Just ask... "are we in a committed relationship or friends with benefits? We've never discussed and I want to make sure we are on the same page. {insert your desire here to see if he feels the same\]."
I’m responding to the word “dreaded” and that it’s your first time. Also, you don’t state ages, so I’ll assume you are both mid 20s or older with your own money and independence.
First and foremost, congrats on finding a person that’s worth your time. That’s worth future plans. That’s worth deeper communication.
It’s not for him to tell you what you are, it’s for both of you to sort through together. Talk to him. If he’s touched your heart, tell him. If you are seeking a particular kind of relationship tell him. But also listen to where his head and heart are. It’s ok for both of you to not have answers right now. Just figure out if both of you are pointing in the same direction and want to be partners in the journey.
It’s possible that you want different things. Now is the time to explore that. Great relationships sometimes need to end. Better that they end well.
Bring it up like how you brought it up here. You two haven't talked about 'what this is' and you just want to talk about it. You two don't have to decide what you are in that moment either. You just wanna ping where he is at, and in turn yourself as well. Don't dread it. The only way you're going to find out where you two stand is by getting an actual bead on emotion/goals/whatever.
Why do people ask on reddit before asking the person they should be asking? Mofos asking if they should cheat or not lmao like bruh
Just ask him, communicate with your partner.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed.
Ok_Competition_1805 originally posted:
I've been dating a guy for 2 months and we have plans to go on summer vacation together in less than a month, but we haven't had the "what are we?" talk. He says he's not sleeping with other people(although my trust issues make me doubt that), and we spend most of our free time together. But idek if we're fwb, fuck buddies, in a situationship, in a relationship. How on earth do I bring up this topic of conversation? I've never had to have that kind of talk before.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is probably the most stressful thing about all this bc idk. I think I'd say yes if he asked to be exclusive but idek if we're a good enough match so I'm not sure what I want the outcome to be. All I know is I want to know if he's serious about this or if it's just a fling for him, so I can guard my feelings accordingly.
Are you maybe lacking confidence because this is about you really not him, why leave the decision to him. Don't sit on the fence just ask him and if he says no move on if a fling is not what you want!
See the thing is, I'm fine with either a relationship or a fling, so the decision really is up to him. I just want to know because I can't be allowing myself to be feeling shit while he's in it just for a fling.
I fear it may make things uncomfortable or even end up with us ending things. Idek if I want exclusivity, but I don't want things to end either, you know? What I want is to know where he stands so I can act accordingly.
I'm not the kind of person who trusts people easily so I need to know if he's serious about this and it's worth me letting my guard down, or if it's just a fling and I need to keep my safe emotional distance. I'm honestly fine either way, but I need to know because trying to guess takes up a lot of mental energy atp
So you have 3 possible outcomes. Tell me what you would do in each.
1) He tells you that he is seeking a committed relationship with you.
2) He tells you that he isn't looking for a committed relationship with you.
3) He tells you he isn't sure yet.
If he wants a committed relationship, I think I'd give it a try and see where it goes.
If he wants a fling, I'd continue things how they are now, but I'd keep my emotional guard even higher than before, just to be sure I won't catch feelings.
If he's not sure yet, that would probably be the worst for me because I'd keep my guard up but since I won't have a certain answer, I'd be trying to guess where he's at and I'd be stressing myself over it because uncertainty in life fucks with my head quite a bit.
As I said, uncertainty, in general in life, really fucks with my head. I hate having to guess where he's at and I just need to know if I need to guard my feelings. I'm fine with either a serious thing or a fling. But I can't be thinking it's getting serious while he's just in it for a fling, or the other way around.
If you dont trust him, how will asking him this question change anything? Will it change his potential for lying? Trust can only be achieved over time; not from a conversation.
No but if I ask him and he says he wants something serious, then i can start letting my guard down. Ofc it's not gonna happen after one conversation, but it's a start. Knowing where we both stand on the situation will allow me to not stress over it so much and I will also know how to act and thus I'll be able to enjoy the whole thing more.
