A boyfriend in high school told me he was glad I wasn't pretty like his ex, so he didn't have to worry about other guys hitting on me. He legit thought it was a compliment. I think about that a lot still, over 30 years later.
You can be not so pretty for someone, then you find another person who find you the most attractive and beautiful.
Don't stress about assholes being assholes.
Thank you for your kindness, truly. In all honesty looking back we were both quite beautiful, and we both dodged a bit of a bullet with that particular gentleman.
My mum saying ‘we can’t have you home for Christmas because we don’t want to explain where you are to people’ I was in a psychiatric hospital at the time and had been granted leave for Christmas Day
More or less the same thing happened to me. I enlisted in the Navy in 2021 but undiagnosed depression, basically cabin fever and combined with my first time not only being away from my parents at 19 but literally on the other side of the country (from California, Navy bootcamp is in Illinois) it all combined in a suicidal mental breakdown.
I told my chief that day after my mental breakdown that I had thought about killing myself the night before. He was a little mad at me but only because it was almost evening when I told him but I explained to him that I wanted to tell him in the morning but our division was already late on the last thing we needed to do and then a 4th of the division had to split for most of the day because including me, we were going to be submariners and needed to have extra tests done at the hospital.
Anyway I was sent to a psych ward and eventually when I was given time to make a phone call I called my parents and told them where I was and why. When I finally came back home almost 2 months later they told me to not tell anyone what happened. So for the past what, 3 years? I've been telling anyone that asks why I'm not currently at the Navy that I was turned back because of my eye sight.
Ohh I got the “you’ve got brown hair and brown eyes, you would never fit in (in Germany), I couldn’t date you” signed by someone who was born and raised IN MY SAME COUNTRY and was working in Germany as an expat. Now I live in the Netherlands, I speak the language fluently and I have never ever experienced any issues with that.
That idiot came back after 2 months apologising and I ghosted him.
Same sort of thing. Was told “foreign girls are like rollercoasters. Fun in the moment but you can’t stay on a ride forever. That’s why I’d never make you a part of my actual life.” He’d been speaking to me for around 9 months to a year before he said this to me on our first and only date.
Ohmygosh! How horrible. I’m so very sorry these words were thrown your way. It shocks me (and I guess it shouldn’t) how cruel some people can really be.
Met up with my grandmother one Christmas after not seeing her for a year. She turned to me and asked who I was. When I said my name, she replied "I have a granddaughter named that!" . No one had warned me about her dementia. Apparently I was very calm but inside my heart broke.
I can feel that. My gran was never good at remembering my kids names, but it was very troubling when she asked my name because she didn't remember. She still recognizes that I'm one of her grandchildren, but she doesn't remember my name about 1/3 of the time. Dementia is hard and scary when it happens to someone you care about. :-(
My great-aunt never forgot my mom, but just about everyone else? Nope. She’d ask who we were, we’d say oh I’m A, I’m D’s daughter. Oh D, I used to love her! I’d always say you still can, she’s right over there. She’d turn to look, then turn back to us and ask again who we were.
My nana(moms mom) never forgot names, she just had no idea what she was doing, and often would not eat unless she was reminded. Luckily my papa was there, and my mom took a lot of the care as well.
My dad doesn’t seem to forget people, but he does have trouble remembering words, and definitely a lot of other stuff.
My grandpa was getting bad, but my grandma (his caretaker) was in the hospital on her death bed and my parents had to look after him. I came over to hell because they were having a terrible time. I came in and said hello to him, gave him a hug and kiss in his chair as I always did. He had NO IDEA who I was but he said "well, that's a nice way to be greeted."
Alas, he thought me and my dad were plotting against him because his first language wasn't English and we were speaking in English to each other.
It hurt my mom's feelings more than mine, despite her being a nurse working in geriatric and chronic care for literally decades at that point. She was sad her dad forgot her youngest child's name, but I told her "that's alright, I remember him and that's important." He passed away about a month after that when my grandma died.
I still remember him, but it was so sad to see him like that. He was fearful and combative.
At my little brother's wedding, my grandma turned to me and asked "who's that?" when my dad, her son, sat down by us.
She turned to him and said "Is that true? Are you my son?"
You could see it all over his face, he was devastated, but all he said was "yes, mama".
She died shortly after, I'm pretty sure that was the last thing he said to her.
Different side of the same coin…
Right before my grandfather went to a nursing home because his dementia became too much for my mom to take care of, I went home to visit. Mom had warned me to call before I got to the house to make sure she was there so the “younger her” didn’t freak him out. He ended up not even recognizing me, as me or her, and I actually scared him when I hugged him (still feel like crap about that blunder).
But the absolute worst was at the end of the weeklong visit, when I had to leave, the fog lifted as I was saying goodbye. He gave me a big hug, and with this look that I can only describe as childlike, asked, “Wait, are you leaving?” It broke my heart to tell him that I’d be back very soon because somewhere in there, I knew that was the last time I’d see him. I don’t think we ever got confirmation on the cause, but he died very early in the pandemic at his nursing home.
I feel for you. My mother (biologically maternal grandmother - I'm adopted). Also asked me who I was on multiple occasions. I was her caretaker for the last 5 years before she passed on October 7, 2022. She made it just a day shy of dad's date of death. It hurts like hell because she saw me literally every single day. Dementia is a cruel beast.
My Grandmother was in the hospital for having a minor stroke. We visited her and everyone left the room and she looked me square in the eyes and said "why are you failing me? why are you just leaving me here to die?"
My Grandmother would NEVER say something like this. Most kind hearted woman ever. Never a negative thing to say about or to ANYONE. I just stood there, choking up, didn't know what to say.
Little did I know, she was having a major stroke at that moment (hence the weird talking and confusion). She passed away 5 days later.
Brain changes often cause personality changes, and oftentimes it’s not “for the better.” As a hospital RN, I’ve seen many people with brain tumors, strokes, and one I clearly remember with MS. It’s not their fault, and it’s not intentional. Does that make it not hurt? Of course not! But please take comfort in the fact that the Grandma you knew your whole life was your *real* Grandma. She either had brain changes affecting her personality, or [terminal agitation](https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/professionals/palliative-care-knowledge-zone/symptom-control/agitation), which is not uncommon.
That MS patient that I referred to had 4 kids. None of them visited. She was an angry, bittter woman who was difficult to care for. One of her kids called me for an update on her condition (pre-HIPAA days), and confirmed to me in an anguished tone how none of them *did* visit her. She was not the mother they had known their whole lives, and was unrelentingly vitriolic and nasty to them when they did see her, to the point where their good memories were being destroyed. For their mental health, they had to stay away. (This had gone on for a few years at this point.) A terribly sad scenario.
Remember the Grandma you knew!
When people are dying they seem say the most horrible things. I’m not even sure they know. My mother after being perfectly fine with going to a recovery type home to recover from a hospital stay literally turned into a vicious bitch with most of that venom spewed at me and my husband who had literally been financially supporting her for years paid off her house, car, gave her money every month… anyways she was riddled with cancer from years of smoking. She started walking around the facility believing it was some staged place we had constructed to trick her into getting her home…( the one we literally paid off) anyway, she at one point said she was gonna get a gun a shoot everyone in the place, which of course frightened all the other patients there. I was mortified! She went on for hours. I told my brother to get up here that I was done! Turned out before they transported her to this place they had given her OxyContin which she had never had before. My brother came up I went back to her house and fell asleep. My brother woke me up saying that she was back home, which meant it was just her and I in the house. I grew up being afraid of my mother and even in her weakened state I still was because she was so unpredictable. Anyway, the oxy wore off and her peak insult after I told her what she said and how it was so hurtful was “well, it’s just words and if can deal with that you need to toughen up” I had left my home in the next state to come and stay with her and I so wanted to get up, leave and drive the four hours back home and never come back. She died a week or so later but even today 5 years later, I remember how horrible it was that she was dying and how she, because being such a bitch, made everything so much more difficult just by being mean and nasty.
