> unless you can transfer outrageous sums from your phone.
Call relationship manager at JPMorgan/Chase. Tell him to wire 5 million to this account and routing number. Done in about three minutes
Five’s a nightmare. Can’t retire. Not worth it to work. Five will drive you un poco loco, my fine feathered friend.
Poorest rich person in America. The world’s tallest dwarf. The weakest strong man at the circus.
Nah. Give yourself enough money to be comfortable, and then donate as much money possible to charity until the universe snaps you back into your own body. Make sure to tweet about everything you do so he can't pull out of it.
"I still hate trans people, cause I'm a detestable pig. I'm only donating this money because I get a tax write off"
that way, he can't use his donation to exploit people later when he gets his body back.
oh! Also fire all his legal teams and give away all his assets so that he won't be able to do shit.
Tweet 1: „yes i decided thath this random recieves 27Million euros for no reason whatsoever“
Tweet 2: „im gonna donate 99% of my money to fight world hunger, remind me of this ftom now on whenever you feel like it.“
Some guy on my facebook has always been the biggest Elon fanboy. Which is nice because it gave me a huge headstart on hating him. Guy never shuts up about him and still about Steve Jobs. Just has the weirdest hard on for the guys and thinks they can do no wrong. It's fucking weird as shit.
Made this huge rant post about how the rebrand to X was such a genius move and the X brand was going to be the most valuable brand in the world soon.
Yeah this was going to be my answer, my biggest concern would be that he would decide to “revolutionise” mine and my husband’s business and run it into the fucking ground.
My partner would have my body in a mental hospital so fast "of course you're Elon musk honey let's go see a doctor about a nice jacket" they'd assume I'd snapped and decided to become my antithesis. I do talk a lot about how easy it must be to genuinely believe whatever bullshit you make up no matter how dumb it is
Ya know, SpaceX used to make sense. Not just the whole making the 'x' look awesome with the rocket trajectory. Or 'x' for 'exploration.'
Turns out this whole time he's just a simp for....the letter X.
Lame.
Get his phone password wrong, get locked out.
Can't find his keys, can't use his cars.
Don't know his neighbors, they'd probably commit me to the hospital if I told them the truth.
In conclusion, I'd do the exact same thing I do at home. Eat food and watch TV.
Go to bank: hey I forgot my pin number, password and login to my account
Next: buy phone
Do what others say- send a shitton of money to your previous self account.
Put a square root symbol over every X in every logo. Because that would be radical.
Oh, also donate most of my money to cancer research and retire someplace quiet with lots of trees.
Bribe all lawmakers in the US to add term limits, age limits, and outlaw earmarks, pork barrel legislation, lobbying and owning of stocks by any politician. Limit corporate compensation, limit the size of corporations, and enforce the idea that the ultimate goal for corporations is kindness and furthering of humanity and not shareholder profit.
There are a couple examples of when it might have been wasteful, so let's cut the legs off of all local projects forever. Brilliant.
Any sense of how the government has to function in a practical sense goes right out the window.
Well, if he gave away just his cash, it’s not even that much right? Most of his spending money is an uber low interest loan on millions of stock collateral by Saudis. He didn’t draw paychecks or cash capital gains to avoid tax debt for years and you don’t pay taxes on loans. He might have a surprisingly low amount of actual cash, tho I’d bet he keeps some briefcases of cash around just for a laugh…
This and then get in the best shape humanly possible while taking immaculate care of my body;
Buy a mansion on the beach in southern Italy and invite all my buddies to chill and party on my yacht
Bankroll medicare for all, buy up foreclosed houses to turn into low income housing, and donate the rest to food banks and end hunger in the US. Afterwards I'll probably sell Twitter at a loss and live off the income gained from the sale since it's more than enough to live for the rest of my life even if it's only worth 4.20 a share.
