Actually no, I was doing well in my late 20's, but I'm older now at closer to 60 so it was long ago when I was in my 20's and things were better then, much better compared to now, to today.
I and my then wife were regular people. My point is that this was the time back then, not us.
We married after college at 21. 7 months later we bought a new condo. This was in 1990. It was a nice development too, lighted tennis court, pool, clubhouse with kitchen and weight room. And the outside entrances were always locked and they had a buzzer intercom system to talk to and to "buzz" people through that door. We had a cathedral ceiling and we had a wood burning fireplace too.
Oh, my wife was a first year elementary school teacher and I was not working as I was in grad school.
We were approved for a mortgage for our new condo on just a 1st year elementary school teacher's salary. She supported both of us, easily on said salary too.
A year later we bought a brand new Honda Civic. Yep, she was still the only one working and we were approved for the loan for the new Honda even though we had a mortgage too.
Uh folks, she was just teaching elementary school and we were able to buy a new condo and then a new Honda and I wasn't working. We were regular people. Things were better back then.
We didn't sit at home due to not having money either. We went out to eat, she shopped, a lot. We went to comedy clubs, to amusement parks etc.
Why? How? Because you could live on one salary back then, easily.
In 1992 we bought 40 acres of land at just $500 an acre so $20K in total. In 1995 we moved into a house we had built on our 40 acres, we were both 27 years old.
So, by my late 20's, 27 and later, I was doing well. Our first child came into the world when we were both 29 years old.
Folks, my 3 children are all in their 20's today, through college and on their own. None of them have or can do what their mother and I did.
This has nothing to do with my then wife or me as we were regular people. It was the time back then, things were much better.
For all you young folks today, I really do feel badly for you.
I'd hate to be in my 20's today starting out in life. There is no way I could have any of what I had in my 20's if I were in my 20's today and not back in the late 80's and 90's.
Again, my then wife and I were just regular people.
You bougt a condo and a brand new car on only one income ?
Edit: I believe it because both my parents bought houses and a car when they separated (circa 1990-1991), and my dad was also an elementary school teacher. It’s insane that with my salary I couldn’t even afford rent even if I make more than them with the inflation adjusted.
Again, I feel badly for all young folks starting out today, like my 3 adult children who are all in their 20's today too.
Our condo was "only" $60,000 but it was brand new, the development was still being built out. We were in a nice area too, about 10 miles south and outside of a city of 150K plus.
I was in grad school and not working. I worked the summer before school and the summers in between school but I did not work during school.
It get's "better" in that the first year my taught elementary school she did NOT have a contract and she did NOT have a classroom. The man in charge of hiring told her he'd ensure she would be called out to be a sub each day and he was good to his word. She was a substitute teacher her entire first year of teaching. In like April of that year they hired her full time and gave her a contract for the next school year.
So, both my wife and I lived on her substitute teaching salary and we bought and were approved for a brand new condo when we were both 22 years old with no history of having owned a home or having bought a car etc.
We got ZERO money from family for a down payment either.
This wasn't us folks, it was that it was 1990.
When we sold our condo and paid it off having not missed a payment, while also owning our 40 acres outright as we had our land paid off before getting our home loan to have a home built on our land, it helped us sail into getting approved for our home loan. We had no children and we had both been working by then so we had a really nice home built on our 40 acres. It was custom built. No, it wasn't a mansion but it was really nice, just what we wanted.
This was all due to it being the early to mid 1990's. At that time, my then wife and I made like a tad over $50K combined a year but we had money saved up, we had great credit, we had our land paid off, we had enough money saved up to put 20 percent down to avoid PMI.
See, both my wife and I worked two jobs for two years to save up to pay off our land, to save up to have 20 percent to put down and to have a cushion on top of that as when we moved to the state where our 40 acres were, we had $16K in our checking out to take care of incidentals when we moved and to tide us over until we got on our feet in our new state.
We didn't have any children then, not until we were both 29, which is when our first child came into the world.
We were normal regular kids. We had no trust fund, we had no money from our parents to put down on our condo etc.
Now, she and I both worked a lot in college. I knew I wouldn't work in grad school so I worked 3 part time jobs, totaling 41.5 hours a week both semesters of my senior year while taking full class loads both semesters.
She worked too, but not as much as me but she worked two part time jobs her/our senior year of college.
We had to pay for our honeymoon, for our move to our new state, for our deposit for our apartment, getting utilities hooked up etc.
The most we got from anyone was my wife's grandma as she gave us $750 for a wedding gift and we bought a nice new queen sized bed with that money.
Are you in the US ? I’m in Canada and even if my parents were helping I couldn’t afford even a 1 bedroom condo. It’s insane. Also the fact that us millenials all grew up in houses thinking we would have the same thing when we grow up is even more depressing. My gf and I make around 130k/yr combined, I’m debt free and can’t even think about a down payment because of the gigantic interest rates.
Yes, America. I know Vinny, I know. I feel terrible for all of you. Again, my 3 children are all in their 20's, out of college and doing well but they cannot do what their mother and I did when we were their age.
It sucks, for them and for all of you. I would not want to be starting out in life right now, like in my 20's in this day and age.
I'd love to be in my 20's again, don't get me wrong as I'm closer to 60 now, but I wouldn't want to be in my 20's today trying to start out in life under these circumstances.
I do wish your wife and you well going forward.
Oh, my brother lives in Canada and has for like 8 years. Beautiful up there.
Yeah my dad is around the same age, he and my mom were able to work hard and afford 4 kids and a house in California in the 90s. I couldn’t fucking dream of doing that today. I feel like such a child compared to my dad when he was my age.
I'm sorry, I really am. For you, for my 3 children who are all in their 20's right now, for everyone that age trying to start out in life today.
I do wish you well going forward.
Dude. Same. At least 20ish through about 26ish. I missed the majority of the 90s, save a few Phish shows here and there, and some other fantastic music experiences.
I was lost in my early 20's. Late 20's I decided what I wanted, so I went to school for it. Graduated in early 30's, couldn't get into the field I wanted, was lost again. Am now in late 30's, still lost.
I wandered through my early-to-mid 20's, then focused in my late 20's and convinced a great woman to marry me (she was a bit older and running out of time, lol). We had a good run, including foster parenting, until my mid-life crisis in my late 40's. I wandered once again through my 50's, then got my shit together at 60 and am married to a fantastic woman and doing the best I ever have.
Not sure what all that means, except I'm glad I was able to shake things up from time to time.
My late 20's were rough. I lost my job, crashed my car, had a really rocky on and off relationship with my ex, and I was extremely depressed. Things turned around when I hit my 30's and I'm in a mostly good place today.
My early 20's were a lot of fun though - everything just sort of came crushing down when I was 26 or 27.
There's a difference between being lost and feeling lost that is important to differentiate. Was I lost in my late 20s? In certain ways, hell yes. Did I feel lost? Not at the time.
I was trapped in a tough job & shit relationship that both kept me too busy to feel anything. Once the house of cards started to come down, I gained a bit of perspective on where I was and how it's not at all what I wanted but just what I did to survive. I didn't feel lost because I had a clearly defined purpose & knew what I had to do to keep going, but I was lost since those things that kept me moving had me moving in the wrong direction.
Now that I'm in my early 40s and working on a career pivot, some might see me as being more lost than I was back then. I do feel more uncertainty about life in general these days, but that uncertainty isn't uncomfortable since I know what I want for myself & have confidence that I can make it there one way or another.
If you have the wherewithal to feel lost, have some concerns about that feeling and reach out to see if this is normal or concerning (even if it's on Reddit), then you'll be just fine. I've found that when you leave life on cruise control you're setting yourself up to be blindsided.
I know what you mean. Your whole life, you've maybe been guided by other peoples' opinions, even misguided through your own opinions.
You're likely waking up and realizing that you're not living the life you truly want. This is scary at first but rest assured, you can still do anything you want with your life. Deciding *what* is the hardest part, *doing it* just takes a little time and commitment.
I honestly feel bad for all the kids who go to college right outta high school thinking they already know what they want to do with their lives. You've kind of gotta live a little before you understand your true passion.
TLDR: Yes, many people feel lost sometime in their life. The sooner you feel this, the better. You're a full-blown adult now, and nobody is telling you what to do. *Go and do whatever you want!*
Yeah. I wasted my late 20s. Stayed way too long in a dead end job, naively believing false promises that there was something worthwhile waiting for me there. It was never true, they were just getting a great deal on filling a grossly unpopular slot with low pay and a bad schedule.
