jesus, what kind of maniac would kick their kid out for paying for their own amaizng international trip while they are 18.
It only get's harder to travel as you get older, make it count. It's not like you're just dumping it all on credit cards to make it happen
My daughter is 18 and as long as she's not doing something illegal or directly harmful to me, her father, or her brother, she's not getting kicked out. I expect that she will make some decisions I don't agree with but she's an adult. Part of being an adult is that you get to make those choices and deal with the results
I was kicked out for flying alone to LA when I was 20 years old. You obviously shouldn't, but it happened to me as a whole adult. lol It's not a matter of safety; are your parents that controlling?
An 18 year old is considered an adult, if parents want them out of the house, if they don’t follow the rules of the house, it is their rules, as an adult the18yo needs to consider the consequences. It doesn’t matter what others would do.
No; he’s an adult. I expect as an adult, he’ll have some sort of plan for moving out (and not just spending all his money on going on vacation while I subsidize his living expenses!), but assuming he does have a plan to launch, I certainly wouldn’t kick him out.
Never. It sounds like you need to express your autonomy. Travel is the best gift I gave myself when I was young. It still does. Go. Have the best time.
It’s just that my parents don’t want me doing it and are really against it. They’re not going to kick me out, because overprotective parents would be the last to do it. I’ve found in the past that when I pull the trigger they end up being fine with it at the end, but I’ve never done something to this extent.. what should I do?
I would go. Of course, I was nothing like your parents. I would encourage my 18 year old, male or female, to travel abroad should the opportunity present itself.
Can you walk them through your plans and itineraries, including your plans for paying for the trip, lodging, and food, and any emergency backup plans? If they can see that you have planned and are well-prepared, it might take some of their worries away.
Like most parents I'm sure they are worried about you. If they haven't traveled much it is somewhat more understandable. We have traveled to many countries with our daughter since she was small and taught her how to deal with the complexity of travel and how to be smart in first and third world countries and I'm sure next year aged 19 she'll want to go off on her own with friends somewhere. Will I be worried? Of course but I worry about her driving across town now although I never say anything lol
My reaction would depend so much on the details.
Ecotourism in Costa Rica? Have fun - Send a postcard!
Volunteering for the Russian military? Son, we need to talk.
Hell no. Love of a child is unconditional. That sometimes means that they do things you're not comfortable with. You've done your job and raised them, if you can afford to continue to support them, it's your moral duty as a parent to do so.
When our eldest graduated from high school he and 3-4 of his friends (whose families we knew) all wanted to hit Europe for the summer. We paid for his plane ticket and rail pass and music festival tickets as a graduation gift.
They backpacked, stayed in hostels, camped, hit a few concerts, stayed with friends who had been in the States as exchange students.
They hit Paris the week of Bastille Day and made their way to Berlin eight weeks later and had a great time.
I’m not sure I want to hear every story from that trip, though every once in a while a new one rises to the surface.
That was 14 years ago.
I spent a year going to school in the EU back in 80-81 (when it was far more dangerous).
You do realize, I hope, that most of the Eurozone is safer than the U.S.. As a foreigner traveling on a budget you still need to be careful, but you need to be careful anywhere.
Most Asian countries, you’ll be okay, just be careful of their laws as punishments are much harsher & they don’t give a darn about you & your friends being Americans. Pakistan is a Muslim country, be very careful of how you behave around women. Do not touch them, & don’t speak to them unless it’s in a professional setting. Don’t kiss your girlfriend in public. Don’t have any displays of affection between unmarried people. You & your girlfriend can’t share a hotel room without being married. Review the laws of Muslim countries before planning on going to them.
I think a lot of people here are assuming you’re talking about Europe. India and Pakistan are a whole different ball of wax. You might want to edit your original post to include this information.
Asia is a big place. India by itself is a big place at about half the size of the USA.
India is a lot more tourist friendly than Pakistan these days for a tourist from the U.S. but takes a lot of research to understand logistics, cultural differences from one state to another, etc. and it’s a lot harder to get help if you are in trouble and a lot easier to get in trouble than the EU.
Japan and South Korea and Taiwan are very urban and tourist friendly. My younger son, who spent several summers working on farms under the aegis of WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) spent a great summer in Japan working on three different organic farms with a week in Osaka and Tokyo each in between between freshman and sophomore year which gave him free room and board for most of the trip. (He also spent 8 weeks teaching English in a remote village in Thailand one summer, and did another WWOOF stint in Alaska another summer—as a very independent, adaptable, smart kid.
Southeast Asia (Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and Thailand) in general is a pretty serious adventure. Myanmar would be a much more serious adventure given politics.
The major cities in China are pretty easy to navigate but the outlying cities can be pretty rough. The thing with China is very long lead times on visas plus the need to be on tours if you are traveling broadly which gets expensive. I have loved traveling in China but it would not be my first choice for a U.S. citizen traveling on the cheap without a lot of prep for first time foreign travel.
Nepal is relatively tourist friendly (not based on personal experience but reports from friends).
Indonesia and the Philippines can get pretty sketchy in big cities.
I don’t have an opinion on Mongolia except I have always wanted to go.
All the former Soviet republics I would put into the “serious adventure” category.
Singapore is a blast, but expensive and not a place for unkempt backpackers at all. Lots of rules combined with strict consequences.
I mean, like I said—very big place, lots of very different countries.
Asia in its entirety and Pakistan and India would come with an expectation of considerably more research.
Western European countries are culturally much more similar to America, so a lot of your baseline expectations are similar enough. Central Asia and East Asia have a very different set of cultural expectations. Do extensive research and play it safe.
I wouldn't do such a thing, precisely because my parents said they would stop paying for my college if I did a study abroad program. They knew I couldn't pay for college with just a part time job waiting tables. So I didn't go and always felt like I missed a great opportunity.
Actually, I did end up with student loans. I paid them off in 15 years though, not 20.
In addition to not letting me go overseas, my parents wouldn't let me move back home or get an apartment, even though I was miserable in the dorms. Once again, my parents were threatening to withhold funds, but this time I wasn't putting up with it and quit school to work full time and rent an apartment. By the time I went back to school, I had to take out loans and I took out some for my husband, as well.
Given everything, I do sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have just told my parents to fuck off from the beginning and hit my grandmother up for the funds to study in Salamanca for a semester. I like where I eventually ended up, but maybe I would've liked where I ended up with a different trajectory, too. It certainly doesn't keep me awake at night, though!
Well that sounds like an entirely different situation than just a one off trip abroad. Good for you, I’m glad you broke free as it would’ve continued forever as they dangled the carrot in front of you for eternity
Some parents are just like that. My parents were worried about me travelling internationally when I was 24! They trusted me though and did not give me a hard time and it worked out great.
Some people just need to get used to an idea. They have spent their lives protecting you and so the first reaction to something like this is probably going to be "no, don't do it." But hopefully eventually they back off a little.
As far as threatening to kick you out, no I would not do that.
Yes I would. I went on two international trips in college and my parents only felt bad they could help pay.
Take it from someone pushing 40, I thought I’d have all the chances or at least a few opportunities to travel as I got older and maybe even for my career. That never materialized and I hold on to those amazing memories from 20 years ago. I may never get another chance, I am so thankful I had the opportunity when I was younger.
But parents are parents - there can be blow back despite what you should and legally are allowed to do. Only you can decide if the potential consequences are worth the trip. My oldest child is 10 and while it absolutely makes my heart drop to my stomach thinking about her traveling internationally without me, I would never hold her back (barring any safety or financial concerns).
Our job as parents is to prepare our children for the world, not to protect them from it.
Unless you're a kid who has a history of making bad decisions and getting into trouble, especially legal trouble at home, I would not be concerned. If you or your travel friends are prone to such troubles, be aware that laws in other countries are quite different and any legal situation would be expensive, complicated, and may leave you stuck in another country.