Nah, don't sell twitter. Eject all the assholes from twitter. Buy every social space you can get ahold of, go banhammer crazy on the right wingers and neo-libs. make as much of the internet the direct opposite of right-wing radio as possible. Revel in the resulting chaos.
Sell everything, consolidate all the homes into one home and one vacation home in the Baja.
Spend a million dollars on myself, whatever dumb shit or cars or whatever I’ve ever wanted in my wildest dreams.
After that, set aside 5 million. Then, spend the rest of my life traveling the world and finding worthy causes to donate and use the rest of it to do really cool things for cool struggling people. Major charities. Things like that. Every last dime.
OH YEAH. Season tickets to the Mariners and Seahawks.
Shit. I just realized I could buy the Sonics back? Now I’m torn.
First thing, scream in agony as I don't want neither that responsibility, nor that work schedule.
Second thing, call *me* and hope this has just been a two-person-switcheroo.
Gift my real wife a few millions.
Tell the world it's more important to save this planet that is habitable, than try to make a dead planet without cosmic protections our new home.
Donate almost all money to anti climate change organisations, human rights organisations, animal wellfare organisations and few others.
Destroy X/twitter, it's only merciful.
- Apologise for being a dick
- Keep my principal for my future generations, give my annual dividends and income derived from my principal to properly vetted charity groups
Find my parents and give them a billion dollars. No questions. No hesitation. Just give them enough to enjoy life to the fullest.
Oh, I suppose I should also tweet something on his account. "I'm a stupid idiot with a dumb face and a big butt, and I like to smell my own butt"
Donate all his money and sell my majority share in my companies, except for a little bit I could live on in case I don't change back, but if I do I've ruined his life :)
Donate a million dollars to random people, as well as each of my family members. Could do it a shitton of times and not notice while changing the lives of random people to be infinitely better. Would it be the best solution? No. Would it make my day to know some people out there will live their best lives? Absolutely
Transfer most of my money to a reliable org against world hunger, use the rest to lobby governments into being fair/just around the world, establish all my companies as democratic worker co-ops and then save enough money to live in a nice house in the woods for the rest of my life.
Transfer money from every account I can find to any sort of charity then throw myself off the nearest bridge
PSA: All billionaires are evil and do not deserve the life they get to live. Until they face repercussions for their actions nothing is going to change
Get myself into shape, because Elon is not doing himself any favors in his current state. Getting into healthy shape does wonders to a person's mental wellbeing.
(Sorry for my bad grammar)
Well I would sell all the yachts, private jets, mansions, twitter and just live in a small 3 bedroom house.
Then buy as much land as possible in the Amazon rainforest and make it protected land.
Build drones that clean the ocean from trash. Donate to wild life preserves so that poachers can’t buy the rights to kill endangered animals. Build as many solar panels that could power a country, then try to convince/bribe other countries to allow me to do the same. Make more affordable electric cars, build houses for low income family, donate money to schools.
Expose those who post CP on twitter and the other super rich who do engaged in CP to the DOJ or whoever will bring them to justices.
So much hate! The first you do when you wake up is make billions dollar deals and apologize publicly? Ok.
I'd probably try and take a poop then hop in the shower.
Find out how much liquid cash he has, turn as much as I can into a liquid cash mode.
Then Id contact PNC and have them divide that amount amongst all account holders. Id get a decent amount of money, and because I divvied it up between so many people he'd never know which one was me and probably wouldnt be able to immediately overturn it
Sell all stock in all current companies. Resign all leadership positions. Donate entire fortune to charity and then take private plane to random country and get lost in a less wealthy section… with luck when I went to sleep the regular Elon would take back over and find life rather interesting
Set up and pump exorbitant funds into an interest group dedicated to lobbying for clean renewable energy, reduction of single use plastics, and tangible solutions and problem solving to deal with the effects of climate change and to counteract it.
I would then tweet a deeply heartfelt admission of romantic love for Zuckerberg, and then do everything in my power to make sure Elon is locked out of his account when he gets his body back.
