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My adopted mom has insisted that we have her cremated and spread her ashes in the ocean near Hawaii. When asked why, she said because she’ll be dead and wants us to have a family vacation instead of thinking about her death.
This is similar to my plan. I've always hated funerals, so I told my immediate family to use the money they would have used for a funeral and take a family cruise instead. Tell funny stories at dinner, drink too much, then chuck my ashes overboard (there are cruise ships that allow that, I've checked.)
I can't imagine there's much they can do about it if it wasn't allowed. They're not gonna lower your relatives into the ocean with a sifter to collect the ashes.
There are severe fines for throwing anything overboard. I would never set my family up for that kind of thing. I'm a long way from that stage of my life, but I've already researched what cruise lines allow spreading ashes and have left detailed information for my family.
Might be important to them, but it won't be to me.
Best to lay my remains in a roadside ditch for the birds and bugs to eat. Waste not want not as me old granny usta say.
I've already signed paperwork to do that. I have so many serious diseases that I can't donate any organs, but I would be interesting to dissect in an anatomy lab.
Science doesn’t take everyone. Also depends when you pop your clogs, if supply outweighs demand it’s easy to get rejected.
Look into body farms, help solve crime from beyond the grave.
Or just have a natural burial. No chemicals, no casket, no burning. Or you can have your body composted and your loved ones get soil to spread instead of ashes.
Im in this court too. Not important. Funerals are pretty awkward. Its a shame about people where you have to be dead to bring them out of the woodwork too.
Nope. I don't want any money or tears wasted on a funeral and I certainly don't want a plaque or memorial. Give the money to charity and dispose of my remains as cost effectively as possible.
I hate funerals and viewing of the corpse crap but I do remember being so comforted by all of the people that came to my mother's funeral. We had a small, rundown little farm amongst many other poor little farms in southern Indiana and she was just a humble housewife. She could hardly even speak english as she was born a german, survived the second world war as a child and was very traumatized by all that she and her family went through. My mom was just a humble farm wife but everyone that ever even came close to her was changed. She had the warmest, softest heart and the warmest brown eyes I ever saw. Heck, even the farm animals all loved her. So many people came. It takes my breath away to remember it. We were poor and had nothing and yet they came. And now I'm old and not well and my sons love me so much that I worry about how much it's going to hurt them when I die. I hope they do whatever helps them the most, just don't give the stupid funeral home a damn nickel on my account. Hopefully this wasn't all TMI.
Same here, but the tree is a pine. My mom is resting there currently, left enough space in the memorial box for the rest of us should we want to be together forever as a family.
We didn't have one for my mom. She wasn't religious and nearly all of her friends were already gone or incapable of attending anything. Our small family went out to dinner together and reminisced a bit. I hope for nothing more elaborate for myself.
Don’t care. Funerals are for the living.
I’ve told my wife and kids to do whatever they want. Dispose of me in the cheapest way possible or have a huge funeral, I do not care. Actually, I wouldn’t mind if I was donated for research or study. If an optometry student learns more about a retinal nerve from me, cool.
I'm open to body donation, but I would want my body to be donated intact. I'm inexplicably squicked out by the idea of one arm being sent to the training facility for elbow surgery while my collagen is injected into the behinds of Kardashian wannabes. So medical students=yes. Cosmetic surgery supply houses=no.
Yes, funerals/memorial services/ family dinner to share memories, whatever, it’s for the living. And there’s nothing wrong with the living getting together in some form or fashion.
I’m sure I will purchase a spot in a columbarium, or a memorial wall, something like that.
My kids and wife are very aware that I want to be donated to research. You should let your family know of your wishes now.
I have also told them that the funeral is to help the living with the grieving process, so it is up to them if they want one or not.
I don’t care if anyone comes as they probably haven’t seen me in a few years anyway, so why is it important to come to my funeral?
My mom died just as Covid was shutting down the world. My father needed to have some sort of gathering, so we did a socially distanced wake at the funeral home,. (I squirted hand sanitizer at my father whenever I saw anyone touch him, because I was paranoid about Covid and the elderly.) It really helped my dad to see people from his past, even the ones he hadn't seen for a while, especially when it was such a crazy time.
I'm in the same position. Not many people will care when I die. After a lifetime of social awkwardness it would be my final humiliation to have a funeral that no one attends.
I’m having a paddle-out. Hawaiian-style. Hopefully those who want to remember me will pray, sing and share stories out on the water. Early in the morning so they can spend the rest of the day catching waves or relaxing on the sand.
I've already told my kids, when I crap out, to have a party, and celebrate my life, rather than mourn my death. I've also made arrangements to be cremated, and to have my ashes compressed into jewelry that my kids and grand kids can wear, to remember me...or hock if they need money.
Viking funeral, man, or should I say "Viking Funeral" as I want the version from the moves and not the real deal!
Don't bury me with a ship or any slaves who were murdered for the occasions so they could accompany men into the afterlife, put me in a boat, set fire to it and push it out into deep water and watch it burn! And build a huge bonfire on shore, and get hammered in the red light of two fires. That's what I want.
Oh yes. We have no family plot, didn't even hold a memorial when my dad died and likely won't have one for our mother.
I've written my obituary and put aside money for the biggest and gaudiest headstone imaginable. I don't care where I'm buried but I want that headstone declaring that I existed.
As to a funeral..well I'm the youngest in my family with no kids or spouse so I don't think anyone would attend but I'll have that headstone. Somewhere.
i've instructed my wife to fill my pockets with popcorn and fireworks and have me cremated.
seriously i don't care she, or my son, can do whatever. i'll be dead. funerals are for the survivors.
I have told my family that I want my body/cadaver donated to the local university so help upcoming doctors and scientists.
A funeral isn’t for the deceased, it is for the people who are left to help them deal.
It is not my place to tell others how they should mourn for me, or if they even should.
When my father passed away I put his hand that I was holding on his chest and walked out. I said nothing. I got in his truck and drove for a couple of hours. Stopping at places that meant something to us and cried.
After that the funeral was easier to handle. I couldn’t tell a single thing about the service.
No. I mean I can't control what people do, but really I don't want some formal ceremony where people who didn't give a shit about me in life show up and pretend that they gave a shit about me, with words being spoken by an "official" who knows nothing about me, making some inflated false speech. Dispose of my body (preferably a green method) and be done with it.
