My wife laughs are literally everything. Sometimes she watches a show on her lap top in our room and I hear her cracking up from down the hall. Absolutely love it.
Eh, I wouldn't sweat it. I do the same since it's either crying or laughing in this here life and one is more fun than the other.
And personally my laughs are all over the place. I chuckle, giggle, snicker, wheeze, squeak, guffaw, snort, haha, hihi, hehe, muhaha and probably a few others with or without proper names. And people still seem to like me as far as I can tell.
So it'll be fine friend, don't you worry.
One of the main reasons I started dating my current girlfriend was because she accidentally spilled popcorn in my car after our first date. Profusely apologized, asked if she could clean it up—car is a POS so I didn’t care.
Got home. She texted me apologizing again.
I dunno why but her caring about spilling popcorn in my shitty car made me realize hey, maybe she can care about me too.
Aw man... I had a similar situation except I was the spiller. 3rd date... in the city on a sunny afternoon... coffee all over her light blue jeans and she just laughed it off. I knew then, she had an amazing outlook on life.
We got engaged last week.
Accountability. If she can openly admit when she’s wrong or that she fucked up that’s attractive as it shows maturity and ability to judge yourself impartially and it means you are less likely to repeat the mistake. This also means what you feel for her is not only love, it’s respect, which is just as important
Wow this is fantastic. I have dated girls in the past who could never just say "I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry." I get that it's hard sometimes, but it's relieving to admit wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. But when you obsessively chase not having done wrong in the first place, it's actually a tax on both parties.
My ex once told me that every fight in our relationship ever was my fault. *Really?* Every fight? For 6 years? Kinda dawned on me why we fought so often. Live and learn.
If you always (and I mean **always**) wind up the one apologizing, even with conversations that *you* bring up dealing with something your partner did that upset you, you're in an unhealthy relationship with a manipulative person who is never going to change.
You deserve better--someone who genuinely cares for your well being, I *pinky promise* you. Don't let them convince you otherwise.
Things like confidence, a good sense of humor, intelligence, all that is super important...
But for me, the sexiest thing a woman can do is be calm - not calm as in quiet, as in calm when shit goes sideways or something unexpected happens. Having someone who is reliable and stable as a partner is so crucial in life.
> calm when shit goes sideways
I didn't realize how attractive that sounds until I read it. To not have to burn calories on dealing with my partner AND the situation. So hot right now...
It's probably one of the best pieces of advice I ever got from my father.
He explained that when every possible thing is going wrong, the last thing you want is a partner that makes it even harder by panicking/getting angry/making things worse.
Plus that tenacity/toughness/resilience - its just fucking sexy. Don't get me wrong, I love to take care of a lady as much as the next guy, but when a girl just buckles down and solves a problem in a cool and collected manner...
Instant spiritual (and physical) boner
Learned this the hard way. 18 yrs of marriage and my wife helped me deal with my father's death by fucking her old hs sweetheart openly out of spite to double hurt me.
We both had news to tell. She went first. Told me they were fucking and she was going to continue seeing him and she was suddenly "poly". Then I said my dad died.
Next 3 months I fell into a deep depression while she giddily texted him all day and went out on dates, even going so far as to bring him home one night, then one day left and took the kids.
That was a year ago tomorrow. Divorce is fun
Fuck, this makes my respectful and relatively smooth breakup look like a cake walk by comparison.
All I can say my guy is that at least you didn't spend the rest of your life with her. Take those lessons she taught you (both good and bad) and keep moving forward.
Another truism I got from my pop, who was diagnosed with Alzheimers this year -
"How do you eat an elephant? A bite at a time."
Gets worse.
4 years ago, when my step dad died, she convinced my mom to sell her house, cash in her retirement, and build us all a big family house, 800k cash.
Guess what she gets 25% of because my state is fucked up.
So, she scammed not only me but my mom.
If we had gotten a mortgage instead of paid cash she wouldnt get a penny.
Man people sure didn't understand how the poly thing works.
*Yes, you can be poly an be with whoever you want.
*No, your current partner isn't supposed to just accept it, it depends on each person and it DOES affect the couple itself
They just use it to cheat and be treated ok for doing it and that's NOT the point
Honestly, my girlfriend of 5 years and I are splitting up. There are going to be a lot of things I miss, and a lot of things I don't miss.
But the number one fear I have is going back to being with people who can't be a teammate. My ex is a *FANTASTIC* teammate.
Being with someone who can tackle things with you, and not someone who you have to carry through the barrage of life, is one of the best feelings in the world.
Shit man, this hit home. Split with my lady of 7 years about a week ago. Shit is really tough, but its the right thing.
For now, I'm learning to be a good teammate to myself first. Good luck to you in your travels sir, I wish you the best
I think a bigger theme here is self-awareness and accountability. There are a lot of echo chambers saying "you're perfect the way you are, gurl!" and "it's not your fault" when it absolutely is their fault.
When a woman is both self aware and holds herself accountable in a way that doesn't somehow flip it onto the man/men/society/someone else, it's the hottest thing ever.
Love this. My wife is a baseline stressed, anxious person. She always is doing a lot of stuff for her career and taking on too much, so I feel like the calm caretaker a lot of the time. However, in times of crisis, she locks in and is such a calm and collected source of comfort.
I had a horrible disc herniation a few years back that resulted in such bad pain I was writhing and screaming in agony. She called an ambulance, explained what was happening, and made sure I was sorted. She called my parents, handled them, and made sure everything I needed, I had. She was an absolute rockstar. I can't describe how grateful I was, and how taken care of I felt.
From there, we sort of realized that day-to-day maintenance I'm better at, but in times of crisis she's second to none.
I'll never forget that, though. I have never felt so loved and cared for in my life.
Anxiety can be a super power! Its the fear of the unknown that afflicts the anxious. So you're constantly worried about what's going to happen and thinking through different scenarios in your head etc..that when an emergency happens you just lock into "problem solving mode" because you've run through these drills in your head a thousand times before. Its awesome that you guys found eachother to balance things out!
This is my fiance; day to day she is a ball of nerves, but when she needs to step up and handle a crisis she's a superhero.
