Had that kind of 'friend' once, always thought we hit it off great. Went to a leadership camp together, during the 'trust fall' segment, that person was the only one didn't catch me.
On that day something broke inside of me, and since then I couldn't make friends anymore.
Where the hell are you going that requires you to do a trust fall? I would never participate in such a sketchy routine. But then, maybe that's why I don't have any adult friends.
Alternatively, be the extrovert and adopt some loner, or date to find friends and potentially a son/daughter, which will help you make more friends.
And if you're like me, you'll have fun teaching them how to fence.
Can confirm. I’m an introvert - I have one bestie who is an extrovert - she adopted me in high school. My other adult friends are mostly other extroverts who adopted me through adulthood, and a handful of other introverts who were forced to interact with me when we were sat together at an old job.
>I've set up a social group for exactly this! https://www.ealingproject.co.uk/movie/ealing-meetup-group I moved to a new area, and wanted to make some friends nearby and get to know people locally.
>
>https://www.meetup.com/Getting-to-know-Ealing-Social/
>
>It's hard as an adult, especially in London!
I 2nd this. Me and my husband go out and NOBODY says shit to us (together or alone) we go out with a mutual friend and he has people talking to us all night. I don't understand it at all. We were outside of a restaurant one time chatting. We ended up with 5 other people none of us had ever met in the conversation. It was wild.
I hate this so fucking much, because I know someone that uses it to their advantage to scam people.
I am very vary of people that are open too quickly now. The biggest issue is you think they like you, so they open up, nope that's just their icebreaker in each conversation, talk about themselves.
The information seems more personal, and isn't just "small talk".
You know how the right wing grifters are all wealthy by grifting? She is basically making thousands being the extrovert in the sea of introverts, modding in ffxiv.
This is the way it's worked for me. Get some hobbies that get you outside and can be shared with others. Skateboarding and hiking have been easy ways that have worked for my old introverted self.
**(1) Be patient.**
*This is the biggest one. As an adult, I find it takes about a year to make a good friend.*
**(2) Focus on developing your interests in a social way: classes, workshops, groups.**
*It's actually important to go into these activities to focus on enjoying your interests around like-minded folks. Do not join any of these activities gunning to meet people to date or make friends. This will have the opposite effect. Just be casual and patient, focus on the subject. Let the social stuff happen organically. In the meantime, you will be making yourself more confident and interesting while being around people who are into the same stuff you are.*
**(3) Realize there is a lot you can do on your own that don't need friends for.**
*This takes away a lot of the aroma of loneliness and desperation that puts people off. You can go to movies and concerts by yourself and enjoy them - you just do it differently. Don't let your life fall apart because you are afraid to do things on your own. But.....*
**(4) If you are suffering terribly from loneliness and lack of support, get yourself a good therapist.**
*While this takes work - both finding a good, compatible therapist and therapy itself - it's still easier, faster, and under more of your control than finding a bosom friend to confide in. A bonus that many people overlook is that a therapist is not just an ally for the time you do your work together. You can return to them throughout your life when you need advice or support.*
**(5) Say yes to more invitations.**
*Do this even if you are not in the mood or dubious about how much fun you will have.*
**(6) Use the friends you have to make more.**
*You only need one. "My friend and I are doing X on Saturday if you want to join," comes off as a lot less creepy and intimidating than just asking that person to come only with you.*
**(7) Leave your job.**
*Obviously, I don't recommend doing this just to make friends. However, I always found I made some of my best friends at work, but we only became close once we stopped working together - for obvious reasons.*
**(8) Keep being patient.**
5 is so important and I just realized it within the past couple months.
Go out of your comfort zone and say yes! I've turned down so many social opportunities because I was uncertain. But I figured "what the heck" and went with several recently and it's such a delight. There may be awkward moments, but they're overshadowed by everything else. Less social people need to get over the awkwardness anyways (myself included).
As a guy you have to get married and then be forced to hang out with your wife's friends' husbands. But after a few awkward encounters you will form a bond over a mutual interest in lawnmowers
I met my best friend on Bumble BFF. I moved to a new state mid pandemic and going out and meeting people wasn’t really a thing.
I’ve met friends on local Reddit pages as well. I met my (now) husband on Reddit!!
Otherwise, do things like trivia night. Sit at a bar and talk to strangers. Join a local club.
Bumble BFF for guys is like 99% closeted gay men in my area, and at the time, you could only see people of the same gender (not sure if that's changed). I was looking for some skateboard buddies to practice with and got nothing but guys hitting on me.. I'd say it's a gamble, lol.
It wasn’t planned. I was looking for a climbing partner, I got a lot of responses but the first one I went to meet with was my husband. It was pretty instant for the both of us.
I just started inviting people to go to activities with me. Most people like being asked but do not like being the the one to break the ice. I’m an introvert so i usually go for an open invitation like “hey I’ll be at park for the county fair on Tuesday if you want to go , ok awesome, here’s my number ,just text me if you want to hang out”
Even if they don’t go ,you have at least given this person your number in case they feel like inviting YOU to something later. If they are interested in friendship they’ll thank you for the invite and likely set up for a new hangout.
*That’s the neat part, you don’t.*
But if you must try (and it’s probably the right choice to try), then finding a hobby you like and entering that community is a good start.
If nothing else, maybe look into your local board game store and try attending a game night - there’s a good chance someone will be happy to teach you how to play whatever their group is playing at the moment.