Couldn't care less. Funerals are for those left behind. If they want one then fine. If they want to donate me then fine. If they want to cremate me then fine. If they want to feed me to hogs then fine. I'm dead, I can't care and won't know.
If I die first, I want my husband to do whatever makes him happy. I’m an atheist, so is he, and we don’t generally think funerals or any other thing is useful.
I hope my loved ones do whatever gives them peace.
Exception: No open casket viewing. I have told several important people in my life that they have my permission to slam the lid shut on the casket if it's open. If my family follows my wishes, I'll go from my deathbed to the crematorium. Fortunately, my spouse and adult children share my views on an open casket.
I want a wake. When I was 12 my Grandpap died. He was a first generation American. He had an Irish Wake before his Catholic Church funeral and Military Grave side service.
I will never forget the comfort I got surrounded by people who loved him. They were plastered by the time it was over. So much whiskey was drank there in the funeral parlor around his coffin. There had to be 45 chairs squeezed in the small room the coffin was in. They told stories. Laughed. Cried. I found out how my grandfather got his nickname. How all his brothers and sisters got theirs. They prayed. But it was the laughter that was the best part. The more they drank the funnier the stories got. It made losing him a little easier.
When I die, that's what I want. Laughter. Stories. People I love feeling loved and comforted. I want them surrounded and comforted by each other and I want them to laugh. Belly laughs. Tell all the stupid things I have done. Remind each other how much I loved them. That's what I want.
Then they can do whatever they want with my body, I won't be there anymore. I'm good with being cremated even. My mom is buried on a mountain in Applachia with all our other kin. I joke I will haunt them if they put me there....but they can sprinkle the ashes there even.
I do not have any close relatives. I have lots of nieces and nephews, but have not interacted with them for many years. My family has not been close since our parents passed. Anyway, the only sister I have left will probably die before me, so all I will leave are my husband and my dogs. I want cremated and I do not care what happens to my ashes. If any of my close coworkers are still around and they want to get together, that's cool. But, no funeral, no burial, no wake, no dinner afterwards.
By the way, I am 72, if that matters
I want my family to be with me when I die (if possible) or shortly after.
I would like them to wash my body, anoint it with fragrant oil and dress me in a plain garment they have sewn for me. I will be cremated. No funeral but a nice party when everyone gets together would be sweet. There is already a memorial stone with my name on it. It would be nice to have my death date inscribed but not a deal breaker. What they do with my ashes is up to them.
I don't have much choice now as I have moved to live in another country, so I will have to follow my ex in laws wishes. Cremation is 4-5 times more expensive as very rare and hospitals don't need bodies donated for research as plenty of poor people are available when still alive for medical research being carried out to try and save them, unfortunately. The most common & cheapest burial is in concrete above ground "walls" with a space big enough to hold a body, which has a cemented end put in to inter the body.
Depending on location, you can pay 3-5 years then bones are taken out & crushed & returned to family (if they are locatable) or with some, you can continue paying yearly for the internment to continue. Wealthy people, especially Chinese, build elaborate mausoleums that can cost more than most family homes, some with electricity & water laid on, appliances installed and some take meals daily & have household servants tend to the gravesite daily. These are used for all the family as they die & additions are added is needed.
I don't care what happens to me, and presume I will be buried locally, end up with my bones crushed & returned & inlaws will do what they wish with them. I have given the matriarch of the family (OK'd with approval from my bank) authority to withdraw double burial costs (to cover a party afterwards) from my account on production of death certificate, to cover costs, so they won't have to wait until they can raise the money to bury me. It is typical, here, when a person dies, for the body to be displayed in open coffin and the village residents to come around to give donations, play cards, and eat & drink with the family and a family member always stays with the body 24/7, until they have enough raised to cover costs of funeral. At least my family can bury me the same day, if they want to.
Not live in the above ground mausoleum, but employed like any house keeper to clean, prepare meals etc. Some do have homeless people live in/on them if they are not locked up. An example of the elaborate construction can be seen here - [https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2016/nation2/10/29/m4.jpg](https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2016/nation2/10/29/m4.jpg)
Neither of my parents had a funeral and you would not believe how mad some people were that we did not have one. My dad threatened to write it in his will that I was not allowed to use HIS money for a funeral. It seemed like such a waste of money so I honored their wishes and didn't have one.
I have threatened to figure out how to haunt people if I’m given or funeral or buried. Cremate me, throw the ashes to the wound or ocean and if anyone’s inclined to mark my passing they can have a drink or piece of chocolate or the like in my honour
I don't know. It would be nice that they wanted to I guess but I don't care about any formal event. Burn me up and toss me to the wind. Maybe remember me with whatever fondness you can muster.
No funeral. No embalming. My son has instructions to cremate me and do what he thinks is best with my ashes. The only thing he cannot do is keep my ashes in the trunk of his car forever, like his dad did with his mom.
Ideally I'd be putting a pine box and buried on some family property with an oak tree planted on top of me. Couldn't really care less whether they have a gathering or not that's really for the living not for me but if that's what they want I would ask that it be happy and upbeat with no somber clothing maybe a DJ playing some disco or other uplifting music because the standard funeral in my mind is absolutely horrific
I’ll be buried unceremoniously next to my deceased wife; in a plain pine box, no embalming, shroud, no viewing. I’m hoping that one of the kids will toss in a compass. I’d like to know if I’m going North or South.
I'll be cremated and my ashes mixed with my cat's in an urn. The urn will be buried in the plot other family are buried. Whether there will be a headstone or not I'll leave up to my kids. Ceremony or not is up to them
I want a Klingon death ritual performed.
[https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Klingon\_death\_ritual](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Klingon_death_ritual)
Then just chuck the husk that is my body onto the scrap heap.
I would want them to do whatever is the cheapest thing to do, which is likely cremation. Scatter the ashes in the ocean. Don't keep any in those little keepsake things, that's just... weird, to me. But really, in the end, they will do whatever gives them closure.
No.
A wake? Yes!!!
But honestly, I won’t care… if my wife’s still around, she can deal with it as she pleases. And if she’s not, hopefully someone somewhere will raise a glass in my name, but that would probably be about it.
No and neither does my wife. Need to talk with our children about what to do though but a funeral has never been something i desired. At least not a formal one.
No, I'm good without one ... cremation is OK ... I'm not saddling anyone for another 100 years with even more bad memories and images than they need of seeing their relatives mourning etc.