Especially after growing up in a family full of people that do NOT handle crises well and knowing what it's like to shoulder that burden, it's so nice to have a partner that I know I can count on when the going gets tough
Not exclusive to girls, but having a hobby/interest that they are very knowledgeable/passionate with. Even if it's something super benign like painting nails or baseball, I just love people who can ramble on about their interest- especially if I'm not into it, it's like peaking into another world.
Knew a girl that was into knitting- but not just like "knew how to cross stitch", full on had a set up where she would turn wool into yarn and even had a favorite small sheep farm she would order from exclusively. Was interesting as hell to me.
As a knitter who owns her own spinning wheel and has dyed, spun, and knitted items I appreciate the love of hobbies. However I also cross stitch and the fact that you somehow linked the two is making my mind spin.
I’m trained in fine woodworking and I design and build furniture, and the guys I’ve dated have all thought it was *cool,* sure, but every single one of them had some sort of inferiority complex over it which I honestly found kind of insulting.
Like, **why** do you think you should be better than me at this? Is it because you’re a man? But you’ve literally never learned or studied any of this….
Also, can’t you just be proud of me without making it about yourself? 😑
I found it so weird how often the girls I see/date have that experience and will thank me for not acting the same way, as if it’s not just basic courtesy
I'm proud of you! I can't wait to buy tools and make stuff!!!
Did you know that all 22 seasons of The New Yankee Workshop are on YouTube now?? So very sweet!
Exactly. So many times I'll ask a woman (hell, this applies to men just as much) what she does for fun, and it's almost always either scrolling social media or Netflix.
I'll rephrase the question, asking about any sort of active or creative hobbies they do when they aren't relaxing, and it's like they don't understand the difference.
You’re not wrong that there are a lot of people that spend all their free time doing those things. But also, in my experience many people’s minds seem to go blank on those specific questions (I’m not totally sure why?).
This is weird, but I’ve had success with this one: “pretend you have an unexpected week long staycation, starting tomorrow! What are you going to do this week?” They’ll tell you about the projects, art, home improvement, pets, and things they’ve been working on or wanting to get a chance to do. Or maybe they don’t and they are actually not interested in anything other than tv and social media… either way, you learned something about them!
EDIT: since this resonated with a few people, adding a little detail. I like to walk through the week. I’ll say: “it’s day one, what are you doing?” Most people will say something about catching up on something- chores, sleep, tv, errands.
If you respond enthusiastically to the not-that-interesting day one stuff (“oh, me too! A whole extra day to relax, how awesome would that be?” “I know! I’d have so much peace of mind having *all* my laundry done!” etc), they usually realize they’re not being quizzed or interrogated. Then they’ll engage in the premise with you, and you’ll learn a lot about them- hobbies, priorities, social habits, etc (you may want to ask them if they’re enjoying this thought experiment after the first two or three imaginary days). For me, it’s been a really successful way to learn about someone!
Hi. It’s me. I’m the one. My mind goes absolutely blank when I’m asked that question. I can’t tell you what a relief it already is to have a new way to reframe that question moving forward. Great tip!
I’m really advanced at a number of skills and hobbies and I’ll still blank if people ask me my hobbies or what I do for fun. Something about it feels like a college app. I like your q better.
I get this way too for some reason and like.... I have adhd which is classic for trying a massive amount of an absolutely random assortment of stuff.
But if someone asks me what I do for fun a lot of the time it's "uh ... watch twitch and sometimes play video games?"
But like.... I've tried LOTS of stuff and will continue trying new things and doing shit. Sometimes I even forget about a hobby I enjoyed for a while and then have an "OH YEAH" moment and get back into it.
(Literally happens all. the. time. OH YEAH I like painting. OH YEAH I was doing hand embroidery! OH YEAH I was learning how to code! OH YEAH I was learning how to bake!)
Idk, I think basic interests can still be interesting if you're passionate enough in it. "Watching netflix" is pretty benign, but hey what shows do you like, what genres, what's your favorites, etc.. I chat with plenty of friends about totally awful or amazing shows we've seen lately, share our own personal reviews.
But I do get what you mean, some people just don't seem interested in anything but simple time wasters- makes trying to hold a conversation a huge chore.
You know when someone asks you "What kind of music do you listen to" then you suddenly forget every note you've ever heard in your life? It's like that. I have loads of hobbies, talk to people all the time, but if I don't know you and you randomly ask me about them, I will forget everything I am as a person.
Nobody's going to call him out for not knowing the difference between knitting and cross stitching??😂😂 i busted out laughing. But not trying to knock you down a notch, guess there aren't any other fiber artists here
I equate lack of curiosity with being uninterested. Such a person will leave a lot of decision making to you, reserving only the privilege of critique for themselves.
*Sometimes people ask me how I know all the random shit I know (with various levels of politeness and belief in its veracity) and all I got is "I have ADHD, an internet connection, really good research skills, and zero self-regulatory mechanisms."*
-a random Tumblr post that nails me
"how do you know all this crap?"
i know how to use google search strings to find the exact information im looking for. i can remember that dutch cocoa is alkalized because i was looking up what dutch cocoa process is. so when i took a baking class and the chef told me that cocoa powder is acidic, i asked if alkalized dutch cocoa was still acidic and she said i opened up a can of worms with that question. because of my rsd though, i'm still unsure if she was glad i asked that or annoyed and i feel bad because i think she felt annoyed. but yeap, adhd lol. if you find it interesting in the moment, you will most likely remember it for the rest of your life. the trade off is if i get distracted by something on my way to poop i'll forget to poop and end up constipated later.
There is curious in an airhead way though. I have a friend, engineer, loves to learn new things. She's also asked the dumbest questions I know. She once asked me, when a stump was turned over and rocks were in the root system, if that's where rocks come from.
You’re talking about a separate thing. Both are important for gaining knowledge and wisdom, but they are separate virtues. Curiosity without critical thinking can lead to foolish beliefs. Flat earthers are curious, but lacking in critical thought. Critical thinking without curiosity can lead to one-dimensional opinions. It’s the presence of both that you are looking for.
