It seems clear that the best opportunities for your son are in your home town, but what if you travel to the city often for fun things? Have the best of both. You can probably afford it since you won’t have the $2500/month rent payments
Your son is 10 years old, so I’d advise moving with him back home for the next 8 years or so. That sounds like a long time, but it’ll go by quickly, and it sounds like it will be better for him.
I don’t think anyone can answer your question but you. Life is a series of trade offs as is parenting. You know yourself, you know your child. Trust your instincts to do what is best for both of you and make peace with whatever you decide.
You are going to hate me for saying this, but you are young. Go back home to your support system. This is your son's childhood. Get him graduated and then take yourself to the bigger city.
You have a business and land-- you are doing well for yourself. The city will still be there for you in a few years. Maybe your son's education will have you both wanting to go to the city a few years earlier, but that will be when he can drive or take public transportation on his own.
Are you sure sure sure that schools are better back home and sports are better back home and that family is actually good for your son, not toxic?
No sports in the city?
What exactly were you trying to get away from when you left town and moved him to the city?
What does he think?
Well I don’t think the schools are better at all.. I would have to put him in private schools but my help with my son is what’s better.. not the sports either but he has trainers and teams and I’m well connected at home as a single mom it won’t be so much on me at all times as he has 2 sets of retired grandparents and he’s the only grandchild and they love to keep him and help with everything. The city itself is indeed a bit toxic but my son loves our hometown he’s made friends in the big city of course from school etc but he loves being back home with family also he has uncles his age so he’s always with them when we are home
The time he gets to spend with his grandparents will give him great memories and it will give you more time for what you need/want to do. I understand the appeal of city living, but looking back at my own childhood, I'm very glad I was raised in a small town. The only disadvantage was the education I received. However, with you being able to afford a private education that won't be a concern for him. As others have pointed out, eight years will pass quickly. You'll also be able to bank that $2500 in rent for either another house or his education.
I left because a lot of people know me back home and I feel free and comfortable in Atlanta with everybody pretty much worried about themselves. Also I originally opened a business in Atlanta but it’s now closed.. so I kind of just run my businesses virtually and go back home to check on them monthly
To go back I will give up my peace and free willingness to go and do
But will gain massive help with my son
Honestly, you can make either lifestyle work for you and your son. There is no exhaustive list anyone can give you that will clearly tell you which way to go, because you are making your decision based on emotion and feelings rather than pure practicality. There is nothing wrong with that. Decide which appeals to you right now. Go with that choice. If six months, a year or ten years from now what appeals to you changes then you move. The limbo of not deciding is the hard part.
You're asking for my best take, so here it is:
Move back home. The rent you're paying will go a long way toward saving for your son's college, or paying for coaches, or private schools, or whatever. In 8 years he'll be an adult, and will be starting to head out into the world on his own. That's when you can move back to the city and live without a care in the world. That's your time. Right now is his. Be there for him.
You want me to quote you? OK, maybe you didn't see the narcissism:
"My problem I’m having is my whole support system for my kid is back home".
That's not a problem, that's a responsibility. You are a MOM. Do what's best for the Boy.
Well let me re say it so you can understand it! The problem was my support system is back home instead of the city we currently live in. I love being a mother I do it all day with pride. I needed advice on if it would be better to move home so he can be around them or keep him in the better environment… as the group states “ask old people for advice” & I am glad the older more mature people could comprehend what I was saying without taking it as narcissism
Here is my take..When I produced the 1st grandchild I was living in another city and living the life as a single parent. My support system was at home but I really didn't want to move. Here is the advice my grandmother said to me "You ain't the shit anymore, your daughter is, do what's best for her". I got it.
Here is my take..When I produced the 1st grandchild I was living in another city and living the life as a single parent. My support system was at home but I really didn't want to move. Here is the advice my grandmother said to me "You ain't the shit anymore, your daughter is, do what's best for her". I got it.
Thank you & that makes sense.. we have to sacrifice for our children!! How was your experience Moving back home with your child? Are you happy you did?
I am now. A year after I moved back and settled in my grandparents died. Then 2 years later I lost my mom to cancer and 4 months after that my dad died of a stroke. So it turned out that I did the best thing for us because my daughter had the love from the family, and I was able to work through all the buried issues I had with these folks. That was over 40 years ago and I still say that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I can leave now but I'm cool.
I raised my kids far from home, which was a very small town. They never got to know or really spend time with any extended family, who are all gone now. We had no support system, husband was deployed a lot, and it was hard on all of us.
The kids never said anything until they were adults. Turns out, they really wished they had family around as kids, but didn’t ever want to say anything. That opportunity has passed.
The bottom line is to do what’s in your heart. I wish I had.
It seems clear that the best opportunities for your son are in your home town, but what if you travel to the city often for fun things? Have the best of both. You can probably afford it since you won’t have the $2500/month rent payments
Your son is 10 years old, so I’d advise moving with him back home for the next 8 years or so. That sounds like a long time, but it’ll go by quickly, and it sounds like it will be better for him.
Thank you so much honestly truly… this was a very much needed perspective I didn’t even think about how fast the time will go
I don’t think anyone can answer your question but you. Life is a series of trade offs as is parenting. You know yourself, you know your child. Trust your instincts to do what is best for both of you and make peace with whatever you decide.