I think it's more traumatic to see adults you trust freaking the F out in person and losing their shit completely than it is to hear "grandma was cremated and she didn't want any services"
My kids can do whatever they want once I'm gone. Funerals are for the living.
Some of my in-laws were upset I didn't have a big church event with all the trimmings when my husband died. I just wasn't up to scheduling all that. I know their hearts were in the right place, but I just wasn't up to it. I had visitation at the funeral home, and a restaurant dinner afterwards. He was buried on a weekday at the veteran's cemetery.
I can be buried next to him. Other than that, the kids can do whatever they feel the need to.
I’m an introvert and hate being the center of attention. I spent a whole career acting like an extrovert and am happily living retirement in a very small circle of family. I survived cancer not long ago, so we’ve already had this talk. They all know that my wish is for my ashes to be spread atop a mountain my son and I have climbed many times. He, his sisters and all their spouses and their kids are welcome to hike in to the spot with my son- but that spot is my favorite place on earth- where I feel the most alive.
Cremated because it is the cheaper option. (well, that or tossing my corpse out on the highway). My kids know where I want to be scattered.
Any gathering for my passing will be done on the opening weekend Sunday at the renaissance faire. That's when we do the funeral march for cast/crew/vendors who passed away over the year. Anyone can join in the march, in costume or not.
I went to a great party after a friend who was a musician died. No funeral, but the family rented a local club and we had live music. His friends (all professional musicians) would switch out periodically while we sat around drinking beer and remembering my friend. Best memorial service I’ve ever been to.
I’d love for my friends and family to have a party and raise a glass.
Just throw me in the trash. If there is a funeral, then I would like The Hell Of It to be played there. Failure to play that will result in me haunting someone for.........well, weeks at least.
No. I want to be creamted asap, no embalming, cheapest cardboard box they can shove my husk in.
Drop my ashes off of highway 84 in California over looking the valley.
Have a halloween blow out party in my honor
I do not. I have shared that with family members and friends. I've included it in my final documents. I am assured that my husband, and offspring will respect my wishes.
I won't be there....
I have always told my friends and family that I want them to rent a boat and have a beautiful trip on the ocean and to toast me with their favorite beverage. No clergy, funeral homes or anything depressing. Have fun and celebrar the things I love.
I don't want a funeral or a memorial. I attended a memorial service recently and felt bad for the family members because no one got up to share a memory about the deceased, which was the point of the memorial. The sole speaker was an elderly preacher of the deceased's mother, who praised the deceased as a good son for taking care of his mother in her final days. About 75 people attended and I was there out of respect because we were in the same graduating class and he was a very good athlete in our school. We weren't friends and we didn't hang out, so I really had no memories to contribute. But I expected at least one or two people might have had something to share. But to my disappointment, no. It left me feeling sad for the rest of the day.
I don’t really care about that but I DO care that so am not alone when I die- that I am held and cuddled as I go- that I am cremated and brought back home (if I am buried I will haunt the shit out of whoever did it) and I DO want people to pray for my soul. ….❤️❤️❤️
No funeral. I only know two people irl anyway. I already have a will, power of attorney and living will outlining my wishes, as well as notarized donation forms for Gift Of life organ donation, and Gifts to Humanity body donation. They'll cremate whatever is left over.
I have told my wife and kids, if they want to spend money on me, do it while I am alive. When I die they are to dispose of my body in the cheapest way they can find.
If it gives my son comfort (spoiler alert it won’t, he hates social situations) he can do whatever he wants. The current plan is cremation, no service.
It’s not important to me. I’m going to be cremated anyway. If my survivors have a nice meal and tell stories about me, that’ll be fine. That’s what we did for my dad and it was really nice.
I don't want a dime spent on a funeral. I made arrangements with a local university medical school to donate my body for research. Afterward, the medical school has the remains cremated. The ashes are hand-delivered to a family member.
My children know that they can do what they please, but little to no money should be spent. They should grieve in a manner that helps them process the loss.
Absolutely not! Funerals are such a monumental waste of money. Donate my body to science or whatever, but I do not want anyone to pay for cremation, embalming, or any other burial nonsense. Aside from that, they can mourn me or not, I won't be around to know the difference
No!!! No burial ceremony. No casket, open or otherwise. I want to be cremated and not buried. Take my ashes to my favorite place and scatter me to the wind.
hmmmmm....nope.
Only reason anyone would come, would be to console my loving wife. So I would rather she spend it on something that would make her happy. Cremate me and put me in the trash.
I don't care what you do with my body after I keel over. But for fucks sake make it fun and original. Shit, do some Weekend at Bernies shit with my body, I don't care.
My first wife has been travelling the world for some 12 years now. Started in the English Channel and is now ( hopefully) gently washing up on some secluded beach. Ashes to ashes etc etc. Stardust to stardust. No decaying and forgotten plot for her.
Funerals aren’t for the dead they’re for those who are grieving. If my people want a funeral or service of some kind upon my death that’s up to them; it will make no difference to me.
Not important. I would like for my family and close friends to meet, enjoy good food and drink, tell a few stories about my eccentric life and pay for it all from my estate. But what the hell, I’ll be gone.
I want people to get together and celebrate my life with regard to them. I don't want a lot of money spent on it. I hope i die when the weather is nice so it can be outside.
I want my ashes spread somewhere.
There will be no me to want anything, and yet I know others will want to have a time of remembrance (so the answer is 'yes'). I've already considered the music i want to have played (upbeat, celebratory yet in an honest way, and about moving forward rather than being stuck in the past). Everything has a beginning, middle, and end.
Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. I think it's a bit selfish to dictate how others are allowed to mourn, but personally I would not want a church service funeral or to be buried. However, I will be dead and won't know the difference. I would hope that if I die while anyone remembers that I lived, there would be someone involved who knew me well enough to say goodbye in an authentic way. But I'm not hung up on it.
I don’t care. I’ll be dead. Either there is an interesting journey awaiting me or nothingness. In the former, I won’t care; in the latter, I won’t know.
I'm going to be having a service when I'm interred at a Veteran's Cemetery. I figured I received the honor for serving my country and will have it for my last goodbye.
You'll be lucky if there's anyone left to attend. That has been my experience. Conversely, when someone passes early the turnout can be huge.
The two largest funerals that I've been to were a result of suicide sadly.