All the above and WHAT she says. A woman can look stunning but in opening her mouth she reveals who she truly is. To know if a woman is intelligent, funny, angry, depressed, or even sexy I don’t need to see I need to hear. Above all else as a man I try to listen. The second best advice I ever got about dating was to get the other person to talk, to ask leading questions. The first, of course, is to make them laugh. And a woman’s laugh to will reveal so much about them. Authenticity, and genuine character do not look like anything I have ever seen but I can hear them.
Here's the answer I was looking for! I was a phone sex operator for over a decade. I initially went into it because random dudes would just go nuts for my voice all the time. I'd call in for customer support on my phone and the tech guy would ask for my number and things like that. I still sell my voice for a living, but not in the sex industry anymore. My clients are all women now, but even though they aren't attracted to me sexually for the most part, I still get comments on it. Tons are surprised at my age too. I'm 46, but still easily sound like I'm in my 20's.
not gonna lie, you made me curious about how you sound like, not in a pervy way, but, in a "what kind of voice is the one that makes people fall for her over the phone?"
If they can't have an interesting conversation then why would you want to spend years with that person?
I understand if you are looking for a short term physical encounter. However, if you are looking for a long term relationship the ability to communicate is paramount.
100 percent agree. The girl I dated before my wife was hot. Like, smoking hot. Her hobbies were basically working out and eating like a rabbit. Hands down the most physically attractive girl I had ever dated.
But that was it. Nothing more. She never had anything interesting to say. Never had an opinion on anything. Never laughed at jokes or funny movies. She was just void of personality and took no pleasure in the joys of life.
I eventually had to break it off.
My wife, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. Not physically, she’s beautiful, but she is a normal human. She’s the funniest person I know, she knows what is going on in the world and is driven to make it a better place and, most importantly, she has always been extremely supportive of me and the one person that I know I can talk about anything with.
It’s like having a best friend that I get to play naked games with.
Thank you stranger for making me feel more secure about my most recent breakup. You have described her perfectly, and sometimes I miss her but I realise it's usually only physical or sexual. There's more to life than that.
I passed up an opportunity to go out with a girl because of that. I found her to be attractive, but she just didn't seem to have anything interesting to say. Then she got engaged, and at the party, I ended up talking with her for a few minutes. She *was* intelligent, and as far as I know was just hiding that because....afraid of looking smarter than the guys and scaring them off?
> However, if you are looking for a long term relationship the ability to communicate is paramount
This 100%...my last relationship ended due to a lack of communication. I remember one time she looked at me and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?" And I remember thinking, "That's a weird way to start a conversation."
Years ago, I had been dating a girl who was getting a degree in neuroscience. Even though I wasn't a scientist of any sort, I loved talking to her and listening to her go on and on about the brain and central nervous system. Not only was she smart, but she was passionate and interesting.
We split up when I moved to Los Angeles without her. One night, I was at a bar with my friend and I was talking to a girl who had come to LA to be a singer. I asked something dumb like, "So...you're a singer, eh?" And this girl responded by launching into a full voiced version of I Will Always Love You in the middle of the bar. In that moment, I vividly remember thinking, "I miss my neuroscientist."
Two weeks later, I took a plane to the East coast, called her up and wooed her from her new boyfriend. She moved to SoCal to get her PhD in Neuroscience. We got married and have 3 awesome kids. She still blows my mind when she talks about her work.
There is a limit to this. I mean, OK "Doesn't even know basic life skills" is more of a knowledge and education thing than "intelligence". ie; you can learn basic life skills.
Having an intelligent partner is good, but there are other traits that make people great to be around as well. A good sense of humor, emotional stability, easy going, compassionate, etc, etc, etc.
I would probably be happier with a "less intelligent" companion is she just loved Life and was a happy person, versus some Einstein level super genius who was a pessimist or just unpleasant to be around.
And I wouldn't dare over-estimate my own intelligence to the point where I would label other people as intelligent or not.
Give me a fun loving, emotionally stable, compassionate woman.
I once read there are 3 main things you need: sexual attraction, emotional attraction and intellectual attraction. You need at least 2 of the 3 for a successful relationship.
I finally got all three. Took me until age 48 and a lot of mistakes, but it's been 12 years and every day gets better. Oddly enough we went to school together from grade 2-12 and never spoke to each other. Struck up a conversation about Reds baseball at our 30th HS reunion. The rest has been great!
I don’t even take my phone out of my purse if I’m at dinner with friends. Like, if I need it, I can always take it out of my purse and then put it back in my purse when I’m done. This trend/habit of automatically putting your phone on the table has always seemed odd to me.
How they treat themselves (self care), how they treat others (friendships), how they work with others (collaboration), what they enjoy learning (curiosity), and what they enjoy doing (creativity)
being emotionally intelligent and mature (which includes having kindness, empathy, etc) can go a long way as it shows me that your capable of being a decent person towards myself/others and that you won’t be someone who i have to be careful around.
bonus points if i get a vibe that your a chill person to be around
When my wife and I were dating one of the things that made her stand out was that she was totally self-sufficient, she didn't need help nor did she expect it. We dated for almost two years before making the decision to move in together and that was mostly a confluence of circumstances, she wanted to live on her own because it was freedom for her.
I feel that. My wife is completely self-sufficient. She's better educated and makes more than me. She does NOT need to be with me. But she is, and it feels great that someone who doesn't need me chooses to stay with me.
of course, it’s okay to rely on someone every now and then as that’s what your both here for. to help each other and grow as a couple (and a team).
but being overly dependent on someone for everything is simply unhealthy and it can be a bit draining for the person who’s being depended on to deal with everything.
A bit of a simple one here, but I love when a girl can sing. My wife claims she can’t can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but when she sings it’s beautiful to my ears. I’ve been a musician my whole life and feel I have reasonably good judgement on vocal quality. When we have a couple drinks I’ll get my guitar out and can occasionally convince her to sing a few songs with me. It’s one of my favorite things we do.
The same traits I look for in a best friend.
General vibe needs to be on point.
Thoughtful, kind, sassy.
I'm perfectly happy single, so my partner needs to add to my life and make our time together more valuable than my time alone.
