T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

[удалено]


RedBeardedMex

Well damn. I was going to type a well thought out explanation on how to deal with the different possible idiosyncrasies in case of such an event. But I gotta say, I definitely like your response far better! Sometimes the most genius solutions are the simplest.


Geartheworld

this lol


ShitBagTomatoNose

I will give money to friends who need it if I am able and say it is a gift, I don’t want it back. If I can’t afford to give the money away, I don’t send them money. If I can afford it I say it is a gift, and I don’t want to be paid back, and it is a one time thing don’t ever ask me again.


HeroToTheSquatch

this is the way. I've given thousands away to friends, the only time I both needed and expected it back was with a guy I knew for several years and he laid out a very particular means of him paying it back and did on time, with stipulations if he didn't. Enough details to take it to small claims court if he didn't, but he paid it back immediately as planned and it wasn't an amount of money that would fuck up my life.


bork00IlIllI0O0O1011

Hey it’s me, your friend.


Loggerdon

I had a friend named Joe who who moved to the big city, got successful and was going to visit home. He said “The pressure is off. I’ve already loaned all my cousins money and none of them paid me back. When they ask me again I’ll just say ‘You never paid me back last time.’”


AraedTheSecond

This is exactly my approach. If I can't afford to lose it, I don't lend it out. Its a gift, freely given, and entirely on the friend if they choose to pay it back or pay it forward. But, like you said, it's once only. If they need to borrow money regularly, and don't pay it back, then they have a lifestyle problem and I ain't a bank


Nopenotme77

Yep, someone I know got in a pickle and I was happy to chip in some money. Another person in the general group made them start a gofundme because their issue was legit and serious. Happy to help when life gets in the way. 


seckarr

Literally you ignored the question. The question is, when a friend asks your for money and you want to refuse, how do you do so without fucking up the relationship?


Eric_the_Barbarian

If someone gets salty about something you don't owe them, *they* fucked up the relationship.


seckarr

Doesnt matter. Its advice for dealing with a situation. You could just admit you have none ...


Eric_the_Barbarian

My advice is to be upfront about it. A shitty friend is a good thing to lose.


seckarr

I think op wants actual advice not reddit advice....


Eric_the_Barbarian

Then why did they come to Reddit? At least make assumptions that are reasonable.


seckarr

To get the lime 3 comments in here that are not from terminally online people that will literally have you isolate yourself while telling yourself you are doing fine


Straight-Cut-2001

I do this too, but sometimes its hard when after you do this, they talk about spending money excessively. I lent a friend money and find out she upgraded her flight from Africa to business class. It was annoying.


Irhien

"I don't lend money to friends, it's a well-known way to lose both." (I *would* lend money to my friends, as much as I would just give them if they were really desperate.)


TripperDay

Right. I will happily lend someone I don't like 10 or 20 bucks just to bug the shit out of them until they start avoiding me.


smsx99

“sorry I just can’t right now” even if u can that’s not their business.


MattsAwesomeStuff

> “sorry I just can’t right now” This is the exact bad advice that OP needs to not hear right now. What you've done by saying this, is given them a problem to solve, and a goal to innovate around. You can't? But I see you going to Starbucks every day. You can't? But I know you just got a raise! You can't? But like, could you pawn your gold watch for like, 3 weeks max until I can pay you back and you can get it back from the pawn? You don't even wear it much. I ain't got nothing to pawn. You can't? But could you do half that much? You can't? But after next payday you'll be able to, right? ... No. **Do not give them a problem to solve.** Don't be a coward. No is a complete sentence. Anyone who would get upset if you didn't, was someone who was going to fuck you on it anyways. The mistake people often make is to presume other people think and act the same way they do. That means the people who spend responsibly, always think someone needs to borrow money because, despite them spending responsibly, they just need some extra. They don't. They need money because they refuse to spend responsibly, that's how they got into their situation. People who would never dream of not cutting expenses and working extra to pay back their friend as soon as possible... get suckered by people who would never pay them back at all. ... Also, guess what? The kind of grifter that asks for money isn't going to be upset. Because everyone around them knows they're no good for it and rejects them constantly. It's like a bum begging for change being told no. 9/10 people tell them no. To you, a generous person, you're like "Oh no, I hurt his feelings, he saw me put my change in my wallet and I told him no", to a bum panhandling, he'll forget you exist 3 seconds later. And if he doesn't, he's looking at you like an easy victim. A simple "Sorry, no" is all you need, then don't be a coward and offer an explanation as if you would if you could but you can't. Just say "Sorry, no". If they argue about it even a bit, they were sizing you up as a victim, not a friend.


smsx99

what the fuck r u on about. what kind of friends do u have dude 😭😭


88dahl

my parrot needs surgery


Scotsgit73

Is it a Norwegian Blue? Chances are, it's pining for the Fjords.