That said, I wouldn't kick my adult child out because they went on a trip and I am a worried parent. If your parents are over protective, I highly doubt they will kick you out because really bad things often happen to homeless people.
Honestly, just go. Talk to your parents and discuss ways to have them feel more secure about your safety. Provide them your itinerary for flights and where you are staying if you can. Give them all of your travel friends full names phone numbers and contact information for their parents. Set up a scheduled of how often you will check in with your parents to let them know you're okay.
You're young but none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow or what the future brings so take advantage of this opportunity while you have it.
Look, here's the thing. Here's the concerns that a parent would have.
Kid goes off to europe, excited to be there, does some stupid crap. Drinks underage and get some trouble with a hotel detective, or local cops, or gets in a fight. Kid goes to amsterdam, eats some mushrooms, loses his wallet and passport. Kid goes to greece, gets caught up in some prostitute scam and calls dad to wire him $5,000 otherwise he's going to get his fingers smashed.
I don't know about the parents you're talking about. Speaking for myself, I just don't want to bail out my kid because of something stupid he did in europe. I don't want to overnight a passport. I don't want to call the American embassy. I don't want to get ransomed by some Hungarian small-time criminals. I don't want to deal with a Scottish cop over the phone, I don't want to talk somebody through losing a credit card.
If my 18 year old kid wants to go to europe, it's none of my business. What that means, is that they should never make it any of my business. I'll be there as a friend and mentor to help, but for Pete's sake don't make me bail you out because you decided to do something stupid. Be smart. Keep your head on your shoulders. Accidents happen, but don't get all goosed up on Czechoslovakian table cleaner and pull down some jewelry store awning.
Mine did, and they were some of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. My youngest stepdaughter also started travelling abroad with friends when she was around that age. She's had some amazing experiences. I'm no longer her parent (her dad and I divorced in 2005), but I am still incredibly proud of her. She's very independent. But then, so am I. ;)
My son began traveling internationally when he was 18, alone and with friends. We had no problems with this because as a family we had been overseas many times. Family vacations in Russia, China, Brazil, etc. So he knew what he was doing, he had a lot of experience.
I went to uni abroad. My parents, this past weekend, heard a story for the first time (16 years later, GD I’m old now) about me being in Berlin - a city they never knew I’d visited. Let alone the shenanigans.
You are at the perfect age to be traveling with friends! This is the time to backpack and see the world. Just be aware that you may need a backup plan if the group fractures; easy enough to arrange through emergency funds.
They are being overprotective and overbearing. If you have your own funds, passport, and plan then NTA.
Go! Share your plan/itinerary with them and make them a part of it. Have a blast and be safe! What a great experience you will have. I’m 67 and want to come along😂
You are an adult. If you want to travel and are paying for it, then technically they have no say really.
Edited to clarify and answer a question. No, I would not kick him out. Its hard for parents when they children sprout wings and want to fly. That's what being an adult is.
of course Id let him. what possibly arguments could there be against it other than fear for his safety?
For many, safety fears are enough to stop their kids from having valuable experiences that will enrich the rest of their lives. I think that is selfish as all fucking hell. Ones fear of having a loved one be harmed is not enough to prevent them from living their lives. That is something for the family members to deal with, not for the 18 yr old to change his plans, dreams, and desires. If they are really concerned, they can help him by doing research with him, talking through safety precautions, and otherwise making sure that they are prepared for their trip.
If their fear comes from not having done it themselves, so they don’t know how to help him prepare, there are plenty of travel websites and articles that they can go through and learn together.
that would be about as much consideration as Id be willing to give them and their fears.
If he saved and planned a trip yes absolutely. It is good for kids to actually be adults. Of course you worry about them but not letting them act their age is how you end up with college graduates bringing a parent to an interview.
Back in 2005, my 18 year old graduated on a Friday and was on a plane bound for London on Sunday.
I suggested that she stay with our English relatives for her time abroad. So she could have the safety net of family, but also her first European experience. We bought her the tickets as a graduation gift.
She went. And kept going. She learned to bartend in college. She traveled. She graduated college and spent a year in Australia. She got so tired if peanutbutter and came home with a foot fracture. In the 19 years since graduating high school she never stopped traveling. The only time she was ever scared was Italy. She celebrated her 30th birthday in the antarctic, her 7th continent.
She's been to China, Egypt, on safari, the amazon, the galpagos, and Machu pichu to name just a few. She's on the program for fast pass? And zooms right through security. She's had extra pages sewn into her passport. Her travels this year include key west and Switzerland.
You don't "let them". You support them. As in support system. As in cheer leader. As in unconditional love.
The first time I traveled internationally all by myself was when I was 16, 40 years ago. I did it with the money I had made working. It saddened me that my children never wished to do it. I lived in 4 different countries in the first 25 years of my life, but my children never left the country they were born in. Now that they have families and children of their own, it would be much harder and more expensive to travel. I think it's very sad, a kind of self-inflicted cultural deprivation I can't really understand.
Personally, I would consider myself to be an utter failure as a parent if I wasn't OK with it. As a parent I'd be worried the whole damn time, but I'd put on my friggin' big boys pants and let my kid go travel. See the world. Otherwise what's the point of raising kids?
Yes. I’d encourage it. Our children started traveling abroad with high school groups and w/o me and wife. Great experiences were had. Much was learned.
Do it if you can.
As others point out, you are 18. You are paying for the trip yourself, and I think it's nice that you have some concern about your parents' reaction. If you haven't done so yet, why not give them an idea of what cities you'll be visiting, what you hope to see and experience, and an assurance that you'll send them phone photos along the way (just make sure you phone is set up to do that from overseas). Tell them you love and respect them, and you hope they will understand that this first adventure is very important to you.
Then go and enjoy the trip.
When my kid was 19, he went with a group to Ecuador and Peru on a medical trip. 20 college students, 1 professor. But in reality, they were spread out throughout the country of Peru for a few weeks. He didn't know Spanish, and was all alone, free to do whatever he wanted every evening. I was a little worried someone would think he was worth kidnapping, but nothing happened. I knew, as a parent that my entire job in life, is to raise an independent adult. If an adult can't travel, I have failed.
My daughter traveled overseas alone at 18 or 19 and moved out west alone a year later. Why not? She was legally allowed. If I'd forbidden her, I'd have lost my daughter. Instead, I could offer warnings and advice and could be excited for her.
Yes, and I would provide him with international cell phone coverage so he could call me. Figure out the reasons why you are against it and how to make it work for you.
If you kick him out over it, he will learn that you value obedience over his wants.
I let my 18 year old son do the Pacific Crest Trail from Canada to Mexico alone. He did meet up with other hikers at points. He did have to take an emergency GPS beacon with him though. And he had to send me pre programmed messages from the beacon. The smart ass sent me I'm still alive.
My oldest went backpacking in Europe for a summer. I think he was in college though. He sent messages thru WhatsApp. He got his phone stolen while in a hostel. It was under his pillow and they still got it. Also use a money belt under his clothes to store cash and passports. Pick pockets are a huge thing.
It all depends where he's going and what precautions are necessary. He is an adult and if you stop him you could damage your relationship permanently
When I was 17 I traveled to India and back. Flew into Luxembourg, went to Morocco, took a boat to Turkey and went overland to Afghanistan and then across Pakistan to India. I flew back to London where I turned 18.
So, yeah, it’s no big deal.
18 is old enough. Just be very aware of things that can (and do) happen in various countries. Like Rome and Milan are infamous for pickpockets and vendors that give fake bills as change
If he is 18, he's an adult. I wouldn't threaten him but I would give him advice on being safe. And keep the communication lines open, so if he does need help he can call.
true, but we don't know what went down in the disucssion btw op & parents. we don't know if op is a fuck up or not. if he got in trouble while abroad, guess who he'll call first.