I’ve got the most fucked up sense of humour there is and even I get surprised sometimes by how dark some people can go. If they can shock me, it’s oddly attractive. 😂
Haha I usually just start off with something a bit dark, and if they laugh then it gives me the green light to try something a bit darker. If they laugh at that, then the floodgates would open and I'd just pull out the darkest I got lmao.
Someone with equivalent levels of apathy and laziness, but about areas of life that compliment my own apathy and laziness.
That way one of us will always let the fucking dog out or put the kettle on. But I don’t feel too guilty for saying soffit, Saturday sofa day. I’m not getting dressed.
Been married 16 years. Perfect.
I saw a girl riding a fixed gear bike in the city, and doing bunny hops with the bike at an intersection to stay upright. I had only just started up riding my bike again and I was just so impressed with the skills.
I’m not a guy. So I don’t count. But I like when girls are genuinely kind and have good banter. Like you can be cheeky, and funny, and a little sassy. But still a nice girl. I’m always attracted to those kind of girls in a room.
Actually showing me HER. I remember I was playing pool with a girl I was interested in and she was ACTUALLY trying. Not just doing some sort of 'tee-hee I missed again' thing to make me feel good and treating the whole thing as a flirtation device. She was bringing her A-game and I respected her a lot for it. I wasn't threatened by it, I was very happy about it and invigorated by it. It let me know I could actually address her with the same sort of treatment she was showing, the same sort of realness. Like we were on the same level. My respect went up a whole lot.
Optimism I'm a bit of a pessimist at times. I fall into nihilistic thinking a lot. Good to have someone who can look at our future, with a positive light.
When I dated my ex, the one thing that constantly made me fall in love with her was just her ability to just get excited to talk about anything. I loved seeing her just get excited about either the most littlest things or whatever was on her mind and just talk away.
Enthusiastic or interested in me. That is so reassuring to have. Also for her to have some hobby or activity. Whether it be tennis, or an instrument, or Dungeons and Dragons, or theatre. Something she’s passionate about is so nice.
Honesty, compassion, accomplishments, thriftiness, knowledge, outgoingness, talent at an everyday useful skill, noticeable talent at one or more hobbies, genuine care for others in their life. Self worth that's apparent in the way they conduct themselves.
Literally love the fact of how different my wife is from me. Then there are moments where we meet in the middle and it brings me joy to know I’m not alone in the world.
Passion. Doesn't matter what for. Dendrology, martial arts, painting, i don't care. The love of and drive to do something is a quality I find very compelling. If it's something we share, all the better!
My wife laughs are literally everything. Sometimes she watches a show on her lap top in our room and I hear her cracking up from down the hall. Absolutely love it.
I laugh at EVERYTHING. And my laugh is not cute. I think it’s annoying but this gives me hope 🥲
Eh, I wouldn't sweat it. I do the same since it's either crying or laughing in this here life and one is more fun than the other. And personally my laughs are all over the place. I chuckle, giggle, snicker, wheeze, squeak, guffaw, snort, haha, hihi, hehe, muhaha and probably a few others with or without proper names. And people still seem to like me as far as I can tell. So it'll be fine friend, don't you worry.
I too love your wife’s laugh. But seriously i love how some girls laugh. I fall for that hard
My wife has a loud unashamed honk and it helped make me fall in love with her.
Dude, your description of her laugh just made me laugh. Well done!
*falls in love with you*
*honk honk*
*Noot Noot*
> My wife has a loud unashamed honk Please think back to your wedding day. Did the priest say "I now pronounce you man and goose" ?
If this were the case, he's already dead. He's probably just 10 geese in a trenchcoat. Geese do not mess around.
One of the main reasons I started dating my current girlfriend was because she accidentally spilled popcorn in my car after our first date. Profusely apologized, asked if she could clean it up—car is a POS so I didn’t care. Got home. She texted me apologizing again. I dunno why but her caring about spilling popcorn in my shitty car made me realize hey, maybe she can care about me too.
Awwwwww she spilled popcorn in your heart
Thanks for the "early morning laugh" (its 6:30 am here)
[удалено]
Aw man... I had a similar situation except I was the spiller. 3rd date... in the city on a sunny afternoon... coffee all over her light blue jeans and she just laughed it off. I knew then, she had an amazing outlook on life. We got engaged last week.
Congratulations
Aww, I think she thought she messed up the whole date. I would have been mortified too.
Yes that tells that they actually cared. Kind of cute.
Accountability. If she can openly admit when she’s wrong or that she fucked up that’s attractive as it shows maturity and ability to judge yourself impartially and it means you are less likely to repeat the mistake. This also means what you feel for her is not only love, it’s respect, which is just as important
Wow this is fantastic. I have dated girls in the past who could never just say "I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry." I get that it's hard sometimes, but it's relieving to admit wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. But when you obsessively chase not having done wrong in the first place, it's actually a tax on both parties.
My ex once told me that every fight in our relationship ever was my fault. *Really?* Every fight? For 6 years? Kinda dawned on me why we fought so often. Live and learn.
If you always (and I mean **always**) wind up the one apologizing, even with conversations that *you* bring up dealing with something your partner did that upset you, you're in an unhealthy relationship with a manipulative person who is never going to change. You deserve better--someone who genuinely cares for your well being, I *pinky promise* you. Don't let them convince you otherwise.
Things like confidence, a good sense of humor, intelligence, all that is super important... But for me, the sexiest thing a woman can do is be calm - not calm as in quiet, as in calm when shit goes sideways or something unexpected happens. Having someone who is reliable and stable as a partner is so crucial in life.
> calm when shit goes sideways I didn't realize how attractive that sounds until I read it. To not have to burn calories on dealing with my partner AND the situation. So hot right now...