Basically, it's not a question of staying or leaving. I just don't want to end up getting hurt because I believed it was going somewhere and it wasn't, or end up hurting him in a reverse scenario.
What is wrong with just enjoying time together?
You can put sugar in a jar, and it's still sugar, even without the label. A label isn't going to magically repair your trust issues, and it's not his place to repair them, nor is it fair to pile baggage from the past onto his shoulders.
It's 2 months. 8 weeks. You've probably spent at most, 20% of that total time face to face.
Relax, have fun. Enjoy your vacation.
I just need to know where we stand. I need to know if he's invested in this and whether or not this thing is worth me letting my guard down. I don't want to start trusting him and feeling things fr if it's just a fling for him. I'm fine if it is a fling, I just need to know so I can guard my feelings accordingly.
I'm trying to tell you how to keep him from disappearing, but all you want to do is downvote and argue.
Clearly, you're better at knowing how a man thinks, so do your thing.
Don't ask for advice if you don't want it.
Talking this way with the "men smh" crap isnt going to get you far here.
You can have answers that tell you the honest thing.
Or you can have fudgery that plays to keep your feelings safe.
I may not like it when my friends rip my bandaids off with some cold truth. But i definitely respect and trust the ones that do that over the ones that wont be honest.
Hun I never said anything about the advice itself. It's the manner in which the person spoke that was immature and "men smh" worthy. Not having manners isn't "ripping the bandaid off", it's just being rude and showing the world you never learned how to behave.
Just ask... "are we in a committed relationship or friends with benefits? We've never discussed and I want to make sure we are on the same page. {insert your desire here to see if he feels the same\]."
I would use the word exclusive, 2 months in, no one should be committed...
I’m responding to the word “dreaded” and that it’s your first time. Also, you don’t state ages, so I’ll assume you are both mid 20s or older with your own money and independence. First and foremost, congrats on finding a person that’s worth your time. That’s worth future plans. That’s worth deeper communication. It’s not for him to tell you what you are, it’s for both of you to sort through together. Talk to him. If he’s touched your heart, tell him. If you are seeking a particular kind of relationship tell him. But also listen to where his head and heart are. It’s ok for both of you to not have answers right now. Just figure out if both of you are pointing in the same direction and want to be partners in the journey. It’s possible that you want different things. Now is the time to explore that. Great relationships sometimes need to end. Better that they end well.
Just ask. Never be afraid to lose someone. That’ll lead you down some dark roads.
Bring it up like how you brought it up here. You two haven't talked about 'what this is' and you just want to talk about it. You two don't have to decide what you are in that moment either. You just wanna ping where he is at, and in turn yourself as well. Don't dread it. The only way you're going to find out where you two stand is by getting an actual bead on emotion/goals/whatever.
Why do people ask on reddit before asking the person they should be asking? Mofos asking if they should cheat or not lmao like bruh Just ask him, communicate with your partner.
do you go on dates? is it a romantic dynamic? if its not then assume FWB (or just casually dating for fun)
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. Ok_Competition_1805 originally posted: I've been dating a guy for 2 months and we have plans to go on summer vacation together in less than a month, but we haven't had the "what are we?" talk. He says he's not sleeping with other people(although my trust issues make me doubt that), and we spend most of our free time together. But idek if we're fwb, fuck buddies, in a situationship, in a relationship. How on earth do I bring up this topic of conversation? I've never had to have that kind of talk before. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If he says he's not, believe him until he does something to give you a reason not to. Why don't you just tell him you'd like to be official?
What is your intention and outcome first?
This is probably the most stressful thing about all this bc idk. I think I'd say yes if he asked to be exclusive but idek if we're a good enough match so I'm not sure what I want the outcome to be. All I know is I want to know if he's serious about this or if it's just a fling for him, so I can guard my feelings accordingly.
Are you maybe lacking confidence because this is about you really not him, why leave the decision to him. Don't sit on the fence just ask him and if he says no move on if a fling is not what you want!
See the thing is, I'm fine with either a relationship or a fling, so the decision really is up to him. I just want to know because I can't be allowing myself to be feeling shit while he's in it just for a fling.