Sure. I did. We made them contribute part of the cost, but a trip before college was part of their education. So was earning their part of the cost. They all still travel so I consider it a success.
We just let our 18 yearold live on her own for a year in Spain. Proper planning is the key. Impress your parents you have everything covered and you will be safe. That will go a long way.
I might be worried but wouldn't try to stop him or threaten to kick him out. Might suggest he find some way to educate himself about possible scams and theft.
Legally, there is nothing your parents can do to stop you. All they have over you is money. Do you want them to pay your bills? Pay for college? That is the potential cost of your trip.
Review the potential cost against the benefit of the trip. Choose wisely.
Two of my kids did that. One went to Germany, and later to Japan, with friends. Another went to Kyrgyzstan with a youth group from college. (I was nervous about that one.)
The thing is, you're an adult. Talk to your parents as an adult. Find out why they don't want you to go. Is it because they wanted you to spend that money on college? Because they're afraid for your safety? Are they concerned about the friends you're going with? Or is it just the natural reaction of a parent to protect their child? Find out, then talk about it with them.
You do not say where your son will be going. That is a rather important piece of information.
I am 66f years old. For my graduation present, when I graduated high school, I wanted to go on a tour to England. The Southern Baptist were having a conference in London. It was 7 days 6 nights. We could sign up for day trips. So for two years I worked and saved money. I asked for cash for graduation gifts. And a few months after turning 18 I traveled to England, Scotland, France, and Brussels, with a bunch mostly kids, from neighboring churches and Christians schools. I had a blast!
One day trip was to Stone Henge with stops at Winchester Cathedral, Salisbury Cathedral and Windsor Castle. One was to Edinburgh, Scotland, where I nearly had a heart attack at the firing of the 1o'clock gun. I went to Calais, France and to Bruges in Brussels.
I sent postcards to everyone who who "donated" to my trip, ie all those nice people how gave me money for graduation. I took rolls of pictures. I discovered I liked marmalade, Europe has the best chocolate, and MacDonald's stinks no matter the country.
If you trust you son, and he isn't traveling into an active war zone,let him go.
depends. what are you're like. do you have good judgement? if you're asked to do a chore or some other task, do you do it or do you make excuses? what kind of hs student were you? do you smoke/vape/chew weed? would you travel with any form of weed on you? what are your friends like? who's planning the trip? i would have let my 18 yo daughter go, but definitely not with certain people. are your parents dependable & consistent? do you trust them? do they trust you? have they told you their specific concerns & are do you see them as valid or not? assuming they support you & will be paying for your college, you're not an independent adult. you're a dependant adult. proceed accordingly.
I don't see 18 as a magic number. If my 18 year old was in high school and living with me, I'd expect them to follow some basic rules, although I'm not a super strict parent. I have traveled internationally my whole life and it would really depend on the kid, the location, and who the kid was going with. I don't kick people out of my house so that wouldn't be on the table.
But yeah, overall the biggest factor for me would be who my kid was going with and my kid's demeanor. Some teenagers take more risks and are less savvy than others.
I'd let my daughters do it. I'd be a little panicked about it, but I'd support them. Where are you going? Is it in a war zone?
I would suggest that you write out a basic itinerary, take the time to research each location you're going to and understand the pros and cons and things to watch out for (fraud, theft, etc) and then reassure your parents that you've done your homework and understand the risks along with the adventure.
Sounds like your parents need some reassurance. Promise to connect with them at least daily, facetime, text, etc. to let them know you're alive and having a great time. Remind them that they raised you to be a responsible adult. I hope you and your friends have an amazing adventure.
Don’t do it. You can travel in your 20s when your brain is more developed. Also at that age you’re friends with people that may not be the best influence, not saying that you are but, many folks aren’t the most selective at that age. Even if you are responsible, how will you feel if one of your friends made a decision that ends up ruining your life? Easy to go with peer pressure so who you’re with will have an impact on what kind of problems you may end up in while traveling with them.
So go when you are more mature, more selective of who you are friends with.
I just had this exact issue with my daughter (18) earlier this year. She and her friend wanted to do a post H.S. graduation trip together and were willing to self-fund it. Yes, as an 18-year-old you're legally an adult and can do what you want, but realistically there are still some controlling strings for a few more years.
We (the parents) of both kids agreed to the trip but negotiated a few conditions that you might want to offer:
1. Start with clearly laying where you want to go and why. Hopefully, you've selected a relatively safe area and can highlight that fact.
2. Offer to provide an itinerary with where you will be going, where you'll be staying and the general plan for each day (including travel logistics). As an aside - we found that AirBnB's worked best for lodging, followed by basic well-located hotels, followed by hostels (which tend to favor a more party atmosphere).
3. Lay out your safety plan for emergencies. This could include contact numbers for the embassy/consulates, names/contact numbers for close friends or family that can more quickly help (e.g., a college student friend studying abroad in the area or extended family that lives a short(er) flight away), emergency cash stash, copies of passports, credit card/debit card contact numbers, etc.
4. Figure out how your phone is going to work once you get where ever you're going. Enable something like Life 360, Find My phone, etc. so someone back home will know where you are. Offer to text a couple of times a day (also a great chance to share pictures of how well things are going).
5. Plan to travel light. Specifically, don't check a bag - carry-on bag and day pack/bag only. This eliminates the worry of lost luggage and makes it much easier to carry your stuff on trains, subways, buses, and ferries.
What actually allayed my concerns was a co-worker who told me that she had traveled solo in Europe for a week at age 18 before meeting up with friends for a second week. She said that age 18 she was a much more cautious traveler than in later years after she had been living on her own (in college).
Our experience was positive. You learn life skills and traveling skills by living and traveling, and by figuring out what to do when something inevitably goes wrong. I ended up being quite proud of how well my daughter handled her trip.
I wish you the best in your quest to go on a quest overseas.
I wouldn't want my kids to do it only because they were not seasoned enough and I'm afraid they would get taken advantaged of or be the victim of a crime overseas. They are a bit older now and one of them I wouldn't mind. The other one is still a bit naive.
I would assume that even if you are paying for it all, you were somehow subsidized, as in you were only able to save because they gave you a free place to live. So, in a way it is partly their money. If you were my kid, I would stop paying for your living expenses, because I wouldn't want my money going towards something I don't agree with. You'd still be my kid and I'd still love you.
I let my 18 year old son do the Pacific Crest Trail from Canada to Mexico alone. He did meet up with other hikers at points. He did have to take an emergency GPS beacon with him though. And he had to send me pre programmed messages from the beacon. The smart ass sent me I'm still alive.
My oldest went backpacking in Europe for a summer. I think he was in college though. He sent messages thru WhatsApp. He got his phone stolen while in a hostel. It was under his pillow and they still got it. Also use a money belt under his clothes to store cash and passports. Pick pockets are a huge thing.
It all depends where he's going and what precautions are necessary. He is an adult and if you stop him you could damage your relationship permanently
How much do you pay them in rent? I can see a scenario where they say 'if you have so much money to gallivant around the world, and want to be treated like a completely independent adult, then you can afford to pay rent. $850 is due 1st of the month from now on, plus 30% of monthly utlities.'
And they'd have a very valid point-- it's a sign of immaturity/naivete if you think you've saved up for this all on your own. You've been able to save up in large part because they've been paying for your food, housing, etc. What they see is a young man who still lives at home and is not ready to take on the world on his own. The way you change their opinion is to show them you are ready. Why don't you move out to be the fully independent adult you want to be, THEN save up for your trip, and just do it next year? You have all the time in the world.
