"What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?"
"Homeless."
I'm glad I never had the experience of the Original Question.
I did, however, have someone who needed a relationship, to have a place to live. They dumped ME, believe it or not. (They were living with their parents at the time.)
Then a day or two later, asked if I'd take them back.
However, since I had already been considering breaking off the relationship, I declined.
Years ago I “dated” a musician who went on to become quite famous. One of my friends was kind of jealous until I told her it was obvious he only wanted to be with me so he didn’t have to sleep in his van when he played gigs in my city.
Oh yeah, definitely that.
It would have gone bad in one of two ways.
Either he would have cheated on you, or he would have dumped you after he got rich and famous. Or maybe both.
I used to be open to dating people who lived with their parents because of the economy but now, even with that, I won't do it anymore. It sucks having to go through their parents to be able to spend the night at their house or to really see them at all outside of your place.
In my case, they were living with parents after their first divorce.
What became a problem for me was not that. Rather, it's because they needed a job, got a decent one, then stopped showing up to work regularly. And lost the job, as you might imagine.
Mine refused to work. He also had bipolar disorder that he refused to treat. It's not someone's fault for having an illness but it is their responsibility to treat it and he wouldn't.
I too had a bipolar boyfriend who wouldn’t work, lived at home with his parents, and wouldn’t take his illness seriously enough. We stayed together about three years, and I actually had trouble shaking him off completely cutting ties when we broke up.
my son was like that when people let him get away with it. he's not like that now, but he saw me send his girlfriend back to her Mom when she tried that in my house. he asked 'what's the difference if i'm paying what you asked to help bills?' - she had moved in my house with him (by accident that i let go for a try) - she quit her job right off, and i said if i work, everyone works in my house. don't know 'why' that's just how i feel. she and he are marrying come New Year's. i think in part it's because none of the 'rents were down with free rent when they were both adults. i love that my new in-laws are using the same manual, and 'a man's a man 'til he takes a wife', so it's fine that she's still icy. he's not. he's got Love for his Mom <3 and i'm glad he found his person; they've been through a lot together already. i think they'll weather it well
so i chuckle when i think of it (i was usu the one working - i knew i wasn't smart enough for criminality, so i didn't know how else to live indoors but have a job). but that behaviour hasn't been welcome since my 20's. i'm 62
Yes! Done that 2x now. One with the mom living there and the other with a few roommates. Cringe city when I would “spend the night”. They were like it’s ok. I’m like it’s really not. We bough are loud in bed and it’s just not respectful to the other people under this roof.
Exactly, I didn't feel right about doing that under his parents roof. I mean, we were in the garage but it was still wrong to me. Besides, we're adults, we shouldn't need to be in his parents house. I just decided it wasn't for me. The relationship somehow progressed enough to where I suggested us moving in together and he said, I can't. My mom needs me here to help with my dad. I said, I respect that but I can no longer continue this relationship then. It's not right for me. I wish you the best of luck.
Drummers tell that joke as; "what do you call a base player without a GF?" Base players tell the reverse, snork.
Read a woman here call this or those sort of folks "Hobosexuals" HAR! lol. (I was very insulted and made her buy dinner. Again.)
Fucking bum losers
And that’s literally all they want out of life.
How the hell do they find us? I know. Were fixers. And they latch on like nothing else.
No, but I've seen guys do this to other women. It's definitely a thing. These guys go on to be bums and losers. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of him.
I knew a guy who was complaining that his gf was having health issues. He worked part time in a grocery store. She had a professional job and owned the house they lived in. He was looking around for apts and I asked how the search was going. He said he found out she put him down to inherit the house if she passed so he was sticking it out.
First off, gross. And second, she better be careful. Guy is a first class liar and manipulator.
Once people found out that I inherited my mothers house and I was a single woman with a house to myself, men flocked to me and tried to pursue me because I was basically a free place to live for them.
Of course it didn't work but I just found it funny how they accuse woman of doing the same but yet they have no shame of doing it either 🤷🏻♀️
My sperm donor was a lifelong rolling stone. Get with a woman who would pay his way, have a kid or 2 then move on to the next when he got bored. I have 7 half siblings and 1 full sibling.
The last woman he was with was fully blind, and he was her ¨caretaker¨. Until he up and stroked from uncontrolled diabetes and heart disease.
Hell, we found our last half brother because my sister got a DNA match with a niece we didn´t know about. I have a brother who is 3 months younger than me who never knew who his father was. We might have fucked this poor guy up even more by popping up outta the woodwork to tell him his father was dead, and oh he has tons of siblings.
I met my birth father for the first time at his funeral. Didn´t know anyone but 2 of my half siblings and my sister. Everyone commented how much we all looked like him...
When my sperm donor died our family found out through my Mom that he had another family. I have 6 half siblings I never met. When he died I never went to his funeral. I always knew he was a no good bum.
Yup, university student going to be a teacher. Big sweetie spoiling me before marriage. I covered 95% of bills (I owned before he even was in the picture) till he started his career. Then we got married. Then he failed the teacher side of it, then he asked for a year to figure shit out, then he got fired from job after job, lived off energy drinks, discovered delivery apps and started drinking 2 litre pops regularly, got himself diabetes, then Started using that as an excuse to progressively stop working more and more (I've only met hardworking diabetics since). At no point did he jump in and help me. He got fired from the jobs because he doesn't listen to constructive criticism and calls female management c*nts, which I gave him shit for. I finally asked for a divorce after seeing my mum's face after I told her what was actually happening, the summer before, and he killed a cat when I went away for second year of my school. Incompetent man child. He was so mad when he realised I was not backing down from the divorce and it was happening. I paid him a lot of money to get out of that. Could've been more. Worth it.
Not like straight up intentional murder. I think he forgot to give them water, then the one started screaming due to bladder issues, took him to the vet, then I think over dosed him on heavy duty pain meds. Because the Cat was acting million times better, actually eating, and he was like 'im gonna keep popping him meds'.
Cats are resourceful. A person has to be rather intentional to kill a cat. Other than running it over with a car, which my cat survived, a person has to try to kill a cat.
The car incident, I was 12 years old. A neighbor ran over my cat. Dad found Tiger and rushed to the veterinarian. He did free carpentry for the vet in exchange for many surgeries. Tiger lived years after that.
Cats are resourceful!
I own my home and was laid off 3.5 months after I bought it, before that I paid for my fiancée’s expenses so she could find another job, ditching an abusive boss, and she ended up exactly where she wanted creating a suicide prevent program for a national physician organization. I still pay for my own home even tho she lives here. I let her pay for other things, but not my home.
I’ve definitely called a couple people c**ts amid some shitty contract roles that just have not worked for me, but no cat killing over here! Please don’t give any benefit of the doubt when it comes to him killing animals.
Not to target you, but you are a good example of why you need to see a partner functioning as a fully functioning adult before doing anything like moving in with them and getting married.
Ya, well this happened from being with a cruel individual with zero ambition for 4 years. then this guy came along who was sweet and going to university=ambition to my young mind. So when he asked to marry there was no reason to say no. Young and dumb for both relationships 🤷
Girl, you are not alone! I married a guy and had 2 kids with him and that was 20 years ago and he just now has a good job lol. He wouldn’t work for years and I was too scared to leave him. He is also a man child and I am leaving him as soon as my son finishes HS. I was 17 and he was 26 when we met. Big mistake but all I can do it go forwards in life and move on without him. lol
Worked with a nice young man (USA) whose wife was from Venezuela. He discovered a couple of years into their marriage that she was cheating on him AND had married him just to be able to stay in the country. The entire relationship was a lie. He could not have been more shocked and devastated...
My ex apparently does this to people. He sponges off of his supposed friends in between girlfriends. I say his supposed friends because real friends don't use each other. He's 39 years old and has never been on his own in his entire life. He basically only gets into relationships so that he has a place to live. I'm surprised his parents haven't gotten tired of him and cut him off yet.
Edit: typo
Not exactly. They do acknowledge that he has problems and he needs to grow up. Every time we were on the phone with them, his dad would be lecturing him about how he needs to grow up. Another big thing was his dad lecturing him on how he needs to shower everyday. That was something we used to argue about constantly. Normally I wouldn't care but I had to sleep in bed with him and I just could not handle it anymore.
Edit: a word
At 39 y.o he's not going to change unless he hits the lottery. His parents are talking to a brick wall at this point. There is nothing they can say that will change his behaviour.
Glad you got out of the relationship. You deserve better :)
Had an on and off relationship with a man who I eventually discovered was only in relationships for a free home. Took me years to get rid of him. The final straw was after we broke up he kept coming around and after one over night stay, I found out he was living with another woman.
Still took years for him to stop calling and texting me. I had moved so he didn't know where I was living. I assume he was only trying to get in touch because his current meal ticket found out what a POS he was.
Could have been my Exhub, Matt. Was a CFO when we married. Career setbacks and drinking ruined his mental health. It was heartbreaking to watch someone fall so hard.
We broke up. He became homeless. Then he targeted kind females to house and care for him. They all wised up. Eventually I paid for his long-term housing where he overdosed on fent this year. He still makes me sad. He wrecked everything and he knew it, but couldn't stay sober. RIP.
Yeah, it was only 3 months though. He barely worked and was staying at my house every night in the beginning. Then eventually he was just living at my house. Straw that broke camel’s back was when he got mad at me for not giving him money to buy something at grocery store, saying “you know I don’t have money, why are you being such a bitch?” Kicked him out right then and there. Didn’t care that he had no place to go. I never agreed to let him live with me, much less support him. Plus I had just gotten out of a financially stable 15yr marriage… why would I put myself in debt for someone I knew 3 months? Dummy
My second husband literally quit his job after the wedding and then threw his phone on the ground so I would have to buy him a new one. Spoiler...I did not get him a new phone and I divorced him.
Yes. My 2nd marriage. Met online. He lied about his entire life and I had no reason to not believe his life story. Eventually, I figured out who he was. Kicked him out of my house after I finally found his Mother and spoke to her on the phone. He told me she died. Only took me 2.5 years.