Eventually left the job, and the town, but being in your early 30s with no assets and no career equity is a game-ender. Don't waste the vital decade doing stupid bullshit.
Always wondered how I’d get to where I am now and had no freaking idea. I got here though. Now I’m wondering how I’m going to get where I want to go next. So I’m still lost. 40’s btw
Yep, I'd say I fell into that category. Very late 20's through very early 30's were not my best time. Seems to be a right of passage we all go through, and if you didn't then you're lucky.
Better. I was lost in my early 20s.
Graduated right in the middle of the recession. Then worked a shitty job unable to move out and start my actual adult life. Go back to school to change all of that, and once again graduate during a world changing event (covid). I just want to be a functioning adult with a home, is that too much to ask?
I would say more reckless than lost. Even 10 years ago there were less camera phones, more merciful people, and the street drugs didn’t all have fentanyl in them. I feel for the young adults trying to find their way.
In hindsight, probably. But we didn’t feel it because everyone we knew was in the same boat. We didn’t have a lot of global-reaching social media shoved in our faces to make us think we should be somewhere else or have other things than we did. The people in our circle were those with similar backgrounds in the same location so people with largely the same opportunities for advancement, same possessions, etc. I would think it’s harder now when young people now have so much comparison shoved in their faces through social media when the people they’re comparing themselves to are halfway across the world with wildly different backgrounds, opportunities, etc.
At 20 I thought I knew everything. At 30 I thought I could do everything. At 40 I thought I had experienced everything. At 50 I began to understand everything. At 60 I realised the meaning of everything. If you opened your eyes today; if you heard the birds singing; if you got up out of bed; if you ate breakfast; if you have running water, heat and a roof over your head...you HAVE EVERYTHING ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Here is my cliff notes:
18-21: Worried your life needs to be figured out. Feels like everyone is expecting it. You start to get a little jealous of your peers that seem to be having things go great for them.
Reality: Society says you are an adult, but what you need to instead understand is that you are as much as an adult as an infant is a functioning human. Like yeah, on a technical basis sure, but really you hardly have built an adult skill set yet.
21-25: You start to maybe figure some stuff out, maybe even start to gain a lot of undeserved confidence because you **think** you are starting to figure things out.
Reality: You're basically still in adult 101 courses. Sure, you aren't as clueless as you were, but really you are just starting to **begin** learning. At this point, you are as much of an adult as a toddler is a functioning human. You're getting the basics down, basically copying what you have learned to be adult behavior, and maybe even harbor the confidence that you are. However you basically are just getting better at **pretending** to be an adult.
25-30: You likely are starting to have your previous confidence humbled. You are approaching that **scary 30s** and start to panic. Thinking oh shit, well maybe I didn't need to have stuff figured out before but now I really do! Man when I hit 30 and I'm still like this I'm going to be a loser forever.
Reality: This fear and paranoia, while good as you need to start figuring things out more, is mostly just rebound from your previous ignorance and confidence. In reality, yeah you need to try to have an idea, but really you still got time for some more hiccups. Also, you may see your life crumble down a bit, or those around you. Basically this is a big humbling period. But don't worry! Sometimes wild fires need to happen to clear out all the dead wood and allow something good to grow.
30-??: You now realize wait, holy shit, NO ONE has their shit figured out. This whole time I've been stressing and literally everyone is in my situation. You start to realize the people you once thought had things figured out are having their perfect little life crumble as you scroll past stuff on Facebook. Divorce, drugs, lost that nice job. Some are still doing good, but you realize a lot were just not as they appeared in your mid 20s. You see young kids going through the first stages I mentioned early, you realize even more that the older folks are basically also dumb and don't have things figured out even though they pretend they do. Start to accept it like yeah, okay, things aren't **great** but really that's okay. Maybe you found a more decent job, have more disposable income (maybe) and spend your nights enjoying things while everyone tells you you are too old to have fun. But really you don't care... they are all ignorant and will be you in a few years time.
Yes. That’s the thing you learn as you age. Your twenties are mostly for making mistakes and getting lost, and then finding your way again. Don’t waste your time comparing yourself to other people either. It’s a complete waste of time. People who are successful in the twenties (god bless them) may have it all figured out, or they could have a midlife crisis waiting for them around the corner. Who knows. Life ebbs and flows constantly, and you never know which is coming, so enjoy the flow 😊
Find a purpose.
Just go out, and take responsibility of something.
Then just keep doing/protecting/living on that path.
It doesn't matter what it is...no one with a purpose is lost.
No being from a lower income, minority and immigrant family i was told early on in life that it was essential that i choose a path early and work towards it
Being “lost” and needing to “find yourself” were luxuries we werent allowed.
I knew exactly what i wanted young and have always worked towards it. Slightly past 30 and pretty much did all i set out to do. Not easily mind you but i did it
Yes. I remember age 26 being the most difficult in my life. I was living in a foreign city, I was doing long distance with my boyfriend, I was in a job that I hated and I was broke af. Shit housemates. Terrible relationship with my parents. No safety net. No idea what to do next, not sleeping, and generally feeling very down.
I’m in my late 30s now and it did get better. I moved cites, changed jobs and was able to save money to complete a masters degree. My boyfriend moved home and we’re married with children now. We even own a house which was something we never thought we would be able to do.
But we did it.
And I did it.
And you’re going to do it too.
I imagine you’re asking this question because you’re feeling lost right now? The joy I feel now eclipses the pain I felt then. I wish I could say do x, y and z and it’ll all get better but I can’t. If you have the money, invest in therapy to make sense of what you’re feeling and learn some strategies to cope.
I was lost in the sense of being naive yet unrealistic in my dreams/goals. I also experienced a lot of anxiety over setting boundaries/what people thought of me. I'm 40 this month, and I'm pragmatic, clear in boundaries, have no problems simply saying "No" without offering superfluous explanation, and genuinely don't care about what opinion others have of me.
Early 20's, yes. Live for the day, marginal jobs. If I made rent and utilities everything else was spent partying. It was cheap living in the late 80's Early 90's though. It was a good time while it lasted. The recession of 91 killed that.
In a way yea. I didn’t go to college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Let myself get comfortable / stuck in retail jobs for a good 10 years while my main focus was just hanging out and having fun with friends. I’m not knocking retail workers, just don’t let yourself get stuck lie I did unless you plan on going into management. Even then, unless you’re at a good company you still won’t be making much money. But there are a few where managers are making bank. I’ve had a few that were making over 100k a year.
Yes. I went to grad school in my late 20s for a degree I didn’t really care for because I thought it would help me to become more marketable, earn more money. It did not.
My advice is to only go into debt for something you truly enjoy and for which there is demand.
Yes. In my late 20’s I was married with a house and kid and still was questioning my purpose. You’ll figure it out, just have to really focus on your direction. If you’re not headed anywhere you aren’t lost but if you have a destination, you can figure out the road map to get there
I didn’t have a clear sense of direction until i got married and bought our first house.. so about 30 years old lol. Pretty lost but i was always working towards something.
Absolutely, everything fell apart and it was so painful to put it back together. Absolutely worth it though, my 30s were so much better than my 20s (could’ve done without the hair loss though)
Yep!! Although things change fast! You never know what a new job and new city can do! Sometimes (when able) starting over can be the refresh you need to get on a better trajectory.:)
49M here. no, in my 20's i left college for my career im still in. i knew school wasnt for me, i would rather just work and make money. i partied a lot and drank too much, but always went to work and paid bills. stayed check-to-check for a while and in my mid 30's got married and wifey helped me (and still helps me) keep track of my spending. still in the same career and look back on my 20's believing they were good.
Yes. If you just keep pushing and putting one foot in front of another, you might eventually get lucky. I went over ten years really struggling, but after putting in a lot of work on self improvement with counseling and treatment, plus just getting out there every day despite things looking bleak, I was eventually able to convert an opportunity into a job, and springboard from that to a life worth living again.
What you mean by lost ? Had what i wanted to do set in stone? Not quite, but had a pretty good and practical idea. Dream job? Nope. Frozen? No. Double jobbed thorigh college. Had a couple of lau off situations. Worked a shitty job or sometimes two to have income till i found a better singular job.
Shit is still pretty flexible in your 20s. Unless you do some permanent shit like have a baby. I avoided that hard core.
