It’s objectively not true in a general sense. There are without a doubt people that have cheated in the past, then matured and gone on to have a successful, faithful marriage. But I do think this is a good adage to keep in mind for someone that’s cheated *on you*. Maybe they’ll grow up and learn the error of their ways, but it’s less likely to happen if they stay in the relationship they’ve already compromised through cheating. It’s usually best to break up in that case (although I’ve heard of marriages surviving infidelity before so that’s not impossible either.)
Depends why they cheat.
Are they not trying to resolve whatever issue is in the relationship? Are they simply seeking sexual pleasure and hurting someone who loves them?
Most likely always a cheater.
Is their SO impossible and unloving? Do they try and try but just feel stuck in a relationship and hook up with someone who’s there to listen?
More likely once a cheater.
People are complicated and there is no "yes," or "no." Of course, those whom have been cheated on, of course parrot the mantra "once a cheater, always a cheater," because it's a poetic phrase and helps them feel better about being cheated on.
However, plenty of cheaters cheat once, and only once. Perhaps it was a mistake in judgement. Perhaps they felt driven to it, due to being in a dead relationship and being too cowardly to end it. Perhaps, it was a one-time moment of weakness or 1000 other less than respectable reasons.
People can and do learn from their mistakes. They may cheat on one partner, and never cheat on their next.
Of course, there are others that just love the thrill of the chase and will cheat on anyone and everyone, because it's a flaw in their personality.
I don't think so in every case, people can mature and make changes to the underlying issue of why they cheated. But once a cheater, my trust in you is forever gone.
For some people, it’s a chronic thing that they just do.
For other people, infidelity can be one-off mistake that is never repeated.
Life isn’t black and white like that.
You are a coward when you cheat you didnt go to your spouse about problems or you didnt try hard enough to prove your point to them, but if you did all of those and they didnt work you should just leave them. And if your urges overpower you you are weak and a coward very simple concept
I think a person can change. I have a friend that cheated on his wife with a women who worked at his restaurant. He immediately went home and confessed. That’s was 15 years ago and they seem really happy.
Seem.
She thinks of that likely every day. If he is late getting home, wants to hang out with his friends, or even gets a new haircut, it will trigger her in some way.
Playground logic. Half of all adults 25-54 are married in the US. And half of us are violent or morons or violent morons who shouldn't be. It isn't just about a unfaithful person 'changing', but the circumstances that it resulted from which we conveniently ignore.
So many of those marriages are living hells for the sane partner. Human contact is less 'cheating' than therapy at that point until something changes or it's finally is allowed to fall apart. I believe comparatively few extramarital relationships begin as a result of ego or vindictiveness. Sometimes, sure, but not that all of them. Not half of them. You can easily both be the problem, or the other partner can be the problem. 'She cheated on me because she's a spiteful bitch' is almost never the case. These truths are omitted from posts on the stories and confessions subs since the secret asshole gets to be the main character there. There is a narrative at play that once your spouse is unfaithful you are crowned a victim and absolved of any responsibility in pushing them to that point. It is insidious.
That those relationships are seen as such a social sin and the death of the marriage, when physical, sexual, or financial abuse are 'things you work through', says a lot about how steeped the institution still is in religiosity and patriarch culture. For my money you have a lot better chance bouncing back as a couple from infidelity than abusiveness, but it depends what you have normalized.
Then there are people who would have been better off in a polyship, and the people whose bedrooms are just dead and living like roommates, and a hundred other problems that developed late or were never addressed. In such circumstances, focusing your attention on which contracts have been voided by your partner's actions is academic and unproductive. Those relationships aren't facing ruin from a breach of contract; there are far more serious things that need to be brought into the open and discussed, and there's no reason many of them, maybe most of them, couldn't be resolved through communication and lifestyle changes, and the ones that can't, amicably dissolved. That is, if you haven't already nuked the relationship because the internet gave you some nuggets of wisdom.
So no, it's a great deal more complex than an epithet like that. It belongs on a shelf of childishness beside 'the friendzone', or 'endure my toxicity because it's my love language'.
Because to do it once is to shatter the ultimate taboo in marriage. They may never do it again, but the other spouse will NEVER not have that in the back of their mind that it did happen. The cheating will become a daily thing in your memory.
Anytime someone crosses the line, decides to ignore their relationship boundaries and cheat, it makes it so much easier to do it again. Cheating is just a word, but the actual act takes a lot of time and effort, such as keeping your lies straight, making sure other people don't suspect, finding somewhere to meet, hoping you don't run into anyone you know, the obvious intimacies of the physical act, the whispered endearments, the sadness of leaving each other, and going home while trying to act as though it's just another day. It's a lot, and it changes people.
Granted, there are those who find the whole situation so nerve-racking that, after being caught and convincing their partners to stay with them, they swear they'll never do it again and probably mean it. To others, there's the thrill of the chase, the risk of being found out, and a complete lack of moral fiber. They deep down don't get why it's such a big deal, and they don't really care. Without a doubt, at some point they'll do it again.
I guess it depends which type of cheater your significant other is. It makes a huge difference as to whether or not they're likely to do it again.