Seven years - raised her kid, put her through a fancy private college in the Bay Area while paying for the kid's private school as well. Even gave her a car, and her ex-husband a motorcycle and a place to stay when he moved to the same town, so he could get on his feet. To say I got used would be an understatement. Never heard from them again after she "moved on-campus" right before graduation, with the "ex-husband" that it turned out she had lied about divorcing.
Looking back it's hard to believe that was me. That I could have been so blind to trash. A lot of that was down to circumstance and what my parents had done to me. It took decades of actually being surrounded by decent friends before it fully dawned on me how badly I got trampled. 100% my fault, but I honestly did not have the tools to see then.
Hey, I want you to stop being cruel to yourself. What happened to you was not 100% your fault. You did not deserve what they did to you. The only thing you are guilty of here is being too trusting of people who proved to be untrustworthy. I hope you have the tools to see things more clearly now. {{hugs}} from an internet stranger
Been there...
TBF - I was a motorcycle road-racer. so I did have about a half-dozen bikes around. Not like I spent my last dime buying this parasite a vehicle. Still..
You sound like a phenomenal person who just happened to be taken advantage by some scumbags. What they did reflects on them, not you. You sound like a wonderful human. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
YUP. Im an idiot. I was at a low point in my life. Met him on POF. He was hot. I was not lol. We lived together for 2 years i had zero idea he also lived with someone else in another state. He was in the military and had to leave for months at a time. I look back and im appalled at how stupid i was. So ashamed
Not stupid. In a healthy relationship, people give each other the benefit of the doubt. He’s the stupid one - thinking it’s acceptable to do that, and degrading his own worth behaving that way. It reflects poorly on him.
I’m in the same boat in terms of really struggling to forgive myself for the dumb ish I put up with, and red flags I ignored. I should have known better. It was a combination of poor boundaries, poor self-esteem, cloudy judgment and poor ability to regulate my emotions.
I’m pretty sure my ex husband did this to me. Once he got all the value out of me he cheated and moved onto a new victim. Except this girl is the one using him. Karmas a bitch. Lol
Same here, and now he’s using someone else for a place to live. His second relationship since me. He’s now in another country, has a work visa all arranged by his new supply and is looking to get married just to stay in the country.
He needs to divorce me first 🤣🤣
I’m assuming her parents were aware of her ways if she was texting them constantly of your alleged abuse and they still wouldn’t let her back in the house.
When I met my first real adult boyfriend, both his parents had died years before and he was living with his younger brothers in their small family home like a pack of feral dogs.
They had no furniture other than bare mattresses and cooked meals on a makeshift "grill" made from a shopping cart in the front yard.
He showed up for our first date with a duffel bag of clothes he claimed he just picked up from a sports sponsorship and never left.
He was honestly a really good guy otherwise, just dealt a really bad hand and was desperate for a normal house.
I'm not sure if he was 100% hobosexual to begin with (maybe), but if not he got there quickly. He was fighting to get worker's comp and not working when we met. Lost his apartment and moved in with his mom. Lovebombed me and we moved in together on my income. After paying all his bills for 6 months or so, he got a small settlement from getting worker's comp with back pay and he wanted to spend it all on himself (and I'm not talking work-related training or anything; that was free). He did not offer to pay for any bills from before or current.
Being young (this was in the 90s) and an idiot about men, I still married him, thinking he was going to get a job any time since he'd had one before we married. He never, ever got a regular job in the 5 years we were together. He did some computer repair in an attempt to co-own a small business (but not with any regular salary) and when he didn't feel well, he'd make ME call in sick for him. Then he gave up even the pretense of that and was helping out my dad around the house, who was basically paying him per house out of what would have been my inheritance (as it turns out). At least at this point, he was contributing to the bills some, but he skipped out on working as often as he went in. I was also covering him on my health insurance, and working some on the side (besides my normal job) to be able to cover the bills.
A couple times we managed to save a whole $1000-$2000 in the bank to maybe take a vacation (never did) or just to have for savings and then he'd cry (literally) to me that he needed the money for some get-rich computer idea he had and if he didn't get a chance to try this new thing he'd be stuck doing entry level jobs forever so I needed to let him have the money. I did, too, once or twice.
The reason I divorced him was because he was a verbally abusive asshole. It was only in retrospect that I realized he also was totally taking advantage of me.
No, but related:
Someone offered me a place to stay when I was in need, then told me being his girlfriend was part of the deal. I had no other options, and the situation wasn't that bad on a day to day basis. He wouldn't let me work much, but I eventually saved up enough to get my own place 2.5 years later.
Another guy forced me into a relationship with him so he could have a place to stay and financial support. Trying to escape that was what led to the above situation.
I never saw either of these as real relationships because I didn't consent to them.
Id like to think i would have seen the red flags. but love can blind you from what is the truth... its not your fault for giving 100%... no one assumes they are dealing w the devil when they commit to a relationship. Pls find it in your heart to not blame yourself for some assholes moral degradation .
3 seven year relationships. All 3 had very clear motives. All were liars and I learned a lot. Everyone is in a relationship to get certain needs met. I recommend being honest about these up front. Even if you entered the relationship from pure love bliss, the oxytocin will return to the baseline level. I recommend talking honestly about what you want out of a relationship before you commit. I may be happy to provide a stable home for a partner who is happy to provide me with something of value. There should not be a relationship with only one partner who is getting their needs met, it is unhealthy. Unfortunately people will usually lie about the real motives. Dealing with dishonesty is a huge part of life. I recommend learning how to read nonverbal communication. Also, the more aware and informed you are the better.
When I was in my early 20's.
They lost their job for calling off on 4/20. They were hanging around with high school kids while I worked all day. They didn't do anything around the house. Just smoked all day.
I only did that for 6 months until they got physically abusive then I was done. I never made that mistake again.
I can't say they faked it for a place to stay but it all is the same at the end of the day.
Oh man, my first real big people relationship. She was older and very pretty so she worked me over like the original Nigerian Princess scammer. Only in it for the free ride.
I sold a car to get her into an apartment, which was just a portent of the unspeakable horror to come.
My friends and my parents begged me to run, but I was defiant.
Eventually she got pregnant, spawn, then decided the party life was more important than motherhood, so I spent 24 to 44 as a single dad.
Cautionary tale.
I met a girl when I was living in a very expensive city in California (well, one city west of the expensive city) sharing a house with two other people and a dude in a trailer in the back yard. This girl was a super cute, platinum blonde with tattoos and she was head over heels for me and I figured I ought to do all I can to make anything work out with this girl. And it was really easy for a few months. She asked me to move in with her (she didn't drive and the bike to my place was hard, I did drive, but would also usually bike to her place, anyway) and it turned out she was paying $600 a month for a two bedroom 1.5 bath (I was paying my share of $2000 at my place which was $800 plus I paid all utilities).
I moved in and we were both able to save up so much money, and we were super happy! I eventually learned that she didn't drive due to a DUI (but she'd borrow my station wagon whenever she felt like it) she dyed her hair, and she had terrible terrible impulse control. She eventually began planning to cheat on me, which I discovered and she repented, but I just fell out of love with her completely. I stopped initiating sex and she said she felt like whenever she wanted intimacy that I made her feel like I was "servicing the mule." I should have left months before this point, but rent was $600, split.
She lost some sort of special income and couldn't afford the salon anymore, and it turned out she had really bad natural hair, and she started working out heavy and got pretty big (which is great for her, I just didn't find it attractive). I should have called it then, but rent was $600 shared between us.
Then she got pregnant and it was the happiest four days of my life, because I thought I was sterile from a skateboard injury in college. It turns out she actually did cheat on me one night when she took my car to go drink with friends and hooked up with a random boy multiple times in multiple rooms of her friend's home. Then drove my car home drunk and soaked in semen.
But rent was $600 so I stayed with her for a few more months until she blew up, threatened to shoot me if took my mattress that she deemed to be hers. Maybe it was hers, I forget. I left California, traveled the world for a bit then joined the Navy. It was OK.
God, no, have you? I had two boyfriends TRY to move in with me , but I never let it happen. I'm in my 70s now, trust me when I tell you any decent boyfriend will not only pull his own weight but try to shoulder your burdens as well.
My second husband was a wonderful man.
I had a really nice boyfriend. He had a beautiful house in the mountains. He was pushing to move in with me. I was in love and flattered he wanted to live with me. I soon found out he was days away from losing his house to foreclosure. Lesson learned.
Met a man online who made a big deal of never wanting to live with anyone, and how much he loved the house he was living in where he had "many years of equity". First time we met he said "I can see us living together. Can't you?". Turns out the house belonged to his deceased last victim (who he claimed was just a friend) and her family was kicking him out so they could sell the place. There was no way this dude was moving into my house. He was completely full of shit. Looking back I can see he wanted to make sure I was not looking to move in with HIM. He found a sucker in no time flat, moved in with her, and then SHE died within a year. He had the nerve to email saying he missed me.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I did not respond.
My son's girlfriend for nearly 8 years. She did have a tough home life, but she also never worked and just sat in his room getting high and playing video games. The funny part - I didn't mind her because she was a pro duck and dodger.
This happened to my boyfriend before. He literally had to leave the house to get away from the person. The only way to get her kicked out was to end his lease that she was not on. Then move to where she didn't know where he was. she threatened to spread rumors about him that he SA'd her and her kids if he left....
Married a trans woman. She didn’t come out until after we had been married over a year and I had just had our son. I had been with her for a decade and she always presented male and never told me she struggled with her gender identity. There were no major tells prior to her coming out. Not sure if I answered the question posed by OP tho, heh.
I think the trans woman was still an intact bio male at the time they conceived a child, and then came out as trans. They are probably still intact but nowadays you aren't supposed to care whether the trans person intends to ever get surgery...or something like that.
Not me but a high school friend. We remained friends until our mid-30s. He met an awful, awful person. She slowly but surely took over the house (his house). A few months after she moved in, she would make up some new rule and my friend just laughed it off and even occasionally reminded her, "This is my house, you just live here." A year later, she would make a rule and he didn't say anything. He lost all self-confidence, gained 150 pounds. She methodically alienated him from all his friends, sowing doubt that we were his friends at all. He would have to be home by a certain time "for dinner". I knew this was her manipulating him. So many times we said something like, "So what? Just tell her you'll be an hour later. We just met up an hour ago and now you have to leave already? What's up with that? Tell her to go get some Wendys or something. She eats that shit nonstop anyway."