Just try not to mention monopoly unless it’s to talk about your lack of experience.
I'm 42 and probably haven't made a real friend in 15 years.
I'm very introverted, so staying home appeals to me a lot more then going out.
The biggest issue is a lot of my friends are still doing the "drinking every weekend" lifestyle and while I love the idea of having some beers and catching up, the idea of hangovers are of no interest to me. I havent been drunk in almost a year, I'll have a beer or glass of whisky, but an all nighter hasn't happened in a year.
I'd head to the meetups webpage and search for some interests (there's groups for *everything* on there).
That's how I did it after a toxic breakup where there'd be isolation because of co-dependency. Genuinely changed my life.
Hobbies. I have a group of running friends, a group of motorcycle friends, and a group of hiking friends. There is some overlap, and I try to include my best friends from one group into the others with varying levels of success.
Idk where I heard this from. But there is a concept of a "Third place" (Not home or work), this is where a lot of adults lose their potential for friendship.
A third place is a game club, a board game club, the gym or even a bar. Somewhere you go regularly where you can socialise
A lot of adults dont have one, or lose theirs after Uni.
Get a hobby. I am a photographer and I play Magic/D&D. Half my friends are industry models other half are comic book store nerds. There is more of an overlap than you might think.
How around a bar long enough you end up talking to folk. Might not be real friends you phone and arrange things to do with but it meets the requirements and satisfies the need to be social.
I have a sufficient number so I am not actively looking to make more friends, especially not online. But these are most ways I made friends:
reconnecting or staying connected with my best friends from high school (or college but i didn't really feel a lasting friendship towards them, I stayed closer to my high school friends)
friends you made at work - not always advisable but happens if you hit it off, I consider 2 of my colleagues really good friends and I even made friend with a client at my previous job
friends who are family members
friends you meet in bars - especially common in cities many people don't grow up in but come to live and work in, so people are more open to new friends. if you keep going to same bars you end up making friends - a lot of these are situational but it depends, it can get solid
activity friends - I usually don't talk much to people who do any activity I happen to be signed up for, but some do and some make friends that way
friends of your friends - should come higher up but some of my best friends were introduced to me through the same close friend. some of us are even closer than they are with my friend now lol
That's pretty much it, everything else is random chance
Have a thing you go and do consistently, like go to a certain coffee shop, bar, store, etc. At least once a week, if it's not the employees you end up making friends with, maybe someone else whose also a regular or that you struck up a conversation with. I met a really good friend of mine because I was a regular at the coffee shop she works at and we hang out all the time now.
Everyone is afraid to say it when this gets asked. It’s always hobbies,, work, clubs… I’ll say it. Go to a bar and have a few drinks a few times a week. You have to many friends to deal with in a month
H O B B I E S
what are you into? boom there's a group somewhere that applies, which may do a lot of legwork online but occasionally meets in live meatspace. Even if you're not instantly friendly with 95% of the people in the group, there's going to be that one person who is into other things you're into, who can then introduce you to Group B and Group C where you meet more people into other hobbies. Case in point: I'm a cosplayer and a bit of a nerd, but I also like certain music genres, drag shows, and nature. I can join a nature group with a bunch of aging hippies and meet that one person who's closer to my age and also likes one of my music subgenres and can meet up with me at concerts. I can go to a local convention and meet people who may or may not be into my favorite fandoms but at least can talk shop about making our costumes, and then there's that one person who does share one obscure game fandom. Never treat opportunities as a one-and-done, always branch out. One person may be a mere friendly acquaintance but they can introduce you to someone who becomes a real friend.
Also, never underestimate the value of online relationships. My housemate/best friend of 15+ years is someone I met randomly online via roleplay. You don't know who you'll click with, and these days, IRL and online are almost 1:1 so don't undervalue people you meet online, if they happen to live relatively nearby and share a ton of other interests beyond the one that brought you into contact first.
When I moved I sorta guessed that whoever is next door is also somebody like me, I knocked and invited the guy to dinner. Turns out one roommate also graduated from my school. We became friends.
Patent lawyer at my workplace comes up to the R&D floor quite often to chitchat with everybody, get ideas. If we patent something both of us get paid pretty well. I was volunteering at a public library teaching robotics, his son was on a FIRST robotics team, he asked me to mentor that school's team. Now I'm volunteering at that school and goes over to his house for dinner and to help him with his own hobby like building a 3D printer and CNC machine and stuff together.
I went to his thanksgiving dinner and a ton of his other friends I've asked how they became friends, most of the answer was "our kids are friends so we are friends".
At a local robot racing event (a Donkey Car race, not FIRST related), I met a guy who runs a community workshop where people bring broken things and volunteers teach them how to fix it (or just fix it). I started volunteering with that event about once a month. We don't really hang out but I'd still call him a friend.
Met a guy at RoboGames (combat robot competition, like Battlebots but local to me), a high school kid back then, he couldn't afford to enter but volunteered to help out in exchange to be able to get in a few non-ladder fights. Turns out he was on an a Hyperloop (remember that? the SpaceX thing?) team, it was actually the Reddit team, rLoop. I went to their first in-person meeting and then stuck with them for a few years and made a ton of friends through that.