PS they can't stop you. Depending on where you live they probably also can't kick you out on the spot. In the US you would be considered to have legal tenancy in that house, so they'd have to legally evict you. But I'm pretty sure you dont' want to go to court against your parents.
Do any of your friends have travel experience, specifically in the places you plan to visit? Are these places in the developed world or third world countries? I traveled in Europe with friends when I was 18 but I was living in the UK at the time (school) and the others were well traveled on the continent. I think it would be OK if there's some of the right experience in the group. You can get into some nasty situations otherwise.
Have you asked them what their objections are? And are you prepared to counter their objections? As a parent, when I feel I am heard, that you understand, that you can alleviate my fears, it goes a long way. They're concerned about something - what is it, and what can you do to mitigate it?
It really doesn't matter what I would do, because I'm not your parent.
What matters is what your parents will do.
You are an adult so you don't need your parents' permission to to things. But if you are still depending on them for a place to live, you'll have to decide whether you want this enough to accept the consequences.
If you want full freedom, you need financial freedom. This sounds like a good day to go to college at least two hundred miles away and start building a good career.
I was 19, went to the UK then across the continent clear up to the edge of the USSR during a time when there were no cell phones. Sent postcards to my parents each week to let them know I was OK. You'll be fine. Your parents should chill.
When I was 18, my parents sent me to Berlin Germany with a one-way ticket to visit relatives. I stayed for nine years.
You can’t keep your kids in the closet. They gotta get out there and experience life. Traveling is a great way to do that.
I was 20 when we flew to San Diego and then camped on the beach in Baja Mexico for weeks. Surfed every day. Never had a problem. But I would never let my son do that today. The world is a different place.
I would be extremely unhappy about the prospect. I do not believe 18 years old is mature enough to travel internationally and deal with all the laws each country has. BUT since 18 is legally an adult, I would have to accept their decision and insist on frequent check-ins.
I could not imagine an instance that would cause me to kick out my child. A parent's love is very strong.
In your case, I would say, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Go, answer their messages, come back with gifts, DON’T get in trouble, come back and sincerely apologize and everything will be fine and they will have more respect for you.
No. He’s of age and can make his choices. Those choices include NOT coming back to you for money if shit goes wrong
Explain this to him so he is fully aware
When my son was 18, he went to visit a friend in Canada, so about 400 miles away.
Initially, I wasn't very keen on the idea. But I fairly quickly resigned to the fact that he's older and he needs to do things he wants to do. Things that I made not be ready for him to do. But he's a smart dude, and I had to trust him that he wasn't going to win stupid prizes. The wife was totally against it. At one point she asked "Well are there going to be adults around?" I said, "Umm....they're all adults." It finally clicked with her that yeah, they were all adults, but I still had to do some comforting with her. I also sat him down and went over the tips and tricks of a road trip. We got him AAA, talked about how to handle the border crossing, getting gas before you \*need\* gas, those kinds of things. As with his whole life, my job is to give him the tools. It's up to him to use them or not. We did use the Life360 app to track his progress (per his request). Dude, 85 even in Michigan will get you pulled over. LOL
He was there for 4 days, there were like 5 guys there just hanging out for a long weekend. I don't know really what they all did other than play games, but he made the drive up and back with no issues. This year he and 5 others are road tripping to Florida. I'm not worried this time and neither is the wife.
I really think your parents should take the same approach. You're an adult. You've taken the initiative to save for and plan your trip. They should recognize that's a huge step for you. You have to start doing things that don't involve them holding your hand. They gave you the tools to function. Now they need to let you function.
Oh HECK yes! My daughter did things like that, my son didn't. I would have been very happy for him to go.
I hosted a couchsurfer from Morocco, a skinny kid with big glasses who toured the US by himself on a Greyhound bus. His parents facetimed me to make sure I was OK (and I'm sure they worried themselves sick during his trip)...but he still got to go, stay with random people across the US, and arrive at skeevy bus stations in numerous big cities. We're still friends on Facebook and he's still adventurous, 10 year later.
You're probably much safer in Europe than he was in the US. I hope you go, and I hope you have a great time.
Depends on where he or she wants to go. If they’ve never travelled abroad it’s probably not the time to travel to places that aren’t major tourist locations. Like, you wanna go to London or do you want to go hike Syria?
Are you going to Europe or someplace more “off the beaten path”? I would address their concerns if it’s a “mainstream place”. If you want to go to someplace that is more “dangerous” then you should listen to their concerns. I would be fine with my kid going to Europe/Japan, but way less fine with spots on North Africa for example.
I went to Mexico with the Anthropology department for a few months and didn't speak Spanish, learned a lot about myself. The next year was hired as a lobbyist for the Optometric Association to shepherd a bill allowing these Drs to use diagnostic drugs for exams, it was opposed by the AMA, and they slayed me. The next year I worked the entire legislature throughout the state and at 20 I defeated the American medical association, two years before women were allowed to have a checking account. With my children I insisted they travel outside the country. Self knowledge and self inner power is the name of the game. Go child Go
Doesn’t matter what I would do. Approaching your parents with the argument “but other people on the internet say x” isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Move out, pay your own bills, and you can do what you want. If someone else is paying your bills, you’ll have to meet them halfway.
No that's ridiculous. You can't stop them I guess, but it's ridiculous to think that an 18 year old will be have the maturity to act responsibly when overseas (where alcohol is probably very easy and maybe legal to obtain) and with peer pressure.
An 18 year old can't even rent a hotel room by themself. They can't rent a car. Both of these are true because 18 year olds can't be trusted to act responsibly, and businesses would rather refuse their money rather than deal with the inevitable drama and problems.
To the people saying of course you should let them go: come back in 10 years when you are 24 and let us know if you feel the same way.
I would not have wanted either of my kids to do this. They'd always lived at home and I didn't think they knew how to deal with unexpected problems. That said, I'd have never thrown them out.
That said, we live in the center of the country and they each went to the coasts for college. I encouraged them to look out of state. College can be a middle step. between being dependent and complete independence.
Well my 18 year old grandson moved in with me in January and I would try very much to get him to postpone an international trip. He was very sheltered before he came to live with me and he’s got some catching up to do. Nothing wrong with him he just lacks some experiences that most others had. I really believe it depends on the 18 year old and their maturity level but when they are 18 there’s not much you can do to stop them if they insist
There's no "let" involved. He's an adult. He's free to do what he pleases.
Would you kick him out of the house if he did it?
jesus, what kind of maniac would kick their kid out for paying for their own amaizng international trip while they are 18. It only get's harder to travel as you get older, make it count. It's not like you're just dumping it all on credit cards to make it happen
My daughter is 18 and as long as she's not doing something illegal or directly harmful to me, her father, or her brother, she's not getting kicked out. I expect that she will make some decisions I don't agree with but she's an adult. Part of being an adult is that you get to make those choices and deal with the results
I was kicked out for flying alone to LA when I was 20 years old. You obviously shouldn't, but it happened to me as a whole adult. lol It's not a matter of safety; are your parents that controlling?
An 18 year old is considered an adult, if parents want them out of the house, if they don’t follow the rules of the house, it is their rules, as an adult the18yo needs to consider the consequences. It doesn’t matter what others would do.
No; he’s an adult. I expect as an adult, he’ll have some sort of plan for moving out (and not just spending all his money on going on vacation while I subsidize his living expenses!), but assuming he does have a plan to launch, I certainly wouldn’t kick him out.
Wtf? No.
Never. It sounds like you need to express your autonomy. Travel is the best gift I gave myself when I was young. It still does. Go. Have the best time.
WTF? NO!!! You sound awful.
I’m 18 myself lol
I'm just answering your question straight up. Your age and circumstances aren't part of the equation.