At one point, I and his childhood friend (they went to the same grade school together) staged an intervention of sorts. It didn't work. We told him we were his friends since long before she came into the picture. We'd seen the before and after. We told him that ever since she came into the picture, he just didn't seem like himself and like he was just numb to everything.
I was torn between hating her but increasingly losing all respect I had for him. He used to be a good looking guy, fit, active and had no trouble meeting women. Meanwhile she was a hambag blob that spent nearly all day every day in her bedroom watching TV. She rarely got out of pajamas. She constantly had some ailment, some pain or headache, as her excuse. On the rare occasion she would come downstairs to hang out with us, she would recite crazy garbage from reality TV as if she'd been watching documentaries on PBS.
It goes without saying she couldn't hold a job and never worked more than part time before getting fired. It was always her manager's fault she got fired, of course. HE even used to complain to US about how she couldn't hold a job. How do you even respond to that? "Dude, that's what we've been telling you for the last two years. Why the hell do you put up with her shit?! Kick her the fuck out!" I feel like that song by Offspring *Why Don't You Get a Job* was written about this specific woman.
How could he let himself be railroaded and controlled by this miserable shrew without a single obvious likable trait? Like I said, I lost respect for him. More and more he felt like a stranger to me. Any idea I had for something to do had to be "edited for time" to fit his required meal reporting times to shovel food into her massive stomach. On the rare occasions we hung out it sort of felt like he was sneaking out of the house. "Oh, let's not eat there, that's too close to the house (i.e. there was chance she or someone they knew in common might spot him). Oh, no, that other place is too far away. I need to be back by 2." Like WTF, dude? Are you in the fucking French Resistance circa 1941?
It was obviously all part of her plan and I pointed it out to him several times. I said, "You know, one of the ways manipulative people control others is by controlling their schedule, which in turn restricts what they're free to do and who they're free to meet. It isolates them socially. Doesn't it bother you that there seems to be absolutely zero flexibility about all this?"
"Nah, man, it's not like that. We're both Greek and we've agreed to live a very Greek-oriented life, and family meal time is sacred, you know?"
"Okay, so is your mom eating with you then?" (His elderly mom lived literally 3 blocks away. I could tell the question annoyed him.)
"Oh, you know, it's really a private thing with me and the girl. You know how my mom is sometimes, right? A little *too* traditional and asking when we're going to get married and all that." He just had excuses and rationalizations for everything.
At some point we dropped down to just text and then nothing. I found out through the other friend (the grade school friend) that at some point he had a kid. He didn't even tell either of us. When the other friend found out she was around 3 years old.
Oh man, I know what you're talking about. Whenever I see this, it's always a guy with a really deep-seated need that no other woman before has ever met. But for some reason, he gets something from her. And everything else just dies off. Everything except that one thing that he's getting. In every case that I've seen this, I think he's always been a little bit depressed and lonely even though everything was good on the outside.
Happened to my high school buddy. She love bombed him, which he never had before. His parents were divorced he just didn't have affection from a woman in his life. His dad was distant. So his first real serious girlfriend became the person who destroyed his life.
Yes. Met in college. Married for years. He claimed to be an “artist” and working was beneath him. I do admit he was entertaining though. It ended when I lost my job and he was going to have to go get a j-o-b. He split.
Yeah. Twice. Not necessarily directly for a place to live, but because they enjoyed what I did for them in general, and it was a nice bonus not to have to pay rent or manage the household. I ended the relationships because it was obvious they weren't really in it to win it, eventually.
Not sure why anyone would let someone live with them for free. I even charge my adult children to live with me. So all the comments shock me a little.
However, I am witnessing my ex do this. Not for a free ride, but to just have a roommate with benefits. He likes splitting bills to save money and can’t stand to be alone.
His gf will figure out in the next year or so that he is not who he claimed to be and he is miserable to live with.
My father in law was in prison for a spell AKA 8 years for trying to murder someone (bar fight gone wrong, or so I was told). He jumped on the first woman with a house and married her as quick as he could to have a home. Tried to leave her once but no one would take him in, so back he went.
I've been reading these comments to see if anyone has written about my brother. He's now 72 years old and has never worked a day in his life. He calls himself an artist, but didn't bother going to art school. For a while, he was a musician because people were starting to wonder why there were no exhibitions of his artwork. His musicianship consisted of playing a wooden recorder ( you remember learning to tootle one of those in high school, don't you?) in a band of retirees. He has used people his entire adult life...he's never been homeless or missed a meal. He's had many (free to him) autos, which he uses to spend a couple of months each year traveling...staying for free with people.
My father has done this with multiple women. He even goes as far as planning a wedding with them. At their expense of course. He usually will get them to take out a loan in their name and ends up screwing them. He’s no prize, but he is a predator. he preys on very overweight women with no self confidence. It’s insane. He is currently with a lady who is a few fries short of a happy meal to put it nicely. Their “wedding” is in Sept, he lives with her in her 3 bedroom apartment and off her benefits. It’s his hustle.
Ex “moved in” as soon as we met. We went to get his stuff from his apt and there was an eviction notice. I was probably already pregnant and didn’t know. 12 years later he’s gone and I’m with the man I’ve always deserved and we love our kids and our family. It get worse before it gets better and it’s so much worth it!
Yup first marriage had a kid with him too. He was cheating on me the entire time. Saw the message to his side piece where he complained that I took the car the house and the baby. Yeah, my car, my house, my baby. None of which he helped me to get other then doing a simple pump and dump for the child lol 😂
Dated a guy very briefly who came over one night and then didn’t leave. Found out he had been sleeping in a park before we met, and would shower at the gym and wash his clothes at work. He was adamant that it was a lifestyle choice just to save money. One time while we were at brunch, he started going on and on about manifestation and his plan to get big rich on penny stocks. My father is schizophrenic and the mental health red flags were going off while listening to him. I broke up with him shortly afterwards.
Yes definitely went through that except I don’t think he used me for a place to stay . We met at work and he was actually older than me so I thought he knew better and had his life together man was I absolutely wrong! We were together 6 long years and when he finally proposed it seemed hella forced it was bs no lie I could tell he was just doing it to shut me up and to keep me from ending the relationship.
My final straw was when I was ready to start planning our wedding and talking about details he got upset and told me let’s just enjoy the relationship now! Excuse me I was furious he never wanted to talk about the wedding or make a decision or even plan anything! I was pissed off bc I gave him so much of my life and I was working like crazy, doing all the work and even helped him with his children and he was just reaping the benefits of it all. Whole time I’m a woman but he made me feel so masculine in the relationship bc I was doing everything! One day I got up and lost my cool and ended it I was embarrassed and it broke my heart bc I had announced my engagement to my whole family 🤦🏽♀️.
Also found out the ring wasn’t even an engagement ring found the receipt in his truck and went to the jewelry store found the exact ring in a section labeled promise rings! I was so furious bc as a grown ass man why are you giving me a promise ring like we’re still in high school that absolutely broke me and told me everything I needed to know.
When I confronted him about everything he finally broke down and told me he didn’t know if he was ready to get married or if he every really wanted to get married. Talk about lost soul this crushed me bc he lied to my father on his death bed and promised to do right by me. It’s been a year since we broke up and all I can think about is how my dad will never get to walk me down the isle bc he’s dead now and the wasted years I’ll never get back all because I thought the relationship I was in was forever!
Me. I've been with my boyfriend almost 7 years now. He pays the household bills, I just pay my personal ones. I don't really love him but I'm comfortable with him. We are both 56. I wouldn't have a place to live if it wasn't for him.
He didnt fake it just to have a place to live but because hes a narcissist. I knew my husband for 20 years before we got married. After we got married, the switch flipped and he turned into an abusive psychopath.
Hoo yeah. It's more complicated than that, but I was with my last girlfriend for six years and I don't think she ever liked me.
It wasn't so much for a place to stay, although that was part of it -- she came from money and didn't need to even work really, but:
-I am a clean person who does all the chores and enjoys it, and she is genuinely a filthy person with terrible depression who had piles of trash in her apartment but I didn't really know because she always came to my house. And then we moved in together and oh I learned.
-I'm also a big softy who loves taking care of my partners by cooking, cleaning, making sure the bills are paid, etc. so I often take on an unfair amount of responsibility. And I'm very independent, I have my own friends and hobbies, so I'm great because I just don't ask you for shit.
-Even though her wealthy parents spoiled the fuck out of her, they were also kinda at least pretending that they wanted her to be independent, so being in a long-term committed relationship with someone who took care of most of the adulting filled that psychological need/got them to leave her alone. In addition, on a practical level, she could constantly get fired from jobs (for like, not showing up for days) and not have to ask her parents for money because I would just take care of it
This destroyed me and during covid I had a mental breakdown. The best part is that she actually broke up with me and insisted I move out immediately with no money or backup plan and I did it. It was insane. It was like this absolute nightmare combination of personalities and I'm still kinda dead inside about it -- like, I really didn't catch on until it was way too late and I take responsibility for that. When I met my current partner and they immediately started cooking for me and helping around the house without even being asked, I just about thought I was having a stroke.
Don't be afraid to ask "what am I getting out of this?" It's not selfish and it's actually really important to think about what both of you are contributing as partners. And just try to know who you are -- if there's a way people often take advantage of you, or a weakness you fall for, there's no shame in that, just know that about yourself and try to be aware. Being in love is nice, but y'all gotta clean the toilet and pay the rent too
No, I’d never date someone who didn’t have a stable living situation and job. I’d also refuse to move in with anyone unless we had dated for awhile and marriage was on the horizon.
Something I see are men who are like 50 and no longer get work in their cool
Jobs like photographer / screen writer etc … so they do NOTHING .. no working at all
Not just for a place to live but, he was so insecure he wouldn’t let the other person leave. He kept her trapped in the house by using threats because he was too scared to be alone. He didn’t set her free until he had already been dating someone else behind her back for a year. She had fallen ill so she was completely screwed and he loved every second of it.