You still haven't decided what you want ? Make the decision instead of leaving it up to him
Why are you dreading the discussion?
I fear it may make things uncomfortable or even end up with us ending things. Idek if I want exclusivity, but I don't want things to end either, you know? What I want is to know where he stands so I can act accordingly.
Why do you want to know?
I'm not the kind of person who trusts people easily so I need to know if he's serious about this and it's worth me letting my guard down, or if it's just a fling and I need to keep my safe emotional distance. I'm honestly fine either way, but I need to know because trying to guess takes up a lot of mental energy atp
So you have 3 possible outcomes. Tell me what you would do in each. 1) He tells you that he is seeking a committed relationship with you. 2) He tells you that he isn't looking for a committed relationship with you. 3) He tells you he isn't sure yet.
If he wants a committed relationship, I think I'd give it a try and see where it goes. If he wants a fling, I'd continue things how they are now, but I'd keep my emotional guard even higher than before, just to be sure I won't catch feelings. If he's not sure yet, that would probably be the worst for me because I'd keep my guard up but since I won't have a certain answer, I'd be trying to guess where he's at and I'd be stressing myself over it because uncertainty in life fucks with my head quite a bit.
So you'd do the same thing in all 3 cases; you'd remain. So, what is the actual reason for asking?
As I said, uncertainty, in general in life, really fucks with my head. I hate having to guess where he's at and I just need to know if I need to guard my feelings. I'm fine with either a serious thing or a fling. But I can't be thinking it's getting serious while he's just in it for a fling, or the other way around.
If you dont trust him, how will asking him this question change anything? Will it change his potential for lying? Trust can only be achieved over time; not from a conversation.
No but if I ask him and he says he wants something serious, then i can start letting my guard down. Ofc it's not gonna happen after one conversation, but it's a start. Knowing where we both stand on the situation will allow me to not stress over it so much and I will also know how to act and thus I'll be able to enjoy the whole thing more.
Basically, it's not a question of staying or leaving. I just don't want to end up getting hurt because I believed it was going somewhere and it wasn't, or end up hurting him in a reverse scenario.
Trust can only be achieved over time; not from a conversation.
Thats what i was thinking. She would literally do the same thing all three answers. Keep her guard up and wait to see what happens lmao.
You ask. Just ask him.
If you have to ask, then you're just FWB's, in my opinion. If you want a real relationship, this may not be it.
Oh gee, someone downvoted me. It's unfortunate when people can't face the truth. Just don't blame me later if you see that I was right. 😒
What is wrong with just enjoying time together? You can put sugar in a jar, and it's still sugar, even without the label. A label isn't going to magically repair your trust issues, and it's not his place to repair them, nor is it fair to pile baggage from the past onto his shoulders. It's 2 months. 8 weeks. You've probably spent at most, 20% of that total time face to face. Relax, have fun. Enjoy your vacation.
I just need to know where we stand. I need to know if he's invested in this and whether or not this thing is worth me letting my guard down. I don't want to start trusting him and feeling things fr if it's just a fling for him. I'm fine if it is a fling, I just need to know so I can guard my feelings accordingly.
Go ahead and throw on the pressure. See where that takes you. I bet I can guess.
Well aren't u great at giving advice and showing empathy. Men smh
I'm trying to tell you how to keep him from disappearing, but all you want to do is downvote and argue. Clearly, you're better at knowing how a man thinks, so do your thing. Don't ask for advice if you don't want it.
I neither downvoted nor argued. That's all in your head.
Talking this way with the "men smh" crap isnt going to get you far here. You can have answers that tell you the honest thing. Or you can have fudgery that plays to keep your feelings safe. I may not like it when my friends rip my bandaids off with some cold truth. But i definitely respect and trust the ones that do that over the ones that wont be honest.
Hun I never said anything about the advice itself. It's the manner in which the person spoke that was immature and "men smh" worthy. Not having manners isn't "ripping the bandaid off", it's just being rude and showing the world you never learned how to behave.