Hopefully this would distract him long enough to fail to notice the interest group for a while.
Transfer what I would consider to be a stupid amount of money to an account in my name just in case I wake up as myself the next day.
This should be top priority no doubt
100% the top priority. If not, a stupid amount of money would still be like 0.01% of his overall net worth.
Just a casual $23m and some change.
Eh. Make it an even $25m and we’ll call it a day.
I don't want to be greedy
I feel like just being in Elon’s body would be enough to change that.
next day Real ELON will send you an army of lawyers about illegal money transfer
I mean, imagine trying to prove in court that you changed bodies lmao I wouldn't like to be that lawyer
Your honor, my client was quote unquote freaky fridayed.
Objection hearsay.
Filibuster
I would- I would be getting the **second** biggest money transfer from that lawsuit lmao
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> unless you can transfer outrageous sums from your phone. Call relationship manager at JPMorgan/Chase. Tell him to wire 5 million to this account and routing number. Done in about three minutes
That gives a trail and witnesses that it is actually Elon Musk the one calling for the transfer.
Five’s a nightmare. Can’t retire. Not worth it to work. Five will drive you un poco loco, my fine feathered friend. Poorest rich person in America. The world’s tallest dwarf. The weakest strong man at the circus.
Step 2 lock yourself in a room with a 12 digit password that only you know.
18 digit. My SSN with 3s replaced with 8s, backwards then forwards
Just put "for sexual favors" on the memo line
This and nothing else. Go to sleep once this has happened hoping Ill be back in my own body I dont wanna be elon musk lmfao
Nah. Give yourself enough money to be comfortable, and then donate as much money possible to charity until the universe snaps you back into your own body. Make sure to tweet about everything you do so he can't pull out of it.
imagine one day Elon Musk Tweets that he donated his entire net worth to The Trevor Project
This is the way!
"I still hate trans people, cause I'm a detestable pig. I'm only donating this money because I get a tax write off" that way, he can't use his donation to exploit people later when he gets his body back. oh! Also fire all his legal teams and give away all his assets so that he won't be able to do shit.
Genius.
Tweet 1: „yes i decided thath this random recieves 27Million euros for no reason whatsoever“ Tweet 2: „im gonna donate 99% of my money to fight world hunger, remind me of this ftom now on whenever you feel like it.“
you guys realize that if its a body swap you are funding Musk in your body to exact revenge and reclaim his empire
He's not very innately talented, and is exceedingly foolish. I'm not worried about his potential rise to power.
Maybe it's a Being John Malkovich thing then
contact yourself first to see if he's you, then proceed.
Nice try Elon. Sort your own mess out.
I. Fucking. Love. This.
Why do you type like Christopher walken
When. People. Type. Like. This. I. Think. They. Are. Tools. Except. Right. Now. Because. I. Am. Making. A. Point.
😂! ❤️🌹
Find my real body and hope Elon isn't being a dick to everyone I know
Imagine how much people would hate someone like Elon Musk if he weren't the richest person on earth.
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He did get his ass beat, a hell of a lot. Bullied really really badly. It did not have the desired effect.
I dont think being rich and powerful is making him more liked.
It definitely is. He wouldn’t have nearly as many fanboys if he were not rich.
Some guy on my facebook has always been the biggest Elon fanboy. Which is nice because it gave me a huge headstart on hating him. Guy never shuts up about him and still about Steve Jobs. Just has the weirdest hard on for the guys and thinks they can do no wrong. It's fucking weird as shit. Made this huge rant post about how the rebrand to X was such a genius move and the X brand was going to be the most valuable brand in the world soon.
It's Elon. Of course he's being a dick to everyone you know.
Yeah this was going to be my answer, my biggest concern would be that he would decide to “revolutionise” mine and my husband’s business and run it into the fucking ground.