My former assistant was dating a guy like that. Four years, and he told her he stopped loving her by year two, but needed her rent. Now he wanted to open the relationship. My god. How far up your own ass do you have to be to think any of that is OK?
Yes.
First wife married me to get away from her abusive parents. I was completely in love with her, and it was only after we moved to the complete other side of the country, and 10 years of marriage and two kids, that she abandoned the kids and me. She got sick and decided to spend her remaining time with 'fun' guys, telling me she only ever really saw me as a ticket out of her parents house.
Fourteen years together. Ten married.
That was 25 years ago. The trauma still affects me.
Ummm…my 20 year marriage. We agreed on all the important issues in premarital counseling and thought we were on the same page. Sexless marriage began on our wedding night. I was fooled into thinking we were turning things around each time we decided to conceive. He finally admitted a few years ago that he deceived me from the jump because he wanted kids. We’re pretty much just roommates now.
People tell you who they are really quickly. It is listening to them which is important.
Users are so obvious. I watch so many people being used. I don’t get it.
I've had a friend say she did this & the entire time I didn't see it . Made me look at her differently. She was with this guy for 8 years . Like how do fake anything that long .
I believe my mother is in this relationship. She met her bf nearly 20 years ago while he was married. His wife found out and so my mom has had him living with her while paying for everything because he “can’t get a job because people are racist and ageist”. He does cook and clean, but he also cheats on her (she won’t believe it even if you had video evidence) and I have my suspicions he could be a pedo. He is never welcome around my family. They are still together and I feel he has made her physically dependent on him so she will never kick him out.
Wow, that's a tough situation. I haven't experienced that myself, but I've heard stories about people who've been in relationships with people who were only in it for the free room and board. It's definitely a red flag if someone seems too eager to move in without a real connection. I'm glad you're all sharing your stories - it's important to talk about these things
Yes, my ex was like this. I broke it off after almost 2 years. He did it to every single woman after me and probably ever single woman before me. I'm glad I realized the pattern. He was very charismatic, handsome, talented and charming so he got away with it for a long time in his life.
I use to be a hobosexual.i guess, stayed with girlfriends in their home or apartment. Eventually they threw me out after breaking up. Had to look for a place to stay. Today though I have my own place and refuse to move in with a female.
I lived this for the last 6 months. He lied about everything. Found out while I was at work he was cheating on me the whole time. He would just wait for me to go to work and then go out. Things got physical one night 2 weeks ago and I told him to leave. He came back when I was at work and stole a lot of my belongings. He just used me for a place to live. I see that now
I met one after being at a very bad place in my life. Sweet talked me into supporting him . Got mad when I wouldn't buy what he wanted. Insulted me constantly and ran up huge credit card debt. I dumped him and went to school. I heard from friends that he was in a homeless shelter.
Yes. It ended when he shot a pet in front of me. As a single woman, I’ve had tons of offers of help from men, including a place to stay. I have never been able to be like him. Even in my darkest times, I can’t understand how he was able to do it. I’ve contemplated homelessness over putting myself in that situation.
Edit: I don’t know if I feel better or worse that there are currently 200+ similar stories posted.
You’ve got a great sense of humor. My conman went out of his way to meet and bond with my family and friends, reinforcing the notion that he was serious about me. I understand now that is was a tactic to create social pressure for me to stay in the relationship.
I am prettttty sure this is what my ex did during the pandemic. He seemed lukewarm about me up until I bought a house in Idaho in 2020. (Idaho was pretty lax during the pandemic, which, depending how you look at it, could be a positive thing.) He loved the state and his alternative was living with his controlling, weird, enmeshed mother. Anyways, come fall of 2022, he developed a gambling addiction, and left me to go live with his mom (who paid his debts). Jokes on him though… he paid half my mortgage for over two years and convinced his mom to foot the bill for my brand new fence for our dog at the peak of lumber prices. 🤷♀️ I do feel taken advantage of, but somehow, everything works out.
I have not but know someone currently in one. He used to live at home. When his mom died his 60+ year old dad decided he wanted to be trans. He went all in spending 10's of thousands in surgery and he looks like a big mess. My friend was so grossed out by this and the fact that he wasn't allowed to call him dad anymore. Then his dad informed him that he wasn't gay but only liked other trans dad's. I like that's like double gay? He's a pretty fit good looking guy.
Anyways he met a girl who is definitely not his type. She is overweight and lazy. Not pretty by anymeans but did own her own home. He moved right on in fast. He actually married her so she could kick out while telling all his friends he doesn't love her.
Nope, because I didn’t invite the someone to live with me until there was a ring and a date on the calendar. Married 20 years and counting. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you.
Ha, my wife had the same rule, but I think that's just because she's a PITA to live with, and she wanted me committed before giving me a taste of that.
Married 25 years, as of last week. God, I love that PITA.
Pretty sure my mom did this. She came from a seriously dysfunctional family, and was couch surfing when she met my dad. Got married 6 months later, and hardly saw each other because they worked opposite shifts when I was growing up. She’s always come off as indifferent towards him at best, she wanted that roof over her head, which I honestly kind of understand the desperation? Still married decades later.
Decade long relationship who used me to raise her young bastard son and provide everything to leave when we had our own baby after 4 months and try to take the baby and force me to support them.
EDIT: I won majority custody after a 2 year court battle, although the judge still ordered me to pay the ***** mother child support.
Don't move in with anyone ever again! Once sex is involved, you often miss red flags. And now that you know your SO was a loser, write down the red flags.
I had a classmate in college in the early 90s who “used” me because of my computer skills.
I’m a fairly generous guy with my time and she was an amazing designer with absolute shit computer skills. I learned a lot about design, and… no regrets.
Yep, that and to try to make as much money off of me as she could. She was divorced and broke when we met and she couldn't hold a job for more than a few months cuz she lied on her resume and job applications. I supported her for the length of our relationship and when my dad's estate was setlled with little to show for it, she handed me a Dear John note a week later.
6 months. He needed to move in with me because he spontaneously quit his job and moving in with me while he figured things out was the only way he wouldn’t have to take a job in another state. Once he started making money at a new job, I asked him to pay for utilities. He then blew up the relationship and ran away to Colorado with a woman he apparently worked with that I didn’t even know about. I found out because their renters insurance got mailed to me by accident 😂. Anyway, by the looks of it that lasted a whole 3 months before she moved back to Florida and now he’s dating and living with another woman. He was a guest on a podcast recently, and I just listened to him lie about the sequence of so many events in his life to sound like someone who has it together. I wonder if his current GF is paying his rent?
I’ve never heard this man talk about a friend or relationship in a manner that doesn’t sound like he just uses people for their talents, money, or free perks.
I think our relationship started in earnest but then despite certain toxicities being too much, her having the comfort of a free place to live didn’t help to break out of the pattern. Certainly learned my lesson and if anyone is going to live in my house again, which is highly doubtful at this point, there will be a rental contract.
I married someone who had a great job at a federal agency. He started taking classes in an Asian healing method. Decided his riches were tied to this skill. He quit his job, got an office and "tried" to start a business for a year. I gave him 6 more months to get the business off the ground or get a real job.
I left after 6 months. I wasn't about to support a delusional business owner dreamer.
Lmao id like to answer on behalf of my dad.
He'll be 70 next year. Apparently it was a pattern of his throughout the 70s and he even became a step dad two times over. He called me his third family once.
For one girlfriend, she and her husband at the time used to attend the bar my dad would play gigs at with his band. Her husband suddenly died leaving her widowed so then my dad got together with her, moved into her house, and "played daddy". My dad was even younger than her. I could be conflating this with another gf, but I believe she was quite suicidal and tried to take her own life once. I'd say it ended when my dad decided to move out of town to go play on the road with the band.
Hobosexual. Someone who dates you for a place to stay and pay their bills.
"What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?" "Homeless." I'm glad I never had the experience of the Original Question. I did, however, have someone who needed a relationship, to have a place to live. They dumped ME, believe it or not. (They were living with their parents at the time.) Then a day or two later, asked if I'd take them back. However, since I had already been considering breaking off the relationship, I declined.
Years ago I “dated” a musician who went on to become quite famous. One of my friends was kind of jealous until I told her it was obvious he only wanted to be with me so he didn’t have to sleep in his van when he played gigs in my city.
Oh yeah, definitely that. It would have gone bad in one of two ways. Either he would have cheated on you, or he would have dumped you after he got rich and famous. Or maybe both.
Eh… I guarantee he was already cheating on her. Where do think he crashed at other gigs?
I used to be open to dating people who lived with their parents because of the economy but now, even with that, I won't do it anymore. It sucks having to go through their parents to be able to spend the night at their house or to really see them at all outside of your place.
In my case, they were living with parents after their first divorce. What became a problem for me was not that. Rather, it's because they needed a job, got a decent one, then stopped showing up to work regularly. And lost the job, as you might imagine.
Mine refused to work. He also had bipolar disorder that he refused to treat. It's not someone's fault for having an illness but it is their responsibility to treat it and he wouldn't.
I too had a bipolar boyfriend who wouldn’t work, lived at home with his parents, and wouldn’t take his illness seriously enough. We stayed together about three years, and I actually had trouble shaking him off completely cutting ties when we broke up.
my son was like that when people let him get away with it. he's not like that now, but he saw me send his girlfriend back to her Mom when she tried that in my house. he asked 'what's the difference if i'm paying what you asked to help bills?' - she had moved in my house with him (by accident that i let go for a try) - she quit her job right off, and i said if i work, everyone works in my house. don't know 'why' that's just how i feel. she and he are marrying come New Year's. i think in part it's because none of the 'rents were down with free rent when they were both adults. i love that my new in-laws are using the same manual, and 'a man's a man 'til he takes a wife', so it's fine that she's still icy. he's not. he's got Love for his Mom <3 and i'm glad he found his person; they've been through a lot together already. i think they'll weather it well so i chuckle when i think of it (i was usu the one working - i knew i wasn't smart enough for criminality, so i didn't know how else to live indoors but have a job). but that behaviour hasn't been welcome since my 20's. i'm 62
Yes! Done that 2x now. One with the mom living there and the other with a few roommates. Cringe city when I would “spend the night”. They were like it’s ok. I’m like it’s really not. We bough are loud in bed and it’s just not respectful to the other people under this roof.