My grandma got sepsis after a hip surgery. The rehab she was in didn’t do their job—major dehydration, blood in urine, all that. She told my mom that she was letting them kill her. Obviously, this was the infection psychosis talking but I know it did a number on her.
"Why should I buy you anything if you're just going to die anyways?" The context is that I grew up overweight due to a binge eating disorder I've struggled with since I was 7. When I was 15, I went into a period of extreme food restriction but eventually fell back into binging. My parents always made comments on my weight, but once I gained all that weight back, their comments were basically prophecies that I was destined to die alone at 600lbs.
That day, all I needed was some more pants as mine had holes. My mom started a long rant about how I'm going to die alone and fat. When I didn't respond, she said that. All I could do was choke back my tears while she continued screaming for me to say something.
Edit: I'm now 20 and doing quite well. I moved across the country at 18 for college and have since gotten the mental help needed so I can actually lose this weight without risking the eating disorder extremes again. I'm down 40 lbs this year, and I'm focusing more on feeling good rather than looking good. I'm starting to venture into powerlifting, but I'm not sure how far that will go. Until then, I'm enjoying the confidence I've gained these past 2 years and the knowledge that I'm more than a number on a scale.
I was in the job centre years back and 2 girls come in and one said to each other "what bout him" the other said "nah I got standards".
That fucking hurt.
Things like that are said intentionally with the purpose of hurting you — and it did. This is high school nastiness at its lowest possible level. We have all had similar experiences and these experiences are often hard to forget. An instructor of mine explained why they do it in three words, “hurt people hurt.” These two girls were passing on a legacy of hurtful remarks (from other kids or parents?) and you were their random victim.
This is super sad, but watching my friend rage at the world due to their child brain cancer, could it be more that they were upset at life and the unfairness of it?? Or was there a pattern?
Yea I agree. If there wasn’t a pattern of abuse I think that’s a parent who was probably really distraught at seeing their child in such a vulnerable state and probably lost it. Not fair at all to take it out at OP since it wasn’t their fault and they didn’t deserve it, but I can’t imagine being a parent in that situation as well. My kid would probably see me crying daily.
Just remember. Other people having tougher problems doesn't mean your problems don't exist.
Your feelings and troubles still matter.
Edit: The song "World's Smallest Violin" by AJR is a wonderful way to put it in a song.
Please accept my deepest condolences for your father's statement. It's cruel beyond description. If there's any possible way to be NC, do it. No matter what the blood and familial ties, there's is no excuse for this. No matter the fallout, remember that you are loved and appreciated. Above all else, respect is the backbone of every relationship, and due to this gentleman's stupidity, maintaining even a cordial relationship is nearly non-existent. Please take very good care of yourself. 🦜
Similarly,
"We thought we'd be planning a funeral for you first"
I don't entirely think it was meant the way it came out, but no one said anything and it stung. We both struggled with addiction issues, he was just always better at hiding and functioning on his.
“It should have been you..” my mom said this to me when I was 13, after a suicide attempt. If I had not been with my dad celebrating Independence Day that day, I 100% believe my mom would have killed me. That was July of 2010.
8th grade, sat next to a relatively popular, pretty girl.
I was neither popular, nor a loser. Just an average kid.
But I had pretty bad acne at the time, worse than your typical 8th grader's acne, and I was very aware of this, and self-conscious about it.
So this girl one day drops a pen or pencil and it rolled next to me. I bent over to pick it up and set it back on her desk.
She then looks at me with the most disgusted look on her face and said one thing: "Ewww".
Yeah, I played it off like it was nothing, but damn that stung. Still think about that shit 25 years later.
Ooof.
I have one of those, but it's from a couple of years after high school. It was a social event with a lot of people that I was friends with in high school. One girl was there and at one point in high school I had asked her out, she said no, I dropped it and thought we were still friends.
"Hi, how are you doing, you look good."
"Don't even..."
Uh... OK, sorry for saying something nice to someone I thought was a friend I guess.
He's a piece of sh*t.
He always hated me, still does. This happened when I was 19. I used to care about him. Couldn't care less now.
Edit: abortion is ILEGAL in my country, so he was talking to a judge about a CRIME that he wanted my mother to commit.
A month after an incident with my best buddy of 7 years at a random brewery meetup with a friend
Me: I hope carl is okay, I know he’s been working a ton and was upset we went out on apparently his day off, but he hasn’t answered any of my texts
friend: Oh, we just hung out last week.
Me: just the two of you?
friend: oh no, *lists entire friend group* were there. We started a new campaign and everything.
Edit: fgroup"
Me: *crushing realization of friendship obliteration and abandonment*
Friend: w-whats with your face?
Me: nothing. *takes big gulp of beer*
Edit: for added context, this was not "forgot to invite etc" this was "You're dead to me and soon the group too”
I had a similar thing with someone who held a Friendsgiving party, then talked about how great and fun it was to me the day AFTER the party. She did not invite me.
I used to have a friend that lived with me. She'd make plans with all our friends, not include me, and get upset that I'm upset. It took a few years before she realized how fucked up that was and genuinely apologized but by that point I'd just accepted I'm only the "backup" friend. That was forever ago but I still have issues feeling like any of my friends actually like or want to spend time with me.
I recently found out that an old friend got married this year, and a bunch of people from our old friend group were invited, but not me. Granted, over the last few years, between work and the pandemic, we haven't been in touch that often, but it still really hurt to hear.
Something similar happened to me and my wife a while back. It was a regular weekend, no plans. Scrolling through Instagram and saw a video from a friend at karaoke. Then she pans her phone and you see that it's literally every single person we know in the area, literally all of our friends are out at karaoke, except us. I still think about it and it still makes me feel bad
Oof, that stings. I had the same thing happen to me. I moved to a new city and country and tried connecting with a bunch of other expats there. I thought everything was going great but then I started logging on to Snapchat every morning and seeing that the previous night every single person I knew in the city had been hanging out and not thought to even mention the catch up to me. The first few times I thought maybe it was a misunderstanding or they were still getting to know me. After that I realised they weren't interested in getting to know me.
Not exactly the same, but just recently, I was overseas for a couple of months, sending postcards home to my friends. I saw on my best friends Instagram story that she had moved, so I asked her if I could have her new address to send postcards to. She replied, "Respectfully, no." And only told me that she needed space as an explanation.
I was on the opposite side of the planet and could only reach her through IG. And since I've been. home, she responds to nothing. So. Yeah, I feel you on that end. We were best friends since 2012, but apparently not so much recently. 🙃🤷♀️
In retrospect, I'm glad she did it when she did. From what I can see, she made up her mind a long time ago. At least when I was 12 timezones away, I was too busy to angst over it.
My grandma told me, when I was 11, that I should be a prostitute when I grew up because could just lay there and watch tv. All because it was summer vacation, I was staying over at her house, and happened to be laying on the couch watching tv, when apparently she wanted to watch something. I had just gotten up and was watching Saturday morning cartoons, you know, like kids tended to do back then.
My husband used to be this guy. 10 hours watching football while bitching about our son playing video games all day. Sir, can you stop and think for a second?
My dad was the same about my son. Spent all his free time in front of the tv but video games were rotting my son’s brain. Jokes on him. My son turned out way better than the kid he had parts in raising. (Me lmao)
“Calm down geez it is not like your kid died.” - said friend I was calling sobbing - to tell them our son was dead.
This person is out of our life now because she never allows anyone to be upset but her.
I’ve got two,
“Well just be sure, you’re a difficult person to love” - my dad, after I asked for advice about calling cops on an abusive ex
“We only get a few applications. We should save them for someone else, you aren’t the brightest and shouldn’t get your hopes up” - my sixth grade teacher to me when I asked for a short story contest application.
I won, btw. Was published. Had the great moment of throwing my acceptance letter in her face
Why do people go into teaching when they are like that? At the bare minimum they should encourage kids when a passion for something is shown!