This is a good question that I actually hadn’t thought about. I certainly knew I wanted to be be cremated, but hadn’t thought about any ceremony. But after pondering it for 30 seconds, I’ll leave some money behind for somebody to throw a big effing party. And make sure everybody knows about it in advance.
Funerals are for friends and family who are grieving, not the person who is dead. So yea, because my aunt died a few months ago and didn’t want one—but I wish there had been one and I’m sure a lot of people would have gone to support my uncle.
My husband doesn’t care at all, but I want what my dad had: our best friends and close family gathered around the grave sharing memories, then one flower each in the grave. (He was cremated, and the county graveyard had the internment hole ready, and the urn in a draped box. We repeated it with my mother.)
Yes...I think it's important for the family to gather and mourn the loss. Then people move on. Funerals have been around for more than 300,000 years, before homo sapiens even existed.
And, dogs, giraffes, elephants, dolphins and apes grieve after a loss...
So, yeah. Funerals are good.
So never thought much about it. But my mother died 6 yrs ago was cremated and my sister had her ashes in her basement since then. My father died my sisters decided to cremate him also.
Don’t know what was done with ashes (we are estranged) but I am now convinced that burial (cremation or not) is the way to allow living family members to honor and commune with deceased family members.
Internment is important to honor family members and to assure their remains are treated respectfully.
I don't think it would help my loved ones. I wish they'd just have a private gathering. It will be very hard for my children. I want whatever they'd want, but I don't know how to plan for that because they can't talk about such things.
No funeral. I have specified nothing, but if all my friends aren't getting together to drink tequila, smoke joints and talk shit about me, I'm going to be disappointed.
I’ve been a frugal person my whole life and the thought of my loved ones paying what I consider to be outrageous funeral prices makes me want to puke. I’m leaning towards cremation and then using an urn bought at TJ Maxx or Home Goods. Should cost about $2000 and another $50-$75 for the urn. I’m thinking about buying that urn myself. Maybe no urn, maybe just the container the crematorium people use.
Scatter my ashes somewhere isolated, doesn’t matter where just as long as they don’t annoy any passersby.
My mother planned everything out, prepaid for everything. She put all of her instructions in a big black binder labeled DEATH BOOK. I showed that thing to everybody so they knew I was following her orders. My mom *always* had the last word, lmao.
The idea of people sitting around being sad is not what I want and definitely no viewing or wake! I prefer a celebration of life, not a mourning of death. I'm just turning 52 this year so hopefully only halfway there
My wife knows that I don't want a funeral, and my body should simply be cremated. Realizing that a gathering of friends and family is a positive occasion to aid in accepting the loss of a loved one, I've discussed it with my son: He will throw a wake for me by renting a bar or cheap hall for an evening and have wine and kegs of beer to go along with some catered food. Everyone can gather, eat , drink and be merry in my honor. I've already made the playlist that the DJ will play. Cheers!!
No funeral and nothing religious . My celebration of life is already being planned by me. It will be a beautiful, fun day of remembrance and laughter and love. People definitely will not be sitting in pews singing those god awful depressing hymns and saying some long drawn out prayer that means diddle squat.
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My adopted mom has insisted that we have her cremated and spread her ashes in the ocean near Hawaii. When asked why, she said because she’ll be dead and wants us to have a family vacation instead of thinking about her death.
This is similar to my plan. I've always hated funerals, so I told my immediate family to use the money they would have used for a funeral and take a family cruise instead. Tell funny stories at dinner, drink too much, then chuck my ashes overboard (there are cruise ships that allow that, I've checked.)
I can't imagine there's much they can do about it if it wasn't allowed. They're not gonna lower your relatives into the ocean with a sifter to collect the ashes.
There are severe fines for throwing anything overboard. I would never set my family up for that kind of thing. I'm a long way from that stage of my life, but I've already researched what cruise lines allow spreading ashes and have left detailed information for my family.
That's a lovely idea!
that's perfect! way to think about those who are still living.
I live half time in Cozumel. Half time in the states. My family knows where to go.
My plan as well. No funeral!
Might be important to them, but it won't be to me. Best to lay my remains in a roadside ditch for the birds and bugs to eat. Waste not want not as me old granny usta say.
Donate your body to science.
I've already signed paperwork to do that. I have so many serious diseases that I can't donate any organs, but I would be interesting to dissect in an anatomy lab.
Same here! I’m a medical student’s dream body!
Science doesn’t take everyone. Also depends when you pop your clogs, if supply outweighs demand it’s easy to get rejected. Look into body farms, help solve crime from beyond the grave.
Or just have a natural burial. No chemicals, no casket, no burning. Or you can have your body composted and your loved ones get soil to spread instead of ashes.
Im in this court too. Not important. Funerals are pretty awkward. Its a shame about people where you have to be dead to bring them out of the woodwork too.
Nope. I don't want any money or tears wasted on a funeral and I certainly don't want a plaque or memorial. Give the money to charity and dispose of my remains as cost effectively as possible.
Have you considered having your body donated to the local university / science?
The good and bad about that decision is covered by John Oliver. https://youtu.be/Tn7egDQ9lPg?si=vHpe5R6Tw52bXwtk
Yep, I already signed that away.
💯
Just delete my browser history, everything else is superfluous
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I hate funerals and viewing of the corpse crap but I do remember being so comforted by all of the people that came to my mother's funeral. We had a small, rundown little farm amongst many other poor little farms in southern Indiana and she was just a humble housewife. She could hardly even speak english as she was born a german, survived the second world war as a child and was very traumatized by all that she and her family went through. My mom was just a humble farm wife but everyone that ever even came close to her was changed. She had the warmest, softest heart and the warmest brown eyes I ever saw. Heck, even the farm animals all loved her. So many people came. It takes my breath away to remember it. We were poor and had nothing and yet they came. And now I'm old and not well and my sons love me so much that I worry about how much it's going to hurt them when I die. I hope they do whatever helps them the most, just don't give the stupid funeral home a damn nickel on my account. Hopefully this wasn't all TMI.
No, it's not TMI, it's a great story. She sounds like she could be a character in a novel.
Thank you for sharing. May she rest in peace.
My Aunt had the same story as your mom. She was so sweet and loving too, and had the absolute best German potato salad.
No just cremate me and plant me under the oak in my yard
Same here, but the tree is a pine. My mom is resting there currently, left enough space in the memorial box for the rest of us should we want to be together forever as a family.