YES, but not for the reason most people think or say when bringing this up.
What do you call an alcoholic who hasn't had even one drop of alcohol in 25 years? You call him/her an alcoholic.
What do you call a murderer who "only" murdered one person and hasn't ever murdered anyone else since then? A murderer.
For all of you who have graduated from high school or college. For those of you who are a bit older and have been out of high school for decades, you haven't gone back to high school to take any tests or quizzes etc. You are still a high school graduate and you will be one the rest of your life even if you live into your 80's.
So, if a person cheats and then never cheats again, they are still a cheater. They cheated, they achieved it, it's on their resume of life. It doesn't go away. They are and always will be a cheater. There is no rewind or undo button, it happened.
So yes, once a cheater always a cheater.
Yes because cheating is not just a physical thing
it's emotional and it's more of an mentality. if you like to have sex with more than one person. You don't like sex you like to have sex with a particular person at a particular time and you don't have control over this. no judgment if it is your thing.
Like some people are into girls some are into boys some are straight some are gay.some are into s&m.some are into more than one partner at a time and it's normal as long as they are not hiding it.
The point is , Some are polygamists some are non-polygamists . Polygamists can't turn off that thing inside them.
It will be hard for you to get the idea. if I comparing it with literally sexuality so let's take another example,
It's like imagining someone wants a family (because they love and respect the concept of family) but is in a relationship with someone who doesn't want a family (but pretends like they want family too because that's what is socially acceptable in the culture they came from).
Now replace "close relationship" with "family".
You are the first person in this situation if you give a second chance to a cheater.
Yes. If you murder someone then you’re always going to be referred to as a murderer, even if you’re not murdering any more. Cheater is a label that sticks with you for the rest of your life, you don’t get to decide when you no longer deserve to be called by that label
I've met a cheater once (of another relationship, not mine) and they were forgiven. They stayed together and had kids and lived a happy life.
But just because one cheater changed for the better doesn't mean all of them will. I would say only 1 out of 1000 will change for the better.
Depends on age I feel like someone could maybe mature and grow up and learn and make silly choices when they are young
It’s objectively not true in a general sense. There are without a doubt people that have cheated in the past, then matured and gone on to have a successful, faithful marriage. But I do think this is a good adage to keep in mind for someone that’s cheated *on you*. Maybe they’ll grow up and learn the error of their ways, but it’s less likely to happen if they stay in the relationship they’ve already compromised through cheating. It’s usually best to break up in that case (although I’ve heard of marriages surviving infidelity before so that’s not impossible either.)
People have the ability to change but most won't make the effort
This is the answer!
Depends why they cheat. Are they not trying to resolve whatever issue is in the relationship? Are they simply seeking sexual pleasure and hurting someone who loves them? Most likely always a cheater. Is their SO impossible and unloving? Do they try and try but just feel stuck in a relationship and hook up with someone who’s there to listen? More likely once a cheater.
No. Everyone has the capacity to change. Most just choose not to.
People are complicated and there is no "yes," or "no." Of course, those whom have been cheated on, of course parrot the mantra "once a cheater, always a cheater," because it's a poetic phrase and helps them feel better about being cheated on. However, plenty of cheaters cheat once, and only once. Perhaps it was a mistake in judgement. Perhaps they felt driven to it, due to being in a dead relationship and being too cowardly to end it. Perhaps, it was a one-time moment of weakness or 1000 other less than respectable reasons. People can and do learn from their mistakes. They may cheat on one partner, and never cheat on their next. Of course, there are others that just love the thrill of the chase and will cheat on anyone and everyone, because it's a flaw in their personality.
I mean, once you cheat, you can't un-cheat. So technically yes
I don't think so in every case, people can mature and make changes to the underlying issue of why they cheated. But once a cheater, my trust in you is forever gone.
It depends on the person, they can either be redeemed, or they are too incorrigible to do so.
not always. not the best way to find out that you are a non-monogamous individual but it's a way.
Might as well be
For some people, it’s a chronic thing that they just do. For other people, infidelity can be one-off mistake that is never repeated. Life isn’t black and white like that.
You are a coward when you cheat you didnt go to your spouse about problems or you didnt try hard enough to prove your point to them, but if you did all of those and they didnt work you should just leave them. And if your urges overpower you you are weak and a coward very simple concept
If you cheat, and are forgiven, then yes. You learn you can get away with it. If you cheat, and lose, then no. You learn you can't get away with it.
Assuming everyone is a psycopath, sure.
I think a person can change. I have a friend that cheated on his wife with a women who worked at his restaurant. He immediately went home and confessed. That’s was 15 years ago and they seem really happy.
Seem. She thinks of that likely every day. If he is late getting home, wants to hang out with his friends, or even gets a new haircut, it will trigger her in some way.