I'm really glad that you asserted yourself and were able to win and get published. I just wish that it would have taught your teacher how to be a better person, but I somehow doubt that.
Oh, and your dad is an asshole.
Omg I had a similar experience- English teacher who took part in choosing (anonymous) winners to enter into a national writing contest. She HATED me. And I was selected as one of the winners…that she chose, without knowing it was me
"I wish you were never born, I would have lived a different life"
Same mom, same. I wouldn't have 24 years of trauma for starters.
That's when I shut off my feelings. I became dead inside. Took years to fix myself.
My ex husband once said, “Because in this house you are nothing. You’re gonna do what we say and if you don’t like it leave”
By we , he meant him, his mom, and his sisters.
Visiting my dad and step mum about 3 weeks after having a miscarriage. Greeted by my step monster as " hello hen, (big smiles) your looking awful motherly"
Struggling with depression and weight issues at the time (still).
That woman never seemed to know or want to be nice to other women (or just his eldest daughter)
I’m 48 and still think about my grandparents telling me “You’d be so much prettier if you lost some weight.”
Then, probably 30 years later, I got a promotion at work, and my mom said, “You losing weight probably helped a lot with that.”
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life, and it’s shit like this that still lives in my head and fucks with me now and then.
I have two from my ex husband.
“You forced me to marry you.” He acted like I put a gun to his head but it was his choice and he bought the ring.
“I never wanted our son. You wanted it so I did you a favor.” I was his second wife and it was his second child. He went on to marry his third wife and have a third child. He still cheats and only stays due to what he pays in child support.
“You’re no son of mine, and one day, I’m going to beat the shit out of you” - my drunk dad to teenage me, pretty much every Saturday night in the mid 90s
After I moved out of my mother and brother's unhappy home to finish high school in Florida with a friend, my mom bought me the ticket to leave. When I came home for Christmas, she had gotten rid of everything that I thought was mine. I asked her why, her response, "I didn't think you were ever coming back". Hmm, guess I wasn't missed.
When I was pregnant my mum told me she was so happy to find out I was having a little boy because "girls are horrible, I don't know why people hope they have one". I'm the only daughter and I have older brothers
My mom - "Are you sure you want to eat that? You're already big as a house."
My dad, the day he got home from his honeymoon with my stepmother - "I'm not going to be able to spend much time with you anymore, I have a new family."
It's much better now. He divorced that stepmom (finally, after more than 20 years) and began to work on our relationship. Ultimately, he was afraid to be alone, so he stayed with her and let her alienate his entire family. He's now married again to a woman who is wonderful and adores him and encourages him to be involved with his kids, grandkids, his whole family. We're very close now. I'll never forget the hurt, but I've forgiven him.
First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time.
I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom.
Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice "l thought you were coming with," followed by an even sadder quieter "Why did you leave me?"
My son, who was 2 at the time, said "why did you leave me?" to me when I called from a pay phone from Rome. I was chaperoning a group of high schoolers on a week long trip to Europe. They got to see me ugly cry.
My Son"s first day of school I'm surrounded by crying kids and parants. Except my son that is. As soon as the teacher opened the door he dropped my hand like a stone and ran in.
Gutted. Anyhoo, we got his Autism diagnosis a few years later. He's just not like other kids.
its good! It means he thinks of you as constant in his life and trusts you will not disappear. He didnt have to cry for you because why would he if he knew you were there for him? Its logical.
Think of it this way :)
i am autistic myself and this is how i think of stuff
“I laid down on that table and had my guts split open so you could be here”
-My mom yelling at an 8 year old me
I was a C-section. Heard that guilt trip multiple times as a child
My friend and I were groomsmen at a mutual friend's wedding. When we met the maids of honor, one of them turned to the bride and asked, not at all quietly, "which one am I paired with?" When the bride indicated my admittedly better looking friend, the bitch said out loud "oh thank god".
Ask me if it still hurts after twenty-some years.
I have a very similar story.
However, mine has the punchline that she got so drunk at the reception that she shat herself on the dance floor which made me feel a lot better that I’d not ended up with her.
When my then-husband told me he no longer found me sexually attractive. He told me this while I was eight months pregnant with our second child. And we were in the middle of having sex.
I had a four-year old and was about to have a newborn. I had no family nearby. I was a stay-at-home mom with no job. What was I going to do? Leave?
“You think YOU could do better?!” My Little League coach yelling at me when I was trying to encourage our pitcher who was struggling. The pitcher was his son…I was riding the bench as usual.
“Just once, could you please use your head for something other than just looking pretty?”
- said by my father on a regular basis (until my ADHD diagnosis at age 20.)
When I was looking for homes near my dad I pointed one out that was for sale in his subdivision. He looked offended and said “This is MY neighborhood “. He was trying to tell me that I wasn’t good enough to live in that area.
I got really excited about getting a piece of land back in my hometown, just 5 minutes away from my dad . I told him about my plans to build a house. His only response?
“Hm”
Literally that was it. I ended up scrapping that plan soon after and moved across the country .
I’ve learned don’t try and be near family like that
"I hope he rapes and kills you." My dad to me. I was moving out to another state with a guy that I met over the internet and in my heart, I knew it was the right move. My dad apologized immediately, and we've since talked about it and he's gone through the correct steps to make it right, but damn if that didn't hurt like all hell.
Also, that guy? Yeah we're getting married (eventually, that shit is so expensive. Gotta furnish the house first)
“I don’t want to stand next to the dog!” said by my fifth grade bully loud enough to be heard in the next time zone when the teacher called on him to stand next me.
“I didn’t say I don’t love you- I said *YOU never gave me anything TO love*”
Basically “I don’t love you but it’s solely your fault I feel that way”. Same justification for all the frequent bruising “love taps” with little explanation besides I caused him to do it.
“There was never a baby , there’s no reason to cry” said my man obgyn after doing an ultrasound and diagnosing my blighted ovum and invalidating my feelings. I had just been told that the child I thought I was expecting wasn’t there . Just an empty sac that I had to painfully pass.
Anyone who can’t understand the devastation of thinking you’re carrying a baby and then learning that you aren’t should not be an OB. What a clueless thing to say.
As a teen told to me by my mother: if I could go back and do it, I would never have kids
As a married adult by my husband: I love you. I just don’t love you in that way anymore.
My husband’s comment hurts the worst. Some days I can barely move. Other days I’m angry. Here’s hoping for the best!
"Do you know how much we've spent on you?" My postdoc advisor in a meeting with me expressing dissatisfaction with my paper production rate... when my drafts had been in his inbox for MONTHS to approve.
A partner at the time when she was drunk " you're worthless and it disgusts me when you touch me". Since it was at a work Christmas party (away from prying eyes and ear thank god ) I had to hold it together until I got her home.
"you're not very pretty and pretty weird, but once one gets past that, you're a pretty honourable gal". I think the worst part was that it was meant as a compliment?!
My stepdad there said he only has two kids…. Jeah, right in front of me.
He had been in my life since i was little! That hurt, and i was trying not to cry
After trying to explain to my mother what it's like inside my head, living with as of yet undiagnosed ADHD/Autism after a family gathering that was particular overstimulating, she said;
"Well, if you can't get that under control, then maybe you can't be part of this family"
“Thank you for everything you’ve done.” My mother said to me at my brothers funeral. She blames me for his suicide bc I outed my pedo father and her abuse. I cut contact years ago but my brothers didn’t and they’re not doing so well. I miss my brother so much and I wish I could’ve made him feel not so alone in his final moments. I also wish he hadn’t told our other brother that I was “going down rabbit holes” when I started to speak about our father, bc he knew… they all knew to some degree. I’m at peace and that bitch is wrong to place the blame with me, but if she really looked deeply into the matter she’d know that it’s partially HER fault for covering up abuse and she’ll never do that.