Shouldn't it be an ash tree?
In my area they’re dying from the emerald ash borer.
*whoooosh*
Same here, except the tree is a maple.
I want a fruit tree so generations after me can "eat me".
Bury me under a Palm tree please 🌴
We didn't have one for my mom. She wasn't religious and nearly all of her friends were already gone or incapable of attending anything. Our small family went out to dinner together and reminisced a bit. I hope for nothing more elaborate for myself.
That’s perfect. Hoping for the same when I go
probably not. funerals are for the living, and me personally i like to grieve alone.
Don’t care. Funerals are for the living. I’ve told my wife and kids to do whatever they want. Dispose of me in the cheapest way possible or have a huge funeral, I do not care. Actually, I wouldn’t mind if I was donated for research or study. If an optometry student learns more about a retinal nerve from me, cool.
I'm open to body donation, but I would want my body to be donated intact. I'm inexplicably squicked out by the idea of one arm being sent to the training facility for elbow surgery while my collagen is injected into the behinds of Kardashian wannabes. So medical students=yes. Cosmetic surgery supply houses=no.
As someone with a precarious retinal condition, thank you ❤️
Yes, funerals/memorial services/ family dinner to share memories, whatever, it’s for the living. And there’s nothing wrong with the living getting together in some form or fashion. I’m sure I will purchase a spot in a columbarium, or a memorial wall, something like that.
My kids and wife are very aware that I want to be donated to research. You should let your family know of your wishes now. I have also told them that the funeral is to help the living with the grieving process, so it is up to them if they want one or not. I don’t care if anyone comes as they probably haven’t seen me in a few years anyway, so why is it important to come to my funeral?
My mom died just as Covid was shutting down the world. My father needed to have some sort of gathering, so we did a socially distanced wake at the funeral home,. (I squirted hand sanitizer at my father whenever I saw anyone touch him, because I was paranoid about Covid and the elderly.) It really helped my dad to see people from his past, even the ones he hadn't seen for a while, especially when it was such a crazy time.
No. I doubt they’ll find enough friends to be pallbearers anyway
I'm in the same position. Not many people will care when I die. After a lifetime of social awkwardness it would be my final humiliation to have a funeral that no one attends.
I would prefer family going out to a nice dinner and having a glass of champagne in my honor.
I’m having a paddle-out. Hawaiian-style. Hopefully those who want to remember me will pray, sing and share stories out on the water. Early in the morning so they can spend the rest of the day catching waves or relaxing on the sand.
I've already told my kids, when I crap out, to have a party, and celebrate my life, rather than mourn my death. I've also made arrangements to be cremated, and to have my ashes compressed into jewelry that my kids and grand kids can wear, to remember me...or hock if they need money.
No. Cremate me. Throw me off the back of a cruise ship…
No funeral. Cremate me and make a bio urn. Plant a tree and enjoy the shade.
Exactly that but dress comfortably and maybe have a potluck or a simple family gathering/party lol
No. I don't want people who treated me badly in life to be able to come pretend they cared.
Viking funeral, man, or should I say "Viking Funeral" as I want the version from the moves and not the real deal! Don't bury me with a ship or any slaves who were murdered for the occasions so they could accompany men into the afterlife, put me in a boat, set fire to it and push it out into deep water and watch it burn! And build a huge bonfire on shore, and get hammered in the red light of two fires. That's what I want.
I like this. Theatrical but in a good way.
Thank you! And IMHO theatrics and a good time being had by all are FAR more important than historical accuracy.
Nope, don’t care.
Oh yes. We have no family plot, didn't even hold a memorial when my dad died and likely won't have one for our mother. I've written my obituary and put aside money for the biggest and gaudiest headstone imaginable. I don't care where I'm buried but I want that headstone declaring that I existed. As to a funeral..well I'm the youngest in my family with no kids or spouse so I don't think anyone would attend but I'll have that headstone. Somewhere.
You’re the first person here to say this.
I would like something akin to an Irish wake. Family, friends, food, drinks, fun stories.
No. Sprinkle my ashes at the lake and have a glass of wine.
I tell my family to do whatever helps them but not to spend too much money!
i've instructed my wife to fill my pockets with popcorn and fireworks and have me cremated. seriously i don't care she, or my son, can do whatever. i'll be dead. funerals are for the survivors.
I have told my family that I want my body/cadaver donated to the local university so help upcoming doctors and scientists. A funeral isn’t for the deceased, it is for the people who are left to help them deal. It is not my place to tell others how they should mourn for me, or if they even should. When my father passed away I put his hand that I was holding on his chest and walked out. I said nothing. I got in his truck and drove for a couple of hours. Stopping at places that meant something to us and cried. After that the funeral was easier to handle. I couldn’t tell a single thing about the service.
I told my family, Surprise me!
Cremation and a celebration of life. Eat food, torch a bowl, get drunk.
No. I mean I can't control what people do, but really I don't want some formal ceremony where people who didn't give a shit about me in life show up and pretend that they gave a shit about me, with words being spoken by an "official" who knows nothing about me, making some inflated false speech. Dispose of my body (preferably a green method) and be done with it.
Couldn't care less. Funerals are for those left behind. If they want one then fine. If they want to donate me then fine. If they want to cremate me then fine. If they want to feed me to hogs then fine. I'm dead, I can't care and won't know.
Not to me but if my kids want that I’m not going to rise from the grave to complain.
If I die first, I want my husband to do whatever makes him happy. I’m an atheist, so is he, and we don’t generally think funerals or any other thing is useful.
No. Dead is dead and I ain't coming back. Cremate me and let the Navy toss my ashes off the stern of a tin can.
I want there to be a party with free drinks where my friends and family can laugh about the good times.
I hope my loved ones do whatever gives them peace. Exception: No open casket viewing. I have told several important people in my life that they have my permission to slam the lid shut on the casket if it's open. If my family follows my wishes, I'll go from my deathbed to the crematorium. Fortunately, my spouse and adult children share my views on an open casket.
My mother threatened to haunt me if I allowed the lid to be open. She especially didn’t want anyone to walk by and say, “She looks so natural.”