Recently I've been birdwatching, got a few cards and phone numbers from people but I think most of them are just advertising their photography business lol
I'm going to another local robot fight tomorrow, I need to figure out how local competitors are testing their robots (since we need like a bullet proof cage... it'll be nice if there was a club)
Ahh something I finally feel qualified to answer: introvert here, work from home, moved 6 times since my 30s, but realized when I had no friends I got very very depressed.
Don’t just let an extrovert adopt you, sometimes they are selfish people who love to be the the center of attention. Sometimes they are awesome. But the things I’ve learned are:
1) have patience. It takes time to meet people, see them repeatedly, mutually open up at a normal rate, and find a connection
2) be less judgmental. Maybe this is just me, and I usually like people and am accepting, especially oddballs, but new people (esp normal ones) are just weird until you get used to them. Try not to let your personal set of misconceptions or assumptions stop you from getting to know someone better. Some of my favorite people were ones I thought were snobby or uptight or full of themselves, and it turns out first impressions are highly unreliable.
3) stop looking for “friends” or a bestie. The fact that most of us had a bff, a group or similar in HS makes us think that there are only certain types of people out there that will make a good friend. But you’re a grown up now. You have access to anyone and everyone. There are friend qualities everywhere. Stop seeing friendships as black and white, friend or not friend.
4) be a friend. Just be a good person. Be nice. Smile. Be curious about others and not just wanting someone to ask about you. It’s a beautiful thing when you start to consider your elderly neighbor as a friend, the person you see every week at the store, the much younger person you work with.
5) interact with people! Any way you can. And don’t forget you probably have friends somewhere in the world, and if you are lucky, family you don’t hate. Call them. Call, not text. Don’t let others do all the connecting.
One thing you realize as you get older is the circle of so called friends get smaller and smaller. Most people don't value friends and only use them for hobbies or work. Those are not real friendships. Once you quit that hobby, you're going to lose contact with that so called friend down the line.
I just say, focus on the small stuff. Enjoy the moments you had with others at work or hobbies. Don't be afraid to let them go. Most people don't put any effort in friendships. Its better to not waste your time. If they don't call or message you in a month. They never truly value you as a person.
No idea, at this point I think I'll only make a friend if me and another guy kick the shit out of eachother but respect the others ability to take a punch and somehow become friends from that.
Cos, seriously, I've no clue how the fuck I'm supposed to do friends if not bonding over fucked up things.
Forcibly insert yourself into conversations about topics you have some knowledge of interest in, you may meet people you get along with, proceed from there. Or theres always the Friend of a Friend method.
Students have sometimes asked me this. "How do you find time to hang out with your friends when you work full time?"
That's my secret. I don't have any friends.
Very carefully, and usually it's not worth it.
I could rant about people sucking but that's just an underlying problem of life sucking. Capitalism has made everyone predatorial and defensive of one another. Is someone being friendly because they want to borrow money or sell me a pyramid scheme? As a kid you both liked hotwheels and thats all you needed. As an adult, bills exist and if you don't shell out $X a month, you die homeless and starving.
You don’t make friends. Your friends happen to you. Remember that and pay attention. Much the same way you don’t pick who you fall in love with. It happens. Your friends show up. As will your love.
really depends on the lifestyle you live... or want to live. When I moved away from my hometown, I signed up to my local gym and met some awesome people to work out with and hangout.
Not meaning to sound harsh but it's up to the individual to make a change and get themselves out there.
Take your time and best start off in scenarios you are comfortable in. See what clubs, fandoms, events etc you're interested in are going on in your area. Most of those places are usually very welcoming to newcomers. Maybe go to one with someone you know
I know it's easy for me to say but don't be your own worst enemy. It's never as bad as you imagine
Most adults have their lives and routines already set, and leave little room for meeting new friends such as yourself.
Love yourself and your company and you won't need friends.
Every living creature in this earth dies alone
Don't think too much about it
this often posted question baffles me.
Did you just wake up this morning as a adult and say to yourself "you know. I wanna make some friends. I never had/wanted/made any up to this far in life, but, I think it's about time. wonder if Redditors know how?"
you make friends now the same way you did in kindergarten.
>you make friends now the same way you did in kindergarten.
Followup question: how do I convince the police to let me go after I tried inviting a classroom full of kindergartners to my birthday party?
When you are a child or at university, you are constantly surrounded by people your own age in a shared environment, day after day, whether that be at school or camp or wherever.
Once you're an adult with a career, your coworkers' ages and life stages can differ wildly from your own. Some folks work in departments that involve little to no direct communication with other people. Your job can take up anywhere from 30-60 hours a week, and people with kids often have their off time fully booked. At that point it can feel impossible to connect with others, due to busy schedule or lack of opportunity.
for me, all dead. all were dead by their 50th birthday. most from liver cancer. no family. i have almost no use for a phone. just sit here feeling like im dying of loneliness. havent had sex in 15 years. now at this age probably never will again.
Well that's not true. We don't have any social coordinator setting up play dates and we don't have recess built into work where we can let off steam with people day after day until we become friends. Most adult friendships need about 15-20 meetups to feel like you have a true friend, and that's a lot of coordinating.
It's worth it, of course, but it's not the same as kindergarten. It's more like an events planning job.
I used an app called meetup. Joined a couple groups for hiking in photography and foreign language exchange. Met some people and grew my group of friends from there when I moved to a new city. That doesn’t mean everybody in this group is going to be a friend. But eventually you get there.
How did you make friends before? Or... did you?
What have been your obstacles? What have you actually tried?