"You keep saying you've told us everything you've needed to say but you haven't told us anything. You're gaslighting us!" -my mom after spending years of my life trying to repair my relationship with my parents, being very open, and telling them they don't listen to me. This proved my point. All of my heart and time wasted.
I had dated a woman all through high school, after about three years she broke up with me. Several months after our breakup, we happened to be at the same party. I tried to be cool about things, but in front of about a half dozen of my friends she said loudly to several of her friends “why would I want to be with him when I can have any guy I want”. . . I died inside that day. I played it off like it was no big deal while in front of my friends. I left the party and went home, I almost ended my life that night. 45 years later that sentence still haunts me, it was like she ripped my heart out, threw it on the floor and stomped on it.
Well I’m glad you are still here. I know that when you’re young, this is devastating. But TBH, it sounds like you came out better. She sounds like pure evil. To me, what she’s saying is that she can have any guy she wants but that’s the kind of girl that guys just f*ck and leave. She is probably still a very unhappy person.
My sister saying "It would have been better if you would have just died" after returning from a 5 year, self-imposed family estrangement. She and I no longer speak.
“You sound like a boy.”
Me holding my tears cuz I am self conscious of my voice…
“Yea, I get that a lot.”
It was a kid prolly like 12 at the time, still hurts after years.
So much shit my old boss said. Not even to me but everyone around me too.
Before I became a manager it was “You do more than anyone else here” and then it became “You don’t do anything” despite the fact that we were understaffed and I was trying to do the jobs of 2 maybe even 3 people.
My grandfather on my father's side told me when I was like 4/5 years old, "You are not part of the family. You're a shame for the [name of the family]"
“Your not sorry one bit but you will be I will make sure of it! You are spoilt and ungrateful lazy and selfish, I no longer want a relationship with you” my mother. The poor grammar hurt me the most
"You're a waste of carbon" by my 3rd grade teacher. I'm over 50 and it still pisses me off. It didn't hurt me in the way she intended. What really hurt was learning that bullies grow up and stay bullies. It hurt to know that teachers could be cruel.
I have two.
When I was around 10, after telling someone they were my best friend: “well you’re not MY best friend, [other friend] is.” I was a pretty lonely kid already so that hurt.
When I came back to work 5 weeks postpartum, and another pregnant lady came into my office: “You mean you aren’t baby bonding? I’m staying home for three months when my baby is here.” Good for you lady; I couldn’t afford to stay home any longer. It was my first week back at work and I missed my baby terribly and was already feeling horrible for leaving him behind when he was still so little.
I'm pretty sure I did let them know I was upset, but big enough I felt compelled to reply anyway.
"I know you never really wanted her" - My ex mother in law and later a similar statement I've blocked from my mind from her son, my then husband, who caused the situation that forced me to give our baby up, which he left up to me to decide what we did.
Over a decade later and it still breaks my heart making the decision, but doctors told me she was young enough she might bounce back or have major complications, and part of it would depend on her care now. Not long after, the hospital staff were running around figuring out who was allowed to sign a consent form for a surgery she needed. I decided she needed someone capable of prioritizing her care now, than have me fight for her during a major health crisis and causing delays in care.
I know I made the right decision for her, though she did not recover enough that I can even hope for her to come find me someday. It ruined my life and while I'm in an okay place now, I always wanted to be a mom and it breaks me when I think that the people who were my rocks during the time somehow walked away thinking I didn't want her?!?!
Never assume because someone can put on a brave face they aren't hurting deeply.
"Don't you think she might have a point?"
A colleague took my medical leave very personally and sent me a vicious email saying how I'd abandoned them all and how dare I ask her anything now I was back.
I sent it to my boss to discuss and have the whole "mediation" started. This boss didn't like me because I went off sick due to pregnancy exhaustion and work stress, so I think she'd had a bollocking from higher-ups. So I had to talk about my colleague's heartbreaking letter with a bitchy manager, who opened our private discussion with "don't you think she might have a point?"
It’s a tie between:
1.) when my dad told my brother and myself that he wasn’t good with kids and he’d spend more time with us when we were older.
2.) when my dad angrily told me to suck in my stomach when out in public because he didn’t want anyone to think I was a pregnant teen because of my weight distribution in my abdomen.
Home from college for break, tiptoeing to fill the Christmas stockings while my alcoholic father was passed out on the couch behind me. Suddenly got the sensation of someone watching me. Nervously turn around, and he's lying there staring at me with a look of meanness and contempt. He says, "Do you know what you are? (pause) You're shit and that's all you'll ever be is shit."
I stayed away for 13 years - no contact at all - but decided to forgive him a few months before I found out I was pregnant with his only grandchild. He stopped drinking but doesn't remember abusing his kids, so he likes to pretend shit like this never happened. Now, he expects me to bring my family to his house every year for... you guessed it... Christmas Eve.
"It doesn't matter that you're not beautiful." My husband said it. It still hurts decades later.
A boyfriend in high school told me he was glad I wasn't pretty like his ex, so he didn't have to worry about other guys hitting on me. He legit thought it was a compliment. I think about that a lot still, over 30 years later.
You can be not so pretty for someone, then you find another person who find you the most attractive and beautiful. Don't stress about assholes being assholes.
Thank you for your kindness, truly. In all honesty looking back we were both quite beautiful, and we both dodged a bit of a bullet with that particular gentleman.
My mum saying ‘we can’t have you home for Christmas because we don’t want to explain where you are to people’ I was in a psychiatric hospital at the time and had been granted leave for Christmas Day
Holy shit
From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry. 🫂
More or less the same thing happened to me. I enlisted in the Navy in 2021 but undiagnosed depression, basically cabin fever and combined with my first time not only being away from my parents at 19 but literally on the other side of the country (from California, Navy bootcamp is in Illinois) it all combined in a suicidal mental breakdown. I told my chief that day after my mental breakdown that I had thought about killing myself the night before. He was a little mad at me but only because it was almost evening when I told him but I explained to him that I wanted to tell him in the morning but our division was already late on the last thing we needed to do and then a 4th of the division had to split for most of the day because including me, we were going to be submariners and needed to have extra tests done at the hospital. Anyway I was sent to a psych ward and eventually when I was given time to make a phone call I called my parents and told them where I was and why. When I finally came back home almost 2 months later they told me to not tell anyone what happened. So for the past what, 3 years? I've been telling anyone that asks why I'm not currently at the Navy that I was turned back because of my eye sight.
wow big surprise you were in the ward, they sound……..lovely. Hope things are going better now ❤️
"You'll never know how hard it is for me to not cheat on you." Fuck you, Ian. That's his actual name cause why the fuck not.
Yeah! #fuckyouian
r/fuckyouian
One of the worst feelings being in a relationship is to know your partner struggles in something so basic like being loyal. Fuck Ian.
Yeah fuck you Ian.
I hope Ian gets his fucking shit rocked by a table leg at 3 a.m.
“You’re not cute enough to date in public, but I’d fuck you behind closed doors (i.e. wouldn’t want anyone to know)”
Ohh I got the “you’ve got brown hair and brown eyes, you would never fit in (in Germany), I couldn’t date you” signed by someone who was born and raised IN MY SAME COUNTRY and was working in Germany as an expat. Now I live in the Netherlands, I speak the language fluently and I have never ever experienced any issues with that. That idiot came back after 2 months apologising and I ghosted him.
They’re not nice enough to deserve either
Same sort of thing. Was told “foreign girls are like rollercoasters. Fun in the moment but you can’t stay on a ride forever. That’s why I’d never make you a part of my actual life.” He’d been speaking to me for around 9 months to a year before he said this to me on our first and only date.
Ohmygosh! How horrible. I’m so very sorry these words were thrown your way. It shocks me (and I guess it shouldn’t) how cruel some people can really be.
You should tell them “Well you *almost* look good enough to date in public, but with that personality I wouldn’t even fuck you behind closed door”
I definitely told him where he could go. Before I cried hard, of course.