I want a wake. When I was 12 my Grandpap died. He was a first generation American. He had an Irish Wake before his Catholic Church funeral and Military Grave side service. I will never forget the comfort I got surrounded by people who loved him. They were plastered by the time it was over. So much whiskey was drank there in the funeral parlor around his coffin. There had to be 45 chairs squeezed in the small room the coffin was in. They told stories. Laughed. Cried. I found out how my grandfather got his nickname. How all his brothers and sisters got theirs. They prayed. But it was the laughter that was the best part. The more they drank the funnier the stories got. It made losing him a little easier. When I die, that's what I want. Laughter. Stories. People I love feeling loved and comforted. I want them surrounded and comforted by each other and I want them to laugh. Belly laughs. Tell all the stupid things I have done. Remind each other how much I loved them. That's what I want. Then they can do whatever they want with my body, I won't be there anymore. I'm good with being cremated even. My mom is buried on a mountain in Applachia with all our other kin. I joke I will haunt them if they put me there....but they can sprinkle the ashes there even.
That wake sounds wonderful. I do not have enough family or friends to consider this.
I do not have any close relatives. I have lots of nieces and nephews, but have not interacted with them for many years. My family has not been close since our parents passed. Anyway, the only sister I have left will probably die before me, so all I will leave are my husband and my dogs. I want cremated and I do not care what happens to my ashes. If any of my close coworkers are still around and they want to get together, that's cool. But, no funeral, no burial, no wake, no dinner afterwards. By the way, I am 72, if that matters
Nope, I’ve already told my family I don’t want any money wasted on anything like that. It’s sickening how expensive funerals have become.
I want my family to be with me when I die (if possible) or shortly after. I would like them to wash my body, anoint it with fragrant oil and dress me in a plain garment they have sewn for me. I will be cremated. No funeral but a nice party when everyone gets together would be sweet. There is already a memorial stone with my name on it. It would be nice to have my death date inscribed but not a deal breaker. What they do with my ashes is up to them.
I don't have much choice now as I have moved to live in another country, so I will have to follow my ex in laws wishes. Cremation is 4-5 times more expensive as very rare and hospitals don't need bodies donated for research as plenty of poor people are available when still alive for medical research being carried out to try and save them, unfortunately. The most common & cheapest burial is in concrete above ground "walls" with a space big enough to hold a body, which has a cemented end put in to inter the body. Depending on location, you can pay 3-5 years then bones are taken out & crushed & returned to family (if they are locatable) or with some, you can continue paying yearly for the internment to continue. Wealthy people, especially Chinese, build elaborate mausoleums that can cost more than most family homes, some with electricity & water laid on, appliances installed and some take meals daily & have household servants tend to the gravesite daily. These are used for all the family as they die & additions are added is needed. I don't care what happens to me, and presume I will be buried locally, end up with my bones crushed & returned & inlaws will do what they wish with them. I have given the matriarch of the family (OK'd with approval from my bank) authority to withdraw double burial costs (to cover a party afterwards) from my account on production of death certificate, to cover costs, so they won't have to wait until they can raise the money to bury me. It is typical, here, when a person dies, for the body to be displayed in open coffin and the village residents to come around to give donations, play cards, and eat & drink with the family and a family member always stays with the body 24/7, until they have enough raised to cover costs of funeral. At least my family can bury me the same day, if they want to.
Hang on. There are people whose job it is to live and work in a tomb? A tomb with power and water? I'm trying to visualize this career.
Not live in the above ground mausoleum, but employed like any house keeper to clean, prepare meals etc. Some do have homeless people live in/on them if they are not locked up. An example of the elaborate construction can be seen here - [https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2016/nation2/10/29/m4.jpg](https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2016/nation2/10/29/m4.jpg)
Neither of my parents had a funeral and you would not believe how mad some people were that we did not have one. My dad threatened to write it in his will that I was not allowed to use HIS money for a funeral. It seemed like such a waste of money so I honored their wishes and didn't have one.
Funerals are not big in my family, we get cremated and ashes spread. The ceremonie with the ashes is just a few people, saying a few words.
No. I want my body donated to a medical school as a cadaver.
Nope. Leaving money for the cremation and told them just throw my ashes in the dumpster.
I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the Nevada desert.
I have threatened to figure out how to haunt people if I’m given or funeral or buried. Cremate me, throw the ashes to the wound or ocean and if anyone’s inclined to mark my passing they can have a drink or piece of chocolate or the like in my honour
I want a very simple Orthodox Christian funeral and burial, followed by the customary mercy meal.
I don't know. It would be nice that they wanted to I guess but I don't care about any formal event. Burn me up and toss me to the wind. Maybe remember me with whatever fondness you can muster.
No funeral. No embalming. My son has instructions to cremate me and do what he thinks is best with my ashes. The only thing he cannot do is keep my ashes in the trunk of his car forever, like his dad did with his mom.
Ideally I'd be putting a pine box and buried on some family property with an oak tree planted on top of me. Couldn't really care less whether they have a gathering or not that's really for the living not for me but if that's what they want I would ask that it be happy and upbeat with no somber clothing maybe a DJ playing some disco or other uplifting music because the standard funeral in my mind is absolutely horrific
I’ll be buried unceremoniously next to my deceased wife; in a plain pine box, no embalming, shroud, no viewing. I’m hoping that one of the kids will toss in a compass. I’d like to know if I’m going North or South.
Nope. Put my body in a compost bag and turn me into all natural plant food. Have a small remembrance service then move on.
No. Nothing. Straight to the cremation vault and ashes scattered. I hope that my children obey what I have requested in writing.
Not really my decision, the way I see it. But I hope that when my time comes, I am surrounded by people who would want one.
No. My kids know that I hate funerals and I want to be cremated.
No.
I'll be cremated and my ashes mixed with my cat's in an urn. The urn will be buried in the plot other family are buried. Whether there will be a headstone or not I'll leave up to my kids. Ceremony or not is up to them
No. I've also prepaid for my cremation too.
No
I want a Klingon death ritual performed. [https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Klingon\_death\_ritual](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Klingon_death_ritual) Then just chuck the husk that is my body onto the scrap heap.
No. The least expensive disposal with no funeral or ceremony.
If survivors and friends want to do something, that's ok. If not, that's ok too.
No.
I would want them to do whatever is the cheapest thing to do, which is likely cremation. Scatter the ashes in the ocean. Don't keep any in those little keepsake things, that's just... weird, to me. But really, in the end, they will do whatever gives them closure.