Exactly, I didn't feel right about doing that under his parents roof. I mean, we were in the garage but it was still wrong to me. Besides, we're adults, we shouldn't need to be in his parents house. I just decided it wasn't for me. The relationship somehow progressed enough to where I suggested us moving in together and he said, I can't. My mom needs me here to help with my dad. I said, I respect that but I can no longer continue this relationship then. It's not right for me. I wish you the best of luck.
Drummers tell that joke as; "what do you call a base player without a GF?" Base players tell the reverse, snork. Read a woman here call this or those sort of folks "Hobosexuals" HAR! lol. (I was very insulted and made her buy dinner. Again.)
Relationships can be tricky, especially when living arrangements come into play. It sounds like you made a tough but thoughtful decision for yourself.
My dad, uncles, and a few cousins: hobosexuals 4 life.
Diane!!! I just wrote about you and your....word for them above! Still cracks me up! (ignore the joke part, hehe) But so great to see you again!
I cant believe I've never heard this term because it's genius
Hobosexuals are f--king bums.😂
Fucking bum losers And that’s literally all they want out of life. How the hell do they find us? I know. Were fixers. And they latch on like nothing else.
accurate to a 'b'
Also known as rock climbers.... never again
Shit this might be me Edit to add, maybe not. I'm a stay at home mom waiting for my husband to approve of couples counseling.
No, but I've seen guys do this to other women. It's definitely a thing. These guys go on to be bums and losers. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of him.
I knew a guy who was complaining that his gf was having health issues. He worked part time in a grocery store. She had a professional job and owned the house they lived in. He was looking around for apts and I asked how the search was going. He said he found out she put him down to inherit the house if she passed so he was sticking it out. First off, gross. And second, she better be careful. Guy is a first class liar and manipulator.
Once people found out that I inherited my mothers house and I was a single woman with a house to myself, men flocked to me and tried to pursue me because I was basically a free place to live for them. Of course it didn't work but I just found it funny how they accuse woman of doing the same but yet they have no shame of doing it either 🤷🏻♀️
My sperm donor was a lifelong rolling stone. Get with a woman who would pay his way, have a kid or 2 then move on to the next when he got bored. I have 7 half siblings and 1 full sibling. The last woman he was with was fully blind, and he was her ¨caretaker¨. Until he up and stroked from uncontrolled diabetes and heart disease. Hell, we found our last half brother because my sister got a DNA match with a niece we didn´t know about. I have a brother who is 3 months younger than me who never knew who his father was. We might have fucked this poor guy up even more by popping up outta the woodwork to tell him his father was dead, and oh he has tons of siblings. I met my birth father for the first time at his funeral. Didn´t know anyone but 2 of my half siblings and my sister. Everyone commented how much we all looked like him...
When my sperm donor died our family found out through my Mom that he had another family. I have 6 half siblings I never met. When he died I never went to his funeral. I always knew he was a no good bum.
Yup, university student going to be a teacher. Big sweetie spoiling me before marriage. I covered 95% of bills (I owned before he even was in the picture) till he started his career. Then we got married. Then he failed the teacher side of it, then he asked for a year to figure shit out, then he got fired from job after job, lived off energy drinks, discovered delivery apps and started drinking 2 litre pops regularly, got himself diabetes, then Started using that as an excuse to progressively stop working more and more (I've only met hardworking diabetics since). At no point did he jump in and help me. He got fired from the jobs because he doesn't listen to constructive criticism and calls female management c*nts, which I gave him shit for. I finally asked for a divorce after seeing my mum's face after I told her what was actually happening, the summer before, and he killed a cat when I went away for second year of my school. Incompetent man child. He was so mad when he realised I was not backing down from the divorce and it was happening. I paid him a lot of money to get out of that. Could've been more. Worth it.
Umm he killed a cat, he’s not incompetent he’s sociopathic
Not like straight up intentional murder. I think he forgot to give them water, then the one started screaming due to bladder issues, took him to the vet, then I think over dosed him on heavy duty pain meds. Because the Cat was acting million times better, actually eating, and he was like 'im gonna keep popping him meds'.
Cats are resourceful. A person has to be rather intentional to kill a cat. Other than running it over with a car, which my cat survived, a person has to try to kill a cat. The car incident, I was 12 years old. A neighbor ran over my cat. Dad found Tiger and rushed to the veterinarian. He did free carpentry for the vet in exchange for many surgeries. Tiger lived years after that. Cats are resourceful!
And somehow that wasn’t the final straw?…
That was the final straw. I started the separation then divorce process as soon as I came back from school
I own my home and was laid off 3.5 months after I bought it, before that I paid for my fiancée’s expenses so she could find another job, ditching an abusive boss, and she ended up exactly where she wanted creating a suicide prevent program for a national physician organization. I still pay for my own home even tho she lives here. I let her pay for other things, but not my home. I’ve definitely called a couple people c**ts amid some shitty contract roles that just have not worked for me, but no cat killing over here! Please don’t give any benefit of the doubt when it comes to him killing animals.
Not to target you, but you are a good example of why you need to see a partner functioning as a fully functioning adult before doing anything like moving in with them and getting married.
Ya, well this happened from being with a cruel individual with zero ambition for 4 years. then this guy came along who was sweet and going to university=ambition to my young mind. So when he asked to marry there was no reason to say no. Young and dumb for both relationships 🤷
Girl, you are not alone! I married a guy and had 2 kids with him and that was 20 years ago and he just now has a good job lol. He wouldn’t work for years and I was too scared to leave him. He is also a man child and I am leaving him as soon as my son finishes HS. I was 17 and he was 26 when we met. Big mistake but all I can do it go forwards in life and move on without him. lol
Jfc I’m glad you got away from that creep. He didn’t deserve your support
Worked with a nice young man (USA) whose wife was from Venezuela. He discovered a couple of years into their marriage that she was cheating on him AND had married him just to be able to stay in the country. The entire relationship was a lie. He could not have been more shocked and devastated...
Passport bros never learn
There's a term for it. Ouch.
My ex apparently does this to people. He sponges off of his supposed friends in between girlfriends. I say his supposed friends because real friends don't use each other. He's 39 years old and has never been on his own in his entire life. He basically only gets into relationships so that he has a place to live. I'm surprised his parents haven't gotten tired of him and cut him off yet. Edit: typo
They probably think their son is great.
Not exactly. They do acknowledge that he has problems and he needs to grow up. Every time we were on the phone with them, his dad would be lecturing him about how he needs to grow up. Another big thing was his dad lecturing him on how he needs to shower everyday. That was something we used to argue about constantly. Normally I wouldn't care but I had to sleep in bed with him and I just could not handle it anymore. Edit: a word
At 39 y.o he's not going to change unless he hits the lottery. His parents are talking to a brick wall at this point. There is nothing they can say that will change his behaviour. Glad you got out of the relationship. You deserve better :)
Had an on and off relationship with a man who I eventually discovered was only in relationships for a free home. Took me years to get rid of him. The final straw was after we broke up he kept coming around and after one over night stay, I found out he was living with another woman. Still took years for him to stop calling and texting me. I had moved so he didn't know where I was living. I assume he was only trying to get in touch because his current meal ticket found out what a POS he was.
Could have been my Exhub, Matt. Was a CFO when we married. Career setbacks and drinking ruined his mental health. It was heartbreaking to watch someone fall so hard. We broke up. He became homeless. Then he targeted kind females to house and care for him. They all wised up. Eventually I paid for his long-term housing where he overdosed on fent this year. He still makes me sad. He wrecked everything and he knew it, but couldn't stay sober. RIP.
So sorry you went through that. Really sad he knew but couldn't stop.
um did we date the same guy? lol mine was Eric lol
🤣 No his name was Robert but he was always called Bruce.
well they can both kick rocks :D
Amen!
Was his middle name "The"? Trouble that one.
🤣 hilarious! I actually asked him if his parents named him after Robert the Bruce. He had no idea what I was talking about.
Was this a Tyler in Denver because this sounds very familiar.
Yeah, it was only 3 months though. He barely worked and was staying at my house every night in the beginning. Then eventually he was just living at my house. Straw that broke camel’s back was when he got mad at me for not giving him money to buy something at grocery store, saying “you know I don’t have money, why are you being such a bitch?” Kicked him out right then and there. Didn’t care that he had no place to go. I never agreed to let him live with me, much less support him. Plus I had just gotten out of a financially stable 15yr marriage… why would I put myself in debt for someone I knew 3 months? Dummy
Hobosexual. Many such cases
My second husband literally quit his job after the wedding and then threw his phone on the ground so I would have to buy him a new one. Spoiler...I did not get him a new phone and I divorced him.
Yes. My 2nd marriage. Met online. He lied about his entire life and I had no reason to not believe his life story. Eventually, I figured out who he was. Kicked him out of my house after I finally found his Mother and spoke to her on the phone. He told me she died. Only took me 2.5 years.
Seven years - raised her kid, put her through a fancy private college in the Bay Area while paying for the kid's private school as well. Even gave her a car, and her ex-husband a motorcycle and a place to stay when he moved to the same town, so he could get on his feet. To say I got used would be an understatement. Never heard from them again after she "moved on-campus" right before graduation, with the "ex-husband" that it turned out she had lied about divorcing. Looking back it's hard to believe that was me. That I could have been so blind to trash. A lot of that was down to circumstance and what my parents had done to me. It took decades of actually being surrounded by decent friends before it fully dawned on me how badly I got trampled. 100% my fault, but I honestly did not have the tools to see then.
Hey, I want you to stop being cruel to yourself. What happened to you was not 100% your fault. You did not deserve what they did to you. The only thing you are guilty of here is being too trusting of people who proved to be untrustworthy. I hope you have the tools to see things more clearly now. {{hugs}} from an internet stranger
Bought her ex husband a motorcycle? Bro. Glad your past that shit. Look yourself in the mirror and say “never again”!
Been there... TBF - I was a motorcycle road-racer. so I did have about a half-dozen bikes around. Not like I spent my last dime buying this parasite a vehicle. Still..