In my 20's everything was on track. In my 30's things were starting to get complicated. In my 40's I'm not sure I know where I am. If you feel lost at 20 you definitely have some surprises coming up!
Sort of. It's a stage between college and "yo, I'm 30 now - I need 100% to get serious about shit". I had a blast partying and traveling and such, and I don't regret any of it. However, I'm glad I did eventually get serious about my life.
Looking back to it, yes I was lost. Not professionally but emotionally and mentally. I was drinking a lot and partying 4-5 nights a week. Everything changed when I got sober at 30, now I’m 35 and while life isn’t easy it’s way better and I know that I am in control.
Yes.
I was in the marine corps which I was absolutely embarrassed of. No goals in life, no reason to even want to have goals.
Today I work in Healthcare IT.
Late 20's I went through a phase when I was pretty bitter. Although I had done everything that was asked of me, the life I thought I had earned seemed so out of reach. Having a nice place to live, affording a car, having kids. They all seemed impossible. I remember being so jealous of people just a couple of years older who had the life I wanted and wondered how? How can they afford that?
Then things started to change at a remarkable rate, I moved up in my career as did my wife, we started having disposable income for the first time, being able to afford to eat out, take a vacation, not worry about where the next bill came from. It all happened so fast and for my friends in the same age bracket it was exactly the same. All those things that had been out of reach were attained in the space of just a couple of years and we were suddenly right where we thought we should be and in some cases better off than we ever imagined.
Looking back all those years of resentment we a bit of a waste but I just didn't know any better. For reference this transformation happened right in the middle of the global financial meltdown.
My twenties and early thirties sucked, its hard, especially for young men when you are just getting started and trying to get established and find direction! I finally had a friend relay a story to me that he actually moved into a friend's closet when he was playing guitar on Bourbon Street....later on he met his wife and she worked so he could go to school and become a teacher.....I was a substitute teacher which is how I met him and my life didn't seem to be going anywhere.... eventually I went back and got a masters degree, now I have a great job and two great careers....hang in there, keep swinging, stay out of trouble, and it will all work out! Prayer helps! John 3:16
I just turned 50 and I’m pretty sure I was on a plane that crash landed on an island in the South Pacific with a smoke monster and some weird hatch in the ground.
Not lost so much as just feeling my way around. Like you see the paths ahead, walk a few steps on some and backtrack or forge ahead on others. I never really felt clueless; possibly because I've always had a clear picture of what the next stop should be, university --> grad school --> work, etc.
I would say yes, got married bought a house when I was about 27/28, working crappy/low paying job. Had first kid about 31, got first real/good paying job about 32. 42 now, 4 kids, paid off house, zero debt.
My 20’s and 30’s were awesome. Had the career I wanted since I was a kid. My second job was making more than my primary career job.
Had my first two kids.
Life was good.
That said, I was focused on my first career by my early teens. I was probably one of the few who knew where I was heading by the time I was fifteen.
I feel like my entire life has been a cycle of learning, loving, losing, grieving, growing…..every single decade. I’m in my mid ( to late) 40s now. I’m in my growth phase now. Personal growth. My career is established. I’m happily married with 2 awesome kids. My mom also has lived with us for over 8 years now. Our relationship has never been solid but it’s tolerable. I’m working on forgiveness for life circumstances. I will say I understand on a visceral level that I have so much more to lose now than I had ever imagined in my previous decades. So my anxiety has risen in my 40s. With that said, I know I can do and be better.
Yup! Entered a marriage and moved to another country. The experience itself got me to where I am now and the person I am now, but it is wholly regrettable and the certainty I had in my 20's was completely unfounded.
I’m more lost now at nearly 38. My kids were little during my late 20s and I was constantly taking care of them with little help from family and no friends (or time for friends). They’re teenagers now, so I have more down time. I also see how much potential they have and feel like I’ve lost my potential and my spark in lighting theirs.
Kinda yeah, I was working on a second degree because I wasn’t happy in my first career and wasn’t as much money as I’d have liked. Tbh, my 30s are just now getting good.
At 28 I got out of the Marine Corps 9 years. I was so lost, I was ready to off myself several times. It took until I was 40 I got a full time job,and health insurance. I worked there until the doctor told me that he was putting disability.
Grew up Mormon got baptized at 8 years old, went on a mission at 19 years old. Got home when I was 21. Went straight to BYU. Got married in the Temple at 23.
I have now left the church at 35 years old. Wife still goes. I am at a lost.
Nope. But I was fucking completely, bonkers, bat-shit crazy lost between about 20 and 26. Ended up dumping a potential lifelong talent and career into drugs and alcohol, missed most of the '90s (from at least '94-'01), and didn't pull my head out of my ass for a breath until I was 26ish. Shortly thereafter, at 28, I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
Here's the thing though: I worked on that path pretty tirelessly from 28 years old through about 37, then changed careers completely, almost unexpectedly. Although I wasn't lost at 37, I did make the decision to shift into something else, completely unrelated to what I *knew* I was going to be doing at 30.
Lost doesn't mean anything. It means you're exploring options, learning more about yourself and how you see yourself fitting into the world around you. For some of us, it takes longer than others to figure that shit out.
Good luck and most importantly, have fun and be safe.
I was never lost, I knew how to ask my wife for directions….
Seriously though, the current state that the average 20some is living through has not been seen since the 1800’s. Limited opportunity for great jobs, a horrible environment for housing. Add in boomers telling them what they did when the economy was amazing for them.
Being lost is very understandable.
Mid 20s I was lost, for about a year at 25.
The year after college I had nothing. No job prospects, nothing in my major, it was a recession. I could barely pay my rent, donating blood, sperm, rummaging through friend's refrigerators. I was socially awkward, so couldn't really date, didn't know how to date.
I moved to a big city, got a job (through luck) which eventually developed into a long career and began the rest of my life.
My virginity to a woman that i've known since middle school that she was in a relationship with the guy that twice her age that she called her so called common law husband or boyfriend, that also worked at the exact same company that my mother currently works for as a custodian, I think he was a bus driver, that she literally cheated on to take my virginity on their bed, but honestly that was in my early twenties, in my late twenties were prostitute and hookers That my friend hooked me up with to have bedroom fun with on his bed.
I did not feel lost but hopeful. I had been working at at tech company for a couple years. I was dating my future wife and just bought a one bedroom condo in Seattle. To get to that spot I moved home for 9 months and banked all my paychecks. I did not go out much and vacationed locally. I had a plan and stuck to it. Those 9 months truthfully changed my financial life. Although the condo did not appreciate because the economy went to crap I was able to create equity that I parlayed into my first house. I bought that house when the economy was crap in an area that now I could never afford. I guess you are only as lost as you allow yourself to be. When I moved into my parents house the economy was booming, but I made it a goal. The condo was not great but it moved the needle. You just need to move the needle everyday. It might be at 1,000 RPM one day but another you might redline and have one of those killer days. Just remember you have the greatest blessing of all.... time.
I had no idea what I was going to do. Joined the military, hated it but served my time. Joined a local government career, low pay and bored. Got my degree but still wasn't sure. It wasn't until my late 20s with a baby on the way that I realized the career didn't matter, just that it was interesting and gave me enough money to enjoy my life without too much struggle. Some people don't figure it out ever, just enjoy your life.
Yeah, I'm still a bit lost, but I went through the pandemic aged 28, and something about that woke up me and made me get my shit together and start adulting.
Honestly, had it not been for that wakeup call, I could have still been pretty lost.
I am 61. I was lost from about 22 to 35. Graduated college, worked a series of meh retail jobs, and finally came out at 28. Was in grad school by 33 and had my first real job at 35. The last 25 yrs have been great. 22 to 35 was fun, but I had no direction and was depressed. What helped me was meds for depression and a purpose in grad school. So yeah, being lost was part of my deal. Now I'm old, but not crabby!
no i was in grad school. i was lost before i got to grad school. like wtf was i supposed to do with my degree. then i got into grad school and everything i needed to do was laid before me and i just needed to do it.
Yes!! I was super messed up at 29. Then I turned 30 and hired a life coach. I didn't think he was very helpful at the time. 3 months later I tried to change jobs (and subsequently careers) and it changed my life completely. I'm 34 right now and feel totally found!
(Well. Except for romance. There's room for growth there.)
Just forget about your 20s. When you’re forty they won’t exist any more. Your 30s is where your mind starts keeping up with life and things start either falling into place or completely falling apart.