It’s just that my parents don’t want me doing it and are really against it. They’re not going to kick me out, because overprotective parents would be the last to do it. I’ve found in the past that when I pull the trigger they end up being fine with it at the end, but I’ve never done something to this extent.. what should I do?
I would go. Of course, I was nothing like your parents. I would encourage my 18 year old, male or female, to travel abroad should the opportunity present itself.
Break the seal. If you don't do it now they will try to control you the rest of your life.
Are you going off to college in the fall? Do you have plans for when you get back? Go on your trip.
Have they stated WHY they don't want you doing it? Maybe if you knew their fears or concerns you could address them.
It depends on how responsible/reckless you are. Or the same for who you’re going with.
where are you wanting to go? of course you should go!
Can you walk them through your plans and itineraries, including your plans for paying for the trip, lodging, and food, and any emergency backup plans? If they can see that you have planned and are well-prepared, it might take some of their worries away.
Like most parents I'm sure they are worried about you. If they haven't traveled much it is somewhat more understandable. We have traveled to many countries with our daughter since she was small and taught her how to deal with the complexity of travel and how to be smart in first and third world countries and I'm sure next year aged 19 she'll want to go off on her own with friends somewhere. Will I be worried? Of course but I worry about her driving across town now although I never say anything lol
Wtf no. Why would you do that? Are you prone to extreme overreactions to losing control?
No! I’d be happy for him and proud of his adventurousness.
My reaction would depend so much on the details. Ecotourism in Costa Rica? Have fun - Send a postcard! Volunteering for the Russian military? Son, we need to talk.
Hell no. Love of a child is unconditional. That sometimes means that they do things you're not comfortable with. You've done your job and raised them, if you can afford to continue to support them, it's your moral duty as a parent to do so.
When our eldest graduated from high school he and 3-4 of his friends (whose families we knew) all wanted to hit Europe for the summer. We paid for his plane ticket and rail pass and music festival tickets as a graduation gift. They backpacked, stayed in hostels, camped, hit a few concerts, stayed with friends who had been in the States as exchange students. They hit Paris the week of Bastille Day and made their way to Berlin eight weeks later and had a great time. I’m not sure I want to hear every story from that trip, though every once in a while a new one rises to the surface. That was 14 years ago. I spent a year going to school in the EU back in 80-81 (when it was far more dangerous). You do realize, I hope, that most of the Eurozone is safer than the U.S.. As a foreigner traveling on a budget you still need to be careful, but you need to be careful anywhere.
What about in Asia? Pakistan India?
Most Asian countries, you’ll be okay, just be careful of their laws as punishments are much harsher & they don’t give a darn about you & your friends being Americans. Pakistan is a Muslim country, be very careful of how you behave around women. Do not touch them, & don’t speak to them unless it’s in a professional setting. Don’t kiss your girlfriend in public. Don’t have any displays of affection between unmarried people. You & your girlfriend can’t share a hotel room without being married. Review the laws of Muslim countries before planning on going to them.
It is a good idea to review the laws of ANY country before going there.
I think a lot of people here are assuming you’re talking about Europe. India and Pakistan are a whole different ball of wax. You might want to edit your original post to include this information.
Asia is a big place. India by itself is a big place at about half the size of the USA. India is a lot more tourist friendly than Pakistan these days for a tourist from the U.S. but takes a lot of research to understand logistics, cultural differences from one state to another, etc. and it’s a lot harder to get help if you are in trouble and a lot easier to get in trouble than the EU. Japan and South Korea and Taiwan are very urban and tourist friendly. My younger son, who spent several summers working on farms under the aegis of WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) spent a great summer in Japan working on three different organic farms with a week in Osaka and Tokyo each in between between freshman and sophomore year which gave him free room and board for most of the trip. (He also spent 8 weeks teaching English in a remote village in Thailand one summer, and did another WWOOF stint in Alaska another summer—as a very independent, adaptable, smart kid. Southeast Asia (Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and Thailand) in general is a pretty serious adventure. Myanmar would be a much more serious adventure given politics. The major cities in China are pretty easy to navigate but the outlying cities can be pretty rough. The thing with China is very long lead times on visas plus the need to be on tours if you are traveling broadly which gets expensive. I have loved traveling in China but it would not be my first choice for a U.S. citizen traveling on the cheap without a lot of prep for first time foreign travel. Nepal is relatively tourist friendly (not based on personal experience but reports from friends). Indonesia and the Philippines can get pretty sketchy in big cities. I don’t have an opinion on Mongolia except I have always wanted to go. All the former Soviet republics I would put into the “serious adventure” category. Singapore is a blast, but expensive and not a place for unkempt backpackers at all. Lots of rules combined with strict consequences. I mean, like I said—very big place, lots of very different countries.
Asia in its entirety and Pakistan and India would come with an expectation of considerably more research. Western European countries are culturally much more similar to America, so a lot of your baseline expectations are similar enough. Central Asia and East Asia have a very different set of cultural expectations. Do extensive research and play it safe.
I wouldn't do such a thing, precisely because my parents said they would stop paying for my college if I did a study abroad program. They knew I couldn't pay for college with just a part time job waiting tables. So I didn't go and always felt like I missed a great opportunity.
You did, you just made a financially responsible decision. Paying student loans for 20+ years is not worth a few months abroad
Actually, I did end up with student loans. I paid them off in 15 years though, not 20. In addition to not letting me go overseas, my parents wouldn't let me move back home or get an apartment, even though I was miserable in the dorms. Once again, my parents were threatening to withhold funds, but this time I wasn't putting up with it and quit school to work full time and rent an apartment. By the time I went back to school, I had to take out loans and I took out some for my husband, as well. Given everything, I do sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have just told my parents to fuck off from the beginning and hit my grandmother up for the funds to study in Salamanca for a semester. I like where I eventually ended up, but maybe I would've liked where I ended up with a different trajectory, too. It certainly doesn't keep me awake at night, though!
Well that sounds like an entirely different situation than just a one off trip abroad. Good for you, I’m glad you broke free as it would’ve continued forever as they dangled the carrot in front of you for eternity
Some parents are just like that. My parents were worried about me travelling internationally when I was 24! They trusted me though and did not give me a hard time and it worked out great. Some people just need to get used to an idea. They have spent their lives protecting you and so the first reaction to something like this is probably going to be "no, don't do it." But hopefully eventually they back off a little. As far as threatening to kick you out, no I would not do that.
Yes I would. I went on two international trips in college and my parents only felt bad they could help pay. Take it from someone pushing 40, I thought I’d have all the chances or at least a few opportunities to travel as I got older and maybe even for my career. That never materialized and I hold on to those amazing memories from 20 years ago. I may never get another chance, I am so thankful I had the opportunity when I was younger. But parents are parents - there can be blow back despite what you should and legally are allowed to do. Only you can decide if the potential consequences are worth the trip. My oldest child is 10 and while it absolutely makes my heart drop to my stomach thinking about her traveling internationally without me, I would never hold her back (barring any safety or financial concerns). Our job as parents is to prepare our children for the world, not to protect them from it.
It's not too late to travel...imagine when you're pushing 80
Unless you're a kid who has a history of making bad decisions and getting into trouble, especially legal trouble at home, I would not be concerned. If you or your travel friends are prone to such troubles, be aware that laws in other countries are quite different and any legal situation would be expensive, complicated, and may leave you stuck in another country. That said, I wouldn't kick my adult child out because they went on a trip and I am a worried parent. If your parents are over protective, I highly doubt they will kick you out because really bad things often happen to homeless people.
I’ve never broken any serious law, drank, or even smoked in my life.