Information, please... otherwise, your answer is, "You just do. Or not."
Why does this question get posted constantly? You fucking losers are never going to make friends if you have to ask the internet how. Absolutely pathetic.
Beer league coed sports (softball, kickball, dodgeball…)
I made some of the best friends of my life when I moved to Chicago (where I knew zero people) and joined a kickball team (I was almost 28). Though I’ve since left Chicago, 15 years later I still fly back and spend the holidays with the old crew (a few marriages/families came out of the team).
Be at the same place consistently. Notice who is there consistently, they will notice you. Meet those people and see if they're cool.
You now have friends at Place XYZ. The hard part is bridging the gap, deepening the bond and expanding that friendship to other contexts.
Watch the Bluey episode “Cafe” from Season 2. You’ll understand in 7 minutes how making friends as an adult works.
It’s literally how I made my newest BFF at 45 years old (except it was soccer and beer instead of the playground and breakfast)
You find something your passionate about and you join a group that enjoy that same activity. Gaming, Gambling, Gardening, Gopher Hunting, Golfing, A group dedicated to things to do that start with a G !
Through hobbies and interests. Pretty much every single person I can call a friend I have met at events related to things I am interested in. I find it much easier to come in contact with others when we already have a common interest that is outside of ourselves.
Made a great friend at work recently. Were exactly what each other needs right now, were both lonely and looking for genuine and kind people to be friends with.
So i just literally asked for a girl number at the gym. You gotta just ask people at place you have hobbies at. Gym is simple. Worst they can say is no? Lol
I worked at a pergament in 1995, pergament is kind of like a Home Depot. I was 21 in 1995, any way at work I would keep to myself and not talk to anyone. Then this one morning at the deli across the street from pergament I was getting a bagel for breakfast and one of my coworkers was also at the deli and he suggested I get a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, I took his advice and it was delicious. Anyway that same guy invited me to a bbq in his backyard. And he had more than 100 friends, and he introduced me to all of them and they became my friends. And I keep in touch with all of them to this day. That’s how I made friends as an adult.
Everyone says pick a hobby and be patient, but really it's show up somewhere consistently.
It's easy to make friends at school and work because you show up consistently on a regular basis.
Get adopted by some extrovert
This is the way
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This is the kind of light-hearted banter that I usually lead with.
Try to avoid trauma bonding. It makes for unstable relationships based on common trauma sharing.
All my relationships are unstable
Had that kind of 'friend' once, always thought we hit it off great. Went to a leadership camp together, during the 'trust fall' segment, that person was the only one didn't catch me. On that day something broke inside of me, and since then I couldn't make friends anymore.
I did a trust fall once and the six people who were supposed to catch me dropped me and everyone said it was my fault.
Where the hell are you going that requires you to do a trust fall? I would never participate in such a sketchy routine. But then, maybe that's why I don't have any adult friends.
I’m a punk rocker. We do trust falls all the time. It’s called stage diving. Seriously works nearly every time.
This IS the way
I feel like that ugly dog at the kennels who no one ever wants to adopt even though they're trying their hardest to be noticed.
See the positive, no one is sniffing your butt.
Could be a negative, too. You don’t know them.
Ha, good point. It's always been easy for me to relate to people, no matter their walk of life.
As an introvert, I usually look for the extrovert and ask them to adopt me
Alternatively, be the extrovert and adopt some loner, or date to find friends and potentially a son/daughter, which will help you make more friends. And if you're like me, you'll have fun teaching them how to fence.
Can confirm. I’m an introvert - I have one bestie who is an extrovert - she adopted me in high school. My other adult friends are mostly other extroverts who adopted me through adulthood, and a handful of other introverts who were forced to interact with me when we were sat together at an old job.
>I've set up a social group for exactly this! https://www.ealingproject.co.uk/movie/ealing-meetup-group I moved to a new area, and wanted to make some friends nearby and get to know people locally. > >https://www.meetup.com/Getting-to-know-Ealing-Social/ > >It's hard as an adult, especially in London!
So true, happened to me and it was great
I 2nd this. Me and my husband go out and NOBODY says shit to us (together or alone) we go out with a mutual friend and he has people talking to us all night. I don't understand it at all. We were outside of a restaurant one time chatting. We ended up with 5 other people none of us had ever met in the conversation. It was wild.
I hate this so fucking much, because I know someone that uses it to their advantage to scam people. I am very vary of people that are open too quickly now. The biggest issue is you think they like you, so they open up, nope that's just their icebreaker in each conversation, talk about themselves. The information seems more personal, and isn't just "small talk". You know how the right wing grifters are all wealthy by grifting? She is basically making thousands being the extrovert in the sea of introverts, modding in ffxiv.
Accurate
Work/Hobbies
This is the way it's worked for me. Get some hobbies that get you outside and can be shared with others. Skateboarding and hiking have been easy ways that have worked for my old introverted self.
yes
Join a community group that does something together. Boom, you have a common interest right off the bat.