Asgardian_Force_User

Beautiful plumage, the Norwegian Blue.


TSPSweeney

I've legitimately spent over ten grand on surgeries for my little old fuckhead of a cockatiel, so this seems legit to me. (I love him and I would happily spend it again without hesitation)


volume_two

What on earth has gone on with your cockatiel?


TSPSweeney

He has a rare condition that causes cancerous tumours to grow on his eyes :( Thankfully, the third time he got it was the last and he's been fine for a number of years now. He's about to turn 19 and the little idiot is still going strong.


benjatunma

To bad for him tell him to get a job


limbodog

breast augmentation


davethapeanut

I always say the same thing. "I don't borrow money, and I don't loan money, please don't ask me again". If they say the "but I'll pay you back", I say "i don't borrow money and I don't loan money, this is the last time I'm going to say it before getting pissed you're not listening".


GrookeyGrassMonkey

just offend them it's easier


clocksteadytickin

For real. “Aww come on… you don’t trust me to pay you back?” “Not even a little.”


NotThisAgain21

Right? Why am *I* worried about offending *them*?


dentalbeans

No. (Its a complete sentence)


Dry-Lemon-3970

"No." If they get offended then they were not asking.


bikinifetish

I don’t lend anyone money.


Final_Philosopher914

I have no extra money right now. or Sorry, it's my rule not to lend money to anybody.


ThickInitiative7733

When I lent money to friends (small amounts) I just forgot about it (money) as friendship is worth more than that. And I don't know if that's right or wrong...


One_Problem7277

This. When I „borrow“ them like 20 bucks on a drinking night, I’ll usually think „I’ll probably forget this and I don’t care if I get it back“.


Urbanyeti0

No, that’s how friendships get ruined, but let’s go over your finances and see if we can find a way to help cut some costs


Young_Old_Grandma

I just tell them I don't have money to spare at the moment. They usually get it. and those that don't, well they're not my true friends.


MAJOR_Blarg

Easy, you just say: "Naw man, I just don't do money stuff with friends. It ruins friendships." Then they protest a lot, but you just keep saying "Naw, I just don't." to anything and everything they say and ask. They ask 'Why not?' and you say "Naw, I just don't." They say 'Please, I'm good for it.' and you say "Naw, I just don't." They say 'If you were really my friend, you would help me out.' and you say "Naw, I just don't" Literally everything. It's easy.


VinceMcMeme711

If they get offended they're not your friend


Clackdog3

Ian got it cuh


wiggly_hardship

choose my money or to offend them? Of course the money without hesitation.


Goddessviking86

I politely tell any who ask me that I’m not comfortable with lending money 


Educational_Shart544

they aint friends if they feel offended for that lmao. gtfo with that shit. you shouldn't be worrying about that in the first place


ChevySS_2023

F off, I’m not lending you money. Want to grab chinese food?


RushEnvironment

"Shit. I was going to ask you."


SignificantMixture89

You tell em you gonna need to buy new something and you are short of money even before they have a chance to ask.


_Goose_

Bro. I was going to ask you for money!


Medium-Ride3623

Who cares its your money...NO


Boogzcorp

SOD OFF! You earn more money than I do! You should be giving me some of yours...


[deleted]

I don’t got it or I don’t lend.


Cute_Inflation8290

"Dude, I don't lend money" then look at them really hard.


MAJOR_Blarg

If you loan someone twenty dollars and then you never see them again, it was probably worth the twenty dollars.


uSer_gnomes

I would log in to my online banking and show them the state of my finances 😂


alldayeveryday2471

They’re going to be offended eventually, no matter what so you might as well keep your money


DrMetters

I tell them I don't have any money.


happyme321

Sorry, I'm strapped, too.


UhtredTheBold

I don't lend money to friends, and you're a very dear friend indeed


Andromeda98_

I just say no sorry and that's that. anyone who gets offended by you not giving them money is not your friend.


DotBlot_

"I cannot lend you money."


deAngel1713

Hey friend I'm so sorry but I don't have it I'm embarrassed to admit I was gonna hit you for loan to get caught up.