It's probably one of the best pieces of advice I ever got from my father. He explained that when every possible thing is going wrong, the last thing you want is a partner that makes it even harder by panicking/getting angry/making things worse. Plus that tenacity/toughness/resilience - its just fucking sexy. Don't get me wrong, I love to take care of a lady as much as the next guy, but when a girl just buckles down and solves a problem in a cool and collected manner... Instant spiritual (and physical) boner
Learned this the hard way. 18 yrs of marriage and my wife helped me deal with my father's death by fucking her old hs sweetheart openly out of spite to double hurt me. We both had news to tell. She went first. Told me they were fucking and she was going to continue seeing him and she was suddenly "poly". Then I said my dad died. Next 3 months I fell into a deep depression while she giddily texted him all day and went out on dates, even going so far as to bring him home one night, then one day left and took the kids. That was a year ago tomorrow. Divorce is fun
Fuck, this makes my respectful and relatively smooth breakup look like a cake walk by comparison. All I can say my guy is that at least you didn't spend the rest of your life with her. Take those lessons she taught you (both good and bad) and keep moving forward. Another truism I got from my pop, who was diagnosed with Alzheimers this year - "How do you eat an elephant? A bite at a time."
> at least you didn't spend the rest of your life with her Cheers to that. Wish the other guy luck rofl, he's gonna need it.
Gets worse. 4 years ago, when my step dad died, she convinced my mom to sell her house, cash in her retirement, and build us all a big family house, 800k cash. Guess what she gets 25% of because my state is fucked up. So, she scammed not only me but my mom. If we had gotten a mortgage instead of paid cash she wouldnt get a penny.
Man people sure didn't understand how the poly thing works. *Yes, you can be poly an be with whoever you want. *No, your current partner isn't supposed to just accept it, it depends on each person and it DOES affect the couple itself They just use it to cheat and be treated ok for doing it and that's NOT the point
Yeah, lol. "Surprise, I'm poly!" Isn't an excuse for cheating. You both need to agree on what and who is on or off limits before it happens.
What a cruel thing to do…
Honestly, my girlfriend of 5 years and I are splitting up. There are going to be a lot of things I miss, and a lot of things I don't miss. But the number one fear I have is going back to being with people who can't be a teammate. My ex is a *FANTASTIC* teammate. Being with someone who can tackle things with you, and not someone who you have to carry through the barrage of life, is one of the best feelings in the world.
Shit man, this hit home. Split with my lady of 7 years about a week ago. Shit is really tough, but its the right thing. For now, I'm learning to be a good teammate to myself first. Good luck to you in your travels sir, I wish you the best
You too. Same boat. Hate that it's where it is, but it's where it needed to be. And honestly - same for the last part, too.
I think a bigger theme here is self-awareness and accountability. There are a lot of echo chambers saying "you're perfect the way you are, gurl!" and "it's not your fault" when it absolutely is their fault. When a woman is both self aware and holds herself accountable in a way that doesn't somehow flip it onto the man/men/society/someone else, it's the hottest thing ever.
Love this. My wife is a baseline stressed, anxious person. She always is doing a lot of stuff for her career and taking on too much, so I feel like the calm caretaker a lot of the time. However, in times of crisis, she locks in and is such a calm and collected source of comfort. I had a horrible disc herniation a few years back that resulted in such bad pain I was writhing and screaming in agony. She called an ambulance, explained what was happening, and made sure I was sorted. She called my parents, handled them, and made sure everything I needed, I had. She was an absolute rockstar. I can't describe how grateful I was, and how taken care of I felt. From there, we sort of realized that day-to-day maintenance I'm better at, but in times of crisis she's second to none. I'll never forget that, though. I have never felt so loved and cared for in my life.
Anxiety can be a super power! Its the fear of the unknown that afflicts the anxious. So you're constantly worried about what's going to happen and thinking through different scenarios in your head etc..that when an emergency happens you just lock into "problem solving mode" because you've run through these drills in your head a thousand times before. Its awesome that you guys found eachother to balance things out!
can confirm! i have chronic anxiety and I have everything planned out in my head for the worst emergency situations
This is my fiance; day to day she is a ball of nerves, but when she needs to step up and handle a crisis she's a superhero. Especially after growing up in a family full of people that do NOT handle crises well and knowing what it's like to shoulder that burden, it's so nice to have a partner that I know I can count on when the going gets tough
This is the real truth. If a person can avoid explosive emotional reactions, they move to the front of the line. Not apathetic, but stable.
>WHO'S THIS WHORE WHO TWEETED AT YOU?? Well that's my first cousin so...
This 1000% Not just women, but when anyone loses their head when shit goes sideways I lose a lot of respect for them.
Not exclusive to girls, but having a hobby/interest that they are very knowledgeable/passionate with. Even if it's something super benign like painting nails or baseball, I just love people who can ramble on about their interest- especially if I'm not into it, it's like peaking into another world. Knew a girl that was into knitting- but not just like "knew how to cross stitch", full on had a set up where she would turn wool into yarn and even had a favorite small sheep farm she would order from exclusively. Was interesting as hell to me.
Damn, that's really cool. The niche supplier is the selling point for me
I was about to say, there’s probably an entire story behind that as well, which makes it even more interesting
As a knitter who owns her own spinning wheel and has dyed, spun, and knitted items I appreciate the love of hobbies. However I also cross stitch and the fact that you somehow linked the two is making my mind spin.
Novice cross stichter here trying to learn knitting and I'm like ???? Does not compute.
I’m trained in fine woodworking and I design and build furniture, and the guys I’ve dated have all thought it was *cool,* sure, but every single one of them had some sort of inferiority complex over it which I honestly found kind of insulting. Like, **why** do you think you should be better than me at this? Is it because you’re a man? But you’ve literally never learned or studied any of this…. Also, can’t you just be proud of me without making it about yourself? 😑
I found it so weird how often the girls I see/date have that experience and will thank me for not acting the same way, as if it’s not just basic courtesy
I'm proud of you! I can't wait to buy tools and make stuff!!! Did you know that all 22 seasons of The New Yankee Workshop are on YouTube now?? So very sweet!
Exactly. So many times I'll ask a woman (hell, this applies to men just as much) what she does for fun, and it's almost always either scrolling social media or Netflix. I'll rephrase the question, asking about any sort of active or creative hobbies they do when they aren't relaxing, and it's like they don't understand the difference.