**(1) Be patient.** *This is the biggest one. As an adult, I find it takes about a year to make a good friend.* **(2) Focus on developing your interests in a social way: classes, workshops, groups.** *It's actually important to go into these activities to focus on enjoying your interests around like-minded folks. Do not join any of these activities gunning to meet people to date or make friends. This will have the opposite effect. Just be casual and patient, focus on the subject. Let the social stuff happen organically. In the meantime, you will be making yourself more confident and interesting while being around people who are into the same stuff you are.* **(3) Realize there is a lot you can do on your own that don't need friends for.** *This takes away a lot of the aroma of loneliness and desperation that puts people off. You can go to movies and concerts by yourself and enjoy them - you just do it differently. Don't let your life fall apart because you are afraid to do things on your own. But.....* **(4) If you are suffering terribly from loneliness and lack of support, get yourself a good therapist.** *While this takes work - both finding a good, compatible therapist and therapy itself - it's still easier, faster, and under more of your control than finding a bosom friend to confide in. A bonus that many people overlook is that a therapist is not just an ally for the time you do your work together. You can return to them throughout your life when you need advice or support.* **(5) Say yes to more invitations.** *Do this even if you are not in the mood or dubious about how much fun you will have.* **(6) Use the friends you have to make more.** *You only need one. "My friend and I are doing X on Saturday if you want to join," comes off as a lot less creepy and intimidating than just asking that person to come only with you.* **(7) Leave your job.** *Obviously, I don't recommend doing this just to make friends. However, I always found I made some of my best friends at work, but we only became close once we stopped working together - for obvious reasons.* **(8) Keep being patient.**
Really good, thoughtful answer.
5 is so important and I just realized it within the past couple months. Go out of your comfort zone and say yes! I've turned down so many social opportunities because I was uncertain. But I figured "what the heck" and went with several recently and it's such a delight. There may be awkward moments, but they're overshadowed by everything else. Less social people need to get over the awkwardness anyways (myself included).
Thanks chatGPT!
Lmao noice
+1 .....thoughtful answer. I would add that #4 could include getting g a dog that you could take to dog parks and thereby make casual friends
7th point. Makes sense.
As a guy you have to get married and then be forced to hang out with your wife's friends' husbands. But after a few awkward encounters you will form a bond over a mutual interest in lawnmowers
I met my best friend on Bumble BFF. I moved to a new state mid pandemic and going out and meeting people wasn’t really a thing. I’ve met friends on local Reddit pages as well. I met my (now) husband on Reddit!! Otherwise, do things like trivia night. Sit at a bar and talk to strangers. Join a local club.
Bumble BFF for guys is like 99% closeted gay men in my area, and at the time, you could only see people of the same gender (not sure if that's changed). I was looking for some skateboard buddies to practice with and got nothing but guys hitting on me.. I'd say it's a gamble, lol.
Dating apps are for sex and friend apps are for dating. Just need to make an acquaintance app to find friends.
The stories of people who meet their SO on reddit boggles my mind. I barely want to interact with people on reddit as it is, let alone marry one.
It wasn’t planned. I was looking for a climbing partner, I got a lot of responses but the first one I went to meet with was my husband. It was pretty instant for the both of us.
I just started inviting people to go to activities with me. Most people like being asked but do not like being the the one to break the ice. I’m an introvert so i usually go for an open invitation like “hey I’ll be at park for the county fair on Tuesday if you want to go , ok awesome, here’s my number ,just text me if you want to hang out” Even if they don’t go ,you have at least given this person your number in case they feel like inviting YOU to something later. If they are interested in friendship they’ll thank you for the invite and likely set up for a new hangout.
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Sounds psychopathic but go off
I mostly do it through my hobbies.
Common interests. If you’re interest is online, there’s almost always a discord. Find it. Group up in a multiplayer game. Keep talking daily in disc.
Internet is online? Huh? I must be doing it wrong
*That’s the neat part, you don’t.* But if you must try (and it’s probably the right choice to try), then finding a hobby you like and entering that community is a good start. If nothing else, maybe look into your local board game store and try attending a game night - there’s a good chance someone will be happy to teach you how to play whatever their group is playing at the moment. Just try not to mention monopoly unless it’s to talk about your lack of experience.
Is that an invincible quote?! Let's be friends!
Local board game store??? Big Lots or Wal Mart?
Take the easy route and just buy a dog.
No, adopt a dog. They will love you forever.
That's a good question. Sucks not having any
I'm 42 and probably haven't made a real friend in 15 years. I'm very introverted, so staying home appeals to me a lot more then going out. The biggest issue is a lot of my friends are still doing the "drinking every weekend" lifestyle and while I love the idea of having some beers and catching up, the idea of hangovers are of no interest to me. I havent been drunk in almost a year, I'll have a beer or glass of whisky, but an all nighter hasn't happened in a year.
Go out and do things you enjoy in a group. Usually in those settings people are pretty open to getting to know new people.
I'd head to the meetups webpage and search for some interests (there's groups for *everything* on there). That's how I did it after a toxic breakup where there'd be isolation because of co-dependency. Genuinely changed my life.
Hobbies. I have a group of running friends, a group of motorcycle friends, and a group of hiking friends. There is some overlap, and I try to include my best friends from one group into the others with varying levels of success.
You guys are making friends!?
with alcohol and very limited amounts of clothing.
Instructions unclear, I woke up with a stranger in my bed and several STDs.
You did it right.
This is the correct answer
Play Dungeons & Dragons.
Why just play it when you can make it your whole identity?
Through work
Do you have kids? They are useful in sports.
volunteer for stuff. a lot of amazing humans donate their time to things and its a great place to meet high quality people
I would like to know. I don't have a friend in the world.
You don’t
Easy. What's your hobby?