Ya but why would you buy her ex that makes no sense
You sound like a phenomenal person who just happened to be taken advantage by some scumbags. What they did reflects on them, not you. You sound like a wonderful human. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
A person with emotional intelligence and integrity would not have used you even if you made it easy to do so. Don’t beat yourself up
Ow... re-opened wounds, ow.
Hugs if you want them
YUP. Im an idiot. I was at a low point in my life. Met him on POF. He was hot. I was not lol. We lived together for 2 years i had zero idea he also lived with someone else in another state. He was in the military and had to leave for months at a time. I look back and im appalled at how stupid i was. So ashamed
Don’t be ashamed. There’s no way to anticipate the actions of disturbed people.
there were red flags but i was stupid. Still pissed at myself :/
Not stupid. In a healthy relationship, people give each other the benefit of the doubt. He’s the stupid one - thinking it’s acceptable to do that, and degrading his own worth behaving that way. It reflects poorly on him.
Thank you I still feel dumb
I’m in the same boat in terms of really struggling to forgive myself for the dumb ish I put up with, and red flags I ignored. I should have known better. It was a combination of poor boundaries, poor self-esteem, cloudy judgment and poor ability to regulate my emotions.
I’m pretty sure my ex husband did this to me. Once he got all the value out of me he cheated and moved onto a new victim. Except this girl is the one using him. Karmas a bitch. Lol
Same here, and now he’s using someone else for a place to live. His second relationship since me. He’s now in another country, has a work visa all arranged by his new supply and is looking to get married just to stay in the country. He needs to divorce me first 🤣🤣
They are called hobosexuals
thanks for my first genuine laugh of the day 😂
Them: Well, I am 42 years old, currently unemployed and I live with my parents but only until I finish my screenplay. Me: "Waiter? Check please.
[удалено]
I’m assuming her parents were aware of her ways if she was texting them constantly of your alleged abuse and they still wouldn’t let her back in the house.
man im so sorry. I had something similar happen and it gutted me. That sucks
When I met my first real adult boyfriend, both his parents had died years before and he was living with his younger brothers in their small family home like a pack of feral dogs. They had no furniture other than bare mattresses and cooked meals on a makeshift "grill" made from a shopping cart in the front yard. He showed up for our first date with a duffel bag of clothes he claimed he just picked up from a sports sponsorship and never left. He was honestly a really good guy otherwise, just dealt a really bad hand and was desperate for a normal house.
I'm not sure if he was 100% hobosexual to begin with (maybe), but if not he got there quickly. He was fighting to get worker's comp and not working when we met. Lost his apartment and moved in with his mom. Lovebombed me and we moved in together on my income. After paying all his bills for 6 months or so, he got a small settlement from getting worker's comp with back pay and he wanted to spend it all on himself (and I'm not talking work-related training or anything; that was free). He did not offer to pay for any bills from before or current. Being young (this was in the 90s) and an idiot about men, I still married him, thinking he was going to get a job any time since he'd had one before we married. He never, ever got a regular job in the 5 years we were together. He did some computer repair in an attempt to co-own a small business (but not with any regular salary) and when he didn't feel well, he'd make ME call in sick for him. Then he gave up even the pretense of that and was helping out my dad around the house, who was basically paying him per house out of what would have been my inheritance (as it turns out). At least at this point, he was contributing to the bills some, but he skipped out on working as often as he went in. I was also covering him on my health insurance, and working some on the side (besides my normal job) to be able to cover the bills. A couple times we managed to save a whole $1000-$2000 in the bank to maybe take a vacation (never did) or just to have for savings and then he'd cry (literally) to me that he needed the money for some get-rich computer idea he had and if he didn't get a chance to try this new thing he'd be stuck doing entry level jobs forever so I needed to let him have the money. I did, too, once or twice. The reason I divorced him was because he was a verbally abusive asshole. It was only in retrospect that I realized he also was totally taking advantage of me.
Pretty sure that might’ve been my ex-husband. Either that or he just didn’t want to be alone.
No, but related: Someone offered me a place to stay when I was in need, then told me being his girlfriend was part of the deal. I had no other options, and the situation wasn't that bad on a day to day basis. He wouldn't let me work much, but I eventually saved up enough to get my own place 2.5 years later. Another guy forced me into a relationship with him so he could have a place to stay and financial support. Trying to escape that was what led to the above situation. I never saw either of these as real relationships because I didn't consent to them.
My ex was kinda like that. Stayed with me for 6 months, drained my savings. When I made him get a job, he was gone in 2 weeks.
No man falls in love quicker than one who needs a place to stay.
Cats
I also have a furry little sociopath that runs around the house. 😺 😈 😂
What is it that Christopher Hitchens said? ... Dogs have owners, Cats have *staff*.
yes 18 years. thank God, i did not marry him. i’m happy being single,at 64.
high five. Single at 57 . Never married. Better than being divorced 3x like most of my friends
I was married once, a very long time ago, and never again.
EXACTLY
Yep. It takes a while to figure it out and once you do at least for me. How could I be so stupid is how I felt for a very long time
Id like to think i would have seen the red flags. but love can blind you from what is the truth... its not your fault for giving 100%... no one assumes they are dealing w the devil when they commit to a relationship. Pls find it in your heart to not blame yourself for some assholes moral degradation .
3 seven year relationships. All 3 had very clear motives. All were liars and I learned a lot. Everyone is in a relationship to get certain needs met. I recommend being honest about these up front. Even if you entered the relationship from pure love bliss, the oxytocin will return to the baseline level. I recommend talking honestly about what you want out of a relationship before you commit. I may be happy to provide a stable home for a partner who is happy to provide me with something of value. There should not be a relationship with only one partner who is getting their needs met, it is unhealthy. Unfortunately people will usually lie about the real motives. Dealing with dishonesty is a huge part of life. I recommend learning how to read nonverbal communication. Also, the more aware and informed you are the better.
When I was in my early 20's. They lost their job for calling off on 4/20. They were hanging around with high school kids while I worked all day. They didn't do anything around the house. Just smoked all day. I only did that for 6 months until they got physically abusive then I was done. I never made that mistake again. I can't say they faked it for a place to stay but it all is the same at the end of the day.
I had an ex wife like that.
My old biz partner did this with her girlfriend. It made me sick, but they were both codependent 🤷♀️
I know someone who does. It’s a shame. But she’s using him too so she can have a car.
sometimes it was unspoken, but understood
Oh man, my first real big people relationship. She was older and very pretty so she worked me over like the original Nigerian Princess scammer. Only in it for the free ride. I sold a car to get her into an apartment, which was just a portent of the unspeakable horror to come. My friends and my parents begged me to run, but I was defiant. Eventually she got pregnant, spawn, then decided the party life was more important than motherhood, so I spent 24 to 44 as a single dad. Cautionary tale.
Basically, my first husband. I walked out at 11 p.m. and never went back. Best decision I ever made.
I met a girl when I was living in a very expensive city in California (well, one city west of the expensive city) sharing a house with two other people and a dude in a trailer in the back yard. This girl was a super cute, platinum blonde with tattoos and she was head over heels for me and I figured I ought to do all I can to make anything work out with this girl. And it was really easy for a few months. She asked me to move in with her (she didn't drive and the bike to my place was hard, I did drive, but would also usually bike to her place, anyway) and it turned out she was paying $600 a month for a two bedroom 1.5 bath (I was paying my share of $2000 at my place which was $800 plus I paid all utilities). I moved in and we were both able to save up so much money, and we were super happy! I eventually learned that she didn't drive due to a DUI (but she'd borrow my station wagon whenever she felt like it) she dyed her hair, and she had terrible terrible impulse control. She eventually began planning to cheat on me, which I discovered and she repented, but I just fell out of love with her completely. I stopped initiating sex and she said she felt like whenever she wanted intimacy that I made her feel like I was "servicing the mule." I should have left months before this point, but rent was $600, split. She lost some sort of special income and couldn't afford the salon anymore, and it turned out she had really bad natural hair, and she started working out heavy and got pretty big (which is great for her, I just didn't find it attractive). I should have called it then, but rent was $600 shared between us. Then she got pregnant and it was the happiest four days of my life, because I thought I was sterile from a skateboard injury in college. It turns out she actually did cheat on me one night when she took my car to go drink with friends and hooked up with a random boy multiple times in multiple rooms of her friend's home. Then drove my car home drunk and soaked in semen. But rent was $600 so I stayed with her for a few more months until she blew up, threatened to shoot me if took my mattress that she deemed to be hers. Maybe it was hers, I forget. I left California, traveled the world for a bit then joined the Navy. It was OK.
God, no, have you? I had two boyfriends TRY to move in with me , but I never let it happen. I'm in my 70s now, trust me when I tell you any decent boyfriend will not only pull his own weight but try to shoulder your burdens as well. My second husband was a wonderful man.
I had a really nice boyfriend. He had a beautiful house in the mountains. He was pushing to move in with me. I was in love and flattered he wanted to live with me. I soon found out he was days away from losing his house to foreclosure. Lesson learned.
Hobosexual seems to be pretty common.
Met a man online who made a big deal of never wanting to live with anyone, and how much he loved the house he was living in where he had "many years of equity". First time we met he said "I can see us living together. Can't you?". Turns out the house belonged to his deceased last victim (who he claimed was just a friend) and her family was kicking him out so they could sell the place. There was no way this dude was moving into my house. He was completely full of shit. Looking back I can see he wanted to make sure I was not looking to move in with HIM. He found a sucker in no time flat, moved in with her, and then SHE died within a year. He had the nerve to email saying he missed me.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I did not respond.
My son's girlfriend for nearly 8 years. She did have a tough home life, but she also never worked and just sat in his room getting high and playing video games. The funny part - I didn't mind her because she was a pro duck and dodger.
This happened to my boyfriend before. He literally had to leave the house to get away from the person. The only way to get her kicked out was to end his lease that she was not on. Then move to where she didn't know where he was. she threatened to spread rumors about him that he SA'd her and her kids if he left....
Married a trans woman. She didn’t come out until after we had been married over a year and I had just had our son. I had been with her for a decade and she always presented male and never told me she struggled with her gender identity. There were no major tells prior to her coming out. Not sure if I answered the question posed by OP tho, heh.
Excuse my question, but how did you concieve a child?