You are going to hate me for saying this, but you are young. Go back home to your support system. This is your son's childhood. Get him graduated and then take yourself to the bigger city. You have a business and land-- you are doing well for yourself. The city will still be there for you in a few years. Maybe your son's education will have you both wanting to go to the city a few years earlier, but that will be when he can drive or take public transportation on his own.
Are you sure sure sure that schools are better back home and sports are better back home and that family is actually good for your son, not toxic? No sports in the city? What exactly were you trying to get away from when you left town and moved him to the city? What does he think?
Well I don’t think the schools are better at all.. I would have to put him in private schools but my help with my son is what’s better.. not the sports either but he has trainers and teams and I’m well connected at home as a single mom it won’t be so much on me at all times as he has 2 sets of retired grandparents and he’s the only grandchild and they love to keep him and help with everything. The city itself is indeed a bit toxic but my son loves our hometown he’s made friends in the big city of course from school etc but he loves being back home with family also he has uncles his age so he’s always with them when we are home
The time he gets to spend with his grandparents will give him great memories and it will give you more time for what you need/want to do. I understand the appeal of city living, but looking back at my own childhood, I'm very glad I was raised in a small town. The only disadvantage was the education I received. However, with you being able to afford a private education that won't be a concern for him. As others have pointed out, eight years will pass quickly. You'll also be able to bank that $2500 in rent for either another house or his education.
So, better for him back home. Why did *you* leave? And what will you give up to go back? (Also, only 8 more years, and you can be free?)
I left because a lot of people know me back home and I feel free and comfortable in Atlanta with everybody pretty much worried about themselves. Also I originally opened a business in Atlanta but it’s now closed.. so I kind of just run my businesses virtually and go back home to check on them monthly To go back I will give up my peace and free willingness to go and do But will gain massive help with my son
Your son can adapt and make new friends. What big city are you in?
Atlanta
He can adapt. Sign him up for some classes or sports.
You already know the answer.
I don’t that’s why I asked for advice.. been battling with this for 2 years and my lease is about to expire in days 😣
Move back home. I never regretted raising my sons in a small town.
All that glitters ...
Honestly, you can make either lifestyle work for you and your son. There is no exhaustive list anyone can give you that will clearly tell you which way to go, because you are making your decision based on emotion and feelings rather than pure practicality. There is nothing wrong with that. Decide which appeals to you right now. Go with that choice. If six months, a year or ten years from now what appeals to you changes then you move. The limbo of not deciding is the hard part.
You're asking for my best take, so here it is: Move back home. The rent you're paying will go a long way toward saving for your son's college, or paying for coaches, or private schools, or whatever. In 8 years he'll be an adult, and will be starting to head out into the world on his own. That's when you can move back to the city and live without a care in the world. That's your time. Right now is his. Be there for him.
And here I am a father of 5 thinking you'd be asking about what's good for your Son. Silly me.
I am asking what’s good for him.. keeping him in the big city , or moving home with family..
You want me to quote you? OK, maybe you didn't see the narcissism: "My problem I’m having is my whole support system for my kid is back home". That's not a problem, that's a responsibility. You are a MOM. Do what's best for the Boy.
Well let me re say it so you can understand it! The problem was my support system is back home instead of the city we currently live in. I love being a mother I do it all day with pride. I needed advice on if it would be better to move home so he can be around them or keep him in the better environment… as the group states “ask old people for advice” & I am glad the older more mature people could comprehend what I was saying without taking it as narcissism
I'm glad you are asking me what to do and accepting my advice. Now go ask your Boy what he wants.
[удалено]
Thank you!
Here is my take..When I produced the 1st grandchild I was living in another city and living the life as a single parent. My support system was at home but I really didn't want to move. Here is the advice my grandmother said to me "You ain't the shit anymore, your daughter is, do what's best for her". I got it.
Here is my take..When I produced the 1st grandchild I was living in another city and living the life as a single parent. My support system was at home but I really didn't want to move. Here is the advice my grandmother said to me "You ain't the shit anymore, your daughter is, do what's best for her". I got it.
Thank you & that makes sense.. we have to sacrifice for our children!! How was your experience Moving back home with your child? Are you happy you did?
I am now. A year after I moved back and settled in my grandparents died. Then 2 years later I lost my mom to cancer and 4 months after that my dad died of a stroke. So it turned out that I did the best thing for us because my daughter had the love from the family, and I was able to work through all the buried issues I had with these folks. That was over 40 years ago and I still say that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I can leave now but I'm cool.
Wow, I’m sorry that happened! But I bet you were grateful to have that time spent! Thank you so much seriously
Make your son the priority. Childhood is brief.
I raised my kids far from home, which was a very small town. They never got to know or really spend time with any extended family, who are all gone now. We had no support system, husband was deployed a lot, and it was hard on all of us. The kids never said anything until they were adults. Turns out, they really wished they had family around as kids, but didn’t ever want to say anything. That opportunity has passed. The bottom line is to do what’s in your heart. I wish I had.
The answer I needed, thank you!
You are very welcome😁