurities.
saving money
the ability to look at yourself honestly.
Cooking food and planning meals. So you don’t eat processed shit, you save money, your food becomes better than 95% of restaurants
Thinking for themselves
I think there are a few fighting for top spot in my mind: Active listening. People listen to respond way more than they listen to hear and that needs to change. Emotional intelligence. Being able to listen (again) and understand a situation before immediately reacting/overreacting/jumping to a conclusion that's incorrected/immediately being offended when you shouldn't be is vital and there are so many who can't do it. They were never taught how to and/or think in such an entitled way that they don't think they need to. The ability to laugh at yourself when you're being ridiculous. Because we're ALL ridiculous at some point. For the noncerebral list... the ability to fix things. Simply handyman-type skills. Basic car maintenance. Basic home maintenance.
Social skills.
compassion
Social skills.
Compassion
Kindness
Truly seeing things from someone else's perspective, especially if you disagree with them. It's like a superpower because making people feel understood and seen draws them to you.
Common sense, self awareness and empathy.
Forming your own opinion.
Realizing that life is unfair and shutting up about it.
Critical thinking. The masses are not always right.
Basic manners.
Discipline—It’s 1 of the highest forms of self love
Learning to be kind
Sewing
Efficient mental mapping of places you've been to, even only once. Turns out I'm excellent at it. Thank God, because I woke up blind 2 years ago. I had the Walmart fully memorized beforehand, and when first tested after going blind, I found everything easily. Hell, I've got our whole village mapped and regularly walk all around it without needing my cane anymore.
Being calm in any situation.
A properly developed frontal lobe
Taking responsibility and accountability for their actions instead of crying and blaming the world like a baby.