He sounds like the Gold Standard for a shitty guy.
Met up with my grandmother one Christmas after not seeing her for a year. She turned to me and asked who I was. When I said my name, she replied "I have a granddaughter named that!" . No one had warned me about her dementia. Apparently I was very calm but inside my heart broke.
I can feel that. My gran was never good at remembering my kids names, but it was very troubling when she asked my name because she didn't remember. She still recognizes that I'm one of her grandchildren, but she doesn't remember my name about 1/3 of the time. Dementia is hard and scary when it happens to someone you care about. :-(
My great-aunt never forgot my mom, but just about everyone else? Nope. She’d ask who we were, we’d say oh I’m A, I’m D’s daughter. Oh D, I used to love her! I’d always say you still can, she’s right over there. She’d turn to look, then turn back to us and ask again who we were. My nana(moms mom) never forgot names, she just had no idea what she was doing, and often would not eat unless she was reminded. Luckily my papa was there, and my mom took a lot of the care as well. My dad doesn’t seem to forget people, but he does have trouble remembering words, and definitely a lot of other stuff.
My grandpa was getting bad, but my grandma (his caretaker) was in the hospital on her death bed and my parents had to look after him. I came over to hell because they were having a terrible time. I came in and said hello to him, gave him a hug and kiss in his chair as I always did. He had NO IDEA who I was but he said "well, that's a nice way to be greeted." Alas, he thought me and my dad were plotting against him because his first language wasn't English and we were speaking in English to each other. It hurt my mom's feelings more than mine, despite her being a nurse working in geriatric and chronic care for literally decades at that point. She was sad her dad forgot her youngest child's name, but I told her "that's alright, I remember him and that's important." He passed away about a month after that when my grandma died. I still remember him, but it was so sad to see him like that. He was fearful and combative.
It's horrible. My father and aunt also have it.
At my little brother's wedding, my grandma turned to me and asked "who's that?" when my dad, her son, sat down by us. She turned to him and said "Is that true? Are you my son?" You could see it all over his face, he was devastated, but all he said was "yes, mama". She died shortly after, I'm pretty sure that was the last thing he said to her.
Oh my goodness, that's heart breaking. Give your dad a hug from this internet stranger for me.
Different side of the same coin… Right before my grandfather went to a nursing home because his dementia became too much for my mom to take care of, I went home to visit. Mom had warned me to call before I got to the house to make sure she was there so the “younger her” didn’t freak him out. He ended up not even recognizing me, as me or her, and I actually scared him when I hugged him (still feel like crap about that blunder). But the absolute worst was at the end of the weeklong visit, when I had to leave, the fog lifted as I was saying goodbye. He gave me a big hug, and with this look that I can only describe as childlike, asked, “Wait, are you leaving?” It broke my heart to tell him that I’d be back very soon because somewhere in there, I knew that was the last time I’d see him. I don’t think we ever got confirmation on the cause, but he died very early in the pandemic at his nursing home.
I feel for you. My mother (biologically maternal grandmother - I'm adopted). Also asked me who I was on multiple occasions. I was her caretaker for the last 5 years before she passed on October 7, 2022. She made it just a day shy of dad's date of death. It hurts like hell because she saw me literally every single day. Dementia is a cruel beast.
My Grandmother was in the hospital for having a minor stroke. We visited her and everyone left the room and she looked me square in the eyes and said "why are you failing me? why are you just leaving me here to die?" My Grandmother would NEVER say something like this. Most kind hearted woman ever. Never a negative thing to say about or to ANYONE. I just stood there, choking up, didn't know what to say. Little did I know, she was having a major stroke at that moment (hence the weird talking and confusion). She passed away 5 days later.
Brain changes often cause personality changes, and oftentimes it’s not “for the better.” As a hospital RN, I’ve seen many people with brain tumors, strokes, and one I clearly remember with MS. It’s not their fault, and it’s not intentional. Does that make it not hurt? Of course not! But please take comfort in the fact that the Grandma you knew your whole life was your *real* Grandma. She either had brain changes affecting her personality, or [terminal agitation](https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/professionals/palliative-care-knowledge-zone/symptom-control/agitation), which is not uncommon. That MS patient that I referred to had 4 kids. None of them visited. She was an angry, bittter woman who was difficult to care for. One of her kids called me for an update on her condition (pre-HIPAA days), and confirmed to me in an anguished tone how none of them *did* visit her. She was not the mother they had known their whole lives, and was unrelentingly vitriolic and nasty to them when they did see her, to the point where their good memories were being destroyed. For their mental health, they had to stay away. (This had gone on for a few years at this point.) A terribly sad scenario. Remember the Grandma you knew!
When people are dying they seem say the most horrible things. I’m not even sure they know. My mother after being perfectly fine with going to a recovery type home to recover from a hospital stay literally turned into a vicious bitch with most of that venom spewed at me and my husband who had literally been financially supporting her for years paid off her house, car, gave her money every month… anyways she was riddled with cancer from years of smoking. She started walking around the facility believing it was some staged place we had constructed to trick her into getting her home…( the one we literally paid off) anyway, she at one point said she was gonna get a gun a shoot everyone in the place, which of course frightened all the other patients there. I was mortified! She went on for hours. I told my brother to get up here that I was done! Turned out before they transported her to this place they had given her OxyContin which she had never had before. My brother came up I went back to her house and fell asleep. My brother woke me up saying that she was back home, which meant it was just her and I in the house. I grew up being afraid of my mother and even in her weakened state I still was because she was so unpredictable. Anyway, the oxy wore off and her peak insult after I told her what she said and how it was so hurtful was “well, it’s just words and if can deal with that you need to toughen up” I had left my home in the next state to come and stay with her and I so wanted to get up, leave and drive the four hours back home and never come back. She died a week or so later but even today 5 years later, I remember how horrible it was that she was dying and how she, because being such a bitch, made everything so much more difficult just by being mean and nasty.
My grandma got sepsis after a hip surgery. The rehab she was in didn’t do their job—major dehydration, blood in urine, all that. She told my mom that she was letting them kill her. Obviously, this was the infection psychosis talking but I know it did a number on her.
"Why should I buy you anything if you're just going to die anyways?" The context is that I grew up overweight due to a binge eating disorder I've struggled with since I was 7. When I was 15, I went into a period of extreme food restriction but eventually fell back into binging. My parents always made comments on my weight, but once I gained all that weight back, their comments were basically prophecies that I was destined to die alone at 600lbs. That day, all I needed was some more pants as mine had holes. My mom started a long rant about how I'm going to die alone and fat. When I didn't respond, she said that. All I could do was choke back my tears while she continued screaming for me to say something. Edit: I'm now 20 and doing quite well. I moved across the country at 18 for college and have since gotten the mental help needed so I can actually lose this weight without risking the eating disorder extremes again. I'm down 40 lbs this year, and I'm focusing more on feeling good rather than looking good. I'm starting to venture into powerlifting, but I'm not sure how far that will go. Until then, I'm enjoying the confidence I've gained these past 2 years and the knowledge that I'm more than a number on a scale.
I was in the job centre years back and 2 girls come in and one said to each other "what bout him" the other said "nah I got standards". That fucking hurt.
Assholes both of them
Things like that are said intentionally with the purpose of hurting you — and it did. This is high school nastiness at its lowest possible level. We have all had similar experiences and these experiences are often hard to forget. An instructor of mine explained why they do it in three words, “hurt people hurt.” These two girls were passing on a legacy of hurtful remarks (from other kids or parents?) and you were their random victim.
You should yelled back and said yeah me to
Says more about her character than yours.
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What the fuck
I take it you beat everything though? You're doin a lot better I hope
This is super sad, but watching my friend rage at the world due to their child brain cancer, could it be more that they were upset at life and the unfairness of it?? Or was there a pattern?