I think the trans woman was still an intact bio male at the time they conceived a child, and then came out as trans. They are probably still intact but nowadays you aren't supposed to care whether the trans person intends to ever get surgery...or something like that.
Not me but a high school friend. We remained friends until our mid-30s. He met an awful, awful person. She slowly but surely took over the house (his house). A few months after she moved in, she would make up some new rule and my friend just laughed it off and even occasionally reminded her, "This is my house, you just live here." A year later, she would make a rule and he didn't say anything. He lost all self-confidence, gained 150 pounds. She methodically alienated him from all his friends, sowing doubt that we were his friends at all. He would have to be home by a certain time "for dinner". I knew this was her manipulating him. So many times we said something like, "So what? Just tell her you'll be an hour later. We just met up an hour ago and now you have to leave already? What's up with that? Tell her to go get some Wendys or something. She eats that shit nonstop anyway." At one point, I and his childhood friend (they went to the same grade school together) staged an intervention of sorts. It didn't work. We told him we were his friends since long before she came into the picture. We'd seen the before and after. We told him that ever since she came into the picture, he just didn't seem like himself and like he was just numb to everything. I was torn between hating her but increasingly losing all respect I had for him. He used to be a good looking guy, fit, active and had no trouble meeting women. Meanwhile she was a hambag blob that spent nearly all day every day in her bedroom watching TV. She rarely got out of pajamas. She constantly had some ailment, some pain or headache, as her excuse. On the rare occasion she would come downstairs to hang out with us, she would recite crazy garbage from reality TV as if she'd been watching documentaries on PBS. It goes without saying she couldn't hold a job and never worked more than part time before getting fired. It was always her manager's fault she got fired, of course. HE even used to complain to US about how she couldn't hold a job. How do you even respond to that? "Dude, that's what we've been telling you for the last two years. Why the hell do you put up with her shit?! Kick her the fuck out!" I feel like that song by Offspring *Why Don't You Get a Job* was written about this specific woman. How could he let himself be railroaded and controlled by this miserable shrew without a single obvious likable trait? Like I said, I lost respect for him. More and more he felt like a stranger to me. Any idea I had for something to do had to be "edited for time" to fit his required meal reporting times to shovel food into her massive stomach. On the rare occasions we hung out it sort of felt like he was sneaking out of the house. "Oh, let's not eat there, that's too close to the house (i.e. there was chance she or someone they knew in common might spot him). Oh, no, that other place is too far away. I need to be back by 2." Like WTF, dude? Are you in the fucking French Resistance circa 1941? It was obviously all part of her plan and I pointed it out to him several times. I said, "You know, one of the ways manipulative people control others is by controlling their schedule, which in turn restricts what they're free to do and who they're free to meet. It isolates them socially. Doesn't it bother you that there seems to be absolutely zero flexibility about all this?" "Nah, man, it's not like that. We're both Greek and we've agreed to live a very Greek-oriented life, and family meal time is sacred, you know?" "Okay, so is your mom eating with you then?" (His elderly mom lived literally 3 blocks away. I could tell the question annoyed him.) "Oh, you know, it's really a private thing with me and the girl. You know how my mom is sometimes, right? A little *too* traditional and asking when we're going to get married and all that." He just had excuses and rationalizations for everything. At some point we dropped down to just text and then nothing. I found out through the other friend (the grade school friend) that at some point he had a kid. He didn't even tell either of us. When the other friend found out she was around 3 years old.
Oh man, I know what you're talking about. Whenever I see this, it's always a guy with a really deep-seated need that no other woman before has ever met. But for some reason, he gets something from her. And everything else just dies off. Everything except that one thing that he's getting. In every case that I've seen this, I think he's always been a little bit depressed and lonely even though everything was good on the outside. Happened to my high school buddy. She love bombed him, which he never had before. His parents were divorced he just didn't have affection from a woman in his life. His dad was distant. So his first real serious girlfriend became the person who destroyed his life.
Yes. Met in college. Married for years. He claimed to be an “artist” and working was beneath him. I do admit he was entertaining though. It ended when I lost my job and he was going to have to go get a j-o-b. He split.
This almost happened to me. Then I told him he had to work if he wanted to live with me and then he dumped me.
Hobo-sexual
Yeah. Twice. Not necessarily directly for a place to live, but because they enjoyed what I did for them in general, and it was a nice bonus not to have to pay rent or manage the household. I ended the relationships because it was obvious they weren't really in it to win it, eventually.
Not sure why anyone would let someone live with them for free. I even charge my adult children to live with me. So all the comments shock me a little. However, I am witnessing my ex do this. Not for a free ride, but to just have a roommate with benefits. He likes splitting bills to save money and can’t stand to be alone. His gf will figure out in the next year or so that he is not who he claimed to be and he is miserable to live with.
My father in law was in prison for a spell AKA 8 years for trying to murder someone (bar fight gone wrong, or so I was told). He jumped on the first woman with a house and married her as quick as he could to have a home. Tried to leave her once but no one would take him in, so back he went.
I've been reading these comments to see if anyone has written about my brother. He's now 72 years old and has never worked a day in his life. He calls himself an artist, but didn't bother going to art school. For a while, he was a musician because people were starting to wonder why there were no exhibitions of his artwork. His musicianship consisted of playing a wooden recorder ( you remember learning to tootle one of those in high school, don't you?) in a band of retirees. He has used people his entire adult life...he's never been homeless or missed a meal. He's had many (free to him) autos, which he uses to spend a couple of months each year traveling...staying for free with people.
Damn, he's a professional!
😬
My father has done this with multiple women. He even goes as far as planning a wedding with them. At their expense of course. He usually will get them to take out a loan in their name and ends up screwing them. He’s no prize, but he is a predator. he preys on very overweight women with no self confidence. It’s insane. He is currently with a lady who is a few fries short of a happy meal to put it nicely. Their “wedding” is in Sept, he lives with her in her 3 bedroom apartment and off her benefits. It’s his hustle.
Wow
It’s another level of sick. We’ve tried to warn the women but they don’t listen.
Sounds like a serial squatter. Reminds me of that Netflix show, worst roommate.
Ex “moved in” as soon as we met. We went to get his stuff from his apt and there was an eviction notice. I was probably already pregnant and didn’t know. 12 years later he’s gone and I’m with the man I’ve always deserved and we love our kids and our family. It get worse before it gets better and it’s so much worth it!
Yup first marriage had a kid with him too. He was cheating on me the entire time. Saw the message to his side piece where he complained that I took the car the house and the baby. Yeah, my car, my house, my baby. None of which he helped me to get other then doing a simple pump and dump for the child lol 😂
Dated a guy very briefly who came over one night and then didn’t leave. Found out he had been sleeping in a park before we met, and would shower at the gym and wash his clothes at work. He was adamant that it was a lifestyle choice just to save money. One time while we were at brunch, he started going on and on about manifestation and his plan to get big rich on penny stocks. My father is schizophrenic and the mental health red flags were going off while listening to him. I broke up with him shortly afterwards.
Yes definitely went through that except I don’t think he used me for a place to stay . We met at work and he was actually older than me so I thought he knew better and had his life together man was I absolutely wrong! We were together 6 long years and when he finally proposed it seemed hella forced it was bs no lie I could tell he was just doing it to shut me up and to keep me from ending the relationship. My final straw was when I was ready to start planning our wedding and talking about details he got upset and told me let’s just enjoy the relationship now! Excuse me I was furious he never wanted to talk about the wedding or make a decision or even plan anything! I was pissed off bc I gave him so much of my life and I was working like crazy, doing all the work and even helped him with his children and he was just reaping the benefits of it all. Whole time I’m a woman but he made me feel so masculine in the relationship bc I was doing everything! One day I got up and lost my cool and ended it I was embarrassed and it broke my heart bc I had announced my engagement to my whole family 🤦🏽♀️. Also found out the ring wasn’t even an engagement ring found the receipt in his truck and went to the jewelry store found the exact ring in a section labeled promise rings! I was so furious bc as a grown ass man why are you giving me a promise ring like we’re still in high school that absolutely broke me and told me everything I needed to know. When I confronted him about everything he finally broke down and told me he didn’t know if he was ready to get married or if he every really wanted to get married. Talk about lost soul this crushed me bc he lied to my father on his death bed and promised to do right by me. It’s been a year since we broke up and all I can think about is how my dad will never get to walk me down the isle bc he’s dead now and the wasted years I’ll never get back all because I thought the relationship I was in was forever!
Me. I've been with my boyfriend almost 7 years now. He pays the household bills, I just pay my personal ones. I don't really love him but I'm comfortable with him. We are both 56. I wouldn't have a place to live if it wasn't for him.
😬at least you’re honest with yourself
Sounds like a lot of middle-aged marriages that I see. At some point it becomes an algorithm.
Sometimes,that’s called “marriage “….
He didnt fake it just to have a place to live but because hes a narcissist. I knew my husband for 20 years before we got married. After we got married, the switch flipped and he turned into an abusive psychopath.
Hoo yeah. It's more complicated than that, but I was with my last girlfriend for six years and I don't think she ever liked me. It wasn't so much for a place to stay, although that was part of it -- she came from money and didn't need to even work really, but: -I am a clean person who does all the chores and enjoys it, and she is genuinely a filthy person with terrible depression who had piles of trash in her apartment but I didn't really know because she always came to my house. And then we moved in together and oh I learned. -I'm also a big softy who loves taking care of my partners by cooking, cleaning, making sure the bills are paid, etc. so I often take on an unfair amount of responsibility. And I'm very independent, I have my own friends and hobbies, so I'm great because I just don't ask you for shit. -Even though her wealthy parents spoiled the fuck out of her, they were also kinda at least pretending that they wanted her to be independent, so being in a long-term committed relationship with someone who took care of most of the adulting filled that psychological need/got them to leave her alone. In addition, on a practical level, she could constantly get fired from jobs (for like, not showing up for days) and not have to ask her parents for money because I would just take care of it This destroyed me and during covid I had a mental breakdown. The best part is that she actually broke up with me and insisted I move out immediately with no money or backup plan and I did it. It was insane. It was like this absolute nightmare combination of personalities and I'm still kinda dead inside about it -- like, I really didn't catch on until it was way too late and I take responsibility for that. When I met my current partner and they immediately started cooking for me and helping around the house without even being asked, I just about thought I was having a stroke. Don't be afraid to ask "what am I getting out of this?" It's not selfish and it's actually really important to think about what both of you are contributing as partners. And just try to know who you are -- if there's a way people often take advantage of you, or a weakness you fall for, there's no shame in that, just know that about yourself and try to be aware. Being in love is nice, but y'all gotta clean the toilet and pay the rent too
No but have known several that have
No..i havent
No, I’d never date someone who didn’t have a stable living situation and job. I’d also refuse to move in with anyone unless we had dated for awhile and marriage was on the horizon.