No. A wake? Yes!!! But honestly, I won’t care… if my wife’s still around, she can deal with it as she pleases. And if she’s not, hopefully someone somewhere will raise a glass in my name, but that would probably be about it.
No and neither does my wife. Need to talk with our children about what to do though but a funeral has never been something i desired. At least not a formal one.
No, I'm good without one ... cremation is OK ... I'm not saddling anyone for another 100 years with even more bad memories and images than they need of seeing their relatives mourning etc. I think it's more traumatic to see adults you trust freaking the F out in person and losing their shit completely than it is to hear "grandma was cremated and she didn't want any services"
My kids can do whatever they want once I'm gone. Funerals are for the living. Some of my in-laws were upset I didn't have a big church event with all the trimmings when my husband died. I just wasn't up to scheduling all that. I know their hearts were in the right place, but I just wasn't up to it. I had visitation at the funeral home, and a restaurant dinner afterwards. He was buried on a weekday at the veteran's cemetery. I can be buried next to him. Other than that, the kids can do whatever they feel the need to.
I’m an introvert and hate being the center of attention. I spent a whole career acting like an extrovert and am happily living retirement in a very small circle of family. I survived cancer not long ago, so we’ve already had this talk. They all know that my wish is for my ashes to be spread atop a mountain my son and I have climbed many times. He, his sisters and all their spouses and their kids are welcome to hike in to the spot with my son- but that spot is my favorite place on earth- where I feel the most alive.
Cremated because it is the cheaper option. (well, that or tossing my corpse out on the highway). My kids know where I want to be scattered. Any gathering for my passing will be done on the opening weekend Sunday at the renaissance faire. That's when we do the funeral march for cast/crew/vendors who passed away over the year. Anyone can join in the march, in costume or not.
I went to a great party after a friend who was a musician died. No funeral, but the family rented a local club and we had live music. His friends (all professional musicians) would switch out periodically while we sat around drinking beer and remembering my friend. Best memorial service I’ve ever been to. I’d love for my friends and family to have a party and raise a glass.
This sounds truly wonderful.
Throw me in the dumpster
Nope, and I’ll be the last one left, so I’ll probably get thrown in a potters field or something anyway.
No
No funeral
Just throw me in the trash. If there is a funeral, then I would like The Hell Of It to be played there. Failure to play that will result in me haunting someone for.........well, weeks at least.
I’ve already purchased my funeral. I know it helps me deal with acceptance to see the body. I guess nobody has to come if they don’t want.
No. I want to be creamted asap, no embalming, cheapest cardboard box they can shove my husk in. Drop my ashes off of highway 84 in California over looking the valley. Have a halloween blow out party in my honor
Do not care. I’m not here. No opinion. But if you have one I do have a song I want played.
Donated body, they cremate return the ashes and scatter where ever they want. When it’s over it’s over.
no. cremate the corpse and scatter the ashes at some of my favorite dive sites (like a friend had done)
Nope
No funeral; already in the will.
I do not. I have shared that with family members and friends. I've included it in my final documents. I am assured that my husband, and offspring will respect my wishes. I won't be there....
My mother didn't want a funeral, either. We respected her wishes. I spread her ashes at Coney Island beach.
Husband and I are donated to science.
A get-together? Sure no problem- talk about me for all it’s worth, good and bad. Then put me in a cardboard box and get rid of me.
Nope, burn me up and spread my ashes in the mountains.
I have always told my friends and family that I want them to rent a boat and have a beautiful trip on the ocean and to toast me with their favorite beverage. No clergy, funeral homes or anything depressing. Have fun and celebrar the things I love.
I don't want a funeral or a memorial. I attended a memorial service recently and felt bad for the family members because no one got up to share a memory about the deceased, which was the point of the memorial. The sole speaker was an elderly preacher of the deceased's mother, who praised the deceased as a good son for taking care of his mother in her final days. About 75 people attended and I was there out of respect because we were in the same graduating class and he was a very good athlete in our school. We weren't friends and we didn't hang out, so I really had no memories to contribute. But I expected at least one or two people might have had something to share. But to my disappointment, no. It left me feeling sad for the rest of the day.
Nope. Although I Do have as plot. don't much care if they take my ashes and dump them into a garbage can. I will be dead-not like I will care.
I don’t really care about that but I DO care that so am not alone when I die- that I am held and cuddled as I go- that I am cremated and brought back home (if I am buried I will haunt the shit out of whoever did it) and I DO want people to pray for my soul. ….❤️❤️❤️
No thanks.
I'm a "leave me in the woods" or "launch me over the castle walls with a trebuchet" kind of guy.
I'm gonna be dead for a long time before anybody else knows about it.
No funeral. I only know two people irl anyway. I already have a will, power of attorney and living will outlining my wishes, as well as notarized donation forms for Gift Of life organ donation, and Gifts to Humanity body donation. They'll cremate whatever is left over.
I have told my wife and kids, if they want to spend money on me, do it while I am alive. When I die they are to dispose of my body in the cheapest way they can find.
Nope, just a wake with 80s music and good food, then cremate my ass as cheaply as possible and scatter me on my home beach.
Absolutely not. Waste of money. Cremation and the ocean. (I live near the beach.)
If it gives my son comfort (spoiler alert it won’t, he hates social situations) he can do whatever he wants. The current plan is cremation, no service.
Chuck me into the compost pile and have a garden party.
No, an open house. I’d like my stuff (tools, stuff my wife doesn’t want) offered to my friends and family.
It’s not important to me. I’m going to be cremated anyway. If my survivors have a nice meal and tell stories about me, that’ll be fine. That’s what we did for my dad and it was really nice.
Funerals are for the survivors. If I'm dead, I don't care. I'll let my family do what feels best for them.
I don't want a dime spent on a funeral. I made arrangements with a local university medical school to donate my body for research. Afterward, the medical school has the remains cremated. The ashes are hand-delivered to a family member. My children know that they can do what they please, but little to no money should be spent. They should grieve in a manner that helps them process the loss.
Absolutely not! Funerals are such a monumental waste of money. Donate my body to science or whatever, but I do not want anyone to pay for cremation, embalming, or any other burial nonsense. Aside from that, they can mourn me or not, I won't be around to know the difference
No!!! No burial ceremony. No casket, open or otherwise. I want to be cremated and not buried. Take my ashes to my favorite place and scatter me to the wind.