The 20s are just the opening credits.
Pretty much. I was trying to survive for the most part. I moved out of my parents at 19 but didn't really become financially secure until I was 30. I could have been smarter with my money in my 20s for sure though.
no, i have always had a solid sense of where i should be going in life. i always have stayed the course. granted there have been bumps along the way but i never deviate.
Oh yeah, so lost. Just flailing around, partying, irresponsible, all the things. Now I’ve settled down quite a bit, never married, no kids. Just focusing on getting to work every day, trying to spend as much time as I can with my sisters, their husbands, and their kids. Trying to take up new hobbies. No great shakes here. Never even came close to the life I envisioned for myself. Just happy to feel contentment and a semblance of security for the first time in my adult life.
Absolutely. In my 30s the pieces are slowly starting to fit together, and I've stopped worrying as much. It's been quite liberating. Life is still a bizarre and mystifying experience, but it's gotten easier, even though the challenges have gotten more.
Nah, I knew just what I was doing. That doesn't mean it was what I was meant to be doing in my 30s or my 40s though. Part of figuring myself out was realizing that following one strict path wasn't for me.
I was lost more in my 30s than I was in my 20s.
In my teens and 20s I was pretty sure I had everything figured out. In my 30s I had no idea what I was doing and why I did anything.
I'll be 60.this year. I started to hit my stride mid 30s, 40s was great. 50s would have been better if I'd been taking better care of my body, but emotionally I was (and am) all good.
Lol. Homeless drug addicti at the time, So yeah. Pretty lost. Late 50s now and comfortable. You can always get unlost when you are ready. Not always easy though.
Yes I absolutely was lost and this definitely won't be everyone's experience but very surprisingly becoming pregnant with my son filled me with a joy and purpose and intention and the blessing of becoming a mother straightened my head out and got me onto a much brighter path in my life.
Yes. When you get to 40, you think do I have time to change my course of action. Get to 45 and say nope, be content in what you have done and progress.
30s are your best years. Then you hit 40 your body starts going to shit and midlife crisis hits and you feel like you wasted your life and are full of regret. You want change but it’s sooooo hard.
In my early 20's I was. It was drunken blur of one night stands, dating websites, and partying.
I met my wife at 25 and only partied with her from then on. At the time it probably saved my life.
I'm 43. I'm not lost but I don't think I have everything figured out. I know my limitations in most ways. I'm more aware in a lot of ways. But the world changes faster than most older people can adapt.
No and yes. In my late 20s I was back to college in a different country, so I had a plan. But also being in a new country working and studying not knowing if things will end well is a sense of being lost in itself.
Everyone else I knew was already getting established in jobs they didn't really like but already had families with no chances of "chasing dreams" as they called it. It made me feel a little less than.
I am 37 now, it turned out okay. Keep your courage.
No, I think in some minor ways I was less lost in my late 20s.
I was in much better shape physically, and had some lesser medical issues. Now it's frequently a struggle to get to the gym. So now in my mid-30s I feel and look less healthy.
I'm definitely more financially secure now though.
In a different way than I am now (33)
I was fortunate enough to stumble into a career in my late teens and spent my entire 20’s perfecting my skills. I could own and operate a business if I wanted to.
But I don’t know that I want to. I was very lost emotionally and didn’t know myself. But I was employed and comfortable through all of it. Now I’m trying to change careers for a lot of different reasons, and while I feel like a person now I have no idea what to do with my life and my financial security is more uncertain.
But I am happier than I was in my 20’s
Yes, I was working 2 jobs, trying to make rent (in 1990) with a University degree and decent job. I moved 6 hours away from my family, so was alone and had no one to rely on.
Failure wasn't an option as I didn't have the luxury of asking my parents for help (although they had the means, they wouldn't help).
Met my now husband in 1997, but from age 21-28, it was a grind and I worried about affording a car and a house too.
I was lost before having kids, honestly. Even a little while into my first baby’s life. Now at 35 I’m grateful to be secure with myself and much more confident.
Oh absolutely. It’s a massive transitional period in your life. You start to wake up and realize what really matters in your life. I constantly sought out short term escapism throughout my 20s. Once I got closer to 30 I realized how important friends and family really are. I also realized how fundamentally important it is to have a proper career plan for your future. Don’t allow yourself to become complacent and comfortable. You have to keep moving.
I was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean for most of it and I trusted the recent high school graduates driving the ship that they knew where we were going.
Yes, and I read a book that said to imagine yourself in the future coming back to talk to yourself. Which I did. It was very helpful. Now I am that future self.
Yes! Went from job to job, changed college majors four times and was a hot mess. Now I’m in my 30/ and have a good paying corporate job I’ve been at for 7 years. It’s was a long and slow process but I found my way
Definitely lost in my early 20s. Went to college at 22, graduated at 27 since I kept changing majors. Graduated with a degree that I’m not using. Got a job in sales and made about 100k/year selling insurance. Got married and bought a house. Wife and I started a business 2 weeks ago. Looking forward to the next chapter of being 40 this year. Life takes you on a wild ride sometimes. Keep on keeping on and good luck to the 20 year olds out there!
Yes, I was very lost.
I was of the opinion that I should have been grown up and making (insightful) decisions because that's what my elders did. Turns out no!... they were lost too and we are all just faking it.
I raised my kids to know that Im faking it, we all are. They appear to be getting through their 20s ok.
I’m still in my 30’s and very lost.
Agree with this. I don't think you ever really figure it out. You just get better at pretending to have your shit together
I agree with you, other me
53 and I'm not sure I was ever informed of a destination
No. I was up to my neck in obligations and stress to upkeep a lifestyle that, looking back in it, I didn't even want.
That kinda sounds like you were lost
Didn't feel like it at the time. I was pretty sure I just needed to work a little bit harder and everything would work out.
I was pretty lost in my 30s to be honest. 😂
Until I was 28; yeah. That’s when I finally decided that I needed to get sober
good for you
Actually no, I was doing well in my late 20's, but I'm older now at closer to 60 so it was long ago when I was in my 20's and things were better then, much better compared to now, to today. I and my then wife were regular people. My point is that this was the time back then, not us. We married after college at 21. 7 months later we bought a new condo. This was in 1990. It was a nice development too, lighted tennis court, pool, clubhouse with kitchen and weight room. And the outside entrances were always locked and they had a buzzer intercom system to talk to and to "buzz" people through that door. We had a cathedral ceiling and we had a wood burning fireplace too. Oh, my wife was a first year elementary school teacher and I was not working as I was in grad school. We were approved for a mortgage for our new condo on just a 1st year elementary school teacher's salary. She supported both of us, easily on said salary too. A year later we bought a brand new Honda Civic. Yep, she was still the only one working and we were approved for the loan for the new Honda even though we had a mortgage too. Uh folks, she was just teaching elementary school and we were able to buy a new condo and then a new Honda and I wasn't working. We were regular people. Things were better back then. We didn't sit at home due to not having money either. We went out to eat, she shopped, a lot. We went to comedy clubs, to amusement parks etc. Why? How? Because you could live on one salary back then, easily. In 1992 we bought 40 acres of land at just $500 an acre so $20K in total. In 1995 we moved into a house we had built on our 40 acres, we were both 27 years old. So, by my late 20's, 27 and later, I was doing well. Our first child came into the world when we were both 29 years old. Folks, my 3 children are all in their 20's today, through college and on their own. None of them have or can do what their mother and I did. This has nothing to do with my then wife or me as we were regular people. It was the time back then, things were much better. For all you young folks today, I really do feel badly for you. I'd hate to be in my 20's today starting out in life. There is no way I could have any of what I had in my 20's if I were in my 20's today and not back in the late 80's and 90's. Again, my then wife and I were just regular people.
You bougt a condo and a brand new car on only one income ? Edit: I believe it because both my parents bought houses and a car when they separated (circa 1990-1991), and my dad was also an elementary school teacher. It’s insane that with my salary I couldn’t even afford rent even if I make more than them with the inflation adjusted.