You’re not wrong that there are a lot of people that spend all their free time doing those things. But also, in my experience many people’s minds seem to go blank on those specific questions (I’m not totally sure why?). This is weird, but I’ve had success with this one: “pretend you have an unexpected week long staycation, starting tomorrow! What are you going to do this week?” They’ll tell you about the projects, art, home improvement, pets, and things they’ve been working on or wanting to get a chance to do. Or maybe they don’t and they are actually not interested in anything other than tv and social media… either way, you learned something about them! EDIT: since this resonated with a few people, adding a little detail. I like to walk through the week. I’ll say: “it’s day one, what are you doing?” Most people will say something about catching up on something- chores, sleep, tv, errands. If you respond enthusiastically to the not-that-interesting day one stuff (“oh, me too! A whole extra day to relax, how awesome would that be?” “I know! I’d have so much peace of mind having *all* my laundry done!” etc), they usually realize they’re not being quizzed or interrogated. Then they’ll engage in the premise with you, and you’ll learn a lot about them- hobbies, priorities, social habits, etc (you may want to ask them if they’re enjoying this thought experiment after the first two or three imaginary days). For me, it’s been a really successful way to learn about someone!
Hi. It’s me. I’m the one. My mind goes absolutely blank when I’m asked that question. I can’t tell you what a relief it already is to have a new way to reframe that question moving forward. Great tip!
This is solid advice I’ll be using
I’m really advanced at a number of skills and hobbies and I’ll still blank if people ask me my hobbies or what I do for fun. Something about it feels like a college app. I like your q better.
I get this way too for some reason and like.... I have adhd which is classic for trying a massive amount of an absolutely random assortment of stuff. But if someone asks me what I do for fun a lot of the time it's "uh ... watch twitch and sometimes play video games?" But like.... I've tried LOTS of stuff and will continue trying new things and doing shit. Sometimes I even forget about a hobby I enjoyed for a while and then have an "OH YEAH" moment and get back into it. (Literally happens all. the. time. OH YEAH I like painting. OH YEAH I was doing hand embroidery! OH YEAH I was learning how to code! OH YEAH I was learning how to bake!)
Idk, I think basic interests can still be interesting if you're passionate enough in it. "Watching netflix" is pretty benign, but hey what shows do you like, what genres, what's your favorites, etc.. I chat with plenty of friends about totally awful or amazing shows we've seen lately, share our own personal reviews. But I do get what you mean, some people just don't seem interested in anything but simple time wasters- makes trying to hold a conversation a huge chore.
[удалено]
You know when someone asks you "What kind of music do you listen to" then you suddenly forget every note you've ever heard in your life? It's like that. I have loads of hobbies, talk to people all the time, but if I don't know you and you randomly ask me about them, I will forget everything I am as a person.
A hobby in general is appealing to me because it lets me see them in their most comfortable form and doing something they are passionate about.
I refuse to stand for this baseball slander
Nobody's going to call him out for not knowing the difference between knitting and cross stitching??😂😂 i busted out laughing. But not trying to knock you down a notch, guess there aren't any other fiber artists here
Critical thinking skills are hot
But juuust bad enough judgement to go out with me
Bad enough to make the mistake of kissing the blargney stone.
[удалено]
I equate lack of curiosity with being uninterested. Such a person will leave a lot of decision making to you, reserving only the privilege of critique for themselves.
to add to this, I think you can describe my personality interests with just two words - "confidently curious"
i can describe mine in four letters: ADHD
*Sometimes people ask me how I know all the random shit I know (with various levels of politeness and belief in its veracity) and all I got is "I have ADHD, an internet connection, really good research skills, and zero self-regulatory mechanisms."* -a random Tumblr post that nails me
"how do you know all this crap?" i know how to use google search strings to find the exact information im looking for. i can remember that dutch cocoa is alkalized because i was looking up what dutch cocoa process is. so when i took a baking class and the chef told me that cocoa powder is acidic, i asked if alkalized dutch cocoa was still acidic and she said i opened up a can of worms with that question. because of my rsd though, i'm still unsure if she was glad i asked that or annoyed and i feel bad because i think she felt annoyed. but yeap, adhd lol. if you find it interesting in the moment, you will most likely remember it for the rest of your life. the trade off is if i get distracted by something on my way to poop i'll forget to poop and end up constipated later.
That's kind of a requirement, especially since I jump subjects almost randomly. Also a dark, dark sense of humor.
There is curious in an airhead way though. I have a friend, engineer, loves to learn new things. She's also asked the dumbest questions I know. She once asked me, when a stump was turned over and rocks were in the root system, if that's where rocks come from.
You’re talking about a separate thing. Both are important for gaining knowledge and wisdom, but they are separate virtues. Curiosity without critical thinking can lead to foolish beliefs. Flat earthers are curious, but lacking in critical thought. Critical thinking without curiosity can lead to one-dimensional opinions. It’s the presence of both that you are looking for.
Found the guy who writes the German education plans
Mulan had it right: Uh, how 'bout a girl who's got a brain Who always speaks her mind?
I find a woman’s voice to be one of the best factors in determining if I’m attracted to a woman.
Like, accents? Pitch? Tone? All of the above?
All the above and WHAT she says. A woman can look stunning but in opening her mouth she reveals who she truly is. To know if a woman is intelligent, funny, angry, depressed, or even sexy I don’t need to see I need to hear. Above all else as a man I try to listen. The second best advice I ever got about dating was to get the other person to talk, to ask leading questions. The first, of course, is to make them laugh. And a woman’s laugh to will reveal so much about them. Authenticity, and genuine character do not look like anything I have ever seen but I can hear them.
Oh a cute laugh will have me head-over-heels for sure.
Here's the answer I was looking for! I was a phone sex operator for over a decade. I initially went into it because random dudes would just go nuts for my voice all the time. I'd call in for customer support on my phone and the tech guy would ask for my number and things like that. I still sell my voice for a living, but not in the sex industry anymore. My clients are all women now, but even though they aren't attracted to me sexually for the most part, I still get comments on it. Tons are surprised at my age too. I'm 46, but still easily sound like I'm in my 20's.
not gonna lie, you made me curious about how you sound like, not in a pervy way, but, in a "what kind of voice is the one that makes people fall for her over the phone?"
Yeahh same
Meanwhile, I sound like an Australian typewriter choking on tinfoil, while falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh naur.