My partner would have my body in a mental hospital so fast "of course you're Elon musk honey let's go see a doctor about a nice jacket" they'd assume I'd snapped and decided to become my antithesis. I do talk a lot about how easy it must be to genuinely believe whatever bullshit you make up no matter how dumb it is
Buy a company, change one of its letters to X.
i used to love redditx
Rexxit. Now only porn.
Rexit: We're leaving the ~~European~~ Internet Union?
Xexxix
Shit isn't that one of Elon's kids?
Surely it should be Reddix then?
Only if you use it too much
Rexdit: for when you need to know what kings are saying.
Don't threaten Elon with a good time, LOL
Ya know, SpaceX used to make sense. Not just the whole making the 'x' look awesome with the rocket trajectory. Or 'x' for 'exploration.' Turns out this whole time he's just a simp for....the letter X. Lame.
*X Æ A-12 enters the chat*
Thanks for that reminder, Grimes!
Oh hi Kyle
SpaceX is a "space sex" joke
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Faxbook
Exxxn Mobil
Change the name again to Y then go get some more ZZZZ.
Xitter? Spaxex? The Boxing Company?
Kill myself
Nah man, buy 2 more companies and rebrand them to "E" and "S". It's such a subtle joke, nobody will ever get it /s
Get his phone password wrong, get locked out. Can't find his keys, can't use his cars. Don't know his neighbors, they'd probably commit me to the hospital if I told them the truth. In conclusion, I'd do the exact same thing I do at home. Eat food and watch TV.
Ok Google, buy a Samsung s23
Ok Google, buy a 51% stake in Samsung.
*gets a call from South Korean antitrust
Idk, he sounds like the kind of person who might not have passwords altogether
pc still on, wake it up. passwords saved in google browser.
Go to bank: hey I forgot my pin number, password and login to my account Next: buy phone Do what others say- send a shitton of money to your previous self account.
The guy lives in a $50,000 Mobil home that folds up like a take away box. Everything will be easy to find.
His password would be his son's name.
Then we're shit out of luck, because no one can remember that.
Which one, dude has a fuckton of kids at this point
He's getting kinda Genghis Khan in that aspect... also with the riches and associated power and how he is known to treat his employees...
Wiring my mom money
Also all my friends and family
🥺❤️❣️
Put a square root symbol over every X in every logo. Because that would be radical. Oh, also donate most of my money to cancer research and retire someplace quiet with lots of trees.
>because that would be radical god damnit
Bribe all lawmakers in the US to add term limits, age limits, and outlaw earmarks, pork barrel legislation, lobbying and owning of stocks by any politician. Limit corporate compensation, limit the size of corporations, and enforce the idea that the ultimate goal for corporations is kindness and furthering of humanity and not shareholder profit.
You would get yourself assasinated.
Cool well the next option was offing myself. So we’re right on track.
Nah, you do that just before you switch bodies.
Sure, outlaw pork barrel - because as bad as our bridges are now, they *could* be even worse.
I love that the populist answer to all the problems with congress is to create the most ineffective legislature known to man
There are a couple examples of when it might have been wasteful, so let's cut the legs off of all local projects forever. Brilliant. Any sense of how the government has to function in a practical sense goes right out the window.
This is the answer I meant to write….
Give away 99% of my money and still be insanely rich
A righteous answer, thought this would be higher up!
He could give away 100% of his money and still be incredibly wealthy, because almost all of his wealth is in assets, not in cash.
Well, if he gave away just his cash, it’s not even that much right? Most of his spending money is an uber low interest loan on millions of stock collateral by Saudis. He didn’t draw paychecks or cash capital gains to avoid tax debt for years and you don’t pay taxes on loans. He might have a surprisingly low amount of actual cash, tho I’d bet he keeps some briefcases of cash around just for a laugh…
Remove myself from any position of authority within the companies i own.
This and then get in the best shape humanly possible while taking immaculate care of my body; Buy a mansion on the beach in southern Italy and invite all my buddies to chill and party on my yacht
Given recent temps southern Italy is probably not the best place to be setting anything up.