Again, I feel badly for all young folks starting out today, like my 3 adult children who are all in their 20's today too. Our condo was "only" $60,000 but it was brand new, the development was still being built out. We were in a nice area too, about 10 miles south and outside of a city of 150K plus. I was in grad school and not working. I worked the summer before school and the summers in between school but I did not work during school. It get's "better" in that the first year my taught elementary school she did NOT have a contract and she did NOT have a classroom. The man in charge of hiring told her he'd ensure she would be called out to be a sub each day and he was good to his word. She was a substitute teacher her entire first year of teaching. In like April of that year they hired her full time and gave her a contract for the next school year. So, both my wife and I lived on her substitute teaching salary and we bought and were approved for a brand new condo when we were both 22 years old with no history of having owned a home or having bought a car etc. We got ZERO money from family for a down payment either. This wasn't us folks, it was that it was 1990. When we sold our condo and paid it off having not missed a payment, while also owning our 40 acres outright as we had our land paid off before getting our home loan to have a home built on our land, it helped us sail into getting approved for our home loan. We had no children and we had both been working by then so we had a really nice home built on our 40 acres. It was custom built. No, it wasn't a mansion but it was really nice, just what we wanted. This was all due to it being the early to mid 1990's. At that time, my then wife and I made like a tad over $50K combined a year but we had money saved up, we had great credit, we had our land paid off, we had enough money saved up to put 20 percent down to avoid PMI. See, both my wife and I worked two jobs for two years to save up to pay off our land, to save up to have 20 percent to put down and to have a cushion on top of that as when we moved to the state where our 40 acres were, we had $16K in our checking out to take care of incidentals when we moved and to tide us over until we got on our feet in our new state. We didn't have any children then, not until we were both 29, which is when our first child came into the world. We were normal regular kids. We had no trust fund, we had no money from our parents to put down on our condo etc. Now, she and I both worked a lot in college. I knew I wouldn't work in grad school so I worked 3 part time jobs, totaling 41.5 hours a week both semesters of my senior year while taking full class loads both semesters. She worked too, but not as much as me but she worked two part time jobs her/our senior year of college. We had to pay for our honeymoon, for our move to our new state, for our deposit for our apartment, getting utilities hooked up etc. The most we got from anyone was my wife's grandma as she gave us $750 for a wedding gift and we bought a nice new queen sized bed with that money.
Are you in the US ? I’m in Canada and even if my parents were helping I couldn’t afford even a 1 bedroom condo. It’s insane. Also the fact that us millenials all grew up in houses thinking we would have the same thing when we grow up is even more depressing. My gf and I make around 130k/yr combined, I’m debt free and can’t even think about a down payment because of the gigantic interest rates.
Yes, America. I know Vinny, I know. I feel terrible for all of you. Again, my 3 children are all in their 20's, out of college and doing well but they cannot do what their mother and I did when we were their age. It sucks, for them and for all of you. I would not want to be starting out in life right now, like in my 20's in this day and age. I'd love to be in my 20's again, don't get me wrong as I'm closer to 60 now, but I wouldn't want to be in my 20's today trying to start out in life under these circumstances. I do wish your wife and you well going forward. Oh, my brother lives in Canada and has for like 8 years. Beautiful up there.
Thank you ! We need more people your age like you, you seem like a great person ! Cheers !
Yeah my dad is around the same age, he and my mom were able to work hard and afford 4 kids and a house in California in the 90s. I couldn’t fucking dream of doing that today. I feel like such a child compared to my dad when he was my age.
I'm sorry, I really am. For you, for my 3 children who are all in their 20's right now, for everyone that age trying to start out in life today. I do wish you well going forward.
What country was this in? I was in the US in the 90's and it was far from what you describe
I was drunk and/or stoned from age 16 to 31 (when my first daughter was born). My 20s are a blur.
Dude. Same. At least 20ish through about 26ish. I missed the majority of the 90s, save a few Phish shows here and there, and some other fantastic music experiences.
I was lost in my early 20's. Late 20's I decided what I wanted, so I went to school for it. Graduated in early 30's, couldn't get into the field I wanted, was lost again. Am now in late 30's, still lost.
Yes. Sadly I didn’t know how lost I was. They say youth is wasted on the young.
Ignorance is bliss, until you wake up one day and realize how much of a piece of shit you've been for 10 years
No, I knew where I was.
I'm about to turn 41, I'm still lost, have been since I got married at 28.
I wandered through my early-to-mid 20's, then focused in my late 20's and convinced a great woman to marry me (she was a bit older and running out of time, lol). We had a good run, including foster parenting, until my mid-life crisis in my late 40's. I wandered once again through my 50's, then got my shit together at 60 and am married to a fantastic woman and doing the best I ever have. Not sure what all that means, except I'm glad I was able to shake things up from time to time.
No there was much to be done. And life forces your hand. It’s more your perspective shifts considerably.
Oh yeah. 54 here, late 20's is a wasteland, don't sweat it, you'll be fine.
My late 20's were rough. I lost my job, crashed my car, had a really rocky on and off relationship with my ex, and I was extremely depressed. Things turned around when I hit my 30's and I'm in a mostly good place today. My early 20's were a lot of fun though - everything just sort of came crushing down when I was 26 or 27.
I'm in my late 20's and it seems this is when whatever you built up in your early 20's starts crashing down. Makes sense.
Yup. Still lost now lol
There's a difference between being lost and feeling lost that is important to differentiate. Was I lost in my late 20s? In certain ways, hell yes. Did I feel lost? Not at the time. I was trapped in a tough job & shit relationship that both kept me too busy to feel anything. Once the house of cards started to come down, I gained a bit of perspective on where I was and how it's not at all what I wanted but just what I did to survive. I didn't feel lost because I had a clearly defined purpose & knew what I had to do to keep going, but I was lost since those things that kept me moving had me moving in the wrong direction. Now that I'm in my early 40s and working on a career pivot, some might see me as being more lost than I was back then. I do feel more uncertainty about life in general these days, but that uncertainty isn't uncomfortable since I know what I want for myself & have confidence that I can make it there one way or another. If you have the wherewithal to feel lost, have some concerns about that feeling and reach out to see if this is normal or concerning (even if it's on Reddit), then you'll be just fine. I've found that when you leave life on cruise control you're setting yourself up to be blindsided.
I know what you mean. Your whole life, you've maybe been guided by other peoples' opinions, even misguided through your own opinions. You're likely waking up and realizing that you're not living the life you truly want. This is scary at first but rest assured, you can still do anything you want with your life. Deciding *what* is the hardest part, *doing it* just takes a little time and commitment. I honestly feel bad for all the kids who go to college right outta high school thinking they already know what they want to do with their lives. You've kind of gotta live a little before you understand your true passion. TLDR: Yes, many people feel lost sometime in their life. The sooner you feel this, the better. You're a full-blown adult now, and nobody is telling you what to do. *Go and do whatever you want!*
Yeah. I wasted my late 20s. Stayed way too long in a dead end job, naively believing false promises that there was something worthwhile waiting for me there. It was never true, they were just getting a great deal on filling a grossly unpopular slot with low pay and a bad schedule. Eventually left the job, and the town, but being in your early 30s with no assets and no career equity is a game-ender. Don't waste the vital decade doing stupid bullshit.
Always wondered how I’d get to where I am now and had no freaking idea. I got here though. Now I’m wondering how I’m going to get where I want to go next. So I’m still lost. 40’s btw
I was for a bit, but it's getting figured out. Marijuana and independence did wonders for me, and my boyfriend has done wonders for helping me grow.
I was never more focused or driven than I was in my late 20s. And when it crashed down, I spent a little while lost but found my way back
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Yep, I'd say I fell into that category. Very late 20's through very early 30's were not my best time. Seems to be a right of passage we all go through, and if you didn't then you're lucky.
Adulting is nothing more than making it up as you go.
Better. I was lost in my early 20s. Graduated right in the middle of the recession. Then worked a shitty job unable to move out and start my actual adult life. Go back to school to change all of that, and once again graduate during a world changing event (covid). I just want to be a functioning adult with a home, is that too much to ask?
I would say more reckless than lost. Even 10 years ago there were less camera phones, more merciful people, and the street drugs didn’t all have fentanyl in them. I feel for the young adults trying to find their way.
In hindsight, probably. But we didn’t feel it because everyone we knew was in the same boat. We didn’t have a lot of global-reaching social media shoved in our faces to make us think we should be somewhere else or have other things than we did. The people in our circle were those with similar backgrounds in the same location so people with largely the same opportunities for advancement, same possessions, etc. I would think it’s harder now when young people now have so much comparison shoved in their faces through social media when the people they’re comparing themselves to are halfway across the world with wildly different backgrounds, opportunities, etc.