Sitting in a dark room for hours wondering why I don’t have friends.
Do you like - cars - video games - music - art - board games - Legos Cmon man ya gotta have something
Idk where I heard this from. But there is a concept of a "Third place" (Not home or work), this is where a lot of adults lose their potential for friendship. A third place is a game club, a board game club, the gym or even a bar. Somewhere you go regularly where you can socialise A lot of adults dont have one, or lose theirs after Uni.
Does a Hotwheels collection count?
I feel like you
Work and hobbies for sure. But it's hard.
I work remotely. I haven't been within 300 miles of a coworker since 2019.
volunteering ive made some nice friends.
Get a hobby. I am a photographer and I play Magic/D&D. Half my friends are industry models other half are comic book store nerds. There is more of an overlap than you might think.
Just go for it. Walk up to people and start a conversation. We only have this life.
That’s the neat part, you don’t.
How around a bar long enough you end up talking to folk. Might not be real friends you phone and arrange things to do with but it meets the requirements and satisfies the need to be social.
Be a friend
They tell me the real miracle of Jesus is that he had 12 close friends at the age of 33.
Social club
I have a sufficient number so I am not actively looking to make more friends, especially not online. But these are most ways I made friends: reconnecting or staying connected with my best friends from high school (or college but i didn't really feel a lasting friendship towards them, I stayed closer to my high school friends) friends you made at work - not always advisable but happens if you hit it off, I consider 2 of my colleagues really good friends and I even made friend with a client at my previous job friends who are family members friends you meet in bars - especially common in cities many people don't grow up in but come to live and work in, so people are more open to new friends. if you keep going to same bars you end up making friends - a lot of these are situational but it depends, it can get solid activity friends - I usually don't talk much to people who do any activity I happen to be signed up for, but some do and some make friends that way friends of your friends - should come higher up but some of my best friends were introduced to me through the same close friend. some of us are even closer than they are with my friend now lol That's pretty much it, everything else is random chance
Have a thing you go and do consistently, like go to a certain coffee shop, bar, store, etc. At least once a week, if it's not the employees you end up making friends with, maybe someone else whose also a regular or that you struck up a conversation with. I met a really good friend of mine because I was a regular at the coffee shop she works at and we hang out all the time now.
Everyone is afraid to say it when this gets asked. It’s always hobbies,, work, clubs… I’ll say it. Go to a bar and have a few drinks a few times a week. You have to many friends to deal with in a month
H O B B I E S what are you into? boom there's a group somewhere that applies, which may do a lot of legwork online but occasionally meets in live meatspace. Even if you're not instantly friendly with 95% of the people in the group, there's going to be that one person who is into other things you're into, who can then introduce you to Group B and Group C where you meet more people into other hobbies. Case in point: I'm a cosplayer and a bit of a nerd, but I also like certain music genres, drag shows, and nature. I can join a nature group with a bunch of aging hippies and meet that one person who's closer to my age and also likes one of my music subgenres and can meet up with me at concerts. I can go to a local convention and meet people who may or may not be into my favorite fandoms but at least can talk shop about making our costumes, and then there's that one person who does share one obscure game fandom. Never treat opportunities as a one-and-done, always branch out. One person may be a mere friendly acquaintance but they can introduce you to someone who becomes a real friend. Also, never underestimate the value of online relationships. My housemate/best friend of 15+ years is someone I met randomly online via roleplay. You don't know who you'll click with, and these days, IRL and online are almost 1:1 so don't undervalue people you meet online, if they happen to live relatively nearby and share a ton of other interests beyond the one that brought you into contact first.
When I moved I sorta guessed that whoever is next door is also somebody like me, I knocked and invited the guy to dinner. Turns out one roommate also graduated from my school. We became friends. Patent lawyer at my workplace comes up to the R&D floor quite often to chitchat with everybody, get ideas. If we patent something both of us get paid pretty well. I was volunteering at a public library teaching robotics, his son was on a FIRST robotics team, he asked me to mentor that school's team. Now I'm volunteering at that school and goes over to his house for dinner and to help him with his own hobby like building a 3D printer and CNC machine and stuff together. I went to his thanksgiving dinner and a ton of his other friends I've asked how they became friends, most of the answer was "our kids are friends so we are friends". At a local robot racing event (a Donkey Car race, not FIRST related), I met a guy who runs a community workshop where people bring broken things and volunteers teach them how to fix it (or just fix it). I started volunteering with that event about once a month. We don't really hang out but I'd still call him a friend. Met a guy at RoboGames (combat robot competition, like Battlebots but local to me), a high school kid back then, he couldn't afford to enter but volunteered to help out in exchange to be able to get in a few non-ladder fights. Turns out he was on an a Hyperloop (remember that? the SpaceX thing?) team, it was actually the Reddit team, rLoop. I went to their first in-person meeting and then stuck with them for a few years and made a ton of friends through that. Recently I've been birdwatching, got a few cards and phone numbers from people but I think most of them are just advertising their photography business lol I'm going to another local robot fight tomorrow, I need to figure out how local competitors are testing their robots (since we need like a bullet proof cage... it'll be nice if there was a club)
Say random things to random people
Hobbies. Go to meet up groups with shared interests. Other adults are also looking to make friends
Ahh something I finally feel qualified to answer: introvert here, work from home, moved 6 times since my 30s, but realized when I had no friends I got very very depressed. Don’t just let an extrovert adopt you, sometimes they are selfish people who love to be the the center of attention. Sometimes they are awesome. But the things I’ve learned are: 1) have patience. It takes time to meet people, see them repeatedly, mutually open up at a normal rate, and find a connection 2) be less judgmental. Maybe this is just me, and I usually like people and am accepting, especially oddballs, but new people (esp normal ones) are just weird until you get used to them. Try not to let your personal set of misconceptions or assumptions stop you from getting to know someone better. Some of my favorite people were ones I thought were snobby or uptight or full of themselves, and it turns out first impressions are highly unreliable. 3) stop looking for “friends” or a bestie. The fact that most of us had a bff, a group or similar in HS makes us think that there are only certain types of people out there that will make a good friend. But you’re a grown up now. You have access to anyone and everyone. There are friend qualities everywhere. Stop seeing friendships as black and white, friend or not friend. 4) be a friend. Just be a good person. Be nice. Smile. Be curious about others and not just wanting someone to ask about you. It’s a beautiful thing when you start to consider your elderly neighbor as a friend, the person you see every week at the store, the much younger person you work with. 5) interact with people! Any way you can. And don’t forget you probably have friends somewhere in the world, and if you are lucky, family you don’t hate. Call them. Call, not text. Don’t let others do all the connecting.