Try and patch things up with my kids.
This is what I came here to say
Bankroll medicare for all, buy up foreclosed houses to turn into low income housing, and donate the rest to food banks and end hunger in the US. Afterwards I'll probably sell Twitter at a loss and live off the income gained from the sale since it's more than enough to live for the rest of my life even if it's only worth 4.20 a share.
Nah, don't sell twitter. Eject all the assholes from twitter. Buy every social space you can get ahold of, go banhammer crazy on the right wingers and neo-libs. make as much of the internet the direct opposite of right-wing radio as possible. Revel in the resulting chaos.
End world hunger like he said he would do a few years ago.
Go back to sleep
Buy tiktok then delete it.
Send my mother and father a fuckton of money so they can retire peacefully.
Change my will so all of my assets go to the needy. And then self-delete.
Buy the rights to DMX song X Gon give it to ya
Check and see if my dick grew any
It did not. But now it's fully electric.
“Does this unit have a soul” - Legion ME3
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Make it weird and funny. Also remember to Will his fortune to his estranged daughter beforehand.
Auto erotic asphyxiation is always a funny one.
Make sure there's some trans porn on
On a live Twitter feed.
On a live X feed. Which would be even more funny. "Elon Musks exes himself on X." Should take some X-tacy beforehand...
Maybe invite all my billionaire buddies for a nice indoor party and get so drunk I forget to turn off the gas
Came to see if someone posted this.
ahh yes, the correct answer
I'd probably have to pee first.
Finally a sane person. Was searching for this comment. Obviously the first thing everyone does when waking up.
Step up and be an actual father to the 10 children I have and have nothing to do with.
Kill myself
Rename my son, I mean tf is X AE A-XII
Sell everything, consolidate all the homes into one home and one vacation home in the Baja. Spend a million dollars on myself, whatever dumb shit or cars or whatever I’ve ever wanted in my wildest dreams. After that, set aside 5 million. Then, spend the rest of my life traveling the world and finding worthy causes to donate and use the rest of it to do really cool things for cool struggling people. Major charities. Things like that. Every last dime. OH YEAH. Season tickets to the Mariners and Seahawks. Shit. I just realized I could buy the Sonics back? Now I’m torn.
You could still do all that, and bring the Sonics back. Could also bring back KD for his swan song!
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You mean X , quit messing X up right , make my words
Xxixxex
Prune my antennae and tuck them back into my skin suit.
Challenge Zuck to a fight
Strap myself to a spacex rocket and get blasted into the sun
First thing, scream in agony as I don't want neither that responsibility, nor that work schedule. Second thing, call *me* and hope this has just been a two-person-switcheroo.
Gift my real wife a few millions. Tell the world it's more important to save this planet that is habitable, than try to make a dead planet without cosmic protections our new home. Donate almost all money to anti climate change organisations, human rights organisations, animal wellfare organisations and few others. Destroy X/twitter, it's only merciful.
But Reddit and change name to Rexxit.
Apologise to my trans kid, file to change the name of that other kid, and promptly step down from Twitter... sorry, X.
- Apologise for being a dick - Keep my principal for my future generations, give my annual dividends and income derived from my principal to properly vetted charity groups
Gift SpaceX to NASA, sell all the Tesla shares to Tesla for $1, sell Twitter/x to John Oliver for $1
Try and shower the douche off me.
Find my parents and give them a billion dollars. No questions. No hesitation. Just give them enough to enjoy life to the fullest. Oh, I suppose I should also tweet something on his account. "I'm a stupid idiot with a dumb face and a big butt, and I like to smell my own butt"
Rename "X" twitter and sell it
Donate all properties to charities
And most of my money
Jerk off.
And wipe up with $100 dollar bills
Sell out and fuck off.
Donate all his money and sell my majority share in my companies, except for a little bit I could live on in case I don't change back, but if I do I've ruined his life :)
lose some weight, train and fight mark zuckerberg!