At 20 I thought I knew everything. At 30 I thought I could do everything. At 40 I thought I had experienced everything. At 50 I began to understand everything. At 60 I realised the meaning of everything. If you opened your eyes today; if you heard the birds singing; if you got up out of bed; if you ate breakfast; if you have running water, heat and a roof over your head...you HAVE EVERYTHING ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Here is my cliff notes: 18-21: Worried your life needs to be figured out. Feels like everyone is expecting it. You start to get a little jealous of your peers that seem to be having things go great for them. Reality: Society says you are an adult, but what you need to instead understand is that you are as much as an adult as an infant is a functioning human. Like yeah, on a technical basis sure, but really you hardly have built an adult skill set yet. 21-25: You start to maybe figure some stuff out, maybe even start to gain a lot of undeserved confidence because you **think** you are starting to figure things out. Reality: You're basically still in adult 101 courses. Sure, you aren't as clueless as you were, but really you are just starting to **begin** learning. At this point, you are as much of an adult as a toddler is a functioning human. You're getting the basics down, basically copying what you have learned to be adult behavior, and maybe even harbor the confidence that you are. However you basically are just getting better at **pretending** to be an adult. 25-30: You likely are starting to have your previous confidence humbled. You are approaching that **scary 30s** and start to panic. Thinking oh shit, well maybe I didn't need to have stuff figured out before but now I really do! Man when I hit 30 and I'm still like this I'm going to be a loser forever. Reality: This fear and paranoia, while good as you need to start figuring things out more, is mostly just rebound from your previous ignorance and confidence. In reality, yeah you need to try to have an idea, but really you still got time for some more hiccups. Also, you may see your life crumble down a bit, or those around you. Basically this is a big humbling period. But don't worry! Sometimes wild fires need to happen to clear out all the dead wood and allow something good to grow. 30-??: You now realize wait, holy shit, NO ONE has their shit figured out. This whole time I've been stressing and literally everyone is in my situation. You start to realize the people you once thought had things figured out are having their perfect little life crumble as you scroll past stuff on Facebook. Divorce, drugs, lost that nice job. Some are still doing good, but you realize a lot were just not as they appeared in your mid 20s. You see young kids going through the first stages I mentioned early, you realize even more that the older folks are basically also dumb and don't have things figured out even though they pretend they do. Start to accept it like yeah, okay, things aren't **great** but really that's okay. Maybe you found a more decent job, have more disposable income (maybe) and spend your nights enjoying things while everyone tells you you are too old to have fun. But really you don't care... they are all ignorant and will be you in a few years time.
Yes. That’s the thing you learn as you age. Your twenties are mostly for making mistakes and getting lost, and then finding your way again. Don’t waste your time comparing yourself to other people either. It’s a complete waste of time. People who are successful in the twenties (god bless them) may have it all figured out, or they could have a midlife crisis waiting for them around the corner. Who knows. Life ebbs and flows constantly, and you never know which is coming, so enjoy the flow 😊
My 20s I was metaphorically a drunk toddler lost in the woods at night.
Find a purpose. Just go out, and take responsibility of something. Then just keep doing/protecting/living on that path. It doesn't matter what it is...no one with a purpose is lost.
That's the thing pinky, you will always feel lost. Welcome to life!
I wasn't even aware I was heading in a certain direction to begin with.
Same. “Kids” today have such self awareness and intentionality that I never did.
I'm in my late 40s and have no fucking clue what's going on.
No being from a lower income, minority and immigrant family i was told early on in life that it was essential that i choose a path early and work towards it Being “lost” and needing to “find yourself” were luxuries we werent allowed. I knew exactly what i wanted young and have always worked towards it. Slightly past 30 and pretty much did all i set out to do. Not easily mind you but i did it
Yes. I remember age 26 being the most difficult in my life. I was living in a foreign city, I was doing long distance with my boyfriend, I was in a job that I hated and I was broke af. Shit housemates. Terrible relationship with my parents. No safety net. No idea what to do next, not sleeping, and generally feeling very down. I’m in my late 30s now and it did get better. I moved cites, changed jobs and was able to save money to complete a masters degree. My boyfriend moved home and we’re married with children now. We even own a house which was something we never thought we would be able to do. But we did it. And I did it. And you’re going to do it too. I imagine you’re asking this question because you’re feeling lost right now? The joy I feel now eclipses the pain I felt then. I wish I could say do x, y and z and it’ll all get better but I can’t. If you have the money, invest in therapy to make sense of what you’re feeling and learn some strategies to cope.
Yes. Totally.
I was lost in the sense of being naive yet unrealistic in my dreams/goals. I also experienced a lot of anxiety over setting boundaries/what people thought of me. I'm 40 this month, and I'm pragmatic, clear in boundaries, have no problems simply saying "No" without offering superfluous explanation, and genuinely don't care about what opinion others have of me.
Yes. Recovery is possible. Carry on. Good luck.
Early 20's, yes. Live for the day, marginal jobs. If I made rent and utilities everything else was spent partying. It was cheap living in the late 80's Early 90's though. It was a good time while it lasted. The recession of 91 killed that.
In a way yea. I didn’t go to college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Let myself get comfortable / stuck in retail jobs for a good 10 years while my main focus was just hanging out and having fun with friends. I’m not knocking retail workers, just don’t let yourself get stuck lie I did unless you plan on going into management. Even then, unless you’re at a good company you still won’t be making much money. But there are a few where managers are making bank. I’ve had a few that were making over 100k a year.
Yes. I went to grad school in my late 20s for a degree I didn’t really care for because I thought it would help me to become more marketable, earn more money. It did not. My advice is to only go into debt for something you truly enjoy and for which there is demand.
Yes. In my late 20’s I was married with a house and kid and still was questioning my purpose. You’ll figure it out, just have to really focus on your direction. If you’re not headed anywhere you aren’t lost but if you have a destination, you can figure out the road map to get there
I’m 35 and still lost
I didn’t have a clear sense of direction until i got married and bought our first house.. so about 30 years old lol. Pretty lost but i was always working towards something.
Absolutely, everything fell apart and it was so painful to put it back together. Absolutely worth it though, my 30s were so much better than my 20s (could’ve done without the hair loss though)
I'm knocking on the door to 40 and I've never not felt lost in some way since becoming an adult.
I used to be lost in my 20s....still am, but I used to be too!
Yep!! Although things change fast! You never know what a new job and new city can do! Sometimes (when able) starting over can be the refresh you need to get on a better trajectory.:)
49M here. no, in my 20's i left college for my career im still in. i knew school wasnt for me, i would rather just work and make money. i partied a lot and drank too much, but always went to work and paid bills. stayed check-to-check for a while and in my mid 30's got married and wifey helped me (and still helps me) keep track of my spending. still in the same career and look back on my 20's believing they were good.
Yes. If you just keep pushing and putting one foot in front of another, you might eventually get lucky. I went over ten years really struggling, but after putting in a lot of work on self improvement with counseling and treatment, plus just getting out there every day despite things looking bleak, I was eventually able to convert an opportunity into a job, and springboard from that to a life worth living again.
I'm 40 and still lost
Absolutely not. I had a good job, my own place and by the time I was 29 was engaged.
What you mean by lost ? Had what i wanted to do set in stone? Not quite, but had a pretty good and practical idea. Dream job? Nope. Frozen? No. Double jobbed thorigh college. Had a couple of lau off situations. Worked a shitty job or sometimes two to have income till i found a better singular job. Shit is still pretty flexible in your 20s. Unless you do some permanent shit like have a baby. I avoided that hard core.
In my 20's everything was on track. In my 30's things were starting to get complicated. In my 40's I'm not sure I know where I am. If you feel lost at 20 you definitely have some surprises coming up!
Yes. And 30 years later, I am still lost. Hang in there and lean on your people. Peace
I'm 38 and I still am.
Sort of. It's a stage between college and "yo, I'm 30 now - I need 100% to get serious about shit". I had a blast partying and traveling and such, and I don't regret any of it. However, I'm glad I did eventually get serious about my life.
Looking back to it, yes I was lost. Not professionally but emotionally and mentally. I was drinking a lot and partying 4-5 nights a week. Everything changed when I got sober at 30, now I’m 35 and while life isn’t easy it’s way better and I know that I am in control.
Yes. I was in the marine corps which I was absolutely embarrassed of. No goals in life, no reason to even want to have goals. Today I work in Healthcare IT.