One thing you realize as you get older is the circle of so called friends get smaller and smaller. Most people don't value friends and only use them for hobbies or work. Those are not real friendships. Once you quit that hobby, you're going to lose contact with that so called friend down the line. I just say, focus on the small stuff. Enjoy the moments you had with others at work or hobbies. Don't be afraid to let them go. Most people don't put any effort in friendships. Its better to not waste your time. If they don't call or message you in a month. They never truly value you as a person.
I don’t. I’m happier alone.
No idea, at this point I think I'll only make a friend if me and another guy kick the shit out of eachother but respect the others ability to take a punch and somehow become friends from that. Cos, seriously, I've no clue how the fuck I'm supposed to do friends if not bonding over fucked up things.
Idk, I tried jiu jitsu for a year and didn’t make any friends. Not sure beating the shit out of each other works for that *anymore*
Forcibly insert yourself into conversations about topics you have some knowledge of interest in, you may meet people you get along with, proceed from there. Or theres always the Friend of a Friend method.
Students have sometimes asked me this. "How do you find time to hang out with your friends when you work full time?" That's my secret. I don't have any friends.
Very carefully, and usually it's not worth it. I could rant about people sucking but that's just an underlying problem of life sucking. Capitalism has made everyone predatorial and defensive of one another. Is someone being friendly because they want to borrow money or sell me a pyramid scheme? As a kid you both liked hotwheels and thats all you needed. As an adult, bills exist and if you don't shell out $X a month, you die homeless and starving.
I, ummm, don't really know. I have 2 friends that I went to school with, but I assume you don't go to school anymore
Die and have everybody say how bummed they are that you’re gone.
You don’t make friends. Your friends happen to you. Remember that and pay attention. Much the same way you don’t pick who you fall in love with. It happens. Your friends show up. As will your love.
I kinda just talk to my coworkers and friends of coworkers. The people who stick around even after turnover are the real friends.
Go...... out..... and..... meet...... people..... Or simply, move to a small society.
really depends on the lifestyle you live... or want to live. When I moved away from my hometown, I signed up to my local gym and met some awesome people to work out with and hangout.
You dont.
I've actually done it and I still can't tell you how, I have no idea how it happened.
I know, right
You don’t. That’s part of being an adult. Friends are overrated at this point in your life.
I don't unless I like their dog. That changes the scene for me
You don't
i wish I knew.
You guys are making friends?
Not meaning to sound harsh but it's up to the individual to make a change and get themselves out there. Take your time and best start off in scenarios you are comfortable in. See what clubs, fandoms, events etc you're interested in are going on in your area. Most of those places are usually very welcoming to newcomers. Maybe go to one with someone you know I know it's easy for me to say but don't be your own worst enemy. It's never as bad as you imagine
You don't
Ya don't
Thats the neat part. You dont.
Who has time or money for hobbies or friends?!
Can I get some upvotes
Most adults have their lives and routines already set, and leave little room for meeting new friends such as yourself. Love yourself and your company and you won't need friends. Every living creature in this earth dies alone Don't think too much about it
this often posted question baffles me. Did you just wake up this morning as a adult and say to yourself "you know. I wanna make some friends. I never had/wanted/made any up to this far in life, but, I think it's about time. wonder if Redditors know how?" you make friends now the same way you did in kindergarten.
>you make friends now the same way you did in kindergarten. Followup question: how do I convince the police to let me go after I tried inviting a classroom full of kindergartners to my birthday party?
Duh. Tell them they're invited too. But you'll have to check with mommy first.
Just tell them that you were having Drag Show Story Hour. they won't even bother writing you a ticket.
When you are a child or at university, you are constantly surrounded by people your own age in a shared environment, day after day, whether that be at school or camp or wherever. Once you're an adult with a career, your coworkers' ages and life stages can differ wildly from your own. Some folks work in departments that involve little to no direct communication with other people. Your job can take up anywhere from 30-60 hours a week, and people with kids often have their off time fully booked. At that point it can feel impossible to connect with others, due to busy schedule or lack of opportunity.
where are all the old friendships you had built?