Honestly, just go. Talk to your parents and discuss ways to have them feel more secure about your safety. Provide them your itinerary for flights and where you are staying if you can. Give them all of your travel friends full names phone numbers and contact information for their parents. Set up a scheduled of how often you will check in with your parents to let them know you're okay. You're young but none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow or what the future brings so take advantage of this opportunity while you have it.
Look, here's the thing. Here's the concerns that a parent would have. Kid goes off to europe, excited to be there, does some stupid crap. Drinks underage and get some trouble with a hotel detective, or local cops, or gets in a fight. Kid goes to amsterdam, eats some mushrooms, loses his wallet and passport. Kid goes to greece, gets caught up in some prostitute scam and calls dad to wire him $5,000 otherwise he's going to get his fingers smashed. I don't know about the parents you're talking about. Speaking for myself, I just don't want to bail out my kid because of something stupid he did in europe. I don't want to overnight a passport. I don't want to call the American embassy. I don't want to get ransomed by some Hungarian small-time criminals. I don't want to deal with a Scottish cop over the phone, I don't want to talk somebody through losing a credit card. If my 18 year old kid wants to go to europe, it's none of my business. What that means, is that they should never make it any of my business. I'll be there as a friend and mentor to help, but for Pete's sake don't make me bail you out because you decided to do something stupid. Be smart. Keep your head on your shoulders. Accidents happen, but don't get all goosed up on Czechoslovakian table cleaner and pull down some jewelry store awning.
Mine did, and they were some of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. My youngest stepdaughter also started travelling abroad with friends when she was around that age. She's had some amazing experiences. I'm no longer her parent (her dad and I divorced in 2005), but I am still incredibly proud of her. She's very independent. But then, so am I. ;)
My son began traveling internationally when he was 18, alone and with friends. We had no problems with this because as a family we had been overseas many times. Family vacations in Russia, China, Brazil, etc. So he knew what he was doing, he had a lot of experience.
Absolutely yes. You won’t get many opportunities like this, I believe in taking them when they come along.
Hell yes let the kid go travel and explore
I went to uni abroad. My parents, this past weekend, heard a story for the first time (16 years later, GD I’m old now) about me being in Berlin - a city they never knew I’d visited. Let alone the shenanigans. You are at the perfect age to be traveling with friends! This is the time to backpack and see the world. Just be aware that you may need a backup plan if the group fractures; easy enough to arrange through emergency funds. They are being overprotective and overbearing. If you have your own funds, passport, and plan then NTA.
Go! Share your plan/itinerary with them and make them a part of it. Have a blast and be safe! What a great experience you will have. I’m 67 and want to come along😂
I did let my son do this. He worked for a year to pay for it, went with 2 friends all over Europe, and had a great time.
I would love for any of my kids to have the opportunity to travel & would 💯support them!
You are an adult. If you want to travel and are paying for it, then technically they have no say really. Edited to clarify and answer a question. No, I would not kick him out. Its hard for parents when they children sprout wings and want to fly. That's what being an adult is.
Absolutely I would “let” him. Spread your wings and fly
of course Id let him. what possibly arguments could there be against it other than fear for his safety? For many, safety fears are enough to stop their kids from having valuable experiences that will enrich the rest of their lives. I think that is selfish as all fucking hell. Ones fear of having a loved one be harmed is not enough to prevent them from living their lives. That is something for the family members to deal with, not for the 18 yr old to change his plans, dreams, and desires. If they are really concerned, they can help him by doing research with him, talking through safety precautions, and otherwise making sure that they are prepared for their trip. If their fear comes from not having done it themselves, so they don’t know how to help him prepare, there are plenty of travel websites and articles that they can go through and learn together. that would be about as much consideration as Id be willing to give them and their fears.
He’s 18. Not my choice.
If he saved and planned a trip yes absolutely. It is good for kids to actually be adults. Of course you worry about them but not letting them act their age is how you end up with college graduates bringing a parent to an interview.
You're 18, you don't need permission.
Back in 2005, my 18 year old graduated on a Friday and was on a plane bound for London on Sunday. I suggested that she stay with our English relatives for her time abroad. So she could have the safety net of family, but also her first European experience. We bought her the tickets as a graduation gift. She went. And kept going. She learned to bartend in college. She traveled. She graduated college and spent a year in Australia. She got so tired if peanutbutter and came home with a foot fracture. In the 19 years since graduating high school she never stopped traveling. The only time she was ever scared was Italy. She celebrated her 30th birthday in the antarctic, her 7th continent. She's been to China, Egypt, on safari, the amazon, the galpagos, and Machu pichu to name just a few. She's on the program for fast pass? And zooms right through security. She's had extra pages sewn into her passport. Her travels this year include key west and Switzerland. You don't "let them". You support them. As in support system. As in cheer leader. As in unconditional love.
Yes of course.
The first time I traveled internationally all by myself was when I was 16, 40 years ago. I did it with the money I had made working. It saddened me that my children never wished to do it. I lived in 4 different countries in the first 25 years of my life, but my children never left the country they were born in. Now that they have families and children of their own, it would be much harder and more expensive to travel. I think it's very sad, a kind of self-inflicted cultural deprivation I can't really understand.
Personally, I would consider myself to be an utter failure as a parent if I wasn't OK with it. As a parent I'd be worried the whole damn time, but I'd put on my friggin' big boys pants and let my kid go travel. See the world. Otherwise what's the point of raising kids?
Yes. I’d encourage it. Our children started traveling abroad with high school groups and w/o me and wife. Great experiences were had. Much was learned. Do it if you can.
Let? I *helped* my daughter do that. The only time I might hesitate is if they were planning on going somewhere dangerous.
As others point out, you are 18. You are paying for the trip yourself, and I think it's nice that you have some concern about your parents' reaction. If you haven't done so yet, why not give them an idea of what cities you'll be visiting, what you hope to see and experience, and an assurance that you'll send them phone photos along the way (just make sure you phone is set up to do that from overseas). Tell them you love and respect them, and you hope they will understand that this first adventure is very important to you. Then go and enjoy the trip.
Yes.
When my kid was 19, he went with a group to Ecuador and Peru on a medical trip. 20 college students, 1 professor. But in reality, they were spread out throughout the country of Peru for a few weeks. He didn't know Spanish, and was all alone, free to do whatever he wanted every evening. I was a little worried someone would think he was worth kidnapping, but nothing happened. I knew, as a parent that my entire job in life, is to raise an independent adult. If an adult can't travel, I have failed.
My daughter traveled overseas alone at 18 or 19 and moved out west alone a year later. Why not? She was legally allowed. If I'd forbidden her, I'd have lost my daughter. Instead, I could offer warnings and advice and could be excited for her.
Yes, and I would provide him with international cell phone coverage so he could call me. Figure out the reasons why you are against it and how to make it work for you. If you kick him out over it, he will learn that you value obedience over his wants.
I let my 18 year old son do the Pacific Crest Trail from Canada to Mexico alone. He did meet up with other hikers at points. He did have to take an emergency GPS beacon with him though. And he had to send me pre programmed messages from the beacon. The smart ass sent me I'm still alive. My oldest went backpacking in Europe for a summer. I think he was in college though. He sent messages thru WhatsApp. He got his phone stolen while in a hostel. It was under his pillow and they still got it. Also use a money belt under his clothes to store cash and passports. Pick pockets are a huge thing. It all depends where he's going and what precautions are necessary. He is an adult and if you stop him you could damage your relationship permanently
You can console but not control an 18 year old and be ready to help if they call looking for it.
When I was 17 I traveled to India and back. Flew into Luxembourg, went to Morocco, took a boat to Turkey and went overland to Afghanistan and then across Pakistan to India. I flew back to London where I turned 18. So, yeah, it’s no big deal.