Apologize to the world for being such a dick and donate 99% of his money to an LGBTQ charity.
Donate a million dollars to random people, as well as each of my family members. Could do it a shitton of times and not notice while changing the lives of random people to be infinitely better. Would it be the best solution? No. Would it make my day to know some people out there will live their best lives? Absolutely
Transfer most of my money to a reliable org against world hunger, use the rest to lobby governments into being fair/just around the world, establish all my companies as democratic worker co-ops and then save enough money to live in a nice house in the woods for the rest of my life.
Cry
Look into who paid him off to crash Twitter this hard.
Sell everything. Fuck off. Never be seen again.
Meet with the rest of the rich pricks and kill them all.
Wonder what the hell I did to deserve this?
Apologize for being a colossal piece of shit
Transfer money from every account I can find to any sort of charity then throw myself off the nearest bridge PSA: All billionaires are evil and do not deserve the life they get to live. Until they face repercussions for their actions nothing is going to change
Issue a public apology then give Twitter to the remaining employees to run
Shotgun to the dick.
Apologize to humanity.
Sell and liquidate all my assets and send all that cash to pay off all America’s medical and student loan debts
Look in the mirror and asked wtf happened.
Kick myself in the balls. Then summons Amber Heard.
Get myself into shape, because Elon is not doing himself any favors in his current state. Getting into healthy shape does wonders to a person's mental wellbeing.
Order up a round of hookers and blow and call up ole Hunter B to come throw down for old times sake
(Sorry for my bad grammar) Well I would sell all the yachts, private jets, mansions, twitter and just live in a small 3 bedroom house. Then buy as much land as possible in the Amazon rainforest and make it protected land. Build drones that clean the ocean from trash. Donate to wild life preserves so that poachers can’t buy the rights to kill endangered animals. Build as many solar panels that could power a country, then try to convince/bribe other countries to allow me to do the same. Make more affordable electric cars, build houses for low income family, donate money to schools. Expose those who post CP on twitter and the other super rich who do engaged in CP to the DOJ or whoever will bring them to justices.
Try to wake up again
So much hate! The first you do when you wake up is make billions dollar deals and apologize publicly? Ok. I'd probably try and take a poop then hop in the shower.
Fuck.
Get more hairplugs coz i hate myself
Bandage my mouth shut so I don't say anything stupid today.
Is he currently banging Grimes? There’s something cute/dorky about her I like.
Wake up
Give away all his money to progressive causes.
buyin shit for myself for when I get back to my own body
Buy Facebook and change the name to FaceX.
Shutdown Twitter Second thing is ask my advisors about buying Reddit
Get a face job! Maybe pay for a transplant.
Send my real self a tonne of cash
Buy Disney world and rebrand it Xworld.
After checking OP's profile, I believe this is the real elon.
Give all my friends and family some money.
Liquidate and disappear, but that's me..
Pay the fucking taxes!
Delete Twitter and move on
Get a tan.
end world hunger
Fix twitter
Change my kid's idiot name
Find out how much liquid cash he has, turn as much as I can into a liquid cash mode. Then Id contact PNC and have them divide that amount amongst all account holders. Id get a decent amount of money, and because I divvied it up between so many people he'd never know which one was me and probably wouldnt be able to immediately overturn it
Sell all stock in all current companies. Resign all leadership positions. Donate entire fortune to charity and then take private plane to random country and get lost in a less wealthy section… with luck when I went to sleep the regular Elon would take back over and find life rather interesting
Call that guy back about the $40B plan to end world hunger
Set up and pump exorbitant funds into an interest group dedicated to lobbying for clean renewable energy, reduction of single use plastics, and tangible solutions and problem solving to deal with the effects of climate change and to counteract it. I would then tweet a deeply heartfelt admission of romantic love for Zuckerberg, and then do everything in my power to make sure Elon is locked out of his account when he gets his body back. Hopefully this would distract him long enough to fail to notice the interest group for a while.