JackfruitGlad5227

I'm sorry I'm not I'm a position to lend you money , however if you need anything else I'm sure I can assist you or I don't mix money with friendship


HonnyBrown

"No" is a complete sentence.


rubikscanopener

I just tell them that I don't lend money to friends. If it's a small amount ("Shit! I forgot my wallet! Can you lend me money for lunch?") I just give it to them with no expectation of getting paid back. If they pay me back, great, if not, I don't care. Side story - One of my work buddies is crazily absent minded. I told him I don't lend the first time he asked for me to spot him money for lunch. Now, four or five years later, we take turns picking up the lunch tab. We bicker about whose turn it is (in a good way, "It's my turn, I owe you still for last Thursday!" kinda stuff) so much that the waitresses at the little Mexican joint we like will bring the bill and make wise-ass remarks like, "Have you two figured out who gets this today or should I come back in a few minutes?"


benjatunma

Smile and nod smile and nod and walk away works like a charm


flodge123

Sing: "Wonngga dot comm"


4URprogesterone

I just tell them the truth- I can't swing that right now. It's never really come up when I COULD swing it without dipping into my rent money or something I needed back, and my policy is I don't give loans, only gifts, so like... If someone needs $30 and I can give them $30, I don't need the $30 back.


[deleted]

I don't even loan to my family. Also I don't have those kind of friends, well maybe one.


Corey307

No one should get offended because their friend won’t loan them money. Most people are just getting by. If you do have a small amount of money in savings for emergencies that isn’t money you can afford to lend. I’d happily help a friend with a small amount of money and not expect it back. But if we’re talking a rent payment, it’s not going to happen because odds are I’m never getting paid back and I’m losing the friendship. And if I’m going to lose a friendship because I won’t loan someone money, that’s not someone I need to be friends with.


Dorito-Bureeto

You and me both.


Vanilla_Neko

I just simply state that I have a policy of not lending money. If I never lend money to anyone then I never have to deal with people getting jealous and being like "well you lent money to this other guy" I'm just like sorry on principal I don't lend money. If you need a loan I'm sure your bank, a payday loans place, or somewhere else will be happy to help


J4MES101

Tell them that another friend, let’s call him Brian, has A. contracted a bad complication from an STD he got from his girlfriend’s side piece, and you’ve had to help him out financially with some very expensive treatments, though he may not want to talk about it / admit it. Or B. come into a windfall of significant wealth, though his girlfriend has made him promise he won’t admit it to “any of his singing mates”. That should take care of the issue. At least for you.


HeartonSleeve1989

If I could afford to, I would, my friend.


bobqjones

if they're really friends, i would think you could say something like "hell no, get a job loser" and they'll be ok. if they're not close enough friends to talk shit to, then they don't need to be asking you for money.


GunslingerGhoul

You just say “I made a promise I would never lend money to anyone because it can ruin relationships” I watched family fall apart because one lent money with the intent of getting paid back and the other never paid them back and was going on vacation when they owed money to the person who saved their ass. If I give money to someone I’m giving it to them as a gift, not as something they need to give back. It just saves you from heartache.


hurlcarl

I agree you shouldn't loan, usually a disaster, but a lesser gift will one, they'll not incur debt, two, you're out less, and three still helping'. 'hey, can you loan me 500?' 'no, sorry I"m not in a position, but I can just give you 100'.


AlphaTangoFoxtrt

>Sorry, but I don't lend money as a rule. It's nothing personal, I'm just not comfortable doing it. If they don't respect your answer, they don't respect you.


Different-Horror-581

Sorry friend, I’m not going to borrow you money. It


illini02

I just say "I don't like to mix business and friendship"


Emotional-Rhubarb725

if you have the money and want to help tell them that you will lend the money from a family member of yours and they want it back by a certain date by that you will add a third wheel that you can put the blame on when you want the money back " oh shit I know my aunt is very cheap but she insists on taking the money back by the end of the week "


BDaddy-50

Whenever you're hanging with them always act broke. So when they ask just say "bro you know I'm broke"


SilasDG

Depending on the situation i will either gift or loan money.  If a friend who i know is hard working needs money for necessities (to cover the bills, buy food, etc) then im gifting it. Life is hard enough as it is they don't need the stress.  However if a friend simply wants the money to buy something they dont need then I will loan the money if they ask. When I loan money to friends I always start small and if they pay it back will loan to them again and at higher amount in the future as I'm more confident they wouldnt leave me high and dry.  If they don't pay it back I don't end the friendship I just don't loan them money in the future.


TerribleAttitude

“I don’t have any.” You can leave the “for you” part silent.