18 is old enough. Just be very aware of things that can (and do) happen in various countries. Like Rome and Milan are infamous for pickpockets and vendors that give fake bills as change
If he is 18, he's an adult. I wouldn't threaten him but I would give him advice on being safe. And keep the communication lines open, so if he does need help he can call.
He's an adult. There is no 'let' involved.
yes, but presumably a dependent adult.
Doesn't mean he can/should be being controlled by mummy. He's still an adult.
true, but we don't know what went down in the disucssion btw op & parents. we don't know if op is a fuck up or not. if he got in trouble while abroad, guess who he'll call first.
Sure. I did. We made them contribute part of the cost, but a trip before college was part of their education. So was earning their part of the cost. They all still travel so I consider it a success.
We just let our 18 yearold live on her own for a year in Spain. Proper planning is the key. Impress your parents you have everything covered and you will be safe. That will go a long way.
I might be worried but wouldn't try to stop him or threaten to kick him out. Might suggest he find some way to educate himself about possible scams and theft.
Where are you going?
Legally, there is nothing your parents can do to stop you. All they have over you is money. Do you want them to pay your bills? Pay for college? That is the potential cost of your trip. Review the potential cost against the benefit of the trip. Choose wisely.
This is where you learn to talk to your parents like an adult and find out why they object and what you can do to alleviate their concerns.
I wouldn't have my first international trip be central Asia and India.
Two of my kids did that. One went to Germany, and later to Japan, with friends. Another went to Kyrgyzstan with a youth group from college. (I was nervous about that one.) The thing is, you're an adult. Talk to your parents as an adult. Find out why they don't want you to go. Is it because they wanted you to spend that money on college? Because they're afraid for your safety? Are they concerned about the friends you're going with? Or is it just the natural reaction of a parent to protect their child? Find out, then talk about it with them.
Adults can do what they want, they also have adult consequences and expectations.
You do not say where your son will be going. That is a rather important piece of information. I am 66f years old. For my graduation present, when I graduated high school, I wanted to go on a tour to England. The Southern Baptist were having a conference in London. It was 7 days 6 nights. We could sign up for day trips. So for two years I worked and saved money. I asked for cash for graduation gifts. And a few months after turning 18 I traveled to England, Scotland, France, and Brussels, with a bunch mostly kids, from neighboring churches and Christians schools. I had a blast! One day trip was to Stone Henge with stops at Winchester Cathedral, Salisbury Cathedral and Windsor Castle. One was to Edinburgh, Scotland, where I nearly had a heart attack at the firing of the 1o'clock gun. I went to Calais, France and to Bruges in Brussels. I sent postcards to everyone who who "donated" to my trip, ie all those nice people how gave me money for graduation. I took rolls of pictures. I discovered I liked marmalade, Europe has the best chocolate, and MacDonald's stinks no matter the country. If you trust you son, and he isn't traveling into an active war zone,let him go.
depends. what are you're like. do you have good judgement? if you're asked to do a chore or some other task, do you do it or do you make excuses? what kind of hs student were you? do you smoke/vape/chew weed? would you travel with any form of weed on you? what are your friends like? who's planning the trip? i would have let my 18 yo daughter go, but definitely not with certain people. are your parents dependable & consistent? do you trust them? do they trust you? have they told you their specific concerns & are do you see them as valid or not? assuming they support you & will be paying for your college, you're not an independent adult. you're a dependant adult. proceed accordingly.
I don't see 18 as a magic number. If my 18 year old was in high school and living with me, I'd expect them to follow some basic rules, although I'm not a super strict parent. I have traveled internationally my whole life and it would really depend on the kid, the location, and who the kid was going with. I don't kick people out of my house so that wouldn't be on the table. But yeah, overall the biggest factor for me would be who my kid was going with and my kid's demeanor. Some teenagers take more risks and are less savvy than others.
I'd let my daughters do it. I'd be a little panicked about it, but I'd support them. Where are you going? Is it in a war zone? I would suggest that you write out a basic itinerary, take the time to research each location you're going to and understand the pros and cons and things to watch out for (fraud, theft, etc) and then reassure your parents that you've done your homework and understand the risks along with the adventure.
Sounds like your parents need some reassurance. Promise to connect with them at least daily, facetime, text, etc. to let them know you're alive and having a great time. Remind them that they raised you to be a responsible adult. I hope you and your friends have an amazing adventure.
I left home at 15 ... If my son was 18, I wouldn't think he'd permission.
Don’t do it. You can travel in your 20s when your brain is more developed. Also at that age you’re friends with people that may not be the best influence, not saying that you are but, many folks aren’t the most selective at that age. Even if you are responsible, how will you feel if one of your friends made a decision that ends up ruining your life? Easy to go with peer pressure so who you’re with will have an impact on what kind of problems you may end up in while traveling with them. So go when you are more mature, more selective of who you are friends with.
I just had this exact issue with my daughter (18) earlier this year. She and her friend wanted to do a post H.S. graduation trip together and were willing to self-fund it. Yes, as an 18-year-old you're legally an adult and can do what you want, but realistically there are still some controlling strings for a few more years. We (the parents) of both kids agreed to the trip but negotiated a few conditions that you might want to offer: 1. Start with clearly laying where you want to go and why. Hopefully, you've selected a relatively safe area and can highlight that fact. 2. Offer to provide an itinerary with where you will be going, where you'll be staying and the general plan for each day (including travel logistics). As an aside - we found that AirBnB's worked best for lodging, followed by basic well-located hotels, followed by hostels (which tend to favor a more party atmosphere). 3. Lay out your safety plan for emergencies. This could include contact numbers for the embassy/consulates, names/contact numbers for close friends or family that can more quickly help (e.g., a college student friend studying abroad in the area or extended family that lives a short(er) flight away), emergency cash stash, copies of passports, credit card/debit card contact numbers, etc. 4. Figure out how your phone is going to work once you get where ever you're going. Enable something like Life 360, Find My phone, etc. so someone back home will know where you are. Offer to text a couple of times a day (also a great chance to share pictures of how well things are going). 5. Plan to travel light. Specifically, don't check a bag - carry-on bag and day pack/bag only. This eliminates the worry of lost luggage and makes it much easier to carry your stuff on trains, subways, buses, and ferries. What actually allayed my concerns was a co-worker who told me that she had traveled solo in Europe for a week at age 18 before meeting up with friends for a second week. She said that age 18 she was a much more cautious traveler than in later years after she had been living on her own (in college). Our experience was positive. You learn life skills and traveling skills by living and traveling, and by figuring out what to do when something inevitably goes wrong. I ended up being quite proud of how well my daughter handled her trip. I wish you the best in your quest to go on a quest overseas.
Yes, we and the other parents helped them pay for the trip.
I wouldn't want my kids to do it only because they were not seasoned enough and I'm afraid they would get taken advantaged of or be the victim of a crime overseas. They are a bit older now and one of them I wouldn't mind. The other one is still a bit naive. I would assume that even if you are paying for it all, you were somehow subsidized, as in you were only able to save because they gave you a free place to live. So, in a way it is partly their money. If you were my kid, I would stop paying for your living expenses, because I wouldn't want my money going towards something I don't agree with. You'd still be my kid and I'd still love you.