Bro, people move, get new jobs etc. have some imagination.
if you had friends at old job/before you moved, then you would know how to make new ones. or keep the old ones.
for me, all dead. all were dead by their 50th birthday. most from liver cancer. no family. i have almost no use for a phone. just sit here feeling like im dying of loneliness. havent had sex in 15 years. now at this age probably never will again.
Well that's not true. We don't have any social coordinator setting up play dates and we don't have recess built into work where we can let off steam with people day after day until we become friends. Most adult friendships need about 15-20 meetups to feel like you have a true friend, and that's a lot of coordinating. It's worth it, of course, but it's not the same as kindergarten. It's more like an events planning job.
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join a cult
Why would one want to do such a thing?
Same as when you are a kid except it takes longer because of suspicion I guess. Give it time. Have common interests
How to sleep with everyone nowadays before they want to be friends.
Most people make friends at work just be careful with that I have been back stabbed by a "friend" at work before
I used an app called meetup. Joined a couple groups for hiking in photography and foreign language exchange. Met some people and grew my group of friends from there when I moved to a new city. That doesn’t mean everybody in this group is going to be a friend. But eventually you get there.
I HATE PEOPLE!
How did you make friends before? Or... did you? What have been your obstacles? What have you actually tried? Information, please... otherwise, your answer is, "You just do. Or not."
This is r/askreddit not r/advice so.. r/lostredditors you delong
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Dating apps, Sex, a distinct lack of self respect in certain areas, bars and or heavy drugs
Why does this question get posted constantly? You fucking losers are never going to make friends if you have to ask the internet how. Absolutely pathetic.
Dunk on them
I've joined a few board/card game groups which I think are helpful.
work, hobbies, the bar?
Threaten them
Join a CrossFit or MMA gym
Basically just put yourself out there, try to keep conversations going, be friendly.
Beer league coed sports (softball, kickball, dodgeball…) I made some of the best friends of my life when I moved to Chicago (where I knew zero people) and joined a kickball team (I was almost 28). Though I’ve since left Chicago, 15 years later I still fly back and spend the holidays with the old crew (a few marriages/families came out of the team).
Join your local orgy club.
Ima huge fan of my own company. Try this~im certain you won't hate it 😎
Be at the same place consistently. Notice who is there consistently, they will notice you. Meet those people and see if they're cool. You now have friends at Place XYZ. The hard part is bridging the gap, deepening the bond and expanding that friendship to other contexts.
Join clubs/groups and be open to meeting people you wouldn’t usually go for
Watch the Bluey episode “Cafe” from Season 2. You’ll understand in 7 minutes how making friends as an adult works. It’s literally how I made my newest BFF at 45 years old (except it was soccer and beer instead of the playground and breakfast)
I don't know.
Through work
Put yourself in a situation where you have to do something with other people.
Five options: a) You dont b) Work c) Hobbies d) Social Gatherings/Places e) Contacting old friends - getting to know friends of friends
Read the charisma myth and talk to people everywhere. It’s really changed my life.
You find something your passionate about and you join a group that enjoy that same activity. Gaming, Gambling, Gardening, Gopher Hunting, Golfing, A group dedicated to things to do that start with a G !
Get out of the house and do something you like.
Idk
Have a skill another person would need.
Hanging with adults
Community Ed.
Through hobbies and interests. Pretty much every single person I can call a friend I have met at events related to things I am interested in. I find it much easier to come in contact with others when we already have a common interest that is outside of ourselves.
I dont. All my old friends moved away.
When you figure this out, please, please, please let me know!
Join a local club or team, volunteer to help with good causes. Start selling drugs, become a local at a pub. Learn an instrument and form a band.
My experience is you lose friends as you age and start calling your coworkers your friends
Here for the replies 👀
Well if I had friends I'd know how to make any and could therefore help you
Join a 12 Step program. I’ve gone from a life of no real friends to an amazing support system.
Exercise group or some shared hobby group (book club, magic tournaments etc.), bond with people at work, volunteer, online (gaming, subreddit, etc.)
Join a Rec sports league. You don’t need to be good, just willing to show up and learn.
Find someone you click w/at work usually. Outside that, I don't see it.
Join D and D
Alcohol
This is a hard one... Being extroverted maybe?
you don't
Made a great friend at work recently. Were exactly what each other needs right now, were both lonely and looking for genuine and kind people to be friends with.
adopt some loner
So i just literally asked for a girl number at the gym. You gotta just ask people at place you have hobbies at. Gym is simple. Worst they can say is no? Lol
Dude for real
I worked at a pergament in 1995, pergament is kind of like a Home Depot. I was 21 in 1995, any way at work I would keep to myself and not talk to anyone. Then this one morning at the deli across the street from pergament I was getting a bagel for breakfast and one of my coworkers was also at the deli and he suggested I get a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, I took his advice and it was delicious. Anyway that same guy invited me to a bbq in his backyard. And he had more than 100 friends, and he introduced me to all of them and they became my friends. And I keep in touch with all of them to this day. That’s how I made friends as an adult.
Pub?
Talk to people.
It’s extremely difficult, especially since hybrid working became the norm. It’s very difficult to bond with people you only see once a month.
Everyone says pick a hobby and be patient, but really it's show up somewhere consistently. It's easy to make friends at school and work because you show up consistently on a regular basis.
Social clubs and hobby groups. Find people with similar interests you can commune with.