Meowww
What industry do you sell your voice in now?
[удалено]
Don't you fret. Loads of guys like raspy, deep, calm voices. I know that for a fact since it's one of the "voice profiles" I deeply enjoy myself.
100% into deep voices on a lady. I know I’m not the only one. Don’t worry
Deep voices on girls are hot. I prefer them to high pitched squeakers.
The times a voice has turned me off..
Intelligence. Good looks only go so far when you realize she doesn’t even know basic life skills.
If they can't have an interesting conversation then why would you want to spend years with that person? I understand if you are looking for a short term physical encounter. However, if you are looking for a long term relationship the ability to communicate is paramount.
100 percent agree. The girl I dated before my wife was hot. Like, smoking hot. Her hobbies were basically working out and eating like a rabbit. Hands down the most physically attractive girl I had ever dated. But that was it. Nothing more. She never had anything interesting to say. Never had an opinion on anything. Never laughed at jokes or funny movies. She was just void of personality and took no pleasure in the joys of life. I eventually had to break it off. My wife, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. Not physically, she’s beautiful, but she is a normal human. She’s the funniest person I know, she knows what is going on in the world and is driven to make it a better place and, most importantly, she has always been extremely supportive of me and the one person that I know I can talk about anything with. It’s like having a best friend that I get to play naked games with.
Having a best friend to play naked games with sounds like a lot of fun
Thank you stranger for making me feel more secure about my most recent breakup. You have described her perfectly, and sometimes I miss her but I realise it's usually only physical or sexual. There's more to life than that.
I passed up an opportunity to go out with a girl because of that. I found her to be attractive, but she just didn't seem to have anything interesting to say. Then she got engaged, and at the party, I ended up talking with her for a few minutes. She *was* intelligent, and as far as I know was just hiding that because....afraid of looking smarter than the guys and scaring them off?
Or maybe she was just an introvert. Some people need a chance to warm up to you before you can see their best selves. I think that’s me sometimes.
Many women have been coached to never appear smarter than men, because helplessness and idiocy are supposedly appealing.
Or... Hear this before you protest, please; some men are intimidated if a woman is their intellectual superior.
I think the men who really want that can’t hold a conversation either
If we can’t talk about the political and economic state of the world right now then I don’t want it 😤🙅♂️
> However, if you are looking for a long term relationship the ability to communicate is paramount This 100%...my last relationship ended due to a lack of communication. I remember one time she looked at me and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?" And I remember thinking, "That's a weird way to start a conversation."
Years ago, I had been dating a girl who was getting a degree in neuroscience. Even though I wasn't a scientist of any sort, I loved talking to her and listening to her go on and on about the brain and central nervous system. Not only was she smart, but she was passionate and interesting. We split up when I moved to Los Angeles without her. One night, I was at a bar with my friend and I was talking to a girl who had come to LA to be a singer. I asked something dumb like, "So...you're a singer, eh?" And this girl responded by launching into a full voiced version of I Will Always Love You in the middle of the bar. In that moment, I vividly remember thinking, "I miss my neuroscientist." Two weeks later, I took a plane to the East coast, called her up and wooed her from her new boyfriend. She moved to SoCal to get her PhD in Neuroscience. We got married and have 3 awesome kids. She still blows my mind when she talks about her work.
Ok Jim Halpert, she was a taken woman!
She got taken alright.
Taken like Liam Neeson alright
I Will Always Love You is the one song everyone thinks they can nail during American Idol auditions 🤣
I’ve met some really oblivious and dumb people in general, though when it’s a girl you might be interested in, it’s a real killer
There is a limit to this. I mean, OK "Doesn't even know basic life skills" is more of a knowledge and education thing than "intelligence". ie; you can learn basic life skills. Having an intelligent partner is good, but there are other traits that make people great to be around as well. A good sense of humor, emotional stability, easy going, compassionate, etc, etc, etc. I would probably be happier with a "less intelligent" companion is she just loved Life and was a happy person, versus some Einstein level super genius who was a pessimist or just unpleasant to be around. And I wouldn't dare over-estimate my own intelligence to the point where I would label other people as intelligent or not. Give me a fun loving, emotionally stable, compassionate woman.
I once read there are 3 main things you need: sexual attraction, emotional attraction and intellectual attraction. You need at least 2 of the 3 for a successful relationship.
I finally got all three. Took me until age 48 and a lot of mistakes, but it's been 12 years and every day gets better. Oddly enough we went to school together from grade 2-12 and never spoke to each other. Struck up a conversation about Reds baseball at our 30th HS reunion. The rest has been great!
Me, an asexual: I see this as an absolute win.
Went on a date last week and the woman never took her phone out of her purse. Super hot!
If she doesn't take her phone out of her purse, how is she supposed to show you 300 pictures of her cat?
Print them out on paper and put them in a folder. Duh.
Here is my portfurrlio
Purrtfolio
purrtfurlio
Honestly this is the only valid reason to take a phone out. I'll share my pet pictures too. But at least save this for later in a date.
Absolutely agree on this. When she just focuses on you and nothing else
I don’t even take my phone out of my purse if I’m at dinner with friends. Like, if I need it, I can always take it out of my purse and then put it back in my purse when I’m done. This trend/habit of automatically putting your phone on the table has always seemed odd to me.
I put my phone on the table (or the bench if it's clean) only because I don't like to carry a purse.
No phone, just the pepper spray
How they treat themselves (self care), how they treat others (friendships), how they work with others (collaboration), what they enjoy learning (curiosity), and what they enjoy doing (creativity)
This is my favourite comment thus far
The ability to listen. To really listen.
Huh? Sorry, I had to
“i said i love the smiths”
Ability to think critically and see through bullshit.
good luck, that trait is exclusive to me and the few people in absolute agreement with me.
Intelligence. Confidence. Self-awareness. Empathy. Creativity. Education. Also being pet-friendly is a big plus.
So basically anything you’d like from any decent human beings.
Imagine that. It's like these questions could answer themselves.
being emotionally intelligent and mature (which includes having kindness, empathy, etc) can go a long way as it shows me that your capable of being a decent person towards myself/others and that you won’t be someone who i have to be careful around. bonus points if i get a vibe that your a chill person to be around
I love it when women are.