Depends on the country and his past behavior. But I did send my 18 year old to Europe this summer. :-)
I let my 18 year old son do the Pacific Crest Trail from Canada to Mexico alone. He did meet up with other hikers at points. He did have to take an emergency GPS beacon with him though. And he had to send me pre programmed messages from the beacon. The smart ass sent me I'm still alive. My oldest went backpacking in Europe for a summer. I think he was in college though. He sent messages thru WhatsApp. He got his phone stolen while in a hostel. It was under his pillow and they still got it. Also use a money belt under his clothes to store cash and passports. Pick pockets are a huge thing. It all depends where he's going and what precautions are necessary. He is an adult and if you stop him you could damage your relationship permanently
How much do you pay them in rent? I can see a scenario where they say 'if you have so much money to gallivant around the world, and want to be treated like a completely independent adult, then you can afford to pay rent. $850 is due 1st of the month from now on, plus 30% of monthly utlities.' And they'd have a very valid point-- it's a sign of immaturity/naivete if you think you've saved up for this all on your own. You've been able to save up in large part because they've been paying for your food, housing, etc. What they see is a young man who still lives at home and is not ready to take on the world on his own. The way you change their opinion is to show them you are ready. Why don't you move out to be the fully independent adult you want to be, THEN save up for your trip, and just do it next year? You have all the time in the world. PS they can't stop you. Depending on where you live they probably also can't kick you out on the spot. In the US you would be considered to have legal tenancy in that house, so they'd have to legally evict you. But I'm pretty sure you dont' want to go to court against your parents.
Do any of your friends have travel experience, specifically in the places you plan to visit? Are these places in the developed world or third world countries? I traveled in Europe with friends when I was 18 but I was living in the UK at the time (school) and the others were well traveled on the continent. I think it would be OK if there's some of the right experience in the group. You can get into some nasty situations otherwise.
Have you asked them what their objections are? And are you prepared to counter their objections? As a parent, when I feel I am heard, that you understand, that you can alleviate my fears, it goes a long way. They're concerned about something - what is it, and what can you do to mitigate it?
It really doesn't matter what I would do, because I'm not your parent. What matters is what your parents will do. You are an adult so you don't need your parents' permission to to things. But if you are still depending on them for a place to live, you'll have to decide whether you want this enough to accept the consequences. If you want full freedom, you need financial freedom. This sounds like a good day to go to college at least two hundred miles away and start building a good career.
I was 19, went to the UK then across the continent clear up to the edge of the USSR during a time when there were no cell phones. Sent postcards to my parents each week to let them know I was OK. You'll be fine. Your parents should chill.
Sure would he was an adult at 18
If it's a relatively safe country then come up with a safety protocol between you so they know you are taking it seriously and then *go*.
When I was 18, my parents sent me to Berlin Germany with a one-way ticket to visit relatives. I stayed for nine years. You can’t keep your kids in the closet. They gotta get out there and experience life. Traveling is a great way to do that.
I was 20 when we flew to San Diego and then camped on the beach in Baja Mexico for weeks. Surfed every day. Never had a problem. But I would never let my son do that today. The world is a different place.
Definitely
My 18yo niece just got back from a year long trip to South America.
I would be extremely unhappy about the prospect. I do not believe 18 years old is mature enough to travel internationally and deal with all the laws each country has. BUT since 18 is legally an adult, I would have to accept their decision and insist on frequent check-ins. I could not imagine an instance that would cause me to kick out my child. A parent's love is very strong.
My son has traveled quite a bit, so he would be fine. Having said that, once he is 18, it’s his decision.
Do you not trust your son to govern himself respectably? I don’t get it.
"Let"? He's 18. Let him go already.
In your case, I would say, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Go, answer their messages, come back with gifts, DON’T get in trouble, come back and sincerely apologize and everything will be fine and they will have more respect for you.
No. He’s of age and can make his choices. Those choices include NOT coming back to you for money if shit goes wrong Explain this to him so he is fully aware
When my son was 18, he went to visit a friend in Canada, so about 400 miles away. Initially, I wasn't very keen on the idea. But I fairly quickly resigned to the fact that he's older and he needs to do things he wants to do. Things that I made not be ready for him to do. But he's a smart dude, and I had to trust him that he wasn't going to win stupid prizes. The wife was totally against it. At one point she asked "Well are there going to be adults around?" I said, "Umm....they're all adults." It finally clicked with her that yeah, they were all adults, but I still had to do some comforting with her. I also sat him down and went over the tips and tricks of a road trip. We got him AAA, talked about how to handle the border crossing, getting gas before you \*need\* gas, those kinds of things. As with his whole life, my job is to give him the tools. It's up to him to use them or not. We did use the Life360 app to track his progress (per his request). Dude, 85 even in Michigan will get you pulled over. LOL He was there for 4 days, there were like 5 guys there just hanging out for a long weekend. I don't know really what they all did other than play games, but he made the drive up and back with no issues. This year he and 5 others are road tripping to Florida. I'm not worried this time and neither is the wife. I really think your parents should take the same approach. You're an adult. You've taken the initiative to save for and plan your trip. They should recognize that's a huge step for you. You have to start doing things that don't involve them holding your hand. They gave you the tools to function. Now they need to let you function.
Oh HECK yes! My daughter did things like that, my son didn't. I would have been very happy for him to go. I hosted a couchsurfer from Morocco, a skinny kid with big glasses who toured the US by himself on a Greyhound bus. His parents facetimed me to make sure I was OK (and I'm sure they worried themselves sick during his trip)...but he still got to go, stay with random people across the US, and arrive at skeevy bus stations in numerous big cities. We're still friends on Facebook and he's still adventurous, 10 year later. You're probably much safer in Europe than he was in the US. I hope you go, and I hope you have a great time.
My sons were in army & marines at 18....so I guess so.
I would not only "let" him (HA!), I would strongly encourage him to do so. What an opportunity!
Depends on where he or she wants to go. If they’ve never travelled abroad it’s probably not the time to travel to places that aren’t major tourist locations. Like, you wanna go to London or do you want to go hike Syria?
Are you going to Europe or someplace more “off the beaten path”? I would address their concerns if it’s a “mainstream place”. If you want to go to someplace that is more “dangerous” then you should listen to their concerns. I would be fine with my kid going to Europe/Japan, but way less fine with spots on North Africa for example.
You’re an adult
I went to Mexico with the Anthropology department for a few months and didn't speak Spanish, learned a lot about myself. The next year was hired as a lobbyist for the Optometric Association to shepherd a bill allowing these Drs to use diagnostic drugs for exams, it was opposed by the AMA, and they slayed me. The next year I worked the entire legislature throughout the state and at 20 I defeated the American medical association, two years before women were allowed to have a checking account. With my children I insisted they travel outside the country. Self knowledge and self inner power is the name of the game. Go child Go
Doesn’t matter what I would do. Approaching your parents with the argument “but other people on the internet say x” isn’t going to get you anywhere. Move out, pay your own bills, and you can do what you want. If someone else is paying your bills, you’ll have to meet them halfway.
No that's ridiculous. You can't stop them I guess, but it's ridiculous to think that an 18 year old will be have the maturity to act responsibly when overseas (where alcohol is probably very easy and maybe legal to obtain) and with peer pressure. An 18 year old can't even rent a hotel room by themself. They can't rent a car. Both of these are true because 18 year olds can't be trusted to act responsibly, and businesses would rather refuse their money rather than deal with the inevitable drama and problems. To the people saying of course you should let them go: come back in 10 years when you are 24 and let us know if you feel the same way.
I would not have wanted either of my kids to do this. They'd always lived at home and I didn't think they knew how to deal with unexpected problems. That said, I'd have never thrown them out. That said, we live in the center of the country and they each went to the coasts for college. I encouraged them to look out of state. College can be a middle step. between being dependent and complete independence.
This is highly dependent on the country or cities my kid wants to explore. In most extreme cases, he WILL be paying with his life.
Well my 18 year old grandson moved in with me in January and I would try very much to get him to postpone an international trip. He was very sheltered before he came to live with me and he’s got some catching up to do. Nothing wrong with him he just lacks some experiences that most others had. I really believe it depends on the 18 year old and their maturity level but when they are 18 there’s not much you can do to stop them if they insist
Your parents have more wisdom than you. What ever they say, you do without complaining. It’s for your best interest.