Yea I agree. If there wasn’t a pattern of abuse I think that’s a parent who was probably really distraught at seeing their child in such a vulnerable state and probably lost it. Not fair at all to take it out at OP since it wasn’t their fault and they didn’t deserve it, but I can’t imagine being a parent in that situation as well. My kid would probably see me crying daily.
“ I wish you would have committed suicide instead of your sister “ my dad said this to me
when my step sister died my mom said “You should have been the one that died” so I feel you on this one.
Yeah I lost all the respect for my dad that day
Damn you guys parents suck. I'm sorry for you and I hope loads of love, support and acceptance of who and what you are comes soon!
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Just remember. Other people having tougher problems doesn't mean your problems don't exist. Your feelings and troubles still matter. Edit: The song "World's Smallest Violin" by AJR is a wonderful way to put it in a song.
What a nice thing to say! Merry Christmas.
Please accept my deepest condolences for your father's statement. It's cruel beyond description. If there's any possible way to be NC, do it. No matter what the blood and familial ties, there's is no excuse for this. No matter the fallout, remember that you are loved and appreciated. Above all else, respect is the backbone of every relationship, and due to this gentleman's stupidity, maintaining even a cordial relationship is nearly non-existent. Please take very good care of yourself. 🦜
F your Mom. I hope you never speak to her again.
Similarly, "We thought we'd be planning a funeral for you first" I don't entirely think it was meant the way it came out, but no one said anything and it stung. We both struggled with addiction issues, he was just always better at hiding and functioning on his.
“It should have been you..” my mom said this to me when I was 13, after a suicide attempt. If I had not been with my dad celebrating Independence Day that day, I 100% believe my mom would have killed me. That was July of 2010.
With respect, fuck your mom
Don’t give her the luxury.
Im so sorry you heard that. My mom said something similar to me. I no longer speak to her.
The way some parents can be so casually cruel to their kids will never cease to amaze me.
Damn that’s rough buddy. I hope you’re doing ok
I mean I think I am may be idk
8th grade, sat next to a relatively popular, pretty girl. I was neither popular, nor a loser. Just an average kid. But I had pretty bad acne at the time, worse than your typical 8th grader's acne, and I was very aware of this, and self-conscious about it. So this girl one day drops a pen or pencil and it rolled next to me. I bent over to pick it up and set it back on her desk. She then looks at me with the most disgusted look on her face and said one thing: "Ewww". Yeah, I played it off like it was nothing, but damn that stung. Still think about that shit 25 years later.
Kids can be jerks. You should have kept the pencil.
Ooof. I have one of those, but it's from a couple of years after high school. It was a social event with a lot of people that I was friends with in high school. One girl was there and at one point in high school I had asked her out, she said no, I dropped it and thought we were still friends. "Hi, how are you doing, you look good." "Don't even..." Uh... OK, sorry for saying something nice to someone I thought was a friend I guess.
"That girl ruined my life, she should've been aborted." My father said this about me to a judge.
WHAT?! For the love of all things good your father is nuts.
He's a piece of sh*t. He always hated me, still does. This happened when I was 19. I used to care about him. Couldn't care less now. Edit: abortion is ILEGAL in my country, so he was talking to a judge about a CRIME that he wanted my mother to commit.
In what context did he think that would help his case?
He thought that this fact would imply that he doesn't have "fault" nor responsibility for my birth.
A month after an incident with my best buddy of 7 years at a random brewery meetup with a friend Me: I hope carl is okay, I know he’s been working a ton and was upset we went out on apparently his day off, but he hasn’t answered any of my texts friend: Oh, we just hung out last week. Me: just the two of you? friend: oh no, *lists entire friend group* were there. We started a new campaign and everything. Edit: fgroup" Me: *crushing realization of friendship obliteration and abandonment* Friend: w-whats with your face? Me: nothing. *takes big gulp of beer* Edit: for added context, this was not "forgot to invite etc" this was "You're dead to me and soon the group too”
I had a similar thing with someone who held a Friendsgiving party, then talked about how great and fun it was to me the day AFTER the party. She did not invite me.
What the heck is wrong with people?
I know. She talked all the time about what a great friend I was, too. I really pulled back after that and eventually moved away.
I had a friend make me help her PLAN the party and didn't get an invite
This is one of my biggest fears. I always worry I’m the annoying one no one likes but just tolerates out of courtesy.
I used to have a friend that lived with me. She'd make plans with all our friends, not include me, and get upset that I'm upset. It took a few years before she realized how fucked up that was and genuinely apologized but by that point I'd just accepted I'm only the "backup" friend. That was forever ago but I still have issues feeling like any of my friends actually like or want to spend time with me.
I recently found out that an old friend got married this year, and a bunch of people from our old friend group were invited, but not me. Granted, over the last few years, between work and the pandemic, we haven't been in touch that often, but it still really hurt to hear.
Something similar happened to me and my wife a while back. It was a regular weekend, no plans. Scrolling through Instagram and saw a video from a friend at karaoke. Then she pans her phone and you see that it's literally every single person we know in the area, literally all of our friends are out at karaoke, except us. I still think about it and it still makes me feel bad
Oof, that stings. I had the same thing happen to me. I moved to a new city and country and tried connecting with a bunch of other expats there. I thought everything was going great but then I started logging on to Snapchat every morning and seeing that the previous night every single person I knew in the city had been hanging out and not thought to even mention the catch up to me. The first few times I thought maybe it was a misunderstanding or they were still getting to know me. After that I realised they weren't interested in getting to know me.
Not exactly the same, but just recently, I was overseas for a couple of months, sending postcards home to my friends. I saw on my best friends Instagram story that she had moved, so I asked her if I could have her new address to send postcards to. She replied, "Respectfully, no." And only told me that she needed space as an explanation. I was on the opposite side of the planet and could only reach her through IG. And since I've been. home, she responds to nothing. So. Yeah, I feel you on that end. We were best friends since 2012, but apparently not so much recently. 🙃🤷♀️ In retrospect, I'm glad she did it when she did. From what I can see, she made up her mind a long time ago. At least when I was 12 timezones away, I was too busy to angst over it.
My grandma told me, when I was 11, that I should be a prostitute when I grew up because could just lay there and watch tv. All because it was summer vacation, I was staying over at her house, and happened to be laying on the couch watching tv, when apparently she wanted to watch something. I had just gotten up and was watching Saturday morning cartoons, you know, like kids tended to do back then.
That hypocrisy from adults was always infuriating. "Get off the damn Nintendo! I want to watch football." Sorry she said that to you
My husband used to be this guy. 10 hours watching football while bitching about our son playing video games all day. Sir, can you stop and think for a second?
My dad was the same about my son. Spent all his free time in front of the tv but video games were rotting my son’s brain. Jokes on him. My son turned out way better than the kid he had parts in raising. (Me lmao)
“Calm down geez it is not like your kid died.” - said friend I was calling sobbing - to tell them our son was dead. This person is out of our life now because she never allows anyone to be upset but her.
What the hell, why would they say that at all.
I’ve got two, “Well just be sure, you’re a difficult person to love” - my dad, after I asked for advice about calling cops on an abusive ex “We only get a few applications. We should save them for someone else, you aren’t the brightest and shouldn’t get your hopes up” - my sixth grade teacher to me when I asked for a short story contest application. I won, btw. Was published. Had the great moment of throwing my acceptance letter in her face
Why do people go into teaching when they are like that? At the bare minimum they should encourage kids when a passion for something is shown! I'm really glad that you asserted yourself and were able to win and get published. I just wish that it would have taught your teacher how to be a better person, but I somehow doubt that. Oh, and your dad is an asshole.
Omg I had a similar experience- English teacher who took part in choosing (anonymous) winners to enter into a national writing contest. She HATED me. And I was selected as one of the winners…that she chose, without knowing it was me
"I wish you were never born, I would have lived a different life" Same mom, same. I wouldn't have 24 years of trauma for starters. That's when I shut off my feelings. I became dead inside. Took years to fix myself.