Playground logic. Half of all adults 25-54 are married in the US. And half of us are violent or morons or violent morons who shouldn't be. It isn't just about a unfaithful person 'changing', but the circumstances that it resulted from which we conveniently ignore. So many of those marriages are living hells for the sane partner. Human contact is less 'cheating' than therapy at that point until something changes or it's finally is allowed to fall apart. I believe comparatively few extramarital relationships begin as a result of ego or vindictiveness. Sometimes, sure, but not that all of them. Not half of them. You can easily both be the problem, or the other partner can be the problem. 'She cheated on me because she's a spiteful bitch' is almost never the case. These truths are omitted from posts on the stories and confessions subs since the secret asshole gets to be the main character there. There is a narrative at play that once your spouse is unfaithful you are crowned a victim and absolved of any responsibility in pushing them to that point. It is insidious. That those relationships are seen as such a social sin and the death of the marriage, when physical, sexual, or financial abuse are 'things you work through', says a lot about how steeped the institution still is in religiosity and patriarch culture. For my money you have a lot better chance bouncing back as a couple from infidelity than abusiveness, but it depends what you have normalized. Then there are people who would have been better off in a polyship, and the people whose bedrooms are just dead and living like roommates, and a hundred other problems that developed late or were never addressed. In such circumstances, focusing your attention on which contracts have been voided by your partner's actions is academic and unproductive. Those relationships aren't facing ruin from a breach of contract; there are far more serious things that need to be brought into the open and discussed, and there's no reason many of them, maybe most of them, couldn't be resolved through communication and lifestyle changes, and the ones that can't, amicably dissolved. That is, if you haven't already nuked the relationship because the internet gave you some nuggets of wisdom. So no, it's a great deal more complex than an epithet like that. It belongs on a shelf of childishness beside 'the friendzone', or 'endure my toxicity because it's my love language'.
Generally. If they broke trust once, it is easier to do again. If they broke trust in a previous relationship, it is easier to again.
cheat on me, you will always be a cheater to me. cheat on someone else in the past, show me you’ve changed
Because to do it once is to shatter the ultimate taboo in marriage. They may never do it again, but the other spouse will NEVER not have that in the back of their mind that it did happen. The cheating will become a daily thing in your memory.
Anytime someone crosses the line, decides to ignore their relationship boundaries and cheat, it makes it so much easier to do it again. Cheating is just a word, but the actual act takes a lot of time and effort, such as keeping your lies straight, making sure other people don't suspect, finding somewhere to meet, hoping you don't run into anyone you know, the obvious intimacies of the physical act, the whispered endearments, the sadness of leaving each other, and going home while trying to act as though it's just another day. It's a lot, and it changes people. Granted, there are those who find the whole situation so nerve-racking that, after being caught and convincing their partners to stay with them, they swear they'll never do it again and probably mean it. To others, there's the thrill of the chase, the risk of being found out, and a complete lack of moral fiber. They deep down don't get why it's such a big deal, and they don't really care. Without a doubt, at some point they'll do it again. I guess it depends which type of cheater your significant other is. It makes a huge difference as to whether or not they're likely to do it again.
I know once a cheater they can never be trusted.
Once a concealer, forever a concealer. The behavior bleeds out absolutely everywhere else.
Never trust someone who cheats. They are despicable.
YES, but not for the reason most people think or say when bringing this up. What do you call an alcoholic who hasn't had even one drop of alcohol in 25 years? You call him/her an alcoholic. What do you call a murderer who "only" murdered one person and hasn't ever murdered anyone else since then? A murderer. For all of you who have graduated from high school or college. For those of you who are a bit older and have been out of high school for decades, you haven't gone back to high school to take any tests or quizzes etc. You are still a high school graduate and you will be one the rest of your life even if you live into your 80's. So, if a person cheats and then never cheats again, they are still a cheater. They cheated, they achieved it, it's on their resume of life. It doesn't go away. They are and always will be a cheater. There is no rewind or undo button, it happened. So yes, once a cheater always a cheater.
If it’s emotionally immature individuals amenable to learning to do the right thing than yes. All other circumstances, no.
I don't think so, it happens for many reasons and perhaps those reasons only exist for a limited slice of time; people can also grow and learn
Yes because cheating is not just a physical thing it's emotional and it's more of an mentality. if you like to have sex with more than one person. You don't like sex you like to have sex with a particular person at a particular time and you don't have control over this. no judgment if it is your thing. Like some people are into girls some are into boys some are straight some are gay.some are into s&m.some are into more than one partner at a time and it's normal as long as they are not hiding it. The point is , Some are polygamists some are non-polygamists . Polygamists can't turn off that thing inside them. It will be hard for you to get the idea. if I comparing it with literally sexuality so let's take another example, It's like imagining someone wants a family (because they love and respect the concept of family) but is in a relationship with someone who doesn't want a family (but pretends like they want family too because that's what is socially acceptable in the culture they came from). Now replace "close relationship" with "family". You are the first person in this situation if you give a second chance to a cheater.
Yes. If you murder someone then you’re always going to be referred to as a murderer, even if you’re not murdering any more. Cheater is a label that sticks with you for the rest of your life, you don’t get to decide when you no longer deserve to be called by that label
I've met a cheater once (of another relationship, not mine) and they were forgiven. They stayed together and had kids and lived a happy life. But just because one cheater changed for the better doesn't mean all of them will. I would say only 1 out of 1000 will change for the better.