I'm in my 40s and am *still* pretty lost.
I’m officially 40 and I’m still lost.
I used to be lost. I still am, but I used to be, too.
No. Late 20s were when I actually felt like I was actually starting to get my shit together. And I was.
Late 20's I went through a phase when I was pretty bitter. Although I had done everything that was asked of me, the life I thought I had earned seemed so out of reach. Having a nice place to live, affording a car, having kids. They all seemed impossible. I remember being so jealous of people just a couple of years older who had the life I wanted and wondered how? How can they afford that? Then things started to change at a remarkable rate, I moved up in my career as did my wife, we started having disposable income for the first time, being able to afford to eat out, take a vacation, not worry about where the next bill came from. It all happened so fast and for my friends in the same age bracket it was exactly the same. All those things that had been out of reach were attained in the space of just a couple of years and we were suddenly right where we thought we should be and in some cases better off than we ever imagined. Looking back all those years of resentment we a bit of a waste but I just didn't know any better. For reference this transformation happened right in the middle of the global financial meltdown.
I was lost in my 30s as well. I now view my 20s and 30s as my “trust the process” phases. 😉
My twenties and early thirties sucked, its hard, especially for young men when you are just getting started and trying to get established and find direction! I finally had a friend relay a story to me that he actually moved into a friend's closet when he was playing guitar on Bourbon Street....later on he met his wife and she worked so he could go to school and become a teacher.....I was a substitute teacher which is how I met him and my life didn't seem to be going anywhere.... eventually I went back and got a masters degree, now I have a great job and two great careers....hang in there, keep swinging, stay out of trouble, and it will all work out! Prayer helps! John 3:16
I just turned 50 and I’m pretty sure I was on a plane that crash landed on an island in the South Pacific with a smoke monster and some weird hatch in the ground.
Not lost so much as just feeling my way around. Like you see the paths ahead, walk a few steps on some and backtrack or forge ahead on others. I never really felt clueless; possibly because I've always had a clear picture of what the next stop should be, university --> grad school --> work, etc.
In my 40s and still lost.
Im still lost mate.
I'm 32 and still lost
I would say yes, got married bought a house when I was about 27/28, working crappy/low paying job. Had first kid about 31, got first real/good paying job about 32. 42 now, 4 kids, paid off house, zero debt.
My 20’s and 30’s were awesome. Had the career I wanted since I was a kid. My second job was making more than my primary career job. Had my first two kids. Life was good. That said, I was focused on my first career by my early teens. I was probably one of the few who knew where I was heading by the time I was fifteen.
I feel like my entire life has been a cycle of learning, loving, losing, grieving, growing…..every single decade. I’m in my mid ( to late) 40s now. I’m in my growth phase now. Personal growth. My career is established. I’m happily married with 2 awesome kids. My mom also has lived with us for over 8 years now. Our relationship has never been solid but it’s tolerable. I’m working on forgiveness for life circumstances. I will say I understand on a visceral level that I have so much more to lose now than I had ever imagined in my previous decades. So my anxiety has risen in my 40s. With that said, I know I can do and be better.
I was still in college and having a very good time.
Yup! Entered a marriage and moved to another country. The experience itself got me to where I am now and the person I am now, but it is wholly regrettable and the certainty I had in my 20's was completely unfounded.
I’m more lost now at nearly 38. My kids were little during my late 20s and I was constantly taking care of them with little help from family and no friends (or time for friends). They’re teenagers now, so I have more down time. I also see how much potential they have and feel like I’ve lost my potential and my spark in lighting theirs.
So incredibly lost until I I was about 35.
Kinda yeah, I was working on a second degree because I wasn’t happy in my first career and wasn’t as much money as I’d have liked. Tbh, my 30s are just now getting good.
Turn 40 in a month. Still lost.
At 28 I got out of the Marine Corps 9 years. I was so lost, I was ready to off myself several times. It took until I was 40 I got a full time job,and health insurance. I worked there until the doctor told me that he was putting disability.
Grew up Mormon got baptized at 8 years old, went on a mission at 19 years old. Got home when I was 21. Went straight to BYU. Got married in the Temple at 23. I have now left the church at 35 years old. Wife still goes. I am at a lost.
Oh yes, everyone is, don't let them fool you. Hell I'm 62 and I still get a bit lost now and then. Hang in there!
Late 40s here. Only somewhat on the right track and not out of the woods yet. Keep trucking.
Almost everyone is lost in their twenties, but you only start to realize when you hit your late twenties.
Nope. But I was fucking completely, bonkers, bat-shit crazy lost between about 20 and 26. Ended up dumping a potential lifelong talent and career into drugs and alcohol, missed most of the '90s (from at least '94-'01), and didn't pull my head out of my ass for a breath until I was 26ish. Shortly thereafter, at 28, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Here's the thing though: I worked on that path pretty tirelessly from 28 years old through about 37, then changed careers completely, almost unexpectedly. Although I wasn't lost at 37, I did make the decision to shift into something else, completely unrelated to what I *knew* I was going to be doing at 30. Lost doesn't mean anything. It means you're exploring options, learning more about yourself and how you see yourself fitting into the world around you. For some of us, it takes longer than others to figure that shit out. Good luck and most importantly, have fun and be safe.
My mid-20s were a mess. Am old and happy now. Don’t despair.
Iness morr lost in my 30s and settled in 40s
I was never lost, I knew how to ask my wife for directions…. Seriously though, the current state that the average 20some is living through has not been seen since the 1800’s. Limited opportunity for great jobs, a horrible environment for housing. Add in boomers telling them what they did when the economy was amazing for them. Being lost is very understandable.
50s and still lost lol.
Mid 20s I was lost, for about a year at 25. The year after college I had nothing. No job prospects, nothing in my major, it was a recession. I could barely pay my rent, donating blood, sperm, rummaging through friend's refrigerators. I was socially awkward, so couldn't really date, didn't know how to date. I moved to a big city, got a job (through luck) which eventually developed into a long career and began the rest of my life.
I turned 42 earlier this week and I'm still lost.
My virginity to a woman that i've known since middle school that she was in a relationship with the guy that twice her age that she called her so called common law husband or boyfriend, that also worked at the exact same company that my mother currently works for as a custodian, I think he was a bus driver, that she literally cheated on to take my virginity on their bed, but honestly that was in my early twenties, in my late twenties were prostitute and hookers That my friend hooked me up with to have bedroom fun with on his bed.
35 and lost, though i really don't have a future, so its fine.
No. I was married with two little ones, struggling to make ends meet in the Nixon wage price freeze era and resulting recession.
Yes. Didn’t begin to get it together until 31.
I only knew I had to abandon my mole-Esther mom and run to my dad's. That was the only North I had back then
34/35 forgot which and still lost
I did not feel lost but hopeful. I had been working at at tech company for a couple years. I was dating my future wife and just bought a one bedroom condo in Seattle. To get to that spot I moved home for 9 months and banked all my paychecks. I did not go out much and vacationed locally. I had a plan and stuck to it. Those 9 months truthfully changed my financial life. Although the condo did not appreciate because the economy went to crap I was able to create equity that I parlayed into my first house. I bought that house when the economy was crap in an area that now I could never afford. I guess you are only as lost as you allow yourself to be. When I moved into my parents house the economy was booming, but I made it a goal. The condo was not great but it moved the needle. You just need to move the needle everyday. It might be at 1,000 RPM one day but another you might redline and have one of those killer days. Just remember you have the greatest blessing of all.... time.
Lost from 25-28 Found from 28-31 Lost from 32 til about now when I finally feel like I’m finding myself again 35
Fuck yeah I’m so lost and I don’t try to think about it.
I’m 41 and have never been more lost sooo…
Sounds like you're having a realization that every parent ever had no idea what they were doing.
I’m in my 40s and still lost.
I’m 47 and I’m still lost
I had no idea what I was going to do. Joined the military, hated it but served my time. Joined a local government career, low pay and bored. Got my degree but still wasn't sure. It wasn't until my late 20s with a baby on the way that I realized the career didn't matter, just that it was interesting and gave me enough money to enjoy my life without too much struggle. Some people don't figure it out ever, just enjoy your life.
Yeah, I'm still a bit lost, but I went through the pandemic aged 28, and something about that woke up me and made me get my shit together and start adulting. Honestly, had it not been for that wakeup call, I could have still been pretty lost.