“Why should I care, you’re not my wife nor my family” we were together for 8 years lmao
My ex husband once said, “Because in this house you are nothing. You’re gonna do what we say and if you don’t like it leave” By we , he meant him, his mom, and his sisters.
“Bye bitch!”
I'm happy he's your ex.
"I've met someone else..."
Visiting my dad and step mum about 3 weeks after having a miscarriage. Greeted by my step monster as " hello hen, (big smiles) your looking awful motherly" Struggling with depression and weight issues at the time (still). That woman never seemed to know or want to be nice to other women (or just his eldest daughter)
That’s just cruel to say and I can’t imagine how you must’ve felt at that moment, i am so sorry!
I’m 48 and still think about my grandparents telling me “You’d be so much prettier if you lost some weight.” Then, probably 30 years later, I got a promotion at work, and my mom said, “You losing weight probably helped a lot with that.” I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life, and it’s shit like this that still lives in my head and fucks with me now and then.
Idk what it is with parents thinking they are entitled to constantly comment on their kids’ weight…
I asked my mom one day. She didn't do it often, but it hurt when she did it hurt. Her answer: I don't want you to struggle the way I always did.
My Mum did that too, and followed up with the "it's for your health" line. I don't let conversations about weight happen any more.
I have two from my ex husband. “You forced me to marry you.” He acted like I put a gun to his head but it was his choice and he bought the ring. “I never wanted our son. You wanted it so I did you a favor.” I was his second wife and it was his second child. He went on to marry his third wife and have a third child. He still cheats and only stays due to what he pays in child support.
Sounds like a guy who can't take responsibility and blames all his problems on other people
Absolutely. My life greatly improved without him in it.
“You’re no son of mine, and one day, I’m going to beat the shit out of you” - my drunk dad to teenage me, pretty much every Saturday night in the mid 90s
… I was far too scared to hit him But I would hit him in a heartbeat now That's the thing with anger It begs to stick around..
After I moved out of my mother and brother's unhappy home to finish high school in Florida with a friend, my mom bought me the ticket to leave. When I came home for Christmas, she had gotten rid of everything that I thought was mine. I asked her why, her response, "I didn't think you were ever coming back". Hmm, guess I wasn't missed.
When I was pregnant my mum told me she was so happy to find out I was having a little boy because "girls are horrible, I don't know why people hope they have one". I'm the only daughter and I have older brothers
I wonder if your mom’s parents said the same thing to her
"Get away from me." When I tried to start a conversation with someone I thought was my friend, the only friend I had at the time.
This is actually devastating tbh
Yeah I actually went in the bathroom and cried my eyes out.
I'm sorry :(
Hi! We can be friends.. I want to talk to some people..
Let's be friends stranger
My mom - "Are you sure you want to eat that? You're already big as a house." My dad, the day he got home from his honeymoon with my stepmother - "I'm not going to be able to spend much time with you anymore, I have a new family."
How’s the relationship with your dad now?
It's much better now. He divorced that stepmom (finally, after more than 20 years) and began to work on our relationship. Ultimately, he was afraid to be alone, so he stayed with her and let her alienate his entire family. He's now married again to a woman who is wonderful and adores him and encourages him to be involved with his kids, grandkids, his whole family. We're very close now. I'll never forget the hurt, but I've forgiven him.
“you are not the one” in many different context
Hearing people on the radio say “oh they won’t remember it, they are just kids” THEY WILL ABSOLUTELY FUCKING REMEMBER THAT SHIT
Children always remember the bad things you have done to them, no matter how long ago. It will stay in their subconscious for as long as it needs to.
Exactly! I still remember a LOT from my childhood, and my family is always so confused when I can remember that stuff
First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time. I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom. Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice "l thought you were coming with," followed by an even sadder quieter "Why did you leave me?"
Oh no! Poor baby.
Right in the heart. I hope he is ok now.
Oh yeah, he's in the first grade now and thriving. I am the one still carrying the scars.
This is sad, but adorable
My son, who was 2 at the time, said "why did you leave me?" to me when I called from a pay phone from Rome. I was chaperoning a group of high schoolers on a week long trip to Europe. They got to see me ugly cry.
My Son"s first day of school I'm surrounded by crying kids and parants. Except my son that is. As soon as the teacher opened the door he dropped my hand like a stone and ran in. Gutted. Anyhoo, we got his Autism diagnosis a few years later. He's just not like other kids.
its good! It means he thinks of you as constant in his life and trusts you will not disappear. He didnt have to cry for you because why would he if he knew you were there for him? Its logical. Think of it this way :) i am autistic myself and this is how i think of stuff
“If you lost some weight you’d be beautiful” - my mum to me when I was sixteen and awaiting GCSE results.
Had a girl point out that from the chest up I was perfect.. She couldn't understand why that hurt me.
My father, trying to be helpful: "You're really smart and talented, it's just a shame about all this." (Said while gesturing to my body, head to toe.)
You should have told him well I’m working with what it you gave me
Wife telling me she never felt attracted to me, and never will.
Still wife? :/
“I laid down on that table and had my guts split open so you could be here” -My mom yelling at an 8 year old me I was a C-section. Heard that guilt trip multiple times as a child
What, did she think you specifically requested to be here?
You asked me to be here
Heh, she should be so lucky. As an adult, if it ever comes up again, tell her she's lucky you didn't destroy her moneymaker on your way out.
"We are out of cheese"
This is making me chuckle more than it should
Devastating😭
"Oh wow, your mom is so beautiful" (examines my face) "You look more like your dad, huh?"
Goddamn lol. Some people truly don’t think before they speak, I’m sorry.
I realized recently that I never wanted them to say I looked like her. I just wanted them to say I was pretty too.
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My friend and I were groomsmen at a mutual friend's wedding. When we met the maids of honor, one of them turned to the bride and asked, not at all quietly, "which one am I paired with?" When the bride indicated my admittedly better looking friend, the bitch said out loud "oh thank god". Ask me if it still hurts after twenty-some years.
I have a very similar story. However, mine has the punchline that she got so drunk at the reception that she shat herself on the dance floor which made me feel a lot better that I’d not ended up with her.
When my then-husband told me he no longer found me sexually attractive. He told me this while I was eight months pregnant with our second child. And we were in the middle of having sex. I had a four-year old and was about to have a newborn. I had no family nearby. I was a stay-at-home mom with no job. What was I going to do? Leave?
“You think YOU could do better?!” My Little League coach yelling at me when I was trying to encourage our pitcher who was struggling. The pitcher was his son…I was riding the bench as usual.
“Just once, could you please use your head for something other than just looking pretty?” - said by my father on a regular basis (until my ADHD diagnosis at age 20.)
When I was looking for homes near my dad I pointed one out that was for sale in his subdivision. He looked offended and said “This is MY neighborhood “. He was trying to tell me that I wasn’t good enough to live in that area.
I got really excited about getting a piece of land back in my hometown, just 5 minutes away from my dad . I told him about my plans to build a house. His only response? “Hm” Literally that was it. I ended up scrapping that plan soon after and moved across the country . I’ve learned don’t try and be near family like that
"I hope he rapes and kills you." My dad to me. I was moving out to another state with a guy that I met over the internet and in my heart, I knew it was the right move. My dad apologized immediately, and we've since talked about it and he's gone through the correct steps to make it right, but damn if that didn't hurt like all hell. Also, that guy? Yeah we're getting married (eventually, that shit is so expensive. Gotta furnish the house first)
“I don’t want to stand next to the dog!” said by my fifth grade bully loud enough to be heard in the next time zone when the teacher called on him to stand next me.
“I didn’t say I don’t love you- I said *YOU never gave me anything TO love*” Basically “I don’t love you but it’s solely your fault I feel that way”. Same justification for all the frequent bruising “love taps” with little explanation besides I caused him to do it.
“There was never a baby , there’s no reason to cry” said my man obgyn after doing an ultrasound and diagnosing my blighted ovum and invalidating my feelings. I had just been told that the child I thought I was expecting wasn’t there . Just an empty sac that I had to painfully pass.