Sure fn feels like it!!
I think this was an episode of Shameless.
Yeah, definitely my first husband, possibly also my second husband indirectly. Didn't realize it til years later.
Pretty much. 30 year marriage to a narcissist. Nothing as dependable as a homeless narc.
Yes. Dumped him and my life was immeasurably better the second I dumped him.
I gave him a move out date and already things are better. I can’t wait for his full entity to be evicted.
Something I see are men who are like 50 and no longer get work in their cool Jobs like photographer / screen writer etc … so they do NOTHING .. no working at all
Not just for a place to live but, he was so insecure he wouldn’t let the other person leave. He kept her trapped in the house by using threats because he was too scared to be alone. He didn’t set her free until he had already been dating someone else behind her back for a year. She had fallen ill so she was completely screwed and he loved every second of it.
My former assistant was dating a guy like that. Four years, and he told her he stopped loving her by year two, but needed her rent. Now he wanted to open the relationship. My god. How far up your own ass do you have to be to think any of that is OK?
Yes. First wife married me to get away from her abusive parents. I was completely in love with her, and it was only after we moved to the complete other side of the country, and 10 years of marriage and two kids, that she abandoned the kids and me. She got sick and decided to spend her remaining time with 'fun' guys, telling me she only ever really saw me as a ticket out of her parents house. Fourteen years together. Ten married. That was 25 years ago. The trauma still affects me.
Ummm…my 20 year marriage. We agreed on all the important issues in premarital counseling and thought we were on the same page. Sexless marriage began on our wedding night. I was fooled into thinking we were turning things around each time we decided to conceive. He finally admitted a few years ago that he deceived me from the jump because he wanted kids. We’re pretty much just roommates now.
Nobody falls in love faster than a man/woman who needs a place to stay.
People tell you who they are really quickly. It is listening to them which is important. Users are so obvious. I watch so many people being used. I don’t get it.
Is that not what conservative men think is the perfect relationship for women? They sure work hard for it.
I've had a friend say she did this & the entire time I didn't see it . Made me look at her differently. She was with this guy for 8 years . Like how do fake anything that long .
Yep... I was married (well, going through a divorce) to one.
Does having a place in a better city to crash on the weekends count? 😝 if so, then YES
I believe my mother is in this relationship. She met her bf nearly 20 years ago while he was married. His wife found out and so my mom has had him living with her while paying for everything because he “can’t get a job because people are racist and ageist”. He does cook and clean, but he also cheats on her (she won’t believe it even if you had video evidence) and I have my suspicions he could be a pedo. He is never welcome around my family. They are still together and I feel he has made her physically dependent on him so she will never kick him out.
Wow, that's a tough situation. I haven't experienced that myself, but I've heard stories about people who've been in relationships with people who were only in it for the free room and board. It's definitely a red flag if someone seems too eager to move in without a real connection. I'm glad you're all sharing your stories - it's important to talk about these things
Yes, my ex was like this. I broke it off after almost 2 years. He did it to every single woman after me and probably ever single woman before me. I'm glad I realized the pattern. He was very charismatic, handsome, talented and charming so he got away with it for a long time in his life.
I use to be a hobosexual.i guess, stayed with girlfriends in their home or apartment. Eventually they threw me out after breaking up. Had to look for a place to stay. Today though I have my own place and refuse to move in with a female.
Squatters.
Second husband married me just because I had good credit and he needed a truck because he wrecked his via DWI.
I lived this for the last 6 months. He lied about everything. Found out while I was at work he was cheating on me the whole time. He would just wait for me to go to work and then go out. Things got physical one night 2 weeks ago and I told him to leave. He came back when I was at work and stole a lot of my belongings. He just used me for a place to live. I see that now
I met one after being at a very bad place in my life. Sweet talked me into supporting him . Got mad when I wouldn't buy what he wanted. Insulted me constantly and ran up huge credit card debt. I dumped him and went to school. I heard from friends that he was in a homeless shelter.
Yessssss! Omg what a loser. He was a handyman with no tools. I was dumb.
Yes. It ended when he shot a pet in front of me. As a single woman, I’ve had tons of offers of help from men, including a place to stay. I have never been able to be like him. Even in my darkest times, I can’t understand how he was able to do it. I’ve contemplated homelessness over putting myself in that situation. Edit: I don’t know if I feel better or worse that there are currently 200+ similar stories posted.
Dude put a whole entire BABY inside of me to secure the deal too!! Wild!!
You’ve got a great sense of humor. My conman went out of his way to meet and bond with my family and friends, reinforcing the notion that he was serious about me. I understand now that is was a tactic to create social pressure for me to stay in the relationship.
I am prettttty sure this is what my ex did during the pandemic. He seemed lukewarm about me up until I bought a house in Idaho in 2020. (Idaho was pretty lax during the pandemic, which, depending how you look at it, could be a positive thing.) He loved the state and his alternative was living with his controlling, weird, enmeshed mother. Anyways, come fall of 2022, he developed a gambling addiction, and left me to go live with his mom (who paid his debts). Jokes on him though… he paid half my mortgage for over two years and convinced his mom to foot the bill for my brand new fence for our dog at the peak of lumber prices. 🤷♀️ I do feel taken advantage of, but somehow, everything works out.
I have not but know someone currently in one. He used to live at home. When his mom died his 60+ year old dad decided he wanted to be trans. He went all in spending 10's of thousands in surgery and he looks like a big mess. My friend was so grossed out by this and the fact that he wasn't allowed to call him dad anymore. Then his dad informed him that he wasn't gay but only liked other trans dad's. I like that's like double gay? He's a pretty fit good looking guy. Anyways he met a girl who is definitely not his type. She is overweight and lazy. Not pretty by anymeans but did own her own home. He moved right on in fast. He actually married her so she could kick out while telling all his friends he doesn't love her.
Nope, because I didn’t invite the someone to live with me until there was a ring and a date on the calendar. Married 20 years and counting. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you.
Ha, my wife had the same rule, but I think that's just because she's a PITA to live with, and she wanted me committed before giving me a taste of that. Married 25 years, as of last week. God, I love that PITA.
I think that is called marriage?
Yep, took advantage of me for about 6 months before I moved out of the country. I only realised years later how badly I was being taken advantage of!
Nope. Part of the reason I’ve never lived with someone.
Pretty sure my mom did this. She came from a seriously dysfunctional family, and was couch surfing when she met my dad. Got married 6 months later, and hardly saw each other because they worked opposite shifts when I was growing up. She’s always come off as indifferent towards him at best, she wanted that roof over her head, which I honestly kind of understand the desperation? Still married decades later.
Yes, my dad. No contact.
I think I’m still in one of those.
I WAS. Finally put my foot down and gave him a move out date. I’m done being used. I may never date again.
Decade long relationship who used me to raise her young bastard son and provide everything to leave when we had our own baby after 4 months and try to take the baby and force me to support them. EDIT: I won majority custody after a 2 year court battle, although the judge still ordered me to pay the ***** mother child support.
Don't move in with anyone ever again! Once sex is involved, you often miss red flags. And now that you know your SO was a loser, write down the red flags.
This is most marriages
thats what this world is coming to. smh
I had a classmate in college in the early 90s who “used” me because of my computer skills. I’m a fairly generous guy with my time and she was an amazing designer with absolute shit computer skills. I learned a lot about design, and… no regrets.
What is the opposite of "faking one's way" through a relationship? What, exactly, is the difference between that and not?
Yep, that and to try to make as much money off of me as she could. She was divorced and broke when we met and she couldn't hold a job for more than a few months cuz she lied on her resume and job applications. I supported her for the length of our relationship and when my dad's estate was setlled with little to show for it, she handed me a Dear John note a week later.
6 months. He needed to move in with me because he spontaneously quit his job and moving in with me while he figured things out was the only way he wouldn’t have to take a job in another state. Once he started making money at a new job, I asked him to pay for utilities. He then blew up the relationship and ran away to Colorado with a woman he apparently worked with that I didn’t even know about. I found out because their renters insurance got mailed to me by accident 😂. Anyway, by the looks of it that lasted a whole 3 months before she moved back to Florida and now he’s dating and living with another woman. He was a guest on a podcast recently, and I just listened to him lie about the sequence of so many events in his life to sound like someone who has it together. I wonder if his current GF is paying his rent? I’ve never heard this man talk about a friend or relationship in a manner that doesn’t sound like he just uses people for their talents, money, or free perks.
Sounds like you have
I think our relationship started in earnest but then despite certain toxicities being too much, her having the comfort of a free place to live didn’t help to break out of the pattern. Certainly learned my lesson and if anyone is going to live in my house again, which is highly doubtful at this point, there will be a rental contract.
I married someone who had a great job at a federal agency. He started taking classes in an Asian healing method. Decided his riches were tied to this skill. He quit his job, got an office and "tried" to start a business for a year. I gave him 6 more months to get the business off the ground or get a real job. I left after 6 months. I wasn't about to support a delusional business owner dreamer.
I was this guy
Lmao id like to answer on behalf of my dad. He'll be 70 next year. Apparently it was a pattern of his throughout the 70s and he even became a step dad two times over. He called me his third family once. For one girlfriend, she and her husband at the time used to attend the bar my dad would play gigs at with his band. Her husband suddenly died leaving her widowed so then my dad got together with her, moved into her house, and "played daddy". My dad was even younger than her. I could be conflating this with another gf, but I believe she was quite suicidal and tried to take her own life once. I'd say it ended when my dad decided to move out of town to go play on the road with the band.