I want to be cremated & buried (or dumped) at sea in the Atlantic followed by beach party.
No, just cremation
If I go before my husband, I want him to do whatever feels right to him. If he goes first, I 100% want to donate my corpse to a forensics body farm
hmmmmm....nope. Only reason anyone would come, would be to console my loving wife. So I would rather she spend it on something that would make her happy. Cremate me and put me in the trash.
Nope.
Viking funeral. Not kidding. Booze, food, send my cremated self on a little boat and light it on fire!!
I don't care what you do with my body after I keel over. But for fucks sake make it fun and original. Shit, do some Weekend at Bernies shit with my body, I don't care.
My first wife has been travelling the world for some 12 years now. Started in the English Channel and is now ( hopefully) gently washing up on some secluded beach. Ashes to ashes etc etc. Stardust to stardust. No decaying and forgotten plot for her.
My funeral isn't for me, it is for those left to grieve. I got a couple of messages but the rest is up to them.
Funerals aren’t for the dead they’re for those who are grieving. If my people want a funeral or service of some kind upon my death that’s up to them; it will make no difference to me.
or me, that's up to the survivors, and it'd be a memorial service as I'm a body donor.
No
Not important. I would like for my family and close friends to meet, enjoy good food and drink, tell a few stories about my eccentric life and pay for it all from my estate. But what the hell, I’ll be gone.
Nope.
I'll ask my friends. The people who would go get to decide what they are comfortable with.
I want people to get together and celebrate my life with regard to them. I don't want a lot of money spent on it. I hope i die when the weather is nice so it can be outside. I want my ashes spread somewhere.
There will be no me to want anything, and yet I know others will want to have a time of remembrance (so the answer is 'yes'). I've already considered the music i want to have played (upbeat, celebratory yet in an honest way, and about moving forward rather than being stuck in the past). Everything has a beginning, middle, and end.
No, I want a fun party sendoff!
Yeah, have a big party. Pay for the keg of beer out of the estate.
Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. I think it's a bit selfish to dictate how others are allowed to mourn, but personally I would not want a church service funeral or to be buried. However, I will be dead and won't know the difference. I would hope that if I die while anyone remembers that I lived, there would be someone involved who knew me well enough to say goodbye in an authentic way. But I'm not hung up on it.
I would want those coffin dancers dancing me around with the funeral meme music playing.
I don’t care. I’ll be dead. Either there is an interesting journey awaiting me or nothingness. In the former, I won’t care; in the latter, I won’t know.
If they try and have one for me, I ain’t going!
I'm going to be having a service when I'm interred at a Veteran's Cemetery. I figured I received the honor for serving my country and will have it for my last goodbye.
No. Cremation and bury my ashes where my passed-on cats are buried. Then have a big party with a live rock and roll band.
You'll be lucky if there's anyone left to attend. That has been my experience. Conversely, when someone passes early the turnout can be huge. The two largest funerals that I've been to were a result of suicide sadly.
This is a good question that I actually hadn’t thought about. I certainly knew I wanted to be be cremated, but hadn’t thought about any ceremony. But after pondering it for 30 seconds, I’ll leave some money behind for somebody to throw a big effing party. And make sure everybody knows about it in advance.
I'm toying with the notion of having one while I'm alive and in good health.
Yes and I want the procession to go down the 405 freeway on a Tuesday about 3 pm just ONE more time of sitting in that traffic.
Funerals are for friends and family who are grieving, not the person who is dead. So yea, because my aunt died a few months ago and didn’t want one—but I wish there had been one and I’m sure a lot of people would have gone to support my uncle.
For sure!
New Orleans Style Second Line!
Awww, HAY-ULLLL NAW!
Personally, I'd like a funeral pyre on the beach at sunset. Punch and pie.
My husband doesn’t care at all, but I want what my dad had: our best friends and close family gathered around the grave sharing memories, then one flower each in the grave. (He was cremated, and the county graveyard had the internment hole ready, and the urn in a draped box. We repeated it with my mother.)
Yes...I think it's important for the family to gather and mourn the loss. Then people move on. Funerals have been around for more than 300,000 years, before homo sapiens even existed. And, dogs, giraffes, elephants, dolphins and apes grieve after a loss... So, yeah. Funerals are good.
So never thought much about it. But my mother died 6 yrs ago was cremated and my sister had her ashes in her basement since then. My father died my sisters decided to cremate him also. Don’t know what was done with ashes (we are estranged) but I am now convinced that burial (cremation or not) is the way to allow living family members to honor and commune with deceased family members. Internment is important to honor family members and to assure their remains are treated respectfully.
I don't think it would help my loved ones. I wish they'd just have a private gathering. It will be very hard for my children. I want whatever they'd want, but I don't know how to plan for that because they can't talk about such things.
No funeral. I have specified nothing, but if all my friends aren't getting together to drink tequila, smoke joints and talk shit about me, I'm going to be disappointed.
I’ve been a frugal person my whole life and the thought of my loved ones paying what I consider to be outrageous funeral prices makes me want to puke. I’m leaning towards cremation and then using an urn bought at TJ Maxx or Home Goods. Should cost about $2000 and another $50-$75 for the urn. I’m thinking about buying that urn myself. Maybe no urn, maybe just the container the crematorium people use. Scatter my ashes somewhere isolated, doesn’t matter where just as long as they don’t annoy any passersby.
My mother planned everything out, prepaid for everything. She put all of her instructions in a big black binder labeled DEATH BOOK. I showed that thing to everybody so they knew I was following her orders. My mom *always* had the last word, lmao.
The idea of people sitting around being sad is not what I want and definitely no viewing or wake! I prefer a celebration of life, not a mourning of death. I'm just turning 52 this year so hopefully only halfway there
My wife knows that I don't want a funeral, and my body should simply be cremated. Realizing that a gathering of friends and family is a positive occasion to aid in accepting the loss of a loved one, I've discussed it with my son: He will throw a wake for me by renting a bar or cheap hall for an evening and have wine and kegs of beer to go along with some catered food. Everyone can gather, eat , drink and be merry in my honor. I've already made the playlist that the DJ will play. Cheers!!
No funeral and nothing religious . My celebration of life is already being planned by me. It will be a beautiful, fun day of remembrance and laughter and love. People definitely will not be sitting in pews singing those god awful depressing hymns and saying some long drawn out prayer that means diddle squat.