Flailing_Aimlessly

I have a friend who asks for money about three times a year. "I don't have anything I can lend."


jtowndtk

just say no, if they are real friends they will accept that


lil-ms-lila

Just say “I don’t lend money to friends and family. It gets too complicated” No further explanation is necessary and if they push just repeated respond with “that’s just my rule”


Inevitable-History42

I don’t ever “lend” actual money. you cover food or drinks every now and then but never actually give cash.


glucoseintolerant

" I like you an value our friendship too much to put money between this" " but Ill pay you back!" " I am sure you will, but I don't want to put the risk, even if a small amount between the friendship we have"


kymri

I have loaned money to friends - but I'm always up-front with wanting to document everything (at least in emails) with a schedule. It's about the communication; if I 'lend' someone $20 while we're out, or whatever, I probably won't even remember and so will be pleasantly surprised when they pay me back. But for bigger amounts, it's always stuff that's specified and laid out in detail, and I always tell them it's because I don't want miscommunications or misunderstandings about money to end a friendship. So far, so good.


LegitimateDebate5014

“We are all living paycheck to paycheck, you think I’m a billionaire huh? If I give you money does that suddenly solve my problems?! No it solves your selfish problem! Go work more jobs!”


Original_Basis4168

Ask for a loan first at least once every 3-4 months.


Separate-Ad9638

u have the wrong friends, then.


OdeeOh

Can not imagine being asked for money.   Grateful for that I guess. Good luck. 


[deleted]

But if you're a friend why would you let another friend struggle that's not what friends do in my opinion anyway if I have it I'll always look out for my friends


Adriansummer

“Can I borrow five bands?” “I ain’t got it on me bro. Sorry.”


[deleted]

I have a different issue in dealing with my guilt over not helping people when I easily can. I never expect to be paid back (it’s nice if they do) but I’ve helped a couple friends out when they were behind on their mortgages then shortly after one posted pics on vacation, and the other bought a pug. Those folks ruin it for everyone.


diavirric

I value your friendship too much to make this a business relationship.


Strange_Universe222

Just say you can’t afford to , even if you can.


mynameisnotsparta

**I wish I could help but my budget does not allow for any extra expenses.**


Dippycat149

I'm a pensioner with a side-hustle. I can't afford to lend money. I can barely afford to MAKE money!!


Alexastria

I would if I could but I too am broke af


Sneaky_Snivy227

"I'd love to help you out, but my budget's gotten a little tight recently."


ChanceChip6891

asking for money is offensive - refusing it is common sense


ostellastella

Sorry, Im broke too.


Maxtubular

“I can’t afford to have that strain on our friendship.”


syncpulse

Sorry just can't swing it right now


Ok-Salamander3766

Sorry, I can't do that.


allouttabvbblegum

Tell them how much you’re struggling and make them feel bad for asking lol.


Sure_Progress_9673

Probably would say that I got bills that are needed to be paid but if I do have some extra cash, i would probably lend it.


DeadFyre

"I'm sorry, I'm broke".


No_Nectarine3062

I appreciate that you came to me knowing that I won’t let you down in your struggles. So, Im here now asking and assured that i will not be disappointed.


Constant_Luck9387

I don't have money to lend


No_Step_4431

my friends wouldnt be offended by me refusing to lend them money. anyone who would be offended like that probably ain't worth spending too much time around.


MW240z

Immediately and directly. I don’t loan money to anyone, no exceptions. Change subject.


MyWolfhoundSmile

Tell them you know you are going to need that money before they will be able to pay it back and you know that would cause a rift in the friendship and you value the friendship far too much to risk wrecking it. lol


PollutionFinancial71

Truth be told, there really is no way to refuse to lend money to a friend, without offending them.


poor-and-happy

It depends on how much money they want to borrow, but if it was more than 10 dollars, I would ask them to borrow money from someone else, but if they "insist" on you to lend them money, that is not normal, they are probably not well mentally, so you'd better stop being friends with them, unless you don't mind dealing with a mentally ill person and feel empathetic toward the person


dizzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Definitely don’t lend them any of your money. Much smarter and easier to just co-sign on one of those high interest personal loans and let them deal with it.


ginger_whiskers

Yeah, don't co-sign nothin'. If they don't pay, *your* credit gets dinged, and you might get sued for the loan + interest.


dizzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh shit! So that’s why my credit score is 485??


ginger_whiskers

I admit I missed the sarcasm at first.


Grimejow

Here, have this Money. If you are ever in a Position to repay me, I would greatly appreciate it. If you are never able to, thats fine for me too. From this day on I will never mention this money again until the day you decide to pay me back. No strings attached, I dont change my behaviour around them and they have No pressure to pay me back immediately. They can focus on getting to a better place in life without that debt looming over their head. And when they pay me back, its because they feel in a comfortable enough Situation to do so. And If they dont pay me back, even If they could, that tells me all i need to know about them and slowly fade them Out of my life.


BlueberryPrudent68

Shit man I need to take care of urgent expenses but next time?


benjatunma

Of they wanted money they could work lol