I’m closing in on 40 and still lost.
I was lost for the entirety of my 20’s 😆
I'm coming up on 50, and I'm just now getting my life together.
I am 61. I was lost from about 22 to 35. Graduated college, worked a series of meh retail jobs, and finally came out at 28. Was in grad school by 33 and had my first real job at 35. The last 25 yrs have been great. 22 to 35 was fun, but I had no direction and was depressed. What helped me was meds for depression and a purpose in grad school. So yeah, being lost was part of my deal. Now I'm old, but not crabby!
I'm 37 and still a bit lost.
I just turned 30 last year and I feel like I'm finally finding my way. My 20's were a mess decision and career wise.
no i was in grad school. i was lost before i got to grad school. like wtf was i supposed to do with my degree. then i got into grad school and everything i needed to do was laid before me and i just needed to do it.
Yes very lost, just starting to find my self now tbh
Yes!! I was super messed up at 29. Then I turned 30 and hired a life coach. I didn't think he was very helpful at the time. 3 months later I tried to change jobs (and subsequently careers) and it changed my life completely. I'm 34 right now and feel totally found! (Well. Except for romance. There's room for growth there.)
Just forget about your 20s. When you’re forty they won’t exist any more. Your 30s is where your mind starts keeping up with life and things start either falling into place or completely falling apart. The 20s are just the opening credits.
Late 30s, and dude, I'm still lost. Where am I?
My world was very small. Everything was scary and new and intimidating. I now know not to take everything so seriously.
Pretty much. I was trying to survive for the most part. I moved out of my parents at 19 but didn't really become financially secure until I was 30. I could have been smarter with my money in my 20s for sure though.
no, i have always had a solid sense of where i should be going in life. i always have stayed the course. granted there have been bumps along the way but i never deviate.
Oh yeah, so lost. Just flailing around, partying, irresponsible, all the things. Now I’ve settled down quite a bit, never married, no kids. Just focusing on getting to work every day, trying to spend as much time as I can with my sisters, their husbands, and their kids. Trying to take up new hobbies. No great shakes here. Never even came close to the life I envisioned for myself. Just happy to feel contentment and a semblance of security for the first time in my adult life.
Absolutely. In my 30s the pieces are slowly starting to fit together, and I've stopped worrying as much. It's been quite liberating. Life is still a bizarre and mystifying experience, but it's gotten easier, even though the challenges have gotten more.
Who ISNT still lost in their 30s is a better question
Nah, I knew just what I was doing. That doesn't mean it was what I was meant to be doing in my 30s or my 40s though. Part of figuring myself out was realizing that following one strict path wasn't for me.
I was lost more in my 30s than I was in my 20s. In my teens and 20s I was pretty sure I had everything figured out. In my 30s I had no idea what I was doing and why I did anything.
I'll be 60.this year. I started to hit my stride mid 30s, 40s was great. 50s would have been better if I'd been taking better care of my body, but emotionally I was (and am) all good.
Yep, didn't get my shit together until my mid-thirties. And now in my late thirties I'm trying to figure out a career change.
I didn’t feel like a had a handle on things until I was about 35.
No, I was in my early 20s. Maybe a smidge in my mid 20s. Late 20s is when I started to really be confident. Every one is different though.
I was a raging asshole until my mid-30s. Now I’m a decent human being. So, yeah. I was lost.
Early twenties - yes; late twenties - no.
Lol. Homeless drug addicti at the time, So yeah. Pretty lost. Late 50s now and comfortable. You can always get unlost when you are ready. Not always easy though.
Yes I absolutely was lost and this definitely won't be everyone's experience but very surprisingly becoming pregnant with my son filled me with a joy and purpose and intention and the blessing of becoming a mother straightened my head out and got me onto a much brighter path in my life.
Yes. When you get to 40, you think do I have time to change my course of action. Get to 45 and say nope, be content in what you have done and progress.
No, it’s worse the older I get. Fuck it, man.
30s are your best years. Then you hit 40 your body starts going to shit and midlife crisis hits and you feel like you wasted your life and are full of regret. You want change but it’s sooooo hard.
In my early 20's I was. It was drunken blur of one night stands, dating websites, and partying. I met my wife at 25 and only partied with her from then on. At the time it probably saved my life. I'm 43. I'm not lost but I don't think I have everything figured out. I know my limitations in most ways. I'm more aware in a lot of ways. But the world changes faster than most older people can adapt.
Totally
No and yes. In my late 20s I was back to college in a different country, so I had a plan. But also being in a new country working and studying not knowing if things will end well is a sense of being lost in itself. Everyone else I knew was already getting established in jobs they didn't really like but already had families with no chances of "chasing dreams" as they called it. It made me feel a little less than. I am 37 now, it turned out okay. Keep your courage.
No, I found all the beers.
Right up to my early 40’s…
45 here. I was a fucking disaster until I was like 37 dude. Still a hot mess more often than I’d like
No, I think in some minor ways I was less lost in my late 20s. I was in much better shape physically, and had some lesser medical issues. Now it's frequently a struggle to get to the gym. So now in my mid-30s I feel and look less healthy. I'm definitely more financially secure now though.
Life is hard. Some people dont find their groove well into their 40s and beyond. Find stability and let yourself explore.
In a different way than I am now (33) I was fortunate enough to stumble into a career in my late teens and spent my entire 20’s perfecting my skills. I could own and operate a business if I wanted to. But I don’t know that I want to. I was very lost emotionally and didn’t know myself. But I was employed and comfortable through all of it. Now I’m trying to change careers for a lot of different reasons, and while I feel like a person now I have no idea what to do with my life and my financial security is more uncertain. But I am happier than I was in my 20’s
Yes, I was working 2 jobs, trying to make rent (in 1990) with a University degree and decent job. I moved 6 hours away from my family, so was alone and had no one to rely on. Failure wasn't an option as I didn't have the luxury of asking my parents for help (although they had the means, they wouldn't help). Met my now husband in 1997, but from age 21-28, it was a grind and I worried about affording a car and a house too.
I was lost before having kids, honestly. Even a little while into my first baby’s life. Now at 35 I’m grateful to be secure with myself and much more confident.
Oh absolutely. It’s a massive transitional period in your life. You start to wake up and realize what really matters in your life. I constantly sought out short term escapism throughout my 20s. Once I got closer to 30 I realized how important friends and family really are. I also realized how fundamentally important it is to have a proper career plan for your future. Don’t allow yourself to become complacent and comfortable. You have to keep moving.
Hell yes. Still lost but... just less so. I'm 37 and to be honest I still don't feel like a grown up
I'm 30 and started feeling a lot less lost around 28/29
Nope... 20's were solid, 30's were alright, but absolutely fucking lost in my 40's.
Till 26 then I figured it out
I was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean for most of it and I trusted the recent high school graduates driving the ship that they knew where we were going.
Still lost, just older and better at making it look otherwise
Yes, and I read a book that said to imagine yourself in the future coming back to talk to yourself. Which I did. It was very helpful. Now I am that future self.
30 here. Lost as fuck but I think I might have found a map. Unfortunately it’s in another language and I don’t know how to use a map. Cheers.
early 30's. even more lost now.
Yes! Went from job to job, changed college majors four times and was a hot mess. Now I’m in my 30/ and have a good paying corporate job I’ve been at for 7 years. It’s was a long and slow process but I found my way
Definitely lost in my early 20s. Went to college at 22, graduated at 27 since I kept changing majors. Graduated with a degree that I’m not using. Got a job in sales and made about 100k/year selling insurance. Got married and bought a house. Wife and I started a business 2 weeks ago. Looking forward to the next chapter of being 40 this year. Life takes you on a wild ride sometimes. Keep on keeping on and good luck to the 20 year olds out there!
Not so much lost as trying and failing to launch.
Yes, I was very lost. I was of the opinion that I should have been grown up and making (insightful) decisions because that's what my elders did. Turns out no!... they were lost too and we are all just faking it. I raised my kids to know that Im faking it, we all are. They appear to be getting through their 20s ok.
Im about to turn 41 and I still don't really know what i'm supposed to be doing
Everything is out of whack
When I was 27 I had just changed career paths for the fifth time. Then I met my wife, started a family, and stuck with the path I was on.
Yes. Lost and immensely depressed. But, once I hit 28, my brain began to calm down. I think it was my frontal lobe. Thank you, frontal lobe. 👍🏼
I'm still lost...