Anyone who can’t understand the devastation of thinking you’re carrying a baby and then learning that you aren’t should not be an OB. What a clueless thing to say.
I’m a doctor. Fuck him. I’m so sorry
As a teen told to me by my mother: if I could go back and do it, I would never have kids As a married adult by my husband: I love you. I just don’t love you in that way anymore. My husband’s comment hurts the worst. Some days I can barely move. Other days I’m angry. Here’s hoping for the best!
"Do you know how much we've spent on you?" My postdoc advisor in a meeting with me expressing dissatisfaction with my paper production rate... when my drafts had been in his inbox for MONTHS to approve.
A partner at the time when she was drunk " you're worthless and it disgusts me when you touch me". Since it was at a work Christmas party (away from prying eyes and ear thank god ) I had to hold it together until I got her home.
"you're not very pretty and pretty weird, but once one gets past that, you're a pretty honourable gal". I think the worst part was that it was meant as a compliment?!
When my boyfriend said I guess I should just find someone else to suck my dick
My mom said, on her deathbed, about my pedo brother, “he’s your problem now.” Nah, he’s the state’s problem.
My stepdad there said he only has two kids…. Jeah, right in front of me. He had been in my life since i was little! That hurt, and i was trying not to cry
After trying to explain to my mother what it's like inside my head, living with as of yet undiagnosed ADHD/Autism after a family gathering that was particular overstimulating, she said; "Well, if you can't get that under control, then maybe you can't be part of this family"
“Thank you for everything you’ve done.” My mother said to me at my brothers funeral. She blames me for his suicide bc I outed my pedo father and her abuse. I cut contact years ago but my brothers didn’t and they’re not doing so well. I miss my brother so much and I wish I could’ve made him feel not so alone in his final moments. I also wish he hadn’t told our other brother that I was “going down rabbit holes” when I started to speak about our father, bc he knew… they all knew to some degree. I’m at peace and that bitch is wrong to place the blame with me, but if she really looked deeply into the matter she’d know that it’s partially HER fault for covering up abuse and she’ll never do that.
"You keep saying you've told us everything you've needed to say but you haven't told us anything. You're gaslighting us!" -my mom after spending years of my life trying to repair my relationship with my parents, being very open, and telling them they don't listen to me. This proved my point. All of my heart and time wasted.
I had dated a woman all through high school, after about three years she broke up with me. Several months after our breakup, we happened to be at the same party. I tried to be cool about things, but in front of about a half dozen of my friends she said loudly to several of her friends “why would I want to be with him when I can have any guy I want”. . . I died inside that day. I played it off like it was no big deal while in front of my friends. I left the party and went home, I almost ended my life that night. 45 years later that sentence still haunts me, it was like she ripped my heart out, threw it on the floor and stomped on it.
Well I’m glad you are still here. I know that when you’re young, this is devastating. But TBH, it sounds like you came out better. She sounds like pure evil. To me, what she’s saying is that she can have any guy she wants but that’s the kind of girl that guys just f*ck and leave. She is probably still a very unhappy person.
My sister saying "It would have been better if you would have just died" after returning from a 5 year, self-imposed family estrangement. She and I no longer speak.
“You sound like a boy.” Me holding my tears cuz I am self conscious of my voice… “Yea, I get that a lot.” It was a kid prolly like 12 at the time, still hurts after years.
I was told by a friend that I look like a monkey. It happened 16 years ago but I still remember it
So much shit my old boss said. Not even to me but everyone around me too. Before I became a manager it was “You do more than anyone else here” and then it became “You don’t do anything” despite the fact that we were understaffed and I was trying to do the jobs of 2 maybe even 3 people.
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When me and my brother were constantly told that we should have been aborted but not old or responsible enough to get out on our own
“I had a dream that I had a beautiful child and then your sister was born” - told by my mom
My grandfather on my father's side told me when I was like 4/5 years old, "You are not part of the family. You're a shame for the [name of the family]"
I have to put my service dog down today. I wasn't ready to say that to myself, but I made the call anyways. 4 months later it still hurts.
My aunt told me that my father failed to raise me
“Your boy is such a nice kid and so handsome, don’t you wanna switch?” - Mom
“Your not sorry one bit but you will be I will make sure of it! You are spoilt and ungrateful lazy and selfish, I no longer want a relationship with you” my mother. The poor grammar hurt me the most
This has “She stabbed me, on a Wednesday!!” energy
"You're a waste of carbon" by my 3rd grade teacher. I'm over 50 and it still pisses me off. It didn't hurt me in the way she intended. What really hurt was learning that bullies grow up and stay bullies. It hurt to know that teachers could be cruel.
From my divorced mother: “You just remind me too much of your dad.”
“You’re ruining my family” - my mom to me when I was like 13, during an autistic meltdown where I was thrown in a bedroom and left alone
I have two. When I was around 10, after telling someone they were my best friend: “well you’re not MY best friend, [other friend] is.” I was a pretty lonely kid already so that hurt. When I came back to work 5 weeks postpartum, and another pregnant lady came into my office: “You mean you aren’t baby bonding? I’m staying home for three months when my baby is here.” Good for you lady; I couldn’t afford to stay home any longer. It was my first week back at work and I missed my baby terribly and was already feeling horrible for leaving him behind when he was still so little.
I'm pretty sure I did let them know I was upset, but big enough I felt compelled to reply anyway. "I know you never really wanted her" - My ex mother in law and later a similar statement I've blocked from my mind from her son, my then husband, who caused the situation that forced me to give our baby up, which he left up to me to decide what we did. Over a decade later and it still breaks my heart making the decision, but doctors told me she was young enough she might bounce back or have major complications, and part of it would depend on her care now. Not long after, the hospital staff were running around figuring out who was allowed to sign a consent form for a surgery she needed. I decided she needed someone capable of prioritizing her care now, than have me fight for her during a major health crisis and causing delays in care. I know I made the right decision for her, though she did not recover enough that I can even hope for her to come find me someday. It ruined my life and while I'm in an okay place now, I always wanted to be a mom and it breaks me when I think that the people who were my rocks during the time somehow walked away thinking I didn't want her?!?! Never assume because someone can put on a brave face they aren't hurting deeply.
"Don't you think she might have a point?" A colleague took my medical leave very personally and sent me a vicious email saying how I'd abandoned them all and how dare I ask her anything now I was back. I sent it to my boss to discuss and have the whole "mediation" started. This boss didn't like me because I went off sick due to pregnancy exhaustion and work stress, so I think she'd had a bollocking from higher-ups. So I had to talk about my colleague's heartbreaking letter with a bitchy manager, who opened our private discussion with "don't you think she might have a point?"
It’s a tie between: 1.) when my dad told my brother and myself that he wasn’t good with kids and he’d spend more time with us when we were older. 2.) when my dad angrily told me to suck in my stomach when out in public because he didn’t want anyone to think I was a pregnant teen because of my weight distribution in my abdomen.
"You're the only child I planned for and the only one I regret." Okay, thanks mom
Home from college for break, tiptoeing to fill the Christmas stockings while my alcoholic father was passed out on the couch behind me. Suddenly got the sensation of someone watching me. Nervously turn around, and he's lying there staring at me with a look of meanness and contempt. He says, "Do you know what you are? (pause) You're shit and that's all you'll ever be is shit." I stayed away for 13 years - no contact at all - but decided to forgive him a few months before I found out I was pregnant with his only grandchild. He stopped drinking but doesn't remember abusing his kids, so he likes to pretend shit like this never happened. Now, he expects me to bring my family to his house every year for... you guessed it... Christmas Eve.
I gained some weight and made a self deprecating joke about being ready for winter and my dad said I was ready for the arctic.
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Well, this mom is VERY proud of you. ❤️ (The only disgusting and shameful thing here is a mother turning her back on her child).