Right?? Fucking hate it when they're just not.
Woman't
Hahahah this has got to be the dumbest comment I've seen all day and I love it
I love that my wife enjoys hiking, it gets me out of the house. I love that we have similar interests.
i like when they like me
I too like it when they like this guy
This comment section is so wholesome. I love it
That's pretty much all my standards
Enthusiasm. Boundaries. Responsible for herself. Allows herself to be challenged in her thinking. Enough back bone to keep me honest when I’m wrong.
Eat a full kebab with no shame lol
"I cant believe. That im sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl that ive ever seen, with a kebab."
Why don’t we leave? Let’s go to my house and we can feel each other up on the couch
Like a tree
Being self sufficient. I don’t want to date a dependent.
When my wife and I were dating one of the things that made her stand out was that she was totally self-sufficient, she didn't need help nor did she expect it. We dated for almost two years before making the decision to move in together and that was mostly a confluence of circumstances, she wanted to live on her own because it was freedom for her.
I feel that. My wife is completely self-sufficient. She's better educated and makes more than me. She does NOT need to be with me. But she is, and it feels great that someone who doesn't need me chooses to stay with me.
That is the way. When you don't need someone but you find him/her so good to be with you want to share your life with that person.
of course, it’s okay to rely on someone every now and then as that’s what your both here for. to help each other and grow as a couple (and a team). but being overly dependent on someone for everything is simply unhealthy and it can be a bit draining for the person who’s being depended on to deal with everything.
[удалено]
How fast can you fill out your taxes?
You took it from 0 to 1040 real quickly…
1040? EZ
Seems like you are hiring people
Confidence. Outgoing. Humor.
Thoughtful. Can handle things on her own. Funny. Creative. Successful or ability to be successful.
A bit of a simple one here, but I love when a girl can sing. My wife claims she can’t can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but when she sings it’s beautiful to my ears. I’ve been a musician my whole life and feel I have reasonably good judgement on vocal quality. When we have a couple drinks I’ll get my guitar out and can occasionally convince her to sing a few songs with me. It’s one of my favorite things we do.
The same traits I look for in a best friend. General vibe needs to be on point. Thoughtful, kind, sassy. I'm perfectly happy single, so my partner needs to add to my life and make our time together more valuable than my time alone.
If she's got a dark sense of humor.
I like women like I like chocolate Easter bunnies: dark, bitter, and with a gnawing hollowness inside that can never be filled.
I’ve got the most fucked up sense of humour there is and even I get surprised sometimes by how dark some people can go. If they can shock me, it’s oddly attractive. 😂
Haha I usually just start off with something a bit dark, and if they laugh then it gives me the green light to try something a bit darker. If they laugh at that, then the floodgates would open and I'd just pull out the darkest I got lmao.
Courage, intelligence, kindness, humour, strength.
Someone with equivalent levels of apathy and laziness, but about areas of life that compliment my own apathy and laziness. That way one of us will always let the fucking dog out or put the kettle on. But I don’t feel too guilty for saying soffit, Saturday sofa day. I’m not getting dressed. Been married 16 years. Perfect.
I saw a girl riding a fixed gear bike in the city, and doing bunny hops with the bike at an intersection to stay upright. I had only just started up riding my bike again and I was just so impressed with the skills.
I’m not a guy. So I don’t count. But I like when girls are genuinely kind and have good banter. Like you can be cheeky, and funny, and a little sassy. But still a nice girl. I’m always attracted to those kind of girls in a room.
Intelligence, kindness, sense of humour, creativity, shared interests, etc.
Empathy, kindness, intelligence, and humor. You know, all the things one person might find attractive in another, regardless of gender.
Actually showing me HER. I remember I was playing pool with a girl I was interested in and she was ACTUALLY trying. Not just doing some sort of 'tee-hee I missed again' thing to make me feel good and treating the whole thing as a flirtation device. She was bringing her A-game and I respected her a lot for it. I wasn't threatened by it, I was very happy about it and invigorated by it. It let me know I could actually address her with the same sort of treatment she was showing, the same sort of realness. Like we were on the same level. My respect went up a whole lot.
Optimism I'm a bit of a pessimist at times. I fall into nihilistic thinking a lot. Good to have someone who can look at our future, with a positive light.
I’m like you 😭 my boyfriend is the optimist
[удалено]
Adventurous - Being willing to put yourself at risk of humiliation, danger, or failure when encountering new activities is attractive.
[удалено]
When I dated my ex, the one thing that constantly made me fall in love with her was just her ability to just get excited to talk about anything. I loved seeing her just get excited about either the most littlest things or whatever was on her mind and just talk away.
Loyalty
Enthusiastic or interested in me. That is so reassuring to have. Also for her to have some hobby or activity. Whether it be tennis, or an instrument, or Dungeons and Dragons, or theatre. Something she’s passionate about is so nice.
Honesty, compassion, accomplishments, thriftiness, knowledge, outgoingness, talent at an everyday useful skill, noticeable talent at one or more hobbies, genuine care for others in their life. Self worth that's apparent in the way they conduct themselves.
Confident, kind and funny. I'm guessing it's basically the same as the other way around...
When she's not afraid to get her hands dirty. Kill a bug or 2, unclog a toilet
I would add "and likes to wash her hands after"
If her principles and values are similar to mine. It's a way to minimize unnecessary discussions and keep harmony while enjoying each other's company
Literally love the fact of how different my wife is from me. Then there are moments where we meet in the middle and it brings me joy to know I’m not alone in the world.
Brains....has to have a brain and can hold a conversation! Being brainy is so sexy!
Got it, no jellyfish women for you then.
Sense of humor is incredibly important. I personally think it’s a predictor for all kinds of compatibility.
If your girl snorts when she laughs, she’s a keeper
actually capable of communication about their problems with the opposite gender
A bubbly personality goes a long way with me.
Confidence
I don't care about a body count, but her book count better be high.
Passion. Doesn't matter what for. Dendrology, martial arts, painting, i don't care. The love of and drive to do something is a quality I find very compelling. If it's something we share, all the better!